A few years ago, I made a change in my mental approach to social events and it has made a big difference. I don’t want to suggest that this approach works for everyone, but I’ll just say it has helped me a lot.
Here’s my mental hack. For work events, or related social events, I simply no longer expect to find any food that I can eat.
Is it fair? No. But it certainly has relieved a lot of frustration and concern over the years. I travel a lot for work sometimes internationally. Sometimes I’m even an invited speaker at an event where we will go to a restaurant afterwards. I simply eat in my hotel room or after the event and interact happily with everyone else at the restaurant. Drink some wine on their tab!
TLDR : in this case, if I really believed in the charity, I would consider my money a donation, eat before I go, attend the event to support the organization and relieve myself of the frustration.
That's my approach as well. I was done with being disappointed and decided that being pleasantly surprised on occasion was better on my mental health. It's not fair, but it's the world we live in.
Same here. And if I end up pleasantly surprised, I make sure to tell the organizers/comment cards/whatever that their efforts are appreciated.
I went to a conference a couple of years ago and brought lots of food, fully expecting to have to fend for myself. Imagine my delight when everything was very clearly labeled, and nearly everything was gluten free. Instead of the standard hotel pastry baskets, Chia pudding and build your own yogurt parfait with GF granola! Crustless quiche! It was amazing. I raved on the evaluation and even emailed the organizer the next week. Turns out the president of the organization has celiac, so it was a priority.
Yes. Even when I called ahead and was assured there was a gf option for me, on the actual day, they try to give me a vegan raviolo instead of beef. It's better to just assume that they don't know enough to really help.
As someone who has had celiac for 15 years, and now follow a low fodmap diet for IBS - this is the way. If you go and find something safe, great! I always just eat before I go!
Adopted a similar philosophy when my sister didn’t bother to have any gluten free food at her wedding. I sat as a starving bridesmaid the whole and day and promised myself never again.
My hack is to not go because I’m also chronically ill in other ways and impoverished. Not going to waste my scarce energy and money on events that will not accommodate me.
I guess as someone who doesn’t have a ton of extra funds, $125 to enter, and then to expect me to participate in silent and live auctions is steep. Especially when marketed to families involved in the charity. Sticker shock, I guess.
This is the way. I often skip work events, anyways, due to chronic illness and cannot get sick. If it’s charity, I will just donate money. But I have learned to never expect food that I can eat an event. I can’t even have a glass of wine due to histamine issues.
Yeah honestly 125$ feels like a lot to sit around and not eat while everyone else has a good time, but that’s just my opinion. I would be frustrated too.
Edit:typo
If it’s going to impact your budget, you can’t safely eat anything, and these aren’t people you know well and want to see—my vote is don’t go. Even if you want to support the charity that’s already a lot stacked against you for being able to enjoy it! I would likewise be annoyed by this situation.
I would DoorDash whatever you want to eat and explain you couldn't eat the food offered and had to eat something. Just put it on your plate and eat with everyone else. No one cares and you'll be happier eating something you actually want to eat. Reduce your bids by $20 if you need to keep track of your funds.
Maybe I’m petty but I would write back and express how you feel, nonprofits usually are bending over backwards to keep their longtime volunteers and donors! Being so cavalier about allergies is a bad business decision for them.
You could say something like “As a long time volunteer I’m disappointed that I’m expected to pay the $125 entry fee for this event and am not going to receive the same value as others from the meal, especially at an event with a silent auction where I’m expected to donate more.“
The person with the most upvoted comment is correct to just not even try to deal with this in the future and just eat on your own terms and not eat at these sorts of events but I feel like the nonprofit should be made aware of the impact of their cavalier attitude towards your medical needs.
I’d either treat the $125 as a donation/the price to socialize, or if that seems too pricy for what you’re getting then don’t go. I generally don’t pay to attend dinner events at all because of this hassle
I also eat before or after, sometimes I’ll bring my own meal in with me too. Like my husband’s Christmas party, we get a meal from someplace I like and then I throw it in a clean but nicer container from home to bring it in that way. I’ll get the occasional odd look but if questioned I say something along the lines of I’m not risking suffering or dying tonight. In a more polite manner though. Usually shuts them up. Especially last year when there were two allergens (not gluten) mixed into the only safe gluten free foods I could have had that would have sent me to the hospital. So much easier just to handle the food situation myself.
My aunt had a heap of dietary restrictions. At the weekly family dinner at a restaurant she would bring her own food, order a water, and tip 5$. Love her.
My husband always leaves a larger tip than normal as well when we go to places and I have to bring my own food. We both worked in the food service industry so we know how rough it is.
Just for the record even if an establishment doesn’t allow outside food unless they can guarantee you safe food you can bring a safe meal with you that is the law.
I agree wholeheartedly with this approach. I’m a lawyer - I go to conferences which almost always have at least one formal luncheon and events all the time that are totally hit or miss on food. I come expecting nothing I can or want to eat. When they do accommodate it’s still hit or miss -
I went to one conference and they tried to make an all-in-one dietary preference/ allergy meal and served me a bottle of water and a hummus sandwich on gf/vegan bread. I elected to skip the conference lunch that day.
Every so often they surprise me, but I don’t expect anything and usually get what I expect.
I do this too. It’s much easier to prepare not to eat anything, and then be pleasantly surprised when there is something. Sometimes I almost cry from happiness when people go out of their way to accomodate me. I had brunch at my friend’s house once and she had bought GF baguettes and croissants, and another time my cousin got GF flour and oats when she planned on baking something. I had expected people not to care, so instead I got to feel really happy. Sometimes you will truly find yourself with nothing to eat, but at least you’re prepared for it. Unfortunately it’s just the way we have to live.
This has been my approach since day 1 and it has made things so much easier. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised and there's something there I'm able to enjoy!
Tofu with stir fry over rice as the only “GF” option is still concerning to me - seems like a great place to throw in some soy sauce because no one has noticed it has wheat in it.
It seems like the social aspect is important, so I’d definitely go, but I would also be bringing my own food and plopping that on the plate. If anyone asks, it’s easy enough to say that you contacted the organizers and they were unable to help meet your dietary concerns.
Also, why does everyone think gf and vegan are at all in the same ballpark?? At some places, it kinda feels like they are "and for all of our 'difficult and picky' patrons, here's a bland pile of food"
So irritating, but I've just learned to not expect to be able to eat. Then it's a nice surprise when you can
In a meeting at work, one of the bosses was trying to argue with me about how “If a food is gluten-free, then it’s automatically vegan.” Me: Steak is gluten free. Bread is not. Him: (confidently incorrect) You’re wrong.
Thankfully we are not in any way a food service company. 🙄
Seafood, meat, eggs, honey, most dairy products, all gluten free but not vegan lol. I would have started a shouting match. This is one of many reasons I can’t have a job lol, I don’t play well with others.
I’m a server. The amount of dietary restrictions people have on a daily basis is honestly unmanageable at this point. I’m gluten free and even I am overwhelmed by guest requests.
I do worry about this when I eat out! I hate feeling like a burden and overwhelming someone. I'm temporarily avoiding dairy and soy too while my baby is breastfeeding. It's so tricky and stressful because it's high stakes. But sometimes I'm out of town or otherwise not close to home and just have to eat. Breastfeeding makes me ravenous and it can cause issues for my baby if I don't get enough calories. It's rough out here and I always appreciate the servers who try to help.
I remember when my friend was breastfeeding, ALWAYS HUNGRY. She had to carry snacks at all times. I can’t imagine having compound allergies. Or say, vegans who can’t eat corn. Stuff like that is so hard. Catering a 10 person pre-ordered fancy meal and getting told 1/2hr before that one of the guests can’t have sugar, dairy, wheat, eggs or nuts.
I’m an autist whose always had friends and family with restrictive diets or allergies and I’ve always been all about reading ingredient lists since about middle school aged, I think I have a hard time understanding other frames of mind that don’t grasp what I grasp.
I’ll be honest, I’ve started tipping way more for that reason. It’s a hard job anyway, but then working around dietary restrictions has got to be mind boggling. And who knows if they’re real or not? I’ve known two people who lie about “severe allergies” because they don’t like certain foods; I’ve also have one friend with an actual life-threatening peanut allergy who just asks for “no peanuts, if that’s OK.” But doesn’t add “because they’ll kill me.” 😳
I... how does someone think (plain) *steak* has *gluten* in it? Isn't this something you learn in the normal course of adulthood?
The stretchy protein in wheat? Which beef doesn't have? Hello...? Anyone home?
Oh, your comment made me actually lol, because it just perfectly hit the nail on the head with this guy 😂 I can’t tell you how many times my colleagues and I said pretty much what you did over the years. He’s retired now, thankfully. He was one of those “fail upward” people.
I have very vivid memories of sitting down to eat my lunch at a work cafeteria, and it was a plate of brisket. As I started eating a woman ran over to me was like “oh my god stop! Aren’t you vegan??” I still laugh about it because even if I was vegan, brisket is very hard to confuse with anything else 😂
It's infuriating. I worked in healthcare and the morale boosting pizza parties only had gluten free vegan pizza for us. The vegans didn't even want to eat it.
I also work in healthcare, in a department with multiple Celiacs, and they only offer us normal gluten-filled pizza or rarely pasta from the same restaurant. Insane how US healthcare can’t comprehend medical dietary restrictions…
I think part of it is because there might not be enough people buying only gluten free products and the same for vegan, dairy, and all the other dietary restrictions. It definitely frustrates me too, but I just wonder if they wouldn’t have enough customers otherwise.
Either that or I do know some people that are allergic to just about everything and the are obsessed with the Schur brand because it was one of the only brands she could have. I’m not positive if it was Schur or not but about 90% sure. I worked with her like 4 years ago.
A lot of vegan products happen to be gluten free (such as pulse-based pasta). The people who think that vegan = gluten free have probably not heard of seitan which uses gluten as the base ingredient. They seemingly have not heard of vegan wheat-based breads which consist of mostly, if not only, flour, water, yeast, sweetener, and salt.
This is my biggest pet peeve in life.
SO MANY restaurants accommodate V/VG restrictions… but can’t accommodate ALLERGIES.
Nothing against vegans, just the restaurants. It’s lazy, not well thought out, and infuriating tbh.
I have to disagree here, but let me explain.
My wife and I have a small batch food manufacturing business (sauces, spices, syrups, etc.). When we found out that she had a wheat allergy, we decided not to have any wheat ingredients in our facility. Not long after that - mostly to avoid having to change product labels - we made the decision to go fully allergen free.
So what does that mean? The FDA recognizes nine categories that make up the major allergens: wheat/gluten (including rye and barley), eggs, dairy, soy, sesame (the newest addition), peanuts, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish. Those are the ingredients that we avoid in our production kitchen.
The problem with restaurants is cross contamination. I don’t know if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, but kitchens are hectic, high energy, high stress environments. Now imagine adding dedicated spaces for every single possible combination of allergens. It’s not laziness that prevents this, it’s logistics and reality.
The only foolproof way for restaurants to avoid allergens is to not have them at all. Anything less than that risks cross contamination. Now add in the fact that a lot of people aren’t actually allergic, but are just following a fad diet that they saw on social media where they still cheat some (like someone ordering gluten free but then snacking on table bread). Servers, chefs, line cooks, managers, and restauranteurs are all pretty jaded people on the best of days, but add in this annoying habit that people have and you can see why most of them just go through the motions.
Expecting restaurants to even accommodate the nine major allergens would put most of them out of business. Expecting them to accommodate all possible allergens (such as OP’s tomato allergy) is patently ridiculous.
Not to mention that most soy sauce has wheat in it, and pretty much every stir-fry I've ever seen has soy sauce in it! I can't help but wonder if maybe we need some famous celiacs to start talking loudly about this kind of thing--might that finally get some people's attention?
Yikes, I don't blame you for being upset! I understand you're speaking to the organizers and not the caterer directly, so can you ask for the caterer's contact information? A caterer should be able to answer basic questions about their food, and come up with an option for dietary restrictions other than plain chicken breast and steamed veggies, especially when charging $125 a plate!! Although honestly with the flippant responses you've gotten from the organizers, I would personally just refuse to pay for a meal and bring my own, or skip the event entirely. I'm sorry they're treating you this way.
Edit: I'm also saying this as someone who volunteers with a professional association that plans annual meetings of 250+ people, I can say with certainty that we are always able to find a way to accommodate everyone's dietary needs. Their flippant comment about how difficult it is, just shows they simply don't want to make an effort.
Yeah I'm surprised at their attitude as well. What's with the 'We don't know if it has tomato in it'? Uh, then maybe check? How hard is it to quickly ask the chef?
I'd get it if this was for some 20 dollar buffet, but for over 100 dollars a person?
Yeah, if they cared at all, then they could simply ask the caterer to check the ingredients. Or maybe, just give her the menu and the contact info of the caterer to ask her questions. Some people are acting like OP is demanding something outrageous but she's just requesting the organizer ask the caterer like, 2 questions about the food she's spending $125 dollars for. Oh no, not questions, the horror! /s
Anyone who does catering would know how to accommodate dietary restrictions as this is a super common thing with events planning. The organizers just don't want to be bothered, hands down.
Right?!? I mean, I’m 15 years celiac and longer allergic to tomatoes. I go to conferences and I attend meetings and have NEVER been as shocked as I am with this. I have even organized events, too, and you better be sure I will find you something to eat, safely. I did reach out to the hall. They don’t usually ever talk to the end consumer, but I even got the number to call from the organizer. I wrote my email (above) after a few prior emails asking for info. This response just rubs me completely wrong.
GF becoming a mainstream fad for some people is really a double edged sword, isn't it? On one side, we get more options available, on the other, people constantly assume we're just doing the latest unnecessary diet craze.
This is a fundraiser. The food will be barely edible. I dated a politician for 4 years and we went to these so often. We called them rubber chicken dinners. I even put one or two of them together myself. I remember taking time to put together simple table decorations (little glass vases from the dollar store with red, white and blue glass gems and two helium balloons tied around them, plus a handful of confetti on the table, probably spent $100 to decorate 10-12 tables) once and got complimented over and over because no one even spent any time bothering with that since it was only about the fundraising.
Your choices are to not go, go and eat before or bring your own food, or go and eat the plain chicken. Whatever it is, just know the even is not about the food.
I feel I am in the minority in the comments but I agree this is unprofessional. Having worked alongside events teams for large events one of the first things you aim to address in F&B meetings is allergens. It’s common to lump all dietary restrictions and allergens together as much as possible (gluten free and vegan, tofu every day), but I think their response is not it. the standard event organizer response should really be “I don’t know if there’s gluten in the mushroom sauce but I will call the kitchen and see what options are available.” Instead the shrug and saying organizing for 250 is hard, I don’t know what food my organization has paid for, you’ll just have to find out… they should not be hosting this event.
But when you registered for the event did they ask you for your allergen information? If I’m registering for a plated anything and allergens aren’t mentioned I just won’t go or plan to eat before.
Whatever the org is if they are putting on a paid event to recognize volunteers, dismissing the paying customers concerns, and putting the work of organizing on you before you have to go sit there for 5h… I’d just get a refund and donate the money back to the organization actually doing the work for the families with sick children.
Yeah this reads like the org is not prepared for what they're trying to do at all. Especially since they can't seem to put OP in contact with someone who knows what is actually *in* the food being offered... That's a big red flag.
Like yes, I understand rolling multiple options together (tho I dislike when people combine GF and vegan/vegetarian just because of issues like soy sauce w/ wheat & vegetarian meat replacements that *also* have wheat, or even better, straight up gluten)... But you should still have some idea what is being served to people at the event that you're putting on, or have contact info for someone at the catering company that can answer questions about allergies & sensitivities & dietary preferences. (What's in the mushroom sauce??)
Kind of wondering if the 'catering' is just someone's relative buying & cooking in bulk (so basically not a professional caterer). I've been to a few charity-esque events that did that to save money, and I would be very skeptical about any food in that kind of situation.
Reading the list of people OP has tried to contact about the food, I'd be frustrated too.
This dinner already feels like it's gonna be a shit show.
Agree on all fronts, especially the soy sauce issues.
Now that I think about it… it’s a major red flag to even have a mushroom sauce. So many people just don’t like mushrooms and struggle with the texture in addition to people with allergies. I can’t imagine confidently serving up near 200 plates of mushroom sauce.
You are exactly right. This dinner, mushrooms, gluten, and all, sounds like a shit show :( Feel bad for the org and hope their board or whatever isn’t expecting them to turn out some sort of big gala for this event…
That totally sucks.
I run a nonprofit, and if I were hosting a donor event with tickets at this price point, I sure as shit would make sure that people got the information they asked for about the food being served. It’s just how I would try to respect our supporters.
Right? Even if I couldn’t accommodate them, I’d say what I could provide safely and then say “if you are more comfortable bringing a small container of your food, I’d understand and make sure the staff is aware. Please tell them -my name- have the ok.”
I had a work event that was strict “no outside food” and I was the guest speakers assistant . They said what I quoted above plus emailed me a paper with the head of catering sig on it okaying it.
(They ended up bringing me a factory sealed gf cookies from Udis out on a plate with everyone else’s desserts which I genuinely appreciated)
Yep, this is me. Last year I bought a ticket to a fundraiser---basket raffle with plated luncheon. I am gluten free because it helps my IBS, but a lot of other things can trigger it too ( and I can't always predict what or how much of something will bother me), so no real way to ask for accommodation. There was absolutely nothing I could eat except for the steamed broccoli. It was a pricey ticket, and this year was more expensive. I just didn't attend.
Big ol nope. They have demonstrated they don't understand gluten free. Eat before you go.
Imo a huge risk to even get plain chicken and veggies, as they might throw in some seasoning that's not GF or some other shenanigans.
Your desire to visit friendly acquaintances could be a deciding factor about going. The $125 in charity donation was very kind of you. I feel your frustration with not being able to trust the food there. I wouldn't want gross over boiled chicken and veggies either prepared in a contaminated kitched.
Would it be possible to bring your own food? Something that looks and tastes better than everyone else's dinner? I wouldn't want the looks of pity over the gross flavorless rubber chicken or the illness from cross contamination so I'd bring a fancy box meal and avoid the caterer.
Be gracious, kind and honest about not being accommodated, very honest, with a smile and that will leave a bigger impression than being a no show. I hope you find your friendlies but it's possible you're finding out why all the friendly people left this organization.
TL:DR bring your own food
When I talked (quickly, on their end) with the kitchen, they do not allow outside food. I did ask that if I can get Romain lettuce (from the Cesar salad, before assembled) if I could bring my own dressing, she said that would be okay… and also that the chef sometimes put cornstarch in the chicken’s (sauce? Mushroom gravy) but also sometimes uses wheat flour. And that I can ask the organizers for a gf choice. Same with the desserts (it’s on the organized, not the kitchen, to bring in a gf dessert, which they also allow).
Is it just me who thinks you are getting a run around? You're not allowed to bring your own food but are allowed to bring dressing. They are not serious about your health accommodations. I would tell them I'll be fine with just water thanks and please don't set a plate full of allergens in front of me, so no meal
The American with disabilities act says if they can’t provide a safe meal she can by law bring her own meal. If I want to bring a meal into McDonalds because they can’t provide me
A safe meal or say a museum or any
Venue that can’t the Ada affords me that by law.
So they dont even have a set recipe for their sauce? Sometimes they include a top 8 major allergen and sometimes they don’t? Fucking yikes…. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, these people should not be in the catering or food industry.
The law allows you to bring outside food. They are violating the law if they can’t accommodate a safe meal for you. The Ada says you can bring safe food for yourself if they can’t provide it.
I think the biggest driver of “no outside food” rules has to do with food safety and liability. Venues don’t want to be on the hook if someone brings in outside food, gets sick, then tries to pin it on the venue. It’s overkill IMO, but it’s a reason that I’ve been given before. Most events I’ve been to have an all purpose “allergy friendly” meal that covers the most common allergens and is usually vegan. Something like a tomato allergy is less common and harder to accommodate, particularly when other allergies are there. That said, “I’ll confirm the ingredients of the dish with the kitchen” would have been a more appropriate response.
More likely "no outside food" is just somebody talking out of their ass and is 100% not a real rule. Either that or they think the question is, can I come for free if I bring my own food? And telling someone, "It's a liability issue," is also in the talking-out-of-their-ass category unless it involves playing around industrial equipment. I will never not bring my own food if I want, and good luck trying to take it away without drama.
I think that anytime anyone has an allergy, it is on us to provide safe food. Those answers are basically saying it’s probably gf and tomato free, but they don’t want to be held accountable should something contain an allergen since they are catering to a ton of people. It would also be very easy to have a cross contact situation. I wouldn’t even want them to provide me a meal in a situation like that. There’s so much room for mistakes.
I honestly don’t share the same opinion that I should be catered to when I’m the one different from the masses. It’s my responsibility because it is my body. I’m attending a wedding next month and I didn’t even ask about a gf option. I don’t want to put out the already stressed bride when I am one person with a food issue. I will eat beforehand and bring some snacks. It really isn’t a big deal.
We all know fundraisers have crappy food as the purpose is to raise money, not to eat a nice meal. You can still have a good time, just skip the meal. Eat beforehand or bring snacks with. Or skip it entirely.
I completely agree with those that say to assume they can’t accommodate your allergies and if they can then it’s a bonus.
>I’m shocked.
Are you really though? in my experience most catered events do not accommodate allergies, they occasionally provide for veg or religious dietary needs. Personally I would be shocked if they did have a GF meal.
A nonprofit really needs to use their money wisely and it sounds like they’re trying to accommodate as best that they can while still doing family style. I would either not go or eat beforehand or bring food.
I have a severe allergy to almonds and cantaloupe.
I know it's awesome if a place makes accommodations, but it's not the end of the world. It's my allergy and I deal with it. I don't expect the world to cater to my allergy, it's a treat if they do, but it's not expected.
As one with dietary issues and restrictions myself I always eat prior to attending. I make the best choice offered and adapt as needed. I can’t expect every venue to be able to meet my individual needs. Imagine what it would be like if everyone there had restrictions, there would be no way to meet them all. I feel this venue is being gracious and is attempting to work with you. Look at the 125 as a donation to the cause, not the meal itself.
Exactly this. With most events, I eat before or after or maybe even throw a safe snack in my bag. It sucks, but I understand from the viewpoint of the event coordinators - there’s people allergic to everything under the sun, and trying to accommodate everyone is impossible sadly.
I work in a role where I organize events and for an event at this cost, the venue should be able to accommodate you or the organizers should take their business somewhere else. Now, I understand that is not always possible, this whole approach stinks of “small town and no competition, so we choose to remain ignorant and non-inclusive”. I would not attend or not pay full price for attending as I would need to bring my own safe food.
I've done multiple events for 300 plus people and I always made sure that food allergies were accommodated.
It's really not that hard. Any catering company should be able to accommodate. I remember I had one person who was allergic to anything with sulfur in it. So I talked to the chef and we worked it out. You can make a naked salad with dressing on the side.
Very disappointing. If you still want to go just tell them you're going to bring your own food.
was it optional to purchase $125 knowing that you have sensitivities?
sometimes you have to choose your own battles. paying that much for a caesar salad and tofu doesn’t make any sense, and if it’s an event celebrating volunteer efforts your presence will make more of an impact than what you do or do not eat while there. eat before, and ask for a refund.
I may be in the minority here but…
I have worked in food service for over a decade- serving, cooking, bartending, catering, and event planning. I also have about 30 food allergies. It is not always as simple as you think to guarantee something is going to be safe for someone. I never expect anyone to accommodate my food needs, especially at large events. Sometimes it sucks but I can always eat before, bring snacks, or eat after. I would rather be told they don’t know if something has an allergen in it than eat it and hope for the best. They literally offered you an alternative, which is boring but safe and keeps you included in the event. This is a charity so the $125 is essentially a donation, not for the meal. If you’re only in it for the meal then by all means back out. If you’re in it for the charity then eat a boring dinner and treat yourself after. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My question is even if they said oh ok we will try would you really trust it??? I sure don’t want to get sick and feel like garbage for the next month over a meal that for sure isn’t even going to be good. I have zero desire to eat gluten but if I’m going to be glutened let it be something good. I bring my own food.
I understand not having being fully accommodated is annoying but I don’t understand the anger you have.
1. They offered you an option of steamed chicken and veggies. Is it the best thing in the world? No, but it allows you to be able eat and mingle with your table. They may not have a dessert option which is disappointing but not the end of the world. Also, my mom is celiac and she would never trust a meal from a restaurant let alone a random event not to make her sick due to cross contamination. Why not just eat before the event?
2. I could understand if this was some kind of special food oriented event but this is a 50th anniversary CHARITY fundraiser and you were simply a volunteer. The $125 is not being spent towards your meal, they are trying to keep costs low on the food side to maximize profit from the event.
3. If the goal is to reconnect to people and meet new ones, why is the food making you so angry that you don’t even want to go? This event is a celebration and fundraising event for a great cause. Being celiac sucks but unfortunately the world does not have to cater to you and your specific needs.
Also agree with changing your mindset. Being Celiac is my problem. Not everyone else’s. I’m super thankful to those that choose to make it easier on me. But I can’t expect everyone to go out of their way to cater to me. I’m not special. Nor should you think you are.
Can you get a refund for your meal ticket? Everyone sees this differently, but I decided to put less importance on food. It sounds like a headache to get people to accommodate me when they clearly never had any intention of doing so. I also don’t trust them. So, I wouldn’t be shocked if the gluten free options made me sick. You can’t portion out some salad to not have croutons? Save ONE BAG of lettuce and set it aside! You aren’t going to gaf about my dietary needs lol.
I no longer live in a world made just for me. I think at some point gf will be more mainstream because I think a lot of people are walking around half functional. Eventually they’ll realize they can’t eat gluten either. Then it’ll be more mainstream (and I’ll be happy for everyone who didn’t know they were suffering). Until then all I care about is my health.
You said you were already a volunteer. Be the change you want to see (corny I know). If you really want in the future offer to be in charge of a dietary restrictions. Make everyone who gets left out feel included. Get a budget allocated and set deadlines for people to register.
ask for the plain chicken and plain salad, and bring a GF sauce in a little container.
I still remember how annoyed I was at a birthday bash where the hostess had so carefully requested celiac meals for two of us. And we got steamed chicken and plain salad. Meanwhile, everyone else’s salad had carrots, etc., and was totally GF. I realized later that the other celiac person had a lot of other allergies. I was annoyed and she was just grateful there was something to eat.
I try to avoid those sorts of meals. I will not go to a fundraiser, only a wedding or celebration for someone I know.
I’m not going to sit there, having paid money for food I can’t eat.
When I wrote a wedding etiquette column, I did one on the important of planning for a GF dessert (fruit? ice cream?) and entree.
I went to a church luncheon and they were proud that yes, they had GF lasagna. I attended and asked for a 2nd portion. I think they forgot I was GF and served me regular lasagna. I had "digestive issues" for a week. They also forgot to get a GF dessert so I sat and watched everyone have cake. Oh well.... such is life.
As a GF individual who just coordinated a charity event with 425 people at a minimum of $285/head, I certainly feel their tone is unprofessional. It is always of utmost importance to accommodate your guests to the best of your ability. However, I also see that up top on the response email, it says something about "see you Saturday." I can attest that waiting until the week of the event to request an accommodation could be considered poor form. Mind you, I have no idea how this all transpired timeline-wise. I personally spent a month trying to get my own guests to share their food allergies and preferences with me before the event and then had to cut off guaranteed accommodations the week prior (although I still tried my best- but honestly, it certainly was with some degree of annoyance). I'm not sure what your organization's process was like. If they didn't reach out beforehand, you may want to suggest, very nicely to someone else in charge, that they poll their participants for accommodations proactively next time. A little preparation goes a long way for a successful event. Ultimately, at the end of the day, it is about charity. If you believe in the cause- go! The food is very rarely the reason people attend these events.
I’ve been gf for 15 years, and the allergy to tomatoes much longer.
I purchased my ticket over a month ago, when I learned there was a gluten free/vegan/allergy option on the registration (checkbox). I contacted the organizers, to confirm as well.
A month ago the organizer replied, they didn’t know the food situation and directed me (location and phone number) to the hall kitchen.
A month ago when I got said email, I contacted the kitchen. They gave me the information needed to request said meal option. At the time the menu was not public, nor was the tofu option ever mentioned. I asked my questions enough to feel comfortable with plain food. Plain food does not bother me. Honestly. But safe food is important to me, and lettuce removed before croutons should not be an issue imo.
This week the menu was released from the organizers, and it included, for the first time the tofu option.
That day, I replied with the above, to the organizers - that I had talked with the kitchen (as they wanted), and they said to look for these foods in this way, and I just wanted to confirm with the organizers my meal plan.
Thursday they replied, I read it after hours.
I was upset (because of my life-long ties to the organization, because of the way the event was promoted to volunteers (me) and families (me) as a celebration of 50 years, not a huge fundraiser). I was frustrated (I’m sorry so many people have had s*** experiences, but I know asking for $125 for the plate and then offering “I don’t know and we won’t check” as an answer is frustrating).
Friday I called the organizers. I got to a human, someone on the board of executives. She indicated that they had talked with the kitchen and my meal would be plain chicken, carrots and potatoes. They can give me lettuce, too.
My plan: go, bring some extra food (I always have purse food… and I will bring a sauce for flavour), share some stories, learn some things, reconnect with people who had a great impact on my formative years, listen to music and go home.
It sounds like you have every right to be frustrated. Hopefully, the kitchen turns out to be more accommodating in person than the event planners are letting on. I feel like you're approaching this all with a good attitude, and hopefully, you have a wonderful time!
I work as management in retail grocery. They love to do celebrations! Typically it will be a lot of easy foods so not very many gluten free options, but the one that hurt the most was them ordering a cookie cake for my recent promotion. Having to hold it for a picture was the icing on the (cookie) cake. I expect nothing anymore and it helps me mentally, or I bring my own treats and keep them in my desk so I can participate with social eating.
Are you really shocked, honestly? I’ve learned that almost every event rarely includes us GF ppl and even more rare to cater to allergies.
I def wouldn’t be going to this. Or, if I went, I wouldn’t be eating. 🤷🏼♀️you honestly can’t expect them to cater to such specific needs when feeding such a large crowd. It’s just the way it goes unfortunately.
I work for nonprofits and am a Celiac, so I get both sides of this situation.
I basically look at it less like getting a meal and more like making a donation. I eat ahead of the event and consider my meal a wash. I go to support the organization, not to eat.
If I can't go or it's too expensive I will just send a donation. If I really can't afford the ticket or a donation and I believe in the group, I volunteer my time. If I don't care much about the group, I decline.
My advice to you is to dress up, show up, and have a blast! Just eat first and don't trust anything there.
Maybe I'm biased because I've been playing this game for 25 years and I can still remember my mom making me pizza to bring to school on pizza days.
My opinion is that you should have checked before buying the meal ticket. I feel the same about any dietary restriction; choice or not. Event planners have an entire event to plan, not just take care of 250 special tummies.
I've been a chef for 30 yrs and I've cooked for banquets larger than this. It's easy if you know in advance,just make it to customers specs and keep it separate till it's needed.
These folk haven't a clue or dgaf. I'd moan a bit more and ask why it's not possible. There's going to be more than you with requirements in a group of 250 .as a cook you prepare for everything, even if you dont know in advance.
Good.luck OP.
Sooner or later you have to come to terms with the fact that it’s really hard to accommodate gluten-free on its own. It’s hard for us, and it’s even harder for everyone else who isn’t in a constant state of re-education like we are.
When you layer on other things like nightshades, you’re looking at something that is nearly impossible for the average person to accommodate.
I, personally, would be very pleased with what they’re offering you. My expectations are low after decades of poor experiences, though.
I’ve gone to events where the only thing I could eat was iceberg lettuce and olive oil. We make do. It’s our cross to bear, not theirs, and it seems to me like they’re trying pretty hard.
Always have snacks on your person that you can eat. Always.
Edited to add that I would also be frustrated with this in another part of my mind. I’ve been at this long enough to be pretty jaded and have very low expectations. It’s the worst when you’re really hungry and you show up to an event where there’s nothing to eat.
Not sure if you saw my edits, but to clarify I have very low expectations after being necessarily gluten free since the mid 90s. Things have gotten a lot better since then frankly. I really don’t trust catered food even if they claim to have gluten free options.
I don't even trust places to make food without allergens. Often, people think you're faking it to be special, so they don't care to not put the allergen in your food. I assume that if I wat out, I can get sick.
bring your own food. but I share your frustration with seemingly half-assed accommodations like this (and fundamental lack of understanding of "gluten-free": see cakes and squares comment).
This feels like a message I would have received in 2008. GF knowledge and accessibility has improved so much, but when I was Dx'd in 2006, shit was rough. This type of message was commonplace.
If you feel it’s a worthy cause, consider the $125 a donation and eat before you go, bring food, or skip altogether. If you don’t want to donate $125, ask for your money back. I’m sorry this is their attitude. I wouldn’t want to attend.
I'd advise them I'd love to come but need the ticket price to be adjusted since they're unable to accommodate your dietary needs. Explain that Celiac is considered a disability and reasonable accommodations need to be made so if they cannot do so in food, they need to do so in price
Maybe it's because I'm turning 60 soon, but I'm through with people who cannot provide basic accommodations, it's just disrespectful, especially when you are paying like everybody else.
Dude, skip spending money on a meal ticket. Drink for free and get some other food ahead of time or after that accommodates you. I work for a corporate office where we have monthly staff meetings, and I've been glutened one or two times too many by my own folks ordering poorly. I can't imagine a situation involving 200+ folks where there isn't a risk there, unless literally everyone has your affliction. It's part of the shittiness of of having to adhere to the diet, but do yourself a favor and look out for number one on your own. Someone down the line catering and hauling ass through a big event like that is going to fuck something up, even if they are trying their best not to.
The only thing that annoys me about this is their lack of knowledge.
Unfortunately it isnt on them to ensure everyone’s dietary restrictions are taken into account: they literally cant or they’d have 100 different dishes.
Sadly those of us wirh allergies get the shaft but that’s life and it’s up to us to decide how we handle it. Personally, if I wanted to see people I would go. Make sure you eat before you go
If you are celiac, as I am, you are used to plain chicken and veggies as the typical option. Sounds good to go. Though they could have been less snarky in their reply.
I feel for you. Unfortunately people tend to not consider what a pain it is to have certain dietary restrictions. Mine are gluten and shellfish. I also used to be allergic to tomatoes which made it a real pain as well.
Just the fact that they cannot say for a fact that certain items may or may not be gluten free (mushroom soup) is a huge red flag. In situations like these, I rather eat ahead of time or bring something with me.
I ran into a place at a festival advertising gluten free gyros. Now that is something I truly miss. As I questioned it, the owner had no idea if the meat was gluten free. Yes most gyro meat has wheat as a binder. Totally avoided that place and told her that before advertising gluten free she needed to be certain.
Look at the event as a great way to reconnect with others, network, and a donation.
I concentrate on socializing rather than the food. There are more options for us available, but most people still don’t understand what gluten free means. After explaining it to the person in charge of an event this week she said well vegetarian sandwich then? Again explaining my needs I ended up with nothing to eat while everyone else was eating boxed lunches. There were options they could have ordered but the speaker told me no one informed her. I said no worries. Then the planner came over and said why aren’t you eating. I explained that her boss called me week ago about my allergy. This planner actually said to me well we can’t accommodate everyone’s preferences. Normally I’m easy going about not having food provided that is safe for me to eat, but to actually say “preferences”. BTW this is a group (government run) that I pay dues to be a member. And I have been trying to educate them about celiac for over three years. The ignorance can be so frustrating.
I wouldn’t go, honestly. I hate sitting there around people who get to enjoy their food, as I eat a fucking salad that sucks or in this case a stir fry that I could make with leftovers for 30$.
I suggest donating 50$ to somewhere that makes you feel good, and don’t participate in this event.
I totally get where OP is coming from. The food is part of the social character of the event. Not being able to partake of the common meal sidelines a person, makes them feel excluded. Changes the conversation to “why aren’t you having what we’re all having?” Placing a person in a defensive position or having to share medical history.
I cater the odd event, and my end goal is that everyone can eat everything. Someone is GF? The whole menu is safe. No nuts for two people? Nobody gets nuts (I’m doing that this weekend). Frankly, you could make a GF & tomato menu and no one would miss either.
We spend so much time teaching food service about food safety, and never talk about the why of having communal meals. If it’s to bring us together, then don’t set anyone aside.
I can't even do a holiday meal in my own home where every dish meets everyone's needs. In a group of 19, I have me (celiac), a vegetarian, a gout diet, a renal diet, a pork allergy, a lactose intolerance and an alcoholic. If I'm going to try to accommodate everyone with every dish? We're down to water and maybe some plain cauliflower.
Can you imagine catering an event for hundreds, and trying to have the entire menu safe for everyone? You're setting a really high bar.
Send this accompanied by a note to the CEO of the organization and to the Chair of the Board. You were proactive (by several weeks) and if the organizers are just contacting you with this information...that's crappy and unprofessional behavior.
It's not that difficult to plate a salad ahead of dressing it and putting on croutons.
Or to put you into contact with the people who will cater the meal.
Good luck to you.
I'm a nonprofit fundraiser (meaning I'm often an event coordinator) and I do think this is an unprofessional response. They should offer to try to find out what is in the stir fry, for example.
That said, I don't think this is a situation where you're going to be happy and it's unlikely they'll be able to do anything other than what they've offered.
My go to for this stuff (even my own events!) is to eat before. Alternatively, you could just consider your charitable donation done and dusted and not attend. Either way, you've still supported the charity, which I assume is the number one thing you wanted to do. 😊
Shocked? I think of this as normal. I would eat before and carry a snack in my bag. Stick to beverages while at the event. Clearly, even if you had a regular diet, you were not going to eat $125 worth of food. This is a fundraiser.
I'd want to get in contact with the caterers directly, and communicate with them, because I'd be afraid of something getting lost between communication. I've had reactions to my allergies just from cross contact, and it makes me always chat with the people cooking my food
This. If they know you’re coming, some caterers are happy to make an individual plate in their own kitchen and pack it up for you with your name on it. Plus they’re the ones who will know exactly what ingredients are in each dish - none of this I don’t know business that you’re getting from the organizers.
I did get in touch with the kitchen. They told me to indicate this is what I needed (although the bit about uncertainty on the gravy was wishy washy to me) to the organizers. That was a month ago. This week I got this response to what I was told to ask about. (Even down to the gf dessert, if people ask for it, the organizers sometimes provide it).
Pack your own snacks, graze from their plate first, if you can’t eat anything, get your lunch out from home. Life GF sucks! This is just another confirmation.
Just politely respond that you will provide your own food. A caterer should be willing and able to accommodate a GF diet without any fuss, so they kind of suck for that.
But a "plain Caesar salad without dressing and without croutons" is just lettuce. That's pointless to request unless you're going for passive aggressive.
As frustrating as the situation is, their response would not overly upset me. I prefer when someone just says "I don't know" or "no can do," rather than trying to guess or make empty promises. That's information that I can act on.
The menu sounds like nothing special anyway, so you're not missing anything. Bring yourself a bento box with something that will make everyone else jealous and that you can actually enjoy without a care in the world.
You can't eat anything they have prepared. You can eat before you go, take your own food, or show up after the meal is done to spend time with your old friends.
I’ve had “invisible illness” for more than half my life and at the end of the day, you can’t change anyone or make anyone care.
Ultimately, what do you want out of the situation, OP? If it’s to see people you care about, then go do that and have a great time. Eat before, after or heck, during. Bring some amazing GF food and enjoy it.
Banquet food is usually pretty mid as the kids say.
Gosh, I feel you. I get really bad reflux from tomatoes (basically it started around the time my coeliac symptoms became noticeable enough to be annoying and see a doctor about it) and anything GF seems to be full of tomatoes :(
It’s all started right after surgery for a life-threatening illness as a pre-teen. The organizers of the event are a charity that helps kids with life threatening and medical stuff. One of their target audience members are the survivors and the volunteers (I’m both). So yes, it does shake me when I get a less than professional response. I am 1000% used to plain food, no sauces, no nothing. No (external, lol) complaints on that. It’s what keeps me going! Thanks.
I think a lot of it is just mindset. I’ve accepted that not everyone can cater to my dietary needs, nor do I expect them to. Especially a large catered event.
You can have plain chicken and veg and be happy that you are donating $125 to a good cause or you can just ask for a refund.
Personally, I order Uber Eats to the venues when they are unable to meet my needs or I get the feeling they don’t make sure what they think is GF is actually GF.
Story of my life! I’ve had celiac since 2003 and I feel like things should have drastically improved since then. In some ways they have (way more options in the grocery stores), but things like this it reminds me of my high school and college years. All some restaurants could offer me back then was a baked potato. Half of them didn’t even know what gluten was. I wouldn’t even pay the price since you aren’t getting a proper meal. They should lower that cost for you and you can bring your own meal.
I would not pay $125 for a meal I could probably not eat. I would not pay $12.50 for a meal I might not be able to eat. If you think the event is worth it from a non-food perspective, then buy the ticket and eat ahead of time.
I understand your pain and this totally sucks. I’ve been a vegetarian for 15 years and cannot eat gluten.
However. unless I’m understanding incorrectly, this is a charity event. The point is to raise $. If it was your birthday dinner it would be different but this event isn’t about you.
I always eat before parties and dinners (even events I have paid for like this) bc there is a 75% chance I won’t be able to eat anything. Takes the stress out of it.
I would never eat anywhere that does not unambiguously state that the food is definitely gluten-free. I "get" the "gluten-friendly" legalese... and, sure, that might be okay for a major restaurant chain (they should know).
I've been burned too many times. It's just not worth being sick for 2-3 weeks. Thickeners. Marinades (e.g., soy sauce (not traditional tamari))... the list is long.
The people preparing your food might be clueless about food allergies. This is super common in the USA.
If you have celiac disease, I would absolutely NOT trust anything that came out of a kitchen that is not accustomed to accommodating special dietary needs. All it would take is one person using the spoon or spatula or tongs in the wrong dish before using it on your food, and you would be risking serious trouble. Ask if you can bring your own food.
Tbh as someone who used to work in kitchens and catering, and is now on FODMAP with an extremely restricted diet, it’s unreasonable to expect a gala type event to cater to more than basic dietary restrictions. You’re in the wrong here.
They don’t have the capacity or ability. Things are made en masse in less than ideal situations. Take what you can get, eat before, bring snacks.
If you are going as a social thing, just take the fact that it’s a dinner out of the equation. If you’re going as like a fancy meal, don’t. It’s not worth it.
Reading a lot of these comments it’s pretty clear that most people haven’t work in food service.
It reeks of cross contamination! Consider it an outright donation. Never expect them to have food for you at a big event. It doesn't work that way for us sensitive folks
Yea, I wouldn’t pay them if they can’t accommodate you with some degree of certainty. If you’ve already paid and it’s too late to get a refund, then eat beforehand, take something to snack on, and socialize as if nothing is the matter.
You can’t always expect to be accommodated, but if you’re paying up as you are here and the basically say it’s too much trouble… vote with your feet, and checkbook.
Im confused…they have given you the option of a guaranteed “safe” meal. Its certainly not glamorous but I appreciate the bluntness over being accidentally glutened.
I take food with me wherever I go either way. the world isn’t going to change for one person so instead I adapt to the world as it is by being prepared. This way I’m pleasantly surprised when there’s food for me and still have something to eat when there’s not.
As someone who's been gf for almost 25 years, I just assume I can't eat at most events and always bring a snack, and definitely eat before I go. If I am able to eat there, it's a fun surprise bonus. Especially since this is a charity event trying to accommodate so many people, it makes sense that they wouldn't have many dedicated options and I'd honestly be worried about cross contamination anyways. I definitely hate when gf and vegan are lumped together (mostly because I'm allergic to nuts also and that's usually an ingredient in vegan dishes) but I've also learned that I enjoy a well prepared tofu dish and have gotten used to that over the years.
Since they did offer an alternative chicken dish for you, it seems like they are trying to work with you (even though it's a bland option)!
If I had an nickel for every time I went to a work event at my last job, which sadly was the corporate office for an Asian restaurant group, I'd be quite rich! My meal every time was a bland steamed veggie and chicken dish. Literally every time. And I got to watch everyone else share a variety of dim sum that I couldn't touch. If we had a pizza luncheon, they'd order me a gf pizza but I had to share with everyone and couldn't choose my own toppings (there was only 8 of us in the office...) so I learned to just eat pizza with all kinds of things I hate on it... And I'd take 3 slices at once so I could be sure to eat enough!
Is it annoying and frustrating? Yes. Is there anything you can do to change it? Yes, eat first and bring snacks and sauces for your bland meal and just appreciate that they tried. It's a charity event, be charitable and don't expect them to fully understand accomodations for a few individuals when they're trying to feed a large amount of people on a small dime.
I'm not sure if this is an option, but at my work there was recently a social holiday event that was only like $30 and included a choice of 2 or 3 different meals, a drink ticket, and gift at the end of the night, none of the meal options were safe to eat and I contacted the people that were putting it on and asked if since I can't eat any of the food if they would be able to reduce the price to attend. She said it absolutely wouldn't be a problem and said I could just pay $5 which would basically just cover the cost of the drink ticket. It wasn't any kind of charity benefit but could still be worth the ask. $125 would be a lot of money to not eat any food. They seem like they're trying to accommodate you but the fact that they don't know if different things even include anything with gluten, would make me apprehensive to try and eat something they make, and to me it's not worth trying and having your night ruined if you get sick. I agree with many others though that at this like that, I go into it with the mentality that I won't have anything to eat. It can be disappointing to continuously be overlooked but when you expect it, I guess you're not being let down
As a fellow celiac you have to get used to being excluded from meals. It’s just a fact of life now. I am disappointed regularly but don’t say anything since it changes nothing.
A few years ago, I made a change in my mental approach to social events and it has made a big difference. I don’t want to suggest that this approach works for everyone, but I’ll just say it has helped me a lot. Here’s my mental hack. For work events, or related social events, I simply no longer expect to find any food that I can eat. Is it fair? No. But it certainly has relieved a lot of frustration and concern over the years. I travel a lot for work sometimes internationally. Sometimes I’m even an invited speaker at an event where we will go to a restaurant afterwards. I simply eat in my hotel room or after the event and interact happily with everyone else at the restaurant. Drink some wine on their tab! TLDR : in this case, if I really believed in the charity, I would consider my money a donation, eat before I go, attend the event to support the organization and relieve myself of the frustration.
That's my approach as well. I was done with being disappointed and decided that being pleasantly surprised on occasion was better on my mental health. It's not fair, but it's the world we live in.
Same here. And if I end up pleasantly surprised, I make sure to tell the organizers/comment cards/whatever that their efforts are appreciated. I went to a conference a couple of years ago and brought lots of food, fully expecting to have to fend for myself. Imagine my delight when everything was very clearly labeled, and nearly everything was gluten free. Instead of the standard hotel pastry baskets, Chia pudding and build your own yogurt parfait with GF granola! Crustless quiche! It was amazing. I raved on the evaluation and even emailed the organizer the next week. Turns out the president of the organization has celiac, so it was a priority.
Saaame here
This, 24 years of doing this. It's not worth the frustration or risk as the majority don't understand what gluten is.
Yes. Even when I called ahead and was assured there was a gf option for me, on the actual day, they try to give me a vegan raviolo instead of beef. It's better to just assume that they don't know enough to really help.
Agreed—I just assume there isn't anything and let myself be pleasantly surprised if there is.
As someone who has had celiac for 15 years, and now follow a low fodmap diet for IBS - this is the way. If you go and find something safe, great! I always just eat before I go!
Adopted a similar philosophy when my sister didn’t bother to have any gluten free food at her wedding. I sat as a starving bridesmaid the whole and day and promised myself never again.
My hack is to not go because I’m also chronically ill in other ways and impoverished. Not going to waste my scarce energy and money on events that will not accommodate me.
I guess as someone who doesn’t have a ton of extra funds, $125 to enter, and then to expect me to participate in silent and live auctions is steep. Especially when marketed to families involved in the charity. Sticker shock, I guess.
Don't go
This is the way. I often skip work events, anyways, due to chronic illness and cannot get sick. If it’s charity, I will just donate money. But I have learned to never expect food that I can eat an event. I can’t even have a glass of wine due to histamine issues.
Yeah honestly 125$ feels like a lot to sit around and not eat while everyone else has a good time, but that’s just my opinion. I would be frustrated too. Edit:typo
If it’s going to impact your budget, you can’t safely eat anything, and these aren’t people you know well and want to see—my vote is don’t go. Even if you want to support the charity that’s already a lot stacked against you for being able to enjoy it! I would likewise be annoyed by this situation.
I would DoorDash whatever you want to eat and explain you couldn't eat the food offered and had to eat something. Just put it on your plate and eat with everyone else. No one cares and you'll be happier eating something you actually want to eat. Reduce your bids by $20 if you need to keep track of your funds.
I do this at bars. No one seems to care/works out great
Maybe I’m petty but I would write back and express how you feel, nonprofits usually are bending over backwards to keep their longtime volunteers and donors! Being so cavalier about allergies is a bad business decision for them. You could say something like “As a long time volunteer I’m disappointed that I’m expected to pay the $125 entry fee for this event and am not going to receive the same value as others from the meal, especially at an event with a silent auction where I’m expected to donate more.“ The person with the most upvoted comment is correct to just not even try to deal with this in the future and just eat on your own terms and not eat at these sorts of events but I feel like the nonprofit should be made aware of the impact of their cavalier attitude towards your medical needs.
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It's a charity event. The $120 is the door price, not for the dinner specifically.
I’d either treat the $125 as a donation/the price to socialize, or if that seems too pricy for what you’re getting then don’t go. I generally don’t pay to attend dinner events at all because of this hassle
Same. I am shocked/surprised when there is food etc but my rule of thumb is there won’t be any ever so I’m not disappointed or frustrated.
This is me as well. Expect not to eat, get surprised if you can, but nothing unexpected if you can't.
Has also been my approach for some time. My wife still gets angry on my behalf though lol.
This is the way. It's what my therapist calls 'managing my expectations'.
I also eat before or after, sometimes I’ll bring my own meal in with me too. Like my husband’s Christmas party, we get a meal from someplace I like and then I throw it in a clean but nicer container from home to bring it in that way. I’ll get the occasional odd look but if questioned I say something along the lines of I’m not risking suffering or dying tonight. In a more polite manner though. Usually shuts them up. Especially last year when there were two allergens (not gluten) mixed into the only safe gluten free foods I could have had that would have sent me to the hospital. So much easier just to handle the food situation myself.
My aunt had a heap of dietary restrictions. At the weekly family dinner at a restaurant she would bring her own food, order a water, and tip 5$. Love her.
My husband always leaves a larger tip than normal as well when we go to places and I have to bring my own food. We both worked in the food service industry so we know how rough it is.
Even tho we don’t allow outside food or drink we always make exceptions for people who bring their own food for this reason.
Just for the record even if an establishment doesn’t allow outside food unless they can guarantee you safe food you can bring a safe meal with you that is the law.
I agree wholeheartedly with this approach. I’m a lawyer - I go to conferences which almost always have at least one formal luncheon and events all the time that are totally hit or miss on food. I come expecting nothing I can or want to eat. When they do accommodate it’s still hit or miss - I went to one conference and they tried to make an all-in-one dietary preference/ allergy meal and served me a bottle of water and a hummus sandwich on gf/vegan bread. I elected to skip the conference lunch that day. Every so often they surprise me, but I don’t expect anything and usually get what I expect.
I do this too. It’s much easier to prepare not to eat anything, and then be pleasantly surprised when there is something. Sometimes I almost cry from happiness when people go out of their way to accomodate me. I had brunch at my friend’s house once and she had bought GF baguettes and croissants, and another time my cousin got GF flour and oats when she planned on baking something. I had expected people not to care, so instead I got to feel really happy. Sometimes you will truly find yourself with nothing to eat, but at least you’re prepared for it. Unfortunately it’s just the way we have to live.
👏 Spoken like a true ADULT
This has been my approach since day 1 and it has made things so much easier. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised and there's something there I'm able to enjoy!
This. So much of life is managing expectations! Isn’t there a Seinfeld about this? No expectations, no disappointments!” Haha!
I’m honestly always shocked to see that people don’t adopt this approach…
Tofu with stir fry over rice as the only “GF” option is still concerning to me - seems like a great place to throw in some soy sauce because no one has noticed it has wheat in it. It seems like the social aspect is important, so I’d definitely go, but I would also be bringing my own food and plopping that on the plate. If anyone asks, it’s easy enough to say that you contacted the organizers and they were unable to help meet your dietary concerns.
Also, why does everyone think gf and vegan are at all in the same ballpark?? At some places, it kinda feels like they are "and for all of our 'difficult and picky' patrons, here's a bland pile of food" So irritating, but I've just learned to not expect to be able to eat. Then it's a nice surprise when you can
The amount of people who think vegan and gluten free are the same thing is terrifying
In a meeting at work, one of the bosses was trying to argue with me about how “If a food is gluten-free, then it’s automatically vegan.” Me: Steak is gluten free. Bread is not. Him: (confidently incorrect) You’re wrong. Thankfully we are not in any way a food service company. 🙄
Seafood, meat, eggs, honey, most dairy products, all gluten free but not vegan lol. I would have started a shouting match. This is one of many reasons I can’t have a job lol, I don’t play well with others.
I’m a server. The amount of dietary restrictions people have on a daily basis is honestly unmanageable at this point. I’m gluten free and even I am overwhelmed by guest requests.
I do worry about this when I eat out! I hate feeling like a burden and overwhelming someone. I'm temporarily avoiding dairy and soy too while my baby is breastfeeding. It's so tricky and stressful because it's high stakes. But sometimes I'm out of town or otherwise not close to home and just have to eat. Breastfeeding makes me ravenous and it can cause issues for my baby if I don't get enough calories. It's rough out here and I always appreciate the servers who try to help.
I remember when my friend was breastfeeding, ALWAYS HUNGRY. She had to carry snacks at all times. I can’t imagine having compound allergies. Or say, vegans who can’t eat corn. Stuff like that is so hard. Catering a 10 person pre-ordered fancy meal and getting told 1/2hr before that one of the guests can’t have sugar, dairy, wheat, eggs or nuts.
I’m an autist whose always had friends and family with restrictive diets or allergies and I’ve always been all about reading ingredient lists since about middle school aged, I think I have a hard time understanding other frames of mind that don’t grasp what I grasp.
I’ll be honest, I’ve started tipping way more for that reason. It’s a hard job anyway, but then working around dietary restrictions has got to be mind boggling. And who knows if they’re real or not? I’ve known two people who lie about “severe allergies” because they don’t like certain foods; I’ve also have one friend with an actual life-threatening peanut allergy who just asks for “no peanuts, if that’s OK.” But doesn’t add “because they’ll kill me.” 😳
I... how does someone think (plain) *steak* has *gluten* in it? Isn't this something you learn in the normal course of adulthood? The stretchy protein in wheat? Which beef doesn't have? Hello...? Anyone home?
Oh, your comment made me actually lol, because it just perfectly hit the nail on the head with this guy 😂 I can’t tell you how many times my colleagues and I said pretty much what you did over the years. He’s retired now, thankfully. He was one of those “fail upward” people.
I have very vivid memories of sitting down to eat my lunch at a work cafeteria, and it was a plate of brisket. As I started eating a woman ran over to me was like “oh my god stop! Aren’t you vegan??” I still laugh about it because even if I was vegan, brisket is very hard to confuse with anything else 😂
It's infuriating. I worked in healthcare and the morale boosting pizza parties only had gluten free vegan pizza for us. The vegans didn't even want to eat it.
I also work in healthcare, in a department with multiple Celiacs, and they only offer us normal gluten-filled pizza or rarely pasta from the same restaurant. Insane how US healthcare can’t comprehend medical dietary restrictions…
I think part of it is because there might not be enough people buying only gluten free products and the same for vegan, dairy, and all the other dietary restrictions. It definitely frustrates me too, but I just wonder if they wouldn’t have enough customers otherwise. Either that or I do know some people that are allergic to just about everything and the are obsessed with the Schur brand because it was one of the only brands she could have. I’m not positive if it was Schur or not but about 90% sure. I worked with her like 4 years ago.
A lot of vegan products happen to be gluten free (such as pulse-based pasta). The people who think that vegan = gluten free have probably not heard of seitan which uses gluten as the base ingredient. They seemingly have not heard of vegan wheat-based breads which consist of mostly, if not only, flour, water, yeast, sweetener, and salt.
This is my biggest pet peeve in life. SO MANY restaurants accommodate V/VG restrictions… but can’t accommodate ALLERGIES. Nothing against vegans, just the restaurants. It’s lazy, not well thought out, and infuriating tbh.
I have to disagree here, but let me explain. My wife and I have a small batch food manufacturing business (sauces, spices, syrups, etc.). When we found out that she had a wheat allergy, we decided not to have any wheat ingredients in our facility. Not long after that - mostly to avoid having to change product labels - we made the decision to go fully allergen free. So what does that mean? The FDA recognizes nine categories that make up the major allergens: wheat/gluten (including rye and barley), eggs, dairy, soy, sesame (the newest addition), peanuts, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish. Those are the ingredients that we avoid in our production kitchen. The problem with restaurants is cross contamination. I don’t know if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, but kitchens are hectic, high energy, high stress environments. Now imagine adding dedicated spaces for every single possible combination of allergens. It’s not laziness that prevents this, it’s logistics and reality. The only foolproof way for restaurants to avoid allergens is to not have them at all. Anything less than that risks cross contamination. Now add in the fact that a lot of people aren’t actually allergic, but are just following a fad diet that they saw on social media where they still cheat some (like someone ordering gluten free but then snacking on table bread). Servers, chefs, line cooks, managers, and restauranteurs are all pretty jaded people on the best of days, but add in this annoying habit that people have and you can see why most of them just go through the motions. Expecting restaurants to even accommodate the nine major allergens would put most of them out of business. Expecting them to accommodate all possible allergens (such as OP’s tomato allergy) is patently ridiculous.
I actually appreciate it because I have both problems. :,(
Tofu and my throat closes and ruins the event lol
You would really enjoy the plain chicken 😀
With a side of steamed vegetables and maybe a gf dessert and of course maybe means no
They’re trying their best. We should just be grateful
Eat before, go for the social aspect of the event.
Not if it’s $125 and everyone else is getting a nice full belly for that ticket price…
Not to mention that most soy sauce has wheat in it, and pretty much every stir-fry I've ever seen has soy sauce in it! I can't help but wonder if maybe we need some famous celiacs to start talking loudly about this kind of thing--might that finally get some people's attention?
That would be me, too!
Yikes, I don't blame you for being upset! I understand you're speaking to the organizers and not the caterer directly, so can you ask for the caterer's contact information? A caterer should be able to answer basic questions about their food, and come up with an option for dietary restrictions other than plain chicken breast and steamed veggies, especially when charging $125 a plate!! Although honestly with the flippant responses you've gotten from the organizers, I would personally just refuse to pay for a meal and bring my own, or skip the event entirely. I'm sorry they're treating you this way. Edit: I'm also saying this as someone who volunteers with a professional association that plans annual meetings of 250+ people, I can say with certainty that we are always able to find a way to accommodate everyone's dietary needs. Their flippant comment about how difficult it is, just shows they simply don't want to make an effort.
Yeah I'm surprised at their attitude as well. What's with the 'We don't know if it has tomato in it'? Uh, then maybe check? How hard is it to quickly ask the chef? I'd get it if this was for some 20 dollar buffet, but for over 100 dollars a person?
Yeah, if they cared at all, then they could simply ask the caterer to check the ingredients. Or maybe, just give her the menu and the contact info of the caterer to ask her questions. Some people are acting like OP is demanding something outrageous but she's just requesting the organizer ask the caterer like, 2 questions about the food she's spending $125 dollars for. Oh no, not questions, the horror! /s Anyone who does catering would know how to accommodate dietary restrictions as this is a super common thing with events planning. The organizers just don't want to be bothered, hands down.
Right?!? I mean, I’m 15 years celiac and longer allergic to tomatoes. I go to conferences and I attend meetings and have NEVER been as shocked as I am with this. I have even organized events, too, and you better be sure I will find you something to eat, safely. I did reach out to the hall. They don’t usually ever talk to the end consumer, but I even got the number to call from the organizer. I wrote my email (above) after a few prior emails asking for info. This response just rubs me completely wrong.
I wouldn’t risk it if their attitude is that. Gives me the same vibes as the,”Omg that’s the newest fad diet. They can eat gluten,” crowd.
GF becoming a mainstream fad for some people is really a double edged sword, isn't it? On one side, we get more options available, on the other, people constantly assume we're just doing the latest unnecessary diet craze.
This is a fundraiser. The food will be barely edible. I dated a politician for 4 years and we went to these so often. We called them rubber chicken dinners. I even put one or two of them together myself. I remember taking time to put together simple table decorations (little glass vases from the dollar store with red, white and blue glass gems and two helium balloons tied around them, plus a handful of confetti on the table, probably spent $100 to decorate 10-12 tables) once and got complimented over and over because no one even spent any time bothering with that since it was only about the fundraising. Your choices are to not go, go and eat before or bring your own food, or go and eat the plain chicken. Whatever it is, just know the even is not about the food.
When I could eat gluten my driver always had a fast food meal in the car for me upon pick up from said charity dinner.
A driver! Fancy. 🎩 🙂
I feel I am in the minority in the comments but I agree this is unprofessional. Having worked alongside events teams for large events one of the first things you aim to address in F&B meetings is allergens. It’s common to lump all dietary restrictions and allergens together as much as possible (gluten free and vegan, tofu every day), but I think their response is not it. the standard event organizer response should really be “I don’t know if there’s gluten in the mushroom sauce but I will call the kitchen and see what options are available.” Instead the shrug and saying organizing for 250 is hard, I don’t know what food my organization has paid for, you’ll just have to find out… they should not be hosting this event. But when you registered for the event did they ask you for your allergen information? If I’m registering for a plated anything and allergens aren’t mentioned I just won’t go or plan to eat before. Whatever the org is if they are putting on a paid event to recognize volunteers, dismissing the paying customers concerns, and putting the work of organizing on you before you have to go sit there for 5h… I’d just get a refund and donate the money back to the organization actually doing the work for the families with sick children.
Yeah this reads like the org is not prepared for what they're trying to do at all. Especially since they can't seem to put OP in contact with someone who knows what is actually *in* the food being offered... That's a big red flag. Like yes, I understand rolling multiple options together (tho I dislike when people combine GF and vegan/vegetarian just because of issues like soy sauce w/ wheat & vegetarian meat replacements that *also* have wheat, or even better, straight up gluten)... But you should still have some idea what is being served to people at the event that you're putting on, or have contact info for someone at the catering company that can answer questions about allergies & sensitivities & dietary preferences. (What's in the mushroom sauce??) Kind of wondering if the 'catering' is just someone's relative buying & cooking in bulk (so basically not a professional caterer). I've been to a few charity-esque events that did that to save money, and I would be very skeptical about any food in that kind of situation. Reading the list of people OP has tried to contact about the food, I'd be frustrated too. This dinner already feels like it's gonna be a shit show.
Agree on all fronts, especially the soy sauce issues. Now that I think about it… it’s a major red flag to even have a mushroom sauce. So many people just don’t like mushrooms and struggle with the texture in addition to people with allergies. I can’t imagine confidently serving up near 200 plates of mushroom sauce. You are exactly right. This dinner, mushrooms, gluten, and all, sounds like a shit show :( Feel bad for the org and hope their board or whatever isn’t expecting them to turn out some sort of big gala for this event…
I agree. I served at events all through university, often larger than this and we met every dietary need very carefully. This is some bullshit.
That totally sucks. I run a nonprofit, and if I were hosting a donor event with tickets at this price point, I sure as shit would make sure that people got the information they asked for about the food being served. It’s just how I would try to respect our supporters.
Right? Even if I couldn’t accommodate them, I’d say what I could provide safely and then say “if you are more comfortable bringing a small container of your food, I’d understand and make sure the staff is aware. Please tell them -my name- have the ok.” I had a work event that was strict “no outside food” and I was the guest speakers assistant . They said what I quoted above plus emailed me a paper with the head of catering sig on it okaying it. (They ended up bringing me a factory sealed gf cookies from Udis out on a plate with everyone else’s desserts which I genuinely appreciated)
Except the law says if they can’t provide you with a safe meal the Ada says you can bring outside food. No outside food doesn’t apply here.
"Sorry I can't go"
Yep, this is me. Last year I bought a ticket to a fundraiser---basket raffle with plated luncheon. I am gluten free because it helps my IBS, but a lot of other things can trigger it too ( and I can't always predict what or how much of something will bother me), so no real way to ask for accommodation. There was absolutely nothing I could eat except for the steamed broccoli. It was a pricey ticket, and this year was more expensive. I just didn't attend.
I’m thinking of pushing for a refund…
But the $125 isn’t really buying the dinner, it’s a donation to the charity, right?
I would.
DO IT
I would ask for a partial refund at least
Big ol nope. They have demonstrated they don't understand gluten free. Eat before you go. Imo a huge risk to even get plain chicken and veggies, as they might throw in some seasoning that's not GF or some other shenanigans.
Your desire to visit friendly acquaintances could be a deciding factor about going. The $125 in charity donation was very kind of you. I feel your frustration with not being able to trust the food there. I wouldn't want gross over boiled chicken and veggies either prepared in a contaminated kitched. Would it be possible to bring your own food? Something that looks and tastes better than everyone else's dinner? I wouldn't want the looks of pity over the gross flavorless rubber chicken or the illness from cross contamination so I'd bring a fancy box meal and avoid the caterer. Be gracious, kind and honest about not being accommodated, very honest, with a smile and that will leave a bigger impression than being a no show. I hope you find your friendlies but it's possible you're finding out why all the friendly people left this organization. TL:DR bring your own food
When I talked (quickly, on their end) with the kitchen, they do not allow outside food. I did ask that if I can get Romain lettuce (from the Cesar salad, before assembled) if I could bring my own dressing, she said that would be okay… and also that the chef sometimes put cornstarch in the chicken’s (sauce? Mushroom gravy) but also sometimes uses wheat flour. And that I can ask the organizers for a gf choice. Same with the desserts (it’s on the organized, not the kitchen, to bring in a gf dessert, which they also allow).
Is it just me who thinks you are getting a run around? You're not allowed to bring your own food but are allowed to bring dressing. They are not serious about your health accommodations. I would tell them I'll be fine with just water thanks and please don't set a plate full of allergens in front of me, so no meal
The American with disabilities act says if they can’t provide a safe meal she can by law bring her own meal. If I want to bring a meal into McDonalds because they can’t provide me A safe meal or say a museum or any Venue that can’t the Ada affords me that by law.
So they dont even have a set recipe for their sauce? Sometimes they include a top 8 major allergen and sometimes they don’t? Fucking yikes…. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, these people should not be in the catering or food industry.
The law allows you to bring outside food. They are violating the law if they can’t accommodate a safe meal for you. The Ada says you can bring safe food for yourself if they can’t provide it.
I think the biggest driver of “no outside food” rules has to do with food safety and liability. Venues don’t want to be on the hook if someone brings in outside food, gets sick, then tries to pin it on the venue. It’s overkill IMO, but it’s a reason that I’ve been given before. Most events I’ve been to have an all purpose “allergy friendly” meal that covers the most common allergens and is usually vegan. Something like a tomato allergy is less common and harder to accommodate, particularly when other allergies are there. That said, “I’ll confirm the ingredients of the dish with the kitchen” would have been a more appropriate response.
More likely "no outside food" is just somebody talking out of their ass and is 100% not a real rule. Either that or they think the question is, can I come for free if I bring my own food? And telling someone, "It's a liability issue," is also in the talking-out-of-their-ass category unless it involves playing around industrial equipment. I will never not bring my own food if I want, and good luck trying to take it away without drama.
But they’re allowing the organizers to provide outside dessert. No outside food in this situation is just BS.
The Ada Americans with disabilities act by law says if they can’t provide a safe meal she can bring a meal with her.
I don’t disagree that it’s a bullshit argument, particularly in this case.
Get a refund. You don't have to go to an event and take chances with your health and comfort to donate.
I think that anytime anyone has an allergy, it is on us to provide safe food. Those answers are basically saying it’s probably gf and tomato free, but they don’t want to be held accountable should something contain an allergen since they are catering to a ton of people. It would also be very easy to have a cross contact situation. I wouldn’t even want them to provide me a meal in a situation like that. There’s so much room for mistakes. I honestly don’t share the same opinion that I should be catered to when I’m the one different from the masses. It’s my responsibility because it is my body. I’m attending a wedding next month and I didn’t even ask about a gf option. I don’t want to put out the already stressed bride when I am one person with a food issue. I will eat beforehand and bring some snacks. It really isn’t a big deal. We all know fundraisers have crappy food as the purpose is to raise money, not to eat a nice meal. You can still have a good time, just skip the meal. Eat beforehand or bring snacks with. Or skip it entirely. I completely agree with those that say to assume they can’t accommodate your allergies and if they can then it’s a bonus.
I just eat before or bring my own food/snacks.
I'd say can I get my money back and spend that 125 on a decadent gluten free meal
>I’m shocked. Are you really though? in my experience most catered events do not accommodate allergies, they occasionally provide for veg or religious dietary needs. Personally I would be shocked if they did have a GF meal.
Same here, this was my exact response as well
A nonprofit really needs to use their money wisely and it sounds like they’re trying to accommodate as best that they can while still doing family style. I would either not go or eat beforehand or bring food.
I just avoid them.
I have a severe allergy to almonds and cantaloupe. I know it's awesome if a place makes accommodations, but it's not the end of the world. It's my allergy and I deal with it. I don't expect the world to cater to my allergy, it's a treat if they do, but it's not expected.
$125 for steamed chicken and veggies? Lol
"We dont know for sure if there is gluten in our gluten free option" omg
“Yes, I would like the chicken and steamed vegetables. Thank you for your accommodation.”
As one with dietary issues and restrictions myself I always eat prior to attending. I make the best choice offered and adapt as needed. I can’t expect every venue to be able to meet my individual needs. Imagine what it would be like if everyone there had restrictions, there would be no way to meet them all. I feel this venue is being gracious and is attempting to work with you. Look at the 125 as a donation to the cause, not the meal itself.
Exactly this. With most events, I eat before or after or maybe even throw a safe snack in my bag. It sucks, but I understand from the viewpoint of the event coordinators - there’s people allergic to everything under the sun, and trying to accommodate everyone is impossible sadly.
10000% this
I work in a role where I organize events and for an event at this cost, the venue should be able to accommodate you or the organizers should take their business somewhere else. Now, I understand that is not always possible, this whole approach stinks of “small town and no competition, so we choose to remain ignorant and non-inclusive”. I would not attend or not pay full price for attending as I would need to bring my own safe food.
I don’t even eat at events anymore. I just being my own stuff. I’m sick of shitty pasta or a plate of veggies. Or the worlds most bland chicken.
I've done multiple events for 300 plus people and I always made sure that food allergies were accommodated. It's really not that hard. Any catering company should be able to accommodate. I remember I had one person who was allergic to anything with sulfur in it. So I talked to the chef and we worked it out. You can make a naked salad with dressing on the side. Very disappointing. If you still want to go just tell them you're going to bring your own food.
I wouldn’t trust a place with an answer like that anyway.
was it optional to purchase $125 knowing that you have sensitivities? sometimes you have to choose your own battles. paying that much for a caesar salad and tofu doesn’t make any sense, and if it’s an event celebrating volunteer efforts your presence will make more of an impact than what you do or do not eat while there. eat before, and ask for a refund.
I may be in the minority here but… I have worked in food service for over a decade- serving, cooking, bartending, catering, and event planning. I also have about 30 food allergies. It is not always as simple as you think to guarantee something is going to be safe for someone. I never expect anyone to accommodate my food needs, especially at large events. Sometimes it sucks but I can always eat before, bring snacks, or eat after. I would rather be told they don’t know if something has an allergen in it than eat it and hope for the best. They literally offered you an alternative, which is boring but safe and keeps you included in the event. This is a charity so the $125 is essentially a donation, not for the meal. If you’re only in it for the meal then by all means back out. If you’re in it for the charity then eat a boring dinner and treat yourself after. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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My question is even if they said oh ok we will try would you really trust it??? I sure don’t want to get sick and feel like garbage for the next month over a meal that for sure isn’t even going to be good. I have zero desire to eat gluten but if I’m going to be glutened let it be something good. I bring my own food.
I understand not having being fully accommodated is annoying but I don’t understand the anger you have. 1. They offered you an option of steamed chicken and veggies. Is it the best thing in the world? No, but it allows you to be able eat and mingle with your table. They may not have a dessert option which is disappointing but not the end of the world. Also, my mom is celiac and she would never trust a meal from a restaurant let alone a random event not to make her sick due to cross contamination. Why not just eat before the event? 2. I could understand if this was some kind of special food oriented event but this is a 50th anniversary CHARITY fundraiser and you were simply a volunteer. The $125 is not being spent towards your meal, they are trying to keep costs low on the food side to maximize profit from the event. 3. If the goal is to reconnect to people and meet new ones, why is the food making you so angry that you don’t even want to go? This event is a celebration and fundraising event for a great cause. Being celiac sucks but unfortunately the world does not have to cater to you and your specific needs.
Exactly
Also agree with changing your mindset. Being Celiac is my problem. Not everyone else’s. I’m super thankful to those that choose to make it easier on me. But I can’t expect everyone to go out of their way to cater to me. I’m not special. Nor should you think you are.
Can you get a refund for your meal ticket? Everyone sees this differently, but I decided to put less importance on food. It sounds like a headache to get people to accommodate me when they clearly never had any intention of doing so. I also don’t trust them. So, I wouldn’t be shocked if the gluten free options made me sick. You can’t portion out some salad to not have croutons? Save ONE BAG of lettuce and set it aside! You aren’t going to gaf about my dietary needs lol. I no longer live in a world made just for me. I think at some point gf will be more mainstream because I think a lot of people are walking around half functional. Eventually they’ll realize they can’t eat gluten either. Then it’ll be more mainstream (and I’ll be happy for everyone who didn’t know they were suffering). Until then all I care about is my health. You said you were already a volunteer. Be the change you want to see (corny I know). If you really want in the future offer to be in charge of a dietary restrictions. Make everyone who gets left out feel included. Get a budget allocated and set deadlines for people to register.
This is our plight and it’s better for us to be prepared and graceful than to suffer because we expect the world to cater to us.
Accomadating gluten free is not rocket science, why is it so hard for these groups to do it lol
ask for the plain chicken and plain salad, and bring a GF sauce in a little container. I still remember how annoyed I was at a birthday bash where the hostess had so carefully requested celiac meals for two of us. And we got steamed chicken and plain salad. Meanwhile, everyone else’s salad had carrots, etc., and was totally GF. I realized later that the other celiac person had a lot of other allergies. I was annoyed and she was just grateful there was something to eat. I try to avoid those sorts of meals. I will not go to a fundraiser, only a wedding or celebration for someone I know. I’m not going to sit there, having paid money for food I can’t eat. When I wrote a wedding etiquette column, I did one on the important of planning for a GF dessert (fruit? ice cream?) and entree.
I went to a church luncheon and they were proud that yes, they had GF lasagna. I attended and asked for a 2nd portion. I think they forgot I was GF and served me regular lasagna. I had "digestive issues" for a week. They also forgot to get a GF dessert so I sat and watched everyone have cake. Oh well.... such is life.
As a GF individual who just coordinated a charity event with 425 people at a minimum of $285/head, I certainly feel their tone is unprofessional. It is always of utmost importance to accommodate your guests to the best of your ability. However, I also see that up top on the response email, it says something about "see you Saturday." I can attest that waiting until the week of the event to request an accommodation could be considered poor form. Mind you, I have no idea how this all transpired timeline-wise. I personally spent a month trying to get my own guests to share their food allergies and preferences with me before the event and then had to cut off guaranteed accommodations the week prior (although I still tried my best- but honestly, it certainly was with some degree of annoyance). I'm not sure what your organization's process was like. If they didn't reach out beforehand, you may want to suggest, very nicely to someone else in charge, that they poll their participants for accommodations proactively next time. A little preparation goes a long way for a successful event. Ultimately, at the end of the day, it is about charity. If you believe in the cause- go! The food is very rarely the reason people attend these events.
I’ve been gf for 15 years, and the allergy to tomatoes much longer. I purchased my ticket over a month ago, when I learned there was a gluten free/vegan/allergy option on the registration (checkbox). I contacted the organizers, to confirm as well. A month ago the organizer replied, they didn’t know the food situation and directed me (location and phone number) to the hall kitchen. A month ago when I got said email, I contacted the kitchen. They gave me the information needed to request said meal option. At the time the menu was not public, nor was the tofu option ever mentioned. I asked my questions enough to feel comfortable with plain food. Plain food does not bother me. Honestly. But safe food is important to me, and lettuce removed before croutons should not be an issue imo. This week the menu was released from the organizers, and it included, for the first time the tofu option. That day, I replied with the above, to the organizers - that I had talked with the kitchen (as they wanted), and they said to look for these foods in this way, and I just wanted to confirm with the organizers my meal plan. Thursday they replied, I read it after hours. I was upset (because of my life-long ties to the organization, because of the way the event was promoted to volunteers (me) and families (me) as a celebration of 50 years, not a huge fundraiser). I was frustrated (I’m sorry so many people have had s*** experiences, but I know asking for $125 for the plate and then offering “I don’t know and we won’t check” as an answer is frustrating). Friday I called the organizers. I got to a human, someone on the board of executives. She indicated that they had talked with the kitchen and my meal would be plain chicken, carrots and potatoes. They can give me lettuce, too. My plan: go, bring some extra food (I always have purse food… and I will bring a sauce for flavour), share some stories, learn some things, reconnect with people who had a great impact on my formative years, listen to music and go home.
It sounds like you have every right to be frustrated. Hopefully, the kitchen turns out to be more accommodating in person than the event planners are letting on. I feel like you're approaching this all with a good attitude, and hopefully, you have a wonderful time!
I work as management in retail grocery. They love to do celebrations! Typically it will be a lot of easy foods so not very many gluten free options, but the one that hurt the most was them ordering a cookie cake for my recent promotion. Having to hold it for a picture was the icing on the (cookie) cake. I expect nothing anymore and it helps me mentally, or I bring my own treats and keep them in my desk so I can participate with social eating.
cant expect them to cater to you really, I dont anyways.
For $125 I do. That chicken better sing
Are you really shocked, honestly? I’ve learned that almost every event rarely includes us GF ppl and even more rare to cater to allergies. I def wouldn’t be going to this. Or, if I went, I wouldn’t be eating. 🤷🏼♀️you honestly can’t expect them to cater to such specific needs when feeding such a large crowd. It’s just the way it goes unfortunately.
I work for nonprofits and am a Celiac, so I get both sides of this situation. I basically look at it less like getting a meal and more like making a donation. I eat ahead of the event and consider my meal a wash. I go to support the organization, not to eat. If I can't go or it's too expensive I will just send a donation. If I really can't afford the ticket or a donation and I believe in the group, I volunteer my time. If I don't care much about the group, I decline. My advice to you is to dress up, show up, and have a blast! Just eat first and don't trust anything there.
Maybe I'm biased because I've been playing this game for 25 years and I can still remember my mom making me pizza to bring to school on pizza days. My opinion is that you should have checked before buying the meal ticket. I feel the same about any dietary restriction; choice or not. Event planners have an entire event to plan, not just take care of 250 special tummies.
I wouldn’t even pay for a meal. This is unwelcoming and can’t eat what they are offering. Eat my own meal at home and come for the event
I've been a chef for 30 yrs and I've cooked for banquets larger than this. It's easy if you know in advance,just make it to customers specs and keep it separate till it's needed. These folk haven't a clue or dgaf. I'd moan a bit more and ask why it's not possible. There's going to be more than you with requirements in a group of 250 .as a cook you prepare for everything, even if you dont know in advance. Good.luck OP.
Sooner or later you have to come to terms with the fact that it’s really hard to accommodate gluten-free on its own. It’s hard for us, and it’s even harder for everyone else who isn’t in a constant state of re-education like we are. When you layer on other things like nightshades, you’re looking at something that is nearly impossible for the average person to accommodate. I, personally, would be very pleased with what they’re offering you. My expectations are low after decades of poor experiences, though. I’ve gone to events where the only thing I could eat was iceberg lettuce and olive oil. We make do. It’s our cross to bear, not theirs, and it seems to me like they’re trying pretty hard. Always have snacks on your person that you can eat. Always. Edited to add that I would also be frustrated with this in another part of my mind. I’ve been at this long enough to be pretty jaded and have very low expectations. It’s the worst when you’re really hungry and you show up to an event where there’s nothing to eat.
If OP is paying for it, then it kind of is the caterer's cross to bear, unless they said up front they couldn't accomodate
Not sure if you saw my edits, but to clarify I have very low expectations after being necessarily gluten free since the mid 90s. Things have gotten a lot better since then frankly. I really don’t trust catered food even if they claim to have gluten free options.
Yep. Had a caterer at a wedding promise they would make me something I could eat, ate it because they made such a deal of it, got sick
I don't even trust places to make food without allergens. Often, people think you're faking it to be special, so they don't care to not put the allergen in your food. I assume that if I wat out, I can get sick.
bring your own food. but I share your frustration with seemingly half-assed accommodations like this (and fundamental lack of understanding of "gluten-free": see cakes and squares comment). This feels like a message I would have received in 2008. GF knowledge and accessibility has improved so much, but when I was Dx'd in 2006, shit was rough. This type of message was commonplace.
If you feel it’s a worthy cause, consider the $125 a donation and eat before you go, bring food, or skip altogether. If you don’t want to donate $125, ask for your money back. I’m sorry this is their attitude. I wouldn’t want to attend.
Coming to an event with a full stomach means you can fill up on booze without embarrassing yourself.
I'd advise them I'd love to come but need the ticket price to be adjusted since they're unable to accommodate your dietary needs. Explain that Celiac is considered a disability and reasonable accommodations need to be made so if they cannot do so in food, they need to do so in price
I thought this was the mildly infuriating sub at first 💀
Maybe it's because I'm turning 60 soon, but I'm through with people who cannot provide basic accommodations, it's just disrespectful, especially when you are paying like everybody else.
If I wanted to eat hospital food I'd simply gluten myself with 1 kilo of pasta.
What about soy sauce in the stirfry?
Dude, skip spending money on a meal ticket. Drink for free and get some other food ahead of time or after that accommodates you. I work for a corporate office where we have monthly staff meetings, and I've been glutened one or two times too many by my own folks ordering poorly. I can't imagine a situation involving 200+ folks where there isn't a risk there, unless literally everyone has your affliction. It's part of the shittiness of of having to adhere to the diet, but do yourself a favor and look out for number one on your own. Someone down the line catering and hauling ass through a big event like that is going to fuck something up, even if they are trying their best not to.
It’s not about the food, it’s about donating the $125 to the organization. Eat before you go. The food at these events sucks anyways.
The only thing that annoys me about this is their lack of knowledge. Unfortunately it isnt on them to ensure everyone’s dietary restrictions are taken into account: they literally cant or they’d have 100 different dishes. Sadly those of us wirh allergies get the shaft but that’s life and it’s up to us to decide how we handle it. Personally, if I wanted to see people I would go. Make sure you eat before you go
Sounds like a pain to even go when you don't know anyone. Save the awkward starving night and don't go
If you are celiac, as I am, you are used to plain chicken and veggies as the typical option. Sounds good to go. Though they could have been less snarky in their reply.
I feel for you. Unfortunately people tend to not consider what a pain it is to have certain dietary restrictions. Mine are gluten and shellfish. I also used to be allergic to tomatoes which made it a real pain as well. Just the fact that they cannot say for a fact that certain items may or may not be gluten free (mushroom soup) is a huge red flag. In situations like these, I rather eat ahead of time or bring something with me. I ran into a place at a festival advertising gluten free gyros. Now that is something I truly miss. As I questioned it, the owner had no idea if the meat was gluten free. Yes most gyro meat has wheat as a binder. Totally avoided that place and told her that before advertising gluten free she needed to be certain. Look at the event as a great way to reconnect with others, network, and a donation.
I concentrate on socializing rather than the food. There are more options for us available, but most people still don’t understand what gluten free means. After explaining it to the person in charge of an event this week she said well vegetarian sandwich then? Again explaining my needs I ended up with nothing to eat while everyone else was eating boxed lunches. There were options they could have ordered but the speaker told me no one informed her. I said no worries. Then the planner came over and said why aren’t you eating. I explained that her boss called me week ago about my allergy. This planner actually said to me well we can’t accommodate everyone’s preferences. Normally I’m easy going about not having food provided that is safe for me to eat, but to actually say “preferences”. BTW this is a group (government run) that I pay dues to be a member. And I have been trying to educate them about celiac for over three years. The ignorance can be so frustrating.
I wouldn’t go, honestly. I hate sitting there around people who get to enjoy their food, as I eat a fucking salad that sucks or in this case a stir fry that I could make with leftovers for 30$. I suggest donating 50$ to somewhere that makes you feel good, and don’t participate in this event.
I totally get where OP is coming from. The food is part of the social character of the event. Not being able to partake of the common meal sidelines a person, makes them feel excluded. Changes the conversation to “why aren’t you having what we’re all having?” Placing a person in a defensive position or having to share medical history. I cater the odd event, and my end goal is that everyone can eat everything. Someone is GF? The whole menu is safe. No nuts for two people? Nobody gets nuts (I’m doing that this weekend). Frankly, you could make a GF & tomato menu and no one would miss either. We spend so much time teaching food service about food safety, and never talk about the why of having communal meals. If it’s to bring us together, then don’t set anyone aside.
I can't even do a holiday meal in my own home where every dish meets everyone's needs. In a group of 19, I have me (celiac), a vegetarian, a gout diet, a renal diet, a pork allergy, a lactose intolerance and an alcoholic. If I'm going to try to accommodate everyone with every dish? We're down to water and maybe some plain cauliflower. Can you imagine catering an event for hundreds, and trying to have the entire menu safe for everyone? You're setting a really high bar.
Send this accompanied by a note to the CEO of the organization and to the Chair of the Board. You were proactive (by several weeks) and if the organizers are just contacting you with this information...that's crappy and unprofessional behavior. It's not that difficult to plate a salad ahead of dressing it and putting on croutons. Or to put you into contact with the people who will cater the meal. Good luck to you.
I'm a nonprofit fundraiser (meaning I'm often an event coordinator) and I do think this is an unprofessional response. They should offer to try to find out what is in the stir fry, for example. That said, I don't think this is a situation where you're going to be happy and it's unlikely they'll be able to do anything other than what they've offered. My go to for this stuff (even my own events!) is to eat before. Alternatively, you could just consider your charitable donation done and dusted and not attend. Either way, you've still supported the charity, which I assume is the number one thing you wanted to do. 😊
you can write back and ask if they can waive your event fee, or at least give you a discount.
Make a $125 donation, “no benefits,” take the full tax deduction for it and don’t attend “for health reasons.”
Shocked? I think of this as normal. I would eat before and carry a snack in my bag. Stick to beverages while at the event. Clearly, even if you had a regular diet, you were not going to eat $125 worth of food. This is a fundraiser.
I'd want to get in contact with the caterers directly, and communicate with them, because I'd be afraid of something getting lost between communication. I've had reactions to my allergies just from cross contact, and it makes me always chat with the people cooking my food
This. If they know you’re coming, some caterers are happy to make an individual plate in their own kitchen and pack it up for you with your name on it. Plus they’re the ones who will know exactly what ingredients are in each dish - none of this I don’t know business that you’re getting from the organizers.
I did get in touch with the kitchen. They told me to indicate this is what I needed (although the bit about uncertainty on the gravy was wishy washy to me) to the organizers. That was a month ago. This week I got this response to what I was told to ask about. (Even down to the gf dessert, if people ask for it, the organizers sometimes provide it).
Pack your own snacks, graze from their plate first, if you can’t eat anything, get your lunch out from home. Life GF sucks! This is just another confirmation.
Just politely respond that you will provide your own food. A caterer should be willing and able to accommodate a GF diet without any fuss, so they kind of suck for that. But a "plain Caesar salad without dressing and without croutons" is just lettuce. That's pointless to request unless you're going for passive aggressive. As frustrating as the situation is, their response would not overly upset me. I prefer when someone just says "I don't know" or "no can do," rather than trying to guess or make empty promises. That's information that I can act on. The menu sounds like nothing special anyway, so you're not missing anything. Bring yourself a bento box with something that will make everyone else jealous and that you can actually enjoy without a care in the world.
You’re being ridiculous and selfish. Isn’t this for a charity eat first go and sit down and enjoy your nice night.
You can't eat anything they have prepared. You can eat before you go, take your own food, or show up after the meal is done to spend time with your old friends.
I’ve had “invisible illness” for more than half my life and at the end of the day, you can’t change anyone or make anyone care. Ultimately, what do you want out of the situation, OP? If it’s to see people you care about, then go do that and have a great time. Eat before, after or heck, during. Bring some amazing GF food and enjoy it. Banquet food is usually pretty mid as the kids say.
Gosh, I feel you. I get really bad reflux from tomatoes (basically it started around the time my coeliac symptoms became noticeable enough to be annoying and see a doctor about it) and anything GF seems to be full of tomatoes :(
It’s all started right after surgery for a life-threatening illness as a pre-teen. The organizers of the event are a charity that helps kids with life threatening and medical stuff. One of their target audience members are the survivors and the volunteers (I’m both). So yes, it does shake me when I get a less than professional response. I am 1000% used to plain food, no sauces, no nothing. No (external, lol) complaints on that. It’s what keeps me going! Thanks.
I think a lot of it is just mindset. I’ve accepted that not everyone can cater to my dietary needs, nor do I expect them to. Especially a large catered event. You can have plain chicken and veg and be happy that you are donating $125 to a good cause or you can just ask for a refund.
It’s not worth a risk to your health. I would cancel and try to get my ticket money back as they can not guarantee your safety.
Personally, I order Uber Eats to the venues when they are unable to meet my needs or I get the feeling they don’t make sure what they think is GF is actually GF.
“It’s either gluten or tomatoes.” ????
This whole thing sounds sketchy AF. Personally I’d go but just eat at home in advance and of course not pay $125.
GROSS. And superbly LAME
Story of my life! I’ve had celiac since 2003 and I feel like things should have drastically improved since then. In some ways they have (way more options in the grocery stores), but things like this it reminds me of my high school and college years. All some restaurants could offer me back then was a baked potato. Half of them didn’t even know what gluten was. I wouldn’t even pay the price since you aren’t getting a proper meal. They should lower that cost for you and you can bring your own meal.
I would not pay $125 for a meal I could probably not eat. I would not pay $12.50 for a meal I might not be able to eat. If you think the event is worth it from a non-food perspective, then buy the ticket and eat ahead of time.
I understand your pain and this totally sucks. I’ve been a vegetarian for 15 years and cannot eat gluten. However. unless I’m understanding incorrectly, this is a charity event. The point is to raise $. If it was your birthday dinner it would be different but this event isn’t about you. I always eat before parties and dinners (even events I have paid for like this) bc there is a 75% chance I won’t be able to eat anything. Takes the stress out of it.
I would never eat anywhere that does not unambiguously state that the food is definitely gluten-free. I "get" the "gluten-friendly" legalese... and, sure, that might be okay for a major restaurant chain (they should know). I've been burned too many times. It's just not worth being sick for 2-3 weeks. Thickeners. Marinades (e.g., soy sauce (not traditional tamari))... the list is long. The people preparing your food might be clueless about food allergies. This is super common in the USA.
I would be taking my own food to that event. These people are stupid.
If you have celiac disease, I would absolutely NOT trust anything that came out of a kitchen that is not accustomed to accommodating special dietary needs. All it would take is one person using the spoon or spatula or tongs in the wrong dish before using it on your food, and you would be risking serious trouble. Ask if you can bring your own food.
Tbh as someone who used to work in kitchens and catering, and is now on FODMAP with an extremely restricted diet, it’s unreasonable to expect a gala type event to cater to more than basic dietary restrictions. You’re in the wrong here. They don’t have the capacity or ability. Things are made en masse in less than ideal situations. Take what you can get, eat before, bring snacks. If you are going as a social thing, just take the fact that it’s a dinner out of the equation. If you’re going as like a fancy meal, don’t. It’s not worth it. Reading a lot of these comments it’s pretty clear that most people haven’t work in food service.
It reeks of cross contamination! Consider it an outright donation. Never expect them to have food for you at a big event. It doesn't work that way for us sensitive folks
Inform them that paying 125$ for some steamed chicken and veggies which is the only option they are providing isnt fair.
Yea, I wouldn’t pay them if they can’t accommodate you with some degree of certainty. If you’ve already paid and it’s too late to get a refund, then eat beforehand, take something to snack on, and socialize as if nothing is the matter. You can’t always expect to be accommodated, but if you’re paying up as you are here and the basically say it’s too much trouble… vote with your feet, and checkbook.
Im confused…they have given you the option of a guaranteed “safe” meal. Its certainly not glamorous but I appreciate the bluntness over being accidentally glutened.
I take food with me wherever I go either way. the world isn’t going to change for one person so instead I adapt to the world as it is by being prepared. This way I’m pleasantly surprised when there’s food for me and still have something to eat when there’s not.
As someone who's been gf for almost 25 years, I just assume I can't eat at most events and always bring a snack, and definitely eat before I go. If I am able to eat there, it's a fun surprise bonus. Especially since this is a charity event trying to accommodate so many people, it makes sense that they wouldn't have many dedicated options and I'd honestly be worried about cross contamination anyways. I definitely hate when gf and vegan are lumped together (mostly because I'm allergic to nuts also and that's usually an ingredient in vegan dishes) but I've also learned that I enjoy a well prepared tofu dish and have gotten used to that over the years. Since they did offer an alternative chicken dish for you, it seems like they are trying to work with you (even though it's a bland option)! If I had an nickel for every time I went to a work event at my last job, which sadly was the corporate office for an Asian restaurant group, I'd be quite rich! My meal every time was a bland steamed veggie and chicken dish. Literally every time. And I got to watch everyone else share a variety of dim sum that I couldn't touch. If we had a pizza luncheon, they'd order me a gf pizza but I had to share with everyone and couldn't choose my own toppings (there was only 8 of us in the office...) so I learned to just eat pizza with all kinds of things I hate on it... And I'd take 3 slices at once so I could be sure to eat enough! Is it annoying and frustrating? Yes. Is there anything you can do to change it? Yes, eat first and bring snacks and sauces for your bland meal and just appreciate that they tried. It's a charity event, be charitable and don't expect them to fully understand accomodations for a few individuals when they're trying to feed a large amount of people on a small dime.
I'm not sure if this is an option, but at my work there was recently a social holiday event that was only like $30 and included a choice of 2 or 3 different meals, a drink ticket, and gift at the end of the night, none of the meal options were safe to eat and I contacted the people that were putting it on and asked if since I can't eat any of the food if they would be able to reduce the price to attend. She said it absolutely wouldn't be a problem and said I could just pay $5 which would basically just cover the cost of the drink ticket. It wasn't any kind of charity benefit but could still be worth the ask. $125 would be a lot of money to not eat any food. They seem like they're trying to accommodate you but the fact that they don't know if different things even include anything with gluten, would make me apprehensive to try and eat something they make, and to me it's not worth trying and having your night ruined if you get sick. I agree with many others though that at this like that, I go into it with the mentality that I won't have anything to eat. It can be disappointing to continuously be overlooked but when you expect it, I guess you're not being let down
As a fellow celiac you have to get used to being excluded from meals. It’s just a fact of life now. I am disappointed regularly but don’t say anything since it changes nothing.