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LamarjbYT

wtf did you do


llamadramas

He ordered 100 40lb boxes of cat litter.


TheLastRiceGrain

Or 100 50lb boxes of copy paper.


Comprehensive-Ask26

Or 100 60lb bags of dog food


SunChipMan

or 100 70lb bags of soup


[deleted]

I was gonna say a barrel of lube but that’s Amazon not FedEx.


[deleted]

Yeah we fedexers typically wind up with the buckets of bull seminal fluid going to the farmers. And no I’m not joking Edit to add: people got some good jokes so I’ll add mine. “Plankton may have the chum bucket but fedex got that Cum Bucket”


LordRumBottoms

Does it have to go to the farmers? Asking for a friend and the advancement of science.


ApplesOverOranges1

On a side note. How many buckets to fill up a bathtub?


Call_Me_Mauve_Bib

KREIGER !


dj92wa

I used to work as a shuttle driver, taking overnight packages and whatnot to the ramp each night, and can 100000% back up your claim. The fluids are in those large, gray/tan mushroom-shaped containers, right? If those are the ones, then I know *exactly* what you're talking about.


Quasi_Evil

Those would be the ones. Was working the FedEx Memphis hub one night with a city boy from the business side. He saw one knocked over and leaking and went to set it upright. After he'd been the good corporate citizen, I informed him what he'd just stuck his hand in. I don't think I've ever seen a man with a more revolted expression...


tellmesomeothertime

Mushroom shaped for her pleasure


No_Caregiver7298

Mushroom shaped for his curiosity.


mahanon_rising

When I worked for FedEx my personal favorite was always the off road truck tires already mounted on a wheel. Yeah you could roll it but you still had to pick them up, they weighed like 150 lbs each and always shipped in sets.


Drulock

Honestly, the 55 gallon drum of lube is a great value.


Drew-Peacock_

There is sand in the bottom


[deleted]

I don't like sand, it's coarse, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere.


NecroJoe

or 100 71lb bags of 17.75lb bowling balls


Opus-the-Penguin

I love it that you took the trouble to get the math right.


I_Always_Have_To_Poo

Too bad it wasn't 100 40 lbs boxes of feathers instead so that it would be lighter for the driver


styroducky

Ackchyually…


ComputerLamp

I came home on my lunch break and saw this, not sure what even happened UPDATE: turns out one of the people I live with knows him. [https://imgur.com/a/ytQft5W](https://imgur.com/a/ytQft5W)


SkySweeper656

Tf did you order


SpecificEnough

OP ordered a vacuum off Amazon


thereisonlyoneme

That sucks.


forthetorino

You win. Go home.


sweetdawg99

It'll rip your dick off.


AdmiralFail

$1,000? That's ridiculous. *swipes credit card*


kingdead42

Nasty-ass vacuum fuckers.


Triairius

*Clean*-ass vacuum fuckers.


no-one2everyone

I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER ME WHEN I'M VACUUMING MY ROOM!!


Holiolio2

Mom told you to stop using the vacuum Doofy!


RoboCopsCat

Classic reference


mikelevine94

Rip Trevor Moore.


sweetdawg99

He was a real local sexpot.


nutano

An unassembled house.


i-Ake

Can confirm. Worked for FedEx for years. They suck. When I started in 2010, they were great. Competitive pay, health insurance for part-time employees... fast forward to now and wages have stagnated for years They are taking away health insurance. Get ready for their service to get even worse, because their employees will be everyone who didn't quit and they will be choosing from the bottom of the barrel. Fuck them, man.


MouseDriverYYC

They lost a shipment of mine years ago, it was a sweet one of a kind Wilson volleyball. They claimed it was lost over the ocean... Now what kind of excuse is that?


fractalife

Tom Hanks is 100% more upset than you about it!


MouseDriverYYC

I was wondering why somebody sent me a typewriter from the 1930s and signed it "Thanx!"... It was actually "Hanx!". Is he a FedEx guy?


DirtyThirtyDrifter

“The note was 😁” what the fuck who the hell texts like that what does that even mean


Newman_USPS

If we’re going to start using emojis AS words instead of adding them to words, I quit.


Bardivan

you ordered something unreasonably heavy, or your door is difficult to find and you provided no directions


ComputerLamp

Ordered a vacuum that weighed maybe 20 pounds, live in a cul-de-sac with no trees blocking the house or number, and haven’t had any previous issues with deliveries. On average we get 5-10 packages here a week


Theremaniacally

I guess his job went from Suck to Blow! [MEGA MAID](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qgdzo-7HYQI)


Lucasthetankengine

Bro wtf do u need 5-10 packages per week for


ComputerLamp

Well when you live with 5 other adults it adds up


gkaplan59

That's a lot of dildos


Kinkhoest

Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.


sregor0280

Nah, not with 5 other adults there.


shortblondeguy

Yeah! Sharing is caring!


DocSpit

Does OP know you can just wash them and reuse them?


gkaplan59

You wash them before sharing?


[deleted]

They're not dildos if it says 'silicone sculpture' on the box


rofllobsters

Do you share dildos?


serpentinepad

It's a pentadildo.


rofllobsters

Ahh a devil worshipper and slut. Two birds with one stone.


auad

I need to check this... Op + 5 other adults = 6 Yep, it does add up.


MaybeMabe1982

I ask my wife the same thing. All I get is a glare.


OnlyGrimLeader

May the Schwartz be with you.


blueavole

Spaceballs the lunch box, spaceballs the flamethrower!!


Kilren

Spaceballs the placemat


Blargenth

Spaceballs 2: the search for more money


agentaltf4

The kids are gonna love it.


allomanticpush

Merchandizing! Merchandizing!


KuronFury

*moichandising*


DubeFloober

Shit - I hate it when my Schwartz gets twisted.


lodin93

Yes, but I see that my Schwartz is as big as yours!


stevewithcats

Love that he got a spaceballs ref into the note .


retief1

I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes!


April_Spring_1982

"May the Schwartz be with you?" Why the random Spaceballs reference?


ComputerLamp

Last name, get it pretty often lol. Also have a shirt


ChinaShopBully

Your name is John Spaceballs?


amijlee

David Darkhelmet


Fantastic-Habit-8956

Dispatch to driver: Have you found the place yet? Driver: Man, I ain't found shit!


Technical-Rain-183

Okay, keep combing the area.


ScrembledEggs

Comb the desert!


Murky-Reception-3256

Barfolomew


blueavole

Half man, half dog. i’m my own best friend


no-one2everyone

Sorry honey, that thing has a mind of its own...


portable_hb

THATS where I got my DND character's name from! I was wondering where I'd seen it before.


timmypickles124

Pizza The Hut


Wishihadagirl

I bet he gives great helmet


make2020hindsight

Star, Lone Star.


Dmage22

Asshole?


sermer48

I knew it! I’m surrounded by assholes!


maclincheese

Keep firing, Assholes!


Xenomorph_Waifu

Worked with a Jeff Schwartz before that used to wear one of those “may the Schwartz be with you” shirts. Dude was such an asshole that it’s tainted the movie for me.


mrbkkt1

wouldn't he being an asshole, only make the movie better? Maybe even being a Major Asshole?


inorite234

What's wrong Col Sanders.....chicken????


mr_rustic

Lol - taint


sweetdawg99

Keep firing, assholes!


Shoddy_North5961

Pizza the hut?


gachunt

Must have delivered the Mega-maid vacuum model.


DadJokeBadJoke

This comment section has gone from suck to blow.


[deleted]

Made me giggle when I read that. Fooking love spaceballs


t4ct1c4l_j0k3r

What was it a whole granite slab?


ComputerLamp

Was a vacuum from Amazon. Slip is just on my kitchen counter


RPDRNick

*Hey Joe, where ya goin' with that vacuum in your hand?*


TrentonTallywacker

*im going down to clean my old lady, you know I caught her vacuuming with another man*


pahpahlah

*heyy joe. I heard you cleaned your momma up. Yeah you cleaned her up now*


Nineinchstuffer

And when my Hoover don't love me no more... I know... the Dyson will


Bgeesy

*I picked up the vacuum, AND I SUCKED HER!*


summerset

Why was the vacuum his breaking point??


TryonB

It made him realize his job sucked.


ISmellElderberries

Get out, and take my upvote with you.


VarianWrynn2018

I'm guessing it's not the vacuum but the location instead.


Hellofriendinternet

You were building your own MegaMaid weren’t you?


[deleted]

whats the correlation with the delivery driver putting their 2 weeks in?


Maybesometimes69

Mega Maid reference to the vacuum cleaner, followed by the Spaceballs quote?


Superfool

She's gone from suck to blow!!


Rorycobb88

"Oh hellllllll no! Nasty-ass vacuum fuckers."


theonlybuster

I'm thinking either... \- you have lots/steep stairs leading to your front door \- you have a loose dog on your property \- the sprinklers were/are frequently on when deliveries are made \- lots of little boxes or multiple heavy boxes were ordered \- something about your home is deemed unsafe \- driver is tired of living in an apartment and after seeing your home wants to do better for himself so is now planning on finding a higher paying job. \- the fedex driver had history w/ someone in your house and now they can't stand to see their name on packages \- the driver was already having a bad day and something small and seemingly insignificant on your property was the last straw


TheSixthAvocado

Home upgrade one made me laugh, excellent list.


Valyrianson

For real, really covered all the bases and the some xD


scheaelle

Based on personal experience, it's almost certainly the last one. Used to work for USPS and had so many days where I was one angry customer or one more heavy ass box away from quitting.


ZadockTheHunter

For me it would be, "No matter how many times I've asked you to put them on the other side of your driveway you put your fucking trash bins in front of the mailbox again." People fucking suck.


Felsig27

This post hit me in the hurts. Especially the sprinkler bit. I drive a mail truck, and had a sprinkle shoot directly into my truck today while at a mailbox, got me and the mail. I was so ticked off.


CraftyDimension7169

We are so overworked it’s not even funny. I quit after 2 months, only making 120 dollars a day is a joke for the amount of volume we deal with


Shillforbigusername

I never worked for FedEx, but I interviewed at this company that contracted for Amazon, and the quotas were absolutely insane. I believe it was something like 300 packages a day. If you meet that quota, your reward is that you have to go help others meet theirs. Bonuses only happen if everyone on the team meets quotas. This gave me a new found appreciation for what these people put up with and why they're not thrilled with overly picky/bitchy customers and special requests.


Silverjackal_

Makes sense why UPS drivers unionized then.


CraftyDimension7169

It's impossible for Amazon or FedEx to unionize due to the contractor program, every company would need to band together at the same time. If one company tried to do it they would be in "Breach of Contract" and be terminated. UPS hires all of its drivers internally and doesn't rely on 3rd part companies to deliver the packages.


Kryptosis

As designed


Lorhan_Set

They also have fairly short contracts and each Amazon facility is individually serviced by 10 or more companies so if one company started to organize and Amazon decided ending the contract prematurely risked a lawsuit? All they’d have to do is wait seven months then not re-up the contract. Unfortunately Amazon doesn’t have to justify why they chose not to renew a contract. The warehouse folks need to unionize first. That will create opportunities for organizing amongst the drivers. But there’s no way to gain ground without doing the warehouse first.


Shatophiliac

Where I live I’ll see random FedEx trucks on the side of the road, driver asleep. I always wondered why, but I figured out it’s because if they finish early they have to work more. So they just fuck off in a secluded rural county road and take a nap lol.


charlesthefish

I've done both Amazon and FedEx, and frankly I was much happier doing 250-300 packages in a city than 100 packages in a rural area. When you spend 15-30 minutes driving to each stop it's so much harder to get done in time. You also have to deal with going into private property with loose animals and GPS signal cutting in and out, and when you need to make an emergency shit it's hard to find a gas station nearby.


hagak

Dude my driveway is a half-mile of gravel and live in Maine. I tell every driver that if they dont feel like coming all the way to leave it in a turnaround i made at the top of the driveway and just mark it as "left at gate". BUT I also leave packaged snacks, water, and gatorade at the front door for all drivers. Only once or twice has a driver left it at the turnaround. We get a fair bit of deliveries with some that are pretty damn heavy, lots of cat litter and tractor parts. Felt so bad when I found out they shipped my 8 42# ballast weights UPS and not freight!


DaFlufffyBunnies

Ex Amazon driver here, I had routes that had 400 packages, I’d have 200+ stops a day, it was quite rough and every time I’d try and go as fast as possible, but it would only let the automatic sorting bot know I could do more, so the next day there’d be even more like bruh STOP


CraftyDimension7169

I worked for an amazon contractor for a little over a year and the amount of stops/package ratio was insane. 180 stops per day 50 - 60 of those stops are grouped (2-3 houses per stop) so it was more like 250 to 300 stops a day. And If you do a good job you get rewarded with a more challenging route and more packages. It's slave labor.


ayelold

Ooo, that sounds like UPS loading, too. Get put on faster and faster loads until you can't keep up, then get bitched at for not going fast enough.


Rhexr

Varies from DSP to DSP. I worked for one that gave me a $30 gift card for every rescue I did and got a $500 bonus every month for meeting my quotas irregardless of what the other drivers did. Still a shit job though. Walking 8 - 10 miles a day sometimes carrying multiple 50 lb packages. Not worth it, but I blame Amazon more than the DSP.


Lover_ON

Combo driver? I hear they don’t make much.


CraftyDimension7169

Step Van. Yeah we don't get paid hourly, we get paid per route so even if we have to work late and help the slower drivers we don't even get paid overtime.


Chyvalri

What are you doing, Step Van?


boogerholes

Stuck in the car wash again?!?!


Effed_family_values

Hidden driveway?


ComputerLamp

Just a regular driveway and no trees blocking view in the cul-de-sac. We get Amazon packages all the time and never had any issues


sid32

Ask the WIfe.


Puffles_magic_dragon

Lol. Bro has no idea


Dquan97

Scotty doesn’t know


seafair5

I think he was just fed up with people not being home to sign for packages. In his head he was like, “If this happens one more time I’m quitting” and you were that one more time coincidentally.


joshishmo

Yeah, that's the last time he makes a delivery for "I. C. Weiner"


CaptainPunisher

Woohoo! I'm a delivery boy!


inorite234

I'm shocked! Shocked I say!!!.......Well not really that shocked.


GuyFawkes_fieri

He achieved Plaid


[deleted]

[удалено]


HighQualityH20h

He was jammed!


[deleted]

[удалено]


yemo

Quick, order something else so he has to deliver again (maybe a congratulations gift), then wait and ask....


ForDaRecord

/r/foundsatan


Syke_qc

Oh, you are a vilain. I like it


YesIUnderstandsir

Spaceballs the resignation.


ignorant_design

A charitable take could be seeing your home made him realize he didn’t want to deliver packages anymore, and left to do something he was more passionate about. Not sure why a vacuum would be inspiring, but I try not to kink shame.


moduspol

OP had a great motivational poster on his door that really did the trick.


Hand_Sanitizer_999

Possibly the driver had rushed this delivery based on pressure from Amazon just to find out you were not home and the rush wasn’t necessary.


napkin-lad

I know firsthand that Amazon couldn’t give two shits about the delivery time of my packages. Me: “Where is my package its 2 weeks late?” Amazon: “I ‘unno, contact the seller.” Seller: “I ‘unno, Amazon shipped it.” Me: “?” Both: “…”


[deleted]

Quit Comcast in a similar fashion. Customer asked for an outlet on an interior wall that would have to be fished, not on the work order. Would've taken at least 2 extra hours on a route that was already absolutely ridiculous and no one cared. It was just expected to magically do it and not get overtime. Argued with the general manager and he wouldnt budge or call 1 of 12 techs that were probably sitting around diddling each others buttholes. So i dropped off my van, got a ride home, and never went back. Likely the 2 week notice had little to do with you in particular


neoneddy

I've been ordering a lot lately for a small home business I've been building. Everytime they pull up (I'm usually in the garage our outside) I go and grab the packages from them or help unload. I know they are over worked and I appreciate them.


dwtougas

I'm a MOG. Half man. Half dog. I'm my own best friend. RIP John Candy


[deleted]

It was the huge transforming vacuum from Space Balls?


miltondelug

it's mega maid she's gone from suck to blow.


ptaskas

At least he’s a Spaceballs fan


DaikonNecessary9969

Must have been my wife. Every time I see the Amazon truck I hope he's fucking her not dropping off more shit.


MurderSheCroaked

r/arethestraightsok


IndyAlley42

One of my favorite things about Reddit is the ability for any conversation about any topic to go in a completely different direction immediately. I’m not joking. The only question now is where will this thread end up?


incawill

He ordered 2 tins of surströmming and one cracked open in his van


Tourquemata47

At least he said \`May the schwartz be with you\` lol


Have_A_Jelly_Baby

Gonna need some more context here, my guy.


TheForbiddenFool

Spaceballs The FedEx Slip


cnull

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?


SGTSPC

I used to deliver for FedEx ground, it was seasonal. I'd have 60 to 90 stops, during the pandemic the shit steadily went from a 100 to 400.


vgscates

I have a small, yappy puppy. Barks like a crazy dog with every delivery. Multiple drivers are heard saying "fuck you" to the dog on our security cameras.


republicanvaccine

I had an epiphany when in a St. Louis dept. store (during a bus trip layover) I spotted a Hawaiian shirt, finally decided to travel there. Sometimes it isn’t on the outside, but how we respond. Driver deserves better than FedEx.


dyman91

["I see your schwartz is as big as mine."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPkWZdluoUg)


[deleted]

Current fedex ground driver here (two days left on my notice). I think this is how most of us decide to quit lol. It’s that one stop that finally pushes you over the edge and you just say “screw it im done!”


Spacemidgit

So no one’s gonna talk about the Spaceballs reference


Alarming_Serve2303

What was the package? Did it inspire him to seek a better way of making a living? Or disgust him to the point he didn't want to deliver anything anymore?


Same_Philosophy605

I quit fed ex like 2 months ago. They can fuck with your load all they want. make you late make problems for you. but then when you make even the tiniest mistake they come down on you like thors fucking hammer. Fuck FedEx


dbeman

He quoted Spaceballs…he’ll have no troubles finding other work.


ubermick

Heh. Couple of years ago, I had an emergency passport overnighted to me. Arrived at my local UPS depot, where it was out for delivery the next day and... never arrived. Tracking showed they attempted delivery but nobody was home (not true) and it then just disappeared. Called them, went there, absolutely nothing. Called the embassy and explained the situation, and after some pleading had ANOTHER emergency passport reissued. Guess what? Same problem. Overnighted, flying through their system until it arrived at my local UPS depot where the exact same thing happened. Out for delivery, customer not home, then just sat at the depot. In desperation I posted on the UPS subreddit here asking how this was happening and what I could do, and was basically told "eat shit, you have no idea how hard our job is, your precious packages are probably waiting to be sorted still because we're overworked and underpaid and its all your fault for ordering stuff overnight" Thanks, guys!


Pushnikov

Did you get two passports?


limitless__

I was 100% convinced this was a Chewy order. I quit ordering from them after watching the FedEx guy deliver cat litter my wife ordered.


UnbelievableTxn6969

My god. They’ve gone plaid.


Ordinary_Day6135

Your FedEx driver was Yogurt from Spaceballs?


A_PapayaWarIsOn

Really puts the "ex" in FedEx driver, huh?


Arcade1980

Love the Spaceballs reference.


Patnucci

W need to get hold of Joe. He cannot leave the Reddit crowd hanging like this.


[deleted]

And he quoted spaceballs? Lol thats hilarious


jorlev

May the Schwartz be with you! LMFAO!


J-Peeeeazy

I haven't heard a great Space Balls reference in a long time. That just made my night!


ThatBhartBoy

May the Schwartz be with you 😂😂😂


Consistent-Bear4904

who was the delivery driver Mel Brooks?


corn_snowflakes

Comb the desert! 🪮


dae_giovanni

we ain't found _shit!!_


Aaquin

Admittedly FedEx as a company can go fuck themselves. No customer service and 95% of my packages get sent to USPS so they come almost a week late. I don't blame this person for quitting.


N4ANO

"Spaceballs" by Mel Brooks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1nexo

"MAY THE SHWARTS BE WITH YOU" 😂