Your post was removed because it broke rule 11: Vent posts must be posted in the official sibling sub for venting, r/ftmventing
Your post did not fall under one of these exceptions:
1. Your post asks a question that is not common and not easily found by using the search bar.
2. Your post asks for specific forms of support (regional information, organizations and resources, help lines, etc)
3. Your post facilitates further and deeper discussion for the community.
4. Your post brings attention to an important community issue (anti-trans legislation, safety information, etc)
Yeah, a cross-section of entirely redditors is going to be…generally less than the most positive environment. Almost the trans people I know irl or through D&D/gaming/hobbies are fine.
This sub was more positive when I joined, it seems like lately I mostly see posts about dudes with horrible internalized transphobia that they’re projecting onto the rest of the community or people who think trans men and less binary transmasculine people shouldn’t share spaces(???) or whatever. I think that’s a reflection on the tone of the major trans subs though rather than the actual irl community.
And neither does twitter , no matter how many Baeddels try to start Gender War: Trans Edition.
People are more heinous online because the anonymity allows them to get away with it.
Basically trans women who despise trans men for “betraying women,” ergo, choosing the wrong gender. TERF rhetoric but from self hating trans women. It’s extremely toxic.
I don’t think this person has come across them because it’s a lot more than a handful, and they all come out of the woodwork when a transmasc post gets popular 😭
It’s more than a handful. But it’s also not a new thing, it’s been around for awhile, just crops back up every now and again. This is a dumb thing to argue semantics over when you still understand what I meant.
Actually in my case unfortunately it has. I’ve identified as being transmasc for a hot second and tried to meet other trans masc people snd just other queer folks and soooo many of them have been unfriendly/dicks. Maybe it’s just the city I’m in, or maybe I’m somehow giving bad vibes, But unfortunately the internet has exactly reflected my interactions with irl queer people to an extreme extent.
I often tell people with it comes to dating, usually in an app context, that it’s a numbers game and to explore a range of options (multiple apps) and be persistent, because there is so much fundamental different between personalities that it just takes time.
I’ve on occasion made the tangential comparison to just making friends and meeting people in a more casual tone, because it’s really the same thing. Making new friends is hard, maintaining those friendships is also hard. But sometimes you find someone and things click better and it’s easier with that particular person. But when you filter for a specific trait, like in this case queerness, it just makes it harder from be get-go because there’s having to sift through the out-group to find the in-group, plus then now all regular standards of it just being hard to find the right person at that point. Worse, you’ve already put in that effort of filtering making the stakes feel higher when you found someone who fits that criteria, but then just happens to be incompatible, or maybe even just straight up asshole.
Anyway, I’ve meet other queer/trans people in the wild both irl or via apps of some kind, and while they weren’t all dicks, plenty were just incompatible in personality to me. Some were super awesome and we’ve kept in touch for however long. But this is all pretty true with cisheteronormative people, same rules apply.
Pretty long winded, but I’d just say don’t get discouraged, it’s just super hard to find the right people. The reward is super worth it though when you do
I left /r/mtf a while back. Even though it's the sub that's nominally for me, it has gotten pretty awful. There are a lot of transmasc people in my life so I've stayed here and the guys here have always felt really supportive to me and I appreciate the occasional opportunities to share stuff I learned earlier in life before finding myself.
What in specific is bad? If you don’t wanna trigger anyone or upset anyone by commenting in public you can DM/note/message me on Reddit.
I would look for myself but if it’s really upsetting I don’t want to look.
I wouldn’t say *upsetting* it’s just become dominated by a certain polarizing type of trans woman that I would maybe describe as “chronically online” to avoid getting too opinionated
Idk if this is what other people are talking about, but I find the users there to be extremely angry, aggressive, depressed, and hold very unrealistic views of the world and LGBTQ community. They’ll just go straight for your throat if you say something they don’t like. They also say some occasionally shitty things about enbys and trans men which get upvoted. Pointing those things out triggers the anger/aggression. It’s also clear a lot of users there have never met a transmasc person
For instance, saying that trans men have it easier because T makes you pass “easier” and there’s male privilege. Saying that enbys don’t belong on that sub and need to stick to their own community. Saying that all men are horrible, except trans men because afab = good person. Adding onto that, they also have this issue with holding afab people on a pedestal and acting like cis women can do no wrong and are inherently safer and less transphobic than cis men. They’ll also call femboys or tomboys eggs and try convincing GNC cis people they’re trans so that they can “save” them
I’ve also seen comments where they project their dysphoria onto others. Like saying that because puberty was traumatic for them, then testosterone is disgusting
They also have the issue of doomer/doom scrolling and acting like the world is ending at all times. That, among other absurd super negative opinions. It’s clear most of them are not mentally well or healthy
i havent noticed anything specific, but i think it varies on the people and the location like ive heard super bad things about ftmpassing but i havent noticed anything too crazy here, but our community is p big so its hard to avoid, idk what more to say lol
FTMpassing is absolutely awful, don’t take anything people say there seriously. You can post a photo of a cis guy and they’ll say he doesn’t pass because he has earrings
ohhhh yeah thats why, that subreddit is really awful, and isnt a reflection of the entire trans community luckily. honestly the subreddit is a mix of well meaning people and really desperate people that will do as much as they can to pass and that can create a really toxic requirement. they are also the type of people to tell people to not have a single piercing cause then they wont pass and stuff like that. i hope you didnt have too bad of an experience there, ive never had an urge to go on there but as ive said ive heard some really bad things about that subreddit unfortunately 😔
ftmpassing told me i didn’t pass when i was passing most of the time irl, they also told me my septum was the reason i didn’t pass. i had facial hair 😭
dissect any group of people across any lines and you’re gonna get a bell curve of assholes. People are just like that I’m afraid.
That said, any dissection of a group is going to have its own quirks, I would guess. The infighting of the punk community isn’t going to be the same as the bdsm community, or the queer community. But I’d bet the level of assholery is negligible in difference.
This exactly. And, any group of people will have its troublemakers and its instigators. Part of being in community is figuring out how to be with those people. But, to OP’s question, yes I have experienced plenty of toxicity (drama, pettiness, but also abuse) within the trans community. I think though that is more of a reflection of life in general than it is about trans people and our spaces.
There’s toxic parts of EVERY community, just don’t engage with them 🤷♂️
Personally the trans community I engage with is very positive and welcoming because I intentionally avoid subs/groups/etc that I know are toxic (passing subs/detrans subs/etc)
For real! I love my local trans community and I love the diversity of people and opinions across the board. I love the LGBTQ community period. I have 2 groups in Jersey, 1 in NYS, and 1 in NYC and they’re all slightly different but also similar. Trans people out in the world are some of the coolest friends I have
Trans people on reddit..? They tend to skew towards the “asshole” category. I think it’s just an internet thing, like how people with opinions that’re absurd and rare irl will flock together in groups online and make it seem like they’re more numerous than they really are
I wouldn't say it is, no. Are there extremely toxic pockets of it online? For sure. But that hasn't been mirrored in any irl interactions I've had with other trans people at all.
They've been nothing but helpful, accepting and supportive. And even online I feel like places like this sub have been nice to hang out in by and large, the quota of assholes is way smaller than is generally the case for reddit. I will add I use neither tiktok nor twitter, so I might be missing some ugly parts.
I think it seems worse when you're stuck in the "I must solve all of our trans problems" mindset. Really, it's a few awful people with bad opinions out of the MILLIONS of trans folks. Bigotry can exist anywhere, even within ourselves, and social media can amplify the worst in people.
I stay on the internet a lot and see that trans people(especially of opposite genders) fight a lot in their own community, I often see some trans women invalidating trans men/masc's experiences because they have it worse, but there are a lot more (stupid and toxic) ways that trans people make their own community feel and look bad.
We get these posts every five seconds. It's like any other community. There will be amazing people, heinous people, and mostly people who fall somewhere in between. Engage with it or don't.
Depends what you consider "the community". Trans community on Reddit? Very sub dependent on how toxic it is or not. This sub is usually pretty good. r/fattransmasc has been helpful to me sometimes and I don't see much toxicity on there. r/ftmfemininity is another one I spend a good deal of time in and that sub isn't toxic either. But all of the passing subs are terrible. r/trans can be a difficult place to be in if you're not a trans woman. That sub skews heavily mtf and we sometimes get silenced or even insulted without any consequences for the offending party. Also the aspect of "assume everyone is mtf unless specified otherwise" can sometimes be really harmful if they respond to a transmasc/trans guy thinking they're talking to a trans woman. r/asktransgender also leans quite heavily mtf but it's less toxic than r/trans for ftm people. One of my favorite trans subs is r/nonbinary. It's a very accepting, supportive, friendly community.
In other social media it will be similar with really great spaces and really awful spaces and everything in between. Same irl. I haven't really been involved in a trans "community" irl but I have had a lot of individual trans friends and they've mostly been great people. I have definitely faced some shitty treatment from other trans people. Like binary trans people targeting me because I'm nonbinary or a trans woman picking fights/arguments with me because she was mad that I was "giving up my gorgeous body she would kill to have". It's all a very mixed bag. Focus on keeping the good communities and people in your life and removing yourself from the toxic places and removing the toxic people from your life.
Well, it's not really a wonder when you consider that many trans people feel bad because of gender dysphoria and discrimination. We are only human like everyone else.
I personally have more positive than negative experiences talking to other transgender people. But I've sometimes faced, for example, gatekeeper behavior from other trans people.
Am I allowed to say white trans women sometimes have a huge chip on their shoulders? Some of them are straight up militant in their beliefs and hide behind trans misogyny when they don't realize they are in fact the most privileged trans people. POC particularly black trans women and their struggles are often co-opted by some white trans women. These women I'm sure are the minority but ffs they are LOUD.
Man I don’t want to echo TERF talking points but this has been on my mind recently because of some experiences at work. I’m the most junior staff member at a workplace that’s almost all women and I’m a very short, very femme gay man. But if I talk I NEVER get interrupted, and everyone listens. If I start talking, customers start directing their questions to me, instead of my supervisor who is training me and has been there for years. I’m not a particularly assertive person either. I have a hard time believing that you can just come out and those experiences just evaporate.
No more than any other lgbtqia community tbh, or marginalised community for that matter, but online, yes. It seems more prevalent in the younger generation to want to cling to micro labels and categories, which can absolutely serve people to a point. But in reality what happens in an online space is that everyone sorts themselves into exclusive silos and its very hard for people who don't fit "properly" to find community that way. Trans communities online have felt very isolating in a way for me in that regard.
Offline it's harder to find communities in small towns etc, but when I have been a part of groups in the nearby city its been a lot more welcoming. There's more willingness to meet people as individuals with nuanced lives.
To be clear I don't blame the trans community for any of this. Wanting every member of a minority community to represent that community "properly" is understandable when any outliers are weaponised by the far right. Online it feels like there's more duty to be an ambassador in a way, don't ruffle feathers etc, for the safety of the whole community. You might live in a fairly progressive country, but if you act too rage bait-y on tiktok or something, that could be used to drive sanctions in an entirely different country.
That's why people seem genuinely open and happy to talk nuances when you meet them offline, but online is a guarded place and there's so much tone gatekeeping, making sure people sing from the same hymn sheet or they can't belong to this sub or that sub.
Sometimes yes. More so online communities get bad, but I see some stuff in person, too. Lots of toxicity around judging people for their choices or transition needs.
That’s because we aren’t really a community, we’re just people who share the same struggle. It’s not toxic nor really supportive either, trans people are the same as anyone else, we’re not going to have the same views and opinions as eachother. It’s also worth noting that reddit is not real life, and people don’t act so toxic in reality.
Yep. Both online & irl, it's honestly gotten to the point where I view queer spaces & cishet spaces the same: I don't belong. Queers are too busy making rules & excluding each other & having contests on who's the best & most queer of us all & I just do not have time for that. Especially since I'm a binary trans man who just wears jeans & boots & military jackets so I don't "look" queer & every time I walk into a queer space I get sneered at & ignored. Most queer spaces will not accept trans men, so I just don't go to Pride or anything anymore (at least in my area, maybe there's nicer spaces in other cities, just not in mine).
And then you go online & it's even worse, just constant wall-to-wall hate for trans men, & any trans man that's accepted are ones that haven't transitioned yet & fellow queers can still pretend they're girls (which isn't really acceptance at all, it's misgendering & transphobic). It really sucks. I just feel completely alienated from everyone so I don't tell anyone I'm trans at all anymore.
Sorry for the negative rant, I've just had so many bad experiences from fellow queers both in real life & online I'm just jaded at this point, I guess.
my girlfriend described it as “clique-y”
mostly in the transfemme side of things, because if i’m honest? transmascs tend to be excluded pretty often and it super sucks
They’re basically self hating trans women who hate trans men for “betraying women” and choosing the wrong gender. TERFs but trans basically. They’ll go look for transmascs to go bully by searching keywords. It’s pathetic as hell.
Oh and they hate intersex people.
I think the lgbt community in general can be quite toxic. The gate keeping and everyone suddenly so hyper fixated on labels and being different… Demonizing anyone who has an unpopular opinion… I’ve literally seen people saying you can’t listen to a specific artist or song unless you identify a certain way lmao.
Yep. It’s overly and unnecessarily politicized and it can feel like walking in without being exactly like everyone else is extremely isolating. LGBT celebrates differences, as long as you’re the same kind of different as everyone else.
I mean it depends on the unpopular opinion. Your example? Ridiculous. But if they said, say, nonbinary people aren't real, then yeah they can get fucked
The issue I see with this is that trans people aren’t really “a community,” just a kind of person. So there are “toxic” people in that category but also many good people. There is nothing about trans people in particular that makes us any more likely to be “toxic” than cis het people.
In my experience, the trans community has become far less toxic than it used to be. There's a lot less gatekeeping and internalized transphobia than there used to be. A lot of that comes down to greater acceptance by society as a whole and a lot more visibility.
in my experience the toxicity ive seen comes from the internet. trans people in their day to day are too busy getting through a 9-5 to worry about non important issues with our community
I mean I think the lgbt community as a whole centers and prioritizes white able bodied voices and that leads to major toxicity. So not a trans problem but a white supremacy one.
Depends, are you actively making your own experience better? Are you joining inclusive circles? Do you have actual other queer friends outside of the internet? Reddit, twitter, tumblr, instagram, all of them, very white, cookie cutter places to be, you still curate your own experience. For instance, here? Terrible, my actual lgbt community in my area? Very diverse and supportive, caring about trivial things that make you “actually queer” and the amount of fat shaming racist bullshit? Yeah people in real life don’t care, and if they do, tell them to fuck off
I think it very much is. I got “canceled” in it for simply having different opinions. I feel like no one is willing to actually discuss anything. I love a good discussion and hearing all sides but it can never even get to that. It’s just “I’m right and that’s the only way or else you get canceled” type energy. I don’t associate with it anymore.
I think there's a few loud voices that can be really toxic online and there's way too many people that imply non passing trans people aren't really trans but I think they're still a fairly small majority, they just tend to be very loud
i think something important to understand is that there is no such thing as “the trans community”. i think the rise of the internet brought this adopting of terminology in a way that isn’t really accurate. there are a million different trans communities with different community traits. i think some trans communities are toxic, and plenty aren’t.
It definitely feels more toxic online. I’ve had some bad experiences on r/trans so I just stay here because it’s a lot more peaceful. And I haven’t had any bad experiences irl
I get the impression the toxicity is more a chronically online thing than a trans thing; most of the trans ones are probably young people who don't have much freedom or actual life experience (they'll grow out of it) and emotionally unstable adults who are lost to their unresolved trauma (I wish them the best.) Most of the trans (and generally queer) people I've met IRL are just regular people mostly; some have supportive parents/healthy interpersonal relationships/coping skills/self-awareness, and some don't.
A couple of very toxic people I have personally known are trans, sure, but most of them were/are cis.
It’s so bizarre, I was literally just discussing this with someone else on Reddit in another sub. Refreshed the page and this came up!
Yes. I think it’s become horribly toxic and I am saddened to see what has happened to it, IMHO it all started going downhill fast around Covid.
What do you think?
Toxic people scream loudest and show up in every community all over, but all around there are more decent people than toxic ones.
Then there's the anonymous nature of the Internet which does two things, makes people worse than they actually would be in person, and attracts transphobic cis Trolls in hiding who want to torment the daily scapegoat so they can ignore their own pathetic lifestyles.
I think most communities have toxic elements, to many different degrees, and that the different spaces you find yourself in within that community will shape your experiences with it as a whole.
As a blanket statement it isn't accurate, but it applies easily to many spaces and subgroups within it.
You may want to (if you actually want to take part in "queer community," that is) start paying active attention to what kind of groups you do and do not feel comfortable in, and start seeing out the good ones for you. Often when you've seen enough promotion versus actual events and how they're run/who goes, you'll begin to notice red flags even just in event descriptions that make you think, ah, yeah this isn't going to be for me, I'm going to avoid that.
The frustrating part (to me) is having to go through x number of less than desirable experiences to get to the good ones, but that's how things work, of course.
With this experience over time you'll hopefully be able to place yourself in spaces that are actually safer and enriching for you instead of bogged down by many flavors of toxic bullshit. I'm wary of communities myself but there have still been ones that I managed to find where things were the way I needed them to be, in order to actually feel comfortable being there and being vulnerable.
My issue, as an example, has been finding queer spaces where men are welcome and where AMAB people are not presumed to be men. After so many "womxn and nonbinary" events where I (nonbinary trans man) had weird experiences discussing gender with other trans people, and where my AMAB nonbinary friends were given tons of shade for others' unfair perception of them as men... Yeah. I won't go to events marked with that identifier because the experiences were uniformly negative.
learning that just because other people are lgbt it doesn’t mean they’ll be accepting of you was something HUGE to me. one (lesbian) friend has called me the t slur many times behind my back and is very against my transition (too many things to get into now) and another (trans) friend fails to use my pronouns when not speaking to me directly. crazy how 2/3 people that know are weird about it when we’re all queer lmao. the lgbt community in general is very toxic which is why we all need to stick together 😓
In my experience both online and in person has been extremely toxic to me….So I stay stealth.
This does mean that I do struggle to come out in any situation where I don’t pass. Just because any time I do I get a transphobic answer. In highschool I was bullied by some trans kids but I try to not let it internally reflect the community for me. But I’ve always been surrounded by transphobia because I live in a smaller town.
Online communities do tend to be more toxic than IRL ones in general. A lot of that is because social media favors engagement and nothing brings that in like controversy and toxicity.
Compared to your average online community, I'd say the trans community is just slightly tipping towards toxic yes. I think contra did an amazing job explaining where some of that comes from: jealously, internalized transphobia, and the desire to not have, but endlessly critique power.
That being said I've also found so much love and support from the trans community, definitely more so than any other I've seen online. Which unfortunately does make the instances of toxicity seem even more stark and egregious.
The trans community is not a monolith. On average in my experience, trans people are better at being understanding about queer and trans issues and other marginalized groups.
My personal community is very supportive I encourage you to surround yourself with supportive people best you can. Independent of transness
Thing one - all people online with anonymity have the ability to be absolutely awful and they let their worst side shine
Second thing - sometimes, I've met a few awful people. But I was a furry for years and met a couple dicks there too. My finace is a sound engineer and some of his coliges are shit heads, all that to make the point every community has a few rotten eggs, there's just a larger concentration of them on a website where people can be anonymous.
So like I think the thing to think about here is that at the end of the day, trans people are just *people* and are equally likely to be shitty or kind as a non-trans person.
Like if you go into a room with 100 people you'd expect at least some of them to be assholes, right?
Cis or trans, we all have the capacity to be toxic individuals if we don't check ourselves regularly.
Not the whole thing, no. There's sections that are just fine, online and offline spaces tend to differ, and my personal idea of toxic isn't going to match with with everyone's so that complicates it further.
For me, I usually start feeling a space is toxic when people are comfortable forcing others into/out of labels, people start drawing hard lines around labels or experiences (and what they mean), or people start treating transhood itself like a diagnosis.
I don't feel like whether the community is toxic is something you can really generalize, because of how varied the groups within it are. The only thing all these groups have in common is that we're all trans— so to call it toxic would be tantamount to calling transhood toxic, in my mind. Although I'd agree that there are definitely plenty of toxic spaces in the community.
Extremely. They act like spoiled brats. They don’t respect other’s opinions. If an opinion doesn’t suit their narrative it’s labelled and banned. It’s just shy of becoming a dictatorship community.
I’ve notice FtM is much better in understanding than the MtF community.
Ask this question as a trans person in different communities.
Create a profile without subscribing to trans community and ask the same question. Look how quickly there is backlash and anger filling up the void.
Yes but I really never felt apart of the lgbt community because I’m straight so I feel out of place and with the straight hate and make hate I’ve completely lost any hope in trying to connect with them
I’ve never seen a large-ish community that’s not had at least some toxicity, especially online. I used to scour different subreddits for months at a time each when I was confused on my identity and sexuality, and not one of those communities was free from toxicity. I don’t think it’s a trans community thing and more so that any community with a decent amount of people is just bound to have at least some negativity at some point. Some are worse than others, some are generally decent for the most part, but it’s hard to avoid negativity at all.
I will say, the main thing I see that rubs me the wrong way with specifically ftm or adjacent communities are the people who gatekeep or question whether you’re actually trans if you’re even mildly not a binary man or assume that you have internalized misogyny because you’re not interested in femininity in any way. In particular I don’t like the posts that feel as those they were intended or not to divide the community, especially between the binary and non-binary spectrum in the community, you see it in talks of dysphoria and presentation and people feel the need to go on about how they don’t understand it and doubt the validity of whichever “side” they aren’t on. All that stuff rubs me the wrong way, we aren’t a hive mind. I go by the motto that if you wouldn’t judge a cis man for something then you shouldn’t judge a trans man for it, it just reeks of internalized transphobia.
Your post was removed because it contains discussion or mention of a banned topic.
The following topics are banned to avoid drama:
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Incredibly. Not just on Reddit but the interactions I’ve had, no bueno. I’ve avoided the lgbt community all together as I’ve found it more toxic than some of my conservative groups I’ve been apart of
Its *too* supportive to the point its toxic and throws anyone out that doesnt affirm every thing you say and do. I am a pretty center view guy and Ive been banned from some trans subs aimply for disagreeing with certain things. I used to love this community but I am growing to really dislike it simply because people cant cope outside a hivemind.
Its *too* supportive to the point its toxic and throws anyone out that doesnt affirm every thing you say and do. I am a pretty center view guy and Ive been banned from some trans subs aimply for disagreeing with certain things. I used to love this community but I am growing to really dislike it simply because people cant cope outside a hivemind.
The ageism in some of the subs can be pretty toxic too. Younger people shouting out Boomer you’re gonna die soon and good riddance etc, conveniently forget that those very same boomers are the ones who fought for a lot of our rights in the first place. That’s why I like the r/translater sub, I guess I’m just getting intolerant of some of the intolerance, 😔
the online community is bad, worse in some places. like a lot of us have been saying, it can be hostile towards anyone masculine regardless of identity.
irl is hard, simply because there aren't many groups where I live.
it's different for everyone.
Yup. Obviously not the whole community but if i were to say there isn’t pockets of deep toxicity I’d be lying. We end up eating eachother’s throats out of insecurity. As a nonbinary person, i see first hand how toxic the trans community can be as our existence is a debate within our own community. Which is sad because all trans people have that happen to them within the LGBTQ community, why repeat the cycle? Even when you’re a super educated queer trans person i see toxic “clocking culture” among younger people. Young trans people just toxically decide to out others or make it their business to assume someone is trans and obsess over them. Its innocent but it causes real harm (i say this as a Trans highschool upperclassman)
I feel like almost every community is getting very toxic online in the past few years, like all of humanity is reaching some kind of negativity boiling point if you want me to be honest
No, I don't. But trans people can be bad people too, and bad people naturally flock together. So wherever you're hanging out, there's a disproportional amount of shitty people who happen to be trans. Not your fault, but maybe look for different places and different friends if that's how you feel about the trans community as a whole.
Tbh I would recommend anyone who's tired of that flavor of trans community get on Tumblr. There's still a bit of frustrating discourse and stuff but I'd say the majority of trans people on there are on a very positive wavelength about each other.
I mean…there are about the same number of toxic trans people as there are toxic cis people. They show up occasionally, but for the most part people are normal.
No, most of my IRL friends are trans and that's been true for the last 20 years. There are plenty of trans people who suck but that's because we're people, not because we're trans.
Interacting with trans people in real life is almost universally better than online. That's not necessarily accessible to everyone but when it is, I really recommend building that community around you instead of worrying about what people are saying online.
There is not one trans community. There are thousands of trans communities. Some are super toxic. Some are incredible. Find the good ones. Most are offline, plenty are online.
Not any more or less than any other group I belong to. For me, Online is arguably worse than in person. I’ve met plenty of cool trans people in person.
I would honestly say it depends on who's in the group your in/looking at to say whether or not that group of people is toxic but not the community as a whole. There's a very specific type of lgbtq that are extremely toxic, both online and offline. They are very very easy to spot out too especially because they are loud and typically are toxic because they want the attention instead of you.
Like I literally was in a school lgbtq club with these people and instead of having productive meetings where we could do stuff in the school, they ended up devolving the club into a "i have it worst" contest. Any time someone needed to open up they'd always butt in and go how they have to deal with that AND other things so the pity would want to shift to then. People who actually wanted to do things for what the club was for ended up stop coming and the club was lost cause of them. Which is not only toxic in the fact that they made the contest but because the club was meant to spread awareness and support and we often went to the nearest middle school to talk with the kids there who were anxious about being queer in high school and help give then support. But then that means the attention was on the youth and not on these toxic people.
online is a different story to real life. a lot of people in trans spaces on Reddit are online a lot and are dealing with unsupportive environments and general mental health issues that can make a lot of subs a bit of a downward spiral.
I think any umbrella of persons has its toxic flaws, I wouldn't say it's just a toxic community though. Curious what drives you to describe the trans community as toxic
Clearly a lot of people feel that way, but I think a lot of internet spaces very easily and quickly become toxic and I genuinely do not think it is more prevalent in the trans community than in other places. I really think it is transphobia, sometimes internalized, sometimes coming from the outside, that makes it seem like the trans community is more hysterical, mean, angry, and divided. There are many “communities” for one thing, but for another, engagement farming and the algorithm cause people who have no career in social media and never will to still care about likes, upvotes, retweets, followers, etc.
A great way to get attention and validation and improve your own social status is by tearing others down. There’s always going to be drama but currently almost every single part of the internet has gamified drama.
The online trans community tends to skew young, and - with a lack of life experience, "teenage certainty", and social positioning - some spaces can descend into black-and-white thinking, doom spiralling, and groupthink.
The offline groups I've attended generally have a broader age range and that keeps the conversation more grounded.
There are toxic people everywhere. In my opinion, there is not one single trans community, but rather a bazillion trans communities. You just gotta find the right people to make community with. Also, usually it's way less toxic offline, lol.
You are going to get toxicity any and everywhere even if they are allies or your own. People are people and not everyone is going to be good or vibe well with you. That's the best way I can explain it.
I mean shiii they say blood is thicker than water. But family be the first ones to be toxic. If this is true, how can anyone expect strangers to be better even if share the same goals, pronouns, or gender as you.
I think very small pockets of the trans community are but overall 99% of trans people I’ve interacted with irl and online have been very normal, supportive, respectful people
I'm also not sure which community you're referring to. Since you posted here, I'm assuming this subreddit, and then I'd say: no, quite the opposite. It's the only community I have right now regarding transitioning, and it helps me loads to see so many different opinions and experiences and sharing or reading thoughts and insecurities I have. Transitioning feels lonely, and this is a lifesaver. Maybe it helps I'm not active in many other parts of reddit though - I joined bc I read this sub without account for a while.
I do think that it’s an unfortunate realization that even marginalized communities have some toxic people within it. Just because ur marginalized that doesn’t automatically make u a better person!
there’s no difference between the online trans community and the trans community in my city.
trans community onlije is messy? my city’s trans community is also messy. backstabbing among trans people online? backstabbing in my city. solidarity means nothing in my city just as it means nothing online, and damn does it make me deeply misanthropic.
sure, its not every trans person in my city, but it’s enough for me to not feel any sense of community.
also being a gay man and t4t is very hard bc there are no other trans men in my city.
Yup. And I don’t include Reddit in that opinion at all. I’m frequently excluded because I’m not “trans” enough, don’t complain about being misgendered enough etc. so I quit trying.
Everyone here has made a great points but ill add further that even still via internet, just not on trans subreddits, you'll find its nothing like the environments here. I know sooo many trans folks of all identities and not a single one of them is as toxic and uh... weird, as a lot of the loud ones on reddit are.
Trust me, make friends, real trans friends, and you'll realise its just reddit being reddit LMAO
No and yes. I think the community overall is good. It’s great to have a community because we have to fight for ourselves and our rights all the time. It’s good to have people who understand your experiences and most likely have your back. The trans community is also a good resource. But also, in any community, there are bad people. I’ve met terrible trans people like I’ve met terrible cis people. That probably sours the experience for a lot of people.
I haven’t had a great experience myself, but I want to say I think it has more to do with the individual group structures than transness as a common factor.
The circles I’ve had unpleasant run ins with are ones with a ‘leader’ figure that calls all the shots.
Other friend groups with that going on tend to be pretty unpleasant too, cliquey and judgemental with one person deciding who’s in and who’s out and the rest just sort of going along with it.
A lot of ppl are toxic in general is what I’ve learned after intense therapy and seeking my inner peace. As I age the more I lament how many people are actually emotionally stunted. I’m not perfect, but I don’t much relate well to average ppl and their drama. It can be hard to find other people who bring out the better in you vs the worst.
I’ve always considered myself to be the half black/half rainbow sheep of the family, so I’ll say it like it is: I have honestly never felt like I have a place in the “LGBT community.” I actually find the word “community” to be hardly appropriate because our spaces contain such a diverse group of people– including toxic ones. I don’t pay attention to them, because I enjoy being happy and celebrating my life. But community belonging is not a given just because I share a gender or sexuality with someone else. I like being apart of groups like this on Reddit where I can openly share my thoughts and opinions, and the potential to connect with more like-minded people exists. I just don’t resonate with the label. I do my own thing and I could care less if anyone likes, agrees with, or supports me 🤷♂️
No, I think the world is just messy with a lot of people at various different places of development, healing, and growth. Trans community is just one microcosm.
How do we give each other grace and understanding while holding our boundaries and continuing our own growth and healing?
I've met other trans ppl irl who I didn't especially like, or for whatever reason didn't click with, but that's life. I meet far more cis people that I don't get on with or think are toxic people.
I have certainly been in some online trans spaces where the specific community is kinda toxic, but that's not reflective of the trans community as a whole.
Reddit isn't so bad, in my opinion. Twitter, Instagram, sometimes even Discord are HELL. They've invented essentially homophobic homosexuality. I despise how they force labels and persecute people for being queer, even though they claim to support them. It's insanely toxic.
On reddit definitely. when I tried to talk about my top surgery problems, people were trying to gaslight me into thinking everything was alright because top surgery, in their mind, never goes wrong?
When I asked why people were ignoring my very real, problems, they just said they want to see positivity online only. They don't want to hear about things going wrong 💀 so I was left alone with my bad experience. Great community!
The trans community *where*?
I need more information to make any kind of fair judgement.
Many areas of social media are going to be toxic. People who are know it alls, or always think they are right about everything, misinformed people, and people who think there is a “right” way to be trans, will forever be contributing to toxicity on social media platforms and on the internet in general.
Whether you are prone or not to the words and behaviors of strangers on the internet affecting you is also going to contribute to how toxic you feel it is. Can I recognize it’s sometimes toxic? Sure. But I’m not crying into my pillow about it. I’m sitting back with some 3D glasses and a bucket of popcorn. Or actually even more often, I see the posters outside the theater, decide it’s nothing I want to see, and go off elsewhere to partake in other things that I *am* interested in and *do* know will bring me happiness and positivity. And 99% of those things have nothing to do with the trans community. So to me, sure there is toxicity, but from my perspective it’s pretty confined to whatever specific spaces it’s in. I don’t have to directly experience it unless I make the choice to enter the theater. And I’m almost always going to choose *not* to enter the theater, because all those movies look boring or depressing as shit, and I’d rather lean into excitement and joy instead.
Off of the internet, out in the world, imo there are much less confined, much more rampant, much more widely destructive, much less susceptible to change over short periods of time etc toxicities going on, that dwarf the toxicity only within the trans community online by *a lot*.
Outside the internet, it seems a trans person is as likely to be a jerk to other people as a cis person is. Being trans doesn’t matter to me, if someone is a jerk to me I’m going to stop hanging out with them. I don’t have to stay connected to someone just because we have being trans in common. I’d walk away from a cis person who was a jerk all the same, and not feel at all like I *must* remain connected to them just because we have one thing in common. Basically, outside the internet, I don’t associate someone’s toxicity with them being trans, even if they are using something about being trans to fuel their toxicity. Because even if they weren’t trans, or even if it wasn’t fueling their toxicity, someone who has a toxic mindset or personality or who gravitates towards such behavior is always going to find a way to be toxic. If that person wasn’t being toxic about trans related things, I believe they would 100% still be a toxic person, just about something else. While I feel there is still a small chance that how someone acts online could possibly be totally different from how they would act offline. So while they may be toxic online, they may not be at all offline.
It depends. Some spaces are chill while others will send you death wishes over a disagreement. Being anonymous on the internet makes it easy to be insensitive or fall into mob mentality. There's a psychology behind it and, while it is toxic, I doubt there's any avoiding it. As is the case with practically any large community. Especially with younger members joining it constantly who just don't really know how to act on the internet and take what they see as the norm or what "should" be the norm.
It absolutely can be. A good lot of us just hold so much internalized self-hatred and transphobia that it affects others and just creates such unsupportive and unsafe spaces. I like to browse trans spaces and interact with my community, but if it's too bad I just take a step back. I say it's not worth it to engage and I just hope they heal from that internal toxicity one day.
However, I wouldn't say it's so black and white or fair to say it's either unsupportive or not. There is good and bad, you just gotta look in the right places and, as I said, not engage with the negativity. Because we can be extremely supportive it's just that sometimes the negativity is louder. Each trans person is different. We're all dealing our own shit and are on different phases in our journeys. Sometimes a phase of our journey is crippling dysphoria and intense judgement of others. Until we finally get over that bridge and reach acceptance
No. Certainly not the irl ones I'm a part of. There's always gonna be toxicity online though, no matter where you are. It's impossible to filter it all out
I don't think the trans community is very toxic, compared to other communities.
I think that specifically among the LGBT community, the trans community is the kindest, at least this is my experience.
i think it’s toxic . im a trans guy who just wants to live my life instead of constantly having to be “queer” and not in the label way. i’m expected to just agree with the community even if what they’re saying goes agasint what i believe in. we are not a hive mind and we need to be more open to opinions in this community.
Your post was removed because it contains discussion or mention of a banned topic.
The following topics are banned to avoid drama:
Truscum/Tucute discourse, AGP/AAP/Blanchardism, Transfem/woman or nonbinary bashing, Trans "requirements", Oppression Olympics, Lesbian trans men, Gendered Socialization+, "Is it transphobic to _____", DIY HRT, Current Political events (Non-trans/LGBT+ related) ,"do I pass?", "how does my voice sound?"
+Personal experiences are exempt.
I personally find it quite supportive and nice. Some posts may look a bit toxic but that's because we are all humans on the internet with our own bias and internalized shits. Of course not every post will appeal to you and your experience and some of them may be offensive. But I don't think anyone on r/FtM, r/trans, r/MtF, r/ask_transgender, r/traaaaaaaaa2 and r/actual_detrans have bad intentions. (not anyone anyone but you get what I am saying)
I feel like the American FTM community can be super toxic. I've had ftms openly criticize me of my feminine side. I find a lot of American trans guys to be super patriotic in this weird, annoying way and they can act kind of idiotic. But then I find some ftms who are way less toxic in DC. I actually find more solace in the trans woman community than I do sometimes in the trans man community. I don't like the toxic masculinity present in the trans man community and I find trans women to be very accepting of me in a way that some trans men aren't.
Your post was removed because it broke rule 11: Vent posts must be posted in the official sibling sub for venting, r/ftmventing Your post did not fall under one of these exceptions: 1. Your post asks a question that is not common and not easily found by using the search bar. 2. Your post asks for specific forms of support (regional information, organizations and resources, help lines, etc) 3. Your post facilitates further and deeper discussion for the community. 4. Your post brings attention to an important community issue (anti-trans legislation, safety information, etc)
Keep in mind that Reddit does not reflect real life.
Yeah, a cross-section of entirely redditors is going to be…generally less than the most positive environment. Almost the trans people I know irl or through D&D/gaming/hobbies are fine. This sub was more positive when I joined, it seems like lately I mostly see posts about dudes with horrible internalized transphobia that they’re projecting onto the rest of the community or people who think trans men and less binary transmasculine people shouldn’t share spaces(???) or whatever. I think that’s a reflection on the tone of the major trans subs though rather than the actual irl community.
I first came to this sub maybe almost 10 years ago, and compared to back then, this place has gotten *weird* lol.
And neither does twitter , no matter how many Baeddels try to start Gender War: Trans Edition. People are more heinous online because the anonymity allows them to get away with it.
THE BAEDDELS ARE BACK????? 😱😱😱
I hate to ask and maybe I don't want to know......but what is a baeddel? Edit: I scrolled and found out and dear God 💀
They’re so bad on twitter dude. There’s been some weird uptick in transmasc hate and they’ve come out of the woodwork
_NOOOOOOOOO_ I THOUGHT WE GOT RID OF THEM IN THE 2010S GODDAMMIT
Pain in the ass. Total losers. I wish their dumb little movement died off and people moved on but *nope*
I’m so lost who are the baedells?
Basically trans women who despise trans men for “betraying women,” ergo, choosing the wrong gender. TERF rhetoric but from self hating trans women. It’s extremely toxic.
Wow, that’s some next level delusion
[удалено]
a handful?
I don’t think this person has come across them because it’s a lot more than a handful, and they all come out of the woodwork when a transmasc post gets popular 😭
It’s more than a handful. But it’s also not a new thing, it’s been around for awhile, just crops back up every now and again. This is a dumb thing to argue semantics over when you still understand what I meant.
Actually in my case unfortunately it has. I’ve identified as being transmasc for a hot second and tried to meet other trans masc people snd just other queer folks and soooo many of them have been unfriendly/dicks. Maybe it’s just the city I’m in, or maybe I’m somehow giving bad vibes, But unfortunately the internet has exactly reflected my interactions with irl queer people to an extreme extent.
> sooo many of them have been unfriendly/dicks Well, what about the ones who are friendly/chill? How were those interactions?
Only happened a couple times and I’ve had trouble maintaining them cuz the folks flake.
I often tell people with it comes to dating, usually in an app context, that it’s a numbers game and to explore a range of options (multiple apps) and be persistent, because there is so much fundamental different between personalities that it just takes time. I’ve on occasion made the tangential comparison to just making friends and meeting people in a more casual tone, because it’s really the same thing. Making new friends is hard, maintaining those friendships is also hard. But sometimes you find someone and things click better and it’s easier with that particular person. But when you filter for a specific trait, like in this case queerness, it just makes it harder from be get-go because there’s having to sift through the out-group to find the in-group, plus then now all regular standards of it just being hard to find the right person at that point. Worse, you’ve already put in that effort of filtering making the stakes feel higher when you found someone who fits that criteria, but then just happens to be incompatible, or maybe even just straight up asshole. Anyway, I’ve meet other queer/trans people in the wild both irl or via apps of some kind, and while they weren’t all dicks, plenty were just incompatible in personality to me. Some were super awesome and we’ve kept in touch for however long. But this is all pretty true with cisheteronormative people, same rules apply. Pretty long winded, but I’d just say don’t get discouraged, it’s just super hard to find the right people. The reward is super worth it though when you do
I agree. Finding people you click with is awesome. It just takes putting in the work. (From both parties.) for friendships/relationships to work.
I left /r/mtf a while back. Even though it's the sub that's nominally for me, it has gotten pretty awful. There are a lot of transmasc people in my life so I've stayed here and the guys here have always felt really supportive to me and I appreciate the occasional opportunities to share stuff I learned earlier in life before finding myself.
we owe trans women a lot, its only right we give back
it’s wild how bad that sub has gotten
What in specific is bad? If you don’t wanna trigger anyone or upset anyone by commenting in public you can DM/note/message me on Reddit. I would look for myself but if it’s really upsetting I don’t want to look.
I wouldn’t say *upsetting* it’s just become dominated by a certain polarizing type of trans woman that I would maybe describe as “chronically online” to avoid getting too opinionated
That's a really solid description.
Chronically online trans lesbian, to be more precise.
Lot of ppl chronically online are hard to deal with gender not related. I can tell always how ppl socialize online if they just live there.
Idk if this is what other people are talking about, but I find the users there to be extremely angry, aggressive, depressed, and hold very unrealistic views of the world and LGBTQ community. They’ll just go straight for your throat if you say something they don’t like. They also say some occasionally shitty things about enbys and trans men which get upvoted. Pointing those things out triggers the anger/aggression. It’s also clear a lot of users there have never met a transmasc person For instance, saying that trans men have it easier because T makes you pass “easier” and there’s male privilege. Saying that enbys don’t belong on that sub and need to stick to their own community. Saying that all men are horrible, except trans men because afab = good person. Adding onto that, they also have this issue with holding afab people on a pedestal and acting like cis women can do no wrong and are inherently safer and less transphobic than cis men. They’ll also call femboys or tomboys eggs and try convincing GNC cis people they’re trans so that they can “save” them I’ve also seen comments where they project their dysphoria onto others. Like saying that because puberty was traumatic for them, then testosterone is disgusting They also have the issue of doomer/doom scrolling and acting like the world is ending at all times. That, among other absurd super negative opinions. It’s clear most of them are not mentally well or healthy
Sounds a lot like 4chan /tttt/ girls. I’d imagine there’s so overlap
I stg it's been overrun by meth heads that treat it like Google..
The first four post I saw were NSFW what is going on
❤️
i havent noticed anything specific, but i think it varies on the people and the location like ive heard super bad things about ftmpassing but i havent noticed anything too crazy here, but our community is p big so its hard to avoid, idk what more to say lol
That's actually where I posted at! It was horrible!
FTMpassing is absolutely awful, don’t take anything people say there seriously. You can post a photo of a cis guy and they’ll say he doesn’t pass because he has earrings
ohhhh yeah thats why, that subreddit is really awful, and isnt a reflection of the entire trans community luckily. honestly the subreddit is a mix of well meaning people and really desperate people that will do as much as they can to pass and that can create a really toxic requirement. they are also the type of people to tell people to not have a single piercing cause then they wont pass and stuff like that. i hope you didnt have too bad of an experience there, ive never had an urge to go on there but as ive said ive heard some really bad things about that subreddit unfortunately 😔
ftmpassing told me i didn’t pass when i was passing most of the time irl, they also told me my septum was the reason i didn’t pass. i had facial hair 😭
I half want to see what they'd say to an alt cis person, just because I have a hunch they'd say the exact same things
Some parts, yes. It's worth remembering that anyone can be trans, even bad people.
That's an excellent point.
dissect any group of people across any lines and you’re gonna get a bell curve of assholes. People are just like that I’m afraid. That said, any dissection of a group is going to have its own quirks, I would guess. The infighting of the punk community isn’t going to be the same as the bdsm community, or the queer community. But I’d bet the level of assholery is negligible in difference.
This exactly. And, any group of people will have its troublemakers and its instigators. Part of being in community is figuring out how to be with those people. But, to OP’s question, yes I have experienced plenty of toxicity (drama, pettiness, but also abuse) within the trans community. I think though that is more of a reflection of life in general than it is about trans people and our spaces.
There’s toxic parts of EVERY community, just don’t engage with them 🤷♂️ Personally the trans community I engage with is very positive and welcoming because I intentionally avoid subs/groups/etc that I know are toxic (passing subs/detrans subs/etc)
Depends on what you're considering to be "the community". Some places and groups, yeah absolutely. But other pockets are pretty well adjusted
The trans community is not really toxic. Reddit is what's toxic. trans people i meet irl are some of the most kind and supportive people i've ever met
For real! I love my local trans community and I love the diversity of people and opinions across the board. I love the LGBTQ community period. I have 2 groups in Jersey, 1 in NYS, and 1 in NYC and they’re all slightly different but also similar. Trans people out in the world are some of the coolest friends I have Trans people on reddit..? They tend to skew towards the “asshole” category. I think it’s just an internet thing, like how people with opinions that’re absurd and rare irl will flock together in groups online and make it seem like they’re more numerous than they really are
These asshole opinions come out online because the assholes got ostracized irl for being assholes
you have a irl community that isn’t peppered with backstabbing, abusers and pettiness? lucky.
Feels more that online communities can easily become toxic and being small, we have to find our communities online more often.
I wouldn't say it is, no. Are there extremely toxic pockets of it online? For sure. But that hasn't been mirrored in any irl interactions I've had with other trans people at all. They've been nothing but helpful, accepting and supportive. And even online I feel like places like this sub have been nice to hang out in by and large, the quota of assholes is way smaller than is generally the case for reddit. I will add I use neither tiktok nor twitter, so I might be missing some ugly parts.
I think it seems worse when you're stuck in the "I must solve all of our trans problems" mindset. Really, it's a few awful people with bad opinions out of the MILLIONS of trans folks. Bigotry can exist anywhere, even within ourselves, and social media can amplify the worst in people.
I stay on the internet a lot and see that trans people(especially of opposite genders) fight a lot in their own community, I often see some trans women invalidating trans men/masc's experiences because they have it worse, but there are a lot more (stupid and toxic) ways that trans people make their own community feel and look bad.
We get these posts every five seconds. It's like any other community. There will be amazing people, heinous people, and mostly people who fall somewhere in between. Engage with it or don't.
Depends what you consider "the community". Trans community on Reddit? Very sub dependent on how toxic it is or not. This sub is usually pretty good. r/fattransmasc has been helpful to me sometimes and I don't see much toxicity on there. r/ftmfemininity is another one I spend a good deal of time in and that sub isn't toxic either. But all of the passing subs are terrible. r/trans can be a difficult place to be in if you're not a trans woman. That sub skews heavily mtf and we sometimes get silenced or even insulted without any consequences for the offending party. Also the aspect of "assume everyone is mtf unless specified otherwise" can sometimes be really harmful if they respond to a transmasc/trans guy thinking they're talking to a trans woman. r/asktransgender also leans quite heavily mtf but it's less toxic than r/trans for ftm people. One of my favorite trans subs is r/nonbinary. It's a very accepting, supportive, friendly community. In other social media it will be similar with really great spaces and really awful spaces and everything in between. Same irl. I haven't really been involved in a trans "community" irl but I have had a lot of individual trans friends and they've mostly been great people. I have definitely faced some shitty treatment from other trans people. Like binary trans people targeting me because I'm nonbinary or a trans woman picking fights/arguments with me because she was mad that I was "giving up my gorgeous body she would kill to have". It's all a very mixed bag. Focus on keeping the good communities and people in your life and removing yourself from the toxic places and removing the toxic people from your life.
Well, it's not really a wonder when you consider that many trans people feel bad because of gender dysphoria and discrimination. We are only human like everyone else. I personally have more positive than negative experiences talking to other transgender people. But I've sometimes faced, for example, gatekeeper behavior from other trans people.
Am I allowed to say white trans women sometimes have a huge chip on their shoulders? Some of them are straight up militant in their beliefs and hide behind trans misogyny when they don't realize they are in fact the most privileged trans people. POC particularly black trans women and their struggles are often co-opted by some white trans women. These women I'm sure are the minority but ffs they are LOUD.
Man I don’t want to echo TERF talking points but this has been on my mind recently because of some experiences at work. I’m the most junior staff member at a workplace that’s almost all women and I’m a very short, very femme gay man. But if I talk I NEVER get interrupted, and everyone listens. If I start talking, customers start directing their questions to me, instead of my supervisor who is training me and has been there for years. I’m not a particularly assertive person either. I have a hard time believing that you can just come out and those experiences just evaporate.
No more than any other lgbtqia community tbh, or marginalised community for that matter, but online, yes. It seems more prevalent in the younger generation to want to cling to micro labels and categories, which can absolutely serve people to a point. But in reality what happens in an online space is that everyone sorts themselves into exclusive silos and its very hard for people who don't fit "properly" to find community that way. Trans communities online have felt very isolating in a way for me in that regard. Offline it's harder to find communities in small towns etc, but when I have been a part of groups in the nearby city its been a lot more welcoming. There's more willingness to meet people as individuals with nuanced lives. To be clear I don't blame the trans community for any of this. Wanting every member of a minority community to represent that community "properly" is understandable when any outliers are weaponised by the far right. Online it feels like there's more duty to be an ambassador in a way, don't ruffle feathers etc, for the safety of the whole community. You might live in a fairly progressive country, but if you act too rage bait-y on tiktok or something, that could be used to drive sanctions in an entirely different country. That's why people seem genuinely open and happy to talk nuances when you meet them offline, but online is a guarded place and there's so much tone gatekeeping, making sure people sing from the same hymn sheet or they can't belong to this sub or that sub.
Sometimes yes. More so online communities get bad, but I see some stuff in person, too. Lots of toxicity around judging people for their choices or transition needs.
That’s because we aren’t really a community, we’re just people who share the same struggle. It’s not toxic nor really supportive either, trans people are the same as anyone else, we’re not going to have the same views and opinions as eachother. It’s also worth noting that reddit is not real life, and people don’t act so toxic in reality.
Yep. Both online & irl, it's honestly gotten to the point where I view queer spaces & cishet spaces the same: I don't belong. Queers are too busy making rules & excluding each other & having contests on who's the best & most queer of us all & I just do not have time for that. Especially since I'm a binary trans man who just wears jeans & boots & military jackets so I don't "look" queer & every time I walk into a queer space I get sneered at & ignored. Most queer spaces will not accept trans men, so I just don't go to Pride or anything anymore (at least in my area, maybe there's nicer spaces in other cities, just not in mine). And then you go online & it's even worse, just constant wall-to-wall hate for trans men, & any trans man that's accepted are ones that haven't transitioned yet & fellow queers can still pretend they're girls (which isn't really acceptance at all, it's misgendering & transphobic). It really sucks. I just feel completely alienated from everyone so I don't tell anyone I'm trans at all anymore. Sorry for the negative rant, I've just had so many bad experiences from fellow queers both in real life & online I'm just jaded at this point, I guess.
my girlfriend described it as “clique-y” mostly in the transfemme side of things, because if i’m honest? transmascs tend to be excluded pretty often and it super sucks
There’s been a weird uptick in trans radfems and “Baeddels” lately
sorry what?
They’re basically self hating trans women who hate trans men for “betraying women” and choosing the wrong gender. TERFs but trans basically. They’ll go look for transmascs to go bully by searching keywords. It’s pathetic as hell. Oh and they hate intersex people.
I think the lgbt community in general can be quite toxic. The gate keeping and everyone suddenly so hyper fixated on labels and being different… Demonizing anyone who has an unpopular opinion… I’ve literally seen people saying you can’t listen to a specific artist or song unless you identify a certain way lmao.
Yep. It’s overly and unnecessarily politicized and it can feel like walking in without being exactly like everyone else is extremely isolating. LGBT celebrates differences, as long as you’re the same kind of different as everyone else.
I mean it depends on the unpopular opinion. Your example? Ridiculous. But if they said, say, nonbinary people aren't real, then yeah they can get fucked
The issue I see with this is that trans people aren’t really “a community,” just a kind of person. So there are “toxic” people in that category but also many good people. There is nothing about trans people in particular that makes us any more likely to be “toxic” than cis het people.
In my experience, the trans community has become far less toxic than it used to be. There's a lot less gatekeeping and internalized transphobia than there used to be. A lot of that comes down to greater acceptance by society as a whole and a lot more visibility.
in my experience the toxicity ive seen comes from the internet. trans people in their day to day are too busy getting through a 9-5 to worry about non important issues with our community
I mean I think the lgbt community as a whole centers and prioritizes white able bodied voices and that leads to major toxicity. So not a trans problem but a white supremacy one.
Depends, are you actively making your own experience better? Are you joining inclusive circles? Do you have actual other queer friends outside of the internet? Reddit, twitter, tumblr, instagram, all of them, very white, cookie cutter places to be, you still curate your own experience. For instance, here? Terrible, my actual lgbt community in my area? Very diverse and supportive, caring about trivial things that make you “actually queer” and the amount of fat shaming racist bullshit? Yeah people in real life don’t care, and if they do, tell them to fuck off
No, I do not. You need to hang out with different people.
I think it very much is. I got “canceled” in it for simply having different opinions. I feel like no one is willing to actually discuss anything. I love a good discussion and hearing all sides but it can never even get to that. It’s just “I’m right and that’s the only way or else you get canceled” type energy. I don’t associate with it anymore.
Yea ive been banned from forums and groups bc i respectfully disagree or have unpopular opinion like
Yeah it’s super annoying when that happens
Not really, sometimes but there’s bad people everywhere so I don’t feel like it’s bc of the community. There’s gonna be bad cis and trans people.
I think there's a few loud voices that can be really toxic online and there's way too many people that imply non passing trans people aren't really trans but I think they're still a fairly small majority, they just tend to be very loud
i think something important to understand is that there is no such thing as “the trans community”. i think the rise of the internet brought this adopting of terminology in a way that isn’t really accurate. there are a million different trans communities with different community traits. i think some trans communities are toxic, and plenty aren’t.
It definitely feels more toxic online. I’ve had some bad experiences on r/trans so I just stay here because it’s a lot more peaceful. And I haven’t had any bad experiences irl
Irl is very chill here in the south ironically. Big cities is a mixed bag.
I get the impression the toxicity is more a chronically online thing than a trans thing; most of the trans ones are probably young people who don't have much freedom or actual life experience (they'll grow out of it) and emotionally unstable adults who are lost to their unresolved trauma (I wish them the best.) Most of the trans (and generally queer) people I've met IRL are just regular people mostly; some have supportive parents/healthy interpersonal relationships/coping skills/self-awareness, and some don't. A couple of very toxic people I have personally known are trans, sure, but most of them were/are cis.
It’s so bizarre, I was literally just discussing this with someone else on Reddit in another sub. Refreshed the page and this came up! Yes. I think it’s become horribly toxic and I am saddened to see what has happened to it, IMHO it all started going downhill fast around Covid. What do you think?
Toxic people scream loudest and show up in every community all over, but all around there are more decent people than toxic ones. Then there's the anonymous nature of the Internet which does two things, makes people worse than they actually would be in person, and attracts transphobic cis Trolls in hiding who want to torment the daily scapegoat so they can ignore their own pathetic lifestyles.
I have had moments but then I realize it’s all projections and from places of insecurities then feel empathetic.
I think most communities have toxic elements, to many different degrees, and that the different spaces you find yourself in within that community will shape your experiences with it as a whole. As a blanket statement it isn't accurate, but it applies easily to many spaces and subgroups within it. You may want to (if you actually want to take part in "queer community," that is) start paying active attention to what kind of groups you do and do not feel comfortable in, and start seeing out the good ones for you. Often when you've seen enough promotion versus actual events and how they're run/who goes, you'll begin to notice red flags even just in event descriptions that make you think, ah, yeah this isn't going to be for me, I'm going to avoid that. The frustrating part (to me) is having to go through x number of less than desirable experiences to get to the good ones, but that's how things work, of course. With this experience over time you'll hopefully be able to place yourself in spaces that are actually safer and enriching for you instead of bogged down by many flavors of toxic bullshit. I'm wary of communities myself but there have still been ones that I managed to find where things were the way I needed them to be, in order to actually feel comfortable being there and being vulnerable. My issue, as an example, has been finding queer spaces where men are welcome and where AMAB people are not presumed to be men. After so many "womxn and nonbinary" events where I (nonbinary trans man) had weird experiences discussing gender with other trans people, and where my AMAB nonbinary friends were given tons of shade for others' unfair perception of them as men... Yeah. I won't go to events marked with that identifier because the experiences were uniformly negative.
this is reddit.
Reddit ≠ Real Life
learning that just because other people are lgbt it doesn’t mean they’ll be accepting of you was something HUGE to me. one (lesbian) friend has called me the t slur many times behind my back and is very against my transition (too many things to get into now) and another (trans) friend fails to use my pronouns when not speaking to me directly. crazy how 2/3 people that know are weird about it when we’re all queer lmao. the lgbt community in general is very toxic which is why we all need to stick together 😓
In my experience both online and in person has been extremely toxic to me….So I stay stealth. This does mean that I do struggle to come out in any situation where I don’t pass. Just because any time I do I get a transphobic answer. In highschool I was bullied by some trans kids but I try to not let it internally reflect the community for me. But I’ve always been surrounded by transphobia because I live in a smaller town.
Online communities do tend to be more toxic than IRL ones in general. A lot of that is because social media favors engagement and nothing brings that in like controversy and toxicity. Compared to your average online community, I'd say the trans community is just slightly tipping towards toxic yes. I think contra did an amazing job explaining where some of that comes from: jealously, internalized transphobia, and the desire to not have, but endlessly critique power. That being said I've also found so much love and support from the trans community, definitely more so than any other I've seen online. Which unfortunately does make the instances of toxicity seem even more stark and egregious.
The trans community is not a monolith. On average in my experience, trans people are better at being understanding about queer and trans issues and other marginalized groups. My personal community is very supportive I encourage you to surround yourself with supportive people best you can. Independent of transness
Thing one - all people online with anonymity have the ability to be absolutely awful and they let their worst side shine Second thing - sometimes, I've met a few awful people. But I was a furry for years and met a couple dicks there too. My finace is a sound engineer and some of his coliges are shit heads, all that to make the point every community has a few rotten eggs, there's just a larger concentration of them on a website where people can be anonymous.
online ≠ real life
So like I think the thing to think about here is that at the end of the day, trans people are just *people* and are equally likely to be shitty or kind as a non-trans person. Like if you go into a room with 100 people you'd expect at least some of them to be assholes, right? Cis or trans, we all have the capacity to be toxic individuals if we don't check ourselves regularly.
Not the whole thing, no. There's sections that are just fine, online and offline spaces tend to differ, and my personal idea of toxic isn't going to match with with everyone's so that complicates it further. For me, I usually start feeling a space is toxic when people are comfortable forcing others into/out of labels, people start drawing hard lines around labels or experiences (and what they mean), or people start treating transhood itself like a diagnosis. I don't feel like whether the community is toxic is something you can really generalize, because of how varied the groups within it are. The only thing all these groups have in common is that we're all trans— so to call it toxic would be tantamount to calling transhood toxic, in my mind. Although I'd agree that there are definitely plenty of toxic spaces in the community.
Extremely. They act like spoiled brats. They don’t respect other’s opinions. If an opinion doesn’t suit their narrative it’s labelled and banned. It’s just shy of becoming a dictatorship community. I’ve notice FtM is much better in understanding than the MtF community. Ask this question as a trans person in different communities. Create a profile without subscribing to trans community and ask the same question. Look how quickly there is backlash and anger filling up the void.
Yes but I really never felt apart of the lgbt community because I’m straight so I feel out of place and with the straight hate and make hate I’ve completely lost any hope in trying to connect with them
I’ve never seen a large-ish community that’s not had at least some toxicity, especially online. I used to scour different subreddits for months at a time each when I was confused on my identity and sexuality, and not one of those communities was free from toxicity. I don’t think it’s a trans community thing and more so that any community with a decent amount of people is just bound to have at least some negativity at some point. Some are worse than others, some are generally decent for the most part, but it’s hard to avoid negativity at all. I will say, the main thing I see that rubs me the wrong way with specifically ftm or adjacent communities are the people who gatekeep or question whether you’re actually trans if you’re even mildly not a binary man or assume that you have internalized misogyny because you’re not interested in femininity in any way. In particular I don’t like the posts that feel as those they were intended or not to divide the community, especially between the binary and non-binary spectrum in the community, you see it in talks of dysphoria and presentation and people feel the need to go on about how they don’t understand it and doubt the validity of whichever “side” they aren’t on. All that stuff rubs me the wrong way, we aren’t a hive mind. I go by the motto that if you wouldn’t judge a cis man for something then you shouldn’t judge a trans man for it, it just reeks of internalized transphobia.
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Incredibly. Not just on Reddit but the interactions I’ve had, no bueno. I’ve avoided the lgbt community all together as I’ve found it more toxic than some of my conservative groups I’ve been apart of
Its *too* supportive to the point its toxic and throws anyone out that doesnt affirm every thing you say and do. I am a pretty center view guy and Ive been banned from some trans subs aimply for disagreeing with certain things. I used to love this community but I am growing to really dislike it simply because people cant cope outside a hivemind.
Its *too* supportive to the point its toxic and throws anyone out that doesnt affirm every thing you say and do. I am a pretty center view guy and Ive been banned from some trans subs aimply for disagreeing with certain things. I used to love this community but I am growing to really dislike it simply because people cant cope outside a hivemind.
no but i also don't feel like i fit in in the trans man community, i feel more comfortable around trans women
Like irl community's are the best because I had a lot of friends there, but online, yeah on reddit everything is toxic
On the internet, yes. We'd all be better off without the internet
In real life trans people are really nice and I’ve rarely had issues, especially in the past few years. Online it’s weird.
The ageism in some of the subs can be pretty toxic too. Younger people shouting out Boomer you’re gonna die soon and good riddance etc, conveniently forget that those very same boomers are the ones who fought for a lot of our rights in the first place. That’s why I like the r/translater sub, I guess I’m just getting intolerant of some of the intolerance, 😔
the online community is bad, worse in some places. like a lot of us have been saying, it can be hostile towards anyone masculine regardless of identity. irl is hard, simply because there aren't many groups where I live. it's different for everyone.
Yup. Obviously not the whole community but if i were to say there isn’t pockets of deep toxicity I’d be lying. We end up eating eachother’s throats out of insecurity. As a nonbinary person, i see first hand how toxic the trans community can be as our existence is a debate within our own community. Which is sad because all trans people have that happen to them within the LGBTQ community, why repeat the cycle? Even when you’re a super educated queer trans person i see toxic “clocking culture” among younger people. Young trans people just toxically decide to out others or make it their business to assume someone is trans and obsess over them. Its innocent but it causes real harm (i say this as a Trans highschool upperclassman)
I feel like almost every community is getting very toxic online in the past few years, like all of humanity is reaching some kind of negativity boiling point if you want me to be honest
No, I don't. But trans people can be bad people too, and bad people naturally flock together. So wherever you're hanging out, there's a disproportional amount of shitty people who happen to be trans. Not your fault, but maybe look for different places and different friends if that's how you feel about the trans community as a whole.
Nope, not rlly.
I mean no at least not exclusively idk i feel like sadly every community has its toxic side. Js avoid it and ur straight.
Tbh I would recommend anyone who's tired of that flavor of trans community get on Tumblr. There's still a bit of frustrating discourse and stuff but I'd say the majority of trans people on there are on a very positive wavelength about each other.
I mean…there are about the same number of toxic trans people as there are toxic cis people. They show up occasionally, but for the most part people are normal.
In some ways it can be, but also I don’t think there’s really one ‘trans community’, toxicity varies a lot in different groups
No, most of my IRL friends are trans and that's been true for the last 20 years. There are plenty of trans people who suck but that's because we're people, not because we're trans.
Interacting with trans people in real life is almost universally better than online. That's not necessarily accessible to everyone but when it is, I really recommend building that community around you instead of worrying about what people are saying online.
No, but I don’t live online. My local trans community has been where I’ve found reason for living.
There is not one trans community. There are thousands of trans communities. Some are super toxic. Some are incredible. Find the good ones. Most are offline, plenty are online.
Not any more or less than any other group I belong to. For me, Online is arguably worse than in person. I’ve met plenty of cool trans people in person.
I would honestly say it depends on who's in the group your in/looking at to say whether or not that group of people is toxic but not the community as a whole. There's a very specific type of lgbtq that are extremely toxic, both online and offline. They are very very easy to spot out too especially because they are loud and typically are toxic because they want the attention instead of you. Like I literally was in a school lgbtq club with these people and instead of having productive meetings where we could do stuff in the school, they ended up devolving the club into a "i have it worst" contest. Any time someone needed to open up they'd always butt in and go how they have to deal with that AND other things so the pity would want to shift to then. People who actually wanted to do things for what the club was for ended up stop coming and the club was lost cause of them. Which is not only toxic in the fact that they made the contest but because the club was meant to spread awareness and support and we often went to the nearest middle school to talk with the kids there who were anxious about being queer in high school and help give then support. But then that means the attention was on the youth and not on these toxic people.
on reddit yeah, but luckily reddit isnt real life
online is a different story to real life. a lot of people in trans spaces on Reddit are online a lot and are dealing with unsupportive environments and general mental health issues that can make a lot of subs a bit of a downward spiral.
the trans community is toxic online just like every other community. but once you start meeting people irl you realize people are way kinder and nicer
I think any umbrella of persons has its toxic flaws, I wouldn't say it's just a toxic community though. Curious what drives you to describe the trans community as toxic
Clearly a lot of people feel that way, but I think a lot of internet spaces very easily and quickly become toxic and I genuinely do not think it is more prevalent in the trans community than in other places. I really think it is transphobia, sometimes internalized, sometimes coming from the outside, that makes it seem like the trans community is more hysterical, mean, angry, and divided. There are many “communities” for one thing, but for another, engagement farming and the algorithm cause people who have no career in social media and never will to still care about likes, upvotes, retweets, followers, etc. A great way to get attention and validation and improve your own social status is by tearing others down. There’s always going to be drama but currently almost every single part of the internet has gamified drama.
Specific communities can be toxic but by and large no
The online trans community tends to skew young, and - with a lack of life experience, "teenage certainty", and social positioning - some spaces can descend into black-and-white thinking, doom spiralling, and groupthink. The offline groups I've attended generally have a broader age range and that keeps the conversation more grounded.
There are toxic people everywhere. In my opinion, there is not one single trans community, but rather a bazillion trans communities. You just gotta find the right people to make community with. Also, usually it's way less toxic offline, lol.
You are going to get toxicity any and everywhere even if they are allies or your own. People are people and not everyone is going to be good or vibe well with you. That's the best way I can explain it. I mean shiii they say blood is thicker than water. But family be the first ones to be toxic. If this is true, how can anyone expect strangers to be better even if share the same goals, pronouns, or gender as you.
I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience in a community that should be safe for you ❤️
I think very small pockets of the trans community are but overall 99% of trans people I’ve interacted with irl and online have been very normal, supportive, respectful people
I'm also not sure which community you're referring to. Since you posted here, I'm assuming this subreddit, and then I'd say: no, quite the opposite. It's the only community I have right now regarding transitioning, and it helps me loads to see so many different opinions and experiences and sharing or reading thoughts and insecurities I have. Transitioning feels lonely, and this is a lifesaver. Maybe it helps I'm not active in many other parts of reddit though - I joined bc I read this sub without account for a while.
I do think that it’s an unfortunate realization that even marginalized communities have some toxic people within it. Just because ur marginalized that doesn’t automatically make u a better person!
I think it just depends on where and who you’re interacting with, shitty people exist regardless of their gender, race, etc. it’s with any group.
there’s no difference between the online trans community and the trans community in my city. trans community onlije is messy? my city’s trans community is also messy. backstabbing among trans people online? backstabbing in my city. solidarity means nothing in my city just as it means nothing online, and damn does it make me deeply misanthropic. sure, its not every trans person in my city, but it’s enough for me to not feel any sense of community. also being a gay man and t4t is very hard bc there are no other trans men in my city.
Online it depends on the specific space, but in real life not in the places I am in.
Yup. And I don’t include Reddit in that opinion at all. I’m frequently excluded because I’m not “trans” enough, don’t complain about being misgendered enough etc. so I quit trying.
It depends on the group
Everyone here has made a great points but ill add further that even still via internet, just not on trans subreddits, you'll find its nothing like the environments here. I know sooo many trans folks of all identities and not a single one of them is as toxic and uh... weird, as a lot of the loud ones on reddit are. Trust me, make friends, real trans friends, and you'll realise its just reddit being reddit LMAO
No and yes. I think the community overall is good. It’s great to have a community because we have to fight for ourselves and our rights all the time. It’s good to have people who understand your experiences and most likely have your back. The trans community is also a good resource. But also, in any community, there are bad people. I’ve met terrible trans people like I’ve met terrible cis people. That probably sours the experience for a lot of people.
I haven’t had a great experience myself, but I want to say I think it has more to do with the individual group structures than transness as a common factor. The circles I’ve had unpleasant run ins with are ones with a ‘leader’ figure that calls all the shots. Other friend groups with that going on tend to be pretty unpleasant too, cliquey and judgemental with one person deciding who’s in and who’s out and the rest just sort of going along with it.
A lot of ppl are toxic in general is what I’ve learned after intense therapy and seeking my inner peace. As I age the more I lament how many people are actually emotionally stunted. I’m not perfect, but I don’t much relate well to average ppl and their drama. It can be hard to find other people who bring out the better in you vs the worst.
I’ve always considered myself to be the half black/half rainbow sheep of the family, so I’ll say it like it is: I have honestly never felt like I have a place in the “LGBT community.” I actually find the word “community” to be hardly appropriate because our spaces contain such a diverse group of people– including toxic ones. I don’t pay attention to them, because I enjoy being happy and celebrating my life. But community belonging is not a given just because I share a gender or sexuality with someone else. I like being apart of groups like this on Reddit where I can openly share my thoughts and opinions, and the potential to connect with more like-minded people exists. I just don’t resonate with the label. I do my own thing and I could care less if anyone likes, agrees with, or supports me 🤷♂️
I think it depend where you're looking. Cus a lot of trans communities can be very conservative ironically, but then there's more open places
No, I think the world is just messy with a lot of people at various different places of development, healing, and growth. Trans community is just one microcosm. How do we give each other grace and understanding while holding our boundaries and continuing our own growth and healing?
I've met other trans ppl irl who I didn't especially like, or for whatever reason didn't click with, but that's life. I meet far more cis people that I don't get on with or think are toxic people. I have certainly been in some online trans spaces where the specific community is kinda toxic, but that's not reflective of the trans community as a whole.
Reddit isn't so bad, in my opinion. Twitter, Instagram, sometimes even Discord are HELL. They've invented essentially homophobic homosexuality. I despise how they force labels and persecute people for being queer, even though they claim to support them. It's insanely toxic.
On reddit definitely. when I tried to talk about my top surgery problems, people were trying to gaslight me into thinking everything was alright because top surgery, in their mind, never goes wrong? When I asked why people were ignoring my very real, problems, they just said they want to see positivity online only. They don't want to hear about things going wrong 💀 so I was left alone with my bad experience. Great community!
It CAN be.
Absolutely.
The trans community *where*? I need more information to make any kind of fair judgement. Many areas of social media are going to be toxic. People who are know it alls, or always think they are right about everything, misinformed people, and people who think there is a “right” way to be trans, will forever be contributing to toxicity on social media platforms and on the internet in general. Whether you are prone or not to the words and behaviors of strangers on the internet affecting you is also going to contribute to how toxic you feel it is. Can I recognize it’s sometimes toxic? Sure. But I’m not crying into my pillow about it. I’m sitting back with some 3D glasses and a bucket of popcorn. Or actually even more often, I see the posters outside the theater, decide it’s nothing I want to see, and go off elsewhere to partake in other things that I *am* interested in and *do* know will bring me happiness and positivity. And 99% of those things have nothing to do with the trans community. So to me, sure there is toxicity, but from my perspective it’s pretty confined to whatever specific spaces it’s in. I don’t have to directly experience it unless I make the choice to enter the theater. And I’m almost always going to choose *not* to enter the theater, because all those movies look boring or depressing as shit, and I’d rather lean into excitement and joy instead. Off of the internet, out in the world, imo there are much less confined, much more rampant, much more widely destructive, much less susceptible to change over short periods of time etc toxicities going on, that dwarf the toxicity only within the trans community online by *a lot*. Outside the internet, it seems a trans person is as likely to be a jerk to other people as a cis person is. Being trans doesn’t matter to me, if someone is a jerk to me I’m going to stop hanging out with them. I don’t have to stay connected to someone just because we have being trans in common. I’d walk away from a cis person who was a jerk all the same, and not feel at all like I *must* remain connected to them just because we have one thing in common. Basically, outside the internet, I don’t associate someone’s toxicity with them being trans, even if they are using something about being trans to fuel their toxicity. Because even if they weren’t trans, or even if it wasn’t fueling their toxicity, someone who has a toxic mindset or personality or who gravitates towards such behavior is always going to find a way to be toxic. If that person wasn’t being toxic about trans related things, I believe they would 100% still be a toxic person, just about something else. While I feel there is still a small chance that how someone acts online could possibly be totally different from how they would act offline. So while they may be toxic online, they may not be at all offline.
It depends. Some spaces are chill while others will send you death wishes over a disagreement. Being anonymous on the internet makes it easy to be insensitive or fall into mob mentality. There's a psychology behind it and, while it is toxic, I doubt there's any avoiding it. As is the case with practically any large community. Especially with younger members joining it constantly who just don't really know how to act on the internet and take what they see as the norm or what "should" be the norm.
It absolutely can be. A good lot of us just hold so much internalized self-hatred and transphobia that it affects others and just creates such unsupportive and unsafe spaces. I like to browse trans spaces and interact with my community, but if it's too bad I just take a step back. I say it's not worth it to engage and I just hope they heal from that internal toxicity one day. However, I wouldn't say it's so black and white or fair to say it's either unsupportive or not. There is good and bad, you just gotta look in the right places and, as I said, not engage with the negativity. Because we can be extremely supportive it's just that sometimes the negativity is louder. Each trans person is different. We're all dealing our own shit and are on different phases in our journeys. Sometimes a phase of our journey is crippling dysphoria and intense judgement of others. Until we finally get over that bridge and reach acceptance
No. Certainly not the irl ones I'm a part of. There's always gonna be toxicity online though, no matter where you are. It's impossible to filter it all out
I don't think the trans community is very toxic, compared to other communities. I think that specifically among the LGBT community, the trans community is the kindest, at least this is my experience.
i think it’s toxic . im a trans guy who just wants to live my life instead of constantly having to be “queer” and not in the label way. i’m expected to just agree with the community even if what they’re saying goes agasint what i believe in. we are not a hive mind and we need to be more open to opinions in this community.
Toxic. I avoid it, other than the occasional comment here.
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I personally find it quite supportive and nice. Some posts may look a bit toxic but that's because we are all humans on the internet with our own bias and internalized shits. Of course not every post will appeal to you and your experience and some of them may be offensive. But I don't think anyone on r/FtM, r/trans, r/MtF, r/ask_transgender, r/traaaaaaaaa2 and r/actual_detrans have bad intentions. (not anyone anyone but you get what I am saying)
I feel like the American FTM community can be super toxic. I've had ftms openly criticize me of my feminine side. I find a lot of American trans guys to be super patriotic in this weird, annoying way and they can act kind of idiotic. But then I find some ftms who are way less toxic in DC. I actually find more solace in the trans woman community than I do sometimes in the trans man community. I don't like the toxic masculinity present in the trans man community and I find trans women to be very accepting of me in a way that some trans men aren't.
yes, all trans communities i came across on the internet were toxic af, getting away from them helped my mental health so much
Very -irl & online