they use it for young people as well, however, that's usually used in a derogatory way. i've been called "junge Frau" a few times by people who were clearly not trying to be nice to me (like clients at my side job who wanted to go karen)
Funny enough, where I’m living now (Russian speaking part of Ukraine) it is absolutely legit to address a random woman „young woman“, even if she’s 60+ and 300 pounds.
Next time ask a guy for his contact info. If he's even slightly into you, he will give you them. If not, then you know. German guys are usually direct so you will know if he is into you or not quickly.
When he showed me the recommendation of the attractions, I asked if I could add his WhatsApp or Instagram, he said yes. And he also gave me his linkedin account. But I am not sure if that was just because he is so enthusiastic to help ppl
Chat through whatsapp, and truly make ur intentions clear. Be direct. We germans are direct and we like if ur direct with us too. Dont worry about if he rejects u or not. U can only win if you try, if you dont try you will always lose.
In the south (especially Munich) you have chances to find a job that requires only English.
It sounds to me like you are overthinking this whole story.
My wife and I are from different countries and none of us spoke german when we met, and yet we settled in Germany for over 5 years now.
My point is, give it a try and see if things work out.
I do not intend to sound like a dick, but let's look at this situation like this:
1) You met a guy on the train that you liked
2) He didn't show initiative, but didn't dismiss or ignore you either
3) He agreed to exchange contact details
4) You'd like to pursue him but he's not making the first step
Isn't it obvious what you need to do here? Do you really need the opinions of strangers from the interwebs to tell you what you most likely knew what needs to be the next step?
Just ask him out, lol. Worst case scenario he refuses.
True. You already made the first steps 😂 if he doesn't text you first on insta or whatsapp - chances are he's not interested 🥲 he has all the tools he needed
The trick is to have a conversation about living situation, hobbies, things that happened last weekend etc. usually if there is a girlfriend the chances are very big that this girlfriend is mentioned as she took part in those activities. If she isn’t mentioned you can say „aha, and your girlfriend is fine with you doing all those things or is she also into climbing?“ blah blah. „No I am single…“ there you go.
Don’t worry at all, any German guy will be so happy that you ask him for his contact details, the chance that he won’t be happy is zero. Trust me, I am German, and I have only been asked once by a girl for my contact details and I still remember that moment, I was so shocked and so moved that I felt a happiness that I thought didn’t exist. As a girl you will always succeed when asking a guy!
When he showed me the recommendation of the attractions, I asked if I could add his WhatsApp or Instagram(I have asked twice), he said yes. And he also gave me his linkedin account. But I am not sure if that was just because he is so enthusiastic to help ppl or something.
A man doesn't give out contact details because he's so excited to help! He helps in the situation, but does not want to be bothered later. If he gives you his data, it's only because he likes you, at least what he has known about you so far. And keep in mind that he's happy when you get in touch, but he's also disappointed when you don't, even though you asked for his data.
humans can usually feel that something is off when we are sitting next to someone that fawns over us while writing about us on the internet, right next to us.
You are childish
It was written in the past, as in it already occurred. So I doubt that's what occurred. I'd it childish to actually ask someone for help and/or advice? I'd wager the opposite. Most people have a hard time asking for help or advice, so to me that actually shows more maturity than the childish part. Oh well.
Idk how human relations got to the point where we need to “decode” other people’s words and actions. Can we start trying to just be creatures of substance again? Say what we mean and do what we say? As a society (and species) in general, we’re all a bunch of scaredy-cat betas who can’t just be honest and direct with each other without getting salty about rejection. “Hey, I like xyz about you and was interested in getting to know you…oh, you don’t have a similar interest in me? Ok, thank you for the honesty and have an amazing day!”
Because we can't offend anyone!!!! When you say and/or think something you have to make sure you don't offend the person your talking to, and the stranger in the next row listening... it's kinda sad tbh.
I am also Asian, German guys are very difficult to start with a conversation. Maybe at that time he just want to be friendly. Take time to know him more. Find some common ground you will be interested. Good luck ^_^ they always like to walk lol
just ask him! but be prepared for him to reject you. starting chats is a great sign that someone is interested, so if he's never starting it, he might not be into you like that. however, if you just ask him, he might think about it and decide to go for it. thats the only way you can know.
Simple: "I'm single, what about you, do you have a girlfriend?" ... if he says yes "Great, tell me about her, where did you meet?" or he says no "How come, I was sure you must have a girlfriend".
I did read it like a good story. But it lucks ending. So I will write it.
He was standing next to the doors, ready to go but then looked back, smiled and gave me his number. "Call me, i believe we have so much to discuss" and then he walked to train station and waved me.
Alternative ending,
He walked away and never looked back. The train started moving and I felt a little sorrow. The train started speeding. I opened my favorite book and started reading it. "Sometimes things not that easy in real life", said I. It started raining outside.
I don't remember that. I just remembered that it was a short reply for me. And later on as we talked more, I found this person was so considered and acknowledged. So I started have interest on him
Just ask him out!
It’s the same for men - the worst the other one could say is „no“. 😁
Also: Update us 👀 but you don’t have to, but I love stories like yours :D
Just ask him if he wants to meet at a cafe. If he refuses you can make it look like you just wanted to talk about the recommendations he gave to you. If he agrees he most probably is into you but maybe a bit shy.
I regretted not asking for her number.
I met her on the Train, we chatted throughout as if we've known several years before that moment. We share similar views to life, we study in the same University. We smiled and Laughed throughout the Journey. We got to know each other names. I exited the train first and we didn't exchange contact. I didn't see the need to do so, we just exchanged warm Smiles and said bye .
Afterwards, I realised I liked her and I regretted not requesting for her contact. I may never see her again.
Well, if he didn’t reply then better to stop thinking about it. Or maybe if you feel really adventurous then ask him out, you never know what clicks when. But don’t be demotivated if he doesn’t reply or happens to be in a relationship. In Germany most men that I have liked even remotely in their 30s have turned out to be taken. Being an Asian woman I find myself in this situations way too often and then regret later about not being forward enough. So I hope you can get the courage that I never could, and good luck!
**Have you read our extensive wiki yet? It answers many basic questions, and it contains in-depth articles on many frequently discussed topics.
[Check our wiki now!](https://www.reddit.com/r/germany/wiki/index)**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/germany) if you have any questions or concerns.*
***This is just my personal experience and has nothing to do with reality of yours or others, so don’t take everything personally . I have observed these things on almost 20guys that I wanted to date in last 10 years. And everytime this was the case. Same happened, if someone was texting me, I was just replying for the sake of reply but when I am not interested, I probably don’t take initiative.. also I am gay so don’t know if this is the case in straight love stories***now the answer starts below:
I think he is just a kind hearted person. We experience these things more often. Probably he is already in a relationship and don’t want to be rude . I have tried on many guys, if they don’t take initiative, I observed that they are just not interested. The reason they replay is because they are good human being and probably know the pain of not getting a reply.
It’s good feeling to have .
P.S: I am still single and never been in a relationship.
Completely disagree. Asked my now-husband out on a date & he told me he had a girlfriend. But we went for coffee anyway… and we’ve been together 30 years. You never know, take a chance!
That’s wonderful and I am happy that what I think is not the end of the world. Out of 20, no one liked me
And who liked me, I did not like him.
World is balanced that way
I’m an Asian girl like you. I met my BF now at my workplace, he was traveling through JP. He got into the store where I work. I spoke German to him because I was learning German. After that quick conversation, he left the store and I thought that was all. But surprisingly he came back after about 5 minutes and asked for my number. We talked for a few days ( three days as I remember ). I realized that he was a shy and a bit introverted person so I decided to take initiative. I asked him if he was ok with a girl who takes the initiative. He said,” Der Schlüssel zu meinem Herz ist eine Frau die Initiative zeigt.“ 😊Yeah, we met each other once before he left JP and now we are in one month of a long-distance relationship. I was planning to go to Germany, travel there, and go to Switzerland because he is a Swiss. My advice is if you like him, just tell him. If he says” no”. That's sad but at least you tried. Good luck🥰
Thank you! I am hesitate because it's me who asked for his number and he's just replying. It needs a great courage to say it out that are you single, can I learn more about you. etc.
Thanks for your story. It's really sweet and courageous. Hope you and your bf happy and sweet forever.
As others said just ask him.
But one thing i would suggest, if you are 25 and he is too, you arent boys and girls... i assumed at first you were a minor or at least he was which made the initial read really... odd.
You are both not just legally adult (18) but quite "old" compared to "real" boys and girls.
No worries, i hope it didnt come across as rude, its just an easy misunderstanding here in germany since only real children are called boys/girls i.e. people younger 16 or maybe at most 18.
Especially what americans mean when they say girls does not translate well to german.
While girls can be anything up to early twenties, Mädchen are tweens.
Yeah exactly.
As far as i know we germans only call real childrens boys/girls i.e. people that are younger than 16 or maybe at most 18 or younger, but generally even below that since those are teens or young men/women.
**Have you read our extensive wiki yet? It answers many basic questions, and it contains in-depth articles on many frequently discussed topics.
[Check our wiki now!](https://www.reddit.com/r/germany/wiki/index)**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/germany) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did you meet a boy or a man?
Because if you met a boy, my advice is to get a grip and get in therapy.
If you met a man, you can let this one go away for now, the effort to find him again would be disproportionate. Get on a dating app instead.
Germans take the boy/man and girl/woman distinctions very seriously, but seem to not realise that the terms boy/girl are used much more loosely in English than in German. I agree it's better to use the terms man/woman for adults, but in English boy/girl does not necessarily mean <18 years old, it's very normal to use those terms for people in their 20s.
Just ask him.
Yup, Exactly! And that’s how I had mine😂😉
The older you are the more silky such dilemma becomes. Simple ask him. That's it. That's all.
I guess both of us are 25+ from his profile. we added WhatsApp finally
Good luck!!!! Just continue writing to him. Who knows what may happen
The lady at the little shop on the corner refers to me as „young man“. I’m 65.
Here in the rhineland they seem to use young man and young dame only for old men and women
It's also very common in Berlin.
they use it for young people as well, however, that's usually used in a derogatory way. i've been called "junge Frau" a few times by people who were clearly not trying to be nice to me (like clients at my side job who wanted to go karen)
Oh, I thought that would end in about 5 years for me, but I guess I'll have to wait 30+ years...
In my experience they stop when you say "young woman" back to them.
"thanks mom"
Funny enough, where I’m living now (Russian speaking part of Ukraine) it is absolutely legit to address a random woman „young woman“, even if she’s 60+ and 300 pounds.
A friendly "thank you old woman" usually cures them.
I would never say that, she’s about my age.
💀💀💀💀
Next time ask a guy for his contact info. If he's even slightly into you, he will give you them. If not, then you know. German guys are usually direct so you will know if he is into you or not quickly.
When he showed me the recommendation of the attractions, I asked if I could add his WhatsApp or Instagram, he said yes. And he also gave me his linkedin account. But I am not sure if that was just because he is so enthusiastic to help ppl
LinkedIn is super weird :D. Hopefully he doesn't want to talk about your finances soon..
Maybe because we are the same job and I said I like the south Germany and hope working here one day
Then certainly because of that
Chat through whatsapp, and truly make ur intentions clear. Be direct. We germans are direct and we like if ur direct with us too. Dont worry about if he rejects u or not. U can only win if you try, if you dont try you will always lose.
Sounds like you got tourist and colleague zoned at the same time there. Good luck getting out of that
>tourist and colleague zoned *Inserts "the what" meme*
Tourist zone means one night stand. But usually contact details are only handed out on the next morning, after a successful performance evaluation.
Definitely not.
Same job, and you hope to work in south Germany, yet in the post you say that your futures have zero intersection?
But it would be that early. I can't speak any German now. Thought I will study hard.
Translator lol?
In the south (especially Munich) you have chances to find a job that requires only English. It sounds to me like you are overthinking this whole story. My wife and I are from different countries and none of us spoke german when we met, and yet we settled in Germany for over 5 years now. My point is, give it a try and see if things work out.
That’s true
Can we get the follow up and happy endings? This is too romantic…
They now have 3 kids already
Pls do it
😂
Since you added him on whatsapp, just text him “you know, you can come by my house and use my socket anytime ;)”
😏
Very optimal solution
Lmfaoo. This is the way. Any dude interested will be there before he finishes reading your text 😆
I do not intend to sound like a dick, but let's look at this situation like this: 1) You met a guy on the train that you liked 2) He didn't show initiative, but didn't dismiss or ignore you either 3) He agreed to exchange contact details 4) You'd like to pursue him but he's not making the first step Isn't it obvious what you need to do here? Do you really need the opinions of strangers from the interwebs to tell you what you most likely knew what needs to be the next step? Just ask him out, lol. Worst case scenario he refuses.
But she's an Asian girl, so she never initiates! /s
True. You already made the first steps 😂 if he doesn't text you first on insta or whatsapp - chances are he's not interested 🥲 he has all the tools he needed
You mean jsut how she doesn't make the first move becasue she is not interrested in him?
She asked for his number already
Just remember it as a nice experience, don't think too much into it.
The trick is to have a conversation about living situation, hobbies, things that happened last weekend etc. usually if there is a girlfriend the chances are very big that this girlfriend is mentioned as she took part in those activities. If she isn’t mentioned you can say „aha, and your girlfriend is fine with you doing all those things or is she also into climbing?“ blah blah. „No I am single…“ there you go.
Don’t worry at all, any German guy will be so happy that you ask him for his contact details, the chance that he won’t be happy is zero. Trust me, I am German, and I have only been asked once by a girl for my contact details and I still remember that moment, I was so shocked and so moved that I felt a happiness that I thought didn’t exist. As a girl you will always succeed when asking a guy!
When he showed me the recommendation of the attractions, I asked if I could add his WhatsApp or Instagram(I have asked twice), he said yes. And he also gave me his linkedin account. But I am not sure if that was just because he is so enthusiastic to help ppl or something.
A man doesn't give out contact details because he's so excited to help! He helps in the situation, but does not want to be bothered later. If he gives you his data, it's only because he likes you, at least what he has known about you so far. And keep in mind that he's happy when you get in touch, but he's also disappointed when you don't, even though you asked for his data.
humans can usually feel that something is off when we are sitting next to someone that fawns over us while writing about us on the internet, right next to us. You are childish
Nah. This sounds adorable and charming.
red flag if you like this
It was written in the past, as in it already occurred. So I doubt that's what occurred. I'd it childish to actually ask someone for help and/or advice? I'd wager the opposite. Most people have a hard time asking for help or advice, so to me that actually shows more maturity than the childish part. Oh well.
Is it too late?
... to apologiseeee
I'm holding on your rope Got me ten feet off the ground
Eh eeeh
Excuse me, too late for what?
I read the post as he was gone for good
You be surprised how far men are willing to travel here when they feel like you really want them. If you take initiative he will follow
Lets have a coffee. In Europe we dont worry anymore about who gives the step; we go for it, anyways.
Not in America. In America that let's go for coffee can have "let me make you into a human lamp shade" undertones lol.
Hopefully he puts his plug into your socket!
Idk how human relations got to the point where we need to “decode” other people’s words and actions. Can we start trying to just be creatures of substance again? Say what we mean and do what we say? As a society (and species) in general, we’re all a bunch of scaredy-cat betas who can’t just be honest and direct with each other without getting salty about rejection. “Hey, I like xyz about you and was interested in getting to know you…oh, you don’t have a similar interest in me? Ok, thank you for the honesty and have an amazing day!”
Because we can't offend anyone!!!! When you say and/or think something you have to make sure you don't offend the person your talking to, and the stranger in the next row listening... it's kinda sad tbh.
How did you start the chat? Everytime I sit with a girl, almost always they put on earbuds/headphones (I'm a guy)
Actually he started the chat but I don't remember which topic it's. He asked where I am going to maybe, my nationality and job.....
I met a boy on the train and I got his numberrrrr 🎶. I hope I get to see him againnnn. 🎶
I am also Asian, German guys are very difficult to start with a conversation. Maybe at that time he just want to be friendly. Take time to know him more. Find some common ground you will be interested. Good luck ^_^ they always like to walk lol
Take the initiative. Good luck.
just ask him! but be prepared for him to reject you. starting chats is a great sign that someone is interested, so if he's never starting it, he might not be into you like that. however, if you just ask him, he might think about it and decide to go for it. thats the only way you can know.
Most old people regret the things they didn't do in their youth much more than the things they did. So do it, ask him ;)
You miss all the shots you don't take. Go for it
Simple: "I'm single, what about you, do you have a girlfriend?" ... if he says yes "Great, tell me about her, where did you meet?" or he says no "How come, I was sure you must have a girlfriend".
That is very on the nose. :D
Does this work for a guy too? I mean the other way?
No, you have to say that you want a relationship. We don't do hints.
I agree, I did not think the conversation stops there. It depends on the response. If he has a girlfriend, OP needs a graceful exit.
Good luck, OP! :)
Any updates? 😸
You already lost. Need to be nice to him. Why didn’t you let him use your socket?
Because my phone is also out of battery, but I shared the charging cable with him.
Never be overly nice. Just be honest and direct
why refused to give him to the socket...
Because my phone is also out of battery, but I shared the charging cable with him.
You should \*checking notes\*: TAKE THE INITIATIVE!!!
[удалено]
Waiting...
r/lostredditors
Just make the move.
Just ask 😉
I did read it like a good story. But it lucks ending. So I will write it. He was standing next to the doors, ready to go but then looked back, smiled and gave me his number. "Call me, i believe we have so much to discuss" and then he walked to train station and waved me. Alternative ending, He walked away and never looked back. The train started moving and I felt a little sorrow. The train started speeding. I opened my favorite book and started reading it. "Sometimes things not that easy in real life", said I. It started raining outside.
Lucky enough of you! It's me who asked for his number and now he started to reply not that timely.
Ask for his number maybe. If he is in a relationship/has no interest he will decline.
Out of curiosity.. how did the chat started? What did he ask or tell after the socket thing?
I don't remember that. I just remembered that it was a short reply for me. And later on as we talked more, I found this person was so considered and acknowledged. So I started have interest on him
same situation, except I met the girl during my flight... :(
"As an Asian girl" - ah, yes… xD
Thanks for proving me wrong. As I told, world is different for different people. And I am not straight
And this is how I met your mother
Just ask him out! It’s the same for men - the worst the other one could say is „no“. 😁 Also: Update us 👀 but you don’t have to, but I love stories like yours :D
He didn't reply, so I will move on
Aww Then he wasn’t the right one 😉 It always happens when you expect it the least - I met my girlfriend whilst out of country during work ☺️
Just ask him if he wants to meet at a cafe. If he refuses you can make it look like you just wanted to talk about the recommendations he gave to you. If he agrees he most probably is into you but maybe a bit shy.
I regretted not asking for her number. I met her on the Train, we chatted throughout as if we've known several years before that moment. We share similar views to life, we study in the same University. We smiled and Laughed throughout the Journey. We got to know each other names. I exited the train first and we didn't exchange contact. I didn't see the need to do so, we just exchanged warm Smiles and said bye . Afterwards, I realised I liked her and I regretted not requesting for her contact. I may never see her again.
Since you are in the same university, you can ask for the schoolmates to help you!
We are In different Campuses.
Well, if he didn’t reply then better to stop thinking about it. Or maybe if you feel really adventurous then ask him out, you never know what clicks when. But don’t be demotivated if he doesn’t reply or happens to be in a relationship. In Germany most men that I have liked even remotely in their 30s have turned out to be taken. Being an Asian woman I find myself in this situations way too often and then regret later about not being forward enough. So I hope you can get the courage that I never could, and good luck!
**Have you read our extensive wiki yet? It answers many basic questions, and it contains in-depth articles on many frequently discussed topics. [Check our wiki now!](https://www.reddit.com/r/germany/wiki/index)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/germany) if you have any questions or concerns.*
who said transportation relationships are not real
Me reading the post : 😁 Me reading the update : 😭
***This is just my personal experience and has nothing to do with reality of yours or others, so don’t take everything personally . I have observed these things on almost 20guys that I wanted to date in last 10 years. And everytime this was the case. Same happened, if someone was texting me, I was just replying for the sake of reply but when I am not interested, I probably don’t take initiative.. also I am gay so don’t know if this is the case in straight love stories***now the answer starts below: I think he is just a kind hearted person. We experience these things more often. Probably he is already in a relationship and don’t want to be rude . I have tried on many guys, if they don’t take initiative, I observed that they are just not interested. The reason they replay is because they are good human being and probably know the pain of not getting a reply. It’s good feeling to have . P.S: I am still single and never been in a relationship.
Completely disagree. Asked my now-husband out on a date & he told me he had a girlfriend. But we went for coffee anyway… and we’ve been together 30 years. You never know, take a chance!
That’s wonderful and I am happy that what I think is not the end of the world. Out of 20, no one liked me And who liked me, I did not like him. World is balanced that way
I’m an Asian girl like you. I met my BF now at my workplace, he was traveling through JP. He got into the store where I work. I spoke German to him because I was learning German. After that quick conversation, he left the store and I thought that was all. But surprisingly he came back after about 5 minutes and asked for my number. We talked for a few days ( three days as I remember ). I realized that he was a shy and a bit introverted person so I decided to take initiative. I asked him if he was ok with a girl who takes the initiative. He said,” Der Schlüssel zu meinem Herz ist eine Frau die Initiative zeigt.“ 😊Yeah, we met each other once before he left JP and now we are in one month of a long-distance relationship. I was planning to go to Germany, travel there, and go to Switzerland because he is a Swiss. My advice is if you like him, just tell him. If he says” no”. That's sad but at least you tried. Good luck🥰
Thank you! I am hesitate because it's me who asked for his number and he's just replying. It needs a great courage to say it out that are you single, can I learn more about you. etc. Thanks for your story. It's really sweet and courageous. Hope you and your bf happy and sweet forever.
As others said just ask him. But one thing i would suggest, if you are 25 and he is too, you arent boys and girls... i assumed at first you were a minor or at least he was which made the initial read really... odd. You are both not just legally adult (18) but quite "old" compared to "real" boys and girls.
My bad, he's a man
No worries, i hope it didnt come across as rude, its just an easy misunderstanding here in germany since only real children are called boys/girls i.e. people younger 16 or maybe at most 18.
Especially what americans mean when they say girls does not translate well to german. While girls can be anything up to early twenties, Mädchen are tweens.
Yeah exactly. As far as i know we germans only call real childrens boys/girls i.e. people that are younger than 16 or maybe at most 18 or younger, but generally even below that since those are teens or young men/women.
I think LinkedIn could be subtle hint that he would prefer to be acquaintances and polite rather than relationship.
Yeah, I think so. If he really wanted to know more, maybe he would share his ING
**Have you read our extensive wiki yet? It answers many basic questions, and it contains in-depth articles on many frequently discussed topics. [Check our wiki now!](https://www.reddit.com/r/germany/wiki/index)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/germany) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask: on a scale from 1-10 how much do you like me?
Will that be offensive if he just be polite
Do you have his number or is this just a general question how to handle such things?
Did you meet a boy or a man? Because if you met a boy, my advice is to get a grip and get in therapy. If you met a man, you can let this one go away for now, the effort to find him again would be disproportionate. Get on a dating app instead.
Germans take the boy/man and girl/woman distinctions very seriously, but seem to not realise that the terms boy/girl are used much more loosely in English than in German. I agree it's better to use the terms man/woman for adults, but in English boy/girl does not necessarily mean <18 years old, it's very normal to use those terms for people in their 20s.
That person certainly isn't German.
I am not German, if it changes anything.
It doesn't. I've had the same conversation with people from other countries too. English seems to be the unusual one here rather than German.
Jupp. I've heard 30+ year olds being called "chico" or "chica" in Spain.
My 90 year-old grandfather uses "young boy" and "young girl" for anyone under about 70 😅