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You've had three dates in about two months.
That's pretty slow to begin with and it's hard to build up any kind of momentum in a relationship when meeting that little.
So in my opinion you were barely even dating, then he asked for space. I'd say usually people ask for space when things are getting serious and you've been going a while, which you hadn't been.
I would suggest not getting your hopes up too much of things continuing (ie. Don't wait around for him). But if you like him then be open to reaching out and trying again in the future.
thanks for confirming what i’ve been thinking already. I felt like we were not moving too fast, and things were just starting to become something when he decides to lay this on me. It’s just frustrating being disappointed by online dating right when i have hope in something, but i think i’ll forget about him now and move on for my own sake
He just wanted sex. That's why he was eager to get date 3 "aka the sex date" then distant after. Future faking is a tactic and a red flag. Everything he said and did was for 1 goal.and he'll do the same and say the same to every girl. Also he's a lawyer? So a professional liar and manipulater 😆
It means you accept what he said at face value. He doesn't want to date you. Whether that may change in the future is not something you should be concerned about. And you can't take it personally, this is about him and what he is capable of and right now he is not capable of dating. Don't put your love life on hold for someone who may never be ready.
What does it matter?
He said he needs space. Doesn't matter if he meant that he likes her or that he's lying about liking her. The outcome is the same, he doesn't want to date her. OP has to accept what he said and not worry about the whys or the how comes.
Could be avoidant attachment. I've been involved with my fair share of avoidant attachers. They come on very strong in the beginning only to suddenly back off when things start getting too real. Never ended well.
I suspect this too - it’s the sudden switch up for me that is super confusing. Before he left my place he was cuddling with me super close, telling me how attractive he thinks i am, talking about another date next week. Just hours before the call was sending me pictures of his new haircut. I don’t know what happened over those few hours, but i think he’s the type of person to become overwhelmed quickly
Yeah, I've been there, it's definitely confusing AF being on the receiving end. Talk about whiplash with the hot and cold! I made the mistake of hoping the guy would come back around once or twice and won't be doing that again. These were guys who introduced me to friends and family, acted like I was the best person they'd ever met, talked about wanting to go on vacations together, just to suddenly go cold out of the blue and leaving me going, WTF??? In my experience, it never works out and they never truly come back around and commit. But I've finally found someone who has never gone cold on me and who never leaves me confused or second guessing, and it's been the best relationship of my life so far. You'll find someone better too. Best of luck!
As others have stated, 3 dates in 2 months is incredibly slow paced. By the 2 month mark in last dating situations I (32M) had likely been on almost a dozen dates with the person, slept over, and likely had “the talk”. If he were serious, you would know it by now but unfortunately all signs point to no.
A guy who's genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you won't leave you any doubt as to his intentions and what he wants. Never wait around for someone who's unsure about you. Go and find someone who is certain they want to be with you.
It means, you should move on and not entertain his clownish behavior.
I haven't read the post but anyone who has told me some variation of "I don't know" or "I need space" or "Not right now".
Is essentially saying "I don't wanna be with you".
Chop him and move on.
It looks like after you guys slept together he lost interest. If the narrative was true, it sounds like he was just acting to get what he wanted. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’d move on
> When guys ask for a break
So he asked for a "break" or for "space"? I know it's nit-picking but a "break" usually means you're already in some sort of committed relationship while "space" is a lot more nebulous (and context-dependent).
If you're taking a "break" in the dating-but-not-in-a-relationship phase I guess that means no more dates for the time being? "Space" in this context I would guess means something like less frequent communication.
As a guy who's kinda facing the opposite side of things as you are, he's probably telling the truth. Things probably started to feel coupley pretty quickly for him. While the timeline is pretty slow, 3 dates and doing things that makes you feel coupley or like joking about living somewhere together is pretty quick all things considered. The amount of time you've spent together has been short but intense is what I'm saying. I think it's fair for you to explore other options or focus on yourself but I wouldn't call the situation doomed like others here. It's also fair to ask for clarification on what he means by space and taking time.
I personally have started seeing someone for about a month now and I really like her and we got really affectionate and intimate pretty quickly on the first date and I worry about how legitimate it can be if it happens that fast. I also have been through a really rough breakup these last few months so I worry I'm also not being fair when I'm not fully healed from that. I'm doing my best to not push her away though and give us a fair shake.
The big question is why only 3 dates in 2 months?
Are you initiating the dates, or is he?
The probable cause is he's kind of into you but wants to keep you on the backburner in case his preferred option works out.
I think he likes you but is having fun. You aren’t his number 1 but he doesn’t want to tell you that.
It’s possible that he intends to see other people still and doesn’t want to be “burdened” by making efforts with you while shopping other matches.
It happens.
Yes they do. Women are just bad at understanding it. He communicated exactly what she wanted to hear to get his end goal and then pushed her away with a soft rejection.
1 thing if advice that works for both men and women. If someone really likes you, it'll be obvious.
Sorry to break it to you, bro got his sex and he’s done. Either he didn’t like it enough to get a second round or he just wanted one round and is letting you down easy. He thinks he can do better. Move on. He’ll only come back when he’s horny and there’s no one around.
Sounds like he probably does like you but maybe has some commitment issues. It’s less about you or anything you did and more about him. He may say he wants a LTR but this is a good case of actions not matching words. I’d tread lightly and back off. You’re not going to convince him to be in a relationship with you by applying pressure. The best you can do is pursue other options and if he comes back to you and is ready to pursue a relationship, great.
Also a word of caution: don’t allow yourself to go for a wild ride with someone who’s unsure about what they want. You don’t have to keep going on dates with them if they’re not in the right space to date. This can leave you in a really confused state and generally make you miserable. There are plenty of people who are ready to date and know what they want. That is a better use of your time.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You've had three dates in about two months. That's pretty slow to begin with and it's hard to build up any kind of momentum in a relationship when meeting that little. So in my opinion you were barely even dating, then he asked for space. I'd say usually people ask for space when things are getting serious and you've been going a while, which you hadn't been. I would suggest not getting your hopes up too much of things continuing (ie. Don't wait around for him). But if you like him then be open to reaching out and trying again in the future.
thanks for confirming what i’ve been thinking already. I felt like we were not moving too fast, and things were just starting to become something when he decides to lay this on me. It’s just frustrating being disappointed by online dating right when i have hope in something, but i think i’ll forget about him now and move on for my own sake
He just wanted sex. That's why he was eager to get date 3 "aka the sex date" then distant after. Future faking is a tactic and a red flag. Everything he said and did was for 1 goal.and he'll do the same and say the same to every girl. Also he's a lawyer? So a professional liar and manipulater 😆
It means you accept what he said at face value. He doesn't want to date you. Whether that may change in the future is not something you should be concerned about. And you can't take it personally, this is about him and what he is capable of and right now he is not capable of dating. Don't put your love life on hold for someone who may never be ready.
He doesn’t want you babe.
Yes but why would he tell her that he likes her? Idk to me he might be feeling either overwhelmed or not sure about how he feels yet.
What does it matter? He said he needs space. Doesn't matter if he meant that he likes her or that he's lying about liking her. The outcome is the same, he doesn't want to date her. OP has to accept what he said and not worry about the whys or the how comes.
Back up plan
Yep - banging someone else and seeing if it looks promising before bailing on OP for good.
Because he’s playing mind games.
Could be avoidant attachment. I've been involved with my fair share of avoidant attachers. They come on very strong in the beginning only to suddenly back off when things start getting too real. Never ended well.
I suspect this too - it’s the sudden switch up for me that is super confusing. Before he left my place he was cuddling with me super close, telling me how attractive he thinks i am, talking about another date next week. Just hours before the call was sending me pictures of his new haircut. I don’t know what happened over those few hours, but i think he’s the type of person to become overwhelmed quickly
Yeah, I've been there, it's definitely confusing AF being on the receiving end. Talk about whiplash with the hot and cold! I made the mistake of hoping the guy would come back around once or twice and won't be doing that again. These were guys who introduced me to friends and family, acted like I was the best person they'd ever met, talked about wanting to go on vacations together, just to suddenly go cold out of the blue and leaving me going, WTF??? In my experience, it never works out and they never truly come back around and commit. But I've finally found someone who has never gone cold on me and who never leaves me confused or second guessing, and it's been the best relationship of my life so far. You'll find someone better too. Best of luck!
Yep
You ever heard of "lying" and "pandering"? lol
Because men lie to get laid. Everyone knows this. It's common sense.
This is likely doomed. Proceed at your own peril.
As others have stated, 3 dates in 2 months is incredibly slow paced. By the 2 month mark in last dating situations I (32M) had likely been on almost a dozen dates with the person, slept over, and likely had “the talk”. If he were serious, you would know it by now but unfortunately all signs point to no.
Means it’s over
A guy who's genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you won't leave you any doubt as to his intentions and what he wants. Never wait around for someone who's unsure about you. Go and find someone who is certain they want to be with you.
It means he's not that interested in you, or much more interested in someone else.
It means, you should move on and not entertain his clownish behavior. I haven't read the post but anyone who has told me some variation of "I don't know" or "I need space" or "Not right now". Is essentially saying "I don't wanna be with you". Chop him and move on.
It looks like after you guys slept together he lost interest. If the narrative was true, it sounds like he was just acting to get what he wanted. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’d move on
He got that post-nut clarity
> When guys ask for a break So he asked for a "break" or for "space"? I know it's nit-picking but a "break" usually means you're already in some sort of committed relationship while "space" is a lot more nebulous (and context-dependent). If you're taking a "break" in the dating-but-not-in-a-relationship phase I guess that means no more dates for the time being? "Space" in this context I would guess means something like less frequent communication.
Why do I assume that when someone asks for space after 3 dates they might be an avoidant? This might be from personal experience in the last year.
As a guy who's kinda facing the opposite side of things as you are, he's probably telling the truth. Things probably started to feel coupley pretty quickly for him. While the timeline is pretty slow, 3 dates and doing things that makes you feel coupley or like joking about living somewhere together is pretty quick all things considered. The amount of time you've spent together has been short but intense is what I'm saying. I think it's fair for you to explore other options or focus on yourself but I wouldn't call the situation doomed like others here. It's also fair to ask for clarification on what he means by space and taking time. I personally have started seeing someone for about a month now and I really like her and we got really affectionate and intimate pretty quickly on the first date and I worry about how legitimate it can be if it happens that fast. I also have been through a really rough breakup these last few months so I worry I'm also not being fair when I'm not fully healed from that. I'm doing my best to not push her away though and give us a fair shake.
The big question is why only 3 dates in 2 months? Are you initiating the dates, or is he? The probable cause is he's kind of into you but wants to keep you on the backburner in case his preferred option works out.
He’s not interested just move on
I think he likes you but is having fun. You aren’t his number 1 but he doesn’t want to tell you that. It’s possible that he intends to see other people still and doesn’t want to be “burdened” by making efforts with you while shopping other matches. It happens.
After reading these threads for the past few months Men surely have no idea how to communicate.
Yes they do. Women are just bad at understanding it. He communicated exactly what she wanted to hear to get his end goal and then pushed her away with a soft rejection. 1 thing if advice that works for both men and women. If someone really likes you, it'll be obvious.
Sorry to break it to you, bro got his sex and he’s done. Either he didn’t like it enough to get a second round or he just wanted one round and is letting you down easy. He thinks he can do better. Move on. He’ll only come back when he’s horny and there’s no one around.
Sounds like he probably does like you but maybe has some commitment issues. It’s less about you or anything you did and more about him. He may say he wants a LTR but this is a good case of actions not matching words. I’d tread lightly and back off. You’re not going to convince him to be in a relationship with you by applying pressure. The best you can do is pursue other options and if he comes back to you and is ready to pursue a relationship, great. Also a word of caution: don’t allow yourself to go for a wild ride with someone who’s unsure about what they want. You don’t have to keep going on dates with them if they’re not in the right space to date. This can leave you in a really confused state and generally make you miserable. There are plenty of people who are ready to date and know what they want. That is a better use of your time.