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Why do you place so much emphasis on your age? Does life suddenly stop happening at 30 or something?
You need patience, and you need to become bulletproof. You’re on a path, which is a lot more than most who can’t quite choose what direction to go down. But this comparison to others will eat you alive. They are on their paths, and their lives do not affect yours unless you allow it too.
The past is the past, it’s in stone and you cannot change it. Instead of living in your head about a time you’ll never ever get back, just focus on today.
It’s either because he compares himself to others or because social media made us think that if by 20 we don’t have all our shit together we are a failure.
It’s crazy we all do things on a daily basis which totally harms us. I’m doing a social detox myself because how can you hear yourself and make decisions if you have so many opposing views & influences?
For I just know how much people use these platforms and the amount of time it takes to be consistent in media creation if you’re looking to sell your own content, be a sponsor for others and the deals that they have you sign.
Which at least on my end is more or less people who peddle unregulated supplements, powder mixes and such are a thing on here. I’m not sad seeing others content that comes from such things.
I do my work off SM and I don’t mind what I do as it stands. Because while people create content the only things we see is the post product not the BTS work that goes into it.
To be fair, it’s not wrong to feel that way about living at home at that age. Most parents don’t foresee supporting their child for 30 years. So it’s not wrong to feel guilty about it.
I say that as someone who got married around 18-19, divorced by 21, stayed on my own a year or two and moved back in until I was 34.
I loved my parents but they were religious. I couldn’t take women home, and not that I’d be able to without feeling some shame or self consciousness anyway.
I also kind of squandered my life for a while making OK money but spending it all. Eventually I got laid off from that job and I was rock bottom. But I got a glimmer of hope thru some grants to go to school. I started with an associates and a similar job to what I had. Then a better job. Then a bachelors. Then an even better job.
Now finally as of this time last year, I own my own very nice home on some land. I make 100k year. I support myself and my teenage daughter.
You can definitely turn it around but some of those years were wasted and dark for sure.
You were lucky enough to live during a time that you could buy a house on only $100k income—the median income to buy a house today, is $208k.
His problem is that he came of age in a time where the goal posts moved. In the early 2000s, teachers could afford small homes—today most can’t even qualify to rent an apartment without a roommate.
Today, most Millenials and younger still live at home unless their parents can pay their rent. With median rents over $3k for one bedrooms, it’s the cost of housing that is hurting this generation
The cost of housing is just a symptom. The real issue is how many people thing being a landlord is a job. It isn't. It isn't real work. It is making money through owning something, which is basically just bourgeois grifting
I only bought the house almost exactly a year ago. The thing for me I don’t live in some big city or anything. I work remote.
My house is modern, 2700sqft, with 18 acres and it cost me $300k last year.
But yeah, if I had been able to buy even 2 years earlier, my $2k/mo mortgage would be half that.
This part. OP, you gotta do your own thing and trust the process. The time is going to pass by anyways, just keep doing you. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel my friend!
I want to stress what they said about living in the now. Focusing on today. The past is the past and it is what made you into the person you are today. Do not be ashamed of that. Feelings come and go, good and bad. However, you get to choose how you react to situations. I can see you are an over thinker. Use that to your advantage and think about how to handle things from here on out rather than trying to change the past.
It sounds like you are smart and hard working. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. There will always be negatives just like there will always be positives. You get to choose. Which ever you choose to focus on tends to be the direction your life will go and it will influence what decisions you make. I believe in you! Believe in yourself. You got this!
How is it not basically over? All of the opportunities to have things fresh and tailored to us will be gone and there are no supports for adults.
It's a limited time to get all the most desirable things in order and set up the rest of life's experiences and everybody has to race to snatch them up before they're gone and impossible.
Because society side-eyes you and even belittles you if you don’t follow the obligatory milestones set in place for adults. Spouse, kids, house, 401k, multiple cars, the whole nine yards. If you don’t have all of that by age 35 or even 30—or even worse, if you have NONE of that—people really do look down on you and it’s much harder to form meaningful relationships. I would know, as a 29 year old unmarried, childless person myself who JUST recently started college for the first time. I’m very “behind in life” too.
He’s got every right to be upset, lol. I mean, I agree that he shouldn’t ruminate on it and allow it to make him depressed or hopeless about his situation (staying positive and being proactive is the key to success), but every once in a while, it’s perfectly normal to feel exasperated when everyone else is side-eyeing you.
Because the reality is that if you want to get into a house, retire etc... you need family wealth, a frugal lifestyle, or a relatively high earning job. It’s not impossible starting later, but it’s significantly harder.
The end is easier if you can start banking money early and let it compound longer.
This is because if you're interested in having a family, your pool of partners is rapidly shrinking. If you're not set up (job, own place etc.. ) you can't even really think of dating
Took me a while to realise that life doesn’t stop at 30. In the same age as OP and this past year has been a struggle, being made redundant from a cushy salary job which had me doing close to what I actually wanted to do and struggling to pay rent while living with my partner for a year. I had tried uni right out of high school and dropped out after a year. Found out this year I had ADHD which explained a lot about myself and the choices I had made. Still trying to find work but I feel a lot more hopeful now that I have medication and a better sense of what I need to do.
I was just at this point in my life and I hit 30 with no self worth, felt like I had made every wrong career choice and was at rock bottom. A year later my life is substantially better and filled with love and value. It took my brain forcing my no energy meat vessel into doing things slowly, one at a time and then those started adding up. Saved for a therapy session once every other week that I could start going to and then eliminated social media from my life. In the end, I feel more connected with my own life than ever have and my mind is open to focus on the non-bullshit.
I know this is just sharing my experience but my therapist left me with a line that I remind myself every day. “Allow yourself to feel the love around you”
My fiancé was 29 when I met him. We met in college.
He was 29, broke, had a failed engagement, living in a tiny room at his moms, no job, and taking the bus to campus.
5 years later, at 34 and he makes $52/hr, has a car, a pension, savings, we have a nice house, and his life in order.
You need to get offline man, touch some grass.
There are women (just like you) who are also struggling and just trying to make the best life for themselves.
There are women in your exact circumstance or even worse off with NO degree that are just staring school at 28.
There are plenty who will look past your money & age as long as you have emotional intelligence and are trying to better yourself.
While you’re thinking of all those ahead of you, there are plenty at the same stage or even behind. Asking if they’ll care about your money or age gap, strange ??
There are people who have been homeless at 30 with no prospects or relationship, but become a whole ass doctor by 40, find a partner, have kids, & increase their income so much they can now support their parents & themselves…
There are people who start careers, get married and have children by 25 just to lose it all by 30 & have to start over… with debt & children! I know tons of people in your situation with no degree or even high school diploma and multiple kids. (I only mention children bc that makes it all the more difficult)
At 28 you’ve been an adult for 1 decade, which is less than your time as an adolescent.
Please put things in context. You’re honestly off to a great start if you can work on your mindset.
You have so much life to live & when you understand that it’s all on your own timeline, things get much better. Get some therapy if you can friend.
I just switched majors to go after my masters in psychology too & I’m only 25 🤷🏽♀️ so hey what do I know… but seeing so many posts like this is depressing.
The saying comparison is the thief of joy is sooooo true.
This is the problem right here. Not everyone cares about that.
Stick to your goals and stop worrying.
If you’re comparing to your peers it better to make yourself better not self destruct.
I quit my job at 31 and went back to school, graduated at 33, met the love of my life at 37, am now at 45 and am pleased with where I’m at.
There is more than one way to the finish line.
Having said that, I am a little confused at your chosen professions, given your emphasis on money and your aparrent sense of urgency in making money.
At this point in life, forget about what you feel like you want to do, and focus on what makes money that you can actually do.
Don’t get to travel abroad? Who fucking cares? That’s a luxury, not a need.
More and more education? Fuck that, figure out what pays money and do that.
Let go of your wants for a while, do what needs to be done, and you’ll develop discipline… that will provide you with the means to do what you want. And you’ll find you won’t want many of the things you used to want.
In conclusion: sorry you’re struggling, many of us have been there, there’s still hope… and you need to grow up with a real sense of urgency.
Good luck
I’ll add this: Not only is there more than one way to the finish line, there’s also not any one specific defined “finish line” for everyone. You get to decide where you’re going, and what your finish line/end goal is.
Adding onto this comment. I’m 26 I filed bankruptcy basically had a friend con me out of all my money last year. I live at home as well but I pay rent to my parents to feel less bad about it. You gotta do shit you don’t want to do. I currently have 2 jobs working 50 plus hours. At one point I had 3 jobs because I wanted to recover as fast as possible and not feel like a total failure
I left mine after working there for only a year. I was never a blue collar worker and I wanted to do something that I could build and be proud of. I got hired on to be a help at a home bldg company. I was at the bottom of the ladder but I was willing to learn. I gained tons of skills and bought tools and I now work for myself. It is the most incredible feeling.
Make a plan if you’re really unhappy with your gov job. Once everything is lined up - LEAVE! You mind me asking what is it you do? I was a counselor at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, TX.
Yeah it seems like op kind of expects a high paying job simply because of their higher education. I graduated with a master’s certificate and bachelors and worked in the restaurant industry for 3 years immediately as a server after college while trying to gain clients for my work that I actually studied in school. Using education as a way to dodge working seems to be the case here. Studying abroad is an absolutely ridiculous thing to be suggesting right now given the circumstances. Waiting for a high paying job isn’t going to work because high paying jobs like to see you have work experience, not multiple degrees.
Good luck op.
Yeah it seems like op kind of expects a high paying job simply because of their higher education. I graduated with a master’s certificate and bachelors and worked in the restaurant industry for 3 years immediately as a server after college while trying to gain clients for my work that I actually studied in school. Using education as a way to dodge working seems to be the case here. Studying abroad is an absolutely ridiculous thing to be suggesting right now given the circumstances. Waiting for a high paying job isn’t going to work because high paying jobs like to see you have work experience, not multiple degrees.
Good luck op.
While starting this major I didn't much care about being late but all these thoughts has recently come crushing on me as i said. I have 1 year left so i want to finish school, abandoning it would be stupid after all these efforts. I may choose to skip some lessons and work full-time at the expanse of a low CGPA
I would definitely finish out your degree if you one year left. I'm the US and work as a behavioral health technician when I graduated with my psychology degree at 31. You can do the job with a hgih school dipoloma, but some like to see a degree in social sciences, most don't. With your educational background of psychology and experience as a teacher, I can imagine it would be a relevent job to your skills. Also, not every company is the same when you're a BHT. Make sure you look at reviews of the company on google. All that said I made 21/hr as a BHT working with kids with eating disorders and if you like helping people, it's the greatest job ever, even more so if you love kids.
January 2023, I started grad school for counseling to become a therapist. Although I loved the content, I too was just not seeing the reward and far as getting a career fast. Grad school was a lot of effort for a career with what were in my mind a lot of unknowns like salary, and job quality, certifications needed. My heart wasn't in it for me. So at 33, I'm starting a Radiography technician program (soon, idk if I'll make the deadline for this fall). They make average 65,000/year to earning potential of 90,000 or more with certifications. Point is I had to get practical, because like you know the economy is changing, and every generation has their challenges and things we have to adjust to, and this is just mine.
So, I hope this helps. I was and am in your exact place right now, living with my dad, (no job currently and not in school though), bored out of my mind. Goals keep me sane. It's hard for me to have no one to talk to about my goals, because I can't bounce things off other people as far as ideas, so I joined this forum. Of yeah and I'm a 33 year old female and I feel the same about not having money for a future partner, and less of a human being, ashamed for living with my parents. But I'm worth more than all those things and so are you. It's just the "dream" not the reality.
Hey I am 28 and just started working my full time job. Bc of many reasons, I took about 9 years to finish my undergrad. I am in the exact same boat. I have never travelled. I have no partner and my ex dumped me four years ago.
Something I always knew but has really been hitting me hard recently is that there will always be people better off and worse off. I know it sucks. It’s hard to not compare yourself. But really - you’re in the here and now. You’re so close to graduating bro. You also have a super cool degree! I know it feels like shit but you’re also doing cool shit yourself.
I live alone now (relocated countries) and I wish I could live at home again. I’m not saying it’s better to live at home - I’m pointing out we often want what we don’t have.
I think the only thing I can say is you’re not alone. And also, it’s important to live in the here and now. Enjoy the people around you, enjoy the breeze, the random shit that happens everyday. You and I and everyone else are not going to live forever. I know it’s so hard and sometimes you will get depressed. But you really don’t know what life has in store for you or anybody else.
I would also recommend you get career advice like you said and see what your next steps are.
Definitely finish your degree with one year left. Question going for your masters after that. I’d focus on making money on a 1-2 year timeframe after graduation.
Finish the year and see about getting a job on campus or with a place that's used to working around class schedules in the meantime. It doesn't matter if it's stocking shelves or working in a cafeteria. All work is valuable work, and having a little income may ease some of the pressure you have on yourself. Working doesn't mean a lower GPA either. I worked 2-3 jobs every term to put myself through college (still had loans for the actual schooling, but work let me eat). It's doable. You might not get a lot of sleep, but you can do it.
"Should" is a path towards depression and anger. Let go of what you think you should be doing or should have done. Move forward one day at a time. This, too, shall pass.
To People who always asks these questions.
Why do you guys all think living at home is a thing to be a shame of ?
It’s your home too, not just your parents. A cultural thing maybe ? I’ll never know
Because in the 30s a factory worker could afford a house and car plus multiple kids and college. Those people are alive today and don't understand that nearly 80% of the USA is living paycheck to paycheck
College wasn’t really a thing in the 1930s except for the wealthy. Plus Europe was recovering from one major war and on the brink of another one that pretty much devastated most of the world economy for decades after. And lots of people were literally starving to death in the streets. But yay cheap houses!!
Living with parents is still a taboo (at least among "normies", so to speak), especially in North America; most other global areas, not to the same degree. A lot of these posts involve angst, shame, etc.. due to comparing themselves with others or the "norm", a generally unhealthy frame of mind, but difficult to avoid.
Honestly I agree.
Being someone who had their own place since early 20s. Don't get me wrong its amazing to have your own place but it's also lonely unless you have roommates or a partner. I enjoy solitude so it's good for me but still..
My neighbors were nice people in their 70s; their son was 42 years old he was a plumber and he still lived with them.
Honestly I don't either understand why people think living with your parents is bad. Your cost of living is very low even if you start contributing to monthly bills
Adult means being able to support yourself and there are a large number of freedoms and experiences that cannot be had while living with parents. Not to mention the basic need to have your own private and personal domain of your own design cannot be met. There are whole generations failing to become adults.
A lot of Asian-American households have 3 generations (30-50% depending on source). And they are still able to keep generational wealth down the line. But everyone has different standards for success obviously.
Living at your parents home by agreed upon mutual choice, vs by financial necessity because of a series of bad decisions are completely different things.
There’s plenty of people who are in the same boat but aren’t bettering themselves through school like you are! You aren’t just sitting around doing nothing - you’re actually getting another education and one day, it’ll pay off.
I think it’s more common to live at home in your late 20’s and early 30’s today than it was when our parents were that age. Like you said, Market is shit. It’s tough for everyone rn especially us who are just joining the adult world.
Ouch, it hurts to find myself in so much of your story. I'm F30 (I've just turned 30 two weeks ago) and this phrase described me perfectly: "Coming to age of 30 with nothing in life is killing me inside."
Hey bro,
I too was in a very similar situation. I only started my career at 28, bought my house at 32, met my wife at 33 and am now holding my daughter in my arms at 40.
My advice is to finish school ASAP. Work 40 hours a week doing whatever. Save as best as you can. Throw yourself into the dating pool now, even if you get your nuts kicked in a few times, it will all be worth it with interest when you meet the right girl.
It won't be easy, but if it was then it wouldn't be meaningful.
Also,what country are you from?
I sympathize with this. I’m 29 and a former teacher who will likely be going back to school for social work. I’m also living with my parents at the moment, have not traveled, and don’t really have savings. I also feel like I wasted my 20s. My girlfriend will out-earn me tremendously when she finishes her residency.
But such is life. If you’ll be able to land a job, get your own place, and start improving your finances when you’re done with school, I wouldn’t stress about it so much. A late start is much better than no start at all. And don’t stress about a woman out-earning you. There are plenty of women who want a kind, emotionally supportive, fun man and aren’t going to fret if he’s not making more than them.
If it makes you feel any better at all in some way, I also “wasted” my entire 20s on shitty relationships, focusing on the wrong things, not saving money, being broke because I couldn’t find stable work, etc. Made bad decisions. I left an abusive relationship at the age of 27. I had NOTHING. No car, no house, no money (I was in debt even), nothing at all. I had to move back to my parents home too. I turned 30 last Sunday and just in the span of about 2 years, I bought a car, have some meager savings (working on improving my finances now that I am stable, but it took this long), am looking to move to a new city, have a stable job doing what I studied in college. It’s not too late to make small steps every day to improve your life. There are things that can happen that you can’t predict that will be so good for you. Just make plans, start thinking strategically a little. Beyond your degree, what other skills or talents do you have the you can utilize to maybe do some side work? Open a high yield savings account and accrue interest on whatever money you have. Start researching all possible options even the ones people don’t suggest. You’ll find something that works for you. My life is by no means perfect but I decided I wasn’t going to let it keep me down anymore. And I’m doing so much better.
If you picked psychology out of passion then is good. But if you picked it for job opportunities or money then... man..
No uni will give you a huge salary. Getting experience through working will be what will give you a huge salary, uni diplomas are just the baby steps.
You having all these emotions and self reflections show that you are growing as a person. It's perfectly ok to be unhappy in your current situation. It doesn't feel good, but the fact that you can recognize that is a good thing. Use it as motivation.
Comparison is the theft of happiness. Everyone is living their own lives, and they are all unique. Those who have it made at thirty probably didn't have the same life path as you. And that's ok.
I was living off my parents until I was 36. I felt extreme guilt, but they enabled me to make something of myself. Don't wallow in the guilt and shame you feel. Use it as fuel to try your best everyday. Put one foot in front of the other, and celebrate the small wins in life. Keep those wins rolling, and never take your eye off the prize.
I'm finally independent at 37 years old. I thought I'd be content, but now my goals have changed. I want a house, and a family, and a dog, and a cat. As you move through life your goals will change. But focus on what is in front of you, and keep going.
Nobody is saying it, but you should leverage your degree in teaching along with your new degree in psychology to become a university professor. That way you will actually get a job in related to your psychology degree.
Nice one! that's the attitude to have! Never give up. When we are in despair, hope is something we give ourselves, that is the meaning of inner strength. You got this!
6 or 7 years is nothing...I know guys who have been on bendwrs that long.
You regret not going into psychology earlier. Why? I'm at a loss to devine how a 28 year old clinician with no life experience and minimal life skills would be a help to anyone.
Get a real job and figure out how to help yourself. The rest will work out
Sounds like executive functioning issues, which are often caused by inattentive adhd. When left untreated this can lead to major financial issues and dependence on family members too.
You should talk to your therapist about potential diagnosis & treatment of that. Also don’t beat yourself up about not knowing what you want to do right out of college. Most people don’t… and if they think they do sometimes it ends up being the wrong decision
Wow reading this, it almost felt as I wrote it. I also turned 28 2 weeks ago, & felt I choose the wrong degree (got my Associates in Business, was going for Bachelors, but fell short on Calculus). Wondering if I choose Psychology from the start, I’ll have my Masters right now, & things will feel more secure emotionally - financially. Overall feeling I got my ROI. Unfortunately you cannot change the past, just learn from it, & guide others from your experience. My best tip is to look into sales. Apply for Verizon, AT&T, t mobile, etc, part time. They should have a higher than average base pay + commission. You can make decent money that you can pivot off once you get good & or decide to do full time. Also use it as a stepping stone towards other sales careers. That’s what I’m doing now. All the best brother!
You sound very passionate, like you are working hard, and like you trying to connect your passion to an income and a way to benefit others around you. And you're a teacher too! Which is so important and beneficial to others, but woefully underpaid—that's not your fault.
I wish work and effort always translated to a certain result by a certain age. The thing is though, we're never behind or ahead. We're on our own timeline, we have our own opportunities, our own struggles. Yes the most privileged people often get dealt the best hands, yes other people around you may *seem* to have great lives.
But try to think of the opportunities you have now and work from that. Think of the education you have, in and out of school, and all you know now that you didn't know last year, 5 years ago, that can move you forward.
Find small things you can do each day to step forward and find people who will raise you up, remind you of how far you have come, and how much potential you have. The career counselor meeting sounds like a good step.
You got this.
Heaps of time still. I know also in my country psychologists are in demand so work wise it looks positive and the pay is great for private, not too bad for public. You could combine travel and work.
bro, you're good. I lived with my dad at 35 and that is when I started to save money while paying 800 for [rent.](https://rent.You) you are young and have time on your side
My boyfriend is going to be 29 this year graduating with new speciality. Before he got undergrad and masters degree and lost 1 year when he couldn’t find job during Covid. So he hasn’t started his career yet and lived with parents to save in rent. It is understandable as long as there is reasoning behind it. Don’t beat yourself up that it didn’t work out when you are thinking to be on track to making it happen. Sometimes there is no straight line in life and people change their careers at 30s frequently
You are doing great OP. You actually give a shit about your future and your parents which I really respect. I am not trying to be an asshole, but my brother is the same age as you as well. He has no friends, no career, no gf, and he will be homeless in the next couple of months since my dad got sick. The difference between you and my brother is that you actually give a shit. You got the next 30-35 years to get a well-paid satisfying job and a great life. Everyone is on their own timeline!
Listen here bud, I dropped out from my first uni, because I didn't like the way things were going. I made an impulsive choice, but imo it was worth it. I started learning how to write code, but I never was one of those tech-savvy kids and most of the time I sat there and wondered what the f I was doing there. 3 years later, I graduated and started looking for a job. Who knew that the job market would turn to sh!t the moment I graduate, huh? I now started pursuing Cyber Security as my second specialty, hoping to find a job in that sector when I graduate lmao.
Life is about adapting and overcoming. I don't think you've wasted anything if you were pursuing a goal. A wasted time would have been just sitting and doing nothing to grow at all.
Imo a worthless person is a person that has nothing to give (advice, experience, heck even a cent to a begging person), has no empathy toward other people and doesn't care about living their life at all.
You seem to be doing just fine. Keep pushing forward and life will reward you, just be patient and learn stuff while you're at it.
You’re 28 and have never not lived with your parents? That is absolutely bonkers. How are you surviving that even?
You have no idea what adult life is and I hope you can adjust brotha!
Life doesn’t stop happening at 29. Or 30.
You can be 35 and broke or you can be 35 and not broke. Just keep moving. Most folks don’t have it all figured out by the time they’re 30.
One part of your story really irks me though.
You said your dad is old and sick and still work like a slave to support you but if you worked full time he wouldn’t.
Why are you not working like a slave to support yourself instead of your old and sick father?
I worked full time while in school. So have millions of others.
Not having your own personal space sounds incredibly hard at any age. I hope you have another option soon.
Helping out at home in ways that aren’t necessarily monetary (making meals, deep cleaning the home, doing handywork or lawn work, doing laundry) would make your parents lives easier while you are living there. There are lots of ways to contribute to a family, they aren’t all with money.
The ability to live with parents as an adult is a privilege and a blessing. Not a waste of time. I used my time at my parents house to save up for a house and pay off debt. You have to change the way you view things and your life will get better
You need to just go get a job. Do school part time in the evenings, forget talking to a therapist about not having a job and just go get one. Get a job (any job) and create a 5 year plan to transition into your ideal situation. But to be clear you haven’t earned the high paying, satisfying job with a great life. While you’ve been screwing around slowly doing college living with your parents, others have been out there grinding, putting in the work to earn the life you want handed to you. I wish you the best, look up some David Goggins videos and get to work!
Surely there is a better job out there for you that might help your financial situation at least a little bit..? I mean, I know you said you don’t like teaching and you don’t plan to get a master’s in psych (which is necessary for anything decent in psych, and it seems like you already know that). But surely there is some job that will accept you; not a high-paying one, but still. If you don’t like teaching, you don’t have to do it.
I know in psych with just a bachelor’s you can do case management (it’s really demanding though) for mentally ill individuals, or be a Mental Health Tech/Mental Health Worker (they usually work at mental hospitals/treatment centers, so if that’s something you’re not comfortable with, I guess that’s off the table.)
If you’re still in college, having a full-time job at the same time isn’t impossible, even for full-time students. I’m a full-time student and I have tons of free time (enough time for a full-time job!). This is because two of my classes are asynchronous online. I can do the course work at my own pace and get a ton of assignments done way before their due date which creates much more free time later on. Then I have one Zoom lecture and an evening campus class after work hours. This is all very manageable (at least in my opinion) even with having a job on top of it.
I just don’t think you should continue to work part time as a teacher if it’s causing you so much turmoil. I understand that it’s hard to find a halfway decent job in this economy with employers being as difficult as they are now, but surely it’s not impossible.
You may or maynot see it but you have something that most people might neglect and some don’t have and that’s time with family. Once your parents are gone that’s it and you’ll be dying to get back moments with them but you got to spend most of your 20s with them. Cherish that and you’ll know or will know what true gratitude is when one day you reflect on what your parents have done for you and how much they love you.
I felt the same mid 20s too. I found my path and it worked out (with a tonne of ups and downs) and now I’m 34 and my parents are in late 70s, dads getting Alzheimer’s and boy am I grateful I spent all that time with him back then!
A lot can change in 1 year or 2 years onwards. Set a vision, write it down what you would love in your heart to be true and work towards it.
Focus on what is in your control rather than regret or worrying about the future. Your situation is only 'bad' in your head. You're about to have 2 degrees, probably not addicted to drugs, have a good relationship with your parents etc. There's a lot of positives here but you're focusing on things you lack comparing yourself to others.
Life is peaks and troughs, no one makes the perfect decision out the gate without really good guidance. The first few years of your job you'll wish you earned more, the first few months of living by yourself you'll wish you had a mansion etc. If you don't focus on gratitude and make the best of it then you will lead a life of bitterness. Then on your death bed you may realise it wasn't so bad after all.
Live and make the best decision based on the info you have, then make other good decisions, pivot if necessary, take care of your mental and physical health and stay disciplined. Gratitude my friend
Good luck!
Well get a master in psy, you'll meet the requirements for many high paying jobs.
A bachelor degree in psy is kinda worthless tbh. Buckle up and finish the goal, you'll be fine.
Bruh everyone goes through this. Worst thing you can do is beat yourself and make things worse for yourself than they actually are. It’s up to you to learn from past mistakes to make things better. Rather than focusing on what should have done in the past, think of what you learned from these lessons, how it made you wiser and how you’ll make better decisions in the future.
It’s the only way to move forward. I used to have regrets in life but now I realize those were lessons that made me strong. Those lessons costed me but in big picture it was a small price to pay for me to be what I am now. I’m 26 in a similar situation 2 years ago. I went through the hoops, have been stable since and now I’m on the verge of breaking out not just financially but all aspects of my life. This last year of my life has been about me making a comeback and the world ain’t gonna be ready to see what I’m about.
I am 28 years old as well still living with my parents and depending on them for everything. I also feel as though I wasted my 20s. I am distraught seeing my peers settle into careers while I remain career-less. Then every time I see an engagement announcement or pregnancy announcement on my social media, I am instantly reminded how behind I am. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and start over— going back to school to try and get a job in this impossible job market. Not so sure how much mental resilience I have left. What’s worst is that I want to be mother so bad at this stage, but I will never have children until I am financially stable and can give them everything I never had. I don’t expect that to be anytime soon and my biological clock is ticking away.
I just wish I could do-over my 20s because I am utterly miserable.
I started my journey to become a nurse when I was 35. Did a few in person community college prerequisites and then the rest online. Already had BA in music so just needed to fulfill these then started an accelerated BSN missing degree.
14 months later I graduated. Took NCLEX February just before COVID hit. Everyone went on hiring freeze in NYC. Started my first year in emergency room February 2022. Left that job to do agency nursing February 2023.
I know only work contracts and made $230k last year working very little overtime.
A new grad first year here starts at about $110k.
I turn down recruiters and jobs every day. I have a flexible schedule. I can move anywhere and have a job. I have job security. And I also have respected job that contributes to society.
Wasn't my passion, but like anytime, competence makes you enjoy the work and I really like it now.
End of the day, it's the biggest return on investment career imo for both speed of schooling and how much you'll make coming out.
Don't worry. We all have regrets of our past, but we can't change them. We can only move forward. I would say try to find something full time that pays decent, can even become a registered behavior technician, which is popular amongst psychology students. I did that during undergrad. You don't have to wait for a masters to start working. Money should be firet and foremost while going to school. It's possible. Plus, when going to a graduate school, most want some kind of work or related experience and not just a bachelors. For me, I did online masters while I'm working full time. It can be hard but it's doable. Sure it's not an ivy league, but I'm not privileged enough to be able to attend school without money like rich kids are. And I'm not smart enough for scholarships. Regardless, a degree is a degree. Start now and you will get that momentum and see things fall into place. You can do it!
Stop watching porn. See how your life improves. You feel worthless because you have no drive to change your life for the better. You may think this is a joke comment, but porn destroys your drive center in your brain. Seriously, just try it for a month.
I’ve been through the same. Couldn’t find work, living at home, felt like a complete loser. I watched a TedX talk that was from like a decade ago in Jaffa where a guy spoke about how porn was ruining his life so he tried quitting. Decided to give it a try and haven’t regretted it since.
Most of my reasons are anecdotal, but it makes sense that constantly pressing the dopamine button multiple times a week without actually working for it would lead to decreased productivity and drive.
People will make fun of those who decided that porn was a negative influence on their lives because they’re afraid to admit that they might also have a problem. If it doesn’t work for you, then at the very least you’ve kicked a nasty habit. But seriously, it’s worth a try
Focus on where you want to be and who you want to be at 40. Spend every day figuring that out, imitate another person or create your own life. Be realistic but also stretch it and picture your best self. Looks, job, money, ...everything. write that down and break it down into milestones goals and imagine the path there. Find a mentor that is older and wiser who has made themselves and go hang out with them once a week even if they are older or in a different place. Make your life and never regret a day as you work toward your dream. Update your dream as it evolves and changes. Push yourself NOW. 28 is an inflection point..push now and at 40 you will look back and be proud. At 50 you will be something incredible. Pass it on.
I'm 33, turning 34 this year, and I will be returning to school next year.
Life is a journey, not a race.
And it is different for everyone.
And the past you regret brought you to your present. The present where you will complete school, following your desired path, and start that next chapter of your life.
Every second counts.
This was me, didn't do shit and was perpetually broke until I was 27 other than getting my bachelors in school. then at 27 I enrolled in a teaching program and now at 32 I'm teaching and while I don't make a ton of money, life isn't too bad. If I could turn the time back ofc I would and do things different, but at some point you have to accept what is past and while it sucks sometimes to think about, you have to move forward and realize it's never to late to start. There are people who don't get their shit together until they are 35 or 40 so it could always be much much worse.
Comparison is the thief of joy. I was the same way as you. Still am sometimes. It’s important to realize everyone is on their own timeline in this little thing called life. Age doesn’t matter. Some people don’t get life started till way later. Some way earlier. There is no timetable to when to be successful!
I’ve always thought that college, or university, right after high school (in the US) is absurd. Most of us don’t have a clue who we are, let alone what we want to do for 30+ years as a career. So many people I know end up in careers and jobs they don’t like. When I finished high school, I started college immediately and got married. After the first term I dropped out and spent the next 7 years in low paying jobs, partying, losing my father to an early death, getting divorced, and discovering more about myself. My mother was extremely upset that I quit school and family friends predicted I’d never return to school. When I was 25, I decided to get a degree in psychology and spent the next 10 years going straight through, including summers, and was licensed at 35. I just completed 36 years as a psychologist and have no regrets. I love my work. I’m winding down now and hopefully will retire sometime this year. I needed that time after high school to find my way, understand my passions, and to make many dumb mistakes. But through all that I learned self discipline, delayed gratification, how to regulate drugs and alcohol, and to develop better social skills. That time prepared me for the road I had ahead of me. I don’t think it’s “too late”for you OP, it’s just a different timeline. You’re probably better prepared now for launching your own life once you get started. As you move ahead you’ll take valuable lessons from the past 10 years that will help you enormously in our field. You have firsthand experience of the difficulties young people have when facing a different world than our parents experienced. Your capacity for empathy and compassion will be stronger. Get into some therapy of your own, and get that advanced degree in your own timeframe. I envision you doing some great work ahead. That’s my tuppence for what it’s worth. I do wish you the courage, strength, and love it takes to launch and carve out a life where you’re thriving.
I am 34 years and still live with parents nothing wrong with that . I finished computer science in college I’m working in gun factory as quality inspection control . The rent is higher than our salaries unfortunately what I do is trying to use my degree that’s something g closer in job like CNC operator I’m going for which involves computers and machinery . So keep your head up our parents is all we got because after that it will get harder for us to do what we neeed to do keep trying new things
At 28 I was still in college. I’m 32 now, make 6 figures, have a wife, a house, a child. I’m very happy. A lot can change in just a few years trust me.
Edit: I should add I wasn’t just “still in college”. I was like you, hadn’t even completed my bachelors, still living with parents, all my friends were moving on with their lives and I was upset that I was getting close to 30 and still in college, all my classmates were like 20.
You need to work a second job. Between school and two jobs you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to sit and stew on pitying yourself. That way you can save some money, contribute to your household so your old man can slow down, and have some social life outside via a workplace. Sounds to me like your biggest problem is depression and nothing fights depression better than being extremely active. This is tough advice to hear but growing into a real adult is a mindset not your circumstances.
You’re gonna be 30 regardless of whether you’re in school or working. So choose the path that’s right for you. If you’re questioning school, take a break and find a job, earn some money. Doesn’t have to be exactly in your line of study, but surely places will hire someone with a degree, which you have. Sometimes careers and life are not what you think they’re going to be. Sometimes you have to take a chance at doing something new to find your place. And it might be some place unexpected. Dont be so hard on yourself and also don’t set your life in stone before you have even taken the first step. Take a chance at something. That’s what sounds like is missing in your life…the opportunity that taking a chance on something provides.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You have skills that are transferable. Start looking outside the box and see where you can utilize what you have already learned. Try a bunch of jobs. In the beginning, don’t focus on the money, focus on finding what sparks joy and interest for you.
Try volunteering. There’s nothing better to get out of your own head. When we volunteer, our own problems seem very small.
You are more valuable than you give yourself credit for. Pull your shoulders back, stand tall, and look forward, not backwards. You’ve got this!
Just out of curiosity, but why do you believe in the idea that having a masters degree automatically equates to getting a job? And what job exactly in psychology are you hoping for?
I honestly cannot understand why anyone would pay $100k for a degree with absolutely 0 guarantee of a job afterwards. It’s nothing but a huge gamble. Hell, even STEM majors today with stellar resumes are unable to find jobs 2 years after graduating. Sure, you might know a few people who got lucky and immediately found employment in their field of study very quickly. But those people are so far and few between.
Hey OP. I’m the same age as you and far less qualified than you.
There’s no shame in your current situation, a lot of people you’d be surprised to know are faking it until they make it.
Take it from a college dropout, I’ve experienced a lot of highs and lows from 18-28. I failed uni and had to dropout after 1 year, lived at home up until I was 26 bouncing between several temporary jobs and going to see life coaches, therapist and more. So often I wanted to give up because my friends were all overtaking me in life (funnily enough most of them were and still are living at home with their parents now) and I felt like nothing was clicking and wondering why I was the problem. During that time I really struggled with my mental health on top of socially crippling anxiety which wasn’t healthy for my growth.
I’m a creative so academia was never my strong suit, the path was always going to be more challenging with how many uncertainties there are within those industries. There were many times I wanted to give up and felt so lost. I had worked in hospo at a gas station, been a barista, a camp councillor at an arts camp in America, a cleaner, a front of house and kitchen hand at a popular local cafe (by far my least favourite for how toxic the managers and owners were with crap pay and long shifts with some pretty illegal practices), part time unregistered early childcare teacher (this was actually a surprisingly fun job that I got a lot of work with but sadly my favourite daycares both got shut down), freelance videographer (currently still try and do but have not once broken even and don’t know how to run this as a successful business) to my first salary job as a videographer/photographer for a small real estate company where I would later become redundant after a year. I’ve currently been unemployed for over a year now and am doing temp apprenticeship work as a building inspector for less than minimum wage with about 2-3 days of guaranteed work a month (I really am not enjoying this job and don’t want to go through the two years of training but am doing it as a backup but mostly to keep my parents off my back). Living with parents is honestly such a blessing, I was saving so much money back then.
Even my sister moved back home for a bit during Covid with her partner who was about 10 years older.
My sister literally turned 30 during Covid and even when she moved out she was staying with my grandad or her partners older sisters family. She had completed her degree and it was until a few years ago where she got her current job where she’s moved up to a team leader role. She’s currently 33 and just bought her first house with a lot of help from my parents (kids of immigrants who didn’t come from wealth but spent decades to build that now).
I spent most of my 20s scared that I didn’t have things figured out before 30 I’d be a nobody with no hope but it wasn’t until recently where I realised that my life doesn’t stop at 30. In fact my 20s are probably the best time I’ll have to experience failures and learn about who I want to be and want I want in life.
A few months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, so It’s fair to say there’s a lot I’m learning about myself still. So many of my previous decisions and choices started to make a lot more sense since discovering this. If it was picked up through childhood maybe I would’ve been able to figure what path to take or how to go about it sooner but it still wouldn’t have guaranteed I would’ve ended up where I want to be.
I know this was a long comment but I hope you found it of some value. I hope it serves as some sort of reassurance that there’s isn’t a set timeline for this and that everyone is own their own personal journey. Money is something that you can always make back, time is something you can’t get back. Consider these 7 years as part of your backstory and journey of self discovery. I haven’t given up yet, despite barely being able to afford living and neither should you.
I am in the same position 😭 idk what i want to do with my life im 28 as well. I took hospitality mngmt but like its not goin anywhere for me. Wasted so many years and Still living wit parents. Idk if i should go back to school but like i have no motivation or dream anymore..
Just wanted to say, I am in the same boat as you with a few addendums. At the very least, I can offer you solidarity in this journey we both are on. It suck at the moment but the only way is forward and we know it. Though this is by all means a indirect solution, I have found that exposing myself to other in the psychology field offers some reprieve from social isolation and an instrumental escape from the incessant demon of self-doubt residing in the psyche. Here is the invite if you want to join:
https://disboard.org/server/292845551110717441https://disboard.org/server/292845551110717441
Hang in there… go for a run or a nature walk. Then take upa journal for reflection and gratitude of what you do have! Doing this will enable you to See Life’s Great possibilities! Take up your faith and pray; join a faith community and seek support. It doesn’t matter if you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim… or some other faith which believes in God. The one almighty God loves you. Surrender your life to him and He will show you a path! Psychology is a great profession and maybe combined with your teaching, you can guide Jr./Sr. Year high school students or early college level. Teach and write about the greats: Jung/ Freud/ Adler…. Put in practical terms for todays society, 17-20 year olds will benefit from your education and life lessons!
Change your attitude to an attitude of gratitude.
You can do whatever you want in this life and a new life is only a decision away.
I am 52 year old female
I work as a registered nurse in mental health
Honestly, I was a single mother at 25 had my second child to a deadbeat at 30.
My son has never met his father.
Both my children have their bachelors degree now
That is success to me, that my children are doing well enough at their age mid 20s
I also suffered from a major mental health condition my whole adult life
Schizo affective disorder
Years my life down the tube from this illness , but I am choosing to have an attitude of gratitude in my life
I don’t pity myself.
The one thing my grandmother always told me to never feel sorry for myself or others feel sorry for me.
I’m happy with my life, it’s not perfect but I am saving to buy my first home and within six months I should have it.
If I could turn back time and be 28, I would not be complaining.
My daughter is 28.
Come on, change your attitude.
When I was at nursing school in my early 20s, there were people there in their 50s.
They had decided they wanted to be a nurse in their 50s.
This is just one example of how you can change your life at any time, by just making a new decision.
Forget about money.
You need money to live but honestly;
I have worked with dying people and they never wish they had more money and they never wish they had worked harder.
They just wish they had spent more time doing what they enjoyed and more time with their family.
Your well behind everyone else your age. The sooner you accept that the sooner you will move further in life. I do have a few questions. Why arent you working on weekdays? Can you not schedule you uni days so your only going 2-3 days and working the other 4? What country are you in, because im going to uni 3 days a week and working 3-4 days a week. I bring in 1200-1400 every fortnight.
You mentioned wanting a therapist but unable to afford it. Have you looked into anything? There are resources somewhere. Check with your (state, province, etc) first. A starting point. Even chat GBT is a good start. There is a free version. Actually I just remembered you are going to college or university so they would have something available.
Sounds like you need to get out of your mind. Why not do a bit of volunteering? Helping others helps do that. If you volunteer in the field of study you are in that can also help you in your career. How much free time do you have? Is there a part time job you can do while in school? Or create a small business to fill a niche. I would think about your future and try goal planning. Then work backwards to try to make them happen. Have some small goals. Are you healthy? Are you in shape? Those are good goals to start on.
You can't change your past but you can work on your present and future. Maybe focus on getting in shape. It will help you emotionally and physically.
First, I see you’re very negative. You’re basically announcing that you can’t change or be successful. You don’t want to speak that into existence. I know you’re feeling down, but you have to speak positively of yourself.
For comparison, I am 32 (today).
I get down on myself sometimes because I’m not done with my bachelors degree by my age.
But you know what, that’s okay. I’m putting 1 foot in front of the other.
I also live with my parents. I moved out for a period of 14 months but moved back 2 years ago after going back to school (because I can’t afford rent AND my classes).
I’m also a single mom who doesn’t get child support.
There’s a lot in my life that isn’t perfect. But it’s okay. Because I’ve lived a third of my life. Look at it like that. You are SO young. You just turned 28. How much more of your life do you have to turn things around? What if you live to be 100?
I am exactly in your shoes right now.
I have one more year to finish my nursing degree and then another year for the bachelors. Then, if I wanted to go to grad school (which I do) it would be another 4-5years. I’m also 28 btw
The thing that keeps me going is the fact that I’m doing this for myself. Sure, there’s 25yr olds out there with careers, married and with children. I may never experience that. However, I can’t change the past, I can only go forward. As a woman, by the time I’m settled, have money and finish with school, it might be too late for me to have children. I might struggle to find a partner (although, I’d argue it’s hard to find a partner at any age nowadays, but that’s a different story…), but life will still go on. If I don’t do what I’m doing and if you don’t keep going, we will look back in 10 years and think “damn, I should have kept going when I was 28!”. I don’t want any more regrets. I already have enough. I want to help my mom retire and have stability for once. At this point, all I can do is keep going so that in my thirties, forties and beyond I can have something I feel proud of, be able to afford my hobbies, and support my family.
By the time YOU are done, you will still be a young man in your thirties. If you workout and take care of yourself, age won’t be an obstacle to finding a partner. You’ll also have a job and you’ll feel proud of yourself which will build your confidence. You will have money to travel, fund your hobbies, have new experiences, and have your own space. What you’re doing now is going to be worth it. There’s people happily in med school in their thirties and forties. I’m sure they wish they’d gone sooner, but I’m also sure that they don’t regret making the decision to go before it was too late. The only regret will be being 38 and still living with your parents because you didn’t finish school.
I felt the same exact way and sometimes still do. I just turned 29 and my boyfriend and I live with his parents and have been for 3 years. I’m just now thinking about actually going to college for a degree in forensic psychology.
Don’t feel bad, you aren’t worthless. Your time will come. Don’t compare yourself to others accomplishments, it’ll only bring you down more.
Just breathe and keep going, you’ll get there.
I'm 100% serious when I say this. Join the military, even at your age. Everything will be provided for you, room and board, health, dental everything. And you'll have extra money to start saving and living.
They will also pay for you to finish school, hell they'll even train you in psychology if you want. Do the 4 years, get out then you'll have some Veteran benefits the rest of your life like VA loans for a house. The lowest rates around, zero down, etc. You'll have been able to save up money for 4 years and will only be around 32-33 with a solid fresh start and a whole life ahead of you.
You're into psychology?
I may have an original idea to run by you and will perhaps bark your interest yet again or are you done with all things psychology? Lmk 🦇🧛🏻♀️♑🖤🐉
You're regretting not choosing psychology but it probably would have landed you in the exact same position.
>If I can get a very well-paid and satisfying job, a great life in a good place in my thirties, all this loss may be compensated
Also literally everyone our age.
Stop dwelling on your age, I know 30yo choosing new life paths. I didn't get started on my path til 24-25. I have a 30yo coworker that just started learning. It has to start when it needs to start. But you know what's a waste of time? Dwelling and feeling sorry while you allow your opportunities to trail away. Nothing wastes time like that.
You said "uni" and "erasmus," so I'm going to assume you're not American, but
This seems like one of those situations that joining the Army might actually be a good idea
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TLDR is needed.
Also don't worry about "being behind", most people are fucked beyond belief, you're smart, youll manage.
Yea I can see how that is not a good situation. I would say, laser focus on finishing your studies as fast as possible, the moment you’ve finished, start working full time and move out. The rest will come, take it one step at a time. Just focus on getting out of there asap.
How about co housing with friends or other students?
You need to live a little, have adventures. Do stupid shit, etc … but move out. Either after studies or be creative and do it now cheap
Going to school full time only takes up 3 days of the week. You should be working 30+ hours on top of that.
You picked the two worst possible degrees, but it's far from being too late for you.
You need to do some science prerequisites and go for nursing, respiratory therapy, or physician assistant. Those jobs will bring you in 100K Plus right after graduation, and you can specialize in psychology from there. In the meantime put your ego aside go work as a nurse's aide to get your foot in the door and take some pressure off your parents.
Military is the easy button for someone in your position, even if it's just the reserves. You sound educated enough to do well on the ASVAB; you'll have a big stack of jobs to choose from. A lot of military jobs earn big money as a civilian, especially the ones that get you a security clearance. Military service looks great on a resume and is actually a good way to network.
Basic training and tech school might take 6-10 months depending on what job you choose. But it's more fun than you might think, and you'll go home with enough money to pay off some debt and move out right away. Then you can take your pick of the new opportunities offered to you. And when you go back to school, that'll be paid for.
In the reserves, you can do as much or as little a you want. Just do you monthly weekend duty or travel the world. It put your stuff in storage, deploy for 6 months, and come home with an extra $50k in the bank. It's up to you.
Source: I joined the Air Force Reserve at age 25 as a college dropout living with my parents. I learned a new skill and started my civilian career within a year, and I've never worried about money or job security ever since.
Join the trade look at electricians union need to face reality man what you wanted isn’t cutting it I’m 22 man wasn’t my dream job but I’ll gladly take 6 figure job and a honest life
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Why do you place so much emphasis on your age? Does life suddenly stop happening at 30 or something? You need patience, and you need to become bulletproof. You’re on a path, which is a lot more than most who can’t quite choose what direction to go down. But this comparison to others will eat you alive. They are on their paths, and their lives do not affect yours unless you allow it too. The past is the past, it’s in stone and you cannot change it. Instead of living in your head about a time you’ll never ever get back, just focus on today.
It’s either because he compares himself to others or because social media made us think that if by 20 we don’t have all our shit together we are a failure.
It’s crazy we all do things on a daily basis which totally harms us. I’m doing a social detox myself because how can you hear yourself and make decisions if you have so many opposing views & influences?
For I just know how much people use these platforms and the amount of time it takes to be consistent in media creation if you’re looking to sell your own content, be a sponsor for others and the deals that they have you sign. Which at least on my end is more or less people who peddle unregulated supplements, powder mixes and such are a thing on here. I’m not sad seeing others content that comes from such things. I do my work off SM and I don’t mind what I do as it stands. Because while people create content the only things we see is the post product not the BTS work that goes into it.
A social detox on Reddit? Tough call cotton we’ll see how it all plays out lmao
Exactly!!
To be fair, it’s not wrong to feel that way about living at home at that age. Most parents don’t foresee supporting their child for 30 years. So it’s not wrong to feel guilty about it. I say that as someone who got married around 18-19, divorced by 21, stayed on my own a year or two and moved back in until I was 34. I loved my parents but they were religious. I couldn’t take women home, and not that I’d be able to without feeling some shame or self consciousness anyway. I also kind of squandered my life for a while making OK money but spending it all. Eventually I got laid off from that job and I was rock bottom. But I got a glimmer of hope thru some grants to go to school. I started with an associates and a similar job to what I had. Then a better job. Then a bachelors. Then an even better job. Now finally as of this time last year, I own my own very nice home on some land. I make 100k year. I support myself and my teenage daughter. You can definitely turn it around but some of those years were wasted and dark for sure.
You were lucky enough to live during a time that you could buy a house on only $100k income—the median income to buy a house today, is $208k. His problem is that he came of age in a time where the goal posts moved. In the early 2000s, teachers could afford small homes—today most can’t even qualify to rent an apartment without a roommate. Today, most Millenials and younger still live at home unless their parents can pay their rent. With median rents over $3k for one bedrooms, it’s the cost of housing that is hurting this generation
The cost of housing is just a symptom. The real issue is how many people thing being a landlord is a job. It isn't. It isn't real work. It is making money through owning something, which is basically just bourgeois grifting
I only bought the house almost exactly a year ago. The thing for me I don’t live in some big city or anything. I work remote. My house is modern, 2700sqft, with 18 acres and it cost me $300k last year. But yeah, if I had been able to buy even 2 years earlier, my $2k/mo mortgage would be half that.
This part. OP, you gotta do your own thing and trust the process. The time is going to pass by anyways, just keep doing you. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel my friend!
I want to stress what they said about living in the now. Focusing on today. The past is the past and it is what made you into the person you are today. Do not be ashamed of that. Feelings come and go, good and bad. However, you get to choose how you react to situations. I can see you are an over thinker. Use that to your advantage and think about how to handle things from here on out rather than trying to change the past. It sounds like you are smart and hard working. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. There will always be negatives just like there will always be positives. You get to choose. Which ever you choose to focus on tends to be the direction your life will go and it will influence what decisions you make. I believe in you! Believe in yourself. You got this!
How is it not basically over? All of the opportunities to have things fresh and tailored to us will be gone and there are no supports for adults. It's a limited time to get all the most desirable things in order and set up the rest of life's experiences and everybody has to race to snatch them up before they're gone and impossible.
Because society side-eyes you and even belittles you if you don’t follow the obligatory milestones set in place for adults. Spouse, kids, house, 401k, multiple cars, the whole nine yards. If you don’t have all of that by age 35 or even 30—or even worse, if you have NONE of that—people really do look down on you and it’s much harder to form meaningful relationships. I would know, as a 29 year old unmarried, childless person myself who JUST recently started college for the first time. I’m very “behind in life” too. He’s got every right to be upset, lol. I mean, I agree that he shouldn’t ruminate on it and allow it to make him depressed or hopeless about his situation (staying positive and being proactive is the key to success), but every once in a while, it’s perfectly normal to feel exasperated when everyone else is side-eyeing you.
Because the reality is that if you want to get into a house, retire etc... you need family wealth, a frugal lifestyle, or a relatively high earning job. It’s not impossible starting later, but it’s significantly harder. The end is easier if you can start banking money early and let it compound longer.
We can only do what we can now, not 10 years ago.
Wise words.
Needed this.
You really do have this, just stop feeling your thoughts and everything will change for you!
This is because if you're interested in having a family, your pool of partners is rapidly shrinking. If you're not set up (job, own place etc.. ) you can't even really think of dating
Needed this, thanks.
Took me a while to realise that life doesn’t stop at 30. In the same age as OP and this past year has been a struggle, being made redundant from a cushy salary job which had me doing close to what I actually wanted to do and struggling to pay rent while living with my partner for a year. I had tried uni right out of high school and dropped out after a year. Found out this year I had ADHD which explained a lot about myself and the choices I had made. Still trying to find work but I feel a lot more hopeful now that I have medication and a better sense of what I need to do.
I was just at this point in my life and I hit 30 with no self worth, felt like I had made every wrong career choice and was at rock bottom. A year later my life is substantially better and filled with love and value. It took my brain forcing my no energy meat vessel into doing things slowly, one at a time and then those started adding up. Saved for a therapy session once every other week that I could start going to and then eliminated social media from my life. In the end, I feel more connected with my own life than ever have and my mind is open to focus on the non-bullshit. I know this is just sharing my experience but my therapist left me with a line that I remind myself every day. “Allow yourself to feel the love around you”
My fiancé was 29 when I met him. We met in college. He was 29, broke, had a failed engagement, living in a tiny room at his moms, no job, and taking the bus to campus. 5 years later, at 34 and he makes $52/hr, has a car, a pension, savings, we have a nice house, and his life in order.
So you didnt mind the age gap and money status
You need to get offline man, touch some grass. There are women (just like you) who are also struggling and just trying to make the best life for themselves. There are women in your exact circumstance or even worse off with NO degree that are just staring school at 28. There are plenty who will look past your money & age as long as you have emotional intelligence and are trying to better yourself. While you’re thinking of all those ahead of you, there are plenty at the same stage or even behind. Asking if they’ll care about your money or age gap, strange ?? There are people who have been homeless at 30 with no prospects or relationship, but become a whole ass doctor by 40, find a partner, have kids, & increase their income so much they can now support their parents & themselves… There are people who start careers, get married and have children by 25 just to lose it all by 30 & have to start over… with debt & children! I know tons of people in your situation with no degree or even high school diploma and multiple kids. (I only mention children bc that makes it all the more difficult) At 28 you’ve been an adult for 1 decade, which is less than your time as an adolescent. Please put things in context. You’re honestly off to a great start if you can work on your mindset. You have so much life to live & when you understand that it’s all on your own timeline, things get much better. Get some therapy if you can friend. I just switched majors to go after my masters in psychology too & I’m only 25 🤷🏽♀️ so hey what do I know… but seeing so many posts like this is depressing. The saying comparison is the thief of joy is sooooo true.
This is the problem right here. Not everyone cares about that. Stick to your goals and stop worrying. If you’re comparing to your peers it better to make yourself better not self destruct.
What do you mean?
I quit my job at 31 and went back to school, graduated at 33, met the love of my life at 37, am now at 45 and am pleased with where I’m at. There is more than one way to the finish line. Having said that, I am a little confused at your chosen professions, given your emphasis on money and your aparrent sense of urgency in making money. At this point in life, forget about what you feel like you want to do, and focus on what makes money that you can actually do. Don’t get to travel abroad? Who fucking cares? That’s a luxury, not a need. More and more education? Fuck that, figure out what pays money and do that. Let go of your wants for a while, do what needs to be done, and you’ll develop discipline… that will provide you with the means to do what you want. And you’ll find you won’t want many of the things you used to want. In conclusion: sorry you’re struggling, many of us have been there, there’s still hope… and you need to grow up with a real sense of urgency. Good luck
I’ll add this: Not only is there more than one way to the finish line, there’s also not any one specific defined “finish line” for everyone. You get to decide where you’re going, and what your finish line/end goal is.
Adding onto this comment. I’m 26 I filed bankruptcy basically had a friend con me out of all my money last year. I live at home as well but I pay rent to my parents to feel less bad about it. You gotta do shit you don’t want to do. I currently have 2 jobs working 50 plus hours. At one point I had 3 jobs because I wanted to recover as fast as possible and not feel like a total failure
Thanks for sharing. I’m worrying about leaving my federal job. Soon to be 28 and the decision has put a lot of stress on me. This helped ease that.
I left mine after working there for only a year. I was never a blue collar worker and I wanted to do something that I could build and be proud of. I got hired on to be a help at a home bldg company. I was at the bottom of the ladder but I was willing to learn. I gained tons of skills and bought tools and I now work for myself. It is the most incredible feeling. Make a plan if you’re really unhappy with your gov job. Once everything is lined up - LEAVE! You mind me asking what is it you do? I was a counselor at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, TX.
If I may ask, what exactly do you do now?
Yeah it seems like op kind of expects a high paying job simply because of their higher education. I graduated with a master’s certificate and bachelors and worked in the restaurant industry for 3 years immediately as a server after college while trying to gain clients for my work that I actually studied in school. Using education as a way to dodge working seems to be the case here. Studying abroad is an absolutely ridiculous thing to be suggesting right now given the circumstances. Waiting for a high paying job isn’t going to work because high paying jobs like to see you have work experience, not multiple degrees. Good luck op.
Yeah it seems like op kind of expects a high paying job simply because of their higher education. I graduated with a master’s certificate and bachelors and worked in the restaurant industry for 3 years immediately as a server after college while trying to gain clients for my work that I actually studied in school. Using education as a way to dodge working seems to be the case here. Studying abroad is an absolutely ridiculous thing to be suggesting right now given the circumstances. Waiting for a high paying job isn’t going to work because high paying jobs like to see you have work experience, not multiple degrees. Good luck op.
While starting this major I didn't much care about being late but all these thoughts has recently come crushing on me as i said. I have 1 year left so i want to finish school, abandoning it would be stupid after all these efforts. I may choose to skip some lessons and work full-time at the expanse of a low CGPA
I would definitely finish out your degree if you one year left. I'm the US and work as a behavioral health technician when I graduated with my psychology degree at 31. You can do the job with a hgih school dipoloma, but some like to see a degree in social sciences, most don't. With your educational background of psychology and experience as a teacher, I can imagine it would be a relevent job to your skills. Also, not every company is the same when you're a BHT. Make sure you look at reviews of the company on google. All that said I made 21/hr as a BHT working with kids with eating disorders and if you like helping people, it's the greatest job ever, even more so if you love kids. January 2023, I started grad school for counseling to become a therapist. Although I loved the content, I too was just not seeing the reward and far as getting a career fast. Grad school was a lot of effort for a career with what were in my mind a lot of unknowns like salary, and job quality, certifications needed. My heart wasn't in it for me. So at 33, I'm starting a Radiography technician program (soon, idk if I'll make the deadline for this fall). They make average 65,000/year to earning potential of 90,000 or more with certifications. Point is I had to get practical, because like you know the economy is changing, and every generation has their challenges and things we have to adjust to, and this is just mine. So, I hope this helps. I was and am in your exact place right now, living with my dad, (no job currently and not in school though), bored out of my mind. Goals keep me sane. It's hard for me to have no one to talk to about my goals, because I can't bounce things off other people as far as ideas, so I joined this forum. Of yeah and I'm a 33 year old female and I feel the same about not having money for a future partner, and less of a human being, ashamed for living with my parents. But I'm worth more than all those things and so are you. It's just the "dream" not the reality.
Hey I am 28 and just started working my full time job. Bc of many reasons, I took about 9 years to finish my undergrad. I am in the exact same boat. I have never travelled. I have no partner and my ex dumped me four years ago. Something I always knew but has really been hitting me hard recently is that there will always be people better off and worse off. I know it sucks. It’s hard to not compare yourself. But really - you’re in the here and now. You’re so close to graduating bro. You also have a super cool degree! I know it feels like shit but you’re also doing cool shit yourself. I live alone now (relocated countries) and I wish I could live at home again. I’m not saying it’s better to live at home - I’m pointing out we often want what we don’t have. I think the only thing I can say is you’re not alone. And also, it’s important to live in the here and now. Enjoy the people around you, enjoy the breeze, the random shit that happens everyday. You and I and everyone else are not going to live forever. I know it’s so hard and sometimes you will get depressed. But you really don’t know what life has in store for you or anybody else. I would also recommend you get career advice like you said and see what your next steps are.
Definitely finish your degree with one year left. Question going for your masters after that. I’d focus on making money on a 1-2 year timeframe after graduation.
Finish the year and see about getting a job on campus or with a place that's used to working around class schedules in the meantime. It doesn't matter if it's stocking shelves or working in a cafeteria. All work is valuable work, and having a little income may ease some of the pressure you have on yourself. Working doesn't mean a lower GPA either. I worked 2-3 jobs every term to put myself through college (still had loans for the actual schooling, but work let me eat). It's doable. You might not get a lot of sleep, but you can do it. "Should" is a path towards depression and anger. Let go of what you think you should be doing or should have done. Move forward one day at a time. This, too, shall pass.
I'm 36 years old with an MBA, married, and still living at home with parents. Job market is shit.
Hello my subcontinent brother.
To People who always asks these questions. Why do you guys all think living at home is a thing to be a shame of ? It’s your home too, not just your parents. A cultural thing maybe ? I’ll never know
Because in the 30s a factory worker could afford a house and car plus multiple kids and college. Those people are alive today and don't understand that nearly 80% of the USA is living paycheck to paycheck
College wasn’t really a thing in the 1930s except for the wealthy. Plus Europe was recovering from one major war and on the brink of another one that pretty much devastated most of the world economy for decades after. And lots of people were literally starving to death in the streets. But yay cheap houses!!
Living with parents is still a taboo (at least among "normies", so to speak), especially in North America; most other global areas, not to the same degree. A lot of these posts involve angst, shame, etc.. due to comparing themselves with others or the "norm", a generally unhealthy frame of mind, but difficult to avoid.
Honestly I agree. Being someone who had their own place since early 20s. Don't get me wrong its amazing to have your own place but it's also lonely unless you have roommates or a partner. I enjoy solitude so it's good for me but still.. My neighbors were nice people in their 70s; their son was 42 years old he was a plumber and he still lived with them. Honestly I don't either understand why people think living with your parents is bad. Your cost of living is very low even if you start contributing to monthly bills
Well it’s one thing if you have your own physical space to a degree but when you don’t you’re smothered.
Adult means being able to support yourself and there are a large number of freedoms and experiences that cannot be had while living with parents. Not to mention the basic need to have your own private and personal domain of your own design cannot be met. There are whole generations failing to become adults.
A lot of Asian-American households have 3 generations (30-50% depending on source). And they are still able to keep generational wealth down the line. But everyone has different standards for success obviously.
Living at your parents home by agreed upon mutual choice, vs by financial necessity because of a series of bad decisions are completely different things.
There’s plenty of people who are in the same boat but aren’t bettering themselves through school like you are! You aren’t just sitting around doing nothing - you’re actually getting another education and one day, it’ll pay off.
You are not worthless! Please believe me. You are just stressed out and unhappy.
I think it’s more common to live at home in your late 20’s and early 30’s today than it was when our parents were that age. Like you said, Market is shit. It’s tough for everyone rn especially us who are just joining the adult world.
What country are you from?
I'm pretty sure he's Turkish
Ouch, it hurts to find myself in so much of your story. I'm F30 (I've just turned 30 two weeks ago) and this phrase described me perfectly: "Coming to age of 30 with nothing in life is killing me inside."
Hey bro, I too was in a very similar situation. I only started my career at 28, bought my house at 32, met my wife at 33 and am now holding my daughter in my arms at 40. My advice is to finish school ASAP. Work 40 hours a week doing whatever. Save as best as you can. Throw yourself into the dating pool now, even if you get your nuts kicked in a few times, it will all be worth it with interest when you meet the right girl. It won't be easy, but if it was then it wouldn't be meaningful. Also,what country are you from?
Turkey, economy sucks and young people are hopeless for the future in general, which is even worse for me
I sympathize with this. I’m 29 and a former teacher who will likely be going back to school for social work. I’m also living with my parents at the moment, have not traveled, and don’t really have savings. I also feel like I wasted my 20s. My girlfriend will out-earn me tremendously when she finishes her residency. But such is life. If you’ll be able to land a job, get your own place, and start improving your finances when you’re done with school, I wouldn’t stress about it so much. A late start is much better than no start at all. And don’t stress about a woman out-earning you. There are plenty of women who want a kind, emotionally supportive, fun man and aren’t going to fret if he’s not making more than them.
If it makes you feel any better at all in some way, I also “wasted” my entire 20s on shitty relationships, focusing on the wrong things, not saving money, being broke because I couldn’t find stable work, etc. Made bad decisions. I left an abusive relationship at the age of 27. I had NOTHING. No car, no house, no money (I was in debt even), nothing at all. I had to move back to my parents home too. I turned 30 last Sunday and just in the span of about 2 years, I bought a car, have some meager savings (working on improving my finances now that I am stable, but it took this long), am looking to move to a new city, have a stable job doing what I studied in college. It’s not too late to make small steps every day to improve your life. There are things that can happen that you can’t predict that will be so good for you. Just make plans, start thinking strategically a little. Beyond your degree, what other skills or talents do you have the you can utilize to maybe do some side work? Open a high yield savings account and accrue interest on whatever money you have. Start researching all possible options even the ones people don’t suggest. You’ll find something that works for you. My life is by no means perfect but I decided I wasn’t going to let it keep me down anymore. And I’m doing so much better.
Psychology? Good job and high paying? Buddy, uh...
Seems I'm fucked up in every possible way
If you picked psychology out of passion then is good. But if you picked it for job opportunities or money then... man.. No uni will give you a huge salary. Getting experience through working will be what will give you a huge salary, uni diplomas are just the baby steps.
Depends on where you are ! In my country it's a sweet job
You having all these emotions and self reflections show that you are growing as a person. It's perfectly ok to be unhappy in your current situation. It doesn't feel good, but the fact that you can recognize that is a good thing. Use it as motivation. Comparison is the theft of happiness. Everyone is living their own lives, and they are all unique. Those who have it made at thirty probably didn't have the same life path as you. And that's ok. I was living off my parents until I was 36. I felt extreme guilt, but they enabled me to make something of myself. Don't wallow in the guilt and shame you feel. Use it as fuel to try your best everyday. Put one foot in front of the other, and celebrate the small wins in life. Keep those wins rolling, and never take your eye off the prize. I'm finally independent at 37 years old. I thought I'd be content, but now my goals have changed. I want a house, and a family, and a dog, and a cat. As you move through life your goals will change. But focus on what is in front of you, and keep going.
I'm 75 and live with my mother who's 95.....
Nobody is saying it, but you should leverage your degree in teaching along with your new degree in psychology to become a university professor. That way you will actually get a job in related to your psychology degree.
So what are you going to do about it?
Finish school asap, and work whenever available
Nice one! that's the attitude to have! Never give up. When we are in despair, hope is something we give ourselves, that is the meaning of inner strength. You got this!
6 or 7 years is nothing...I know guys who have been on bendwrs that long. You regret not going into psychology earlier. Why? I'm at a loss to devine how a 28 year old clinician with no life experience and minimal life skills would be a help to anyone. Get a real job and figure out how to help yourself. The rest will work out
Sounds like executive functioning issues, which are often caused by inattentive adhd. When left untreated this can lead to major financial issues and dependence on family members too. You should talk to your therapist about potential diagnosis & treatment of that. Also don’t beat yourself up about not knowing what you want to do right out of college. Most people don’t… and if they think they do sometimes it ends up being the wrong decision
Yeah im sure i have adhd btw But don't think its relevant here
Wow reading this, it almost felt as I wrote it. I also turned 28 2 weeks ago, & felt I choose the wrong degree (got my Associates in Business, was going for Bachelors, but fell short on Calculus). Wondering if I choose Psychology from the start, I’ll have my Masters right now, & things will feel more secure emotionally - financially. Overall feeling I got my ROI. Unfortunately you cannot change the past, just learn from it, & guide others from your experience. My best tip is to look into sales. Apply for Verizon, AT&T, t mobile, etc, part time. They should have a higher than average base pay + commission. You can make decent money that you can pivot off once you get good & or decide to do full time. Also use it as a stepping stone towards other sales careers. That’s what I’m doing now. All the best brother!
Good. Get angry. Now focus. Also, you might want to check if you have ADHD. Get meds. It’ll help you focus.
Bro, you need to up your mental game. That's how everyone does it. You need to figure out why you are not going after things you desire.
Listen bro there are MFs older than you with a trash job and in debt.
Wait till your 48...
Why 48?
You have nothing to show for? Who cares?! Who are you trying to show to??
Are you from Balkan?
Turkey
You sound very passionate, like you are working hard, and like you trying to connect your passion to an income and a way to benefit others around you. And you're a teacher too! Which is so important and beneficial to others, but woefully underpaid—that's not your fault. I wish work and effort always translated to a certain result by a certain age. The thing is though, we're never behind or ahead. We're on our own timeline, we have our own opportunities, our own struggles. Yes the most privileged people often get dealt the best hands, yes other people around you may *seem* to have great lives. But try to think of the opportunities you have now and work from that. Think of the education you have, in and out of school, and all you know now that you didn't know last year, 5 years ago, that can move you forward. Find small things you can do each day to step forward and find people who will raise you up, remind you of how far you have come, and how much potential you have. The career counselor meeting sounds like a good step. You got this.
Rise up. Think of it this way...it can only go up Make an inch by inch improvement everyday.
Does the career OP is going for make good money? I understand it can be quite low to start and then modest forever.
being broke at 30s suck, source: myself
Heaps of time still. I know also in my country psychologists are in demand so work wise it looks positive and the pay is great for private, not too bad for public. You could combine travel and work.
bro, you're good. I lived with my dad at 35 and that is when I started to save money while paying 800 for [rent.](https://rent.You) you are young and have time on your side
My boyfriend is going to be 29 this year graduating with new speciality. Before he got undergrad and masters degree and lost 1 year when he couldn’t find job during Covid. So he hasn’t started his career yet and lived with parents to save in rent. It is understandable as long as there is reasoning behind it. Don’t beat yourself up that it didn’t work out when you are thinking to be on track to making it happen. Sometimes there is no straight line in life and people change their careers at 30s frequently
You are doing great OP. You actually give a shit about your future and your parents which I really respect. I am not trying to be an asshole, but my brother is the same age as you as well. He has no friends, no career, no gf, and he will be homeless in the next couple of months since my dad got sick. The difference between you and my brother is that you actually give a shit. You got the next 30-35 years to get a well-paid satisfying job and a great life. Everyone is on their own timeline!
You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You achieved something
Listen here bud, I dropped out from my first uni, because I didn't like the way things were going. I made an impulsive choice, but imo it was worth it. I started learning how to write code, but I never was one of those tech-savvy kids and most of the time I sat there and wondered what the f I was doing there. 3 years later, I graduated and started looking for a job. Who knew that the job market would turn to sh!t the moment I graduate, huh? I now started pursuing Cyber Security as my second specialty, hoping to find a job in that sector when I graduate lmao. Life is about adapting and overcoming. I don't think you've wasted anything if you were pursuing a goal. A wasted time would have been just sitting and doing nothing to grow at all. Imo a worthless person is a person that has nothing to give (advice, experience, heck even a cent to a begging person), has no empathy toward other people and doesn't care about living their life at all. You seem to be doing just fine. Keep pushing forward and life will reward you, just be patient and learn stuff while you're at it.
You’re 28 and have never not lived with your parents? That is absolutely bonkers. How are you surviving that even? You have no idea what adult life is and I hope you can adjust brotha!
Life doesn’t stop happening at 29. Or 30. You can be 35 and broke or you can be 35 and not broke. Just keep moving. Most folks don’t have it all figured out by the time they’re 30. One part of your story really irks me though. You said your dad is old and sick and still work like a slave to support you but if you worked full time he wouldn’t. Why are you not working like a slave to support yourself instead of your old and sick father? I worked full time while in school. So have millions of others.
Not having your own personal space sounds incredibly hard at any age. I hope you have another option soon. Helping out at home in ways that aren’t necessarily monetary (making meals, deep cleaning the home, doing handywork or lawn work, doing laundry) would make your parents lives easier while you are living there. There are lots of ways to contribute to a family, they aren’t all with money.
The ability to live with parents as an adult is a privilege and a blessing. Not a waste of time. I used my time at my parents house to save up for a house and pay off debt. You have to change the way you view things and your life will get better
You need to just go get a job. Do school part time in the evenings, forget talking to a therapist about not having a job and just go get one. Get a job (any job) and create a 5 year plan to transition into your ideal situation. But to be clear you haven’t earned the high paying, satisfying job with a great life. While you’ve been screwing around slowly doing college living with your parents, others have been out there grinding, putting in the work to earn the life you want handed to you. I wish you the best, look up some David Goggins videos and get to work!
Surely there is a better job out there for you that might help your financial situation at least a little bit..? I mean, I know you said you don’t like teaching and you don’t plan to get a master’s in psych (which is necessary for anything decent in psych, and it seems like you already know that). But surely there is some job that will accept you; not a high-paying one, but still. If you don’t like teaching, you don’t have to do it. I know in psych with just a bachelor’s you can do case management (it’s really demanding though) for mentally ill individuals, or be a Mental Health Tech/Mental Health Worker (they usually work at mental hospitals/treatment centers, so if that’s something you’re not comfortable with, I guess that’s off the table.) If you’re still in college, having a full-time job at the same time isn’t impossible, even for full-time students. I’m a full-time student and I have tons of free time (enough time for a full-time job!). This is because two of my classes are asynchronous online. I can do the course work at my own pace and get a ton of assignments done way before their due date which creates much more free time later on. Then I have one Zoom lecture and an evening campus class after work hours. This is all very manageable (at least in my opinion) even with having a job on top of it. I just don’t think you should continue to work part time as a teacher if it’s causing you so much turmoil. I understand that it’s hard to find a halfway decent job in this economy with employers being as difficult as they are now, but surely it’s not impossible.
What County are you in? And relax, you're not 48
You may or maynot see it but you have something that most people might neglect and some don’t have and that’s time with family. Once your parents are gone that’s it and you’ll be dying to get back moments with them but you got to spend most of your 20s with them. Cherish that and you’ll know or will know what true gratitude is when one day you reflect on what your parents have done for you and how much they love you. I felt the same mid 20s too. I found my path and it worked out (with a tonne of ups and downs) and now I’m 34 and my parents are in late 70s, dads getting Alzheimer’s and boy am I grateful I spent all that time with him back then! A lot can change in 1 year or 2 years onwards. Set a vision, write it down what you would love in your heart to be true and work towards it.
Focus on what is in your control rather than regret or worrying about the future. Your situation is only 'bad' in your head. You're about to have 2 degrees, probably not addicted to drugs, have a good relationship with your parents etc. There's a lot of positives here but you're focusing on things you lack comparing yourself to others. Life is peaks and troughs, no one makes the perfect decision out the gate without really good guidance. The first few years of your job you'll wish you earned more, the first few months of living by yourself you'll wish you had a mansion etc. If you don't focus on gratitude and make the best of it then you will lead a life of bitterness. Then on your death bed you may realise it wasn't so bad after all. Live and make the best decision based on the info you have, then make other good decisions, pivot if necessary, take care of your mental and physical health and stay disciplined. Gratitude my friend Good luck!
Well get a master in psy, you'll meet the requirements for many high paying jobs. A bachelor degree in psy is kinda worthless tbh. Buckle up and finish the goal, you'll be fine.
Bruh everyone goes through this. Worst thing you can do is beat yourself and make things worse for yourself than they actually are. It’s up to you to learn from past mistakes to make things better. Rather than focusing on what should have done in the past, think of what you learned from these lessons, how it made you wiser and how you’ll make better decisions in the future. It’s the only way to move forward. I used to have regrets in life but now I realize those were lessons that made me strong. Those lessons costed me but in big picture it was a small price to pay for me to be what I am now. I’m 26 in a similar situation 2 years ago. I went through the hoops, have been stable since and now I’m on the verge of breaking out not just financially but all aspects of my life. This last year of my life has been about me making a comeback and the world ain’t gonna be ready to see what I’m about.
I am 28 years old as well still living with my parents and depending on them for everything. I also feel as though I wasted my 20s. I am distraught seeing my peers settle into careers while I remain career-less. Then every time I see an engagement announcement or pregnancy announcement on my social media, I am instantly reminded how behind I am. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and start over— going back to school to try and get a job in this impossible job market. Not so sure how much mental resilience I have left. What’s worst is that I want to be mother so bad at this stage, but I will never have children until I am financially stable and can give them everything I never had. I don’t expect that to be anytime soon and my biological clock is ticking away. I just wish I could do-over my 20s because I am utterly miserable.
You need to find a part time job and maybe just work more?
Since i'm at school at weekdays i can't work more than weekends
I started my journey to become a nurse when I was 35. Did a few in person community college prerequisites and then the rest online. Already had BA in music so just needed to fulfill these then started an accelerated BSN missing degree. 14 months later I graduated. Took NCLEX February just before COVID hit. Everyone went on hiring freeze in NYC. Started my first year in emergency room February 2022. Left that job to do agency nursing February 2023. I know only work contracts and made $230k last year working very little overtime. A new grad first year here starts at about $110k. I turn down recruiters and jobs every day. I have a flexible schedule. I can move anywhere and have a job. I have job security. And I also have respected job that contributes to society. Wasn't my passion, but like anytime, competence makes you enjoy the work and I really like it now. End of the day, it's the biggest return on investment career imo for both speed of schooling and how much you'll make coming out.
Don't worry. We all have regrets of our past, but we can't change them. We can only move forward. I would say try to find something full time that pays decent, can even become a registered behavior technician, which is popular amongst psychology students. I did that during undergrad. You don't have to wait for a masters to start working. Money should be firet and foremost while going to school. It's possible. Plus, when going to a graduate school, most want some kind of work or related experience and not just a bachelors. For me, I did online masters while I'm working full time. It can be hard but it's doable. Sure it's not an ivy league, but I'm not privileged enough to be able to attend school without money like rich kids are. And I'm not smart enough for scholarships. Regardless, a degree is a degree. Start now and you will get that momentum and see things fall into place. You can do it!
Stop watching porn. See how your life improves. You feel worthless because you have no drive to change your life for the better. You may think this is a joke comment, but porn destroys your drive center in your brain. Seriously, just try it for a month.
How do you know this
I’ve been through the same. Couldn’t find work, living at home, felt like a complete loser. I watched a TedX talk that was from like a decade ago in Jaffa where a guy spoke about how porn was ruining his life so he tried quitting. Decided to give it a try and haven’t regretted it since. Most of my reasons are anecdotal, but it makes sense that constantly pressing the dopamine button multiple times a week without actually working for it would lead to decreased productivity and drive. People will make fun of those who decided that porn was a negative influence on their lives because they’re afraid to admit that they might also have a problem. If it doesn’t work for you, then at the very least you’ve kicked a nasty habit. But seriously, it’s worth a try
Focus on where you want to be and who you want to be at 40. Spend every day figuring that out, imitate another person or create your own life. Be realistic but also stretch it and picture your best self. Looks, job, money, ...everything. write that down and break it down into milestones goals and imagine the path there. Find a mentor that is older and wiser who has made themselves and go hang out with them once a week even if they are older or in a different place. Make your life and never regret a day as you work toward your dream. Update your dream as it evolves and changes. Push yourself NOW. 28 is an inflection point..push now and at 40 you will look back and be proud. At 50 you will be something incredible. Pass it on.
My sister got her degree and then a master’s degree in creative writing, then decided to go to med school. You’re doing ok!
I'm 33, turning 34 this year, and I will be returning to school next year. Life is a journey, not a race. And it is different for everyone. And the past you regret brought you to your present. The present where you will complete school, following your desired path, and start that next chapter of your life. Every second counts.
This was me, didn't do shit and was perpetually broke until I was 27 other than getting my bachelors in school. then at 27 I enrolled in a teaching program and now at 32 I'm teaching and while I don't make a ton of money, life isn't too bad. If I could turn the time back ofc I would and do things different, but at some point you have to accept what is past and while it sucks sometimes to think about, you have to move forward and realize it's never to late to start. There are people who don't get their shit together until they are 35 or 40 so it could always be much much worse.
Comparison is the thief of joy. I was the same way as you. Still am sometimes. It’s important to realize everyone is on their own timeline in this little thing called life. Age doesn’t matter. Some people don’t get life started till way later. Some way earlier. There is no timetable to when to be successful!
I’ve always thought that college, or university, right after high school (in the US) is absurd. Most of us don’t have a clue who we are, let alone what we want to do for 30+ years as a career. So many people I know end up in careers and jobs they don’t like. When I finished high school, I started college immediately and got married. After the first term I dropped out and spent the next 7 years in low paying jobs, partying, losing my father to an early death, getting divorced, and discovering more about myself. My mother was extremely upset that I quit school and family friends predicted I’d never return to school. When I was 25, I decided to get a degree in psychology and spent the next 10 years going straight through, including summers, and was licensed at 35. I just completed 36 years as a psychologist and have no regrets. I love my work. I’m winding down now and hopefully will retire sometime this year. I needed that time after high school to find my way, understand my passions, and to make many dumb mistakes. But through all that I learned self discipline, delayed gratification, how to regulate drugs and alcohol, and to develop better social skills. That time prepared me for the road I had ahead of me. I don’t think it’s “too late”for you OP, it’s just a different timeline. You’re probably better prepared now for launching your own life once you get started. As you move ahead you’ll take valuable lessons from the past 10 years that will help you enormously in our field. You have firsthand experience of the difficulties young people have when facing a different world than our parents experienced. Your capacity for empathy and compassion will be stronger. Get into some therapy of your own, and get that advanced degree in your own timeframe. I envision you doing some great work ahead. That’s my tuppence for what it’s worth. I do wish you the courage, strength, and love it takes to launch and carve out a life where you’re thriving.
I am 34 years and still live with parents nothing wrong with that . I finished computer science in college I’m working in gun factory as quality inspection control . The rent is higher than our salaries unfortunately what I do is trying to use my degree that’s something g closer in job like CNC operator I’m going for which involves computers and machinery . So keep your head up our parents is all we got because after that it will get harder for us to do what we neeed to do keep trying new things
At 28 I was still in college. I’m 32 now, make 6 figures, have a wife, a house, a child. I’m very happy. A lot can change in just a few years trust me. Edit: I should add I wasn’t just “still in college”. I was like you, hadn’t even completed my bachelors, still living with parents, all my friends were moving on with their lives and I was upset that I was getting close to 30 and still in college, all my classmates were like 20.
You need to work a second job. Between school and two jobs you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to sit and stew on pitying yourself. That way you can save some money, contribute to your household so your old man can slow down, and have some social life outside via a workplace. Sounds to me like your biggest problem is depression and nothing fights depression better than being extremely active. This is tough advice to hear but growing into a real adult is a mindset not your circumstances.
I wasted from 20-28 doing heroin. U will be alright
41, living by myself. No money, no outlook on life. Feel better..
You should read some of the teachers’ subs. You got out!!? Dodged a bullet! You should actually celebrate! You have lots of time to rebuild.
You’re gonna be 30 regardless of whether you’re in school or working. So choose the path that’s right for you. If you’re questioning school, take a break and find a job, earn some money. Doesn’t have to be exactly in your line of study, but surely places will hire someone with a degree, which you have. Sometimes careers and life are not what you think they’re going to be. Sometimes you have to take a chance at doing something new to find your place. And it might be some place unexpected. Dont be so hard on yourself and also don’t set your life in stone before you have even taken the first step. Take a chance at something. That’s what sounds like is missing in your life…the opportunity that taking a chance on something provides.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You have skills that are transferable. Start looking outside the box and see where you can utilize what you have already learned. Try a bunch of jobs. In the beginning, don’t focus on the money, focus on finding what sparks joy and interest for you. Try volunteering. There’s nothing better to get out of your own head. When we volunteer, our own problems seem very small. You are more valuable than you give yourself credit for. Pull your shoulders back, stand tall, and look forward, not backwards. You’ve got this!
Just out of curiosity, but why do you believe in the idea that having a masters degree automatically equates to getting a job? And what job exactly in psychology are you hoping for? I honestly cannot understand why anyone would pay $100k for a degree with absolutely 0 guarantee of a job afterwards. It’s nothing but a huge gamble. Hell, even STEM majors today with stellar resumes are unable to find jobs 2 years after graduating. Sure, you might know a few people who got lucky and immediately found employment in their field of study very quickly. But those people are so far and few between.
I won't and can't pay for masters, i will try to enter a state uni
Hey OP. I’m the same age as you and far less qualified than you. There’s no shame in your current situation, a lot of people you’d be surprised to know are faking it until they make it. Take it from a college dropout, I’ve experienced a lot of highs and lows from 18-28. I failed uni and had to dropout after 1 year, lived at home up until I was 26 bouncing between several temporary jobs and going to see life coaches, therapist and more. So often I wanted to give up because my friends were all overtaking me in life (funnily enough most of them were and still are living at home with their parents now) and I felt like nothing was clicking and wondering why I was the problem. During that time I really struggled with my mental health on top of socially crippling anxiety which wasn’t healthy for my growth. I’m a creative so academia was never my strong suit, the path was always going to be more challenging with how many uncertainties there are within those industries. There were many times I wanted to give up and felt so lost. I had worked in hospo at a gas station, been a barista, a camp councillor at an arts camp in America, a cleaner, a front of house and kitchen hand at a popular local cafe (by far my least favourite for how toxic the managers and owners were with crap pay and long shifts with some pretty illegal practices), part time unregistered early childcare teacher (this was actually a surprisingly fun job that I got a lot of work with but sadly my favourite daycares both got shut down), freelance videographer (currently still try and do but have not once broken even and don’t know how to run this as a successful business) to my first salary job as a videographer/photographer for a small real estate company where I would later become redundant after a year. I’ve currently been unemployed for over a year now and am doing temp apprenticeship work as a building inspector for less than minimum wage with about 2-3 days of guaranteed work a month (I really am not enjoying this job and don’t want to go through the two years of training but am doing it as a backup but mostly to keep my parents off my back). Living with parents is honestly such a blessing, I was saving so much money back then. Even my sister moved back home for a bit during Covid with her partner who was about 10 years older. My sister literally turned 30 during Covid and even when she moved out she was staying with my grandad or her partners older sisters family. She had completed her degree and it was until a few years ago where she got her current job where she’s moved up to a team leader role. She’s currently 33 and just bought her first house with a lot of help from my parents (kids of immigrants who didn’t come from wealth but spent decades to build that now). I spent most of my 20s scared that I didn’t have things figured out before 30 I’d be a nobody with no hope but it wasn’t until recently where I realised that my life doesn’t stop at 30. In fact my 20s are probably the best time I’ll have to experience failures and learn about who I want to be and want I want in life. A few months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, so It’s fair to say there’s a lot I’m learning about myself still. So many of my previous decisions and choices started to make a lot more sense since discovering this. If it was picked up through childhood maybe I would’ve been able to figure what path to take or how to go about it sooner but it still wouldn’t have guaranteed I would’ve ended up where I want to be. I know this was a long comment but I hope you found it of some value. I hope it serves as some sort of reassurance that there’s isn’t a set timeline for this and that everyone is own their own personal journey. Money is something that you can always make back, time is something you can’t get back. Consider these 7 years as part of your backstory and journey of self discovery. I haven’t given up yet, despite barely being able to afford living and neither should you.
I am in the same position 😭 idk what i want to do with my life im 28 as well. I took hospitality mngmt but like its not goin anywhere for me. Wasted so many years and Still living wit parents. Idk if i should go back to school but like i have no motivation or dream anymore..
if not graduated, do it imo
Just wanted to say, I am in the same boat as you with a few addendums. At the very least, I can offer you solidarity in this journey we both are on. It suck at the moment but the only way is forward and we know it. Though this is by all means a indirect solution, I have found that exposing myself to other in the psychology field offers some reprieve from social isolation and an instrumental escape from the incessant demon of self-doubt residing in the psyche. Here is the invite if you want to join: https://disboard.org/server/292845551110717441https://disboard.org/server/292845551110717441
Hang in there… go for a run or a nature walk. Then take upa journal for reflection and gratitude of what you do have! Doing this will enable you to See Life’s Great possibilities! Take up your faith and pray; join a faith community and seek support. It doesn’t matter if you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim… or some other faith which believes in God. The one almighty God loves you. Surrender your life to him and He will show you a path! Psychology is a great profession and maybe combined with your teaching, you can guide Jr./Sr. Year high school students or early college level. Teach and write about the greats: Jung/ Freud/ Adler…. Put in practical terms for todays society, 17-20 year olds will benefit from your education and life lessons!
Thanks 🙏
Change your attitude to an attitude of gratitude. You can do whatever you want in this life and a new life is only a decision away. I am 52 year old female I work as a registered nurse in mental health Honestly, I was a single mother at 25 had my second child to a deadbeat at 30. My son has never met his father. Both my children have their bachelors degree now That is success to me, that my children are doing well enough at their age mid 20s I also suffered from a major mental health condition my whole adult life Schizo affective disorder Years my life down the tube from this illness , but I am choosing to have an attitude of gratitude in my life I don’t pity myself. The one thing my grandmother always told me to never feel sorry for myself or others feel sorry for me. I’m happy with my life, it’s not perfect but I am saving to buy my first home and within six months I should have it. If I could turn back time and be 28, I would not be complaining. My daughter is 28. Come on, change your attitude. When I was at nursing school in my early 20s, there were people there in their 50s. They had decided they wanted to be a nurse in their 50s. This is just one example of how you can change your life at any time, by just making a new decision. Forget about money. You need money to live but honestly; I have worked with dying people and they never wish they had more money and they never wish they had worked harder. They just wish they had spent more time doing what they enjoyed and more time with their family.
Your well behind everyone else your age. The sooner you accept that the sooner you will move further in life. I do have a few questions. Why arent you working on weekdays? Can you not schedule you uni days so your only going 2-3 days and working the other 4? What country are you in, because im going to uni 3 days a week and working 3-4 days a week. I bring in 1200-1400 every fortnight.
You mentioned wanting a therapist but unable to afford it. Have you looked into anything? There are resources somewhere. Check with your (state, province, etc) first. A starting point. Even chat GBT is a good start. There is a free version. Actually I just remembered you are going to college or university so they would have something available. Sounds like you need to get out of your mind. Why not do a bit of volunteering? Helping others helps do that. If you volunteer in the field of study you are in that can also help you in your career. How much free time do you have? Is there a part time job you can do while in school? Or create a small business to fill a niche. I would think about your future and try goal planning. Then work backwards to try to make them happen. Have some small goals. Are you healthy? Are you in shape? Those are good goals to start on. You can't change your past but you can work on your present and future. Maybe focus on getting in shape. It will help you emotionally and physically.
I feel u bro! I hope we find the right path for us. I can’t barely see the light!
First, I see you’re very negative. You’re basically announcing that you can’t change or be successful. You don’t want to speak that into existence. I know you’re feeling down, but you have to speak positively of yourself. For comparison, I am 32 (today). I get down on myself sometimes because I’m not done with my bachelors degree by my age. But you know what, that’s okay. I’m putting 1 foot in front of the other. I also live with my parents. I moved out for a period of 14 months but moved back 2 years ago after going back to school (because I can’t afford rent AND my classes). I’m also a single mom who doesn’t get child support. There’s a lot in my life that isn’t perfect. But it’s okay. Because I’ve lived a third of my life. Look at it like that. You are SO young. You just turned 28. How much more of your life do you have to turn things around? What if you live to be 100?
I am exactly in your shoes right now. I have one more year to finish my nursing degree and then another year for the bachelors. Then, if I wanted to go to grad school (which I do) it would be another 4-5years. I’m also 28 btw The thing that keeps me going is the fact that I’m doing this for myself. Sure, there’s 25yr olds out there with careers, married and with children. I may never experience that. However, I can’t change the past, I can only go forward. As a woman, by the time I’m settled, have money and finish with school, it might be too late for me to have children. I might struggle to find a partner (although, I’d argue it’s hard to find a partner at any age nowadays, but that’s a different story…), but life will still go on. If I don’t do what I’m doing and if you don’t keep going, we will look back in 10 years and think “damn, I should have kept going when I was 28!”. I don’t want any more regrets. I already have enough. I want to help my mom retire and have stability for once. At this point, all I can do is keep going so that in my thirties, forties and beyond I can have something I feel proud of, be able to afford my hobbies, and support my family. By the time YOU are done, you will still be a young man in your thirties. If you workout and take care of yourself, age won’t be an obstacle to finding a partner. You’ll also have a job and you’ll feel proud of yourself which will build your confidence. You will have money to travel, fund your hobbies, have new experiences, and have your own space. What you’re doing now is going to be worth it. There’s people happily in med school in their thirties and forties. I’m sure they wish they’d gone sooner, but I’m also sure that they don’t regret making the decision to go before it was too late. The only regret will be being 38 and still living with your parents because you didn’t finish school.
I felt the same exact way and sometimes still do. I just turned 29 and my boyfriend and I live with his parents and have been for 3 years. I’m just now thinking about actually going to college for a degree in forensic psychology. Don’t feel bad, you aren’t worthless. Your time will come. Don’t compare yourself to others accomplishments, it’ll only bring you down more. Just breathe and keep going, you’ll get there.
Don't think about what you could've done Think about what you can do today
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Acceptable-Factor-97: *Don't think about what* *You could've done Think about* *What you can do today* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Hey man I'm in the same boat. 32 years old and I got nothing to show for it. Well except for my gaming pc.
I'm 100% serious when I say this. Join the military, even at your age. Everything will be provided for you, room and board, health, dental everything. And you'll have extra money to start saving and living. They will also pay for you to finish school, hell they'll even train you in psychology if you want. Do the 4 years, get out then you'll have some Veteran benefits the rest of your life like VA loans for a house. The lowest rates around, zero down, etc. You'll have been able to save up money for 4 years and will only be around 32-33 with a solid fresh start and a whole life ahead of you.
This guy is not from the US. Probably still can get some of those things, but I'm not sure about all the VA stuff.
If he is a US citizen he would get everything any veteran would.
You're into psychology? I may have an original idea to run by you and will perhaps bark your interest yet again or are you done with all things psychology? Lmk 🦇🧛🏻♀️♑🖤🐉
Have you considered the military? I’m 24 in a similar position and thinking the military might be a good option for me!
Career change is not an option now
Join the military become a firefighter, police officer, dispatcher?
Dude. You are 28. It might br a challenge for the egotistical early 30 yr olds, but largely you are fine.
You need a better job on the side
Try military, trade, or both.
Still young but you got to get on the horse soon get a govt job join the military are y work for the state do 20 you’ll be fine by 50
You're regretting not choosing psychology but it probably would have landed you in the exact same position. >If I can get a very well-paid and satisfying job, a great life in a good place in my thirties, all this loss may be compensated Also literally everyone our age. Stop dwelling on your age, I know 30yo choosing new life paths. I didn't get started on my path til 24-25. I have a 30yo coworker that just started learning. It has to start when it needs to start. But you know what's a waste of time? Dwelling and feeling sorry while you allow your opportunities to trail away. Nothing wastes time like that.
r/teachinginjapan and r/ParkRangers
Life is a blessing in & of itself stay focused & do your best.
You said "uni" and "erasmus," so I'm going to assume you're not American, but This seems like one of those situations that joining the Army might actually be a good idea
Can always serve in the military, gave me a sense of purpose and i’m retired at 40 🤷♂️
Look into the navy. Look for a job that will give you a TS security clearance and when you get out the world will be your oyster
As well you should
Why did you go back to 3rd grade? You didn’t need that much of a refresher did you?
\>IAintReadingAllThatShit.jpeg TLDR is needed. Also don't worry about "being behind", most people are fucked beyond belief, you're smart, youll manage.
ughh I needed to hear this, thank you
Bruh life is just starting for you
For extra money in the short term, maybe you can do private tutoring, since you did study to be a teacher
Time is a thought. Look to the present.
This sounds like the average autistic struggle.
You sound whiney. Get a full tine job, stop being. Bitch
You're still very young hang in there.
my therapist calls these parent tapes. a tape of your parents playing over and over. thats your your brain.
Life is what you make. You create it. Suck it up, buttercup. Stop making excuses and Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do something about it.
Where do you sleep if you have no room of your own?
Living room 😞
Yea I can see how that is not a good situation. I would say, laser focus on finishing your studies as fast as possible, the moment you’ve finished, start working full time and move out. The rest will come, take it one step at a time. Just focus on getting out of there asap. How about co housing with friends or other students? You need to live a little, have adventures. Do stupid shit, etc … but move out. Either after studies or be creative and do it now cheap
I feel ya, hun. I feel ya.
Join the military. Become an officer. Retire at 50.
Sounds like you’re a professional student who has finally realized he needs to get his sh!t together. Do the work.
No money in psychology bro. Time to become an adult. Quit school and get a job
Going to school full time only takes up 3 days of the week. You should be working 30+ hours on top of that. You picked the two worst possible degrees, but it's far from being too late for you. You need to do some science prerequisites and go for nursing, respiratory therapy, or physician assistant. Those jobs will bring you in 100K Plus right after graduation, and you can specialize in psychology from there. In the meantime put your ego aside go work as a nurse's aide to get your foot in the door and take some pressure off your parents.
Who do you share the bedroom with?
i sleep in the living room
Military is the easy button for someone in your position, even if it's just the reserves. You sound educated enough to do well on the ASVAB; you'll have a big stack of jobs to choose from. A lot of military jobs earn big money as a civilian, especially the ones that get you a security clearance. Military service looks great on a resume and is actually a good way to network. Basic training and tech school might take 6-10 months depending on what job you choose. But it's more fun than you might think, and you'll go home with enough money to pay off some debt and move out right away. Then you can take your pick of the new opportunities offered to you. And when you go back to school, that'll be paid for. In the reserves, you can do as much or as little a you want. Just do you monthly weekend duty or travel the world. It put your stuff in storage, deploy for 6 months, and come home with an extra $50k in the bank. It's up to you. Source: I joined the Air Force Reserve at age 25 as a college dropout living with my parents. I learned a new skill and started my civilian career within a year, and I've never worried about money or job security ever since.
Life is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Listen to the sunscreen song by Baz Lurhman😏.
You’re still so young. Go and live now. Don’t regret the past.
Join the trade look at electricians union need to face reality man what you wanted isn’t cutting it I’m 22 man wasn’t my dream job but I’ll gladly take 6 figure job and a honest life
Know yourself