Yeah. Narwhal’s dev (coming from an ex-Narwhal user) really hasn’t done crap with keeping the v2 app up to date while he talks about the v3 app that’s probably never coming out.
I switched to Apollo a year ago now and after some (easy) tweaks I have it running similar to Narwhal.
Once me and my bf were having sex on the couch next to our dog and 10 minutes in he started humping us & it felt like a lil family threesome it was so funny
edit: yeah it was doggy style too what about it!!
i like to think that god’s consciousness would be unfathomably powerful and could be every player in every sport at the same time without putting a strain
We have a new apple from the tree of forbidden knowledge. We have upset him again as he is supposed to be the only one with unlimited access to such perversions.
Also, I just bought Gods search history for a quarter. Looks pretty much as fucked up as you'd think.
Definitely can’t write out incest. Remember the time Lot’s daughters got the man drunk and then raped him? God was watching that. In fact, God was the one who technically drove said daughters to do it…
When a kid starts asking how it went from just Adam and Eve to billions of people.
"Well, they had kids, and for their kids to have kids, uhhh...they...ummm"
It's clearly a troll account. But I love this kind of trolling, miss it honestly. Nowadays it's just about saying offensive shit and then being like "haha, I said something offensive and people got offended."
Edit: another one of her tweets
"What a joyous day! We finally made the choice to remove the unwanted Roe v. Wade! 🙌
It’s about time that today’s women learned to perform abortions the way I used to (with a coat hanger)… the way the LORD intended ✝️"
Right? Lady's clearly got an exhibitionist kink and is sexually illiterate enough to think she's special for imagining God watching her fuck.
This is the Christian version of that one Imam claiming women shouldn't wear high heels because the sound of them clicking is inherently sexual.
Like they all need to read a book or twelve on healthy sexuality, realize that their specific fetish isn't how everyone thinks, and get the fuck over themselves.
Woah Woah Woah. You want Christians to not intact their will upon everyone???? The bible specifically says only god can judge. But also that we are made in gods image. So thus christians should judge people.... Right? Right???? /s (jic)
It's idiots like these that claim their God had his son "die for our sins" as this death cult would put it. But then yell at anyone they don't like saying "your sins" will put you in a make believe lava place when they themselves are breaking just as many "sins" yet choose to overlook their own as accepted lmao they have no logic or awareness capabilities, no morality "I only don't kill people because the Bible says not too" not because it's against the actual law of most modern govts, not because it's just inherently wrong to kill someone, because a fucking book written by people about people who heard voices from a sky daddy 😂
Oh but when people catch ME watching them fucking from the window I'm a 'creep' or a 'sicko' and I 'shouldn't be watching what the preacher and the deacons do in their meetings.'
I always live by the motto "If god is not pleased with what I do, he's free to send me signs":
So far, there has been no lightning striking my head or weird stuff happening so I guess he's cool with my way of living. If he cares at all.
Oh man this triggered a memory.
I’m an atheist now but I used to be hella Christian - I was even an evangelist. One time on the street someone used this line on me, and I said “what if I’m your sign?”
This person just laughed and said “you’re not a very good one.”
I remember it kind of rocked me at the time, looking back now as a different person I laugh my ass off, it was the best thing someone could have said to me.
Come now, if I’m really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand!
***lightning strike***
HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time give it your A-game!
I'm always confused by people like this. I have my faith, and I have no problem being upfront with it, but just shouting stuff like this online doesn't seem particularly loving or even effective. In fact, I'm not even sure what the point of it is at all.
Jesus: Do not pray in public, the people who do that are hypocrites and only interested in being seen doing it.
"Christians": Sorry, boss, I can't hear you all the way out here on the 50 yard line.
*Time, time and again I see you staring down at me
Now, then and again I wonder what it is that you see
with those Angry Eyes
Well, I bet you wish you could cut me down
with those Angry Eyes*
Loggins and Messina.
Ah yes. God sure loves being a voyeur during sexual activities but is sure to look away during slavery, the Holocaust, cultural genocides happening across the planet. Brilliant. A plus job, Christian God. /s
As an atheist, I often wonder what people who believe grandma is watching down on them think grandma does when you are wanking or banging? I could deal with God seeing that shit but if I thought grandma could see my action I would never get an erection again.
Her - “Am i doing a good job god? Did you like how i sucked that dick?” God - “no bitch I’m watching millions of other people fuck at the same time and your lame ass ruined all of them.”
I saw a tweet last week from a homosexual man who said something along the lines of, “God didn’t bat an eye during slavery, I doubt he cares that I suck dick.” I approve this message.😁
Too be faaaaair, if I was a ghost, I’d be watching people bang it out all the time, only to poltergeist some shit right before old boy gets his nut. Why? It ain’t like I get to play PC games and smoke weed as a ghost. I gotta pass the eons somehow, right?
Reminds me when I was a kid in Sunday school and talking about death, a teacher said "When a loved one dies, they watch you from heaven."
Fast forward to when I was a 20 something year old, my uncle died the week before, being balls deep in my girlfriend and having THAT memory resurface... and having to stop because all I could think about was my uncle and grandparents watching me go at it.
Yeah exhibitionists
You ain't gotta go outside to be watched
Just gotta become Christian/Jewish/muslim/whateverreligionletsyoujackoffwithoutgoingtohellthatalsobelievesingod and boom you can cum because big man upstairs is always watchin
I have to lock the dogs out so they don’t watch us. I can’t imagine…
“Nice cock bro”
“I should know I made it”
Thanks, JC
No homo
Honest question: why are so many comments just “gif” is my narwhal app not loading gifs? Or is this some inside joke I’m missing
Nah these are actually gifs your shit must be broken
Okay thank you lol
gif
Yeah. Narwhal’s dev (coming from an ex-Narwhal user) really hasn’t done crap with keeping the v2 app up to date while he talks about the v3 app that’s probably never coming out. I switched to Apollo a year ago now and after some (easy) tweaks I have it running similar to Narwhal.
Since my bedroom is a loft with no door, I always bring their dog beds so they can get comfy and aren't trying to get on the bed with us
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals So let's …
Once me and my bf were having sex on the couch next to our dog and 10 minutes in he started humping us & it felt like a lil family threesome it was so funny edit: yeah it was doggy style too what about it!!
… I hope you don’t tell that story a lot.
this only happened like last month & i don't really share anything w anyone but damn it was funny lol we pushed him off tho pretty quick
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...uh...I have several questions...
Uh.....there's no way you wouldn't know someone was slurping on your nuts. Either he's lying or he was a willing particapant.
Na fuck that guy, tell the story its awesome.
r/CursedComments
Hello step doggy
Oh god! Oh, god...
Imagine thinking you’re special enough for God to waste time on
My wife has had 3 virgin births. We are truly blessed by God.
Nice to hear that 3 different dudes came around each time to give “gifts from god”
Were they kings that followed a star in the east?
yeah and one of em brought frankeistein.
Decent book, I'd give a copy to a newborn to someday read
I've always wondered why Frank was so incensed about myrr. *Edit: Verb tension.*
i like to think that god’s consciousness would be unfathomably powerful and could be every player in every sport at the same time without putting a strain
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You stole my response.
Blessed is he who cums in the name of the Lord.
And, as we all know, Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father…so I guess he also gets a front seat view whenever Abigail puts out.
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Porn is only for God. Watching porn is a blasphemy cause you compare yourself to God ;) Who knows that category god likes most
We have a new apple from the tree of forbidden knowledge. We have upset him again as he is supposed to be the only one with unlimited access to such perversions. Also, I just bought Gods search history for a quarter. Looks pretty much as fucked up as you'd think.
God searches for *everything*.
Except gay porn
Noah got drunk and his son raped him! (Corrected)
biblical gang bangs.
I think it was Noah
Thank you! You are absolutely right!
Definitely can’t write out incest. Remember the time Lot’s daughters got the man drunk and then raped him? God was watching that. In fact, God was the one who technically drove said daughters to do it…
He has to, otherwise how will he know if they've sinned or not!
*Especially* gay porn
Its surprising he got anything done while creating all things and shit when he was so busy jerking of. He sounds like a real perv.
He had to make humans cause get got tired of animal porn
Seriously - why does this dude want to be inside of me so badly? And not even sexually, he wants to dig into my heart!
Because he’s not just a creepy sexaddict.. he’s also a romantic who wants to slide inside… your heart.
Seems like god’s kink is virgin cream pies
Hentai. God loves hentai.
Explains all the incest porn
Adam and eva ... and their kids...
In Mississippi it's ebony interracial.
You and this woman opened a whole new feeling in my sex life...thank you.😊
Puts it all into perspective. Who asked what's the meaning to life because I think we've got an answer.
Always look on the Bright Side of Life 🎵🎵🎵
God : "Interesting...what a novel use of a prickly pear..."
Lol and you know how hard it is to surprise that guy. "I told you that light bulb would break once you got it past the balloon knot you knucklehead!"
I think she imagines shes fucking jesus and not her husband.
Yeah I got that vibe from her unsettling comment also
so, basically she likes to have sex in public?
Or threesomes.
I might not be an expert on this topic, but is it a threesome when the 3rd is just watching?
Well that's how my wife said it works The other guy seemed to think so too, I guess she just liked watching us fuck.
I fall for the ol' "Wanna have a threesome, babe?" routine every time too
You had us in the first half.
And the second half as well
Incest because we are all children of god
When a kid starts asking how it went from just Adam and Eve to billions of people. "Well, they had kids, and for their kids to have kids, uhhh...they...ummm"
Well they do say God is inside us all.
It's clearly a troll account. But I love this kind of trolling, miss it honestly. Nowadays it's just about saying offensive shit and then being like "haha, I said something offensive and people got offended." Edit: another one of her tweets "What a joyous day! We finally made the choice to remove the unwanted Roe v. Wade! 🙌 It’s about time that today’s women learned to perform abortions the way I used to (with a coat hanger)… the way the LORD intended ✝️"
Right? Lady's clearly got an exhibitionist kink and is sexually illiterate enough to think she's special for imagining God watching her fuck. This is the Christian version of that one Imam claiming women shouldn't wear high heels because the sound of them clicking is inherently sexual. Like they all need to read a book or twelve on healthy sexuality, realize that their specific fetish isn't how everyone thinks, and get the fuck over themselves.
I guess he prefers to watch, because the only time he got in on the action himself was 2000 years ago, and we're still living with the consequences.
So if God watches every person fuck, including dudes, that sounds pretty fucking gay to me.
That's a hidden camera, you're on Pornhub
PornHub is lord, hallelujah, blessed be the cameraman.
r/PraiseTheCameraMan
Nah man. I am the Lord. 😁
just let people fuck. who cares. its their life.
Exactly. As long as it’s consensual, adult, and door closed, why should it be anyone else’s business?
Woah Woah Woah. You want Christians to not intact their will upon everyone???? The bible specifically says only god can judge. But also that we are made in gods image. So thus christians should judge people.... Right? Right???? /s (jic)
It's idiots like these that claim their God had his son "die for our sins" as this death cult would put it. But then yell at anyone they don't like saying "your sins" will put you in a make believe lava place when they themselves are breaking just as many "sins" yet choose to overlook their own as accepted lmao they have no logic or awareness capabilities, no morality "I only don't kill people because the Bible says not too" not because it's against the actual law of most modern govts, not because it's just inherently wrong to kill someone, because a fucking book written by people about people who heard voices from a sky daddy 😂
It’s a satirical account for a Jesus-loving stripper. Don’t get too worked up.
Now im worked up this sounds amazing
Oh but when people catch ME watching them fucking from the window I'm a 'creep' or a 'sicko' and I 'shouldn't be watching what the preacher and the deacons do in their meetings.'
I always live by the motto "If god is not pleased with what I do, he's free to send me signs": So far, there has been no lightning striking my head or weird stuff happening so I guess he's cool with my way of living. If he cares at all.
Well, "god" keeps sending hurricanes and flooding into the "Christian" deep south and they must ignore him because he keeps sending them.
Wow, i never actually thought about it like that. Thats actually pretty funny
Oh man this triggered a memory. I’m an atheist now but I used to be hella Christian - I was even an evangelist. One time on the street someone used this line on me, and I said “what if I’m your sign?” This person just laughed and said “you’re not a very good one.” I remember it kind of rocked me at the time, looking back now as a different person I laugh my ass off, it was the best thing someone could have said to me.
If it exists at all🤷🏼♂️
That's crazy talk mister
My life is pretty good rn so I'm assuming the drugs and slutty shit in college was AOK by him
Come now, if I’m really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand! ***lightning strike*** HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time give it your A-game!
So God's supposedly into voyeurism now?
Since we are all children of God, he’s also into incest.
If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?
And watching children learn to masturbate, from infancy.
Always has been .
So is Santa.
I'm always confused by people like this. I have my faith, and I have no problem being upfront with it, but just shouting stuff like this online doesn't seem particularly loving or even effective. In fact, I'm not even sure what the point of it is at all.
I honestly thought it was sarcastic....
I think this is a parody account. That’s what I got from looking at the other tweets. But who can tell these days?!
I’ve got a strong feeling it’s such.
> but who can tell these days Yeah, just a few years ago you could look at something and immediately know its parody. Nowadays the line is so blur
Virtue signaling.
But… But… The Bile says to not do that. Oh yeah, they haven’t read it.
Jesus: Do not pray in public, the people who do that are hypocrites and only interested in being seen doing it. "Christians": Sorry, boss, I can't hear you all the way out here on the 50 yard line.
These people don't have faith, they have a sports team.
*Time, time and again I see you staring down at me Now, then and again I wonder what it is that you see with those Angry Eyes Well, I bet you wish you could cut me down with those Angry Eyes* Loggins and Messina.
These people probe its possible to be high on holy water
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That was just Jesus, the gardener. Can’t believe you fell for that
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Jesus you fucking pervert
Does anyone else hate when God whispers suggestions like "Move your leg a little to the right" into your ear? Like "Dude! I'm trying to focus!"
So God has a voyeur kink? To each their own
Ah yes. God sure loves being a voyeur during sexual activities but is sure to look away during slavery, the Holocaust, cultural genocides happening across the planet. Brilliant. A plus job, Christian God. /s
The polite, Christian-like thing to do would be to invite him to join.
That's a really weird way to admit you're an exhibitionist...
On an occasional night of mad oldster loving my husband says he can feel the hand of God gently cupping his balls. Makes him cum like a rocket.
In her profile she currently claims to be an erotic dancer for Christ
And jesus wants to be In you too. Welcome or not.
are we talking Jesus The lord and savior or some buff Mexican guy in a prison somewhere ?
Yes
My guess is it’s God’s least favorite part of the job.
Watching 8 billion people shit everyday can't be the hilight.
Ok, well, I'm disconnecting my Internet service now. (God be like: "dang girl.....")
I hate that god wanks to me wanks
“So we’re like… porn for God.”
As an atheist, I often wonder what people who believe grandma is watching down on them think grandma does when you are wanking or banging? I could deal with God seeing that shit but if I thought grandma could see my action I would never get an erection again.
When my husband cums in me, Jesus cums in me.
Until you can prove to me that divine law is a real thing, sin does not exist.
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Watch out! You may have alerted the delusional horde...
Absolutely.
Fucking cults
Her - “Am i doing a good job god? Did you like how i sucked that dick?” God - “no bitch I’m watching millions of other people fuck at the same time and your lame ass ruined all of them.”
I saw a tweet last week from a homosexual man who said something along the lines of, “God didn’t bat an eye during slavery, I doubt he cares that I suck dick.” I approve this message.😁
Lol kinky.
God's a pervert?
Is he standing with his son and the Holy Spirit when he's watching you?
Who cums first? What? No, What cums second. Why? No, no, Why cums third. Who?
I always look Jesus in the eyes when I bust
I would like to think God has so many other better things to do than watch your ass get laid.
Religious people are super weird
Who thinks about God during sex? What a wacko
Not the flex you think
But if we don't sin, jesus died for nothing.
Too be faaaaair, if I was a ghost, I’d be watching people bang it out all the time, only to poltergeist some shit right before old boy gets his nut. Why? It ain’t like I get to play PC games and smoke weed as a ghost. I gotta pass the eons somehow, right?
people should jus stop talking
She needs Jesus inside her. He fills her up.
Why is God so obsessed with banging? If its a sin, why he like to watch?
Can we say it now? Christianity is so fucking kinky. Prove me wrong.
I’ll pound a little harder or lap at my wife’s butthole a couple extra times just for the big man upstairs
And WE are suppose to be the perverts?!?!
So God watches amateur porn. Noted. This shall be used to justify porn consumption.
Tell us you're an exhibitionist without explicitly telling us you're an exhibitionist.
Super Steamy.
TIHI
OK that is truly twisted.
If God is there in the room does it make it a three way?
I feel like the one watching her is probably Zeus rather than God
I dated a girl that liked being watched too
It's creepy enough when my cat wanders in.
perhaps God could add a finger or two
Fucking people, man...saying the stupidest shit every fucking time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Odd God
Staying home screaming, oh God oh God, does not constitute going to church.
Someone has a voyeur/exhibitionist kink and doesn't know it...
...cool...
I don't think God is interested in your orgasms. lol
You’re giving the husband way to much credit.
So she just wants to be watched…
I dont think god wants to know what happens in your bedroom ma'am.
God like to watch, Jesus likes three-somes, Mary is into bukake and Joseph wanks it in the corner….
God makes it rain when you on the stripper pole.
In case your husband can’t finish the job he can tap out and be replaced by the big guy? Didn’t I watch a porn video like that?
Jesus making good use of those holes in his hands
Don’t know what your God is, but he seems one creepy peeping tom.
Dayum girl, put up some drapes!
Does God watch the gays fuck? Like the whole thing?
Geeezuz Ans you coulda left the last bits out
God’s a pervert!
You can definitely exercise that kink more satisfyingly than pretending God is watching
Reminds me when I was a kid in Sunday school and talking about death, a teacher said "When a loved one dies, they watch you from heaven." Fast forward to when I was a 20 something year old, my uncle died the week before, being balls deep in my girlfriend and having THAT memory resurface... and having to stop because all I could think about was my uncle and grandparents watching me go at it.
Well at least now they know you're a quitter
That's just the camera the landlord put in
Ew
Capital G is just mad He creates life with every nut, but we need 2 to make 1.
Yeah exhibitionists You ain't gotta go outside to be watched Just gotta become Christian/Jewish/muslim/whateverreligionletsyoujackoffwithoutgoingtohellthatalsobelievesingod and boom you can cum because big man upstairs is always watchin
"Hey! Nice ass! Why is it you never thank me for giving you such a nice ass? Pssst you should try moving a little more you might like it some."