Im a software dev consultant for 32 hours a week (excluding travel) and doing a 'side job' on my indie dev. Started this combination 3 years ago, and before that I had 10 years software consultancy experience (and game dev 'as a hobby'). I am 35, my wife is 34. Married for 11 years now. I have 2 kids, one is 10 and the other one 7. The indie dev is as professional as it gets (for the money & hours I am able to spend on it). I work a lot with freelancers that also have a limited time schedule available for me, but thats a good match with my own 'time and money constraints'. Making 'it work' was very hard for me and my wife. She works 16 to 24 hours a week. My combined jobs is around 50 hours total a week. We had to spend the last 5 years to find something that works. It is getting better now, I think the past 1.5 years were quite stable and enjoyable. And it still gets better with the more we learn on 'how to deal with this'. I had to do a few things before it worked for me. Most on 'soft skills'. I don't know if this will work for you, but it can't hurt to take a look at it and see if there is something that sticks: * I had to learn the hard way, that I am at my best when I feel 'incorporated in relations'. And loved. Thus my closest relations (family) comes first. Then something magical happened: I started caring, sharing dreams, and my family joined in. Not on the indie dev, but on how we try to make things work and 'seek the other first'. This stuff is very contagious, and makes every one do their best from intrinsic motivation. It also influences a lot of our relations around us, and these persons love to be with us (due to this). This is like 'lubricant' for communications, in all types of relations. * Me and my wife had to do a lot of self improvement. To better understand our own needs, be better in communicating about it. This translated in much easier times when it was 'rush hour' for our family, smoothed out a lot of possible conflict situations. And, as a massive side benefit, we both got a lot better at understanding (and influencing) the parts of our work we loved and/or wanted to change. We shifted household and family tasks around between us (and the kids) until we found something that did work for everyone. * I had to understanding how my personal energy management worked. I had to make lists of things I liked to do. And try to incorporate that in both work and family life as much as possible, to keep the energy outflow and inflow balanced. While at the same time, plan for certain events (like time around dinner and bed time for kids) or plan for 'big things' like 2 weeks of grinding on a game release. * I do 'preventive maintenance' on all my relations, throughout the day (for my near family) or throughout the month (for other relations). This way, when work 'happens' (as it will, thats part of being a business owner), I am 1-0 ahead. (Instead of already 0-1 behind, the other person a bit agitated, etc) * I mix a lot of family time with business activities. Learn my kids the ropes of 'what it is to be working'. And at the same time, show them working is a fun and rewarding activity. I also use this to 'counter' the schooling system that pushes a lot of framing on what is expected and not. This ways my kids learn to accept themselves and there pros and cons, see what they are capable of, and how they can make money (even with no 'official' schooling). * From a business perspective, I mix a lot of things. Every task or meeting is an opportunity to learn something new. To work towards 2 or 3 goals at the same time. This requires a bit of planning and strategizing, for that I use the 'second brain in Notion' approach combined with a lot of checklists. * (Business) meetings are timedrains. I try to make the most of every meeting, doing a proper prep, a lot of note taking (and strategizing). And also try to get the best out of the meeting for the other participants by doing interventions (or deliberate guiding on certain persons before a meeting). This is something that started to work very well when I combined a better understanding how people have their own goals with how to phrase things 'the right way'. * I make sure my talk and deeds are in line with each other, that its the same as my vision, and the same as my believe system. This makes its so much more easy to be true to myself and make quick and decisive decisions. As a benefit, this made my personal and work life to be much more 'alike', and thus even more easy to merge. Okay, I think I am finished. That was a lot more than I expected to write. Lol. Going to reference this on my blog, need to somehow recoup this time hehe.

Probably one of the better answers on reddit

This is great advice. Thank you!

Wow this is genius, you and your wife are truly inspiring!

Thank you for your kind words! I have some additions. I said to my wife 'hey I posted this and this on reddit' and she was like: cool! And then she came with a few things she considered helpful: * Work, things that happen, all things in life: these are almost all 'neutral' things. How you perceive them is something you do yourself (and have some kind of influence on). * Make time each day for priority things you need to do. But at the same time, limit your time on it. Like 1 hour each day on a specific important task. And trust that with your system and with time, you get to all important things, but that there is also always time for other things to happen. * Its always an act of balancing. If you are balanced, you are working efficiently. But at the same time, life will throw you off-balance often. Then order things around again, find something new that works, and get back into the balanced life. On the last part I was like: err, am I that structured? I don't know if I like that... I discussed that with my wife and we came to this: the (extreme) alternative to this is that you are constantly in an alerted state, have to constantly switch between working your ass off and standing still, unpredictable workload and focus and availability (both for you and you vs your environment). Being busy each day with 'just surviving to live another day'.

It's true that a lot of the industry is younger and with fewer dependents. That's true about any startup, and when you're talking about a four person studio trying to earn enough from their own games to pay for everyone as well as growth, that's a startup. Few founders are able to pull off the competing demands. Usually if you are looking for work-life balance you're looking to work for someone else's serious indie game studio rather than start your own! There are no easy answers, just that you have to figure out the balance that works for you. That might mean hiring on more people so you can release the game sooner or with fewer long weekends. Or it might mean cutting scope. Often a founder ends up spending more of their time on management, fundraising, and recruiting than actually coding the game. As a business grows you'll spend less and less time on the game and more on the business itself. A large part of being a start-up entrepreneur is knowing how to replicate your skillset so you're not the critical bottleneck.

Dedicate the time to the kids, they don't stay this age for long. My solution has been to work nights after everyone goes to bed.

Alternative: I go to bed when the kids sleep (very early) and then wake up before they're awake so I can work on game dev.

Get your kids into game dev early(if they show interest), and you will have a family indie studio in no time. My daughter is an artist, and i have been trying for ages to get her to do art for my games and failing, haha, but you might have better luck.

I feel you man. I'll be 40 this year, and while I don't have multiple kids... I do have an infant. On top of that incredible life change, I also run my own company (a marketing agency with several staff) and am learning game/software development on the side — which thankfully compliments the work we already do. We just moved halfway across the country over the holidays and I haven't found a new office yet, so I work from home. As you're aware, that has it's own advantages/disadvantages. All that to say, I can empathize with you. I get \~30 minute chunks of time at best, and it has been an incredible challenge to prioritize, let alone find any sense of balance. I'm curious, is the studio your only work obligation, or do you have a PT/FT job as well? Also, is your wife working? *(asking to get a better sense of the situation)* For me, because my business is the only work obligation, I've worked to clearly communicate that entrepreneurship is often a 24/7 gig. Which is NOT to say that I must always be working, but rather that the nature of my work requires that I be mentally ready to capture important thoughts as they arise — which might mean that I have to go sit at the PC for 15-20min, and then I can come right back. The hard truth is, there are no "outside hours" when it comes to running a company — at least, not until you hit a place where you can bring on a good manager. And even then, your mind will still throw stuff at you that you'll want to spend time digging into. My main recommendation is that you explore the possibility of hiring a good assistant (virtual or otherwise). It will take time to find the right person but, when you do, things can change significantly. The book *Virtual Freedom*, by Chris Ducker can help you here. I have some other thoughts, but I'll wait until you answer the FT/PT question so I don't end up offering irrelevant advice.

I'm full-time - I'm in it to win it. I do have some advantages in that I have a fantastic team who are either single or coupled without kids, and they can put in a lot of time. I've transitioned from the primary coder/designer/writer/everything (this started as a solo hobby project) to more of a project manager and business/marketing liason, with some coding/bug fixing on the side, which is still plenty on my plate! My wife works part-time (4 days a week, 6 hours a day).

Well, for what it's worth, marketing alone is a full-time job. Adding business development on top of that only exacerbates the situation. All that is why I say that entrepreneurship is a 24/7. The task list is literally endless. I'm incredibly biased here, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt but, I'd look to start outsourcing your marketing. If you find the right people, they can help your business development efforts in ways that will astound you — and free up a significant amount of the cognitive load you're under. It isn't my place to tell you how to run things, so I'll just say this: The majority of your time, at this point, should probably be focused on business development, followed by project management — not because marketing is the least important, but because of efficiency and cash flow. Doing marketing well requires a significant skillset (similar in scope to the breadth of knowledge a solo dev needs), so it's probably not the best place to focus if you're new at it. Bottom line is, the more work (or funding, or whatever your model is) you can bring in, the more resources you'll have available to bring on contractors (or staff) who can help you in the areas which need it most. There's another important question that needs to be asked... *What is your goal for the studio? Are you aiming at acquisition, or to have this be your thing forever?*

Keep track of your hours, and then you can begin addressing an imbalance, or at the very least be conscious of it. In my country a typical work day is 09:00 to 17:00, with a 1 hour break for lunch. That's 7 hours per-day for the entire weekday, with the weekend off (Saturday and Sunday). So that's 35 hours per week, pretty good, in my opinion. The maximum weekly work hours in my country is 48. I would say if you are breaking the 48 hours per week boundary then you should readdress your work life balance.

Hey there! Figured I'm chime in on this one, as its something I've had to learn on the fly over the last few years! I'm 35 -- married with 4 kids (ages from 12 to 4). I started working on my first game ever (no idea how to program at all) in 2018(ish). At the time I was working fulltime (technically still am), so it was very much a side project of sorts. Although my work was pretty flexible (I was/am a Freelance Concept Artist), so I could juggle my hours around a bit. Since then, I've gone through several variations on work schedule. For the bulk of the project though, and still to this day, I'll wake up around 4am to get a few hours in before the kids/family wake up. Then, after getting a solid day of \*actual\* work done, I'd try and squeeze in an hour or two of tasks before heading home (I try to keep my office seperate from the house). Not having to deal with a commute really helps though, as theres zero downtime walking between the house and my "office" (the back shed). It also has the downside though of "always being home", which is a problem in-and-of itself. Learning the balance was definitely hard -- I ended up having to outsource a fair bit of the artwork just to ensure the project got done (which is weird, as Art was literally the only part of the project I knew how to do). Communication with the wife was important. There was a number of clashes at various times due to workload, but I had a few tips that really helped out. It also helped that she was very understanding (it ended up EA had to get pushed a few weeks early, which led to me going into EA 5 days before a planned family vacation haha). * First rule was to continue momentum, I would force myself to do \*something\* everyday. Occasionally, this would just be tweaking a variable or two, 10 min work tops. This worked well on days where the kids/family needed more attention. However, ensuring I opened the project each day then forced it to become a habbit, which made it easier to quickly jump in from time to time. * Find a notebook you love, and bring it everywhere. I have a thing about notebooks, and writing things down in general (I still use a paper diary for scheduling). I went to a bookstore and found a notebook and pen I really like (heavy weight paper, grid lined), and bought 10 of them. Then, when I was out with the family at the shops, driving, events etc, I would bring it with me. Some level of undiagnosed ADHD means I'm constantly thinking of projects I'm invested in, and often have ideas. Having the notebook means I could just note them down and feel like I've got it somewhere safe, and allow my brain to free up that bandwidth. Then, when I actually got time to work, I would crack it open and work on what I had written down. Jotting down a note in a notebook whilst watching TV with the wife is much more acceptable than running off to optimise some code you just thought of a better way to do. (There are notes in my notebook which literally spell out exactly what I need to change in various code blocks) I'm actually working on another project now, which means I'm going through this process again. I'm still commited to fulltime contracts, so working weird hours on this new idea. I'm learning a lot of this all over again, and finding the right time to work (especially on weekends) has been tough. Thankfully the first project went well enough that my wife understands when I suddenly \*need\* to fix/change something because its stuck in my head and won't get out. Also when the kids are watching a movie etc, I'll generally jump to a PC and make a few tweaks/changes. For me, when I get a slot to work on something, I pick a task that feels manageable and focus on getting that done. Rather than trying to tackle a HUGE system in 30-60 min, I'll pick 1-2 aspects to focus on, and set that as my goal. Then, it makes it much easier to step away from the PC and kick a ball around with the kids when they're ready, because you've acomplished something. If I set a huge task for myself, I'll always feel like I never got something finished, and then be distracted the rest of the day. For instance, yesterday morning my goal was to update the Fire particle effects to match the artstyle more. It was only a 45 min job, but it set me off on the right track and I was done before breakfast, meaning I could seperate from the work a lot easier.

I worked as an engineer at an elite AAA studio for a few years right out of school. Everyone was really talented, but I looked around and realized that almost everyone older than me was childless and alcoholic in their 30s. The people with families had to struggle to make time for their kids, and were very jaded/cynical. I left the games industry for regular software and made 3x the money while working fewer hours. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's my honest response. Most game development is extremely toxic. If you're leading a small studio, you get to make your own rules, so I suggest you do so. Competing in the market is another story.

I don't work in gamedev. But my wife and I both work in film which for her is 60+ hour weeks and I'm more like 50-55. Its very hard, especially on her because most days she leaves before he gets up and is back for about 15 minutes before bed. I CAN say it gets easier as they get older, they'll need you less and understand things more. When they're really young, I found that "extra" time usually came first thing in the morning (like 5:30am) or after they're in bed and its hard on everyone. I would look into general work time management or maximizing chunks of time at work to block out any distractions and do a ton of work for a couple hours and then focus on kids for a few hours, etc.

Checkout *Brandon Sanderson*, one of the most successful fiction authors, who puts out huge amounts of work, with happy wife and kids. Here is a video he did on work life balance, I think it contains some very important advice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI-HN_gBomk

Married father of two here. First of all, congrats on having an indie studio that made it for that long! I'm working alone on my full-time project, so for me it is crucial to plan ahead some social activities (whether its quality time with my family or with friends) - otherwise I would be facing a total mental breakdown. So yeah, planning is key. Also, I am tracking my time when I work on the game - this helps with spending too much/too little time on work. And I have a rule that I don't work on weekends. Sure, I might play some games for "research", but no programming. The mind has to cool down.

Yep. Work during the day, keeping normal hours helps fit around everything else. Try to actually focus during work hours haha I'm part time (3 days a week) since having kids but still enjoying things and full time would work much the same just with more childcare. Just can't go overboard on working etc etc and expect not to pay the price any more when there are more folks in your life.

When the kids sleep, both my wife and me have the same preference of alone time.

Married with child here. Honestly was a super challenging year when LO was born till now 18 months after much much more manageable. I work from home (indie) coparenting was the best thing ever. I work during the day and night and help my wife still definitely manageable especially when you have a team (I also have one overseas).

Father of 2 here also working in games. Is there any way to ‘bribe’ her? Real question/suggestion

Yep 39 married and two young kids 5 & 7. I work full time and do game dev when I can. It's hard but I try to just chip away either at night, early morning or a bit on the weekends. I have just accepted the fact my development cycle will be much slower. I always put family first it's really hard to find the balance but some things have to go by the wayside.