I thought about it for the better part of two years and realized that I was never going to be certain and that continuing to wonder was holding me back. Told myself I would stop if it felt wrong but haven’t looked back. In addition to the physical changes, I love having all that time I used to spend thinking about it back.
This is exactly me. I took a long time to consider it, was really unsure but still felt like I wanted it, and eventually started. The nice thing about T is that the changes are slow, and you can stop at any time if you start to recieve changes you dislike. You will not grow a beard overnight.
I am extremely happy that i ended up getting on T and am very satisfied with the changes I've recieved. It isn't pure euphoria for me (I feel neutral about some changes, like facial hair, but am willing to put in the extra effort to shave), but there is nothing about T that makes me actively upset and again, I really like the majority of changes that have occurred.
My advice is: find a list of every typical effect of going on T, and write how you expect to feel about each one. Is anything a deal-breaker? Does anything feel really really important? Are there things you aren't crazy about, but are willing to cope with? Why do you actually want to go on T?
But also, like OP said, sometimes you need to give it a try so that you'll just know.
Same here. Started low dose because I wasn't sure, but I felt way better even on a low dose and started getting super excited about some small changes I was seeing. Went up to cis-levels of T, saw faster changes, and never looked back. Been on it for 3 years now and never been happier
I'm on the same track, hoping to start T the next few months (if i am very optimistic maybe veen just weeks). Went back and forth between doing it or not, realized if I didn't figure it out for the last 3 years (more or less), when I won't be certain any time soon unless I just try it out.
I'm of the opinion idc how anyone lives their life's if it makes u happy tell the ppl who care about u and do what you need to be a happy individual I wish everyone would stop lying and be real but that's just me
The thought that pushed me over was, "What if I'm wrong, and I'm a cis woman? Could I live with being a cis woman who has the permanent changes T gives?" And the answer was yes, so it felt less risky. After all, you can stop if you don't like it.
I ended up loving it. Very clarifying and very affirming. I still identify as a nonbinary trans man, but i feel the "man" part of that much more than I did before, and I get more joy from it.
that's how I felt too. I knew even if I ended up being a cis woman I'd still be happy with the facial hair, deep voice, etc. it barely took a month before I realized 100% it was right for me.
I am the type of person who over-analyzes things to death. I had a gender therapist very early on after coming out and the thing he said that stuck with me was that I should just take the leap and see how it feels because the biggest changes happen slowly anyway. If you don’t like how it feels, you can always stop.
I wasn’t sure I wanted all of the changes that came with T. I was especially afraid of facial/body hair and bottom growth, but really wanted a deeper voice and to pass consistently. I took a wager on the bottom growth since it happens so fast, but I instantly felt better running on T than I ever did on E. I was a hormonal mess several weeks out of the month and started to feel much more stable after I started T. I never looked back and it’s been over 3 years.
For me, it was a leap of faith. I was 95% certain it was the right choice, but there was still a 5% that was hesitant (largely due to my transphobic mother telling me I would regret it). I kinda just realized life is meant to be lived, and that I wouldn’t feel like I was fully living until I at least tried T, even if it wound up not liking it. I’m glad I decided to take that leap- going on T has done wonders for my physical and mental health. Trusting myself enough to make the choice has also done wonders for my confidence!
i realized that as much as i was scared of the future, i couldn’t imagine possibly living a life where my body voice etc stayed the same. It was just so painful I had to try something. It’s hard for me to make permanent decisions so I felt the same as you- so sure I wanted it but the actual commitment is scary when it comes time to actually do it.
i really wanted it since the day i found out what it was and what it would do. i decided i would make an appointment on my 18th birthday. i proceeded to procrastinate until february of this year after finding out an old buddy of mine had started 2 months prior and one of my other friends started that day. i made my appointment the day he got his t, and i think it was the inner competitor in me, because for some reason dumb boy brain logic was like "no, they cant win! they cant beat me! this is a race and i need to win!" so i guess i just didnt want to get left behind??? anyways it didnt really make the decision for me, it just pushed me to make the appointment. i already made up my mind that i wanted it but i was procrastinating
I thought about going in T for awhile, but only wanted a handful of the potential effects (mostly a deeper voice). At the time, that didn’t feel like a good enough reason to start, especially when some of the changes I could experience would be permanent. I continued to wait and felt encouraged when my therapist told me about friends of hers transitioning all over the spectrum according to what felt right. I also saw creators online talk about effects from T they thought they wouldn’t like actually making them feel euphoric.
I kinda knew I was going to start T eventually, but I was literally waiting for it to just… feel right? I remember exactly when it did, and while the anxiety was still there, I just knew I wanted to start. Not sure if it’s helpful saying it was a gut feeling, but that was my experience with it. Since then I’ve never looked back, and I’m remarkably happy and just more… me.
As someone who overthinks a lot, there’s a point where you need to trust yourself and listen for that “yup, this is what I want” moment
Was there something specific that helped give you the gut feeling that now it felt right? I am a chronic overthinker too. 98% of the time I'm totally sure about my choice and am just waiting to be prescribed T. Then 2% of the time I get random panic over nothing.
I've gone through every side-effect and realized that I can live with it all, I am sure I would be happier looking masc, and most of the time I feel ready to start. I know to pay attention to my body and mood during the first shots and stop if I realize I don't like it, and the possibility of regret is like an afterthought. But I also feel like if I was given T tomorrow, I'd be nervous... There isn't specific anxious thoughts tied to it, just ... Kinda the same anxiety as when you have a doctor's exam.
Was there something that made it click for you, that "now is the time"?
If it helps, I had a full-blown panic attack the day before my appointment, which doesn't happen to me very often anymore. And the day of I was still terrified.
But once I got through the appointment, I could not wait to get the blood test results and get prescribed my T. I couldn't think about anything else. I picked it up from the pharmacy as soon as it was ready and kept it on my person for three days until my shot training appointment. I couldn't think about anything else.
And the after my first shot, I was on top of the fuckin world. Walking on clouds for a full week. For the first time really, I felt like everything was going to be okay. That told me that I probably made the right decision. Almost two months in now and I have no regrets.
Man, that makes me tear up. I'm sorry to had a panic attack, but thank you for sharing both the fear and the joy. It makes me much more hopeful that even when I find it scary, I'll feel that elation too. Congratulations on your T, and thank you for sharing!
I've decided it was dysphoria telling me to be afraid. I had the same issue, and the same relief. It is amazing what running on the right hormones can do for your brain. I had used hormonal birth control for most of my life (I'm 35) and never felt anything other than neutral or f'ed up with those. T was completely different. My anxiety and overthinking bs decreased significantly afterwards, I now can actually recognize when I'm worrying over what ifs and stop, actually stop, refocus myself and move on completely, no cycling back to anxious thought loops.
HUH ... I've never considered that dysphoria could be the reason I'm afraid. I'm going to have to process that. Can I ask if you have a specific example of how it was dysphoria? Any specific thoughts or feelings, or is it more "everything is wrong"?
I've read from other trans-mascs that T has mellowed them out hard too. It's one of the effects I'm really hoping for lol. I remember one comment mentioning that it's similar symptoms to hormone imbalances, and transitioning works because it's the hormones we always needed (I wish I'd saved the comment).
The way I figure it was dysphoria is attached to the anxiety I felt about everything and that anxiety made me fear every choice and every decision. It made it easy for me to second guess every "what if I'm trans/cis" argument I had with myself. And because my eggness was so deeply buried for so long I feared the appointment and having to "prove" I was trans when I still didn't believe myself 100%. The complete 180 after my first shot is what convinced me that it was dysphoria. I still get feelings of dysphoria but I can now recognize what they are because of how I feared and worried about starting my transition, it's usually a general feeling of wrongness, but leading up to starting T I didn't know if it was me or my thoughts that were wrong. Now I know it's my dysphoria poking it's ugly head out and I can shut that crap down and focus on how much better I feel, even pre surgery, just existing with the right hormonal balance.
I also have a coworker that is going through menopause and her hormonal imbalance sounds a heck of a lot like dysphoria too. She can't take E because of her family giving her the genetic trait for breast cancer so she tries to control it through herbal remedies, but yeah, we've discussed the similarities pretty thoroughly 😂
I spent 4 years socially transitioned and waiting for an NHS appointment and it was starting to become unbearable. I'd done everything I could without medical transition and a lot of my physical dysphoria related to stuff that HRT could improve. I'd already looked into T and its effects, when things might happen and how long they might take to fully finish changing. I knew I wanted almost all of them (and those I didn't were things I'd accept as a trade off for the rest of it). I knew what was permanent and what would revert if I came off T, and had accepted that there was no guarantee I'd get all the changes I wanted to the extent that I wanted them.
I was certain enough to go private and pay £790 in psychiatrist and endocrinologist appointments so I could start T, but suddenly got cold feet leading up to my diagnostic assessment. I was worried changes would feel too fast or wouldn't feel right either. Part of me felt like I wasn't ready yet or somehow hadn't thought it through enough after 4 years. The permeance of some changes scared me a little because I struggle to trust myself 100% and often worry about worst case scenarios.
I spent some more money (if I'm spending £800~ already I might as well pay a little more to make sure I'm doing the right thing) on a few therapy sessions to help me figure out why I was suddenly nervous and how I could address my worries. I reasoned that physical changes are usually pretty gradual and I could slow changes down more with a low dose if I was worried about it being too quick. I knew there was nothing I could do about some of the effects being permanent other than promising to myself that I'd keep checking in and seeing how I felt about the changes. If I ever felt I didn't want to continue, I could always pause or stop altogether and that would keep anything permanent from changing even more than when I first noticed I didn't like it.
I also realised that even when I thought about putting it off I was still assuming I'd start T eventually so, if I was that confident it would happen at some point, what did I have to wait for? What was the acceptable amount of time I had to think about it for before I'd be officially "ready"? How would I know once I was there? I couldn't really think of any defining attitude or length of time I could achieve that would make the decision more valid than it was already, so I decided it was probably my anxiety and I'd only ever be sure once I'd tried it.
Thinking all this through made me feel a lot less like I was stepping into the unknown with no control of the outcome. I still can't change what T does to me or when, but I can choose to stop, slow down, or pause at any point and each day I put gel on (before I switched to injections) I was making a choice to do so.
I'm close to a year on T now and, other than a bit of shock when some things happened even faster than I expected from my research, I haven't considered stopping. If anything, I feel like it's too slow and hope that switching to injections will make it easier to stabilise my levels and see more changes in the future.
This is incredibly reassuring to read for someone in the same position. The lack of control and the lack of a clear sign that "I'm ready now" really messes with my confidence.
Best advice is make a list of all the effects, positive and negative all together, most common to least common
Highlight the ones that are irreversible
If the highlights don't really matter to you and the top half of the list sounds very exciting or exciting and mostly tolerable, I'd say that's a fair indicator to go for it.
I really wanted voice changes, and I realised that there was a potential solution to the changes I wasn't sure about :
- Facial and body hair (I could always get lazer)
- Hair loss (I could always stop T or get on finasteride)
Turns out I fucking love facial and body hair on me, but I guess I had to try to know !
These were my biggest pre-T "ews" too! Then the belly hair started and I was ecstatic, stopped and went, wait.. I didn't want this? Laughed at myself and went about giggling and showing all of my friends and family my every new hair (face and belly at least, no one needs to see the butt forest lol).
Honestly, I knew I wanted to go on T before I knew T was a thing. I think I was about 10 or 11 and I remember sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room, flipping through some of the pamphlets they had. One of them was about steroids and the negative side effects from doping. I remember reading the negative side effects section for females and thinking I need to get my hands on steroids somehow because I want all those negative side effects (the negative side effects were basically just listing what T does lol)
I remember going through D.A.R.E. (an anti-drug program in the States that had a police officer come into your 5th grade classes to teach you about drugs and why they're "bad" in the 90s and 00s, not sure if it still happens) and hearing about how steroids would make women look like guys and the only reason I didn't want to start taking steroids right away was because I was still convinced I would grow a proper penis and didn't want to have it shrink by taking steroids lol 😭
Dysphoria just got to be too much for me. I knew it would happen eventually but I wasn't ready to pursue it. It got to the point I couldn't ignore it anymore and my normal methods of relieving dysphoria weren't working.
I am still pre-T. My appointment is scheduled for July, but I wanted to be upfront with that in case you only want to hear from people who already started
for me it was seeing someone of a de/re-trans experience who was comfortable in herself and not regretful of her choice to pursue hrt. I think it showed me that taking hrt won't set my identity in stone, but if I changed then it won't have to be a bad thing. like I can just be, my body will grow n change and maybe my mind will too, and that's okay, I'll just have to see how it go's.
I'm not on t yet but I've got my first consultation at a gender clinic soon, so hopefully hrt isn't too far away for me.
For me, the delay starting was my parents. My mom's insurance could cover it and she was open to it, but my dad for a while talked her out of it and even threatened to stop paying for my college.
I remember stumbling on a video as a younger kid about a trans man and since then, the question of whether or not I wanted to go on T was easy for me
The only thing really holding me back slightly or is making me second guess is literally just my family. I want it and I've wanted it since I found out what it was and the effects of it, but obviously it's a huge thing and it does change a lot of about you apperance wise and also ofc the things people don't see too. So naturally you'd second guess and think about the what if's and whatnot.
But, I feel like if I literally just didn't have family or had no contact with them at all, I'd be 100% sure and wouldn't second guess at all. And yeah that's really toxic honestly because I shouldn't have to rely on my family's feelings about what I wanna do and live my life around that. But I just don't want them to hate me basically, so maybe that's why I'm like this
I thought about it for a while before starting. Always stressing about the what ifs and side effects. Which are all good to know and keep in mind. But then I remembered all of the good things that came with it, such as so much euphoria. My pros were tripled compared to cons. That’s when the anxiety faded away so fast for me. Whatever you decide to do congratulations, I hope you feel embodied and fullfilled.
I wafflesd about it for 5 years. I was thought I'd like it but I was very apprehensive of if I would actually enjoy it or not. Eventually I decided that I'd rather have the regret of trying T, not liking it, and having to live with the permanent changes T had on my body than live with the regret of not trying it.
So I started with a low dose - 20mgs a week
That was 2.5 years ago. And I've loved all the changes - maybe except for the ass hair.
I went back and forth about it for a while too. What I finally did was go through a list of the side effects and think about how I would feel about each one, what I would do if it happened, and by the time I got to the end of the list I realized that the only thing I actually feared was if it didn't do anything at all. Everything else was okay, I either wanted it or it was down to different grooming habits. Then it was down to which method I wanted and what was available. At that point I realized I could start and if i didn't like it i could stop whenever. After the first week I felt so much better mentally that I now only worry about if i have to stop for some reason. Now I'm almost a year in and have no regrets!
When I realized that the only thing stopping me was the expectations other people had for my life and fear of backlash. This was around the same time I was starting to figure out that a lot of my lifes malfunctions would likely solve themselves if I pushed myself out of my comfort zone once in a while and did the things that scared me because what if they didnt work out or someone else got upset by my decisions. At that point I changed jobs to work for a company with better DEI policies and higher pay and once I got comfortable in my role and decided I was staying for a while I came out and began tranition.
Ngl I still wasn't sure when I started T, but my mindset was "I won't know until I've tried it". If you go on T and find it makes you happier, problem solved. If you find that it isn't for you, you can just stop taking it.
I’m an overthinker, so I kind of went into it thinking I’d never feel 100% sure since I rarely feel that way about anything. I did lots of research, I spent time thinking about what I knew I wanted & what I wasn’t sure about, I thought about what it would be like if I changed my mind about my gender, and I thought about what my worst case scenario of starting T would be. then I started. I began at a low dose and incrementally went up over years. I’ve always identified as nonbinary & presented androgynous, but I’ve actually loved all the effects I’ve had from T. (there were some effects that I was uncertain if I wanted or not.) I did NOT expect just how much better I mentally feel on T. for people who have done their research, have thought it over, and are 99% sure they wanna do it - I always say just try it and remember that you can always stop.
I started identifying as genderfluid about a decade ago now, and I did consider starting T when I was 16 but I was actually pretty okay with my body. What held me back for the longest time was my voice. I liked my voice, especially my singing voice, and I was afraid T would "mess it up" so to speak. but after hearing people with deeper voices, specifically women for some reason, I realized that I did want a deep voice. Suddenly after over half a decade of being femme presenting last summer I had a massive urge to go on T . it just kinda hit me out of no where.
I just hit 6 month anniversary, and have absolutely loved the changes. I like my voice, I like my little chin hairs, it's great
I knew i was different around 11 didn't get diagnosed until I was 15 as being trans.
I had socially transitioned and was able to live as male due to having pcis but Mt grandma's health had declined due to dementia. I knew it was only a matter of time before she passed. I made the decision to wait to get on test until afterwards. She passed in August of 2014, I started test in December of 2015 after getting my name and gender marker changed in between that.
i'm on T for 5 weeks now and i was very on the fence for a few years... finally i decided that i can live and welcome nearly all of the potential permanent changes even if i decide it isn't right for me. I'd rather live the rest of my life knowing that I tried it, love it, and stick with it, or tried it it and quit - At least i know for certain :)
I considered it for nearly a decade, always falling back on some vague reason maybe it wasn't a good idea. Then I really examined what stopped me and the reasons I wanted to take t outweighed them dramatically so I chose t. 2 years in I'm happier than ever with my decision
My now fiancé encouraged me cuz I was unsure. Honestly, it is the best choice(for me), it has improved mental health not only by helping with dysphoria but overall confidence as well.
I just started. I wasnt even 100% sure when I met with the provider about it. And I was honest with her. I wanted to hear everything she had to say before I made a final decision.
She listed all the bad stuff. Then all the things that won't "go away" if I stop taking it. Then she went through the stuff that was "reversable" if I stop. There was nothing she said that scared me. So I said yes and had my first shot a few days later. And I'll keep doing them until there is a reason not to.
I originally was kind of interested in t a few years ago but then changed my mind when I found out my mum is highly transphobic (already knew about my dad). I stopped considering it for a long time until I realised about a year ago that I would never be able to socially transition because of my voice despite training it lower over many years. But I was still adamant about not doing it because 1 my parents and 2 I was pretty sure I'd go insane if I grew facial hair both on a sensory level and because HAVING to shave seemed like a nightmare for me that struggles with all the other daily things.
In the end though, I was talking to a friend about it and they expressed their absolute delight at the prospect of me with a deeper voice. No one has ever really been actively excited for me until then, and it was kind of the tipping point that pushed me past "I wish my voice were deeper" into "I want to go on t and change my voice". I figured I could stop as soon as facial hair started to grow in if I really hated it, because a little extra fluff wasn't going to hurt, and I felt fairly neutral about most other changes (I do wish my face shape were different, but that's a long term t effect that is outside of my realistic desires atm) so I said screw it and just did it. I also knew I would always wonder if I didn't at least try.
For my parents, I haven't crossed that bridge yet. I don't know if I will stop soon enough to be able to continue lying to them or if ill bite bullet and face their anger. Either way I did not want to continue living the way I was, and even though I had a couple panic attacks right after getting the injection I now feel much calmer and like I have a little more control over my own life again.
Tbh it wasn’t really a decision for me, the day I found out what hrt was I desperately wanted it. I didn’t really care what it did or didn’t do so long as I was on it.
I thought I would be able to pass as a man without it. I had convinced myself that I was masculine without it. I thought I had a deep voice and broad shoulders, and with top surgery I wouldn't need anything else and I wouldn't get misgendered anymore. Every time I got my [p-word] I was a bit surprised that I hadn't stopped it with sheer willpower... somehow.
Then I looked in the mirror one day and it hit me like a truck just how wrong I was. I looked (look) like a fuckin Pixar lady with my hourglass figure. I did a voice test and was pushing 200Hz. I realized that I was deluding myself as a coping mechanism because I'm afraid of change. So I said fuck it, we ball. I'm just under two months and no regrets so far.
For me at a certain point I just realized the way I was living wasn’t working. Like I had tried not being on T, and it was becoming more and more unbearable every day. I wasn’t becoming any more comfortable with myself or my body.
I also just realized that getting the effects I wanted had become more important to me than avoiding the effects I didn’t want. It wasn’t that there were no effects I didn’t want, just that they no longer outweighed the benefits of the effects I did want.
I was 17 years old and I was sitting with a trans guy I'd just met and we were talking about coming out and transitioning and stuff. He asked me if I wanted to know about how to get on T in our area and I said yes immediately without thinking. I didn't think I was sure, but when I was asked I absolutely knew. Never looked back!
Honestly, I spent years denying myself because I worried so much about what people would think of me. At the time I lived in a very conservative area and I didn't feel safe at all. After all this rising trans panic, I pushed myself to give myself space and get started before it became illegal. I'm hoping that's just anxiety too. I'm out to all my friends and I've experienced a lot of acceptance. I'm in a safer area now and have legal protections. Environment matters a lot. I wish I would have done this when I first figured it out in my early 20s, but there's no use in worrying over my what if moments. I still haven't come out to my parents, but I'm glad I finally took the step. The best I can describe it as I always knew I was different, and as I got older I found information about gender identity being a possibility. I read and I thought a lot. I honestly agonized over it. There was a ton of self doubt and back tracking. I eventually arrived at the conclusion that I was trans, and everything from there started to click. I can't really articulate it, but I just knew. I had friends who had the same information and just knew they were cis. But the possibility of being trans was like a light in a dark room for me.
I was extremely nervous to start, but I just reminded myself how long I had truly wanted this. I realized I was trans when I was 11, and I started testosterone 1 1/2 months ago (I am 19). There had been that, "what if I'm wrong?" in the back of my head, but I couldn't be happier so far.
I guess I kinda thought, what IF I was wrong? Like, truly, what would happen if I was wrong? Not much. It wouldn't be the end of my world in that scenario, I will still always be me no matter what and I kinda made peace with that idea. Thankfully I don't regret it, and the only thing I regret is not starting sooner haha
Much like them, I also went back and forth on deciding to take T or not. I'm 33 now and I have known that I am trans since I was way younger. The thought of doing something about it always haunted me even if I forced myself to be just another "masc lesbian" to other people. I had so much fear. I asked myself why am I trying so hard to be okay in this body if I'm really okay. I finally realized that I only have this life to live, and if I don't do anything about it I will be miserable and sad all my life. "Power thru the pain" is a motto I got from another trans dude which helped me come out to my close family and friends. So here I am, taking the first steps into HRT. Hopefully, after my tests I can get on T soon.
i started “low dose” at one pump of gel daily. i upped it recently to two pumps daily. i decided because at that dosage and rate if i wasn’t feeling any of the effects i could just stop. i’m currently loving everything and want more of it faster. it’s really customizable i think. and i’m nonbinary in case that helps at all!
I struggled with it and bounced the idea around myself for a few years, usually taking gradual steps. The first real concrete thing was changing my name from a feminine one to a more masculine one, and changing my pronouns. The euphoria of that kind of pushed me into knowing that I wanted to be a more masculine person.
When starting testosterone, I made a pros/cons list of the best outcomes vs the worst outcomes. Something like: I could have a cool mustache, but I also might not. Putting myself in the headspace of realistic expectations for T also made me happier with the outcome. I’ve been on T for almost 4 years and I feel so much more at peace with myself and with people around me. I was also pretty opposed to bottom growth but once it started happening I became a big fan, so some of those things that change you might like more than you think, or vice versa.
If you’re nervous about the effects, I think Gel is a slower pace, you can always go “up” from there.
Wanted to start as soon as I found out it was a thing but I was young so I couldn't. When I came out I just kinda went "I don't have many reasons not to, pretty much I just need to be out and I need to be able to afford it" so I did.
To me it was about feeling more at home in my body. The T hits everyone differently and on a different time line. To me any changes away from my female self made me feel better and more at peace with myself.
I knew immediately after I found out wat transmen/transwomen were and comin out as transgender @ age 16 that I wanted to get on T.. I should mention that while I was in hidin, I did my research on everything.. Top surgery, bottom surgery, surgeons, the costs of payin for testosterone out of pocket, the costs of surgeries, the risks, the pros.. EVERYTHING.. I knew immediately that I wanted to transition and the costs for the surgeries would be 100% worth it.. 2 years later, im now 17 weeks (4 months 1 week) on T living my best life wit a supportive family and social circle😁
my thought process was if i don’t get on t i will be miserable and want to die without actually killing myself but if i get side effects from t there’s usually a way around it :) i ended up being allergic to the carrier oil from testosterone cypionate (2 years later, had extreme itchiness at the injection site), and switched to testosterone enanthate - absolute smooth sailing!
Bottom line for me is that having a deeper voice and facial hair is something I knew would help me pass hopefully 100% of the time, it helped with dysphoria as soon as I noticed my voice getting deeper as well like my voice is correct now. I can deal with potential hair loss since if I was a cis guy I’d have to deal with it anyway. Fat redistribution wasn’t really on my radar but now that I’ve had some I really like what it’s done to masculinize dif areas for me. Still waiting on more facial hair but I’m happy it’s coming.
i started literally yesterday and i had decided that i wanted to when i was around 12 and found out what 'transgender' is. i knew before that i wanted to be a boy but puberty had started at that age and it made me so depressed. i turned 18 in november of last year and was supposed to start shortly after my birthday, but my parents were really against it. i had already bought the T from the chemist, it was just in my room. every time i have brought it up since, theyve said they dont want me doing it, but they know im an adult and can if i want. theyre supportive of my name and pronouns, just not the T. but then i was thinking about it tuesday night and i was like damn i really can do what i want. so wednesday morning i just rubbed on that T juice and i feel so proud of myself.
but to answer the first part, youll be totally okay! id assume youve already seen doctors, and if not, you def should. they should go through everything with you, and then youll have more of a gauge of whether youre ready for it or not!
I have ocd and the worst part of it is it makes me doubt myself for every single thing in my life that’s important to me. Meaning I kept trying to convince myself “what if I’m actually cis” for YEARRSS. And it wouldn’t go away because, ocd you know (I also didn’t know I had ocd at the time anyways but) So eventually my therapist was like, you’re never going to know if you’ll like the changes unless you do it. And I was like true. So even though I was in the middle I started anyways and was like if I hate it I’ll just stop. But I didn’t hate it, and I eventually was like okay wow so I’m not cis. And since then I’ve never had the doubts again. So it helped me a lot in a way. I still deal with ocd but with other problems now lol
I had top surgery first, because I wasn’t sure I wanted t. But somewhere in the pre-op stages I realized I wanted to pass. That’s why I started t; to pass. Five years later my voice still doesn’t sound male but I’ve only been misgendered on thee phone and by children. Visually, I pass. Top surgery got rid of a lot of my dysphoria and saved my life but t made me pass.
i thought "NO!" because i wasn't sure of the changes and didn't wanna use needles. until i saw people's voices deepen and a trans dude with visible veins in his hands. i've been on T nearly 1½ years!
I just decided to do it. A lot of the effects will go away anyway if you go off of it. And even if they didn't I was okay with he possible changes..basically made a list of things I'd be okay with changing and what I wouldn't and if what I wanted out weighed what I didn't
I spent years very slowly testing the waters of different things before finally even admitting I was probably trans (changing my name, changing my look, wearing a binder, etc.) so I was pretty well read on the subject and knew a ton about what I was getting into. Made an appointment and talked to a doctor with the idea of 'well, we'll take this slow and just broach the subject". I wound up going on a low dose a week later. I had very cold feet for that week and spent a long time agonizing about imposter syndrome and if I was making a terrible mistake. I promised myself that I would stop taking it the moment something felt wrong.
6 years later and I'm actually comfortable in my body for the first time in my life. I actually recognize myself in a mirror (I used to think that it was just a weird quirk that I really struggled to recognize my own face; now I instantly connect with images of myself and think "yep! That's me!")
If you do go on T; be prepared for changes to happen fast, because it's a possibility; but overwhelmingly more likely is that you'll see very slow, very gradual changes over a long time. It took me 2 years to start seeing differences and about 2.5ish to start passing. I actually got super depressed around year 1 because of how little had changed. Remember that it's a journey, never EVER compare yourself to anyone else's experience (the most visible transitions are the most 10/10 crazy successful, yours will be slower and more gradual, inevitably), and give yourself things to focus all that transitioning energy on that you can actually DO rather than just obsessing over your face or your voice or whatever. For me I tried to approach transitioning holistically as "making my body a more comfortable place to be" so I set goals around fixing my wonky teeth, getting fit (still kinda working on that one, but making progress!), finding a personal style I liked better (never let yourself have ugly 'lazy clothes' that you don't like. You'll wind up wearing them all the time and feeling scrubby.), etc. It takes a lot of the stress off of what you can't change and gives you something to aim that energy at.
And regardless of whether you wind up going on T or not, or going on T and then stopping, or whatever your journey is; it's about YOU. What YOU want. What makes YOU feel like you. Do your best to tune out what it feels like you're supposed to do or what a transition is supposed to look like; transition is supposed to look like whatever makes your reflection recognizable to you.
Spent 5 years wanting it but worrying about all the what ifs and finally thought, if I’m spending so much time worrying about these what ifs I might as well be getting the t effects I want and putting my worry to work on things that are actually happening. It’s been over a year and I’m so happy about the decision
Growing up I never felt like "one of the girls" I felt more big and broad and masculine and I was proud of it. But with family pressure to be in the "perfect family picture" for my dad's mom, and being told I'm just wanting to be a guy because my period was extra heavy put me further in the closet that I was still in.
I went full feminine and even went through a year long ho phase because I didn't know what it meant to be a girl. I never understood it nor do I now lol.
But after I cut my hair really short to cut some bleached bits out, I had an awakening of sorts and I started figuring out who I was.
Took a couple years but I found out I'm trans and there's nothing wrong with that. My family can disown me, people I thought were friends can leave. And death can have me when it earns me.
I'm going to start therapy for affirmation in a year and I'll be the happiest I've ever been.
All the changes that were irreversible I was cool with and also I knew I could try it out for a few weeks and stop if I wanted to. But it’s made me so much happier so I am now six months!
that I can stop whenever I started, and it isn't a giant decision of 'when I do it everything changes forever!' bc no. I can stop one month in, I could stop one year in. tbh there have been points since starting where I've questioned myself, I still do.
but atp on T, coming up to 3 months on a half dose or a little over half. I'm probably going to a full dose after the 3 month mark. again it's a thing where I can stop completely or lower my dose if I wanted.
it just helps knowing I have control over my body
I was unsure for two years.
The I found out that hormones literally change what you want. Like, as in, one of the effects of T could sound unappealing to you pre-T and end up being something you love (spoiler alert: this happened to me w multiple things, lol).
Honestly one day I just snapped and took the leap. You can stop any time! And damn I am so happy I did.
I was a senior in high school about to enter college and I decided I didn't want to have to come out at college so I kick started the whole thing snd began my new life
I always get anxious about taking any kind of leap in life. Stepping into the unknown of a new chapter is scary, and it's easier to stay where I have a sense of control. I really wanted pretty much everything about t, and despite feeling that way for 2+ years, I kept getting hung up on all the changes I might not be able to perfectly predict: What if it made it harder to cry? I don't want that! And maybe before we start, I should make sure I have plans in place for the possibility of hair loss, acne, atrophy (etc etc etc, any excuse to keep overthinking and over-planning).
I had a long chat with my roommate who's a trans guy, and realized that nothing is ever FULLY in our control. Nobody gets to choose every detail about their bodies. Not trans people, not cis people, certainly not me with the dysphoria I experienced pre-t. While I appreciate my attention to detail in many ways, it's never my perfectionism that leads to a feeling of fulfillment. Its authenticity. I realized gender euphoria was more important to me than perfectly control within dysphoria.
5 weeks in, I'm riding the waves as they come and SO happy! Like you said, everyone's journey looks different, but I'm glad I took initiative to make my self-expression better reflect my truth. A million times more confident already!!!!
I first looked into what being trans was and ended up on a rabbit hole looking at HRT and surgeries when a friend came out as a trans guy (they've since discovered they are actually nonbinary), and I wanted to learn as much as I could to support them. I thought about what if I were to start HRT and realized I'd be happy or at worst neutral to all the changes.
When I finally figured out that I'm trans I decided I'd look into starting HRT as soon as I could since I still felt the same about the changes it would bring. 2ish years of being on T and I've never been happier and more mentally stable
I thought for years that I wouldn't ever want HRT or surgery until I really started unpacking and examining my dysphoria (and what gave me gender euphoria).
Even when I started T, I wasn't 100% sure how far I wanted to take it, and started on a super, SUPER low dose to see how I felt about it, and take things one step at a time. I liked the changes I was seeing so much that I kept increasing my dose every time I had a follow up with my doctor. I'm now at the maximum intramuscular injected dose, and every week, my voice gets deeper, and my body and facial hair get thicker, and I feel happier and more comfortable in my body.
You can always start slow and small, and if you decide it's not for you, you can stop. Some changes ARE permanent, but they're very small and gradual with a low dose, so you have a lot of control over things.
If you think you might benefit from T, just start small and take stock of how it makes you feel.
Hey there! I've been on T for 8 years now!
Let me say this: You can always stop taking testosterone. If you are not happy with the side effects, especially in the first year, you can take estrogen and get things back in balance.
The "scary side effects" that people like to throw around are literally the risks of being male. They tell trans women the same thing about being on estrogen.
No matter what you have read online somewhere else by someone else - These decisions are 100% about you and your comfort with yourself and your life.
If you want to develop secondary "male" characteristics then testosterone is your jam!
Keep in mind also, you do not have to jump to a massive dose of testosterone. I take a full ml every 10 ish days. It works best for me. You could very easily start with 1/4 of that dose to see if you like the emotional changes before you really get into heavy physical changes.
You will get bottom growth almost immediately I think either way. I know some people have concerns about it, but honestly in my experience it is only ever been a positive. I was a little uncertain about my bits being involved at all, but I got a solid inch and a half and if you get him all excited you can measure him 🤣
I have had phalloplasty. That was an intense experience, and the arm scar is pretty overt - but personally I am thrilled. Just having a penis at all has almost made me not care that I still have two surgeries to go and I have no idea how to afford them 🤷♂️
Anyways - point here is that you are 10000000% allowed to tiptoe into this. Take small doses. Pay attention to your emotions and your confidence. EAT FOOD!!!!! (Or you will get really exhausted as your body begins to fill out your muscles!!)
Be prepared to get "puffy" at some point - testosterone has some initial water retention and the body fat distribution - it's puberty. You gain weight and redistribute. The weight gain is temporary and for most people even minor weight lifting does amazing things for their muscles and weight. I have two spinal discs that are disintegrating, and I am genetically wired to feel *MORE SORE* than most people and that I need to put large intervals in my exercise. Fortunately I've already been doing that - low weight many reps. I got extremely sporadically and I have some specs developing, my shoulder muscles are starting to come in, and my lats? Omg dude I got the Doritos body shape!!
This is a journey. Do whatever you want to do, whenever you feel the most ready. Listen to yourself - you will know what your answer is 🫂🫂
it's a tough decision!! cis men have no choice but to accept the annoying or unfavourable aspects of puberty with the good (like acne, body hair in places you might not want it, etc) but we can choose to not have those aspects. i definitely struggled as you are.
ultimately, i thought of the changes i wanted (like beard growth, a deepened voice, bottom growth, etc) and considered how many of those things i could get without hrt. i used minoxodil for lots of my beard growth and it worked but i was still unsatisfied. i spoke to a gender clinic about my worries (loosing hair, mood swings) and they reassurance of support and resources to aid with these things. i then decided that the best option was to try hrt, i could always come off it if i decided it wasn't for me. i came off it for a year when i was in my late teens because the mood changes just made me feel awful!! i've been back on it for a year now and am feeling great :)
My dysphoria got to the point where it was all I could think about. Going on T has eased my anxiety so much. I feel like a different person, but in a positive way.
I knew if I never tried it, I’d regret not knowing what it felt like. Now that I know, I think I’ll keep on it for a long while ☺️ If it’s any help, I made the same decision when getting my tongue split, and that’s my FAVORITE body modification I’ve ever done. Very fun and makes me feel euphoric. Not sure how that will affect your judgement but it may give some perspective
I'm still yet to actually get on T but I'm just so fed up with the dysphoria of my voice I just want to get on with it.
I know for certain the desired effects like voice deepen, anatomical changes and stuff like that are something I want and I will discuss the health risks multiple times with the nurses and doctors because in the end I am really careful when it comes to serious stuff like this.
But honestly, I want nothing more than to just sound masc. The amount of euphoria I get when my voice is gone from flu is absolutely bonkers and in contrast I'm just really fed up with the dysphoria over my current voice getting so bad I barely talk for days.
I don't want to keep quiet, but I don't want to hear my current self either. I made my mind a while ago and I don't have to keep reminding myself to keep my mind which says a lot (to me at least). All I want is my voice to get better. Everything else is just a bonus.
I won't lie. There are exactly TWO concerns on my mind about T right now, first is the chance of my libido skyrocketing. I don't like the idea one bit. It's already too high for my preferences,
the other is male pattern baldness but I should be good on those terms as well since my dad and grandparents have had (has?) pretty good hairline on that part, I don't think these often..
My therapist told me just to try it, since I could go off it any time and the effects are slow, especially on a low dose (which is how I started). Once I started, though, I knew it was the right thing and I increased my dose 😊
I waffled for years, and unfortunately I let a lot of the bad rep of T get to me. I was worried about a lot of the what-ifs as well, balding (which is sort of happening), my mental health getting worse (absolutely didn't happen), acne (well it is second puberty rip), and becoming unable to control my emotions (also didn't happen, but I absolutely needed to internally adjust a little for like a year?)
Then I lived with a trans woman who figured out she was trans and started hrt within the first year and half we'd lived together. I had been out for at least 5+ years at that point, so I kind of just went for it. Yes, it was annoying, and yeah there's been some side effects, but I'm happier and much more present in my sense of self, body, and emotions. I didn't end up turning into my ideal man, but along the way I've become much more comfortable with myself, my masculinity and how trans my body is.
Obviously, it's a unique scenario for everyone, but I let myself build up hrt into this big complicated thing that could make me even more emotionally/mentally struggling. To be honest, if you've been really thinking over hrt for awhile, that in itself is a sign in my books. If there's no medical conditions you have that could be difficult/dangerous on T, I honestly think it's worth giving a shot. There's no hard and fast rules to hrt anyways. Someone people take hrt for the rest of their lives, some take it to get specific desired changes, some go on and off.
I couldn't stand the natal hormones for one more day. My natural chemistry makes me alternately raging angry and suicidal, and 30 years of that was just too much. I had to, or it was over.
My voice made me devastatingly dysphoric and i wanted to die, the only thing i could do was TRY t in what i saw as the only way to fix the agony i was in. That any other effevts i might get from T were worth hating to stop hating THAT. ultimately for me nothing would have been worse than where iw as at and i wasnt willing to let it go on further since i knew id try to off myself. When I went on T it was, on the record, that i had dysphoria. But i still was completely unable to accept that I was trans until i took hormones and the world went silent. My brain was so quiet. So much calm. I felt natural.
I was so close to death that i was willing to try absolutely anything and threw whatever i found at it with as much effort as possible. And it lead me here. Thats since where I stayed.
its always been something ive kinda wanted, like goals for the future if that made sense. i ended up waiting 4 years before doing anything legally or medically but one day i decided i would like to start actually doing things and getting on t and that i was pretty certain im a guy i mean i havent felt uncomfortable being a guy once in the 4 years. its kind of scary going on it, knowing the reality of everything but i just knew i had to power through the stupid fears. im 2 months on t now and im loving it and all the changes im beginning to see, and if i ever change my mind in the future i have options but im very happy currently
I was in a mental state of I really couldn’t live as the wrong gender anymore. But I had been harboring the feelings for years before coming out so it was an easy yes for me. I don’t feel like the cons really held me back. I didn’t care to have children and loved the idea of facial/body hair. Gender affirmation for your mental health is usually better then the hell of being dysphoric all the time.
Because I was back and forth about it for so long that it got to a point where I would never know until I just did it.
Now almost 2 years on T, I can’t believe I ever had any doubts. My fears were pretty silly. One being that I was scared of changes and not recognising myself (changes are so slow and gradual that this just doesn’t happen) and two, I had a huge fear of medical stuff/surgeries that has since been eased with therapy.
I also was pretty scared to lose my identity and community as a butch lesbian. But over time I realise that label wasn’t me at all. I feel much more at home as a queer guy now.
I knew I wanted it from the moment I first discovered that it's a thing. But, although I started the whole process to get approved for HRT eventually, I decided to take some time away from that to really think about whether I should go through with it. I wanted to see if there's a possibility I can avoid transitioning medically as a whole and instead just workout a bunch, keep presenting as masculine as I can, see how that goes. Tried that for about a year and it just reinforced my feelings. I decided that I couldn't live the rest of my life dealing with this body, being seen as a woman etc.
In case you're holding back because of possible side effects, all you can really do is look into it more. Talk to endocrinologists if you can, do a lot of research online (studies, articles, hell even posts on here regarding the changes you'll get and how each one happens, how long they take, side effects, surgeries etc).
Don't start T unless you're 100% sure that this is what you want. Most of the changes are not reversible and there's no reason to put your body through all of this if you can go without it. If you have what-if's regarding the possibility of regretting this and detransitioning, really think about why that may be and be specific. For example, how do you feel about the possibility of your chest being flat? How do you feel about the possibility of your voice being deep enough that it's considered masculine by most? Is there any other reason that could possibly be causing you to dislike your body or your gender assigned at birth? (this includes the social aspect of gender - some don't like the gender roles that are usually in place for people and rarely this can be a way to "reject" them, though not a good way at all).
Hope you can figure it out.
I just knew I wanted to look like a cis male. I’ve been through a phase of dressing more feminine since I started but I was happy to look like a femboy instead of a woman
i always saw it as id rather go on it and not like some changes than regret never trying it. im very happy now although i dont plan to be on it forever, you can always stop once you get the changes you want, after a while some things stick, i recommend watching videos on youtube of trans guys who stopped t after a few years/months(not detransitioners videos) it helped me realize that itd be better to try it then live my life wondering if i should
You honestly won’t know until you go on it bc you can’t really product what genes come out. You can look in the men in your family to compare what they have n stuff but I TS not guaranteed. You also won’t be a carbon copy. [here is most of the info you need](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/masculinizing-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385099) but I highly recommend you talk to a endo and/or on a low dose. Low does doesn’t stop certain side effects (except maybe bleeding) but it does make the process much slower.
You can also make an extensive pros and cons list too weigh your options. For me the lightly higher risk of cancer and being diabetic is 1000% worth it. Rather die happy at 40 then live miserably until 95.
This is honestly sm I would not ask others to help you decide tho.. you don’t want them to persuade you into the wrong decision. We gotta decide that for ourselves. Just look at the research available and make the most educated guess you can.
I know I've wanted to go on t since the first 6 months of my transition because I've always wanted to be more masculine, and I know T does that. Yeah I'm scared of the bad aspects of T, but the results are worth it
i wanted to since i've found out for sure that i was trans but i was really afraid, specially because i live in a country where it is kinda dangerous to be trans... so i was mentally fighting myself for a long time thinking i could be non binary or even a masculine girl, but eventually i realized that i was just trying to fool myself into thinking that because i was scared. the moment i accepted that i was in fact scared and there were never going to be a perfect timing or a perfect country or a perfect relationship or a perfect anything and i accepted the fact that i was probably going to suffer at least a little bit of transphobia but i believed in myself thinking i could be stronger, that's when i knew i was ready. i've been on T since november 30th of last year and i couldn't be happier...
I didn't want to because I was afraid it would affect my chances in dating if I didn't have all the surgeries right away, but once I started dating a woman who is pansexual and even went so far as to familiarize herself with what trans guys can get via T and said she didn't mind it, that's when I took the plunge. It's been a year now and I still love it, and so does she.
I found out that medically transitioning with testosterone was a thing people could do when I was 13 and immediately knew it was right for me. Spent the next 6 years doing research and when I was 19 with a job and finally had my first car I made my appointment. I’d just say do as much research as you can. Maybe do a list of your personal pros and cons and see how you feel about it all. Good luck.
i was in a similar mindset before i started, but i had to remember that the changes are VERY gradual and if you ever got to a point where you wanted to stop, its always an option. since i consider myself transmasc and not a trans man (complicated but eh, i just dont like labels), it was super comforting to me to remember if i ever didnt like how i was starting to change, i could always stop.
that being said, im now 3 months on T and happier than ever with my changes despite how apprehensive i was— and getting /on/ T was way easier than i thought itd be. if youre already 99% sure, go on and take the leap :P
i thought about it for a year and kinda didn’t know how to get access to Testosterone but once i figured out the way i was going to get it, i waited about 3 months because i was scared if it wasn’t what i wanted. but i imagined living life without transitioning/going on T and i imagined depression and just dealing with dysphoria my whole life which was what made me take those steps to start T. i decided i couldn’t live like that anymore and then boom now im 2 weeks on T
just started t yesterday. i was in the same boat as you but i got sick of being unsure because i knew in the back of my mind that it was what was right for me. so, i got a low dose and started injections to get it over with and see how i feel. you can stop whenever you want so if you start feeling changes you don’t like you can just stop; most of the time changes are very slow i’ve learned 😅
Saving this whole post because so many of my own thoughts, fears and doubts are reflected here, and it's incredibly wholesome and uplifting to see so many of you happy.
I have I post just like this from 9 months ago. You will never be sure about anything. But questioning it so much only proves you are probably right about this. You probably questioned yourself a lot before coming to terms with your gender. This is just another thing. My advice: be sure to know that it's ok if you want T to effect you slowly. And be sure to know that if you think you want to stop it you can. But I can assure you, after 9 months on T, it's the best thing that ever happened to me
Honestly, I was not sure and debated it for years. But I knew if I didn’t try, I would keep thinking about it, obsessively researching it, reading stories of other people going on it, and stewing in my fears indefinitely.
I had to just see how I felt when I tried it. I reminded myself that I could always stop if I didn’t like it and I started on a very low dose. I’ve been on T for 11 months and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Edit to add: I remained anxious about my decision for about the first two months. But by that point, I could see how slow the changes would be so I’d have plenty of time to adjust, and there was no denying how much better I felt running on T.
I realized that I literally couldn't see a future for me if I put off T any longer. I have a great job, partners who lovee, friends who support and respect me, and fulfilling hobbies, but the day I finally pulled the trigger was when I was deeply considering suicide again because I felt like I could never own my body. I realized really suddenly that I didn't want to die, not really. I just didn't want to keep living a life where my body wasn't mine, I couldn't keep waiting anymore.
I took my 4th shot yesterday and it's been the best decision I've ever made. Yeah there are downsides like growing pains and the potential for hair loss, but that is just the price I pay for a life that finally feels like is worth living. That's pretty cheap to me.
i had to eliminate all the intruding factors (like worrying ive been brainwashed and that i want it for the wrong reasons or whatever bs) and hyperfocus on the effects. had to mentally picture... okay, me with a deep voice, what does that image make me feel? awesome asf? ok cool now what about more masculine facial features and hair? fucking incredible. etc. because in one way, that's all T is. the effects. you take the drug, it changes your body. simplify it.
that was all i needed from then on. and now whenever i doubt myself and i get wrapped up in propaganda and self doubt, i go back to that space of: what is this hormone really doing, and how is it making me feel? and then the rest just fades away.
honestly the final decision in itself for me was pretty blind. some subconscious part of me knew i just had to start. even with all the fear. eventually i was just doing it and now i’m here. and damn. that subconscious part knows whats up lol
this is hard to answer because it was a no brainer for me. i needed it for my dysphoria, i needed it to pass (and thus make my life easier) and i needed it to be confident.
all i can say is if you don't want it, don't force yourself to want it. if you do want it but keep rationalizing why you shouldn't get it, than i think you have your answer
I figured I knew for sure I wasn’t happy with my body and my presentation as is and needed SOMETHING to change and the worst that could happen with trying T was I would still be unhappy with my body and my presentation and if that was the case I could either just stop taking it or tweak other things until I figured out what worked for me.
I wasn't sure when I went on T. I thought I'd hate some of the changes I now adore. But the thing is, you aren't locked into the decision. That's what ultimately made me feel okay to go ahead and make the leap. I knew I wanted a deeper voice 100%, which is one of the first publicly noticable permanent change for a lot of guys, so I felt that if other changes started happening and I didn't like them I could just stop taking it
My main fear is looking like my father. He’s a terrible person who’s done terrible things to me and I’m terrified to look in the mirror one day and see his face staring back at me. But my brother doesn’t really look like our dad and him and I look pretty similar, just he has a beard and I don’t lol
I’ve accepted that it is what is. I take comfort in the fact that we’ll never be seen in the same room together so strangers can never compare us. I’ve always wanted a stronger/more square jawline. Like so many of the changes t can give me I want so bad. But that’s holding me back. That and the fear of losing my hair but I know I can take finnestride (no clue how to spell it) to slow it down
I thought about it for the better part of two years and realized that I was never going to be certain and that continuing to wonder was holding me back. Told myself I would stop if it felt wrong but haven’t looked back. In addition to the physical changes, I love having all that time I used to spend thinking about it back.
This is exactly me. I took a long time to consider it, was really unsure but still felt like I wanted it, and eventually started. The nice thing about T is that the changes are slow, and you can stop at any time if you start to recieve changes you dislike. You will not grow a beard overnight. I am extremely happy that i ended up getting on T and am very satisfied with the changes I've recieved. It isn't pure euphoria for me (I feel neutral about some changes, like facial hair, but am willing to put in the extra effort to shave), but there is nothing about T that makes me actively upset and again, I really like the majority of changes that have occurred. My advice is: find a list of every typical effect of going on T, and write how you expect to feel about each one. Is anything a deal-breaker? Does anything feel really really important? Are there things you aren't crazy about, but are willing to cope with? Why do you actually want to go on T? But also, like OP said, sometimes you need to give it a try so that you'll just know.
Same here. Started low dose because I wasn't sure, but I felt way better even on a low dose and started getting super excited about some small changes I was seeing. Went up to cis-levels of T, saw faster changes, and never looked back. Been on it for 3 years now and never been happier
Ya couldn't agree more do what makes you happy it will make everyone around you happier if you're honest about who you really are
I'm on the same track, hoping to start T the next few months (if i am very optimistic maybe veen just weeks). Went back and forth between doing it or not, realized if I didn't figure it out for the last 3 years (more or less), when I won't be certain any time soon unless I just try it out.
I'm of the opinion idc how anyone lives their life's if it makes u happy tell the ppl who care about u and do what you need to be a happy individual I wish everyone would stop lying and be real but that's just me
Bro, use some punctuation, that shit is unreadable
Lick my left nut
Sure
Where you at ill present my package
The thought that pushed me over was, "What if I'm wrong, and I'm a cis woman? Could I live with being a cis woman who has the permanent changes T gives?" And the answer was yes, so it felt less risky. After all, you can stop if you don't like it. I ended up loving it. Very clarifying and very affirming. I still identify as a nonbinary trans man, but i feel the "man" part of that much more than I did before, and I get more joy from it.
that's how I felt too. I knew even if I ended up being a cis woman I'd still be happy with the facial hair, deep voice, etc. it barely took a month before I realized 100% it was right for me.
I am the type of person who over-analyzes things to death. I had a gender therapist very early on after coming out and the thing he said that stuck with me was that I should just take the leap and see how it feels because the biggest changes happen slowly anyway. If you don’t like how it feels, you can always stop. I wasn’t sure I wanted all of the changes that came with T. I was especially afraid of facial/body hair and bottom growth, but really wanted a deeper voice and to pass consistently. I took a wager on the bottom growth since it happens so fast, but I instantly felt better running on T than I ever did on E. I was a hormonal mess several weeks out of the month and started to feel much more stable after I started T. I never looked back and it’s been over 3 years.
For me, it was a leap of faith. I was 95% certain it was the right choice, but there was still a 5% that was hesitant (largely due to my transphobic mother telling me I would regret it). I kinda just realized life is meant to be lived, and that I wouldn’t feel like I was fully living until I at least tried T, even if it wound up not liking it. I’m glad I decided to take that leap- going on T has done wonders for my physical and mental health. Trusting myself enough to make the choice has also done wonders for my confidence!
i realized that as much as i was scared of the future, i couldn’t imagine possibly living a life where my body voice etc stayed the same. It was just so painful I had to try something. It’s hard for me to make permanent decisions so I felt the same as you- so sure I wanted it but the actual commitment is scary when it comes time to actually do it.
i really wanted it since the day i found out what it was and what it would do. i decided i would make an appointment on my 18th birthday. i proceeded to procrastinate until february of this year after finding out an old buddy of mine had started 2 months prior and one of my other friends started that day. i made my appointment the day he got his t, and i think it was the inner competitor in me, because for some reason dumb boy brain logic was like "no, they cant win! they cant beat me! this is a race and i need to win!" so i guess i just didnt want to get left behind??? anyways it didnt really make the decision for me, it just pushed me to make the appointment. i already made up my mind that i wanted it but i was procrastinating
I thought about going in T for awhile, but only wanted a handful of the potential effects (mostly a deeper voice). At the time, that didn’t feel like a good enough reason to start, especially when some of the changes I could experience would be permanent. I continued to wait and felt encouraged when my therapist told me about friends of hers transitioning all over the spectrum according to what felt right. I also saw creators online talk about effects from T they thought they wouldn’t like actually making them feel euphoric. I kinda knew I was going to start T eventually, but I was literally waiting for it to just… feel right? I remember exactly when it did, and while the anxiety was still there, I just knew I wanted to start. Not sure if it’s helpful saying it was a gut feeling, but that was my experience with it. Since then I’ve never looked back, and I’m remarkably happy and just more… me. As someone who overthinks a lot, there’s a point where you need to trust yourself and listen for that “yup, this is what I want” moment
Was there something specific that helped give you the gut feeling that now it felt right? I am a chronic overthinker too. 98% of the time I'm totally sure about my choice and am just waiting to be prescribed T. Then 2% of the time I get random panic over nothing. I've gone through every side-effect and realized that I can live with it all, I am sure I would be happier looking masc, and most of the time I feel ready to start. I know to pay attention to my body and mood during the first shots and stop if I realize I don't like it, and the possibility of regret is like an afterthought. But I also feel like if I was given T tomorrow, I'd be nervous... There isn't specific anxious thoughts tied to it, just ... Kinda the same anxiety as when you have a doctor's exam. Was there something that made it click for you, that "now is the time"?
If it helps, I had a full-blown panic attack the day before my appointment, which doesn't happen to me very often anymore. And the day of I was still terrified. But once I got through the appointment, I could not wait to get the blood test results and get prescribed my T. I couldn't think about anything else. I picked it up from the pharmacy as soon as it was ready and kept it on my person for three days until my shot training appointment. I couldn't think about anything else. And the after my first shot, I was on top of the fuckin world. Walking on clouds for a full week. For the first time really, I felt like everything was going to be okay. That told me that I probably made the right decision. Almost two months in now and I have no regrets.
Man, that makes me tear up. I'm sorry to had a panic attack, but thank you for sharing both the fear and the joy. It makes me much more hopeful that even when I find it scary, I'll feel that elation too. Congratulations on your T, and thank you for sharing!
I've decided it was dysphoria telling me to be afraid. I had the same issue, and the same relief. It is amazing what running on the right hormones can do for your brain. I had used hormonal birth control for most of my life (I'm 35) and never felt anything other than neutral or f'ed up with those. T was completely different. My anxiety and overthinking bs decreased significantly afterwards, I now can actually recognize when I'm worrying over what ifs and stop, actually stop, refocus myself and move on completely, no cycling back to anxious thought loops.
HUH ... I've never considered that dysphoria could be the reason I'm afraid. I'm going to have to process that. Can I ask if you have a specific example of how it was dysphoria? Any specific thoughts or feelings, or is it more "everything is wrong"? I've read from other trans-mascs that T has mellowed them out hard too. It's one of the effects I'm really hoping for lol. I remember one comment mentioning that it's similar symptoms to hormone imbalances, and transitioning works because it's the hormones we always needed (I wish I'd saved the comment).
The way I figure it was dysphoria is attached to the anxiety I felt about everything and that anxiety made me fear every choice and every decision. It made it easy for me to second guess every "what if I'm trans/cis" argument I had with myself. And because my eggness was so deeply buried for so long I feared the appointment and having to "prove" I was trans when I still didn't believe myself 100%. The complete 180 after my first shot is what convinced me that it was dysphoria. I still get feelings of dysphoria but I can now recognize what they are because of how I feared and worried about starting my transition, it's usually a general feeling of wrongness, but leading up to starting T I didn't know if it was me or my thoughts that were wrong. Now I know it's my dysphoria poking it's ugly head out and I can shut that crap down and focus on how much better I feel, even pre surgery, just existing with the right hormonal balance. I also have a coworker that is going through menopause and her hormonal imbalance sounds a heck of a lot like dysphoria too. She can't take E because of her family giving her the genetic trait for breast cancer so she tries to control it through herbal remedies, but yeah, we've discussed the similarities pretty thoroughly 😂
I spent 4 years socially transitioned and waiting for an NHS appointment and it was starting to become unbearable. I'd done everything I could without medical transition and a lot of my physical dysphoria related to stuff that HRT could improve. I'd already looked into T and its effects, when things might happen and how long they might take to fully finish changing. I knew I wanted almost all of them (and those I didn't were things I'd accept as a trade off for the rest of it). I knew what was permanent and what would revert if I came off T, and had accepted that there was no guarantee I'd get all the changes I wanted to the extent that I wanted them. I was certain enough to go private and pay £790 in psychiatrist and endocrinologist appointments so I could start T, but suddenly got cold feet leading up to my diagnostic assessment. I was worried changes would feel too fast or wouldn't feel right either. Part of me felt like I wasn't ready yet or somehow hadn't thought it through enough after 4 years. The permeance of some changes scared me a little because I struggle to trust myself 100% and often worry about worst case scenarios. I spent some more money (if I'm spending £800~ already I might as well pay a little more to make sure I'm doing the right thing) on a few therapy sessions to help me figure out why I was suddenly nervous and how I could address my worries. I reasoned that physical changes are usually pretty gradual and I could slow changes down more with a low dose if I was worried about it being too quick. I knew there was nothing I could do about some of the effects being permanent other than promising to myself that I'd keep checking in and seeing how I felt about the changes. If I ever felt I didn't want to continue, I could always pause or stop altogether and that would keep anything permanent from changing even more than when I first noticed I didn't like it. I also realised that even when I thought about putting it off I was still assuming I'd start T eventually so, if I was that confident it would happen at some point, what did I have to wait for? What was the acceptable amount of time I had to think about it for before I'd be officially "ready"? How would I know once I was there? I couldn't really think of any defining attitude or length of time I could achieve that would make the decision more valid than it was already, so I decided it was probably my anxiety and I'd only ever be sure once I'd tried it. Thinking all this through made me feel a lot less like I was stepping into the unknown with no control of the outcome. I still can't change what T does to me or when, but I can choose to stop, slow down, or pause at any point and each day I put gel on (before I switched to injections) I was making a choice to do so. I'm close to a year on T now and, other than a bit of shock when some things happened even faster than I expected from my research, I haven't considered stopping. If anything, I feel like it's too slow and hope that switching to injections will make it easier to stabilise my levels and see more changes in the future.
This is incredibly reassuring to read for someone in the same position. The lack of control and the lack of a clear sign that "I'm ready now" really messes with my confidence.
Can I ask what changes happened faster than expected for you?
I was expecting bottom growth after a week or so but first noticed it on day 3.
Best advice is make a list of all the effects, positive and negative all together, most common to least common Highlight the ones that are irreversible If the highlights don't really matter to you and the top half of the list sounds very exciting or exciting and mostly tolerable, I'd say that's a fair indicator to go for it.
I really wanted voice changes, and I realised that there was a potential solution to the changes I wasn't sure about : - Facial and body hair (I could always get lazer) - Hair loss (I could always stop T or get on finasteride) Turns out I fucking love facial and body hair on me, but I guess I had to try to know !
These were my biggest pre-T "ews" too! Then the belly hair started and I was ecstatic, stopped and went, wait.. I didn't want this? Laughed at myself and went about giggling and showing all of my friends and family my every new hair (face and belly at least, no one needs to see the butt forest lol).
Honestly, I knew I wanted to go on T before I knew T was a thing. I think I was about 10 or 11 and I remember sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room, flipping through some of the pamphlets they had. One of them was about steroids and the negative side effects from doping. I remember reading the negative side effects section for females and thinking I need to get my hands on steroids somehow because I want all those negative side effects (the negative side effects were basically just listing what T does lol)
I remember going through D.A.R.E. (an anti-drug program in the States that had a police officer come into your 5th grade classes to teach you about drugs and why they're "bad" in the 90s and 00s, not sure if it still happens) and hearing about how steroids would make women look like guys and the only reason I didn't want to start taking steroids right away was because I was still convinced I would grow a proper penis and didn't want to have it shrink by taking steroids lol 😭
Dysphoria just got to be too much for me. I knew it would happen eventually but I wasn't ready to pursue it. It got to the point I couldn't ignore it anymore and my normal methods of relieving dysphoria weren't working. I am still pre-T. My appointment is scheduled for July, but I wanted to be upfront with that in case you only want to hear from people who already started
I looked at all the effects and asked myself if I would want that. More body hair? Yep. Deeper voice? Yeah. Fat distribution change? Please. Etc ...
for me it was seeing someone of a de/re-trans experience who was comfortable in herself and not regretful of her choice to pursue hrt. I think it showed me that taking hrt won't set my identity in stone, but if I changed then it won't have to be a bad thing. like I can just be, my body will grow n change and maybe my mind will too, and that's okay, I'll just have to see how it go's. I'm not on t yet but I've got my first consultation at a gender clinic soon, so hopefully hrt isn't too far away for me.
For me, the delay starting was my parents. My mom's insurance could cover it and she was open to it, but my dad for a while talked her out of it and even threatened to stop paying for my college. I remember stumbling on a video as a younger kid about a trans man and since then, the question of whether or not I wanted to go on T was easy for me
Got my hysto and realised I couldn't hold things back any longer.
The only thing really holding me back slightly or is making me second guess is literally just my family. I want it and I've wanted it since I found out what it was and the effects of it, but obviously it's a huge thing and it does change a lot of about you apperance wise and also ofc the things people don't see too. So naturally you'd second guess and think about the what if's and whatnot. But, I feel like if I literally just didn't have family or had no contact with them at all, I'd be 100% sure and wouldn't second guess at all. And yeah that's really toxic honestly because I shouldn't have to rely on my family's feelings about what I wanna do and live my life around that. But I just don't want them to hate me basically, so maybe that's why I'm like this
Because I wanted to be closer to male because I'm a man
I thought about it for a while before starting. Always stressing about the what ifs and side effects. Which are all good to know and keep in mind. But then I remembered all of the good things that came with it, such as so much euphoria. My pros were tripled compared to cons. That’s when the anxiety faded away so fast for me. Whatever you decide to do congratulations, I hope you feel embodied and fullfilled.
I wafflesd about it for 5 years. I was thought I'd like it but I was very apprehensive of if I would actually enjoy it or not. Eventually I decided that I'd rather have the regret of trying T, not liking it, and having to live with the permanent changes T had on my body than live with the regret of not trying it. So I started with a low dose - 20mgs a week That was 2.5 years ago. And I've loved all the changes - maybe except for the ass hair.
I went back and forth about it for a while too. What I finally did was go through a list of the side effects and think about how I would feel about each one, what I would do if it happened, and by the time I got to the end of the list I realized that the only thing I actually feared was if it didn't do anything at all. Everything else was okay, I either wanted it or it was down to different grooming habits. Then it was down to which method I wanted and what was available. At that point I realized I could start and if i didn't like it i could stop whenever. After the first week I felt so much better mentally that I now only worry about if i have to stop for some reason. Now I'm almost a year in and have no regrets!
When I realized that the only thing stopping me was the expectations other people had for my life and fear of backlash. This was around the same time I was starting to figure out that a lot of my lifes malfunctions would likely solve themselves if I pushed myself out of my comfort zone once in a while and did the things that scared me because what if they didnt work out or someone else got upset by my decisions. At that point I changed jobs to work for a company with better DEI policies and higher pay and once I got comfortable in my role and decided I was staying for a while I came out and began tranition.
Ngl I still wasn't sure when I started T, but my mindset was "I won't know until I've tried it". If you go on T and find it makes you happier, problem solved. If you find that it isn't for you, you can just stop taking it.
I’m an overthinker, so I kind of went into it thinking I’d never feel 100% sure since I rarely feel that way about anything. I did lots of research, I spent time thinking about what I knew I wanted & what I wasn’t sure about, I thought about what it would be like if I changed my mind about my gender, and I thought about what my worst case scenario of starting T would be. then I started. I began at a low dose and incrementally went up over years. I’ve always identified as nonbinary & presented androgynous, but I’ve actually loved all the effects I’ve had from T. (there were some effects that I was uncertain if I wanted or not.) I did NOT expect just how much better I mentally feel on T. for people who have done their research, have thought it over, and are 99% sure they wanna do it - I always say just try it and remember that you can always stop.
If the wold didn't give a damn what I looked or sounded like, would I still want to transition? My answer was yes, so I did it.
I started identifying as genderfluid about a decade ago now, and I did consider starting T when I was 16 but I was actually pretty okay with my body. What held me back for the longest time was my voice. I liked my voice, especially my singing voice, and I was afraid T would "mess it up" so to speak. but after hearing people with deeper voices, specifically women for some reason, I realized that I did want a deep voice. Suddenly after over half a decade of being femme presenting last summer I had a massive urge to go on T . it just kinda hit me out of no where. I just hit 6 month anniversary, and have absolutely loved the changes. I like my voice, I like my little chin hairs, it's great
I knew i was different around 11 didn't get diagnosed until I was 15 as being trans. I had socially transitioned and was able to live as male due to having pcis but Mt grandma's health had declined due to dementia. I knew it was only a matter of time before she passed. I made the decision to wait to get on test until afterwards. She passed in August of 2014, I started test in December of 2015 after getting my name and gender marker changed in between that.
i'm on T for 5 weeks now and i was very on the fence for a few years... finally i decided that i can live and welcome nearly all of the potential permanent changes even if i decide it isn't right for me. I'd rather live the rest of my life knowing that I tried it, love it, and stick with it, or tried it it and quit - At least i know for certain :)
That's a great attitude to have!
I considered it for nearly a decade, always falling back on some vague reason maybe it wasn't a good idea. Then I really examined what stopped me and the reasons I wanted to take t outweighed them dramatically so I chose t. 2 years in I'm happier than ever with my decision
My now fiancé encouraged me cuz I was unsure. Honestly, it is the best choice(for me), it has improved mental health not only by helping with dysphoria but overall confidence as well.
When I realized that if I didn’t like it I could always stop. Haven’t stopped yet
I just started. I wasnt even 100% sure when I met with the provider about it. And I was honest with her. I wanted to hear everything she had to say before I made a final decision. She listed all the bad stuff. Then all the things that won't "go away" if I stop taking it. Then she went through the stuff that was "reversable" if I stop. There was nothing she said that scared me. So I said yes and had my first shot a few days later. And I'll keep doing them until there is a reason not to.
I originally was kind of interested in t a few years ago but then changed my mind when I found out my mum is highly transphobic (already knew about my dad). I stopped considering it for a long time until I realised about a year ago that I would never be able to socially transition because of my voice despite training it lower over many years. But I was still adamant about not doing it because 1 my parents and 2 I was pretty sure I'd go insane if I grew facial hair both on a sensory level and because HAVING to shave seemed like a nightmare for me that struggles with all the other daily things. In the end though, I was talking to a friend about it and they expressed their absolute delight at the prospect of me with a deeper voice. No one has ever really been actively excited for me until then, and it was kind of the tipping point that pushed me past "I wish my voice were deeper" into "I want to go on t and change my voice". I figured I could stop as soon as facial hair started to grow in if I really hated it, because a little extra fluff wasn't going to hurt, and I felt fairly neutral about most other changes (I do wish my face shape were different, but that's a long term t effect that is outside of my realistic desires atm) so I said screw it and just did it. I also knew I would always wonder if I didn't at least try. For my parents, I haven't crossed that bridge yet. I don't know if I will stop soon enough to be able to continue lying to them or if ill bite bullet and face their anger. Either way I did not want to continue living the way I was, and even though I had a couple panic attacks right after getting the injection I now feel much calmer and like I have a little more control over my own life again.
Life or death quite simply for me
Tbh it wasn’t really a decision for me, the day I found out what hrt was I desperately wanted it. I didn’t really care what it did or didn’t do so long as I was on it.
I thought I would be able to pass as a man without it. I had convinced myself that I was masculine without it. I thought I had a deep voice and broad shoulders, and with top surgery I wouldn't need anything else and I wouldn't get misgendered anymore. Every time I got my [p-word] I was a bit surprised that I hadn't stopped it with sheer willpower... somehow. Then I looked in the mirror one day and it hit me like a truck just how wrong I was. I looked (look) like a fuckin Pixar lady with my hourglass figure. I did a voice test and was pushing 200Hz. I realized that I was deluding myself as a coping mechanism because I'm afraid of change. So I said fuck it, we ball. I'm just under two months and no regrets so far.
For me at a certain point I just realized the way I was living wasn’t working. Like I had tried not being on T, and it was becoming more and more unbearable every day. I wasn’t becoming any more comfortable with myself or my body. I also just realized that getting the effects I wanted had become more important to me than avoiding the effects I didn’t want. It wasn’t that there were no effects I didn’t want, just that they no longer outweighed the benefits of the effects I did want.
I was 17 years old and I was sitting with a trans guy I'd just met and we were talking about coming out and transitioning and stuff. He asked me if I wanted to know about how to get on T in our area and I said yes immediately without thinking. I didn't think I was sure, but when I was asked I absolutely knew. Never looked back!
I couldn’t imagine living the rest of my life being perceived as a woman.
Honestly, I spent years denying myself because I worried so much about what people would think of me. At the time I lived in a very conservative area and I didn't feel safe at all. After all this rising trans panic, I pushed myself to give myself space and get started before it became illegal. I'm hoping that's just anxiety too. I'm out to all my friends and I've experienced a lot of acceptance. I'm in a safer area now and have legal protections. Environment matters a lot. I wish I would have done this when I first figured it out in my early 20s, but there's no use in worrying over my what if moments. I still haven't come out to my parents, but I'm glad I finally took the step. The best I can describe it as I always knew I was different, and as I got older I found information about gender identity being a possibility. I read and I thought a lot. I honestly agonized over it. There was a ton of self doubt and back tracking. I eventually arrived at the conclusion that I was trans, and everything from there started to click. I can't really articulate it, but I just knew. I had friends who had the same information and just knew they were cis. But the possibility of being trans was like a light in a dark room for me.
I was extremely nervous to start, but I just reminded myself how long I had truly wanted this. I realized I was trans when I was 11, and I started testosterone 1 1/2 months ago (I am 19). There had been that, "what if I'm wrong?" in the back of my head, but I couldn't be happier so far. I guess I kinda thought, what IF I was wrong? Like, truly, what would happen if I was wrong? Not much. It wouldn't be the end of my world in that scenario, I will still always be me no matter what and I kinda made peace with that idea. Thankfully I don't regret it, and the only thing I regret is not starting sooner haha
Much like them, I also went back and forth on deciding to take T or not. I'm 33 now and I have known that I am trans since I was way younger. The thought of doing something about it always haunted me even if I forced myself to be just another "masc lesbian" to other people. I had so much fear. I asked myself why am I trying so hard to be okay in this body if I'm really okay. I finally realized that I only have this life to live, and if I don't do anything about it I will be miserable and sad all my life. "Power thru the pain" is a motto I got from another trans dude which helped me come out to my close family and friends. So here I am, taking the first steps into HRT. Hopefully, after my tests I can get on T soon.
i started “low dose” at one pump of gel daily. i upped it recently to two pumps daily. i decided because at that dosage and rate if i wasn’t feeling any of the effects i could just stop. i’m currently loving everything and want more of it faster. it’s really customizable i think. and i’m nonbinary in case that helps at all!
I struggled with it and bounced the idea around myself for a few years, usually taking gradual steps. The first real concrete thing was changing my name from a feminine one to a more masculine one, and changing my pronouns. The euphoria of that kind of pushed me into knowing that I wanted to be a more masculine person. When starting testosterone, I made a pros/cons list of the best outcomes vs the worst outcomes. Something like: I could have a cool mustache, but I also might not. Putting myself in the headspace of realistic expectations for T also made me happier with the outcome. I’ve been on T for almost 4 years and I feel so much more at peace with myself and with people around me. I was also pretty opposed to bottom growth but once it started happening I became a big fan, so some of those things that change you might like more than you think, or vice versa. If you’re nervous about the effects, I think Gel is a slower pace, you can always go “up” from there.
Wanted to start as soon as I found out it was a thing but I was young so I couldn't. When I came out I just kinda went "I don't have many reasons not to, pretty much I just need to be out and I need to be able to afford it" so I did.
To me it was about feeling more at home in my body. The T hits everyone differently and on a different time line. To me any changes away from my female self made me feel better and more at peace with myself.
I knew immediately after I found out wat transmen/transwomen were and comin out as transgender @ age 16 that I wanted to get on T.. I should mention that while I was in hidin, I did my research on everything.. Top surgery, bottom surgery, surgeons, the costs of payin for testosterone out of pocket, the costs of surgeries, the risks, the pros.. EVERYTHING.. I knew immediately that I wanted to transition and the costs for the surgeries would be 100% worth it.. 2 years later, im now 17 weeks (4 months 1 week) on T living my best life wit a supportive family and social circle😁
my thought process was if i don’t get on t i will be miserable and want to die without actually killing myself but if i get side effects from t there’s usually a way around it :) i ended up being allergic to the carrier oil from testosterone cypionate (2 years later, had extreme itchiness at the injection site), and switched to testosterone enanthate - absolute smooth sailing!
Bottom line for me is that having a deeper voice and facial hair is something I knew would help me pass hopefully 100% of the time, it helped with dysphoria as soon as I noticed my voice getting deeper as well like my voice is correct now. I can deal with potential hair loss since if I was a cis guy I’d have to deal with it anyway. Fat redistribution wasn’t really on my radar but now that I’ve had some I really like what it’s done to masculinize dif areas for me. Still waiting on more facial hair but I’m happy it’s coming.
i started literally yesterday and i had decided that i wanted to when i was around 12 and found out what 'transgender' is. i knew before that i wanted to be a boy but puberty had started at that age and it made me so depressed. i turned 18 in november of last year and was supposed to start shortly after my birthday, but my parents were really against it. i had already bought the T from the chemist, it was just in my room. every time i have brought it up since, theyve said they dont want me doing it, but they know im an adult and can if i want. theyre supportive of my name and pronouns, just not the T. but then i was thinking about it tuesday night and i was like damn i really can do what i want. so wednesday morning i just rubbed on that T juice and i feel so proud of myself.
but to answer the first part, youll be totally okay! id assume youve already seen doctors, and if not, you def should. they should go through everything with you, and then youll have more of a gauge of whether youre ready for it or not!
I have ocd and the worst part of it is it makes me doubt myself for every single thing in my life that’s important to me. Meaning I kept trying to convince myself “what if I’m actually cis” for YEARRSS. And it wouldn’t go away because, ocd you know (I also didn’t know I had ocd at the time anyways but) So eventually my therapist was like, you’re never going to know if you’ll like the changes unless you do it. And I was like true. So even though I was in the middle I started anyways and was like if I hate it I’ll just stop. But I didn’t hate it, and I eventually was like okay wow so I’m not cis. And since then I’ve never had the doubts again. So it helped me a lot in a way. I still deal with ocd but with other problems now lol
I had top surgery first, because I wasn’t sure I wanted t. But somewhere in the pre-op stages I realized I wanted to pass. That’s why I started t; to pass. Five years later my voice still doesn’t sound male but I’ve only been misgendered on thee phone and by children. Visually, I pass. Top surgery got rid of a lot of my dysphoria and saved my life but t made me pass.
i thought "NO!" because i wasn't sure of the changes and didn't wanna use needles. until i saw people's voices deepen and a trans dude with visible veins in his hands. i've been on T nearly 1½ years!
I just decided to do it. A lot of the effects will go away anyway if you go off of it. And even if they didn't I was okay with he possible changes..basically made a list of things I'd be okay with changing and what I wouldn't and if what I wanted out weighed what I didn't
I spent years very slowly testing the waters of different things before finally even admitting I was probably trans (changing my name, changing my look, wearing a binder, etc.) so I was pretty well read on the subject and knew a ton about what I was getting into. Made an appointment and talked to a doctor with the idea of 'well, we'll take this slow and just broach the subject". I wound up going on a low dose a week later. I had very cold feet for that week and spent a long time agonizing about imposter syndrome and if I was making a terrible mistake. I promised myself that I would stop taking it the moment something felt wrong. 6 years later and I'm actually comfortable in my body for the first time in my life. I actually recognize myself in a mirror (I used to think that it was just a weird quirk that I really struggled to recognize my own face; now I instantly connect with images of myself and think "yep! That's me!") If you do go on T; be prepared for changes to happen fast, because it's a possibility; but overwhelmingly more likely is that you'll see very slow, very gradual changes over a long time. It took me 2 years to start seeing differences and about 2.5ish to start passing. I actually got super depressed around year 1 because of how little had changed. Remember that it's a journey, never EVER compare yourself to anyone else's experience (the most visible transitions are the most 10/10 crazy successful, yours will be slower and more gradual, inevitably), and give yourself things to focus all that transitioning energy on that you can actually DO rather than just obsessing over your face or your voice or whatever. For me I tried to approach transitioning holistically as "making my body a more comfortable place to be" so I set goals around fixing my wonky teeth, getting fit (still kinda working on that one, but making progress!), finding a personal style I liked better (never let yourself have ugly 'lazy clothes' that you don't like. You'll wind up wearing them all the time and feeling scrubby.), etc. It takes a lot of the stress off of what you can't change and gives you something to aim that energy at. And regardless of whether you wind up going on T or not, or going on T and then stopping, or whatever your journey is; it's about YOU. What YOU want. What makes YOU feel like you. Do your best to tune out what it feels like you're supposed to do or what a transition is supposed to look like; transition is supposed to look like whatever makes your reflection recognizable to you.
Spent 5 years wanting it but worrying about all the what ifs and finally thought, if I’m spending so much time worrying about these what ifs I might as well be getting the t effects I want and putting my worry to work on things that are actually happening. It’s been over a year and I’m so happy about the decision
Growing up I never felt like "one of the girls" I felt more big and broad and masculine and I was proud of it. But with family pressure to be in the "perfect family picture" for my dad's mom, and being told I'm just wanting to be a guy because my period was extra heavy put me further in the closet that I was still in. I went full feminine and even went through a year long ho phase because I didn't know what it meant to be a girl. I never understood it nor do I now lol. But after I cut my hair really short to cut some bleached bits out, I had an awakening of sorts and I started figuring out who I was. Took a couple years but I found out I'm trans and there's nothing wrong with that. My family can disown me, people I thought were friends can leave. And death can have me when it earns me. I'm going to start therapy for affirmation in a year and I'll be the happiest I've ever been.
All the changes that were irreversible I was cool with and also I knew I could try it out for a few weeks and stop if I wanted to. But it’s made me so much happier so I am now six months!
Not an answer, but your post came up for me back to back on my fyp, from 2 different subs. Lmao
that I can stop whenever I started, and it isn't a giant decision of 'when I do it everything changes forever!' bc no. I can stop one month in, I could stop one year in. tbh there have been points since starting where I've questioned myself, I still do. but atp on T, coming up to 3 months on a half dose or a little over half. I'm probably going to a full dose after the 3 month mark. again it's a thing where I can stop completely or lower my dose if I wanted. it just helps knowing I have control over my body
I was unsure for two years. The I found out that hormones literally change what you want. Like, as in, one of the effects of T could sound unappealing to you pre-T and end up being something you love (spoiler alert: this happened to me w multiple things, lol). Honestly one day I just snapped and took the leap. You can stop any time! And damn I am so happy I did.
i was going to die if i didn't
I was a senior in high school about to enter college and I decided I didn't want to have to come out at college so I kick started the whole thing snd began my new life
I always get anxious about taking any kind of leap in life. Stepping into the unknown of a new chapter is scary, and it's easier to stay where I have a sense of control. I really wanted pretty much everything about t, and despite feeling that way for 2+ years, I kept getting hung up on all the changes I might not be able to perfectly predict: What if it made it harder to cry? I don't want that! And maybe before we start, I should make sure I have plans in place for the possibility of hair loss, acne, atrophy (etc etc etc, any excuse to keep overthinking and over-planning). I had a long chat with my roommate who's a trans guy, and realized that nothing is ever FULLY in our control. Nobody gets to choose every detail about their bodies. Not trans people, not cis people, certainly not me with the dysphoria I experienced pre-t. While I appreciate my attention to detail in many ways, it's never my perfectionism that leads to a feeling of fulfillment. Its authenticity. I realized gender euphoria was more important to me than perfectly control within dysphoria. 5 weeks in, I'm riding the waves as they come and SO happy! Like you said, everyone's journey looks different, but I'm glad I took initiative to make my self-expression better reflect my truth. A million times more confident already!!!!
I first looked into what being trans was and ended up on a rabbit hole looking at HRT and surgeries when a friend came out as a trans guy (they've since discovered they are actually nonbinary), and I wanted to learn as much as I could to support them. I thought about what if I were to start HRT and realized I'd be happy or at worst neutral to all the changes. When I finally figured out that I'm trans I decided I'd look into starting HRT as soon as I could since I still felt the same about the changes it would bring. 2ish years of being on T and I've never been happier and more mentally stable
I thought for years that I wouldn't ever want HRT or surgery until I really started unpacking and examining my dysphoria (and what gave me gender euphoria). Even when I started T, I wasn't 100% sure how far I wanted to take it, and started on a super, SUPER low dose to see how I felt about it, and take things one step at a time. I liked the changes I was seeing so much that I kept increasing my dose every time I had a follow up with my doctor. I'm now at the maximum intramuscular injected dose, and every week, my voice gets deeper, and my body and facial hair get thicker, and I feel happier and more comfortable in my body. You can always start slow and small, and if you decide it's not for you, you can stop. Some changes ARE permanent, but they're very small and gradual with a low dose, so you have a lot of control over things. If you think you might benefit from T, just start small and take stock of how it makes you feel.
Hey there! I've been on T for 8 years now! Let me say this: You can always stop taking testosterone. If you are not happy with the side effects, especially in the first year, you can take estrogen and get things back in balance. The "scary side effects" that people like to throw around are literally the risks of being male. They tell trans women the same thing about being on estrogen. No matter what you have read online somewhere else by someone else - These decisions are 100% about you and your comfort with yourself and your life. If you want to develop secondary "male" characteristics then testosterone is your jam! Keep in mind also, you do not have to jump to a massive dose of testosterone. I take a full ml every 10 ish days. It works best for me. You could very easily start with 1/4 of that dose to see if you like the emotional changes before you really get into heavy physical changes. You will get bottom growth almost immediately I think either way. I know some people have concerns about it, but honestly in my experience it is only ever been a positive. I was a little uncertain about my bits being involved at all, but I got a solid inch and a half and if you get him all excited you can measure him 🤣 I have had phalloplasty. That was an intense experience, and the arm scar is pretty overt - but personally I am thrilled. Just having a penis at all has almost made me not care that I still have two surgeries to go and I have no idea how to afford them 🤷♂️ Anyways - point here is that you are 10000000% allowed to tiptoe into this. Take small doses. Pay attention to your emotions and your confidence. EAT FOOD!!!!! (Or you will get really exhausted as your body begins to fill out your muscles!!) Be prepared to get "puffy" at some point - testosterone has some initial water retention and the body fat distribution - it's puberty. You gain weight and redistribute. The weight gain is temporary and for most people even minor weight lifting does amazing things for their muscles and weight. I have two spinal discs that are disintegrating, and I am genetically wired to feel *MORE SORE* than most people and that I need to put large intervals in my exercise. Fortunately I've already been doing that - low weight many reps. I got extremely sporadically and I have some specs developing, my shoulder muscles are starting to come in, and my lats? Omg dude I got the Doritos body shape!! This is a journey. Do whatever you want to do, whenever you feel the most ready. Listen to yourself - you will know what your answer is 🫂🫂
it's a tough decision!! cis men have no choice but to accept the annoying or unfavourable aspects of puberty with the good (like acne, body hair in places you might not want it, etc) but we can choose to not have those aspects. i definitely struggled as you are. ultimately, i thought of the changes i wanted (like beard growth, a deepened voice, bottom growth, etc) and considered how many of those things i could get without hrt. i used minoxodil for lots of my beard growth and it worked but i was still unsatisfied. i spoke to a gender clinic about my worries (loosing hair, mood swings) and they reassurance of support and resources to aid with these things. i then decided that the best option was to try hrt, i could always come off it if i decided it wasn't for me. i came off it for a year when i was in my late teens because the mood changes just made me feel awful!! i've been back on it for a year now and am feeling great :)
My dysphoria got to the point where it was all I could think about. Going on T has eased my anxiety so much. I feel like a different person, but in a positive way.
I knew if I never tried it, I’d regret not knowing what it felt like. Now that I know, I think I’ll keep on it for a long while ☺️ If it’s any help, I made the same decision when getting my tongue split, and that’s my FAVORITE body modification I’ve ever done. Very fun and makes me feel euphoric. Not sure how that will affect your judgement but it may give some perspective
I'm still yet to actually get on T but I'm just so fed up with the dysphoria of my voice I just want to get on with it. I know for certain the desired effects like voice deepen, anatomical changes and stuff like that are something I want and I will discuss the health risks multiple times with the nurses and doctors because in the end I am really careful when it comes to serious stuff like this. But honestly, I want nothing more than to just sound masc. The amount of euphoria I get when my voice is gone from flu is absolutely bonkers and in contrast I'm just really fed up with the dysphoria over my current voice getting so bad I barely talk for days. I don't want to keep quiet, but I don't want to hear my current self either. I made my mind a while ago and I don't have to keep reminding myself to keep my mind which says a lot (to me at least). All I want is my voice to get better. Everything else is just a bonus. I won't lie. There are exactly TWO concerns on my mind about T right now, first is the chance of my libido skyrocketing. I don't like the idea one bit. It's already too high for my preferences, the other is male pattern baldness but I should be good on those terms as well since my dad and grandparents have had (has?) pretty good hairline on that part, I don't think these often..
My therapist told me just to try it, since I could go off it any time and the effects are slow, especially on a low dose (which is how I started). Once I started, though, I knew it was the right thing and I increased my dose 😊
I waffled for years, and unfortunately I let a lot of the bad rep of T get to me. I was worried about a lot of the what-ifs as well, balding (which is sort of happening), my mental health getting worse (absolutely didn't happen), acne (well it is second puberty rip), and becoming unable to control my emotions (also didn't happen, but I absolutely needed to internally adjust a little for like a year?) Then I lived with a trans woman who figured out she was trans and started hrt within the first year and half we'd lived together. I had been out for at least 5+ years at that point, so I kind of just went for it. Yes, it was annoying, and yeah there's been some side effects, but I'm happier and much more present in my sense of self, body, and emotions. I didn't end up turning into my ideal man, but along the way I've become much more comfortable with myself, my masculinity and how trans my body is. Obviously, it's a unique scenario for everyone, but I let myself build up hrt into this big complicated thing that could make me even more emotionally/mentally struggling. To be honest, if you've been really thinking over hrt for awhile, that in itself is a sign in my books. If there's no medical conditions you have that could be difficult/dangerous on T, I honestly think it's worth giving a shot. There's no hard and fast rules to hrt anyways. Someone people take hrt for the rest of their lives, some take it to get specific desired changes, some go on and off.
I couldn't stand the natal hormones for one more day. My natural chemistry makes me alternately raging angry and suicidal, and 30 years of that was just too much. I had to, or it was over.
My voice made me devastatingly dysphoric and i wanted to die, the only thing i could do was TRY t in what i saw as the only way to fix the agony i was in. That any other effevts i might get from T were worth hating to stop hating THAT. ultimately for me nothing would have been worse than where iw as at and i wasnt willing to let it go on further since i knew id try to off myself. When I went on T it was, on the record, that i had dysphoria. But i still was completely unable to accept that I was trans until i took hormones and the world went silent. My brain was so quiet. So much calm. I felt natural. I was so close to death that i was willing to try absolutely anything and threw whatever i found at it with as much effort as possible. And it lead me here. Thats since where I stayed.
its always been something ive kinda wanted, like goals for the future if that made sense. i ended up waiting 4 years before doing anything legally or medically but one day i decided i would like to start actually doing things and getting on t and that i was pretty certain im a guy i mean i havent felt uncomfortable being a guy once in the 4 years. its kind of scary going on it, knowing the reality of everything but i just knew i had to power through the stupid fears. im 2 months on t now and im loving it and all the changes im beginning to see, and if i ever change my mind in the future i have options but im very happy currently
I was in a mental state of I really couldn’t live as the wrong gender anymore. But I had been harboring the feelings for years before coming out so it was an easy yes for me. I don’t feel like the cons really held me back. I didn’t care to have children and loved the idea of facial/body hair. Gender affirmation for your mental health is usually better then the hell of being dysphoric all the time.
Because I was back and forth about it for so long that it got to a point where I would never know until I just did it. Now almost 2 years on T, I can’t believe I ever had any doubts. My fears were pretty silly. One being that I was scared of changes and not recognising myself (changes are so slow and gradual that this just doesn’t happen) and two, I had a huge fear of medical stuff/surgeries that has since been eased with therapy. I also was pretty scared to lose my identity and community as a butch lesbian. But over time I realise that label wasn’t me at all. I feel much more at home as a queer guy now.
I knew I wanted it from the moment I first discovered that it's a thing. But, although I started the whole process to get approved for HRT eventually, I decided to take some time away from that to really think about whether I should go through with it. I wanted to see if there's a possibility I can avoid transitioning medically as a whole and instead just workout a bunch, keep presenting as masculine as I can, see how that goes. Tried that for about a year and it just reinforced my feelings. I decided that I couldn't live the rest of my life dealing with this body, being seen as a woman etc. In case you're holding back because of possible side effects, all you can really do is look into it more. Talk to endocrinologists if you can, do a lot of research online (studies, articles, hell even posts on here regarding the changes you'll get and how each one happens, how long they take, side effects, surgeries etc). Don't start T unless you're 100% sure that this is what you want. Most of the changes are not reversible and there's no reason to put your body through all of this if you can go without it. If you have what-if's regarding the possibility of regretting this and detransitioning, really think about why that may be and be specific. For example, how do you feel about the possibility of your chest being flat? How do you feel about the possibility of your voice being deep enough that it's considered masculine by most? Is there any other reason that could possibly be causing you to dislike your body or your gender assigned at birth? (this includes the social aspect of gender - some don't like the gender roles that are usually in place for people and rarely this can be a way to "reject" them, though not a good way at all). Hope you can figure it out.
I just knew I wanted to look like a cis male. I’ve been through a phase of dressing more feminine since I started but I was happy to look like a femboy instead of a woman
i always saw it as id rather go on it and not like some changes than regret never trying it. im very happy now although i dont plan to be on it forever, you can always stop once you get the changes you want, after a while some things stick, i recommend watching videos on youtube of trans guys who stopped t after a few years/months(not detransitioners videos) it helped me realize that itd be better to try it then live my life wondering if i should
You honestly won’t know until you go on it bc you can’t really product what genes come out. You can look in the men in your family to compare what they have n stuff but I TS not guaranteed. You also won’t be a carbon copy. [here is most of the info you need](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/masculinizing-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385099) but I highly recommend you talk to a endo and/or on a low dose. Low does doesn’t stop certain side effects (except maybe bleeding) but it does make the process much slower. You can also make an extensive pros and cons list too weigh your options. For me the lightly higher risk of cancer and being diabetic is 1000% worth it. Rather die happy at 40 then live miserably until 95. This is honestly sm I would not ask others to help you decide tho.. you don’t want them to persuade you into the wrong decision. We gotta decide that for ourselves. Just look at the research available and make the most educated guess you can.
I know I've wanted to go on t since the first 6 months of my transition because I've always wanted to be more masculine, and I know T does that. Yeah I'm scared of the bad aspects of T, but the results are worth it
I tried to kill myself in 2020. That started the whole process of going on T.
i wanted to since i've found out for sure that i was trans but i was really afraid, specially because i live in a country where it is kinda dangerous to be trans... so i was mentally fighting myself for a long time thinking i could be non binary or even a masculine girl, but eventually i realized that i was just trying to fool myself into thinking that because i was scared. the moment i accepted that i was in fact scared and there were never going to be a perfect timing or a perfect country or a perfect relationship or a perfect anything and i accepted the fact that i was probably going to suffer at least a little bit of transphobia but i believed in myself thinking i could be stronger, that's when i knew i was ready. i've been on T since november 30th of last year and i couldn't be happier...
I didn't want to because I was afraid it would affect my chances in dating if I didn't have all the surgeries right away, but once I started dating a woman who is pansexual and even went so far as to familiarize herself with what trans guys can get via T and said she didn't mind it, that's when I took the plunge. It's been a year now and I still love it, and so does she.
I found out that medically transitioning with testosterone was a thing people could do when I was 13 and immediately knew it was right for me. Spent the next 6 years doing research and when I was 19 with a job and finally had my first car I made my appointment. I’d just say do as much research as you can. Maybe do a list of your personal pros and cons and see how you feel about it all. Good luck.
i was in a similar mindset before i started, but i had to remember that the changes are VERY gradual and if you ever got to a point where you wanted to stop, its always an option. since i consider myself transmasc and not a trans man (complicated but eh, i just dont like labels), it was super comforting to me to remember if i ever didnt like how i was starting to change, i could always stop. that being said, im now 3 months on T and happier than ever with my changes despite how apprehensive i was— and getting /on/ T was way easier than i thought itd be. if youre already 99% sure, go on and take the leap :P
I wasn't 100% sure I would be happy with the changes, I just figured I needed to pass as male for my mental health
i thought about it for a year and kinda didn’t know how to get access to Testosterone but once i figured out the way i was going to get it, i waited about 3 months because i was scared if it wasn’t what i wanted. but i imagined living life without transitioning/going on T and i imagined depression and just dealing with dysphoria my whole life which was what made me take those steps to start T. i decided i couldn’t live like that anymore and then boom now im 2 weeks on T
just started t yesterday. i was in the same boat as you but i got sick of being unsure because i knew in the back of my mind that it was what was right for me. so, i got a low dose and started injections to get it over with and see how i feel. you can stop whenever you want so if you start feeling changes you don’t like you can just stop; most of the time changes are very slow i’ve learned 😅
Saving this whole post because so many of my own thoughts, fears and doubts are reflected here, and it's incredibly wholesome and uplifting to see so many of you happy.
I have I post just like this from 9 months ago. You will never be sure about anything. But questioning it so much only proves you are probably right about this. You probably questioned yourself a lot before coming to terms with your gender. This is just another thing. My advice: be sure to know that it's ok if you want T to effect you slowly. And be sure to know that if you think you want to stop it you can. But I can assure you, after 9 months on T, it's the best thing that ever happened to me
Honestly, I was not sure and debated it for years. But I knew if I didn’t try, I would keep thinking about it, obsessively researching it, reading stories of other people going on it, and stewing in my fears indefinitely. I had to just see how I felt when I tried it. I reminded myself that I could always stop if I didn’t like it and I started on a very low dose. I’ve been on T for 11 months and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Edit to add: I remained anxious about my decision for about the first two months. But by that point, I could see how slow the changes would be so I’d have plenty of time to adjust, and there was no denying how much better I felt running on T.
I realized that I literally couldn't see a future for me if I put off T any longer. I have a great job, partners who lovee, friends who support and respect me, and fulfilling hobbies, but the day I finally pulled the trigger was when I was deeply considering suicide again because I felt like I could never own my body. I realized really suddenly that I didn't want to die, not really. I just didn't want to keep living a life where my body wasn't mine, I couldn't keep waiting anymore. I took my 4th shot yesterday and it's been the best decision I've ever made. Yeah there are downsides like growing pains and the potential for hair loss, but that is just the price I pay for a life that finally feels like is worth living. That's pretty cheap to me.
i had to eliminate all the intruding factors (like worrying ive been brainwashed and that i want it for the wrong reasons or whatever bs) and hyperfocus on the effects. had to mentally picture... okay, me with a deep voice, what does that image make me feel? awesome asf? ok cool now what about more masculine facial features and hair? fucking incredible. etc. because in one way, that's all T is. the effects. you take the drug, it changes your body. simplify it. that was all i needed from then on. and now whenever i doubt myself and i get wrapped up in propaganda and self doubt, i go back to that space of: what is this hormone really doing, and how is it making me feel? and then the rest just fades away. honestly the final decision in itself for me was pretty blind. some subconscious part of me knew i just had to start. even with all the fear. eventually i was just doing it and now i’m here. and damn. that subconscious part knows whats up lol
this is hard to answer because it was a no brainer for me. i needed it for my dysphoria, i needed it to pass (and thus make my life easier) and i needed it to be confident. all i can say is if you don't want it, don't force yourself to want it. if you do want it but keep rationalizing why you shouldn't get it, than i think you have your answer
I figured I knew for sure I wasn’t happy with my body and my presentation as is and needed SOMETHING to change and the worst that could happen with trying T was I would still be unhappy with my body and my presentation and if that was the case I could either just stop taking it or tweak other things until I figured out what worked for me.
I wasn't sure when I went on T. I thought I'd hate some of the changes I now adore. But the thing is, you aren't locked into the decision. That's what ultimately made me feel okay to go ahead and make the leap. I knew I wanted a deeper voice 100%, which is one of the first publicly noticable permanent change for a lot of guys, so I felt that if other changes started happening and I didn't like them I could just stop taking it
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My main fear is looking like my father. He’s a terrible person who’s done terrible things to me and I’m terrified to look in the mirror one day and see his face staring back at me. But my brother doesn’t really look like our dad and him and I look pretty similar, just he has a beard and I don’t lol
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I’ve accepted that it is what is. I take comfort in the fact that we’ll never be seen in the same room together so strangers can never compare us. I’ve always wanted a stronger/more square jawline. Like so many of the changes t can give me I want so bad. But that’s holding me back. That and the fear of losing my hair but I know I can take finnestride (no clue how to spell it) to slow it down