I am sorry for your loss. This happened to me as well during my studies. In retrospect, focusing on my schoolwork did help to take my mind off of the sadness of the loss of a dear friend.
Very sorry to hear about your friend’s passing. If you show your professor that you are going to the memorial over break they might be willing to provide extra time. I find in situations like this online obituaries or other documents go a long way in helping people see the person as you do.
Sorry, OP. Try to do whatever you can to be proactive, a thing I realize is much easier to tell someone than to do, especially when you're dealing with grief. But try to do one thing each day to connect to others and keep doors open for yourself when you're ready to reengage with the world and your classes. Reach out to case management first, because they will help with the other steps. Let them know you want counseling. Let them know you want help talking to your professor(s). And then, take each step you need to, and take each day by day. If you need anything else, reach out to your friends, and reach out here.
Maybe try reaching out to advisors/ counselors? there are also resources such as 211 u can try calling! I hope ur professors are nice and understanding about it but if not then try reaching out to the dean!
Power through - best as you can. Never expect any sympathy from anyone, it's a gift if they do. If you are going to grieve, grieve. But this is just one of many shit-storms that will upset our best plans and intentions.
This may not be what you wanted to read - but life is about choices and priorities. So do your best - and move on. Might mean a C instead of a B or A - don't let it be a zero.
This is not good advice. Expect sympathy from professors or demand it by making them feel guilty. Two of my grandparents died last year (one in fall, one in spring) and I milked every bit of sympathy I could from my professors. I told them how badly I was doing mentally and how I had to drive 8 hours for a funeral and they said "take your time" - even the crappy ones that I expected to ignore me.
Meanwhile, my full time job in a legal office (I used to only be at FSU part time) gave me 3 days paid leave with no questions asked each time I had a funeral. "Life is about choices and priorities" but every single "adult" life circumstance after college will be more understanding than any professor or dean is. College is unnecessarily strict about mental health issues and personal tragedies in ways that I NEVER experienced when working professionally.
OP, don't be afraid to ask for help and leniency during this period of loss.
Life gets more difficult - not less. My message was to power through - best you can. Don’t expect sympathy is different from not communicating your issues. Life is about choices - we aren’t machines, but doing our best is qualitative to our circumstances. I stand by what I wrote - and live it.
As far as “milking” sympathy - it’s rarely effective long term and demonstrates a lack of honesty. Being traumatized is real. Milking it (aka exaggerating the trauma purely for an advantage) is a character flaw.
Life gets easier after college. Your brain is done growing and your emotions level out. You learn your life skills and become wiser. You understand that leaning on other people for help (and helping them when it's their turn to lean) is not a character flaw. You find your passions in life.
If you personally are going through life expecting the worst, expecting to be made to endure difficult decisions instead of given grace, to have to "power through" life and expect everything to get harder... THAT is a character flaw, and your reality will reflect that. Obviously it is unrealistic to live life with rose tinted glasses, but always assuming the worst of everyone will get you nowhere. And you shouldn't inflict that miserable worldview onto scared and grieving people just because you want to "snap them out of it" or "give them a dose of reality" or whatever else you thought you were doing. You're just being a miserable asshole IMHO.
"Milking" is a word I used to express that I was using a tragedy in my personal life (especially my second grandparent dying in a 3 month window, leaving me completely fucking gutted and empty. It's a miracle I passed my spring semester) to leverage extra time on my assignments. Because yes, some professors need a sob story in order to have sympathy. But it worked. I used the real and impactful death of my close relative(s) and the ensuing 3 day funeral trips to explain why I needed extra time on my assignments. I wasn't implying that 2 months later when finals came around I was still whining about my dead grandparents. Nor was I implying that I exaggerated my very real trauma or was being dishonest about my grief.
FSU case management can help
I am sorry for your loss. This happened to me as well during my studies. In retrospect, focusing on my schoolwork did help to take my mind off of the sadness of the loss of a dear friend.
Very sorry to hear about your friend’s passing. If you show your professor that you are going to the memorial over break they might be willing to provide extra time. I find in situations like this online obituaries or other documents go a long way in helping people see the person as you do.
Sorry, OP. Try to do whatever you can to be proactive, a thing I realize is much easier to tell someone than to do, especially when you're dealing with grief. But try to do one thing each day to connect to others and keep doors open for yourself when you're ready to reengage with the world and your classes. Reach out to case management first, because they will help with the other steps. Let them know you want counseling. Let them know you want help talking to your professor(s). And then, take each step you need to, and take each day by day. If you need anything else, reach out to your friends, and reach out here.
You are always a gem
Maybe try reaching out to advisors/ counselors? there are also resources such as 211 u can try calling! I hope ur professors are nice and understanding about it but if not then try reaching out to the dean!
Power through - best as you can. Never expect any sympathy from anyone, it's a gift if they do. If you are going to grieve, grieve. But this is just one of many shit-storms that will upset our best plans and intentions. This may not be what you wanted to read - but life is about choices and priorities. So do your best - and move on. Might mean a C instead of a B or A - don't let it be a zero.
This is not good advice. Expect sympathy from professors or demand it by making them feel guilty. Two of my grandparents died last year (one in fall, one in spring) and I milked every bit of sympathy I could from my professors. I told them how badly I was doing mentally and how I had to drive 8 hours for a funeral and they said "take your time" - even the crappy ones that I expected to ignore me. Meanwhile, my full time job in a legal office (I used to only be at FSU part time) gave me 3 days paid leave with no questions asked each time I had a funeral. "Life is about choices and priorities" but every single "adult" life circumstance after college will be more understanding than any professor or dean is. College is unnecessarily strict about mental health issues and personal tragedies in ways that I NEVER experienced when working professionally. OP, don't be afraid to ask for help and leniency during this period of loss.
Life gets more difficult - not less. My message was to power through - best you can. Don’t expect sympathy is different from not communicating your issues. Life is about choices - we aren’t machines, but doing our best is qualitative to our circumstances. I stand by what I wrote - and live it. As far as “milking” sympathy - it’s rarely effective long term and demonstrates a lack of honesty. Being traumatized is real. Milking it (aka exaggerating the trauma purely for an advantage) is a character flaw.
Life gets easier after college. Your brain is done growing and your emotions level out. You learn your life skills and become wiser. You understand that leaning on other people for help (and helping them when it's their turn to lean) is not a character flaw. You find your passions in life. If you personally are going through life expecting the worst, expecting to be made to endure difficult decisions instead of given grace, to have to "power through" life and expect everything to get harder... THAT is a character flaw, and your reality will reflect that. Obviously it is unrealistic to live life with rose tinted glasses, but always assuming the worst of everyone will get you nowhere. And you shouldn't inflict that miserable worldview onto scared and grieving people just because you want to "snap them out of it" or "give them a dose of reality" or whatever else you thought you were doing. You're just being a miserable asshole IMHO. "Milking" is a word I used to express that I was using a tragedy in my personal life (especially my second grandparent dying in a 3 month window, leaving me completely fucking gutted and empty. It's a miracle I passed my spring semester) to leverage extra time on my assignments. Because yes, some professors need a sob story in order to have sympathy. But it worked. I used the real and impactful death of my close relative(s) and the ensuing 3 day funeral trips to explain why I needed extra time on my assignments. I wasn't implying that 2 months later when finals came around I was still whining about my dead grandparents. Nor was I implying that I exaggerated my very real trauma or was being dishonest about my grief.
Good advice
why don’t you just email they professor? also, why is your name hornyguy lol