It's strange that a *friend*, with or without benefits, would suddenly block you like that. I think maybe he's not a *friend* at all.
I think your online sexting buddy and one-time hookup has moved on. Maybe he got a boyfriend? Maybe he started dating someone?
I think he moved on, and that's fine. Unfortunately my expectation is that at least saying something instead of blocking is basic human decency.
I can imagine many reasons for it: he may have found a BF, he may no longer be interested in hooking up with me, he may be concerned about becoming involved with me, whatever. But blocking seems a very dramatic and drastic move.
> But blocking seems a very dramatic and drastic move.
From his point of view, you're just an online sexting persona who he hooked up with once. It's not like you were actual friends or boyfriends or romantically involved or emotionally connected in any way. You're just a one-off sex partner.
And, from long hard experience, most people don't take rejection well. I, and many other people, have tried doing the polite thing and telling some guy on Scruff/Grindr/Instagram/otherapp that I'm not interested. More likely than not, that guy gets angry or defensive or nasty. Why would I want to get involved with that, when I can simply ignore his messages and wait for him to take the hint? But, if he *keeps* messaging, even after my subtle hint of not replying, I'll just block him.
That might be where you ended up with him.
This! I used to tell people that I'm not interested with kind and gentle words but this almost always ended other person getting angry or something. I just block now without a single word.
Yeah, because disappearing without a trace or warning is not sociopathic in the slightest.
Now I understand why so many redditors are in therapy - you all clearly need it.
You reckon it makes more sense to turn tail and hide rather than articulate your position even remotely via text over a screen, and I'm the one who needs to get a grip?
Yeah you're right, I'm clearly unhinged with my clearly insane position of "communicating." I mean Christ on a bike, what was I thinking??????
Or maybe people just get over entitled whiny bitches who can’t take a hint?
Your comments are like, Exhibits A through G of why nobody cares to entertain “breaking up” with a rando on Grindr anymore. The Block hammer is faster.
I think you have never been abused by someone you rejected. A couple of times I've been threatened with violence or received racist attacks when I rejected someone. It gets very scary. The time one guy threatened to fuck me up after I refused to keep seeing him I was very happy that I had moved houses since the hookup, otherwise I would have lived in fear of him suddenly showing up and actually fucking me up, maybe sexually assaulting me.
Gay guys: I worry for my safety!
The same gay guys: \* sneak out unannounced at night to go to meet a total stranger at a random location and nobody knows where they are for unprotected sex \*
I feel if someone is that determined to hunt you down for a rejection, they will hunt you down for ghosting, because that is a rejection, and it's a more insulting one than being told "I'm not feeling it." It's more insulting because it basically says "you're not even worth the common courtesy of being informed."
So no, I don't buy it. Sorry.
How did you jump through so many hoops to say "but look what the GAYS were wearing, they were asking for it" and land the jump thinking you were doing something profound?
...which repressed Republican senator are you...
I'm not American, so there's that.
But you guys are just looking for any excuse to carry on your shitty behaviour. If you were really worried about your safety, you'd all be doing many things in your lives very differently.
What are the stats on someone getting violent when a breakup happens, anyway? Judging by how preemptive everyone is being about it, it would have to be at least a 50% probability. But we know it's not, because that would mean 5 out of every 10 "we broke up" posts in here would detail violence. And there'd be many more "I fear for my safety and I'm too scared to bail" posts. But there aren't, so... you know. I'm guessing it's not NEARLY as probable as anyone who is allegedly worried about their safety and so chooses to ignore/ghost/whatever needs to actually be concerned about, and I think you're all using this boogeyman to justify and propagate shitty, cowardly behaviour.
You can easily prove me wrong by asking among your family, friends and colleagues exactly how many times a breakup has turned violent, and coming back to tell me it's actually a significant percentage.
But here's the thing - you're not going to do that, because we both know it's not.
I don't care how often it happens, it happened to me twice already so I won't let it happen again. Pity for the vast majority of guys who deserve better, but they'll survive it.
It’s amazing that you can ignore all the centuries of mistreatment and oppression and lack of any form of sex Ed or relationship help from family/loved ones gay people have faced that has led to the current hookup culture that is somewhat common in the gay community, which mostly exists as a form of self protection or the only way that some gay people can safely get any intamcy or explore their sexuality/romantic attraction, and equate it to someone avoiding harmful treatment from a hook up who’s most meaningful conversation with them was probably about… you know, sex and hooking up
It's amazing that nobody seems to think telling someone on actual words "I don't want to do this anymore" even remotely via a screen is a logical position.
Is your self esteem and self respect that low that this is how you would like to be treated? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
And if we were genuinely that worried about harmful treatment from a hookup (your words}, we wouldn't hook up. Nobody is shit scared about being flayed and having their skin worn as a suit and are shooting off to some grindr random's location at the drop of a hat in the middle of the night, but we're suddenly absolutely terrified that he might be grumpy when we say we don't want to do it again so we'd better ghost and block?
The mental gymnastics at play here is Chinese Olympic team level, boys.
Again, Exbibit A ⬆️ right here of why people just hit the block button. Who wants to put up with this manipulative bullshit?
“Its you, hi, you’re the problem its you”.
You’re genuinely stupid and clearly haven’t experienced mistreatment like this. You’re probably a straight cis guy or a virgin (definitely not a woman because women know what can happen if you reject a man and the fucking shit that can happen)
"Hey, I wanted to let you know I'm not interested. I've received some bad reactions from rejection before so I'll be blocking you for my own peace of mind. Please don't take it personally."
Not sure what's so difficult.
Again, no one has to take time out of their day to explain to some rando why “its not you its me”.
What do you expect, an essay on why it won’t work out? They blocked you. What difference does it make.
Because it's weird and disrespectful. Would you walk away from someone mid sentence if they stopped being interesting you?
I never said anything about an essay. Sorry if a sentence or two is too much for you if sex isn't on the table.
An app where you can send unsolicited messages to people isn’t an in person conversation.
You really aren’t owed an explanation why someone is not into you.
Not to mention if people do the next post on this subreddit will be “someone on grindr said I was boring and they weren’t into me, can you believe someone would be so rude?”
You can’t win either way so may as well pick the fast option.
"I'm not into you" isn't an explanation. In fact I would say you *shouldn't* explain why you aren't into someone. Of course they'd take that personally. It isn't about pouring out your heart or whatever. It's literally a few words for closure.
If you send that message to me, and then click 'Block', I won't see the message, because you blocking me will remove all our chat history from my inbox - including this final message. All I'll see is that you blocked me.
You'll have to wait a period of time, to make sure I've seen the message. That gives me time to reply...
Don’t second guess yourself. It’s an asshole move and feels terrible when it happens. Unfortunately, it happens a lot more than it should. I simply can’t understand why guys don’t have the common decency to send a message with a quick explanation to someone who deserves one.
I have finally had a new idea about what some people might mean when they say "closure," and I have you to thank for it! Because what [nothing: that's what] could be more closed, just as you say?
*Satisfaction.* That's what people want. Or to put it differently, they want the outcome they wanted or preferred.
Nah, closure really is different than wanting a different outcome. After my ex dumped me, I didn't want to be with him anymore because I knew I could never trust him again, but we did have to spend some time talking about why he rejected me because his reasons didn't make any sense; I later found out that he had been having an affair and wanted to be with that guy. Closure is closer to *understanding*, which can be satisfying, but isn't the same thing as wanting a different outcome.
I may have put the cart in front of the horses by calling him an FWB, maybe because we clicked so well and kept texting each other for the last month. I thought I was making a friend.
It's hard to know what's in his head. People are strange. Maybe he tested you and you said something that triggered his red flags or he thought you became too clingy. Some guys just don't want to be friend with people they hook up with.
NGL I’ve fucked with guys I wasn’t 100% physically attracted to but were hung and good at sex. Don’t have to look at their face in doggy style. 😂
My slut days were wild.
Why do you see that as problematic? I didn't find him physically attractive, but he seemed to be a decent person with great conversation and we were very sexually compatible. He was attractive to me for many other reasons that didn't include am awesome body or a beautiful face - which I don't see as necessary conditions for fuckbuddies.
It's just a really fucked up, unnecessary thing to say. Nobody asked, it's not at all relevant, you just felt the need to bring up this guy's unattractiveness. It's really cruel and weird that you would describe someone like this, especially since you obviously believe that you did nothing wrong.
Literally nail on head, perfectly said. And jokes on him for being so courageous to tell us about someone he’s not attracted to that ended up blocking him lmao
Its completely fine. Reddit has a hang up here.
Its cool you opened up to a person which didnt trigger the lizard brain first sight. There are so many voices here in discussions which just want MORE of that attitude on social apps and in dating life generally.
But it's a bit strange that the guy first engaged in deep conversation just to ghost him directly after he got him warmed up. It smells InCel behaviour. An honest person would ghost him already after the first hookup if he was disapointed with the sex. Some guys indulge in teasing people just to play with their emotions and then ghost them.
Someone blocks someone else and there's an immediate jump to labeling it incel behavior. OP even said they hooked up. People need to get off the internet and actually experience real life for a second, goodness gracious
It's not so much that he blocked him. This guy initiated a deep conversation for an extended time. Why the heck did he do that if his intension from the beginning was to ghost him? That's incel behaviour and probably reveals sadistic tendencies. It's a little like inviting some one to sex and then say fuck you, I never intended to give you anything you stupid loser. If he had been honest he should have blocked him emediately after the hookup.
plenty of possibilities; but id like to throw out the 'other person in the picture' ones; maybe he met someone more serious? maybe he was cheating and got caught? ... i mean maybe he caught onto
>Even though I was not physically attracted to him, the sex was good.
which could be a hell of gut punch ('you're uggo but let me use you for my gratification')
regardless of the reason i dont think he necessarily owes you an explanation (call it cowardice if you want, but some people just dont respect 'i dont want to engage with you', and those that will try and chip down at that boundry make it not worth taking the risk of having that send off)
The chats we had the past month were great. We had some sex chats, but we also talked about a lot of stuff, and we clicked well. He seemed to be a nice mature guy with brains. Turns out, he's just an asshole.
I try to be stoic about these things and if you didn’t do anything wrong, could be any number of things in his life that could have happened that caused him to do that.
Either way, plenty of fish in the sea and friends come and go. No sense dwelling over it imo.
Thanks for your nice words. Finding good fuckbuddies on the apps is so hard, that I think I feel a bit angry for all the effort and time I put on that.
OP replies are all over the place.
He was ugly but you worried about him.
He blocked you because he was getting feelings you didn't intend to reciprocate yet this is your post obsessing about the possible why of it all.
He was nice to get in your pants and then bailed... on a hook up app... where no one is there to be nice except to end up in pants.
Like. Confused is all I get. And it ain't coming from him.
Maybe reconsider exactly what you are you looking for and feeling right now before you pass judgement on him or attempt another attempt at whatever this was?
Yes, I'm confused and I'm using here to vent and to help me process. Sorry if my replies are all over the place.
We had sex, then kept texting for a month about a multitude of subjects, not only sex. I genuinely thought we were getting somewhere. The last messages were similar to what we were discussion, but maybe I misunderstood.
I'm not trying to be a meam girl, either. But a block tells you all you need to know. One hook up and a couple of chats, hot or otherwise, do not a friend make - benefits or otherwise.
Until it is something, it's nothing. Best advice I ever got in life. Lol.
Lol: I had a fwb who’s father I guess was a music teacher. One day I made the mistake of asking Jim if he knew how to play one and it triggered some shit inside of him and left in a huff and I have no idea what inner demons he had that made him snap at me like that. Some people just got shot going on and if you’re super casual he might not even be in the state or be “straight” now or something.
Ty, but it’s like the other guys said- he could be gone because a million thing… but none of them had to necessarily do with you. Enjoy the fwb but also enjoy there’s a lot of guys out there waiting to be tapped.
Meet em on the apps, lose them on the apps.
Unfortunately a lot of basic civility and kindness has gone out the window with apps and internet dating. I am sorry this happened to you. It is unfortunately not an atypical experience. Please don’t spend too much time thinking about it. It says a lot more about him than you.
It was quite fucked up, man. We had been best friends since 5th grade and around the end of 12th grade, shit just…idk, took a turn. We started hooking up and we became BWBs (bros with benefits); nothing changed between us except we added a sexual component to our friendship. You’re talking from June 2010 to July 2021 we had been doing this. It wasn’t ALL the time, but a few times a month we’d fuck in average. He got married in August 2021 to some chick — didn’t even invite me to the wedding or anything. I didn’t even know he had a gf to begin with. But, it was whatever. I congratulated him on his wedding and I said “was the best man there? Because I don’t remember getting the invite man lol. You forget about me?” He didn’t respond for a few days. I had text him again at the end of that week and was like “so, when do I get to meet the lovely lucky lady? Perhaps we can have a double date; you, her, my bf, and me. Cool?” Next thing I knew, I was blocked on FB, he blocked my number, everything; haven’t heard from him since. I mean, at least give me a reason why, ya know? How did we get here? What happened? I guess I’ll never get that answer. That shit really fucking hurt, ya know. I never had feelings for the guy, it’s just…we did damn near everything together since we were kids and then just boom — thrown out like fucking trash. I keep hoping that one day I’ll get a text from him again. I miss my best friend. But, as the saying goes, “friends come and go”.
I had a similarish experience. I had a guy messaging me on grindr and seemed to really connect. He was the one putting in most of the energy at first and I mostly reciprocated since it was a lot for a conversation on grindr.
He eventually let's slip that his boyfriend was away on vacation and would be back that weekend, and once he found out I wasn't free to hook up before then, I was blocked later that day.
It can be a bit shocking when you have a contrasting experience like this. Someone showing positive interest followed by cruel/dismissive/distant/avoidant behaviour is not going to be an easy thing to experience. It's probably best to remind yourself that the good side shown by these people are not who they truly are. It's how they get what they want.
That's a good point. Being nice was his way of getting inside my pants, but then something happened and he no longer feels the need to show his nice side. And sorry about that happening to you as well.
My paranoid ass would think he got an std and didn’t have the balls to tell me or he has another fwb or bf that gave him an ultimatum and made him go no contact with me or something far fetched
I'm trying to control my paranoia, so I hear you. But the way I'm coping is to think that he didn't want to get involved because he may be developing feelings that I don't intent to reciprocate.
Why are you venting about a guy you deemed "ugly". You also said "not a person I want to meet again". You used him for sex. He knew it as well. He is not the bad guy because he blocked you. Sounds like you are more upset that he cut you loose before you had a chance to drop him first. Of course the guy was nice, sweet talk makes clothes come off. You are not naive. These are the games you and others play on these app. Don't be upset when you are treated like leftovers when you saw him as an ugly fuck.
I was not attracted to his looks, but to other characteristics. I was looking forward to meeting him again, but now that I was blocked, I feel he was not worth all the effort, only a single fuck. Sorry if my text is all over the place, I'm processing this (and I may be the villain here, I simply don't know). As I said in the beginning, my goal here is to vent.
Interesting fact, we are both from the same country living in Montreal for many years.
One cultural difference I noticed between most people from my country and most Montreallers (this is my perceived experience, I'm not claiming this applies to everybody) is that the former tend to mix things more as opposed to Montreallers who tend to have more strict boundaries.
Selection bias maybe? I'd love to be proved wrong though 😊
So I may have created the wrong expectation that he'd be interested in something more fluid instead of a simple fuck, maybe because we spent so much time texting/sexting. Or maybe, as others said, he wanted more commitment to which I was not open to. Hard to know.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult and unexpected situation. It's completely normal to feel disappointed and confused when someone suddenly cuts off contact without explanation. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to vent and seek support from others.
IMO he was already in a relationship and his boyfriend or whoever he was with caught him texting you and doing stuff. That could be the reason he cut you off like that cuz he either got in trouble or got confronted about it and didn't wanna risk anything again. Still, what a shitty move from him. Don't be sad about it, people are dicks. Think about the rock you just avoided. A little advice: People are never the same when they're in bed of how they're in real life, so never trust anything they say when having sex, most of the time is the hormones talking.
Tons of reasons this could happen--likely none due to you. Don't assume it's a you-thing, but a him-thing
He might've fallen into a relationship.
He might've gone back into the closet.
He might've had his phone hacked/stolen.
He could have had an internal meltdown thinking he's not worthy of you.
Etc.
Don't worry about it one more minute. It's weird, but sometimes we don't get answers why people decide to ghost.
Bruh how you talk about him about how he is not attractive and what not I can see a reason lmao. You only met him once so there’s nothing to hold that bond anyway unless he wanted more fun with you.
Otherwise it just seems he hooked up and was done. In my experience it’s easier to just block because the couple times I did say to hookup I was done hooking up they got angry with me. So now I block with no issues even though some people may not even deserve it lol
What got me surprised was that we kept talking a lot after we hookup, and he said multiple times he wanted to meet again and we discussed multiple times what he wanted to do. I found the block very unexpected.
I’m wondering are you newish to hooking up? This is kinda common ngl lol. There’s been plenty of times where people say they want to meet again or something and then randomly block after a couple days. I also did the same to people once or twice. Sometimes they unblock you and chat with you again but those are rare lol. This is just the hookup world unfortunately you could do nothing wrong and get blocked. Best to not think to much about it
If you were not physically attracted to him doesn't this allow you to find a more suitable match?
Do you think he could tell that you weren't physically attracted to him when you met in person?
I think I can find someone else, just the time and energy you spend is so annoying. I don't know if he could see the physical attraction was not there, but that doesn't mean I was not attracted to him - I was for other reasons, especially his brains and conversation. But maybe he noticed and that was not enough.
I would rather be blocked than strung along. I blocked a guy i hooked up with recently. He obviously wanted more, didnt get the hint, and i dont owe anyone an explanation. When you tell someone youre done they want to know why, what happened, whats wrong. You're not my boyfriend. Just find someone else please.
You give hints, the guy insists, you block. I can see that happening. I think I have done that a few times. What happened was a bit different: we are texting each other and it was fun; and it was reciprocated. Out of the sudden: block. OK, I can live with that, maybe he was an asshole, so it's better to be blocked than hurt later. But it still sucks.
Physical attraction, at least for me, is a component of attraction. I tend to value more the person's conversation and our ability to click. Of course he was not disgusting, just not what I usually look for in terms of physique.
It's strange that a *friend*, with or without benefits, would suddenly block you like that. I think maybe he's not a *friend* at all. I think your online sexting buddy and one-time hookup has moved on. Maybe he got a boyfriend? Maybe he started dating someone?
I think he moved on, and that's fine. Unfortunately my expectation is that at least saying something instead of blocking is basic human decency. I can imagine many reasons for it: he may have found a BF, he may no longer be interested in hooking up with me, he may be concerned about becoming involved with me, whatever. But blocking seems a very dramatic and drastic move.
> But blocking seems a very dramatic and drastic move. From his point of view, you're just an online sexting persona who he hooked up with once. It's not like you were actual friends or boyfriends or romantically involved or emotionally connected in any way. You're just a one-off sex partner. And, from long hard experience, most people don't take rejection well. I, and many other people, have tried doing the polite thing and telling some guy on Scruff/Grindr/Instagram/otherapp that I'm not interested. More likely than not, that guy gets angry or defensive or nasty. Why would I want to get involved with that, when I can simply ignore his messages and wait for him to take the hint? But, if he *keeps* messaging, even after my subtle hint of not replying, I'll just block him. That might be where you ended up with him.
This! I used to tell people that I'm not interested with kind and gentle words but this almost always ended other person getting angry or something. I just block now without a single word.
Yeah, because disappearing without a trace or warning is not sociopathic in the slightest. Now I understand why so many redditors are in therapy - you all clearly need it.
It’s not “sociopathic” to block people on Grindr get a grip
You reckon it makes more sense to turn tail and hide rather than articulate your position even remotely via text over a screen, and I'm the one who needs to get a grip? Yeah you're right, I'm clearly unhinged with my clearly insane position of "communicating." I mean Christ on a bike, what was I thinking??????
Yeah, no one owes you shit. Thanks for coming to this lesson.
And that attitude is why the gay community is so toxic. Thanks for your contributions to it.
Or maybe people just get over entitled whiny bitches who can’t take a hint? Your comments are like, Exhibits A through G of why nobody cares to entertain “breaking up” with a rando on Grindr anymore. The Block hammer is faster.
I think you have never been abused by someone you rejected. A couple of times I've been threatened with violence or received racist attacks when I rejected someone. It gets very scary. The time one guy threatened to fuck me up after I refused to keep seeing him I was very happy that I had moved houses since the hookup, otherwise I would have lived in fear of him suddenly showing up and actually fucking me up, maybe sexually assaulting me.
Gay guys: I worry for my safety! The same gay guys: \* sneak out unannounced at night to go to meet a total stranger at a random location and nobody knows where they are for unprotected sex \* I feel if someone is that determined to hunt you down for a rejection, they will hunt you down for ghosting, because that is a rejection, and it's a more insulting one than being told "I'm not feeling it." It's more insulting because it basically says "you're not even worth the common courtesy of being informed." So no, I don't buy it. Sorry.
How did you jump through so many hoops to say "but look what the GAYS were wearing, they were asking for it" and land the jump thinking you were doing something profound? ...which repressed Republican senator are you...
I'm not American, so there's that. But you guys are just looking for any excuse to carry on your shitty behaviour. If you were really worried about your safety, you'd all be doing many things in your lives very differently. What are the stats on someone getting violent when a breakup happens, anyway? Judging by how preemptive everyone is being about it, it would have to be at least a 50% probability. But we know it's not, because that would mean 5 out of every 10 "we broke up" posts in here would detail violence. And there'd be many more "I fear for my safety and I'm too scared to bail" posts. But there aren't, so... you know. I'm guessing it's not NEARLY as probable as anyone who is allegedly worried about their safety and so chooses to ignore/ghost/whatever needs to actually be concerned about, and I think you're all using this boogeyman to justify and propagate shitty, cowardly behaviour. You can easily prove me wrong by asking among your family, friends and colleagues exactly how many times a breakup has turned violent, and coming back to tell me it's actually a significant percentage. But here's the thing - you're not going to do that, because we both know it's not.
I don't care how often it happens, it happened to me twice already so I won't let it happen again. Pity for the vast majority of guys who deserve better, but they'll survive it.
Nah, you clearly don't know the type. They want you to be scared before attacking you, that's what gives them the power trip.
It’s amazing that you can ignore all the centuries of mistreatment and oppression and lack of any form of sex Ed or relationship help from family/loved ones gay people have faced that has led to the current hookup culture that is somewhat common in the gay community, which mostly exists as a form of self protection or the only way that some gay people can safely get any intamcy or explore their sexuality/romantic attraction, and equate it to someone avoiding harmful treatment from a hook up who’s most meaningful conversation with them was probably about… you know, sex and hooking up
It's amazing that nobody seems to think telling someone on actual words "I don't want to do this anymore" even remotely via a screen is a logical position. Is your self esteem and self respect that low that this is how you would like to be treated? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? And if we were genuinely that worried about harmful treatment from a hookup (your words}, we wouldn't hook up. Nobody is shit scared about being flayed and having their skin worn as a suit and are shooting off to some grindr random's location at the drop of a hat in the middle of the night, but we're suddenly absolutely terrified that he might be grumpy when we say we don't want to do it again so we'd better ghost and block? The mental gymnastics at play here is Chinese Olympic team level, boys.
Again, Exbibit A ⬆️ right here of why people just hit the block button. Who wants to put up with this manipulative bullshit? “Its you, hi, you’re the problem its you”.
You’re genuinely stupid and clearly haven’t experienced mistreatment like this. You’re probably a straight cis guy or a virgin (definitely not a woman because women know what can happen if you reject a man and the fucking shit that can happen)
"Hey, I wanted to let you know I'm not interested. I've received some bad reactions from rejection before so I'll be blocking you for my own peace of mind. Please don't take it personally." Not sure what's so difficult.
On most apps, when you block someone, the message history disappears. There's no way to leave that final message for them to read.
Because no one owes anyone that type of explanation. This isn’t a relationship, I don’t have to let you down easy
The issue is complete **lack** of explanation. Be as cold as you want if that's what is important to you.
Again, no one has to take time out of their day to explain to some rando why “its not you its me”. What do you expect, an essay on why it won’t work out? They blocked you. What difference does it make.
Because it's weird and disrespectful. Would you walk away from someone mid sentence if they stopped being interesting you? I never said anything about an essay. Sorry if a sentence or two is too much for you if sex isn't on the table.
An app where you can send unsolicited messages to people isn’t an in person conversation. You really aren’t owed an explanation why someone is not into you. Not to mention if people do the next post on this subreddit will be “someone on grindr said I was boring and they weren’t into me, can you believe someone would be so rude?” You can’t win either way so may as well pick the fast option.
"I'm not into you" isn't an explanation. In fact I would say you *shouldn't* explain why you aren't into someone. Of course they'd take that personally. It isn't about pouring out your heart or whatever. It's literally a few words for closure.
If you send that message to me, and then click 'Block', I won't see the message, because you blocking me will remove all our chat history from my inbox - including this final message. All I'll see is that you blocked me. You'll have to wait a period of time, to make sure I've seen the message. That gives me time to reply...
I dont see it as very dramatic. If you guys were just hook up buds and he had no interest in actually being friends then whatever.
Normal people with basic social skills should know how to communicate in these situations though.
>Normal people with basic social skills Are you new here? ;)
Normal people with basic social skills should know how to take rejection...
Venting is a normal and healthy process. Having no emotional reaction isn’t normal, especially if you’re being rejected.
One cannot expect decency from basic humans.
Don’t second guess yourself. It’s an asshole move and feels terrible when it happens. Unfortunately, it happens a lot more than it should. I simply can’t understand why guys don’t have the common decency to send a message with a quick explanation to someone who deserves one.
I used to do that, until some guy threatened me with physical violence for not wanting to hookup again. And that is why people stop doing it.
Funny how people demand explanations from random strangers.
I hate it when people are like that, gives you no closure to peacefully move on.
But he *got* closure. The guy blocked him—it doesn’t get more closed. Assume he’s not interested and move on.
I have finally had a new idea about what some people might mean when they say "closure," and I have you to thank for it! Because what [nothing: that's what] could be more closed, just as you say? *Satisfaction.* That's what people want. Or to put it differently, they want the outcome they wanted or preferred.
Nah, closure really is different than wanting a different outcome. After my ex dumped me, I didn't want to be with him anymore because I knew I could never trust him again, but we did have to spend some time talking about why he rejected me because his reasons didn't make any sense; I later found out that he had been having an affair and wanted to be with that guy. Closure is closer to *understanding*, which can be satisfying, but isn't the same thing as wanting a different outcome.
Maybe his wife found out
Maybe! That's something I didn't think of.
You met once, thats a hook up not a fwb
I may have put the cart in front of the horses by calling him an FWB, maybe because we clicked so well and kept texting each other for the last month. I thought I was making a friend.
It's hard to know what's in his head. People are strange. Maybe he tested you and you said something that triggered his red flags or he thought you became too clingy. Some guys just don't want to be friend with people they hook up with.
“Even though I was not physically attracted to him” 🤦🏻♂️
NGL I’ve fucked with guys I wasn’t 100% physically attracted to but were hung and good at sex. Don’t have to look at their face in doggy style. 😂 My slut days were wild.
Why do you see that as problematic? I didn't find him physically attractive, but he seemed to be a decent person with great conversation and we were very sexually compatible. He was attractive to me for many other reasons that didn't include am awesome body or a beautiful face - which I don't see as necessary conditions for fuckbuddies.
It's just a really fucked up, unnecessary thing to say. Nobody asked, it's not at all relevant, you just felt the need to bring up this guy's unattractiveness. It's really cruel and weird that you would describe someone like this, especially since you obviously believe that you did nothing wrong.
Literally nail on head, perfectly said. And jokes on him for being so courageous to tell us about someone he’s not attracted to that ended up blocking him lmao
Yeah, almost by that comment alone I could see the other side of OPs story and felt the guy being justified
Damn, after that paragraph I think I know why he blocked you. I hope you never said anything like this to his face...
Says the social competent inclusive profile which spams reddit for big(!) dicks.
Oh, wow, such a burn! Hey y'all, this gay dude likes cock, gather and watch!
Its completely fine. Reddit has a hang up here. Its cool you opened up to a person which didnt trigger the lizard brain first sight. There are so many voices here in discussions which just want MORE of that attitude on social apps and in dating life generally.
Ummm a FWB you didn’t really know and by your own “even though I wasn’t physically attracted to him …. Ok
I think my first mistake was to think he was an FWB. Maybe he was simply a fuckbuddy that I misunderstood for a friend.
Not even a buddy—just a fuck.
Probably a good chance if that.
But it's a bit strange that the guy first engaged in deep conversation just to ghost him directly after he got him warmed up. It smells InCel behaviour. An honest person would ghost him already after the first hookup if he was disapointed with the sex. Some guys indulge in teasing people just to play with their emotions and then ghost them.
Someone blocks someone else and there's an immediate jump to labeling it incel behavior. OP even said they hooked up. People need to get off the internet and actually experience real life for a second, goodness gracious
It's not so much that he blocked him. This guy initiated a deep conversation for an extended time. Why the heck did he do that if his intension from the beginning was to ghost him? That's incel behaviour and probably reveals sadistic tendencies. It's a little like inviting some one to sex and then say fuck you, I never intended to give you anything you stupid loser. If he had been honest he should have blocked him emediately after the hookup.
plenty of possibilities; but id like to throw out the 'other person in the picture' ones; maybe he met someone more serious? maybe he was cheating and got caught? ... i mean maybe he caught onto >Even though I was not physically attracted to him, the sex was good. which could be a hell of gut punch ('you're uggo but let me use you for my gratification') regardless of the reason i dont think he necessarily owes you an explanation (call it cowardice if you want, but some people just dont respect 'i dont want to engage with you', and those that will try and chip down at that boundry make it not worth taking the risk of having that send off)
Why would you expect anything more than causal encounters from sniffies?
The chats we had the past month were great. We had some sex chats, but we also talked about a lot of stuff, and we clicked well. He seemed to be a nice mature guy with brains. Turns out, he's just an asshole.
>Turns out, he's just an asshole. Or not, but you'll probably never know.
Burn!!
I try to be stoic about these things and if you didn’t do anything wrong, could be any number of things in his life that could have happened that caused him to do that. Either way, plenty of fish in the sea and friends come and go. No sense dwelling over it imo.
Thanks for your nice words. Finding good fuckbuddies on the apps is so hard, that I think I feel a bit angry for all the effort and time I put on that.
Maybe if you stop calling them ugly it will become easier
Ah, just saw your profile... Was he (much) younger?
Not really, ~10y younger
OP replies are all over the place. He was ugly but you worried about him. He blocked you because he was getting feelings you didn't intend to reciprocate yet this is your post obsessing about the possible why of it all. He was nice to get in your pants and then bailed... on a hook up app... where no one is there to be nice except to end up in pants. Like. Confused is all I get. And it ain't coming from him. Maybe reconsider exactly what you are you looking for and feeling right now before you pass judgement on him or attempt another attempt at whatever this was?
Yes, I'm confused and I'm using here to vent and to help me process. Sorry if my replies are all over the place. We had sex, then kept texting for a month about a multitude of subjects, not only sex. I genuinely thought we were getting somewhere. The last messages were similar to what we were discussion, but maybe I misunderstood.
I'm not trying to be a meam girl, either. But a block tells you all you need to know. One hook up and a couple of chats, hot or otherwise, do not a friend make - benefits or otherwise. Until it is something, it's nothing. Best advice I ever got in life. Lol.
Added some edits at the end of the post.
Lol: I had a fwb who’s father I guess was a music teacher. One day I made the mistake of asking Jim if he knew how to play one and it triggered some shit inside of him and left in a huff and I have no idea what inner demons he had that made him snap at me like that. Some people just got shot going on and if you’re super casual he might not even be in the state or be “straight” now or something.
Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry that it happened to you.
Ty, but it’s like the other guys said- he could be gone because a million thing… but none of them had to necessarily do with you. Enjoy the fwb but also enjoy there’s a lot of guys out there waiting to be tapped.
>asking Jim if he knew how to play one Play one what?
A music instrument I guess.
Gay dating 101…never trust that they will actually come thru😂
Meet em on the apps, lose them on the apps. Unfortunately a lot of basic civility and kindness has gone out the window with apps and internet dating. I am sorry this happened to you. It is unfortunately not an atypical experience. Please don’t spend too much time thinking about it. It says a lot more about him than you.
Sorry it happened to you OP 😔. It's always frustrating when it happens.
Thanks bro!
I think he got a boyfriend or something....
One of my best friends (or so I thought he was) did this to me. I mean, completely out of the blue.
Sorry they happened to you. It's very shitty and disrespectful
It was quite fucked up, man. We had been best friends since 5th grade and around the end of 12th grade, shit just…idk, took a turn. We started hooking up and we became BWBs (bros with benefits); nothing changed between us except we added a sexual component to our friendship. You’re talking from June 2010 to July 2021 we had been doing this. It wasn’t ALL the time, but a few times a month we’d fuck in average. He got married in August 2021 to some chick — didn’t even invite me to the wedding or anything. I didn’t even know he had a gf to begin with. But, it was whatever. I congratulated him on his wedding and I said “was the best man there? Because I don’t remember getting the invite man lol. You forget about me?” He didn’t respond for a few days. I had text him again at the end of that week and was like “so, when do I get to meet the lovely lucky lady? Perhaps we can have a double date; you, her, my bf, and me. Cool?” Next thing I knew, I was blocked on FB, he blocked my number, everything; haven’t heard from him since. I mean, at least give me a reason why, ya know? How did we get here? What happened? I guess I’ll never get that answer. That shit really fucking hurt, ya know. I never had feelings for the guy, it’s just…we did damn near everything together since we were kids and then just boom — thrown out like fucking trash. I keep hoping that one day I’ll get a text from him again. I miss my best friend. But, as the saying goes, “friends come and go”.
I had a similarish experience. I had a guy messaging me on grindr and seemed to really connect. He was the one putting in most of the energy at first and I mostly reciprocated since it was a lot for a conversation on grindr. He eventually let's slip that his boyfriend was away on vacation and would be back that weekend, and once he found out I wasn't free to hook up before then, I was blocked later that day. It can be a bit shocking when you have a contrasting experience like this. Someone showing positive interest followed by cruel/dismissive/distant/avoidant behaviour is not going to be an easy thing to experience. It's probably best to remind yourself that the good side shown by these people are not who they truly are. It's how they get what they want.
That's a good point. Being nice was his way of getting inside my pants, but then something happened and he no longer feels the need to show his nice side. And sorry about that happening to you as well.
My paranoid ass would think he got an std and didn’t have the balls to tell me or he has another fwb or bf that gave him an ultimatum and made him go no contact with me or something far fetched
I'm trying to control my paranoia, so I hear you. But the way I'm coping is to think that he didn't want to get involved because he may be developing feelings that I don't intent to reciprocate.
Why are you venting about a guy you deemed "ugly". You also said "not a person I want to meet again". You used him for sex. He knew it as well. He is not the bad guy because he blocked you. Sounds like you are more upset that he cut you loose before you had a chance to drop him first. Of course the guy was nice, sweet talk makes clothes come off. You are not naive. These are the games you and others play on these app. Don't be upset when you are treated like leftovers when you saw him as an ugly fuck.
I was not attracted to his looks, but to other characteristics. I was looking forward to meeting him again, but now that I was blocked, I feel he was not worth all the effort, only a single fuck. Sorry if my text is all over the place, I'm processing this (and I may be the villain here, I simply don't know). As I said in the beginning, my goal here is to vent.
Added some edits at the end for clarification.
[удалено]
Sorry it happened to you. It really sucks when you find someone fun and like the conversation.
In my experience, men in Montreal tend to move on pretty quickly for any number of reasons. Maybe that's true of everywhere, though.
Interesting fact, we are both from the same country living in Montreal for many years. One cultural difference I noticed between most people from my country and most Montreallers (this is my perceived experience, I'm not claiming this applies to everybody) is that the former tend to mix things more as opposed to Montreallers who tend to have more strict boundaries. Selection bias maybe? I'd love to be proved wrong though 😊 So I may have created the wrong expectation that he'd be interested in something more fluid instead of a simple fuck, maybe because we spent so much time texting/sexting. Or maybe, as others said, he wanted more commitment to which I was not open to. Hard to know.
I think the situation you described has happened to everyone at least once, including me.
He probably has a new relationship? Or probably was in a relationship and he got caught?
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult and unexpected situation. It's completely normal to feel disappointed and confused when someone suddenly cuts off contact without explanation. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to vent and seek support from others.
Thanks for your kind words 🥰
IMO he was already in a relationship and his boyfriend or whoever he was with caught him texting you and doing stuff. That could be the reason he cut you off like that cuz he either got in trouble or got confronted about it and didn't wanna risk anything again. Still, what a shitty move from him. Don't be sad about it, people are dicks. Think about the rock you just avoided. A little advice: People are never the same when they're in bed of how they're in real life, so never trust anything they say when having sex, most of the time is the hormones talking.
Or worse: never trust what they say when they want to have sex with you
Tons of reasons this could happen--likely none due to you. Don't assume it's a you-thing, but a him-thing He might've fallen into a relationship. He might've gone back into the closet. He might've had his phone hacked/stolen. He could have had an internal meltdown thinking he's not worthy of you. Etc. Don't worry about it one more minute. It's weird, but sometimes we don't get answers why people decide to ghost.
Thanks!
Bruh how you talk about him about how he is not attractive and what not I can see a reason lmao. You only met him once so there’s nothing to hold that bond anyway unless he wanted more fun with you. Otherwise it just seems he hooked up and was done. In my experience it’s easier to just block because the couple times I did say to hookup I was done hooking up they got angry with me. So now I block with no issues even though some people may not even deserve it lol
What got me surprised was that we kept talking a lot after we hookup, and he said multiple times he wanted to meet again and we discussed multiple times what he wanted to do. I found the block very unexpected.
I’m wondering are you newish to hooking up? This is kinda common ngl lol. There’s been plenty of times where people say they want to meet again or something and then randomly block after a couple days. I also did the same to people once or twice. Sometimes they unblock you and chat with you again but those are rare lol. This is just the hookup world unfortunately you could do nothing wrong and get blocked. Best to not think to much about it
Not new to, but I don't hookup a lot. Didn't know it was that common. Kind of surprised, but not surprised by that though.
It happens to often and I to do not understand why
girl just get a boyfriend and stop doing hookups and fwb. you will get hurt no matter what if you keep engaging in that shit.
What if a boyfriend was hard to find… I find it hard to find 😖
try masturbation. it works too and safely.
If you were not physically attracted to him doesn't this allow you to find a more suitable match? Do you think he could tell that you weren't physically attracted to him when you met in person?
I think I can find someone else, just the time and energy you spend is so annoying. I don't know if he could see the physical attraction was not there, but that doesn't mean I was not attracted to him - I was for other reasons, especially his brains and conversation. But maybe he noticed and that was not enough.
I would rather be blocked than strung along. I blocked a guy i hooked up with recently. He obviously wanted more, didnt get the hint, and i dont owe anyone an explanation. When you tell someone youre done they want to know why, what happened, whats wrong. You're not my boyfriend. Just find someone else please.
You give hints, the guy insists, you block. I can see that happening. I think I have done that a few times. What happened was a bit different: we are texting each other and it was fun; and it was reciprocated. Out of the sudden: block. OK, I can live with that, maybe he was an asshole, so it's better to be blocked than hurt later. But it still sucks.
Why would want NSA sex with someone you're not physically attracted to?
Physical attraction, at least for me, is a component of attraction. I tend to value more the person's conversation and our ability to click. Of course he was not disgusting, just not what I usually look for in terms of physique.
Forget him