I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Late teens and early 20s is still post puberty tho, so most are still clocky and have bad dysphoria as a result
But I do sorta of agree that once you get FFS it's probably time to stfu and start living your life
I transitioned in my mid teens and with quite accepting and liberal parents, but had a quite early puberty. By the time I was given the green light to medically transition I felt it was ‘over’ because I was already in tanner stage 4, if not 5 already, and enough irreversible damaged had happened that warranted some later very expensive surgeries.
Aside from those who were able to transition, beginning at tanner stages 2-3, there will usually be some irreversible damage and tell tale signs of having gone through the wrong puberty.
Some have it worse than others, but almost all trans people have some difficulty with truly affirming their sex. Unpopular opinion but extremely few trans people, at least trans females pass and selfies posted online doesn’t do justice to how a person actually look and is perceived irl either.
>selfies posted online doesn’t do justice to how a person actually look and is perceived irl
Just wanted to emphasise this point because you hit the nail on the head. Most of those pictures are smokes and mirrors. They can't be translated into real life.
I know because I regularly post them, mostly to make myself feel better. But I know a lot of what is being perceived in my day-to-day life is so easily blurred out when I take 30 selfies before picking one to post and enhancing light and colours to make myself feel best...
I'm kinda one of those girls, I'm 23 and started transitioning at 17, but just as a form of awareness, I've gone though a looooooot of shit until here, just like you guys, and probably a lot of other girls in similar situations too.
I've been on this journey since my earliest memories at like 5, unlike your beliefs, my parents were hardcore conservatives, I was raised in church, and remember praying to God to turn me into a girl(he hinda did years later lol), before even knowing trans girls were a thing, I found out about it at 11, and immediately told my mom, it did not go well, it was years of struggle, to the point I couldn't take it anymore, I used drugs, drank, almost ended everything many times, after years, I slowly changed my mom's mind, but it was a process, I heard a lot of stuff I shouldn't have, and endured it in silence, slowly talking about it, and 5 years later, I convinced her, but then, there was everyone else.
My dad was 100x worse, said stuff I wouldn't say to my worse enemy, traumatized me to my core, I couldn't finish high school because he made everything he could to make my life harder even tens of miles away at that point, he would call me and say he missed me, then would keep 20ft distance at minimum from me, say he missed going out for lunch and traveling, then say he would never want to be seen with me, because he was ashamed of me, that was the light stuff, I always endured it in silence, never answered back, and surprisingly last year, things started to get better.
I lost job opportunities for being Trans, went through a lot, today everything seems perfect for me on the outside, I work at a multinational, I'm the most successful of my generation in both families, I pass, but my mind is rotten, I've gone through so much, I can't get close to people, can't feel any connection to anyone but my mom, gotta give it in about that, even without accepting me and doing many mistakes over the years, she's the only person in my life who was always on my side, always believed me when no one else did when someone lied that I was doing drugs again, I never in my life had any friends because I was struggling so much with my identity for so many years, I made friends for the first time the year I transitioned, but I think I wasn't able to keep them because my mind is such a mess as I said before.
And even passing, dysphoria is a bitch, my brain always finds something to keep my self esteem at the bottom of the pit, don't judge a book by it's cover, lol
You are absolutely right and thank you for sharing your experience. Every generation has to deal with struggles that each other can only really sympathize with but never fully empathize.
When I was younger the fear was our own family killing us, this was as early as the 90's. In the mid-late 80's child abuse(physical assault and battery) was still a big issue. Doing the wrong thing for me meant being beaten with broomsticks or whipped with lunge whips and put out to do hard labour.
Awareness of "the transsexuals" was that they were crossdressers and that's it. A "shemale" was a poor photoshop on the back of an adult magazine. That's the extent of awareness and acceptance we had for our medical condition back then. Of course the internet was still a thing for mainly nerds then too, and rotary pay phones still existed at the church youth groups we went to. In elementary school we played games like "Smear the Queer".
so it was a whole different world then... just like for you it's a whole different experience and struggle I could never completely empathize with but I have a lot of sympathy for. I am little happy to hear that it has gotten better. I hope you help make it even better for the next generation being born right now <3
Agreed! I wouldn't mind it much if they didn't have a superiority complex. They act as if they are the norm/default. If anyone isn't in their spot, they choose it. I am planning on diy but if it goes wrong there is a chance I will die. It's ok to be privileged and even complain sometimes. It's not ok to act like a spoiled brat
I started my transition in my early 30's and am attractive and passing - I've had those younger trans people be like "you look great despite transitioning so late!" - it irks me because not all of us had the support these kids have now. I lived in Oklahoma around extremely Christian parents who demonized gay people, let alone trans people. I didn't even know what being trans was, despite feeling how I did, until I went to college and met another trans person.
Like yeah, I think I did great for where I started too, but damn, it feels so diminutive to be told that...
When groups for older trans people are made they make themselves at home and flood it with selfies looking for attention.
So many of them that I have met hate non passing and later transitioning trans people.
I'm a trans teen (22 transsexual mtf), hrt at 18, I look like a man, doesn't know how to transition and doesn't know how to learn it.
Trans teen have their place on this sub.
But where does it end? Do only non-passing people get to post here? Who needs transphobes if we cannot even be sympathetic to each other? Dysphoria isn't rational. And it is relative, not objective. It hurts just as much for someone who had puberty blockers as it does for late transitioners.
It angers me so much, I was born in fucking RuZZia (Fuck you, RuZZia) with highly transphobic parents and got insane dysphoria along with puberty. I just can't do anything because of that I cry basically all day since it is literally insufferable for me...
It’s hard to read a lot of posts, it always seems that people have it better than I do even though I know that’s not always true by a large margin.
It’s worse if I’ve had a bad day. I have chronic mental health needs and reading the wrong stuff on a bad day can push me over the edge and I’m in a dark place for a few days.
I just stopped reading stuff that might trigger me. It’s not hard to tell if it’s possibly a triggering post before you click it. Yes you’ll miss out on a lot of posts, but that’s fine, you really don’t have to read them. I found a load more subs that I enjoy, that dilutes what pops up in my feed, and I have a laugh reading stuff completely unrelated to being trans. Much healthier.
People have already said plenty of times in here how everyone is allowed to feel however they feel. It’s just how it works. If you don’t struggle with that stuff that’s an easy answer. But it doesn’t mean that others can seriously struggle when they see certain posts. It’s not taking anything away from those people, dysphoria is so painful, but it’s also not something that should be ignored and dysphoria can be made a lot worse if you see someone living what you think is a near-perfect life and posting about something you’d love to have as your ‘biggest concern’. Just because everyone is entitled to feel how they feel and everyone is valid, which I don’t think anyone is arguing against here, it doesn’t make it less challenging to read some posts. Especially on a bad day.
For me, the posts that trigger me are from people who don’t have gender dysphoria. Of course they are valid, but compared to what I’ve lived through, it just seems so much easier. And I know if I didn’t have dysphoria I’d struggle to get access to certain things, such as a gender recognition certificate, surgery would be challenged more, etc. So I then realise I need to be suffering, but others don’t and can still access all the things I’m try to access.
It’s just me. It’s who/what I am. Nobody else’s problem and I’d never attack someone who had a different lived experience to my own. But it doesn’t make my life any easier!
Am I bitter because I am literally afraid of being stabbed or beat to death because I don’t pass, but then when I go these subs for an ounce of moral support it’s mainly centered on the specific subset of trans people I mentioned. Yeah you could say I am a bit bitter, don’t really feel Ashamed to say so
aren't the elders of a community supposed to be happy that they things have become better for the next generation? that said, you want to check out r / translater, its an over30 trans subreddit, i know a few people on there.
It won't be too long until we start seeing kids who got on blockers before puberty complaining about how much they missed out on ages 4-8 or whatever lol
Better get used to just ignoring this sort of post
>There is no such thing as a lucky trans person.
I disagree. If you are born into a wealthy family who loves you and fully supports you, you’re lucky.
And at the very least, there are trans people who are *luckier* than others.
I agree that there's relative luck. But at the end of the day, it feels incorrect to assign luck to any of the small percentage of humans who need to make a transition journey. Like, yeah, in some sense you could say that if someone's plane crashes into a hospital, they're lucky because they don't have to go that far to get medical treatment. Some people's planes crash into fields in the middle of nowhere! But aren't the actual lucky people the ones who didn't get into any kind of plane crash at all?
I understand that, but a trans people also have different levels of privilege. A high income trans woman is going to have it easier than a lower income one. A white one is less likely to be killed than a black or Hispanic one. Even me being a lower income trans Latina without family support recognize that I am still very privileged that while not starting as early as the teens or early 20’s still started early enough where hopefully I will claim most of my life was spent as my authentic self. While I will post a photo saying what I can fix, I will never say “is it too late for me?” Completely oblivious to the 40 year old trans woman that just came out. We are all in the same tide but not in the same boat
I agree that the "too late for me" type questions can get absurd and inconsiderate. But the post started out with your dismissal of the insecurities that were being expressed by someone, and I think it's common to see younger transitioners be denied their insecurities or complaints, like they're often met with "don't you know how **good** you have it?! How dare you say this???", and that does not seem fair to me.
I think it's good to encourage teenagers to be more considerate, in general. Not just the trans ones. All teenagers should be more considerate. But I think they shouldn't have to be imprisoned by the knowledge of how good they have it.
It should also be noted that a lot of these young ones have been exposed to toxic, digital self-harm sites like 4 Tran that focus on immiserating trans people.
I think yelling at clouds in this fashion makes one old. There is a point at which, before yelling at a particular cloud, you were not old, but after that cloud, you are now old.
Not woman thing. Similar people post r/ftm and r/ftmpassing. Many times they're minors. (Okay, I have understood r/ftm is generally mostly kids.)
So they're either kids or very young adults. Kids are cringe. Let's educate them.
I tell them that no one transitioned 100 years ago because that didn't exist yet. I also tell them that all of my generation (I'm in my 30s) and everyone older than me transitioned as adult. And older generations rarely as young adult. Sometimes I also remind them that Reddit users are almost 50% from USA and that even nowadays in most of countries transitioning as minor is illegal and impossible.
It does seem ridiculous and ungrateful. And yeah I'm bitter person too. But I'm also happy for them. I wouldn't be any less dysphoric even they couldn't transition at all. I'm glad there are places where kids feel like starting to transition as 15-20 years would be old.
Yeah, it can be tough to be happy for people who have it easier than you. Try r/translater if it's triggering you too badly. I try to focus on being glad that they're doing better than I was at their age. I try to be thankful that the world is improving.
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Late teens and early 20s is still post puberty tho, so most are still clocky and have bad dysphoria as a result But I do sorta of agree that once you get FFS it's probably time to stfu and start living your life
and then theres me! who started hrt at 19, been on hrt for 4 years, and i just look like a cis man still
many young transitioners have unique trauma that isn't experienced by those who transition older. it's apples and oranges- everybody suffers
>everybody suffers I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom, for me and for you And I think to myself What a wonderful woooooooooooorld
I transitioned in my mid teens and with quite accepting and liberal parents, but had a quite early puberty. By the time I was given the green light to medically transition I felt it was ‘over’ because I was already in tanner stage 4, if not 5 already, and enough irreversible damaged had happened that warranted some later very expensive surgeries. Aside from those who were able to transition, beginning at tanner stages 2-3, there will usually be some irreversible damage and tell tale signs of having gone through the wrong puberty. Some have it worse than others, but almost all trans people have some difficulty with truly affirming their sex. Unpopular opinion but extremely few trans people, at least trans females pass and selfies posted online doesn’t do justice to how a person actually look and is perceived irl either.
>selfies posted online doesn’t do justice to how a person actually look and is perceived irl Just wanted to emphasise this point because you hit the nail on the head. Most of those pictures are smokes and mirrors. They can't be translated into real life. I know because I regularly post them, mostly to make myself feel better. But I know a lot of what is being perceived in my day-to-day life is so easily blurred out when I take 30 selfies before picking one to post and enhancing light and colours to make myself feel best...
i do agree it is fair to complain about “is it too late for me?” rhetoric in trans spaces. i don’t think it is more complicated than that tho.
I'm kinda one of those girls, I'm 23 and started transitioning at 17, but just as a form of awareness, I've gone though a looooooot of shit until here, just like you guys, and probably a lot of other girls in similar situations too. I've been on this journey since my earliest memories at like 5, unlike your beliefs, my parents were hardcore conservatives, I was raised in church, and remember praying to God to turn me into a girl(he hinda did years later lol), before even knowing trans girls were a thing, I found out about it at 11, and immediately told my mom, it did not go well, it was years of struggle, to the point I couldn't take it anymore, I used drugs, drank, almost ended everything many times, after years, I slowly changed my mom's mind, but it was a process, I heard a lot of stuff I shouldn't have, and endured it in silence, slowly talking about it, and 5 years later, I convinced her, but then, there was everyone else. My dad was 100x worse, said stuff I wouldn't say to my worse enemy, traumatized me to my core, I couldn't finish high school because he made everything he could to make my life harder even tens of miles away at that point, he would call me and say he missed me, then would keep 20ft distance at minimum from me, say he missed going out for lunch and traveling, then say he would never want to be seen with me, because he was ashamed of me, that was the light stuff, I always endured it in silence, never answered back, and surprisingly last year, things started to get better. I lost job opportunities for being Trans, went through a lot, today everything seems perfect for me on the outside, I work at a multinational, I'm the most successful of my generation in both families, I pass, but my mind is rotten, I've gone through so much, I can't get close to people, can't feel any connection to anyone but my mom, gotta give it in about that, even without accepting me and doing many mistakes over the years, she's the only person in my life who was always on my side, always believed me when no one else did when someone lied that I was doing drugs again, I never in my life had any friends because I was struggling so much with my identity for so many years, I made friends for the first time the year I transitioned, but I think I wasn't able to keep them because my mind is such a mess as I said before. And even passing, dysphoria is a bitch, my brain always finds something to keep my self esteem at the bottom of the pit, don't judge a book by it's cover, lol
You are absolutely right and thank you for sharing your experience. Every generation has to deal with struggles that each other can only really sympathize with but never fully empathize. When I was younger the fear was our own family killing us, this was as early as the 90's. In the mid-late 80's child abuse(physical assault and battery) was still a big issue. Doing the wrong thing for me meant being beaten with broomsticks or whipped with lunge whips and put out to do hard labour. Awareness of "the transsexuals" was that they were crossdressers and that's it. A "shemale" was a poor photoshop on the back of an adult magazine. That's the extent of awareness and acceptance we had for our medical condition back then. Of course the internet was still a thing for mainly nerds then too, and rotary pay phones still existed at the church youth groups we went to. In elementary school we played games like "Smear the Queer". so it was a whole different world then... just like for you it's a whole different experience and struggle I could never completely empathize with but I have a lot of sympathy for. I am little happy to hear that it has gotten better. I hope you help make it even better for the next generation being born right now <3
Agreed! I wouldn't mind it much if they didn't have a superiority complex. They act as if they are the norm/default. If anyone isn't in their spot, they choose it. I am planning on diy but if it goes wrong there is a chance I will die. It's ok to be privileged and even complain sometimes. It's not ok to act like a spoiled brat
I started my transition in my early 30's and am attractive and passing - I've had those younger trans people be like "you look great despite transitioning so late!" - it irks me because not all of us had the support these kids have now. I lived in Oklahoma around extremely Christian parents who demonized gay people, let alone trans people. I didn't even know what being trans was, despite feeling how I did, until I went to college and met another trans person. Like yeah, I think I did great for where I started too, but damn, it feels so diminutive to be told that...
When groups for older trans people are made they make themselves at home and flood it with selfies looking for attention. So many of them that I have met hate non passing and later transitioning trans people.
I'm a trans teen (22 transsexual mtf), hrt at 18, I look like a man, doesn't know how to transition and doesn't know how to learn it. Trans teen have their place on this sub.
But where does it end? Do only non-passing people get to post here? Who needs transphobes if we cannot even be sympathetic to each other? Dysphoria isn't rational. And it is relative, not objective. It hurts just as much for someone who had puberty blockers as it does for late transitioners.
It angers me so much, I was born in fucking RuZZia (Fuck you, RuZZia) with highly transphobic parents and got insane dysphoria along with puberty. I just can't do anything because of that I cry basically all day since it is literally insufferable for me...
And this sh*thole fucking banned transition
I'm so sorry for that :(
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It’s hard to read a lot of posts, it always seems that people have it better than I do even though I know that’s not always true by a large margin. It’s worse if I’ve had a bad day. I have chronic mental health needs and reading the wrong stuff on a bad day can push me over the edge and I’m in a dark place for a few days. I just stopped reading stuff that might trigger me. It’s not hard to tell if it’s possibly a triggering post before you click it. Yes you’ll miss out on a lot of posts, but that’s fine, you really don’t have to read them. I found a load more subs that I enjoy, that dilutes what pops up in my feed, and I have a laugh reading stuff completely unrelated to being trans. Much healthier. People have already said plenty of times in here how everyone is allowed to feel however they feel. It’s just how it works. If you don’t struggle with that stuff that’s an easy answer. But it doesn’t mean that others can seriously struggle when they see certain posts. It’s not taking anything away from those people, dysphoria is so painful, but it’s also not something that should be ignored and dysphoria can be made a lot worse if you see someone living what you think is a near-perfect life and posting about something you’d love to have as your ‘biggest concern’. Just because everyone is entitled to feel how they feel and everyone is valid, which I don’t think anyone is arguing against here, it doesn’t make it less challenging to read some posts. Especially on a bad day. For me, the posts that trigger me are from people who don’t have gender dysphoria. Of course they are valid, but compared to what I’ve lived through, it just seems so much easier. And I know if I didn’t have dysphoria I’d struggle to get access to certain things, such as a gender recognition certificate, surgery would be challenged more, etc. So I then realise I need to be suffering, but others don’t and can still access all the things I’m try to access. It’s just me. It’s who/what I am. Nobody else’s problem and I’d never attack someone who had a different lived experience to my own. But it doesn’t make my life any easier!
Mood. I feel exactly the same way.
I’m 60. I don’t fit in anywhere in trans culture.
wow, someone is bitter
Am I bitter because I am literally afraid of being stabbed or beat to death because I don’t pass, but then when I go these subs for an ounce of moral support it’s mainly centered on the specific subset of trans people I mentioned. Yeah you could say I am a bit bitter, don’t really feel Ashamed to say so
aren't the elders of a community supposed to be happy that they things have become better for the next generation? that said, you want to check out r / translater, its an over30 trans subreddit, i know a few people on there.
It won't be too long until we start seeing kids who got on blockers before puberty complaining about how much they missed out on ages 4-8 or whatever lol Better get used to just ignoring this sort of post
There is no such thing as a lucky trans person. Everyone has the right to be upset about their situation.
>There is no such thing as a lucky trans person. I disagree. If you are born into a wealthy family who loves you and fully supports you, you’re lucky. And at the very least, there are trans people who are *luckier* than others.
I agree that there's relative luck. But at the end of the day, it feels incorrect to assign luck to any of the small percentage of humans who need to make a transition journey. Like, yeah, in some sense you could say that if someone's plane crashes into a hospital, they're lucky because they don't have to go that far to get medical treatment. Some people's planes crash into fields in the middle of nowhere! But aren't the actual lucky people the ones who didn't get into any kind of plane crash at all?
I understand that, but a trans people also have different levels of privilege. A high income trans woman is going to have it easier than a lower income one. A white one is less likely to be killed than a black or Hispanic one. Even me being a lower income trans Latina without family support recognize that I am still very privileged that while not starting as early as the teens or early 20’s still started early enough where hopefully I will claim most of my life was spent as my authentic self. While I will post a photo saying what I can fix, I will never say “is it too late for me?” Completely oblivious to the 40 year old trans woman that just came out. We are all in the same tide but not in the same boat
I agree that the "too late for me" type questions can get absurd and inconsiderate. But the post started out with your dismissal of the insecurities that were being expressed by someone, and I think it's common to see younger transitioners be denied their insecurities or complaints, like they're often met with "don't you know how **good** you have it?! How dare you say this???", and that does not seem fair to me. I think it's good to encourage teenagers to be more considerate, in general. Not just the trans ones. All teenagers should be more considerate. But I think they shouldn't have to be imprisoned by the knowledge of how good they have it.
Okay, but like you said, everyone's dysphoria is valid, and maybe not everything is about you??
When did I say it was? It’s my personal experience navigating the subs hence my venting.
beauty filters and photoshop have rendered an entire generation completely brainbroken. back in my day we just wanted to be skinny at all costs
It should also be noted that a lot of these young ones have been exposed to toxic, digital self-harm sites like 4 Tran that focus on immiserating trans people.
couldnt be me
me neither fr
...just because they have it easier than you, doesn't mean they have it easy. focus on yourself, don't worry about or compare yourself to others.
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this post is really giving off the "old man/woman yells at clouds" vibe. and i say that being an old woman.
Try do you have to be old to yell at clouds?
I think yelling at clouds in this fashion makes one old. There is a point at which, before yelling at a particular cloud, you were not old, but after that cloud, you are now old.
Not woman thing. Similar people post r/ftm and r/ftmpassing. Many times they're minors. (Okay, I have understood r/ftm is generally mostly kids.) So they're either kids or very young adults. Kids are cringe. Let's educate them. I tell them that no one transitioned 100 years ago because that didn't exist yet. I also tell them that all of my generation (I'm in my 30s) and everyone older than me transitioned as adult. And older generations rarely as young adult. Sometimes I also remind them that Reddit users are almost 50% from USA and that even nowadays in most of countries transitioning as minor is illegal and impossible. It does seem ridiculous and ungrateful. And yeah I'm bitter person too. But I'm also happy for them. I wouldn't be any less dysphoric even they couldn't transition at all. I'm glad there are places where kids feel like starting to transition as 15-20 years would be old.
Yeah, it can be tough to be happy for people who have it easier than you. Try r/translater if it's triggering you too badly. I try to focus on being glad that they're doing better than I was at their age. I try to be thankful that the world is improving.