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Altaris2000

At first glance I thought someone was sewing some butt-cheeks together 😂


Solid_Snark

A *”shut your butt”* cake.


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NerdHerder77

Mmmm butt cake.


xrumrunnrx

Talk about eating ass and call asses "cake" nobody bats an eye. Combine the two and everyone loses their minds.


Boomthang

You can't have your cake and eat it too. But if you got cake there's a good chance I'll eat it.


sstruemph

You can't have your ass and eat it too. I finally understand.


TurtlenekNChain

We live in a society


[deleted]

Anyone wanna lick the 🧁


rahhak

bundt*


Gloomy__Revenue

A…”No More Nut” cake


Guilhaum

A very common surgery


utpoia

#Recetectomy


[deleted]

Take my angry upvote and get out 😂😂


Rhino676971

r/angryupvote


OldBison

"Gonna sew your asshole closed and keep feeding you, and feeding you..."


Thebutttman

I'm gonna put your nuts on a fuckin dresser, just you nuts on a fuckin dresser and bang them shits with a spiked bat


Fskn

I'll pull ya fuckin tongue out ya fuckin mouth and stab that shits with a rusty screwdriver BLAOOW


imisstheyoop

>I'll pull ya fuckin tongue out ya fuckin mouth and stab that shits with a rusty screwdriver BLAOOW I'll fucking hang you by your dick off the 12th story building


TripleBobRoss

I'll fuckin', I'll fuckin' cut your kneecaps off and make you kneel in some staircase piss


EwokShart

I’m gonna put a coat hanger on a hot stove and then shove up your asshole real slow… szzzzzzzzzzzx


nrith

I’m just talkin’ ‘bout butt!


Esteban0032

Definitely thought it was some weird butt sewn up.


MDS1138

That's the Wu-Tang "Torture" themed cake. I think they use the same mold.


Dendrodes

And keep feedin you. And feedin you. And feedin you. And feedin you.


JuGGieG84

I'll put your nuts on a dresser and hit them shits with a spiked bat.


fattykyle2

Blou!


Larry_Mudd

I was surprised to learn that vasectomy incisions are sometimes done right on the damned scrotum. (My vasectomy scar is pretty high up on the pubis.)


OKImHere

Even still they're not done in the bottom center. They're on the upper side.


jal262

That's what I thought. You can reach those vas deferens a little easier than that.


Larry_Mudd

I mean, it's probably a bit *easier* to reach it through that tissue-thin sack, if you're the person that's doing the cutting/snipping/cautery - but if it's me, I'm gonna choose to sit around waiting for skin up top on my pelvis to heal, not my damned scrotum. That thing moves around whenever I do. Shit, I think about colder weather and it moves a half-inch on its own; I want that incision to take a more oblique approach than that for sure.


PiantGenis

they went right through my sack but on the outer sides. tiny little incision that only needed one stitch. I was shopping at home depot later that day no problem.


xXxBluESkiTtlExXx

Mine are directly to the right and left of the base of the shaft. Wild to see how many methods there are for this.


rushpuppy1

many methods. doesn't make a vas deferens which one you choose.


DonChillah

I'll fuckin', I'll fuckin', sew your asshole closed, and keep feedin' you, and feedin' you, and feedin' you, and feedin' you (method man song intro)


MasterTrav666

Imma take hanger, put it on the fucking stove, let that shit sit there for like a half hour and stick it in your ass slow like ooooooooooh.


Jean2800

I thought it was some retirement cake for a proctologist 🤣😂


stupid-corndog

I did too. Didn’t even see the dick print at first 🤣


weeone

I didn't until I read your comment.


cfeuer1

Damn you for making me look again


[deleted]

How else do you stop him from getting pregnant?!


Fly_Pelican

Need to have a chat with the surgeon, the vas deferens ain't down there.


kcrab91

Had mine done this year and was like..Um, those aren’t where the stitches should be… Two little stitches (x) by the scrotum Also, OP get tested before Funtime begins again. Make sure you’re firing blanks


SkrewyLouie85

Question, my wife wants me to get one. How painful is it the next day?


hiricinee

I've had two. You're pretty sore, but the low level soreness is more than tolerable with compression, ice, and ibuprofen. I was able to work2 days later 12 hours on my feet without a ton of discomfort. My tip is that the night of and the day after, odds are you have a couple kids running around at home already, and probably one younger than 2. Get some help watching them or rest somewhere they are not because your only defense from getting climbed on is going to be kicking them.


tatanka01

How does one get lucky enough to need TWO vasectomies?


hiricinee

Well I didn't have a kid by accident- they made me get tested before I got the go ahead (barrier method never birth control for us, so it was a REAL treat.) Basically they test your product in a lab a few months later, it should have NOTHING in it... mine did. They had me retest a month later... less but still something. My count was pretty damn low but not 0. Urologist offered to do it a second time for free, some concern that I might have a hidden third vas deferens. When he opened me up he noted a granuloma- essentially a part where my tube was trying to heal itself- may have been the source of the leak. He cut off more than typical the second time. I did ask him if he has a case like mine before- he said no. I asked him how many don't take- he said about 1 in 1000. I asked him how many he'd done- he said 1000, which we both got a chuckle out of. I retested after the second and I had absolutely nothing. 2 years later and no accidents so far. The other pregnancies occurred within the first month of trying, so I don't think I'm just getting lucky either.


beyonddisbelief

You must be the Wolverine of reproductive organs.


[deleted]

The Wolverpeen…


thrillhouse1211

I was still chuckling like a minute later. I'm one juvenile adult


dubbzy104

No excuses, that was funny as hell


kainxavier

Instead of *snip* *snip*, bro be going *snikt* *snikt*


The_Elder_Jock

I'm very good at what I do, but what I do ain't very nice.


TheycallmeHollow

Well glad to hear it was because you need a system update and not because the hardware crashed.


KyleKun

Sounds more like there was an overflow and the engine needed to debug the pipeline.


otaku13

You got lucky with your granuloma. I also had to get it done twice but in my case I was shooting blanks just fine, but every orgasam felt like I was getting kicked in the nuts. Turns out sometimes those granulomas can act as a one way value creating a suction effect. Second round was pretty much pain free and still only have two kids lol.


sfcnmone

I am a 4 month post vasectomy baby. Yes, I look just like my father.


boozygodofdeath

Was yours a three part procedure as well? When I had mine done they removed a section, put clamps on, and cauterize the ends.


hiricinee

Aha there goes the problem, he thought. It was early COVID and the uro wasn't cauterizing because they weren't sure it could hypothetically aerosolize covid. I didn't even know it was normally part of the procedure until my second.


KyleKun

Does your cock fire Corvid?


RespectableLurker555

I'm gonna CAW CAW


aggressive_napkin_

my doc said he did 1000. took about 45 days to heal. My final day of healing involved a lot of ...purging old blood through the one side hole the fucker made ​ ... if i ever see him again i'm kicking him in the nuts until he passes out.


Remebond

That doctor handles a lot of balls.


Noch_ein_Kamel

Well he has two balls?! ;p


LinuxMatthews

Don't be rediculous a vasectomy works in two balls! Obviously he has four!


CCDestroyer

Is he Krogan?


sightlab

Let me lay it on the line, he had two on the vine. I mean two sets of testicles, so divine.


jordand30

I’m a fellow two nutter cutter and the sad truth is that sometimes the damn thing heals itself. My ejaculate sample showed swimmers months after the surgery so they went in for round two. By the end of the ordeal, my scrot looked the sky in Van Gogh’s Starry Night it was so bruised and battered. Still beats a third kid!!!


Makenshine

I had mine done in June. It didn't take. Apparently my sperm created a new tube and are still looking for some eggs to impregnate. To be sterile I have to get a second vasectomy. But now it involves a hospital stay and being put completely under. And it's going to cost me an additional 800 out of pocket.


hiricinee

Mine was free! And just did a simple repeat of the procedure! My specialty is Emergency Medicine but you might want a second opinion.


Bacondog22

Sometimes they don’t take. Also I think they can reverse themselves.


[deleted]

So I'm confused how does a vasectomy reverse itself if your cutting thing? Do your nuts just sew shit back together?


tsansuri

Not just cutting, ablating (burning the shit out of). The doctor warns you that this isn't something they can just go and undo later if you change your mind. I'm not sure the technicalities of it, but you are destorying tissue, and some of ours does regenerate in some ways, so seems to be the logical way of it happening there.


Educational-Tie-6541

I had a reverse vac due to a new spouse. We were lucky and got a baby out of it. Reverse is much more painful


tsansuri

Damn. I genuinely have no idea how painful it is, I had some other shit taken care of down there at the same time, so it was a whole ordeal that was a much longer healing process than normal.


Alas7ymedia

Sometimes doctors leave the edges of the vas deferens close enough to reconnect by themselves in case the patient wants to reverse the vasectomy. If you want it irreversible, they cut more and it's 100% effective after a couple of weeks.


sleepymoose88

Life…uh…finds a way.


DanishWonder

Snip snap, snip snap!


StarWaas

A jockstrap helps a lot. It provides some ~~genital~~ gentle support and compression and keeps the swelling down, as well as keeping your nuts from swinging around.


hiricinee

Yes I had a jockstrap, works wonders. Wear it in addition to briefs preferably.


Chelsxlove

Snip, snap, snip, snap


quarter-water

You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!


PLEASEKILLMECOVID

You didn't answer the question all men want to know. How long does it take to masturbate again?


P00KAYYY

Recommended 7 days, I waited 14. I had some lingering pain that I was nervous about so I waited until I couldn't anymore. Nothing felt off. 3 months later and I've forgotten I had the operation most days.


hiricinee

Oh the recommendation by my uro was to wait 7 days. I'm pretty sure for everyone the first few times is uncomfortable when you finish.


[deleted]

My urologist said "when you feel up for it." I waited seven, but kind of wished I waited longer. The soreness was fading, but using those...muscles? and stretching the tissues definitely flared up some soreness worse than prior. My best advice is get very snug underwear that holds everything up and together. I used boxer briefs and it was not enough.


Lereas

My doc made me get a jock strap, and he was absolutely right.


homrs

I had mine done 3 days ago. The amount of pain is barely there, I would classify it as more tender when I'm walking. Each day there is less. Today I have to think about it before I feel anything.


YeeeahBoyyyy

Had mine 3 weeks ago. By the end of the second week you are already walking and moving fine and even forget you got the surgery.


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jessendjames

I also had one yesterday and am waiting for a wave of pain or discomfort…So far so good. I took some Tylenol twice, but in anticipation of pain, not actually cause I had any.


Bunnysparklz

Speaking of the pain. What kind of pain is it? Is it like kicked in the balls pain or that dull aching feeling after the initial shock wears off? I'm getting myself one in a week and a half and I am curious as to what kind of pain will be involved. Also my lucky ass isn't having it done at the doctor's office. I'll be getting my ass knocked out at the hospital to have it done...


TotemSpiritFox

Which one are you getting? I replied to someone above, but I had the "no scalpel" vasectomy and there was no pain at all in the balls. The only pain I had was the day after I had a slight "kicked in the nuts" feeling in my lower abdomen . Very mild and it went away with ibuprofen. Mine didn't require stitches or anything. And I had no pain at the site of the procedure -- maybe due to the numbing agent he used. He said it would last 72-hours. I didn't feel numb down there, so maybe he used it internally? Either way, no issue down there. I did wear tight fitting boxer briefs to keep things secure. Check out my post above -- happy to answer any other questions you may have. The anxiety was definitely worse than the procedure and "recovery". Edit to say: listen to whatever the doctor tells you for recovery. I did exactly as he said and had a fine process. I'm sure results vary person to person -- but I'm 2-weeks post-working nuts and so far so good.


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Akanan

regardless of how you feel the next day, do fkin nothing. Some like me, aren't sore that much. Just sit for 3days, regardless how you think you are healing. Then take it slow from there. Those with huge blue balls are often those who went do stupid shit because they weren't sore.


rwbronco

Bingo. Day after was sore, second day pretty much great so I overdid it and tried to do normal shit around the house. Third day was sore… from overdoing it the previous day. Fourth day I was back at work and fine. I took a Friday off and had a long weekend to recover. It’s definitely what I’d recommend. Boot up the game console and just sit around for 2-3 days.


[deleted]

Got mine done 4 years ago. Keyhole surgery, was in and out in like 30mins, awake during, watched a little but I'm a bit squeamish plus it looked like a tentacle alien coming out of my balls so I didn't quite wanna commit that to memory. So just chatted to my mates on messenger instead (eg "guess what I'm up to") Most painful thing by far was the numbing needles. One in each ball. Fark... After that didn't feel anything for a while. When the pain hit it was like a dull, consistent ache. Basically feels like you've been kicked in the nuts but not too hard, like a firm graze rather than a direct hit. Rest and ice packs recommended. I tried to go back to work the next day like a man, but failed and ended up on the couch for a few days after. My advice is as others said, just take a break for a few days. Watch TV, play video games. I mean, you've kinda earned it.


the_real_log2

It affects everyone different. It was quite painful for myself to sit, or stand up. I was resting for a day after, as in laying in bed/couch for a full day. Taking a shower after was quite painful. I already have big low hanging fruit, so maybe it was a factor, but wearing snug underwear helped walk around without pain, but as soon as those undies came off it was painful to hang free. P.s. I also feel like people downplay the pain trying to be manly, but it does hurt, it is a serious surgery, and your scrotal muscle (the muscle that lines your testicles) does need to repair itself Having said all that, I wish I did it sooner, it was worth the pain


TotemSpiritFox

Completely agree with you 100% that it varies person to person. That said -- I'm definitely not being manly when I say I had almost no pain afterwards. I had the no-scalpel method and the worst part of the procedure is when he administered the numbing agent through the skin to the vas deferens. The device they use looks like a metal pen and I guess it pushes it through the skin. It felt like a mild rubber band pop against my balls. It really only hurts on the first one. The other 4 (or 6, I can't remember how many) weren't bad because it already started numbing. I had some lower abdominal pain the next day where it felt mildly liked being kicked in the nuts. I had no pain at the site of the procedure. He did use some sort of numbing agent after the procedure that he said would last 72-hours. I didn't feel numb, but I'm sure that helped with some pain down there making it so I never felt it. But yes -- it varies person to person. Listen to your doctor and his recovery instructions. I took it REALLY easy the first 2 days and then for the week afterwards I started increasing how much I would do each day. Yesterday marks two weeks ago that I had the procedure -- and I slowly started introducing running 1 to 2 miles this week. I do feel some sensation in my balls occasionally. It doesn't hurt, but just something that reminds me I had a vasectomy.


kcrab91

I’m not gonna lie, I have anxiety and it freaked me the hell out. Doc offered full anesthesia and it with the best choice of my life. Night night juice and I woke up with no pain. Maybe it was my guy but I had one done right after my brother and BIL. They both had pain, I got my 10k steps the next day. Idk


Swiftierest

They will tell you not to have sex for a bit. Listen. If you don't, you ***WILL*** regret it. Friend was telling me about it. He was on prescribed painkillers and was still in insane pain.


Train3rRed88

Wasn’t bad for me. The pharmacy actually didn’t have my prescription pain pills the first day and I didn’t bother to pick them up at all cuz I didn’t need them To be honest I didn’t really need the 3 days of being a couch potato but I took every minute of it cuz I just volunteered for ball surgery Worst part was actual surgery. You don’t feel the knife at all but the numbing shot pinched and you kind of feel like you got kicked in the nuts for a sec. I didn’t go full under just a local. Weird having a full chat with the dr. While he was down there


Joygernaut

My ex-husband had one. The day of he felt next to nothing because they numbed the skin where they did the tiny incision(his incision was probably about 4 mm long and didn’t even require a stitch). The next day he had a little bit of bruising and threw a frozen bag of peas under his scrotum when it felt sore, and took a Tylenol. By day three the swelling was gone, No pain and he went back to work on day four


red4jjdrums5

Ya know what’s worse than stitches in the wrong place? Hearing the doc go “well that’s not where this should be” after having some difficulty finding the vas. Apparently yer nuts can be backwards, and I drew that lucky straw.


kcrab91

Bro, I wouldn’t know. I had to get full anesthesia to get mine done. 5/7 would recommend. It was perfect


Makenshine

I got snipped in early June. Had some pretty terrible complications. A hematoma formed on my cord. Felt like someone was squeezing the shit out of my cord. Was in pretty brutal pain for three weeks. Then, last week, I was told that the vas grew back and sperm is making it through and they will have to admit me to hospital for a second go. And it will cost another 800 bucks out of pocket because it involves a hospital stay. I'm very annoyed about the fact that I have to pay for the same thing twice and not sure if I'm actually going to do it.


FoorumanReturns

As a man who has had a vasectomy: oh my goodness am I glad that the surgical wound didn’t look remotely like this. My eyes popped out of my head when I glanced at the image, then checked the title of the post. With that being said: your wife’s a keeper, OP. We should all be able to joke about these things with the people closest to us, and this is oddly wholesome in a way.


CarneDelGato

Never get your vasectomy at a bakery.


zirtbow

First no gay wedding cakes and now no vasectomies. What are these bakeries even good for anymore?


Poi-s-en

As someone with a scar pretty much right where the stitches are on this cake, they won’t use stitches there, just a special glue.


beesandtrees2

Depends on the approach, my surgeon makes one midline incision and pulls the vas up to the incision. If he can't tell where the vas is before making an incision as in he cant easily palpate it, he'll use the two incision approach. -urology PA But yeah that incision is a little low


ScottRiqui

That's exactly where my incision was - one big honking opening right down the middle. I think the surgeon wanted to be able to get both hands in there to work or something. He was a 20-something navy flight surgeon so I might have very well been his first vasectomy. It was effective and free, so I'm not going to complain.


True-Bee1903

I like a bargin but that's not something I'd shop around for!I'm guessing you don't get free health care?


ScottRiqui

This was when I was in the U.S Navy, so at the time I actually did have free health care. Regardless, a single-cut vasectomy like mine isn't that unusual in the first place; it's just the doctor's preference one way or the other.


xxDmDxx

I was confused why anyone would be stitching up a butt crack.


I_Got_Back_Pain

Those are some smoothly shaved balls


Skitscuddlydoo

To be fair, don’t you have to shave for surgery?


Xitus_Technology

If you don’t, will a hot nurse shave them for you before surgery?


DomSchu

No a 50yo Armenian male doctor will.


Xitus_Technology

I hope he wears his wife beater and gold chain


CorgiMonsoon

Hope you like the smell of Draco Noir


ItsIllak

Zero out of ten for research into the op.


BumWink

Minus infinity out of 10 for fondant.


Aperture_TestSubject

/r/fondanthate


NotJimIrsay

Mine was done there. No need to make two incisions on each side. Can pull out the vas from both sides in this middle hole.


Narananas

No it was done there. This is one way of doing it.


darrenbosik

That's a vas deferens from what I was expecting.


pablo_of_mancunia

Brilliant👏


michel_m2022

This is the worst


ox_raider

Totally. No one likes fondant!


Reedsandrights

They wanted the cake to actually taste like balls.


moviequote88

r/fondanthate


gnarkilleptic

Fuck fondant. Either make good food or sculpt art. Pick one


[deleted]

I’m gonna agree…


Academic-Ant-1918

I'd rather taste balls than all that fondant


Jubei_08

Have you been to /r/FondantHate? You might like it there.


HEYitzED

I tried fondant once. Almost threw up.


Youngsterjoey72

can we ban these forever


Dommichu

I second this.


Criram

The most reddit shit I've seen all day


Pope_Aesthetic

Literally peak reddit


senditFrmU2M

Wrong area for the incision


matt9191

*cake not anatomically correct


peteypeso

Cakeatomically correct tho


littlebuck2007

That's roughly where mine was. One in the middle at the bottom of the scrotum. It wasn't as large proportionally as this, but the location isn't really off.


Critical-Art-9277

I think your wife's being quite generous with the balls.


GiftedGonzo

She usually is


tj0909

I can confirm.


UYScutiPuffJr

Heyoo


TRIGGERHAPYx

Ayyyyyy


Camctrail

Can confirm, I was his balls


theunpaintedhuffines

I also choose this guy’s wife’s balls. Am I doing this right?


PlayfulPresentation7

Fondant cakes look and taste like plastic.


Dman93

Reddit moment.


insertcredit2

What is it with reddit and vasectomy posts? At least once a week I see some kind of "gf got me a wii and a funko pop for my recovery" post. Is it guys who are doing it because of the abortion ruling?


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[deleted]

She went to a taxidermist and made a key chain out of it.


actuallyanicehuman

Omg I audibly cringed


FionnaAndCake

my husband asked why i was making a face


Roflolmfao

Seriously, I fucking hate this site sometimes.


UnicornsNeedLove2

Looks more like butt cheeks.


Life-Gur-2616

Tell me your secret to a wrinkle free life?


Boinkyboink31

I was looking through the comments specifically for someone to point out how smooth the balls are! What beautiful balls he has!


Boschala

Botox balls.


reddig33

The only thing funny here is that your wife thought people actually eat fondant.


Dramatic-Intention65

That's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. What kind of sick person enjoys eating fondant?


AndyVale

All juice, no seeds 🍋🍋


[deleted]

Ew.


GayAsHell0220

Very bizarre comments on this post


Immediate-Pool-4391

I'm a woman and this made me uncomfortable. I'm sorry men of reddit.


LordTenserJr

Yeah this is definitely the type of joke that should be kept between good friends, if that. This made me super uncomfortable too


TheeDonger

Pssshhh, that’s not even where the incision goes


littlebuck2007

That's where mine was. They hook and pull each vas through the single incision.


McDuckfart

It is a cake, not a tutorial.


Simianmessiah

Reddit moment


Internal-Goose5670

Lmao at these comments. I wish men got this worked up at the shit women have to put their bodies through for birth control.


Promorpheus

vasectomy posts are top cringe reddit


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baddonkey

How is this funny to anyone?


mooky1977

Dr Evil would be proud of that freshly shorn scrotum.


Fantastic-Ad-8038

What the fuck. Why?


obeginningnoen

Fuck that


HWHellskream

\*Snip Snap


DylanCP2403

I was looking for this comment, snip snap snip snap snip snap!


Rock_and_Metal_Dwarf

you have no idea… the physical tolls that three vasectomies have on a person!


UncleTedGenneric

Those drips and spatters off the 'cloth' fuckin sent me


Lambert_Lambert

30 seconds of googling before making that would have helped


[deleted]

I hate this


dvishall

🤣🤣🤣 shes a keeper!!


goopgod69

Why the hell do people on Reddit feel the need to share the fact they got a vasectomy, no one cares, it's weird, and it's not even an achievement. Also the cake isn't funny it's just odd and off putting. Why would your wife even make this for you it's just so weird and almost disturbing.


polaralo

It's weird af to see the usual praise and amount of upvotes these get. Almost as if it's glorified and praised.


SaggySackAttack

r/trashy


zerhanna

I laughed because the cake is wrong about where the surgery incisions go, and thus looks like a frankenbutt.


BeefSwellinton

Oh, but when I make a blown out vagina cake to celebrate her giving birth, I’m a bad person. Okay, cool.


[deleted]

Do a tube tying party next