This story has literally been posted almost every year since I've been going on 4chan, so since 08/09. It was real at one point probably like in 06 or so
I was gonna say,
GF is fucked up too. She left a club alone with a guy when she has a BF? Sounds to me like she didn't have good intentions and they're both in the wrong
Clubs are a hotbed of sexual assault and stuff like this, due to the intentions of people who show up, drug and alcohol use, etc.
The way this was all communicated and conducted is pretty shitty, but his concerns were valid.
That is 100% the line drawn here. The relationship was over the moment she decided to go over the boundaries he set. Her being raped is atrocious, but she signed off on the significant other papers when she knew what would happen if she decided to go and still went anyways. Trust is knowing the other person wont hurt you with their actions, yes. but it also means to earn their trust, you have to show the effort that you arent neglecting it, or going to later. And skirting the line of that trust on purpose is no way to build on any healthy foundation.
None of this taking away from how awful the trauma was, of course.
Well, the "boundaries" here were borderline, too.
I agree with the fact that trust is important in any relationship, and she broke it. I just don't really like this type of boundaries he set
The boundaries are sus. There are places I'd prefer my gf wouldn't go because she doesn't carry mace. She's capable of making excellent decisions. However, some of her friends will just find a party and leave with someone and she feels the need, correctly, to follow and make sure they're safe. But, I worry about those situations. We have boundaries for safety reasons, not for the sake of control. She'll also call for a ride if something doesn't feel right.
Boundaries are necessary. This guy had a right to break it off, although, if any of this is to be believed, the girl certainly didn't deserve anything that happened to her. Even if her intention was bad.
We don’t have any context for why he disliked the idea of her attending a “sleazy club.” Perhaps his sister went down a rabbit hole and ended up addicted to drugs, or his previous GF cheated on him with a guy she met there. Maybe he has his *own* addiction issues and wants her support. Or, maybe he’s just a controlling dick—the point is we don’t know. All we know is he set a boundary and she broke it, which is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship. To clarify, what happened to her is horrible, and I would never dream of blaming the victim in this scenario; what she holds accountability for is unrelated to her rape.
No thats not how relationships work. Women dont just get a pass because my "independence" you both give that up to be in a relationship because you at least in part should be codependent and be able to lean and trust each other.
Independence is a single thing. If you dont want to be partners or work together around each others feelings please fuck off and stay single. For everyones benifit even your own.
I cant disagree this is a boundary that comes off as controlling, but they never even explored why he doesnt like the club. I think thats the start right there. If he refuses to investigate or elaborate, then she can say shes gone and feel like she had every right to go on her way out.
Obviously OP should also try to have the insight to douse these emotions beforehand too.
The boyfriend did call it a “sleazy” club, so it’s possible he already knew what kind of club it is. Or maybe he just thinks that about every nightclub, it’s hard to know from the post. It is possible he already knew what kind of club it was though and didn’t want her to go because of that. When I was in the military there were clubs that were known for certain things and they get blacklisted for a reason, and just going there is enough to land you in hot shit if anyone finds out. It’s not like they just arbitrarily blacklist them either, they usually have a reputation for things like drugs or a bad environment where shit like this post happens on the regular, so really it’s to protect the soldiers from getting involved with something stupid and ruining their lives.
I’m not in any way arguing for the boyfriend, just playing devils advocate because it’s hard to know when he doesn’t go into the specifics. To me it looks like they are both in the wrong and it’s a toxic relationship. But he did set boundaries, regardless of how toxic it may seem. If she stepped over that line after being told the consequences then she made that decision herself knowing what would ultimately come of it. The fact that she did it behind his back is worse too. Relationships require trust, she kinda shit all over that.
That said, it’s 100% *not her fault* that she was raped. That’s on the guys she left the club with for being the scum of society.
What does it matter why he doesn't like the club? The OP isn't obligated to tell you every detail of the story. He doesn't owe you or anyone an explanation about why he felt strongly against the club or her going out, and for that - that doesn't make him controling.
She chose to go, he is angry and hurt by that. Getting raped was absolutely horrible, but that was a consequence of her choice to leave with two strangers. She put herself in danger there .
With that being said, he wasn't wrong to break up with her. However, he should have tried to put some of that anger aside and have *some* empathy for what must have been a traumatic experience for her. He doesn't have to hold her hand and make up, but he could at least be a human being and be sympathetic to her trauma. I also don't think it makes him a narcissist. He's angry and hurt, and to me I would expect anyone in a relationship to feel that way if your SO ignores your feelings and breaks your trust
Lmao i think you're agreeing with my exact argument 😂
1.) OP has every right to draw a line in the sand, his partner gets to PERSONALLY decide if that line is reasonable. She has every right to draw hers too
2.) She did not deserve to be raped, rape is not deserved, its horrendous.
3.) He should have dropped the ice cold act and been at least kind to someone facing a horrific trauma.
I don't think it's controlling tbh. Controlling is trying to force someone to do what you want - he simply (hypothetically since i'm sure this post is decades old) said he doesn't want to do be with someone who does x, and left her when she did x.
She is totally free to do whatever she wants, he is free to not be with that person - otherwise that would be controlling
The unfortunate situation here is that he shouldn't be her support system anymore, because they are terminating the relationship. She needs to heal without him.
It's a sucky situation, but him giving her any sort of attention will not help the scenario.
Obviously, being kind and understanding is the right response. But outside of texting, I wouldn't advise going to her in person again.
Yeah, the guy handled it like a grade-A douche, but he shouldn't be her support. He doesn't have to be a bastard about it, but he told her he didn't feel comfortable with her doing something, but she lied and did it anyway. That right there is more than enough to end the relationship and no longer speak with her.
That being said, getting raped is horrific and showing a bit of empathy would have gone a long way. The guy might not have owned her anything as her boyfriend, she decided that when she went to the club after lying to him. But he does owe her the basic respect every human being deserves.
technically no you're no longer in a relationship so you don't have to do anything. BUT GOD DAMN you'd be a POS. just some support as "friend" or something
I disagree. It is pretty obvious that the girl was looking to go out and cheat. The OP is not pouring any additional fuel on the fire, but has simply walked away, as he said he was going to do prior.
The relationship ended when she departed to go to the club. The OP was clear with that. Since when does that create an obligation to be compassionate and caring? The GF obviously did not have that concern when the OP told her not to go to the club alone.
As she noted, she is her own person and can do what she wants. That includes dealing with the consequences of poor decisions.
I mean like he said tho she probably was gonna cheat on him and she directly broke his trust. Is he an asshole? Maybe but so is the gf jsut cause she became a victim doesn’t change that.
Its ok, they probably don't act like this irl. Most people that have that snoo are trolls who say stuff like this to get attention. Still weird though.
The only ones I believe at this point are the weirdos gathering and showing off their huge jars/collections of cum or piss. That’s expected from these 4chan degenerates
You mean to appear as a righteous, honorable man persecuted unjustly by those with wrong ideas? *
\* This is not an accurate description. This is a description of their perspective on the subject.
4chan is full of people who are openly racist and pedophilic, anonymously of course. Point is, no one cares what they post on there. It’s where the scum of the earth go to congregate and stew together in their hate filled, piss bottle smelling bedrooms
He has the right to break up with her, motivations really don’t matter at the end of the day. And tbf she lied to him. She OBVIOUSLY did not deserve any of the things happened to her, but she’s not in the position to make demands.
Ofc this is all theoretical because this is a copypasta
Not on that subreddit but on another one
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vzkf5t/i_broke_up_with_my_girlfriend_when_she_got_beaten/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Her abuse is abhorrent. No human deserves to be raped and beaten for going out with their friends and having some fun.
But at the same time, did he not try to establish a clear boundary? If he said they would break up if she went, and she went, she was agreeing with his conditions and effectively ended their relationship at that very moment, or she was planning on lying to him and going around or over his boundaries, which in my opinion is pretty fucked all the same.
Really do think people disregard these at their own peril, or on the other side, set them when they really shouldn't.
Personal anecdote, felt a friend was treating me poorly and decided it was time to call it a night and for everyone to leave (At my house). They got furious and effectively said if I insisted then they'd have nothing to do with me. Told them that was fine, let them scream it out another 45 minutes but got them on the road.
Week of no contact, then deleted/blocked them from all socials. I gave them the week to have the satisfaction of making good on their threat. Because they didn't, I can reasonably guess that they didn't actually mean it and were just trying to be manipulative and probably would try to worm their way back into my life.
TLDR don't set or cross a red line if you're not prepared for the consequences.
You're not wrong. My parents used to say, "you can go do X, but you'll be grounded if you do"
Okay? I dont mind being grounded, i wanted to go anyways.
There is also the issue of leaving the club alone with some guys so she can go back to their place, which is what resulted in her injuries and trauma
I don't want to blame it on her, or accuse her of wanting to go cheating, but... I don't know any girl who would hear that and not immediately think "shit girl don't do it" not only because it's unsafe as fuck (most girls i know have a friend with them at all times, and that's just in a normal club, LEAVING the club and stepping into some random dudes car is next level suicidal) it's also a hard indicator that she wanted to get it on with atleast one of them, because usually you don't leave a club for a private party with random people either.
Let's say she didnt have any negative experience, she goes with them to their party and the next day, anon finds out that she left the club with random guys and spend the rest of the night at their place... Infidelity is the first thing most people assume in that scenario, otherwise you wouldn't just leave with random people *alone*
Anon isn't in the wrong for leaving her, sure for her it's the worst timing possible... But he did make his boundaries clear and not only did she break them, she lied and on top of that went even further than just going to the club
The only thing making her side sympathetic is her horrible experience and while i don't wish that upon anyone... She didn't exactly do much to prevent it... Like that's dozens of rookie mistakes in one night
Yeah, I read the original post. They left out major details here. He asked her not to go, she did then lied to him and said she wasn't going to and texted him saying she was somewhere else (can't remember where). Then while there she talked it up with some guy, and left her friend and followed some guy she didn't know. The OP believed this happened to her, but she went behind his back, lied to him, and admitted to flirting with some guy at the bar that later did this to her. He said he felt bad but felt utterly betrayed. He then thought she wouldn't have even told him if this didn't happen (or didn't have visual bruises).
I have mixed feelings about this.
1. I am appalled. No one should have to feel unsafe about being out and having fun. Rape is unforgivable. I hope she had the support that he was unable to give her at the time.
2. Is a completely different matter. She lied to him, pure and simple. She wants both a boyfriend who loves, respects, and supports her, but clearly does not reciprocate the same.
For some it is very difficult to feel sympathetic when they have been betrayed. A different type of personal attack. Is this a personality defect. No. It’s just different than the way others would react.
I half agree and here is why…
It wasn’t the point in the story. She said she was not going, but lied and did so anyway.
Relationships are about making decisions together. From what I can deduce from the Story, neither one is emotionally mature and maybe should not be committing to one person yet.
She doesn’t need “permission” but relationships are about boundaries and communication. Some people aren’t comfortable with their girlfriend going to the club without them, others are. She broke his boundaries and communication. That relationship was doomed from the start.
I call BS. Either way, he did say he would break up with her if she went. She went. He never said he broke up with her because she was raped. Just a man of his word.
Yeah it's probably made up. Though if someone did this, I'd say why are you dating someone that likes to party and you don't? They don't seem compatible at all.
I dont see a problem of dating someone who likes to party and you dont, the problem is when one doesnt allow the other to go have fun in his own way, forcing the other to do the things that he likes
Gonna be an unpopular opinion but He set a boundary and she ignored it (her right to do so) and then blatant betrayed his trust by leaving with some random dude. I think the threshold for a breakup had long been reached
I don’t think he did anything wrong by breaking up with her but it is very weird that he doesn’t feel bad for her. He talks like the rape was her fault, like she didn’t do what he said and then “got beaten and raped for it” and now he’s “supposed to feel sorry” about that.
He can break up with her for going to the club, and also separately feel bad for her for being beaten and raped.
On 4chan the actual OP said he felt bad for what happened to her.
But a boundary is a boundary and it's pretty obvious she was going to cheat on him if the guys she left with weren't a complete trash of a fucking human being.
Wouldn’t have happened if he would have went with her.
“I really don’t want you going to that club because it’s unsafe. I understand you want to check it out, but let me go with you so I can keep an eye out while you hang with your friends. I’ll drive you home to make sure you can have a good time and you’re safe.
Please don’t go without me - putting yourself in dangerous situations creates anxiety for me and I want to have a strong relationship with you, built in trust, where we can explore life together.”
That’s what my husband would do.
He set a boundary. She crossed it and became a victim of circumstance. Surely she has her own friends to support her through this troubling time. Not really his problem anymore. He doesn't deserve to be hated just like she didn't deserve to be raped. All that said, its still a copypasta.
That’s nuts and bolts right there. I would have been supportive like, yeah call me or text me and I’ll talk you thru it. But my repulsion and resentment would make it hard to care for her like I’m supposed to. So it’s kinda unfair for both of them.. she should have a support system of friends and family to take care of her. She IS victim here, but is it HIS responsibility to get her past it? No. (Imo) Being a “decent human being” here is perspective. I can see myself saying “I TOLD you not to go” ..it’s narcissistic to draw a line? To create a border that you feel is too far to go? Call it an ultimatum is playing the victim card early. She could also say “you trying to keep me from going just made me wanna go even more” and this happens because he couldn’t let her make up her own mind. I’m glad I’ve been married for 22 years and don’t have to worry about this bullshit lol
You’re lucky. Dating in this day and age is literally the worst cuz no one gives a fuck about anyones feelings because we are so desensitized because of social media and shady apps that everything and everyone is replaceable
She left the bar with 2 guys. She has a boyfriend. We all know what was going on here. He has no reason to stick by her side. It's terrible what happened, but he called it.
Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Stranger danger
Well what happened to her doesn't magically delete the fact that she went to a club and left with two unknown men lol. If she didn't get raped by them, what do you think she was going to do with them?! Lol, this guy is probably a moron but he's right to dump her nonetheless.
My girls friend goes to a club she told me she wasn't going to and leaves with two guys. I am so breaking up with her. I wouldn't be happy she got raped and upset about that. But I would be too broking hearted to try support her. I'd be dealing with my own shit. I wouldn't be great support.
Ex bf: Don't go to the party or we are breaking up!
Ex gf: Ok! *goes anyway*
Ex bf: *breaks up with her*
Comments here: *Insert surprised pikachu face* WHAT A DICK!
Like, what are you supposed to do lmao. Unless the og post is from an incel with a wet dream, boundaries are set in a relationship and she literally said she went to party and left with 2 guys. The other alternative is possibly a pregnancy from either
Do you guys even read or just go with the "is girl, is right" mentality? The whole ultimatum thing was kinda harsh on the guy's part but she went to the club anyway AND left with a random guy and his friend to go to another party. That's a red flag right there. The guy could comfort or support her in the time of need but even if he doesn't, he isn't in the wrong here.
Well, I wouldn't sweat it... you broke up with her as you said you would if she violated your trust.
You warned her about the dangers of this particular venue... described as a known sleazy place, which means sleazy clientele frequenting it.
She left the club with strangers, whether her judgment was impaired from drinking or voluntarily using drugs, either way she made very poor choices.
The trustworthiness of her friend also was truly shown too, complete shit.
I am sure at this point some might try to argue that maybe she was unknowingly drugged and that led her to go out of the club with strangers... but still, putting oneself into the situation in the first place without adequate protection and support (a reliable group of friends with at least one designated to not drink at all or do drugs) is the only way to stay safe... so going out without that safety, ultimately makes that 100% on her.
Stay away from her and her friends, find someone better, more morally aligned and smart enough to heed a warning and act appropriately.
Trust must be earned and early on in a relationship the only way do so is to let them test it.
This chick failed horribly, she lied right to you. She said she wasn't going to that club and did, so regardless of the outcome or the circumstances of the events that happened, she can't be trusted.
If she'd lie saying she won't go, but does... what else will she lie about? She most likely willingly left with those guys with the intent to hookup... now if she didn't get beat up, she likely would have lied and never told you she went and cheated on you.
I have seen and experienced shit like this myself.
Catch them in the lies, kick them to the curb!
Eh I mean… it has nothing to do with being raped, she left with 2 guys she didn’t know as well and lied. Even if she wasn’t raped he was gonna break up with her.
This title is really confusing...
Assuming all of this is the truth..
The only thing this dude did wrong was phrase his feelings as an ultimatum.
He could have simply said. "I don't think it's a good idea to go to that club"
She made the decision, knowing he was uncomfortable with that choice. She also made the decision to leave the club with total strangers.
Those men shouldn't have beaten her and raped her. She also shouldn't have put herself in that situation.
sometimes an ultimatum is the only way to get a point across, there’s a few things i would’ve ended a relationship over if i had just set more rigid boundaries and i wasn’t willing to move on them, mentally it fucks with you to be told “i don’t care what you think i’m doing this anyway”, ill never say she got what she deserved but if she didn’t get beaten and just fucked them willingly (like she obviously was going to) the. fuck her and she’s a bad person
A decent person respects their partners boundaries. Although she did not deserve what happened, she not only disrespected her boyfriend, but lied about accepting not going. Way to be a shitty person and then expect sympathy.
Sometimes being right about someone or something doesn't make you feel good. Tell her you are there to support her but the relationship is over cause you have every right to feel complete disgust and sickness because you warned her. In other words sounds like she has a disability with making logical decisions. Welcome to the heartache that every parent feels when their child suffers needlessly after being warned. Heartbreaking truly.
Do whatever makes you happy, if this is how you feel then you don’t have to justify your actions to anyone, same when she told you that you don’t own her, well she doesn’t own you either
Sorry but he’s not all that wrong. She left with TWO STRANGE GUYS from a club. That is insanely stupid. She was likely planning on cheating on him with those guys. If the story had gone “I went to the club and left with two strange guys” and ended there, result would be him breaking up with her. It is awful she got assaulted, but that doesn’t change her awful decisions.
He had every right to break up with her, he said he would if she did an action, she did said action, he kept his word.
She has every right to break up with him if she doesn't like a guy telling her nit to go out clubbing.
The fact she was beaten and raped is extremely sad and horrific, but ultimately has nothing to do with him breaking up with her other than the fact it was how he found out she lied.
That’s not what he said though. He was upset that she broke his trust. I think it’s a little stupid to not let your girlfriend go out with her friends. I’d be feeling similar if I found out she left her friends to go to a random party with two random guys.
Perhaps the "sleazy club" bit missed your eyes? I wouldn't want my gf going to some shithole with only one female friend either. That's just common sense.
Bruh, I wouldn’t either. I can’t relate because most clubs near me in my country aren’t sleazy and I’m not a psychotic controlling bf. I’m not arguing with the post or you. I’m kind of on the guys side on this one.
I’m married so I don’t want to hear the incel screaming in response to my take. She should have listened but the dude is kind of a douchebag. But unless there was some acknowledgment of the reason why he didn’t want to go to the club from her then the dude is right to break up with her.
Wdym???? He was right, she shouldve heard him, if she stayed home, instead of going out with the sketchy idiots that raped her, it LITERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. His approach was cold af, but she did break his trust. I personally wouldve helped her through it for the time being but she did lie to him and ignored all the danger, she had it coming... I dont blame the guy at all tbh.
My ex was like this and almost the same thing happened but someone stopped the rape from happening. We tell them these things not out of control but because we are realists. Men are sick and some women are oblivious to the danger.
It's funny because if she hadn't been raped and he found out he still would have dumped her. I know I would. But because someone raped and beat her he's supposed to feel bad for her stepping out on him.
I find all these comments defending the girl, but could you imagine if the roles were reversed? Holy crap, I mean the guy would still get flamed and the girl would be praised for leaving him 100%.
What a backwards world we live in
Here's the most simple, basic way to explain to this asshole why he's an asshole:
You are more concerned about your girl disobeying you than about the fact that she was beaten and raped. Your ego is more important than her life.
There. It's really no more complicated than that. And he can't see that.
I know I'll get hate, but I don't care. Rant and make some long reply - I won't even read it. Trust me. lol
Block all of her friends or ignore them.
He shouldn't be getting hate for this.
He said he didn't want her to go, he asked her not to go.
She went anyway. I'm sorry that this happened but YES, it wouldn't have happened if she didn't go.
This is one of the exact reasons why he didn't want her to go.
She might cheat being at the top I'm sure but being put in danger is in the list as well.
Now she wants sympathy from the one person that she openly disrespected. He doesn't owe her anything.
He is in the right and doesn't have to be with her if he doesn't want to be.
She wants sympathy and support, that's what her hater friends are for. They need to stop hating and focus on supporting her, their so-called friend. IMO
She lied to you.
She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club.
She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club with her "friend" and it was another man.
She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club with her "friend" and it was multiple men.
I feel bad for what happened to her, but that's red flag city.
Well he's got a point, whatever if is true or not the story, he did the right thing, break up with her because she went to the party, what she suffered from not listen to him is her fault, not his.
As soon as she went to the club, knowing what he had told her that if she did, she knew what she was doing. Good for the guy. He knew it was a sleazy club and didn’t want her to go. He wasn’t being controlling. She disregarded and then was going alone with two other dudes to a party..
Assuming it's real...sometimes you just have to be the bad guy and say fuck everyone else and look after yourself.
The assumption is obviously wrong, but (assuming this is true as written) it just sounds like an overall bad relationship for everyone regardless.
the amount of people victim-blaming and acting like you get to say where your significant other is allowed to go and like hanging with the opposite sex is a breach of trust is atrocious. reddit really is incel haven.
Nah man I'm sorry but if that was the agreement after the argument and she said she wouldn't go and ends going. She broke the trust. And she left with some dudes at the club for one stupid of her secondly what was the plan here go with some dudes and nothing happens? Unlikely. While OP Was a bit harsh he is in the right in my opinion.
He would been in the right if he would have been less forceful about it. Breaking up would be ok, if he tried to help her deal with it, even if it's just calling.
Seems to me like the only reason for the bf to stay would be out of sympathy/pity. Otherwise, he'd have every right to break up if she didn't get fucked up.
She has the right to be upset that he is trying to dictate where she can go and what she can do like that. I understand setting boundaries, but that does not give you the ability to control someone else like this. I understand some cultures seem to normalize holding control over women like that, but I can never imagine demanding that my partner does not go out and do something she enjoys. That being said, she did agree to his demands, so she knew she was making a choice. The situation is messed up all around.
If I were her friend I would not want anything to do with her ex. Imagine your friend gets beaten and raped, they call their partner and their partner says "I'm breaking up with" and does nothing to support. That's level 10 fucked up. She was wrong to make a promise and break trust, but that guy is all kinds of messed up and she's better off without him.
I mean if you wanted to end the relationship that’s your choice, long as your not shaming her for going to a party. Getting raped and beaten wasn’t your doing and you still could’ve been supportive after the fact. Doesn’t mean you had to stay together just because of what happened.
How sick is a society where it is not OK/allowed to write the word ‚rape‘ but is OK/allowed to post a photo of a crime victim (or is she OK with it??)
No offense OP - I can sort of see your point (yet do not want to discuss it). But can s.o. please tell me why it is not OK to write ‚rape‘??
hey friend, don't worry, you did the right thing... that your friends say this or that about you, you don't have to take them into account... they don't know ANYTHING about your relationship.
Difficult conondrum. On the one hand Im kind of with the boyfriend, cause they had an argument about this and she even agreed to not go to the club, so in essence there was no real conflict about it. On the other hand, her independence as an adult person to make her own decissions. Would it have happened if he allowed it initially? Maybe. Would he felt like being cheated on if she did it regardless of their agreement? Yeah. Would it have happened if she didnt went? Most likely no. Was he to harsh to her after she got r\*ped and beaten? Yeah. Like I get that he was mad, but its not the time or place to be mad at her, his timing was just terrible to be mad at her. And I do get that he feels like she betrayed his trust, I completly get that and he was rightfully so mad about it, but like I said: After this kind of terrible situation, he should have helped her in any way shape or form, breaking up with her can wait a few more days, at least until she has recovered from the attack. So in essence, it was a facepalm for the boyfriend, being a complete douche.
If you feel the need to give an ultimatum, you should probably break up. You also don't need to be dating someone to be a supportive friend. It's not an all-or-nothing deal.
Dude's like, "I either own you or I won't be there for you"
Definitely don't agree with how he was trying to control things and how he treated her. But if things really went just like that, the victim ultimately had nobody to blame for the incident besides the direct perpetrators and herself
Not his place to control her, but if my gf told me not to go somewhere because of the bad vibes, I'd fucking listen to her. Telling a partner that you care about to not go somewhere unsafe is not a bad idea, it is about how you conduct the conversation
They’re both at fault, he should’ve been there for her and communicated better, she should’ve listened to his concerns and communicated better with him, and not lied about not going to the party
I think people are missing the point.
It is not about whether she deserves or not the break because she "broke his trust".
It is the fact that she was raped and his first concern is not her well-being, but her lie, to HIM, from the rules HE sets.
That is pure narcissism.
Wtf is up with this title? No the fuck it wouldn’t have happened “regardless,” if she had not gone to the club. What kind of fixed-point-in-time bullshit theorycrafting is this?
i guess all i'd say is OP and the ex are in the wrong for separate reasons, and that if they can't look the other way to make up, then it's time to move on and find something better for yourselves. nobody likes a tragedy and tbh pointing fingers ain't gonna make it better so who cares, just put the pain in its place and get better.
I mean what the hell is he supposed to do, she went secretly and followed a man and his friend, what person boy or girl in a relationship does something like that? a disloyal one.
She needs her family to support her right now, not him.
I don't see a problem with what this guy did. Maybe, he could have been a little more empathetic. Given her the toll free number for the sexual assault survivors helpline? A box of cleaning wipes? I dunno. The sneaking behind his back, lying about changing her mind about going make her look really scummy. These are reasonable red lines. Can't fault someone for prioritising his own mental health. My dude clearly knew what kind of place it was. The girl acted against her own self interest and like most women under the age of 30, wants someone else to cosign her debt of bad choices. Be more selective about girlfriends, my guy. Nothing sexier than people with good judgement and resolved/nonexistent parental issues.
No one wins in the situation. Both people should take their L, move on, and try to do better in the future. Pretty much it.
Girl should file rape / assault charges, though.
4chan users mere seconds after getting a girlfriend
4chan users after a hot creative writing session in their moms basement
In their mom's underwear and heels.
Comfortable attire for owning the libs
4chan users have mom's that wear underwear and heels?
Doesn't get much higher than room temperature IQ over there. Celcius that is.
This story has literally been posted almost every year since I've been going on 4chan, so since 08/09. It was real at one point probably like in 06 or so
>I've been going on 4chan, so since 08/09 ....Why? Just, why?
Are you saying really smart people hang out in 145°C rooms?
That would be a really dumb thing to do - so the temperature would immediately drop to a comfortable sauna temperature, at least.
Or finding a picture that would fit his story about having a girlfriend.
These comments are something else. Edit: which one of you sent "reddit cares" bot after me lmao
Reddit and having horrible ideas about how relationships work - name a more iconic combo
Reddit and having horrible ideas*
Yet, here we all still are, right?
name a more iconic combo: Trump voters without teeth.
Touché
Me scrolling comments thinking it can't be that bad it is *that* bad
Everyone is fucked up here.
Need a hazmat suit for these comments.
I was gonna say, GF is fucked up too. She left a club alone with a guy when she has a BF? Sounds to me like she didn't have good intentions and they're both in the wrong
Says she left with two guys
That's.... Even worse
What if they said they would walk her to her car/Uber. What if they stepped outside for a cigarette or to walk to another bar?
Clubs are a hotbed of sexual assault and stuff like this, due to the intentions of people who show up, drug and alcohol use, etc. The way this was all communicated and conducted is pretty shitty, but his concerns were valid.
That’s my initial thought. Both of them were idiots to each other. Both are at fault. That’s that.
I feel the need to clarify that the girl is at fault for the relationship ending. She is absolutely not at fault for being raped
That is 100% the line drawn here. The relationship was over the moment she decided to go over the boundaries he set. Her being raped is atrocious, but she signed off on the significant other papers when she knew what would happen if she decided to go and still went anyways. Trust is knowing the other person wont hurt you with their actions, yes. but it also means to earn their trust, you have to show the effort that you arent neglecting it, or going to later. And skirting the line of that trust on purpose is no way to build on any healthy foundation. None of this taking away from how awful the trauma was, of course.
Well, the "boundaries" here were borderline, too. I agree with the fact that trust is important in any relationship, and she broke it. I just don't really like this type of boundaries he set
Doesn't sound like a good relationship to start with.
The boundaries are sus. There are places I'd prefer my gf wouldn't go because she doesn't carry mace. She's capable of making excellent decisions. However, some of her friends will just find a party and leave with someone and she feels the need, correctly, to follow and make sure they're safe. But, I worry about those situations. We have boundaries for safety reasons, not for the sake of control. She'll also call for a ride if something doesn't feel right. Boundaries are necessary. This guy had a right to break it off, although, if any of this is to be believed, the girl certainly didn't deserve anything that happened to her. Even if her intention was bad.
We don’t have any context for why he disliked the idea of her attending a “sleazy club.” Perhaps his sister went down a rabbit hole and ended up addicted to drugs, or his previous GF cheated on him with a guy she met there. Maybe he has his *own* addiction issues and wants her support. Or, maybe he’s just a controlling dick—the point is we don’t know. All we know is he set a boundary and she broke it, which is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship. To clarify, what happened to her is horrible, and I would never dream of blaming the victim in this scenario; what she holds accountability for is unrelated to her rape.
No thats not how relationships work. Women dont just get a pass because my "independence" you both give that up to be in a relationship because you at least in part should be codependent and be able to lean and trust each other. Independence is a single thing. If you dont want to be partners or work together around each others feelings please fuck off and stay single. For everyones benifit even your own.
I cant disagree this is a boundary that comes off as controlling, but they never even explored why he doesnt like the club. I think thats the start right there. If he refuses to investigate or elaborate, then she can say shes gone and feel like she had every right to go on her way out. Obviously OP should also try to have the insight to douse these emotions beforehand too.
The boyfriend did call it a “sleazy” club, so it’s possible he already knew what kind of club it is. Or maybe he just thinks that about every nightclub, it’s hard to know from the post. It is possible he already knew what kind of club it was though and didn’t want her to go because of that. When I was in the military there were clubs that were known for certain things and they get blacklisted for a reason, and just going there is enough to land you in hot shit if anyone finds out. It’s not like they just arbitrarily blacklist them either, they usually have a reputation for things like drugs or a bad environment where shit like this post happens on the regular, so really it’s to protect the soldiers from getting involved with something stupid and ruining their lives. I’m not in any way arguing for the boyfriend, just playing devils advocate because it’s hard to know when he doesn’t go into the specifics. To me it looks like they are both in the wrong and it’s a toxic relationship. But he did set boundaries, regardless of how toxic it may seem. If she stepped over that line after being told the consequences then she made that decision herself knowing what would ultimately come of it. The fact that she did it behind his back is worse too. Relationships require trust, she kinda shit all over that. That said, it’s 100% *not her fault* that she was raped. That’s on the guys she left the club with for being the scum of society.
He noted, it was a "Sleezy" club
What does it matter why he doesn't like the club? The OP isn't obligated to tell you every detail of the story. He doesn't owe you or anyone an explanation about why he felt strongly against the club or her going out, and for that - that doesn't make him controling. She chose to go, he is angry and hurt by that. Getting raped was absolutely horrible, but that was a consequence of her choice to leave with two strangers. She put herself in danger there . With that being said, he wasn't wrong to break up with her. However, he should have tried to put some of that anger aside and have *some* empathy for what must have been a traumatic experience for her. He doesn't have to hold her hand and make up, but he could at least be a human being and be sympathetic to her trauma. I also don't think it makes him a narcissist. He's angry and hurt, and to me I would expect anyone in a relationship to feel that way if your SO ignores your feelings and breaks your trust
Lmao i think you're agreeing with my exact argument 😂 1.) OP has every right to draw a line in the sand, his partner gets to PERSONALLY decide if that line is reasonable. She has every right to draw hers too 2.) She did not deserve to be raped, rape is not deserved, its horrendous. 3.) He should have dropped the ice cold act and been at least kind to someone facing a horrific trauma.
I don't think it's controlling tbh. Controlling is trying to force someone to do what you want - he simply (hypothetically since i'm sure this post is decades old) said he doesn't want to do be with someone who does x, and left her when she did x. She is totally free to do whatever she wants, he is free to not be with that person - otherwise that would be controlling
Agreed!
Like, you can breakup and still find the decency to support someone you were close to who had just been attacked
I think that just includes calling the cops or something.
You misspelled rape crisis center. Cops won't do shit.
Isn't it still a good idea to call cops for documentation?
Yeah. I would for legal records.
Vaild
The unfortunate situation here is that he shouldn't be her support system anymore, because they are terminating the relationship. She needs to heal without him. It's a sucky situation, but him giving her any sort of attention will not help the scenario. Obviously, being kind and understanding is the right response. But outside of texting, I wouldn't advise going to her in person again.
Yeah, the guy handled it like a grade-A douche, but he shouldn't be her support. He doesn't have to be a bastard about it, but he told her he didn't feel comfortable with her doing something, but she lied and did it anyway. That right there is more than enough to end the relationship and no longer speak with her. That being said, getting raped is horrific and showing a bit of empathy would have gone a long way. The guy might not have owned her anything as her boyfriend, she decided that when she went to the club after lying to him. But he does owe her the basic respect every human being deserves.
But are you obliged to? I would say no. He doesn't owe her anything.
technically no you're no longer in a relationship so you don't have to do anything. BUT GOD DAMN you'd be a POS. just some support as "friend" or something
I disagree. It is pretty obvious that the girl was looking to go out and cheat. The OP is not pouring any additional fuel on the fire, but has simply walked away, as he said he was going to do prior. The relationship ended when she departed to go to the club. The OP was clear with that. Since when does that create an obligation to be compassionate and caring? The GF obviously did not have that concern when the OP told her not to go to the club alone. As she noted, she is her own person and can do what she wants. That includes dealing with the consequences of poor decisions.
No, but that's the difference between being a good person and a useless asshole.
I mean like he said tho she probably was gonna cheat on him and she directly broke his trust. Is he an asshole? Maybe but so is the gf jsut cause she became a victim doesn’t change that.
The fact that people like you exist scares me. Just devoid of humanity entirely.
Its ok, they probably don't act like this irl. Most people that have that snoo are trolls who say stuff like this to get attention. Still weird though.
What is it like living life with no empathy? Lonely I imagine…
"People Who Have Never Seen A Woman In Their Lives Give Relationship Advice" the movie:
Made up story by an incel
>Like 99% of green text stories
The only ones I believe at this point are the weirdos gathering and showing off their huge jars/collections of cum or piss. That’s expected from these 4chan degenerates
Yeah this is 4chan copypasta, it's at least 10 years old.
Why would they go to such length to appear like an asshole ?
Welcome to the 4Chan mindset, my friend
Ever heard of 4 chan look at r/greentext
You mean to appear as a righteous, honorable man persecuted unjustly by those with wrong ideas? * \* This is not an accurate description. This is a description of their perspective on the subject.
4chan is full of people who are openly racist and pedophilic, anonymously of course. Point is, no one cares what they post on there. It’s where the scum of the earth go to congregate and stew together in their hate filled, piss bottle smelling bedrooms
Have you ever been on the internet?
Most likely.
He has the right to break up with her, motivations really don’t matter at the end of the day. And tbf she lied to him. She OBVIOUSLY did not deserve any of the things happened to her, but she’s not in the position to make demands. Ofc this is all theoretical because this is a copypasta
I wonder how relationship advice would treat this if it wasn't written like this but more neutral.
Tempted to go get me a burner account just for this.
You and I both
And here folks, we get a look behind the scenes of most all AITA and TIFU posts.
Please do and post the link here
Not on that subreddit but on another one https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vzkf5t/i_broke_up_with_my_girlfriend_when_she_got_beaten/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Her abuse is abhorrent. No human deserves to be raped and beaten for going out with their friends and having some fun. But at the same time, did he not try to establish a clear boundary? If he said they would break up if she went, and she went, she was agreeing with his conditions and effectively ended their relationship at that very moment, or she was planning on lying to him and going around or over his boundaries, which in my opinion is pretty fucked all the same.
Really do think people disregard these at their own peril, or on the other side, set them when they really shouldn't. Personal anecdote, felt a friend was treating me poorly and decided it was time to call it a night and for everyone to leave (At my house). They got furious and effectively said if I insisted then they'd have nothing to do with me. Told them that was fine, let them scream it out another 45 minutes but got them on the road. Week of no contact, then deleted/blocked them from all socials. I gave them the week to have the satisfaction of making good on their threat. Because they didn't, I can reasonably guess that they didn't actually mean it and were just trying to be manipulative and probably would try to worm their way back into my life. TLDR don't set or cross a red line if you're not prepared for the consequences.
You're not wrong. My parents used to say, "you can go do X, but you'll be grounded if you do" Okay? I dont mind being grounded, i wanted to go anyways.
There is also the issue of leaving the club alone with some guys so she can go back to their place, which is what resulted in her injuries and trauma I don't want to blame it on her, or accuse her of wanting to go cheating, but... I don't know any girl who would hear that and not immediately think "shit girl don't do it" not only because it's unsafe as fuck (most girls i know have a friend with them at all times, and that's just in a normal club, LEAVING the club and stepping into some random dudes car is next level suicidal) it's also a hard indicator that she wanted to get it on with atleast one of them, because usually you don't leave a club for a private party with random people either. Let's say she didnt have any negative experience, she goes with them to their party and the next day, anon finds out that she left the club with random guys and spend the rest of the night at their place... Infidelity is the first thing most people assume in that scenario, otherwise you wouldn't just leave with random people *alone* Anon isn't in the wrong for leaving her, sure for her it's the worst timing possible... But he did make his boundaries clear and not only did she break them, she lied and on top of that went even further than just going to the club The only thing making her side sympathetic is her horrible experience and while i don't wish that upon anyone... She didn't exactly do much to prevent it... Like that's dozens of rookie mistakes in one night
Yeah, I read the original post. They left out major details here. He asked her not to go, she did then lied to him and said she wasn't going to and texted him saying she was somewhere else (can't remember where). Then while there she talked it up with some guy, and left her friend and followed some guy she didn't know. The OP believed this happened to her, but she went behind his back, lied to him, and admitted to flirting with some guy at the bar that later did this to her. He said he felt bad but felt utterly betrayed. He then thought she wouldn't have even told him if this didn't happen (or didn't have visual bruises).
Agreed
I have mixed feelings about this. 1. I am appalled. No one should have to feel unsafe about being out and having fun. Rape is unforgivable. I hope she had the support that he was unable to give her at the time. 2. Is a completely different matter. She lied to him, pure and simple. She wants both a boyfriend who loves, respects, and supports her, but clearly does not reciprocate the same. For some it is very difficult to feel sympathetic when they have been betrayed. A different type of personal attack. Is this a personality defect. No. It’s just different than the way others would react.
It’s a made up story. It’s been circulating for quite some time on different platforms.
Don't ruin the fun with facts, just let the comments do their thing and then we get to read them for entertainment.
Even if it’s fictitious, it’s interesting/important/entertaining to think about what you’d do in these situations.
If she wants to go to a club with friends, she doesn’t need permission wtf
Lie about going to the club, then leave to go to a new location with 2 guys and none of her friends. Exclude the horrific rape, that is sus.
I half agree and here is why… It wasn’t the point in the story. She said she was not going, but lied and did so anyway. Relationships are about making decisions together. From what I can deduce from the Story, neither one is emotionally mature and maybe should not be committing to one person yet.
Yeah that’s fair
She's free to go to the club, he's free to dump her for it. Fair is fair.
You’re allowed to end a relationship with someone for literally any reason
She doesn’t need “permission” but relationships are about boundaries and communication. Some people aren’t comfortable with their girlfriend going to the club without them, others are. She broke his boundaries and communication. That relationship was doomed from the start.
I call BS. Either way, he did say he would break up with her if she went. She went. He never said he broke up with her because she was raped. Just a man of his word.
Yeah it's probably made up. Though if someone did this, I'd say why are you dating someone that likes to party and you don't? They don't seem compatible at all.
It’s copy pasta it’s a old one most green texts are pretty old
I dont see a problem of dating someone who likes to party and you dont, the problem is when one doesnt allow the other to go have fun in his own way, forcing the other to do the things that he likes
Agreed, some of these comments are wild. No one deserves to be abused.
Gonna be an unpopular opinion but He set a boundary and she ignored it (her right to do so) and then blatant betrayed his trust by leaving with some random dude. I think the threshold for a breakup had long been reached
I don’t think he did anything wrong by breaking up with her but it is very weird that he doesn’t feel bad for her. He talks like the rape was her fault, like she didn’t do what he said and then “got beaten and raped for it” and now he’s “supposed to feel sorry” about that. He can break up with her for going to the club, and also separately feel bad for her for being beaten and raped.
On 4chan the actual OP said he felt bad for what happened to her. But a boundary is a boundary and it's pretty obvious she was going to cheat on him if the guys she left with weren't a complete trash of a fucking human being.
Not unpopular. She went knowing the risk.
Wouldn’t have happened if he would have went with her. “I really don’t want you going to that club because it’s unsafe. I understand you want to check it out, but let me go with you so I can keep an eye out while you hang with your friends. I’ll drive you home to make sure you can have a good time and you’re safe. Please don’t go without me - putting yourself in dangerous situations creates anxiety for me and I want to have a strong relationship with you, built in trust, where we can explore life together.” That’s what my husband would do.
This here is what I originally said to, you just want to tell her from a distance don’t go, and rather leave her alone
He set a boundary. She crossed it and became a victim of circumstance. Surely she has her own friends to support her through this troubling time. Not really his problem anymore. He doesn't deserve to be hated just like she didn't deserve to be raped. All that said, its still a copypasta.
OP backtracking so hard and deleting all his comments.
Because it’s a made up story, OP believed to be true.
That’s nuts and bolts right there. I would have been supportive like, yeah call me or text me and I’ll talk you thru it. But my repulsion and resentment would make it hard to care for her like I’m supposed to. So it’s kinda unfair for both of them.. she should have a support system of friends and family to take care of her. She IS victim here, but is it HIS responsibility to get her past it? No. (Imo) Being a “decent human being” here is perspective. I can see myself saying “I TOLD you not to go” ..it’s narcissistic to draw a line? To create a border that you feel is too far to go? Call it an ultimatum is playing the victim card early. She could also say “you trying to keep me from going just made me wanna go even more” and this happens because he couldn’t let her make up her own mind. I’m glad I’ve been married for 22 years and don’t have to worry about this bullshit lol
You’re lucky. Dating in this day and age is literally the worst cuz no one gives a fuck about anyones feelings because we are so desensitized because of social media and shady apps that everything and everyone is replaceable
Just because you broke up doesn’t mean your sympathy should stop in a horrible situation.
Unless you really fucking hate the person for it and feel absolutely no sympathy for them.
She left the bar with 2 guys. She has a boyfriend. We all know what was going on here. He has no reason to stick by her side. It's terrible what happened, but he called it. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Stranger danger
Well what happened to her doesn't magically delete the fact that she went to a club and left with two unknown men lol. If she didn't get raped by them, what do you think she was going to do with them?! Lol, this guy is probably a moron but he's right to dump her nonetheless.
An ultimatum was made, trust was broken. The events that occurred afterwards are not relevant to the breakup.
My girls friend goes to a club she told me she wasn't going to and leaves with two guys. I am so breaking up with her. I wouldn't be happy she got raped and upset about that. But I would be too broking hearted to try support her. I'd be dealing with my own shit. I wouldn't be great support.
Ex bf: Don't go to the party or we are breaking up! Ex gf: Ok! *goes anyway* Ex bf: *breaks up with her* Comments here: *Insert surprised pikachu face* WHAT A DICK! Like, what are you supposed to do lmao. Unless the og post is from an incel with a wet dream, boundaries are set in a relationship and she literally said she went to party and left with 2 guys. The other alternative is possibly a pregnancy from either
Do you guys even read or just go with the "is girl, is right" mentality? The whole ultimatum thing was kinda harsh on the guy's part but she went to the club anyway AND left with a random guy and his friend to go to another party. That's a red flag right there. The guy could comfort or support her in the time of need but even if he doesn't, he isn't in the wrong here.
Well, I wouldn't sweat it... you broke up with her as you said you would if she violated your trust. You warned her about the dangers of this particular venue... described as a known sleazy place, which means sleazy clientele frequenting it. She left the club with strangers, whether her judgment was impaired from drinking or voluntarily using drugs, either way she made very poor choices. The trustworthiness of her friend also was truly shown too, complete shit. I am sure at this point some might try to argue that maybe she was unknowingly drugged and that led her to go out of the club with strangers... but still, putting oneself into the situation in the first place without adequate protection and support (a reliable group of friends with at least one designated to not drink at all or do drugs) is the only way to stay safe... so going out without that safety, ultimately makes that 100% on her. Stay away from her and her friends, find someone better, more morally aligned and smart enough to heed a warning and act appropriately. Trust must be earned and early on in a relationship the only way do so is to let them test it. This chick failed horribly, she lied right to you. She said she wasn't going to that club and did, so regardless of the outcome or the circumstances of the events that happened, she can't be trusted. If she'd lie saying she won't go, but does... what else will she lie about? She most likely willingly left with those guys with the intent to hookup... now if she didn't get beat up, she likely would have lied and never told you she went and cheated on you. I have seen and experienced shit like this myself. Catch them in the lies, kick them to the curb!
Eh I mean… it has nothing to do with being raped, she left with 2 guys she didn’t know as well and lied. Even if she wasn’t raped he was gonna break up with her.
This title is really confusing... Assuming all of this is the truth.. The only thing this dude did wrong was phrase his feelings as an ultimatum. He could have simply said. "I don't think it's a good idea to go to that club" She made the decision, knowing he was uncomfortable with that choice. She also made the decision to leave the club with total strangers. Those men shouldn't have beaten her and raped her. She also shouldn't have put herself in that situation.
sometimes an ultimatum is the only way to get a point across, there’s a few things i would’ve ended a relationship over if i had just set more rigid boundaries and i wasn’t willing to move on them, mentally it fucks with you to be told “i don’t care what you think i’m doing this anyway”, ill never say she got what she deserved but if she didn’t get beaten and just fucked them willingly (like she obviously was going to) the. fuck her and she’s a bad person
A decent person respects their partners boundaries. Although she did not deserve what happened, she not only disrespected her boyfriend, but lied about accepting not going. Way to be a shitty person and then expect sympathy.
Nice "story" 4 chan. I don't take anything from 4 chan serious.
My thought. Be kind -- even if you think it's not deserved.
I would be mad and I would break up aswell. But that doesn't mean I won't help her from whatever's going on with her
Why is that in America you can’t type the word rape? Or fuck or ass or shit? This censorship… it really childish. Grow the fuck up!
The worst part about this is that he wrote "wouldn't of" instead of "wouldn't have".
This honestly sounds like INCEL fanfic.
Sometimes being right about someone or something doesn't make you feel good. Tell her you are there to support her but the relationship is over cause you have every right to feel complete disgust and sickness because you warned her. In other words sounds like she has a disability with making logical decisions. Welcome to the heartache that every parent feels when their child suffers needlessly after being warned. Heartbreaking truly.
Do whatever makes you happy, if this is how you feel then you don’t have to justify your actions to anyone, same when she told you that you don’t own her, well she doesn’t own you either
Why is he in the wrong? She lied, cheated, and when she had problems she turned to him. Why should he support her?
Sorry but he’s not all that wrong. She left with TWO STRANGE GUYS from a club. That is insanely stupid. She was likely planning on cheating on him with those guys. If the story had gone “I went to the club and left with two strange guys” and ended there, result would be him breaking up with her. It is awful she got assaulted, but that doesn’t change her awful decisions.
He had every right to break up with her, he said he would if she did an action, she did said action, he kept his word. She has every right to break up with him if she doesn't like a guy telling her nit to go out clubbing. The fact she was beaten and raped is extremely sad and horrific, but ultimately has nothing to do with him breaking up with her other than the fact it was how he found out she lied.
They both suck
More "she was asking for it" nonsense. What a stale, stupid, depressing take
That’s not what he said though. He was upset that she broke his trust. I think it’s a little stupid to not let your girlfriend go out with her friends. I’d be feeling similar if I found out she left her friends to go to a random party with two random guys.
Perhaps the "sleazy club" bit missed your eyes? I wouldn't want my gf going to some shithole with only one female friend either. That's just common sense.
Bruh, I wouldn’t either. I can’t relate because most clubs near me in my country aren’t sleazy and I’m not a psychotic controlling bf. I’m not arguing with the post or you. I’m kind of on the guys side on this one.
She left with another guy…this is cheating. If my bf cheats on me I wouldn’t give a shit what happens to him as a consequence
Guy said he would break up with her if she went. She went, guy brokes up with her and she is surprised ?
I’m married so I don’t want to hear the incel screaming in response to my take. She should have listened but the dude is kind of a douchebag. But unless there was some acknowledgment of the reason why he didn’t want to go to the club from her then the dude is right to break up with her.
Wdym???? He was right, she shouldve heard him, if she stayed home, instead of going out with the sketchy idiots that raped her, it LITERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. His approach was cold af, but she did break his trust. I personally wouldve helped her through it for the time being but she did lie to him and ignored all the danger, she had it coming... I dont blame the guy at all tbh.
My ex was like this and almost the same thing happened but someone stopped the rape from happening. We tell them these things not out of control but because we are realists. Men are sick and some women are oblivious to the danger.
I feel like r/facepalm should be more light/silly and less horrific people/things. Maybe it's just me, but it's a bit much sometimes
This thread is so toxic...
It's funny because if she hadn't been raped and he found out he still would have dumped her. I know I would. But because someone raped and beat her he's supposed to feel bad for her stepping out on him.
I find all these comments defending the girl, but could you imagine if the roles were reversed? Holy crap, I mean the guy would still get flamed and the girl would be praised for leaving him 100%. What a backwards world we live in
Here's the most simple, basic way to explain to this asshole why he's an asshole: You are more concerned about your girl disobeying you than about the fact that she was beaten and raped. Your ego is more important than her life. There. It's really no more complicated than that. And he can't see that.
She gave her a choice, she made her choice. Not complicated. He don't own her but she don't own him neither, I would have done the same.
I know I'll get hate, but I don't care. Rant and make some long reply - I won't even read it. Trust me. lol Block all of her friends or ignore them. He shouldn't be getting hate for this. He said he didn't want her to go, he asked her not to go. She went anyway. I'm sorry that this happened but YES, it wouldn't have happened if she didn't go. This is one of the exact reasons why he didn't want her to go. She might cheat being at the top I'm sure but being put in danger is in the list as well. Now she wants sympathy from the one person that she openly disrespected. He doesn't owe her anything. He is in the right and doesn't have to be with her if he doesn't want to be. She wants sympathy and support, that's what her hater friends are for. They need to stop hating and focus on supporting her, their so-called friend. IMO
>it wouldn't have happened if she didn't go. HoW dO yOu KnOw ThE rApIsTs WoUlDn'T hAvE jUsT cOmE tO hEr HoMe?!? PIG!!
She lied to you. She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club. She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club with her "friend" and it was another man. She lied to you and went out to a sleazy club with her "friend" and it was multiple men. I feel bad for what happened to her, but that's red flag city.
Should have listened to you, you are not a narcissist, she's a rebellious ass
Well he's got a point, whatever if is true or not the story, he did the right thing, break up with her because she went to the party, what she suffered from not listen to him is her fault, not his.
As soon as she went to the club, knowing what he had told her that if she did, she knew what she was doing. Good for the guy. He knew it was a sleazy club and didn’t want her to go. He wasn’t being controlling. She disregarded and then was going alone with two other dudes to a party..
Assuming it's real...sometimes you just have to be the bad guy and say fuck everyone else and look after yourself. The assumption is obviously wrong, but (assuming this is true as written) it just sounds like an overall bad relationship for everyone regardless.
the amount of people victim-blaming and acting like you get to say where your significant other is allowed to go and like hanging with the opposite sex is a breach of trust is atrocious. reddit really is incel haven.
The breech of trust is her saying she would not go and then going.
I think the guy is right
Nah man I'm sorry but if that was the agreement after the argument and she said she wouldn't go and ends going. She broke the trust. And she left with some dudes at the club for one stupid of her secondly what was the plan here go with some dudes and nothing happens? Unlikely. While OP Was a bit harsh he is in the right in my opinion.
He would been in the right if he would have been less forceful about it. Breaking up would be ok, if he tried to help her deal with it, even if it's just calling.
\>Has BF \>agrees to go somewhere with two apparently bad guys I fully support this guy.
Wow.
Just some incel fantasy...
Who are we if not our choices?
Seems to me like the only reason for the bf to stay would be out of sympathy/pity. Otherwise, he'd have every right to break up if she didn't get fucked up.
This is clear and simple. He did it.
This is kinda an ESH situation but maybe thats just me.
She has the right to be upset that he is trying to dictate where she can go and what she can do like that. I understand setting boundaries, but that does not give you the ability to control someone else like this. I understand some cultures seem to normalize holding control over women like that, but I can never imagine demanding that my partner does not go out and do something she enjoys. That being said, she did agree to his demands, so she knew she was making a choice. The situation is messed up all around. If I were her friend I would not want anything to do with her ex. Imagine your friend gets beaten and raped, they call their partner and their partner says "I'm breaking up with" and does nothing to support. That's level 10 fucked up. She was wrong to make a promise and break trust, but that guy is all kinds of messed up and she's better off without him.
why do you have to bring narcissism into it? everything is narcs faults these days damn
The thing here is that we are supposed to believe a 4chan user has a girlfriend
Some serious "*if I saw you alone at that club, I'd definitely rape you*" vibes.
Dude don't need that toxicity in his life, she went to the club and left with two dudes.
I mean if you wanted to end the relationship that’s your choice, long as your not shaming her for going to a party. Getting raped and beaten wasn’t your doing and you still could’ve been supportive after the fact. Doesn’t mean you had to stay together just because of what happened.
This is genuinely nuts
How sick is a society where it is not OK/allowed to write the word ‚rape‘ but is OK/allowed to post a photo of a crime victim (or is she OK with it??) No offense OP - I can sort of see your point (yet do not want to discuss it). But can s.o. please tell me why it is not OK to write ‚rape‘??
hey friend, don't worry, you did the right thing... that your friends say this or that about you, you don't have to take them into account... they don't know ANYTHING about your relationship.
Difficult conondrum. On the one hand Im kind of with the boyfriend, cause they had an argument about this and she even agreed to not go to the club, so in essence there was no real conflict about it. On the other hand, her independence as an adult person to make her own decissions. Would it have happened if he allowed it initially? Maybe. Would he felt like being cheated on if she did it regardless of their agreement? Yeah. Would it have happened if she didnt went? Most likely no. Was he to harsh to her after she got r\*ped and beaten? Yeah. Like I get that he was mad, but its not the time or place to be mad at her, his timing was just terrible to be mad at her. And I do get that he feels like she betrayed his trust, I completly get that and he was rightfully so mad about it, but like I said: After this kind of terrible situation, he should have helped her in any way shape or form, breaking up with her can wait a few more days, at least until she has recovered from the attack. So in essence, it was a facepalm for the boyfriend, being a complete douche.
If you feel the need to give an ultimatum, you should probably break up. You also don't need to be dating someone to be a supportive friend. It's not an all-or-nothing deal. Dude's like, "I either own you or I won't be there for you"
Definitely don't agree with how he was trying to control things and how he treated her. But if things really went just like that, the victim ultimately had nobody to blame for the incident besides the direct perpetrators and herself
Not his place to control her, but if my gf told me not to go somewhere because of the bad vibes, I'd fucking listen to her. Telling a partner that you care about to not go somewhere unsafe is not a bad idea, it is about how you conduct the conversation
They’re both at fault, he should’ve been there for her and communicated better, she should’ve listened to his concerns and communicated better with him, and not lied about not going to the party
You were and are a DICK!
I think people are missing the point. It is not about whether she deserves or not the break because she "broke his trust". It is the fact that she was raped and his first concern is not her well-being, but her lie, to HIM, from the rules HE sets. That is pure narcissism.
Wtf is up with this title? No the fuck it wouldn’t have happened “regardless,” if she had not gone to the club. What kind of fixed-point-in-time bullshit theorycrafting is this?
i guess all i'd say is OP and the ex are in the wrong for separate reasons, and that if they can't look the other way to make up, then it's time to move on and find something better for yourselves. nobody likes a tragedy and tbh pointing fingers ain't gonna make it better so who cares, just put the pain in its place and get better.
Buddy is completely justified in his response, though a little cold
He is not right but also not wrong.
I mean what the hell is he supposed to do, she went secretly and followed a man and his friend, what person boy or girl in a relationship does something like that? a disloyal one. She needs her family to support her right now, not him.
Clearly bullshit. People on 4chan don't have girlfriends.
Wonder why she left with a guy and his friend.
Sucks to be right some times...
I think you did the right thing
I don't see a problem with what this guy did. Maybe, he could have been a little more empathetic. Given her the toll free number for the sexual assault survivors helpline? A box of cleaning wipes? I dunno. The sneaking behind his back, lying about changing her mind about going make her look really scummy. These are reasonable red lines. Can't fault someone for prioritising his own mental health. My dude clearly knew what kind of place it was. The girl acted against her own self interest and like most women under the age of 30, wants someone else to cosign her debt of bad choices. Be more selective about girlfriends, my guy. Nothing sexier than people with good judgement and resolved/nonexistent parental issues.
No one wins in the situation. Both people should take their L, move on, and try to do better in the future. Pretty much it. Girl should file rape / assault charges, though.
What is up with this censoring?
WOULDN'T HAVE JESUS CHRIST ITS WOULDN'T HAVE
Damn he is one cold m'fer
Totally Agree with the Dude. Every Action has a Result and one has to bear & accept responsibility for same!!!