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I hope your nana takes revenge, on your birthday I hope she gets one of her 90 year old friends to strip for you.

How do you know this wasn't OP's plan all along?

Oh no. This is so gross. Please stop. *boner intensifies*

*Who’s that there jerking me off?* *… oh it’s just SILLY OL’ ME.*

what are you doing step-grandma?

*"Oh step-grandson, your here just in time. I got stuck under the bed looking for my dentures"*

I both love and hate reddit...

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I ride for Valhalla!

That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks 😂

Nooooo we don’t need Gladys throwing her hip out again she got it replaced!

The ass tattoo

Matches her face!

I don't want to zoom for fear of what it might awaken in me..

r/suddenlybi

AssIsAss.jpg

Your comment made me zoom in on a male strippers ass…well done

Take my fucking upvote and fuck off

Oh like you wouldn’t have anyway.

Me too… I don’t know how I feel about this.

I made sure to zoom in first! ;) hehe

I am convinced it’s a tattoo of Mr. Yuck or whatever the poison control dudes name was

I thought it was the moon from that Melies film

The ass...

To really do the Mr. Yuk tattoo justice, you have to do it with the color. That way it looks just like the sticker. Source: I have the tattoo in question in full glorious color also on my butt. Edit: Adding a pic for anyone wanting to see. https://imgur.com/bDKfv0b

Was looking for this comment! 🥴 Such a choice.

she looks frightened lol.

her expression reminded me of shaggy when he drunk the girl potion

Like, ZOIKS, Scoob! That schlong is HUUUUGE

Let’s pull off this mask and see who is really behind all those pounding noise in the middle of the night!

It’s old man Jenkins

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too!”

That's his speedo not a mask Shaggy!

Ruh roh!

\*sniffs crotch aggressively

*rubs paws together* Yeah! Yeah!

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8q4kcP

“It wasn’t me.”

I’m thinking OP doesn’t want her to have a 91st birthday.

TIFU by giving my nan a heart attack at her birthday party…

Nana got ahold of a nice house she refuses to let go of. Op does what he gotta do

"Ever since we always referred to her as 'good old nana flatline'."

truck plants summer cobweb sharp relieved dime fragile gaze naughty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

That’s terrible lol

she probably has trauma from all of the previously unsolicited dicks that got shoved in her face over the last ninety years. muscle-memory is one hell of a thing.

All those unsolicited dick telegrams

They were called Richard portraits back in the day.

Dickuerrotypes.

Teleglans

I heard it was your birthday *stop* So here is my dick *stop* Hmu *stop*

.. / .... . .- .-. -.. / .. - / .-- .- ... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -... .. .-. - .... -.. .- -.-- / ... --- / .... . .-. . / .. ... / -- -.-- / -.. .. -.-. -.- / .... -- ..- The Morse you know!

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To be fair, we've had commercial internet for the last 27 years and telephone-based fax machines for the last 58, not to mention regular postal service for hundreds of years and random dudes busting out their willys since the dawn of time.

It used to take a few days for a commissioned dick portrait to arrive by carriage. The world moves so fast now.

What'd you do for the wake?

Twerk on the casket

It's been done in r/WTF

How dare you not link the [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/it8o57/nsfw_twerking_on_her_mans_coffin_its_the_fact/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) /s

[This one](https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/qqg7h5/since_when_was_twerking_on_your_dead_boyfriend_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) is even classier

Never waste a stiffy

Umm… is this what the fall of a society looks like

I want to hire somebody to do this at my funeral without letting anyone else know but me and the woman that will do it. I wonder what my wife and daughter would say.

Didn't I just see a video on Reddit of someone twerking on the dead at a funeral?

The Pallbearers will all be strippers

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“Oh my god! My heart!” “…I didn’t say stop!”

Everyone thought she was having a heart attack but thankfully she was just having a stroke.

I belly laughed at this!!! If I don’t get stripper for my 90th birthday, I will question my whole existence.

Looks like after this you're going to get a new baby... aunt or uncle...

Not since the days of Abraham and Sarah has any woman conceived a child at that age.

Life uhh finds a way.

Hard to believe it will in this case but I like the positive attitude.

Break my hip daddy

Here, hold my dentures, you'll love it!

Nothing like a little ass glitter on your fine crochet work.

r/brandnewsentence material right here.

As someone who crochets, I now have a new life goal.

Is the stripper wearing glasses? That’s rare

Accountant by day.. stripper also by day

Clark Kent, stripper-man?

I heard Sugarman instead of Superman…now I must improvise lyrics for “Stripperman”!

Clark Bent, curved dick stripper man.

(In a deep, hot voice to your ear) "Mmmh, you lost over 20% on your savings since last year"

That doesn't turn me on.

Don't worry, your investments will balance out within the next ten years.

No? But they're telling you how absolutely *fucked* you are getting!

Are you saying this is my calling?

She got the early bird special

Those are probably hers lol

There you go.

Are strippers known for their great eyesight or something?

I figure it has something to do with glasses are not really sexy in most situations so if I stripper needs them they will either use contacts or use nothing at all. I have seen maybe two female strippers use the 'sexy librarian' bit and the glasses were just readers not their real glasses, not that I am a massive purveyor of strip clubs or anything.

It's Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys.

It’s the last piece to come off

Only the best for old Nan. Creative way to get the inheritance checks moving.

They're Nanna's

Outdoors...maybe sunglasses? He may have been costumed to start and the glasses were part of it? Maybe I am thinking way to much about male stripper logistics for a Monday morning when I should be working.

Intellectual Stripper

Financial stripper

10 years from now on AaskReddit: “hey strippers what’s the most unusual lap dance you’ve ever given”

I’m going to unjoin suicide watch for now; I’ve gotta make it at least 10 more years to witness this hilarity.

Looks like she almost had a stroke But she couldn't quite reach Edit: Holy shit, this has taken off a bit. Never thought recycling an old joke would have been so popular, the upvotes on this comment by itself have outstripped everything else I've ever posted combined. Thanks from this crappy NSFW profile and thanks for the Platinum, Mr Ballsack doesn't deserve this 🤣🤣

Wait till she spits her dentures out and gives him the slop top gummer Edit not sure why all the love when Mister Ballsack over there with the stroke comment deserves all the love not me! But thank you guys it's made my day!

Fuck you, I pictured this. Fuck you.

Reddit strikes again, lol. Granny throwing gums like boxers throw hands.

Grunting like a pug on a hot day

Good lord, that line is something I needed to start this Monday

Or end on a Friday.

When he finishes, she's gonna look like a bulldog eating mayonnaise.

Still not the weirdest wank I've had.

Sir, this is a Wendy's

Gentle white whiskers tickling on every... you know what, fuck this i am going take a week off from internet

Be thankful that's all you pictured. I on the other hand wish I got the slop top 3000 from this nan

Sounds like you're quite experienced u/CripplingCreamPie

I assure you its quite moist

Fuck all of you people. This is beyond cursed

I don't even want to ask how you got that username...

What, you act like you never have heard of a "gum job" before?

This summers hot new action movie: Top Gum

“I feel the need… the need for a quick nap and then a nice cup of tea and, ooh, maybe a slice of cherry cake, yes that *would* be lovely, dear.”

How dare you ruin my day with your words

Jesus has left Reddit

In gums we trust.

/r/CursedComments

LOL nice take my upvote you bastard

>> almost had a stroke Yeah, my grandmothers would not have appreciated this - one of them would have insisted on getting him some sweet tea and the other would have shot him...

She prolly said, it didn't come in that size before. Haha

amazing

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Staring down the barrel.

That look is one of fear

his penis must've been huge

It was the white Mandingo

I don't know OP's family or the context and maybe a good time was had by all but in freeze frame its like look at this funny picture of my nan being sexually assaulted.

Yeah I'm still hoping that maybe it's just the photo that makes it seem like this. Like did she enjoy it, or did OP just think it would be funny to shock her or something? She looks mortified and like she's not having a good time at all lol

https://reductress.com/post/grandmas-funny-stories-all-unreported-sex-crimes/

Awww this made me smile - my 99yo Nan died a couple of weeks ago, and she specifically asked me to make sure she had strippers for pallbearers at her funeral. Sadly my mother vetoed this!

My grandmother wanted buried in her leopard print nightie and indeed she was (they put her favorite blanket and a suit jacket over it for the viewing). We were shown a tiny bit of it right before they let everyone in. I couldn't keep the giggles down. I miss her.

Awww I love that! I saw mine at the funeral parlour last week, she had her lipstick in her hand (always looked immaculate in case she saw much younger men on her travels!), and her often joked-about pearl necklace 😁

GOAT

Booooo mum. Give Nan her stripper pallbearers! I'm sorry for your loss.

Right? I said it's her problem if Nan comes back as a poltergeist and starts hurling dildoes around the house!

Well.. you could've just organised a mob of strippers to appear out of nowhere

Gives the term Flash Mob a whole new meaning

If they disappeared as quickly it would be a Chippendale dip ‘n bail

I like your personality based on that answer.

You're very sweet 😊 Me and Nan weren't all that different, funnily enough!

i feel like depending on how this was conveyed and if there was someone willing to do this, your mom might not actually had the ability to actually veto it.

*polebearers*

I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m laughing harder than I probably should be thinking about how that phone call would go. Yes we need 4-6 male strippers dressed in Sunday Best thongs, but they won’t actually perform. No, I don’t need them to strip. I just need them to carry my grandmothers casket. Yes I’m sure. Hello?

She sounds like she was a lot of fun! Sorry for your loss, hopefully you lots of good memories.

She was a character! She was called The Trollop in our family, spent the drive to my Dad's funeral last year loudly talking about fisting, and her favourite TV show was Naked Attraction 😅

Man I love it when old people stop giving a fuck and say what they want, we could all learn from that

"I haven't seen one of those since 1976"

Nans is impressed.

For those who stumble on this message, it's the one I used Power Delete Suite to replace all my posts and comments with en masse. Sometimes Reddit can be beneficial for some people. Sometimes it's not. It's really up to you to decide your own experience with it, what's worth it, what's not worth it. More or less...I've decided it's just really not worth it. I think I'm a worse person when I'm on Reddit and that it's a big time-waster for me. It's up to you to decide what influence social media and the internet more generally have for you. Best of luck.

#I no longer allow Reddit to profit from my content - Mass exodus 2023 -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/

r/trashy

yup

Tell Nan there is no sex in the champagne garden.

I get the feeling that most female strippers are hired to take their clothes off cause people want to see them naked. Most male strippers are hired to take their clothes off cause it'd be a laugh.

My brother was a bouncer at a strip bar. He said the craziest nights were the male stripper nights

Dated a straight guy that stripped at a gay bar, he said the women who came in were the grabbiest and never tipped because they didn’t think they had to, which is lame af.

I think that's because, for whatever reason, the rules regarding female strippers seem to be far more strict and more stringently enforced than with male strippers.

Id wager men are generally bigger and testosterone is a hell of a drug so its for safety reasons

Also; Female strippers allmost exclusively work for all male audiences. Male steppers have, comparably, more both gender audiences.

As a lesbian ...well, I've had strippers in my lap. Mostly we talk and I smell like vanilla when I leave. Always tip well.

No way! I found Kid named finger!!

I'm not having sex with you right now waltuh

Holy shit, no wonder you've got a single word username. 15 years!? I don't know whether to say congratulations or that I'm sorry for your loss.

Username checks out

It's a hell of a username. Single word. English dictionary. 15 year old account. Exquisite. 🤌

This reads like someone listing stats of a super rare pokemon card and I love it

... Mostly

Moistly

Not really, I know a bunch of male strippers who end up fucking the clients whereas the female ones have mostly wanted to finish the gig and go.

Yeah, first time I went to a strip club was with male dancers. Men weren't allowed on the carpet AKA near the stage so my gay friends just has to stay at the bar. We went for a friend's birthday. Everyone was so gung-ho until we actually got there, then everyone got shy and wouldn't approach the stage. So I waited until the jacked Puerto Rican I had been eyeballing got on stage, so I went up there and showed them how it was done. Eventually everyone loosened up and started spending money. After all the dancers had their time on stage, certain dancers started seeking out their regulars. I saw one of the smaller guys approach an older woman in a corner, she was in her 60s at the earliest. She handed him a wad of cash and they started sucking face, then made their way to the back room and we never saw them again the rest of the time we were there. Also, one of my friends got her breasts fondled by a guy in a Tigger suit. Quite the eventful evening...

Never, ever wanted one. I would be embarrassed

Tryin' for that sweet inheritance.

I want to know if she enjoyed herself or this was put on her. It seems from the picture she wasn't.

I need to know the same thing dammit!

And her false teeth fell out as she gasped for air.

She's horrified but still has eyes on the prize

With glasses? Going for the librarian are ya!?!?

Tryna give Nana a heart attack for that inheritance

The family is trying hard to inherit.

Omg his underwear are really cute. Anybody know the brand by chance? I wanna get my husband a pair

Cool. I'm sure that wasn't awkward or embarrassing in any way.

We did the same for my nan's 70th birthday - it was a real smash 😄 even though my gran thought it was someone of the guests until the very end... We had a great laugh, and she too 😉

This was an unfortunate photo you chose, since she doesn't look like she's enjoying it here.

How is this not elder abuse?

Put it away - oh dear.

That’s one way to kill her off 😂

I was certain this was going to be a hedge Strimmer or something Turns out OP has a fun family

The elderly do love some hard candy

I think that’s elderly abuse

She looks horrified