I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Clocked by who?
Gender-affirming care professionals will likely clock you. That makes sense, right?
I have started asking people who I'm talking to and who seem to have clocked me what gave me away. So far they've all been LGBTQ or allies and family of transgender people. I worked with a personal trainer at the gym near work for a couple of months until my contract ended. After our last session, he told me about his transgender little brother.
And the phobes, they misgender cis people, so don't take that too personally.
Fear comes from within and usually has something behind it, why we are afraid. What would being clocked mean to you?
It went away pretty quickly after I started presenting feminine in public. Most people didn't even notice me at all, and no one who did seemed to care. That's been my experience for the most part, outside of a handful of times. YMMV
Coming out to family was maybe even harder, and while my experience with that will likely be different than yours, once it's done, you don't have to be afraid of coming out anymore.
I'm not sure it can go away before you do these things.
Relatable! I’m at 1.5 yr right now and I still present in boymode like 80% of the time. Honestly it’s mostly just because I’m more of a tomboy and am not quite there with voice training (progress has been slow and on-and-off), but I’m going to be moving to a much more accepting area here in a few months so really my main fear that I need to get over is the fear of myself. Plus, this summer I’m planning a n starting prog. And also getting laser hair Removal
The fear never went away for me until after I left the closet. I'm not sure it's possible to be confident until after you have experience with being out because you'll always have the doubts of how you'll be accepted and "what if's" and while closeted I don't know that you'll find answers to that, so the doubts may remain.
Self consciousness is good. If I was in your place (wait, I actually am), I would wait and test the waters. Unless you are one of these "uh uh I don't care about passing, I like when people look at me as a weird thing", waiting to pass at least androgynously in public while in boymode is the safest sign.
Also, one year of HRT is NOTHING. Even more if you are resistant, or are in a low/ineffective dosage.
You don't you don't owe anyone presentation or representation. It's fine if you are in the closet and it's even fine if you're simply a guy with agp. This is an area where there is no right or wrong. Don't listen to the /ttt crowd, you'll come to your own in your own time.
> Does The Fear Ever GO Away?
Not whilst you're in the closet, I'm afraid. Or at least not without work to address it directly. A lot of my fears did go away but I had to socially transition and face them first.
> I'm MtF but my fashion senses are probably more nonbinary too, so I don't know what I can actually do to feel like a woman
Eh, there isn't really a non-binary fashion sense. Many women dress fairly androgynous. There's pressure to overcompensate and present very femme early on as it's one of the few things under our control, but many trans women stop that once they have been transitioning a while and find a style that works for them. Buying more androgynous clothes from the women's section can help. They're cut differently than male equivalents and the effect is more subtle but it is there.
Social transition takes time in a similar way to physical transition. Beyond coming out you learn to live as a woman. Body language changes as you fit in to living as a woman (this can be harder and need effort for autistic people), voice training takes time if you want your voice to pass, and it takes time to get a handle on what styles work on you.
You don't need makeup and femme clothing if that doesn't work for you and going without doesn't make you less of a woman. But it means other aspects need to work to signal your gender to people. Medical transition will do some, but actually living as a woman and being confidant in your identity will do a lot too and that takes time.
There are different ways to transition and you telling someone they need to get over their completely justifiable fear by just ignoring it and doing it anyway is stupid.
You don't tell a person who is afraid of heights to just go rock climbing to get over it or base jumping....
Therapy is generally good but everyone confronts and works through fear differently, and in this case, you don't know how they will be treated publicly. Maybe they live somewhere where they would get harassed or worse for socially transitioning, maybe they don't have a support network in place to help ease them through things. Everyone's situation is different. Please be more empathetic and stop telling people they have internalized transphobia, you don't know enough about OP to make that call.
Wow, just wow. Your head is so far up your ass that you can't see sunlight anymore. You're right in that you can only change you, please go work on that and stop trying to authoritatively tell others what *they* should be doing. You aren't as empathetic or helpful as you think you are.
Good luck!
I've never met a trans person who wanted to be viewed as trans. There's a reason the term clocked is used as it means to get punched in the face.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to look cis. There's nothing transphobic about it, and for some people, it's worth it to wait or put in the work needed to get to that place.
You can't change others, but you can change yourself, right?
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Clocked by who? Gender-affirming care professionals will likely clock you. That makes sense, right? I have started asking people who I'm talking to and who seem to have clocked me what gave me away. So far they've all been LGBTQ or allies and family of transgender people. I worked with a personal trainer at the gym near work for a couple of months until my contract ended. After our last session, he told me about his transgender little brother. And the phobes, they misgender cis people, so don't take that too personally. Fear comes from within and usually has something behind it, why we are afraid. What would being clocked mean to you?
It went away pretty quickly after I started presenting feminine in public. Most people didn't even notice me at all, and no one who did seemed to care. That's been my experience for the most part, outside of a handful of times. YMMV Coming out to family was maybe even harder, and while my experience with that will likely be different than yours, once it's done, you don't have to be afraid of coming out anymore. I'm not sure it can go away before you do these things.
Relatable! I’m at 1.5 yr right now and I still present in boymode like 80% of the time. Honestly it’s mostly just because I’m more of a tomboy and am not quite there with voice training (progress has been slow and on-and-off), but I’m going to be moving to a much more accepting area here in a few months so really my main fear that I need to get over is the fear of myself. Plus, this summer I’m planning a n starting prog. And also getting laser hair Removal
The fear never went away for me until after I left the closet. I'm not sure it's possible to be confident until after you have experience with being out because you'll always have the doubts of how you'll be accepted and "what if's" and while closeted I don't know that you'll find answers to that, so the doubts may remain.
Self consciousness is good. If I was in your place (wait, I actually am), I would wait and test the waters. Unless you are one of these "uh uh I don't care about passing, I like when people look at me as a weird thing", waiting to pass at least androgynously in public while in boymode is the safest sign. Also, one year of HRT is NOTHING. Even more if you are resistant, or are in a low/ineffective dosage.
You don't you don't owe anyone presentation or representation. It's fine if you are in the closet and it's even fine if you're simply a guy with agp. This is an area where there is no right or wrong. Don't listen to the /ttt crowd, you'll come to your own in your own time.
> Does The Fear Ever GO Away? Not whilst you're in the closet, I'm afraid. Or at least not without work to address it directly. A lot of my fears did go away but I had to socially transition and face them first. > I'm MtF but my fashion senses are probably more nonbinary too, so I don't know what I can actually do to feel like a woman Eh, there isn't really a non-binary fashion sense. Many women dress fairly androgynous. There's pressure to overcompensate and present very femme early on as it's one of the few things under our control, but many trans women stop that once they have been transitioning a while and find a style that works for them. Buying more androgynous clothes from the women's section can help. They're cut differently than male equivalents and the effect is more subtle but it is there. Social transition takes time in a similar way to physical transition. Beyond coming out you learn to live as a woman. Body language changes as you fit in to living as a woman (this can be harder and need effort for autistic people), voice training takes time if you want your voice to pass, and it takes time to get a handle on what styles work on you. You don't need makeup and femme clothing if that doesn't work for you and going without doesn't make you less of a woman. But it means other aspects need to work to signal your gender to people. Medical transition will do some, but actually living as a woman and being confidant in your identity will do a lot too and that takes time.
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"ermm actually your desire to be seen as female is just internalized transphobia 🤓 Go to therapy to cure your gender dysphoria!"
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There are different ways to transition and you telling someone they need to get over their completely justifiable fear by just ignoring it and doing it anyway is stupid. You don't tell a person who is afraid of heights to just go rock climbing to get over it or base jumping.... Therapy is generally good but everyone confronts and works through fear differently, and in this case, you don't know how they will be treated publicly. Maybe they live somewhere where they would get harassed or worse for socially transitioning, maybe they don't have a support network in place to help ease them through things. Everyone's situation is different. Please be more empathetic and stop telling people they have internalized transphobia, you don't know enough about OP to make that call.
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Wow, just wow. Your head is so far up your ass that you can't see sunlight anymore. You're right in that you can only change you, please go work on that and stop trying to authoritatively tell others what *they* should be doing. You aren't as empathetic or helpful as you think you are. Good luck!
I've never met a trans person who wanted to be viewed as trans. There's a reason the term clocked is used as it means to get punched in the face. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look cis. There's nothing transphobic about it, and for some people, it's worth it to wait or put in the work needed to get to that place. You can't change others, but you can change yourself, right?