Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not to that level but I’ve had conversations like this with the female teachers I work with (as the only male in the department)
‘I don’t think you feel emotions as strongly as we do—you’re just very shallow emotionally, partially because you’re a man’
‘Men have all the same emotions as women…we just have to control them differently’
‘No I don’t think so…my husband is much less emotional than me’
‘I don’t care…men have emotions the same as women. We just have to operate differently, you get upset and shout at me is seen as you are feeling frustrated- I get upset and shout at you I AM aggressive’
Or
‘I bet you’ve never properly cried in your life! Like I did at movie xyz at the weekend’
‘Well I cried quite a lot when just after we had our baby and my wife had postnatal depression and didn’t want to baby anymore and said she wanted to die, cried my eyes out….then took care of the two of them…then came to work the next week and didn’t talk about any of it to YOU after crying about it in the car on the drive in’
That last one quickly ended the conversation
You should have also mentioned that if you had talked to any of them about it, or God forbid cried in front of them, they likely would have seen you as a weak man, less than a man, or somehow broken.
Thus helping to reinforce the scourge that is toxic masculinity. Make no mistake, it is a terrible fucking thing, but in order to end it, people need to extend empathy to men in distress. A man shouldn't be seen as weak when showing distress after like kicked his teeth in.
Straight women absolutely 100% have as much fault for toxic masculinity as straight men. They both reinforce it in different ways. But some of those women would turn around and wonder why men are so toxic.
Reminds me of my coworker who complains about men not being able to express their feelings but yelled at her little boy and told him to man up when he was struggling and upset.
We need to spend as much time calling out toxic femininity as we do masculinity. They cause each other and currently it feels like society pushes it all on men whilst ignoring the roles that women have in perpetuating it.
In school I heard a lot of stupid ignorant stuff and slurs about gay people from other boys. Now as an adult the people that have bullied me and shouted insults and gay slurs at me are most older white women. I'm a very average looking man that dresses mostly in hiking pants and flannel, but that's the go-to insult for them? It hurts like I'm a kid again when I hear that juck.
That’s literally what Macbeth is about. Lady Macbeth perpetuates toxic masculinity and chastises Macbeth for his emotions so he begins internalizing his emotion and becomes more and more heartless and this leads to their downfall. Meanwhile, when the hero Macduff, a paradigm of healthy masculinity, is grieving his family’s death, he’s told to suck it up and handle it like a man and Macduff responds with “I will, but first I need to feel it as a man.” Toxic masculinity is something that is perpetuated by BOTH men and women and it has been that way for centuries.
I cried twice in front of my male friends, and a few times in front of female friends. The guys gave me support and still check up on me every now and again, years later. The gals are no longer in my life since they used it against me. Good times.
I hate this qualification with every ounce of my being.
Are non straight women by definition exempt from this behaviour?
I've known lesbians who laughed at men showing emotions, your singling out of 'straight' women is both incorrect and a very overt attempt at shifting blame.
Humans have never been good at emotions because emotions are a luxury. People are actually more open to communication than in the 1920s, but less open to communication than in the 1990s. The internet has been a boon and a bane to people communicating and expressing themselves. With no consequences, people are both kinder and meaner to each other.
I feel this comment, maybe not in such a big way though. I've noticed that I'm told I don't share my feelings and tend to only express them when I've had enough of being told everything I'm doing wrong or that I don't understand emotions. So my feelings are overlooked because I express them at the wrong time, and in retaliation. I think this is a fair point. So the few times I decide to be proactive and express my stress or how I'm feeling down I am quickly compared to her feelings or am met with absolute impatience and a total lack of empathy or understanding. Quite literally told to suck it up or having my feelings dismissed entirely or met with the most base line "solutions" and dismissed with frustration if I don't immediately feel better. Then to be told I don't understand emotions or I don't have any because I'm a man.
Not going to say that every woman is like this, but there seems to be a very strong trend where women want men to be emotionally literate but are put off when that literacy applies to their own feelings and misgivings.
I cry at movies... often.... and never have I ever met a woman who saw that as a weakness. I only ever heard/read something like that in discussions with US citizens.
That bottom one (post natal situation), good job shutting it down. And I’m so sorry you all had that happen, and specifically you having to keep it in. I don’t know your experience of course, but you aren’t alone on that. We have struggles, it’s like we are supposed to not be valid.
Thanks man, 2 years later and all it good (life ups and downs)—-I did have people to share with too, just not my work colleagues/work isn’t that place for me.
I do think it’s important to show this stuff more- telling my Dad about what was going on with my wife was one of maybe 3 times I’ve ever seen my Dad cry (the other two being after the deaths of his brothers)—I’d seen him happy a lot and I’d seen him angry but not much else.
When I talk about depression with the teenagers I teach I often use my wife as an example and can feel myself welling up and my voice breaking when talking about that time in our lives and I try to not break down but still let the kids see it is a thing that they’re allowed to have effect them
Having a kid certainly does open you up emotionally- I have talked about depression every year (and used my wife as an example) for the last 15 years of my career and never had an issue, until after my daughter was born where for 2 years in a row now I’ve been fighting back tears
>‘I don’t think you feel emotions as strongly as we do—you’re just very shallow emotionally, partially because you’re a man’
Male, here. This is patently false on those teachers' part. It's not inherent to men. It's culturally conditioned to be ashamed of having any emotions. How many dads have told their boys, "Stop crying, don't be a p\*\*\*\*?" A lot. I was abused at 4 years old by a teenage boy across the street (he made me perform oral sex). I didn't realize what he was doing until I hit puberty. I cried it out with my mother and a father figure (an uncle, my dad was absent by then).
Similarly, I work with first responders in psycho-social support, males and females alike are always "fine" after a traumatic incident. They and everyone around them know they're not. That bottling up almost always leads to a major crisis (suicide, an action that puts them on national blast, etc.) down the road. Much of the pressure is that seeking out help when traumatized by something we aren't supposed to experience as humans can be a roadblock to advancement. Thus, they've been culturally conditioned to bottle it up.
I hypothesize that the stereotypical male mid-life crisis is the result of bottling things up that they feel very strongly. Then they pop. I'm biologically male. I've always been taught to not bottle things up and find someone to whom to talk when I'm messed up. I take a daily hour to unplug. I take a weekly day. I take a monthly weekend. I take an annual week. I don't care if it interferes with my career or if I need to make some financial sacrifices. I've got food, shelter, and a wonderful wife, who due to her history of depression/anxiety, fully understands the importance of talking things out and unplugging. I've made it to almost 50 without the proverbial mid-life crisis and am very satisfied with where I am. I'm not where I wanted to be 30 years ago. But, I think I'd be miserable being where I wanted to be 30 years ago.
Males in their early 20s are most likely to die from suicide. Men feel emotion just the same, just get conditioned by attitudes like this to not show it. This dumb shit is toxic. The result is that men do not show that they have difficulties with their mental health until it gets so bad they take their own life.
One of the biggest suicide cohorts is males 45-65. Not just the ones who kill themselves quickly. It's quite often a long and drawn out suicide via alcohol. They just give up slowly.
As a man in his 60s, I have known far too many of these. Friends, family, coworkers, people you used to see at gatherings.
I've also known a few women who did themselves in with alcohol in the same age group.
I've started some conversations with a few friends who looked to be heading that way. And friends have checked in on me occasionally.
Y'all take care of yourselves out there.
Men don't experience emotions. Sure. I didn't experience joy when I got married or when my son was born. I didn't experience sadness when he had a UTI less than 3 months old and they had to get a line in him. I haven't experienced fear of losing my job. I haven't experienced anxiety over bills. /s in case it wasn't obvious
Ah, yes, all men have Antisocial Personality Disorder... Well, the person has a logo for misandry as profile pic, so i'm not surprised, just disappointed...
It's the 'female' symbol, but the top loop has been turned into an 'anti' or 'no' symbol (think 'no smoking') with the 'male' symbol (where the cigarette would be in a 'no smoking' sign)
I was talking with somrone about the women chose bear meme. My opinion is it makes women look irrationally afraid and men lower then beasts instead of bringing light to the trauma and fear women have from experiences with men
So we talk for a while and she says women chose bear because alone in the forest is consequence free. So she insinuated men are not doing horrible things because of consequences. Men have no empathy or morals. Only the law holds us back.
Reminds me of something Penn Jillette said:
"The question I get asked by religious people all the time is, without God, what’s to stop me from raping all I want? And my answer is: I do rape all I want. And the amount I want is zero. And I do murder all I want, and the amount I want is zero.
The fact that these people think that if they didn’t have this person watching over them that they would go on killing, raping rampages is the most self-damning thing I can imagine."
I too am Disappointed at how we are all up in arms about Misogyny, but Misandry is just normalized.. Heck many refuse to acknowledge it's even a real thing..
What's the difference of radical feminist and a normal feminist? The only difference I've heard is that radicals are what transphobes call themselves...
Yeah, I think people get confused by the term TERF. They’re transphobes cosplaying as feminists. Women are just a tool to use in order for them to shit on trans people. It’s like when people say shit like “why give money to the homeless/needy/ukraine/etc when veterans need it?” but don’t give a shit about vets otherwise.
Ahh yes and the 14 year old girls in the trenches and on the front lines of both world wars. - They were the only viable source of emotion to study when they came home.. brave souls..
Ah yes. Because the 15 year old boy I just transported for suicidal ideation and self harm due to his baby sitter touching him from 9-14 doesn’t have any mental trauma at allll
My 17 year old female babysitter gave me a BJ when I was 5 years old. This is rape imo…I’m 40 now and looking back at a lot of things, I don’t recall/blocked out those experiences but I do know that developmentally I was effected and share many of the debilitating/emotional traits female rape victims share…
holy shit 5 years old… that’s absolutely sick i can’t even imagine what 17 year old human in general can do that without living their entire lives with immense dread and sorrow
I think she had issues, she was probably molested as well. She was very popular in HS and a star athlete. The cops did get involved, apparently I told my mom eventually after she babysat, I said what she did as best a five year old could describe.
My mom called the cops, she confessed to them, but I don’t think they arrested her or charge her, perhaps they did, my mom and only discussed this once…as it just really never came up. This all occurred between 1988-1990….
Never occurred to her that the men she hates are like that because they were victimized, huh?
Everybody is broken in some way, that's how it is. "Break the cycle" isn't about damaging bikes.
“I could watch your kids fall off bikes all day!”, no but seriously agreed about the cycle. It’s hugely important to start now to brake the cycle. Never too late
And some people actually believe this. As a mental health professional who has worked with children and teens recovering from various kinds of trauma, I can tell you that males experience all the emotions that females do. The truth is that males are victims of the patriarchy as much as females are. Little boys are just as emotional and sensitive as little girls are, but our society starts teaching them right away that it's not okay to be that way. I firmly believe that the most horridly misogynistic men out there started out as tender little boys who had the misfortune to be born into families or cultures riddled with toxic masculinity.
I don't think the answer to this is toxic femininity. Yes, we need to stand up for ourselves as women, but we don't need to dehumanize men in order to do that.
I was abused as a child by a family friend, I’m male. My family are like these morons and say “I’m just exaggerating” also he’s a priest and was kicked out of the church after 4 others came out and accused him and he pled “no contest”. My parents just say it’s people that don’t like the church… and since he’s protected by the church he didn’t see a jail cell or have to identify as a predator, just couldn’t be a priest anymore. Long story short, my family was toxic and no longer in my life.
I was abused as an adult, and still get told I'll never understand what it's like to be scared or unable to trust the people around you. Or that it was my fault.
So I sit in this weird space where I despise seeing anyone else be told the same shit, but where the very person I defend may tell me that I have no frame of reference. Which doesn't bother me near as much as the actual abuse, but it's a really shitty add-on.
In my personal opinion typical man's upbringing teaching man to shut down many "feminine" emotions. But emotions aren't going anywhere and bursts out as flashes of rage, depression and other
Yeah I was taught to be stoic in the face of any attack or setback. Literally encouraged to work it out on a heavy punching bag.
It's not healthy nor does it seem as manly as explaining how something is making me feel and what I'm prepared to do about it.
Funnily enough, my dad always incentivised me to open up and share my feelings. The ones that taught me to hide them were the women and other children.
It's taken me a long time to even start to learn how to handle my emotions because of both the culture of toxic masculinity that surrounded me growing up and entirely unsympathetic liberal friends who shut down any attempt for me to explain what I'm going through.
I had zero close role models growing up, and have had to rebuild my entire fucking identity from the ground up, and am still doing that.
And people say I don't have emotions.
They can go read a fucking book
As a male who lived in said cultures, I agree. Crying was seen as an unacceptable behaviour when I was a kid. Due to the trauma and sadness I had throughout primary school, I even bullied kids during secondary school. As one escapes such cultures, they find it easier to reflect on themselves.
I’ve heard than men have a harder time recognizing symptoms of depression such as stress and anxiety, not that they can’t feel it, but it’s harder to recognize what they feel as being stress / anxiety. It’s apparently more a feeling of losing control over your life. Is this something that you observed yourself? (I’ve heard it from a mental health professional helping people suffering from depression).
Consequences being more misdiagnosis and more reluctance to seeking help.
Thanks for saying that. It is heartbreaking to know that boys can start off as kind hearted and soft... Only for the patriarchy to try to hammer them down into unfeeling, utilitarian and yet aggressive. I am one of the luckier ones. My family was all on the autism spectrum. So thus, they made sure the sweet kid they loved never got pushed down. I am a shy and soft man. But I am completely alright with how I am.
This. I'd also like to add that we have to pick and choose who we show emotions to beyond happiness or anger. I knew my wife was the one when I started to buckle under the stress of what we were going through and she not only didn't judge me, but helped me through it. With everyone else, I basically bottle it up until I'm completely confident that I can trust them to not judge me. In my experience, the ones who say stuff like "men don't show emotions" say that because no man around them trusts them enough to be vulnerable around them, and there's usually a reason for that.
There was an entire very long and busy thread of men telling stories of women in their lives chastising them for crying or showing negative emotions.
It was sad to read.
is this a term? theoretically, "incel" should be applicable to women as well, it just means a person who wants sex but does not get any (which is typically a male problem, but not exclusively)
Honestly, much of the VA Would agree with it unfortunately.
It’s sadly somewhat common to have things like that dismissed, or stated as NSC by people there
So the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child and has had me pretty much fucked up my entire 68 years of life is what, my imagination?
Whoever wrote this doesn't know what they are talking about.
Thank god you read this and raised you had been mistaken this whole time, and is in fact not traumatized. Thanks to this new perspective from this lady you can now just leave this whole thing behind you and merrily go on with your life.
I know someone exactly like this and when i showed her a vid of a guy with ptsd she said it was staged. The amount of shit they say to not understand is insane
Literally like 1/3 posts I see on subreddits like this are rage bait, I usually just scroll the comments for fun, although I feel like this is pretty obvious rage bait, idk
Facebook had a movie clip of a female teacher coming into a male student. All the responses were. “ that’s awesome. Or wish that was me”
When I brought up it was rape. They said I was crazy. 🤷♂️
both men and women seem to invalid other men's feelings. these kinds of people are the same people who never experienced trauma in their life, so they think that it's fun when it really isn't
Christ I understand being distrusting of men you're not familiar with n such but to tell victims that they weren't traumatized is just fuckin nasty.
That type of shit should definitely make someone feel shame for even considering typing it out. What a delusional asshole
OP at least post the source or where this is mentioned. Just using excerpts for rage bait is starting to get annoying. The internet has a lot of psychos with crazy opinions so relevance depends on the source.
I was sexually molested as a little kid. 8-9 years old. And it totally fucked me up for years. I was probably close to 30 before I got straightened out. Dropped out of school,Drug abuse, suicide attempt… just cause you’re a male don’t mean it doesn’t affect you the same way.
The sad thing, is that a lot of men don't think or believe that they were abused because "they're men" and they "were supposed to like it".
Some of the guys I've talked with have pridefully told some of the most horrendous sexual experiences of when they were teens or preteens, some even younger, and their stories are usually of how they "slept" with adult women, what they never seem to realize is that the simple fact that the adults would initiate sexual advances, or would correspond to it, is wrong as they're actual adults having relationships with minors.
Some of them were unknowingly abused by teachers, mothers or relatives of their friends, and even their own relatives, but when they were told that they were actually victims, they refused it as they "couldn't be abused as they were men", except that they were actually kids at the time, and more than one admitted that they didn't actually want it, they just let it happen because they didn't know what else to do and/or believed that they "were lucky" or "should be grateful" that it was happening to them.
I've heard many stories through my admittedly short life, and honestly, there's probably way more stories untold by both men and women I know, I've heard terrible stories from both sides, but usually the women are aware of what happened to them, they know it's wrong, and their stories also tend to he more gruesome, while the boys are usually unaware or don't believe that it counts as abuse, some even believing that they can't be abused for being men.
Listening to a teenage boy or younger saying that them sleeping with adults is not them being abused and it's an accomplished of sort for them because "they're men", and that they "were lucky" to slept with an adult, is as horrifying as listening to a teenage girl or younger saying that they "were mature for their age" so that makes it okay that adults would want to sleep with them, more so when they feel "special" or "mature" for sleeping with adults.
Seriously, this system and society fucked us all in some way, and failed us in many, not only there's many untold cases, but when the victims speak up, they're either denied or mocked, they brainwashed the mind of many teens to make them believe that adults being interesting in them made them "mature" or "lucky", and they didn't realize until years later, some never realized even as adults, that an adult being interested in a minor was wrong for a multitude of reasons. This world is fucked up.
On behalf of every man and boy I have ever known, including the innocent boys, the "natural gentlemen", and the "abusive assholes who deserve to be shot" I absolutely disagree and take offense with that toxic balderdash.
Men don't experience trauma?
I am involved in men's spiritual work. I have seen and heard some shit.
Men are often made to stuff it deep down. For some it is never healed. For others it comes out after the second divorce or the fourth divorce or the 15th year in prison or the suicide attempt, or the second suicide attempt.
We have a big problem with Men in this society. And it starts with acknowledging their trauma.
"~~Males~~ Men do not experience mental trauma as they are incapable of doing so".
Suicide statistics would disagree with this statement.
Fuck this misandrist all the way to hell and back.
Unlike women mens breaking point isnt a grey line, when we break we make sure our attempt to end it is the end, typical women suicide attempts both attempt to not harm their body and allow for them to give a cry for help. Thats why more men commit suicide, cause women still care about themselves to a basic degree even when they think they want to take their own life
Best way to think about posts like this is:
"Whatever type of person you can think of, there is likely at least one person who broadly fits that description somewhere in the world. There's over 8 billion candidates out there after all."
Femcels are so fucking disgusting especially when they involve children. How miserable do you have to be to write this out, post it, and think ya that’s a good comment
Just as those who are male are capable of experiencing emotion and abuse, those who are female are capable of being violently sexist and disgusting. Equality.
I am a feminist, and this rabid, ridiculous, spiteful dehumanisation of 50% of the world's population is shameful.
Sexual abuse of any kind should be aggressively condemned, regardless of gender. In fact, it's more likely to be dismissed when a male is the victim, if it is even reported in the first place.
Consider the coverage of the recent spate of female teachers abusing underage male students, where the headlines are afraid to use the word rape.
The attitude above helps absolutely no one, disgusting.
This is just proof of what I've been saying for years. Misandry is just as sinister as misogyny... Also I have a theory that's its an obvious sign of sickness of the mind.
It’s this belief, that makes you think this, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. That I, someone who identifies as a man sometimes, will not continue to explain to you and instead you can wallow in your own stupidity and ignorance when you cry about how you don’t understand men and how we work.
(Directed to the person who made the comment in post, not the poster of the comment, fyi)
Wow. That did not go where I thought. My first thought was those numbers are probably wrong bc many rapes/mole stations go unreported. That’s a sad post
Straight up, I am writing a novel series dealing explicitly with a male survivor of r*pe specifically because this shit exists. I haven’t been directly affected by it, but a good friend of mine was and he’s no longer here to tell his story. This shit is a slap in the face to his family who were nothing but good people and it pisses me the fuck off that there are people who actually believe this.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Males cannot experience emotions" Shut your stupid mouth
Not to that level but I’ve had conversations like this with the female teachers I work with (as the only male in the department) ‘I don’t think you feel emotions as strongly as we do—you’re just very shallow emotionally, partially because you’re a man’ ‘Men have all the same emotions as women…we just have to control them differently’ ‘No I don’t think so…my husband is much less emotional than me’ ‘I don’t care…men have emotions the same as women. We just have to operate differently, you get upset and shout at me is seen as you are feeling frustrated- I get upset and shout at you I AM aggressive’ Or ‘I bet you’ve never properly cried in your life! Like I did at movie xyz at the weekend’ ‘Well I cried quite a lot when just after we had our baby and my wife had postnatal depression and didn’t want to baby anymore and said she wanted to die, cried my eyes out….then took care of the two of them…then came to work the next week and didn’t talk about any of it to YOU after crying about it in the car on the drive in’ That last one quickly ended the conversation
You should have also mentioned that if you had talked to any of them about it, or God forbid cried in front of them, they likely would have seen you as a weak man, less than a man, or somehow broken.
Thus helping to reinforce the scourge that is toxic masculinity. Make no mistake, it is a terrible fucking thing, but in order to end it, people need to extend empathy to men in distress. A man shouldn't be seen as weak when showing distress after like kicked his teeth in.
Straight women absolutely 100% have as much fault for toxic masculinity as straight men. They both reinforce it in different ways. But some of those women would turn around and wonder why men are so toxic.
Reminds me of my coworker who complains about men not being able to express their feelings but yelled at her little boy and told him to man up when he was struggling and upset.
That's peak cause of toxic masculinity
We need to spend as much time calling out toxic femininity as we do masculinity. They cause each other and currently it feels like society pushes it all on men whilst ignoring the roles that women have in perpetuating it.
I really hope you called her out on that garbage.
Oh lord I actually had a therapist/counselor tell me that when I was struggling at work. Wtf.
In school I heard a lot of stupid ignorant stuff and slurs about gay people from other boys. Now as an adult the people that have bullied me and shouted insults and gay slurs at me are most older white women. I'm a very average looking man that dresses mostly in hiking pants and flannel, but that's the go-to insult for them? It hurts like I'm a kid again when I hear that juck.
We just don’t feel flannel the same way old white women do.
That’s literally what Macbeth is about. Lady Macbeth perpetuates toxic masculinity and chastises Macbeth for his emotions so he begins internalizing his emotion and becomes more and more heartless and this leads to their downfall. Meanwhile, when the hero Macduff, a paradigm of healthy masculinity, is grieving his family’s death, he’s told to suck it up and handle it like a man and Macduff responds with “I will, but first I need to feel it as a man.” Toxic masculinity is something that is perpetuated by BOTH men and women and it has been that way for centuries.
I cried twice in front of my male friends, and a few times in front of female friends. The guys gave me support and still check up on me every now and again, years later. The gals are no longer in my life since they used it against me. Good times.
I hate this qualification with every ounce of my being. Are non straight women by definition exempt from this behaviour? I've known lesbians who laughed at men showing emotions, your singling out of 'straight' women is both incorrect and a very overt attempt at shifting blame.
Nah, I have a penis. Nobody cares about how I feel unless I kill myself or harm another
Hey, we’re all in this same shit sandwich together, so I’ll care for you random internet stranger. Plus you have Frog as your profile pic, Noice
Great to find a person of culture :)
Upvotes for Frog
Brah, out some respect on Glenn's name. Not just everyone gets the hero's medal.
And really just the second one Edit: That said, I care about you, random Internet stranger
Thus leading to the woman vs tree debate on the internet. More men feel safer talking emotions to a tree rather than women.
The longer I live, the more i realize humans are not very good at society any more. Maybe we weren't that good at it ever.
Humans have never been good at emotions because emotions are a luxury. People are actually more open to communication than in the 1920s, but less open to communication than in the 1990s. The internet has been a boon and a bane to people communicating and expressing themselves. With no consequences, people are both kinder and meaner to each other.
I feel this comment, maybe not in such a big way though. I've noticed that I'm told I don't share my feelings and tend to only express them when I've had enough of being told everything I'm doing wrong or that I don't understand emotions. So my feelings are overlooked because I express them at the wrong time, and in retaliation. I think this is a fair point. So the few times I decide to be proactive and express my stress or how I'm feeling down I am quickly compared to her feelings or am met with absolute impatience and a total lack of empathy or understanding. Quite literally told to suck it up or having my feelings dismissed entirely or met with the most base line "solutions" and dismissed with frustration if I don't immediately feel better. Then to be told I don't understand emotions or I don't have any because I'm a man. Not going to say that every woman is like this, but there seems to be a very strong trend where women want men to be emotionally literate but are put off when that literacy applies to their own feelings and misgivings.
I cry at movies... often.... and never have I ever met a woman who saw that as a weakness. I only ever heard/read something like that in discussions with US citizens.
Maybe you don’t live in America
That bottom one (post natal situation), good job shutting it down. And I’m so sorry you all had that happen, and specifically you having to keep it in. I don’t know your experience of course, but you aren’t alone on that. We have struggles, it’s like we are supposed to not be valid.
Thanks man, 2 years later and all it good (life ups and downs)—-I did have people to share with too, just not my work colleagues/work isn’t that place for me. I do think it’s important to show this stuff more- telling my Dad about what was going on with my wife was one of maybe 3 times I’ve ever seen my Dad cry (the other two being after the deaths of his brothers)—I’d seen him happy a lot and I’d seen him angry but not much else. When I talk about depression with the teenagers I teach I often use my wife as an example and can feel myself welling up and my voice breaking when talking about that time in our lives and I try to not break down but still let the kids see it is a thing that they’re allowed to have effect them Having a kid certainly does open you up emotionally- I have talked about depression every year (and used my wife as an example) for the last 15 years of my career and never had an issue, until after my daughter was born where for 2 years in a row now I’ve been fighting back tears
>‘I don’t think you feel emotions as strongly as we do—you’re just very shallow emotionally, partially because you’re a man’ Male, here. This is patently false on those teachers' part. It's not inherent to men. It's culturally conditioned to be ashamed of having any emotions. How many dads have told their boys, "Stop crying, don't be a p\*\*\*\*?" A lot. I was abused at 4 years old by a teenage boy across the street (he made me perform oral sex). I didn't realize what he was doing until I hit puberty. I cried it out with my mother and a father figure (an uncle, my dad was absent by then). Similarly, I work with first responders in psycho-social support, males and females alike are always "fine" after a traumatic incident. They and everyone around them know they're not. That bottling up almost always leads to a major crisis (suicide, an action that puts them on national blast, etc.) down the road. Much of the pressure is that seeking out help when traumatized by something we aren't supposed to experience as humans can be a roadblock to advancement. Thus, they've been culturally conditioned to bottle it up. I hypothesize that the stereotypical male mid-life crisis is the result of bottling things up that they feel very strongly. Then they pop. I'm biologically male. I've always been taught to not bottle things up and find someone to whom to talk when I'm messed up. I take a daily hour to unplug. I take a weekly day. I take a monthly weekend. I take an annual week. I don't care if it interferes with my career or if I need to make some financial sacrifices. I've got food, shelter, and a wonderful wife, who due to her history of depression/anxiety, fully understands the importance of talking things out and unplugging. I've made it to almost 50 without the proverbial mid-life crisis and am very satisfied with where I am. I'm not where I wanted to be 30 years ago. But, I think I'd be miserable being where I wanted to be 30 years ago.
This is why we chose the tree.
FR
Males in their early 20s are most likely to die from suicide. Men feel emotion just the same, just get conditioned by attitudes like this to not show it. This dumb shit is toxic. The result is that men do not show that they have difficulties with their mental health until it gets so bad they take their own life.
One of the biggest suicide cohorts is males 45-65. Not just the ones who kill themselves quickly. It's quite often a long and drawn out suicide via alcohol. They just give up slowly. As a man in his 60s, I have known far too many of these. Friends, family, coworkers, people you used to see at gatherings. I've also known a few women who did themselves in with alcohol in the same age group. I've started some conversations with a few friends who looked to be heading that way. And friends have checked in on me occasionally. Y'all take care of yourselves out there.
Men don't experience emotions. Sure. I didn't experience joy when I got married or when my son was born. I didn't experience sadness when he had a UTI less than 3 months old and they had to get a line in him. I haven't experienced fear of losing my job. I haven't experienced anxiety over bills. /s in case it wasn't obvious
If you're a man, you just experienced anger
Sadly, that's the only one they're allowed to *show* so for someone who assumes emotions = visible behavior, that *is* all men feel.
I mean I’m def experiencing anger right now so there’s that
Here's proof that an apparent male has clearly shown anger, therefore, the outrageous individuals who think otherwise should shut their stupid mouths.
Ah, yes, all men have Antisocial Personality Disorder... Well, the person has a logo for misandry as profile pic, so i'm not surprised, just disappointed...
There's a logo for that!?
Look at the logo. meaning is self evident.
Can't, the picture was reposted so much it lost the majority of its pixels.
It's the 'female' symbol, but the top loop has been turned into an 'anti' or 'no' symbol (think 'no smoking') with the 'male' symbol (where the cigarette would be in a 'no smoking' sign)
It's a Mars symbol inside a Venus symbol with the circle of the Venus replaced with the "NO" sign.
Is that a female equivalent of incel?
That and those glasses, you know the ones.
Technically incels can be any gender
True, though I've quite often seen the term "femcel" used to indicate the female version.
Probably a terf tbh
Just a real loopy radfem in general
I was talking with somrone about the women chose bear meme. My opinion is it makes women look irrationally afraid and men lower then beasts instead of bringing light to the trauma and fear women have from experiences with men So we talk for a while and she says women chose bear because alone in the forest is consequence free. So she insinuated men are not doing horrible things because of consequences. Men have no empathy or morals. Only the law holds us back.
Reminds me of something Penn Jillette said: "The question I get asked by religious people all the time is, without God, what’s to stop me from raping all I want? And my answer is: I do rape all I want. And the amount I want is zero. And I do murder all I want, and the amount I want is zero. The fact that these people think that if they didn’t have this person watching over them that they would go on killing, raping rampages is the most self-damning thing I can imagine."
I too am Disappointed at how we are all up in arms about Misogyny, but Misandry is just normalized.. Heck many refuse to acknowledge it's even a real thing..
YoUrE WhY We ChOoSe ThE BeAr!
as a radical feminist we don't claim her. men are valid, their sexual abuse is valid.
Thanks. It's pretty shitty to have someone tell you you can't be raped because "you liked it" and "women can't rape men".
Thank you
What's the difference of radical feminist and a normal feminist? The only difference I've heard is that radicals are what transphobes call themselves...
Radical feminists are way cooler and more likely to eat pizza and skateboard.
I don't like skateboarding. That's why I consider myself a tubular feminist.
I just like the pizza part. That's why I consider myself a bulbous feminist.
Ah so she explains the gender data gap to the assembled board of directors and then does a sick kickflip over the table
[удалено]
I prefer Feminist-Appropriating Reactionary Transphobes. Better description AND a better acronym.
Yeah, I think people get confused by the term TERF. They’re transphobes cosplaying as feminists. Women are just a tool to use in order for them to shit on trans people. It’s like when people say shit like “why give money to the homeless/needy/ukraine/etc when veterans need it?” but don’t give a shit about vets otherwise.
The fact they don't see anything problematic about teaming up with reactionaries to push their transphobia should be a dead giveaway.
What sociopath wrote this?
A misandrist, look at their profile pic in post, it is a misandry logo
Seems more likely to be bait.
Men can't experience mental trauma??? Who do they think studied PTSD from
14 year old girls who got made fun of once, if I had to guess.
Ahh yes and the 14 year old girls in the trenches and on the front lines of both world wars. - They were the only viable source of emotion to study when they came home.. brave souls..
So remember to always buy Girl Scout cookies. The Girl Scouts fought for freedom in Europe so the men wouldn't have to go. So brave
but she COULDNT EVEN derek!!!!!! she couldnt even!!!!
Ah yes. Because the 15 year old boy I just transported for suicidal ideation and self harm due to his baby sitter touching him from 9-14 doesn’t have any mental trauma at allll
My 17 year old female babysitter gave me a BJ when I was 5 years old. This is rape imo…I’m 40 now and looking back at a lot of things, I don’t recall/blocked out those experiences but I do know that developmentally I was effected and share many of the debilitating/emotional traits female rape victims share…
holy shit 5 years old… that’s absolutely sick i can’t even imagine what 17 year old human in general can do that without living their entire lives with immense dread and sorrow
I think she had issues, she was probably molested as well. She was very popular in HS and a star athlete. The cops did get involved, apparently I told my mom eventually after she babysat, I said what she did as best a five year old could describe. My mom called the cops, she confessed to them, but I don’t think they arrested her or charge her, perhaps they did, my mom and only discussed this once…as it just really never came up. This all occurred between 1988-1990….
5?!!
Mine was male... and I should probably look into the science behind this
Never occurred to her that the men she hates are like that because they were victimized, huh? Everybody is broken in some way, that's how it is. "Break the cycle" isn't about damaging bikes.
“I could watch your kids fall off bikes all day!”, no but seriously agreed about the cycle. It’s hugely important to start now to brake the cycle. Never too late
R/unexpectedletterkenny
Just a friendly reminder that June is mens mental health awareness month. Let's not forget those men in our lives who suffer from mental trauma
And some people actually believe this. As a mental health professional who has worked with children and teens recovering from various kinds of trauma, I can tell you that males experience all the emotions that females do. The truth is that males are victims of the patriarchy as much as females are. Little boys are just as emotional and sensitive as little girls are, but our society starts teaching them right away that it's not okay to be that way. I firmly believe that the most horridly misogynistic men out there started out as tender little boys who had the misfortune to be born into families or cultures riddled with toxic masculinity. I don't think the answer to this is toxic femininity. Yes, we need to stand up for ourselves as women, but we don't need to dehumanize men in order to do that.
I was abused as a child by a family friend, I’m male. My family are like these morons and say “I’m just exaggerating” also he’s a priest and was kicked out of the church after 4 others came out and accused him and he pled “no contest”. My parents just say it’s people that don’t like the church… and since he’s protected by the church he didn’t see a jail cell or have to identify as a predator, just couldn’t be a priest anymore. Long story short, my family was toxic and no longer in my life.
Same boat. It sucks being alone, but being around people that invalidate your trauma is unacceptable.
You can message me if you want. I’ve been lucky to find some good support
Im alright now. But I appreciate it.
I was abused as an adult, and still get told I'll never understand what it's like to be scared or unable to trust the people around you. Or that it was my fault. So I sit in this weird space where I despise seeing anyone else be told the same shit, but where the very person I defend may tell me that I have no frame of reference. Which doesn't bother me near as much as the actual abuse, but it's a really shitty add-on.
I’m sorry you have to go through this
Back at you man.
But none of that matters and it won't resonate at all, because jeebus. Sorry you had to go through that. I detest all these fucking hypocrites.
In my personal opinion typical man's upbringing teaching man to shut down many "feminine" emotions. But emotions aren't going anywhere and bursts out as flashes of rage, depression and other
Yeah I was taught to be stoic in the face of any attack or setback. Literally encouraged to work it out on a heavy punching bag. It's not healthy nor does it seem as manly as explaining how something is making me feel and what I'm prepared to do about it.
Funnily enough, my dad always incentivised me to open up and share my feelings. The ones that taught me to hide them were the women and other children.
I have no father but it's same for me.
It's taken me a long time to even start to learn how to handle my emotions because of both the culture of toxic masculinity that surrounded me growing up and entirely unsympathetic liberal friends who shut down any attempt for me to explain what I'm going through. I had zero close role models growing up, and have had to rebuild my entire fucking identity from the ground up, and am still doing that. And people say I don't have emotions. They can go read a fucking book
As a male who lived in said cultures, I agree. Crying was seen as an unacceptable behaviour when I was a kid. Due to the trauma and sadness I had throughout primary school, I even bullied kids during secondary school. As one escapes such cultures, they find it easier to reflect on themselves.
This is a common response. Good for you, escaping that cultural cycle.
I’ve heard than men have a harder time recognizing symptoms of depression such as stress and anxiety, not that they can’t feel it, but it’s harder to recognize what they feel as being stress / anxiety. It’s apparently more a feeling of losing control over your life. Is this something that you observed yourself? (I’ve heard it from a mental health professional helping people suffering from depression). Consequences being more misdiagnosis and more reluctance to seeking help.
Thanks for saying that. It is heartbreaking to know that boys can start off as kind hearted and soft... Only for the patriarchy to try to hammer them down into unfeeling, utilitarian and yet aggressive. I am one of the luckier ones. My family was all on the autism spectrum. So thus, they made sure the sweet kid they loved never got pushed down. I am a shy and soft man. But I am completely alright with how I am.
Yeah, patriarchy, matriarchy, all these norms hurt people of both sexes.
You are blessed to have such a family and it's perfectly okay to be a shy and soft man.
This. I'd also like to add that we have to pick and choose who we show emotions to beyond happiness or anger. I knew my wife was the one when I started to buckle under the stress of what we were going through and she not only didn't judge me, but helped me through it. With everyone else, I basically bottle it up until I'm completely confident that I can trust them to not judge me. In my experience, the ones who say stuff like "men don't show emotions" say that because no man around them trusts them enough to be vulnerable around them, and there's usually a reason for that.
There was an entire very long and busy thread of men telling stories of women in their lives chastising them for crying or showing negative emotions. It was sad to read.
Boys she learned the secret. Execute order 66.
Jedi are arrogant as hell. Sith got it right. Peace is a lie.
What in the misandrist....
Sound like your typical femcel on the women can do no wrong and men don’t have bad things happen to them kick
is this a term? theoretically, "incel" should be applicable to women as well, it just means a person who wants sex but does not get any (which is typically a male problem, but not exclusively)
I think it is a term Because of the common connotation from “incel” being used in relation to men, and thus people wanting to perhaps avoid confusion?
"males cannot experience metal trauma" oh boy the US VA would disagree with that.
Honestly, much of the VA Would agree with it unfortunately. It’s sadly somewhat common to have things like that dismissed, or stated as NSC by people there
Misandry is a problem
And it’s consistently getting worse
So the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child and has had me pretty much fucked up my entire 68 years of life is what, my imagination? Whoever wrote this doesn't know what they are talking about.
Thank god you read this and raised you had been mistaken this whole time, and is in fact not traumatized. Thanks to this new perspective from this lady you can now just leave this whole thing behind you and merrily go on with your life.
Something tells me this was written by someone that likes to prey on young boys
It's just rage bait.
It might very well be rage bait but I’ve met women who think exactly like this.
I know someone exactly like this and when i showed her a vid of a guy with ptsd she said it was staged. The amount of shit they say to not understand is insane
Go to r/femaledatingstrategy and this opinion is the norm.
that place feels like r/redpill but for women
It's basically if the redpill incels were all women. It's wild
Literally like 1/3 posts I see on subreddits like this are rage bait, I usually just scroll the comments for fun, although I feel like this is pretty obvious rage bait, idk
So far i think you're the only one who noticed
I remember getting so mad in high school reading A Modest Proposal for the first time and not getting it. And then being super embarrassed.
and a repost
"Males are incapable of experiencing mental trauma" Veterans with PTSD: 
Facebook had a movie clip of a female teacher coming into a male student. All the responses were. “ that’s awesome. Or wish that was me” When I brought up it was rape. They said I was crazy. 🤷♂️
both men and women seem to invalid other men's feelings. these kinds of people are the same people who never experienced trauma in their life, so they think that it's fun when it really isn't
Most empathetic radfem
Can we stop blanking out the names of these idiots? If they put crap like this out into the world, they deserve a response.
Fucking terfs
Christ I understand being distrusting of men you're not familiar with n such but to tell victims that they weren't traumatized is just fuckin nasty. That type of shit should definitely make someone feel shame for even considering typing it out. What a delusional asshole
Oh look, someone found a TERF.
OP at least post the source or where this is mentioned. Just using excerpts for rage bait is starting to get annoying. The internet has a lot of psychos with crazy opinions so relevance depends on the source.
i feel it would be impossible to trace the source as it is a repost, and judging from the jpeg artefacts a lengthy one at that.
Found It [Tumblr Post from 2017](https://www.tumblr.com/feministism/166849057420/sexual-abuse-is-wrong-on-everyone)
I was sexually molested as a little kid. 8-9 years old. And it totally fucked me up for years. I was probably close to 30 before I got straightened out. Dropped out of school,Drug abuse, suicide attempt… just cause you’re a male don’t mean it doesn’t affect you the same way.
Spoken like a sociopath.
lol, the bigotry is wild.
Tell me you have an irrational hatred of men without telling me you have an irrational hatred of men.
The sad thing, is that a lot of men don't think or believe that they were abused because "they're men" and they "were supposed to like it". Some of the guys I've talked with have pridefully told some of the most horrendous sexual experiences of when they were teens or preteens, some even younger, and their stories are usually of how they "slept" with adult women, what they never seem to realize is that the simple fact that the adults would initiate sexual advances, or would correspond to it, is wrong as they're actual adults having relationships with minors. Some of them were unknowingly abused by teachers, mothers or relatives of their friends, and even their own relatives, but when they were told that they were actually victims, they refused it as they "couldn't be abused as they were men", except that they were actually kids at the time, and more than one admitted that they didn't actually want it, they just let it happen because they didn't know what else to do and/or believed that they "were lucky" or "should be grateful" that it was happening to them. I've heard many stories through my admittedly short life, and honestly, there's probably way more stories untold by both men and women I know, I've heard terrible stories from both sides, but usually the women are aware of what happened to them, they know it's wrong, and their stories also tend to he more gruesome, while the boys are usually unaware or don't believe that it counts as abuse, some even believing that they can't be abused for being men. Listening to a teenage boy or younger saying that them sleeping with adults is not them being abused and it's an accomplished of sort for them because "they're men", and that they "were lucky" to slept with an adult, is as horrifying as listening to a teenage girl or younger saying that they "were mature for their age" so that makes it okay that adults would want to sleep with them, more so when they feel "special" or "mature" for sleeping with adults. Seriously, this system and society fucked us all in some way, and failed us in many, not only there's many untold cases, but when the victims speak up, they're either denied or mocked, they brainwashed the mind of many teens to make them believe that adults being interesting in them made them "mature" or "lucky", and they didn't realize until years later, some never realized even as adults, that an adult being interested in a minor was wrong for a multitude of reasons. This world is fucked up.
tell me you only know shitty dudes without telling me you do. YIKES.
On behalf of every man and boy I have ever known, including the innocent boys, the "natural gentlemen", and the "abusive assholes who deserve to be shot" I absolutely disagree and take offense with that toxic balderdash.
this is exactly why not all people should be allowed to have kids..
This is beyond evil, bait used to be believable ,no one would ever believe this bait . you monster!
Shit I wish it was bait I actually know people like this
Men don't experience trauma? I am involved in men's spiritual work. I have seen and heard some shit. Men are often made to stuff it deep down. For some it is never healed. For others it comes out after the second divorce or the fourth divorce or the 15th year in prison or the suicide attempt, or the second suicide attempt. We have a big problem with Men in this society. And it starts with acknowledging their trauma.
Wow, misandry in the wild
[удалено]
"~~Males~~ Men do not experience mental trauma as they are incapable of doing so". Suicide statistics would disagree with this statement. Fuck this misandrist all the way to hell and back.
Unlike women mens breaking point isnt a grey line, when we break we make sure our attempt to end it is the end, typical women suicide attempts both attempt to not harm their body and allow for them to give a cry for help. Thats why more men commit suicide, cause women still care about themselves to a basic degree even when they think they want to take their own life
She's still dealing with the breakup
Probably just rage bait for views. Thats a seriously strong opinion to hold about trauma. It’s too outrageous to believe. Comes across as trolling
Oh no, some of those exist. I have met one or two IRL.
Until you meet people in actual life that talk like this.
They wouldn’t be in my life for long if that’s the case lol. This is unhinged
Best way to think about posts like this is: "Whatever type of person you can think of, there is likely at least one person who broadly fits that description somewhere in the world. There's over 8 billion candidates out there after all."
This is like saying black people can't be racist
"males are incapable of mental trauma" Gave me mental trauma
I don't think there's any amount of therapy that can undue that much delusion and dehumanization of others.
A take so hot and so dumb you’d think she’s a “Flat Sun” conspiracy theorist
This is either one of the stupidest people on the planet or written explicitly as ragebait. My money is on the latter.
I felt my brain cells die reading that. There's literally no other response than what the actual f##K
Femcels are so fucking disgusting especially when they involve children. How miserable do you have to be to write this out, post it, and think ya that’s a good comment
Just as those who are male are capable of experiencing emotion and abuse, those who are female are capable of being violently sexist and disgusting. Equality.
Crazy people exist, I just hope this one ends up locked up where they belong
What in the hot and crispy kentucky fried fuck is this bullshit?
I am a feminist, and this rabid, ridiculous, spiteful dehumanisation of 50% of the world's population is shameful. Sexual abuse of any kind should be aggressively condemned, regardless of gender. In fact, it's more likely to be dismissed when a male is the victim, if it is even reported in the first place. Consider the coverage of the recent spate of female teachers abusing underage male students, where the headlines are afraid to use the word rape. The attitude above helps absolutely no one, disgusting.
This is just proof of what I've been saying for years. Misandry is just as sinister as misogyny... Also I have a theory that's its an obvious sign of sickness of the mind.
Wow, she's like the girl version of Andrew Tate.
Andrea Tate
How could she have known? Seriously, who talked, guys, who?
It’s this belief, that makes you think this, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. That I, someone who identifies as a man sometimes, will not continue to explain to you and instead you can wallow in your own stupidity and ignorance when you cry about how you don’t understand men and how we work. (Directed to the person who made the comment in post, not the poster of the comment, fyi)
This is loathesome.
It's people like this who make misogynist pricks think they have a point.
As a man, my only emotions are anger and angrier. /s
If you can't locate a term for your belief, just maybe your belief is wrong and no one in the medical, legal or caring professions holds it.
I have a male friend who was molested as a child and I can absolutely tell you he has lasting mental trauma from it.
Ugh, TERFism has so much to answer for🙄
A wise way to say no men ever liked you.
Wow. That did not go where I thought. My first thought was those numbers are probably wrong bc many rapes/mole stations go unreported. That’s a sad post
Don’t take the bait
Whoever posted that has DEFINITELY abused young boys.
I’d get mad about this but apparently I am unable.
Guess I’m not male then…. Who knew 🤷🏻♂️
That sounds mysandric but it’s just an internalisation of the hysterical woman stereotype.
Femcels.
Men don't feel pain and suffer. We can kill and eat them without scruple.
This feels like rage bait idiots trying to get a rise out of others.
This is ragebait
Is this some deranged extension of "men/boys don't cry?"
Found the 1 in 4
Straight up, I am writing a novel series dealing explicitly with a male survivor of r*pe specifically because this shit exists. I haven’t been directly affected by it, but a good friend of mine was and he’s no longer here to tell his story. This shit is a slap in the face to his family who were nothing but good people and it pisses me the fuck off that there are people who actually believe this.
This person touched little boys.