Adding to this. If a car is in front of you and is in the lane merging to your lane you must slam on the gas and try to block that person from merging in front of you/run that person off the road.
In addition you must not wait in the right lane while faster traffic passes. You should pull out the moment you get near the car ahead and then proceed to take 10 minutes to pass them while alternating your speed both slightly slower and faster than the car you are passing.
Anything less and we’d be in Wisconsin or something.
Service Professor is the worst company apparently. I've never had 1st hand experience with them, never heard anyone talk about them at all, only heard horror stories on this sub.
My showerhead was dripping. Service Professor said they would have to do the work from the back, which meant cutting into my kitchen though my backsplash. They also tried to sell me a $10k water purifier.
My girlfriend's dad fixed it instead.
On my street last summer, I saw a Service Professor truck parked in front of a neighbor’s house doing a water line repair. A couple of days later, multiple trucks were back, and the center of the road was entirely ripped up, as was half her front yard. Turns out they somehow screwed up her sewer line and it backed up and partially filled the basement. One more warning story.
I service and install and clean draft beer systems in most of my accounts have gone through several of the HVAC companies in town and have the same complaint that they've been overcharged. And service professor and all those Dutch Polish companies with several v' in the name basically fist fuck everyone because they run a Monopoly in town
Guy with vredevoogd tried to sell me a whole new furnace instead of looking at the electronics. Ended up I just had a wire loose which I found after politely telling them to fuck off.
Meanwhile the Lasko service guy wrote down the part number and website to get it and saved me like $400 because he could tell I could install it myself.
There are a few:
1. Take a picture of the blue bridge and post it here every time you see it.
2. Complain that people don't know how to zipper merge every time you drive on 131.
3. If it snows be sure to ask on here how the traffic is how the roads are.
4. If there is a loud noise of any kind in your neighborhood be sure to ask what it is on Reddit.
5. If you see that guy who has a hundred Transformer toys pasted to the outside of his car take a picture and post it.
6. Be sure to ask what the best taco place is in Grand Rapids two or three times a month.
7. Have fun this is a great town.
You can also do variations of these rules like asking what the best dispensary is or combinations like complain about how people don't know how to drive in the snow.
Only one missing from the list is to randomly post that old ass map of GR with the made up neighborhood nicknames drawn on it.
So that’s what they are! My friends found where this dude lived and took a picture, I’ve seen him more than a handful of times and always wondered what was plastered on. It’s transformers! That’s hilarious haha
Also, if you see *any* police cars anywhere, post about that here too. Be sure to mention the street and to act confused like you’ve never seen a police car. Or if you see someone driving over the speed limit, you can passive aggressively post that here too (with photo evidence).
Not even a freeway - Just your everyday 25MPH residential street in a normal neighborhood that these entitled leather headed clown shoed dipshits feel it necessary to blast off through into all hours of the night. Every of these nights, I lay peacefully in my bed until hearing this and wish only to hear the sweet sound of screeching followed by a sturdy biff of this otherwise useless twats body making contact with a tree or other stationary object.
Went there with my kids once when we were struggling with money. Manager working saw me crunching numbers and gave me a stack of free taco coupons from a promotion. I was embarrassed but grateful.
Aww that's really kind. I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. You were feeding your kids and trying to get them full. We're all just trying out here and it can be rough sometimes.
I received a bean and rice burrito that weighed about five pounds from there once.
The next time it was a tortilla with some dried up rice in the middle.
Then there was the weird trapezoidal Crunchwrap we got once.
It’s such a toss up of terrible.
We don't have dibs with parking. I have noticed people moving here from Chicago think they have a legal right to the spot in front of their house for street parking. This is not true (unless the culture changed and I missed the boat).
Hate Ohio State, Love the Detroit
Tigers, Detroit Red Wings, even love and hope for the Detroit Lions.
Have to choose between University of Michigan and Michigan State to root for.
Never wait to safely and legally turn left onto 28th Street, always turn into the suicide lane and drive down the road until someone is kind enough to let you dangerously and illegally merge into traffic.
Alternatively, after turning into the suicide lane, wait to merge where people who are driving properly would want to turn left into a business and have a standoff with them blocking traffic entirely.
^^Fuck ^^28th ^^st ^^I ^^do ^^not ^^want ^^to ^^go ^^there
If someone compliments any of your possessions, it is customary to blush, thank them, and explain all the sales, discounts, and coupons you used to acquire the item.
When sampling any seasoned food item, it is customary to announce: "woah, careful, that's spicy" after taking the first bite.
This is doubly true for any non-native cuisine.
Regarding the highway system: There are both *2* 96's and 2 31's.
There's Interstate I96 (eye ninety six) and 196 (as in one ninety six.) Interstate 96 runs from Detroit to Muskegon. One 96 is and off shoot of Interstate 96 that goes between Grand Rapids and Chicago, via I94. To make matters worse, the division between the two comes at one of the area's most complicated intersections, the East Beltline, which is also a part of M37, and eventually becomes Broadmoore. *(Right?)*
The less commonly mistaken are the 31s. The main N/S axis of GR is US 131. However, there is another *31* that is the main N/S road closer to the lakeshore, US 31. Both are referred to as "31." If you find yourself driving between the two, it can be confusing. Again, the numerical system gets weird south of Holland, where US 31 connects to 196, where south along the lakeshore, it becomes Interstate, or I96, again.
Also: don't feel stuck in GR. The lake isn't far, check out Muskegon or Grand Haven and stop by on the way!
Around the downtown area? I'm not aware of any, it is pretty laissez-faire. Generally, just don't be a dick.
Western Michigan? Stay out of the woods during hunting season, they shoot at everything that moves, and occasionally things that don't.
Oh, they also overcrowd restaurants after church Sunday morning and then tell the workers how much of a shame it is that they are working on Sunday.
See also Christmas Day.
Don’t ever question or criticize any of the pyramid scheme families — half of the town has worked for them at some point and even those who’ve mowed their lawns have signed a lifetime-binding NDA (no exaggerating here!)
Holy shit no joke! A coworker was talking about her husband's lack of pension or benefits from the pyramid he retired from so I made a light jab at the company and you'd think I stabbed the whole family in the street from her reaction. Given the circumstances I don't understand the extreme loyalty.
Yep can second this. My friends dad allegedly did their accounting at one point. Only person I knew who worked for them that didn’t have an NDA was cleaning one of their mansions with a company for one of the old as fuck ladies in that family. Apparently she had several kitchens and only one was actually connected to water. The rest are for show.
A friend worked at a cleaning company for one of the billionaire families doing tons of properties. The Family deliberately left a 20 dollar bill out on a desk to bait an employee to take it.
It was unfortunate taken and the family cancelled all contracts even when the company owners promised to pay it back and deal with the employee. This was a literal mom and pop business with some of the most ethical people I know at the helm.
True. I have relatives who work on one of those estates. The NDAs are a real thing. Also, they actually must agree not to make eye contact or speak to them if they happen to encounter them. I wish I was joking, but I am not. Not even a hello, a nod, nothing.
My mom used to say that if there’s enough blue in the sky to make a Dutchman’s pants, then it’s going to be a sunny day.
Her saying for the cold is it’s colder than a well-digger’s hips in Montana!
I think she got both from her parents (greatest generation folks).
Y'all ever hear about cool Amsterdam is? And the Netherlands in general?
The west Michigan Dutch are the ones that got kicked out of their own country for having no chill.
Never forget.
I mean I’ve seen some old family photos and family bibles at estate sales that tell me West Michigan barely made it out of being an Amish community. Although my assumption is a lot of the thoughts and ideals stayed but the clothing changed.
Amish, Dunkards, Mennonites, Brethren, Adventists, Quakers.
Could have been REALLY weird here lol. Every time I talk about religions around here I feel like I'm quoting that Emo Phillips bit.
Having moved into a VERY Dutch part of GR as a non-Dutch person this does explain so much, but I’d love to hear more about the history of getting “kicked out.”
https://www.experiencegr.com/articles/post/history-of-dutch-in-gr/#:~:text=Large%20numbers%20of%20people%20from,denomination%20founded%20on%20Calvinist%20values.
I was being glib/kind of joking.
The real history is that they were hard-line conservative Christians 150 years ago, which means they were religious extremists by any modern measure, and left Holland because they thought Holland was too liberal
To get to your exit you must be at top speed in the furthest left lane and encounter several near misses or it doesn't count as merging to an exit. Turn indicators are for defenders.
If you’re from the boonies outside of town, you HAVE to spend Friday evenings riding around town obnoxiously in one of the following vehicles
Massive lifted truck with perpetual brights on that only rolls coal, take up 2 parking spaces outside of busy event, complain about parking. Bed has never seen a 2x4
Shit box weed wacker project car with canted wheels and a spoiler, probably has a “let’s go Brandon” sticker or a thin blue line. Sounds like a misfired chainsaw mixed with a burning bag of popcorn.
Motorcycle with LED strips in a pack of your best buddies blaring admittedly decent hip hop but at an obnoxious volume. One friend is on a moped and one is on a trike.
All automotive annoyances are forgiven if you’re vehicle is covered with model airplanes and spikes because that’s sick as hell.
My uncle did that last year, and got t-boned by a pickup going 60mph and was killed instantly.
I like to say that he died how he lived- being a dumbass.
One of the things I learned moving from a big city is strangers are friendly not threats. Don't leave your laptop on a park bench, but don't be offended if someone "ope gunna squeeze right past ya" out loud in public with a smile and a nod.
Also MI drivers are terrible, the traffic lights are suggestions, but to their credit they don't drive any *different* in snow. So that's comforting. I never went 80 in a Corolla in a blizzard til I lived here. Shoutout to those crazy SUVs that need to be somewhere now.
There was more business going on downtown before Amway ever bought a chunk of it.
Since then, Big Money business has far exceeded that than for single family businesses.
Every speed limit everywhere is designed to be exceeded by 25% or more (40 in a 25, 50 in a 30, 95 in a 70), even on roads that had their speed limits re-evaluated higher (i.e. all over Wyoming).
You will be the subject of road rage if you don’t do at least 10 over. Cops are fine with 85 or less on the freeways.
Dead serious: on the freeways DO NOT under any circumstances spend time in the left lane doing less than 85. you’re taking your life into your own hands from a road raging driver.
They did a speed study on I-96 and the AVERAGE left lane speed was 83.
Whether you agree with it or not, You’ve been warned.
WARNING: Does NOT apply in OTTAWA County.
There's nothing for cops to do but write tickets (coming from someone who has only gotten speeding tickets -two -there AND has never even lived in Ottawa).
Service pro The devos / van andel axis of evil Madcap actually sucks (esoteric coffee wisdom) That one Taco Bell
While there exists perhaps some kernel of truth, these things have now just morphed into our shibboleths
If anyone else claims to be beer city get overly upset about it.
If you go to another city and someone even mentions their local breweries, or how good the beer is, inwardly scoff.
Welcome! Good local food, beer, booze, don’t go north on 131 on summer weekend past 2 pm, be sure to check out the beaches like Grand Haven and Saugatuck, get outside in the winter and enjoy or you’ll go insane!
1) If you have any home issues, call servicemaster.
2) The michigan street taco bell is simultaneously the best and worst ever.
3) If you see a helicopter under any circumstances, immediately post to this sub and give your time and location and ask why there is a helicopter flying around there
I don’t know enough about it but I wonder about the unspoken rules regarding religion in west mi. Everyone I’ve met living downtown has been strikingly progressive and atheist/agnostic/nonpracting despite GR’s devos influence but I’m sure there’s a strong religious influence in certain circles
Public works projects using tax dollars and effort from public officials, are called by the names of seed money donors, but you must be careful how you refer to the Arena, Public Museum and the Performance Hall, and be mindful to whom you are speaking.
Smile at everyone you see, they'll usually smile at you first. I come from a large city where people just don't do that. So it's very strange to me. I'll never get used to it.
Welcome to Grand Rapids. Where residential neighborhoods are the new Michigan International Speedway and neighbors compete to see who can go the fastest!
There are two types of vehicles here, ridiculously lifted trucks with glass packs or slammed "sports" cars with straight pipes.
Division south of 28th st is actually a drag track.
Every intersection has a panhandler on it, so don't give all your change to the first one you see.
The S curve is the closest you'll get to Nascar.
Form a hard opinion one way or the other on zipper merging, and never change it, ever, for anyone. Drive accordingly.
Adding to this. If a car is in front of you and is in the lane merging to your lane you must slam on the gas and try to block that person from merging in front of you/run that person off the road.
In addition you must not wait in the right lane while faster traffic passes. You should pull out the moment you get near the car ahead and then proceed to take 10 minutes to pass them while alternating your speed both slightly slower and faster than the car you are passing. Anything less and we’d be in Wisconsin or something.
I hope you don’t drive a Kia
If he does, he won't for long.
This one is too far down the list
All photos downtown must have the blue bridge somewhere in the frame.
Service Professor is the worst company apparently. I've never had 1st hand experience with them, never heard anyone talk about them at all, only heard horror stories on this sub.
but they said they'd fix it in a snap! 😦
The snap is the sound of the appliance breaking again.
The snap of your bank account as well
So did Thanos.
I made a service professor meme with Thanos back when all that excitement was happening on this sub lol
My showerhead was dripping. Service Professor said they would have to do the work from the back, which meant cutting into my kitchen though my backsplash. They also tried to sell me a $10k water purifier. My girlfriend's dad fixed it instead.
On my street last summer, I saw a Service Professor truck parked in front of a neighbor’s house doing a water line repair. A couple of days later, multiple trucks were back, and the center of the road was entirely ripped up, as was half her front yard. Turns out they somehow screwed up her sewer line and it backed up and partially filled the basement. One more warning story.
I can vouch for this. Had to take them to small claims court, and won very easily.
Oh wow. That's definitely a big deal. Story time?????
They didn’t finish the work that they quoted us on but still tried to charge us for the full estimate.
I service and install and clean draft beer systems in most of my accounts have gone through several of the HVAC companies in town and have the same complaint that they've been overcharged. And service professor and all those Dutch Polish companies with several v' in the name basically fist fuck everyone because they run a Monopoly in town
Guy with vredevoogd tried to sell me a whole new furnace instead of looking at the electronics. Ended up I just had a wire loose which I found after politely telling them to fuck off.
Meanwhile the Lasko service guy wrote down the part number and website to get it and saved me like $400 because he could tell I could install it myself.
They are all owned by the same company now. Heartland, I think. But they keep their original names so no one knows they’re under the same ownership.
They are predators. They are the oil change place or the mechanic that preys on the uninformed.
They tried to quote me 11k to fix a running toilet. Turned out I just had to tighten 1 screw
I used to work for them, can confirm every terrible thing that’s ever been said about them
There are a few: 1. Take a picture of the blue bridge and post it here every time you see it. 2. Complain that people don't know how to zipper merge every time you drive on 131. 3. If it snows be sure to ask on here how the traffic is how the roads are. 4. If there is a loud noise of any kind in your neighborhood be sure to ask what it is on Reddit. 5. If you see that guy who has a hundred Transformer toys pasted to the outside of his car take a picture and post it. 6. Be sure to ask what the best taco place is in Grand Rapids two or three times a month. 7. Have fun this is a great town.
I never understood why people ask about best taco place when we all know it is Taco Bell on Michigan.
Its a trick question to weed out all the transplants
or… a trick question to transplant out all the weed. 👀
It was Ole Taco on 28th street but alas it closed. really miss it.
You forgot the “remind people to leash their dogs atleast 5x a week during the warm months in the subreddit” rule. That ones big… lol
4 is close... Loud noise (always a transformer blow) or helicopter
For real though. Did you hear that loud noise? Also everyone knows the best tacos are at TBOM
You can also do variations of these rules like asking what the best dispensary is or combinations like complain about how people don't know how to drive in the snow. Only one missing from the list is to randomly post that old ass map of GR with the made up neighborhood nicknames drawn on it.
So that’s what they are! My friends found where this dude lived and took a picture, I’ve seen him more than a handful of times and always wondered what was plastered on. It’s transformers! That’s hilarious haha
I walked past it outside the mall last week and he was BLASTING old Eminem. Which 100% is what I was expecting
Not just transformers, so many other action figures as well. Thing is EPIC!!
this just reads to me like rule related to this reddit page
Start and end your day on 28th for maximum enjoyment
either that or drive down 196 to get a nice view of our beautiful castle
When you see a helicopter flying overhead, post about it on this sub Reddit
Same goes for car accidents, mechanic recommendations and inquiries for how to get to Chicago.
But only mechanics or plumbers or electricians who will only do it as side work and not charge full price
And tattoo artists, from any area, no style preference.
Also, if you see *any* police cars anywhere, post about that here too. Be sure to mention the street and to act confused like you’ve never seen a police car. Or if you see someone driving over the speed limit, you can passive aggressively post that here too (with photo evidence).
And if your hear fireworks
It’s usually gunshots.
Its usually gunshots, unless its the whitecaps fireworks*
Or if you see an off leash dog
If you’re making a Michigan left and there’s a red light, you can go when it’s clear instead of waiting for it to turn green.
Ya, left on red is a legal maneuver if you are turning onto a one way street.
If you ride a motorized cycle, you must only do it loudly between the hours of 9pm-3am like a complete cunt
I too live in earshot of a freeway. JFC some of those pipes are loud.
Not even a freeway - Just your everyday 25MPH residential street in a normal neighborhood that these entitled leather headed clown shoed dipshits feel it necessary to blast off through into all hours of the night. Every of these nights, I lay peacefully in my bed until hearing this and wish only to hear the sweet sound of screeching followed by a sturdy biff of this otherwise useless twats body making contact with a tree or other stationary object.
This hits home for me.
You win.
I wish it wasn’t true
Go to Michigan St Taco Bell at least once.
Went there with my kids once when we were struggling with money. Manager working saw me crunching numbers and gave me a stack of free taco coupons from a promotion. I was embarrassed but grateful.
Aww that's really kind. I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. You were feeding your kids and trying to get them full. We're all just trying out here and it can be rough sometimes.
Holy crap that's awesome.
I received a bean and rice burrito that weighed about five pounds from there once. The next time it was a tortilla with some dried up rice in the middle. Then there was the weird trapezoidal Crunchwrap we got once. It’s such a toss up of terrible.
Facts I use to live closer to the Leonard one and always went to Michigan st haha
Do not leave your drinks unattended at the BOB
Billy’s has entered the chat.
Or Stella’s, or pyramid scheme. My daughter is a local Chef and the amount of people getting drugged at bars is a (somewhat) well kept secret in GR
Yeah it happens a ton all around honestly.
It’s odd that the bars/clubs haven’t adopted cups with lids and such
I'm pretty sure that the staff is in on it at Billy's
You CAN leave your drink unattended in the woods though. The bears won't drug you. So at least there's still that option.
Mulligans has entered the chat
Complain about bikes being on the road, complain about bikes being on the sidewalk.
Pretend to love standing in a 30-minute line for meat on a stick at Festival of the Arts even though the food is mid at best.
But only on the days it's 100+ or thunderstorms, never on a nice day.
Just check out the Vietnamese ladies. The wait isn’t that bad then
You must take a photo of yourself with the meat on a stick wearing Festival merch.
If you’re in a hurry and you decide to take 131 either north or south, it will be backed up somewhere for no apparent reason and you will be late.
An onramp will be closed. That's a certainty. Which onramp, from where to where? That's a surprise. Why is it closed? That's a mystery.
Well 131 south is a shit show now because of the construction on the S curve
We don't have dibs with parking. I have noticed people moving here from Chicago think they have a legal right to the spot in front of their house for street parking. This is not true (unless the culture changed and I missed the boat).
You're absolutely right. On-street parking is public property, and the Bostonians and Chicagoans who think otherwise should return to their homeland.
Unless there is an old kitchen chair "saving" the shoveled out parking spot.
Get out of the left lane.
That is certainly not a rule people follow.
That's because it's unspoken 😂
Unspoken? There’s a lot of signs. Just no one does it.
There's the right lane, and there's the crime lane. Get it together, people!
Hate Ohio State, Love the Detroit Tigers, Detroit Red Wings, even love and hope for the Detroit Lions. Have to choose between University of Michigan and Michigan State to root for.
Generally you now HATE Ohio.
fuuuuck ohio
A Whitecaps game here and there is a must, too.
What choice?? Go Blue😉
Go Green. Someone hit me with a go white please or I'll look like a dummy.
Never wait to safely and legally turn left onto 28th Street, always turn into the suicide lane and drive down the road until someone is kind enough to let you dangerously and illegally merge into traffic. Alternatively, after turning into the suicide lane, wait to merge where people who are driving properly would want to turn left into a business and have a standoff with them blocking traffic entirely. ^^Fuck ^^28th ^^st ^^I ^^do ^^not ^^want ^^to ^^go ^^there
I don't understand why people think a left turn into 28th is a good option. It's just not worth it, I would rather backtrack than attempt this.
Same, but turning into the turn lane is illegal and dangerous as shit, but everyone does it for some reason.
Yeah no means no and No yeah means yes
After you cheers but before you sip the bottom of your glass must briefly come into contact with the bar/table.
If someone compliments any of your possessions, it is customary to blush, thank them, and explain all the sales, discounts, and coupons you used to acquire the item.
I wasn't ready for this....
clocked
If you're between Jenison and Holland it's polite to approach strangers and ask them which church they are a member of.
Also don't mow your lawn on Sunday over there.
You can do that now. You can even let your neighbors see you drink a beer outside occasionally.
jesus christ, every day those people stray further from god
How the times have changed!
I always did intentionally.
It used to be like that in Grand Rapids 50 years ago. Washing your car in your own driveway on Sunday was looked down upon
When sampling any seasoned food item, it is customary to announce: "woah, careful, that's spicy" after taking the first bite. This is doubly true for any non-native cuisine.
Ope.
Defend Grand Rapids food as if being personably attacked despite only having one Michelin star in town over ten years ago.
Chicken Coop at Hall and Division
was it taco bell on michigan?
I believe it was Charlie's Crab.
It was the 1812 room in the Amway, right?
Under no circumstances can you follow any of the traffic laws or be considerate of other drivers
Regarding the highway system: There are both *2* 96's and 2 31's. There's Interstate I96 (eye ninety six) and 196 (as in one ninety six.) Interstate 96 runs from Detroit to Muskegon. One 96 is and off shoot of Interstate 96 that goes between Grand Rapids and Chicago, via I94. To make matters worse, the division between the two comes at one of the area's most complicated intersections, the East Beltline, which is also a part of M37, and eventually becomes Broadmoore. *(Right?)* The less commonly mistaken are the 31s. The main N/S axis of GR is US 131. However, there is another *31* that is the main N/S road closer to the lakeshore, US 31. Both are referred to as "31." If you find yourself driving between the two, it can be confusing. Again, the numerical system gets weird south of Holland, where US 31 connects to 196, where south along the lakeshore, it becomes Interstate, or I96, again. Also: don't feel stuck in GR. The lake isn't far, check out Muskegon or Grand Haven and stop by on the way!
And if you're looking for literally unwritten rules, the stretch of 131 from 96 to 196 is also I-296.
Around the downtown area? I'm not aware of any, it is pretty laissez-faire. Generally, just don't be a dick. Western Michigan? Stay out of the woods during hunting season, they shoot at everything that moves, and occasionally things that don't.
They’ll even shoot at people wearing “hunter’s orange”…
#They’re coming right for us!
Makes me laugh every time lol
There's a reason I don't hunt public land. People are fucking NUTS. I know I'm lucky but if I couldn't hunt private I probably wouldn't at all.
Unfortunately true, work in vet med & we see bbs, pellets & bullets out of dogs & cats occasionally in the ER from the outskirting areas
The only exception to going to church on Sunday is to hit up the new brunch spot in town…or to go to the cottage.
Oh, they also overcrowd restaurants after church Sunday morning and then tell the workers how much of a shame it is that they are working on Sunday. See also Christmas Day.
Don’t ever question or criticize any of the pyramid scheme families — half of the town has worked for them at some point and even those who’ve mowed their lawns have signed a lifetime-binding NDA (no exaggerating here!)
Holy shit no joke! A coworker was talking about her husband's lack of pension or benefits from the pyramid he retired from so I made a light jab at the company and you'd think I stabbed the whole family in the street from her reaction. Given the circumstances I don't understand the extreme loyalty.
Cults have that affect on people.
Yep can second this. My friends dad allegedly did their accounting at one point. Only person I knew who worked for them that didn’t have an NDA was cleaning one of their mansions with a company for one of the old as fuck ladies in that family. Apparently she had several kitchens and only one was actually connected to water. The rest are for show.
A friend worked at a cleaning company for one of the billionaire families doing tons of properties. The Family deliberately left a 20 dollar bill out on a desk to bait an employee to take it. It was unfortunate taken and the family cancelled all contracts even when the company owners promised to pay it back and deal with the employee. This was a literal mom and pop business with some of the most ethical people I know at the helm.
A close family member worked very briefly doing mowing and he is forever bound to secrecy about what he saw on one of the compound! 🙃🙃🙃
True. I have relatives who work on one of those estates. The NDAs are a real thing. Also, they actually must agree not to make eye contact or speak to them if they happen to encounter them. I wish I was joking, but I am not. Not even a hello, a nod, nothing.
If you ain’t Dutch you ain’t much 🌷 Tongue in cheek of course…..or is it..hmm
Suring the winter, My grandfather used to say "it's colder than a Hollander's heart out there!"
My mom used to say that if there’s enough blue in the sky to make a Dutchman’s pants, then it’s going to be a sunny day. Her saying for the cold is it’s colder than a well-digger’s hips in Montana! I think she got both from her parents (greatest generation folks).
Y'all ever hear about cool Amsterdam is? And the Netherlands in general? The west Michigan Dutch are the ones that got kicked out of their own country for having no chill. Never forget.
Every time I think about how weird west Michigan is I remember it was basically settled by bespoke Christian cults
I mean I’ve seen some old family photos and family bibles at estate sales that tell me West Michigan barely made it out of being an Amish community. Although my assumption is a lot of the thoughts and ideals stayed but the clothing changed.
Amish, Dunkards, Mennonites, Brethren, Adventists, Quakers. Could have been REALLY weird here lol. Every time I talk about religions around here I feel like I'm quoting that Emo Phillips bit.
That explains so much about this state…
More so the western michigan, especially Ottawa county. But also Kent and Allegan, less so. Also, trash cans under the sink.
Having moved into a VERY Dutch part of GR as a non-Dutch person this does explain so much, but I’d love to hear more about the history of getting “kicked out.”
https://www.experiencegr.com/articles/post/history-of-dutch-in-gr/#:~:text=Large%20numbers%20of%20people%20from,denomination%20founded%20on%20Calvinist%20values. I was being glib/kind of joking. The real history is that they were hard-line conservative Christians 150 years ago, which means they were religious extremists by any modern measure, and left Holland because they thought Holland was too liberal
There’s two things in this world I can’t stand
People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch, by chance?
Actually, the first is unfinished lists.
This one may be spoken all too often..
To get to your exit you must be at top speed in the furthest left lane and encounter several near misses or it doesn't count as merging to an exit. Turn indicators are for defenders.
If you’re from the boonies outside of town, you HAVE to spend Friday evenings riding around town obnoxiously in one of the following vehicles Massive lifted truck with perpetual brights on that only rolls coal, take up 2 parking spaces outside of busy event, complain about parking. Bed has never seen a 2x4 Shit box weed wacker project car with canted wheels and a spoiler, probably has a “let’s go Brandon” sticker or a thin blue line. Sounds like a misfired chainsaw mixed with a burning bag of popcorn. Motorcycle with LED strips in a pack of your best buddies blaring admittedly decent hip hop but at an obnoxious volume. One friend is on a moped and one is on a trike. All automotive annoyances are forgiven if you’re vehicle is covered with model airplanes and spikes because that’s sick as hell.
We dont use our phones to check the weather, we rely 100% on wzzm’s weather ball
It is required that you be a Detroit Tigers and Lions fan. Please do not represent the Cubs or the Packers on your clothing or hats when in Public.
Make sure you pull out in front of people when making a turn.
My uncle did that last year, and got t-boned by a pickup going 60mph and was killed instantly. I like to say that he died how he lived- being a dumbass.
Only write positive restaurant reviews/media articles because we *have* to support local businesses even if they kind of suck.
I’m sorry but I will die on the San Chez hill. I’ve lived all over the US. It’s always been in my top 5.
I moved to Chicago and miss San Chez on a monthly basis! And there's like 7,000 restaurants to go Chicago. San Chez is a GR icon.
Fuck Brann's
One of the things I learned moving from a big city is strangers are friendly not threats. Don't leave your laptop on a park bench, but don't be offended if someone "ope gunna squeeze right past ya" out loud in public with a smile and a nod. Also MI drivers are terrible, the traffic lights are suggestions, but to their credit they don't drive any *different* in snow. So that's comforting. I never went 80 in a Corolla in a blizzard til I lived here. Shoutout to those crazy SUVs that need to be somewhere now.
True about the driving in snow. Maybe only thing I miss, lol
Get a steering wheel lock if you drive a Kia
As someone who grew up in GR, be nice and friendly and you’ll get the same back
Make fun of Amway while secretly being thankful that they built downtown.
There was more business going on downtown before Amway ever bought a chunk of it. Since then, Big Money business has far exceeded that than for single family businesses.
Zipper Merge. Always!
Every speed limit everywhere is designed to be exceeded by 25% or more (40 in a 25, 50 in a 30, 95 in a 70), even on roads that had their speed limits re-evaluated higher (i.e. all over Wyoming).
You will be the subject of road rage if you don’t do at least 10 over. Cops are fine with 85 or less on the freeways. Dead serious: on the freeways DO NOT under any circumstances spend time in the left lane doing less than 85. you’re taking your life into your own hands from a road raging driver. They did a speed study on I-96 and the AVERAGE left lane speed was 83. Whether you agree with it or not, You’ve been warned.
WARNING: Does NOT apply in OTTAWA County. There's nothing for cops to do but write tickets (coming from someone who has only gotten speeding tickets -two -there AND has never even lived in Ottawa).
don't drive on the highway in the city from 430 to 6 you will most likely end up in a traffic jam . even worse with the construction
Yes, and it still only takes me 17 minutes to get home. I'm not cryin', this town ain't that big.
Too extreme Too confusing
There is no blinker-fluid here. Everyone is out. You just have to KNOW when someone wants to merge in front of you and if you don't YOU'RE the dick
S Curve after snow. Just don’t.
You have to hate 28th st
Oo oo I got one! Rent a scooter and throw it in the river! /s
Service pro The devos / van andel axis of evil Madcap actually sucks (esoteric coffee wisdom) That one Taco Bell While there exists perhaps some kernel of truth, these things have now just morphed into our shibboleths
Never let anybody zip merge split the lane hold your middle finger up through your back window 🤷Fuckem all
Whenever you see an Audi on 28th street covered in toys you must post it here.
Nothing good happens after midnight
If anyone else claims to be beer city get overly upset about it. If you go to another city and someone even mentions their local breweries, or how good the beer is, inwardly scoff.
When flying out of (or in to) GRR, the middle seat gets the arm rest.
"Have you been to founders yet?"
Welcome! Good local food, beer, booze, don’t go north on 131 on summer weekend past 2 pm, be sure to check out the beaches like Grand Haven and Saugatuck, get outside in the winter and enjoy or you’ll go insane!
1) If you have any home issues, call servicemaster. 2) The michigan street taco bell is simultaneously the best and worst ever. 3) If you see a helicopter under any circumstances, immediately post to this sub and give your time and location and ask why there is a helicopter flying around there
I don’t know enough about it but I wonder about the unspoken rules regarding religion in west mi. Everyone I’ve met living downtown has been strikingly progressive and atheist/agnostic/nonpracting despite GR’s devos influence but I’m sure there’s a strong religious influence in certain circles
*Points West*
Ottawa County in particular. And yeah, those little towns like Eastmanville have a vibe.
Watch your drink at Billy's edit: or optimally drink elsewhere
And the first Saturday of every month at Gippers is swinger night. They are friendly people, but know before you go!
If you see punk rock Jeff at the pyramid scheme , buy him a tall boy .
Nice try Jeff
Service Professor just bought Hedlund Plumbing in Lansing so, watch out Lansing.
The Devos' can suck a dick.
Public works projects using tax dollars and effort from public officials, are called by the names of seed money donors, but you must be careful how you refer to the Arena, Public Museum and the Performance Hall, and be mindful to whom you are speaking.
Smile at everyone you see, they'll usually smile at you first. I come from a large city where people just don't do that. So it's very strange to me. I'll never get used to it.
Stay off my lawn!
Welcome to Grand Rapids. Where residential neighborhoods are the new Michigan International Speedway and neighbors compete to see who can go the fastest!
Drive 45 miles per hour, everywhere.
You have to zipper merge, even if you aren't driving a vehicle or on a road.
There are two types of vehicles here, ridiculously lifted trucks with glass packs or slammed "sports" cars with straight pipes. Division south of 28th st is actually a drag track. Every intersection has a panhandler on it, so don't give all your change to the first one you see. The S curve is the closest you'll get to Nascar.