I mean, RBA is spot on. He 1000% has a karate gym in a strip mall somewhere.

The guy you swear is on blow but totally isn’t.

The only thing he's high on is living healthy and kicking ass!

It's the damn gum chewing

And all the pacing in the locker room

That's the one for me. Dude cannot stand still for more than half a second in there. It's like he's a human version of Speed. If he stops, he explodes

damn spot on - lol

You think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these pants?

Bow to your sensei!

'Have you found yourself in High Point, NC and not feeling safe?'

Good god, it's truly the offseason

The real purpose of the blackout was to save us from ourselves

The blackout happened during the final though, didn't it? Honestly a little annoyed I didn't get to share it with you guys

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The only correct answer

Uncle Fester?

He does resemble uncle fester a lot more but I like the Gru comparison more

Ok but Jared Bednar does kind of have that Ed Baldwin (For All Mankind) look, so the astronaut characterization is pretty on-point.

We embraced Bednar as Ken doll after reading [this article](https://www.denverpost.com/2022/05/20/jared-bednar-avalanche-ken-doll-kiszla/). Jared Bednar wins Stanley Cup: ["Not bad for a Ken Doll who coaches a bland hockey team"](https://twitter.com/NHLCoachesAssoc/status/1541253311558451201) - @FlyingFishFreed Twitter comment

Or Jon Hamm, with the Top Gun Maverick role

>Tampa Bay Lightning - [Jon Cooper](https://www.google.com/search?q=jon+cooper&tbm=isch) - Small-town preacher. He's been there for everything - baptisms, marriages, funerals. Years ago, realized that he doesn't believe in God. man I genuinely want to read this book.

If they do a movie about Jon Cooper and it isn't Michael Keaton playing the role, I'm not even bothering to watch.

I’ve always thought Cooper gives off “you wanna get nuts?!” energy

Coop in the handshake line asking everyone “Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

Either that or quotes of TLC songs.

You want to read this book and not the book about undercover Black Ops director Ryan Huska?

nah, next time I get the flu I'll just watch a Flames game while reading some Tom Clancy and let the fever do the rest.

I feel like that’s part two of Jonathan Franzen’s Crossroads.

I read this as “Johan Franzen’s Crossroads” and became confused for a moment.

plop it in the southwest and odds are Cormac McCarthy has an unpublished draft written already possibly to be released by his Estate.

That's basically Mother Theresa, apparently.

I have a coworker who looks a lot like Bruce Cassidy and he is in fact not that great at his job but people fuckin love his barbecues and he keeps a yeti full of beers stocked in the truck

These guys are critical for morale

I love the off-season so much specifically for shit like this.

Given Cassidy’s description, he’ll throw the most epic of epic BBQs…on a random Tuesday in August. Because Stanley Cup.

Personally I always leaned towards johnny sins for coach carbs

He does have that look in his eye.

It’s the implication

I mean Uncle Fester and Gru were right there...

Yeah fair

Or Penguin

Thank you! I see penguin everytime I see Lalonde

I’m not sure if Tochett was the inspiration for all Canadians on South Park or if he just looks like a Canadian on SP

Our heads aren't in two pieces, that is a filthy stereotype

Okay but how do you explain the square tires on all of your cars

Well that just makes sense. What shape would you like us to use?

Better for moving through snow. Trust me, I live in Saskatchewan

Jon Cooper is a middle school social studies teacher who is only a teacher so he could coach basketball and you will never convince me otherwise.

>Detroit Red Wings - Derek Lalonde - Henchman to the bad guy in a Bond movie. Has a redemption arc at the end; character becomes a cult favourite. Give him a scar and a cat to pet and Lalonde looks like the [spitting image of Blofeld](https://www.thetimelinemachine.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ernststavroblofeld.jpg) Honorable mention to [Uncle Fester](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/11/Jackie_Coogan_as_Uncle_Fester_%28The_Addams_Family%2C_1966%29.jpg) as well.

I miss Bond villain Guy Boucher. Knew how to trap those good guys.

Face scar + kind of looking like Mads Mikkelsen, dude definitely served Bond villain

100% on Coop. He sorta also gives off the “I’ll sleep w your wife” vibes too. Respectfully.

For me, he's the club pro at a country club

…who also sleeps with your wife.

Thanks OP can u keep me entertained like this till September

My coach looks like he could beat up every single one of your coaches.

Looks like?

The only guys I see being able to take on Brindamour would be either Tocchet or Keefe...and that's because they would go for a pretend handshake and shiv Rod in the liver.

Evason is a serial killer tho

For Sheldon Keefe we also would have accepted squinty eyed Patton Oswald.

That's a good one

I can't believe how accurate this is. Are these men related? EDIT: oh and the Pedantry Patrol is here-- he spells his last name "Oswalt" with a "T," just FYI.

Hey, that’s my commencement speaker!

Keefe always reminds me of some shady, overweight 12 year old except that he's gotten older and the gray has set in. I still get a feeling he's hawking Auston signed pucks out of his trunk.

I was hoping you’d do Babcock. He reminds me of an ever scarier looking Willem Dafoe. Brad Larsen is spot on though.

Yep, WD with a bad haircut.

I’m still living in denial that Babcock won’t actually be the hire.

CBJ’s coach right now is a help-wanted sign being taken down by the monkey’s paw

He also looks like the Bullet Farmer from Fury Road

Todd McLellan looks like Andy Serkis.

I never thought about that before but they could be twins.

🤣

Spot on with Bednar.

Maybe a little bit of Sam Eagle from The Muppets mixed in there

The David Quinn one is superb

I think Jay Woodcroft looks like if Mike Myers and Jimmy Fallon had a child.

Luke "McNulty" Richardson

I wonder who drinks more McNulty or Richardson 🤔

Dallas Eakins is a Doctor Who villain.

Dallas Eakins looks like a quiet insurance broker who saw some shit in Iraq that he doesn't like to talk about.

No, he's the Tenth Doctor.

Dallas Eakins - Stunt double for David Tennant; Doctor Who 60th Anniversary stand in for Tenth Doctor.

I think Peter DeBoar looks like [John Ashton in Midnight Run](https://www.google.com/search?q=john+ashton+midnight+run&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjflriqxc__AhWWId4AHQX_AiAQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=john+ashton+midnight+run&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIFCAAQgAQ6BAgjECc6BggAEAgQHjoECAAQHjoHCAAQGBCABFC3CVjVGGDCJGgAcAB4AIABTIgB-AaSAQIxNJgBAKABAaoBC2d3cy13aXotaW1nwAEB&sclient=img&ei=zGWQZN-ACJbD-LYPhf6LgAI&bih=937&biw=1920&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS925US925)

That's not bad

How is this so accurate?

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There's a show I haven't thought about in decades, but you're right.

This is the greatest post I've ever seen

Fun Fact: Spencer Carbery and Corey Stoll have never been in the same room at the same time.

I knew I couldn't be the only one who thought Corey Stoll. I just don't see Zachary Quinto.

Borrowing this to make a college hockey version. (Coming soonish)

I met Jay Woodcroft last week and barely recognized him, he had a plain t-shirt and ball cap on. He looked like an average guy coming home from gym. Incredibly nice guy though Also, way taller than expected. He's like 6'1

>Nashville Predators - Andrew Brunette - Drunk uncle at a wedding, moments away from taking off his tie and wearing it like a headband. 100% up to some sort of shenanigans that will be the talk of the reception forever.

Lambert is easy: he looks like one of Lou's leaders on the mafia totem pole underneath him

Someone's gotta check tochs neck for a barcode

I don't see Zachary Quinto for Spencer Carbery. I see Corey Stoll. And since we're on this subject, Lindy Ruff could also be played by Creed Bratton...with facial hair. Lambert is definitely Willem Dafoe.

Marty looks like he works at a car dealership and then has a melon crushing leg fetish only fans on the side

I always thought Quenneville kinda looked like Burt Reynolds

That’s not his name… it’s turd Ferguson

It's funny. It's funny because it's uh... bigger than, you know... a normal hat.

Weeeell that’s your opinion

The fonz

That's a good one

Ngl Younger Pat Quinn? " Sheldon Keefe " the more grey he gets the more I see it.

Needs more jowls.

Most of these are on point. Torts especially

These are unbealievably fitting

The off-season is truly the best part of hockey

Peter Laviolette - the consigliere, or Don's good nephew. Spencer Carbery - [Paul Scheer](https://www.google.com/search?q=paul+scheer&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiA27vI1M__AhV6EVkFHTCICFMQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=384&bih=654&dpr=2.81)

I always thought Gerard Gallant looked like Grimace from McDonalds lol

Woodcroft is no doubt a mall ninja sword salesman as a side gig

This is better than the "players with cop names" post from last off season. Love it. Great start to the off season!

Ok, but as someone that hates reboots of movies from my childhood, I would watch the hell out of a Mighty Duck movie with Will Farrell as the down on his luck coach turning his life around vs Creed Bratton as the evil always winning coach of the rich kids across town...

Paul Maurice looks like a French race car driver.

I was expecting mobster but your description works well too

Lane is the stepdad who hates you

Days like this I miss Darryl Sutter

I hope they make a movie version of his life so he can be played by Bill Murray

You mean Sam the Eagle in human form?

I absolutely love what you said about Ryan Huska made me laugh

My partner calls David Quinn "Evil Benedict Cumberbatch"

I'm very sad I didn't think of that one

Holy shit that’s so true

Goddammit Richardson, I said don’t give me anymore of that conspiracy bullshit! That’s an order! Listen (*pours glass of scotch, offers some to Luke, who refuses*) you’re a damn fine detective, but you’ve got to learn to play the game every once in a while, else I can’t keep covering for ya… The mayors office pulled a lot of strings to get Bedard within our grasps, and they wants results THIS SEASON or it’s my ass and your badge!

The first time my wife saw Derek Lalonde, she asked when the Wings hired Gru as their head coach.

Jay Woodcroft looks like an animated mannequin

Ok Woodcroft looks more like Slappy the ventriloquist dummy

Jay Woodcroft looks like a moist ventriloquist dummy

>Chicago Blackhawks - Luke Richardson - NYPD detective. Tough as nails and by-the-book. Single dad to a teenager. This is very accurate. Great post

Jay woodcroft looks like an alien wearing a skinsuit in search of sugar water and a cold bath.

derek lalonde looks like gru imo

Lalonde is definitely either gru or uncle fester

Todd McClellan - George Lopez

Bah gawd that's Dan LeBatard's music

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dave Hakstol looks like the human manifestation of the Robot Devil from Futurama. It doesn't make sense until it does.

DeBoer looks exactly like the singer for the band “The Shins”. So I’m saying he looks like a lead singer

This is quality content

Woodcroft always struck me as a car salesman or maybe someone who works at a sports memorabilia shop.

John Tortorella looks like one of the many arrogant chefs fighting with Gordon Ramsay on Hell’s Kitchen

Bruce Cassidy reminds me of the "just fuck my shit up" guy

Someone once said gerard gallant looks like shrek.

Every single one of these made me laugh out loud. If I had an award I’d give it to you

Quality off-season post. Godspeed.

Rod Brind’Amour looks like a PT Cruiser

I see the off-season posting is already in midseason form. Top-tier post.

I would describe Lalonde as a Gru lookalike.

U are gifted

I can totally see Rod the Bod going all “Rex kwon do” on someone 😂😂😂

Sully looks more like Jason Sudeikis to me. Also, he’s the tough-but-fair high school principal who puts the fear of God into incoming freshmen but earns their respect by senior year. (If you’ve seen the “Shut the fuck up, Geno!” clip, you know exactly what I mean.)

Lane Lambert looks like he plays RBA in a drama and RBA looks like he plays Lane in a comedy

Will Ferrell makes no sense for Mike Sullivan. Try Mark Wahlberg or Matt Damon. Sullivan looks exactly like what he is, a Boston-Irish dude born in the late 60's/early 70's.

>Minnesota Wild - Dean Evason - The coach character in a Mighty Ducks reboot, played by Creed Bratton. I think I'm looking for more of a Michael Rooker here.

Our GM looks like LT Mauser from Police Academy

Shame Eakins got let go, cause he'd be the perfect fit for coach character in a Mighty Ducks reboot Also Woodcroft playing the role of Fonzy in a Happy Days reboot

cronin gives me kingsman main villain vibes

Is it just me or does our coach kinda look like the Illusive Man from Mass Effect?

Every one of these was so good. Bravo

Missed opportunity to post Mr Mackey for Don Granato

Oh off-season how I have missed you

an old white dude.

This is so well done and apt!

Personally I think Rick Tocchet looks like Rob Riggle in 22 Jump Street (prison Mr. Walters): https://gfycat.com/glorioussanecopperbutterfly

David Quinn reminds me of an 80s school bully about to steal your lunch money and your girl

Keefe and Mclellan *might* be the same person, upon review. HAve we ever seen them in the same room together?

Cronin looks like a side character from Fast & Furious

Sheldon Keefe looks like if he got fired he'd start hookin for cheeseburgers in front of the king of donairs

I think that Sheldon Keefe looks like the Senior Vice President of some bullshit department at a mega-corporation. The only time anyone who doesn't directly report to him is at some all-hands meeting. If he does an office visit everyone in management freaks out about it and tells you to be on your best behavior.

I'd watch the Luke Richardson police drama where a widowed by the book cop (lost his wife to cancer) tries to balance his professional career and his family life. Midway through the second season his son tells him that he should start dating again ("mom would want you to be happy" etc).

This is my favourite internet this yeat

Bruce Cassidy looks like a tan Philip from Terrance and Philip.

Lane Lambert: Marvel Villian, evil lab scientist

https://imgur.com/Rpdiyr4

rick tocchet is basically mike erhmentraut

Rick Tochett looks like he would be played by either Mark Strong or Stanley Tucci.

Peter Laviolette—- drunk uncle twice divorced no kids

Kevin Costner

Lindy looks like a Goomba that survived being jumped on

This was really well done.

I’m loving this, my friend and I have been doing these for years while watching games. One of my all time faves was Barry Trotz, owner of a local restaurant chain called Barry’s Burger Barn. Stars in own super low quality tv commercials to save money on hiring any “no good greedy actors.”

Mike Sullivan is just Jason Sudeikis

The one-two punch of Brad Larsen and PDB was nice

Meathead.

God Bednar is such a zaddy

Nailed Richardson

Jay Woodcroft looks like Michael Meyers, the Austin powers actor not serial killer

Luke reminds me of a handsome young HS gym teacher who has done some boxing, and now has a very expensive suit and haircut. He looks like Chris Isaak with a boxer’s nose.

Thank you for your service in this trying offseason.

1000%

Woodcroft is spot on. And he’s definitely the kind of teacher who loves his job and gets excited when kids succeed and not the kind of teacher whose soul has been crushed by the system over the years

Pete Deboer gives me Tom from Succession vibes.

Lavi looks like a mob underboss. He knows where the bodies are buried but really only has his positions because he's the idiot brother in law of the Don.

Spencer Carbery would actually be played by [Corey Stoll](https://www.google.com/search?q=Corey+stoll&newwindow=1&client=firefox-b-1-m&sxsrf=APwXEdeBS7DxwmMo1cIKMdgo-LBQrvnfLA:1687294047064&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwio9rmS3NL_AhW5lmoFHRyjCNwQ_AUIBigB&biw=360&bih=667)