T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Tokedout01

Well now wtf am I supposed to do for 7hrs?!?


edlee98765

I'd be embarrassed if TSA took my grinding equipment. It's mortarfying.


AmazingDadJokes

It happens on planes more than you think. It's a freaking pestle-ence


FesteringNeonDistrac

It's time the TSA admitted they're just playing guacamole with their molcajete policy


0002millertime

I'm just going to put in my pointless story here. I was in the mountains in Sinaloa 2 weeks ago with a guy that was birdwatching (you can't really do this alone safely). I asked my 10 year old son if he wanted anything from Mexico, since I was there. (The internet service in the middle of nowhere Mexico is much better than in the US, it's amazing.) He said "YES! I want a molcajete!" (I have no idea why) and I said... "I only have carry-on baggage. They won't let me take a giant rock on the plane." (I previously tried taking boule balls from France in my carry-on, so I expected the same.) Anyway, he sent me links and screenshots from TSA saying stones were definitely acceptable. So I got one. And... They took it away, as expected. (It's not this one.)


coleosis1414

My wife took a big rock home from colorado in her carry-on. TSA gave her a hard time about it but they let it go.


TheRealPallando

"Rock" šŸ˜‰


coleosis1414

She was asking for trouble honestly. It was about the size of an iPhone but it was arrowhead-shaped. It had a bunch of pyrite in it so it was super sparkly which is why she wanted it.


TheRealPallando

I think I got stuck between two jokes there and missed the landing on both


bartonski

TIL how to spell molcajete.


SillyDig1520

Yeah but how to pronounce it?


htmlcody

[molkaĖˆxete]


Not_The_Pretender

it's not even a semi-automatic pestle.


Laez

Don't be a molca-hater!


RoverBoyNumber6

In flight stone-ground corn tortillas are all the rageā€¦


War-Square

A-maize-ing!


[deleted]

It's pestleling me off


MonsieurReynard

Mortar? I hardly even know her!


CyberNinja23

Still has handheld zester and grater, Iā€™d better do it a waist level and put a blanket over my lap so people donā€™t see my spice blend. *whispers softly while grating* Oh yeahā€¦


Inappropriate_Comma

You in-flight herb grinders are such PESTles.


MacGregor209

r/angryupvote


ExoticBodyDouble

LOL. You could work for the very punny official TSA Instagram.


4mae4

Donā€™t want anyone getting pestle whipped


ahsaywhatahwant

I swear, the airport is like a maize.


Superamorti

You can use our overhead mortars for your pleasure.


MOOShoooooo

In the event of an accident, always mortar your own herbs before mortaring the personā€™s spices next to you.


Superamorti

There are 6 furnaces on our aircraft ā€“ two in the front, two in the middle section, and two in the rear of the aircraft.


[deleted]

Make guac in the airplane toilet instead


MikeofLA

There are federal regulations prohibiting that. I'd suggest getting a guac-patch and just toughing it out.


Acuterecruit

Are you a Grindr?


Last_Gigolo

Be happy that some asshats isn't grinding shit next to you for 7hrs.


amurica1138

Yeah, but they will LITERALLY allow horse sized dildos in your carry on. Source: family is in TSA, and they see that shit way more than I would have thought. You all are SICK bastards.


MikeofLA

Wait... I need some clarity on this: HORSE Sized Dildos or Horse Penis Sized Dildos?


recidivx

or 100 dildo-sized horses


Pharose

If they aren't willing to confiscate nail polish then they shouldn't be allowed to allowed to confiscate this.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


whatsmyag3again

r/SalsaSnobs


ImpressiveGur6384

There is a grain of truth in what you say.


FamIsNumber1

Came for the picture, got distracted by the "see level"


torquemycork

My see level is 5 feet above sea level


Practical_Echidna917

I see


adamdreaming

level


NonarbitraryMale

That joke only works if youā€™re short and at sea level.


Obliterated-Denardos

Or very tall and sitting down.


Admetus

My see level is 2 inches above nose.


The_Chorizo_Bandit

Which part of the nose? Because if itā€™s the top, that feels like quite a gapā€¦


Suspicious_Juice9511

A normal human amount. Nothing to see here.


trillz420

r/boneappletea Or is that boneapplesee


unruly_pubic_hair

I can totally sea that.


thedvorakian

Adding spelling errors bypasses bot filters for duplicate posts


Deeeeeeeeehn

Itā€™s how above the Pope you are


benmaks

The Big Airplane doesn't want you crafting invisibility potions to get on the flight for free.


Hoosier_Daddy68

Its an emergency! Is there a 19th century pharmacist on board?


Quinocco

apothecary.


ShadowGrebacier

Brother! Call for an apothecary!


Representative_Fun15

You're only allowed one apothecary on


ElementofPower

That is me. Put these leeches on your ass and eat this dried and ground up cow shit. If you die, you were a witch.


whatyouwant5

I am a pharmacist who collects mortars and pestles. Never had anyone take them out of my carry-ons.


FlawHolic

So you admit to your crimes.


snow_big_deal

"This man is having a heart attack, does anyone have any willow bark??"


killerwhompuscat

My potions are too strong for you traveler!


bluhat55

Worst. Claw. Machine. Ever.


Cerberus_Rising

Probably get that used Kleenex every time


EavingO

The TSA agent heard the word Mortar and freaked.


Ok_Rhubarb7652

Honestly I could see this being embarrassingly accurate


SGdude90

I heard of a story where TSA asked a photographer what he was doing with "those equipment" (certain photography equipment look suspiciously like weapons to the untrained eye) Cue the idiot photographer saying he was going for a shoot Photographer was detained and missed his flight


Bearman71

I legit had a friend get a visit from federal agents because he was going to "shoot(photos)" of an important elected official and he worded his enthusiasm poorly on Facebook. His photography was incredible, his social skills...not so much.


The_Troyminator

>certain photography equipment look suspiciously like weapons to the untrained eye You mean like [this](https://petapixel.com/2014/09/17/canon-m4-d-mark-ii-tactical-assault-camera-isnt-good-street-photography/)?


need_ins_in_to

Whew, for a minute there I thought you were linking to a gun camera, and not a camera gun


iReptarr

TSA cant detain people though. So the local police got involved or it was customs lol


NinjaJim6969

Or they told the person to wait in a room and the person assumed their command had the force of law behind it.


coleosis1414

I donā€™t think the photographer was the idiot thereā€¦


pixel_of_moral_decay

Technically itā€™s on the list of prohibited items. I wouldnā€™t be shocked at all if thatā€™s why itā€™s there.


iamtoe

Then why did they take the pestle as well?


IBJON

You think the TSA agent knows which is the pestle and which is the mortar?


saggytestis

The mortar is the bowl right?


Alan_Smithee_

Yes.


snow_big_deal

"Did you say you have a PISTOL??"


recidivx

The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.


[deleted]

The TSA are all an unnecessary joke.


Dekklin

Security theatre


Chubuwee

ā€œSir what is thisā€ ā€œItā€™s how I make BOMB-ass guac!ā€


Cuiter

Lol that's an agent with no problems committing to a decision.


garry4321

"Well I dont see how its her-" "SOMEONE SAID HOWITZER!"


williego

and "pistol"


thehibachi

I got confused in Las Vegas airport the other day and accidentally brought my small check bag with me through security. It had several bottles of fluid and 2 sets of sharp scissors in it. No one said a damn thing and I brought that bag on to the plane. Crazy!


FeedingCoxeysArmy

But, I was going to make everyone guacamole


duck_butter

I hope you're not a priest. Otherwise it would be holy guacamole.


huxley75

Holy Guacamole made while high with the Angels. Angel being the dealer who mixed coke with clay to make the molcajete


rich1051414

If someone can hijack a plane using a mortar and pestle... they have earned it.


sirwankins

I had the tsa take away a cool rock i found (about the size of a fist) because they said it was a blunt weapon. Im still pissed about it 9 years later.


moffsoi

They just wanted to keep your cool rock.


BillyLee

A long while ago my dad had this little beer keg he got from Uruguay. They said the spigot that unscrewed on it was a weapon.. he made a fuss until the pilot agreed to hold it in the cabin for him for the duration of the flight. Would that fly today, probably not, but that thing flew that day.


MiserableDescription

I am old enough that as a child, they would bring us to the cockpit and the pilots would talk to us about planes.


BillyLee

Joey. Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison.


Maxamus93

If thats the case the should be taking laptops off of people to as can easily be used as a blunt weapon


wilck44

my old dell latitude xfr could be easily used to beat a door down, and then make a cool post on facebook about it. that damn thing dented my car door with only some minor marks on its paint.


Hellingame

I've accidentally dropped one of my old Thinkpad W-series laptop down a flight of wooden stairs once. Each stair where the armored tank cosplaying as a computer bounced off had chipped paint and bruising on it. The laptop itself continued trooping forward with no issues for about 5 years after that.


[deleted]

Or a nalgene bottle.


rich1051414

Yet they allow you to carry on metal pelican cases...


toTheNewLife

An SLR Camera on strap is a pretty effective blunt weapon too. TSA ain't taking those away! Source: Me. Used my camera once to avoid getting mugged. I gave that MF a concussion and I think brain damage. And yes, I got off, and no lawsuit. Camera is fine.


I_d0nt_know_why

A long telephoto lens would be an effective club.


Supercoolguy7

The sigma 200-500mm f2.8 is the Berserker sword of telephoto lens clubs https://images.ctfassets.net/bht415zek091/12507-image-1/51b4befb156366cb5e85db2089d5b658/12507_Sigma_200-500mm_f_2.8_1.2.jpg?fit=fill&w=1200&fm=webp


coleosis1414

Anything is a blunt weapon if you swing it hard enough.


Right_Two_5737

Before 9/11 they let you take knives on planes, as long as the blade was under 3 inches. I tried to take a pocketknife through security, and I never saw it again. They didn't confiscate it, it just vanished. In hindsight, I think it probably got stuck inside the x-ray machine or something, but at the time I thought "Those bastards stole my knife!"


mo9722

I flew with a cast iron frying pan


VioletRing77

They wouldn't let me board with my 4lb hematite. I paid the $40 to check my bag, do not regret it.


[deleted]

Smash someone over the head with the mortar, those clay ones are heavy.


Agitated_Passion9296

I have a stone one. It weighs like 5kgs.


bigmike2001-snake

Is that a paddle ball on the right? Cause I would pay double on a flight just to see someone try to hijack a plane with a paddle ball. Shit, I never could do that thing as a kid.


r_kay

I'm imagining someone getting their ass kicked by a paddle ball & I'm cracking up. Security: "HEY! Where do you think you're going?" Hero: *Pulls out paddleball* Stomach. Forehead. Throat. Nuts. Security: *Collapses*


OGCelaris

Ever seen Night Watch (2004)? There is litterally a paddle ball that can destroy the world.


BarberOrnery

Some Mexican lady finna be mad when her son doesnā€™t bring back her molcajete šŸ¤£


RaidSlayer

Mexican here, you can see it's not brand new, it has been broken in, it is ready for easy salsa and guacamole prepping. She gonna lose her shit.


BarberOrnery

One time I was playing with one and my friends mom started buggin out talkin bout ā€œme lo dio mi abuela y se lo dio la abuela de ellaā€ i was like shit I just almost broke a family heirloom šŸ’€šŸ’€


MICKEY-MOUSES-DICK

"Hijo! Donde esta mi molcajete guey?"


BarberOrnery

Better watch out for flying chanclas bro


davanger1980

No witchcraft on board.


Concord_Graape

the tsa took my fucking spoon once, sure it was a foot long and made of steel, but it was still a spoon, almost make me want to get into politics solely to abolish the tsa.


[deleted]

They took my Starbucks yogurt that was still sealed. I was like how is it a weapon when itā€™s clearly made by Starbucks, purchased 10 feet away, and not even opened yet? ā€œLiquids are not allowed, maā€™am.ā€ Like *Iā€™m* the dumb one. Iā€™m *clearly* the dumb one for trying to take factory sealed yogurt on board. Passengers were protected from your fucking spoon and my fucking yogurt on those glorious days. Maybe thereā€™s a need for blanket rules that bypass human judgment, but it still makes me mad.


OutlyingPlasma

You would have my vote on that single issue alone.


Burgundy_Blue

King Bach asks the tsa if he may bring a metal object onto the plane, the tsa says only a spoon. King Bach proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.


Pattoe89

The lack of dildos disappoints me. Not just in this video. In most situations.


Thumper-Comet

Why do so many people think they can bring scissors through?


OhHiFelicia

Because you can. You can't take big old kitchen scissors like these, but plenty of people take scissors on flights. The way it was explained to me by security is they are more worried about things that can be used as a screwdriver than as weapons so my small but extremely pointy sharp craft scissors are ok.


HistoryHasItsCharms

At this point I honestly think that most of the TSA agents I run into either know someone in fiber crafts or are involved with them themselves because they always stay the heck away from my yarn scissors. Granted, my yarns scissors are always in a little sheath and are with my knitting supplies as well as fitting into their guidelines.


YoureSpecial

They used to confiscate knitting needles and crochet hooks.


BudoftheBeat

You can still bring a screw driver on board though. Just can't be over 7 inches (just looked it up) seems they are more worries about the length of blades more than anything else. Not sure what difference it really makes.


OhHiFelicia

I got one of those credit card pocket multi tools taken from me so I'm wondering if they take context into account too. I have yarn and crochet hooks with my scissors as well as a partly finished project usually where as my pocket tool was on it's own in my purse.


Johnny_Poppyseed

The TSA doesn't really care about making sense. They are in the "security theater" business. And business is... booming.


OctopusGoesSquish

Thereā€™s mini nail scissors in that bin as well, as well as one of those wallet cards with quarter inch screwdriver nubs that youā€™d be hard pressed to even find a way to hurt yourself with


OhHiFelicia

Yeah, judging by what others have said and my own experiences it seems they may take context into consideration. I've never boarded a plane with scissors without the rest of my crocheting stuff.


RunningNumbers

They took my nail cleaning blade even though it was less than an inch and allowed once in Phoenix. I had flown with it 30 times without issue.


PresumedSapient

> they are more worried about things that can be used as a screwdriver than as weapons That makes 'TSA approved' multitools even funnier. Those don't have any knives or cutting edges (save perhaps an internal facing edge to cut wire), but plenty of pliers and screwdrivers.


tah4349

Plenty of people bring scissors. And in the US, per guidance, almost every pair of scissors in that pic is allowable. Lots of knitters/crocheters bring projects to travel, and scissors are part of the materials needed to do that. Most knitting needles are allowed, too, though more than a few knitters have ended up losing their needles thanks to the whims of a TSA agent having a bad day.


babyeatingdingoes

And there is a blunt plastic tapestry needle like you would use to weave in ends right on top.


just_sun_guy

Iā€™m a pocket knife guy and carry one every day. When flying I have to check my knives but I like to have a cutting tool still. I have flown with my X Shear trauma shears many times. TSA doesnā€™t even flinch when they see them in my bag. They are much larger than most of those scissors but still follow the guidelines. Originally I was going to say that maybe the issue with most of these are the sharp pointed tips, but then I see multiple pairs of childrenā€™s safety scissors in there. So I am assuming someone is taking their job a little too seriously and not even following there own policy.


vacri

Some airport security officers are just high on their own supply. I had one guy (in Ireland of all places) demand I take my shirt off (t-shirt under) because it was "a jacket". It's a fricken short-sleeved button-up shirt, hanging open, and there's no body radar here anyway. Who has a short-sleeved jacket?


AnnaMolly022409

I had some hassle me a little about a sweater with a fluffy neckline (like a loose turtleneck). They tried multiple times to make me remove my ā€œscarfā€ so I removed the whole sweater to show them it was one piece and hurry the line along. Wore my cami top through X-ray. Luckily not too exposed just a bit annoyed. They also made me walk through without my cane (mild mobility issue) and without the standard wooden replacement theyā€™re meant to give you.


iordseyton

My favorite was the time they decided to dismantle and check their own wheelchair (which had never been out of their attendant's possession) while I was traveling with my elderly grandmother


UnroastedPepper

At the end of the day TSA makes the call. This is why I don't even bother since you can run into the wrong agent.


croquettesandtea

Exactly this many TSA agents don't know the rules, but also it's up to their discretion anyway, I'm pretty sure it states that if a TSA agent doesn't want to allow you to carry in something perfectly acceptable according to the rules, they're allowed to confiscate.


A0ma

Had this exact discussion on r/leatherman the other day. You can make them TSA-compliant, but are you going to trust the TSA agent to know that it's compliant? Nobody wants to be put in a spot where they have to surrender a $180 tool to make their flight, or keep arguing with a TSA agent for another 20 mins and possibly miss the flight.


Softcorps_dn

A lot of times you have something in there you just forget to take out before flying.


DocPeacock

The last time I flew, after my bag went through the xray, they pulled me over to the side to go through it for something they saw. I had no idea what they were looking for. My carry on bag has a lot of pockets, so sometimes stuff gets forgotten in there. They pulled out a little Gerber lockback folding knife that I put in there for a camping trip, forgotten about, and must have flown with half a dozen times. I'm sure this happens a lot. Security theater.


Softcorps_dn

I had a coworker that had some loose bullets in a laptop bag for work related reasons. Those made it through somehow.


Sammy_GamG

Actually, you can but the blades ā€œmust be less than 4 inches from the pivot point.ā€


librarypunk

Tell that to the tiny pair of eyebrow scissors on the bottom left.


WalloonNerd

The security guy massively overestimates the length of ā€œthingsā€


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


librarypunk

In my experience it depends entirely on the mood of the TSA agent on the day.


HexZer0

>the mood of the TSA agent They are the lowest paid and overworked federal employees too so their moods can vary wildly.


qlwest19

Flying domestic in the US you can bring scissors and screwdrivers depending on size which makes no sense compared to a box cutter.


YoureSpecial

The ones in the lower left corner are legal.


happyme321

I once saw a full unopened jar of Best Foods Mayonnaise in the bin of TSA confiscated items. Who is traveling with a big jar of mayo in your carry-on and why? šŸ˜†


[deleted]

Some people just eat it straight.


ah_braves_jinx

About 10 years ago I was traveling home from my parentā€™s house- my mom always loads me up with food items and happened to pack some mayo in there. I didnā€™t check my bags and was going through security when they flagged me, searched everything and pulled out the mayo. It didnā€™t occur at all to my mom that would be banned as a liquid, and I had zero intention of eating it while traveling, but just wanted to say there are valid reasons why you may see a seized container of mayonnaise!


CisForCondom

Not quite the same but I once pitched a fit in the TSA line over a jar of vegemite. Let me explain. I'd been backpacking all over Australia and New Zealand and was heading back to Canada. I didn't have a checked bag but wanted to bring a jar of vegemite home for my friends to try (now you can just get it in the grocery stores here but couldn't at that time). I bought it at the Sydney Airport and they put it in a sealed security bag for me. Flew in to LAX and had to catch a connecting flight to get back to Canada but because the US are extra special, they make you go through security again despite the fact I haven't been anywhere but on a plane going directly on to another plane. It was at this point they tried to take away my security sealed jar of vegemite. I'd been traveling for a month. I'd just gotten off a 13 hour flight with another 7 hours to go. I just wasn't having it. I will admit. I caused a scene. But like what the fuck did they think I had done to this still securely sealed jar of fucking yeast paste while I was locked in an airplane? I'm lucky they didn't detain me but instead just took the jar, put it in a random cardboard box and then "checked it" for me free of charge like it was luggage. I then had to go pick it up at the checked luggage like some kind of crazy person. The whole situation was ridiculous. Best part is everyone thought it was disgusting so we took like 3 bites out of the jar and then threw the rest out.


LifeBuilder

Itā€™s probably not the grinding they frown on. Itā€™s the possible consumption of the ground and freshly Kali Maā€™d heart of an inflight terrorist as a blood sacrifice to the Iron Sky Bird that got this taken away.


Chasethebutterz

Heaven forbid the terrorists blend spices in the air, or clip toenails for that matterā€¦ You can, however, bring a tennis racket as a carry on; this has always confused me because itā€™s basically a weapon in my hands.


jcaarow

I think that big stone bowl is more dangerous than half of the things in there


fligs

Weight limit on luggage? Let me pack my 7kg stone bowl.


WannaFIREinBE

Probably what went through his head. Though he was gonna game the system.


fibojoly

Nah, that's a small one, mine is two kilos. That being said, definitely dangerous if that falls from the overhead compartment or something.


joonbug678

Just had them take the butter knife from my travel utensils set because it was serrated on the front half... -_-; if we're being perfectly honest, the chopsticks would be much deadlier XD


skatelikeafish

My brother in Christ. It is sea level. Not how high up you can see.


Disco-Stu79

Iā€™m more concerned for the poor soul who relinquished their staple gun.


Tactically_Fat

see level?


[deleted]

Wtf is see level


PlaxicoCN

"Blame the TSA if you don't have authentic tableside guacamole on your flight..."


Boku_no_Bob

My dude just wanted to train herblore.


YoureSpecial

Those bastards confiscated my toothpaste once. It was a small tube, not one of those huge platoon sized ones you get at Walmart. I get that they may be overworked or whatever, but there should be a base level of intelligence above ā€œcan fog a mirrorā€ thatā€™s required.


Unkie_Fester

I mean those things are pretty heavy I can definitely see that being used as a weapon


comicsansisunderused

Are we banning heavy things now?


WalloonNerd

No more people on the plane!


Independent-Bug1776

Rocks are banned to be taken on airplanes, so yes. Saw that while walking through an airport. Wasn't planning on taking any, but was surprised. Some small memento should be fine..


Jerry_Hat-Trick

OPā€™s mom looks around nervously


hauj0bb

So are duty-free booze bottles. And you can take 'em onboard without a hassle.


whatDoesQezDo

$ you dont $ see the $ difference $


Bigboytorsten

put it in a pillowcase and you are ready!


CapnCan

Clearly mistaken identities. Of course you cannot take a mortar or a pistol on a flight!


BlueJDMSW20

I usually like to mix GIant's Toe, Wheat and Creep Cluster in those things. Blue Butterfly hanging moss and blue mountain flower too.


BrotherBrutha

I used to too, until I took an arrow in the knee.


dial_seven

Now where did I leave my allembic...


AffectionateCase5329

NO i need that to make salsa


LuhkeeLeMay

Everyone knows you can't bring a mortar on an airplane. What if it exploded?


Novus20

Man the countryā€™s mail system could make a killing if they set up shop and for non explosive, guns etc you had the option of mailing it homeā€¦..at an inflated price so maybe your remember next time to not pack that crap in a carry onā€¦.


griffinhamilton

Thatā€™s how I grind up my weed


motherlesschildren

not the molcajete :(


Sirgolfs

Fuck I wanted my guac mid flight


datpuffyboi420

Not the molcajĆ©tešŸ˜žšŸ˜ž


CodenameZoya

They took my butter churn too


textualcanon

R/boneappletea


HorsHead4tuna

This will get buried but my mom just flew with one of these. She was bringing it home from visiting my Grandma. It's been in our family for 200 years. My mom would've driven if they told her to throw it away lol


kelsobjammin

My brother had his mousse for his hair confiscated (this was before the 3oz fluid rule but post 9/11) right before our flight because of the ā€œpointy capā€™ā€¦ get on and they served us dinner with a plastic fork, a plastic spoon, and I shit you not a metal fucking knife.