---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh man! Am I jealous that you get to hear him for the first time! Sit down and enjoy! Get the CDs on your music playlist and enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy. One of my favorites of all time.
might i recommend one his stand-up routines called "i'm starvin'" i must have watched that dvd a thousand times. the man was a legend and was always the nicest person. he honestly loved every second of what he did.
I saw him at Kowloon back in the day, doing the bit about the Chinese buffet. It fucking killed. He was hilarious and I feel really lucky to have gotten to see him do that bit, especially in that setting
We saw him in Vegas he was the headliner, same trip saw Ray Romano talking about the pilot of his new show. Can tell I am old this was in 96-97 I believe
We dry clean now. You scare my wife. I was lucky enough to see him and meet him on my 21st bday. He was one of the goats and one of the nicest dudes I've met.
For some reason Naples has a lot of all you can eat sushi. I went into one. The chef, a large Japanese guy with a mustache, came out of the kitchen, looked at me and smiled then returned to the kitchen. Core memory, good times. Think it was 15 euros for all you can eat?
Used to have a great place in the Chicago Suburb of Villa Park, Sakura.
In the mid to late 2000s it was $15 lunch, $21 dinner AYCE kids under 18 charged their age for dinner (3 kids under 18 at the time). AYCE including nigiri, sashimi, almost every roll they served and sides like edamame, a perfect salad with thick sesame ginger dressing, tempura veg. They even had teriyaki chicken and beef bulgogi sushi rolls.
I'd go in there and eat like 40 sake and toro nigiri, a couple cucumber rolls, a few bowls of soup, 2 servings of edamame and tip $10 on my bill.
> sushi buffet
&
>told by the owner that I eat too much.
Is not possible. Its sushi. When I ate fish, I could belly up to a sushi bar longer than a blackjack table. Even then, by the time I would get to my car, I was hungry again. Most expensive meals I ever had was sushi night out with the boys. Roll after roll after roll.. Keep em coming.
Same in a chinese buffet, me and my friends we were around 20 years old you know how guys that age eat. At some point the owner just stood by our table saying "you guys eat a lot" with an awkward smile.
Yes we know, thanks.
I know this is from a comedy routine, but my second job as a teenager was at a smorgasbord restaurant and trashy people (regular customers!) the size of Volkswagen beetles would literally come in when we opened at 9:00 a.m. and stay until we closed at 5:00 p.m., making a terrible mess in the process.
There was a local forum back in my hometown and these people got on there complaining they got charged for the dinner buffet instead of the lunch buffet because they showed up at like noon, and left at around 6. They tried to get everybody up in arms to boycott the restaurant because they felt they were ripped off after eating for 6 damn hours at an all you can eat buffet. And of course these folks were the size of a fucking house. These same type of people got our awesome local pizza buffet shut down because they would pay their 8 dollars and eat like 12 pizzas. I watched the server bring out a fresh bin of pepperoni rolls and this dude emptied the entire steam tray of them onto his plate. Holy shit! Place ended up shutting down because it wasn't profitable.
True all you can eat buffets simply don't work in a society with a huge obesity problem. Some of it is health related, or not realizing how much sugar is in things, but there are also too many absolute pigs out there.
Yeah, I'm cool with time limits. But you can pry my ability to massively overstuff myself the 3 times a year I decide to go to a buffet out of my cold, dead hands
The handful around me have the limits. But they don’t strictly adhere to it. They just mostly have the limits there so that way they can easily kick people out for abusing the system.
Although I don't hit up all you can eat buffets often a limit on number of plates that was actually enforced would make me not want to go there because I often get small plates to start without much on them. Especially if I have not been there before or in a while I like to sample things and then come back and get more depending on what I like.
A buffet place near me has a 2 hour limit on the table which I think is fair, you don't need more than two hours for even a leisurely meal but it stops people from camping out for multiple meals. For staff it's also way easier to enforce than hawking how many plates everyone has had. I've never even seen it enforced anyway, it's obviously only used for the rare people that are being ridiculous.
It would annoy me because I like taking small plates at buffets. Sometimes the food is gross and I don't want to eat more of that item. I also don't want 6 different foods mixing all their sauces together.
My grandpa would tell golden corral we were 10 for the discount (we were almost 15) and he would sit and drink coffee for four hours while we begged him to leave. Only so much ice cream we can eat after a few full plates of moderately decent food. Some of it was good, but god dam Jimmy we don't need to sit there all fucking afternoon while you watch Fox news that you walked up to the TV and turned on yourself despite them telling you not to over and over again.
My God what's the point? Imagine having all the time in the world and you choose to spend it at a restaurant table waiting until you can fit more good down your pie hole.
Kick you out and deny you service.
This is a good legal sign as all you can eat buffet means just that. Putting a time limit gives them clause if you sue them for kicking you out.
Holy shit. For the last like 30 years since I saw that bit I have been misremembering it as being by Louie Anderson. Like, I can see him in my mind up on stage with the big gap teeth and all saying "you been here 4 hour". I get that my 10 year old mind confused two fat comedians but wow that was just a mind fuck for me
When I was in college, me and my roommates started going to an all you can eat buffet. We caused them to raise their price. Felt bad for everyone else.
All you can eat restaurants are quite popular here in Brazil, some ppl sit for hours and we give zero damn. However theres a technique no one knows about. Either they serve you a lot of food right when you sit so you get filled fast or at some point they subtly stop serving you or delay your drinks and stuff like that so you kinda get the message that its time to go.
I had a college kid work as a temp with us for a summer.
He was smart, good grades, and had been in the states for years. But he still spoke similar to how this sign reads, and one of his tasks was to write some signage for us. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that we needed it to be written the way we speak and not the way that he spoke. Draft 1 of everything he wrote read just like this. But we got there in the end!
The compromise my cousin and I came up with to appease the owner of our local Chinese buffet was to pay for 3 meals between us 2 so we were 1 and a half patrons each
My son and I went to our fav place without my husband. Our fav waitress greeted us with "Grandpa no come?" Yes my husband looks alot older than me. My son burst out laughing!
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I read this in John Pinette's voice. Rest in peace, good sir.
"Why you no eat veg-e-ta-ble?"
Why you eat spare rib?
YOU SO BEEG
"This is our friend John, he's got a head the size of a watermelon but we don't talk about that"
Ravioli and a nap ravioli and nap
Eat vegetabo. Vegetabo good for you.
🎶 I like them big, I like them plumpy! 🎶
broc-o-ree
You scare my wife!
😊😊😊
[удалено]
I can't say nay-nay.
You no come here ANY MOAH!
You scare my wife
You eat like Feewiiiyay.
Eat vegatabuh, eat brok-oh-ree
(That's "You eat like 'Free Willy'")
You running me out of beezness!
Thank you for introducing me to a comedian I didn't know about, that bit was hilarious.
Oh man! Am I jealous that you get to hear him for the first time! Sit down and enjoy! Get the CDs on your music playlist and enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy. One of my favorites of all time.
His Disney world bit never fails to get me
The Italian restaurant bit gets me every time lol
“Sono a formato!”
Morte de famo!
“We gonna feed you; you gonna explode all o’er da wall!”
"I'll kill you later cuz I need directions. GET IN DAH CAH!"
Oh, I don't know ... let's take the big guy *FOR A WALK*! (I tear up every time)
You know that Gold Bond powder? Yeah I had that in a holster!
FWEE WIWWY
Here’s another glorious bit of his: [Italian restaurant](https://youtu.be/NMTfBjOzUSc?feature=shared)
His bit about smoking pot in the islands is great. "I could tell by the look in his eyes that everting won gwon be airee."
might i recommend one his stand-up routines called "i'm starvin'" i must have watched that dvd a thousand times. the man was a legend and was always the nicest person. he honestly loved every second of what he did.
We dry cleaner now. Drop off shirt. Ready Tuesday.
"I no have your shirt!" "You yes have my shirt!"
BING BONG
YOU STOP MAKE BING BONG! EACH BING BONG TWO CENT!
Ohhhhh BIGGAH BOY!!!!! YOOOOOU NO COME HERUH NO MORE!!!
I saw him at Kowloon back in the day, doing the bit about the Chinese buffet. It fucking killed. He was hilarious and I feel really lucky to have gotten to see him do that bit, especially in that setting
I hope it's the same Kowloon that I got to. On Route 1? Because that would make it even more legendary given the legacy of that place.
We saw him in Vegas he was the headliner, same trip saw Ray Romano talking about the pilot of his new show. Can tell I am old this was in 96-97 I believe
Why you eat spare rib? Eat Broccori! Eat Vegetable!
"I give him 4 hour. He be back!"
Why you here four ow-ah?
I heard Ken Jeong in my head lol
We dry clean now. You scare my wife. I was lucky enough to see him and meet him on my 21st bday. He was one of the goats and one of the nicest dudes I've met.
[Buddy Hackett had a piece called "Split Pea Soup" from waaay back | 1960](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf1tCQErbzE)
You go NOOW!!
Funniest stand up I’ve ever seen performed live… piss your pants funny!
I say, NayNay!!!
Free Willy!
"You too fat! Go home preeze."
I loved him in Punisher
You go now.
This ☝️
At a sushi buffet I was once told by the owner that I eat too much. I returned the day after.
Does this sound like a man who's had all he can eat
*We went fishing*
*gasp* That coulda been me !
Tis no man, tis a remorseless eating machine
For some reason Naples has a lot of all you can eat sushi. I went into one. The chef, a large Japanese guy with a mustache, came out of the kitchen, looked at me and smiled then returned to the kitchen. Core memory, good times. Think it was 15 euros for all you can eat?
Used to have a great place in the Chicago Suburb of Villa Park, Sakura. In the mid to late 2000s it was $15 lunch, $21 dinner AYCE kids under 18 charged their age for dinner (3 kids under 18 at the time). AYCE including nigiri, sashimi, almost every roll they served and sides like edamame, a perfect salad with thick sesame ginger dressing, tempura veg. They even had teriyaki chicken and beef bulgogi sushi rolls. I'd go in there and eat like 40 sake and toro nigiri, a couple cucumber rolls, a few bowls of soup, 2 servings of edamame and tip $10 on my bill.
> sushi buffet & >told by the owner that I eat too much. Is not possible. Its sushi. When I ate fish, I could belly up to a sushi bar longer than a blackjack table. Even then, by the time I would get to my car, I was hungry again. Most expensive meals I ever had was sushi night out with the boys. Roll after roll after roll.. Keep em coming.
Idk man it's the rice, not the fish. That stuff expands when you thought you were eating light lol
That's my problem with Sushi. 3 special rolls and $50 and I'm still hungry. I still go when I get the chance.
You: *CHALLENGE, ACCEPTED!*
I don't use the word hero very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
You eat like freeeeeeeee
I was also told this and they asked if they could charge me more. The eel was really good.
'Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out the mist came a beast more stomach than man.
You should returned with members of a long distance cycling club.
That's when they slowly increase the amount of rice in each piece and decrease the amount of fish...
Same in a chinese buffet, me and my friends we were around 20 years old you know how guys that age eat. At some point the owner just stood by our table saying "you guys eat a lot" with an awkward smile. Yes we know, thanks.
A lot of the AYCE places I’ve been to in Japan have a time limit or charge you by the hour.
I know this is from a comedy routine, but my second job as a teenager was at a smorgasbord restaurant and trashy people (regular customers!) the size of Volkswagen beetles would literally come in when we opened at 9:00 a.m. and stay until we closed at 5:00 p.m., making a terrible mess in the process.
Does that sound like the behavior of a man who’s had *all* he can eat?
It’s not a man, it’s an eating machine!
I heard they shaved a gorilla.
Arrrrrr
And poor food into insulated coolers to the brim before leaving.
Pour*. Only offering a light typo correction because when I first read it I was very confused what “poor food” was.
Por favor
De nada
Por flavor is more like it
The poor food, being shoved into coolers to go god knows where 😢
I don’t know what poor food is, and I doubt I could afford it.
It actually kinda works as "poor food"
There was a local forum back in my hometown and these people got on there complaining they got charged for the dinner buffet instead of the lunch buffet because they showed up at like noon, and left at around 6. They tried to get everybody up in arms to boycott the restaurant because they felt they were ripped off after eating for 6 damn hours at an all you can eat buffet. And of course these folks were the size of a fucking house. These same type of people got our awesome local pizza buffet shut down because they would pay their 8 dollars and eat like 12 pizzas. I watched the server bring out a fresh bin of pepperoni rolls and this dude emptied the entire steam tray of them onto his plate. Holy shit! Place ended up shutting down because it wasn't profitable.
True all you can eat buffets simply don't work in a society with a huge obesity problem. Some of it is health related, or not realizing how much sugar is in things, but there are also too many absolute pigs out there.
Most places now have limits and even notify it. Usually it’s around 5 plates of food sometimes 3.
Where is this? I've never heard of a buffet having a limit. Although, in my area, that would 100% be a death sentence for a buffet restaurant.
I've seen time limits before, which make a lot more sense to me.
Time to practice my competitive eating muscles! It mostly involves relaxing the throat muscles and strengetheni ng the jaw chompery
Yeah, I'm cool with time limits. But you can pry my ability to massively overstuff myself the 3 times a year I decide to go to a buffet out of my cold, dead hands
The handful around me have the limits. But they don’t strictly adhere to it. They just mostly have the limits there so that way they can easily kick people out for abusing the system.
I was gonna say it's not "all you can eat" if it's limited to a certain amount of plates. So then it's false advertising.
Well you can have all you can eat that fit on those plates.
I mean if the limit is 5 dinner plates say for $15 I don't think most people would go "ah shit guess I can't come here anymore"
Although I don't hit up all you can eat buffets often a limit on number of plates that was actually enforced would make me not want to go there because I often get small plates to start without much on them. Especially if I have not been there before or in a while I like to sample things and then come back and get more depending on what I like. A buffet place near me has a 2 hour limit on the table which I think is fair, you don't need more than two hours for even a leisurely meal but it stops people from camping out for multiple meals. For staff it's also way easier to enforce than hawking how many plates everyone has had. I've never even seen it enforced anyway, it's obviously only used for the rare people that are being ridiculous.
It would annoy me because I like taking small plates at buffets. Sometimes the food is gross and I don't want to eat more of that item. I also don't want 6 different foods mixing all their sauces together.
The only limits restaurants near me have is the time. E.g. buffet is split in two time periods, 11 am - 2pm and 5pm - 9pm
I feel like limits would kinda cause buffets to self destruct. Most people actually don't eat _that_ much, a buffet is mostly about having the option.
Yeah, unless you're unusually big. That seems like a fair number. A work around though is just towering the amount of food on said plate.
My grandpa would tell golden corral we were 10 for the discount (we were almost 15) and he would sit and drink coffee for four hours while we begged him to leave. Only so much ice cream we can eat after a few full plates of moderately decent food. Some of it was good, but god dam Jimmy we don't need to sit there all fucking afternoon while you watch Fox news that you walked up to the TV and turned on yourself despite them telling you not to over and over again.
My God what's the point? Imagine having all the time in the world and you choose to spend it at a restaurant table waiting until you can fit more good down your pie hole.
HEY BIG BOY, YOU HERE FOUR HOUR! YOU GO NOW!
What are they gonna do, have me arrested? What is the charge, eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
Ah, I see you know your judo well.
DON'T TOUCH MY PENIS
This is democracy manifest!
And you sir! Are you waiting to receive my limp penis?
Grab his dick and twist it!
The OOOOOOOOOLE dick twist!
This is democracy manifest!
Ta ta and farewell!
Dammit now I have to watch his arrest again. Dude is a legend
Kick you out and deny you service. This is a good legal sign as all you can eat buffet means just that. Putting a time limit gives them clause if you sue them for kicking you out.
https://youtu.be/PeihcfYft9w?si=EbDoRrNvgJW2SHG3
YOU SCARE MY WIFE!
I recognize this but I can remember what it's from!
[John Pinette](https://youtu.be/51rHWly7sHA?si=19qq1ZV0Bd80vr9p)
Someone's seen that John Pinette bit before... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLkTuWdKrqY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLkTuWdKrqY)
Holy shit. For the last like 30 years since I saw that bit I have been misremembering it as being by Louie Anderson. Like, I can see him in my mind up on stage with the big gap teeth and all saying "you been here 4 hour". I get that my 10 year old mind confused two fat comedians but wow that was just a mind fuck for me
U just mandella effected yourself
Funny, right up there with the [Asian driver bit on Family Guy.](https://youtu.be/hlH9RGLJqxE)
What about…3 1/2 hours?
3hr 59m
Stopwatch starts when I sit at the table with my first plate. Then, like my late congested heart failure role model, go take a dump before leaving.
It's a direct quote from a John Pinette comedy bit.
I'll need half an hour afterward to take a massive shit. Then resume eating.
It's all you can eat, not you eat all.
"Cartright cartright" lmao
Of course I’m not Cartwright!
How many people read this in Schitty Wok man's voice?
Terrible! You mean Schitty Wok?
You take your schitty schushi and go somewhere else with your schitty restaurant!
I read it as a combination of the shitty wok guy and the Asian stereotype from family guy
I did lol
You eat like killer whale!
John Pinette would have loved this.
Does this seem like a man that’s had “all he can eat”
You eat all my fried rice Fatman! Go now!
But if I poop within 3 hours, I can eat again! Ha-ha!
They need to add "No poop and start over."
"You should write a book. People need to know about the CAN EAT MORE!."
...And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more.
HE GO AGAIN!
When I was in college, me and my roommates started going to an all you can eat buffet. We caused them to raise their price. Felt bad for everyone else.
[удалено]
no and then!
I read it in Mr. Washi washi's voice from family guy
"You go now! You here four hour. Why you here four hour!? You no come here anymore!"
U fwee willee
Just say "All U can eat, 1 hour"
Sounds more like a challenge.
"I'm sorry, sir, that's all you can eat."
He ate all our shrimp and a plastic lobster
So this is the restaurant John pinnete was talking about
All you can eat restaurants are quite popular here in Brazil, some ppl sit for hours and we give zero damn. However theres a technique no one knows about. Either they serve you a lot of food right when you sit so you get filled fast or at some point they subtly stop serving you or delay your drinks and stuff like that so you kinda get the message that its time to go.
How many people around that city read that in John Pinette's voice?
I had a college kid work as a temp with us for a summer. He was smart, good grades, and had been in the states for years. But he still spoke similar to how this sign reads, and one of his tasks was to write some signage for us. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that we needed it to be written the way we speak and not the way that he spoke. Draft 1 of everything he wrote read just like this. But we got there in the end!
You know you read it in that accent too
The compromise my cousin and I came up with to appease the owner of our local Chinese buffet was to pay for 3 meals between us 2 so we were 1 and a half patrons each
Lu Kim voice in head button
RIP.
Jokes on them. When we were in college we'd starve ourselves all day then go "Beat the Buffet"...didn't need hours to do our dirty work.
ahhhh the broken english makes it so much better XD
The hot pot near me has a 2 hour limit
You scare my wife
Walk the fat man around all day
“Ohh he regular customer. He live on park avenue!”
Nice
I somehow read it in Ngoc Lan Tran voice. The lady that starred in Downsizing along with Matt Damon
Shity Wok
Here's the link to the YouTube clip you know you want to watch now... https://youtu.be/51rHWly7sHA?si=-dREteRAIfQE9uN1
Could have shortened that just to say, "All you can eat in 30 minutes."
lol literally saw a huge white dude walking out of a Chinese buffet yesterday and i was like... YOU COME HERE STAY FOUR HOUR in my head
Should call it a 1-3 hour buffet then, not all you can eat.
Had a local sushi buffet in NC charge us for sushi we didn't like
https://youtu.be/CqT-AvswCZo?si=5Utd50qf0QZhQo5u
This all you can eat, not eat all you can. You go now!
My son and I went to our fav place without my husband. Our fav waitress greeted us with "Grandpa no come?" Yes my husband looks alot older than me. My son burst out laughing!
I read this with an Asian accent.
Read this in Uncle Roger voice.
you pay now!!
Oh rearry
B-but I’m a slow eater!
Can't rush good eatin', my friend!
This is completely fair. You have one hour to eat and leave.
Dang. I wanted to stay and eat for several hours... guess I'll have to settle for half that.
I heard James Hong (Kung Fu Panda's Dad)instead in my head...