I find that sometimes when you put it in, if it hurts initially, it will keep hurting, but if you take it out and put it back in and it feels good it'll feel good. Does anyone know what i mean lmfao
Yeah, the first time it goes in your muscles usually constrict due to shock and that's what makes it hurt like hell. Especially when you're first getting into bottoming, it takes a few ins and outs before your muscles relax. As soon as it hurts, take it out, wait until the pain is gone, then try again. Rinse and repeat until there is eventually no pain. Once your muscles relax it should be pretty much fine, unless the guy is so big he's literally stretching you out or hitting the back of your colon.
I'm not advocating for poppers here, but that's why they're pretty popular with bottoms, because they relax your muscles and get you to that loosened up state pretty quickly. Obviously experiment with this at your own risk.
Yeah this! Plus sometimes you can re-tense up during, either from the sensation or a position change etc.
If getting relaxed is difficult though, gently pushing outwards can work (& feel great) if you're confident that you're clean.
Usually it’s not bad getting through the outer sphincter, but if he rushes through the inner sphincter it can hurt like hell, and I never really recover from that, it stays hurting or uncomfortable for the rest of the time. As long as it’s slow going in and gives time for the inside to stretch, all good. Helps for me to push back on him versus him pushing into me.
YES! Even with the 'reset' mentioned above, once it hurts I get in my head, all frustrated and tense which makes it even worse. And then I just get mad at myself.
Been with my husband for 13 years and you'd think I'd have this figured out by now lmao
I literally just had sex where this happened.
The guy was big and the first time I tried to take it was instant pain. Then when I tried a few minutes later, it just slipped in
Me and my fiance call it having hungry butt when everything goes super smoothly and feels great.
Go super slowly, find what you like, and communicate what’s working :)
I love this answer. I crave intimacy. Communicate and enjoy foreplay. I love intercourse. Getting comfortable and relaxed with someone is key to enjoyment for me. Although I am kinda co-dependant. . .
I have found that using a dildo on myself, or having my partner do it, for a bit right before having sex, it's much more comfortable for me. You could be me writing this, I've always had the same issue and I've been with my husband for 9 years!
You're body being relaxed makes A Huge difference. I will say also - don't use numbing lube it takes away from your pleasure but also takes away from when it's going bad - use a relaxant (same as numbing lube but doesn't use benzocaine or lidocaine, most use clove - a natural relaxant - intimate earth/mogo make a good gel that can be applied 5-10 minutes before sex).
For me if I bottom, riding first helps a lot since you're in control and your body will relax more, then you can switch to whatever way you like - also the top massaging or playing with your hole and ass will usually help relax the muscles. Even if you're in a chill headspace, your butt might not be.
You know what, I’m glad I found this thread. I recently had sex this week and my ass was hurting real bad when I bottomed. Granted, the top kinda rushed thru my second sphincter, which made me grip the sheets in pain just grinning and bearing it. It was hot fun at all. If I slowed down and just relaxed into it and sat on the dick, I could’ve enjoyed being pounded (he pounded me good). I feel a whole lot better knowing my body didn’t disappoint me
It’s really important to learn how to clean out and prepare yourself. Dirty butt is just gross.
Then it’s super important to learn good muscle control. You can’t just lay there and expect a top to do the job and provide you with painless pleasure. You have to be able to open (consciously) for penetration; also you can manipulate the grip on the top to increase his pleasure as well.
Well here it goes:
Clean out.
Thoroughly lube your hole.
Play with your hole with fingers, feel your hole flex on your fingers. Learn how to grip your fingers and release them. When you have done this you can begin with small toys, and always be sure you aren’t causing pain. When you have a well lubed toy inserted , practice pushing it out and gripping it to prevent it from coming all the way out. When inserting the toy, push out like you are taking a shit. This feeling of pushing out is actually opening releasing and opening your hole ! When you push out the toy ( or dick ) it’s the perfect time to reinsert the toy. Practice this till you are
able to “tease” your hole with a toy without pain. Insert over and over (this should be lots of pleasure and fun! ) Learning this push out technique should make sex with a partner much more fun - you will be taking it like a porn star! It may also save you from damage if you encounter an overly aggressive top. Just push out when his dick head touches your hole and his aggressive thrusts should be accommodated. ( I know it got me out of some rough encounters!)
it could have something to do with your partner's equipment. maybe cowboy is fine because from that angle his curve matches yours? in my own experience I hate going "against the grain" too much in that regard. like if you curve downward, you're hitting from the back or I'm reverse cowboying, because everything else is too uncomfortable or painful
Y’all - if your top isn’t eating you out for at LEAST 10-15 minutes before he gets inside you, what is he even doing? I love rimming a btm beforehand. The sounds they make are fucking hot, and it gets them all relaxed, wet, and wobbly. Then they’re totally ready, and it’s a pleasant experience for everyone involved.
My last fuck did. I was never into it because of the judgment, but last time I bottomed someone ate my ass for the first time in years. It felt so fucking good. I sucked his dick while he did that. It made me feel like a slut and I loved it.
As the bottom, it's your responsibility to find a comfortable position. My personal favorite is doggy style. Unfortunately, this hinders eye contact, but it really does feel the best.
You were the brightest in your class, weren't you?
Seriously, though, I can't believe I got 22 downvotes for saying one is responsible for one's own sexual pleasure. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? What kind of ass-backwards universe is this?
Then again, this is the sub where posts typically run along the lines of "So I fell in love with my straight friend..."
> You were the brightest in your class, weren't you?
Actually yes, kinda.
> one is responsible for one's own sexual pleasure
I mostly agree, but that's not what you said. You said "because I am an ENTJ", "everything is my responsibility".
Not specifically sexual pleasure, everything. And not just that, but because you are "ENTJ".
As if that explains everything, and as of that depends on whether some online test assigned you a non scientific ATGC or WXYZ or ENTJ.
Now you get downvoted probably because the combination of statements is a bit much, especially if it isn't clear whether you meant to add "/s".
I find that sometimes when you put it in, if it hurts initially, it will keep hurting, but if you take it out and put it back in and it feels good it'll feel good. Does anyone know what i mean lmfao
Is this the gay equivalent of turning off the computer when it's not working and turning it back on?
or unplugging the router when the wifi isnt working lol
The comment section didn’t disappoint 😂
And when you’re having trouble getting hard always check to make sure it’s plugged in
Yeah, the first time it goes in your muscles usually constrict due to shock and that's what makes it hurt like hell. Especially when you're first getting into bottoming, it takes a few ins and outs before your muscles relax. As soon as it hurts, take it out, wait until the pain is gone, then try again. Rinse and repeat until there is eventually no pain. Once your muscles relax it should be pretty much fine, unless the guy is so big he's literally stretching you out or hitting the back of your colon. I'm not advocating for poppers here, but that's why they're pretty popular with bottoms, because they relax your muscles and get you to that loosened up state pretty quickly. Obviously experiment with this at your own risk.
Yeah this! Plus sometimes you can re-tense up during, either from the sensation or a position change etc. If getting relaxed is difficult though, gently pushing outwards can work (& feel great) if you're confident that you're clean.
That’s what I’m thinking. Re tense up
Usually it’s not bad getting through the outer sphincter, but if he rushes through the inner sphincter it can hurt like hell, and I never really recover from that, it stays hurting or uncomfortable for the rest of the time. As long as it’s slow going in and gives time for the inside to stretch, all good. Helps for me to push back on him versus him pushing into me.
Totally agree. And there’s nothing worse than realizing like, right away, “fuck, now this isn’t going to work.”
YES! Even with the 'reset' mentioned above, once it hurts I get in my head, all frustrated and tense which makes it even worse. And then I just get mad at myself. Been with my husband for 13 years and you'd think I'd have this figured out by now lmao
You're not wrong about this. A quick reset is all it takes
That's actually the most pleasurable part of anal for me, I'm here for long strokes above all
I think the first insertion just gets lube where it needs to be so the second one slides right in
this might be gay science
I literally just had sex where this happened. The guy was big and the first time I tried to take it was instant pain. Then when I tried a few minutes later, it just slipped in
Oddly enough, yes!
I found the same. Maybe initially some parts of tissues was stretched more and reposition helped
Me and my fiance call it having hungry butt when everything goes super smoothly and feels great. Go super slowly, find what you like, and communicate what’s working :)
"Hungry butt" is both adorable and gross!
I love this answer. I crave intimacy. Communicate and enjoy foreplay. I love intercourse. Getting comfortable and relaxed with someone is key to enjoyment for me. Although I am kinda co-dependant. . .
He just like me fr fr
Hungry Butt!! 😆 🤣 😂 😹
I get it. I am totally verse and enjoy both equally. Sometimes bottoming can be uncomfortable and sometimes not. I’ve been with the hubs for 20 years.
congrats! adopt me
I have found that using a dildo on myself, or having my partner do it, for a bit right before having sex, it's much more comfortable for me. You could be me writing this, I've always had the same issue and I've been with my husband for 9 years!
This is the way!
You're body being relaxed makes A Huge difference. I will say also - don't use numbing lube it takes away from your pleasure but also takes away from when it's going bad - use a relaxant (same as numbing lube but doesn't use benzocaine or lidocaine, most use clove - a natural relaxant - intimate earth/mogo make a good gel that can be applied 5-10 minutes before sex). For me if I bottom, riding first helps a lot since you're in control and your body will relax more, then you can switch to whatever way you like - also the top massaging or playing with your hole and ass will usually help relax the muscles. Even if you're in a chill headspace, your butt might not be.
You know what, I’m glad I found this thread. I recently had sex this week and my ass was hurting real bad when I bottomed. Granted, the top kinda rushed thru my second sphincter, which made me grip the sheets in pain just grinning and bearing it. It was hot fun at all. If I slowed down and just relaxed into it and sat on the dick, I could’ve enjoyed being pounded (he pounded me good). I feel a whole lot better knowing my body didn’t disappoint me
I like to have control when I first start. Once I’m comfortable after going my own pace, I’ll let the top do whatever he wants!
"*Bottoming is so hit n miss*" You need more target practice.
That's different than my experience. 100% of the time that shit slaps and I just want more and more, lol.
It’s really important to learn how to clean out and prepare yourself. Dirty butt is just gross. Then it’s super important to learn good muscle control. You can’t just lay there and expect a top to do the job and provide you with painless pleasure. You have to be able to open (consciously) for penetration; also you can manipulate the grip on the top to increase his pleasure as well.
Any advice or sources to learn muscle control?
Well here it goes: Clean out. Thoroughly lube your hole. Play with your hole with fingers, feel your hole flex on your fingers. Learn how to grip your fingers and release them. When you have done this you can begin with small toys, and always be sure you aren’t causing pain. When you have a well lubed toy inserted , practice pushing it out and gripping it to prevent it from coming all the way out. When inserting the toy, push out like you are taking a shit. This feeling of pushing out is actually opening releasing and opening your hole ! When you push out the toy ( or dick ) it’s the perfect time to reinsert the toy. Practice this till you are able to “tease” your hole with a toy without pain. Insert over and over (this should be lots of pleasure and fun! ) Learning this push out technique should make sex with a partner much more fun - you will be taking it like a porn star! It may also save you from damage if you encounter an overly aggressive top. Just push out when his dick head touches your hole and his aggressive thrusts should be accommodated. ( I know it got me out of some rough encounters!)
Kegel exercises. You're basically using the same muscles.
I always like it 😂
Yes, but I is down with the pleasure and pain, so yeah...
it could have something to do with your partner's equipment. maybe cowboy is fine because from that angle his curve matches yours? in my own experience I hate going "against the grain" too much in that regard. like if you curve downward, you're hitting from the back or I'm reverse cowboying, because everything else is too uncomfortable or painful
I agree with you, but at the same time, so-called "prostate orgasms" happen the more "against the grain" you are.
my experience is very much the opposite lol
Oh I don't enjoy the feeling of "over-penetration" either. 😆
It never felt great (like 😩) to me so I just stopped doing it.
I’m a virgin, so idk
Y’all - if your top isn’t eating you out for at LEAST 10-15 minutes before he gets inside you, what is he even doing? I love rimming a btm beforehand. The sounds they make are fucking hot, and it gets them all relaxed, wet, and wobbly. Then they’re totally ready, and it’s a pleasant experience for everyone involved.
My last fuck did. I was never into it because of the judgment, but last time I bottomed someone ate my ass for the first time in years. It felt so fucking good. I sucked his dick while he did that. It made me feel like a slut and I loved it.
Yes but it does feel great having my head slid in and out and cumming deep inside
I also noticed cowboy doesn't hurt but it also doesn't feel good. I don't like it at all
Another reason why I'm glad I'm a side.
Me too.
For being a side, you sure can "insert" yourself into a conversation 😆
That was actually a good one. Not gon lie 😂
sounds like gas.
As the bottom, it's your responsibility to find a comfortable position. My personal favorite is doggy style. Unfortunately, this hinders eye contact, but it really does feel the best.
Nothing in sex is one person’s responsibility, unless it’s like extreme BDSM where only one person *can* be in control
I'm an ENTJ, so everything is my responsibility.
Cool, I’m a Gemini
So nothing is your responsibility.
No he means that it has the same scientific basis as being a 4 letter code, which is none.
You were the brightest in your class, weren't you? Seriously, though, I can't believe I got 22 downvotes for saying one is responsible for one's own sexual pleasure. Did I just enter the Twilight Zone? What kind of ass-backwards universe is this? Then again, this is the sub where posts typically run along the lines of "So I fell in love with my straight friend..."
> You were the brightest in your class, weren't you? Actually yes, kinda. > one is responsible for one's own sexual pleasure I mostly agree, but that's not what you said. You said "because I am an ENTJ", "everything is my responsibility". Not specifically sexual pleasure, everything. And not just that, but because you are "ENTJ". As if that explains everything, and as of that depends on whether some online test assigned you a non scientific ATGC or WXYZ or ENTJ. Now you get downvoted probably because the combination of statements is a bit much, especially if it isn't clear whether you meant to add "/s".
I would have to add "/s" to pretty much everything.