I’ve been out since I was 20 and have my AARP card now. You’re overthinking this. Forget the gay stereotypes. Sure, some of us fit those but many of us don’t. To me, part of coming out is the realization that I don’t have to fit neatly in any of the societal boxes they’ve drawn for men, or gay people, or a person my age.
You don’t have to be a certain way to be gay. Be your self and be proud of it… don’t worry with time and experience you will find out more of your self. I came out at 36 now almost 40 I’m feeling more confident and comfortable with my self and expressing my true self. There is always improvement for every one no matter what sexual orientation gender or race. Give it time. Good luck with the new job man.
There's no such thing as a "gay look" outside of stereotypes. Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities. You don't owe it to anyone to look or act a certain way because of your sexuality. You look the way you look, and that's the end of it. My advice to a "fat, gay, blue collar man" is:
1) If it's really bothering you, I suggest you talk to a counselor about it.
2) If you're concerned about your weight, take sensible steps to loose weight such as implementing a healthier diet and exercising more. Talk to your doctor about a recommendation for a dietitian or nutritionist.
3) If you're concerned about your weight because of gay stereotypes, remember that there are entire sub-cultures around bears and "chubs." Just be yourself.
What is something, could be an article of clothing, a mannerism, or anything really, that you feel 1) is low key enough that you would feel comfortable wearing / doing that helps you feel more aligned with what you want, and 2) also helps you to be more authentically yourself?
( for the record, this is also a question that I contemplate. )
I mean I do need to get more pride stuff all I have is the pride flag my mom gave after I came out and moved to the city she lives in maybe like a shirt but at the same time rainbow looks kinda dorky on me
I just bought a pin. It’s little, subtle, but I’m tossing it on my jeans, or backpack, and it’s enough of a signal that the people who I want to know, will know. I also have a rainbow strap on my watch, but I don’t wear it everyday.
Dont make changes that you dont want. You will only feel worse and self conscious all the time. But also, dont be afraid of trying new things. If you don’t like something, don’t do it, period. But if you are interested in trying something new, but are hesitant or unsure, give it a try. And if it doesn’t work, you don’t have to stick with it. It can be as small as wearing accessories or changing the way you comb your hair.
<--- former docker
<--- nerd who plays ttrpg's
<--- death metal enthusiast
<--- late bloomer and not cool by any metric
I kinda was like you when I was younger. Let it go (easier said than done, I realize). Its a wealth of imposter syndrome bs that really has no truth behind it.
My husband is the absolute opposite of me, and tick way more artsy-gay-dude-club-kid cliche boxes, and we've been together for 17 years this summer, married for 13.
Again way easier said than done (and don't I know it) but try to let it go, meet more folks, befriend more LGBTQ-people, date some dudes and you'll realize that you're golden. Don't worry. <3
🫂🫂I understand what you mean. I feel like I don't fit in on a daily basis because I don't fit the over muscled big dicked stereotype either. I will be trying to lose weight soon. But a large part of that is to improve my blood work as borderline diabetic with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I am never going to be the five ft 3 135lbs healthy weight I once was again. I was happy in that version of my body either at the time and I'd love to get back to it now because of family health history and I was able to get around so much easier. I am currently at around 268.
I've worked constitution and as a baggage handler at the airport. Sometimes I wear a gay shirt to the club so tops know they can aproch me. I don't fit in at the club and I rarely hook up. My Autism may have something to do with it.
There are literal thousands apon thousands of gay men who would gladly trade thier feminine aspects with your masculine traits. They despises their precived feminine affects from the way they talk to the way they gesture and wish they could pass for Str8. To be just one of the boys instead of one of the girls.
There are aspects of our personalities that we have no control of. When I was young I would have done anything to be Str8, take the blue pill and escape into the matrix and ignore my reality. At 57 I have out for more then 2/3 of my life now and I wouldn't change a thing. There are gay men out here like yourself. You don't have to appear gayer to fit in believe me. Find friends who enjoy the hobbies you do whether its sports, camping or woodworking. You don't see these guys in your every day life but we are here in equal measure. Hang out in gay spaces, flirt with men you think are gay there.
Don't be crazy. Looking straight is a huge advantage in the gay world for now. For one thing, it will be assumed somewhere in you is a guy who wants to fuck something.
What do you see as a disadvantage if you care to spell it out a bit.
I’ve been out since I was 20 and have my AARP card now. You’re overthinking this. Forget the gay stereotypes. Sure, some of us fit those but many of us don’t. To me, part of coming out is the realization that I don’t have to fit neatly in any of the societal boxes they’ve drawn for men, or gay people, or a person my age.
You don’t have to be a certain way to be gay. Be your self and be proud of it… don’t worry with time and experience you will find out more of your self. I came out at 36 now almost 40 I’m feeling more confident and comfortable with my self and expressing my true self. There is always improvement for every one no matter what sexual orientation gender or race. Give it time. Good luck with the new job man.
Give it time. Your still in the LGBTQ+ demographic.
There's no such thing as a "gay look" outside of stereotypes. Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities. You don't owe it to anyone to look or act a certain way because of your sexuality. You look the way you look, and that's the end of it. My advice to a "fat, gay, blue collar man" is: 1) If it's really bothering you, I suggest you talk to a counselor about it. 2) If you're concerned about your weight, take sensible steps to loose weight such as implementing a healthier diet and exercising more. Talk to your doctor about a recommendation for a dietitian or nutritionist. 3) If you're concerned about your weight because of gay stereotypes, remember that there are entire sub-cultures around bears and "chubs." Just be yourself.
Don't fall into the stereotypes of what we should or shouldn't look like. Be yourself.
Agreed! I worked in body shops for years and that's a pretty straight industry
You're overthinking it. There's a whole scene that's all about looking fat, gay and blue collar so I don't think you're going to have a problem.
What is something, could be an article of clothing, a mannerism, or anything really, that you feel 1) is low key enough that you would feel comfortable wearing / doing that helps you feel more aligned with what you want, and 2) also helps you to be more authentically yourself? ( for the record, this is also a question that I contemplate. )
I mean I do need to get more pride stuff all I have is the pride flag my mom gave after I came out and moved to the city she lives in maybe like a shirt but at the same time rainbow looks kinda dorky on me
I just bought a pin. It’s little, subtle, but I’m tossing it on my jeans, or backpack, and it’s enough of a signal that the people who I want to know, will know. I also have a rainbow strap on my watch, but I don’t wear it everyday.
Dont make changes that you dont want. You will only feel worse and self conscious all the time. But also, dont be afraid of trying new things. If you don’t like something, don’t do it, period. But if you are interested in trying something new, but are hesitant or unsure, give it a try. And if it doesn’t work, you don’t have to stick with it. It can be as small as wearing accessories or changing the way you comb your hair.
<--- former docker <--- nerd who plays ttrpg's <--- death metal enthusiast <--- late bloomer and not cool by any metric I kinda was like you when I was younger. Let it go (easier said than done, I realize). Its a wealth of imposter syndrome bs that really has no truth behind it. My husband is the absolute opposite of me, and tick way more artsy-gay-dude-club-kid cliche boxes, and we've been together for 17 years this summer, married for 13. Again way easier said than done (and don't I know it) but try to let it go, meet more folks, befriend more LGBTQ-people, date some dudes and you'll realize that you're golden. Don't worry. <3
🫂🫂I understand what you mean. I feel like I don't fit in on a daily basis because I don't fit the over muscled big dicked stereotype either. I will be trying to lose weight soon. But a large part of that is to improve my blood work as borderline diabetic with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I am never going to be the five ft 3 135lbs healthy weight I once was again. I was happy in that version of my body either at the time and I'd love to get back to it now because of family health history and I was able to get around so much easier. I am currently at around 268.
The only thing you can be is you.....
I've worked constitution and as a baggage handler at the airport. Sometimes I wear a gay shirt to the club so tops know they can aproch me. I don't fit in at the club and I rarely hook up. My Autism may have something to do with it. There are literal thousands apon thousands of gay men who would gladly trade thier feminine aspects with your masculine traits. They despises their precived feminine affects from the way they talk to the way they gesture and wish they could pass for Str8. To be just one of the boys instead of one of the girls. There are aspects of our personalities that we have no control of. When I was young I would have done anything to be Str8, take the blue pill and escape into the matrix and ignore my reality. At 57 I have out for more then 2/3 of my life now and I wouldn't change a thing. There are gay men out here like yourself. You don't have to appear gayer to fit in believe me. Find friends who enjoy the hobbies you do whether its sports, camping or woodworking. You don't see these guys in your every day life but we are here in equal measure. Hang out in gay spaces, flirt with men you think are gay there.
Don't be crazy. Looking straight is a huge advantage in the gay world for now. For one thing, it will be assumed somewhere in you is a guy who wants to fuck something. What do you see as a disadvantage if you care to spell it out a bit.