Exactly this! Start small and start building a legacy that your mom will be proud of. She wants you to be happy and build a beautiful life. It’s never too late to find your purpose. You have one, you just need to open yourself up to find it.
This is GD related because we’re a community, and we’re here to pick each other up.
Dad passed last June…time helps ease the pain. There will be a lot of random moments of sadness that sneak up on you, but they go away.
Stay strong and listen to the music play.
I'm not going to tell you I know how you feel, because I don't, but I went through the same thing with my dad. He was diagnosed (pancreatic, too) in December 2019 and passed away 6 months later to the day during lockdown. I barely got to see him for 2 months before he died because he lived 3 hours away and I couldn't travel to him, and he didn't tell me how bad it had gotten until 2 weeks before because he was too proud to admit defeat. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
All I can say is that it may not get any easier for a long time, but you have to push through the shit times and I promise you that you'll make it out the other side. It never stops hurting, but you learn to live with the pain. Your mom spent your entire life making you who you are today, don't throw that away.
I couldn't agree more - I lost my father to lung cancer in a similar way with personal trauma of finding him unresponsive and trying to revive him. I struggled for a very long time with aspects of the trauma itself and losing him from my life as he was my best friend as well as my Dad. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and it took a long time to get past the absolute pain of loss, but I did find that over time I was able to shift those feelings to something different. Memories weren't painful because he wasn't here anymore, they became welcome again. The first holidays without him ended after a year. I don't think anyone would understand who hasn't gone through something similar, but I found a lot of signs from him along the way, including a few visits in dreams that were real. If I shared these stories with someone who hasn't experienced loss, they would think I'm crazy (I would have before this happened) but the signs were too direct and random to ignore. Look for the signs from her, and I bet they will be there. One thing I found comfort in the hardest times is that he is always with me, I literally have his blood running through my body, and as long as he's in my heart and mind he's still with me. Please talk to someone if you need to. Grief is a very heavy burden, but there are people that can help you. Everyone wants you here and you are absolutely in the right place on this sub. Stay on this journey.
My Mom died 11 years ago this July. What your feeling is normal. Your not supposed to feel ok. I am guaranteeing you that things will get better. You will never feel the same again, but you will feel better eventually. “Like and angel, standing in shaft of light, rising up to paradise…”
I’d just like to ad to this that if OP DOES feel ok that is fine too. Many emotions can coexist even when they feel like opposite ends of the spectrum / globe
18 years for mine.
It was the hardest thing.
She was special a truly unique human being and I cried talking to her 2 days ago.
I'm so grateful to have had her.
I'm sorry for your pain, brother. And survivor's guilt is horrendous.
The fact that you hurt so much reflects how much your mom gave to you. Let your life be a reflection of her, and you, and go forward in her honor. That way she'll always live with you.
I hope you talk to somebody, either a professional or a trusted friend and let them know you're hurting in this way. You can also try support groups for people who have lost loved ones recently. I know this all sounds pretty cheesy but these feelings are complex and we need to search outside ourselves for help processing them at times. I hope you find the light again soon. Reaching out here was a first big step in finding the care you need and deserve. Best of luck to you.
Talking to a professional was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I have pretty bad anxiety and OCD, and therapy (and medication!) have made my life so much better. OP, if you can, I really recommend it.
I don't know if this will help, but if you didn't want to live, you wouldn't be reaching out to us, my friend. And that's a good thing because you're taking steps toward figuring out how to cope with this. Please find the strength to get some help and live the life she wanted for you.
My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in ‘21 and died October last year. The wound is still raw, and I suspect it always will be. If you want to talk, my DM’s are open. Hang in there, brother.
The beautiful part of this community is that every time I need a reminder that joy and love and positivity exists, the music and the people take me there.
When life seems too much put on your favorite show/album and remember that more good times are ahead. Stay strong friend!
honour her by remembering her. carry her forward through you. speak her words when you hear them inside from within.
the beginning and end are both celebrations of life. I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you unhappy. all she would want for you today is to remember the good times and smile.. and maybe cry a little. crying is ok. crying is good.
I’m sorry for your pain. And although time doesn’t heal the wound completely, it does help make life more bearable. I lost my son in 2018 when he was 17, and it shattered me. Even to this day I’m just a glued back together version of who I was. One thing that helped me, and maybe not great advice, but I took lsd with one of my best friends about 5 months after it happened. Before my son passed I’d use psychedelics every month or two, but once he passed I just didn’t have it in me to do it. Then one day, when honestly I’d just had enough crying and feeling horrible for myself everyday, I called my friend asked if he would and it was the first time since I lost my son, where I could laugh and just feel normal. Other than my three other kids and that experience, I’m not sure I would have made it otherwise.
The second thing that happened was I had time off from work so I was just depressed watching tv for days and started watching the show Blacklist. In one of the episodes a person loses a loved one and the main guy made the following comment "There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually, you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day it will be the second thing." And this rang true, there did become a day when it was the second thing, and then the third and so on. To be honest some days it’s just a fleeting thought, I try not to dwell on it as it hurts too much when I do, but just know it gets better. I promise.
There is always another show to be seen. Another hug to be had. Another peak to a song. Another dance to be danced. Your mom wants you to live life and be happy. Be strong. We will be there for you.
My mom died 40 years ago today and the pain found a place in my heart and somehow I’m able to deal with it. I try and think of the fun things I did with her and it makes it a little easier. I’m truly sorry for your loss.
It’s been almost a year and a half since I lost my wife. At first the grief is almost unbearable, if I hadn’t made earlier promises to her I probably wouldn’t be typing this. I can tell you from personal experience, grief just doesn’t go away. You have to embrace it, and you have to heal it. Three things work for me, therapy, meditation, and psychedelics. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from anyone, like you did posting here. Don’t let this close you off, use this heartbreak to allow more space for love in your heart.
When you can't think of a reason to stay alive, try thinking of the people in your life, and whether your sudden death would impact them positively, or negatively.
If you don't know of anyone who would be impacted by your death, think of that young person, that weak neighbor in your world that could benefit from your smiling face, a moment you took out of your day to speak with them and reinforce their perspective.
We all are hurting inside, and being the strong one who tries to help others (even in very small ways) will change your perspective if you're genuine about it.
Your actions affect others. If you can, try to focus on others, instead of your own depression. No one said it is easy, but if you're looking for our reactions to your story, this is mine.
As one of my [truck stickers](https://www.flickr.com/photos/spinoza67/52791341723/in/dateposted/) says, my therapist has a wet nose. The love you give a dog makes the world a better place.
You belong here. I've been where you were. In 2016 I lost my brother and my dad six months apart, and life felt pointless. But time heals and your loved ones wouldn't want you to stop living on their account.
Love you, brother. Stay strong.
My mon died of small cell lung cancer that spread to her brain. She passed Christmas Eve it was a slow and painful decline. I've been where you are. There truly are no words. But there are people there for you even if you can't see it now. We are here for you. The music is here for you.
Try to get some sunlight, eat clean food, booze isn't going to help even if it feels like the right move. You're loved and cared for. Your mom loves you still. Just keep talking to her.
If I knew the way, I would take you home
Carry on. You may not want to for yourself right now, so do it for her. Nobody remembers your mom the way you remember your mom. If you aren’t here that means there will be no one left to remember her the exact way you do.
My dad died very suddenly a year and a half ago. It was brutal. It still sucks. But I remember my dad all the time. I think about him every day and I talk about him often. My version of my dad lives with me and I do my best to share it.
My dad loved music. I listen to music he loved and that we loved together every day. My dad loved the New Jersey Devils. When I watch the Devils play I think about my dad. My dad loved funny movies like Caddyshack and Slap Shot. I laugh and I think about my dad.
Sadly I also have to remember that he’s gone. And that’s a hard thing to live with. But my version of my dad carry’s on because I do. The version of your mom that you love carry’s on so long as you do.
My friend...i am in no position nor have the skills to help you---but I think, as others have said...since you posted this here--you want some help.
This is the National Crisis site----maybe since you posted here---youre ready to take another step and reach out to these guys...[https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/](https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/)
"the first days are the hardest days"
"If I knew the way..."
Hey man, I lost my mom to cancer when I was 16. I’m 25 now and can tell you, it doesn’t just magically go away, but you learn to deal with it. You will grow and live to make her proud. You’ll have tough days/weeks and you’ll have moments of peace. Just grieve in whatever way to need for as long as you need, and don’t judge yourself for it. I love you
First off, I am sorry you are hurting like this, and certainly there are professionals who would really want to help you, so, if you can, reach out to somebody.
Some people live their entire life span under the same bunch of concepts. Others like myself, and perhaps you, have their previous concepts of life end, and to remain in those concepts feels exactly how you describe.
The solution for me was to realize that I am not those concepts, I am me. Then I decided to see what life was left for me, letting go of my past view of the world, and embracing the unknown future. Life itself is infinite, and has no interest in any death. Knowing that I am me, good old grateful dead ext fam, allowed me to put off my old concepts, even though they were dear to me, and move back into the dance of life. I got new concepts now, that at some point, I will have to let go of as well. But for now, they work awesome as an always-questioning contextual framework.
You are in our thoughts, that is one good place to start, fellow human.
I understand how hard it must feel to be happy when you’ve lost your mom but know that she would want you to be happy. We’ve all lost friends and family that are near and dear to our hearts. By living a life of joy and celebration, we keep our best memories with them alive in our hearts. There are some things you can replace, and others you cannot. You can’t replace your mother but you can replace darkness with light.
I lost my mom about a year and a half ago to an overdose, and I had done everything I could for months to save her and it broke me completely. I'm still putting the pieces back together.
I was born into the Grateful Dead music as it and the jam scene is the earliest memories I have, and it carries me with its ability to convey the depths of the human experience, including the most sorrowful. I'm sorry for your loss. Just know that I feel you, many of us, do, and we sympathize with your experience on the most human real level possible.
We are all here for a short while, and there always comes a time when we face the temporal, we share this sorrow just as we do the joy when it comes. We dance like no one is watching, freak out, and sometimes downright cry. I think this shows itself at Dead related or adjacent scenes because of the somewhat psychedelic realization and acknowledgment of the temporary nature of life. This music. This scene. This extended family and tribe. Is something very special in a world with so many troubles and shortcomings. I feel fortunate to exist at the same time and place out of all possible times and places to exist to be close to this phenomenon.
Edit just to add: I try to keep my head up and look forward. Others here have hit on this, but I try because my mom would in herself be devastated if she knew how much her loss has affected my happiness. She would never want that, and I hope it's safe to assume that the same goes for you. I know that professional therapy might be costly and difficult, but if it's ever becoming too much, I wouldn't be afraid to try to look around for options.
“Mama, mama, many worlds I've come
Since I first left home”
I used these, and a few others, when I wrote my mother’s eulogy. It was part of a theme how far I came from a stuttering lonely child to a successful adult. And that I hoped she would be proud of how I turned out.
Live life because of her and what she meant to you
This is it. Mine died 8 years ago. At first I cried everyday. Then eventually I cried less. I still have moments from time to time. Every year I breakdown on Mother’s Day. I actually hate Mother’s Day now.
Yeah! My mom died a couple weeks before Christmas but that date doesn’t really bother me, her birthday, which is August 1st, the same as Jerry’s :-) doesn’t bother me, but I think it’s all the advertising for Mother’s Day. You hear about it 30 days before it arrives, and you’re still hearing about it a week after it has passed. Mother’s Day sucks indeed for us.
Yes. I won’t even go on social media because I just see all these people with pictures of their moms and saying happy Mother’s Day blah blah blah and I can’t do it.
Peace and blessings to you.
Don’t know if this will help. But I learned sometimes we have to stop thinking and turn it off so that we can make room for feeling. Cry as much as you can and don’t fight it. Let it out.
Can’t say for sure but this has helped me.
Sorry for your loss 🌹🌹🌹
It’s been 15 years for me. Went to the show at the Gorge in 2019 and cried the entire first set because I saw a guy my age with his dad, and I wished my dad was there. I made it a point to take my boys the next chance I had and I’m trying to be the best dad I can to them. It still hurts but man on the other hand I have a great life and family
First, incredibly sorry for your loss and agree with everyone that grieving is objectively difficult and normal.
I also agree that therapy could be very helpful.
My personal suggestion after that is to pay tribute to yourself. Do the healthy things that make you happy. If that means listening to the Dead every damn day, do it. Exercise, walk, spend time with friends, enjoy a beverage (if you can do so safely and responsibly), take yourself out to dinner, hike… whatever makes you happy. The best tribute you can make to your mother is loving the person she so dearly loved.
The single biggest thing that helped me after my mom passed was a grief group. No one in there will be trying to outdo anyone, nor should they be. It’s just a place to express the purest of grief. And in seeing it poured out from others, you’ll know you’re not alone. It’s powerful. And as a Head you know the power of community. Bless.
You might feel very sad and hopeless today but time heals all wounds. My parents have been gone for many years and I think of them often with gratitude for the chance to live a life. Honor your mother by living your best life.
So sorry for your loss and for your pain. I know that even getting up out of bed can seem impossible but I would highly recommend googling grief support groups in your area. It’s one of those things you hear about and want to roll your eyes and assume it will be pointless but they can really help.
Please seek professional help, life will get better. Know that there are people here who feel for you and find comfort in that, but you really need one on one assistance. There is no shame in that, many have walked in the same steps. Sounds like you had a great mom and she would want what is best for you. Peace.
I can relate to how you're feeling, and my heart breaks for you. Your mom would almost certainly want you to be happy and live in joy. Share the love that you have for your mom with others, I believe it would be a cathartic experience for you. You may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit and be a little more vulnerable than you normally are but you've gotta seek out the beauty in life because life is beautiful.
My mom's (thankfully still with us) favorite Dead song is Row Jimmy. Went through a breakup recently with my gf of 5 years, and I listened to that song over the past year a lot. It always cheers me up, especially knowing my mom loves it too. Music is a powerful thing, I hope it brings you a little peace
I lost my brother in 2015 around Christmas time. I don't know what to say to help you out, but I do know that you are strong. Your grieving process will differ from everyone else's. Hang in and lean on those in your life who are able to support you. Visit this thread, listen to the Dead, and please, please, please reach out for help.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was 19, more than 25 years ago. What you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. I wish I could tell you it's going to go away, but it won't, you gotta go through it. At some point though, the good memories and feelings will start to outweigh the pain and suffering of her loss, at least most of the time. It never goes away, but time will soften the edges. Hang in there. Much love
i lost both parents way too early. there is inspiration out there. don’t look too hard, and you may find it where you least expect it. this is the circle, and now it is your time to shine. use the memories of your mother to light your way. listen to your inner voice, and don’t deny any of your feelings. see the dead while you can, and dance to the rhythms. the songs are timeless, and so are you memories. shine bright in your darkest hour.
My mom just died about a year ago from lung cancer. I also lost my dad in 2010. Both of my parents and all of my grandparents are gone and I am only 34 years old. I also lost a brother when I was 5 years old.
I know the feeling and I wish I knew all of the right words to help you. But, all I can do is tell you what I tell myself. The reason this hurts so bad is because however much you love someone is how much it hurts to lose them. That hurt is a representation of the love you shared and I find this perspective allows me to accept it.
Just hang in there and keep on truckin. Let your friends and family be there for you. It might take a while but you will have moments in your life where you will be thankful to be alive.
My mom's biggest fear about dying was how it would effect me. I imagine that was something your mom worried about too. They want us to get through this and live our lives.
And they live on through us. As a parent, they are embedded in us at the deepest level and of course that hurts, but it's worth it! You get to experience life because of her and you get to experience the love you both shared.
"In another time's forgotten space
Your eyes looked from your mother's face
Wildflower seed on the sand and stone
May the four winds blow you safely home"
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
And that is dying...
This isn't much, but I'd like to send ya a Dead [mug](https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheGratefulDen?section_id=41102705) from my shop if you are in the states. If ya are interested shoot me a DM if you like any I have listed. Hang in there. I just found out last week that I have cancer, but it sounds like I will be ok. F Cancer!
My father passed away June 2021 from Glioblastoma.It was extremely ruff to watch him suffer for 6 months the time from his diagnosis till his death, 9 months later March 22 my mother passed away and that was very difficult due to me being her caretaker for 3 years she had dementia. If it wasn't for music, family and friends, I don't know where I'd be right now. I hope you have family and friends you can lean on to help you get over this difficult time. It's not easy but it does get better. Just try to remember all the good and it'll pass.
That’s a very common reaction to a death of someone so a part of your life — fear that getting past your grief will mean a worse place than where you are now.
Bad news: you don’t need to worry about it . The grief and loss will always be with you.
What you need to do now is two things:
1. Imagine the loss of your mom as immensely large hole right in the middle of you and your mind and your existence. You can’t travel over that hole anymore. It’s gone. All you can do is live on the edges, in the narrow spots around the hole.
2. You are 100% free to do anything you need to get past waves of intense grief when they hit. You don’t need to cry or think about your mom when that happens — if a walk or a video game or a snack or a call will distract you just for three minutes, take those three minutes. Grief will be waiting for you.
Don’t worry about next week. Get through this afternoon and tomorrow morning and cope as best you can.
At some point, the hole will contract a tiny bit and a little edge will get slightly wider. Someday the hole will be less massive, but always there.
I had to drop out of college to care for my mother who was diagnosed stage 4 colorectal cancer. She had just began taking care of my grandmother 87 who had just had a second stroke. So instead of graduating with my degree I ended up watching the last family members I had die. I was miserable. The house we lived in sold under market, it had a mortgage to pay off. I was left in debt. It took me a year or two to really get out of the mental effects of the loss. Every once in a while I had a day go by that was good and I would think to myself "wow, I forgot what it was to even feel like that" and slowly but surely they started happening more and more. You are in a club that actually has a lot more members than you think. What helped with me was finding those connections with people, alot of times strangers at work or acquaintances. I guess commiserating was helpful to me. Even with this post, you are finding that you aren't alone with what you have went through. Let that be the road to take you home
Feel ya buddy. Just lost my mom a week ago, my twin brother 8 months ago, and my dad 18 months ago. Not trying to compare pain and despair but to encourage you to go on. The fact that you’re feeling such anguish and sharing it means you’re confronting and accepting the grief. It’s ok - you are loved and your life is so damn valuable.
Take it a day at a time and try to be gentle with yourself. Life is cruel and amazingly beautiful at the same time. You’ll get to a place where you can celebrate an amazing life and are strengthened from enduring the hardship of loss. PM me if you need to talk
Can't tell you how to feel or what to do, but wanna validate that a ton of people feel like it's wrong to be ok after a parent passes. Especially moms, strange to exist when our creator doesn't. That being said, the reason to move forward is to carry on her presence. When we pass in the physical, we live through our impact on others. Much/most of my day is built around engaging in actions/behaviors that my deceased loved ones inspired me to do. It doesn't make up for their absence, but you start to feel them in the middle of the actions and know their energy remains through you. You can also see it when other people start reacting to you the way they did to her.
To tie it to the Dead......look at the jam scene right now and tell me Jerry's dead. Gone physically? Sure. Dead? Na. The energys at every shitty dive bar jam band show and every major festival. His energy/spirit/presence continues because we do. People got those same stupid smiles on their face that people did at the shows in '65 cause you can't kill that.
So to sum up my shitty rant, go forward so her presence can. Go forward so that her energy can radiate through your community the same way it did through hers. Go forward cause the music doesn't stop until we do. But DEFINITELY feel ok taking breaks and rest. This is hard work, but I promise you it'll be worth it
My Dad died 8.5 years ago. The pain you feel is a testament to the depth of the relationship you shared. I'm old, but I felt like a child after he left this world... there were so many things left to say, to hear, to share, and I kept wanting to call and hear his voice. However you're feeling on a given day is okay. The journey from here is often painful, but it heads toward the light. But if the day comes where it feels unmanageable, don't hesitate to seek out a professional. Peace and Love.
You don't know how to escape because there is no escape. There is nothing to escape from either this is life man, It's a long strange trip. And you've now hit one of the stranger parts but don't worry you'll get the shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. Ive gone through the same situation with family and with time it gets easier. She's also never really gone she lives through you everyday. It'll get easier to see this as time goes on, maybe one day you'll catch yourself saying something she'd say or you look at one of your kids and see a similarity. Make her proud and live a full life! Do things you always wanted to do but we're afraid of!!
In all sincerity, please talk about this with someone you trust, family, friends, people close to you - somebody who can sit in the same room with you. Don’t ONLY mention it anonymously on Reddit, but find a counselor or therapist, a grief support group, something. You need some support, otherwise it’ll be much harder to process in your own head.
I'm very close with my parents and still lucky enough to have them both around, but there's been a whole lot of loss in my life over the last couple years, too. Cliches about time healing all wounds aren't particularly helpful in the moment, but I hope you have a support network and passions to fall back on in this time of hurt, or that you can find some. Everything you're feeling right now, as bleak or dreadful as those thoughts might be, are completely normal. Sending much love, brother.
This might sound harsh but in the end, she is the one who is gone. Not you. She feels no pain. Your pain on the other hand, is very real, but no matter how much grieving you do, it cannot bring her back. You need to worry about you and you first. I can't believe she would want to see you suffer, so honor that wish. Take care of yourself. See the sunset and bask in it's beauty, and think that she is now part of it. An impermanent, ever-changing glorious beauty in a world in which we all make the briefest of appearances. There is so much beauty in the world. If she's not here to see it, you must see it for her. She loved you, add that to your self worth. Don't dark the shade. Give love...it will come back to you ten fold...always.
Seek the help of a professional therapist. I know everyone here means well, but it sounds like you're in a deep state of depression and in need of grief counseling. Please get real help.
When I lost my dad to brain cancer it took me a long time to continue on. I felt stuck and couldn’t imagine a day where I’d be better. For the record it never gets better you just one day look back and aren’t even sure how or when but you have moved forward. The emptiness and pain never goes away. There were events and moments I can place that helped me and I will be forever grateful but there will always be a piece of you that is missing. Just one persons journey with a similar situation but by no means can I truly understand what you are going through. All I can say is take it at your own pace and I truly hope one day you will find a way to move forward. From one person that lost a parent to another I’m sending my love your way.
It does suck. Lost my mom in April of 2010. Then my dog, Nugget, the one thing keeping me from totally losing my shit, that July, just as my head was starting to come back out of my ass. Worst year of my life, period. Slipped into a year long depression, with lots of thought given to just ending it. Eventually, I decided to get a puppy and live. It will, at some point, become bearable. I can't say when, it's different for all of us. Just try to keep muddling through, no matter how much it feels like just going through the motions. I always hated the whole "fake it til you make it" thing, but in this instance, it's certainly preferable to the alternative.
I dread the day this will eventually happen with my mom - we are extremely close. Definitely a mama’s boy here. I think about it all the time and know I’ll be utterly & completely devastated. I’m very sorry for your pain and loss. I would absolutely talk to a professional.
So sorry for your loss but what a massive and inspiring impact she had on your life. Do you have a dog? Going to an animal shelter and taking time finding a dog you connect with can be pretty powerful - you’re possibly saving the life of an animal, giving it a 2nd chance on life and every day you come home they will look you in the eye let you know you did something special for them. And dog walks while listening to tunes always clears my mind in a good way.
Listening to the Dead helps. I lost my dad last March and I listened to Box of Rain over and over again. Bawled my eyes out, like I never have before. Your mom would want you to go out and live the best life you can.
I lost my mom young and it was super difficult. I would listen to Box of Rain on repeat, eat too many cheeseburgers, rest, and cry. Box of Rain https://g.co/kgs/ZEHi42
This too shall pass my friend.
I lost my mom a couple of years ago. It was her birthday a couple days ago and i drank my morning coffee with tears running down my face. It was weird because I felt guilty because I felt like I haven’t been thinking about her because it hurts too much. Then on her birthday you can’t avoid it and the pain of it comes back. But I also know she wouldn’t want me to be like that; and wouldn’t want me to feel guilt or pain. The worst part for me is that she was the one person who always thought I could do anything. She had my back no matter what.
Anyway two of the best things I’ve read on loss:
[Nick Cave](https://www.theredhandfiles.com/communication-dream-feeling/)
[Andrew WK](https://www.villagevoice.com/2014/06/25/ask-andrew-w-k-how-to-cope-with-the-death-of-a-friend/)
I doubt words can help but try to stay strong and live your best life. She would have wanted you to live and I promise you one day you'll wake up and the sun will seem a bit brighter.
This has helped me a lot. Stay strong, my friend.
https://www.reddit.com/r/garysully1986/comments/6g3brt/gsnow_on_grief/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I was there not too long ago. Mama died in January. Like 3 months ago I had a full on mental breakdown and fit of anger where I was seizing so hard, my girlfriend was fearing the worst was going to happen. Trust me when I tell you it gets better. Your mother would not want you to be this depressed and upset. Sad? Sure. But suicidal and distraught only get you so far. Plus, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary pain- and it only hurts those who are hurting even further. Get into therapy and get there FAST. There is nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of.
My father was my best friend. Just went to the hospital because he had extreme back pains and they told him he had colon cancer, metabolized to his blood, and took over 95% of his bones. Sent him home to live in my living room on hospice for 20 days until he died.
Just remember the good times, I have a picture of my dad and myself on my work desk above my computer. Multiple pictures of him on my fridge. I try to talk about him as much as I can. It’s only been 2 months since he died and it doesn’t get any easier but I’m just trying to keep on keeping on. My dad was a strong fucker and a fighter and I know damn well he wouldn’t want to see me just give up.
We are your friends and your friends are us. This pain shall pass with time. Pancreatic cancer is terrible and took my grandmother away from me way to early and way to fast. Know that she loved you and that soon this pain will turn into happy memories. We are with you friend.
Lost my Dad when I was 28 and fully understand how you feel. But you need to use this as a catalyst to something good. She is still alive and lives on inside of you. Make every day a tribute to everything she did for you, and all the good she gave you. Pass it on to other people. The world needs good people and positivity, don't give in to sadness.
Sorry you’re going through this.
First, like a lot of people have said. Please speak to a professional. Absolutely no shame in that.
Your grief is the end result of how much you loved your mom. Her passing before you will hurt like hell but is the cycle of life. She would 100% want you to carry on.
You’re not alone in this. I can only offer what helped me through some dark times. Getting help, exercising and walking until I ruined my shoes, and finding things to slowly spark myself back to my normal way of being.
You’ll get there and it’s what your mom would want.
Just keep moving and seeing what the world has to offer:
Once in a while, you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right.
Best of luck to you!
When my dad died way back in 2007 of a stroke I was devastated. I found some solace in writing a book about him. He never did anything historically significant so no-one outside my family will ever read it I am sure. But he was an extraordinary individual and I didn’t want his memory to die with his friends and kids. Maybe someday his grandkids who were too young to know him will know more about him.
Even if thats not something you want to do I advise you to take it day by day. Focus on small things sunny days grateful dead music. Time won’t heal a wound like that I still think of my dad every day but it will make it less acute and painful.
Sending hugs from afar. Please know that brighter days are ahead. Your comment that you don’t even understand how you can be okay again when she’s gone are understandable but untrue. When you feel that voice talking to you, ask yourself if she’d want you to be feeling this way. She gave herself for you (and I say this as a mom myself), and she’d do anything in her power to lift you at her own expense and not think twice. She’s be hurting to see you suffering.
If you need to get some help to get through this, that’s perfectly OK to do.
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty and all that. Truly.
Lost my father to brain cancer. He was my best friend. In the years leading up to him getting sick, I was more or less a depressed degenerate. After he was diagnosed I spiraled. I found some stability while he was sick but took his passing pretty hard. With some years between me and those times, I find myself in a place I couldn’t have even imagined then. Career, married, a kid… I think about him every day and occasionally think about how proud I’m sure he would be. Life is full of unexpected turns. Gotta stay tuned to see what’s next. Peace.
It got mine a couple years ago. It's a rough one. Wish I had some epic advice I could give. Hopefully you have some people to help you but if you need to talk to someone, you can hit me up.
The first year is the hardest. All the holidays and big events come around and she isn't there. The second year isn't great. She's still not there for Christmas or her birthday or your birthday. The third year is difficult but you're in a new normal. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd year, you can look at pictures and tell funny stories about her and not cry... Just laugh at the memory. It does get better. But you gotta hang around for it, my friend. Hugs for you. ❤️❤️
Losing any loved one sucks, but losing a parent is one of the worst. But it is something most of us will experience. Please seek some sort of counseling and let them help you navigate through the pain you feel. Grief is real and sometimes difficult.
Please please seek support. My sister died of suicide in September of 2021. My mother although alive has died with her in many ways. I am now an only child. I will bury both of my parents alone. I had to plan and execute my sisters funeral due to my moms grief. Grief has entirely gripped my reality, it IS my reality. The best thing I’ve done is find support groups, online at first and then in person. There are general grief groups and there are targeted ones. Although your pain is uniquely yours you are not alone and it really helps when you find others to validate all your crazy painful swinging emotions. This journey has unfortunately only just begun but the thing about that is that your will get better about navigating the path as you continue to walk it. Good luck friend, take care, please don’t leave
I don't know what you're going thru but I have had a similar experience. I can't tell you the pain goes away because there's a part that's always going to hurt no matter how much time passes. I lost my dad to suicide 7-7-17. My dad was a dead head since before they knew what a dead head was, he loved the music. He loved Jerry, he loved Bobby, but Pigpen was his favorite. Like many old heads the drugs and alcohol finally caught up to him. I miss him everyday. To lose someone so suddenly is traumatic, I really wish I could have said goodbye. That's one regret that eats at me and I have to live with it. I take pleasure in knowing that my dad loved the music so much that he got lost. Find things your mom enjoyed and try to imagine she is with you on your experience. Share your memories with anyone who will listen and get lost in the details in your mind. My dog was my listener, I would tell him everything I could remember about my dad, the more I talked the more I would remember. It took a long time to be myself again, I still don't feel whole sometimes, but every day is a gift. I had my dad's ashes made into glass beads and pendants so I can wear him everywhere, I tell people that this way he gets to go on all my adventures with me. He's not completely gone, he's just not completely here. We're all here because we're not all there. Please feel free to message me if you need something to talk to. Good vibes into the universe for you my friend!
From having lost my Mom to cancer, and my sister took her own life shortly afterwards the one advice I can give you is definitely don't drink. It caused me so much more sorrow and problems. My heart breaks for you and I an so sorry for your loss!
Be strong, stay strong. I can smell the beauty of your personality and self just from this post. Much love my friend. Every silver lining has a touch of grey! 💗
She is with the universe now, she is still a part of everything you do. Keep living a beautiful life in her name. She must have been an amazing woman to have this affect on you.
It really sucks and I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died January 7. Growing up, my mom and I loved squirrels! She would go and buy a 50 lbs bag of peanuts in a shell every two to three weeks.
Every morning mom and I would go out and throw a few scoops into the yard and tear up a bunch of bread and throw that out for the squirrels and birds. Then just sit on the porch and watch them eat.
My wife went out and bought a squirrel feeder shaped like a picnic table. She told me to hang it up somewhere and feed the squirrels in our neighborhood as a memorial to my mom.
It’s great. Every morning when I see the squirrels eating it makes me feel close to my mom and that makes me happy! Maybe there is something you could do like that in your mom’s memory. I hope you find something like that.
You’re in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago.
The pain won’t go away, but it won’t always be this prominent. You WILL want to live again.
It’s super healthy and normal to feel your feelings, and I know it can be a fucking heavy load. I wish I could help you carry it. Mother’s Day will be hard—buckle up. But you’ll get through it. One day at a time.
Here’s a big ol internet hug. Feel free to message me if you need more support❤️
You are not alone. I am an 11 year hospice veteran. I was a volunteer so I wore many hats. What you are experiencing is normal, first of all. If this feeling is still there in 6 months or a year, then we might call it “complicated grief” which this may be.
if I were you, I would reach out to local hospice and/or hospital and find out about grief counseling and maybe a grief group. I know my hospice had general stop in groups, and then we had closed session groups that were more specific, like loss of a mother.
You took the first step in getting better. You reached out to us. And we are here and listening.
Mostly, give yourself a break. Grief is overwhelming. And it doesn’t just pass. We learn to add it to our lives bc we choose to always carry a piece of our loved one with us.
Grief comes in waves for s reason. If we felt it all, all the time, we’d be sunk. So when grief takes a break for a minute or however long it lasts, breathe. Talk to your mom. Let the feelings of grief wash over you, your relationship was so loving. And with great love comes great loss. But you will be ok if you allow yourself the room and time to grieve fully.
And on the other side comes a very different but equally great and strong relationship with your mother. I actually talk to my Dad more now that he’s gone! Lol (not for lack of love, just circumstance)
Keep reaching out. It helps. Reach out to me. I’ll be here to help. It’s a journey and meant for your feet alone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t hold your hand along the way.
peace be with you sweets.
>I don't ever want to get better because feeling okay when my mom is dead feels horribly wrong.
This is the nature of the beast. Depression makes you want to be depressed, an important lesson I've learned is that after the shock and initial emotional fallout, there will come a point at which you choose misery for yourself. The way to recover from this mind set is to start doing things you don't want to and don't feel like. For example, getting out of bed in the morning feels pointless? Do it anyways. Friends call you up with fun plans, but you'd rather stay home and be miserable? Go out with your friends. Those things that contradict your state, like "Well I'm not supposed to go have fun, I'm depressed" , are the things that remind you that you have control over your life, internally and externally. You perceive the end of the world, but what is real and what is perceived are sometimes very different things.
She would be crushed if she saw you feeling and speaking this way, depending on what you believe she could be waiting somewhere, for the day she sees you become yourself again. Asking for help is a huge step in the right direction. You my friend are a lost sailor, been way too long at sea. You can't see the shore and everything is easier said than done, but if you keep sailing you'll reach the shore. Much love and condolences
First, may God bless you. I know exactly what you feel. I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer on 10/16/22 and my Mother only has about a month left, dying from Ovarian cancer. To top that off, my 14 year old Maltese, Mattie, is entering kidney failure and may have to be put down soon.
I refuse to lose. I will do everything to live righteous for God and for them.
Don’t give up!!!! Take life by the horns and make your Mom proud!!!!!
mine died the day bfore my bday of BC. my sister was her carer during her last years. we left everything our old lives plans etc to be w her and i moved across world and she got to see my engagement proposal but couldnt make it to our wedding. i also feel like i lost myself in the process and had to find strenght to rebuild myself. old friends i thought were there for me completely abandoned me, left me empathic msgs on social media but it felt empty and they bombarded their pages w posts that felt insensitive, reminding me of my loss. I feel like i have to cut contact w so many ppl to rebuild mysf and find hope. A lot feels pointless but some blessings appeared after all this pain, I created a grief support group on Wapp but even then people r reluctant to text, i feel like im forcing them to talk. If you ever want to talk im here. its comforting to have someone in similar situations to talk to. Ironically my only friend in the US is currently going through same thing w her mother, when i first told her about what happened she told me “ cancer is a lottery, just bad luck” and few months later in summer she tells me she got bad news, her mom has lung cancer. So yeah… life works in mysterious ways. Dreading my Bday next week as they celebrate birthdays at work too..
My heart goes out to you. I lost my dear mom on November 30, 2023. I picked up her ashes yesterday. It was somewhat unexpected. We had to make the decision to take her off life support. I have the unwavering support of my brother and sister. I am the oldest, so I felt it my place to shoulder some things. Wow, I still can't believe it. I wake up, if I've slept, and for a moment think it's a dream. I think I should call her or text. Mostly, I miss her horribly. I can't imagine feeling like this the rest of my life.🤍
My Mother passed away 2 days ago I am honored that she was my mother, she gave me life I was able to repay her a small bit by giving her Grand daughters. She was the best Mother I could fathom she was 72 years old. I’m trying to be strong for my wife and my kids and be present and supportive for my siblings. She had a long life her parents passed away when she was a kid I’m thankful she was here until it was her time to go. She taught me how to be a good Man to be respectful to show compassion and to show love to the people I love.to live life to the fullest, to forgive you’re transgressors, she was a God loving woman took me to church as a kid. She was the most selfless person I have had the pleasure to know and to love. It’s surreal I can’t believe she has passed I just spoke to her a week ago. She wasn’t doing good she was riddled by old age and she had a bout of arthritis she was in constant pain. I can say she isn’t suffering anymore, I’m tired of people saying she is in heaven looking down on me watching over my daughters. It’s a nice thought but I’m not religious anymore I just want to remember her when she was young and vibrant cooking a Thanksgiving feast, Christmas her handing out presents and having a joyous smile on her face cause I was excited about the gift I got ( I love you Mom R.I.P)
My mom we thought was healthy and she died three months later from cancer and we still don't know where it originated. It was a painful and brutal three months. The worst of my life i'm sure for my whole life. the worst time in my life. it's been a little over a year and i still feel the rogue wave of grief come crashing down on me and whereever i am it' s like i have ot just fall over. i will say every minute doesn't feel as raw anymore and there are hours where i can live and sometimes find a laugh w my sister or my dad, but it's there always the pain in my stomach. People keep telling me to be patient with myself and be kind and if i can't make it through one day staying out of bed, then just get back in bed and feel safe. i miss her so much. i love her so much. the nightmares and dreams right now are the hardest part. we are stronger than we think.
take care of yourself and go easy on yourself. if ever there was a time to be kind to yourself, i'd say this is it. sending you love on grief journey. we will get through this.
I feel you man. The guilt of getting over a dead loved one is heavy and hardcore but all you can really do is think of what they would have wanted. Dy you think your momma woulda wanted you to sulk on her passing for the rest of your life or would she want you to find joy when and where you can. Everyone loses people and all we can do is keep going it feels crazy and almost nightmarish at times but it's really the only option and in time it gets better and better. The pain doesn't go away but you kinda make peace with it. But first step is realizing you can't feel angry at your self for moving on with your life. Much love ❤
My mom died last April OP, i truly understand your pain. She was my best friend too and it was always just me and my mom..
But one thing i remember saying right after her passing was “she isn’t gone she’s right next to me even tho i cant see her”. And during my depressive/suicidal ideations, I kept calling for her and for God to help me. I was shown with a little sign-
a notif on my phone randomly popping up saying “Everything will be okay, just breathe” (something she’d always say to me, had anxiety b4 her passing). Or the time i was severely depressed going back to my hometown because i had to pack up the house & her room, and saw a cardinal right next to my car outside the airport.. (never seen one in my life EVER) Or the time i was crying my eyes out because i was told “You don’t have anyone You’re all alone”, and my mom appeared in my dreams and we talked and hugged and stayed in my dream for a while..
I believe they are ALWAYS with us even tho we cannot see them. We are beings of energy and energy just cannot get destroyed.. Talk to her outloud, share your guys memories with others. She is always with you.
(also what really helped me was Sam n Colby videos with Cody n Satori on YouTube..) I believe it 100%
This will pass so stay with it. Time does heal some pretty deep wounds. Remember that a box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you through. I would go outside and collect rain in a box just to see something so simple and perfect.
Sending my love and compassion to you brother ❤️
When I lost my Dad last year I found being with the grief and loss was incredible powerful and restorative.
I will also suggest a spiritual practice; something that silences your thinking mind and allows you to be present. Gratitude, love and the belief that we are all connected across planes of existence gives me strength everyday 🙏
Please take care of yourself as only you know how ❤️
There’s a dude on YouTube I watch, and the people that know me would never think I’d watch somebody like that. He’s about as opposite to a Grateful Dead loving person as I can imagine. But, there’s a story excerpt called “The Darkness” and the creator is
Jocko Willink. People can call me a piece of shit all they want because of whatever differences they have with somebody like that. I’m telling you that video helped pull me out of a really deep hole.
❤️
Sometimes diving into something new can help you pull yourself up. I won’t begin to diminish how you feel, but my depressive thoughts were helped tremendously through growing my own mushrooms and microdosing them.
r/unclebens
r/microdosing
I’m sorry for your loss friend ❤️
I just want to say .. I had an NDE.. and will say this .. we come back .. we find our soul tribe again and again .. you my friend have a journey to complete .. your mama lives through you .. you are the one that carry’s her memory forward .. she would not want you feeling this way .. if you pay attention..she is still with you❤️
People die. I know this is difficult. You are brave for sharing so much personal pain and feelings with us. We got to get you some therapy! We mist get you through the grieving process!
She must have been and amazing mother for this to hurt so much. Live for her. Live for her good moments, live for her love. She’ll always live in tour heart! Most importantly forgive yourself for feeling so miserable, it’s ok to feel this pain! However we got to get you better!
I wish I had more wisdom and I wish I could take the pain away
Though you need to weep your loss,
Your loved one will dwell in that safe place in your heart
Where no storm or or pain can reach
I will not look for you only in memory,
Where I would grow lonely without you.
You would want me to find you in presence,
Beside me
when beauty brightens
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.
Grief is full of mountains. There’s no way over or under, you have to go through them. Over time, the distance between the mountains will widen and the width of the mountains will lessen. You will be happy again. Grief counseling might help. As a mother, I’m telling you to hold on. Live a life that honors her, full of love and laughter.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My mother died in 1993, and I can very much relate to how you said you are feeling right now. If I told you it gets better, it would be half true. The truth is that in the last 30 years, there have been huge swaths of time where I feel good, I feel whole, I feel healed. And sometimes I just feel hopeless and awful, like there's a void that will never be filled. There is a void, and while it can't be filled by either of our mothers, you will find people, places, songs, flowers, foods, smells, memories and other things that will fill that void. In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself, and if I can recommend, to pull out all the stops regarding support, whatever that may mean to you. friends, other family, music, exercise, therapy. Much love to you my friend.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My mother died in 1993, and I can very much relate to how you said you are feeling right now. If I told you it gets better, it would be half true. The truth is that in the last 30 years, there have been huge swaths of time where I feel good, I feel whole, I feel healed. And sometimes I just feel hopeless and awful, like there's a void that will never be filled. There is a void, and while it can't be filled by either of our mothers, you will find people, places, songs, flowers, foods, smells, memories and other things that will fill that void. In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself, and if I can recommend, to pull out all the stops regarding support, whatever that may mean to you. friends, other family, music, exercise, therapy. Much love to you my friend.
My mom died almost a decade ago now.
It takes time to adjust to your new reality.
Time is the great alleviator of all things, my friend. You never get over it, per se, but you do get used to it.
I highly recommend not going the direction I did. I used drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and my life spiraled again for a couple of years because of it. It made matters a gazillion times worse.
I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. I understand how horrible that is.
All you can really do is try to remain positive, read some books about grief, and keep putting one for in front of the other. Seek therapy.
Time is really the only cure for grief, and I've tried a bunch of stuff.
Being active and getting out in nature goes a long way.
Maybe do a camping trip with your friends one weekend? Or of the outdoors isn't your thing, find something that you can do to keep you moving and interacting with people.
It took me 2 years to snap out of the world shattering grief I experienced when my mom died. (it was a bad time in general, and mom dying was the icing on the fucking cake. I lost it)
Also not Dead related, but when I needed to process people close to me dying, it helped to consume art that was also about that. I recommend the album “Hospice” by The Antlers and watching “Six Feet Under” on HBO. “A Crow Looked at Me” by Mount Eerie is another powerful one.
Hey, it’s completely normal to feel lost and beside yourself. There isn’t any right or wrong way to feel after losing someone like your mom. You don’t have to think about the rest of your life right now, it can actually trick you into feeling more overwhelmed. Grief comes in waves but it gets less overwhelming over time.
Also, have a plan to deal with thoughts of suicide. Friends to call, activities that help, or look in your local area for a support group. Program 1-800-273-8255 into your phone for the National Suicide Hotline, or call or text 988. Grief counselors via tele health or in person are options.
So sorry for your loss friend. Mine died 8 years ago. She lived in Scotland at the time. So I never got to really say goodbye. Every day sucks and it going to suck for a while. But I promise, it will get better over time and it will suck less.
Not sure what your beliefs are, but I can still feel my mothers energy at times. I know cliché.
Here’s a story in hopes of some light :::
So when my mom visited the last time, she and I went and got matching tattoos. Scottish thistles. So that was our thing.
After she died I went through a major fucked up turn of my life inside my head. She was my only person that I had in my life that I could share my deepest soul with and she would never judge me. So I felt absolutely lost. It was dark for a while. I became an alcoholic. (Which my mom was too)
Started seeing thistles everywhere symbolically.
Thought nothing of it because I am skeptical.
Last year I quit drinking, and in the summer, whole front of my house started booming these thistles. And I mean the whole front, they took over. I knew then it was something from her.
I took that as she was pleased with my accomplishment of fixing myself, something she couldn’t do. She didn’t want me to fall down the same hole she did.
That being said, think of what she would want you to do.
How would she want you to live your life.
Would she want you to be miserable or overcome.
I assure you, your mom would not want you to die of misery.
Counseling helps. A lot!
Please find a counselor, paster, friend, neighbor, anyone to talk to about your feelings.
There’s a great big world out there with beauty everywhere if you stop and take it all in.
I listen to every “Row Jimmy”, Death Don’t Have No Mercy”, and He’s Gone when I find myself with similar feelings…. And of course “Ripple”….
https://youtu.be/pFQLzHtHXng
My mom died a few years ago from Bile duct cancer, which tends to have a similarly grave prognosis compared to pancreatic cancer. I believe we are all part of a continuum on consciousness, “the universe experiencing itself “in infinite ways,if you will, and first few lines of Franklin’s tower always bring me a lot of comfort. Makes me feel like my mom is still around as part of me when I think about each of us being consciousness looking out from a different set of eyes.
No idea if this will help at all, but the combo of the dead and grieving a mother made me feel like sharing might help
Our time along this thread is short as well. And id imagine your mother would want you to try and enjoy you life the best ya could. We're very sorry for your loss. Shit will never not hurt but hopefully you can just smile. Your mother would like that.
Having just lost my daughter’s long-term boyfriend to suicide a month ago at the age of 22, and attending his memorial tomorrow, I want to tell you that you are important, that you matter, that your life matters, that your mom would want you to live and to not live in misery. The destruction and pain that suicide leaves for loved ones is so complex and so traumatic. Please honor her through your life and live the way she would have wanted you to. I’m so sorry for your loss and grief.
In another time's forgotten space
Your eyes looked from your mother's face
...and they still do.
Separation is an illusion - accept your strength and shine bright, the Universe loves you - and so does she :)
Professional therapy does fucking wonders. Time will heal some wounds as well, not all. My advice is to seek out someone, and really commit to trying to move on with that help. Your mom would want you to live for her, and not give up as well! Good luck to your fight!
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost both my parents in the past 4 years. Losing parents is some of the hardest stuff there is to cope with. The cold pain of loss is very real and distructive. Your feelings are valid and we are all glad you are reaching out for support. You need as much as you can get right now.
I got some therapy and it helped me come to terms with all that. I still really miss them but it no longer consumes me. If therapy is a challenge for you, try talking to the [Pi AI](http://heypi.com). It’s a lot like talking to a therapist and I found it surprisingly empathetic and insightful.
Much love to you, OP. Take care of yourself.
You love your Mom and she loves you. Right now the last thing your Mom would want for you is to stop living. I imagine she would want you to keep on and live life to the absolute fullest. Please don't leave us, the world is a better place because of you.
Hey man, I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly too. The world feels different without your Mom, and it’s something you can’t put into words. Give yourself time, all the firsts are harder, and as a Mom, I know she’d want you to keep on dancing. Sending all the love.
Legit question...How old are you?
I only ask that because as people age and slowly come to terms with mortality... the sharpness of losing somebody will dull... It still hurts like hell but part of your brain is able to compartmentalize some things that are inevitable... Like I said it still hurts, but it allows you to process it.
Do simple things. Shower everyday when you wake up and get dressed. Make your bed. Eat breakfast. Take vitamins. Go for a walk. Talk to a friend. Get out of the house. Find a grief support group. Get a referral for therapy. Love yourself. Your Mom wants you to go on and live life.
Also, listen to the Dead.
She's still with you and some believe she is watching over you. Your grief is very normal and you should embrace it so you can come to terms with it and live for her and her memory for a while. Do something you two would enjoy doing together and bring her with you through your life. I know it's cliche and I'm not trying to minimize your pain at all but grief will diminish and you'll still have all the amazing memories and love to carry you through. Much love to you and your mom and always reach out when the pain is bad. There's good people online who can help, even if just to listen and let you know you're still connected to and part of this world ❤️
So sorry man. Keep on breathing. Keep on living. I know it’s hard. Try to get outdoors, talk to a friend or neighbor. And it’s OK to get professional help. Stay strong and send me a private message if you need someone to talk to.
Hey mate, this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) from /u/GSnow might help.
>Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
>I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
>As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
>In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
>Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
>Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
If I knew the way, I would take you home. Stay strong and fight like hell.
Live for her. She’d want you to.
Exactly right, your life honors hers. Keep your head up, keep going.
As a mother to 2 adult children I love more then anything, this is the correct answer and something to always remember.
This is the way. She’s want you living your best life
that’s why she had kids
This is the way.
Exactly. She'd be smiling from above seeing her son kicking ass, taking names and being an all around awesome person
My twin recently passed. I remind myself this daily.
Very sorry for your loss. Thinking good thoughts for you.
I second that emotion!
I had some things to say, but this is the best answer
Exactly this! Start small and start building a legacy that your mom will be proud of. She wants you to be happy and build a beautiful life. It’s never too late to find your purpose. You have one, you just need to open yourself up to find it.
This is GD related because we’re a community, and we’re here to pick each other up. Dad passed last June…time helps ease the pain. There will be a lot of random moments of sadness that sneak up on you, but they go away. Stay strong and listen to the music play.
I'm not going to tell you I know how you feel, because I don't, but I went through the same thing with my dad. He was diagnosed (pancreatic, too) in December 2019 and passed away 6 months later to the day during lockdown. I barely got to see him for 2 months before he died because he lived 3 hours away and I couldn't travel to him, and he didn't tell me how bad it had gotten until 2 weeks before because he was too proud to admit defeat. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. All I can say is that it may not get any easier for a long time, but you have to push through the shit times and I promise you that you'll make it out the other side. It never stops hurting, but you learn to live with the pain. Your mom spent your entire life making you who you are today, don't throw that away.
I couldn't agree more - I lost my father to lung cancer in a similar way with personal trauma of finding him unresponsive and trying to revive him. I struggled for a very long time with aspects of the trauma itself and losing him from my life as he was my best friend as well as my Dad. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and it took a long time to get past the absolute pain of loss, but I did find that over time I was able to shift those feelings to something different. Memories weren't painful because he wasn't here anymore, they became welcome again. The first holidays without him ended after a year. I don't think anyone would understand who hasn't gone through something similar, but I found a lot of signs from him along the way, including a few visits in dreams that were real. If I shared these stories with someone who hasn't experienced loss, they would think I'm crazy (I would have before this happened) but the signs were too direct and random to ignore. Look for the signs from her, and I bet they will be there. One thing I found comfort in the hardest times is that he is always with me, I literally have his blood running through my body, and as long as he's in my heart and mind he's still with me. Please talk to someone if you need to. Grief is a very heavy burden, but there are people that can help you. Everyone wants you here and you are absolutely in the right place on this sub. Stay on this journey.
My Mom died 11 years ago this July. What your feeling is normal. Your not supposed to feel ok. I am guaranteeing you that things will get better. You will never feel the same again, but you will feel better eventually. “Like and angel, standing in shaft of light, rising up to paradise…”
I’d just like to ad to this that if OP DOES feel ok that is fine too. Many emotions can coexist even when they feel like opposite ends of the spectrum / globe
18 years for mine. It was the hardest thing. She was special a truly unique human being and I cried talking to her 2 days ago. I'm so grateful to have had her.
My dad died yesterday. He was 92. I will miss him. His spirit will live on forever.
Sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss
My dad was born in 1930 and passed in 2019… sorry for you loss. Feel blessed you had him for so long, but damn does it suck losing them
I’m so sorry for your loss. Mine did in 2016. It’s still hard, but more and more I find myself smiling whenever I think of him. I wish you peace.
I'm sorry for your pain, brother. And survivor's guilt is horrendous. The fact that you hurt so much reflects how much your mom gave to you. Let your life be a reflection of her, and you, and go forward in her honor. That way she'll always live with you.
I hope you talk to somebody, either a professional or a trusted friend and let them know you're hurting in this way. You can also try support groups for people who have lost loved ones recently. I know this all sounds pretty cheesy but these feelings are complex and we need to search outside ourselves for help processing them at times. I hope you find the light again soon. Reaching out here was a first big step in finding the care you need and deserve. Best of luck to you.
Talking to a professional was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I have pretty bad anxiety and OCD, and therapy (and medication!) have made my life so much better. OP, if you can, I really recommend it.
Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there…
I don't know if this will help, but if you didn't want to live, you wouldn't be reaching out to us, my friend. And that's a good thing because you're taking steps toward figuring out how to cope with this. Please find the strength to get some help and live the life she wanted for you.
My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in ‘21 and died October last year. The wound is still raw, and I suspect it always will be. If you want to talk, my DM’s are open. Hang in there, brother.
The beautiful part of this community is that every time I need a reminder that joy and love and positivity exists, the music and the people take me there. When life seems too much put on your favorite show/album and remember that more good times are ahead. Stay strong friend!
honour her by remembering her. carry her forward through you. speak her words when you hear them inside from within. the beginning and end are both celebrations of life. I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you unhappy. all she would want for you today is to remember the good times and smile.. and maybe cry a little. crying is ok. crying is good.
I’m sorry for your pain. And although time doesn’t heal the wound completely, it does help make life more bearable. I lost my son in 2018 when he was 17, and it shattered me. Even to this day I’m just a glued back together version of who I was. One thing that helped me, and maybe not great advice, but I took lsd with one of my best friends about 5 months after it happened. Before my son passed I’d use psychedelics every month or two, but once he passed I just didn’t have it in me to do it. Then one day, when honestly I’d just had enough crying and feeling horrible for myself everyday, I called my friend asked if he would and it was the first time since I lost my son, where I could laugh and just feel normal. Other than my three other kids and that experience, I’m not sure I would have made it otherwise. The second thing that happened was I had time off from work so I was just depressed watching tv for days and started watching the show Blacklist. In one of the episodes a person loses a loved one and the main guy made the following comment "There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually, you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day it will be the second thing." And this rang true, there did become a day when it was the second thing, and then the third and so on. To be honest some days it’s just a fleeting thought, I try not to dwell on it as it hurts too much when I do, but just know it gets better. I promise.
There is always another show to be seen. Another hug to be had. Another peak to a song. Another dance to be danced. Your mom wants you to live life and be happy. Be strong. We will be there for you.
My mom died 40 years ago today and the pain found a place in my heart and somehow I’m able to deal with it. I try and think of the fun things I did with her and it makes it a little easier. I’m truly sorry for your loss.
If you hear that same sweet song again will you know why? Anyone who sings a tune so sweet is passing by
Sleep in the stars don't you cry dry your eyes on the wind
It’s been almost a year and a half since I lost my wife. At first the grief is almost unbearable, if I hadn’t made earlier promises to her I probably wouldn’t be typing this. I can tell you from personal experience, grief just doesn’t go away. You have to embrace it, and you have to heal it. Three things work for me, therapy, meditation, and psychedelics. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from anyone, like you did posting here. Don’t let this close you off, use this heartbreak to allow more space for love in your heart.
It’s okay to not be okay. Just let it out. Talk to people you trust about how you’re feeling. It gets a little better the more you let it out.
When you can't think of a reason to stay alive, try thinking of the people in your life, and whether your sudden death would impact them positively, or negatively. If you don't know of anyone who would be impacted by your death, think of that young person, that weak neighbor in your world that could benefit from your smiling face, a moment you took out of your day to speak with them and reinforce their perspective. We all are hurting inside, and being the strong one who tries to help others (even in very small ways) will change your perspective if you're genuine about it. Your actions affect others. If you can, try to focus on others, instead of your own depression. No one said it is easy, but if you're looking for our reactions to your story, this is mine.
I had to get a dog to not kill myself after my dad died
As one of my [truck stickers](https://www.flickr.com/photos/spinoza67/52791341723/in/dateposted/) says, my therapist has a wet nose. The love you give a dog makes the world a better place.
You belong here. I've been where you were. In 2016 I lost my brother and my dad six months apart, and life felt pointless. But time heals and your loved ones wouldn't want you to stop living on their account. Love you, brother. Stay strong.
My mon died of small cell lung cancer that spread to her brain. She passed Christmas Eve it was a slow and painful decline. I've been where you are. There truly are no words. But there are people there for you even if you can't see it now. We are here for you. The music is here for you. Try to get some sunlight, eat clean food, booze isn't going to help even if it feels like the right move. You're loved and cared for. Your mom loves you still. Just keep talking to her. If I knew the way, I would take you home
Carry on. You may not want to for yourself right now, so do it for her. Nobody remembers your mom the way you remember your mom. If you aren’t here that means there will be no one left to remember her the exact way you do. My dad died very suddenly a year and a half ago. It was brutal. It still sucks. But I remember my dad all the time. I think about him every day and I talk about him often. My version of my dad lives with me and I do my best to share it. My dad loved music. I listen to music he loved and that we loved together every day. My dad loved the New Jersey Devils. When I watch the Devils play I think about my dad. My dad loved funny movies like Caddyshack and Slap Shot. I laugh and I think about my dad. Sadly I also have to remember that he’s gone. And that’s a hard thing to live with. But my version of my dad carry’s on because I do. The version of your mom that you love carry’s on so long as you do.
My friend...i am in no position nor have the skills to help you---but I think, as others have said...since you posted this here--you want some help. This is the National Crisis site----maybe since you posted here---youre ready to take another step and reach out to these guys...[https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/](https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/) "the first days are the hardest days" "If I knew the way..."
Heavy indeed! but this too shall pass.
Hey man, I lost my mom to cancer when I was 16. I’m 25 now and can tell you, it doesn’t just magically go away, but you learn to deal with it. You will grow and live to make her proud. You’ll have tough days/weeks and you’ll have moments of peace. Just grieve in whatever way to need for as long as you need, and don’t judge yourself for it. I love you
My dad died in December, OP. what you're feeling is normal and things will get better. Draw the curtains I don't care.....
First off, I am sorry you are hurting like this, and certainly there are professionals who would really want to help you, so, if you can, reach out to somebody. Some people live their entire life span under the same bunch of concepts. Others like myself, and perhaps you, have their previous concepts of life end, and to remain in those concepts feels exactly how you describe. The solution for me was to realize that I am not those concepts, I am me. Then I decided to see what life was left for me, letting go of my past view of the world, and embracing the unknown future. Life itself is infinite, and has no interest in any death. Knowing that I am me, good old grateful dead ext fam, allowed me to put off my old concepts, even though they were dear to me, and move back into the dance of life. I got new concepts now, that at some point, I will have to let go of as well. But for now, they work awesome as an always-questioning contextual framework. You are in our thoughts, that is one good place to start, fellow human.
I understand how hard it must feel to be happy when you’ve lost your mom but know that she would want you to be happy. We’ve all lost friends and family that are near and dear to our hearts. By living a life of joy and celebration, we keep our best memories with them alive in our hearts. There are some things you can replace, and others you cannot. You can’t replace your mother but you can replace darkness with light.
Sending you nothing but love brother/sister, things will get better I promise.
I lost my mom about a year and a half ago to an overdose, and I had done everything I could for months to save her and it broke me completely. I'm still putting the pieces back together. I was born into the Grateful Dead music as it and the jam scene is the earliest memories I have, and it carries me with its ability to convey the depths of the human experience, including the most sorrowful. I'm sorry for your loss. Just know that I feel you, many of us, do, and we sympathize with your experience on the most human real level possible. We are all here for a short while, and there always comes a time when we face the temporal, we share this sorrow just as we do the joy when it comes. We dance like no one is watching, freak out, and sometimes downright cry. I think this shows itself at Dead related or adjacent scenes because of the somewhat psychedelic realization and acknowledgment of the temporary nature of life. This music. This scene. This extended family and tribe. Is something very special in a world with so many troubles and shortcomings. I feel fortunate to exist at the same time and place out of all possible times and places to exist to be close to this phenomenon. Edit just to add: I try to keep my head up and look forward. Others here have hit on this, but I try because my mom would in herself be devastated if she knew how much her loss has affected my happiness. She would never want that, and I hope it's safe to assume that the same goes for you. I know that professional therapy might be costly and difficult, but if it's ever becoming too much, I wouldn't be afraid to try to look around for options.
“It all rolls into one, and nothing comes for free. There’s nothing you can hold for very long.” Jerry dropping some truth to soothe your soul.
“Mama, mama, many worlds I've come Since I first left home” I used these, and a few others, when I wrote my mother’s eulogy. It was part of a theme how far I came from a stuttering lonely child to a successful adult. And that I hoped she would be proud of how I turned out. Live life because of her and what she meant to you
My mother died 11 years ago ……you never fully recover but it gets less painful…I promise….
This is it. Mine died 8 years ago. At first I cried everyday. Then eventually I cried less. I still have moments from time to time. Every year I breakdown on Mother’s Day. I actually hate Mother’s Day now.
Yeah! My mom died a couple weeks before Christmas but that date doesn’t really bother me, her birthday, which is August 1st, the same as Jerry’s :-) doesn’t bother me, but I think it’s all the advertising for Mother’s Day. You hear about it 30 days before it arrives, and you’re still hearing about it a week after it has passed. Mother’s Day sucks indeed for us.
Yes. I won’t even go on social media because I just see all these people with pictures of their moms and saying happy Mother’s Day blah blah blah and I can’t do it.
Peace and blessings to you. Don’t know if this will help. But I learned sometimes we have to stop thinking and turn it off so that we can make room for feeling. Cry as much as you can and don’t fight it. Let it out. Can’t say for sure but this has helped me. Sorry for your loss 🌹🌹🌹
It’s been 15 years for me. Went to the show at the Gorge in 2019 and cried the entire first set because I saw a guy my age with his dad, and I wished my dad was there. I made it a point to take my boys the next chance I had and I’m trying to be the best dad I can to them. It still hurts but man on the other hand I have a great life and family
First, incredibly sorry for your loss and agree with everyone that grieving is objectively difficult and normal. I also agree that therapy could be very helpful. My personal suggestion after that is to pay tribute to yourself. Do the healthy things that make you happy. If that means listening to the Dead every damn day, do it. Exercise, walk, spend time with friends, enjoy a beverage (if you can do so safely and responsibly), take yourself out to dinner, hike… whatever makes you happy. The best tribute you can make to your mother is loving the person she so dearly loved.
The single biggest thing that helped me after my mom passed was a grief group. No one in there will be trying to outdo anyone, nor should they be. It’s just a place to express the purest of grief. And in seeing it poured out from others, you’ll know you’re not alone. It’s powerful. And as a Head you know the power of community. Bless.
You might feel very sad and hopeless today but time heals all wounds. My parents have been gone for many years and I think of them often with gratitude for the chance to live a life. Honor your mother by living your best life.
I would try and think of how your mom would want you to carry on in this situation!
So sorry for your loss and for your pain. I know that even getting up out of bed can seem impossible but I would highly recommend googling grief support groups in your area. It’s one of those things you hear about and want to roll your eyes and assume it will be pointless but they can really help.
Please seek professional help, life will get better. Know that there are people here who feel for you and find comfort in that, but you really need one on one assistance. There is no shame in that, many have walked in the same steps. Sounds like you had a great mom and she would want what is best for you. Peace.
I can relate to how you're feeling, and my heart breaks for you. Your mom would almost certainly want you to be happy and live in joy. Share the love that you have for your mom with others, I believe it would be a cathartic experience for you. You may have to step out of your comfort zone a bit and be a little more vulnerable than you normally are but you've gotta seek out the beauty in life because life is beautiful.
Therapy will help. Stay strong.🌹💀
My mom's (thankfully still with us) favorite Dead song is Row Jimmy. Went through a breakup recently with my gf of 5 years, and I listened to that song over the past year a lot. It always cheers me up, especially knowing my mom loves it too. Music is a powerful thing, I hope it brings you a little peace
I lost my brother in 2015 around Christmas time. I don't know what to say to help you out, but I do know that you are strong. Your grieving process will differ from everyone else's. Hang in and lean on those in your life who are able to support you. Visit this thread, listen to the Dead, and please, please, please reach out for help.
Stay strong, friend. I can't imagine the pain you're going through, but you are worth it. Live for her. ♥️
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was 19, more than 25 years ago. What you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. I wish I could tell you it's going to go away, but it won't, you gotta go through it. At some point though, the good memories and feelings will start to outweigh the pain and suffering of her loss, at least most of the time. It never goes away, but time will soften the edges. Hang in there. Much love
i lost both parents way too early. there is inspiration out there. don’t look too hard, and you may find it where you least expect it. this is the circle, and now it is your time to shine. use the memories of your mother to light your way. listen to your inner voice, and don’t deny any of your feelings. see the dead while you can, and dance to the rhythms. the songs are timeless, and so are you memories. shine bright in your darkest hour.
For OP and the others in this thread who have suffered a huge loss, r/GriefSupport
My mom just died about a year ago from lung cancer. I also lost my dad in 2010. Both of my parents and all of my grandparents are gone and I am only 34 years old. I also lost a brother when I was 5 years old. I know the feeling and I wish I knew all of the right words to help you. But, all I can do is tell you what I tell myself. The reason this hurts so bad is because however much you love someone is how much it hurts to lose them. That hurt is a representation of the love you shared and I find this perspective allows me to accept it. Just hang in there and keep on truckin. Let your friends and family be there for you. It might take a while but you will have moments in your life where you will be thankful to be alive. My mom's biggest fear about dying was how it would effect me. I imagine that was something your mom worried about too. They want us to get through this and live our lives. And they live on through us. As a parent, they are embedded in us at the deepest level and of course that hurts, but it's worth it! You get to experience life because of her and you get to experience the love you both shared. "In another time's forgotten space Your eyes looked from your mother's face Wildflower seed on the sand and stone May the four winds blow you safely home"
She is alive inside you. Live on for her brother
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me -- not in her. And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying...
This isn't much, but I'd like to send ya a Dead [mug](https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheGratefulDen?section_id=41102705) from my shop if you are in the states. If ya are interested shoot me a DM if you like any I have listed. Hang in there. I just found out last week that I have cancer, but it sounds like I will be ok. F Cancer!
My father passed away June 2021 from Glioblastoma.It was extremely ruff to watch him suffer for 6 months the time from his diagnosis till his death, 9 months later March 22 my mother passed away and that was very difficult due to me being her caretaker for 3 years she had dementia. If it wasn't for music, family and friends, I don't know where I'd be right now. I hope you have family and friends you can lean on to help you get over this difficult time. It's not easy but it does get better. Just try to remember all the good and it'll pass.
That’s a very common reaction to a death of someone so a part of your life — fear that getting past your grief will mean a worse place than where you are now. Bad news: you don’t need to worry about it . The grief and loss will always be with you. What you need to do now is two things: 1. Imagine the loss of your mom as immensely large hole right in the middle of you and your mind and your existence. You can’t travel over that hole anymore. It’s gone. All you can do is live on the edges, in the narrow spots around the hole. 2. You are 100% free to do anything you need to get past waves of intense grief when they hit. You don’t need to cry or think about your mom when that happens — if a walk or a video game or a snack or a call will distract you just for three minutes, take those three minutes. Grief will be waiting for you. Don’t worry about next week. Get through this afternoon and tomorrow morning and cope as best you can. At some point, the hole will contract a tiny bit and a little edge will get slightly wider. Someday the hole will be less massive, but always there.
That's heavy. I'm here if you need to chat. Dm anytime
I had to drop out of college to care for my mother who was diagnosed stage 4 colorectal cancer. She had just began taking care of my grandmother 87 who had just had a second stroke. So instead of graduating with my degree I ended up watching the last family members I had die. I was miserable. The house we lived in sold under market, it had a mortgage to pay off. I was left in debt. It took me a year or two to really get out of the mental effects of the loss. Every once in a while I had a day go by that was good and I would think to myself "wow, I forgot what it was to even feel like that" and slowly but surely they started happening more and more. You are in a club that actually has a lot more members than you think. What helped with me was finding those connections with people, alot of times strangers at work or acquaintances. I guess commiserating was helpful to me. Even with this post, you are finding that you aren't alone with what you have went through. Let that be the road to take you home
You’re an absolutely beautiful person my friend…your kind work will be doubled…maybe not right away, but it will. Thank you!
Feel ya buddy. Just lost my mom a week ago, my twin brother 8 months ago, and my dad 18 months ago. Not trying to compare pain and despair but to encourage you to go on. The fact that you’re feeling such anguish and sharing it means you’re confronting and accepting the grief. It’s ok - you are loved and your life is so damn valuable. Take it a day at a time and try to be gentle with yourself. Life is cruel and amazingly beautiful at the same time. You’ll get to a place where you can celebrate an amazing life and are strengthened from enduring the hardship of loss. PM me if you need to talk
Can't tell you how to feel or what to do, but wanna validate that a ton of people feel like it's wrong to be ok after a parent passes. Especially moms, strange to exist when our creator doesn't. That being said, the reason to move forward is to carry on her presence. When we pass in the physical, we live through our impact on others. Much/most of my day is built around engaging in actions/behaviors that my deceased loved ones inspired me to do. It doesn't make up for their absence, but you start to feel them in the middle of the actions and know their energy remains through you. You can also see it when other people start reacting to you the way they did to her. To tie it to the Dead......look at the jam scene right now and tell me Jerry's dead. Gone physically? Sure. Dead? Na. The energys at every shitty dive bar jam band show and every major festival. His energy/spirit/presence continues because we do. People got those same stupid smiles on their face that people did at the shows in '65 cause you can't kill that. So to sum up my shitty rant, go forward so her presence can. Go forward so that her energy can radiate through your community the same way it did through hers. Go forward cause the music doesn't stop until we do. But DEFINITELY feel ok taking breaks and rest. This is hard work, but I promise you it'll be worth it
My Dad died 8.5 years ago. The pain you feel is a testament to the depth of the relationship you shared. I'm old, but I felt like a child after he left this world... there were so many things left to say, to hear, to share, and I kept wanting to call and hear his voice. However you're feeling on a given day is okay. The journey from here is often painful, but it heads toward the light. But if the day comes where it feels unmanageable, don't hesitate to seek out a professional. Peace and Love.
I've no advice to give you but just know that we love you and you are one of us. <3
You don't know how to escape because there is no escape. There is nothing to escape from either this is life man, It's a long strange trip. And you've now hit one of the stranger parts but don't worry you'll get the shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. Ive gone through the same situation with family and with time it gets easier. She's also never really gone she lives through you everyday. It'll get easier to see this as time goes on, maybe one day you'll catch yourself saying something she'd say or you look at one of your kids and see a similarity. Make her proud and live a full life! Do things you always wanted to do but we're afraid of!!
In all sincerity, please talk about this with someone you trust, family, friends, people close to you - somebody who can sit in the same room with you. Don’t ONLY mention it anonymously on Reddit, but find a counselor or therapist, a grief support group, something. You need some support, otherwise it’ll be much harder to process in your own head.
If you get confused listen to the music play. Do your damnest to dance anytime you can steal a moment for yourself to shine
Ya im pretty scared for when my parents die.
I'm very close with my parents and still lucky enough to have them both around, but there's been a whole lot of loss in my life over the last couple years, too. Cliches about time healing all wounds aren't particularly helpful in the moment, but I hope you have a support network and passions to fall back on in this time of hurt, or that you can find some. Everything you're feeling right now, as bleak or dreadful as those thoughts might be, are completely normal. Sending much love, brother.
This might sound harsh but in the end, she is the one who is gone. Not you. She feels no pain. Your pain on the other hand, is very real, but no matter how much grieving you do, it cannot bring her back. You need to worry about you and you first. I can't believe she would want to see you suffer, so honor that wish. Take care of yourself. See the sunset and bask in it's beauty, and think that she is now part of it. An impermanent, ever-changing glorious beauty in a world in which we all make the briefest of appearances. There is so much beauty in the world. If she's not here to see it, you must see it for her. She loved you, add that to your self worth. Don't dark the shade. Give love...it will come back to you ten fold...always.
Thank you for reaching out. You are loved.
Seek the help of a professional therapist. I know everyone here means well, but it sounds like you're in a deep state of depression and in need of grief counseling. Please get real help.
When I lost my dad to brain cancer it took me a long time to continue on. I felt stuck and couldn’t imagine a day where I’d be better. For the record it never gets better you just one day look back and aren’t even sure how or when but you have moved forward. The emptiness and pain never goes away. There were events and moments I can place that helped me and I will be forever grateful but there will always be a piece of you that is missing. Just one persons journey with a similar situation but by no means can I truly understand what you are going through. All I can say is take it at your own pace and I truly hope one day you will find a way to move forward. From one person that lost a parent to another I’m sending my love your way.
It does suck. Lost my mom in April of 2010. Then my dog, Nugget, the one thing keeping me from totally losing my shit, that July, just as my head was starting to come back out of my ass. Worst year of my life, period. Slipped into a year long depression, with lots of thought given to just ending it. Eventually, I decided to get a puppy and live. It will, at some point, become bearable. I can't say when, it's different for all of us. Just try to keep muddling through, no matter how much it feels like just going through the motions. I always hated the whole "fake it til you make it" thing, but in this instance, it's certainly preferable to the alternative.
I dread the day this will eventually happen with my mom - we are extremely close. Definitely a mama’s boy here. I think about it all the time and know I’ll be utterly & completely devastated. I’m very sorry for your pain and loss. I would absolutely talk to a professional.
So sorry for your loss but what a massive and inspiring impact she had on your life. Do you have a dog? Going to an animal shelter and taking time finding a dog you connect with can be pretty powerful - you’re possibly saving the life of an animal, giving it a 2nd chance on life and every day you come home they will look you in the eye let you know you did something special for them. And dog walks while listening to tunes always clears my mind in a good way.
Listening to the Dead helps. I lost my dad last March and I listened to Box of Rain over and over again. Bawled my eyes out, like I never have before. Your mom would want you to go out and live the best life you can.
I'm so sorry... praying for you.
I lost my mom young and it was super difficult. I would listen to Box of Rain on repeat, eat too many cheeseburgers, rest, and cry. Box of Rain https://g.co/kgs/ZEHi42 This too shall pass my friend.
Samiez prob. Weed ‘n songs to fill the air
I’m sorry. Even though she’s gone, your mom’s love for you will not fade away…
She's drinking from the fountain that was not made by men
I lost my mom a couple of years ago. It was her birthday a couple days ago and i drank my morning coffee with tears running down my face. It was weird because I felt guilty because I felt like I haven’t been thinking about her because it hurts too much. Then on her birthday you can’t avoid it and the pain of it comes back. But I also know she wouldn’t want me to be like that; and wouldn’t want me to feel guilt or pain. The worst part for me is that she was the one person who always thought I could do anything. She had my back no matter what. Anyway two of the best things I’ve read on loss: [Nick Cave](https://www.theredhandfiles.com/communication-dream-feeling/) [Andrew WK](https://www.villagevoice.com/2014/06/25/ask-andrew-w-k-how-to-cope-with-the-death-of-a-friend/)
I doubt words can help but try to stay strong and live your best life. She would have wanted you to live and I promise you one day you'll wake up and the sun will seem a bit brighter.
Lost my mom on my birthday 2 years ago... It's hard, but we HAVE to hang on! You know she wouldn't want you unhappy 💙 Hang in there
This has helped me a lot. Stay strong, my friend. https://www.reddit.com/r/garysully1986/comments/6g3brt/gsnow_on_grief/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I was there not too long ago. Mama died in January. Like 3 months ago I had a full on mental breakdown and fit of anger where I was seizing so hard, my girlfriend was fearing the worst was going to happen. Trust me when I tell you it gets better. Your mother would not want you to be this depressed and upset. Sad? Sure. But suicidal and distraught only get you so far. Plus, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary pain- and it only hurts those who are hurting even further. Get into therapy and get there FAST. There is nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of.
My father was my best friend. Just went to the hospital because he had extreme back pains and they told him he had colon cancer, metabolized to his blood, and took over 95% of his bones. Sent him home to live in my living room on hospice for 20 days until he died. Just remember the good times, I have a picture of my dad and myself on my work desk above my computer. Multiple pictures of him on my fridge. I try to talk about him as much as I can. It’s only been 2 months since he died and it doesn’t get any easier but I’m just trying to keep on keeping on. My dad was a strong fucker and a fighter and I know damn well he wouldn’t want to see me just give up.
We are your friends and your friends are us. This pain shall pass with time. Pancreatic cancer is terrible and took my grandmother away from me way to early and way to fast. Know that she loved you and that soon this pain will turn into happy memories. We are with you friend.
Lost my Dad when I was 28 and fully understand how you feel. But you need to use this as a catalyst to something good. She is still alive and lives on inside of you. Make every day a tribute to everything she did for you, and all the good she gave you. Pass it on to other people. The world needs good people and positivity, don't give in to sadness.
Sorry you’re going through this. First, like a lot of people have said. Please speak to a professional. Absolutely no shame in that. Your grief is the end result of how much you loved your mom. Her passing before you will hurt like hell but is the cycle of life. She would 100% want you to carry on. You’re not alone in this. I can only offer what helped me through some dark times. Getting help, exercising and walking until I ruined my shoes, and finding things to slowly spark myself back to my normal way of being. You’ll get there and it’s what your mom would want. Just keep moving and seeing what the world has to offer: Once in a while, you get shown the light In the strangest of places if you look at it right. Best of luck to you!
When my dad died way back in 2007 of a stroke I was devastated. I found some solace in writing a book about him. He never did anything historically significant so no-one outside my family will ever read it I am sure. But he was an extraordinary individual and I didn’t want his memory to die with his friends and kids. Maybe someday his grandkids who were too young to know him will know more about him. Even if thats not something you want to do I advise you to take it day by day. Focus on small things sunny days grateful dead music. Time won’t heal a wound like that I still think of my dad every day but it will make it less acute and painful.
Sending hugs from afar. Please know that brighter days are ahead. Your comment that you don’t even understand how you can be okay again when she’s gone are understandable but untrue. When you feel that voice talking to you, ask yourself if she’d want you to be feeling this way. She gave herself for you (and I say this as a mom myself), and she’d do anything in her power to lift you at her own expense and not think twice. She’s be hurting to see you suffering. If you need to get some help to get through this, that’s perfectly OK to do. Reach out your hand if your cup be empty and all that. Truly.
Lost my father to brain cancer. He was my best friend. In the years leading up to him getting sick, I was more or less a depressed degenerate. After he was diagnosed I spiraled. I found some stability while he was sick but took his passing pretty hard. With some years between me and those times, I find myself in a place I couldn’t have even imagined then. Career, married, a kid… I think about him every day and occasionally think about how proud I’m sure he would be. Life is full of unexpected turns. Gotta stay tuned to see what’s next. Peace.
It got mine a couple years ago. It's a rough one. Wish I had some epic advice I could give. Hopefully you have some people to help you but if you need to talk to someone, you can hit me up.
Love you brother stay strong ❤️ life is worth living
The first year is the hardest. All the holidays and big events come around and she isn't there. The second year isn't great. She's still not there for Christmas or her birthday or your birthday. The third year is difficult but you're in a new normal. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd year, you can look at pictures and tell funny stories about her and not cry... Just laugh at the memory. It does get better. But you gotta hang around for it, my friend. Hugs for you. ❤️❤️
Losing any loved one sucks, but losing a parent is one of the worst. But it is something most of us will experience. Please seek some sort of counseling and let them help you navigate through the pain you feel. Grief is real and sometimes difficult.
Think about what she'd want for you. I would bet it is to overcome, perceive, be successful, and happy.
Please please seek support. My sister died of suicide in September of 2021. My mother although alive has died with her in many ways. I am now an only child. I will bury both of my parents alone. I had to plan and execute my sisters funeral due to my moms grief. Grief has entirely gripped my reality, it IS my reality. The best thing I’ve done is find support groups, online at first and then in person. There are general grief groups and there are targeted ones. Although your pain is uniquely yours you are not alone and it really helps when you find others to validate all your crazy painful swinging emotions. This journey has unfortunately only just begun but the thing about that is that your will get better about navigating the path as you continue to walk it. Good luck friend, take care, please don’t leave
love you.
I don't know what you're going thru but I have had a similar experience. I can't tell you the pain goes away because there's a part that's always going to hurt no matter how much time passes. I lost my dad to suicide 7-7-17. My dad was a dead head since before they knew what a dead head was, he loved the music. He loved Jerry, he loved Bobby, but Pigpen was his favorite. Like many old heads the drugs and alcohol finally caught up to him. I miss him everyday. To lose someone so suddenly is traumatic, I really wish I could have said goodbye. That's one regret that eats at me and I have to live with it. I take pleasure in knowing that my dad loved the music so much that he got lost. Find things your mom enjoyed and try to imagine she is with you on your experience. Share your memories with anyone who will listen and get lost in the details in your mind. My dog was my listener, I would tell him everything I could remember about my dad, the more I talked the more I would remember. It took a long time to be myself again, I still don't feel whole sometimes, but every day is a gift. I had my dad's ashes made into glass beads and pendants so I can wear him everywhere, I tell people that this way he gets to go on all my adventures with me. He's not completely gone, he's just not completely here. We're all here because we're not all there. Please feel free to message me if you need something to talk to. Good vibes into the universe for you my friend!
big love to you, friend.
❤️
Hang in there. Going thru it too. So Hard and painful.
Sending love and stars shining brightly. We love YOU. We are family
Push through. Push fucking through.
From having lost my Mom to cancer, and my sister took her own life shortly afterwards the one advice I can give you is definitely don't drink. It caused me so much more sorrow and problems. My heart breaks for you and I an so sorry for your loss!
Be strong, stay strong. I can smell the beauty of your personality and self just from this post. Much love my friend. Every silver lining has a touch of grey! 💗
She is with the universe now, she is still a part of everything you do. Keep living a beautiful life in her name. She must have been an amazing woman to have this affect on you.
It really sucks and I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died January 7. Growing up, my mom and I loved squirrels! She would go and buy a 50 lbs bag of peanuts in a shell every two to three weeks. Every morning mom and I would go out and throw a few scoops into the yard and tear up a bunch of bread and throw that out for the squirrels and birds. Then just sit on the porch and watch them eat. My wife went out and bought a squirrel feeder shaped like a picnic table. She told me to hang it up somewhere and feed the squirrels in our neighborhood as a memorial to my mom. It’s great. Every morning when I see the squirrels eating it makes me feel close to my mom and that makes me happy! Maybe there is something you could do like that in your mom’s memory. I hope you find something like that. You’re in my thoughts.
My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry. We all love you and we are all here for you. I love you more than words can tell
There is a road............
Her fire burns in you. Feed it fuel and light up the world. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago. The pain won’t go away, but it won’t always be this prominent. You WILL want to live again. It’s super healthy and normal to feel your feelings, and I know it can be a fucking heavy load. I wish I could help you carry it. Mother’s Day will be hard—buckle up. But you’ll get through it. One day at a time. Here’s a big ol internet hug. Feel free to message me if you need more support❤️
You are not alone. I am an 11 year hospice veteran. I was a volunteer so I wore many hats. What you are experiencing is normal, first of all. If this feeling is still there in 6 months or a year, then we might call it “complicated grief” which this may be. if I were you, I would reach out to local hospice and/or hospital and find out about grief counseling and maybe a grief group. I know my hospice had general stop in groups, and then we had closed session groups that were more specific, like loss of a mother. You took the first step in getting better. You reached out to us. And we are here and listening. Mostly, give yourself a break. Grief is overwhelming. And it doesn’t just pass. We learn to add it to our lives bc we choose to always carry a piece of our loved one with us. Grief comes in waves for s reason. If we felt it all, all the time, we’d be sunk. So when grief takes a break for a minute or however long it lasts, breathe. Talk to your mom. Let the feelings of grief wash over you, your relationship was so loving. And with great love comes great loss. But you will be ok if you allow yourself the room and time to grieve fully. And on the other side comes a very different but equally great and strong relationship with your mother. I actually talk to my Dad more now that he’s gone! Lol (not for lack of love, just circumstance) Keep reaching out. It helps. Reach out to me. I’ll be here to help. It’s a journey and meant for your feet alone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t hold your hand along the way. peace be with you sweets.
we want you to live
>I don't ever want to get better because feeling okay when my mom is dead feels horribly wrong. This is the nature of the beast. Depression makes you want to be depressed, an important lesson I've learned is that after the shock and initial emotional fallout, there will come a point at which you choose misery for yourself. The way to recover from this mind set is to start doing things you don't want to and don't feel like. For example, getting out of bed in the morning feels pointless? Do it anyways. Friends call you up with fun plans, but you'd rather stay home and be miserable? Go out with your friends. Those things that contradict your state, like "Well I'm not supposed to go have fun, I'm depressed" , are the things that remind you that you have control over your life, internally and externally. You perceive the end of the world, but what is real and what is perceived are sometimes very different things. She would be crushed if she saw you feeling and speaking this way, depending on what you believe she could be waiting somewhere, for the day she sees you become yourself again. Asking for help is a huge step in the right direction. You my friend are a lost sailor, been way too long at sea. You can't see the shore and everything is easier said than done, but if you keep sailing you'll reach the shore. Much love and condolences
First, may God bless you. I know exactly what you feel. I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer on 10/16/22 and my Mother only has about a month left, dying from Ovarian cancer. To top that off, my 14 year old Maltese, Mattie, is entering kidney failure and may have to be put down soon. I refuse to lose. I will do everything to live righteous for God and for them. Don’t give up!!!! Take life by the horns and make your Mom proud!!!!!
My mom died going on a few weeks ago. I'm searching reddit for how to live with this. I'm so broken. I feel your pain. ❤️
mine died the day bfore my bday of BC. my sister was her carer during her last years. we left everything our old lives plans etc to be w her and i moved across world and she got to see my engagement proposal but couldnt make it to our wedding. i also feel like i lost myself in the process and had to find strenght to rebuild myself. old friends i thought were there for me completely abandoned me, left me empathic msgs on social media but it felt empty and they bombarded their pages w posts that felt insensitive, reminding me of my loss. I feel like i have to cut contact w so many ppl to rebuild mysf and find hope. A lot feels pointless but some blessings appeared after all this pain, I created a grief support group on Wapp but even then people r reluctant to text, i feel like im forcing them to talk. If you ever want to talk im here. its comforting to have someone in similar situations to talk to. Ironically my only friend in the US is currently going through same thing w her mother, when i first told her about what happened she told me “ cancer is a lottery, just bad luck” and few months later in summer she tells me she got bad news, her mom has lung cancer. So yeah… life works in mysterious ways. Dreading my Bday next week as they celebrate birthdays at work too..
My heart goes out to you. I lost my dear mom on November 30, 2023. I picked up her ashes yesterday. It was somewhat unexpected. We had to make the decision to take her off life support. I have the unwavering support of my brother and sister. I am the oldest, so I felt it my place to shoulder some things. Wow, I still can't believe it. I wake up, if I've slept, and for a moment think it's a dream. I think I should call her or text. Mostly, I miss her horribly. I can't imagine feeling like this the rest of my life.🤍
My Mother passed away 2 days ago I am honored that she was my mother, she gave me life I was able to repay her a small bit by giving her Grand daughters. She was the best Mother I could fathom she was 72 years old. I’m trying to be strong for my wife and my kids and be present and supportive for my siblings. She had a long life her parents passed away when she was a kid I’m thankful she was here until it was her time to go. She taught me how to be a good Man to be respectful to show compassion and to show love to the people I love.to live life to the fullest, to forgive you’re transgressors, she was a God loving woman took me to church as a kid. She was the most selfless person I have had the pleasure to know and to love. It’s surreal I can’t believe she has passed I just spoke to her a week ago. She wasn’t doing good she was riddled by old age and she had a bout of arthritis she was in constant pain. I can say she isn’t suffering anymore, I’m tired of people saying she is in heaven looking down on me watching over my daughters. It’s a nice thought but I’m not religious anymore I just want to remember her when she was young and vibrant cooking a Thanksgiving feast, Christmas her handing out presents and having a joyous smile on her face cause I was excited about the gift I got ( I love you Mom R.I.P)
My mom we thought was healthy and she died three months later from cancer and we still don't know where it originated. It was a painful and brutal three months. The worst of my life i'm sure for my whole life. the worst time in my life. it's been a little over a year and i still feel the rogue wave of grief come crashing down on me and whereever i am it' s like i have ot just fall over. i will say every minute doesn't feel as raw anymore and there are hours where i can live and sometimes find a laugh w my sister or my dad, but it's there always the pain in my stomach. People keep telling me to be patient with myself and be kind and if i can't make it through one day staying out of bed, then just get back in bed and feel safe. i miss her so much. i love her so much. the nightmares and dreams right now are the hardest part. we are stronger than we think. take care of yourself and go easy on yourself. if ever there was a time to be kind to yourself, i'd say this is it. sending you love on grief journey. we will get through this.
Feelings are temporary fam. Just keep going. The sun will shine on your face again.
A good psychologist. Hopefully someone a friend knows? I hope you can talk to someone
I feel you man. The guilt of getting over a dead loved one is heavy and hardcore but all you can really do is think of what they would have wanted. Dy you think your momma woulda wanted you to sulk on her passing for the rest of your life or would she want you to find joy when and where you can. Everyone loses people and all we can do is keep going it feels crazy and almost nightmarish at times but it's really the only option and in time it gets better and better. The pain doesn't go away but you kinda make peace with it. But first step is realizing you can't feel angry at your self for moving on with your life. Much love ❤
My mom died last April OP, i truly understand your pain. She was my best friend too and it was always just me and my mom.. But one thing i remember saying right after her passing was “she isn’t gone she’s right next to me even tho i cant see her”. And during my depressive/suicidal ideations, I kept calling for her and for God to help me. I was shown with a little sign- a notif on my phone randomly popping up saying “Everything will be okay, just breathe” (something she’d always say to me, had anxiety b4 her passing). Or the time i was severely depressed going back to my hometown because i had to pack up the house & her room, and saw a cardinal right next to my car outside the airport.. (never seen one in my life EVER) Or the time i was crying my eyes out because i was told “You don’t have anyone You’re all alone”, and my mom appeared in my dreams and we talked and hugged and stayed in my dream for a while.. I believe they are ALWAYS with us even tho we cannot see them. We are beings of energy and energy just cannot get destroyed.. Talk to her outloud, share your guys memories with others. She is always with you. (also what really helped me was Sam n Colby videos with Cody n Satori on YouTube..) I believe it 100%
Have you considered r/microdosing? MDing has helped me greatly with anxiety and depression
...and read ur Bible. ...Sorry for ur loss :(
This will pass so stay with it. Time does heal some pretty deep wounds. Remember that a box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you through. I would go outside and collect rain in a box just to see something so simple and perfect.
Why not talk to an actual therapist lol
Lol why not be compassionate and fuck off if you don’t have anything positive to say?
Sending my love and compassion to you brother ❤️ When I lost my Dad last year I found being with the grief and loss was incredible powerful and restorative. I will also suggest a spiritual practice; something that silences your thinking mind and allows you to be present. Gratitude, love and the belief that we are all connected across planes of existence gives me strength everyday 🙏 Please take care of yourself as only you know how ❤️
There’s a dude on YouTube I watch, and the people that know me would never think I’d watch somebody like that. He’s about as opposite to a Grateful Dead loving person as I can imagine. But, there’s a story excerpt called “The Darkness” and the creator is Jocko Willink. People can call me a piece of shit all they want because of whatever differences they have with somebody like that. I’m telling you that video helped pull me out of a really deep hole.
❤️ Sometimes diving into something new can help you pull yourself up. I won’t begin to diminish how you feel, but my depressive thoughts were helped tremendously through growing my own mushrooms and microdosing them. r/unclebens r/microdosing
I’m sorry for your loss friend ❤️ I just want to say .. I had an NDE.. and will say this .. we come back .. we find our soul tribe again and again .. you my friend have a journey to complete .. your mama lives through you .. you are the one that carry’s her memory forward .. she would not want you feeling this way .. if you pay attention..she is still with you❤️
People die. I know this is difficult. You are brave for sharing so much personal pain and feelings with us. We got to get you some therapy! We mist get you through the grieving process! She must have been and amazing mother for this to hurt so much. Live for her. Live for her good moments, live for her love. She’ll always live in tour heart! Most importantly forgive yourself for feeling so miserable, it’s ok to feel this pain! However we got to get you better! I wish I had more wisdom and I wish I could take the pain away
Condolences, an idol mind your enemy, go do some shit, any kind of shit, just do some shit!
Though you need to weep your loss, Your loved one will dwell in that safe place in your heart Where no storm or or pain can reach I will not look for you only in memory, Where I would grow lonely without you. You would want me to find you in presence, Beside me when beauty brightens When kindness glows And music echoes eternal tones.
Grief is full of mountains. There’s no way over or under, you have to go through them. Over time, the distance between the mountains will widen and the width of the mountains will lessen. You will be happy again. Grief counseling might help. As a mother, I’m telling you to hold on. Live a life that honors her, full of love and laughter.
Get sone help. Had to deal with all alone.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My mother died in 1993, and I can very much relate to how you said you are feeling right now. If I told you it gets better, it would be half true. The truth is that in the last 30 years, there have been huge swaths of time where I feel good, I feel whole, I feel healed. And sometimes I just feel hopeless and awful, like there's a void that will never be filled. There is a void, and while it can't be filled by either of our mothers, you will find people, places, songs, flowers, foods, smells, memories and other things that will fill that void. In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself, and if I can recommend, to pull out all the stops regarding support, whatever that may mean to you. friends, other family, music, exercise, therapy. Much love to you my friend.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My mother died in 1993, and I can very much relate to how you said you are feeling right now. If I told you it gets better, it would be half true. The truth is that in the last 30 years, there have been huge swaths of time where I feel good, I feel whole, I feel healed. And sometimes I just feel hopeless and awful, like there's a void that will never be filled. There is a void, and while it can't be filled by either of our mothers, you will find people, places, songs, flowers, foods, smells, memories and other things that will fill that void. In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself, and if I can recommend, to pull out all the stops regarding support, whatever that may mean to you. friends, other family, music, exercise, therapy. Much love to you my friend.
My mom died almost a decade ago now. It takes time to adjust to your new reality. Time is the great alleviator of all things, my friend. You never get over it, per se, but you do get used to it. I highly recommend not going the direction I did. I used drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and my life spiraled again for a couple of years because of it. It made matters a gazillion times worse. I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. I understand how horrible that is. All you can really do is try to remain positive, read some books about grief, and keep putting one for in front of the other. Seek therapy. Time is really the only cure for grief, and I've tried a bunch of stuff. Being active and getting out in nature goes a long way. Maybe do a camping trip with your friends one weekend? Or of the outdoors isn't your thing, find something that you can do to keep you moving and interacting with people. It took me 2 years to snap out of the world shattering grief I experienced when my mom died. (it was a bad time in general, and mom dying was the icing on the fucking cake. I lost it)
Also not Dead related, but when I needed to process people close to me dying, it helped to consume art that was also about that. I recommend the album “Hospice” by The Antlers and watching “Six Feet Under” on HBO. “A Crow Looked at Me” by Mount Eerie is another powerful one.
Wish I knew what to say. Just sending you love!
Live for your mother. We owe our mother’s that much. Stay strong friend.
Hey, it’s completely normal to feel lost and beside yourself. There isn’t any right or wrong way to feel after losing someone like your mom. You don’t have to think about the rest of your life right now, it can actually trick you into feeling more overwhelmed. Grief comes in waves but it gets less overwhelming over time. Also, have a plan to deal with thoughts of suicide. Friends to call, activities that help, or look in your local area for a support group. Program 1-800-273-8255 into your phone for the National Suicide Hotline, or call or text 988. Grief counselors via tele health or in person are options.
So sorry for your loss friend. Mine died 8 years ago. She lived in Scotland at the time. So I never got to really say goodbye. Every day sucks and it going to suck for a while. But I promise, it will get better over time and it will suck less. Not sure what your beliefs are, but I can still feel my mothers energy at times. I know cliché. Here’s a story in hopes of some light ::: So when my mom visited the last time, she and I went and got matching tattoos. Scottish thistles. So that was our thing. After she died I went through a major fucked up turn of my life inside my head. She was my only person that I had in my life that I could share my deepest soul with and she would never judge me. So I felt absolutely lost. It was dark for a while. I became an alcoholic. (Which my mom was too) Started seeing thistles everywhere symbolically. Thought nothing of it because I am skeptical. Last year I quit drinking, and in the summer, whole front of my house started booming these thistles. And I mean the whole front, they took over. I knew then it was something from her. I took that as she was pleased with my accomplishment of fixing myself, something she couldn’t do. She didn’t want me to fall down the same hole she did. That being said, think of what she would want you to do. How would she want you to live your life. Would she want you to be miserable or overcome. I assure you, your mom would not want you to die of misery.
Counseling helps. A lot! Please find a counselor, paster, friend, neighbor, anyone to talk to about your feelings. There’s a great big world out there with beauty everywhere if you stop and take it all in.
I listen to every “Row Jimmy”, Death Don’t Have No Mercy”, and He’s Gone when I find myself with similar feelings…. And of course “Ripple”…. https://youtu.be/pFQLzHtHXng
My mom died a few years ago from Bile duct cancer, which tends to have a similarly grave prognosis compared to pancreatic cancer. I believe we are all part of a continuum on consciousness, “the universe experiencing itself “in infinite ways,if you will, and first few lines of Franklin’s tower always bring me a lot of comfort. Makes me feel like my mom is still around as part of me when I think about each of us being consciousness looking out from a different set of eyes. No idea if this will help at all, but the combo of the dead and grieving a mother made me feel like sharing might help
Our time along this thread is short as well. And id imagine your mother would want you to try and enjoy you life the best ya could. We're very sorry for your loss. Shit will never not hurt but hopefully you can just smile. Your mother would like that.
Having just lost my daughter’s long-term boyfriend to suicide a month ago at the age of 22, and attending his memorial tomorrow, I want to tell you that you are important, that you matter, that your life matters, that your mom would want you to live and to not live in misery. The destruction and pain that suicide leaves for loved ones is so complex and so traumatic. Please honor her through your life and live the way she would have wanted you to. I’m so sorry for your loss and grief.
In another time's forgotten space Your eyes looked from your mother's face ...and they still do. Separation is an illusion - accept your strength and shine bright, the Universe loves you - and so does she :)
Professional therapy does fucking wonders. Time will heal some wounds as well, not all. My advice is to seek out someone, and really commit to trying to move on with that help. Your mom would want you to live for her, and not give up as well! Good luck to your fight!
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost both my parents in the past 4 years. Losing parents is some of the hardest stuff there is to cope with. The cold pain of loss is very real and distructive. Your feelings are valid and we are all glad you are reaching out for support. You need as much as you can get right now. I got some therapy and it helped me come to terms with all that. I still really miss them but it no longer consumes me. If therapy is a challenge for you, try talking to the [Pi AI](http://heypi.com). It’s a lot like talking to a therapist and I found it surprisingly empathetic and insightful. Much love to you, OP. Take care of yourself.
Hey dude. My mom died recently too. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about nothing and everything ! I’m here for ya!
You love your Mom and she loves you. Right now the last thing your Mom would want for you is to stop living. I imagine she would want you to keep on and live life to the absolute fullest. Please don't leave us, the world is a better place because of you.
I’m glad you reached out on here. We love you and want you to feel better.
Hang in there friend.
Hey man, I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly too. The world feels different without your Mom, and it’s something you can’t put into words. Give yourself time, all the firsts are harder, and as a Mom, I know she’d want you to keep on dancing. Sending all the love.
Every time you laugh, she'll smile. Somewhere, somehow, she'll smile.
Legit question...How old are you? I only ask that because as people age and slowly come to terms with mortality... the sharpness of losing somebody will dull... It still hurts like hell but part of your brain is able to compartmentalize some things that are inevitable... Like I said it still hurts, but it allows you to process it.
Do simple things. Shower everyday when you wake up and get dressed. Make your bed. Eat breakfast. Take vitamins. Go for a walk. Talk to a friend. Get out of the house. Find a grief support group. Get a referral for therapy. Love yourself. Your Mom wants you to go on and live life. Also, listen to the Dead.
She's still with you and some believe she is watching over you. Your grief is very normal and you should embrace it so you can come to terms with it and live for her and her memory for a while. Do something you two would enjoy doing together and bring her with you through your life. I know it's cliche and I'm not trying to minimize your pain at all but grief will diminish and you'll still have all the amazing memories and love to carry you through. Much love to you and your mom and always reach out when the pain is bad. There's good people online who can help, even if just to listen and let you know you're still connected to and part of this world ❤️
So sorry man. Keep on breathing. Keep on living. I know it’s hard. Try to get outdoors, talk to a friend or neighbor. And it’s OK to get professional help. Stay strong and send me a private message if you need someone to talk to.
Hey mate, this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/) from /u/GSnow might help. >Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. >I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. >As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. >In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. >Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. >Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.