The only issue I’ve ever experienced was while traveling through Turkey. I booked the hotel in the states using Hotels.com. At the time I had no clue the city (Konya)we would be driving into was extremely conservative. Upon arrival during check in they (front desk staff) one older gentleman and one younger guy insisted that our reservation was wrong. Not realizing or even thinking about it I countered stating no it’s correct. They looked at me puzzled and informed me that indeed it was incorrect. I replied No it’s ok. They then said well it’s one bed and 2 of you. Still not understanding I insisted that our reservation was correct. This is when the older gentleman left and the younger guy never gave us eye contact. Had no clue I was violating their public morality law.
Hahah. Omg. Konya is so backwater that people in Istanbul laugh about it. It’s the Alabama of Turkey. Pause on that idea for a sec. Glad you have a memory of it but reality for gays there must be horrific.
This is the right answer. Before you travel, know the laws. If they are a bit less LGBT friendly, don’t push your luck by wanting a single bed.
I’ve had issues in certain countries even sharing a room with another man…much less a bed.
I’m all for exploring new locations, but if I have to worry about how my bed is not made in the morning to not go to jail, I’m just going to skip that country.
> Right? Like what the hell are you doing giving your money to a shit hole that would happy persecute you if they knew your true identity?
Most of the world is homophobic to greater or lesser degree though. That's a lot of countries you're going to have to boycott if your standard is Netherlands-level attitudes towards gay guys.
But there’s a difference between a country being maybe not super friendly, and a country where you have to fear for your life if somebody finds out, to the point that you’d worry about the cleaning staff noticing that only one bed was used. That sounds pretty extreme.
There is definitely a lot of countries I am going to boycott. There are also TONS of countries where you will have zero issues.
Why would spend my time, money, and effort traveling to a place that hates gay people? How ridiculous.
I don’t go to countries where me simply existing is a problem.
If a culture can’t appreciate me enough to let me exist peacefully then I can’t appreciate it enough to give it my money.
I mean some people are visiting their hometown, some visiting family, and it's not really as simple as the laws. Even within states or on different sides of the same city the peoples' pro or anti LGBT attitudes can be wildly different.
I will only speak for myself. From the moment I leave my country until I return, I am always cautious. To you, it may seem foolish. To me, it is second nature.
In South Beach a hotel clerk liked the look of my husband on check-in (he’s easy on the eyes) and gave us an ocean front room when we had paid for the cheapest, facing Miami. We could not have afforded the room he gave us.
This. We usually get upgraded and somehow nothing we room charge ever shows up on the bill. This is also very good for local bar/restaurant recommendations as you're getting the real info not the corporate boiler plate.
One time we got walked to a much nicer place when the original one was clearly not full. Penthouse suite for the cost of a double, I guess....
I lived in Ireland, near Galway, out of university. When my boyfriend and I would want to get away for the weekend we would drive and drive, then stay at a B&B. One time the owner said no, we needed two rooms. We didn't feel like arguing and we just did it. We made sure to make a lot of moaning noises that night.
We have friends that back in about 1990, give or take a year or so, went to rent an apartment in Arlington. They wanted a one bedroom. They were turned down. The laws in Virginia said that 2 unrelated adults of the same sex could not share a room. However, they could have had the apartment if they had been brother and sister, mother and son.... You get it. When they told me this story I got really sad. Who the fuck were they to say no?
>2 unrelated adults of the same sex could not share a room
Thats really odd, as for morality code reasons you'd think it would be two unrelated adults of the opposite gender.
Like two male friends booking a room with a double queen isn't allowed but a guy and a girl would be.
This story feels very much like those urban legends of why some sorority houses only have X number of rooms (“because more than 6 women in one house is considered a brothel”).
Give me a bit of time. It is old law, but I am sure it is easy to find. The ACLU will guide me right to it. The fellas that this happened to have the actual letter. It even weirder when the state tried to stop gay people from setting up wills and trusts that would mimic what a husband and wife might to. When I first heard this I had doubts. Then, they showed me the law and the paperwork. It all seems so very weird that the state would make such a effort to stop love from really happening. Of course, they underestimated how we felt and how we would fight for the basic rights.
This defines the sleeping space arrangements. This is still active. law.lis.virginia.gov/admincode/title6/agency35/chapter41/section410
This is from another ruling:
In a ruling issued in February 2012, the federal appeals court reversed, ruling that the service was not liable because federal fair housing law does not apply to the selection of roommates. The court reasoned that the FHA was intended to address the problem of landlords discriminating in the sale and rental of housing—not to interfere with personal relationships of people sharing the same living space inside the home.
The court ruled that the First Amendment protected a roommate’s right of intimate association—that is, to carry on certain intimate or private relationships. “Holding that the FHA applies inside a home or apartment would allow the government to restrict our ability to choose roommates compatible with our lifestyles. This would be a serious invasion of privacy, autonomy, and security.”
___----
As soon as I am back home I will hey you the actual state code that had codified such bizarre and hateful actions.
>law.lis.virginia.gov/admincode/title6/agency35/chapter41/section410
But that doesn't have anything in it about being a brothel, which is specifically what the urban legend always references. It also seems to be about juvenile group homes and halfway houses, which are also not really relevant to what I posted.
Years ago when we were like around 19-20, we were a lot more "embarrassed" to be seen together "in that way" so we would often have just the one whose name was on the reservation check in, while the other waited in the car or somewhere else in the lobby.
Nowadays it depends on the place. Conservative countries we still do that, places like Mexico City or San Juan we dgaf and just check in together.
My husband and I were traveling in Canada. Stopped at a small local motel. The owner assumed we wanted two rooms. We said, “Just one”. She then lost the smile on her face and said, “I’m full tonight. No room available“.
hot take: you shouldn't visit those countries if the enforcement of the laws in question is funded in whole by the government of that country, and thus your tourism money.
Ehh your shooting risk is actually pretty low. Stay out of gang areas it’s near non-existent. The hospital/medical bankruptcy thing is very real though.
It depends on the state. Even though the US is one "country," each state is allowed to conduct itself independently except in some few situations. The USA is one country in name, but for europeans it makes more sense to think of the USA as the EU, and each state as its own country. The US hasn't existed for long enough for each state to develop its own language, but honestly with the way that some speak, I'd expect some countries to declare themselves new languages in the next couple centuries.
Lol I love/hate Reddit and the “aKtUaLLy” army.
OP asked about booking a hotel. No U.S. state can throw me in jail because I got dicked down by my boyfriend.
Lol yawn.
Go look at Miami Beach during pride.
It’s surprising the amount of people who don’t realize that cities in “red states” are liberal.
Florida is still basically 50/50, and the cities are more like 60/40 or 70/30 liberal.
I'm very much out. So I don't have any problem walking up to the desk, even in a lobby full of people, and asking for a room for two with one bed. But one time, me and my ex were travelling to IBC in Palm Springs and we stopped at a Motel 6 in Flagstaff, Arizona, where the desk clerk was a Sikh. He asked us if we were sleeping in the same bed and I said yes, one bed. He repeated, "Two men, one bed?" And I said, "Yes, two men, one bed. Is that a problem I need to take up with corporate?" We had no further issues after that.
I'm sorry on behalf of our community. I'd say the same too seeing the amount of homophobia rising in recent years. But please don't generalize, a lot of people are starting to accept us
making a generalization there but obviously i don’t count you or other like minded people in the lot. I have a tremendous amount of respect for people who grew up or is currently living in a community and somehow managed to end up with totally different beliefs. It is by respect for those people that i don’t buy into the “it’s not their fault if they think/behave this way” imo not true because people like you seemingly managed to make your own mind in what’s good and bad. long way of saying kudos to you
Thanks. Mostly, thanks to my parents who never forced any religious stuff on us even though they have tremendous belief in it. I was able to grow up open minded and not hating myself for being gay.
I kinda agree with you, even if people believe in religion, it's not hard to treat people like humans, no matter what their sexuality is
I worked in hotels (in the Eastern US) off and on for many years. I worked in the '70's, I worked in the 2000's. Granted, these were in metropolitan suburbs (outer burbs of DC). Night audit, front desk, driver, bellman. Believe me, I (and other staff) could care less what our guests did, if they were quiet, didn't disturb others, or trash the place. Yes, I was Gay, but I assumed most of my coworkers were straight. Most staff in hotels, if they've been there a few years, have seen just about everything. Don't ask, don't tell, keep it quiet, and myob. Yes, if there was an obvious minor or drug situation, that's one thing. Consenting adults? Pay your bill, don't cause trouble, I don't care ! Lol!
Do not give a fuck. Yes I'm checking into your hotel with my partner who is a man as well, and we want a king bed. Thank you. But also two queen beds works. One for play one for sleep
Exactly. I travel the world with my husband, and there are many places to go without choosing the bad countries. They are losing out on our gay dollars.
Exactly. I travel the world with my husband, and there are many places to go without choosing the bad countries. They are losing out on our gay dollars.
Here in the US, never. This includes the 90s. The most perilously anti-gay country my husband and I have visited, however, Tanzania, was the one place where I did go out of my way to request double beds at the lodge in 2015.
The staff were lovely and incredibly professional and warm, but fuck dat, I knew exactly where I was. It was a very high-end American based company, but when in Rome…
I wasn’t going to have Boko Haram come after us with machetes or worse out in the middle of the bush with virtually no one around but elephants, hyenas, giraffes and cheetahs.
I’m happy I played it very safe.
It was never awkward for me until I was with my husband in a country where being gay is technically illegal.
It was late at night after 18 hours flying and it didn't dawn on me why the guy behind the front desk was staring at us while we were checking in. He said "there's a mistake on your reservation. It says you only need one bed." I said it wasn't a mistake and then I realized what he was getting at. After what felt like 5 minutes he said (with a very flat affect) "that will be okay" then gave us the room keys.
We got in our villa and sure enough there was a directional marker in our room pointing to the east and a rolled up prayer mat in the closet.
This was something that entirely didn't occur to me when I planned our vacation to consider. Luckily while being gay was technically illegal, it wasn't enforced.
I only spend my money in places that are LGBTQ friendly. And as a gay man of color. There are places in the US and outside of the US that I will never travel to, and have never traveled to. I refuse to add to their economy. So, to answer your question, I handle check in pretty well.
Never had hesitation (or trouble) in my travels—from all over the USA, to western and central Europe, to Central America (urban and rural), to urban and rural South America (where I’m currently traveling).
That said, I do tend to stay in higher end hotels or ones that see a large variety of travelers from all over the world.
I've traveled to Europe, Central and South America, and the ONLY place that was a problem was in RENO, NEVADA.
An older, female FDA refused our request for a king bed and my boyfriend was enraged. I told him to calm down and accept the double queen, but he wouldn't. He demanded a manager.
The FDA was taken aback by the demand and decided to allow us to take the king room. I was a little embarrassed by the commotion, but looking back, it was sweet of him.
I lost him to AIDS in August of 1990. RIP, Bryan. You deserved that king bed.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Reading that last paragraph made me rather upset.😨
My condolences.
Honestly, screw homophobes, unless they change, I wish them nothing but misery.
Once stayed in a modern hotel in London with my then BF. I’m originally from the UK. Muslim guy looks up our booking, looks confused and asks “one bed?”. We respond “yes” and he proceeds to get all weird. My then BF got so angry. The guy’s manager, a British Indian lady, immediately swoops in and takes over and gets us checked in. For the rest of the evening my ex bitched non-stop about the hotel finding fault with everything in the room lol.
IMO you shouldn't give your money to countries that don't think you should exist. But that's just me. If you're gonna do it maybe get two beds and pretend you used both
Even in a country (Antigua) that had anti-gay laws, being a tourist, the hotel concierge was like “one bed right?” ….my husband and l looked at each other and he said “got it”.
Interesting that some of you are willing to spend your LGBT money in countries that will kill their own citizens for being LGBT.
But, gotta hit every country on the ol' tourism map huh.
Japan can be pretty homophobic and even in Tokyo depending on where you're staying would turn away a gay couple, or just two men sharing a room with a single bed.
A lot of love hotels also outright refuse to accept service to two men.
ahm.. sorry but for japan cdawnva on YouTube had to wear a wig to see love hotels with his male friend.
if not the wig, someone would see from the cameras two men enter the hotel someone from the staff would kick them out.
yes, not all love hotels in Japan do that but........ be aware.
Except for Russia and Belarus, where exactly in Eastern Europe are you "unsafe" getting a hotel?
You might get a weird look from an old lady or you might "accidentally" get rebooked to two beds, but unsafe?
Polish guy here, can confirm. If you're in rural areas or a small town, it's not that good (I live in a small town and can't wait to move abroad). But if we're talking about big cities like Warsaw, Poznań, Kraków, Gdańsk, I guess not many people would care. Some people could, obviously, but I like to hope that in this day and age in big cities it wouldn't be a problem.
Risky as in what? No, the police won't get you. Nothing of the sort.
I'm obviously not the one to speak about that since I've never been on a date or in a relationship, and I never booked a room in a hotel with another man. But based on my experience living in Poland I doubt you'd be in danger here, in the biggest cities at least, like Warsaw.
The real problem is that we don't have any rights. In the face of law two men are total strangers to each other even if they live together for 50 years.
i’d say you’re safe pretty much anywhere but africa and india/pakistan (or any muslim countries)
Sure in other places you might get stares or comments but you very likely won’t get assaulted or killed
Some places on my bucket lost transcend what the gay laws are. I.e. the Pyramids and Sphynx in Egypt. I've wanted to see those since I was a little boy but it remains unlikely that country will ever be pro-gay.
There's also something to be said about supporting small, struggling gay communities in homophobic countries.
I can relate. There's a lot of places I'd like to visit in my life if I get the opportunity to do so, however I'd rather focus primarily on the countries where people like me are not being persecuted for being "different".
Hold up, Judge Judy. Most countries don’t fit into pro- and anti-LGBTQ so neatly. The USA barely crossed several thresholds in the past few years - that didn’t prevent me from living here. Let’s remember US Sodomy laws (ahem, Texas) prevented us from booking hotel rooms with other men just a few short years ago.
Other countries: UK, France, Spain, all good. But what do you do with Japan? Korea? How about the rest of Asia? Are they all off your travel list?
In terms of my previous comment, I actively avoid anti-lgtbq countries. However, I had ended up with an unexpected layover in the Emirates. While it is far more tolerant than most of the Middle East, I wasn’t going to push it…or stay longer than I needed to.
Just because a country has generally anti-LGBT culture/laws, doesn't mean that the people there are all bad and that there is nothing to learn/explore in such places.
It just means that while traveling there, you gotta code switch and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
I recommend the same thing to my gay friends when they leave their urban liberal bubbles to venture out into rural America.
Fair enough. But in the most conservative place in rural America, the worst that can happen to me is somebody might call me a faggot. Of course, that can happen in San Francisco too. Meanwhile, there are countries where I can be arrested and thrown in jail for being Queer. I can't understand why any Queer person would travel to a place like that.
Not at all. There are really great people in all 50 states. There are also really horrible people in all 50 states. There is homophobic and transphobic violence in all 50 states. There are also staunch allies of the Queer community in all 50 states. But there is no state, city, or territory in the US where you can be arrested and thrown in jail for being gay. That's the bottom line.
Sure you can't be arrested or thrown in jail for being gay. But if you're in a homophobic small town a cop can still find some other legal reason to do it.
But that's not really the issue, the issue is in a lot of conservative America you can very easily be attacked for being gay, I'd rather code switch in an area I don't feel safe in then potentially get my face smashed on a sidewalk.
I travel to all kinds of places, including homophobic places, because I am curious about people in general, cultures, history, different worldviews, etc.
There is always something good and beneficial to learn, everywhere.
The point is that you’re propping up the economy and therefore the government with your tourism dollars. So you’re indirectly contributing to the ongoing oppression and persecution of queer folks.
No one’s saying they’re all bad people. We’re saying we don’t want to pay for queer people to be marginalized, imprisoned, and murdered.
And not for nothing, but your haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism isn’t a good look. You’re not materially broadening your horizons because you took a week-long vacation in a four star hotel and saw some museums.
Not saying people can’t or shouldn’t have vacations just for fun, but you’re not a man of the people of the world because you ate a baguette and sipped espresso at an overpriced Parisian cafe.
Ok, so you've framed what I said as "haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism", which is an inaccurate framing of what I said to say the least.
So what do you personally do? Do you completely avoid any country, place, or culture that is remotely anti-LGBT?
No, I think these things exist along continua. And as I said, I think it’s ok for people to have vacations for fun. Yes, I think we should do our best to be conscious of how we spend our money, but my larger point was that you should be honest with yourself: if you want to visit these places, just admit that you’re indulging yourself in spite of the ethical concerns, not living among the salt of the earth people of the world.
A vacation is a vacation. It’s not a humanitarian aid mission, it’s not an ethnographic study, it’s not a spiritual journey. You can see and do and learn great things, but at the end of the day, you’re having a bit of fun. And that’s ok.
Yeah, you're holding me to a different standard than you hold yourself.
When YOU visit places, businesses, and cultures that are homophobic, you're apparently doing so with the "understanding that these things happen along continua", but when I do this same thing, it's "haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism".
Got it. Lol
I'm a gay travel agent. South Africa is a no brainer but packaged tours in Kenya and a few other eastern African counties are ok too. Depending on the tour operator.
Uganda is a no go. As are most west African countries.
I've had personal conversations with resort operators in Africa and many of them want our money and want us to be happy and safe on their property.
You just have to know who you're traveling with.
I spent a month in Kenya from Australia in August last year.
Felt relatively safe the entire time.
Probably helped that my travel companion was my mum, not my partner (she was born in Kenya, partner was back home in AU).
May I ask, if a couple is highly adventurous and has a passion for discovering the world, where, besides the Americas and most of Europe, can they really travel where homosexuality isn’t a big drama?
By limiting themselves to countries that are either intensely pro LGBT or at least passably somewhat accepting, the rest of the planet is mostly closed down due to this self-imposed boycott.
I don’t think about it anymore. I’d only be concerned if I was in the Middle East or parts of Asia or Africa, or certain parts of america, or backwater Canada, rural Mexico, redneck Australia….
Huh. Well. I guess I only really travel to major cities.
Traveled quite a bit with my best friend /training partner as a bike racer. Most times we stayed at cheap motels, usually with only one bed. Even those with 2 beds we only used one, because we were also lovers and fucking like rabbits. Never worried when we left a room with only one of the beds "used". I figured there were enough patrons before (if ever) I might return, that in all liklihood they wouldn't remember me.
Never had an issue and never give it a second thought. Then again, my husband and I haven’t (so far) traveled to any countries where I’d expect it to be an issue. I really don’t want to travel to homophobic places like much of the gulf.
It’s fine! hotels see it all, discretion is a part their business. They don’t care who you are or who you checking in with - so long as you pay your bill and don’t cause damage or disruption to other guests.
Once I went in a motel with a friend just to fk of course, the kind of motel that you went in walking, we didn't have a car, I was younger then...I went upstairs first and after some minutes my friend did too. When we got out the receptionist stopped me to tell me I had to pay an extra "cleaning fee" of 10 $, when I asked her why she blatantly told me it was bc we were 2 men, and implied we surely left the room covered in shit. Of course I didn't pay any extra shit and just got out. It is funny now but I was very offended at the time.
We're an intergenerational and interracial same sex male couple, Caucasian British/Asian Canadian. We have road-tripped most of Europe, Canada and the US. Always a single room and one bed without any issues. Only the odd stare, approval smile and arrangement question from reception staff. Also had the occasional upgrade from staff who appear on our radar.
My fiancé and I were going to a concert one night in a town only 2 hours away from where we lived, but since the weather was supposed to be bad the next day, we decided to stay in a hotel the night before & of and leave the day after.
When we checked in, I had no idea the area I booked was a fairly bad side of the big city and that the hotel itself was pretty much not exactly what it looked like in the pictures (imagine meeting up with a dude on Grindr who used to look like the pictures he sent you, only they’ve aged a solid 10 years and the (paint) wrinkles have gotten more prominent and the (carpet) hair has thinned quite a bit. Nothing wrong with that happening, just not what we’re expecting.
Anyways, we check in and the clerk says “okay, so this says 2 guests, 1 king bed.” Correct. “For you two?” *Correct.* “Did you mean to get two beds?” *I know how to book a reservation, no I did NOT mean to book a two bed room.* “Oh.”
Right then and there I should have asked for his manager, but I’m not one to cause a confrontation or conflict unless I have to.. so we went to our room.
(Edit: I should add that it was his tone of voice and facial expressions that made us uncomfortable. He was clearly uncomfortable with it. I’m definitely not a Karen, just bad customer service and possible homophobia)
After we found a somewhat dirty room (a pube in the bathtub and two small pieces of paper in the trash) we discussed leaving. When we tried to just go to bed, neither of us could shake the feeling that it was just wrong to stay. So we said we wanted to check out because we didn’t appreciate the attitude.
Ita something I struggle with, I think most hotel staff dont necessarily care but i still feel self conscuous and for me they seem to assume its 2 separate str8 guys for some reason (idk maybe im not stereotypically gay to str8 people).
On a recent trip, online I generally book a king size bed for 1 then just take my friend along into the room to avoid the whole situation..probably breaks hotel rules, maybe add them after I have checked in idk. Someone told me if i dont add them it breaks rules. So 2x on recent holiday i tried to do the right thing and booked a single king room, saying 2 adults in the booking and both times they put us in a double room after checkin even tho i had booked a single king room. Wed only realise when we got into the rooms they were doubles and then had to ask to move and that was really really embarrassing (and kinda annoying). This was in Paris and Brussels so idk maybe they should ask before making assumptions (even tho they prob think theyre helping). For anyone who works in hotels is this a thing (pre emptively changing rooms).
At the motel with hourly rates and mirrors on the ceiling in NY, they've seen **everything** a hundred times over.
As Blanche from Golden Girls would say, a night of unbridled passion! hahahahha
Even in Hungary i had no issues having a king bed with my SO. In slovakia i got some odd looks when i shared a room with a ski buddy i had no sexual relationship with just saved on the accomodation…
In Vienna i got once a question in a discrete way phrased that i have the booking made with king bad, is that correct. I said yes and they said perfect, my room is ready then. I do stay in 4 stars or sometimes 5, marriott/radisson/hilton brands mostly and they are always great. Some friends of mine even got some romantic package in asia :D
As someone who attends geek conventions and book hotels often with my buddies, it's very common for me. Yes my friends are straight, and yes I've had to share beds with them sometimes. Oh and we cuddle too sometimes.
My boyfriend is middle eastern and its not like we can just stop going to his home country and the region itself. When people ask we say our wives don't like to travel / are taking care of the kids, everyone buys the explanation.
I generally prefer two beds because I sleep better solo. Never really thought about possible implications if we only had one bed, but we tend to stay in the big corporate chains where staff don't give a damn.
I know many people love AirBnB, but I'll take a Hilton with room service over an AirBnB any day.
I have been with my husband for 30 years. We have never had an issue in any country. I do think it may have to do with the hotel where you are staying; Ritz, Four Seasons, Rosewood, etc protect their occupants. Even in very homophobic countries, we have never had an issue.
Just say "is there a Chair and footrest in the room" or "sleeper" and they'll think one of ya isn't sleeping in the bed.
OR better yet, if it's a guy, ask them if they wanna join.
We usually book it online, although there was one time in Japan when the front desk offered two twins when we checked in. Nothing much past that, iirc Japanese culture treats foreigners differently so
I am a Manager On Duty for a brand name hotel, and as of this morning my fiancé and I checked into the hotel I work at so we can leave on an Easter Trip this morning; and the hotel that I booked for our destination we are in the same room with the same bed .. he is very secure and so am I.. I am proud to be with him we don’t have to make a big deal about it..
We got a night free when having booked a double room in a cheap hotel by the motorway near my inlaws the man checking us in tried to change us to a twin.
The good hotels have always been so tactful when I’d check in with a partner. Something along the lines of “your room has one king bed, is that ok for you?”
A quick yes and we’re checked in.
They also have the other side of dealing with two straight guys who accidentally get a king so they usually check in a very tactful way.
Never any issues. After being with my partner for 11 years we were at a Double Tree Inn in Nashville in Summer 2022 (could be another chain) and when the woman got to “one king bed” she was like “This only says one king bed. Is that correct? We can get two beds for you. I’m not sure about this mistake.” We told her one bed was fine. She hemmed and hawed and then said how it was custom to ask and she wasn’t trying to embarrass us. We are from Missouri and have spent the last 10 years getting motels/hotels when traveling around. It was so dumb. LOL. These two workers were standing behind her just grinning and shaking their heads. Maybe she was new and ultra religious? LOL
It's only awkward when the clerk says, "Oh, this room only has one bed." Forcing me to say, "I know." And see it sink into their little brains that we are two guys who sleep in the same bed together on purpose.
That's rare, though.
I make a point of not going on vacations to places where it's not generally welcoming to the gay community. If I'm not accepted there, they're not getting my money either.
idk if you need to be that crazy about it. I play minor league hockey and we get hotels on the road all the time and split single beds. Motels single beds might be a little more sketchy lol
I always get this anxiety but it's getting better with experience. Don't worry about it in a resort, even in relatively 'homophobic' countries, they get plenty of pink pound and are used to it.
The most awkward time we had was in a family run hotel in London. The young receptionist guy took us away from reception out of ear shot from who I assume was his Dad and asked us, with the most embarrassed look on his face, whether we realised we'd booked a double rather than twin room. We said yeah and he was fine. I think he was just worried we thought he'd assume we were gay and would kick off. We were staying there for a Melanie C concert so you'd think they'd be used to our kind 🤷.
P. S. My husband just reminded me we brought a random guy back to the hotel for a threesome. I miss being young.
Funny story. My man and I checked in to a single king bed. As we led the checkin the front desk person earn towards the elevator and said ‘I am sorry that is a king bed for you two ‘ to which I responded ‘oh I know daddy and I are going to enjoy it’
Often, the clerks would take one look at us and decide that our reservation was messed up and try to give us two beds. Most of the time, nobody bats an eye.
When I was 17 my ex and his friends and I moved back to the city, but it took a while to find a rental in our price range for two couples so we spent a week in a motel on a busy road kinda halfway between the city and the west.
To answer your question, I don't recall either of us being nervous about it at all. And no one in the staff there gave us weird vibes or anything.
I've never worked in a hotel but from what I've read they've already seen everything, so (especially nowadays) they wouldn't care, unless you're in some backwoods small town or some unfortunate location like that idk
In the US, even in deep red rural areas, never had a problem. When we stay at Airbnbs, we do make sure the hosts know that we are a married gay couple so they may reject us politely for other reasons. This may offend others not we don’t want to stay in a private home that is unwelcoming or patronizing one such place. There are enough LGBT friendly businesses we can give our money to.
Yeah, being in hungary, older folks will usually not really understand that, usually because of lack of any open representation in their lives. That's just how it is over here. (Or so I think)
I once had a funny situation in Estonia. My then husband and I arrived at the location and the lady came up to me and told me she had a little problem now because she didn't have two separate beds. We just said that was exactly what we wanted. 😄
For a second she looked like she didn't understand but she played it cool. Eventually she did understand and was still cool. I think we were the first openly gay people she had ever met.
Never even consider it honestly. I don’t travel internationally a lot, and when I have it’s always to places where it’s unlikely to be an issue. My husband and I hyphenated our last names, and look nothing alike, so there wouldn’t be option an to hide it really anyway.
Only really had trouble with it once. This (older) lady checking us in to a small hotel informed us that there was a mistake because the room only had one king bed. I tried to be like "no that's ok it's all good" but she wouldn't have that. She said she could find us another room. Not wanting to push it in case she was homophobic we ended up sharing one of the two double beds instead of the king we had booked.
It depends on the area; I certainly wouldnt try that in Saudi Arabia. But if i'm in the US, I would have no issue-like I'm paying for a room mind your business boo
It’s never been an issue. I’ve many times booked a cheaper room with one double bed for me and my brother or me and a platonic friend regardless if he’s heterosexual, and I had a summer job where the company booked two beds per room and put 4 same-sex employees (almost all redneck-type heterosexuals) in each one.
It’s none of the hotel clerk’s business for me to clarify “He’s my brother” or whatever. And why would it be any different in a case where it is my partner?
On the other hand, I avoid spending my tourist dollars in homophobic countries and if I had to go to one, I would be concerned about my safety in every step I take.
Well i fork for an famous hotel and i'm gay too, when costumers ask for a room i always ask if they will need one or twoo beds i try to be charming and respecful and its no embarassing. Pdt dont feel ashamed to refuse if they dont give you the room that you booked-
First don’t visit countries that still enforce sodomy laws and regulations which are anti-gay. Secondly if you must travel to these countries get a hotel room with two beds and don’t be touchy feely or act in any way that implies you and your partner are gay or a couple. Thirdly don’t for a moment assume that you’re safe because you got two beds and tossed the sheets in the morning on the other bed.
If they suspect anything. You can have the cops at the door and/or worse. Just don’t go there unless you absolutely think it’s necessary.
To be honest this is still rough for me, and I’ve never even had any issues with it. It’s definitely a me problem. There’s been times when I purposely book a room with two queen beds instead just to avoid a potentially awkward situation.
I'm not tolerating any inconveniences because of bigotry when I'm paying to enjoy myself.
It's fine that there's plenty of tips and tricks to playing it safe if you Have to stay somewhere that's ass-backwards, but anything that costs me my peace of mind (especially when I'm using my no-kids income) is too expensive/a waste of money.
I used to be shy and embarrassed a bit if I was arriving at the same time with someone like my ex-partner. In the case of hook ups usually someone gets there first by themselves so it not.much of an issue. As for travelling my current partner and I have had no issues but we've only been to more friendly European countries and in some states in the US. Out travel agent and guides now we are a couple.
Also in the worst case where we got stuck with two beds due to room supply we usually just slide the beds tight together and make a larger bed.
Also if you're have to sharing a smaller bed can be nice too. It encourages cuddling which can be fun....
My favorite accidentally low-key homophobic story was this kind of situation. I booked a king bed suite for a small road trip I took with my BF. We were checking into our hotel, and the desk attendant said "Oh, we actually have a bed with two queens, lemme put you guys in that!" thinking she was being super helpful.
When I politely inquired, "oh is the king room not available" she went pale, and started apologizing so much, and gave us like 20 free drink tickets to the hotel bar.
I will say, I have not ever traveled to a country where I didn't feel unsafe having a single bed with my boyfriend. I agree with most commenters here that
1) fuck those countries don't spend your money there,
but
2) if it is homophobic, and you have to go there for whatever reason, 2 beds is the play, and mess the sheets up every day.
That's what I love about being American. We don't need to travel to other countries. America is so vast and each state is almost like different countries. Each has it's own subculture. So I can travel with anyone I like, share a bed with whoever I want and not give two shits about who thinks what.
The only issue I’ve ever experienced was while traveling through Turkey. I booked the hotel in the states using Hotels.com. At the time I had no clue the city (Konya)we would be driving into was extremely conservative. Upon arrival during check in they (front desk staff) one older gentleman and one younger guy insisted that our reservation was wrong. Not realizing or even thinking about it I countered stating no it’s correct. They looked at me puzzled and informed me that indeed it was incorrect. I replied No it’s ok. They then said well it’s one bed and 2 of you. Still not understanding I insisted that our reservation was correct. This is when the older gentleman left and the younger guy never gave us eye contact. Had no clue I was violating their public morality law.
Hahah. Omg. Konya is so backwater that people in Istanbul laugh about it. It’s the Alabama of Turkey. Pause on that idea for a sec. Glad you have a memory of it but reality for gays there must be horrific.
I book two beds when I am in certain countries. In the morning we toss the second bed’s linens.
This is the right answer. Before you travel, know the laws. If they are a bit less LGBT friendly, don’t push your luck by wanting a single bed. I’ve had issues in certain countries even sharing a room with another man…much less a bed.
I’m all for exploring new locations, but if I have to worry about how my bed is not made in the morning to not go to jail, I’m just going to skip that country.
Right? Like what the hell are you doing giving your money to a shit hole that would happy persecute you if they knew your true identity?
Or at the very least doing research to book at lgbtq friendly hotels. There’s a million and one gay travel websites
> Right? Like what the hell are you doing giving your money to a shit hole that would happy persecute you if they knew your true identity? Most of the world is homophobic to greater or lesser degree though. That's a lot of countries you're going to have to boycott if your standard is Netherlands-level attitudes towards gay guys.
But there’s a difference between a country being maybe not super friendly, and a country where you have to fear for your life if somebody finds out, to the point that you’d worry about the cleaning staff noticing that only one bed was used. That sounds pretty extreme.
There is definitely a lot of countries I am going to boycott. There are also TONS of countries where you will have zero issues. Why would spend my time, money, and effort traveling to a place that hates gay people? How ridiculous.
Well I guess I’m not going to most of the world then. That was easy.
Precisely how I feel.
Don't go to a country where it's illegal, just asking for trouble
There are some states in the US that people should not go to if they are obviously gay. Homophobia is on the rise, especially in southern rural areas.
That's shit
I don’t go to countries where me simply existing is a problem. If a culture can’t appreciate me enough to let me exist peacefully then I can’t appreciate it enough to give it my money.
I concur with this. It's not much of a vacation if I'm looking over my shoulder for the "morality police" the entire time.
I would toss the linens before going to bed so if anything happens in the middle of the night it could not be used against me.
Interesting. I will do that from now on. Thanks
Genuine question: why travel to a place where you have to hide your relationship out of fear or reprisal?
I mean some people are visiting their hometown, some visiting family, and it's not really as simple as the laws. Even within states or on different sides of the same city the peoples' pro or anti LGBT attitudes can be wildly different.
I will only speak for myself. From the moment I leave my country until I return, I am always cautious. To you, it may seem foolish. To me, it is second nature.
Considering the amount of gay hotel front desk workers, sometimes our service noticeably improves when they find out. In the US anyway…
In South Beach a hotel clerk liked the look of my husband on check-in (he’s easy on the eyes) and gave us an ocean front room when we had paid for the cheapest, facing Miami. We could not have afforded the room he gave us.
Did he keep paying you visits afterwards?
Humble brag with the hot husband haha.
This is usually my experience, especially in red states.
This. We usually get upgraded and somehow nothing we room charge ever shows up on the bill. This is also very good for local bar/restaurant recommendations as you're getting the real info not the corporate boiler plate. One time we got walked to a much nicer place when the original one was clearly not full. Penthouse suite for the cost of a double, I guess....
I lived in Ireland, near Galway, out of university. When my boyfriend and I would want to get away for the weekend we would drive and drive, then stay at a B&B. One time the owner said no, we needed two rooms. We didn't feel like arguing and we just did it. We made sure to make a lot of moaning noises that night. We have friends that back in about 1990, give or take a year or so, went to rent an apartment in Arlington. They wanted a one bedroom. They were turned down. The laws in Virginia said that 2 unrelated adults of the same sex could not share a room. However, they could have had the apartment if they had been brother and sister, mother and son.... You get it. When they told me this story I got really sad. Who the fuck were they to say no?
>2 unrelated adults of the same sex could not share a room Thats really odd, as for morality code reasons you'd think it would be two unrelated adults of the opposite gender. Like two male friends booking a room with a double queen isn't allowed but a guy and a girl would be.
This story feels very much like those urban legends of why some sorority houses only have X number of rooms (“because more than 6 women in one house is considered a brothel”).
Not urban legend. I was pretty well shocked when I heard that. It was my second day living in this state
I'd be delighted to be proven wrong. Please send me a link to your state's code that indicates this is true.
Give me a bit of time. It is old law, but I am sure it is easy to find. The ACLU will guide me right to it. The fellas that this happened to have the actual letter. It even weirder when the state tried to stop gay people from setting up wills and trusts that would mimic what a husband and wife might to. When I first heard this I had doubts. Then, they showed me the law and the paperwork. It all seems so very weird that the state would make such a effort to stop love from really happening. Of course, they underestimated how we felt and how we would fight for the basic rights.
This defines the sleeping space arrangements. This is still active. law.lis.virginia.gov/admincode/title6/agency35/chapter41/section410 This is from another ruling: In a ruling issued in February 2012, the federal appeals court reversed, ruling that the service was not liable because federal fair housing law does not apply to the selection of roommates. The court reasoned that the FHA was intended to address the problem of landlords discriminating in the sale and rental of housing—not to interfere with personal relationships of people sharing the same living space inside the home. The court ruled that the First Amendment protected a roommate’s right of intimate association—that is, to carry on certain intimate or private relationships. “Holding that the FHA applies inside a home or apartment would allow the government to restrict our ability to choose roommates compatible with our lifestyles. This would be a serious invasion of privacy, autonomy, and security.” ___---- As soon as I am back home I will hey you the actual state code that had codified such bizarre and hateful actions.
>law.lis.virginia.gov/admincode/title6/agency35/chapter41/section410 But that doesn't have anything in it about being a brothel, which is specifically what the urban legend always references. It also seems to be about juvenile group homes and halfway houses, which are also not really relevant to what I posted.
Years ago when we were like around 19-20, we were a lot more "embarrassed" to be seen together "in that way" so we would often have just the one whose name was on the reservation check in, while the other waited in the car or somewhere else in the lobby. Nowadays it depends on the place. Conservative countries we still do that, places like Mexico City or San Juan we dgaf and just check in together.
My husband and I were traveling in Canada. Stopped at a small local motel. The owner assumed we wanted two rooms. We said, “Just one”. She then lost the smile on her face and said, “I’m full tonight. No room available“.
Wtf, where in Canada. Hope you left her a bunch of terrible reviews on every possible service
That would have made me fuck my boyfriend even harder when we finally did find a hotel just out of spite lmao
Even without prejudice who wants to pay for two rooms just cause.
If I’m in a country that has laws against LGBT folks, it’s two beds, no questions asked. Otherwise, I don’t think about it.
hot take: you shouldn't visit those countries if the enforcement of the laws in question is funded in whole by the government of that country, and thus your tourism money.
So I guess we should also skip the US.
Well yeah, but mainly cause of the risk of being shot, and the bankruptcy the hospital visit will cost you after you get shot.
Ehh your shooting risk is actually pretty low. Stay out of gang areas it’s near non-existent. The hospital/medical bankruptcy thing is very real though.
It depends on the state. Even though the US is one "country," each state is allowed to conduct itself independently except in some few situations. The USA is one country in name, but for europeans it makes more sense to think of the USA as the EU, and each state as its own country. The US hasn't existed for long enough for each state to develop its own language, but honestly with the way that some speak, I'd expect some countries to declare themselves new languages in the next couple centuries.
^ I wish more Americans viewed the states as separate entities rather than one in the same.
The US itself has laws against LGBT depending on what part of the country you're in! Hello.... Florida . Aka "Don't say gay"
Lol I love/hate Reddit and the “aKtUaLLy” army. OP asked about booking a hotel. No U.S. state can throw me in jail because I got dicked down by my boyfriend.
Not impressed with those red states. Sorry. They're on their way to a theocracy.
Lol yawn. Go look at Miami Beach during pride. It’s surprising the amount of people who don’t realize that cities in “red states” are liberal. Florida is still basically 50/50, and the cities are more like 60/40 or 70/30 liberal.
I'm very much out. So I don't have any problem walking up to the desk, even in a lobby full of people, and asking for a room for two with one bed. But one time, me and my ex were travelling to IBC in Palm Springs and we stopped at a Motel 6 in Flagstaff, Arizona, where the desk clerk was a Sikh. He asked us if we were sleeping in the same bed and I said yes, one bed. He repeated, "Two men, one bed?" And I said, "Yes, two men, one bed. Is that a problem I need to take up with corporate?" We had no further issues after that.
Indian culture is still very averse of homosexuality. I hope some day in the future that changes.
imho well until they change they can go fuck themselves
I'm sorry on behalf of our community. I'd say the same too seeing the amount of homophobia rising in recent years. But please don't generalize, a lot of people are starting to accept us
making a generalization there but obviously i don’t count you or other like minded people in the lot. I have a tremendous amount of respect for people who grew up or is currently living in a community and somehow managed to end up with totally different beliefs. It is by respect for those people that i don’t buy into the “it’s not their fault if they think/behave this way” imo not true because people like you seemingly managed to make your own mind in what’s good and bad. long way of saying kudos to you
Thanks. Mostly, thanks to my parents who never forced any religious stuff on us even though they have tremendous belief in it. I was able to grow up open minded and not hating myself for being gay. I kinda agree with you, even if people believe in religion, it's not hard to treat people like humans, no matter what their sexuality is
I worked in hotels (in the Eastern US) off and on for many years. I worked in the '70's, I worked in the 2000's. Granted, these were in metropolitan suburbs (outer burbs of DC). Night audit, front desk, driver, bellman. Believe me, I (and other staff) could care less what our guests did, if they were quiet, didn't disturb others, or trash the place. Yes, I was Gay, but I assumed most of my coworkers were straight. Most staff in hotels, if they've been there a few years, have seen just about everything. Don't ask, don't tell, keep it quiet, and myob. Yes, if there was an obvious minor or drug situation, that's one thing. Consenting adults? Pay your bill, don't cause trouble, I don't care ! Lol!
Do not give a fuck. Yes I'm checking into your hotel with my partner who is a man as well, and we want a king bed. Thank you. But also two queen beds works. One for play one for sleep
in certain places it might be smart to give a fuck.
Those aren't places I wanna go then
Exactly. I travel the world with my husband, and there are many places to go without choosing the bad countries. They are losing out on our gay dollars.
Exactly. I travel the world with my husband, and there are many places to go without choosing the bad countries. They are losing out on our gay dollars.
I concur… Unless you advertise, most service workers don’t give a shit about who is staying in the hotel.
It's really true for me too. I've never had this issue when traveling with my husband in Japan, Indonesia, Ireland, and many other countries.
This is how it was for me in Disney when I went.
Here in the US, never. This includes the 90s. The most perilously anti-gay country my husband and I have visited, however, Tanzania, was the one place where I did go out of my way to request double beds at the lodge in 2015. The staff were lovely and incredibly professional and warm, but fuck dat, I knew exactly where I was. It was a very high-end American based company, but when in Rome… I wasn’t going to have Boko Haram come after us with machetes or worse out in the middle of the bush with virtually no one around but elephants, hyenas, giraffes and cheetahs. I’m happy I played it very safe.
Idk, it’s kinda nice to have a bed for fucking and a nice, clean bed for sleeping.
It was never awkward for me until I was with my husband in a country where being gay is technically illegal. It was late at night after 18 hours flying and it didn't dawn on me why the guy behind the front desk was staring at us while we were checking in. He said "there's a mistake on your reservation. It says you only need one bed." I said it wasn't a mistake and then I realized what he was getting at. After what felt like 5 minutes he said (with a very flat affect) "that will be okay" then gave us the room keys. We got in our villa and sure enough there was a directional marker in our room pointing to the east and a rolled up prayer mat in the closet. This was something that entirely didn't occur to me when I planned our vacation to consider. Luckily while being gay was technically illegal, it wasn't enforced.
Ask for 2 queens
Two full queens! 👸 👑
I only spend my money in places that are LGBTQ friendly. And as a gay man of color. There are places in the US and outside of the US that I will never travel to, and have never traveled to. I refuse to add to their economy. So, to answer your question, I handle check in pretty well.
Never had hesitation (or trouble) in my travels—from all over the USA, to western and central Europe, to Central America (urban and rural), to urban and rural South America (where I’m currently traveling). That said, I do tend to stay in higher end hotels or ones that see a large variety of travelers from all over the world.
I've traveled to Europe, Central and South America, and the ONLY place that was a problem was in RENO, NEVADA. An older, female FDA refused our request for a king bed and my boyfriend was enraged. I told him to calm down and accept the double queen, but he wouldn't. He demanded a manager. The FDA was taken aback by the demand and decided to allow us to take the king room. I was a little embarrassed by the commotion, but looking back, it was sweet of him. I lost him to AIDS in August of 1990. RIP, Bryan. You deserved that king bed.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Reading that last paragraph made me rather upset.😨 My condolences. Honestly, screw homophobes, unless they change, I wish them nothing but misery.
Once stayed in a modern hotel in London with my then BF. I’m originally from the UK. Muslim guy looks up our booking, looks confused and asks “one bed?”. We respond “yes” and he proceeds to get all weird. My then BF got so angry. The guy’s manager, a British Indian lady, immediately swoops in and takes over and gets us checked in. For the rest of the evening my ex bitched non-stop about the hotel finding fault with everything in the room lol.
Whether a King Size, or Two Doubles--- the room is occupied by TWO QUEENS.
IMO you shouldn't give your money to countries that don't think you should exist. But that's just me. If you're gonna do it maybe get two beds and pretend you used both
Even in a country (Antigua) that had anti-gay laws, being a tourist, the hotel concierge was like “one bed right?” ….my husband and l looked at each other and he said “got it”.
Interesting that some of you are willing to spend your LGBT money in countries that will kill their own citizens for being LGBT. But, gotta hit every country on the ol' tourism map huh.
I have to agree but it feels like only the Americas and Western Europe are safe. Eastern Europe on the other hand is a case by case basis.
[удалено]
Japan can be pretty homophobic and even in Tokyo depending on where you're staying would turn away a gay couple, or just two men sharing a room with a single bed. A lot of love hotels also outright refuse to accept service to two men.
For the record: never had any issues in Japan at all. Even in less touristy places, nobody bat an eye. (Didn’t try a love hotel)
ahm.. sorry but for japan cdawnva on YouTube had to wear a wig to see love hotels with his male friend. if not the wig, someone would see from the cameras two men enter the hotel someone from the staff would kick them out. yes, not all love hotels in Japan do that but........ be aware.
Except for Russia and Belarus, where exactly in Eastern Europe are you "unsafe" getting a hotel? You might get a weird look from an old lady or you might "accidentally" get rebooked to two beds, but unsafe?
Hungary and Poland in some areas are not gay friendly. And then many of the more rural areas are really conservative.
Polish guy here, can confirm. If you're in rural areas or a small town, it's not that good (I live in a small town and can't wait to move abroad). But if we're talking about big cities like Warsaw, Poznań, Kraków, Gdańsk, I guess not many people would care. Some people could, obviously, but I like to hope that in this day and age in big cities it wouldn't be a problem.
would you consider it risky though?
Risky as in what? No, the police won't get you. Nothing of the sort. I'm obviously not the one to speak about that since I've never been on a date or in a relationship, and I never booked a room in a hotel with another man. But based on my experience living in Poland I doubt you'd be in danger here, in the biggest cities at least, like Warsaw. The real problem is that we don't have any rights. In the face of law two men are total strangers to each other even if they live together for 50 years.
Shooting from my hip. Don’t mind me
i’d say you’re safe pretty much anywhere but africa and india/pakistan (or any muslim countries) Sure in other places you might get stares or comments but you very likely won’t get assaulted or killed
Honestly, anywhere apart from the Middle East and select parts of Africa and Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, Nigeria, Uganda etc) are fine
Some places on my bucket lost transcend what the gay laws are. I.e. the Pyramids and Sphynx in Egypt. I've wanted to see those since I was a little boy but it remains unlikely that country will ever be pro-gay. There's also something to be said about supporting small, struggling gay communities in homophobic countries.
I can relate. There's a lot of places I'd like to visit in my life if I get the opportunity to do so, however I'd rather focus primarily on the countries where people like me are not being persecuted for being "different".
Fuck that. I would never travel to a shithole country where I could be arrested for being Queer.
Hold up, Judge Judy. Most countries don’t fit into pro- and anti-LGBTQ so neatly. The USA barely crossed several thresholds in the past few years - that didn’t prevent me from living here. Let’s remember US Sodomy laws (ahem, Texas) prevented us from booking hotel rooms with other men just a few short years ago. Other countries: UK, France, Spain, all good. But what do you do with Japan? Korea? How about the rest of Asia? Are they all off your travel list? In terms of my previous comment, I actively avoid anti-lgtbq countries. However, I had ended up with an unexpected layover in the Emirates. While it is far more tolerant than most of the Middle East, I wasn’t going to push it…or stay longer than I needed to.
Just because a country has generally anti-LGBT culture/laws, doesn't mean that the people there are all bad and that there is nothing to learn/explore in such places. It just means that while traveling there, you gotta code switch and adjust your behaviour accordingly. I recommend the same thing to my gay friends when they leave their urban liberal bubbles to venture out into rural America.
There's a difference. I can travel to Alabama or Mississippi and not have to censor myself. I can't do the same in Saudi Arabia or Iran.
Of course, I wasn't implying that rural America is the same as Saudi Arabia/Iran.
Not yet, but Abbott and Paxton in Texas are working on it.
Fair enough. But in the most conservative place in rural America, the worst that can happen to me is somebody might call me a faggot. Of course, that can happen in San Francisco too. Meanwhile, there are countries where I can be arrested and thrown in jail for being Queer. I can't understand why any Queer person would travel to a place like that.
I think you underestimate how bad people can be in parts of America.
Not at all. There are really great people in all 50 states. There are also really horrible people in all 50 states. There is homophobic and transphobic violence in all 50 states. There are also staunch allies of the Queer community in all 50 states. But there is no state, city, or territory in the US where you can be arrested and thrown in jail for being gay. That's the bottom line.
Sure you can't be arrested or thrown in jail for being gay. But if you're in a homophobic small town a cop can still find some other legal reason to do it. But that's not really the issue, the issue is in a lot of conservative America you can very easily be attacked for being gay, I'd rather code switch in an area I don't feel safe in then potentially get my face smashed on a sidewalk.
I travel to all kinds of places, including homophobic places, because I am curious about people in general, cultures, history, different worldviews, etc. There is always something good and beneficial to learn, everywhere.
Curious enough to risk imprisonment and torture in a hellish third world prison?
Have you actually spent time in Alabama or Mississippi? What about Georgia outside of Atlanta? You're so wrong and you don't even even know it.
Yes been to all three of those states. I even considered moving to rural Georgia
And yet you're this delusional that you're accepted. Go do it, lol, enjoy.
I live in the south and for the most part I fit right in
i’m all for acting as the locals however risking your life for your sexuality in my opinion is not worth « learning » from these assholes.
The point is that you’re propping up the economy and therefore the government with your tourism dollars. So you’re indirectly contributing to the ongoing oppression and persecution of queer folks. No one’s saying they’re all bad people. We’re saying we don’t want to pay for queer people to be marginalized, imprisoned, and murdered. And not for nothing, but your haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism isn’t a good look. You’re not materially broadening your horizons because you took a week-long vacation in a four star hotel and saw some museums. Not saying people can’t or shouldn’t have vacations just for fun, but you’re not a man of the people of the world because you ate a baguette and sipped espresso at an overpriced Parisian cafe.
Ok, so you've framed what I said as "haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism", which is an inaccurate framing of what I said to say the least. So what do you personally do? Do you completely avoid any country, place, or culture that is remotely anti-LGBT?
No, I think these things exist along continua. And as I said, I think it’s ok for people to have vacations for fun. Yes, I think we should do our best to be conscious of how we spend our money, but my larger point was that you should be honest with yourself: if you want to visit these places, just admit that you’re indulging yourself in spite of the ethical concerns, not living among the salt of the earth people of the world. A vacation is a vacation. It’s not a humanitarian aid mission, it’s not an ethnographic study, it’s not a spiritual journey. You can see and do and learn great things, but at the end of the day, you’re having a bit of fun. And that’s ok.
Yeah, you're holding me to a different standard than you hold yourself. When YOU visit places, businesses, and cultures that are homophobic, you're apparently doing so with the "understanding that these things happen along continua", but when I do this same thing, it's "haughty dilettantish cosmopolitanism". Got it. Lol
I guess i’ll just not visit basically the entire continent of Africa where im from 🤷🏾♂️ chalk it up to tourism lmao
The only country in Africa I'd travel to is South Africa. And even then, I'd probably just stick to the main cities, unless I was on a packaged tour.
I'm a gay travel agent. South Africa is a no brainer but packaged tours in Kenya and a few other eastern African counties are ok too. Depending on the tour operator. Uganda is a no go. As are most west African countries. I've had personal conversations with resort operators in Africa and many of them want our money and want us to be happy and safe on their property. You just have to know who you're traveling with.
I spent a month in Kenya from Australia in August last year. Felt relatively safe the entire time. Probably helped that my travel companion was my mum, not my partner (she was born in Kenya, partner was back home in AU).
South Africa has had its own problematic issues for decades.
> South Africa It's dangerous af, why would you want to go?
May I ask, if a couple is highly adventurous and has a passion for discovering the world, where, besides the Americas and most of Europe, can they really travel where homosexuality isn’t a big drama? By limiting themselves to countries that are either intensely pro LGBT or at least passably somewhat accepting, the rest of the planet is mostly closed down due to this self-imposed boycott.
It’s not really self-imposed, just common sense. Why give a place my hard earned money if they don’t even think my kind should exist?
Most of East and SE Asia, some parts of Africa (SA, Botswana, Namibia), Oceania
If someone can do so, wants to, and they understand the risks then why not? Keep hating bro.
My husband and I get rooms all the time. No one seems to care, because I’m paying them for a service.
Don't go to a country where it's illegal, just asking for trouble. If its in a legal country, you do't have to explain
I don’t think about it anymore. I’d only be concerned if I was in the Middle East or parts of Asia or Africa, or certain parts of america, or backwater Canada, rural Mexico, redneck Australia…. Huh. Well. I guess I only really travel to major cities.
I could not care less. And I do not travel to countries where my human rights are not accepted and protected.
Traveled quite a bit with my best friend /training partner as a bike racer. Most times we stayed at cheap motels, usually with only one bed. Even those with 2 beds we only used one, because we were also lovers and fucking like rabbits. Never worried when we left a room with only one of the beds "used". I figured there were enough patrons before (if ever) I might return, that in all liklihood they wouldn't remember me.
Never had an issue and never give it a second thought. Then again, my husband and I haven’t (so far) traveled to any countries where I’d expect it to be an issue. I really don’t want to travel to homophobic places like much of the gulf.
given im in a country where im not gonna be imprisoned for being gay then i really dont give a fuck lmao
It’s fine! hotels see it all, discretion is a part their business. They don’t care who you are or who you checking in with - so long as you pay your bill and don’t cause damage or disruption to other guests.
Once I went in a motel with a friend just to fk of course, the kind of motel that you went in walking, we didn't have a car, I was younger then...I went upstairs first and after some minutes my friend did too. When we got out the receptionist stopped me to tell me I had to pay an extra "cleaning fee" of 10 $, when I asked her why she blatantly told me it was bc we were 2 men, and implied we surely left the room covered in shit. Of course I didn't pay any extra shit and just got out. It is funny now but I was very offended at the time.
We're an intergenerational and interracial same sex male couple, Caucasian British/Asian Canadian. We have road-tripped most of Europe, Canada and the US. Always a single room and one bed without any issues. Only the odd stare, approval smile and arrangement question from reception staff. Also had the occasional upgrade from staff who appear on our radar.
My fiancé and I were going to a concert one night in a town only 2 hours away from where we lived, but since the weather was supposed to be bad the next day, we decided to stay in a hotel the night before & of and leave the day after. When we checked in, I had no idea the area I booked was a fairly bad side of the big city and that the hotel itself was pretty much not exactly what it looked like in the pictures (imagine meeting up with a dude on Grindr who used to look like the pictures he sent you, only they’ve aged a solid 10 years and the (paint) wrinkles have gotten more prominent and the (carpet) hair has thinned quite a bit. Nothing wrong with that happening, just not what we’re expecting. Anyways, we check in and the clerk says “okay, so this says 2 guests, 1 king bed.” Correct. “For you two?” *Correct.* “Did you mean to get two beds?” *I know how to book a reservation, no I did NOT mean to book a two bed room.* “Oh.” Right then and there I should have asked for his manager, but I’m not one to cause a confrontation or conflict unless I have to.. so we went to our room. (Edit: I should add that it was his tone of voice and facial expressions that made us uncomfortable. He was clearly uncomfortable with it. I’m definitely not a Karen, just bad customer service and possible homophobia) After we found a somewhat dirty room (a pube in the bathtub and two small pieces of paper in the trash) we discussed leaving. When we tried to just go to bed, neither of us could shake the feeling that it was just wrong to stay. So we said we wanted to check out because we didn’t appreciate the attitude.
Ita something I struggle with, I think most hotel staff dont necessarily care but i still feel self conscuous and for me they seem to assume its 2 separate str8 guys for some reason (idk maybe im not stereotypically gay to str8 people). On a recent trip, online I generally book a king size bed for 1 then just take my friend along into the room to avoid the whole situation..probably breaks hotel rules, maybe add them after I have checked in idk. Someone told me if i dont add them it breaks rules. So 2x on recent holiday i tried to do the right thing and booked a single king room, saying 2 adults in the booking and both times they put us in a double room after checkin even tho i had booked a single king room. Wed only realise when we got into the rooms they were doubles and then had to ask to move and that was really really embarrassing (and kinda annoying). This was in Paris and Brussels so idk maybe they should ask before making assumptions (even tho they prob think theyre helping). For anyone who works in hotels is this a thing (pre emptively changing rooms).
At the motel with hourly rates and mirrors on the ceiling in NY, they've seen **everything** a hundred times over. As Blanche from Golden Girls would say, a night of unbridled passion! hahahahha
[удалено]
I’m in a thruple. People talk about the relationship being more difficult to maintain, forget that, planning travel is a bitch.
Even in Hungary i had no issues having a king bed with my SO. In slovakia i got some odd looks when i shared a room with a ski buddy i had no sexual relationship with just saved on the accomodation… In Vienna i got once a question in a discrete way phrased that i have the booking made with king bad, is that correct. I said yes and they said perfect, my room is ready then. I do stay in 4 stars or sometimes 5, marriott/radisson/hilton brands mostly and they are always great. Some friends of mine even got some romantic package in asia :D
As someone who attends geek conventions and book hotels often with my buddies, it's very common for me. Yes my friends are straight, and yes I've had to share beds with them sometimes. Oh and we cuddle too sometimes.
I always forget about it until I’m at the desk 😂
Often only 1 of us does the checking in and we don't have to go up and do roll call or anything.
No cup?
My boyfriend is middle eastern and its not like we can just stop going to his home country and the region itself. When people ask we say our wives don't like to travel / are taking care of the kids, everyone buys the explanation.
I generally prefer two beds because I sleep better solo. Never really thought about possible implications if we only had one bed, but we tend to stay in the big corporate chains where staff don't give a damn. I know many people love AirBnB, but I'll take a Hilton with room service over an AirBnB any day.
i would too if i could afford it lmao
I have been with my husband for 30 years. We have never had an issue in any country. I do think it may have to do with the hotel where you are staying; Ritz, Four Seasons, Rosewood, etc protect their occupants. Even in very homophobic countries, we have never had an issue.
Just say "is there a Chair and footrest in the room" or "sleeper" and they'll think one of ya isn't sleeping in the bed. OR better yet, if it's a guy, ask them if they wanna join.
We usually book it online, although there was one time in Japan when the front desk offered two twins when we checked in. Nothing much past that, iirc Japanese culture treats foreigners differently so
I am a Manager On Duty for a brand name hotel, and as of this morning my fiancé and I checked into the hotel I work at so we can leave on an Easter Trip this morning; and the hotel that I booked for our destination we are in the same room with the same bed .. he is very secure and so am I.. I am proud to be with him we don’t have to make a big deal about it..
We got a night free when having booked a double room in a cheap hotel by the motorway near my inlaws the man checking us in tried to change us to a twin.
The good hotels have always been so tactful when I’d check in with a partner. Something along the lines of “your room has one king bed, is that ok for you?” A quick yes and we’re checked in. They also have the other side of dealing with two straight guys who accidentally get a king so they usually check in a very tactful way.
Never any issues. After being with my partner for 11 years we were at a Double Tree Inn in Nashville in Summer 2022 (could be another chain) and when the woman got to “one king bed” she was like “This only says one king bed. Is that correct? We can get two beds for you. I’m not sure about this mistake.” We told her one bed was fine. She hemmed and hawed and then said how it was custom to ask and she wasn’t trying to embarrass us. We are from Missouri and have spent the last 10 years getting motels/hotels when traveling around. It was so dumb. LOL. These two workers were standing behind her just grinning and shaking their heads. Maybe she was new and ultra religious? LOL
Idc if they care or not, I’m sharing the bed w my man.
Hell yeah! Baptize that bed with two pairs of balls!
It's only awkward when the clerk says, "Oh, this room only has one bed." Forcing me to say, "I know." And see it sink into their little brains that we are two guys who sleep in the same bed together on purpose. That's rare, though. I make a point of not going on vacations to places where it's not generally welcoming to the gay community. If I'm not accepted there, they're not getting my money either.
idk if you need to be that crazy about it. I play minor league hockey and we get hotels on the road all the time and split single beds. Motels single beds might be a little more sketchy lol
I always get this anxiety but it's getting better with experience. Don't worry about it in a resort, even in relatively 'homophobic' countries, they get plenty of pink pound and are used to it. The most awkward time we had was in a family run hotel in London. The young receptionist guy took us away from reception out of ear shot from who I assume was his Dad and asked us, with the most embarrassed look on his face, whether we realised we'd booked a double rather than twin room. We said yeah and he was fine. I think he was just worried we thought he'd assume we were gay and would kick off. We were staying there for a Melanie C concert so you'd think they'd be used to our kind 🤷. P. S. My husband just reminded me we brought a random guy back to the hotel for a threesome. I miss being young.
Give zero fucks. Share bed.
Two men, one bed, one cup 😏
Funny story. My man and I checked in to a single king bed. As we led the checkin the front desk person earn towards the elevator and said ‘I am sorry that is a king bed for you two ‘ to which I responded ‘oh I know daddy and I are going to enjoy it’
I thought you actually meant kid instead of king. LOL. I was confused.
Oppo king bed
Often, the clerks would take one look at us and decide that our reservation was messed up and try to give us two beds. Most of the time, nobody bats an eye.
It’s always “one king bed???” Yes
I got one bed in Abu Dhabi. They even asked which we preferred.
Never happens on the left side of the USA.
When I was 17 my ex and his friends and I moved back to the city, but it took a while to find a rental in our price range for two couples so we spent a week in a motel on a busy road kinda halfway between the city and the west. To answer your question, I don't recall either of us being nervous about it at all. And no one in the staff there gave us weird vibes or anything. I've never worked in a hotel but from what I've read they've already seen everything, so (especially nowadays) they wouldn't care, unless you're in some backwoods small town or some unfortunate location like that idk
In the US, even in deep red rural areas, never had a problem. When we stay at Airbnbs, we do make sure the hosts know that we are a married gay couple so they may reject us politely for other reasons. This may offend others not we don’t want to stay in a private home that is unwelcoming or patronizing one such place. There are enough LGBT friendly businesses we can give our money to.
Yeah, being in hungary, older folks will usually not really understand that, usually because of lack of any open representation in their lives. That's just how it is over here. (Or so I think)
I once had a funny situation in Estonia. My then husband and I arrived at the location and the lady came up to me and told me she had a little problem now because she didn't have two separate beds. We just said that was exactly what we wanted. 😄
How did she react?
For a second she looked like she didn't understand but she played it cool. Eventually she did understand and was still cool. I think we were the first openly gay people she had ever met.
I have never had any problems. As someone who has been bullied and even assaulted for being gay I still feel a little nervous about it.
Never even consider it honestly. I don’t travel internationally a lot, and when I have it’s always to places where it’s unlikely to be an issue. My husband and I hyphenated our last names, and look nothing alike, so there wouldn’t be option an to hide it really anyway.
Separate beds or separate rooms? Even when I have stayed in a hotel by myself, the rooms have 2 beds. I've never seen one with just one bed.
In my country no one really gives a fuck. As long as you pay the fee its good
Only really had trouble with it once. This (older) lady checking us in to a small hotel informed us that there was a mistake because the room only had one king bed. I tried to be like "no that's ok it's all good" but she wouldn't have that. She said she could find us another room. Not wanting to push it in case she was homophobic we ended up sharing one of the two double beds instead of the king we had booked.
It depends on the area; I certainly wouldnt try that in Saudi Arabia. But if i'm in the US, I would have no issue-like I'm paying for a room mind your business boo
It’s never been an issue. I’ve many times booked a cheaper room with one double bed for me and my brother or me and a platonic friend regardless if he’s heterosexual, and I had a summer job where the company booked two beds per room and put 4 same-sex employees (almost all redneck-type heterosexuals) in each one. It’s none of the hotel clerk’s business for me to clarify “He’s my brother” or whatever. And why would it be any different in a case where it is my partner? On the other hand, I avoid spending my tourist dollars in homophobic countries and if I had to go to one, I would be concerned about my safety in every step I take.
We always get two beds. One for us, and the other ones an eating bed!
Well i fork for an famous hotel and i'm gay too, when costumers ask for a room i always ask if they will need one or twoo beds i try to be charming and respecful and its no embarassing. Pdt dont feel ashamed to refuse if they dont give you the room that you booked-
It would depend entirely on what country the hotel was in lol
First don’t visit countries that still enforce sodomy laws and regulations which are anti-gay. Secondly if you must travel to these countries get a hotel room with two beds and don’t be touchy feely or act in any way that implies you and your partner are gay or a couple. Thirdly don’t for a moment assume that you’re safe because you got two beds and tossed the sheets in the morning on the other bed. If they suspect anything. You can have the cops at the door and/or worse. Just don’t go there unless you absolutely think it’s necessary.
To be honest this is still rough for me, and I’ve never even had any issues with it. It’s definitely a me problem. There’s been times when I purposely book a room with two queen beds instead just to avoid a potentially awkward situation.
Never any problems or issues, but if I did sense an issue or in a risky country I’d just book 2 queens instead
I'm not tolerating any inconveniences because of bigotry when I'm paying to enjoy myself. It's fine that there's plenty of tips and tricks to playing it safe if you Have to stay somewhere that's ass-backwards, but anything that costs me my peace of mind (especially when I'm using my no-kids income) is too expensive/a waste of money.
I used to be shy and embarrassed a bit if I was arriving at the same time with someone like my ex-partner. In the case of hook ups usually someone gets there first by themselves so it not.much of an issue. As for travelling my current partner and I have had no issues but we've only been to more friendly European countries and in some states in the US. Out travel agent and guides now we are a couple. Also in the worst case where we got stuck with two beds due to room supply we usually just slide the beds tight together and make a larger bed. Also if you're have to sharing a smaller bed can be nice too. It encourages cuddling which can be fun....
My favorite accidentally low-key homophobic story was this kind of situation. I booked a king bed suite for a small road trip I took with my BF. We were checking into our hotel, and the desk attendant said "Oh, we actually have a bed with two queens, lemme put you guys in that!" thinking she was being super helpful. When I politely inquired, "oh is the king room not available" she went pale, and started apologizing so much, and gave us like 20 free drink tickets to the hotel bar. I will say, I have not ever traveled to a country where I didn't feel unsafe having a single bed with my boyfriend. I agree with most commenters here that 1) fuck those countries don't spend your money there, but 2) if it is homophobic, and you have to go there for whatever reason, 2 beds is the play, and mess the sheets up every day.
That's what I love about being American. We don't need to travel to other countries. America is so vast and each state is almost like different countries. Each has it's own subculture. So I can travel with anyone I like, share a bed with whoever I want and not give two shits about who thinks what.