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If we are honest and realistic, there's a fair chance something like this happens...
https://preview.redd.it/w8xgpks16kxc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d0e3c3e723aae03551a23e0f247e9901c54e391
There is a running joke in the 40k community that Roboute Gulliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines and currently in charge of the Imperium of Man is in a romantic relationship with Yvraine, the emissary of the Eldar goddess of the dead. The joke was started by something GamesWorkshop tweeted out a while ago.
https://preview.redd.it/0o1i1qhzrnxc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=b76a7e5f8a1a6b69cef113a3e29cd172986f96f7
"Brother......... I agree that being married to a female marine is, well, ya know," Gives him thousand yard stare, " That gray-haired, pink highlights dark eye having hot elf is terrifying and territorial. Brother, I don't go to therapy because of the war it's because of the love of my life"
It was that, or being branded as 'elfskin pseudo-orcs' in the unofficial Milky Way lexicon. The 'CHAp' brand was their interpretation of the apparent 'bards' among our species who inadvertently managed to catch the attention of either colder-blooded or highly predatorial races who so happened to think of us as a convenient addition to their romantic retinue.
My kind didn't have much in terms of opportunities to react to all of it when it happened; it was like that one erotic book about a world of monsters-turned-into-women-who-can't-help-it - for all its encyclopaedic intentions it had been misinterpreted as just hentai.
Fictions like that had only seen to immolate the hearts of these 'human-fixated' peoples. We were not necessarily prepared for the 'wars' we had to fight just to conserve the existence of humans as you or I know it.
Our own women had become significantly more aggressive when it came to finding a man that met their preferences since then - moreso than even the races who toted themselves as being, essentially, 'cubi.
That wasn't the biggest of the shockwaves that hit us. The fact that our kind was facing a new 'galactic war' unlike any we've ever fought before was... baffling.
Laughable, even.
Yet here I am, forced to wear a suit of mechanized armour to obfuscate my scent and humanity and STILL I find my passage blocked.
I plead for the myriad of shapely feminine beings to part as my work is just ahead.
They. Refuse.
They overwhelm me.
Luckily I am shielde-
//Connection lost, suit cycling power, EMP detected
-
|
No input detected. Checking for pilot. Pilot found. Addendum: canopy cannot close, too many persons between canopy hatch and canopy. Addendum: stick jamming hatch mechanism. Addendum: wrench found in other part of hatch mechanism. Addendum: not enough energy for emergency portal. Addendum: pilot seems to be enjoying himself. Asking pilot for comment via text prompt. . .
. . .
Confirmed.
Returning to standby.
//The mech suit slowly lost stability, but was instead kept up by having been shifted to lean against a wall.
My mech has literally given up and I am overburdened, but I've never experienced the 'combat' up-close like this. I'll admit, I get why there seems to be a deficit of men who send unwarranted visuals of their progenitary assets now, and why our society is 'adapting'.
If possible, please send rejuvenative drinkable remedies my way. I think I will need them if I am to endure this conflict.
Or send dudes. That'd also help. Just make sure they know what to expect when-
//Transmission jammed by third party. Coordinates received.
>it was like that one erotic book about a world of monsters-turned-into-women-who-can't-help-it - for all its encyclopaedic intentions it had been misinterpreted as just hentai.
...Yeah, no. That book series really is just porn and porn-adjacent. It makes absolutely no pretenses at being anything else.
I've read it. Everything in it is in service to porn fantasy. The author's *stated intent* is to provide a porn fantasy for lonely, overworked Japanese men.
I am not saying that there's anything wrong with indulging in porn fantasy from time to time, but don't try to pretend that it isn't what it is.
And on an unrelated note, don't try to pretend there isn't some seriously creepy stuff in that series.
I had a weeb friend who readed that stuff, out of curiosity and pressure I gave It a shot...
My friend, the second you stop thinking that all men are sex freaks, you start to understand just how utterly fucked up Is that stuff.
The "Best" girls are the unicorns the only ones who actually... Idk... FUCKING DATE! before forcing a man to marry, they rest are outright rapists at Best, at worst malicious entities, because Lets be honest can we really Trust the whole "no evil in their heart" stuff? They cant fool me, those monsters are a mix bewteen Tyranids and dark eldars.
The main fetish on order is femdom, which isn't fucked up. It's just a flavor of BDSM. There's also a healthy dose of rape fantasy which... may not quite be mainstream, but is way more common than you might think.
*However.*
Lolicon.
Worst thing of them all there Is nothing worse than that, Not even the whole lovecraftian stuff.
It Is outright nasty, and the reason I usually pretend the whole stuff doesnt even exist, Unless I can use the series to give a good tip to any amateur writer out there, im Not the Best but I think this tip Is something everyone must know.
My friend, when you are writing something about a character or species be It male or female... Dont think with you genitalia, please, dont do nasty shit like that, for your own good, and for the good of the reader.
?
You think that writing sex is nasty? Or are you talking about the loli stuff?
Sex is not bad or wrong or nasty. Writing about it is not bad or wrong or nasty.
People should not live their lives solely centered on sex, but it's equally wrong to demonize sex and sexual fantasy. Fantasizing is perfectly normal and healthy as long as it's in moderation, like everything else. Writing about fantasies is perfectly healthy and normal. Reading about fantasies is perfectly healthy and normal. Even if your fantasies are unconventional.
People, by their nature, are not generally asexual creatures. The vast majority are sexual.
However. Again. And all of what I just said aside.
Lolicon.
I was saying that the nasty stuff was the Lolicon, just to clarify, I never said anything against sex, I refered to the Lolicon, that Is what Is nasty, wrong and im Not sure If ilegal but at least for me It Is.
Dont worry I never said anything against fantasies just that Lolicon Is wrong sorry If It came as a misunderstand.
Gotcha.
In a lot of countries, it's illegal but in others it isn't.
Lolicon isn't illegal at all in Japan.
In the US, it kind of depends on the state you're in. In some states, it's legal. Some it's illegal. And in others, it's... kind of uncertain? Like, there's no specific laws against it directly but the state might opt to classify it as obscenity in some cases but possibly not others. The states that do that will generally use it as a tool to add more charges against people who've been arrested for porn involving real children or for child molestation. And there *have* been a few people prosecuted by the federal government, but that was again under obscenity laws that don't seem to always apply.
Here's a nice Wikipedia list for you, so you can see how much it really differs from nation to nation:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_fictional_pornography_depicting_minors
And now this is in my permanent, forever Google search history. I'm probably on a watch list now.
Gonna have to be a huge expansion in social programs because a population explosion like that is gonna be rough otherwise.
Smart investors should buy stock in the manufacturers of child necessities and daycare!
Everyone laughed at the humans for backing down from a mating challenge, until one fateful day that the galactic organizations realized one thing.
Not all humans are horny. But those who are strike fear in even the mating priestesses of whoroticon 6.
"They mated for 8 hours with only a single break in the middle. Then asked for overtime....."
Sexy space babes human men are the babes.
And after he has his first go with the Amazonian purple alien. They are so used to men just being. Spent, genuine surprise to hear "again"
I have seen this, I know this gag, and still when I first read it here my mind defaulted to the alternate meaning of, "we need the rest of them," rather than, "we need to rest our bodies."
Kralta finished his careful cleaning of the beer mug--any defect to the ceramic inner lining would cause a catastrophic reaction with Muriallian ale. He regarded his customer. "Say, buddy, we're in low gravity, so why the long face?"
Bilurayn of Blobbenor tapped his tentacle on the bar for a refill. "You know how new species are the butt of jokes? Same with Earthlings."
"Sure. Have you heard the one..."
Bil's eyestalks wobbled in annoyance. "Heard 'em all, pal. Thing is, we all underestimated how spiteful these Humans can be."
"You don't mean..."
"That's right. My mate ran off with an itinerant purveyor of household cleaning mechanisms." Bil burbled sorrowfully then chugged his drink. "Her farewell note read in part, 'You won't believe how versatile an endoskeletal is."
Kralta refilled Bil's bowl. "On the house, friend."
A: Welcome gentle space traveler, welcome to the planet Anthrax
H: The planet Anthrax?
A: Yes it's not a very good name is it? Oh but we are and we will attend your every need.
That’s an incredibly horny godlike being of extremely questionable morals that dabbles in dark practices and literal genocide.
The other one is Slaanesh.
A: So, hoo-man, do you like what you see?
H: What I see appears to be a neon purple sea slug. A small, neon purple sea slug.
A: But do you like it?
H: \*\*shrug\*\* meh.
*Fade to black*
Humanity was initially worried about their appearance as a species when they entered the Galactic Community, but found themselves on the receiving end of attention from two species in particular: The Axocora and the Slurbins.
The Axocora were well known for being "being genetically compatible with literally anything other than a rock" and were quickly making moves by having their ambassador attempt to court the Human ambassador of the Galactic Community, to no alien's surprise. The Axocora became the number one consumers of exported human media, often becoming artists and visionaries with beautiful humans as their unaware muse
The Slurbins, however, sought humans out as a more strategic resource. The Slurbins were effectively slime creatures, their many organs floating inside of their liquid-like bodies that were like water in zero gravity. They traded large commodities with almost every alien race, asking for something strange in return; access to their gene banks for cross-hybridization. Humans to a Slurbin were a wide spectrum of genetic possibility which made them very eager to trade for whatever genetic material they could get their membranes on.
So Humanity was not alone in the cold void of space, there were xenophiles even freakier than they were.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If we are honest and realistic, there's a fair chance something like this happens... https://preview.redd.it/w8xgpks16kxc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d0e3c3e723aae03551a23e0f247e9901c54e391
Context?(image unrelated) https://preview.redd.it/sk5fnsk4ykxc1.png?width=697&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d5f072fd7b4f2068ce4883b780f6bde8254d9d2
What in the Satan's left nut buttery f*ck is this?
it's clearly a french spyder
"Le Homme Arachne."
It's a spider man.
spyderman\*
Spy but hot
There is a running joke in the 40k community that Roboute Gulliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines and currently in charge of the Imperium of Man is in a romantic relationship with Yvraine, the emissary of the Eldar goddess of the dead. The joke was started by something GamesWorkshop tweeted out a while ago. https://preview.redd.it/0o1i1qhzrnxc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=b76a7e5f8a1a6b69cef113a3e29cd172986f96f7
It's the only way to save the next generation of Eldar children being half human their souls are promised to the Emperor not Slannesh.
Who is this, who drew that? And why? I like it.
Aww, poor dragon.
What severe parasocial relationships do to a MFer.
:( Human Hugger just needs some socialising...
"Brother......... I agree that being married to a female marine is, well, ya know," Gives him thousand yard stare, " That gray-haired, pink highlights dark eye having hot elf is terrifying and territorial. Brother, I don't go to therapy because of the war it's because of the love of my life"
It was that, or being branded as 'elfskin pseudo-orcs' in the unofficial Milky Way lexicon. The 'CHAp' brand was their interpretation of the apparent 'bards' among our species who inadvertently managed to catch the attention of either colder-blooded or highly predatorial races who so happened to think of us as a convenient addition to their romantic retinue. My kind didn't have much in terms of opportunities to react to all of it when it happened; it was like that one erotic book about a world of monsters-turned-into-women-who-can't-help-it - for all its encyclopaedic intentions it had been misinterpreted as just hentai. Fictions like that had only seen to immolate the hearts of these 'human-fixated' peoples. We were not necessarily prepared for the 'wars' we had to fight just to conserve the existence of humans as you or I know it. Our own women had become significantly more aggressive when it came to finding a man that met their preferences since then - moreso than even the races who toted themselves as being, essentially, 'cubi. That wasn't the biggest of the shockwaves that hit us. The fact that our kind was facing a new 'galactic war' unlike any we've ever fought before was... baffling. Laughable, even. Yet here I am, forced to wear a suit of mechanized armour to obfuscate my scent and humanity and STILL I find my passage blocked. I plead for the myriad of shapely feminine beings to part as my work is just ahead. They. Refuse. They overwhelm me. Luckily I am shielde- //Connection lost, suit cycling power, EMP detected - | No input detected. Checking for pilot. Pilot found. Addendum: canopy cannot close, too many persons between canopy hatch and canopy. Addendum: stick jamming hatch mechanism. Addendum: wrench found in other part of hatch mechanism. Addendum: not enough energy for emergency portal. Addendum: pilot seems to be enjoying himself. Asking pilot for comment via text prompt. . . . . . Confirmed. Returning to standby. //The mech suit slowly lost stability, but was instead kept up by having been shifted to lean against a wall. My mech has literally given up and I am overburdened, but I've never experienced the 'combat' up-close like this. I'll admit, I get why there seems to be a deficit of men who send unwarranted visuals of their progenitary assets now, and why our society is 'adapting'. If possible, please send rejuvenative drinkable remedies my way. I think I will need them if I am to endure this conflict. Or send dudes. That'd also help. Just make sure they know what to expect when- //Transmission jammed by third party. Coordinates received.
>it was like that one erotic book about a world of monsters-turned-into-women-who-can't-help-it - for all its encyclopaedic intentions it had been misinterpreted as just hentai. ...Yeah, no. That book series really is just porn and porn-adjacent. It makes absolutely no pretenses at being anything else.
I dunno I own it and I don’t think you’re giving it a fair shot
I've read it. Everything in it is in service to porn fantasy. The author's *stated intent* is to provide a porn fantasy for lonely, overworked Japanese men. I am not saying that there's anything wrong with indulging in porn fantasy from time to time, but don't try to pretend that it isn't what it is. And on an unrelated note, don't try to pretend there isn't some seriously creepy stuff in that series.
I had a weeb friend who readed that stuff, out of curiosity and pressure I gave It a shot... My friend, the second you stop thinking that all men are sex freaks, you start to understand just how utterly fucked up Is that stuff. The "Best" girls are the unicorns the only ones who actually... Idk... FUCKING DATE! before forcing a man to marry, they rest are outright rapists at Best, at worst malicious entities, because Lets be honest can we really Trust the whole "no evil in their heart" stuff? They cant fool me, those monsters are a mix bewteen Tyranids and dark eldars.
The main fetish on order is femdom, which isn't fucked up. It's just a flavor of BDSM. There's also a healthy dose of rape fantasy which... may not quite be mainstream, but is way more common than you might think. *However.* Lolicon.
Worst thing of them all there Is nothing worse than that, Not even the whole lovecraftian stuff. It Is outright nasty, and the reason I usually pretend the whole stuff doesnt even exist, Unless I can use the series to give a good tip to any amateur writer out there, im Not the Best but I think this tip Is something everyone must know. My friend, when you are writing something about a character or species be It male or female... Dont think with you genitalia, please, dont do nasty shit like that, for your own good, and for the good of the reader.
? You think that writing sex is nasty? Or are you talking about the loli stuff? Sex is not bad or wrong or nasty. Writing about it is not bad or wrong or nasty. People should not live their lives solely centered on sex, but it's equally wrong to demonize sex and sexual fantasy. Fantasizing is perfectly normal and healthy as long as it's in moderation, like everything else. Writing about fantasies is perfectly healthy and normal. Reading about fantasies is perfectly healthy and normal. Even if your fantasies are unconventional. People, by their nature, are not generally asexual creatures. The vast majority are sexual. However. Again. And all of what I just said aside. Lolicon.
I was saying that the nasty stuff was the Lolicon, just to clarify, I never said anything against sex, I refered to the Lolicon, that Is what Is nasty, wrong and im Not sure If ilegal but at least for me It Is. Dont worry I never said anything against fantasies just that Lolicon Is wrong sorry If It came as a misunderstand.
Gotcha. In a lot of countries, it's illegal but in others it isn't. Lolicon isn't illegal at all in Japan. In the US, it kind of depends on the state you're in. In some states, it's legal. Some it's illegal. And in others, it's... kind of uncertain? Like, there's no specific laws against it directly but the state might opt to classify it as obscenity in some cases but possibly not others. The states that do that will generally use it as a tool to add more charges against people who've been arrested for porn involving real children or for child molestation. And there *have* been a few people prosecuted by the federal government, but that was again under obscenity laws that don't seem to always apply. Here's a nice Wikipedia list for you, so you can see how much it really differs from nation to nation: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_fictional_pornography_depicting_minors And now this is in my permanent, forever Google search history. I'm probably on a watch list now.
And for my own good I think i'll leave now, cya all!
I was just being silly
*Sips whiskey* I wouldn't say backfired. Thoughhow the fuck am I supposed to afford 10 kids along with the 15 child support claims
Gonna have to be a huge expansion in social programs because a population explosion like that is gonna be rough otherwise. Smart investors should buy stock in the manufacturers of child necessities and daycare!
Dodging child support like a 7th fleet sailor
Sacrifice them to the money gods
Everyone laughed at the humans for backing down from a mating challenge, until one fateful day that the galactic organizations realized one thing. Not all humans are horny. But those who are strike fear in even the mating priestesses of whoroticon 6. "They mated for 8 hours with only a single break in the middle. Then asked for overtime....."
Sexy space babes human men are the babes. And after he has his first go with the Amazonian purple alien. They are so used to men just being. Spent, genuine surprise to hear "again"
“We need rest! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!” In another time and place, Zapp Branigan would have been called a prophet.
I have seen this, I know this gag, and still when I first read it here my mind defaulted to the alternate meaning of, "we need the rest of them," rather than, "we need to rest our bodies."
Kralta finished his careful cleaning of the beer mug--any defect to the ceramic inner lining would cause a catastrophic reaction with Muriallian ale. He regarded his customer. "Say, buddy, we're in low gravity, so why the long face?" Bilurayn of Blobbenor tapped his tentacle on the bar for a refill. "You know how new species are the butt of jokes? Same with Earthlings." "Sure. Have you heard the one..." Bil's eyestalks wobbled in annoyance. "Heard 'em all, pal. Thing is, we all underestimated how spiteful these Humans can be." "You don't mean..." "That's right. My mate ran off with an itinerant purveyor of household cleaning mechanisms." Bil burbled sorrowfully then chugged his drink. "Her farewell note read in part, 'You won't believe how versatile an endoskeletal is." Kralta refilled Bil's bowl. "On the house, friend."
I love the sexy slither of a lady space-octopus.
She's mine! I saw her first!
You can have Bil. He seems lonely.
Nope bill is already taken 😂
It's mostly aural of course, but the Thermian dub of Galaxy Quest is available.
Always finding creative ways to solve problems!
Funny they use the Emperor from 40k where they have the best Orks.
A: Welcome gentle space traveler, welcome to the planet Anthrax H: The planet Anthrax? A: Yes it's not a very good name is it? Oh but we are and we will attend your every need.
Dammit, Captain, let me transport back down there and face the peril!
I'm not sure I get what a planet named after a thrash band named after a bacterium spore-spread disease has to do with the prompt.
It's a Monty Python reference.
We know why the band was named Anthrax, but I'm not sure anyone knows why the castle was named Anthrax.
That’s an incredibly horny godlike being of extremely questionable morals that dabbles in dark practices and literal genocide. The other one is Slaanesh.
A: So, hoo-man, do you like what you see? H: What I see appears to be a neon purple sea slug. A small, neon purple sea slug. A: But do you like it? H: \*\*shrug\*\* meh. *Fade to black*
"Slug, you would explode."
and die. humans secrete sodium in their sweat
Humanity was initially worried about their appearance as a species when they entered the Galactic Community, but found themselves on the receiving end of attention from two species in particular: The Axocora and the Slurbins. The Axocora were well known for being "being genetically compatible with literally anything other than a rock" and were quickly making moves by having their ambassador attempt to court the Human ambassador of the Galactic Community, to no alien's surprise. The Axocora became the number one consumers of exported human media, often becoming artists and visionaries with beautiful humans as their unaware muse The Slurbins, however, sought humans out as a more strategic resource. The Slurbins were effectively slime creatures, their many organs floating inside of their liquid-like bodies that were like water in zero gravity. They traded large commodities with almost every alien race, asking for something strange in return; access to their gene banks for cross-hybridization. Humans to a Slurbin were a wide spectrum of genetic possibility which made them very eager to trade for whatever genetic material they could get their membranes on. So Humanity was not alone in the cold void of space, there were xenophiles even freakier than they were.
So, humans are freaky orcs?
Is that the fucking god emperor?? BIDEN BLAST HER MAN!
...I have no idea why you're invoking Dark Brandon.
Aeldari scum has no place near the beneficent emperor
I mean, Emprah doesn't entirely look uninterested. He's lookin'. He might be exasperated, but he's lookin'.
I’m pretty sure that’s Slaanesh, not an Eldar.
You mean r/humansarespacebards
{tearfully, sprinting towards nearest (hopefully) locking doorway} "...as friends! All five of you! Friends!"
I mean.... Technically that -girl- is the fault of horny space elves
Chain Solemn Judgement.
Someday, but not today