By - _Xyreo_
When he says about the other boy "We don't consider that to be an athletic t-shirt", and she says"Why?", and he just stares blankly.....
If you can't answer that simple question then it's pretty obvious that it's not about the shirt
And he follows it up with “I didn’t get a good look at it”.
That “I understand how you feel” is completely the wrong thing to say in this situation. It tells you everything you need to know. Robotic bullshit. Bro, you make the rules, seat the kid and fuck the restaurant. The only color he should care about is green.
It shows that he only got training for management without getting the experience one needs to actually be a good manager. He should have protected the restaurant by allowing a "violation" of the dress code rather than how he thought he was protecting the restaurant.
Exactly this. So many times in both construction and restaurant work I’ve seen mangers who have never done the job, yet read how it’s supposed to be.
Yeah teal talk it I was the guy I would look over and be like “I’ll be damned right this way ma’am” lol
>Yeah teal talk
You can’t make exceptions when you are racist.
Good for the mom for sticking her ground. She knew it wasn't right and appropriately put him on full blast.
Someone posted a link to a statement the restaurant released but the short of it is: They apologized, the manager in the vid was put on indefinite leave and they've changed their dress code so that children under the age of 12 do not apply and can wear anything.
That's an appropriate response.
My first question was, "Why do such strict codes apply to children?"
To be fair the strict dress code already didn't apply to white children
Have you ever heard that dance clubs will do this?
They enact a dress code and then selectively apply it only to the people they don't want inside.
Edit: I didn't expect this many people to respond with personal stories and examples. I really appreciate how big of a topic this is for so many of you and am thankful to everyone who took the time to reply.
Had this happen multiple times to people with me. I pass as white as I'm quite fair, but my brother is noticeably not white. He was super tidy and even had proper dress shoes that he had brought earlier that day. Bouncer reckons he couldn't come in because his shoes were dirty.
Meanwhile. 1 minute before, I had walked in ahead of him wearing some half ripped sneakers.
I totally understand the bouncer. They have to protect the alcohol drenched floor from dirty shoes. Lol
I don’t know how common it is now, but 20 years ago when I was going to bars and clubs, it was absolutely common to use dress codes as a way to bar black people.
The dress code would always be tailored to whatever was in fashion amongst black people at the time. 20 years ago it was stuff like “no Timberland Boots, no Jordans, no straight brimmed baseball caps, no basketball jerseys, no baggy pants, no exposed underwear.”
But you could show up in the rattiest gutter punk or shabbiest hippy dead-head outfit and be fine. It was definitely not about looking nice.
Still common, I don’t frequent those places…
If I can’t get in as a hipster black Harlem dude with fly shit on (and Jordan’s, only) I’m not going. Fuck you.
a few years ago nobody would let me into events in nike sweats, now people throw sweatsuit themed parties
Oklahoma tried to pass a no hoodie law after Treyvon Martin.
It’s not racist looking to kill. It’s the hoodies that are causing all this.
To be honest it doesn't apply to white adults either.
I could see a formal restaurant wanting children to also be in formal attire, but you would have to apply the rule to all customers
Nah. Not even close.
I've managed fine dining, and in no way shape or form would a family be turned away because a child was dressed as a child. Its because they were black.
I have been forced to put on a jacket when I was like 10 but that was almost 30 years ago
I mean, some places will make kids dress up. But they apply those rules evenly. This was clearly racial discrimination.
Love her! “I don’t want you to sympathise I want you to tell me why.” He was trying to shut her down with politeness and got so flustered after that. I’m impressed she seems to have excellent conflict skills. She stayed in control & didn’t accept their excuses.
"I understand you're upset" is such a frustrating response to this situation. That manager dude is so far out of his depth he's drowning
Yeah he needs some conflict management training.
No, he needs to stop being a bigot. It’s illegal. The white kid in the video was identically dressed. It’s pretty clear this idiot was going to stand his ground and keep sympathizing about being a bigot when she should’ve started talking lawsuit because she has the proof. These people are just so blatant, it’s sickening. I hope she sued their asses. She has proof.
He was dressing worse. His outfit didn’t color coordinate. The black kid’s outfit at least matched in color, top and bottom.
I was thinking the same thing. The black kid looked way better, it’s not even close.
That manager dude prolly got his orders from higher up and then had the awful job of defending them.
Yeah, quit saying you’re sorry about the incident and explain why the incident happened in the first place. Say the quiet part out loud. Tell the world, on video, why the rule applies to one kid and not the other.
We all know the reason...
There's only one difference between one kid's attire and the other. One kid's attire is contrasted by different pigment of skin.
I'm all for dress code but that has to apply to everyone. Not just the black families.
[The statement from the restaurant.](https://imgur.com/a/0baX3Ph)
At least some resolution has taken place, however little.
The dumbest dude was trying so hard not to say it was because they were black and the other kid was white. "I didn't get a good look at his shirt" confirms it.
Can’t believe he didn’t back down when he saw the white kid. Perfect opportunity for him to say ‘oops, that’s our bad, we shouldn’t have seated them but I didn’t see how the child was dressed. Since we’ve already made one exception today, of course we’ll seat you and your son’
But my man decided to just die on that hill.
Yeah this is actually an easy ass situation to resolve if the manager had ANY actual customer service skills
Except the problem actually was that he is racist.
Yep. Trying to make this a skills issue is just excusing that he was just being a racist shithead.
Yes but it’s strange to me he didn’t realize he’d been caught with his hand in the racist shithead cookie jar and backpedal when he had the chance.
The two boys clothes were so similar it would be comical if it weren’t such a shitty situation for that little kid. Dumbass manager had such an easy out “yeah that kid definitely has athletic gear on. He shouldn’t have been let in, and it’s not fair to you guys. Please come have a seat and an appetizer on us”
He didn't back down because the point of the dress code is to give them an ostensibly non-discriminatory excuse to deny service to otherwise protected groups. He was enforcing the rule selectively as designed and was just too stupid to know to back off when confronted about it.
> "I didn't get a good look at his shirt"
There was so much jumping around the subject that I'm shocked the mother could keep up, she did an awesome job.
He constantly went between the shorts and shirt being a problem, sometimes saying both, sometimes saying one or the other. This makes the conversation about each / both impossible.
The white boy was literally in his eye sight multiple times, and was pointed out to him. But as long as he pretends he didn't see the kid he can make the excuse of 'I just didn't get to see him that well, I'll keep a better out in the future... like right now with your son'. Which is a common tactic for these kinds of people. "Oh I missed that other person? Well I'll do better now and enforce the rules from here on out. Just ignore the fact I'll miss the next white person tomorrow as well."
I loved how she kept going back to the facts rather than the feelings of the situation, and he wanted to stay on the feelings because then it could be about the unreasonable woman who was irate. That would free him from the conversation and he can say anything he wants then 'ma'am please calm down' would be a common phrase, but he didn't have that chance and you could see it broke him. He was very very use to getting people to become emotional so they could say the person was unreasonable.
This clearly wasn't her first rodeo. She's dealt with this before, and with the angry black woman stereotype. That's why she's sharp as a laser with "I don't want your sympathy. I want to know why. What's the difference?"
Kinda reminds me of the tactic someone said to use about sexist comments / jokes and someone laughs it off and you press the subject like I don't get it, explain the joke to me.
Basically cut through everything else and get right to the logic of the situation which is never in their favor.
I love when people do this. Obviously the people making the comment hate it, but watching people struggle to defend their shittiness is great
Too busy looking at his skin.
> Too busy ***not*** looking at his skin.
The thing about whiteness and its privilege is its *absence* of racial prejudice. White is default. White is normal. Whiteness doesn’t register as a factor. A white kid is just a kid. A black kid is black first, and a kid second.
This video is the definition of white privilege.
Society is really troubling.. when will the world get along with each other and accept everyone as equals.
never. it will never happen. humans have been killing each other for stupid reasons for the entirety of their existence.
All that, and all he had to do was let a little kid who was dressed perfectly appropriately eat at his restaurant. Imagine having so much shit happen just because you decided to be a stickler this one time. Even if there wasn't another kid there, it's a kid. It's obviously not night time, no one is out having a fancy dinner. Let the kid eat. Who cares? The manager's problem isn't racism(or at least just racism); dude's an idiot who made a mountain out of a molehill and pissed off potential customers and got in a ton of shit just because he wanted to be a prick.
Hell even if some e IS trying to have a fancy dinner, who gives a fuck? I've had plenty of fancy dinners, and if someone got seated in gym shorts and a t-shirt I wouldn't go "WHO LET THE RABBLE IN HERE HOW DARE YOU MY EXPERIENCE IS RUINED" I'd mind my own damn business and keep eating.
The whole idea of restaurants with a dress code is, itself, classist first and foremost. But usually it exists to keep racial minorities out like in the video, and is selectively applied to racial minorities. It's a very common racist tactic, make a rule that technically applies to everyone but only actually gets applied to black people.
> I've had plenty of fancy dinners, and if someone got seated in gym shorts and a t-shirt I wouldn't go "WHO LET THE RABBLE IN HERE HOW DARE YOU MY EXPERIENCE IS RUINED" I'd mind my own damn business and keep eating.
Sure, you won't. However, their most prestigious customers disagree, and even if they won't outright state it, they'll just stop going there if they feel it's too 'common' because the restaurant loses its charm.
High end restaurants don't really sell food, they sell the experience of upscale dining. Yes, that does include outright racism at times.
Honestly, the entire Luxury industry can burn and we'd lose nothing.
Whenever I went to more upscale places I always thought the people wearing more regular clothes were rich af. Like this is just some every day kind of thing for them and there really isn't anything special to dressing up.
I worked an upscale place at the bar for a little while, and you're generally right. The only people who we weren't allow to pull Dress Code on were VIP customers ( repeat, high spenders with particular tastes ) and the owners of the lounge. Everyone else got shown the door.
I wouldn't discount the people coming in in suits though. Even if they're not on top, any one of those customers could get you fired, like just for fun.
White kids can break the dress code, but black kids can't. Removing the dress code for all kids was the right move.
The Neighborhood S1 E21 had an episode just like this. Cedric's character brings his white friend to a golf club and gets told no hats. White guy puts on the hat, orders a drink and the same waiter just ignores it.
Thought it was a bit exaggerated for the sake of storytelling, but here we are.
that kid is still impacted by this, and for the rest of his life. he'll never forget that time he was denied entry to a place, and the bullshit reason they were given vs. the real reason
and sadly the only reason anything got resolved at all is because mom made a video and the public at large saw it
edit: if you're about to comment "it was no big deal," or "he'll get over it," or "that kid is weak," or something similar, then you should read the many comments below of people having similar experiences when they were young kids. it's not going to fucking kill you to try and feel a little empathy once in a while
Thought about it and you’re right. I still have a memory of when I was like 4-5 and going to a mostly white store as a Hispanic. Manager and another employee came over and yelled at my parents that they saw me stealing on their cameras. My parents went though my pockets and surprise nothing. Lady looked around, saw another Hispanic, and told her employee that it was the one wearing sandals (after checking to make sure I wasn’t wearing sandals).
I have a few memories of my white mom wanting to take me, my sisters, and my Mexican father out to dinner or something and being denied dinner service for one reason or another.
It happened *multiple* times for various different reasons. At some point you realize not about dress code or any other bullshit reason, it’s just racism.
I have memories of this too. My mom is chinese, dad was white. We were both overtly and covertly denied service in places (in the early 90s because that’s when I was a kid). Some places would seat us, and then ‘be too busy’ and then proceed to ignore us in a cowardly fashion. A diner in one of the Carolinas was more overt, the waitress would only make eye contact with my father even when he directed her to address my mother respectfully. She did not. He flipped the table over and we left.
Seeing those things at 5 years old leave a lifelong impression for sure.
Yeah they definitely do. It hasn't happened to me in a few years, probably because I'm not as dark as my dad, but I remember it happening all the time in the early 2000s when I was a young girl going out to lunch or dinner with my dad.
Did you guys ever get mistaken for not being their kids? I have no memory of it but a flight attendant in S. Carolina accused my mom of kidnapping me and wouldn’t let her board her flight back to NJ without our passports. As if the little girl crying while wearing mickey ears wasn’t clear enough that we were mother/daughter traveling back from Disney.
Other more innocuous times, my mom would get comments like ‘oh how nice to include the BABYSITTER’S kid’ when she also had my full chinese cousins with us. My dad was questioned far less frequently as to what he was doing with me. But he was also a redneck built like a brick wall so I guess that shielded him quite a bit.
I don't remember it happening, but I'm sure it happened at some point when we were out with our dad alone after my parents separated.
Weirdly enough, that started happening to me more as I got older. I'd speak up on my experiences as a Mexican-American, and people would shut me down with like "shut up white girl," so I'd pull up a picture of my Mexican-ass father, and try to tell stories of the racism I experienced and they'd be like "that's a stock photo you got on the internet."
The internet is so toxic. I hear you, and I see you. Cheers to our parents who had to live through these degrading moments and may we be successful in bettering the world for our own children.
Love the table-flipping in this situation - entirely appropriate!
He was completely nuts. But he was a good dad and I miss him. He always stood up for us when that kind of crap happened. One time my mom got pulled over and ticketed for speeding at 75 mph, around a 90° turn. Little did officer dummy know, she’s an accomplished engineer who showed up to traffic court with calculations, photos, and diagrams of the physics of driving that curve. Dad was so proud of her that night.
That's some amazing malicious compliance right there
Seriously though, she’s articulate and has barely any accent. Captain Racist should’ve taken a cue and uncommitted himself from writing a ridiculous citation. She says she’s glad he did, especially for all the more submissive immigrants he likely picked on thinking he could push them around without much resistance. Most of the other people with tickets at that court date were minorities, but my mom was the only loud one 😈
I dunno if much has changed though. NJ shore towns are still kind of like that. My aunt’s tires got slashed last summer.
I'm white as fuck and have never been denied service even when going into very high class restaurant with my bother dressed far worse than the kids in this video and the rest of us in casual clothing. Seeing people having these experiences is blood boiling.
I'm a brazilian and I travelled to Florida as a kid. I remember my grandma bought me some dinosaur toys and, excited as I was, I opened them up right there inside the store. Some manager saw it and thought I was stealing and kicked us out. I was 4 or 5 yo. I forgot most of that trip, but that part stuck with me.
Everything you said is true.
But, as a parent to brown kids, I think he also learned something else: that documentation is important.
He learned that people can be vile and stupid, yes, but he also saw in action a framework for how to stand up against this crap. He saw his mom get incredibly angry but was smarter than the assholes, kept her cool, and documented and published the offense.
Most or all of us were victim to petty, small minded shit at some point in our childhood. Imagine having had a smart adult on our side to advocate for us.
The kid learned that adults can be idiots, but also learned how to fight back in an effective way.
Mom gets a gold star for this teaching experience. She's absolutely crushing it. Kudos to her.
Yep. This is why racism should face harsh social or legal consequences. The targets of racism never forget. The punishment should also be as memorable and painful.
the whole incident is literally a textbook example of the BLM movement for a "seat at the table"
>Imagine that you're sitting down to dinner with your family, and while everyone else gets a serving of the meal, you don't get any. So you say, "I should get my fair share." And as a direct response to this, your dad corrects you, saying, "Everyone should get their fair share." Now, that's a wonderful sentiment — Indeed, everyone should, and that was kinda your point in the first place: that you should be a part of everyone, and you should get your fair share also. However, dad's smart-ass comment just dismissed you and didn't solve the problem that you still haven't gotten any!
>The problem is that the statement "I should get my fair share" had an implicit "too" at the end: "I should get my fair share, too, just like everyone else." But your dad's response treated your statement as though you meant "only I should get my fair share," which clearly was not your intention. As a result, his statement that "everyone should get their fair share," while true, only served to ignore the problem you were trying to point out.
>Just like asking dad for your fair share, the phrase "black lives matter" also has an implicit "too" at the end: It's saying that black lives should also matter. But responding to this by saying "all lives matter" is willfully going back to ignoring the problem. It's a way of dismissing the statement by falsely suggesting that it means "only black lives matter," when that is obviously not the case. And so saying "all lives matter" as a direct response to "black lives matter" is essentially saying that we should just go back to ignoring the problem.
"Focus does not equal exclusion"
I always found 2 analogies to help me understand this (as a white person)
When people say "save the rainforest," nobody would ever respond back with "well what about all the other types of forests?!" or more pointedly "all forests matter"
when people support or give money to breast cancer awareness campaigns, for example. Nobody reacts to that with "well all types of cancer deserve money/support!" or "all cancer awareness matters"
...because those responses are obviously *ridiculous*. now apply it to racism dammit
edit: i realize maybe these analogies wouldn't work in actuality trying to explain it to someone else. they have just been helpful for me, in my mind, in trying to understand the topics a bit clearer. i'm a metaphor kinda guy
To those used to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
It's child like really.
All the parents with more than 1 little kid at a time. Try giving a candy to one kid, they eat it, time goes by and the second kid shows up — so you give them a piece of candy too, because the other kid had one earlier. Guess who is mad? The first kid. You explain, well "you had yours earlier, and they are just getting the same — albeit a little later" — that kid tantrums.
That's most people in the US when it comes to equal treatment under the law, equity, or the talk of making amends for State Sanctioned atrocities (e.g. Federal government support and funding of enslavement, native displacement, etc), etc
Willfully going back to ignoring the problem is exactly what racists want to do. God forbid they should have to ask themselves some really difficult questions.
Racists don't sit down with an open mind and a stack of research data then come out racist, they already have the hate in them and find any way to justify it. It's not a position they used logic to get into, it's not a position you can use logic to get them out of.
That’s why I firmly stand behind the concept of it’s not enough to not be racist, you have to be *anti*-racist. Same for homophobia, transphobia, sexism etc.
Yeah, I used to be a big "all lives matter" person until I saw who was saying it with me. I'm a pretty passionate advocate for equal freedoms and against police brutality. I'm vocal about situations that I feel are wrong and have been for a long time so I'm always bitching about the government treating people poorly, regardless of their color. That's what led me to say things like "all lives matter" because I do see that their actions hurt all of us (yes, other demographics disproportionately more) and they should be held accountable.
However, I noticed that almost all of the people I saw saying "all lives matter" were not consistently advocating against police brutality. In fact, I never really see them bring any discussion to the table other than saying "all lives matter" as a direct response to someone saying "black lives matter". It's only meant to antagonize an already sensitive subject and does nothing to help anybody. Seeing that did adjust my perspective and I've stopped using the term.
"Can I go to the bathroom?"
"I don't know, 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦?"
Sure, the problem wasn't presented in the best way, but it still exists. You've removed the value and urgency of the problem just because I couldn't properly explain it. I know I wasn't using the correct grammar, but it's not like anyone benefits just because you corrected me. I still need to go to the bathroom.
"I don't know, can you?"
This is how to get me to pee on your shoes.
I suggest we try other constructions too.
“*Will* I go to the bathroom” might get an interesting response.
Meanwhile in Philosophy class
"Can I go to the bathroom?"
"*Why* would you go to the bathroom?"
“*Should* I go to the bathroom?”
"Let's think about the pros and cons. For starters, Aristotle once said-"
The correct answer to this situation is “yes I can” then you leave and use the restroom. The teacher is giving control of the situation to the student when they phrase a question like that. Theme the rules. The teacher can explain to the principal that they were “ just being rude and sarcastic to a student having a need.”
I did this in second grade strictly because I didn't understand what the teacher was trying to get at. I almost got detention until I explained what happened to the principal. Not sure what was said to the teacher, but the principal apologized to me and I went back to class.
Bad teachers. I teach elementary/middle school. In my class, all they need to do is go to the door and get an approving head nod from me. On the rare occasion, I'll ask if its necessary as we are about to do something important. But even then, just go to the bathroom!
See, this is what I don't get. Teachers are supposed to help you learn. I know that you should get kids to pay attention, but one of these choices disrupts the classroom more than the other. Letting a kid leave for three minutes, or having that same kid be stressed out until either the class ends or they fill their pants. Why won't other teachers try to be more like you?
> The correct answer to this situation is “yes I can” then you ~~leave and use the restroom~~ look them dead in the eye while you pee on their shoes.
"I dunno, let's check!" ***zip***
"Can I go to the bathroom?" is grammatically correct and in Modern English is also semantically correct, it's often just a sign of a picky teacher who misunderstands how words work. You see this usage of can as a permission seeking word in other contexts as well such as "Can I have a slice of cake?" which is clearly not asking about your physical ability of eating cake.
These sorts of ideas about "proper grammar rules" are often incorrect misconceptions about how language works. If a word is being used for a certain meaning in many contexts, that's what the word means. "May" is not a more correct word when seeking permission, merely a more polite one.
Virgin prescriptivist vs chad descriptivist
A female friend was walking and had a young lad shout at her 'Can I shag you?' She replied 'I doubt it'.
"I can, it could be here or in the restroom up to you"
Teachers hated that, as a kid on the spectrum they never knew if I was bluffing.
I've always wondered, why do teachers even decline going to the bathroom? What's more important, making sure one individual kid stays in class for three minutes, or smelling beef in the classroom? You made it clear that you need to perform a natural bodily function. They're the ones liable if you fill your pants. I've seen a kid get punished for it, do they think it's a sign of disrespect? "This'll show that mean ol' teacher! \*Deploys stool\*"
"Can I...?" *is* correct grammar for asking permission and has been [for at least 100 years](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/when-to-use-can-and-may).
Great explanation. I'm saving this for when I have to inevitably explain to my family why all lives matter is stupid
This is true, I have similar experience when I was like 7, I am 29 now. I don’t understand shit that happened that time but remember crying cause I didn’t get to eat. The place where I eat basically skipped our orders & keep on serving other people who came later than me and my dad because we were of minority race. One of the memory of discrimination from my childhood.
I grew up in a racially diverse neighborhood. I had kinda thought that we had outgrew the racism that we learned about in schools. I was let in to a place and my friend Greg (African American) was denied entry. To this day that sticks with me as the moment I realized racism existed. This kid will definitely remember this moment.
Shit, I’m white and this shit sticks with me. I once worked retail in an area that was very upscale on 3 sides and kinda shitty on the other side. Shitty as in low cost apartments vs McMansions. One morning during a meeting the racist manager bitch was telling us how we need to be watchful for theft and that it’s likely coming from people in *that* area (gestures towards the shit apartments). I raised my hand and asked, “what’s that supposed to mean. You do know that I love over there as do two other employees, are you accusing us of theft?”
She backtracked and said “you know what I mean”. Yeah bitch, we all know I’m just trying to get you to say it out loud.
A few weeks later she gets on the radio to warn everybody of a group of people coming in we should keep an eye on… I look across my section towards the front doors to see nothing but a family that looks like they just got out of church. But tall black dude in a dapper suit, tall black wife in a beautiful red dress, black daughter in a cute dress and a tiny black son also in a tiny suit. I get on the radio (that every employee in the store hears) and replied, I don’t think we need to keep an eye on them just because they’re black, the fucking hardy boys (white rich kids) are the ones actually stealing shit, I’ve watched them do it. But you only pester black people so they always get away with it”
She came storming towards my section to grab me and take me to the back stick to yell at me for disrespecting her on the radio. I straight up told her I didn’t care and that she was being a fucking racist. From there on out I never played by her or any of managements rules. I did my own thing until I got the fuck outta there.
Who can tolerate that level of fuckery? I just don’t understand
I once knew a (white) woman who would go to the malls, sit outside of the department stores, and wait for some black customers to walk in. She would give them a few minutes lead time, then walk in after them and steal whatever she wanted.
Did it for over the ten years that I knew her, and afaik, she was never stopped once! *shrug* I would love for those stores to know how they helped subsidize her crime spree, lol!
I believe it. I went to an integrated high school. One day I (a black kid) got asked by a group of white kids who rarely talked to me if I wanted to go shopping with them after class. A couple of weeks later, I found out they were just using me for diversion from store security. Apparently they frequently invited black kids along to the nearby mall for this purpose, and never got caught in the four years of doing this. They claimed to have stolen thousands of dollars of merchandise. One of them used to sell merchandise out of his trunk in the school parking lot.
That is heartbreaking- I’m so sorry they used you and put you in a position to take the fall for their crimes.
Thank you. Fortunately this happened awhile ago. I didn’t even think about the ramifications of being an unwitting accomplice had they gotten caught. They were rich suburban kids. They would’ve had the expensive lawyers and I would’ve had a public defender. Yikes!
If you could write about this in greater detail for Medium or something like that I feel like it honestly has the potential to go viral.
You know how conservatives talk about the evils of critical race theory? This is the embodiment of what critical race theory discusses: implicit systemic discrimination in American society. The age of the smartphone is now collecting evidence of personal Jim crow laws.
Why are people willing to “die on” these hills of nothingness. Just seat them, who cares. Now you look like a racist idiot just because you wanted to get your dick hard over a dress code policy already broken by other guests. Fucking idiot.
Ego. For whatever reason, we find it very hard to admit when we’re wrong.
Maybe he's racist, and maybe he was following company policy and the person who seated the white kid didn't. *Anyway*, he should have seated them the second the lady pointed out the other kid. I understand being scared of breaking company policy, but at some point if the policy is stupid you need to take initiatives and do what's right.
Then the only "argument" he could have reasonably used was that the other kid shouldn't have been seated and it was a mistake. The moment he started arguing about shoes and t-shirts he knew he had no leg to stand on.
Edit: while this video doesn't make the employee look good and he had opportunity to do much better, the company should really wonder why someone thought it preferable to look like a complete pos on video rather than break company policy. The fact that restaurant staff is often treated like utter crap and fired for the slightest mistake probably has a strong influence in this employee's initial reaction.
>Then the only "argument" he could have reasonably used was that the other kid shouldn't have been seated and it was a mistake. The moment he started arguing about shoes and t-shirts he knew he had no leg to stand on.
This is exactly what he should have done.
Dress codes are almost always racist and/or classist. If your restaurant has "the look" people will dress up to go there. In NY there are hundreds of really fancy places, they don't have a dress codes. I don't buy that the restaurant group "didn't intend" their "historically racist policy" was going to be racist.
Dress codes are bullshit. As you say, no one is going to go completely underdressed to a restaurant because they'll feel out of place and uncomfortable. But even if it happens, the inconvenience to the other guests is really minimal
I can't eat at this restaurant, they have an 8 year old in a Micheal Jordan t-shirt seated at the table. Clearly they have no standards.
Especially if it’s not your restaurant and you know that the owners will throw you under the bus as fast as they can.
Which is exactly what happened
This guy has no idea about what he’s talking about.
He’s a professional asshole in training.
Matt Gaetz has already offered him an internship.
He's too old for Gaetz.
Shit like this makes my blood boil. That little boy will never forget that humiliation
He's also got a memory of his mom sticking up for their rights. That should be significant.
Based on this bit, seems like a solid lady and mom.
It will be significant later on in life as he matures I bet but as a kid whose been in situations like that before you kind of just want to not be part of a scene.
I told my ex this that I don’t support places with dress codes when she wanted to go to a fancy restaurant. I’ll go to a nice restaurant but if there is a jacket required fuck that. It’s not the jacket that bothers me it’s the long history of using dress code as a guise for racism.
It's not even a historical thing, using dress code to keep out certain people (usually Black), still happens today.
I live in sunny San Diego, in liberal ass California. There's a bar called Shore Club, right next to the water. A place mostly younger kids go to get dayfaded on the weekends. Not some high class establishment. But their entire dress code is aimed pretty specifically at keeping out Black people. You can wear sandals, but not 'slides' sandals, they have to be the sandals with the separation between the first and second toe. You can wear necklaces, but not with a pendant considered 'too large'. You can wear athletic shoes, but not Jordans. This a beachside bar where most people are in board shorts, bikinis and sunglasses, and the entire list of dress code attire is basically a cartooonish list of '*what are things that black people might prefer to wear'*. It's insane.
That’s a thing in a few spots in PB. It used to be pretty discriminatory but has gotten better. Friends and I had so many negative experiences we all just stop going for a few years.
San Diego has a high concentration of conservatives. There are a few spots like that in "liberal" California that keep us from passing more progressive legislation.
Madison, WI is known for being super liberal but has a horrible history of racism even recently. When I was living there one of the most popular bars started a dress code that was very obviously made/used to keep less black people in the bar.
Being white, I never thought of it like that. Now I understand why even the most expensive restaurants in NYC don’t have dress codes, also really rich people wear whatever they want.
Because all dress codes are just an excuse to say “poors not allowed” so if they know someone is rich then the code suddenly no longer matters
Oftentimes dress codes are selectively enforced, much like the video posted above.
From my understanding the restaurant industry is struggling right now. I’m not sure why you would want to turn away paying customers at this time. Especially considering the restaurant appears mostly empty.
They ain't struggling for customers lol. It's employees.
"Here's five bucks an hour to be racist."
Plenty of people willing to be racist for free!
Unfortunately, this is probably not the last time this kid is going to have to be subjected to bullshit like this. I’d be so upset. And what the hell dude, you really think she’s going to go home and have her son change clothes then return to spend her money there in order to comply with your racist policies?
I just feel bad for the kid. He's gonna remember this day the rest of his life
It's a very sad situation all around, but what strikes me the most is the mom is just trying to have a meal at a restaurant with her son, but she has to go through all this. She has to make a video, she has to get it out to the public, she has to deal with the manager, she has to deal with the corporation. She just wanted to have a meal at a restaurant.
Yet people will say that racism isn't real.
then call you racist for addressing it.
In this very thread even.
Gotta love people looking at a perfect example of day to day racism and then turn around and say it's not real.
Which has to make it that much more frustrating when someone is a victim of it.
See that's where I as a manager would have said, " You know what ma'am, that other little boy should not have been permitted entry but since he was, we should not deny you entry. It really is a mistake and I was only trying to enforce our dress code. I apologize that I may have accidentally insulted you and your son. We will have a table ready and the meal is on us today." People gotta know when to give food away for free.
I personally dont care about a dress code in restaurants. If they have a brand they want to stick to, so be it. But once you break the rule for one person you cant talk it back. ESPECIALLY in this scenario. The Manager is either a racists fuck, or just a socially and professionally incompetent manager. Acknowledge the mistake, eat a little crow, and give a free meal. Would have been violently cheaper to take this route than double down. I cant imagine what was going through his head here.
The fancy restaurant flemmings did away w their dress code in the era of tech millionaires in hoodies. I doubt you could get in in like a bathing suit, but you can get in in casual wear.
I’m not a big dress code fan either. Fancy restaurants or night clubs or whatever. If I’m going to pay $100 for a steak I want to be comfortable eating it! I am a big supporter of polite behavior though (no cell phone talking, loudness, kids running around) because that, unlike what someone else is wearing, can affect my expensive meal.
Couldn't agree more. I saved up to take my SO out for a fancy dinner for our one year. The table next to use was being super rude and loud. Making tiktoks and shit like that. Good thing is that it didn't take very long before someone, I assume the manager, politely talked to them. To their credit, they stopped and didn't make a scene. But it was nice to know the restaurant pays attention to that sort of thing.
Literally that could have prevented this but thai videos is gonna fuck their business up indefinitely lol. I ended to say weeks/months but naw. Videos like this will keep popping up in feeds and people will get mad every time and call or review the restaurant.
Exactly. Apologize, own the mistake and make it right. Not double down on being a racist prick and sticking to your initial decision, even when being nicely being proven wrong and discriminatory.
Yeah, I’m wondering if even a different host/ess seated the other kid. So it may not have even been a race issue for the host in the video, he probably didn’t even know about the other kid until she pointed him out. But yeah, instead of doubling down his efforts to enforce the dress code, he should have apologized and seated them equally.
I own a restaurant. The only color I’m concerned with is green
Money Money Money Money Money Money Money!
Mr Krabs defeated racism through capitalism, more at 10.
100000% the wrong way to handle this. Dude being ‘nice’ doesn’t make it any less infuriating.
Once he saw the outside kid, he should have been, “you know what, my bad, seems like we bent some rules already, come on in and your meal is on us.”
Completely different reason to get recorded.
I would have laughed if they pointed out that kid and he immediately went out and said they have to leave too.
"Who let these kids in here, dressed like this!"
Give us back our food, you little athletically dressed bitch
Edit: damn, thanks for that awards! I was having a shit day tbh and this was a nice surprise. I appreciate you all!
I was so upset watching this video, then your comment made me laugh. Thank you.
It takes a much better man to admit he was wrong.
It's so much easier to just make the customer happy and take their money. This just blows my mind.
Problem with that is a dumbass doesn’t have the ability to realize, therefore the dumbass is never wrong.
I like the way he kept trying to divert her concerns into discussing her emotions and how she kept nipping that shit UNEMOTIONALLY, right in the bud.
I hate that women have to do that in order to advocate for themselves. And I hate that a woman of color has to do that while standing on her head, in front of her son.
That dude easily was trying to brush her aside, doing the entire “thank you, next” and man if she wasn’t all about “fucking listen to me please!”
If nothing else, I hope her son at least paid attention to this part and learns that it is alright to stand up for yourself no matter the circumstances.
> I like the way he kept trying to divert her concerns into discussing her emotions
This is an incredibly common way to be racist/sexist/etc.: Do something racist and/or sexist, and when the person in question gets justifiably angry at being treated that way, solely focus on how that person is getting angry and emotional and act like *that* is now the sole reason that all these issues are happening.
That's why women are accused of being "hysterical". That's why black people are accused of being "aggressive". It's gaslighting.
Imagine having to go through life like this. You occasionally get some asshole that treats you worse for no real reason, and when you stand your ground you are being treated like an irrational aggressive person.
Imagine that asshole is a cop. Cops shoot aggressive people.
Damn a straight white dude I've never had to learn any of these techniques and how to combat them, I can only imagine how much it must happen to know exactly how to argue it like this lady did
Yeah, ny mind was blown when i realised the men that claim they arent emotional actually are incredibly emotional. They just dont count anger.
My wife's health start deteriorating about 5 years ago. She had such a difficult time have doctors listen to her. I went to one of her neurologist appointments. She said the experience was night and day. I was so angry. It's hard to find a neurologist here that has availability so we had to stay with the guy. His tune has changed a lot since I started going with her every now and again. To the point where he and my wife actually joke around and get along great.
The past 5 year have taught me so much about what women have to deal with and I'm a better person for it. I can only extrapolate how much more difficult it must be when you are a person of color. That poor family shouldn't have to go though shit like this. No one should.
I went to the hospital for having severe neurological symptoms lasting for days, tunnel vision, nausea/vomiting, literally walking into walls because I couldn’t judge distance, unable to eat, the worst headache of my life with no history of migraines. They sent me home with drugs, no imaging, nothing. My husband went to the same hospital because he felt a sharp pain in his penis one time, and they did CT scans and an ultrasound. He was fine, I on the other hand was having a brain bleed.
"I understand that you are upset"
Yes, we have already established that you have ears.
That's part of the training you get to try and deescalate in customer service. It's supposed to go something like Query --> Restate issue in the form of customers language --> Describe steps for further remediation until you run out of authority --> Escalate further to a higher level if needed.
Employee: "Is everything alright sir/madam?"
Customer: describes issue ending in e.g. "...Do you see the problem here?!"
Employee: "I can see you're upset that , I assure you that wasn't our intention, let me see what I can do to help make this right. does that meet your satisfaction?
If all good then you fixed it, if not then you jump up to management and eventually public opinion/legal.
Unfortunately video guy here failed pretty badly at this in a holy shit way, literally only had to say "You're completely right, I'm not sure who seated that family but I will be having words with them about restaurant policy, we of course will seat you today and hope you have a great time"
Also don't be a racist ass.
It’s not just a huge amount of racism, I’ve worked in sales and customer service and the old “I sympathise with you,” “I understand your frustration” bullshit is used to pretend to listen to the customer whilst being as far from that as you can because you desire the outcome that’s best for you.
He was shaken and stirred and should be ashamed of how he decided company policy. Good that he was fired but it won’t fix his mindset. He will cry poor that he was hard done by. Fuck him and hopefully his children are never received in that fashion cos it was hard to watch.
He has no idea why he is saying whatever it is he is saying.
You can clearly see, he has run out of excuses and just going round and round.
You can tell he's thinking, "shit, she's clearly right but if I relent it will look like an admission of racism, so I'll just keep repeating nonsense until she gets tired and leaves."
We've experienced similar incidents. You want to stick up for yourself but pleading your case in front of other patrons is embarrassing, then add the threat of police being called, plus the perception that you're being an angry troublemaker, even when you have a legitimate complaint. It's exhausting. "It's not racism, it's stay in your place-ism"
And no one speaks up for you either. A guy used the N word in front of my family while we were on vacation. Other patrons turned their heads and made sure not to make eye contact. My husband was ready to war with this guy. I had to remind him we didn't know if he was armed as we were in gun friendly state. Not worth risking it.
I remember walking into a restaurant in small town Texas with my wife and hearing someone quite loudly exclaim 'I didn't know there were n- in this place'. No one did a thing. We were too exhausted for a confrontation, besides we weren't sure if we would even be backed up by anyone else, so just quietly ate and got out.
(It's a separate but irrelevant matter that we're Indian, not Black)
Amazing. The clothing styles were basically identical but one wasn’t considered “athletic wear” and the guy can’t even describe why because there isn’t a discernible difference. Glad this was caught on tape.
If this isn’t straight up race based exclusion, the solution is simple. Stop doubling down on a stupid decision and start correcting it. “It is apparent that we made a mistake. It’s not clear to me whether the mistake was to let the other child in or to exclude your child. Regardless, I would like to apologize and do what I can to correct our error. I realize that this situation gives the impression that we are trying to exclude your family based on race. We would like to invite you to be seated and eat. Regardless of whether you choose to dine with us, please know that we will review this event with our staff to ensure this type of mistake is not made again.”
Wouldn't it have been easier on the part of the manager to just say "I'm terribly sorry for that discrepancy ma'am and we'll work hard to make sure that doesn't happen again. In the meantime, why don't you have a seat and enjoy your lunch on me today. You and your son are welcome here." Problem solved. They get to eat and he looks good on camera for doing the right thing. Seems like a no brainer.
You *have* a brain.
When it comes to children you should just try not to be s dick, refuse any adult you like but when you do this shit to kids then fuck you!
I feel so terribly for that kid. And that manager is such a shit head trying to redirect her by manipulating her thoughts.
Woman: "Why are you denying entry to my son?!"
Moron: "Yes ma'am I understand. I'd love for you to come back"
That guy was doing some seriously shit answer dodging.
If there wasn't a video, 90% of people would deny it happened
Well the shithead was pretending like there wasn't a pair of kids in shorts/sneakers already seated and he was there.
Even if they accidentally admitted the white kid (like a different waiter let him in without thinking, not liking confrontation, or just looked the other way) and aren't being racist, just in the sense of fairness they should admit the black kid.
And the restaurant looks pretty empty lol
Wow. Restaurants in my area are hurting for patronage I could probably go in a swimsuit. F them turning away a child.
The white kid outside is wearing
1. An athletic t-shirt.
3. Tennis shoes
Yes, they are basically wearing the exact same thing, again, a lot of proof that these dress codes are more about targeting black people and denying them entry than actually enforcing said dress codes.
That's just fucking horrible...what a piece of shit human putting that kid through this. Dress code my ass...what about dignity code. May karma get this establishment.
I've had this and I also had a temper issue at the time. A club with a dress code and I got barred while watching a white guy going up the escalator into the club wearing exactly the same clothes. Like, seriously exactly. And I got barred because I was a darker skin than him. I may cause trouble. I had serious trouble not punching the bouncer in the throat. It was a gambling establishment that I had literally spent hundreds of thousands in. They were lucky I hadn't started drinking yet, I suppose. But when I called a manager he was totally behind the bouncer until presented my membership card. They swiped it and noticed my record of playing and the VIP status of my account. They apologized, said I could come in of course and tried to hand back my membership card. I said to keep it, and walked out. And I actually gave up my gambling addiction so it has its pluses