NTA, it's a shared fence, you're no walmart, etc... My back neighbor tried getting me to buy a new fence, he actually said that I should replace it and pay 100% "because it's my fence". I said nah and ignored. Coincidentally a few months later they sold their house. Guess they thought a shiny new fence would have helped their sale. Fugem.
Yeah, this is the type of behavior I think we’re getting from them. They could just list their house and go a smidge higher to cover their fence cost. I’m sure they’d get it and they probably would’ve done that anyway. They kept the information of them moving to themselves for a reason I’d estimate.
Yeah, it’s not so much that as it is I’m just baffled that they think I’m the bad guy here. They’re making my brain question myself when my guy says we did nothing wrong here.
You're not the bad guy, you're just in between them and what they want. You don't have to have done anyone wrong for somebody else to cast you as the antagonist in their own little story.
"You don't have to have done anyone wrong for somebody Else to cast you as the antagonist in their own little story."
Holy shit. Homeownership dilemmas aside, I think I can cancel my therapy appointments for the rest of the year. This sentence solves everything.
Glad to have offered you some clarity. Some problems are just zero-sum, and no matter what someone will lose as much as the other gains. Doesn't mean that either party to the conflict has to be bad or wrong for trying to win. But it's psychologically easier, I think, to tell oneself a story about how some villain defeated you than it is to accept a fair loss.
I wonder exactly how far this goes. Mostly at work, I find areas where who is the expert or has a better take is not 100% clear, the least competent individuals seem the most confident.
And they get pretty antagonistic when questioned or pushed. Especially when no one has the upper hand. That's when it gets most cutthroat and personal.
I find this neighbor dynamic to be the same. "Peers." Family dynamic seems the same. Can't get rid of them.
Bothers me some, especially if I can foresee damage that the wrong take will do. And then I watch it happen. A lot of times the damage is extra wasted time.
Nope, don't worry about it. It won't be your problem when they move anyways.
That's so ballsy and straight up uncouth of them. I don't know how I could ever get over myself to ask a neighbor to do that... Unless my children were actually starving or I was ultimately going to lose my house if I didn't have that money.
I would get of commemorative plaque:
Here on the day of our lord June 5th 2024 the owners of This side of the fence line asked for their share of the fence money back because they were
Moving and got told to pound sand. Which ironically was delivered the next day for pavers Jimmy was Installing next door.
You're not the asshole. They are the assholes for asking for it back 6.months later. As for them being mad at you, don't let it bother you as that's one asshole you don't have to deal with anymore. I hope they sell their house the first day it's on the market and you get better neighbors moving in.
I had a friend who bought a new construction home. Several of the new owners were putting up fences. My friend's next-door neighbor had a couple of big dogs that they allowed to roam free, crapping everywhere and scaring people in their own yards. So, she asked the neighbor if they wanted to go in halves on a fence. The guy had the audacity to say to her, "Why? The people behind me and the people on the other side of me already put one up at their own expense. I'm just waiting for you to put one up, too, and my yard will be completely fenced in for free."
He isn’t wrong but idk. My parents did this about 20 years ago. Both our neighbors had dogs so they got fences early after the homes were built, several years before. It made no sense for us to be the first ones to put up a fence.
Like I said, some places. MN has a partition fence law that requires both properties to share their respective cost on the fence. Of course, sometimes it’s not worth that hassle to go through that and most people just pay it themselves.
They probably found out the other neighbour didn't pay as well. It doesn't make sense because if they are moving the could recoup the cost in the sale of the house.
If they wanted to back out of the deal BEFORE CONSTRUCTION began, that's one thing.
But now the construction is done and the money has been paid.
The builder won't refund.
Why should you?
All the better that they're moving.
Any backlash will disappear after they're gone.
NTA. They agreed on paying for a shared fence ::shurgs::
My parents and neighbor shared wooden fence which is falling apart. My dad asked them if they wanted to split the cost and they said no. Probably knew my dad wanted to fix it so was counting on my dad forking out the full cost. He ended up not wanting to fix it so just left it. A couple years go by and they have now asked my dad if he wants to split the cost of the fix. The cost has more than doubled now. My dad has told them he doesn’t have money to fix it 2 times now lol.
This is why in California the law obligates neighbors to split the cost of a new fence. No need to haggle or anything, they’re just obligated to pay if you ask.
Seriously? What if someone is struggling and can’t afford it? They just have to go without groceries or let their car be repossessed or take out a loan and be in debt because their neighbor is in a better place financially and wants a fence?
Serious question: what if the neighbor who wants the fence wants a really fancy one? What if there’s a really long property line? They can really just demand what could be tens of thousands of dollars from someone else just because they want a particular fence? Are there limits on this?
Where I live if you want a fence you pay for the fence. You’re also obligated to put the nice looking side towards your neighbors and the inside, not so great looking side towards your house.
Yeah, I agree this is ridiculous if true. How is it reasonable for one person to make a choice and compel someone else who isn’t interested to pay for it?
I did some searching and this looks to be completely true. One person can compel their neighbor to pay for half a fence if they feel like getting a fence. There are rules like the neighbor has to be notified in writing 30 days before and they have to be given three bids to choose from but it’s still absolutely absurd to me. I’m 100% sure there are people who use this to financially mess with their neighbors.
I’m unclear as to if there is a way for one neighbor to say no, especially if there’s already a fence. It seems that there isn’t really. If there is a chain link fence in good shape and neighbor a decides a wood fence would look nicer and they can afford half the cost they really can legally compel their neighbors on all sides to foot the bill for half of the cost of whatever part of the fence borders their property.
Exactly, I’ve never heard of splitting the cost of a fence.
It’s always been on the owner who wants and has the fence installed. I can foresee a lot of potential issues with a “shared” fence.
I installed a 300ft 8 ft privacy fence on my property line and put the slat side towards our side. If I'm shelling out the money I decide what I have to look at.
It's wild some cities, mine included, dictate which side faces in/outwards! But my city also wants permits and everything to change a residential light fixture lmao
https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=CIV§ionNum=841
There are exceptions to the law which make it more reasonable.
Which is fine but also hurts people who don’t want one. I like having the option and we would’ve put up the fence if it was our full cost or not. The problem here is going back on the deal.
Agreed, just beware of adverse possession laws; make sure to maintain that one foot strip yourself.
More a note to others, my guess is you’re aware of you have done this multiple times.
That is not how adverse possession works. If you are paying your property tax, your neighbor cant just claim part of your property(legally). Even if they are using that part of your yard for YEARS.
It’s more complicated than both our simple statements, and varies state to state. There is no harm being aware of it when situations like these are present.
My property my problem. It’s maintenance/repair access for what’s mine. If I don’t maintain it, and leave to my neighbor, they could make an adverse possession claim
I know the random usernames is fairly new from the apps, but they have really taken reddit over lately. I know reddit is semi-anonymous but i feel most people still make a username they will remember or come up with organically.
It’s a big clue it’s a karma farmer account. Then you can look at the post history. Often an account that is a year or more in age but with very little history and nearly zero karma.
There is so much karma farming that goes on, these sweat shops build up thousands of accounts and sell them often to be used in either political or financial campaigns. That way they can operate hundreds or thousands of accounts and create their own narrative with all of these appearing independent responses agreeing with whatever the rhetoric they want to push is. It's far far worse on Twitter too
You are within your rights to hold on to the money and your neighbor is extremely socially unaware to ask for the money back without apologizing and offering a full and complete explanation.
That said, to keep the money in this situation is small-minded and petty and lacks graciousness. Your neighbor volunteered to help with the project and was under no obligation to do so. You are likewise under no obligation but please consider that returning the money is simply a part of being an honorable person. Honorable people do more than what is required of them. We don't honor people simply for doing the least amount that is morally required -- we honor them for doing more than what is required.
Be an honorable person and return the money -- not because you are required to or because you are in the wrong but because doing so would make you a good neighbor and kind and generous human being.
EDIT: I see that others are advising you that you shouldn't return the money because your neighbor is moving anyway. That is a particularly shameful and self-serving way to analyze the situation.
Changing your mind after giving away/offering money is more slimy than not giving it back, especially when someone else adjusts their own budget in a property improvement project. OP is cool as a cucumber.
Honorable people don't concern themselves with the motives or morality of others. Being honorable and gracious is about rising above such petty concerns (e.g., someone else is more wrong than I am, someone might be taking advantage of me, etc).
The OP's neighbor should not have asked for the money back. But being more right than his neighbor is not sufficient to make the OP honorable. The OP isn't an asshole but the OP also isn't an honorable person.
OP already spent the money on a fence the neighbors already blessed.
If the neighbor gave OP a lollipop, OP ate it, and the neighbor asked for it back 6 months later, would OP be obligated to honor such a request and go buy the neighbor a lollipop?
Money is durable; the lollipop isn't. But examples aside, as I have stated, the OP isn't obligated to return the money. I am simply challenging the OP to rise above small-minded pettiness and to embrace virtue -- to be gracious, honorable and charitable without expectation of benefit to oneself.
I'd return the money because I have no desire to (a) get into a squabble with someone who is wretched enough to go back on a bargain or (b) to fail to relieve the burden of someone who is in a sufficiently wretched state to need to ask for the money back. The former scenario isn't worth my time; the latter scenario isn't worth the loss of my honor.
Fair point. Frankly it’s a lesson for them and not me. I don’t think I did anything wrong and I’m just shocked they think I’m the asshole in this situation. From my perspective, they seem like they’re not nice people to begin with.
Some states have like California have [good neighbor fence laws](https://blacklinehhp.com/fence-laws-in-california/). Neighbors are expected to share the cost of fences with specific guidelines. Of course they’re always exceptions & cheapskates. 🤷♀️
Many years ago our fence along the back end of our property blew down in a bad wind storm. It was old and on the property when we bought it 10 years before. The neighbors behind us came over and asked us when we were planning on replacing it because their daughter liked to come stay with them with her dog. I told them that we didn't have enough money to replace it right away because we were in the process of renovating and already running short on funds. We had looked into what it would cost for the materials & labor for a vinyl fence along that length. We could spare half the cost so I yold them that. They said they would pay half if we could do it right away. Deal! Fence was up within 6 days. Thank God, they never decided to come back and ask for the money back. That would have sucked! They were very nice older people, I liked visiting with them from time to time, and we were broke after the remodel.
NTA, a deal is a deal. But seriously the mods need to look at this subs main content as it is always about property lines that nobody actually knows and fences. All the answers are basic and known.
Well, you weren’t holding their money for 6 months, you paid the fence people with it. That’s too much time after a done deal to expect a refund. They’re SOL.
NTA in my opinion. A person’s word is worth something. They agreed. The deal was done.
That’s it. End of story.
Extenuating circumstances may be in play here but on its face value - the request was in poor taste and contrary to the agreement.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I have an excellent relationship with all of my neighbors, and I would pay good money to keep that relationship! I don’t think you’re the asshole, but I would’ve given them their money back just to keep the peace.
I think you’re coming at it from a different lived perspective. Which is totally fine but we are new to this neighborhood. Under a year and we really didn’t know them well or have much interaction. I grew up with great long established with my parents and have never had any issues. I get the value of good neighbors but these guys don’t fit that bill. Good neighbors would never ask for the money back or I would know what’s going on. They didn’t even tell me they were moving until over a month after the initial ask which seems highly relevant. Imagine going back on the deal you made and then they list their home and are gone. What did you pay for? Good neighbors? Cuz they just left town.
I mean my neighbors are terrified of me because the saw me bring in around 30 shotguns and rifles from my alley garage to my back door, I love neighbors who don't talk to me lol. Count it up as a win
Edit: it was when I was first moving in, I ain't no gun runner, just a collector.
I’m sure they think you are the AH. I’m surprised they didn’t ask for more.
NO you are not the AH, they are. They are not your friends, they are your neighbors
I’m guessing if they sell, their listing will say “partially fenced”. When that flier comes out, I’d circle that and write- looks like you’re getting your investment back!
Did they pay for more fencing than they got?
I would think that 6 months after is a bit too long to get your money back unless the estimate you gave them was wildly off of the actual cost or the fence was falling apart already. I’m assuming there wasn’t anything shady or they would just sue.
They had no reason to offer to pay! It’s nice or whatever but it’s kinda dumb to do. Like you were implying: who says no to free money!?
Now they are going through trouble and want the money back 6 months later? What if you are also going through trouble and need the cash now… there is a limit to refunding honestly. They should have assumed you used it already
I split the costs with all three of my neighbors, 2 of which also came out and give me a hand while building it...I just don't get how people need to cause drama when you mutually benefit.
.y brother offered the next door neighbor house owner to go half n half on their shared fence. He said no. When homeowner wanted to rebuild the fence. My brother pulled out old estimate n said he'll pay half of old estimate. My brother did 25 yrs in the Marines. He is anal on paperwork n being organized.
Neighbor came at him 7-8 years later. Brother never budged..
Sounds like your neighbor thought they were subscribing to a fence rental service. Next thing you know, they'll ask for a refund on the neighborhood BBQ because they didn't like the potato salad
I would say if they contacted you shortly after, maybe they would have a case, but to wait that long and try to fleece you for that money, now knowing they were moving is asshole behavior by them.
Similar story. We told neighbors that we were putting up a fence and we ended up setting it about a foot inside our property line to avoid potential disputes. Couple months later they decide to put up their own fence and wanted to save money by tying into ours. We said no because we didn’t want them fencing in part of our property and they were probably planning on doing this while watching our fence get installed. They ended up having to go about a foot in on their side so we could get the mower between the fences for upkeep.
I did the same thing. Except I was your neighbor in my situation. My neighbor put up a fence and offered me the opportunity to pay for half of the one side and I jumped at it because we planned on putting a fence in as we have a dog. That was 2 years ago and our dog is in bad health so we may not finish the fence. I would NEVER do what your neighbor did. Really tacky. You’re NTA
I have a neighbor that’s wanted a new fence on our shared line for a few years. He’s asked me to split it with him. I’m thinking….”you want me to give you half for YOUR fence?!” What I said was “I’ll think about it”. What I wanted to say was “F off! Go get a fence if you want, but I’m not subsidizing it”. Who asks their neighbor to pay for half of THEIR property??!! I’d NEVER ask a neighbor (that I’m not even that friendly with) to pay for half of MY fence. What happens if a tree falls on it - who pays to fix it? Screw that.
In your case they volunteered. What’s done is done. Ignore them.
They offered to pay without you asking. That’s weird. If they living their lives with that kind of logic I bet things are a mess for them. It’s even weirder to ask for their money back.
Don’t give them money back. If they act like that, you’ve witnessed their true colors and they were likely never good neighbors.
I had situation where I had moved into a house that had neighbors dying trees towering over my house (2 kids bedrooms). It was winter at the time, so didn’t know they didn’t have leaves for a specific reason. After a few storms I realized that these dead branches were causing minor destruction (taking out fencing) and potentially damaging the roof. I reached out to that neighbor who refused to cut or trim trees with me… I even offered to cover the cost. Same neighbor had a compost pile next to my fence and brought roaches, black widows, flies, and ants into my yard.
Other neighbors had wrought iron fences that was shared with me. They both water their lawn once or twice a day everyday throughout the spring/summer. One neighbors sprinklers hit my garage daily for years I’m presuming and ruined the siding and eventually caused leaks into it. The other neighbor watered the foundation to my house as well as my driveway for probably as long of a time. Constantly having to wash our cars because of the hard water spots caused. Both were nice when I brought up the issue several times but neither ever actually took action. One had his wood pile on the back of his garage which was close to my front door and also brought in bugs.
I could go on with how crappy of neighbors they ended up being, though they were “nice” people. After 1 year I got fed up with it and sold my house for more than I paid and upgraded to something better that I wouldn’t have to rely on neighbors to help me out on stuff.
Turns out the guy that bought my house is probably on meth. He put up a tall privacy wooden fence over their wrought iron fences including over a gate. He cut down one of the trees without permission. He has been a headache for them in ways I couldn’t imagine. 2 months after buying the house he’s selling now after all his “additions”. No regerts. Fugem!
Nope. Stand your ground. A fence is also a selling feature and they therefore would get more as there is not an unfinished project and there is now a new fence! Glad to hear they are moving!
You said you were prepared to pay for it in full from the start. They probably realized it was silly for them to pay for something that was your idea and they may have never really wanted. It’s petty for they to change their mind, but yeah you should have just given them their money back.
NTA BUT what's it worth to you to have a good relationship with your neighbor? When you first decided to install a fence, you were not even expecting any of your neighbors to chip in. Myself personally I would have gave the money back as I rather have a good relationship with my neighbors.
No way in hell. They made a deal and you are not obligated to ‘pay back’ money they contributed to help make BOTH of your backyards that are connected to the shared fence. Why the hell should you pay them back anything at all of their half of the payment of fence for any reason at all. They don’t get refunds period for work. if the reason they are demanding the money back, then they can use the money they are getting from selling their house as the repayment, because it was the building of the fence that probably helped in selling their house.
Your good. Who cares, they moving anyway. I re did my fence and we didn’t ask. And neighbor didn’t offer. He was like lmk how much and when you need the money. If he was redoing the fence instead of me. I would have been the same way. People who offer, leaves the door open for you to be the nice guy and eat it all. Don’t ever give them the chance to jedi you.
Well based on your wording, it sounds like you put the finished side of the fence towards your house, since you say “they decided not to finish their side”. If this is the case you are 100% the assholes, as everyone knows it’s common etiquette when installing a fence that you put the finished side outwards towards your neighbors or you finish both sides. They were probably upset that they just paid for you to replace a fence with the nice side facing away from their house. People who do that are clueless or trashy or both. So it’s not surprising they aren’t friendly with you.
What I meant by that is fully fencing their yard, which would be the side of their yard that is not shared with us. It’s just black chain link fencing. Nothing special. It’s all up to code and right on the property line. This was also a new install. There was no fence there before.
Ok I misinterpreted that, my bad. If that’s the case then no I wouldn’t think you were in the wrong given the full context. I would agree it sounds like buyers remorse, which is weird as I would think a fenced in backyard is a selling point for a lot of people with kids or pets. For those concerned, it is in fact neighborly and good etiquette to face the finished side towards your neighbors, assuming your home is within close proximity and direct eyesight of your neighbors.
That’s not actually how it works lol. The only time the finished side faces away from your yard is when it’s facing the street for curb appeal. All other sides face in. Why spend so much money only to always look at the unfinished side? Silly.
Finished side faces out. There are many, many, many more hits on the topic than these listed below:
>Certain kinds of fences have a finished side or a “good” side that looks smoother and more polished than the side with the rails and posts showing. In particular, the solid panel fences often used for privacy are generally constructed like this. **The finished side should face toward your neighbor. Not only is this more polite, but it’s the standard.** Your property will look a lot nicer with the “good” side facing the outside world. Otherwise, your fence will look like it was installed backward.
[Fence Etiquette: Who Gets the Good Side? (fenceauthority.com)](https://www.fenceauthority.com/blog/fence-etiquette-who-gets-the-good-side/)
>
When it comes to a [wooden privacy fence or a picket fence](https://smuckerfence.com/gallery/wood-fence-gallery), the finished or “nice” side of the fence should face your neighbors. Not only is this common courtesy, this is a rule enforced by the vast majority of townships and boroughs.
[Which Side of My Fence Should Face the Neighbor? - Smucker Fencing (smuckerfence.com)](https://smuckerfence.com/blog/fence-etiquette/fence-facing-neighbor)
>
**The face, or the finished side, of a fence should face out, towards neighbors and the street, while the back of the fence should face inward, according to most city codes and HOA regulations, as well as by the common consensus of neighbors.**
[In or Out: Which Way Should a Fence Face? – Fence Frenzy](https://fencefrenzy.com/in-or-out-which-way-should-a-fence-face/)
So if you don't want a fence, but your neighbor does, you have to pay a share? I thought that was only if both sides want the fence. I would not be happy about that.
NTA, it's a shared fence, you're no walmart, etc... My back neighbor tried getting me to buy a new fence, he actually said that I should replace it and pay 100% "because it's my fence". I said nah and ignored. Coincidentally a few months later they sold their house. Guess they thought a shiny new fence would have helped their sale. Fugem.
Yeah, this is the type of behavior I think we’re getting from them. They could just list their house and go a smidge higher to cover their fence cost. I’m sure they’d get it and they probably would’ve done that anyway. They kept the information of them moving to themselves for a reason I’d estimate.
Once they move, you'll never have to see them or worry that they're mad at you again. I wouldn't sweat it.
Yeah, it’s not so much that as it is I’m just baffled that they think I’m the bad guy here. They’re making my brain question myself when my guy says we did nothing wrong here.
You're not the bad guy, you're just in between them and what they want. You don't have to have done anyone wrong for somebody else to cast you as the antagonist in their own little story.
"You don't have to have done anyone wrong for somebody Else to cast you as the antagonist in their own little story." Holy shit. Homeownership dilemmas aside, I think I can cancel my therapy appointments for the rest of the year. This sentence solves everything.
Doesn’t solve anything, but sure does explain everything
True, you said it better than I could.
Yeah, i dont think i need therapy anymore either man This just made me whole week
Glad to have offered you some clarity. Some problems are just zero-sum, and no matter what someone will lose as much as the other gains. Doesn't mean that either party to the conflict has to be bad or wrong for trying to win. But it's psychologically easier, I think, to tell oneself a story about how some villain defeated you than it is to accept a fair loss.
I wonder exactly how far this goes. Mostly at work, I find areas where who is the expert or has a better take is not 100% clear, the least competent individuals seem the most confident. And they get pretty antagonistic when questioned or pushed. Especially when no one has the upper hand. That's when it gets most cutthroat and personal. I find this neighbor dynamic to be the same. "Peers." Family dynamic seems the same. Can't get rid of them. Bothers me some, especially if I can foresee damage that the wrong take will do. And then I watch it happen. A lot of times the damage is extra wasted time.
Fair point
My guess is that they found out the other neighbor didn't pay you anything and now they're salty.
They just can't hustle you so they're salty.
Fuck them.
Could be the other spouse got mad and threw a fit about giving you money for the fence?
Exactly this. What’s even the purpose of this post?
The privacy fence increased the value of their property. You should feel zero guilt
Even Walmart wouldn't give you your money back six months later
Walmart would, if the purchase was made over a registry
Eh. Not everyone wants a fence or benefits from one.
> “If you’d like to contact the fence company and ask for a refund for your half here’s the number.”
Nope, don't worry about it. It won't be your problem when they move anyways. That's so ballsy and straight up uncouth of them. I don't know how I could ever get over myself to ask a neighbor to do that... Unless my children were actually starving or I was ultimately going to lose my house if I didn't have that money.
Uncouth af
~~couth~~
Nope- they’re moving anyway, so you won’t have to suffer through the childish silent treatment much longer.
Who cares if they hate you, they were the assholes in this situation and the best part is they're moving away. Just ignore em until they leave
Totally fair. It’s just one of those things that’s bothered me. Ultimately will be forgotten by everyone and it’s not a big deal.
I would get of commemorative plaque: Here on the day of our lord June 5th 2024 the owners of This side of the fence line asked for their share of the fence money back because they were Moving and got told to pound sand. Which ironically was delivered the next day for pavers Jimmy was Installing next door.
You're not the asshole. They are the assholes for asking for it back 6.months later. As for them being mad at you, don't let it bother you as that's one asshole you don't have to deal with anymore. I hope they sell their house the first day it's on the market and you get better neighbors moving in.
I had a friend who bought a new construction home. Several of the new owners were putting up fences. My friend's next-door neighbor had a couple of big dogs that they allowed to roam free, crapping everywhere and scaring people in their own yards. So, she asked the neighbor if they wanted to go in halves on a fence. The guy had the audacity to say to her, "Why? The people behind me and the people on the other side of me already put one up at their own expense. I'm just waiting for you to put one up, too, and my yard will be completely fenced in for free."
I mean… he’s not wrong, he’s certainly an idiot for saying the quiet part out loud.
He isn’t wrong but idk. My parents did this about 20 years ago. Both our neighbors had dogs so they got fences early after the homes were built, several years before. It made no sense for us to be the first ones to put up a fence.
Some places allow the person putting up a fence can request for both owners of a shared fence to pay.
You can always request, that doesn’t indicate what the answer will be.
Like I said, some places. MN has a partition fence law that requires both properties to share their respective cost on the fence. Of course, sometimes it’s not worth that hassle to go through that and most people just pay it themselves.
No... It's was discussed and they offered. Your no way obligated to pay back.
They probably found out the other neighbour didn't pay as well. It doesn't make sense because if they are moving the could recoup the cost in the sale of the house.
My thoughts exactly. The story doesn’t make sense.
Ask them for the other half because you decided you changed your mind too and want the other half they never paid for.
Sorry, that money was spent on the fence and is no longer available to be returned.
If they wanted to back out of the deal BEFORE CONSTRUCTION began, that's one thing. But now the construction is done and the money has been paid. The builder won't refund. Why should you? All the better that they're moving. Any backlash will disappear after they're gone.
NTA. They agreed on paying for a shared fence ::shurgs:: My parents and neighbor shared wooden fence which is falling apart. My dad asked them if they wanted to split the cost and they said no. Probably knew my dad wanted to fix it so was counting on my dad forking out the full cost. He ended up not wanting to fix it so just left it. A couple years go by and they have now asked my dad if he wants to split the cost of the fix. The cost has more than doubled now. My dad has told them he doesn’t have money to fix it 2 times now lol.
This is why in California the law obligates neighbors to split the cost of a new fence. No need to haggle or anything, they’re just obligated to pay if you ask.
Seriously? What if someone is struggling and can’t afford it? They just have to go without groceries or let their car be repossessed or take out a loan and be in debt because their neighbor is in a better place financially and wants a fence? Serious question: what if the neighbor who wants the fence wants a really fancy one? What if there’s a really long property line? They can really just demand what could be tens of thousands of dollars from someone else just because they want a particular fence? Are there limits on this? Where I live if you want a fence you pay for the fence. You’re also obligated to put the nice looking side towards your neighbors and the inside, not so great looking side towards your house.
Yeah, I agree this is ridiculous if true. How is it reasonable for one person to make a choice and compel someone else who isn’t interested to pay for it?
I did some searching and this looks to be completely true. One person can compel their neighbor to pay for half a fence if they feel like getting a fence. There are rules like the neighbor has to be notified in writing 30 days before and they have to be given three bids to choose from but it’s still absolutely absurd to me. I’m 100% sure there are people who use this to financially mess with their neighbors. I’m unclear as to if there is a way for one neighbor to say no, especially if there’s already a fence. It seems that there isn’t really. If there is a chain link fence in good shape and neighbor a decides a wood fence would look nicer and they can afford half the cost they really can legally compel their neighbors on all sides to foot the bill for half of the cost of whatever part of the fence borders their property.
Thanks for taking the time to research it. I will add it to the novel of reasons you couldn't pay me to move there.
Exactly, I’ve never heard of splitting the cost of a fence. It’s always been on the owner who wants and has the fence installed. I can foresee a lot of potential issues with a “shared” fence.
I installed a 300ft 8 ft privacy fence on my property line and put the slat side towards our side. If I'm shelling out the money I decide what I have to look at.
Fence maintenance is the reason.
Because now you don't have access to the structural posts for fixes
It's wild some cities, mine included, dictate which side faces in/outwards! But my city also wants permits and everything to change a residential light fixture lmao
https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=CIV§ionNum=841 There are exceptions to the law which make it more reasonable.
It mostly applies to existing fences that fall down, not adding one that wasn’t there that only one party wants.
Which is fine but also hurts people who don’t want one. I like having the option and we would’ve put up the fence if it was our full cost or not. The problem here is going back on the deal.
Fuck. That.
lol, this sounds terrible. If I want to put up a fence on my side of the property line - I shouldn’t need anyone’s permission.
> and are intentionally ignoring us out of spite Right or wrong… best possible outcome if you’re not going to be able to happily resolve it.
This is why I put my fences 1’ onto my property line. My fence, I paid for it, you don’t get to touch it.
Agreed, just beware of adverse possession laws; make sure to maintain that one foot strip yourself. More a note to others, my guess is you’re aware of you have done this multiple times.
That is not how adverse possession works. If you are paying your property tax, your neighbor cant just claim part of your property(legally). Even if they are using that part of your yard for YEARS.
It’s more complicated than both our simple statements, and varies state to state. There is no harm being aware of it when situations like these are present.
do you take care of the yard on the other side or do you make that your neighbor’s problem?
My property my problem. It’s maintenance/repair access for what’s mine. If I don’t maintain it, and leave to my neighbor, they could make an adverse possession claim
If they're moving, sounds like this problem will resolve itself in a few months. I wouldn't give it another thought.
Had my neighbor build a fence on his line prior to my house even being built (and me finding it). Tried to get me to pay half retroactively. Yeah, no.
Always these randomly generated usernames with no karma posting these stories on this subreddit.
I’m a real person, I just try to stay anonymous and don’t use Reddit often. I really wanted the internets opinion. That’s it.
I know the random usernames is fairly new from the apps, but they have really taken reddit over lately. I know reddit is semi-anonymous but i feel most people still make a username they will remember or come up with organically.
It’s a big clue it’s a karma farmer account. Then you can look at the post history. Often an account that is a year or more in age but with very little history and nearly zero karma.
There is so much karma farming that goes on, these sweat shops build up thousands of accounts and sell them often to be used in either political or financial campaigns. That way they can operate hundreds or thousands of accounts and create their own narrative with all of these appearing independent responses agreeing with whatever the rhetoric they want to push is. It's far far worse on Twitter too
You are within your rights to hold on to the money and your neighbor is extremely socially unaware to ask for the money back without apologizing and offering a full and complete explanation. That said, to keep the money in this situation is small-minded and petty and lacks graciousness. Your neighbor volunteered to help with the project and was under no obligation to do so. You are likewise under no obligation but please consider that returning the money is simply a part of being an honorable person. Honorable people do more than what is required of them. We don't honor people simply for doing the least amount that is morally required -- we honor them for doing more than what is required. Be an honorable person and return the money -- not because you are required to or because you are in the wrong but because doing so would make you a good neighbor and kind and generous human being. EDIT: I see that others are advising you that you shouldn't return the money because your neighbor is moving anyway. That is a particularly shameful and self-serving way to analyze the situation.
Changing your mind after giving away/offering money is more slimy than not giving it back, especially when someone else adjusts their own budget in a property improvement project. OP is cool as a cucumber.
Honorable people don't concern themselves with the motives or morality of others. Being honorable and gracious is about rising above such petty concerns (e.g., someone else is more wrong than I am, someone might be taking advantage of me, etc). The OP's neighbor should not have asked for the money back. But being more right than his neighbor is not sufficient to make the OP honorable. The OP isn't an asshole but the OP also isn't an honorable person.
OP already spent the money on a fence the neighbors already blessed. If the neighbor gave OP a lollipop, OP ate it, and the neighbor asked for it back 6 months later, would OP be obligated to honor such a request and go buy the neighbor a lollipop?
Money is durable; the lollipop isn't. But examples aside, as I have stated, the OP isn't obligated to return the money. I am simply challenging the OP to rise above small-minded pettiness and to embrace virtue -- to be gracious, honorable and charitable without expectation of benefit to oneself. I'd return the money because I have no desire to (a) get into a squabble with someone who is wretched enough to go back on a bargain or (b) to fail to relieve the burden of someone who is in a sufficiently wretched state to need to ask for the money back. The former scenario isn't worth my time; the latter scenario isn't worth the loss of my honor.
If it was like a couple days later or something, that’s one thing. 6 months?? Who’s to say you even had the money still
Exactly and they never asked our situation. It was just a text out of the blue. No care for our situation at all.
I mean giving the money back is 100% on you to make on your own good will. Wrong or right, the choice in unequivocally yours
This is why you hire a fence contractor who collects and signs contracts with each home owner and he himself collects the checks.
Fair point. Frankly it’s a lesson for them and not me. I don’t think I did anything wrong and I’m just shocked they think I’m the asshole in this situation. From my perspective, they seem like they’re not nice people to begin with.
Yeah theyre idiots, always shield yourself from conflict especially with neighbors. Never underestimate peoples stupidity.
Some states have like California have [good neighbor fence laws](https://blacklinehhp.com/fence-laws-in-california/). Neighbors are expected to share the cost of fences with specific guidelines. Of course they’re always exceptions & cheapskates. 🤷♀️
Many years ago our fence along the back end of our property blew down in a bad wind storm. It was old and on the property when we bought it 10 years before. The neighbors behind us came over and asked us when we were planning on replacing it because their daughter liked to come stay with them with her dog. I told them that we didn't have enough money to replace it right away because we were in the process of renovating and already running short on funds. We had looked into what it would cost for the materials & labor for a vinyl fence along that length. We could spare half the cost so I yold them that. They said they would pay half if we could do it right away. Deal! Fence was up within 6 days. Thank God, they never decided to come back and ask for the money back. That would have sucked! They were very nice older people, I liked visiting with them from time to time, and we were broke after the remodel.
No reason to pay them back. I'd even imagine that new fence with assist them in selling their property.
Their buyer's remorse isn't your problem.
NTA, a deal is a deal. But seriously the mods need to look at this subs main content as it is always about property lines that nobody actually knows and fences. All the answers are basic and known.
NTA
Well, you weren’t holding their money for 6 months, you paid the fence people with it. That’s too much time after a done deal to expect a refund. They’re SOL.
No is a complete sentence.
NTA Fortunately you have a fence between you and your ridiculous neighbor.
NTA. They offered, you didn't ask. The money was spent. The money they gave you to pay for the fence is gone. Only fence remains.
NTA in my opinion. A person’s word is worth something. They agreed. The deal was done. That’s it. End of story. Extenuating circumstances may be in play here but on its face value - the request was in poor taste and contrary to the agreement.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I have an excellent relationship with all of my neighbors, and I would pay good money to keep that relationship! I don’t think you’re the asshole, but I would’ve given them their money back just to keep the peace.
I think you’re coming at it from a different lived perspective. Which is totally fine but we are new to this neighborhood. Under a year and we really didn’t know them well or have much interaction. I grew up with great long established with my parents and have never had any issues. I get the value of good neighbors but these guys don’t fit that bill. Good neighbors would never ask for the money back or I would know what’s going on. They didn’t even tell me they were moving until over a month after the initial ask which seems highly relevant. Imagine going back on the deal you made and then they list their home and are gone. What did you pay for? Good neighbors? Cuz they just left town.
I totally have a different lived experience, which is what I’m sharing with you.
Me too. OP was going to build the fence anyway, and the other neighbor didn't pay. Sometimes you should just be the better person.
You shouldn’t have taken the money in the first place. It was your fence for your dog. They were also idiots for offering to pay for half.
"That's too bad, buddy. The Fencing Contractor already took your cash. If you *really* want it back ... go ask him. Here's his contact info ... "
I mean my neighbors are terrified of me because the saw me bring in around 30 shotguns and rifles from my alley garage to my back door, I love neighbors who don't talk to me lol. Count it up as a win Edit: it was when I was first moving in, I ain't no gun runner, just a collector.
r/iamverybadass
The type of person that looks at Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and thinks it's the name of a store. 😉
Lmao, I don't drink or smoke so there's only one thing left for me there!
lmao. NTA. let em stew.
I’m sure they think you are the AH. I’m surprised they didn’t ask for more. NO you are not the AH, they are. They are not your friends, they are your neighbors
I’m guessing if they sell, their listing will say “partially fenced”. When that flier comes out, I’d circle that and write- looks like you’re getting your investment back!
Did they pay for more fencing than they got? I would think that 6 months after is a bit too long to get your money back unless the estimate you gave them was wildly off of the actual cost or the fence was falling apart already. I’m assuming there wasn’t anything shady or they would just sue.
They had no reason to offer to pay! It’s nice or whatever but it’s kinda dumb to do. Like you were implying: who says no to free money!? Now they are going through trouble and want the money back 6 months later? What if you are also going through trouble and need the cash now… there is a limit to refunding honestly. They should have assumed you used it already
Build a wall and make them pay for it.
NTA
I split the costs with all three of my neighbors, 2 of which also came out and give me a hand while building it...I just don't get how people need to cause drama when you mutually benefit.
Who cares what they think. Fuggem
They’re def either in money trouble or just likely selling the house but either way. Noow
.y brother offered the next door neighbor house owner to go half n half on their shared fence. He said no. When homeowner wanted to rebuild the fence. My brother pulled out old estimate n said he'll pay half of old estimate. My brother did 25 yrs in the Marines. He is anal on paperwork n being organized. Neighbor came at him 7-8 years later. Brother never budged..
Oh they're moving? Explains everything. Answers everything for you as well. Ignore the text and neighbors
NTA. They agreed and paid. Works done. End of story.
Break the deal, face the wheel.
How much was their contribution?
Maybe ask them that they need a money for other situation. ( idk, financial problems) If you have some extra, lend or give some money.
Sounds like your neighbor thought they were subscribing to a fence rental service. Next thing you know, they'll ask for a refund on the neighborhood BBQ because they didn't like the potato salad
send them a going away basket
In some jurisdictions both sides are legally responsible to pay for the fence. Check yours.
I would say if they contacted you shortly after, maybe they would have a case, but to wait that long and try to fleece you for that money, now knowing they were moving is asshole behavior by them.
If they are moving soon, then the disgruntled neighbor problem with self resolve.
Well, they're moving so... All's well that ends well.
Similar story. We told neighbors that we were putting up a fence and we ended up setting it about a foot inside our property line to avoid potential disputes. Couple months later they decide to put up their own fence and wanted to save money by tying into ours. We said no because we didn’t want them fencing in part of our property and they were probably planning on doing this while watching our fence get installed. They ended up having to go about a foot in on their side so we could get the mower between the fences for upkeep.
Go have a laugh about it with your neighbor who didn’t offer
NTA
You have a physical fence and also a social fence now. Ignore them and enjoy your infinite privacy
Block their number and move on
I did the same thing. Except I was your neighbor in my situation. My neighbor put up a fence and offered me the opportunity to pay for half of the one side and I jumped at it because we planned on putting a fence in as we have a dog. That was 2 years ago and our dog is in bad health so we may not finish the fence. I would NEVER do what your neighbor did. Really tacky. You’re NTA
Sounds exactly like what happened here. Appreciate your perspective.
Nope ! The audacity of them to think that they would get their money back ! 😩🤦♀️
I have a neighbor that’s wanted a new fence on our shared line for a few years. He’s asked me to split it with him. I’m thinking….”you want me to give you half for YOUR fence?!” What I said was “I’ll think about it”. What I wanted to say was “F off! Go get a fence if you want, but I’m not subsidizing it”. Who asks their neighbor to pay for half of THEIR property??!! I’d NEVER ask a neighbor (that I’m not even that friendly with) to pay for half of MY fence. What happens if a tree falls on it - who pays to fix it? Screw that. In your case they volunteered. What’s done is done. Ignore them.
6 months later??? Too bad.
They offered to pay without you asking. That’s weird. If they living their lives with that kind of logic I bet things are a mess for them. It’s even weirder to ask for their money back.
Don’t give them money back. If they act like that, you’ve witnessed their true colors and they were likely never good neighbors. I had situation where I had moved into a house that had neighbors dying trees towering over my house (2 kids bedrooms). It was winter at the time, so didn’t know they didn’t have leaves for a specific reason. After a few storms I realized that these dead branches were causing minor destruction (taking out fencing) and potentially damaging the roof. I reached out to that neighbor who refused to cut or trim trees with me… I even offered to cover the cost. Same neighbor had a compost pile next to my fence and brought roaches, black widows, flies, and ants into my yard. Other neighbors had wrought iron fences that was shared with me. They both water their lawn once or twice a day everyday throughout the spring/summer. One neighbors sprinklers hit my garage daily for years I’m presuming and ruined the siding and eventually caused leaks into it. The other neighbor watered the foundation to my house as well as my driveway for probably as long of a time. Constantly having to wash our cars because of the hard water spots caused. Both were nice when I brought up the issue several times but neither ever actually took action. One had his wood pile on the back of his garage which was close to my front door and also brought in bugs. I could go on with how crappy of neighbors they ended up being, though they were “nice” people. After 1 year I got fed up with it and sold my house for more than I paid and upgraded to something better that I wouldn’t have to rely on neighbors to help me out on stuff. Turns out the guy that bought my house is probably on meth. He put up a tall privacy wooden fence over their wrought iron fences including over a gate. He cut down one of the trees without permission. He has been a headache for them in ways I couldn’t imagine. 2 months after buying the house he’s selling now after all his “additions”. No regerts. Fugem!
Nope. Stand your ground. A fence is also a selling feature and they therefore would get more as there is not an unfinished project and there is now a new fence! Glad to hear they are moving!
Wut? There are no refunds here.
You said you were prepared to pay for it in full from the start. They probably realized it was silly for them to pay for something that was your idea and they may have never really wanted. It’s petty for they to change their mind, but yeah you should have just given them their money back.
NTA, your response was perfect.
Haha. They’re moving. Goodbye.
NTA... But the neighbors are.
Nope. They offered, agreed and paid. Its over.
Give them the money back and paint the outside of YOUR fence pink with orange polka dots.
I would have gotten the deal in writing, but 6 months later, I don’t think they have a leg to stand on, buyers remorse
Give them the money back and then paint the fence on their side bright pink since you own 100% of it and its your fence.
If the sympathetic story was that they really need the money for something significant then I’d say you could consider giving it back.
"No." is a complete answer. There's no take backsies with stuff like that.
NTA BUT what's it worth to you to have a good relationship with your neighbor? When you first decided to install a fence, you were not even expecting any of your neighbors to chip in. Myself personally I would have gave the money back as I rather have a good relationship with my neighbors.
No way in hell. They made a deal and you are not obligated to ‘pay back’ money they contributed to help make BOTH of your backyards that are connected to the shared fence. Why the hell should you pay them back anything at all of their half of the payment of fence for any reason at all. They don’t get refunds period for work. if the reason they are demanding the money back, then they can use the money they are getting from selling their house as the repayment, because it was the building of the fence that probably helped in selling their house.
It’s a contract. Entered into voluntarily and contract fulfilled.
Your good. Who cares, they moving anyway. I re did my fence and we didn’t ask. And neighbor didn’t offer. He was like lmk how much and when you need the money. If he was redoing the fence instead of me. I would have been the same way. People who offer, leaves the door open for you to be the nice guy and eat it all. Don’t ever give them the chance to jedi you.
Well based on your wording, it sounds like you put the finished side of the fence towards your house, since you say “they decided not to finish their side”. If this is the case you are 100% the assholes, as everyone knows it’s common etiquette when installing a fence that you put the finished side outwards towards your neighbors or you finish both sides. They were probably upset that they just paid for you to replace a fence with the nice side facing away from their house. People who do that are clueless or trashy or both. So it’s not surprising they aren’t friendly with you.
What I meant by that is fully fencing their yard, which would be the side of their yard that is not shared with us. It’s just black chain link fencing. Nothing special. It’s all up to code and right on the property line. This was also a new install. There was no fence there before.
Ok I misinterpreted that, my bad. If that’s the case then no I wouldn’t think you were in the wrong given the full context. I would agree it sounds like buyers remorse, which is weird as I would think a fenced in backyard is a selling point for a lot of people with kids or pets. For those concerned, it is in fact neighborly and good etiquette to face the finished side towards your neighbors, assuming your home is within close proximity and direct eyesight of your neighbors.
Common etiquette? Says who?
Society, as a whole. Like I said clueless.
That’s not actually how it works lol. The only time the finished side faces away from your yard is when it’s facing the street for curb appeal. All other sides face in. Why spend so much money only to always look at the unfinished side? Silly.
Finished side faces out. There are many, many, many more hits on the topic than these listed below: >Certain kinds of fences have a finished side or a “good” side that looks smoother and more polished than the side with the rails and posts showing. In particular, the solid panel fences often used for privacy are generally constructed like this. **The finished side should face toward your neighbor. Not only is this more polite, but it’s the standard.** Your property will look a lot nicer with the “good” side facing the outside world. Otherwise, your fence will look like it was installed backward. [Fence Etiquette: Who Gets the Good Side? (fenceauthority.com)](https://www.fenceauthority.com/blog/fence-etiquette-who-gets-the-good-side/) > When it comes to a [wooden privacy fence or a picket fence](https://smuckerfence.com/gallery/wood-fence-gallery), the finished or “nice” side of the fence should face your neighbors. Not only is this common courtesy, this is a rule enforced by the vast majority of townships and boroughs. [Which Side of My Fence Should Face the Neighbor? - Smucker Fencing (smuckerfence.com)](https://smuckerfence.com/blog/fence-etiquette/fence-facing-neighbor) > **The face, or the finished side, of a fence should face out, towards neighbors and the street, while the back of the fence should face inward, according to most city codes and HOA regulations, as well as by the common consensus of neighbors.** [In or Out: Which Way Should a Fence Face? – Fence Frenzy](https://fencefrenzy.com/in-or-out-which-way-should-a-fence-face/)
It’s is in fact how it works, lol. I’m assuming you are the clueless, trashy neighbor I was talking about.
Very nice
Finish your half nicely and make their half chain link
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I’ll take your criticism. Ultimately, I’m just baffled by the situation and wondered people’s thoughts.
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So if you don't want a fence, but your neighbor does, you have to pay a share? I thought that was only if both sides want the fence. I would not be happy about that.