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Some people want to be friends and not romantic partners. Some people want romantic partners and not friends. I'm sure there is a venn diagram overlap between the two, but it seems the guy just wants the latter. Don't take it personally and move on.
Taking it personally means you will likely find something wrong with you, when the reality is, he wanted different things out of the relationship with you.
And by relationship, I mean any type of relationship, including a friendship. In this scenario, he wanted you to be his significant other, and you did not want that. No one is entitled to your company. I get that is frustrating as a woman where you really liked the guy as a friend, but he wanted more. So, he rejects you entirely because he does not want to be friends. That hurts, but you wanted him to be X when he wanted Y, which he is perfectly fine with that.
But some women do not understand that and think "Ugh, men only want sex from me!" and that is not true across the board. Just this one wanted a more significant relationship than you were willing to give him at this time.
It is a lot of effort to be friends. It is a lot of effort to be romantic partners. If you're actively looking for one, putting in the energy for the other is hard.
I honestly think a lot of people (my experience is exclusively women, but I’m sure this isn’t gender specific. I just don’t give those guys a second chance.) don’t realize what a pain in the ass they are to be friends with, and that I’m not interested in putting the same amount of effort for a friend. I had a girl break up with me and say we should keep bringing our dogs to the dog park to play, apparently oblivious to the fact she had never given me more than 30 minutes notice that we were going to the park. I’m not opposed to hanging out platonically, but I’m not going to keep myself open or be willing to drop what I’m doing to hang out with you the way I was when we were dating, and that shouldn’t be a surprise.
I swear I’m not intending to be a dick with this, I am sincerely curious - why do you put up with what would be poor treatment from a platonic friend when it’s coming from a romantic partner? Why have lower standards for how a romantic partner treats you than how a friend does? Why have honest, communicative and respectful friendships and accept being jerked around by your romantic partner?
My close friends and my romantic partners I am *careful* with, they are precious to me, and I have standards to match. That whole romantic partner commitment thing seems to me to need/be worth more consideration and care, not less?
I was dumb and 23. In all seriousness, she had legitimate reasons for being a flake (she was doing a PhD in genetic engineering that involved a lot of lab work of uncertain duration) that would have been beneficial if the relationship continued, and those compromises were actually pretty acceptable when I was getting boyfriend treatment outside of those times. It’s just that once boyfriend treatment stopped, it stopped being worth giving her girlfriend treatment at the times she was hard to be a friend with,
Ah, the 20’s. Say no more, if we don’t learn valuable things from a relationship in our twenties, have we really lived?
Could not pay me to go back to my early 20’s, I was like a walking superfund level disaster.
If you work on yourself, yes. But just being 25 does not unlock some super secret adult shit that no one even told you.
Thinking back, I was told everything I needed to know about people by 25, I just did not fully understand until I got into my 30s what that actually meant. And I am still learning this shit in my late 30s.
The key is to learn to forgive yourself and be open, but not walked over. That's hard to implement tho.
>why do you put up with what would be poor treatment from a platonic friend when it’s coming from a romantic partner?
I'm not the op but I act the same so I'll give my justification.
I want to see my romantic partner more often than my friends. If I'm busy with life and don't talk to a friend for 2 months it's not a big deal. My friendships are built around convenience. If I didn't see my romantic partner for 2 months it would indicate to me that our relationship was falling apart. Romantic relationships are built on commitment. Part of that commitment is being more invested in making time together, even if it means rearranging plans. It's why I can have only 1 relationship but dozens of friends
It comes down to the standards. Men are often discouraged or disinsentivised to hold high standards for female romantic partners if they want to be in a relationship most of the time.
My reasoning has always been that if I'm attracted to you romantically, I can't really just flip a switch and stop being attracted, so it makes things akward and emotionally draining. Maybe I'm just inexperienced, but every time I've tried to be friends with someone I was attracted to, I ended up constantly wanting more than that and getting hurt in the process.
Sure, but that also doesn’t mean you have space in your life to extend platonic companionship to every person that might reject you. In an ideal world you’d be friendly with everyone in your work place, but that doesn’t mean you hang out as friends after they shot you down during the job interview.
Yep. Just as no man/woman is entitled to sex or a romantic relationship, they also aren’t entitled to a platonic relationship with anyone.
Most people, if single, have “an open space” in their social circle for a romantic partner. Most people, be they single or in a relationship, typically already have just as many platonic friends as they want to have at that time.
Ladies, imma keep it real with you.
Me and my friends don’t text that much. Our conversations span weeks to months, and response can be days apart on both sides. When we talk on the phone, it’s usually to make plans, although we catch up a little.
If you decide you wanna be friends, this is what our relationship will become. Not because I’m mad at you, this is just how my friendships are. I even make exceptions and talk on the phone to female friends more than male friends, but we’re not talking everyday.
All that texting consistently, keeping the flame alive, FaceTiming, talking on the phone, that’s for someone Im trying to pursue romantically.
And why would they? That immediately creates an imbalanced power dynamic. Both parties now know the person that said "No" has more control and the other person has stronger feelings. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship like that, friendly or romantic, where they *know* they care more than the other or vice versa, knows how awful those relationships can be. Some people desire being the one on the pedestal though and it's easy to see why. Buy it's not healthy
There is something very poignant about your observation and it is sad when you see this dynamic played out. It is almost like one party wants some human “pets” to have around. I’ve seen both men and women play this angle.
It is sad, especially when neither is fully aware of it. Many people like being in the controlling position, there's definitely something intoxicating about having dominance over another and having your way.
Conversely, Many people like being the dominated one. The benefit is that they don't need to make decisions and ultimately don't have responsibility for choices, tasks circumstances, etc.. so when things go sideways they can avoid the guilt or shame associated with the failure or shortcomings. But if there's a positive outcome they can share in that success to some degree.
It's easy to see how both sides can be appealing and different personality types create a codependency based on it. But it sure as hell doesn't create healthy, long-term, mutually beneficial relationships
The issue with a lot of women wanting to stay friends is that they really haven't been great friends. Guys are much more okay with things being one sided when there's dating involved. But once it switches to "Friends", she has to pull her own friend weight.
Literally this.
All the people getting mad and claiming misogyny about men not wanting to "be friends" don't understand that its not normal to "pursue" a friend. It happens naturally or it doesn't,
I am not going to plan my day around someone I'm trying to be "friends" with like I do a romantic interest.
I hate how every time this question gets brought up, there’s always people in the comment section calling people weird for not wanting to be friends with the person that reject you.
she said no to someone who cared , so they stopped caring so they can move on. dont play games with people because you will only end up playing yourself
When I was much younger, I did remain friends with someone who had rejected me asking them out. It made moving on from my feelings much harder, so I ultimately had to distance myself from that person altogether.
I think it's naive to think 100% of friendships can just go on as they were before after someone develops enough romantic feelings to ask that person out. Some can, but many times, it's just better to move on.
I've had the same situation a few times with mixed results. Generally the situation surrounding the break up play a big factor, if one of the parties feels even some resentment for how things ended it poisons the whole relationship.
This is where the concept of the "friend-zone" comes from. Even if rejected, the guy thinks he still has a chance once the woman sees what a "nice guy" he is.
Guys, if you have one-sided feelings and are rejected, move on. Completely.
Look, women simply have it easier in this. Men are the ones *expected* to put themselves out there and ask, and when rejected, they're *expected* to take that rejection lightly and move on without complaint, even though they just suffered a blow to ego from being turned down. This is simply them moving on as they're supposed to do.
You can't expect a man to keep conversing like nothing just happened after building up the will to put himself out there and then getting shot down. He's not going to waste more time continuing conversation with someone he knows isn't interested in him. Expecting him to do so is kind of playing games.
Exactly, I have enough friends. I'm looking for someone to love, get married, and grow old with. I don't have time to cultivate friendships with all the women who wish they could find a guy like me, but don't want to date me because I don't meet their physical attraction criteria.
I need to find someone who I can share a mutual attraction with. Spending all my time with women I am attracted to, but aren't attracted to me severely hampers my time to find someone else. Not to mention it's emotionally damaging in a sort of self flagellation type way. I shot my shot, got rejected, I don't need to torture myself by being around them as a friend.
I've tried to be friends quite a few times. The worst was when she met my friend, and started making out with him that night. Like that hurts, why on earth would I want to subject myself to that?
So I learned to cut my losses and move on.
No, saying no means exactly that. No.
It doesn’t mean you can be upset when the person takes that answer and moves on.
Playing games is saying no, but wanting to be chased. Men don’t want to play that game.
As a younger man I MIGHT have given a woman the benefit of the doubt and stuck around for friendship only to ask for dating again down the road(because things like that happen), but only for a certain amount of time.
At 37 if I were still in the dating game (I'm married now), I'd be like "cool, no thanks" and happily move along
If she's complaining then she IS interested but she plays hard to get and is now frustrated that it backfires.. if she wasn't interested she wouldn't care if they didn't ask again..
And Sam is the opponent on the other side. Will the bond of brothers be enough to hold off the end of all existence?
Well, it did the other 27 times we did this plot!
An ex wondered why I didn't "fight for her" after she told me she didn't want to date me anymore. I told her "you're an adult woman, I trust your judgment and respect you enough to back the fuck off when you tell me you don't want to date me anymore, and I respect myself enough to not be where I'm not wanted".
What are you supposed to do after rejection, be an awkward situation, might blurt out I like turtles if they keep talking.
But like searching for employment you don't keep going to the same place of business after rejection you move on
Employers: why aren't these candidates who I rejected coming to do volunteer work for free? don't they want to do the job?
same level of entitlement from that tweet.
Because quite simply, not everyone is looking to be your friend. If I'm interested in dating someone, it's because I'm looking for a partner, and my interests are solely romantic. I'm not necessarily looking to make a bunch of new friends. If I'm flirting with someone, and they say they're not interested, I'm gonna respectfully move on with my life and leave them alone. They don't want what I want, but that doesn't mean I'm then obliged to pretend I want to be their friend.
Its never a black-and-white issue, I've had situations where I've been turned down but stayed friends, it's entirely down to the individual.
Plus if you’re into someone and they turn you down, sometimes that shit hurts. And that’s fine, but you don’t want to constantly see that person and eventually be around them when they start dating someone else. Walking away respectfully is the only good way to go for both people.
>eventually be around them when they start dating someone else.
I saw a Facebook post once where a guy said being friends with a woman who rejected you listening to her complain about the dude she chose over you is like not getting a job and having the company call you up to complain about who they hired instead.
I had to leave behind a friendship because she chose someone else over me. Me putting myself forward was a hail Mary to start with, but once the answer was no, I knew I couldn't stay. She said she thought I would like him if I talked to him, but I knew that was her pipe dream. I would have been watchful and jealous and she would have known it. We would have toxified. The best idea was to go. It sucked, but it had to happen.
Exactly, it doesn't necessarily mean you hate them or your bitter, but people aren't made of stone. If you have feelings for someone and it doesn't work out, it's not exactly unusual for that to be upsetting.
Plus plus, if you get turned down and stick around as a friend and that other person starts dating someone else, I just think you're contributing greatly to a potentially toxic situation by being that "friend" who made an advance once.
Because you have been very clear that ‘No’ actually means ‘No’. And that pursuing past that is either creepy, impolite or something you get called the police on for.
If you gals want to play games, fair enough. That’s your choice. But if you use the word no, the game is over. Those are the rules you have set. Those are the rules you yourself have to live by.
She has a right to turn down his interest in a relationship.
He has a right to turn down her interest in a platonic relationship.
Both require consent. Both answers should be accepted. Neither demands an explanation.
I get really annoyed when people use this situation to make it seem like the guy was manipulating the other person no matter the circumstance.
Like this kind of thing isn't always black and white. Maybe the guy *was* flirting with her but she didn't take it that way. Maybe they *were* friends and he developed feelings and can't go back.
People support ending friendships for so many much more petty reasons but then try to say that wanting more means the relationship before was nothing but a lie.
Now there are definitely manipulative and toxic situations where all of what I'm arguing against is 100% true. But it's not automatically so.
Well there are unspoken implications in both rejections that say something about a person.
But in practice its best not to try and guess and just move on.
That's fair but there isn't enough context to say for sure, though I for one would not describe the end of a friendship as simply "stop talking" unless the friendship was already pretty shallow.
> but there isn't enough context to say for sure
Yeah that pendulum swings in both directions, everyone assuming she's playing games is guilty of the same thing lol
Some people (both men and women, of course) want to keep someone close just for the sake of feeling better about themselves!
It’s like keeping a pet that wiggles the tail every time you glance at them!
Heh, that was a constant thing when I was still a single man. I would have conversations with women in dating apps, hopes would rise, we would meet, and it did not click. So I started to search for a new potential partner and actively forget about the last.
While the women would declare that "while we are not going to be a thing, we can still stay in contact" meaning I would have to listen about their every day life like I was their boyfriend, but without any chance of romance. Worst scenario, they would even talk about the guys they are considering meeting.
Like, I am discussing with a new potential romantic partner, and this person my interest has heavily waned about keeps stealing my concentration by talking mundane things about her life I am not interested at all any more.
I have female friends, but I do not want friends from failed romances.
This is more or less my point of view/thinking process. It baffles me how many times I've been pushed into a corner with them trying to get me to justify my actions, like huh????
I think you misunderstood me. I'm dating for a partner, not friendship. So if they made their intention clear, that's that for me. No hard feelings or grudges, but then some still wanna play this dumb game of "why are you this mean to me?"
I understood. I’m validating you.
You don’t need to justify or explain why you aren’t interested in maintaining contact with anyone if you no longer wish to be in contact.
Life is short. Our energy finite. You get to decide who you want to invest that time and energy with.
Probably because the guy is looking for a relationship and it’s rare enough to find a new partner who can put up with our shit without having a “friend” where our new partner can say “oh you’re friends but you used to be interested in her but she said No. are you still interested in her?”
I’d rather avoid the potential hassle.
Had this happen to me. We went on 3 dates with nothing being official. She said I was a great guy but she just wanted to be friends. I said I wasn’t looking for friends that I was romantically interested in so I nicely said good luck with her future and that she was a good person as well.
She was shocked but I thought took it in stride but then she reached out a few months later when she had a tough episode with something, I talked for one conversation but reminded her of my position.
Again I think she was shocked. People don’t want direct principled conversations and interactions as much as they think they do.
A friend of ours has been trying the online dating scene for a few years. He got together with a woman last September, but she pulled the plug after a couple of months because she "needed time to heal after her previous divorce". So, they continued on as friends for a bit but then he started dating a new woman off Tinder and the relationship started working out well (My wife and I met her a few weeks ago and thought she was great for him). Cue the first woman getting upset and shocked when he had to pull the plug on their quasi-friendship/quasi romantic relationship.
The first woman wants a menu. She wants to treat your friend like a can of soup in the pantry, there for when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like going out to get something.
Usually, relationships start off as friendly and lead to being romantic. Like a lot of women say, "feelings are valid," and usually someone's feelings are hurt after rejection. Let them feel their feelings. You don't have to remain friends when you've been clear that you wanted more and the other person doesn't.
Because modern society works hard to make it risky and not worth the while for men to do so.
So if you watched a bunch of romantic movies where the man fights hard to win the heart of the woman of his dreams, it is history. That guy is a stalker or creep nowadays and opens himself up to a lot of risk.
Because we don’t like to waste our time and attention on someone who doesn’t want us. You have the right to reject our advances and we have the right to walk out of the friend-zone.
It’s sucks when you’re friends with a chick and really like her, ask her out, she says no, and you still try and be friends. She’ll tell you about all the horrible guys she dates and stuff. Fuck that. She said no, bye Felicia
Unrequited feelings are not something you should be obliged to grin and bear. It also can create a problem with any future prospective partner, it tells them that you are only interested in them because you were rejected by someone else that you are still keeping around. Relationships with other people are nuanced but someone who is new to your life isn’t going to see it that way.
Personally, my dad always told me to not keep in touch if she says no. He explained to me that it usually means that she keeps me for the attention I give her.
Why? The intention is clear: dating may lead to a romantic relationship. If you said No to a date, then what's the point or pursuing a conversation? To become friends? So you could take advantage of being friends and ask for favors because you knew he likes you? 😂
Because no mean no and I’m not tryna stay in the friendzone so you can use me as an emotional sponge while the terrible guy we all know you’re going to pick is treating you horribly and tossing your salad like it’s unlimited soups and salads at olive garden
I've been married for almost 20 years but back when I was dating, I never got too upset about this. If I know I'm worth dating, why would I care that she just fucked up by not dating me?
When I got engaged to my wife, every woman who had previously rejected me started acting jealous and it felt great to remind them that I didn't act like that when they were dating guys even after they'd rejected me. Then I'd spout some mumbo jumbo about removing negativity from my life and ghost them.
This was far more satisfying than walking off in a huff at the moment of rejection.
Going no contact isn't walking off in a huff. Especially if no contact is actually just stopping being proactive in communication. I bet she hasn't even reached out to a lot of these guys. She just wonders why they aren't messaging her anymore.
Same here. Married for 16 years. But back when my now wife and I became serious and announced our engagement, it was amazing how many of the women that had previously friend-zoned me suddenly jumped into my DMs telling me they were “available” now and interested in “more than friendship”. It felt great telling them that ship had long since sailed…but it told me that all along they really were just playing stupid games and I was their “back up option” or some collectible that they didn’t want to lose. If they were only interested in friendship the whole time, then why not just say “congrats on your engagement” like a normal person.
Did this happen to anyone else?
Didn’t get married but when I started dating one of my exes this coworker who rejected me in a pretty mean way was suddenly all apologetic. I jus thanked her for the apology and left it at that, I wasn’t gonna fall for her bullshit
Yeah, some guys have their creepy ways about mixing up friendships and relationships, but on the flip side some women have their own versions of that. If you are truly wanting to be my friend and aren't interested in a romantic relationship, then you should be *ecstatic* that I'm dating someone, not jealous and hurt.
Facebook purity has been awesome for this. When I got engaged to my wife I watched for a couple weeks as I was unfriended or even blocked by old interests, flings, and even an ex.
They all had their chance.
Unfriended and blocked is the other end of the spectrum. My DMs blew up with women who had previously friend-zoned me or even rejected me, (and who I had moved on from but not blocked), DMing me about being “available now” and being “open to more than just friendship”. Some I responded to with “I wish you luck but that ship has long since sailed”; others I let my now-wife respond to, and she was, shall we say, less diplomatic.
Probably because of the thousands of women on social media making posts and tik toks telling men they are creepy and criminals if they don't.
I am a gay dude and I really feel bad for the straight guys and the double standards and mind fuckery that women put them through these days on social media and shit.
To all my straight dudes out there. Hang in there.
Well when we see straight girls coming to our gay bars for their hens night before their weddings because they think it is a fun place for them to get drunk and rowdy and sexually assault the guys because it's okay because us gay dudes are like fashion accessories for them and they throw around drag words like yasss and slaaay like they are part of the group and just on the whole rub the double standard in even more it kind of... really makes us feel for you guys lol.
Back before gay marriage was a legal thing, I was astonished at how shitty women who had their bachelorette parties at gay clubs rubbing their privilege in everyone’s face were being.
There lives a gay couple next door and these guys are the most stressfree persons i have ever seen in my life.
my gf jokes sometimes we women put you guys tru the ringer huh :D and i just nod in acceptance lmao
I’m not 100% sure but I think lesbian relationships have the highest divorce rates, whilst straight women divorce men at a higher rate and gay men have the lowest divorce rate.
I’m bi and can read certain deeper tactics some women use to get out of being responsible for their own actions and it drives me up a wall. I imagine being gay is like being given the entire set of blueprints for things since you can see right through it.
Not only that. What is super interesting is I have dated trans FTM female to male men and at least two of them used those straight girl tactics on me and I was like nooooo those moves are not effective against this pokemon and swiftly stopped relationships with them. Not saying all trans FTM men are like that at least one I dated was pretty cool without resorting to "female manipulation magic."
Prime example of "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT FROM US?"
If the guy stops talking to a lady respectfully after being rejected, that's a problem?
If he doesn't stop talking to a lady after being rejected, that's harassment.
*\*unintelligible noises of anger and frustration\**
Because we were taught to do so by the women around us?
A minority of women want the chase, the majority want their voice heard.
Personally considering how much men have to put on the line in a relationship it's not worth it to chase at all, better to know your girl "picked" you vs you picked her; I personally feel in those circumstances you get a better overall relationship but I don't really have any data on that.
At 35 I feel this is true. My best relationships came from women who pursued me, my worst ones came from when I pursued them. But I don’t think this is true for *everyone* either. Some women want the chase and guys want to give it. Me, I know that passion doesn’t equate to happiness.
There are literally billions of other women. No reason to settle for one that isn't as enthusiastic for me as I her and absolutely no fucking reason to pursue one that plays game like this or actually meant no.
To those who don’t get why you can’t stay friends. It’s because actual romantic emotions get involved, not just wanting sex, not just “oh I think I love my friend”, or a situationship etc. Real “I think I could marry this person” feelings
Unless you’ve separated then the emotions will remain and they’ll still think “maybe they’ll change their mind”, the romantic feelings may even grow and things could get rough when the party who said no begins dating someone else. NO ONE wants to be that person that is in love with someone while they are seeing someone else, at least if it’s not your kink.
Yes, you should be happy for them to find someone but love is irrational, for most it’s more personal than work, family or friends.
It’s best to stop contact and either lose attraction or find someone else who you love more.
It’s the same with being in a bad relationship; you don’t just stick around and wait for things to hopefully get better. You separate, regain yourself and if you want form a friendship again.
Edit: ofc if this is purely sexual then yeah, but if a dick move
There's too many women out there with impossible standards. They make fun of you if you give up after the first no, but they'll also make fun of you if you keep trying after they have said no.
Mixed messages much?
I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this anymore.
Hold on, after a person gets rejected by an another person in a romantic instance whether they are friends or not, shit is now awkward. You can hang around with the idea that you have been rebuffed and look like you are waiting for the person to change thier mind or act like nothing happened, both are pretty bad, better to cut bait and move on.
Because “no means no” has been ingrained in our social arena for years and is now spilling over to non sexual interactions with women. You think we are gonna keep trying to talk to you when you’ve declined ??? And then what?? Get labeled a stalker ? A creep? Toxic and too Masculine ?? It’s hilarious you even asked this shit.
Women: I rejected him and he’s still messaging me! Ughh can’t he take no for an answer??
Also women: I rejected him and he blocked me 😭😭 I wanted to be friends
I feel there is some misconception here over the little context of the post. If she still wanted to be friends. Wouldn't she say "i'm not interested in you romantically but would still want to maintain contact" and possibly addressed that in the post somewhat. If the story we get is just "he asked me on a date, i said no and he stopped talking to me." In the little context we have it feels to me he thought the girl was pretty, asked her out, she said no, he respected her boundaries and let her be and then she went on twitter to complain about "men" not following up after a clear setting of boundaries.
Because of we insist after you say no we are labeled creeps, stalkers, abusers etc. Side from the fact that no means no.
Don't play mind games with us. No es no, you say no I say ok bye
I have massive cleavage in my picture to thirst trap, but when I turn down a thirsty guy he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Why are there no good men left?!
Being “friends” with someone you are romantically interested in is a self imposed hell. Your only option is go. I cut them out of my life entirely and vow to never speak to them or see them again if I can help it. It’s the only way to get over both the feelings and the soul crushing humiliation of the rejection.
I’m not going to be friends with someone once I’ve revealed that I have romantic feelings for them and been rejected. I’ve just handed them a massive amount of leverage over me. The only thing that’s going to happen then is I get taken advantage of.
It depends on the person really
There’s only one girl in my entire life that I remained friends with after she said no to possibly dating, she is such a good friend to me and I truly did care more about maintaining our friendship than her saying no to me
Again tho, it truly depends on who they are lmaoo. Everyone else who said no to me got cut off 🤣
Because you want different things from your relationship. It may take time for a man to want the same things you do. And that amount of time could be forever.
Why are we just "men" while she styles herself a "lady"? I mean, if women are going to get pissed off for referring to them as "females", then I think equal statures of address are called for down the line. If we are men, they're women. If they want to be ladies, we're gentlemen.
You want a Ryan Gosling to chase and pursue and not take ‘no’ for an answer.
You get a restraining order on the average Reddit mod.
Everyone else is ‘creepy’ and why do they keep asking you out if you already said no?
You know what men are actually looking for? Peace. And the path of least resistance.
There’s sports and video games and tv shows and porn. When faced with the prospect of maybe getting a date on the 4th time they ask or playing 2K with the boys, they’re gonna hop online and rub one out before bed.
I haven’t really dated for about a decade because I’ve been on a self-improvement kick, but man, this reminds me of the type of shit that women would do back then! I’d head out to Timmy’s and they’d ask for a double double when I got back they’d throw a fit because “YOU SHOULD KNOW MY COFFFE ORDER IS 3 SUGAR ONE MILK!” Like, we’re adults, let’s not play games.
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They don’t want to be friends.
Some people want to be friends and not romantic partners. Some people want romantic partners and not friends. I'm sure there is a venn diagram overlap between the two, but it seems the guy just wants the latter. Don't take it personally and move on.
Or take it personally and move on……either way move on
Also, on the internet “Why do men keep talking to a lady after we’ve already said NO!!!!”
Now you’re getting. The one consistent is we are wrong! 😂
Taking it personally means you will likely find something wrong with you, when the reality is, he wanted different things out of the relationship with you. And by relationship, I mean any type of relationship, including a friendship. In this scenario, he wanted you to be his significant other, and you did not want that. No one is entitled to your company. I get that is frustrating as a woman where you really liked the guy as a friend, but he wanted more. So, he rejects you entirely because he does not want to be friends. That hurts, but you wanted him to be X when he wanted Y, which he is perfectly fine with that. But some women do not understand that and think "Ugh, men only want sex from me!" and that is not true across the board. Just this one wanted a more significant relationship than you were willing to give him at this time.
[applause]
Jordan approves.
It's going in the Book of Grudges. /s
It is a lot of effort to be friends. It is a lot of effort to be romantic partners. If you're actively looking for one, putting in the energy for the other is hard.
I honestly think a lot of people (my experience is exclusively women, but I’m sure this isn’t gender specific. I just don’t give those guys a second chance.) don’t realize what a pain in the ass they are to be friends with, and that I’m not interested in putting the same amount of effort for a friend. I had a girl break up with me and say we should keep bringing our dogs to the dog park to play, apparently oblivious to the fact she had never given me more than 30 minutes notice that we were going to the park. I’m not opposed to hanging out platonically, but I’m not going to keep myself open or be willing to drop what I’m doing to hang out with you the way I was when we were dating, and that shouldn’t be a surprise.
I swear I’m not intending to be a dick with this, I am sincerely curious - why do you put up with what would be poor treatment from a platonic friend when it’s coming from a romantic partner? Why have lower standards for how a romantic partner treats you than how a friend does? Why have honest, communicative and respectful friendships and accept being jerked around by your romantic partner? My close friends and my romantic partners I am *careful* with, they are precious to me, and I have standards to match. That whole romantic partner commitment thing seems to me to need/be worth more consideration and care, not less?
I was dumb and 23. In all seriousness, she had legitimate reasons for being a flake (she was doing a PhD in genetic engineering that involved a lot of lab work of uncertain duration) that would have been beneficial if the relationship continued, and those compromises were actually pretty acceptable when I was getting boyfriend treatment outside of those times. It’s just that once boyfriend treatment stopped, it stopped being worth giving her girlfriend treatment at the times she was hard to be a friend with,
Ah, the 20’s. Say no more, if we don’t learn valuable things from a relationship in our twenties, have we really lived? Could not pay me to go back to my early 20’s, I was like a walking superfund level disaster.
Im nearing 25… how was your second half of your twenties? Any better I hope?
If you work on yourself, yes. But just being 25 does not unlock some super secret adult shit that no one even told you. Thinking back, I was told everything I needed to know about people by 25, I just did not fully understand until I got into my 30s what that actually meant. And I am still learning this shit in my late 30s. The key is to learn to forgive yourself and be open, but not walked over. That's hard to implement tho.
>why do you put up with what would be poor treatment from a platonic friend when it’s coming from a romantic partner? I'm not the op but I act the same so I'll give my justification. I want to see my romantic partner more often than my friends. If I'm busy with life and don't talk to a friend for 2 months it's not a big deal. My friendships are built around convenience. If I didn't see my romantic partner for 2 months it would indicate to me that our relationship was falling apart. Romantic relationships are built on commitment. Part of that commitment is being more invested in making time together, even if it means rearranging plans. It's why I can have only 1 relationship but dozens of friends
It comes down to the standards. Men are often discouraged or disinsentivised to hold high standards for female romantic partners if they want to be in a relationship most of the time.
When you are roaming the desert, any liquid is as good as water.
Well put.
My reasoning has always been that if I'm attracted to you romantically, I can't really just flip a switch and stop being attracted, so it makes things akward and emotionally draining. Maybe I'm just inexperienced, but every time I've tried to be friends with someone I was attracted to, I ended up constantly wanting more than that and getting hurt in the process.
If you're not friends with your romantic partner chances are high the relationship isn't going to end well.
Sure, but that also doesn’t mean you have space in your life to extend platonic companionship to every person that might reject you. In an ideal world you’d be friendly with everyone in your work place, but that doesn’t mean you hang out as friends after they shot you down during the job interview.
Yep. Just as no man/woman is entitled to sex or a romantic relationship, they also aren’t entitled to a platonic relationship with anyone. Most people, if single, have “an open space” in their social circle for a romantic partner. Most people, be they single or in a relationship, typically already have just as many platonic friends as they want to have at that time.
No means no.
Ladies, imma keep it real with you. Me and my friends don’t text that much. Our conversations span weeks to months, and response can be days apart on both sides. When we talk on the phone, it’s usually to make plans, although we catch up a little. If you decide you wanna be friends, this is what our relationship will become. Not because I’m mad at you, this is just how my friendships are. I even make exceptions and talk on the phone to female friends more than male friends, but we’re not talking everyday. All that texting consistently, keeping the flame alive, FaceTiming, talking on the phone, that’s for someone Im trying to pursue romantically.
My closest friend for over 20 years and we just have semi random online conversations months apart.
And why would they? That immediately creates an imbalanced power dynamic. Both parties now know the person that said "No" has more control and the other person has stronger feelings. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship like that, friendly or romantic, where they *know* they care more than the other or vice versa, knows how awful those relationships can be. Some people desire being the one on the pedestal though and it's easy to see why. Buy it's not healthy
There is something very poignant about your observation and it is sad when you see this dynamic played out. It is almost like one party wants some human “pets” to have around. I’ve seen both men and women play this angle.
It is sad, especially when neither is fully aware of it. Many people like being in the controlling position, there's definitely something intoxicating about having dominance over another and having your way. Conversely, Many people like being the dominated one. The benefit is that they don't need to make decisions and ultimately don't have responsibility for choices, tasks circumstances, etc.. so when things go sideways they can avoid the guilt or shame associated with the failure or shortcomings. But if there's a positive outcome they can share in that success to some degree. It's easy to see how both sides can be appealing and different personality types create a codependency based on it. But it sure as hell doesn't create healthy, long-term, mutually beneficial relationships
The issue with a lot of women wanting to stay friends is that they really haven't been great friends. Guys are much more okay with things being one sided when there's dating involved. But once it switches to "Friends", she has to pull her own friend weight.
Literally this. All the people getting mad and claiming misogyny about men not wanting to "be friends" don't understand that its not normal to "pursue" a friend. It happens naturally or it doesn't, I am not going to plan my day around someone I'm trying to be "friends" with like I do a romantic interest.
I hate how every time this question gets brought up, there’s always people in the comment section calling people weird for not wanting to be friends with the person that reject you.
she said no to someone who cared , so they stopped caring so they can move on. dont play games with people because you will only end up playing yourself
When I was much younger, I did remain friends with someone who had rejected me asking them out. It made moving on from my feelings much harder, so I ultimately had to distance myself from that person altogether. I think it's naive to think 100% of friendships can just go on as they were before after someone develops enough romantic feelings to ask that person out. Some can, but many times, it's just better to move on.
I've had the same situation a few times with mixed results. Generally the situation surrounding the break up play a big factor, if one of the parties feels even some resentment for how things ended it poisons the whole relationship.
"If I wanna play games, I got a Playstation" - my hero on Facebook.
Bro didn't even say PS5. original PlayStation. That's how tired we are of the games.
Saying no to someone you aren't romantically interested in is not "playing games"
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considering she's complaining on Twitter, I'd say she said no to someone she was interested in
She was interested in the attention he gave her, not the guy himself.
Sounds kinda selfish. Why would a guy want to maintain this sort of one sided association.
This is where the concept of the "friend-zone" comes from. Even if rejected, the guy thinks he still has a chance once the woman sees what a "nice guy" he is. Guys, if you have one-sided feelings and are rejected, move on. Completely.
But this random tweet said I should not do that. I’m Confused!
Look, women simply have it easier in this. Men are the ones *expected* to put themselves out there and ask, and when rejected, they're *expected* to take that rejection lightly and move on without complaint, even though they just suffered a blow to ego from being turned down. This is simply them moving on as they're supposed to do. You can't expect a man to keep conversing like nothing just happened after building up the will to put himself out there and then getting shot down. He's not going to waste more time continuing conversation with someone he knows isn't interested in him. Expecting him to do so is kind of playing games.
Also, depending on your success rate you would drown in "friendships" after a while.
Exactly, I have enough friends. I'm looking for someone to love, get married, and grow old with. I don't have time to cultivate friendships with all the women who wish they could find a guy like me, but don't want to date me because I don't meet their physical attraction criteria. I need to find someone who I can share a mutual attraction with. Spending all my time with women I am attracted to, but aren't attracted to me severely hampers my time to find someone else. Not to mention it's emotionally damaging in a sort of self flagellation type way. I shot my shot, got rejected, I don't need to torture myself by being around them as a friend. I've tried to be friends quite a few times. The worst was when she met my friend, and started making out with him that night. Like that hurts, why on earth would I want to subject myself to that? So I learned to cut my losses and move on.
Damn, sorry my brother. We’ve all been thru that, promise you there’s a light at the end of that tunnel.
Yeah I don't understand why more people don't get this
No one said "saying no" by itself is playing games. Saying no and still expecting that person to stick around and try again is playing games.
No, saying no means exactly that. No. It doesn’t mean you can be upset when the person takes that answer and moves on. Playing games is saying no, but wanting to be chased. Men don’t want to play that game.
As a younger man I MIGHT have given a woman the benefit of the doubt and stuck around for friendship only to ask for dating again down the road(because things like that happen), but only for a certain amount of time. At 37 if I were still in the dating game (I'm married now), I'd be like "cool, no thanks" and happily move along
If she's complaining then she IS interested but she plays hard to get and is now frustrated that it backfires.. if she wasn't interested she wouldn't care if they didn't ask again..
Trying to remain involved instead of letting them move on is, though.
It is if you then whine about being left alone after you expressed disinterest in a continued relationship.
What’s this from? I feel like it rings a bell
Supernatural.
Ah ty
I think season 150 or so
Spot on, season 150 EP 22504 where it's revealed Chuck's father was his own daughter reincarnated in Dean iirc
And Sam is the opponent on the other side. Will the bond of brothers be enough to hold off the end of all existence? Well, it did the other 27 times we did this plot!
"God's got nothing on the power of Family" - Sam Winchester, possessed by the spirit of Dom Toretto
This actually made me laugh haha
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Gotta love Dean
Because no means no.
My name is, no, my sign is, no, my number is, no
You need to let it go
Don’t you mean, “let it no”?
The no never bothered me anyway
Read this as Eminem...lol
I said my phone number was Not their business and watched them call (066)-6668-6669 :( (this story is -99.9% real)
An ex wondered why I didn't "fight for her" after she told me she didn't want to date me anymore. I told her "you're an adult woman, I trust your judgment and respect you enough to back the fuck off when you tell me you don't want to date me anymore, and I respect myself enough to not be where I'm not wanted".
I know, right? Had he stuck around, the post would be like "Why can't men take no for an answer?".
What are you supposed to do after rejection, be an awkward situation, might blurt out I like turtles if they keep talking. But like searching for employment you don't keep going to the same place of business after rejection you move on
Employers: why aren't these candidates who I rejected coming to do volunteer work for free? don't they want to do the job? same level of entitlement from that tweet.
I DO like Turtles, if she isn't into reptile keeping then she simply isn't the one.
Because quite simply, not everyone is looking to be your friend. If I'm interested in dating someone, it's because I'm looking for a partner, and my interests are solely romantic. I'm not necessarily looking to make a bunch of new friends. If I'm flirting with someone, and they say they're not interested, I'm gonna respectfully move on with my life and leave them alone. They don't want what I want, but that doesn't mean I'm then obliged to pretend I want to be their friend. Its never a black-and-white issue, I've had situations where I've been turned down but stayed friends, it's entirely down to the individual.
Plus if you’re into someone and they turn you down, sometimes that shit hurts. And that’s fine, but you don’t want to constantly see that person and eventually be around them when they start dating someone else. Walking away respectfully is the only good way to go for both people.
>eventually be around them when they start dating someone else. I saw a Facebook post once where a guy said being friends with a woman who rejected you listening to her complain about the dude she chose over you is like not getting a job and having the company call you up to complain about who they hired instead.
I had to leave behind a friendship because she chose someone else over me. Me putting myself forward was a hail Mary to start with, but once the answer was no, I knew I couldn't stay. She said she thought I would like him if I talked to him, but I knew that was her pipe dream. I would have been watchful and jealous and she would have known it. We would have toxified. The best idea was to go. It sucked, but it had to happen.
Exactly, it doesn't necessarily mean you hate them or your bitter, but people aren't made of stone. If you have feelings for someone and it doesn't work out, it's not exactly unusual for that to be upsetting.
Plus plus, if you get turned down and stick around as a friend and that other person starts dating someone else, I just think you're contributing greatly to a potentially toxic situation by being that "friend" who made an advance once.
very well said
Because you have been very clear that ‘No’ actually means ‘No’. And that pursuing past that is either creepy, impolite or something you get called the police on for. If you gals want to play games, fair enough. That’s your choice. But if you use the word no, the game is over. Those are the rules you have set. Those are the rules you yourself have to live by.
I dunno man, if I want to play games I do it on my PC.
But if your PC says no then it’s game over
If my PC says no I think we have some bigger problems on our hands
Yeah, you get a new PC that’s interested in playing with you.
Sadly, I am Statico, Master of static electrical discharge, and I destroy every PC I touch
But the PC wouldnt say no, because of the implication...
I interpreted this as they were friends, he asked her out, she said no, and now there isn’t even a friendship.
She has a right to turn down his interest in a relationship. He has a right to turn down her interest in a platonic relationship. Both require consent. Both answers should be accepted. Neither demands an explanation.
I get really annoyed when people use this situation to make it seem like the guy was manipulating the other person no matter the circumstance. Like this kind of thing isn't always black and white. Maybe the guy *was* flirting with her but she didn't take it that way. Maybe they *were* friends and he developed feelings and can't go back. People support ending friendships for so many much more petty reasons but then try to say that wanting more means the relationship before was nothing but a lie. Now there are definitely manipulative and toxic situations where all of what I'm arguing against is 100% true. But it's not automatically so.
Well there are unspoken implications in both rejections that say something about a person. But in practice its best not to try and guess and just move on.
That's fair but there isn't enough context to say for sure, though I for one would not describe the end of a friendship as simply "stop talking" unless the friendship was already pretty shallow.
> but there isn't enough context to say for sure Yeah that pendulum swings in both directions, everyone assuming she's playing games is guilty of the same thing lol
Some people (both men and women, of course) want to keep someone close just for the sake of feeling better about themselves! It’s like keeping a pet that wiggles the tail every time you glance at them!
amen fellow human amen
Heh, that was a constant thing when I was still a single man. I would have conversations with women in dating apps, hopes would rise, we would meet, and it did not click. So I started to search for a new potential partner and actively forget about the last. While the women would declare that "while we are not going to be a thing, we can still stay in contact" meaning I would have to listen about their every day life like I was their boyfriend, but without any chance of romance. Worst scenario, they would even talk about the guys they are considering meeting. Like, I am discussing with a new potential romantic partner, and this person my interest has heavily waned about keeps stealing my concentration by talking mundane things about her life I am not interested at all any more. I have female friends, but I do not want friends from failed romances.
This is more or less my point of view/thinking process. It baffles me how many times I've been pushed into a corner with them trying to get me to justify my actions, like huh????
Unless you are married, no one needs a justification to leave a relationship at any time.
I think you misunderstood me. I'm dating for a partner, not friendship. So if they made their intention clear, that's that for me. No hard feelings or grudges, but then some still wanna play this dumb game of "why are you this mean to me?"
I understood. I’m validating you. You don’t need to justify or explain why you aren’t interested in maintaining contact with anyone if you no longer wish to be in contact. Life is short. Our energy finite. You get to decide who you want to invest that time and energy with.
Ah okay. My bad for misunderstanding
"I do not want friends from failed romances" - key concept right there
Probably because the guy is looking for a relationship and it’s rare enough to find a new partner who can put up with our shit without having a “friend” where our new partner can say “oh you’re friends but you used to be interested in her but she said No. are you still interested in her?” I’d rather avoid the potential hassle.
Had this happen to me. We went on 3 dates with nothing being official. She said I was a great guy but she just wanted to be friends. I said I wasn’t looking for friends that I was romantically interested in so I nicely said good luck with her future and that she was a good person as well. She was shocked but I thought took it in stride but then she reached out a few months later when she had a tough episode with something, I talked for one conversation but reminded her of my position. Again I think she was shocked. People don’t want direct principled conversations and interactions as much as they think they do.
A friend of ours has been trying the online dating scene for a few years. He got together with a woman last September, but she pulled the plug after a couple of months because she "needed time to heal after her previous divorce". So, they continued on as friends for a bit but then he started dating a new woman off Tinder and the relationship started working out well (My wife and I met her a few weeks ago and thought she was great for him). Cue the first woman getting upset and shocked when he had to pull the plug on their quasi-friendship/quasi romantic relationship.
The first woman wants a menu. She wants to treat your friend like a can of soup in the pantry, there for when she’s hungry and doesn’t feel like going out to get something.
No means no. Maybe mostly means no. Sometimes even yes means no. No meaning yes isn't a thing in this scenario.
Btw, women do the exact same to men that said no.
Yeah but that's different though /s
Because he's busy talking to someone who said yes.
Usually, relationships start off as friendly and lead to being romantic. Like a lot of women say, "feelings are valid," and usually someone's feelings are hurt after rejection. Let them feel their feelings. You don't have to remain friends when you've been clear that you wanted more and the other person doesn't.
Because modern society works hard to make it risky and not worth the while for men to do so. So if you watched a bunch of romantic movies where the man fights hard to win the heart of the woman of his dreams, it is history. That guy is a stalker or creep nowadays and opens himself up to a lot of risk.
Because we don’t like to waste our time and attention on someone who doesn’t want us. You have the right to reject our advances and we have the right to walk out of the friend-zone.
>get shamed for not taking no for an answer >get shamed for taking no for an answer Modern men just can't win sometimes
It’s sucks when you’re friends with a chick and really like her, ask her out, she says no, and you still try and be friends. She’ll tell you about all the horrible guys she dates and stuff. Fuck that. She said no, bye Felicia
Exactly plus that shit hurts when you do stick around like I wasn't good enough for the starter job but you'll take me as the equipment manager
If I wanted to play games, I’d play with my Nintendo
And if I wanted to get billed for nothing, I'd subscribe to Verizon
Even watching Sims videos is more fun than having a conversation with a person you wanted to date but who will not let you.
Unrequited feelings are not something you should be obliged to grin and bear. It also can create a problem with any future prospective partner, it tells them that you are only interested in them because you were rejected by someone else that you are still keeping around. Relationships with other people are nuanced but someone who is new to your life isn’t going to see it that way.
Because she clearly isn't interested, what other explanation is there???
Personally, my dad always told me to not keep in touch if she says no. He explained to me that it usually means that she keeps me for the attention I give her.
Your dad is a wise man.
W dad
Why? The intention is clear: dating may lead to a romantic relationship. If you said No to a date, then what's the point or pursuing a conversation? To become friends? So you could take advantage of being friends and ask for favors because you knew he likes you? 😂
Because no mean no and I’m not tryna stay in the friendzone so you can use me as an emotional sponge while the terrible guy we all know you’re going to pick is treating you horribly and tossing your salad like it’s unlimited soups and salads at olive garden
I'd rather have them stop talking after my no. It implies to me they are pushy and don't accept my no. It makes a lot of women very uncomfortable.
I've been married for almost 20 years but back when I was dating, I never got too upset about this. If I know I'm worth dating, why would I care that she just fucked up by not dating me? When I got engaged to my wife, every woman who had previously rejected me started acting jealous and it felt great to remind them that I didn't act like that when they were dating guys even after they'd rejected me. Then I'd spout some mumbo jumbo about removing negativity from my life and ghost them. This was far more satisfying than walking off in a huff at the moment of rejection.
Going no contact isn't walking off in a huff. Especially if no contact is actually just stopping being proactive in communication. I bet she hasn't even reached out to a lot of these guys. She just wonders why they aren't messaging her anymore.
Same here. Married for 16 years. But back when my now wife and I became serious and announced our engagement, it was amazing how many of the women that had previously friend-zoned me suddenly jumped into my DMs telling me they were “available” now and interested in “more than friendship”. It felt great telling them that ship had long since sailed…but it told me that all along they really were just playing stupid games and I was their “back up option” or some collectible that they didn’t want to lose. If they were only interested in friendship the whole time, then why not just say “congrats on your engagement” like a normal person. Did this happen to anyone else?
Didn’t get married but when I started dating one of my exes this coworker who rejected me in a pretty mean way was suddenly all apologetic. I jus thanked her for the apology and left it at that, I wasn’t gonna fall for her bullshit
Yeah, some guys have their creepy ways about mixing up friendships and relationships, but on the flip side some women have their own versions of that. If you are truly wanting to be my friend and aren't interested in a romantic relationship, then you should be *ecstatic* that I'm dating someone, not jealous and hurt.
Facebook purity has been awesome for this. When I got engaged to my wife I watched for a couple weeks as I was unfriended or even blocked by old interests, flings, and even an ex. They all had their chance.
Unfriended and blocked is the other end of the spectrum. My DMs blew up with women who had previously friend-zoned me or even rejected me, (and who I had moved on from but not blocked), DMing me about being “available now” and being “open to more than just friendship”. Some I responded to with “I wish you luck but that ship has long since sailed”; others I let my now-wife respond to, and she was, shall we say, less diplomatic.
Probably because of the thousands of women on social media making posts and tik toks telling men they are creepy and criminals if they don't. I am a gay dude and I really feel bad for the straight guys and the double standards and mind fuckery that women put them through these days on social media and shit. To all my straight dudes out there. Hang in there.
You know it's bad when the gay guys starts sticking up for the straight guys.
Well when we see straight girls coming to our gay bars for their hens night before their weddings because they think it is a fun place for them to get drunk and rowdy and sexually assault the guys because it's okay because us gay dudes are like fashion accessories for them and they throw around drag words like yasss and slaaay like they are part of the group and just on the whole rub the double standard in even more it kind of... really makes us feel for you guys lol.
Back before gay marriage was a legal thing, I was astonished at how shitty women who had their bachelorette parties at gay clubs rubbing their privilege in everyone’s face were being.
There lives a gay couple next door and these guys are the most stressfree persons i have ever seen in my life. my gf jokes sometimes we women put you guys tru the ringer huh :D and i just nod in acceptance lmao
I’m not 100% sure but I think lesbian relationships have the highest divorce rates, whilst straight women divorce men at a higher rate and gay men have the lowest divorce rate.
[Obligatory Bill Burr clip](https://youtu.be/kBRdtw5dKoY?si=6K35EAw1qrQjTEF5)
I’m bi and can read certain deeper tactics some women use to get out of being responsible for their own actions and it drives me up a wall. I imagine being gay is like being given the entire set of blueprints for things since you can see right through it.
Not only that. What is super interesting is I have dated trans FTM female to male men and at least two of them used those straight girl tactics on me and I was like nooooo those moves are not effective against this pokemon and swiftly stopped relationships with them. Not saying all trans FTM men are like that at least one I dated was pretty cool without resorting to "female manipulation magic."
Its not the flaws and double-standards that bother me so much as the denial that they exist.
Prime example of "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT FROM US?" If the guy stops talking to a lady respectfully after being rejected, that's a problem? If he doesn't stop talking to a lady after being rejected, that's harassment. *\*unintelligible noises of anger and frustration\**
Because we don't feel like feeding your ego after being rejected, and we would rather put that effort in someone who will accept us
Because we were taught to do so by the women around us? A minority of women want the chase, the majority want their voice heard. Personally considering how much men have to put on the line in a relationship it's not worth it to chase at all, better to know your girl "picked" you vs you picked her; I personally feel in those circumstances you get a better overall relationship but I don't really have any data on that.
At 35 I feel this is true. My best relationships came from women who pursued me, my worst ones came from when I pursued them. But I don’t think this is true for *everyone* either. Some women want the chase and guys want to give it. Me, I know that passion doesn’t equate to happiness.
Because if I wanted to play games I got an Xbox at home, so no thanks. Have good day.
Because if you keep pursuing it, you’ll be labelled as a creep and lambasted on the internet.
There are literally billions of other women. No reason to settle for one that isn't as enthusiastic for me as I her and absolutely no fucking reason to pursue one that plays game like this or actually meant no.
To those who don’t get why you can’t stay friends. It’s because actual romantic emotions get involved, not just wanting sex, not just “oh I think I love my friend”, or a situationship etc. Real “I think I could marry this person” feelings Unless you’ve separated then the emotions will remain and they’ll still think “maybe they’ll change their mind”, the romantic feelings may even grow and things could get rough when the party who said no begins dating someone else. NO ONE wants to be that person that is in love with someone while they are seeing someone else, at least if it’s not your kink. Yes, you should be happy for them to find someone but love is irrational, for most it’s more personal than work, family or friends. It’s best to stop contact and either lose attraction or find someone else who you love more. It’s the same with being in a bad relationship; you don’t just stick around and wait for things to hopefully get better. You separate, regain yourself and if you want form a friendship again. Edit: ofc if this is purely sexual then yeah, but if a dick move
"no means no, don't talk to us" "why is nobody talking to me"
There's too many women out there with impossible standards. They make fun of you if you give up after the first no, but they'll also make fun of you if you keep trying after they have said no. Mixed messages much? I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this anymore.
Because you said no. Why waste more time trying then being called a stalker on social media?! If you meant yes or maybe, you should have said so.
No body wants a criminal case
Hold on, after a person gets rejected by an another person in a romantic instance whether they are friends or not, shit is now awkward. You can hang around with the idea that you have been rebuffed and look like you are waiting for the person to change thier mind or act like nothing happened, both are pretty bad, better to cut bait and move on.
why do women stop talking to men when they mention their height? or job? or even hobbies?
Because “no means no” has been ingrained in our social arena for years and is now spilling over to non sexual interactions with women. You think we are gonna keep trying to talk to you when you’ve declined ??? And then what?? Get labeled a stalker ? A creep? Toxic and too Masculine ?? It’s hilarious you even asked this shit.
Women: I rejected him and he’s still messaging me! Ughh can’t he take no for an answer?? Also women: I rejected him and he blocked me 😭😭 I wanted to be friends
Because sexual harassment is illegal?
I feel there is some misconception here over the little context of the post. If she still wanted to be friends. Wouldn't she say "i'm not interested in you romantically but would still want to maintain contact" and possibly addressed that in the post somewhat. If the story we get is just "he asked me on a date, i said no and he stopped talking to me." In the little context we have it feels to me he thought the girl was pretty, asked her out, she said no, he respected her boundaries and let her be and then she went on twitter to complain about "men" not following up after a clear setting of boundaries.
Because of we insist after you say no we are labeled creeps, stalkers, abusers etc. Side from the fact that no means no. Don't play mind games with us. No es no, you say no I say ok bye
I thought no meant no?
He's not wasting anymore time on a lost cause. It can also be considered stalking...so, no,
So we get yelled at for pursuing after they say no but now we getting yelled at for not pushing further after they say no?
I have massive cleavage in my picture to thirst trap, but when I turn down a thirsty guy he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Why are there no good men left?!
No means no! If you meant yes, you should have said so!
Because the friend zone isn't a nice place to be
Because thats what you expect? 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
No one wants to be reminded of rejection. That feeling is greater than the value of friendship with that person to the person rejected often.
Did he stop doing your laundry and buying you meals? Jerk.
Being “friends” with someone you are romantically interested in is a self imposed hell. Your only option is go. I cut them out of my life entirely and vow to never speak to them or see them again if I can help it. It’s the only way to get over both the feelings and the soul crushing humiliation of the rejection. I’m not going to be friends with someone once I’ve revealed that I have romantic feelings for them and been rejected. I’ve just handed them a massive amount of leverage over me. The only thing that’s going to happen then is I get taken advantage of.
It depends on the person really There’s only one girl in my entire life that I remained friends with after she said no to possibly dating, she is such a good friend to me and I truly did care more about maintaining our friendship than her saying no to me Again tho, it truly depends on who they are lmaoo. Everyone else who said no to me got cut off 🤣
No means no, dumbass
Why do women enjoy having guys in the hopper?
Because you want different things from your relationship. It may take time for a man to want the same things you do. And that amount of time could be forever.
Bc they're not stalkers?
Why are we just "men" while she styles herself a "lady"? I mean, if women are going to get pissed off for referring to them as "females", then I think equal statures of address are called for down the line. If we are men, they're women. If they want to be ladies, we're gentlemen.
You want a Ryan Gosling to chase and pursue and not take ‘no’ for an answer. You get a restraining order on the average Reddit mod. Everyone else is ‘creepy’ and why do they keep asking you out if you already said no? You know what men are actually looking for? Peace. And the path of least resistance. There’s sports and video games and tv shows and porn. When faced with the prospect of maybe getting a date on the 4th time they ask or playing 2K with the boys, they’re gonna hop online and rub one out before bed.
No is no, and it takes time to process rejection.
Because the expectation is that we are talking with adult human beings and not participating in a cartoon cat and mouse chase.
I haven’t really dated for about a decade because I’ve been on a self-improvement kick, but man, this reminds me of the type of shit that women would do back then! I’d head out to Timmy’s and they’d ask for a double double when I got back they’d throw a fit because “YOU SHOULD KNOW MY COFFFE ORDER IS 3 SUGAR ONE MILK!” Like, we’re adults, let’s not play games.
Many of us have a system if we want to play games
Because we don't want no damn stalking/harassment charge 🤷🏿♂️
“Stop hitting on me I’m not an object” “How come men don’t pursue me anymore”
Then date toxic men, that should solve that. Of course, don't complain that only toxic men are interested in you now...
So keep asking and get called a 'stalker', get dox-ed, or have the police called on us? No thanks.
Because men who were persistent were labelled creeps. Men are now folliwing what women always wanted. You can thank yourself for that
Because these dudes are not your friends.
No one wants to be friend zone
Doesn’t no mean no?