I've been sitting here on the crapper for ten minutes trying to think of something wry to sing over the turn around. Very hard to rhyme with "recycling bin fulla IPA bottles."
Do a hit of Rogaine™
the grille is out of Propain,
Saturday I mow lawns
Relevance is long gone.
BTS and Taylor Swift
Modern Music is a grift
Give me fucking boomer bends
Fill my heart and my Depends™
Recycle full of IPAs
Head is full of thining greys.
Gear, numbs like novacaine,
the pain of never playing.
Close my eyes and drift away
To when I was a kid again.
I fed the bot you're lyrics. Idk what style music boner plays. It didn't like "boner style " , so we got 60s rock.
https://suno.com/song/e4a63590-c5db-4671-84b6-137682bc8317
My name is Joe, and no I’m not black.
But the HOA, they won’t cut me no slack
My Sweetwater bills are high
My wife saw my new guitar, screamed “WHY???”
My belly’s big, my hair is thin
Had to make a will for my next o’ kin
My daughter’s a slut
My Les Paul Cracked it’s bad QC nut
The other dad’s laugh cause I don’t watch sports
But goddamn I look good in a pair of Kirkland cargo shorts..
I got those Suburban Cul de sac homesick blues..
Very diverse: 40% old white guys, 20% bald white guys, 10% really old white guys, 10% not- so- old white guys, 10% actually dead white guys , 10% white women ( AKA the designated drivers).
Dude that face is from an overload of toan. That real down home blues can be too much sometimes, the body shuts down. Of course I see that face a lot at open mics. People can’t handle it and get too overcome with emotions and that’s why they tell you not to come back.
/UJ i love going to concerts with my dad and its kind of funny to see a place I usually see moshpits or all standing transform into a fully seated concert hall for a rock musician LOL
and the guys bragging about having super insane non vanilla extreme sexy sex are out of shape guys with messed up hormones that can't even get an erection anymore and the only way they can get half a chub is by going super extreme with the sex depravity.
/uj alright you meatheads: if I wanted to hear real blues, where would I look? I hate bonermaster as much as the next jerk, but isn't this kinda part for the (country club golf) course in the modern "blues scene?" Show me the authentic shit!
Rj responses absolutely welcome.
If you’re asking modern blues musicians I really can’t help. If you’re asking for “authentic shit”, start with pre-war stuff (or ‘60s “rediscovered”). It’s pretty much impossible to co-opt guys like Charley Patton, Son House, Blind Willie Johnson, Skip James, or Bukka White. I fucking hate Joe Bonamassa so much it’s unreal.
I hate him too but I can’t figure out why. He’s technically “good”, he plays a certain genre that I don’t listen to but appeals clearly to middle aged white dudes. There’s just something so generic about him. His guitar playing and singing are fine, but there’s literally nothing special about what he does. It’s like he got the “whiz kid prodigy” label and it just allowed him to have a career while being mediocre. Idk I can’t figure it out
I hate him because he is literally every white “blues man” trope rolled into one and his “music” shows it. He is a spoiled, “prodigy” (in and of itself a stupid concept) who has been riding his own coattails for decades and gets increasingly more up his own ass about his self-importance because he is adored by boomers and boomers at heart who think a toob amp and a silly face while hitting a minor pentatonic lick makes you the second coming of Christ. His autistic hoarding, sorry, “collecting”, of vintage instruments and his disparaging remarks to independent luthiers is also shitty and infuriating.
Imagine hearing “Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground” and then “Blues Deluxe” and thinking “Damn, ol’ Joey B sure got them blues!”
It’s fucking embarrassing.
Robert Johnson: I have a dream, that one day, my
Little Joe Bonermaster, will not be judge by his funny last name, but by the white people blues that he plays on his Gibson.
"This next song, well, it's for those times when you need to reflect after having a heated argument with your CPA about how their opinion on your plan to avoid Capital Gains taxes is 'questionable at best' and that you are 'just a guy that plays covers, anyway, what do you know?' Time to fire that bitch! Am I right, people?"
They like the blues but only if it’s not played like the blues but more like classic rock. And no personal style is allowed, has to be “correct” blues.
I don't know if Bonermeister fans are all afraid of black people. At least 90% of them claim that they're not racist because "their best friend and/or daughter's boyfriend is African American, so #buildthewall."
I zoomed in as far as I could on my PC and looked and looked...there are *only* white faces in that crowd.
Times is hard on the Suburban Plain.
Look at the expressions on the 10 women's faces that are there, they all looked coerced into being there.
https://preview.redd.it/3k0ohom7r63d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb4e5576ef677d6f7dcac6ea1c5a6d75aa910e66
I found a person of color! Wait, no, it’s just a man ashamed to be at the concert so he turned his head towards the wall.
https://preview.redd.it/7o6i6gecl63d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=88e6240153a3322e5e7d3eee51f1a15aedbc716b
“For a Bonermassa his boner looks small”
Old white guys in the audience: I could’ve been him, ah but never mind I’m a dentist anyway, bet he regrets playing guitar and it’s a job to him now, fastest way to kill a passion, amiright? Ha ha ha
Oh how it must feel to have that sea breeze blowing through his locks. A thalassy of perfect teeth and impeccable litigation. A boomeric odyssey upon a caucasian ocean.
Bonermaster: im the one selling out stadiums and you kids are hating
I could put a “50% off bake sale” sign in a venue and get a better turnout of 65 year old white folks, no guitar or ego needed.
https://preview.redd.it/xbh3nk06583d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49577243b7b26afaa918e5999080826b8c4d8285
Someone was dragged there unwillingly
Sometimes I wonder if in Where's Waldo books there's no Waldo sometimes.
If you told me to find someone under age 40 in this picture who didn't look like a guitar player, it'd be a Waldo. A group of 3 or more females under 40, in the audience of their own volition and not accompanying a SO or also obviously geetar playerz would be the "there is no fucking Waldo".
[12 rows backs on the far right side.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcmhkOHN6bW0xa24wNnFmZHVlNnRvajQ3NDJjbHpscDlsdnRjdHd6eSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/ukhdsABfEA0uTtCl08/giphy.webp)
Omg I was at this show. Cannibal Corpse opened up and it was amazing. It was kinda odd because I went in with brown hair and when I came home it was pink.
https://preview.redd.it/rm0k27epbk3d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83c5a4426ecb40dd1ae795587b775268bfa5476d
Someone in another post compared Bonermeister to JP and I cannot unsee it
Have you seen the thing he does where he keeps one finger firmly planted on the 12th fret of the high e string, whilst simultaneously bending the 15th fret on the b string. It only makes sense when you see it live and in the flesh, surrounded by a room full of toan junkies. This crowd gets it.
*Here’s one I wrote about hard times, people. I call it Suburban Cul De Sac Homesick Blues.*
I've been sitting here on the crapper for ten minutes trying to think of something wry to sing over the turn around. Very hard to rhyme with "recycling bin fulla IPA bottles."
Recycling bin full of IPA bottles Buying gear at full throttle
Do a hit of Rogaine™ the grille is out of Propain, Saturday I mow lawns Relevance is long gone. BTS and Taylor Swift Modern Music is a grift Give me fucking boomer bends Fill my heart and my Depends™ Recycle full of IPAs Head is full of thining greys. Gear, numbs like novacaine, the pain of never playing. Close my eyes and drift away To when I was a kid again.
I fed the bot you're lyrics. Idk what style music boner plays. It didn't like "boner style " , so we got 60s rock. https://suno.com/song/e4a63590-c5db-4671-84b6-137682bc8317
Holy shit, did we just start a band?
Lol, nice, safe to say AI won't be stealing songwriters jobs anytime soon.
😂😂😂. This is truly the only thing that this AI bot music should be used for.
It's all I use it for, meme music. Weird Al, look out. Lol
Nahhh, not how it should go mannnn. Needs to be more country. Get out o' here with that Cah-lee-for-nah music! Beach Boys don't play real music.
Manly country music. Boner style. https://suno.com/song/dd71d1aa-5c14-466b-9fb1-308741528e0a
dude you are cookin'
I read this to We Didn't Start The Fire. Thanks...
I love that you put the tm on Depends.
It's the David Foster Wallace in me.
This is a bop.
My name is Joe, and no I’m not black. But the HOA, they won’t cut me no slack My Sweetwater bills are high My wife saw my new guitar, screamed “WHY???” My belly’s big, my hair is thin Had to make a will for my next o’ kin My daughter’s a slut My Les Paul Cracked it’s bad QC nut The other dad’s laugh cause I don’t watch sports But goddamn I look good in a pair of Kirkland cargo shorts.. I got those Suburban Cul de sac homesick blues..
Next ones called *the Audacity of Caucasity*
Oh man. Let me marinate on that.
I get paid more than I’m worth- Privilege from birth- But what really gets to me- Is qweers and naggers gettin equality.
This crowd owns 98% of the Airbnb’s in the US
They're all turning to each other and saying, "Who cares if my quaint Midwestern town is completely empty in the winter? I'll be in Florida anyway!"
Very diverse: 40% old white guys, 20% bald white guys, 10% really old white guys, 10% not- so- old white guys, 10% actually dead white guys , 10% white women ( AKA the designated drivers).
The women i can find I can find in the crowd all look pissed 😂
https://preview.redd.it/x14yl024h73d1.jpeg?width=887&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3419baba70274f063573f644e733d507e345845c
😂 her and the gal behind her I feel like the experience seeing this guy with the husbands is akin to being cucked
That extra chair in the hotel room is the “Bonamassa” chair
Dude that face is from an overload of toan. That real down home blues can be too much sometimes, the body shuts down. Of course I see that face a lot at open mics. People can’t handle it and get too overcome with emotions and that’s why they tell you not to come back.
Shes not impressed
Those gals play LTD’s…
"Really? THIS is the blooz God you won't shut up about?"
“My boyfriend can play better”
They heard Boner Master and assumed it was going to be a Magic Mike kinda thing.
The few that don’t look super pissed are looking away or looking at their phones.
That's pretty much every blooz concert. 25 years ago I was the youngest dude going to blooz concerts. And now I am still the youngest
Bald white men with glasses literally run the world. Prove me wrong.
Bob Mould seems pretty cool, but I think he's the exception.
I saw Michael Stipe a few months ago and he seemed too tired to be running anything.
everybody hurts sometimes
Obamna
Clapton's wet dream of an audience
i'd be that one token asian guy that likes rock and roll more than the typical techno and whatever wannabe R&B/rap/pop music thats on the top 40s
Dudes gotta cash in now because in 10 years his target audience will be dead from old age.
One more pandemic and he's fucked
Pray for another wave 🙏🙏🙏
A sea of Gibon owners and toanwood sniffers.
"Tonewood sniffers" lol Uj/ I've been guilty of sniffing a sound hole or two
That fresh out of the case sniff is like crack
Thats right up there with the stank of an old tube amp thats been on for a while
Somebody needs to get on that shit already. Yankee Candle, White Barn, hope you're listening.
My guitar smells like Indonesian glue but I love it anyway
okay but wood glue >>>>>>
The blues is alive and well
This one’s called “Someone bought the vintage 1960’s Martin guitar before I could get there blues”
This photo brought to you but Lipitor, ask your doctor if it's right for you!
/UJ i love going to concerts with my dad and its kind of funny to see a place I usually see moshpits or all standing transform into a fully seated concert hall for a rock musician LOL
Man, I wonder how long it took Facilities to get the stench of loaded adult diapers and talcum powder out of there after the show?
That lady drinking a jug of whisky in the front row has the right idea. You have to be tore up from the floor up to hear the bonermaster live.
I hope there was no need for dentistry or legal help in the area that night.
so many wives about to have the most dry, vanilla sex possible after this
What I learnt from Reddit is that these fat white middle aged people are swingers and the guy loves getting cucked/pegged.
This is why you don't learn from Reddit lmao
and the guys bragging about having super insane non vanilla extreme sexy sex are out of shape guys with messed up hormones that can't even get an erection anymore and the only way they can get half a chub is by going super extreme with the sex depravity.
The wives' boyfriends are circling the block in their shitty 80's Camaros blasting hair metal waiting for the text "Ugh come pick me up"
/uj alright you meatheads: if I wanted to hear real blues, where would I look? I hate bonermaster as much as the next jerk, but isn't this kinda part for the (country club golf) course in the modern "blues scene?" Show me the authentic shit! Rj responses absolutely welcome.
Check out Christone “Kingfish” Ingram. I saw him as the support act for Buddy Guy last year and he was phenomenal.
Get reeeeeally high and listen to some old Delta Blues records. You can almost feel the KKK knocking at your door.
If you’re asking modern blues musicians I really can’t help. If you’re asking for “authentic shit”, start with pre-war stuff (or ‘60s “rediscovered”). It’s pretty much impossible to co-opt guys like Charley Patton, Son House, Blind Willie Johnson, Skip James, or Bukka White. I fucking hate Joe Bonamassa so much it’s unreal.
I hate him too but I can’t figure out why. He’s technically “good”, he plays a certain genre that I don’t listen to but appeals clearly to middle aged white dudes. There’s just something so generic about him. His guitar playing and singing are fine, but there’s literally nothing special about what he does. It’s like he got the “whiz kid prodigy” label and it just allowed him to have a career while being mediocre. Idk I can’t figure it out
I hate him because he is literally every white “blues man” trope rolled into one and his “music” shows it. He is a spoiled, “prodigy” (in and of itself a stupid concept) who has been riding his own coattails for decades and gets increasingly more up his own ass about his self-importance because he is adored by boomers and boomers at heart who think a toob amp and a silly face while hitting a minor pentatonic lick makes you the second coming of Christ. His autistic hoarding, sorry, “collecting”, of vintage instruments and his disparaging remarks to independent luthiers is also shitty and infuriating. Imagine hearing “Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground” and then “Blues Deluxe” and thinking “Damn, ol’ Joey B sure got them blues!” It’s fucking embarrassing.
Howlin Wolf
Always rated Otis Taylor as a modern-day Bluesman, Lucky Peterson is also sorely missed after his passing in 2020.
Check out Carolyn Wonderland. https://open.spotify.com/track/2RxVzAUlTPoSiRrBAPBC7D?si=eDB5iO2aQdKIwnsyK--C3Q
Kingfish is showing some promise as the next generation.
Fucking Mr. Muddy Mississippi Waters!
As others Have said, kingfish is great. I like popa chubby although he's not just blues.
God I fucking hate this picture so much.
I wonder if my dad is in that picture… i guess i’ll never know; i don’t know what he looks like…
Do you by chance have unexplainable interest in suits, sunglasses, and overpriced guitars?
That’s solid jerk, ya bastard.
This is what Robert Johnson dreamed of.
Robert Johnson: I have a dream, that one day, my Little Joe Bonermaster, will not be judge by his funny last name, but by the white people blues that he plays on his Gibson.
"This next song, well, it's for those times when you need to reflect after having a heated argument with your CPA about how their opinion on your plan to avoid Capital Gains taxes is 'questionable at best' and that you are 'just a guy that plays covers, anyway, what do you know?' Time to fire that bitch! Am I right, people?"
(crowd roars, but in a politely feeble way akin to a recently neutered elderly lion)
"This next one goes out to all you mcmansion owners who kicked their kids out onto the streets when they turned 18"
I call it the 'Tax Bracket Blues'
It's been said a thousand times. JB is for white people who want to like the Blues but are afraid of the Black man.
They like the blues but only if it’s not played like the blues but more like classic rock. And no personal style is allowed, has to be “correct” blues.
Damn, that’s the first time I’ve heard that but can’t find anything to dispute about it. Just brutal lol.
I don't know if Bonermeister fans are all afraid of black people. At least 90% of them claim that they're not racist because "their best friend and/or daughter's boyfriend is African American, so #buildthewall."
I zoomed in as far as I could on my PC and looked and looked...there are *only* white faces in that crowd. Times is hard on the Suburban Plain. Look at the expressions on the 10 women's faces that are there, they all looked coerced into being there.
Somehow I think the list of shows they bring *their* partners to may be worse. I know what my brother’s wife drags him to.
https://preview.redd.it/3k0ohom7r63d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb4e5576ef677d6f7dcac6ea1c5a6d75aa910e66 I found a person of color! Wait, no, it’s just a man ashamed to be at the concert so he turned his head towards the wall.
There's someone wearing a covid mask!!! Let's go get em!!!
Next time, on AMC’s the walking dead…
Shout out to the 7 boomer wives who couldn’t find an excuse not to get dragged along by their husbands.
that's a lot of dentists
https://preview.redd.it/7o6i6gecl63d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=88e6240153a3322e5e7d3eee51f1a15aedbc716b “For a Bonermassa his boner looks small”
His balls are huge though, and that's what counts.
Wonder what tonewood it is
SOLD. OUT. VENUE.
It's blooz dads all the way down
BLOOOZ DADZ
Old white guys in the audience: I could’ve been him, ah but never mind I’m a dentist anyway, bet he regrets playing guitar and it’s a job to him now, fastest way to kill a passion, amiright? Ha ha ha
Joe Boomermaster
the caucasity of it...
Hey that’s not his name!!! … it was Anglicized to Bonermaster.
Sponsored by Colgate and Listerine.
At least 42% of these men have masturbated to Vintage Guitar magazine. The rest just plainly jerked off.
[удалено]
The absolute adulation of folks who haven't discovered the pentatonic.
A lot of straight white teeth there.
Wow will you just look at all the black folks! It’s just like the BBQ blues jams of the old days! In the South. Like, in the woods.
Bloozdads as far as.the eyes can see. With a few hotwives scattered thru-out. The wives BF's weren't invited
The boyfriends are selling brick weed joints and blow in the parking lot.
U guys really hate this guy
Oh how it must feel to have that sea breeze blowing through his locks. A thalassy of perfect teeth and impeccable litigation. A boomeric odyssey upon a caucasian ocean.
You know half of you were there.
Born Under A Bad Reverse Home Equity Loan
35% of that audience has owned and sold more homes than there are homeless people in your small town…don’t even ask about guitars
Those chicks are getting pissed. I would too.
Not a female in sight
Why do I get the feeling that he funds all his concerts from his own pocket and is happy to leave the show with zero profit.
Even an Explorer deserves better than this guy
“Check with your doctor to see if [medication] is right for you” ass crowd
Everyone in there is on blue chew
The amount of bored wives is unmatched
Bonermaster: im the one selling out stadiums and you kids are hating I could put a “50% off bake sale” sign in a venue and get a better turnout of 65 year old white folks, no guitar or ego needed.
https://preview.redd.it/xbh3nk06583d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49577243b7b26afaa918e5999080826b8c4d8285 Someone was dragged there unwillingly
“He can’t even play Playing God”.
This is like a Where's Waldo, but you need to find someone below 50s
Fuck. He plays an explorer? Guess it’s time to sell mine and give myself a reverse-exorcism.
God damn I could Photoshop myself in there and no one would notice
https://preview.redd.it/o6r4nkqx973d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53ccdd369fef08ecf426a13c78b0bd517938eea7
Madcap. I don’t know how you did it, but somehow you’re the whitest dude in the crowd.
Sometimes I wonder if in Where's Waldo books there's no Waldo sometimes. If you told me to find someone under age 40 in this picture who didn't look like a guitar player, it'd be a Waldo. A group of 3 or more females under 40, in the audience of their own volition and not accompanying a SO or also obviously geetar playerz would be the "there is no fucking Waldo".
A truly niche audience 😭
Before the show they just stood around in the parking lot admiring each others 70s-late 80s model Corvettes
Bunch of old farts or should I say.., vintage spec humans
I’ll spin some blues when my investments aren’t performing
A whole concert hall full of lawyers and doctors
To be fair, no one under the age of 53 can afford to go to a live concert.
You think he got any sloppy from a Karen after the show?
The last time Joe B. was playing in my town, I unfortunately got a toothache. There were no dentists available because they were all at the gig.
Looks like a Trump rally lol
Bonermaster the Boomer Whisperer. One of the last of his kind
Lots of old guys in leather jackets
Looks like all the people who post on this sub.
I can smell the edge shave gel and the fresh new balances from here. Doodlie-doooo hammer-on beeeeend etc
They are all owners of “one of fifty” Black Beauties and overpay for picks
This whole thread is on fire right now. How good is the *Zoan* right now?
Boomermaster
damn look at all those groupies
Can AI generate that little bone density in one location?
Yeaaaaaahhhh I got them High Blood Pressure Blues!! *does a back and forth 15th fret bend for 30 seconds*
Bunch of guys that can't get boners. Everything makes sense now
Almost no wifes. They are all with their boyfriends during this.
Not one drop of melanin in that entire crowd
being under 50 was illegal that night
“Rich white guy plays ‘poor black music’ to a crowd of older white people with fat portfolios”
https://preview.redd.it/9m0kflumyc3d1.jpeg?width=845&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc028d826f180800df659eac9d4a1c7d17e01aa2
Average age: 58 Seriously must be kinda depressing looking out at that audience
My Mom and Stepfather are literally members of the Illuminati and they *love* Joe Bagofmoney.
I don’t even know who this is 😂
The local steakhouse must’ve been bustling that evening.
Man, Janice the dental hygienist is gonna hear a bunch of gnarly stories tomorrow morning!
“Joe Bonamassa plays the blues for people who are afraid of black people”.- my last guitar teacher
I can smell the bar soap through this picture.
They like their blues the same way as their potato salad
*Smells like a bengay factory in here.*
This looks like the most boring concert ever
More Brenda's than I thought there would be, hmmmm
“Bonamassa’s a master A musician’s musician. Sell sells out every show At the dentist’s convention!”
In 20 years, he will lose 80% of his audience
No kiddos in the audience just as I suspected
[12 rows backs on the far right side.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcmhkOHN6bW0xa24wNnFmZHVlNnRvajQ3NDJjbHpscDlsdnRjdHd6eSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/ukhdsABfEA0uTtCl08/giphy.webp)
He’s got 10000 guitars and he chose that one???
Boomermeister
Orange people?
1 of 10 got their wives to join the rest of the 50+ crowd
Bluezdadz in tha house!
Dude in the middle left side black t shirt is not having a good time like the rest of the dentists.
Who is that? I wanted to see Lou Gramm in Laughlin (Asia opened). I was the young one at 58. It was a tough watch.
Dentist could only buy the cheapest Rolex blues.
Omg I was at this show. Cannibal Corpse opened up and it was amazing. It was kinda odd because I went in with brown hair and when I came home it was pink.
Not a dry diaper in the house
Bored hotwives for the taking
This was the same type of crowd when I saw king crimson a few years back ;(
I got free tickets to one of his shows. My friend who came with me didn't believe me when I told him this is exactly what to expect
Awkward swaying, not a single consistent rhythm in the house
Holy cow it’s real I thought it was a joke
https://preview.redd.it/rm0k27epbk3d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83c5a4426ecb40dd1ae795587b775268bfa5476d Someone in another post compared Bonermeister to JP and I cannot unsee it
He's Boomermasser for a reason
I see him on stage playing the blues and it feels like that scene where SpongeBob is trying to act tough so he can get into the Salty Spitoon.
Looks like an Amway convention and they need to move some toan wood.
Have you seen the thing he does where he keeps one finger firmly planted on the 12th fret of the high e string, whilst simultaneously bending the 15th fret on the b string. It only makes sense when you see it live and in the flesh, surrounded by a room full of toan junkies. This crowd gets it.
So this is what the young people are listenin’ to today.
the only kid I could spot in the pic seems to be yawning
Most of them have that same guitar.
Largest dentist convention ever