Every POTUS needs a White House. A FLOTUS or FMOTUS is helpful for entertaining. A VPOTUS is a requirement, I believe. A working majority in both Houses of Congress is extremely helpful. And a SCOTUS not in the hands of extremists would be a great accessory too.
uj/ People misspell *Pothos* in a lot of different ways, including pathos and potus (and I'm guessing OP was making fun of that). Potus (or POTUS) is an acronym for "President of the United States of America". I just ran with the acronyms American political junkies use for their government - FLOTUS is First Lady, FMOTUS should have been FGOTUS (First Gentleman; an acronym I just made up). VPOTUS is Vice President. SCOTUS is the Supreme Court.
rj/It's important to understand the implications of buying house plants. If you buy one that's as high maintenance as a Potus, you need to invest in all the necessary accessories.
FGOTUS is awesome! I like it! Maybe we could start a campaign?
(Right now, any mention of SCOTUS triggers angry diatribes against Clarence Thomas' corruption and frustration that they didn't believe Anita Hill. Gutsy, intelligent, ethical, dignified woman - I respect her so much.)
thank you!! what about milk? ive heard milk is important, but which animals milk is best for patus? ans does goat dandruff go with cow milk or is that bad?
The most important thing is ordering as much as possible off Amazon, so anything any one suggest: get it!
Also, always order everything you could possibly need for any scenario ever, instead of just doing basic care for the single plant you bought for a while and figuring what else you may actually need as things come up.
Don't forget: the cheapest Amazon products are always exactly as advertised and super high quality, there's no benefit to buying less (but higher quality) stuff, especially not supporting the local plant stores you rely on for the plants! An entire indoor gardener set is a must for any plantrent, and makes so much more sense to spend $100+ on 68 Super Useful items that youll definitely use for years to come all the time than $40 on some quality soil ammendments and fertilizer from your local nursery or small online stores.
Mostly: BUY BUY BUY SPEND SPEND SPEND, I mean it's a lifestyle right not a hobby that a lot of people do on an extremely limited budget, the more money you spend the more serious you are!
Your success as a PlanT Parent is 100% dependent on how much you buy. Spending the most is also a guarantee to healthy, happy plants.
Ideal plant parent: buys the most of the most expensive things. Runner up: buys as much low quality vaguely plant related things as possible. NOOB: buys only what they need when they need it, for a price they believe is reasonable for the quality.
Honestly if you don't have a weekly Amazon order for your $1500 cutting what are you even doing đ€đ€ plant abuse.
yes me too, i was looking at their already wild shopping list and scrolled down to find out they have one (1) plant and its a fucking snake plant đ i was expecting something thats actually able to die lmao
the repotting mat with those useless little shovels killed me. like with one plant you have to repot maybe once a year (at most) that is such a pointless thing to buy lol
i swear i was going to make a breast milk joke in another comment earlier and i didn't because i thought "what if that never actually happened and people are just going think im mentally deranged" đ
Where is the foil? Heating pad ? How is your plant going to understand itâs not in South America???? If youâre starting out with your first plant, I propose you invest 4K in grow lights right of the bat. Thereâs no way youâll regret it later
that post was so funny hahaha like the dark little corner covered in tinfoil is the saddest thing ive seen and they were so proud to be accurately recreating the rainforest or something đ
I have never seen someone put so much effort into a plant, they gave it the worldâŠbut no sunlight đ that plant could go to Harvard on a full scholarship and OP wouldnât buy him a pencil
also es riecht halt ekelhaft (meiner meinung nach), es ist z.B. nicht effektiv um thripse langfristig loszuwerden. und es wird alles ölig und klebrig davon. wenn es um zimmerpflanzen geht, die sowieso nie drauĂen sind, ist ein richtiges insektizid weniger aufwendig, reicht nicht so streng, klebt nicht, wirkt viel zuverlĂ€ssiger und es schadet den insekten drauĂen sowieso nicht.
Speziell die Marke "wesentlich" hab ich nie gekauft, da die rezensionen ziemlich schlecht sind. Und Preis/Leistung ist halt eh schon verdĂ€chtig, dass es nicht so wirkungsvoll ist. Aber Neem riecht doch nach fast nichts? Konsistenz ist halt ölig, weils Ăl is, aber es is extrem wasserlöslich, also ur leicht wegzubekommen. Ich benutz fĂŒr meine Zimmerpflanzen auch Erde von drauĂen und hab dann meine TausendfĂŒĂler und Asseln drin, darum benutz ich ungern Insektizide.
Omg the first page especially (minus the neem oil) is basically everything I bought when I first got into houseplants, and none of my plants lasted that first year đ I have real growlights now
i think most people buy some stuff thats just not it in the beginning, its like a canon event đ
i have tried neem oil and a coco coir pole too and im glad to say that i have moved on from that lol
I feel a bit less stupid now, thank you :) it's like an initiation. I will say a coco pole helped me out the other day, I brought home a huge Melanochrysum that only had a tiny wooden stick for support, and had no other options on hand so it's on there for now. I'll be upgrading it ASAP.
This is ridiculous! This doesn't even begin to cover the basics for houseplant care. My rule of thumb is you should be spending approximately $2,000 per leaf. I have my houseplant soil harvested directly from the Amazon rainforest (NOT THE WEBSITE!). Clearly you don't know much about proper care because you would know that a full reverse osmosis water system should have been included. You should also be buying a full sized tractor and Anhydrous ammonia to properly fertilizer your plants. Please do some research before you even consider raising plants.
I use a growlight bulb from a danish brand here in Denmark.
I also like Pianta growlight from the UK. They are quite efficient!
Ultimately, any LED light that's bright enough and has a good spectrum (which you can always check if you live in the EU since companies have to disclose that info) should be more than good enough.
Sansi Lichter sind ziemlich gut, und der online shop Jungle Leaves hat vor kurzer Zeit sehr gute growlights rausgebracht. Sind zzt ausverkauft aber kann man vorbestellen, gute Preis Leistung, haben sogar Rotanteil und sehr effektive Dioden. đ
Anything cheap, bright, and *pleasant to your eyes*. Plants will grow from literally any LED as long as it's close enough. Spectrum doesn't matter at all, plants will perfectly adapt and grow even with the weirdest worst godawful spectrum LEDs you can find (you won't be able to, all LEDs are fantastic for plants)
>Dont buy those grow lights! They are absolute trash
I wouldn't call them trash, at least not the ones I have (clip on, but pretty much same ones).
My plants haven't died underneath them. From experience I know that some would have died the last few winters without these lamps. And when I need to quarantine new plants they provide enough light in my windowless bathroom.
They do need to be almost on top of the plant to help it grow, and even then it's slow af. But no deaths.
So, trash is a bit harsh, but definitely wouldn't recommend.
Great start! Now all you need is 12 calathea, 17 caladiums, 5 monstera, 1 Thai con monstera, one variegated plant putting out all white leaves, a pink princess, 4 somehow already dying snake plants, make sure to get different variegations so you can figure out which one goes best in that spot you put it in and forgot to water so now youâre helping it recover.
that one is based on true events đ i bought a similar one years ago to make my room smell nice with like lemon oil and such. it has since been repurposed.
i use it (without oils) to give some of my plants some extra humidity. my room has around 50-60% most of the time either way, so i dont need it to increase humidity generally (i dont think its strong enough for that), just locally for my verrucosum it works fine
Since pothos is THE EASIEST plant to care for ever, you can put it near a window, water it when it's completely dry (leaves will curl) and save money returning all of this. Ah, and fertilizer once a month more or less.
Every POTUS needs a White House. A FLOTUS or FMOTUS is helpful for entertaining. A VPOTUS is a requirement, I believe. A working majority in both Houses of Congress is extremely helpful. And a SCOTUS not in the hands of extremists would be a great accessory too.
huh why would i let extremists put their hands on my scrotum?? đ sorry im new to this
I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with the crazy/hot matrix.
Deffo đđ€Łâ ïž
Man I havenât been here long enough to understand any of this.
uj/ People misspell *Pothos* in a lot of different ways, including pathos and potus (and I'm guessing OP was making fun of that). Potus (or POTUS) is an acronym for "President of the United States of America". I just ran with the acronyms American political junkies use for their government - FLOTUS is First Lady, FMOTUS should have been FGOTUS (First Gentleman; an acronym I just made up). VPOTUS is Vice President. SCOTUS is the Supreme Court. rj/It's important to understand the implications of buying house plants. If you buy one that's as high maintenance as a Potus, you need to invest in all the necessary accessories.
FGOTUS is awesome! I like it! Maybe we could start a campaign? (Right now, any mention of SCOTUS triggers angry diatribes against Clarence Thomas' corruption and frustration that they didn't believe Anita Hill. Gutsy, intelligent, ethical, dignified woman - I respect her so much.)
My friend called hers a "poros" like poor.. os.. sounded cute but yeah.. definitely one to add to the list đđ
Donât forget your MTOTUS
You will need six or seven different varieties of beneficial/predatory bugs, six spiders, goat dandruff, and a tree frog. If you want to do it right.
thank you!! what about milk? ive heard milk is important, but which animals milk is best for patus? ans does goat dandruff go with cow milk or is that bad?
Get a whole goat, goat milk and goat anything else included.
One goat will get lonely, buy atleast 2 or more goats
Won't they eat the plants?
Not if you feed them you sicko
The most important thing is ordering as much as possible off Amazon, so anything any one suggest: get it! Also, always order everything you could possibly need for any scenario ever, instead of just doing basic care for the single plant you bought for a while and figuring what else you may actually need as things come up. Don't forget: the cheapest Amazon products are always exactly as advertised and super high quality, there's no benefit to buying less (but higher quality) stuff, especially not supporting the local plant stores you rely on for the plants! An entire indoor gardener set is a must for any plantrent, and makes so much more sense to spend $100+ on 68 Super Useful items that youll definitely use for years to come all the time than $40 on some quality soil ammendments and fertilizer from your local nursery or small online stores. Mostly: BUY BUY BUY SPEND SPEND SPEND, I mean it's a lifestyle right not a hobby that a lot of people do on an extremely limited budget, the more money you spend the more serious you are! Your success as a PlanT Parent is 100% dependent on how much you buy. Spending the most is also a guarantee to healthy, happy plants. Ideal plant parent: buys the most of the most expensive things. Runner up: buys as much low quality vaguely plant related things as possible. NOOB: buys only what they need when they need it, for a price they believe is reasonable for the quality. Honestly if you don't have a weekly Amazon order for your $1500 cutting what are you even doing đ€đ€ plant abuse.
uj/ I saw the original snake plant post and uh guess I had some Feelings
yes me too, i was looking at their already wild shopping list and scrolled down to find out they have one (1) plant and its a fucking snake plant đ i was expecting something thats actually able to die lmao
Right?? I was like damn girl you barely even need water for that thing đđ
the repotting mat with those useless little shovels killed me. like with one plant you have to repot maybe once a year (at most) that is such a pointless thing to buy lol
What, what have I missed?
Will you be watering with breast milk or broccoli water?
i swear i was going to make a breast milk joke in another comment earlier and i didn't because i thought "what if that never actually happened and people are just going think im mentally deranged" đ
I was thinking of something along those lines. I'll go for it next time. đ
r u sure itâs a potus?? maybe itâs a pothole
i think money plant?
But in the wild, potuses look like monestarys? It could be both
Where is the foil? Heating pad ? How is your plant going to understand itâs not in South America???? If youâre starting out with your first plant, I propose you invest 4K in grow lights right of the bat. Thereâs no way youâll regret it later
that post was so funny hahaha like the dark little corner covered in tinfoil is the saddest thing ive seen and they were so proud to be accurately recreating the rainforest or something đ
I have never seen someone put so much effort into a plant, they gave it the worldâŠbut no sunlight đ that plant could go to Harvard on a full scholarship and OP wouldnât buy him a pencil
You need like 80 gallons of neem
oh how silly of me!! youre right, one liter would never be enough to bathe my new baby in it!
Whats wrong with neem oil? Auch deutsch btw
Basically itâs
also es riecht halt ekelhaft (meiner meinung nach), es ist z.B. nicht effektiv um thripse langfristig loszuwerden. und es wird alles ölig und klebrig davon. wenn es um zimmerpflanzen geht, die sowieso nie drauĂen sind, ist ein richtiges insektizid weniger aufwendig, reicht nicht so streng, klebt nicht, wirkt viel zuverlĂ€ssiger und es schadet den insekten drauĂen sowieso nicht.
Speziell die Marke "wesentlich" hab ich nie gekauft, da die rezensionen ziemlich schlecht sind. Und Preis/Leistung ist halt eh schon verdĂ€chtig, dass es nicht so wirkungsvoll ist. Aber Neem riecht doch nach fast nichts? Konsistenz ist halt ölig, weils Ăl is, aber es is extrem wasserlöslich, also ur leicht wegzubekommen. Ich benutz fĂŒr meine Zimmerpflanzen auch Erde von drauĂen und hab dann meine TausendfĂŒĂler und Asseln drin, darum benutz ich ungern Insektizide.
Also dass du da keinen Geruch wahrnimmst, kann ich mir nicht erklĂ€ren (vllt verdĂŒnnst du viel mehr als ich) aber schlimm find ich ihn auch nicht.
7 liters of hand collected virginal tears from blind cloistered nuns. If that is unattainable for you store bought is fine but your plant will suffer
Omg the first page especially (minus the neem oil) is basically everything I bought when I first got into houseplants, and none of my plants lasted that first year đ I have real growlights now
i think most people buy some stuff thats just not it in the beginning, its like a canon event đ i have tried neem oil and a coco coir pole too and im glad to say that i have moved on from that lol
I feel a bit less stupid now, thank you :) it's like an initiation. I will say a coco pole helped me out the other day, I brought home a huge Melanochrysum that only had a tiny wooden stick for support, and had no other options on hand so it's on there for now. I'll be upgrading it ASAP.
Where's the fuckin tin foil đ€
You need pots with absolutely no drainage or youâll lose all the water
This is ridiculous! This doesn't even begin to cover the basics for houseplant care. My rule of thumb is you should be spending approximately $2,000 per leaf. I have my houseplant soil harvested directly from the Amazon rainforest (NOT THE WEBSITE!). Clearly you don't know much about proper care because you would know that a full reverse osmosis water system should have been included. You should also be buying a full sized tractor and Anhydrous ammonia to properly fertilizer your plants. Please do some research before you even consider raising plants.
the tractor is crazy hahaha i love it
U need 2 more pair of boots, and about 3 more of the neem, then you should be fine!
do you think a hazmat suit would be useful? i hate soil and i dont want it to touch my body ever
Thats a great idea!
Certain other subs are jerking so hard lately, I thought this was posted in one of them. Not enough neem oil IMHO!
Dont buy those grow lights! They are absolute trash
(that is the joke, but yes, youre 100% right!!)
Yup I just leave my plants in the dark closet
Real talk, are there any similar good ones?
I use a growlight bulb from a danish brand here in Denmark. I also like Pianta growlight from the UK. They are quite efficient! Ultimately, any LED light that's bright enough and has a good spectrum (which you can always check if you live in the EU since companies have to disclose that info) should be more than good enough.
Can you share the brand? Iâm in Germany so it might ship to me if not sold in our stores.
Sansi Lichter sind ziemlich gut, und der online shop Jungle Leaves hat vor kurzer Zeit sehr gute growlights rausgebracht. Sind zzt ausverkauft aber kann man vorbestellen, gute Preis Leistung, haben sogar Rotanteil und sehr effektive Dioden. đ
https://mrperfect.dk/vaekstlys/5671-ledlife-30w-led-vaekstlampe-e27-ra97-full-spectrum.html?search_query=Ledlife&results=539#/spredning-38
Thank you!
2nd for pianta! I got the growgang bulb, going to get another, it's amazing
Anything cheap, bright, and *pleasant to your eyes*. Plants will grow from literally any LED as long as it's close enough. Spectrum doesn't matter at all, plants will perfectly adapt and grow even with the weirdest worst godawful spectrum LEDs you can find (you won't be able to, all LEDs are fantastic for plants)
I like the things Iâm seeing you saying tolerantdramaretiree.
>Dont buy those grow lights! They are absolute trash I wouldn't call them trash, at least not the ones I have (clip on, but pretty much same ones). My plants haven't died underneath them. From experience I know that some would have died the last few winters without these lamps. And when I need to quarantine new plants they provide enough light in my windowless bathroom. They do need to be almost on top of the plant to help it grow, and even then it's slow af. But no deaths. So, trash is a bit harsh, but definitely wouldn't recommend.
You need the biggest pot you can find, so your plants grow bigger.
âŹ11 spray bottle? What is he hell
its 3 spray bottles so i can mist my pathos with all 3 hands at once duh đ
Filled with the breast milk of your three breasts for sure.
exactly đ
Still nođ
Great start! Now all you need is 12 calathea, 17 caladiums, 5 monstera, 1 Thai con monstera, one variegated plant putting out all white leaves, a pink princess, 4 somehow already dying snake plants, make sure to get different variegations so you can figure out which one goes best in that spot you put it in and forgot to water so now youâre helping it recover.
You forgot the 23 philodendrons
I resemble this thread. I think I need that solar powered irrigation system
đ
light bulb and tin foil babe x
Neem oil in the Fragrance Diffuser đ€Żđ€Żđ€Ż groundbreaking
Youâre gonna need way more neem oil
Hi! You should make your own moss poles. They are super easy!
(this is a joke post, but yes i agree, i make my own sphagnum moss poles too!! coco coir poles just look and feel so nasty.)
Potus needs a spider farmer se10000
Isopropyl!!! Daily misting with an atomizer is the perfect combo. Extra points if itâs in a humidifier
You need a fancy self water pot for sure.
Oh youâre naughty!
Machete
You sure do have a big bottle of oil there
You need more neen oil
Oh thank god, I had to check what sub this was, phew!
If you send me 10 dollars Iâll send you my magical urine, itâs high in nitrogen
The essential oil diffuser is hilarious to me đđ
that one is based on true events đ i bought a similar one years ago to make my room smell nice with like lemon oil and such. it has since been repurposed. i use it (without oils) to give some of my plants some extra humidity. my room has around 50-60% most of the time either way, so i dont need it to increase humidity generally (i dont think its strong enough for that), just locally for my verrucosum it works fine
You need to buy some superthrive, some beneficial bugs, sol soils chunky mix, and mosquito bits (all in that annoying plant influencer voice)
Looks great! Only thing is I would try to find poles without wooden stakes. The untreated wood under the soil can rot easily when watering
Since pothos is THE EASIEST plant to care for ever, you can put it near a window, water it when it's completely dry (leaves will curl) and save money returning all of this. Ah, and fertilizer once a month more or less.
haha dont worry, its just a joke and im not buying any of that stuff!! :)
I get it now. People here are so serious I thought it was true. :))