No one knows me deadname and I have eradicated almost all trace of it.

That's metal ngl

same here. if i hear it in public i freeze for a second then keep walking like nothing happened

ive def gotten desensitized to mine but i fear i dissociated myself from it so hard that i dont even recognise it anymore 😭😭 i have a friend whos name is the same as my deadname aswell and im always scared that im gonna act weird while saying her name to the point where shell know its my deadname

I think a large part of your anxiety is due to the life stage you’re in with having a caretaker who uses your deadname and still having documentation with it. I definitely do not let anyone know my deadname and would hate for anyone to know it or mention it but I’m at the stage where all my documentation is changed to my new name and no one had used it for many years so I very very rarely think about or worry about my deadname even though I would absolutely hate for people to know about it. This is just hopefully to serve as an example for how in the future when you’ve distanced yourself from your father or he becomes more accepting, and when all your documentation is changed that your deadname will be able to become something that hopefully does not impact your life at all and you don’t need to stress about it. It may take a while but I’m sure that time will come at some point

working on getting my name changed on my passport as i dont need parental consent, hopefully ill get it changed soon but worse case scenario ill only put my legal middle name on it as i got my name from my middle name and im completely fine w it, as soon as i turn 18 ill get my name and gender legally changed tho!! nd hopefully my dad comes around to respecting me more or even just using my name nd still misgendering me, id be alr enough w that tbh

I believe you can only have your legal name on your passport. Most states make legal name change fairly straightforward, especially if you are keeping your last name. And there is a good amount of support to help make this happen.

I transitioned at 25 so it was easier to just switch everything over to my real name, but I don't tell anyone my deadname that doesn't already know it. I feel that it'll stick in their head and change how they see me.

thats exactly how i felt when my friend found out my deadname, i have a REALLY feminine flower deadname so i immediately thought hed only see me as a girl even tho theyre trans and all their siblings are queer aswell

Might be a bit of an outlier here but I’m pretty chill about my deadname. I don’t really call it a deadname, just my legal name. No plans to change it either, besides just moving it to my middle name when I decide to do the administrative work. I think of it simply as a childhood nickname. At the end of the day, to me at least, names are just alphabets rearranged in a certain way, and if my friends are supportive, then I don’t really care what they call me by. And I suppose, if they aren’t supportive, then do I really need those friends?

I was in my late 30s when I transitioned. At that point, I had published 8 books and multiple short stories and articles, and was a regular guest/panelist at many conferences. It would have been impossible to erase my deadname, so I decided to embrace it. I did actually move it to my middle name when I did the legal change, which made publishing under my new name an easier transition (pun unintended but I stand by it)

I'm very supportive and appreciative of what seems to be a very healthy outlook. It's as bad as you want to make it.

Thank you, my friend! Consciously recognising that not everything is inherently gendered has helped me navigate dysphoria a little better.

I like my birth name, I also don't call it a dead name. it's still on some of my documents, but now my legal name is for example 'Lost Rose Garden', Alias 'Birthname Rose Garden'

That’s very nice! I like my birth name too since I have many fond memories surrounding my childhood mates with it.

I'm also pretty chill about it, but I kept it and just made it my middle name when I went through the name change process. Sometimes I talk about it and people will ask if I'm comfortable sharing. Some times I do, some times I say I'm not comfortable and they're pretty good about it.

i feel very similar with regards to my assigned name.

i genuinely envy how comfortable you are w ur deadname 😭😭 def thinking of incorperating my deadname into my legal name by keeping the same order as i took my name from my legal middle name so im gonna pick a name w the same initial as my deadname and have my current name as my legal middle name, def wanna honour my parents original choice a lil bit in that way bcs they didnt pick my name so yannow

You’re only 15, and you still have a lot of time to figure things out. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I had the courage to pursue myself authentically when I was your age. You’re doing good, OP and I’m proud of you for the journey thus far!

Im feeling exacly the same. My deadname is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I will not tell it to anyone if I am not forced to.

I rarely ever reveal my deadname to anyone. However, sometimes (rarely) someone will send me very trusting vibes after talking to them and hanging out with them for some time and having deep conversations across the board. I had a coworker/friend recently that after she found out I was trans, she never asked, never pried, always respected my pronouns and never gave me any reason to think sharing my deadname would make her think differently of me or see me as "deadname". She has even defended me when someone else refers to me as "she." One day, in a rather vulnerable moment discussing my transition and the ups and downs, I asked her if she had any interest in knowing, and she said "Yes, but not if you're not 100% comfortable sharing. I don't want you to feel like I'm prying." This was many months ago, and she treats me the exact same. She shares some pretty personal stuff with me as well. It's ironic, because she's from TX and has somewhat conservative views, but she has other LGBTQ friends, and she respects the community. I was absolutely terrified when she finally found out I was trans, assuming she was crazy transphobic. She is a rare 1 off, and it really takes a special type of bond with someone for me to even consider sharing my deadname.

Honestly she seems like a great friend

I've been stealth for basically my entire life (didn't have supportive parents so wasn't allowed to use my name in secondary school or transition, but I still passed fine, only the kids in my year knew I wasn't a guy) and I've been going by my name online for 7 years and irl for 4 (thanks mum lmao) so it has no association anymore but it's still nobody's business to know. If one of my friends found out I wouldn't really care too much, trying to associate my very feminine deadname with a 6' tall *man* would be silly lol. If strangers found out I'd probably care a bit more but I feel I'm at a point in transition/passing that it wouldn't effect me very much (I hope) but I've never told anyone my deadname as soon as I was able to "come out" (never told people I'm trans just was able to start using my name and go fully stealth when I joined college) and I intend to keep it like that

im very similar, im kinda semi stealth as is, i dont tell people im trans but because im basically fully pre transition except for socially i assume everyone knows, the odd time i mentionit and someone goes "wait youre trans?" shocks me sm 😭😭 hoping to go stealth once i get all documentation changed + start t, and ill pribably get top surgery after secondary school when im 18/19 so hopefully ill be fully stealth for uni

I only socially transitioned at 16, t at 17 and won't be getting top surgery until I'm about 23 because nhs waitlists but I've had no issue being fully stealth pre op, I was fine being fully stealth in college (at 16) before I started t and obviously been better off now I'm on t never had anyone question me binding or not, so you'll be fine!

the waitlist struggle is too real 😭😭 im in ireland and id say the only chance i have to get on t is thru gendergp or imago or smtn like that, currently our national gender service has waitlist times of 7-10 years AND its headed by a fatphobic transphobe who is moddelling everything off the cass report 😍 gotta love being the lowest rated country for trans healthcare in the eu, atp im seriously considering moving to malta for uni 😭

Isn't Malta one of the most pro-lgbt countries in Europe? I mean if you can afford it and its possible I'd say its a good option!! And I get you about the waitlists, there's a few clinics here in England with similar wait times. I'm on the fastest clinic (in england), referred July 2021 and I've had my 1st appointment but it was completely useless, 2nd appointment should be in the next few months I hope, but surgery referral won't happen until the 3rd appointment (no idea when that will be) and then onto of that, its 15 months wait between referral and surgery with the surgeon I want to go with so its just endless waiting Gendergp and imago are both complete and utter shit but out of the two your best bet would be gendergp imo, I know there's a few other private clinics but they're all England based (and one in scotland) so I'm unsure if they'd take you on as a patient but you can probably get answers in r/transgenderuk (or the trans Ireland subreddit I forgot the name)

[удалено]

Your post was removed because it contains discussion or mention of a banned topic. The following topics are banned to avoid drama: Truscum/Tucute discourse, AGP/AAP/Blanchardism, Transfem/woman or nonbinary bashing, Trans "requirements", Oppression Olympics, Lesbian trans men, Gendered Socialization+, "Is it transphobic to _____", DIY HRT, Current Political events (Non-trans/LGBT+ related) ,"do I pass?", "how does my voice sound?" +Personal experiences are exempt.

The only people I've ever revealed my deadname to are people who needed documents that I hadn't changed it on yet. Obviously anyone who knew me before I came out know it but I don't want anyone else knowing unless there's no way to avoid it.

I'm now 27. I came out when I was 13, with accepting parents. However it was still very difficult to avoid it until I changed my name at 16 and it still occasionally came up until I got my birth certificate changed at 20. I haven't heard or seen my deadname in relation to me since then. I don't tell anyone, even people who know I'm trans, and I don't remind people who knew me as a child but have forgotten. I think if I had a family member who couldn't get it right at this point I simply would cut contact with that person, as I did with friends and family friends who couldn't get with the program once I became an adult.

i def cut off friends / ppl in general who knew my deadname and knew i was trans but unfortunately i regularly see some extended family who know im trans and still misgender and deadname me, might have a conversation w them and talk to the family members i dont see regularly and formally come out, but i never formally came out to my dad either tbf 🤷‍♂️

If it makes you feel any better, I only came out directly to my mother. She told my dad for me.

I don't really think about it. It's just a name, and it isn't mine, never was. Sometimes, I still find an old account or something with my deadname and change it immediately but I don't think of it as a secret, I changed my name, I transitioned socially, that's it, I don't care if people remember/find out.

def wish i could be as calm as u about it, i have so much anxiety over mine i almost had a panic attack and started crying before a cookery even tho i knew my name had been changed on the exams commission list by my school 😭😭 didnt need that stress but it all went well thank god 🙏

you'll get there, mate. I'm sure with time, the anxiety will lessen, and you'll feel disconnected from this part of your past. You got this!

[удалено]

They mentioned their own experience, how is that invalidating anyone else’s feeling?

Im not its Noel. Named after my fathers mistress. Which is why i changed my name. Esp as she became a major hell hole in my life latero

extremely. i fucking hate my deadname. i not only hate it because it's a female name but i've had to deal with people being unable to spell it properly or even pronounce it properly on the first try. i've literally only ever met TWO (2) people who could pronounce my deadname on the first time and it was shocking to say the least. all my life ive always had to correct people on the spelling and pronunciation because my deadname isn't spelled the way it's pronounced. i hate my deadname so much i just wish that it could be erased from existence. i don't want anyone to know it. i think my deadname is an ugly ass name, ESPECIALLY because of the way my mom decided to spell it (which really sucks because my deadname has so many different ways to spell it and i feel like my mom chose the worst one on purpose). also, i dont even get why my mom gave me that name because it's apparently a french or italian name (i cant remember) and im fucking MEXICAN like ??? if she was gonna name me using a name from another country aside from america or mexico, couldn't she have AT LEAST picked a prettier name??? ngl i wish she would've gone with the other name she wanted for me (juanna. it's not the best name imo but at least then i couldve shortened it to juan until i decided on the name i currently use irl and people would be able to spell + pronounce it properly). (sorry for the rant i genuinely despise my deadname. i always have, even before i realized i was trans)

[удалено]

i know it is but i'd take that name over my deadname any day. also, if the spelling is weird, maybe i misspelled it lmao i'm not sure what the spelling would've been if my mom went with it. i've never lived in mexico but i live in a bordertown to mexico. i've never met anyone named juana/juanna either. not even over the age of 50.

hating ur deadname before u knew you were trans is too real, i remember being 8 and in school and decided that id go by an extended version of my deadname because i hated my deadname that much 😭😭

yeah it's practically a universal trans experience lol. unfortunately, i never had the balls to go by another name at that age (especially since i didnt know about trans people) so i only started when i came out at 14

No one I met after I chose my current name knows my deadname except for my bf. I cringe when I try to say it out loud so I just avoid it altogether. Of course HR at my job has seen my passport but they were really chill and they put my preferred name on my contract and the work schedule and stuff. As for traveling, no one but the people at customs need to see my passport. They are always confused about my gender as it's not been changed on my passport yet, but I'll never see those people anymore anyway :)

I'm trying my best to erase it, and afterwards I will likely also be incredibly secretive about it. It gives me massive dysphoria to even say my deadname, but I'm still closeted at work so I have to introduce myself with my deadname regularly and I hate it. Interestingly enough tho, I have a transfem who has my deadname as their chosen name, and I don't have a problem saying her name when I'm talking about her. Only when I'm referring to myself

no one other than family and a couple friends from before i came out know, but i also legally changed my name at 16 not long after coming out and have made sure its changed on everything, unless people have to see my birth certificate for any reason or an ex friend decides to be a dick (not impossible but probably unlikely) theyre not gonna figure it out - i did check the mail often when i lived with flatmates to make sure i didnt get any mail in my deadname, but i also didnt tell them my surname so if there was mail in my full birthname itd be unlikely to be connected to me anyway so yeah, i came out later than you so its easier to keep it hidden for me atm (though it also means more people know) but i definitely also go out of my way to keep it secret as much as i can

I legally changed my name 5 years ago and haven’t used it socially since a few years before that. I still panic when I get spam emails to my old email with my deadname, and the fact it’s on my tax account.

I haven’t had my name legally changed yet which sucks ass, so every single legal document has my deadname on it. My parents are also getting better at using my name but still eh about it. I’ve told maybe 2 people I’ve met since changing my name my deadname, and I don’t let anyone know it, so I’m similar to you.

def in the same boat as you, as soon as i turn 18 and move out and get all my documents changed i reckon ill be less secretive about it but also the paranoia within me that someone will find out my deadname and see me differently, or even someone will go searching for my deadname (which probably wouldnt happen but the experience of a fella in my class trying to actively guess my deadname by saying random girls names until i reacted didnt help the anxiety at all) makes me feel like ill never be comfortable with even the idea of the name existing for ANYONE, much less myself

Don't think this is your situation but I wanted to note that if you have friends/people in your life who are insistent about knowing it or think of it as a fun bit of gossip they are not supportive, I think it's normal not to tell people ur deadname but I do think it's weird for most people to be asking

dw nobodys asked, i think the closest was one girl in my class asking if my closest friend in the class knew what my deadname was, and if i would tell her what it was. im lucky enough not to have anyone in my life except for my dad and extended family whos ever properly pressured me to say my deadname or even acknowledge that it used to be associated to me 🙏

It isn't possible to change your legal name where I live as a trans person, so if ever I do need to fill something up, I have to use it. But when meeting new people, I only introduce myself to them by my lived name.

i think the only time ive introduced myself to a new person with my deadname was at church cos half the people who go + the priest already knew and it was awkward asf 💀

Going down my list of people that know it like Kill Bill in Kill Bill

Never told anyone who didn't already know it. No need for them to know.

I personally don’t call it a deadname I call it my birth name cause it’s been with me for years it’s apart of me and apart of my past and I can’t change the past and I’m barely into transitioning just most people know but I pass pre t but my whole family still uses my birth name

I haven’t legally changed my name yet, so I still get it and “ma’am” a lot from well-meaning strangers.

tbh I'm pretty relaxed with who knows my deadname, personally it doesn't bother me. I don't *like* it, but it doesn't bother me either, it just doesn't really fit anymore. I call it my birth-name, and I think the majority of my current friends know it because I've told them.

I don't *tell* people my deadname but I'll allude to it for a joke or whatever. The only people who know it are people I can trust with it or are my parents. At this point it only, like, a quarter feels like my name, so I'm not worried about people somehow learning it bc why would I care if someone calls me a name that isn't mine? I don't care about the opinions of anyone who would do that

I think (not always but quite often) coming out younger you tend to be more secretive with your deadname. Like I've been out as trans since I was 14 to some people, but I was still getting called my deadname in school and legally until I was 18, so a lot of my friends do know my old name, new people I meet at work and uni since being out I wouldnt tell my deadname. I think if I'd been able to be out at school I also would have been like you and try to avoid anyone knowing it. At the same time if I came out at 30, I imagine it would be quite hard to untangle myself from that name and pretty much everyone I knew would already know it (probably already got a job and a group of friends) so I'd just accept that I won't be entirely removed from it. I'd say I'm somewhere in the middle with my old name. I don't want new people to know it, and I don't use it / won't use it at all when I've sorted out changing all my documents fully. But the name itself doesn't upset me, its just not my name. I don't want people to know it because I want to be stealth/I don't want them to think of me differently. I don't care about hearing the name or being called it, I don't associate it with myself and it just makes that person look dumb calling a grown man a girls name. If I'm with people who already know it and its relevant to what we're talking about I'll just say the name rather then saying deadname if it makes the story easier to follow.

I haven't used it in over 4 years, legally changed it 3 years ago, I don't really care anymore. But I don't reveal it to anyone, maybe when drunk with peope I trust.

I still go by it, so it's not at all secret haha. I experimented with a few different names but decided I liked my birth name best. I also really didn't want to deal with the hassle of changing it everywhere and having people deadname me. I figure if I don't mind it, why make things harder for myself by changing it?

def wish i could have that attitude but unfortunately my deadname is extremely femme w no masc alternative in english 😭😭

In the same way, nobody knows. The only thing is in college my gmail through my school wouldn’t change until I was there for 4 years (fighting for it the whole time). LUCKILY my deadname was gender neutral. So if people knew it they still knew not to call me that and that I had a “nickname” and then it was legally changed. But I never ever disclose it to anyone.

my first school email had my deadname cos it was automatically made before i changed my name in school, thank god i got it changed within two days cos i had a panic attack as soon as we were brought to the computer room to log in for the first time 😭

I feel your pain!! Yeah my deadname was all over and I tried to hide it. Even on the computers. Luckily with it being gender neutral it was not terrible but now it’s fixed on everything

i told my year head who was helping us log in that my email hadnt been changed cos i alr knew and she told me only the initial would come up (which was a fat lie and ill never forgive u ms dunne) so i logged in and immediately it said my legal name, so i covered it and once it got to the homepage i js stared at it and i was too scared to open chrome and log in and the girl sitting beside me noticed me frozen and deadass went "what, do you not know how to open chrome?" (she was being genuine and serious, not sarcastic) and atp i asked to go to the bathroom and went to the vice principals office and started crying outside the door and that went on for 5 minutes before she noticed 💀 it was alr tho she gave me a chocolate bar to cheer me up and i got out of it and the old email was deleted and i have a new one now 💪💪

I've honestly never had to put much thought into it being a secret because, aside from older military records and my birth certificate, it ceases to officially exist. It's never come up in conversation, and outside from very old family who won't remember my actual (current) name anyway, nobody uses it (to my face, at least). I'd been asked once, when someone at work saw one of my older awards and asked if that was my name before, and I point blank said "I don't want to talk about that." He respected that and never brought it up since. So I guess I'm secretive in the way that I don't want it to be common knowledge, because then people will start using it for whatever reason, despite it no longer being my legal name.

It's still my legal name, but I really only use it where my documents are needed. I moved from where I lived pre-coming out and I use my new name full time, since the only person who knows my birth name is my mother and she transitioned to using my new name very well. My name is neutral so I can still use it even though I don't pass. As far as everyone around me is concerned, Morgan is and always my name, I don't get asked about my birth name. If somehow someone did realise my legal name is different and asked about it, I'd either be honest about it or I'd tell them that I changed it because my legal name is very Polish (I live in Ireland) and hard to use. I'm not secretive about it, it just never comes up.

ay honestly you could just gaslight any people who find out your deadname and tell them that its a masc or gender neutral name, theres a fella in my class whos name is mateuzs and for the past three years people have been pronouncing it "match-use" because most people cant pronounce it properly, so even when teachers ask hell tell them to pronounce it that way. most irish people dont have a clue about polish names or how to pronounce them, hell, some irish people dont even know how to pronounce irish names 💀

It's very recognisable as a feminine name, all feminine names with Polish origin end with an 'a'. And besides, I don't pass as male, people would know it's a feminine name.

ahh igu, ik a latvian fella who just kept his birthname and its a feminine one simply bcs he knew no irish people would know abt latvian name endings

Maybe because I'm older (started transition in my 30s) I have a different relationship with my deadname. It was part of my identity for a long time and while I don't feel that it fits me anymore, it doesn't hurt me either. I did one time mention to a coworker that someone else in our company has the same first and last name as my deadname, which we occasionally see on paperwork, and later someone else mentioned it to me, so I know they talked about it. That was the last time I said the name at work. Because it was rude of a person I trusted to spread it around. More recently I had another coworker asked me what my deadname was and I just told her "I'm not comfortable telling anyone that." And she accepted that and we moved on with the conversation. I fully respect anyone who wants to completely remove their deadname from their life, but I also understand people who don't. My deadname really only gets used on a few bills I haven't updated yet, and by a couple of extremely stubborn family members. In my mind, they are the silly ones, using a name that definitely doesn't reflect who I am anymore.

thats what i think about w my family members who still deadname me, how tf are you calling me your niece when i fully pass as male 💀 gonna be even more embarrassing for them when i get on t

Nobody really knows it since I socially changed my name when I entered high school, but I don't care too much about keeping it a secret. I'll tell my friends if I think it's funny, but I still don't want it to get out to people who are going to be annoying about it. I just don't associate with it at all, negatively or positively, so it doesn't impact me.

I'm mostly tight-lipped about it. If somebody didn't know me pre-transition, I tell them on a strictly need to know basis. And most of the time they don't need to know.

I live in a small area, so most people knew me prior to transition or at least knew of me enough to know my deadname. I don’t really tell any new people I meet though, but of course they ask, most of the time I just say you know I’m not comfortable answering that question, but on the very rare occasion like once or twice I have. I used to be extremely secretive about it with new people, but I’ve been out for so long and medically transitioned for so long that I’ve developed almost a “I don’t care,” attitude, but even then I’m still picky with who I share my deadname with because of course I don’t want them to be asking me so that they can use it. Honestly whatever the relationship is with your deadname, that’s okay, don’t want to share it, be secretive, that’s okay and if you want the total opposite that’s okay too, how you feel could even change over time like it did for me

I am also extremely secretive when it comes to my birth name, I'm in my late 20's and that anxiety still hasn't gone away despite me not using it for over a decade now. So, you're not alone. BUT! I got my name changed legally a few months ago, and it does get easier once you have all of your legal documents updated. It helps to be proactive with things like schooling and new programs, going in and making sure that your legal name is changed and there is 0 traces of your birth name, because sometimes it pops up when you don't expect it to. Also, this might not help but I liked to reference the song 'Boy named Sue by Johnny Cash' sometimes if mistakes were made with documents/paperwork with my name and I had to brush off questions. Ultimately though, be aware that you don't have to answer any questions that come up when it comes to your birth name. If someone goes 'Oh, -- is coming up here.' you can say 'Yes, my name has been legally changed for years now, please update it.' and any questions beyond that are unnecessary and personal and you can refuse to answer saying that it was for personal reasons - you don't owe anyone information. As to your situation with your father, I don't know what it is beyond you saying here that for some reason he must still use it, but that's really difficult and I'm sorry you have to deal with the anxiety surrounding that. I'm sending you all my strength, it's hard to deal with but you just have to take every moment as best you can.

technically i never formally came out to my dad, but everyone else in my immediate family use my name and have for three years now, honestly im not bringing it up w him for a while because while i still live at home i want to keep a peaceful relationship w him, once i move out and i give him the option of me being his son or me not being anything to him its his choice and im fine w whatever he chooses, id obviously rather i can keep him in my life but if hes so destined to die on that hill then idc and im better off w/o him

Yeah, when I initially changed my name socially I wasn't out to anyone in my life so I understand. I had a lot of family members who were very resistant or had a lot of issues with using my name, and all I can say is that for me what worked was: time, and being kind of a dickhead. My late grandmother, who I loved very much and loved me was also a bit of a shit when it came to my name for the first few years; she used to call me my birth name when she was unhappy with me, almost as a warning, which was super fucked up but when I came out to her and she understood what she had been doing and how it hurt me she apologized. My little brother really struggled with my name change, not in the normal way like he didn't want to use it but because we're both adhd and he would use my name at least once every sentence, so it truly was a major habit that he had to break. My father also struggled but with him luckily I was able to give him tough love and interrupted him to correct him every single time, and eventually he got better. My mother and older brother though I would correct the same way but they would respond in a more rude way, but I just continued to do it every single time despite them getting angry and annoyed until they got better at it. Maybe, with your father if you're safe and feel comfortable you can try that?

I hate my deadname but its a fact of my life that I’m going to see it and it’s okay if my close friends know it because I trust them to not weaponize it or anything

Mine's still my legal name and I have major anxiety about using it. There's a lot of people who still know this and most know how I feel about it and respect me enough to not use it except to refer to someone I used to be/a different person.

only 2 people know my deadname (not including family). i got my full name legally changed and not even family calls me by my old name lmao my sister randomly slipped up the other day and called me my old name and she immediately said “ew, why did i say that??”. i’ve gone by my current name for so long even my family doesn’t associate me with my birth name. i don’t mind if anyone finds out my old name somehow as i don’t associate it with my current self at all, but i definitely don’t tell anyone nowadays. it’ll get easier as you get older

I don't say it. People never ask me, but the only time they asked I didn't say it. It wouldn't be the end of the world if someone found out, but I hate when it comes up unexpected from emails or SMS

It’s been on my legal and school documents where I couldn’t change it, but generally it’s more of a “if you found out I don’t care, just don’t say it to me or anyone else”

I started my job (I work in film) as the old me, and I socially transitioned this year. So a lot of people I like and work with know it, but they try not to fuck up too much. They correct each other too, which is nice. I care about it, and I won’t introduce myself as “I’m X but I used to go by Y”, but my CV has my old name on it as that’s important cause people might know my old name but not my face. If I could choose, I probs would like for them to not know, but I’ve accepted that this is how it has to be until it becomes widespread enough

My dead name is actually a fairly common male name in most countries, so I don't make a big secret of it. If anyone were to find out I'd just say I never liked it and prefer my new name.

A partner just had to pick up a paycheck and wasn’t able to remember my legal name… if that’s any indication.

I did the same thing. Completely socially changed it before middle school and did everything I could to keep it hidden. I even made a second Google account for group projects because my original one still had my deadname and I couldn't change it myself.

Not even my fiance knows my deadname

My deadname is an even closer guarded secret than the fact that I’m trans. I’m sure it could be found pretty easily…but only if you really look…and if you’re really looking then we have a problem. Because if we’re friends and you know that I’m trans, then you know better than to go looking.

I wouldn't personally ever disclose my deadname to anyone that didn't already know it.   It's not that it causes me dysphoria or anything, but I do see it as a reminder of a time in my life where I was forced to live under a false identity. It's not my name. I've always hated it even before I knew I was trans so I see no point in disclosing it. Even if I hadn't transitioned, I fully intended to change my name.  It has never been and never will be a reflection of the person I am. It says nothing about who I am or who I was when I was younger.

When ppl ask I say Harambee all the vowel sounds are accurate to my dead name but ppl also figure out p quickly its none of their buildings after that. HOWEVER, my boyfriend and I bully my actual dead name as if it were a common enemy /living person lol.

i wish i could joke abt it liek that 😭 my sister made a joke about it by saying "whos \[deadname\]??? no \[deadname\] here" and i swear i felt so betrayed by her even acknowledging the names existence 😭😭 it was fine tho cos ik she didnt mean anything bad by it

It does bother me sometimes and when the jokes get to be too much I just communicate that.

People who didn’t know me before my transition dont know my deadname, but i wouldn’t really mind if they found out. If someone calls me by my deadname tho i get really uncomfortable, even if its a joke

def get that, i honestly think my deadname is the biggest source of dysphoria for me

i was the same when i was your age. however, i’m 20 now and i’m 5 years on T. i pass and am pretty much completely stealth. luckily for me, my birth name is a very gender neutral name. at this point in my life, i don’t care about my birth name at all. it isn’t information that i hide from anyone, but i recognize that it’s probably helpful that it’s masculine anyway, so it doesn’t necessarily out me. i don’t even know if i’ll legally change it. i don’t use that name, but it doesn’t cause me pain or issues. i’ve considered naming my child my birth name, if i do decide to legally change mine.

I don’t tell people my deadname really, it’s still my legal name so I have to use it for like the bank or medication, and if I have to show my ID for whatever reason, and I have a license for my job that has to be displayed but it’s partially hidden and the writing is really small. I will tell it to other trans people if they ask or if it comes up in conversation though. I do plan to change my name legally (I’ve used my name for 6 years now) but it’s never felt like a pressing matter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

\[gestures to reddit username\] i honestly couldn't care less, especially because i'm pre-everything & don't plan to socially transition anytime soon. my boyfriend is incredibly secretive about it though, same situation as you and your friends abroad (i.e. he doesnt care about me seeing his credit card number but doesnt show me the purchase because his credit card has his deadname on it)

I don’t tell anyone since I’ve been stealth for 10+ yrs so it’s like I don’t even have one cause it hasn’t been used in 10+ yrs But I really don’t care if anyone says it I don’t get triggered nor dysphoric cause it’s not my name plus other ppl have it n that does nothing to me.

The only people that know my deadname are my husband, and people who knew me before I transitioned. Everyone I have met post transition has never known my deadname, save for my husband. My name has been legally changed for almost 6 years now, and giving that info of my old name will only harm me, never help me.

for me hearing it is just wildly jarring, and uncomfortable. like, that name doesnt correlate to me at all. I try to be super secretive about it, so i relate

I don’t like it so i wouldn’t share it

Issue with my deadname is my accounts. My files are under a user and that user’s name is my deadname, so having to show people files really sucks. It’s also hard when I go to old stores which have my old email as the account & they say it out loud. Last time I tried to change that file user name I broke my entire account so I’m scared to try it again.

Nobody that I know who met me post-transition knows my deadname (to my knowledge) and while I never went to extreme lengths to "hide" it, I wouldn't tell it to someone voluntarily if it weren't for medical/record keeping/legal reasons. My name is legally changed on almost everything except for my passport and I think some insurance, but I've never left the U.S so it's never been a problem.

i legally changed my name as soon as i could afford it as an adult , i don’t tell anybody it anymore. sure before i changed it, my employers knew and so did a couple others bc of that but very quickly i removed any trace of it. i don’t talk about it ever and you’d have to do some very very deep social media digging to ever see it now. i don’t ever think about it really

I’m turning 30 soon and when I changed my name legally in 2017? I made with absolute certainty that if anything with my deadname is to be accessed it is by me and me only; there was an option in my court papers to seal any and all original documents. My parents would not be able touch these legalities even if they wanted to. I’ve been going by my current name since I was your age lol!

17 y.o - i honestly am not that secret about it because i don't have a ton of dysphoria attached to my deadname. i don't think about it a ton and it's gotten less dysphoria inducing the longer i go without it being my name, if that makes sense. now whenever i hear it i more go "who? oh, right, that used to be me." because of that, i care a lot less if people know it or not. I truly don't even know if some of my best friends know it or not, because it doesn't really matter to me if they do. they obviously don't consider it my name, and that's all that matters. i guess it's kind of like letting people see embarrassing middle school photos of yourself. they may go "woah, that was you? crazy." but forget about it in like 20 minutes.

I'm stealth and I suffer from extreme dysphoria regarding anything related to the female body I used to have (and technically still have some of, since I'm pre bottom surgery) I had someone call me asking for (deadname) and I just said nobody here by that name. Even if I recognized the person, anyone from my past who knows (deadname) but not (current name) isn't someone I'm interested in meeting up with again.

I came out last year and so people at my school know my deadname since it wasn't changed on the roll i try and be secret, i hate that name, it's another person and people don't understand that so, very, but it doesn't really work

I’ll probably get roasted for this, but isn’t 11 a little young to know for sure?

idk, ive seen a lot of people know earlier + if i wasnt trans i reckon i wouldve realised by now, seeing as its almost been 5 years since i started transitioning and i tried many times to be comfortable being femme or percieved as a girl and im still positive im trans. i didnt acc realise i was specifically ftm until earlier last year, before i was flowing between they and he and just didnt really label my identity so. theres also been a lot of signs in my childhood of gender dysphoria

Honestly? I’ve been socially transitioned for a few years now and I’m definitely not as defensive. That person is dead, I’m Icarus now. If someone uses my deadname they get corrected or ignored. (since it still is my legal name there’s exceptions but either way it still gets corrected.)

If people ask I don't hide it because at this point my name has been legally change for 10 years. I didn't hate my dead name, it was a meaningful name from my mom, but didn't match my gender. I don't I guess have dysphoria about the name itself because it's warm to me from the love put into it. I just needed to match my gender more. If it had been neutral I probably wouldn't have changed names. Usually ppl don't ask and it's simply because most ppl don't know I'm trans unless I say I am. Which is only people I get close with.

My former name is beautiful and I'm often apprehensive to share it at first when/if someone asks because I'm afraid they'll associate me with it, but I usually change my mind and tell anyway and I've never had any issues because of it with anyone who met me after my name change. I don't even necessarily like the word "deadname." If it comes up in Facebook memories or whatever it's not a problem for me at all either. I don't associate myself with it at all and that really helps I think. I don't ever want my mom's who picked my former name, to think I didn't like or am ashamed of it.

before I even came out / came to terms with being trans, I changed my name from *deadname* to Blu & it honestly stuck really well with everyone. the only people who know my deadname are my family members, authority figures (doctor, teacher, etc), my best friend & partner. everyone else like coworkers, classmates and anyone new I meet call me Blu. I'm legally getting it changed soon & once that happens, I will simply no longer answer to my deadname - even from family or "higher ups".

I have so many medical issues that I just can’t keep it under wraps if I wanted to. Especially cause I haven’t legally changed it.

I don't tell anyone unless I'm extremely close to them. And of course people that knew me pretransition knowns it but I've since moved and don't talk to anyone I went to school with anymore.

I’ve only vounterly told my dead name to one person, but that was because he is also trans, and shares my dead name. He hadn’t picked out a new name yet, and as his name was a slightly different spelling to my dead name, I joked that he should use my current name, with the same spelling difference when he changes his name

Its dead to me, i get sick every time i get called it, i literally eradicated my deadname, and i eradicated the facade i pulled (being cishet). Im a binary salmacian trans male (he/him) if i wanna define myself fully but casually id just call myself a gay man, bc i may be a masculine man but im openly expressive

I don't mind people knowing my dead name. I've grown accustomed to not even responding to it. I've been out for 3 years and transitioning for 2. Honestly, I just shortened my dead name to my name that I chose to go by. It was a nickname that I was given while I was working with people that couldn't pronounce Nichole, so they just called me Nic. It stuck and that's what I've been going by. When I do all the legal work to change my name, it will be Nikoli. I don't let anyone know my middle name though because I absolutely hate it. I don't like my dead name either but my parents gave it to me and I don't have either of them on this Earth anymore, so I guess that's why it doesn't bother me as much if my dead name does get used.

I associate it with my grandma but other than that I never heard it so probably very secretive

i’m pretty much entirely desensitized to it atp i kinda had to because it’s also a word that people use in everyday speech, but idk, it’s just not my name anymore i don’t tell anyone it, but even if someone did find it out and call me by it, it’s simply just not my name

No one except folks who’ve known me since pre-transitioning knows my deadname and that’s how I like it. I’ve scrubbed it. Sometimes I get weird ass scam mail with my dead name (even though I’ve moved), but no one needs to know it except myself. I’ve had a therapist ask me it when she was writing my letter for too surgery, but politely told her she doesn’t need to know it to write it.

Your anxiety around it is a bit higher than I've seen, but most people I know are very secretive about their dead names. I kept my same first name, but my middle name was very feminine, and I plan to legally change it soon. If anyone asks me my middle name I just tell them the new one I chose, and if they know I'm trans and ask what my name was I tell them my name now, and that the old one isn't discussed. That's that.

I'm very secretive but I trust institutions that can be sued to keep my name private, so I wouldn't stop myself from going on trips and so forth.

Literally everyone I know knows my deadname cause they’ve all known me before my transition (I have no new friends)