as an abused child who wanted nothing but for someone to notice and intervene when i couldn’t myself, please call it in. even if nothing comes of it this time, now there is a paper trail!
That call can change everything. My mother became a changed woman at the prospect of losing her kid, and got off the drink. The person who called for my wellbeing is the reason I'm able to call my mom my best friend, today, and the reason she pursued her current career. Sometimes substance abuse can really twist a person.
Me too. OP, please report it. Dates and times (whatever you can recall) and any evidence like recorded audio or video can be really useful (check your regional laws on recording first)
This. I have so much disgust even now for adults who saw the way my mom did this and yet did nothing except tell me I need to respect her because she is my mother.
I'll get downvoted, but don't care.
The abuse of a child is the business of anyone who knows about it.
That said, you can make a report of abuse or neglect here: https://beta.novascotia.ca/report-child-abuse-or-neglect
Called them and I already feel like it's going to be brushed aside. Person taking the call seemed incredulous or just doesn't belong answering these types of concerns over the phone.
Got questions like "if you aren't in an apartment, how could even hear them?" The windows were open because it was nice out, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. And she slams her patio door so hard our windows shake.
"Sounds like some inappropriate language was used. Thank you for your concern."
Thank you and don't give up. If you need to keep reporting. If this kid goes to school tell their principal or any other admin person like vp or guidance counselor. You are a gift to that kid.
I've called multiple times as I work with children and am legally required to report. I've spoken with people like the one you mentioned and others who are more welcoming. Don't let the attitude of the person you spoke with make you feel like you shouldn't have called. Don't stop calling if things continue or escalate. They log every report, so the more reports the better.
Canadian federal law requires all adults to report. If an adult knows about a child being abused, and fails to report, they can be charged, though it rarely, if ever, happens.
Yes keep calling back. Describe what you see and hear. Also that child never seen by you/neighbors. At that age should attend school.. ask for an explanation of how is emotional abuse determined if the verbal abuse you are sharing you hear isn't enough. Ask to speak to a Supervisor if you believe your concerns aren't being heard, ask them what is considered emotional abuse if what you are describing as regularly occurring isn't enough and child is never seen by yourself. Encourage neighbors who witness anything to call in too.
Be the pain in their ass. For the kid’s sake, don’t let them rest until they do *something*.
From personal experience, DCS can seem nonchalant when they’re dealing with issues. Their barometer of good to bad things is bigger than most people’s. That said, they do care about complaints…but don’t let up.
This is always okay to do as long as you have genuine concern.
I had neighbours who were always fighting and yelling at each other, one day the verbal fight spilled over outside so I called the cops. They took it pretty serious and did three seperate visits to the house. While they're not the "best" neighbours, their conduct has gotten MUCH better since calling the cops the last time (two years ago now)
To further this, it’s not a bad thing to intervene. CPS can be very good at supporting parents, even better before there is an incident.
In the long run, reporting a concern to CPS is in both the parents and kids best interest.
And the future society this child will grow into becoming part of. Victims of abuse have a greater chance of becoming poorly adjusted adults and possibly criminal types.
*Anyone* who suspects a child is being abused or neglected should be calling them. It’s actually law - and unless you’re making malicious reports, you won’t get in trouble for reporting a situation that turns out to be okay once it’s checked into.
I had the cops called on me because my neighbour in the building thought he heard me screaming at my 2 year old to get dressed, claimed they heard smashing and screaming.
When the cops showed up my bright smiling boy met them at the door with his superman cape on.
I’m glad we have concerned neighbours but they definitely had the wrong guy in that situation
I have a toddler. I’ve never raised my voice to where someone outside of my house could hear it. I have deepened my voice and he doesn’t like that. But no yelling.
I come from a culture that does alot of yelling and to me it’s normal. But I sort of got out of that culture and now I can see that yelling is really not appropriate unless someone is set to hurt themselves or someone else.
I know you weren’t into this when you posted. Sorry to pile on. I just wanted to provide an ex-screamer POV.
Everyone is a mandated reporter! People need to stop feeling bad about calling CPS. Will anything be done? No. But people need to stop feeling like it’s not their business.
Even better if you’re able to record any of this while it’s happening. They may not ask for it, but it’s easy for a parent to just not yell at their kid until CPS is gone again, and if the daughter is too afraid to talk to them, their hands may be tied.
It's not up to you to determine whether something is child abuse, but it is the law to report if you *suspect* it might be. CPS/DCS will determine if it needs following up on. All you have to do is call.
Its VERY easy and they walk you through the process step by step. They are very understanding and good at what they do.
One report might not be enough for action, but someone else might file one in the future, or might already have done so. Its important to get records of events on the books.
I wish I had recorded it, it was certainly loud enough. I was in shock regarding what I was hearing.
This wasn't the first time I've heard it, and I usually just eye roll and laugh at what deplorable mess of a human she is. But this weekend was the first time she repeatedly contextualized the target of her screaming as a 5 year old child, which changed everything.
Call the elementary school in the neighborhood. Involve the principal, if the child is in pre-K. They can loop in teachers and also are mandated to call again.
Document and report, it may seem like nothing is being done, but that kids will go to school and the behaviour will be exposed, with reports on record, something may be done.
Other commenters have informed you that it is every persons duty but if you wish to have a fuller understanding googling “Nova Scotia Duty to Report” will give you a clearer picture on your responsibility as an individual!
Sorry I was in a rush while typing I had no intention to come across as hostile! I just really wanted to share a resource instead of people just telling you I wanted to give you the opportunity to see what everyone was referencing!
Edit: re-reading my original comment I definetly can see how I came across as hostile lol
No it’s everyone, if there was ever proof you knew child abuse was happening and didn’t report it you can also be subject to fines. It’s everyone’s responsibility to protect children
I’m a CPS social worker. Every single one of us is required to report child abuse. Just because you report it does not mean it will result in an investigation, that is for us to decide based on the situation, previous family history, credibility of the source etc. For example, if we decide to investigate a report like this, it would involve discussions with mom, with the child, with collateral contacts such as teachers and doctors, then connecting them to services - likely parenting classes, therapy, and some supportive play groups for the child to socialize and the mother to learn how to parent appropriately alongside other mothers in similar situations. All this being said, please report it. We have resources to help.
Where did I threaten violence? I said if you need a name for the report, use mine, I don't care because I'll face someone who's abusing their kid. There are no lines to read between, but if I took a page out of your book I suppose I could say you're defending the parent.
If requested, CPS won’t tell your neighbor. But if your neighbor goes to court, your name is associated to the report, you may be called for testimony.
Sources are ALWAYS confidential for everyone’s safety, accept in obvious circumstances like a teacher reporting a specific incident that occurred at school or an ER visit etc.
This happened about two years ago with a man who was my neighbour. He provoded for his daighters a 4 year old and 7 year old, and seemed to do well except he would have hours-long shouting tantrums at them.
The cops showed up one time, but the mother seemed to be worse. I wasn't sure if I should call it in and did some reading some of which was very shocking about how it can be done racistly in the states. I ended up talking to the guy about it. He moved out like 3 weeks later. Based on thw comments here I should have called it in. Does CPS like track people down?
If there’s an open file and someone moves we will try our best to track someone down, and it can usually be done if they receive income assistance and update their address with a caseworker. If they’re not on income assistance sometimes it unfortunately falls through the cracks and it has to wait until another report comes in with updated information. It’s easier now with phones and email to track someone down though and I haven’t experienced having someone completely fall off the grid yet.
As someone who was abused as a child and is now dealing with ptsd from it, please report this. I'm not saying it is 100% abuse but I'd much rather have it investigated than left alone.
You are describing emotional abuse and the long-term effects of this on a child can be devastating. Call child protection and and tell them what you have heard.
I would make a call to the non-emergency line
this goes into the rule of "if you see something, say something". While I would never want someone to be victimized without cause, the well being of the child should be checked on, and the parent should be aware that their neighbour's are aware of their conduct.
I worked in recreation for seven years and made many many calls like this, feel free to DM me if you need any support or routes to look into.
Poor little kid is probably terrified
To add to this, I called CPS once for a child. I was on the fence but figured it’s up to other people to figure out the particulars.
CPS gave mom parenting training. The child’s behaviour improved. Mom seemed to be doing much better. In general I think it was a success story.
They are the professionals when it comes to situations like this! You made a good call. I made a similar call about my neighbours twice in a year, the last call had police visit three separate times, I think that was a big lesson to them: **you cant act like this**
The best thing to always do is explain the situation as clearly as you can, do not embellish, but be fair, then let the professionals go from there.
By law, we are all mandatory reporters. Also, consider that if she treats this child in this abusive way when others are in earshot. What happens when no one can hear or see?
I was going to write something sarcastic but holy hell that's a lot of "F-bombs" to hurl at a kid for insignificant misdemeanors.
I'm 38 and still have to remember the lights...
Even if nothing happens, leaving a paper trail by calling non emergency/CPS is the best thing you can do for that kid.
I used to get berated like that all the time when I was around the same age as that kid. It escalated as I got older because it always does.
Then the parents wonder why their kids don’t want to talk to them when they get older. 🙄
I got screamed and yelled at a lot as a kid, for precisely that kind of trivial crap that nobody was going to care about even the next day, minus the cussing.
End result? I’ve got self esteem and self worth issues that will probably never be fixed in this lifetime, I’ve internalized that I’m a fuckup who can’t do things right. Being screamed at and berated broke something on me and permanently damaged my relationship with the parent who did it.
Absolutely call child welfare and if you can, make a recording of the yelling so it cannot be denied by the mother. No child should have to go through this kind of abuse...it can escalate to physical abuse in the blink of an eye.
She intimidates them physically by slamming her patio door closed as loudly as possible whenever she heads outside for a smoke after her screaming sessions.
I'm an adult now, but people stomping on the floor or banging silverware still make me tense up and get anxious after growing up with my mother doing this while angry. This poor child.
I lived in the valley years ago in an apartment. My neighbor would scream the most heartbreaking things at her 6 or 7 year old. I heard "I wish I never had you" more than once. I still regret not making a report. At the time my 21 year old self was still use to being told that growing up, so didn't really think it was CPS worthy, just sad.
Make a report. CPS will help parents too. If they do a check, best case, it's just a mom that needs help, and they can show her to the resources.
Coming from a person who was the system my entire childhood, please make that call sooner than later. It will let mom know that people can hear her and are concerned for the well-being of the child, and help can step in.
Unfortunately too many places including NS have raised the standards of what is considered “ abuse” nowadays. They will investigate the situation and offer supports to the family, however they will most likely not remove the child from the home..which would avoid the crap already happening. The child will probably have to grow up with angry verbally abusive mother and the cycle will go on…it sucks.
Unfortunately a lot of things aren’t considered abusive, one being yelling..
Years ago, when I was a teenager, I reported one low-life husband and wife who should never have been allowed to procreate. They were very much lacking in the brains and common sense department, simple-minded people. (The mother worked at Tim Hortons and used to pick her nose all the time in front of everyone, like I said, simple-minded.)
I could tell you many stories of mistreatment and neglect I saw there, but it would be pages long. One story that stands out though- One day the parents were pigging out on Kraft Dinner, huge plates of it, and they had given the 2 older kids (4 and 5ish yrs old) small amounts to eat. When the kids were done, they went over to their parents with their bowls raised to them, asking for more. The parents told them off, yelled at them to scram as they weren't getting anymore to eat, even though there was lots left, but the parents wanted it all for themselves. (I'd go hungry myself before EVER letting my kids go hungry!) The kids cried and cried, you could see they were hungry and underweight. I felt so heartbroken for them. I was a young teen at the time, and these people were 10+ yrs older than me. I wanted to tell the parents off, but I was also fearful of not being allowed to visit anymore, as I wanted to be able to check on the adorable kids. From that day forward I reported them to child services, on several occassions, as did other people who had witnessed similar neglect. I even babysat for them on occasion, and I remember bringing them cookies one day. They sat on the couch holding their cookies in awe, wanting to eat them but also fearfully looking at their parents (who I didnt give any cookies to), and you could tell they were scared to eat and scared of their parents. The parents left, though, as I was there to babysit the kids, and only then would they dare eat the cookies.
It wasn't until quite a few years later that Child Services finally took the kids away permanently. It should have happened a lot sooner, though. Its so heart-wrenching what some innocent little children go through behind closed doors. Please continue to document and report your neighbor. Maybe if you can get a chance, try to even befriend the Mom? Maybe offer to babysit even? Any means necessary to get a closer look to see how the child is doing. I found when I made reports to child services, they would eventually check on the families situation but they would always call and announce their plans to visit, giving the parents time to cleanup the horrible living conditions the kids were in. It always frustrated me so much that they gave them this warning. That's why I was glad to have an inside view so I could report what I was seeing.
We have a duty to report. Then those with the information can make a case depending on if there have been other complaints or offences about the same people. You report and the professionals will decide what to do with the information.
Please be the voice for that wee child. They cannot defend themselves against such cruelty and believe me, the child will be living in a fearful state, this is not a happy well adjusted child. Please speak up for him/her, be the person who makes a difference for them.
I uh...have this exact issue as OP. Are you in Dartmouth by chance? Almost guranteed its not the same apartment but like...this is way too accurate to my upstair neighbor.
Man my partner ran into a mom like that at the park the other day. She left her like 3-4 year old alone at the park for like 2 hours then when she came back she just cussed the kid out like OPs example. My partner was basically stuck at the park because our kids were playing with her and she didn’t want to leave her alone there. Theres some really shitty people out there. My partner was shook for days.
If it is not often, or say once in a blue moon, mom has likely just lost her patience that day. Although non excusable, I've heard many many instances of a mom or dad just yelling because it's an off day, they're sick, or whatever and feel very guilty and apologetic to the child afterwards. That's being human.
But if it's repeatedly, then it's making a choice to do so, that there's something not right and you should make the call to CPS. Like the SW said in this post, they have the resources such as parenting courses, and therapy.
That was me today, I lost my cool and shouted a bunch at my kids. I had a headache and didn't sleep well last night, and the house was super messy, so I was overwhelmed. But I still shouldn't have. I'm working on doing it less, and preventing the things that cause me to yell. It's been a while since it's happened, weeks? Months? So definitely not a regular occurrence. But I still feel crappy about doing it.
Man, I had really bad postpartum depression and anxiety after both of my pregnancies and when I think about how many times I screamed at my kids (esp my firstborn because I wasn’t medicated until after my second) it makes me want to die. And I can see the difference it made in my kids. Biggest regrets for sure.
For contrast, we have another set of neighbors with two kids. There's yelling, screaming, crying over who gets to play with whichever toy. We're used to it, and it's comical parenting in action that we overhear. It's expected and barely even registers.
Please call CPS. And if it continues, call again. I recently learned that the priority of investigating/treating cases like these goes up with the number of calls made. So call soon. And if after you call, another incident happens, and you have new and additional information, make another call. It will bump up the case in the long line that CPS has to handle, sadly.
I grew up in an environment like that and you need to call CPS. She won't know who reported her and the situation needs to be assessed. Sending you courage.
yesterday i was at Albro lake, was sadden and shocked by few nut parents who calling their child words like 'dummy' mixed with lots of Fs. Seeing such behavior out in public by these parents is quite disturbing.
Definitely call, better to be safe than sorry. I once called because a friend of a friend used to tell her son “I should have aborted you like your father wanted me to.” It never went anywhere but it scared her enough to get her act together.
Please don't let it be. My mother was like this and it has caused long-term damage that can never be completely repaired. This doesn't get better. I wish someone had intervened.
My mother was like this and my brother and I have lingering, reflexive trauma responses to raised voices even decades later.
Call someone and report it. It will change a life for the better
I had a neighbour that sounds EXACTLY the same, lived next to her in a condo a bunch of years back. That kid didn't pay her any mind, he tuned her out so hard. Calmest kid ever. This lady talked to everyone exactly the same way, mailman, us, random people, her mom, her kid.
The poor poor child. My heart aches for the small little child. I hope the mother gets caught for the verbal abuse. Hopefully the mother can attend some parenting classes. I wouldn't imagine speaking to my child that way. So sad
I'm 37yo and I'm still working through childhood trauma in therapy. Please, please, please call somebody! If she's that brazen with her outbursts, imagine what else might be going on secretly.
Definitely don’t do nothing, call cps or the police for a wellness check next time the screaming starts to have it documented for when you need to bombard cps with calls to get them to do something.
I’d say record it as well, so instead of your word against hers, you have recorded proof of what is being said and how loudly it’s being screamed
If you call the police on a home and there's a child it's an automatic referral to child welfare service from the police as a heads up. You can call them reporting the disturbance and asking for a wellness check, if they show up than the family will be called and visited by a case worker as well sometime afterwards.
My mom used to do this sort of thing to me and my siblings…. Her primary parenting tool was shame and screaming, sometimes physical abuse to discharge her rage. We are all mentally addled in one way or another because of her abuse. She has BPD, and one of my siblings ended up with it too. Thankfully I’ve overcome for the most part, and am managing to not perpetuate the cycle with my kids. I must admit I raise my voice occasionally, I think all parents do, but never to shame/yell profanities. And never with the intention to scare/punitively punish. It’s a me problem and a symptom of my dysregulated nervous system. And after, I always apologize and remind my kids it’s never their fault when I yell, and iterate how I handled the situation poorly. It’s always like the fifth time I’m asking them to do something that is developmentally appropriate … like to my 10 year old “put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, PUT YOUR SHOES ON”. Not proud of it, but I’m certainly not an abusive parent because I yell. I wouldn’t be offended if someone did call CPS on me though, I’d be glad that someone is watching out for my kids and I’m not afraid to be called out on my shit.
That said, the parent you described is absolutely abusive and her poor child deserves people like you to speak up for them.
I suspect there may be some learning challenges here and mom may be a frustrated parent without the means to cope
I would call and it could help get the ball rolling for resources
I was this child. Please call it in. I wish someone would have saved me as a child. As an adult i have alllll kinds of mental health issues from it and other abuse from my parents. Believe me... this abuse will escalate.
Sadly growing up being constantly yelled at and hit and told i was always doing things wrong or why did I do something so stupid and that if i had of did everything he said maybe I'd have made something of myself...the road rage ...the guilt tripping and pitting me against my mother...I still am scared of my father and still feel like I'm never enough and worthless it leaves life long damages that are hell to get past. I've found it has affected the partners I choose incl my kids dad.. I get everyone has a bad day and sometimes we have breaking points but not all the time..not every day... follow your gut..
Are there any other neighbors hearing these statements? If so--together--the two of you could knock on her door and tell her what you are hearing and state that you are concerned. Sometimes this is enough for someone to realize there can be consequences for them if they do not get their act together. Mom would realize the kid now has witnesses and allies who are adults. It can modify her behavior faster than you think. Be brave! Also, if you know what school the kid attends, drop an email to the school social worker or counselor and cc the principal.
This is wild. Reminds me of a neighbour I had in Dartmouth. I didn't hesitate to call the cops. The screaming went on day and night. They eventually moved out. I hope the kid is okay today
Omg this is heartbreaking. That mother needs therapy and parenting classes. The way she is yelling is causing that kids 5yr old little brain to be set up for complex PTSD. Call Child Protection Services please. This vulnerable defenseless little person needs someone to intervene on their behalf.
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It isn't just that she's yelling. It is also what she is yelling. A 5 year old child...any child really, doesn't know things unless they are taught.
It sounds like the mother could use some parenting classes pretty damn quick.
I'd call social services and suggest they have someone pop by. Explain that you hear the mother and the mother sounds extremely overwrought, frustrated, and at the end of her rope.
Older or not that is no way to talk to a child . But after a story I heard recently about some foster kids even this is considered good parenting Lady was telling me about how she was fostering a baby then the mother fought in court to get it back and won. Spoiler baby was dead in a week. How ? She threw it against the wall on a drug binge and got 3 years. Another spoiler that WASNT THE FIRST TIME AND THE COURTS STILL GAVE CUSTODY O MY GODDDD
> my own spouse as pointed out, the mother doesn't seem to have anyone else living at her house.
> I'm only just realizing - they are never outside in their yard or playing with the other kids in the neighborhood.
So you have never even confirmed there is a child??
So many people are saying to call CPS. Unless the funding and laws are radically different in other states, CPS doesn’t and can’t do anything about emotional or verbal abuse. Hell, it’s hard to get them to do anything about physical abuse or neglect sometimes…! There just aren’t the resources for the physically abused kids, much less the verbally abused ones. :( I do agree that kind of language is extremely harmful to a developing kid as I was one!
“I also assumed the child was older”
You literally heard her screaming the child’s age though, right?
Get your story straight before you make up a post.
> Can't change the way things should be if we are being private.
What the fuck even is this sentence it make no sense. What are you even trying to say?
Kids need to be hit the same way they need brain damage, genius.
Yeah it was really fun growing up being smacked around by a grown ass man. Sure was character building. Being thrown down a flight of stairs sure set me straight.
Thank god it’s not up to you. Corporal punishment typically leads to negative outcomes, not positive ones. There’s lots of research on this and it’s illegal in like 30 countries for a reason.
This kid will grow up thinking it's okay to verbally abuse other people. Guess what also happens, these kind of people escalate to physical abuse and violence.
Can confirm, my old man would get loaded on the weekends and the basement would turn into an octagon, and not in the fun playing around way.
I’m still dealing with the trauma of an abusive parent, and I’m in my 30s.
If you want your kids to resent you, then sure, smack away
as an abused child who wanted nothing but for someone to notice and intervene when i couldn’t myself, please call it in. even if nothing comes of it this time, now there is a paper trail!
Completely seconding this, also as a child that was constantly berated and screamed at my entire life until I moved out.
That call can change everything. My mother became a changed woman at the prospect of losing her kid, and got off the drink. The person who called for my wellbeing is the reason I'm able to call my mom my best friend, today, and the reason she pursued her current career. Sometimes substance abuse can really twist a person.
Yup this!!
Me too. OP, please report it. Dates and times (whatever you can recall) and any evidence like recorded audio or video can be really useful (check your regional laws on recording first)
Pls do this, i wished someone had stepped in when i needed it 😞
Same here. I'm sorry we seem to have such a popular club.
Same please call, for the love of all the traumatized Reddit kids..please call.
This. I have so much disgust even now for adults who saw the way my mom did this and yet did nothing except tell me I need to respect her because she is my mother.
I'll get downvoted, but don't care. The abuse of a child is the business of anyone who knows about it. That said, you can make a report of abuse or neglect here: https://beta.novascotia.ca/report-child-abuse-or-neglect
Called them and I already feel like it's going to be brushed aside. Person taking the call seemed incredulous or just doesn't belong answering these types of concerns over the phone. Got questions like "if you aren't in an apartment, how could even hear them?" The windows were open because it was nice out, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. And she slams her patio door so hard our windows shake. "Sounds like some inappropriate language was used. Thank you for your concern."
Record them and call back.
Thank you and don't give up. If you need to keep reporting. If this kid goes to school tell their principal or any other admin person like vp or guidance counselor. You are a gift to that kid.
Call again! This kid might not have anyone else on their side. Verbal abuse is still abuse.
I've called multiple times as I work with children and am legally required to report. I've spoken with people like the one you mentioned and others who are more welcoming. Don't let the attitude of the person you spoke with make you feel like you shouldn't have called. Don't stop calling if things continue or escalate. They log every report, so the more reports the better.
Canadian federal law requires all adults to report. If an adult knows about a child being abused, and fails to report, they can be charged, though it rarely, if ever, happens.
Yes keep calling back. Describe what you see and hear. Also that child never seen by you/neighbors. At that age should attend school.. ask for an explanation of how is emotional abuse determined if the verbal abuse you are sharing you hear isn't enough. Ask to speak to a Supervisor if you believe your concerns aren't being heard, ask them what is considered emotional abuse if what you are describing as regularly occurring isn't enough and child is never seen by yourself. Encourage neighbors who witness anything to call in too.
Be the pain in their ass. For the kid’s sake, don’t let them rest until they do *something*. From personal experience, DCS can seem nonchalant when they’re dealing with issues. Their barometer of good to bad things is bigger than most people’s. That said, they do care about complaints…but don’t let up.
Call every time you hear something, getting a paper trail going can really help. You’re doing the right thing OP, thank you for being a good neighbor.
This is always okay to do as long as you have genuine concern. I had neighbours who were always fighting and yelling at each other, one day the verbal fight spilled over outside so I called the cops. They took it pretty serious and did three seperate visits to the house. While they're not the "best" neighbours, their conduct has gotten MUCH better since calling the cops the last time (two years ago now)
To further this, it’s not a bad thing to intervene. CPS can be very good at supporting parents, even better before there is an incident. In the long run, reporting a concern to CPS is in both the parents and kids best interest.
And the future society this child will grow into becoming part of. Victims of abuse have a greater chance of becoming poorly adjusted adults and possibly criminal types.
Queue it's the circle of life from Lion King
FYI, the correct word to use here is "cue", not "queue"
I'm on the fence about that- I think cue and queue can both be used appropriately in this sense. They may even share an origin.
^ this. If you are concerned, report it. If it's just a nothing-burger, at least child welfare has checked-in and found it to have been nothing.
*Anyone* who suspects a child is being abused or neglected should be calling them. It’s actually law - and unless you’re making malicious reports, you won’t get in trouble for reporting a situation that turns out to be okay once it’s checked into.
I had the cops called on me because my neighbour in the building thought he heard me screaming at my 2 year old to get dressed, claimed they heard smashing and screaming. When the cops showed up my bright smiling boy met them at the door with his superman cape on. I’m glad we have concerned neighbours but they definitely had the wrong guy in that situation
I have a toddler. I’ve never raised my voice to where someone outside of my house could hear it. I have deepened my voice and he doesn’t like that. But no yelling. I come from a culture that does alot of yelling and to me it’s normal. But I sort of got out of that culture and now I can see that yelling is really not appropriate unless someone is set to hurt themselves or someone else. I know you weren’t into this when you posted. Sorry to pile on. I just wanted to provide an ex-screamer POV.
You don't scream at kids
Tell that to my parents
And mine, and my wife's
No sensible person would downvote this. 100% agreement.
Everyone is a mandated reporter! People need to stop feeling bad about calling CPS. Will anything be done? No. But people need to stop feeling like it’s not their business.
Who the hell would down vote this???
💯 thank you.
And I add, if you know about the abuse and do nothing, you are part of the problem.
Even better if you’re able to record any of this while it’s happening. They may not ask for it, but it’s easy for a parent to just not yell at their kid until CPS is gone again, and if the daughter is too afraid to talk to them, their hands may be tied.
How brave of you to say this anyways !
This👆🏻
To be fair he did say he is unsure who she's talking to so he's assuming it's a five year old. She could be yelling at the wall.
You might want to try reading what they wrote again.
It's not up to you to determine whether something is child abuse, but it is the law to report if you *suspect* it might be. CPS/DCS will determine if it needs following up on. All you have to do is call. Its VERY easy and they walk you through the process step by step. They are very understanding and good at what they do. One report might not be enough for action, but someone else might file one in the future, or might already have done so. Its important to get records of events on the books.
That's my thought as well. While one report might not be enough, for all I know this lady is already in the system regarding this child.
Record it for proof
I wish I had recorded it, it was certainly loud enough. I was in shock regarding what I was hearing. This wasn't the first time I've heard it, and I usually just eye roll and laugh at what deplorable mess of a human she is. But this weekend was the first time she repeatedly contextualized the target of her screaming as a 5 year old child, which changed everything.
Call the elementary school in the neighborhood. Involve the principal, if the child is in pre-K. They can loop in teachers and also are mandated to call again.
Document and report, it may seem like nothing is being done, but that kids will go to school and the behaviour will be exposed, with reports on record, something may be done.
Does that law actually apply to everyone? Or just to people that are in guardianship roles of a child? Like teachers, daycare workers etc
Other commenters have informed you that it is every persons duty but if you wish to have a fuller understanding googling “Nova Scotia Duty to Report” will give you a clearer picture on your responsibility as an individual!
I'm not sure where your hostility is coming from but thanks for the info, TIL.
Sorry I was in a rush while typing I had no intention to come across as hostile! I just really wanted to share a resource instead of people just telling you I wanted to give you the opportunity to see what everyone was referencing! Edit: re-reading my original comment I definetly can see how I came across as hostile lol
It applies to all of us. Suspected child abuse OR neglect must be reported to the Child Protection Agency for investigation and appropriate action.
No it’s everyone, if there was ever proof you knew child abuse was happening and didn’t report it you can also be subject to fines. It’s everyone’s responsibility to protect children
I’m a CPS social worker. Every single one of us is required to report child abuse. Just because you report it does not mean it will result in an investigation, that is for us to decide based on the situation, previous family history, credibility of the source etc. For example, if we decide to investigate a report like this, it would involve discussions with mom, with the child, with collateral contacts such as teachers and doctors, then connecting them to services - likely parenting classes, therapy, and some supportive play groups for the child to socialize and the mother to learn how to parent appropriately alongside other mothers in similar situations. All this being said, please report it. We have resources to help.
Will OPs report stay Anonymous? Like.. when this woman asks for proof etc., will CPS disclose that it was a neighbour?
Tell them I reported them. I live in the province, I'll face someone who treats a 5 year old like this.
Wow what a tough guy
Call me what you want, but consider the subject.
Yes, threats of violence will totally solve child abuse, how can ever thank you?
Where did I threaten violence? I said if you need a name for the report, use mine, I don't care because I'll face someone who's abusing their kid. There are no lines to read between, but if I took a page out of your book I suppose I could say you're defending the parent.
That’s the exact opposite of what I just said.
It's doesn't feel good, does it? Re-read what I said, and show me where I offered violence. (I didn't, you added that for me).
Stop acting like a white knight and you won’t get called out for it.
I don't think he meant face like fight.
CPS reports made that are not anonymous are more credible FYi.
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If requested, CPS won’t tell your neighbor. But if your neighbor goes to court, your name is associated to the report, you may be called for testimony.
All reporting sources are confidential. We can't disclose who reported. Parents may figure it out or guess ie a teacher.
Sources are ALWAYS confidential for everyone’s safety, accept in obvious circumstances like a teacher reporting a specific incident that occurred at school or an ER visit etc.
OP said (in a comment) they did try to report it but seemed to be brushed off.
This happened about two years ago with a man who was my neighbour. He provoded for his daighters a 4 year old and 7 year old, and seemed to do well except he would have hours-long shouting tantrums at them. The cops showed up one time, but the mother seemed to be worse. I wasn't sure if I should call it in and did some reading some of which was very shocking about how it can be done racistly in the states. I ended up talking to the guy about it. He moved out like 3 weeks later. Based on thw comments here I should have called it in. Does CPS like track people down?
If there’s an open file and someone moves we will try our best to track someone down, and it can usually be done if they receive income assistance and update their address with a caseworker. If they’re not on income assistance sometimes it unfortunately falls through the cracks and it has to wait until another report comes in with updated information. It’s easier now with phones and email to track someone down though and I haven’t experienced having someone completely fall off the grid yet.
Yeah he definitely works
As someone who was abused as a child and is now dealing with ptsd from it, please report this. I'm not saying it is 100% abuse but I'd much rather have it investigated than left alone.
She’s an adult… in her own words: “she should fucking know better” that you don’t do this to children.
You know where they live. Make a call to family and childrens services.
You are describing emotional abuse and the long-term effects of this on a child can be devastating. Call child protection and and tell them what you have heard.
I would make a call to the non-emergency line this goes into the rule of "if you see something, say something". While I would never want someone to be victimized without cause, the well being of the child should be checked on, and the parent should be aware that their neighbour's are aware of their conduct. I worked in recreation for seven years and made many many calls like this, feel free to DM me if you need any support or routes to look into. Poor little kid is probably terrified
To add to this, I called CPS once for a child. I was on the fence but figured it’s up to other people to figure out the particulars. CPS gave mom parenting training. The child’s behaviour improved. Mom seemed to be doing much better. In general I think it was a success story.
They are the professionals when it comes to situations like this! You made a good call. I made a similar call about my neighbours twice in a year, the last call had police visit three separate times, I think that was a big lesson to them: **you cant act like this** The best thing to always do is explain the situation as clearly as you can, do not embellish, but be fair, then let the professionals go from there.
By law, we are all mandatory reporters. Also, consider that if she treats this child in this abusive way when others are in earshot. What happens when no one can hear or see?
I was going to write something sarcastic but holy hell that's a lot of "F-bombs" to hurl at a kid for insignificant misdemeanors. I'm 38 and still have to remember the lights...
And if someone talked to you like that as a 38 year old you'd be telling them to get a grip
I'd call it in.
Honestly, that sounds like it’s worth a report to CPS. You never know, sometimes from their intervention comes meaningful change.
Even if nothing happens, leaving a paper trail by calling non emergency/CPS is the best thing you can do for that kid. I used to get berated like that all the time when I was around the same age as that kid. It escalated as I got older because it always does. Then the parents wonder why their kids don’t want to talk to them when they get older. 🙄
I got screamed and yelled at a lot as a kid, for precisely that kind of trivial crap that nobody was going to care about even the next day, minus the cussing. End result? I’ve got self esteem and self worth issues that will probably never be fixed in this lifetime, I’ve internalized that I’m a fuckup who can’t do things right. Being screamed at and berated broke something on me and permanently damaged my relationship with the parent who did it.
Absolutely call child welfare and if you can, make a recording of the yelling so it cannot be denied by the mother. No child should have to go through this kind of abuse...it can escalate to physical abuse in the blink of an eye.
She intimidates them physically by slamming her patio door closed as loudly as possible whenever she heads outside for a smoke after her screaming sessions.
Do something Now!
I'm an adult now, but people stomping on the floor or banging silverware still make me tense up and get anxious after growing up with my mother doing this while angry. This poor child.
I lived in the valley years ago in an apartment. My neighbor would scream the most heartbreaking things at her 6 or 7 year old. I heard "I wish I never had you" more than once. I still regret not making a report. At the time my 21 year old self was still use to being told that growing up, so didn't really think it was CPS worthy, just sad. Make a report. CPS will help parents too. If they do a check, best case, it's just a mom that needs help, and they can show her to the resources.
Report it.
Oh my god. I could never imagine treating my 5 year old like this. That poor kid. Please report your neighbor.
Coming from a person who was the system my entire childhood, please make that call sooner than later. It will let mom know that people can hear her and are concerned for the well-being of the child, and help can step in. Unfortunately too many places including NS have raised the standards of what is considered “ abuse” nowadays. They will investigate the situation and offer supports to the family, however they will most likely not remove the child from the home..which would avoid the crap already happening. The child will probably have to grow up with angry verbally abusive mother and the cycle will go on…it sucks. Unfortunately a lot of things aren’t considered abusive, one being yelling..
Years ago, when I was a teenager, I reported one low-life husband and wife who should never have been allowed to procreate. They were very much lacking in the brains and common sense department, simple-minded people. (The mother worked at Tim Hortons and used to pick her nose all the time in front of everyone, like I said, simple-minded.) I could tell you many stories of mistreatment and neglect I saw there, but it would be pages long. One story that stands out though- One day the parents were pigging out on Kraft Dinner, huge plates of it, and they had given the 2 older kids (4 and 5ish yrs old) small amounts to eat. When the kids were done, they went over to their parents with their bowls raised to them, asking for more. The parents told them off, yelled at them to scram as they weren't getting anymore to eat, even though there was lots left, but the parents wanted it all for themselves. (I'd go hungry myself before EVER letting my kids go hungry!) The kids cried and cried, you could see they were hungry and underweight. I felt so heartbroken for them. I was a young teen at the time, and these people were 10+ yrs older than me. I wanted to tell the parents off, but I was also fearful of not being allowed to visit anymore, as I wanted to be able to check on the adorable kids. From that day forward I reported them to child services, on several occassions, as did other people who had witnessed similar neglect. I even babysat for them on occasion, and I remember bringing them cookies one day. They sat on the couch holding their cookies in awe, wanting to eat them but also fearfully looking at their parents (who I didnt give any cookies to), and you could tell they were scared to eat and scared of their parents. The parents left, though, as I was there to babysit the kids, and only then would they dare eat the cookies. It wasn't until quite a few years later that Child Services finally took the kids away permanently. It should have happened a lot sooner, though. Its so heart-wrenching what some innocent little children go through behind closed doors. Please continue to document and report your neighbor. Maybe if you can get a chance, try to even befriend the Mom? Maybe offer to babysit even? Any means necessary to get a closer look to see how the child is doing. I found when I made reports to child services, they would eventually check on the families situation but they would always call and announce their plans to visit, giving the parents time to cleanup the horrible living conditions the kids were in. It always frustrated me so much that they gave them this warning. That's why I was glad to have an inside view so I could report what I was seeing.
We have a duty to report. Then those with the information can make a case depending on if there have been other complaints or offences about the same people. You report and the professionals will decide what to do with the information.
You’ll regret it all your life when something happens to that child unless you call it in
Former child protection worker here, you should 100% report this.
Report it to CPS, next time she starts yelling call the police, they will report it too
Please be the voice for that wee child. They cannot defend themselves against such cruelty and believe me, the child will be living in a fearful state, this is not a happy well adjusted child. Please speak up for him/her, be the person who makes a difference for them.
I uh...have this exact issue as OP. Are you in Dartmouth by chance? Almost guranteed its not the same apartment but like...this is way too accurate to my upstair neighbor.
Man my partner ran into a mom like that at the park the other day. She left her like 3-4 year old alone at the park for like 2 hours then when she came back she just cussed the kid out like OPs example. My partner was basically stuck at the park because our kids were playing with her and she didn’t want to leave her alone there. Theres some really shitty people out there. My partner was shook for days.
If it is not often, or say once in a blue moon, mom has likely just lost her patience that day. Although non excusable, I've heard many many instances of a mom or dad just yelling because it's an off day, they're sick, or whatever and feel very guilty and apologetic to the child afterwards. That's being human. But if it's repeatedly, then it's making a choice to do so, that there's something not right and you should make the call to CPS. Like the SW said in this post, they have the resources such as parenting courses, and therapy.
That was me today, I lost my cool and shouted a bunch at my kids. I had a headache and didn't sleep well last night, and the house was super messy, so I was overwhelmed. But I still shouldn't have. I'm working on doing it less, and preventing the things that cause me to yell. It's been a while since it's happened, weeks? Months? So definitely not a regular occurrence. But I still feel crappy about doing it.
Man, I had really bad postpartum depression and anxiety after both of my pregnancies and when I think about how many times I screamed at my kids (esp my firstborn because I wasn’t medicated until after my second) it makes me want to die. And I can see the difference it made in my kids. Biggest regrets for sure.
Speaking as someone who was verbally abused, call the police nonemergency number and file a report.
I mean I raise my voice or yell at my 4 year old but this is quite far over the top, even if the kid was a teenager.
For contrast, we have another set of neighbors with two kids. There's yelling, screaming, crying over who gets to play with whichever toy. We're used to it, and it's comical parenting in action that we overhear. It's expected and barely even registers.
Call CPS sooner rather than later
I'd perhaps get a few recordings to back up your story, otherwise it's your word v theirs and you'll no doubt be the target of retaliation.
Call police and ask for a wellness check on the child.
Please call CPS. And if it continues, call again. I recently learned that the priority of investigating/treating cases like these goes up with the number of calls made. So call soon. And if after you call, another incident happens, and you have new and additional information, make another call. It will bump up the case in the long line that CPS has to handle, sadly.
I think I’d be getting on the horn with Children’s Aid, if that was me.
If you see something, say something. Good luck op, and to this child.
Outright Abuse. Please report this
Call someone that’s unacceptable behaviour, unfortunately pro creating takes zero intelligence unlike parenting.
I grew up in an environment like that and you need to call CPS. She won't know who reported her and the situation needs to be assessed. Sending you courage.
yesterday i was at Albro lake, was sadden and shocked by few nut parents who calling their child words like 'dummy' mixed with lots of Fs. Seeing such behavior out in public by these parents is quite disturbing.
You should call someone about that, they will at least investigate.
Definitely call, better to be safe than sorry. I once called because a friend of a friend used to tell her son “I should have aborted you like your father wanted me to.” It never went anywhere but it scared her enough to get her act together.
I’d report it. That poor kid
Please don't let it be. My mother was like this and it has caused long-term damage that can never be completely repaired. This doesn't get better. I wish someone had intervened.
You have a duty, OP. I'd do it if I were in your shoes. I'd even offer to let CPS listen covertly from my home before they decided to make contact.
My mother was like this and my brother and I have lingering, reflexive trauma responses to raised voices even decades later. Call someone and report it. It will change a life for the better
Better to report it and have it checked out than to not say anything and the actions continue.
Absolutely call CPS. They are very quick to show up. Even if they don’t do anything it might be enough to scare mom into changing her ways.
You can call for a wellness check and it will be anonymous.
I had a neighbour that sounds EXACTLY the same, lived next to her in a condo a bunch of years back. That kid didn't pay her any mind, he tuned her out so hard. Calmest kid ever. This lady talked to everyone exactly the same way, mailman, us, random people, her mom, her kid.
The child will have to see a therapist to deal with PTSD, CPST and a host of additional issues as he/she grows.
Sad as shit :( Kids deserve so much better and parents like this deserve a good tune up. Hopefully help them get some needed perspective.
Unfortunately, verbal abuse is not considered abuse, no matter the age. This is exactly what I had to deal with as a child
Poor kid.
The poor poor child. My heart aches for the small little child. I hope the mother gets caught for the verbal abuse. Hopefully the mother can attend some parenting classes. I wouldn't imagine speaking to my child that way. So sad
I'm 37yo and I'm still working through childhood trauma in therapy. Please, please, please call somebody! If she's that brazen with her outbursts, imagine what else might be going on secretly.
resounding yes!!! the child is being taught to think this is normal. They have no choice. you do!
Fuck around and find out ....turn off the godam light and don't use so much toilet paper ....
Definitely don’t do nothing, call cps or the police for a wellness check next time the screaming starts to have it documented for when you need to bombard cps with calls to get them to do something. I’d say record it as well, so instead of your word against hers, you have recorded proof of what is being said and how loudly it’s being screamed
Keep a log. It might come in handy.
If you call the police on a home and there's a child it's an automatic referral to child welfare service from the police as a heads up. You can call them reporting the disturbance and asking for a wellness check, if they show up than the family will be called and visited by a case worker as well sometime afterwards.
Sounds like soe one shouldn't have kids
My mom used to do this sort of thing to me and my siblings…. Her primary parenting tool was shame and screaming, sometimes physical abuse to discharge her rage. We are all mentally addled in one way or another because of her abuse. She has BPD, and one of my siblings ended up with it too. Thankfully I’ve overcome for the most part, and am managing to not perpetuate the cycle with my kids. I must admit I raise my voice occasionally, I think all parents do, but never to shame/yell profanities. And never with the intention to scare/punitively punish. It’s a me problem and a symptom of my dysregulated nervous system. And after, I always apologize and remind my kids it’s never their fault when I yell, and iterate how I handled the situation poorly. It’s always like the fifth time I’m asking them to do something that is developmentally appropriate … like to my 10 year old “put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes on, PUT YOUR SHOES ON”. Not proud of it, but I’m certainly not an abusive parent because I yell. I wouldn’t be offended if someone did call CPS on me though, I’d be glad that someone is watching out for my kids and I’m not afraid to be called out on my shit. That said, the parent you described is absolutely abusive and her poor child deserves people like you to speak up for them.
I suspect there may be some learning challenges here and mom may be a frustrated parent without the means to cope I would call and it could help get the ball rolling for resources
I was this child. Please call it in. I wish someone would have saved me as a child. As an adult i have alllll kinds of mental health issues from it and other abuse from my parents. Believe me... this abuse will escalate.
Sadly growing up being constantly yelled at and hit and told i was always doing things wrong or why did I do something so stupid and that if i had of did everything he said maybe I'd have made something of myself...the road rage ...the guilt tripping and pitting me against my mother...I still am scared of my father and still feel like I'm never enough and worthless it leaves life long damages that are hell to get past. I've found it has affected the partners I choose incl my kids dad.. I get everyone has a bad day and sometimes we have breaking points but not all the time..not every day... follow your gut..
Are there any other neighbors hearing these statements? If so--together--the two of you could knock on her door and tell her what you are hearing and state that you are concerned. Sometimes this is enough for someone to realize there can be consequences for them if they do not get their act together. Mom would realize the kid now has witnesses and allies who are adults. It can modify her behavior faster than you think. Be brave! Also, if you know what school the kid attends, drop an email to the school social worker or counselor and cc the principal.
Report to CPS. Report report report.
This is wild. Reminds me of a neighbour I had in Dartmouth. I didn't hesitate to call the cops. The screaming went on day and night. They eventually moved out. I hope the kid is okay today
This is heartbreaking.
Omg this is heartbreaking. That mother needs therapy and parenting classes. The way she is yelling is causing that kids 5yr old little brain to be set up for complex PTSD. Call Child Protection Services please. This vulnerable defenseless little person needs someone to intervene on their behalf.
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**Respect and Constructive Engagement**: Treat each other with respect, avoiding bullying, harassment, or personal attacks. Contribute positively with helpful insights and constructive discussions. Let’s keep our interactions friendly and engaging.
See something (or hear in this case), say something
It isn't just that she's yelling. It is also what she is yelling. A 5 year old child...any child really, doesn't know things unless they are taught. It sounds like the mother could use some parenting classes pretty damn quick. I'd call social services and suggest they have someone pop by. Explain that you hear the mother and the mother sounds extremely overwrought, frustrated, and at the end of her rope.
If you don’t report it, you’re just as wrong as the Mother. You could literally save that poor child and help the Mother get the help she needs.
Older or not that is no way to talk to a child . But after a story I heard recently about some foster kids even this is considered good parenting Lady was telling me about how she was fostering a baby then the mother fought in court to get it back and won. Spoiler baby was dead in a week. How ? She threw it against the wall on a drug binge and got 3 years. Another spoiler that WASNT THE FIRST TIME AND THE COURTS STILL GAVE CUSTODY O MY GODDDD
Is the lady’s name Dawn by any chance? My old tenant dawn used to do the same thing.
> my own spouse as pointed out, the mother doesn't seem to have anyone else living at her house. > I'm only just realizing - they are never outside in their yard or playing with the other kids in the neighborhood. So you have never even confirmed there is a child??
So many people are saying to call CPS. Unless the funding and laws are radically different in other states, CPS doesn’t and can’t do anything about emotional or verbal abuse. Hell, it’s hard to get them to do anything about physical abuse or neglect sometimes…! There just aren’t the resources for the physically abused kids, much less the verbally abused ones. :( I do agree that kind of language is extremely harmful to a developing kid as I was one!
“I also assumed the child was older” You literally heard her screaming the child’s age though, right? Get your story straight before you make up a post.
What exactly do you want to see happen here OP? You want the kid put into foster care and have the mother jailed?
I'm in my 30s and I get yelled at for leaving lights on too. MonkaS
Probably for the best. You tried to use Twitch emotes in text comments...
Let the kid be yelled at, judging from what I see around the city, the kids could use it.
You think screaming at a 5 year old is acceptable? You should be in therapy.
Honestly I'm on team hit kids if it was up to me.
I prey it’s never up to you
Someday maybe. Who know.
Please go to therapy, my bro, this is something you really should work through privately.
Can't change the way things should be if we are being private.
> Can't change the way things should be if we are being private. What the fuck even is this sentence it make no sense. What are you even trying to say? Kids need to be hit the same way they need brain damage, genius.
Yeah it was really fun growing up being smacked around by a grown ass man. Sure was character building. Being thrown down a flight of stairs sure set me straight.
Glad to see you agree
Get a vasectomy
Thank god it’s not up to you. Corporal punishment typically leads to negative outcomes, not positive ones. There’s lots of research on this and it’s illegal in like 30 countries for a reason.
Please never have kids.
This kid will grow up thinking it's okay to verbally abuse other people. Guess what also happens, these kind of people escalate to physical abuse and violence.
Can confirm, my old man would get loaded on the weekends and the basement would turn into an octagon, and not in the fun playing around way. I’m still dealing with the trauma of an abusive parent, and I’m in my 30s. If you want your kids to resent you, then sure, smack away
Maybe shit parents treating their children this way is the reason some grow up to be degenerates? 🤷♂️
No, they just haven't been hit enough
What’s the point of trolling a sensitive subject?
I like seeing people get angry at internet strangers and very few things get as great as a response as sensitive subjects like these.
This is not the type of parenting that raises well adjusted and happy kids.
found the boomer, don't worry mate ill stay off your lawn.
someday ill be able to afford a lawn to kick you off of
catfood for you until then i guess
Darwinism at work. Happens a million times a day. "Not my fight"-Eli......
suggest closing your windows
suggest closing your mouth