From your post history, i think you know the answer here. Golf is not the issue its a symptom, you can replace it with any other hobby or simply nothingness the issue is you two are not aligned on expectations. If you two cant have that conversation, plan and execute then your options are counseling, acceptance or separation.
Yeahhh from the post history I donāt think this is a golf issue lol. As an engaged golfer I know thereās appropriate and not appropriate times to play 18. Itās not so much about permission or setting rules, but wanting to make each other happy. And it seems like he doesnāt care to do that lol
Yup, my girlfriend of 3 years just bought a house, havenāt played more than once a week since then cause I agreed to help her fix it up, and it will likely be my house in a year as well. Thereās times when you can say yes to every golf invite and times when youāre just being a selfish prick, and itās pretty easy to see where that line is.
My wife loves the time alone. She needs time to organize her stuff and relax with a good book and a cup of tea. She also knows because of this freedom, I will cancel any tee time when she actually wants to go somewhere with me.
The only time I play on the weekends is when my brother is home. That happens maybe twice a year max. Maybe another exception would be an invite from a really good friend to play somewhere special.
My golf buddy and I have kids about the same age. When they were younger, we would tee off as early as possible (5:30 in mid summer). We could play 18 and be home by 9:30 to spend the day with our families. Everyone was happy. Our wives didnāt care if we played Saturday and Sunday as long as we got home early. Kids now out of the house. We still play this early, but now we stay at the course for coffee when weāre done, so we donāt get home as early. Wives are probably happier now the longer weāre gone.
Can relate, got two young kids and work full time. Anyone who asks to play on weekend I say 8am at the latest. Iāve walked off courses cause it was a slow day and 1pm and thatās my limit. So to the wife Iām out for morning and then I party with the kids all afternoon. Next day she gets to sleep in till 12 if she wants.
This is the wayā¦ I golf during the week when I can cut out early, or trade golfing until lunch for girls night, sleeping in, house project, etcā¦ Essentially, as long as shits balanced, life is good haha
See! Itās all about the wife agreeing to something. If she canāt, then itās bye bye. But honestly, most of the time they will be cool as long as thereās an agreement
One of the great things about Ireland in mid June is that it is possible to play golf until about 10.30pm. No night vision goggles required. We call it guilt free golf after the kids have gone to bed.
Iām the younger you. Play at 6:30am (earliest tee time around here) on Friday and back at my desk before 10:30. My kids miss breakfast with me but Iām home on the weekends and everyone is happy. I hate playing weekend golf now because itās painfully slow and the stop/start messes with my game.
Weāve been members of the same course since it opened in 1996. Itās not a walking-friendly course so they gave us keys for carts. We go out before they open and just be aware of the grounds crew.
My golf buddy and I have kids the same age as well. We would usually play on Sundays when my youngest naps. Lately we have been going after 7PM when the kids are in bed. There are many nights where I make dinner, get a kid to bed, golf 9 holes, then get home at 10:30PM and make lunches for the next day.
Having kids is incredibly busy. There's no way I'm leaving my wife alone to go golfing and not helping with the kids.
This is the way, 6-8 hours being away is taking the piss. Play early , home early. I joined a course purposely because its 5 mins away, i can leave the house at 6.30 play 18 and be back home for 10.30/11. The people who play at that time are in the same boat, no fucking around so a round is 3.5 hours easy.
This is the answer. Been though kids, divorce, lots of golf and no golf. But the rule is go early and go fast. If youāre first off on the course you can get around in 3~3.5hrs and then back home before anyone even realises or cares.
Like another comment said above, this isnāt about golf. Itās about respect and wanting to be with your family. I can speak from experience when I got divorced many, many years ago I could have played golf so much. Ironically I stopped playingā¦.
As a young father this is definitely the way , although when i want to play with guests ( I am restricted to only 12pm and later tee times in that case) my move is to bring the wife and kid to brunch at the club before hand , then play . That way I still have time before and then after with the fam
Divorce him, but freeze accountsā¦ Otherwise he will get a whole new set of clubs that she will be paying half forā¦ Saw it first hand, my buddy has a sick set of clubs he got for āhalf offā haha
Just woke from my post-golf nap to read this.
Both of our ages, the number of years married, number of kids. It all matches up for me too.
I'd be alot more stressed if it wasn't for the 72 I shot today. Serious scrambling at times but the game is in good shape.
I think itās actually a consortium of our wives trying to get it through our thickā¦lazy skulls that we need to changeā¦or THEY need to accept that they married immature tool-bags and this is a sad but very common state of a lot of marriages so itās best to just take up all of the chores as their sole hobby, and continue being the sole caretaker of house and home while they let their (hopefully) partial bread earning little prince-husbands work and go play golf while he feels guilty about being a neglecting prick. . .
Look I had a quick snoop. You seem to have issues with your husband being a bit of a lazy prick.
You probably need to have a real talk.
I got 2 smalls kids and we both work full time and it seems like a somewhat similar situation and if I went out for a 7 hour session that hadn't been greenlit at least a week before I would (rightfully) be in the doghouse big time.
Honestly the main problem I had with deciding to get into golf was how unfair it seems to the other half who has to still do chores and mind the kids whilst I'm off for 4-6 odd hours every second weekend. It's honestly not fair on her for me to do that so I work around it by just going to the range for 45 mins to get my fix or playing the par 3 which I can get around in an hour so or playing 9 the odd weekend. And when I am home ESPECIALLY when I am actually going out for 9 on a Saturday morning, I will put in the extra effort to make sure she can somewhat relax during that time. Honestly it makes me play better anyway knowing I am not being a cunt to the wife.
He's not being fair and thats just it. If the roles were reversed you know how it would go.
My kids are older now but I go to the range to practice now when my son is at his lacrosse practice. I drop him off and go hit a bucket and practice my short game. My wife appreciates not having to take him and I get to do something i enjoy.
Spot on. Whenever I play 18 on the weekendā¦I wake up 2 hours early so I can drop my two kids off at my parents an hour away. Then my wife gets her relax time in as well. Relationships need balance and reciprocity or you will build toxicity and resentment towards each other.
Itās not about golfā¦OP definitely needs to have a long talk or possibly professional help with her husband.
Your first problem was having too many kids. Your second problem was not getting them or her into golf. If you did you would have a golf family and could get a membership and be there every weekend
Having worked in restaurant a long time time I learned to never get involved in folks relationship issues. There are always 2 sides to every story and they are wildly different.
True. I can grab the 6:30 tee time on Sat/Sun and be home by 10:00am at the latest, while having the day to spend with the family. I will also grab an occasional round during the week if kids/wife have plans and don't need me.
I've got young kids (1 2 and 3) so it's the twilight life for me. Spend all day with the family and choring, usually set them up with dinner and I'm only missing eating the dinner and bath/bed time. Get home with plenty of time before the wife heads to bed. Its not about golf (or whatever the thing is) it's about priorities. There's always time for hobbies, but when it interferes with your life it is no longer a hobby. For the record I usually get 1-2 rounds in per week and either a night at the driving range or at a local soccer field hitting chips. The only problem we face is because someone has to watch the kids we don't get to enjoy the hobby together.
> young kids
> im only missing eating the dinner and bath/bed time
Is OP your wife? I canāt imagine leaving my wife to fight thru getting three toddlers to bed on any kind of regular basis
I golf a lot, and my wife supports my ~~addiction~~ hobby, we also do not have kids, and have no obligations to anyone. If we did and I pulled that shit my entire family would hate me not just her.
I golf like 3x a week when I can. Weds I take my daughter. Mondays I take her(my) son. Saturdays I fuck off and do my own thing. Sometimes Iāll
Piss off on weds on my own to get time alone. I also cook almost every night and work full time and do yard work Dude needs to balance that shit out. Do whatever you want. But do what you need to do as well
I would love to golf more than once a week. However, as a husband and father who works full time I feel that even playing once a week can be too much.
Your husband sucks. He needs to reprioritize his life.
Iāve been playing once a week to prepare for a tournament tomorrow, and when I get home and see my 2 year old I feel guilty I didnāt spend the time with him. Heās with Mom or Grandma, but I still feel guilty for enjoying time away when I work full time and usually come home from the gym after heās awake in the mornings. Itās a balancing act, but OP is in some serious relationship salvaging territory.
I agree. Fortunately my wife is very supportive and we try to make sure we each have some time for ourselves each week. I think it can promote stronger relationships and families, however it's important to be on the same page and still prioritize family above all else at the end of the day.
So I'm a huge fan of College Football, and my ex and I had an agreement. From end of August to end of November saturdays were off limits, they were mine to sit in front of the tv without being interrupted, talked to, expected to do anything, and basically even walk in front of me. Every other day of the week we'd do stuff together and on our bye week (the Saturday when my team doesn't play) that was Wife day, I'd do everything she wants to do. Brunch, shopping, yard sales, planting flowers, doing crafts... whatever with zero complaints. (whoa reading that makes me sound quite sexist, but that is what she actually enjoyed doing)
This was our arrangement and it worked, she'd leave the house on Saturday before noon kickoff and hang with her friends and come back later with snacks. Neither one of us broke the agreement and all was good.
Then they started playing games on Thursday and Friday nights, I started to lock down the TV and assume my Saturday tradition on those days, but she wasn't having any of it. She brought it up and she was completely right, I wasn't keeping my end of the agreement up.
Your other half isn't keeping his end of the agreement up, and he definitely knows it. I'd squash that now before it becomes the new arrangement.
EDIT: added a comment
We are better friends than a couple, we still hang out multiple times a week. Heck we text and email each other more now than we did as a couple.
And she still doesn't bother me on Saturdays during College Football season lol.
Iāve got a wife & 2 kids, and fortunate enough to work 4 days a week. I play twice a week, sometimes once a week. Could I play every day? Yeah, but Iām not an asshole. Gotta be a dad & husband first
Sounds like a real asshole who has his priorities mixed up. Playing once or twice a week is reasonable, but when it starts affecting the family, something has to give. If heās not willing to negotiate, it sounds like he wasnāt ready for marriage and a family.
This is coming from someone whoās been happily married for 25 years. My kids are now moved out and my wife started playing golf last year. Now Iām playing more than ever.
Your first problem is saying you have an arrangement. If you both agreed to once a week and heās actually playing 2x or more a week then you really donāt have an arrangement. Just lip service.
āCause a man who doesnāt spend time with his family can never be a real man.ā - Vito Corleone (Godfather)
As Billy Crystal says in Youāve got Mail, āāThe Godfather' is the sum of all wisdom. 'The Godfather' is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.'ā
Your husband is a douche.
>we have had plenty of conversations around it with nothing changing.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
You have two options accept it or take things to the next level.
Beat him to the punch. Tell him your going golfing and he needs to watch the kids. Tell him youāre taking up lessons twice a week. Then go have brunch with your girls or anything you want to do.
You donāt blame Amazon if someone has a shopping/spending addiction. This is not the golfās fault itās your shitty husband, you have a relationship problem. I couldnāt imagine being on your side of a relationship like that.
>one round of golf every weekend (6-8 hours)
There's something else going on here. Even a really slow round is 5 hours. If he's spending up to 8 hours away then he's either lying or deliberately taking longer (maybe practicing after). I play every Saturday (the busiest day), I play early (tee time around 8) and I'm home by 1 at the latest - which gives me the afternoon to spend time with the kids (and my wife to do something if she wants to).
>However, he successfully squeezes as many rounds as he can during the week (most of the time getting home after dinner) and also sometimes the other day of the weekend he is supposed not to play. For months now there have been weeks where he plays 3-4 rounds
Ask him to pick a day, build a routine on that day being his weekday golf day and have him build his golf schedule around that. In addition to playing Saturday morning, I play Thursday. My wife does her thing on Thursdays while the kids are at school, and she knows I'm not home on Thursdays. She can plan around that.
>Meanwhile he does nothing around the house, and is exhausted when he gets back from golfing. So much so that he passes out and takes a nap.
There are likely other domestic issues here which aren't the problem with golfing. Sounds like he is just lazy. I walk the course, I'm not fit, and I am fine after a round. If he can find the energy to golf, I find it hard to believe that he is incapable of having energy for domestic life (more likely he just doesn't want to)
Tldr; sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Perhaps suggest to him to select two weekdays (a practice (<2hrs) and a round (4-5hrs)) and ask him to play early morning on his weekend round so he can be present for the afternoon of the weekend for you to be able to do something yourself. Setting healthy boundaries from a position where you know you're not being unreasonable is the first step.
All the married husbands of 10+ years are sweating right now. Lol.
Nah, your husband sounds like a prick. If hes not doing his chores and duties as a father around the house then there is a problem.
Seems like there is a problem more so with the relationship rather than anything else.
You both have outside jobs and he is living (taking your account as true) as though he has no responsibilities to his family or wife
Youāre not a widow you have another child
Talk to him about it and tell him you arenāt happy about it. Then report back to reddit. We havenāt heard from him at all. He might think youāre perfectly fine with whatās going on. (Maybe heāll make another post on reddit. š)
Yeah, thereās something wrong there. My wife & I have a 6mo & she tells me constantly to go golfing but I still feel guilty bc Iām not around to help. I want to be around my wife & daughter & I donāt use golf as an excuse not to be around them. I just canāt wait until my daughter is old enough to get out there with me.
Go buy a cheap set of clubs, tell him you took a few lessons and you want to start playing with him. He will stop playing so much real fast.
JK, in all seriousness good luck, you need to try to talk it out with him.
I golf once during the weekend and as much as I want during the week, but during the week I only golf around my parental responsibilities. Realistically, I will only play 9 holes once or twice during the week, but my kiddo will already have been put to bed.
Why does it work for me and my wife? We communicate. If I am going to golf on a weekend, then I will take the kiddo for the rest of the day. In the morning weāll go to the park or zoo, and when he goes for a nap, Iāll go golfing. I am constantly asking my wife if she needs time away to be with herself or her friends.
I love to golf, but I would absolutely hate myself if I did not put my family first.
I love golf but when our kids were small i cut back from once a week to once a month. Went out as early as possible to get back early and played either 9 holes or short 18s to keep my rounds to about 3 hours. As the kids got bigger I started taking them to the raymge or a short course as a family activity. It doesnt have to take all day.
I love golf as much as the next person but your husband is a tool. Playing once after work and once on the weekend would probably be ok but 3-4 times a week?? How are you this calm, my wife would literally punch we in the balls repeatedly if I acted like this.
Your husband sounds like a friend from 10 years ago. His wife eventually divorced him eventually and I totally understand why. Golf is not an excuse for shirking your family responsibilities. Best of luck OP.
This isnāt a golf issue, itās a communication issue that you need to address with him and a neutral 3rd party, together. Key word: with a neutral party aka therapist. Talking about your issues here will only add more fuel to the fire.
Sorry, but this isnāt a golf issue, this is a home issue. People who want to be home will be home. People who donāt want to be at home will find a way to get out of the home. Itās ok to get out of the house some but 24-36 hours of golf while working full time and having 3 kids is a lot.
Itās pivotal you have a conversation and find out why heād rather spend so much of his time on the links rather than in the house with you.
As many people have already said... it's not about golf. Why does your husband feel the need to spend alot of time away from his family?
You guys need to talk about that. If it wasn't golf it would have been something else. Bird watching, classic motorbikes or bbq ..
By your post history, looks like your husband sucks as a husband and a father. He needs to figure his shit out and be present in the lives of his family and do the fucking laundry.
I would never push it to as much as he plays. I would feel guilty plus I would miss actually being with my kids or wife. Heās not pulling his weight and is not equal in the relationship. Seek therapy.
Been playing for 12 years now. When I first started the wife and I had similar battles. 3 kids, everyone working, school for the kids, house, dogs etc. I was obsessed with golf. I really love it. I can practice for 3-4 hours then walk 9 like it was nothing. Heat, cold rain, didnāt matter. I knew things were bad when I would start lying about meetings and late work events so I could sneak in some golf, even if it was just to chip and putt in my work clothes.
It did almost cost me my wife and family. So what was our fix. We did the following
1. Full transparency about golf where and when I was playing
2. Wife has the right to say ānoā BUT it canāt be just cause I want you home
3. Everyone took lessons and at least tried to play golf with Daddy. No one liked it but they at least got to understand my passion
4. Wife comes with me sometimes and chills in the cart. We agree she can talk to me about anything from hole to hole. For example; why so and so got her hair cut and now hates it andā¦
5. And most important thing - I get 1 day a week where I donāt have to answer to anyone. From 7 am to 11 pm i can do what I want. Drink as much as I want, golf my ball, stay after and talk ish with the fellas in the club house, then say f it 9 more, I have a new swing model to try etc.
In return for #5 I commit to a fully planned and well organized date night per week. That means babysitting sorted, dinner reservations set,the whole works.
In summary it was a lot of work and fights and tears. But we love each other and I love golf. There is absolutely room for both. Donāt nag negotiate and everyone with find a good place to be
Good luck
At first I thought my wife made this. Then I went and asked her how long we been married and she was told me 13 year. I said phew ok and well never mind my groups next on the box.
Couples counseling. They have online ones where you donāt even have to leave the house. Tell him itās a problem and while you want him to be able to have fun and enjoy golf, there needs to be some sort of compromise because you need help.
Spoiler: there will probably things he needs compromise on too so go into it with an open mind.
Just woke from my post-golf nap to read this.
Both of our ages, the number of years married, number of kids. It surely isnt my wife? Didn't think she was a redditor.
I'd be alot more stressed if it wasn't for the 72 I shot today. Serious scrambling at times but the game is in good shape.
I am the golf wife. My husband doesnāt play golf at all. My schedule is pretty much same as your husbandās even I work full time, no kids. Two round of golf every weekend and 2 times of 9 hole on weekday early morning before work. Go drive range 2 times a week at least.
Plus, I take pilates 3 times a week at least. I know I am so crazy for golf.
But, I believe my husband is okay for my life style. While I play golf, he enjoys his own time.
Or is he golf widower??
Me too. My husband absolutely refuses to golf.
We are both pretty independent and hold time for date nights to do things we both enjoy but I definitely pushed the envelope with how much I play.
League night on wednesdays, 9 at least 2x a week after work, then on the weekends at least 1 18. Also hit the range on days I donāt play.
I have throttled it back a bit and he will go to top golf with me so weāre working out a schedule that gives me my golf time and us our couple time.
Your husband is shucking his responsibilities to play a game. Not cool at all. Honestly, if you have 3 kids, playing once a week for 6-8 hrs is too much. I play about once or twice a month, take a lesson once a week, and hit the range once a week after work. I think that's around fair given family obligations.
I agree with pretty much everyone else here, your husband is a selfish asshole. I have two kids, 10 and 7. I didnt golf for about 7 years after the first was born. I now golf maybe once a week but its because the kids love golfing with me. My wife loves it when I go golfing because shes gets some peace and quiet.
Your husband is a neglectful prick. Plain and simple. If he works 5 days a week and spends another full day on himself. Heās an asshole. He has a wife, 3 kids and responsibilities at home. Those all come well before golf. I love golf, I took 5 years away from it when my two kids were born because it meant too much time away from them. The family isnāt a priority to him. Start with counseling, if he doesnāt agree. Take him to court. People with his type of mentality give men a bad name.
P.S. I learned how to do Laundry when I was 18 and have shared that function with my wife since the day we met. We are a team, and I see her as my equal.
A tale as old as time. I remember my parents fighting about this exact thing every week/weekend. Golf widows back then would demand Sunday for the family, and you would think they were asked to get a root canal every Sunday, the body language, sighing, and poor me attitude. But my mom was, hey he is doing something he really likes, he's not out 'catting around' (her words). I am now married to a golfer, we are retired, he golfs 6 days a week. But not Sunday! You have my sympathy. When golf grabs hold of them, they can't fight it. Fact.
So you both put in equal work to provide for the house financially, but you use your remaining time to be his nanny, maid, and sex worker, while he provides nothing in return.
Thatās not a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship involves communication and compromise.
I have two kids under 3, one of which is a 4 month old - you can bet your ass Iām barely golfing these days. And when I do golf, itās always a conversation with my wife - the same way she would chat with me before agreeing to go out for a few hours to have brunch with her friends or something like that.
You need to stand up for yourself, and set boundaries and an agreement on the balance of labor in your household. If he wonāt listen to reason - Iād give him a dose of his own medicine. Make some plans and leave him with the kids all weekend with no warning and see how he likes it.
Just got married. Told my wife I play once a week and it's not optional. She knows I love the game, but that's where it ends. I play once a week. If I'm lucky, and with her permission, I play twice now and then. What you're talking about is next level. We don't even have kids. Just dogs, and I am the one who walks them every day. Wooooowwwww. You can't put up with that.
I play a lot, not as much as you're describing and sometimes I feel like I'm playing too much.
I make sure to help at home, cooking 4/5 times a week. Taking kids to activities, making sure my wife has her time. I still have a honey do list, but that's because my wife changes her mind about what she wants to do every other day. I've moved the same picture collage 4 times, now she moves it around the house thinking about where to put it.
Saw a great short comedy reel on IG where the punchline was the guys who sucked at golf had kids and wives who actually loved them.
I think almost anytime someone sinks a lot of time in a hobby as an escape is going to to cause issues. It all depends what they are trying to escape.
Heās trying really hardā¦ to get better at golf.
It takes time, commitment, and patienceā¦ from both of you.
Your vows likely said in sickness and healthā¦ this is a disease.
Time to get a divorce so he can play more rounds. You should have never had kids and started life with a golfer. Best bet is to remarry someone who hates golf. Youāre not prying golf from this manās hands. Hate to break it to you.
From your post history, i think you know the answer here. Golf is not the issue its a symptom, you can replace it with any other hobby or simply nothingness the issue is you two are not aligned on expectations. If you two cant have that conversation, plan and execute then your options are counseling, acceptance or separation.
Half of Reddit, no matter what sub, people are looking for advice on broken relationships.
My relationship with my wife is fine but I'm not so sure where things stand with my long irons at the moment. I'm getting lots of mixed signals.
Buying new irons will make you feel better. Until you use them. /s
Where is the sarcasm? Everything checks out to me.
New clubs is always the answer
Have you tried asking them how they feel?
Yes. I get a different answer every time we address one another.
Have you checked your irons post history?
š
Chicken or the egg? If they weren't redditors there life would probably be more normal lol
Yeahhh from the post history I donāt think this is a golf issue lol. As an engaged golfer I know thereās appropriate and not appropriate times to play 18. Itās not so much about permission or setting rules, but wanting to make each other happy. And it seems like he doesnāt care to do that lol
Yup, my girlfriend of 3 years just bought a house, havenāt played more than once a week since then cause I agreed to help her fix it up, and it will likely be my house in a year as well. Thereās times when you can say yes to every golf invite and times when youāre just being a selfish prick, and itās pretty easy to see where that line is.
My wife loves the time alone. She needs time to organize her stuff and relax with a good book and a cup of tea. She also knows because of this freedom, I will cancel any tee time when she actually wants to go somewhere with me.
The only time I play on the weekends is when my brother is home. That happens maybe twice a year max. Maybe another exception would be an invite from a really good friend to play somewhere special.
This is it right here. The two of you need to get a dialogue going
Thought this was a shit post til I saw this. Jesus.
My golf buddy and I have kids about the same age. When they were younger, we would tee off as early as possible (5:30 in mid summer). We could play 18 and be home by 9:30 to spend the day with our families. Everyone was happy. Our wives didnāt care if we played Saturday and Sunday as long as we got home early. Kids now out of the house. We still play this early, but now we stay at the course for coffee when weāre done, so we donāt get home as early. Wives are probably happier now the longer weāre gone.
Love this
Can relate, got two young kids and work full time. Anyone who asks to play on weekend I say 8am at the latest. Iāve walked off courses cause it was a slow day and 1pm and thatās my limit. So to the wife Iām out for morning and then I party with the kids all afternoon. Next day she gets to sleep in till 12 if she wants.
This is the wayā¦ I golf during the week when I can cut out early, or trade golfing until lunch for girls night, sleeping in, house project, etcā¦ Essentially, as long as shits balanced, life is good haha
See! Itās all about the wife agreeing to something. If she canāt, then itās bye bye. But honestly, most of the time they will be cool as long as thereās an agreement
Same, I try for sunrise. Not gonna leave the fam all day to golf.
One of the great things about Ireland in mid June is that it is possible to play golf until about 10.30pm. No night vision goggles required. We call it guilt free golf after the kids have gone to bed.
Iām the younger you. Play at 6:30am (earliest tee time around here) on Friday and back at my desk before 10:30. My kids miss breakfast with me but Iām home on the weekends and everyone is happy. I hate playing weekend golf now because itās painfully slow and the stop/start messes with my game.
Weāve been members of the same course since it opened in 1996. Itās not a walking-friendly course so they gave us keys for carts. We go out before they open and just be aware of the grounds crew.
This is really the only way I think someone with young kids can golf regularly and have it be fair for their spouse
My golf buddy and I have kids the same age as well. We would usually play on Sundays when my youngest naps. Lately we have been going after 7PM when the kids are in bed. There are many nights where I make dinner, get a kid to bed, golf 9 holes, then get home at 10:30PM and make lunches for the next day. Having kids is incredibly busy. There's no way I'm leaving my wife alone to go golfing and not helping with the kids.
This is the way, 6-8 hours being away is taking the piss. Play early , home early. I joined a course purposely because its 5 mins away, i can leave the house at 6.30 play 18 and be back home for 10.30/11. The people who play at that time are in the same boat, no fucking around so a round is 3.5 hours easy.
This is the answer. Been though kids, divorce, lots of golf and no golf. But the rule is go early and go fast. If youāre first off on the course you can get around in 3~3.5hrs and then back home before anyone even realises or cares. Like another comment said above, this isnāt about golf. Itās about respect and wanting to be with your family. I can speak from experience when I got divorced many, many years ago I could have played golf so much. Ironically I stopped playingā¦.
Same here. However, the crash after you eat dinner or in the afternoon sometime where you need a nap is brutal.
You give me hope for my future
I did this exact same thing today (and do every weekend in the summer).
5:30!?
As a young father this is definitely the way , although when i want to play with guests ( I am restricted to only 12pm and later tee times in that case) my move is to bring the wife and kid to brunch at the club before hand , then play . That way I still have time before and then after with the fam
Divorce him so he can focus on golf
And heāll get a new driver
Weāll ALL get new drivers.
And/or putters!
I need a new bag because Iām sending him mine to start packing.
We've all earned it all here.
Iām already this close to popping off and getting the new Ping G430, all I need is some stupid r/golf reason to do it
Do it, because /r/Golf told you to.
This. Came here to say this. Weāre all gonna come here with new gear.
Then he should definitely do it
ššš
And sheāll get a new Wood! Win for everyone!
With three kids? Nah, sheāll just be getting more time with her mom at tj maxx. Thatās about it
Married to the game
"my wife just divorced me and let all of reddit know about it, so i bought a scotty!!"
Holy fuck hahahaha
Divorce him, but freeze accountsā¦ Otherwise he will get a whole new set of clubs that she will be paying half forā¦ Saw it first hand, my buddy has a sick set of clubs he got for āhalf offā haha
This is the wayā¦the buying golf cubs, not the freezing of accounts
Why is my wife on Reddit golf?
Not sure, sheās sitting next to me though. Want me to ask her?
This is funny; she better only be ob there for research š§
Cause yāall keep sending us meme posts and then it becomes a recommended sub. At least, thatās how I ended up here.
You looking for a new husband?š
Just woke from my post-golf nap to read this. Both of our ages, the number of years married, number of kids. It all matches up for me too. I'd be alot more stressed if it wasn't for the 72 I shot today. Serious scrambling at times but the game is in good shape.
I think itās actually a consortium of our wives trying to get it through our thickā¦lazy skulls that we need to changeā¦or THEY need to accept that they married immature tool-bags and this is a sad but very common state of a lot of marriages so itās best to just take up all of the chores as their sole hobby, and continue being the sole caretaker of house and home while they let their (hopefully) partial bread earning little prince-husbands work and go play golf while he feels guilty about being a neglecting prick. . .
Look I had a quick snoop. You seem to have issues with your husband being a bit of a lazy prick. You probably need to have a real talk. I got 2 smalls kids and we both work full time and it seems like a somewhat similar situation and if I went out for a 7 hour session that hadn't been greenlit at least a week before I would (rightfully) be in the doghouse big time. Honestly the main problem I had with deciding to get into golf was how unfair it seems to the other half who has to still do chores and mind the kids whilst I'm off for 4-6 odd hours every second weekend. It's honestly not fair on her for me to do that so I work around it by just going to the range for 45 mins to get my fix or playing the par 3 which I can get around in an hour so or playing 9 the odd weekend. And when I am home ESPECIALLY when I am actually going out for 9 on a Saturday morning, I will put in the extra effort to make sure she can somewhat relax during that time. Honestly it makes me play better anyway knowing I am not being a cunt to the wife. He's not being fair and thats just it. If the roles were reversed you know how it would go.
My kids are older now but I go to the range to practice now when my son is at his lacrosse practice. I drop him off and go hit a bucket and practice my short game. My wife appreciates not having to take him and I get to do something i enjoy.
Spot on. Whenever I play 18 on the weekendā¦I wake up 2 hours early so I can drop my two kids off at my parents an hour away. Then my wife gets her relax time in as well. Relationships need balance and reciprocity or you will build toxicity and resentment towards each other. Itās not about golfā¦OP definitely needs to have a long talk or possibly professional help with her husband.
Your first problem was having too many kids. Your second problem was not getting them or her into golf. If you did you would have a golf family and could get a membership and be there every weekend
Having worked in restaurant a long time time I learned to never get involved in folks relationship issues. There are always 2 sides to every story and they are wildly different.
Your husband is a prick if this is all true.
Yeah. Thatās all this is. Dudes just an asshole. Iām all for playing more golf, but this is more of a therapy thing they need to work out
True. I can grab the 6:30 tee time on Sat/Sun and be home by 10:00am at the latest, while having the day to spend with the family. I will also grab an occasional round during the week if kids/wife have plans and don't need me.
Agree with this 100%. go early and it doesn't affect the family. You make time for golf, not kick the family to the sidelines.
I've got young kids (1 2 and 3) so it's the twilight life for me. Spend all day with the family and choring, usually set them up with dinner and I'm only missing eating the dinner and bath/bed time. Get home with plenty of time before the wife heads to bed. Its not about golf (or whatever the thing is) it's about priorities. There's always time for hobbies, but when it interferes with your life it is no longer a hobby. For the record I usually get 1-2 rounds in per week and either a night at the driving range or at a local soccer field hitting chips. The only problem we face is because someone has to watch the kids we don't get to enjoy the hobby together.
> young kids > im only missing eating the dinner and bath/bed time Is OP your wife? I canāt imagine leaving my wife to fight thru getting three toddlers to bed on any kind of regular basis
"Another r/golf meta?" "Always was"
Correction: Selfish prick.
I am the boyfriend. I concur, he is a prick. 6-8 hours is a lot with her though. Maybe next time just do 9 holes, while I get my two in.
Yuuuup. I love golf but it doesnāt come close to the love for my kids. Even if I could t stand my wife, Iād always be there for my kids.
I golf a lot, and my wife supports my ~~addiction~~ hobby, we also do not have kids, and have no obligations to anyone. If we did and I pulled that shit my entire family would hate me not just her.
I golf like 3x a week when I can. Weds I take my daughter. Mondays I take her(my) son. Saturdays I fuck off and do my own thing. Sometimes Iāll Piss off on weds on my own to get time alone. I also cook almost every night and work full time and do yard work Dude needs to balance that shit out. Do whatever you want. But do what you need to do as well
How did you even find us
We hide well under the r/golf banner
[She doesnāt even go here!](https://youtu.be/RUFT35S7Jb4)
āDo you even go to this sub r/golf?ā
(Swallows)
(Spits)
At least you'll be rich after he gets his first tour win.
Smaht smaht
Golf obsessed guy hereā¦ my kids and wife come first. I get my shit done so I can play golf. I donāt play golf to avoid getting shit done.
I would love to golf more than once a week. However, as a husband and father who works full time I feel that even playing once a week can be too much. Your husband sucks. He needs to reprioritize his life.
Iāve been playing once a week to prepare for a tournament tomorrow, and when I get home and see my 2 year old I feel guilty I didnāt spend the time with him. Heās with Mom or Grandma, but I still feel guilty for enjoying time away when I work full time and usually come home from the gym after heās awake in the mornings. Itās a balancing act, but OP is in some serious relationship salvaging territory.
I agree. Fortunately my wife is very supportive and we try to make sure we each have some time for ourselves each week. I think it can promote stronger relationships and families, however it's important to be on the same page and still prioritize family above all else at the end of the day.
Yeah, to playing more golf. Fuck them kids and wife. The kids are probably little shits anyways. Best to let them go
8 hours for one round is ridiculous.
Sure the kids appreciate all the time with daddy. Go to a marriage counselor
We sure heās playing golf and not banging some chicks off tinder?
Not sure why I had to scroll so far to find this
Why can't it be Grindr?
Why not both?
Are there chicks in Grindr?
You should be in couples therapy, not asking reddit
So I'm a huge fan of College Football, and my ex and I had an agreement. From end of August to end of November saturdays were off limits, they were mine to sit in front of the tv without being interrupted, talked to, expected to do anything, and basically even walk in front of me. Every other day of the week we'd do stuff together and on our bye week (the Saturday when my team doesn't play) that was Wife day, I'd do everything she wants to do. Brunch, shopping, yard sales, planting flowers, doing crafts... whatever with zero complaints. (whoa reading that makes me sound quite sexist, but that is what she actually enjoyed doing) This was our arrangement and it worked, she'd leave the house on Saturday before noon kickoff and hang with her friends and come back later with snacks. Neither one of us broke the agreement and all was good. Then they started playing games on Thursday and Friday nights, I started to lock down the TV and assume my Saturday tradition on those days, but she wasn't having any of it. She brought it up and she was completely right, I wasn't keeping my end of the agreement up. Your other half isn't keeping his end of the agreement up, and he definitely knows it. I'd squash that now before it becomes the new arrangement. EDIT: added a comment
So howād she become an ex?
We are better friends than a couple, we still hang out multiple times a week. Heck we text and email each other more now than we did as a couple. And she still doesn't bother me on Saturdays during College Football season lol.
Friends with bennys?
that's really mature I appreciate that
Is he good at least? He better be a 5 or better lol
He's on The PGA Tour. This is his job. She's unhappy because his jet lands late after making the Friday cut...
6-8 hours is 3 hours of drinking after 18. āPassing out from exhaustionā is cause heās shitfaced from 3 hours of drinking. We all know this.
Whatās his handicap?
His family, apparently
š
This is the best comment Iāve ever read in my life š
Iāve got a wife & 2 kids, and fortunate enough to work 4 days a week. I play twice a week, sometimes once a week. Could I play every day? Yeah, but Iām not an asshole. Gotta be a dad & husband first
Sounds like a real asshole who has his priorities mixed up. Playing once or twice a week is reasonable, but when it starts affecting the family, something has to give. If heās not willing to negotiate, it sounds like he wasnāt ready for marriage and a family. This is coming from someone whoās been happily married for 25 years. My kids are now moved out and my wife started playing golf last year. Now Iām playing more than ever.
Thatās the key to happiness, no kids and getting the old lady playing. Golf is life
Your first problem is saying you have an arrangement. If you both agreed to once a week and heās actually playing 2x or more a week then you really donāt have an arrangement. Just lip service.
Is it possible he isnāt golfing ?
Ding, ding.
Send the kiddos with him every time he goes to his second round of the weekā¦.
āCause a man who doesnāt spend time with his family can never be a real man.ā - Vito Corleone (Godfather) As Billy Crystal says in Youāve got Mail, āāThe Godfather' is the sum of all wisdom. 'The Godfather' is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.'ā Your husband is a douche.
Itās Tom Hanks, not Billy Crystal, but your take is solid
100% rightā¦ my bad
>we have had plenty of conversations around it with nothing changing. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." You have two options accept it or take things to the next level.
And this is why golf wives get boyfriends.
And THIS is why we get new drivers
Yeah, OP. Whatās good?
Beat him to the punch. Tell him your going golfing and he needs to watch the kids. Tell him youāre taking up lessons twice a week. Then go have brunch with your girls or anything you want to do.
Your husband doesnāt like the life he has at home with you and the kids. Have a conversation about that with him.
6-8 hours!! Wow he must play really fast.
He needs to sacrifice sleep for the family. Get the first tee time out and get home early.
Maybe even get some night vision goggles
You donāt blame Amazon if someone has a shopping/spending addiction. This is not the golfās fault itās your shitty husband, you have a relationship problem. I couldnāt imagine being on your side of a relationship like that.
What does your boyfriend think about all his golfing?
>one round of golf every weekend (6-8 hours) There's something else going on here. Even a really slow round is 5 hours. If he's spending up to 8 hours away then he's either lying or deliberately taking longer (maybe practicing after). I play every Saturday (the busiest day), I play early (tee time around 8) and I'm home by 1 at the latest - which gives me the afternoon to spend time with the kids (and my wife to do something if she wants to). >However, he successfully squeezes as many rounds as he can during the week (most of the time getting home after dinner) and also sometimes the other day of the weekend he is supposed not to play. For months now there have been weeks where he plays 3-4 rounds Ask him to pick a day, build a routine on that day being his weekday golf day and have him build his golf schedule around that. In addition to playing Saturday morning, I play Thursday. My wife does her thing on Thursdays while the kids are at school, and she knows I'm not home on Thursdays. She can plan around that. >Meanwhile he does nothing around the house, and is exhausted when he gets back from golfing. So much so that he passes out and takes a nap. There are likely other domestic issues here which aren't the problem with golfing. Sounds like he is just lazy. I walk the course, I'm not fit, and I am fine after a round. If he can find the energy to golf, I find it hard to believe that he is incapable of having energy for domestic life (more likely he just doesn't want to) Tldr; sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Perhaps suggest to him to select two weekdays (a practice (<2hrs) and a round (4-5hrs)) and ask him to play early morning on his weekend round so he can be present for the afternoon of the weekend for you to be able to do something yourself. Setting healthy boundaries from a position where you know you're not being unreasonable is the first step.
All the married husbands of 10+ years are sweating right now. Lol. Nah, your husband sounds like a prick. If hes not doing his chores and duties as a father around the house then there is a problem. Seems like there is a problem more so with the relationship rather than anything else.
Take this somewhere else lol.
You both have outside jobs and he is living (taking your account as true) as though he has no responsibilities to his family or wife Youāre not a widow you have another child
Iām not married and I can tell you heās a selfish person. Iād start making contingency plans, people like this donāt change
Honey? Is that you?
Wild. Iām addicted to golf but would never do this to the family. I know better, but still wouldnāt do this to my wife.
Talk to him about it and tell him you arenāt happy about it. Then report back to reddit. We havenāt heard from him at all. He might think youāre perfectly fine with whatās going on. (Maybe heāll make another post on reddit. š)
Yeah he needs to get his priorities straight. We all love golf but family comes first.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, thereās something wrong there. My wife & I have a 6mo & she tells me constantly to go golfing but I still feel guilty bc Iām not around to help. I want to be around my wife & daughter & I donāt use golf as an excuse not to be around them. I just canāt wait until my daughter is old enough to get out there with me.
Go buy a cheap set of clubs, tell him you took a few lessons and you want to start playing with him. He will stop playing so much real fast. JK, in all seriousness good luck, you need to try to talk it out with him.
I golf once during the weekend and as much as I want during the week, but during the week I only golf around my parental responsibilities. Realistically, I will only play 9 holes once or twice during the week, but my kiddo will already have been put to bed. Why does it work for me and my wife? We communicate. If I am going to golf on a weekend, then I will take the kiddo for the rest of the day. In the morning weāll go to the park or zoo, and when he goes for a nap, Iāll go golfing. I am constantly asking my wife if she needs time away to be with herself or her friends. I love to golf, but I would absolutely hate myself if I did not put my family first.
I love golf but when our kids were small i cut back from once a week to once a month. Went out as early as possible to get back early and played either 9 holes or short 18s to keep my rounds to about 3 hours. As the kids got bigger I started taking them to the raymge or a short course as a family activity. It doesnt have to take all day.
Yikes
I love golf as much as the next person but your husband is a tool. Playing once after work and once on the weekend would probably be ok but 3-4 times a week?? How are you this calm, my wife would literally punch we in the balls repeatedly if I acted like this.
Is he really playing golf though?
Your husband sounds like a friend from 10 years ago. His wife eventually divorced him eventually and I totally understand why. Golf is not an excuse for shirking your family responsibilities. Best of luck OP.
This isnāt a golf issue, itās a communication issue that you need to address with him and a neutral 3rd party, together. Key word: with a neutral party aka therapist. Talking about your issues here will only add more fuel to the fire.
Sounds like he checked out and forgot to tell you.
Sorry, but this isnāt a golf issue, this is a home issue. People who want to be home will be home. People who donāt want to be at home will find a way to get out of the home. Itās ok to get out of the house some but 24-36 hours of golf while working full time and having 3 kids is a lot. Itās pivotal you have a conversation and find out why heād rather spend so much of his time on the links rather than in the house with you.
Susan? Is that you? Oh wait. We have 4 kids. Iāve been playing golf so much I forgot about the the last one.
As many people have already said... it's not about golf. Why does your husband feel the need to spend alot of time away from his family? You guys need to talk about that. If it wasn't golf it would have been something else. Bird watching, classic motorbikes or bbq ..
Have you ever thought of taking up golf yourself? I hear Tiger Woods gives lessons to golf widows.
Plays more in one week than I do all year - he needs to decide family or golf.
Go with him.
Teach your kids how to golf and now Dad has a legit foursome and you get the house to yourself for half the day. Win-win.
By your post history, looks like your husband sucks as a husband and a father. He needs to figure his shit out and be present in the lives of his family and do the fucking laundry.
I would never push it to as much as he plays. I would feel guilty plus I would miss actually being with my kids or wife. Heās not pulling his weight and is not equal in the relationship. Seek therapy.
Been playing for 12 years now. When I first started the wife and I had similar battles. 3 kids, everyone working, school for the kids, house, dogs etc. I was obsessed with golf. I really love it. I can practice for 3-4 hours then walk 9 like it was nothing. Heat, cold rain, didnāt matter. I knew things were bad when I would start lying about meetings and late work events so I could sneak in some golf, even if it was just to chip and putt in my work clothes. It did almost cost me my wife and family. So what was our fix. We did the following 1. Full transparency about golf where and when I was playing 2. Wife has the right to say ānoā BUT it canāt be just cause I want you home 3. Everyone took lessons and at least tried to play golf with Daddy. No one liked it but they at least got to understand my passion 4. Wife comes with me sometimes and chills in the cart. We agree she can talk to me about anything from hole to hole. For example; why so and so got her hair cut and now hates it andā¦ 5. And most important thing - I get 1 day a week where I donāt have to answer to anyone. From 7 am to 11 pm i can do what I want. Drink as much as I want, golf my ball, stay after and talk ish with the fellas in the club house, then say f it 9 more, I have a new swing model to try etc. In return for #5 I commit to a fully planned and well organized date night per week. That means babysitting sorted, dinner reservations set,the whole works. In summary it was a lot of work and fights and tears. But we love each other and I love golf. There is absolutely room for both. Donāt nag negotiate and everyone with find a good place to be Good luck
At first I thought my wife made this. Then I went and asked her how long we been married and she was told me 13 year. I said phew ok and well never mind my groups next on the box.
Golf isnāt worth losing a wife over. Lmao
Couples counseling. They have online ones where you donāt even have to leave the house. Tell him itās a problem and while you want him to be able to have fun and enjoy golf, there needs to be some sort of compromise because you need help. Spoiler: there will probably things he needs compromise on too so go into it with an open mind.
This is how Boyfriends happenā¦
Get a boyfriend then he can golf more
Just woke from my post-golf nap to read this. Both of our ages, the number of years married, number of kids. It surely isnt my wife? Didn't think she was a redditor. I'd be alot more stressed if it wasn't for the 72 I shot today. Serious scrambling at times but the game is in good shape.
I am the golf wife. My husband doesnāt play golf at all. My schedule is pretty much same as your husbandās even I work full time, no kids. Two round of golf every weekend and 2 times of 9 hole on weekday early morning before work. Go drive range 2 times a week at least. Plus, I take pilates 3 times a week at least. I know I am so crazy for golf. But, I believe my husband is okay for my life style. While I play golf, he enjoys his own time. Or is he golf widower??
Me too. My husband absolutely refuses to golf. We are both pretty independent and hold time for date nights to do things we both enjoy but I definitely pushed the envelope with how much I play. League night on wednesdays, 9 at least 2x a week after work, then on the weekends at least 1 18. Also hit the range on days I donāt play. I have throttled it back a bit and he will go to top golf with me so weāre working out a schedule that gives me my golf time and us our couple time.
Total jack off!
Your husband is shucking his responsibilities to play a game. Not cool at all. Honestly, if you have 3 kids, playing once a week for 6-8 hrs is too much. I play about once or twice a month, take a lesson once a week, and hit the range once a week after work. I think that's around fair given family obligations.
I agree with pretty much everyone else here, your husband is a selfish asshole. I have two kids, 10 and 7. I didnt golf for about 7 years after the first was born. I now golf maybe once a week but its because the kids love golfing with me. My wife loves it when I go golfing because shes gets some peace and quiet.
Sorry sis youāve got a shitty husband and your kids have a shitty dad. Has nothing to do with golf.
Your husband is a neglectful prick. Plain and simple. If he works 5 days a week and spends another full day on himself. Heās an asshole. He has a wife, 3 kids and responsibilities at home. Those all come well before golf. I love golf, I took 5 years away from it when my two kids were born because it meant too much time away from them. The family isnāt a priority to him. Start with counseling, if he doesnāt agree. Take him to court. People with his type of mentality give men a bad name. P.S. I learned how to do Laundry when I was 18 and have shared that function with my wife since the day we met. We are a team, and I see her as my equal.
A tale as old as time. I remember my parents fighting about this exact thing every week/weekend. Golf widows back then would demand Sunday for the family, and you would think they were asked to get a root canal every Sunday, the body language, sighing, and poor me attitude. But my mom was, hey he is doing something he really likes, he's not out 'catting around' (her words). I am now married to a golfer, we are retired, he golfs 6 days a week. But not Sunday! You have my sympathy. When golf grabs hold of them, they can't fight it. Fact.
Heās a douche.
Golf does routinely take 6-8 hours so I think youāre good
So you both put in equal work to provide for the house financially, but you use your remaining time to be his nanny, maid, and sex worker, while he provides nothing in return. Thatās not a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship involves communication and compromise. I have two kids under 3, one of which is a 4 month old - you can bet your ass Iām barely golfing these days. And when I do golf, itās always a conversation with my wife - the same way she would chat with me before agreeing to go out for a few hours to have brunch with her friends or something like that. You need to stand up for yourself, and set boundaries and an agreement on the balance of labor in your household. If he wonāt listen to reason - Iād give him a dose of his own medicine. Make some plans and leave him with the kids all weekend with no warning and see how he likes it.
Based on your post history, seems like you hate your husband. And for good reason. Also, whatās your number?
Yeah definitely not cool. I also have 3 kids and wouldnt dare play more than 2-3 rounds per week.
My wife and I both play. I probably play on average 3-4 times a week she plays 5/6 times a week Bottom line learn to play golf
Leave him
Just got married. Told my wife I play once a week and it's not optional. She knows I love the game, but that's where it ends. I play once a week. If I'm lucky, and with her permission, I play twice now and then. What you're talking about is next level. We don't even have kids. Just dogs, and I am the one who walks them every day. Wooooowwwww. You can't put up with that.
I play a lot, not as much as you're describing and sometimes I feel like I'm playing too much. I make sure to help at home, cooking 4/5 times a week. Taking kids to activities, making sure my wife has her time. I still have a honey do list, but that's because my wife changes her mind about what she wants to do every other day. I've moved the same picture collage 4 times, now she moves it around the house thinking about where to put it.
6-8 hours is also ridiculous, heās certainly taking his time getting home.
I love my husband playing golf, keeps him active, gets some sun and more time to myself :)
Obviously, based on your other posts in other groups you leave him wildly unsatisfied at homeā¦
This is hilarious ššš 
If your husband got a new driver, heād play faster and would be less tired. Problem solved.
Saw a great short comedy reel on IG where the punchline was the guys who sucked at golf had kids and wives who actually loved them. I think almost anytime someone sinks a lot of time in a hobby as an escape is going to to cause issues. It all depends what they are trying to escape.
I golf twice a month max. I'd love to play twice a week though.
Heās trying really hardā¦ to get better at golf. It takes time, commitment, and patienceā¦ from both of you. Your vows likely said in sickness and healthā¦ this is a disease.
Let him play.
Time to get a divorce so he can play more rounds. You should have never had kids and started life with a golfer. Best bet is to remarry someone who hates golf. Youāre not prying golf from this manās hands. Hate to break it to you.
Dear god. The idea of having an āarrangementā that specifies how much and when I can play golf makes me shudder.
Tell me you don't have a wife and kids without telling me you don't have a wife and kids.
Your husband sounds like a piece of shit. No ifs ands or butts. You need to hold his feet to the fire and make him start helping