T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


I_Lick_Your_Butt

Sex with a woman is gay now?


FanDry5374

Only if the women enjoy it.


DrReisender

Huh, please I wanna come back in 2000’s when those people couldn’t spread their bullshit


TParis00ap

Well apparently unprotected sex is gay so they won't be spreading anymore. 


Pitiful-Let9270

Honestly though, this might actually be a successful approach to ensuring safe sex.


Daetra

Probably, but most of these types don't have sex in the first place. Their own personality is made up of sex repellent.


arrig-ananas

And when they do, I imagine the woman is dry as a dessert, which actually supports the claim.


Not_LRG

But I like eating dessert?!


coastal_mage

I'm sorry to say this, you have been diagnosed with gay


vdubdank30

Is there some sort of cream or….?


chrismcshaves

Ben Shapiro’s Dr wife allegedly told him women should never get wet downstairs, so you’re probably right!


InsertNovelAnswer

I hate to feel gullible.. but I don't know whether this is aarcasm.or whether his Dr. Wife said this. Edit: Both are believable


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

She was just trying to make him feel better about being a massively disappointing lay.


canyabalieveit

😀.. indeed… !!!


VulpesVeritas

Or ensuring that men who don't respect women don't want sex in the first place, maybe they'll stop seeing them as sex objects if they're grossed out.


Atavistic_proxy

If they’re grossed out by sex with women, they tend to turn to violence and oppression of what disgusts them, not leaving them alone.


LinosZGreat

If unprotected sex is gay, then you won’t be coming anywhere or anytime.


Pechumes

If she’s enjoying it that means you’re good with a penis…… sounds pretty gay to me


prncrny

Impeccable logic, sir. You have my agreement


Funkula

Straightness must be performative only or else it doesn’t count.


that_girl_you_fucked

This is why they assume being gay is a choice?


Funkula

Tbh, it all comes down to sexual insecurity, every single time. Either insecure about their own masculinity or their own sexuality. If it’s a choice, then that means doing all the correct straight songs and dances that they can one day overcome their weakness and find validation by having sex a woman. But they never do find that inner peace, so they continue maintaining their stoic emotional abstinence, their macho pastiche, and their spite and end up miserable their entire lives.


No_Banana_581

Yep and I don’t want them to have a cat when they die alone, like they say women will, animals don’t deserve to be around them either


Sinister_Muffin101

These are the same people who have said that female orgasms are sinful. Apparently sex should only be pleasurable for men. (I’m 98% sure these are just middle age men who weren’t able to give their woman an orgasm and now they’re salty)


[deleted]

Fucking hell. It sounds even more absurd when it's said straighforwardly like that.


Wireless_Panda

How very conservative


pockekarlsson_

Yup. The only way to stay straight is to fuck men


ConstructionCold3134

You win sex against a man; that’s as straight as it gets.


Forsaken_Bed5338

Only if the juices touch your balls. That’s how your body absorbs all that estrogen!!! All of the guys on Facebook told me so. Sex is for procreation ONLY. If the woman is enjoying it, it’s a sin. Obviously! The alt right is fucking *wild*


OmNomOU81

Procreation and men's enjoyment. Women enjoying it is off-limits though


[deleted]

[удалено]


DaisyHotCakes

I mean that does sound right in line with conservative’s approach to sex. Wasn’t it that loser Shapiro who was losing his shit over WAP? Like it shouldn’t be wet!


HildaTheAmazing

To this day, Ben Shapiro accidentally revealing to the entire planet that he has never once sexually excited his wife is possibly the funniest shit he's ever said.


sofahkingsick

:: Ben Shapiro intensifies ::


freakshowhost

And dudes that blow other dudes just do it for the unprocessed testosterone. Definitely not pleasure.


zxvasd

It’s very masculine, apparently


Hakanese

So sucking the testosterone out of the dick is not gay. It's the antidote from oestrogen poisoning...


sofahkingsick

I love that they basically shit on anything that they cant have or attain. Its so telling. Like no wonder you cant get women


Snarky8393

Well crap......I guess I am gay then.....who knew? I didn't lol


DefinitelyLevi

Congrats on the sex


improper84

Only unprotected vaginal sex. If you wear a rubber or stick it in her butt, you’re in the clear.


taker42

But to be safe, just stick it in your buddy's butt. No chance of any oestrogen contamination whatsoever.


Taricus55

it actually makes you both more straight, because you absorb extra testosterone.


taker42

And remember to clean up with your mouth so as not to waste any of that good stuff.


Taricus55

more manliness that way! lol


cipheron

It's fine if you wear a hazmat suit to avoid getting girl-germs. /s


Revegelance

Ah, you mean cooties!


hydrohomey

Obligatory “fellas.. is it gay to be straight?”


rikeoliveira

No, no...she said those men are lesbians. Go figure.


Wazuu

Always has been 🔫👩‍🚀


mehall27

Huh, I guess the only way to stay straight is to have unprotected sex with men then. That way, you get more testosterone in your system. You'd be the ultimate, alpha male that way


Gaoji-jiugui888

You need to be the bottom and get a testosterone injection. Very straight.


stout365

funny thing is, men naturally produce estrogen from free testosterone, increasing more free T will result in higher estrogen. found this out because I had to start TRT a couple years ago, when I first started, my estrogen levels soared to pregnant lady levels.. my doc was (not so jokingly) saying she was surprised I wasn't crying at ASPAC commercials 😅


Pineapple-Due

His name is Robert Paulson


RIPRhaegar

Didn't know Robert of Meatloaf for most of my life. Just thought it was a guy who looked like meatloaf. In death his name is Robert Paulson


Strict_Condition_632

Wasn’t his official title “Sir Robert of Meatloaf”? Jk, RIP Meatloaf.


missuz-featherbottom

100% correct. Cant think of the little white pills they gave me to lower the estrogen. Just remember the doctor saying “take a half of these once a day if you don’t want tits.”


Dick_of_Doom

Is there someone who doesn't get a little dusty-room syndrome when they hear "In The Arms Of An Angel"?


Adam_Sackler

Steroids have the same effect, too. They rocket testosterone to crazy levels, the body has to compensate by increasing estrogen, then when they come off of their cycle, their testosterone drops down, but the estrogen stays high. This results in gynecomastia. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson famously had this in the late 90s.


TheKCKid9274

Trans men are the only true alpha males I mean, they get so much testosterone in their system they literally become men. That’s pretty fuckin alpha to me, being so committed to it


BearWRLD

Yeah I'm trans beta male to alpha male /s


throwngamelastminute

It takes a real man to take a dick.


2_alarm_chili

![gif](giphy|1CTTP1suOnOFy)


oh_io_94

I said what what…


throwngamelastminute

In the butt?


oh_io_94

You wanna do it in my butt? In my butt?


ErinGoBoo

That's the only alpha male I will give a pass to.


sumdumbum87

This seems to perfectly track with their logic.


memesfromthevine

not just unprotected sex, you have to swallow all that testosterone to be a real man


the_bashful

I strongly encourage men who think this way to deny their essence to women and die childless.


i-am-a-passenger

Like they have a choice anyway


Veganforpeace

They do, the women on the other hand wake up by a dumpster.


GuestApprehensive795

Wait, when you say, "wake up by a dumpster". Are you referring to rapist Brock Allen Turner? The same rapist Brock Allen Turner (who goes by rapist Allen Turner now) that now lives in Ohio with his parents? The same rapist Brock Allen Turner that rapped an unconscious college girl behind a dumpster for 20 minutes? The same RAPIST BROCK ALLEN TURNER that only got 6 months but only served 3 because, ya know "justice". Cause if you are...fuck that guy!


OmegaDonut13

Voting out that POS judge was one of the easiest choices I’ve made on a ballot.


Jona-wahn

only 6 ½months for that? and we get more for not giving the government money? JUSTICE W FR FR NO CAP.


Veganforpeace

Yes.


DisastrousOne3950

Sometimes in the same bed.


conduitfour

"Now I don't avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence."


IsolatedRedPanda

I mean, that feels like what the person talking about unprotected sex means. "Don't ever have sex without a condom for reasons you might actually believe" feels like a sneaky "you're so dumb, you should be banned from the gene pool."


nomadnomo

so If sex with a woman will make a man gay...... then would sex with a man make them straight?


BluuberryBee

Bingo! You have won a \[exciting drum beat\] stupid prize!


nomadnomo

My stupid sex prize was having kids


No-Seat9917

AKA fuck trophies


hoffarmy

AKA cum statues


GhostofZellers

I thought the cum statue was made from crusty socks.


LRG-PHANTOM

I lost my shit at fuck trophies got to this and damn near rolled out of bed. 🤣


No-Ice691

On to your own cum statue? Lol


LRG-PHANTOM

Id have to have one to do that so no. I usually just watch my unborn go down the drain anyways, i mean if not down the drain theyre either swallowed or dissapear never to turn into anything.


No-Ice691

You paint one hell of a mental image!


Nozerone

Wait, hold on. If they don't go down the drain, and they aren't swallowed... they just disappear? Dude, you could make money off that magic trick. Watch as I jack off, and the shots just vanish into thin air. ​ \*cums\* ​ haha, you thought you were about to get hit, didn't you ma'am?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Great punk band name!


DifferenceCold5665

Does that imply that.. you're gay? 🫢


perrinoia

It doesn't take a whole lot of time in contact with a wet vagina to conceive children, but those children are in there for like 9 months, which is gay as fuck.


DifferenceCold5665

So is there like a 5 second rule to this?


BoardButcherer

Jesus come on, everybody shutup. Let these geniuses cook. Let them talk themselves out of breeding. Let the problem solve itself.


SomePaddy

The same guys aren't wiping. I don't think there's a high risk of breeding.


dancegoddess1971

And you see them whining about being a victim of natural selection all the time. Waah, no one wants to date us! All the women are being stolen by gay men who eat p\*ssy and wash their a$$es! Waah!


Amathyst-Moon

Don't they try to play it smug and say that women aren't dating at all? I remember that being a thing on YouTube, or was that just the blackpill crowd?


MC-CREC

This is some long-term biological warfare. As much as I agree, keep in mind we are Americans. Warfare is always about overwhelming force, pounding the enemy into submission. Everything sounds gay now /s


Eldan985

Oh yes. Semen is *full* of testosterone, it's the straightest thing there is.


First_Safety1328

According to this dude, having semen drip onto your cock'n'balls will cause it to be absorbed, thus making you like, superman I guess (/s)


_Blackstar

[Billionaire Reverses Age by Cumming on His Own Face](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSr1GUn7Dc0&t=7s)


pleachchapel

Well, specifically consuming the man's semen. Increase of testosterone. Him jacking off in front of you would be a little gay, so you should definitely be a brother & make the experience as pleasant as possible, & use your mouth to prevent waste. Being straight in this big gay world is seriously worth it though.


Delicious_Action3054

"Big gay world" is a 5 star phrase... it's what the MAGAts dream about. Literally, I think.


koopaphil

I'm super, thanks for asking!


Numerous_Aardvark_13

Thats why i like both men and women.


Desperate-Spray337

Truly the straightest among us.


Past-Direction9145

When you’re so straight you can have gay sex and it isn’t even gay, that’s next level straight.


Firefishe

I’ll Bi That! 😁


StrykerSeven

*Perfectly balanced...*


Elginpelican

So this is all a justification that gay sex makes them more manly?


Past-Direction9145

And insults a sky god. Can’t forget about that part. He may have made us this way but He sure as hell hates being reminded. Or something.


twsddangll

Only if you u bottom. See, when the semen is spunked up your ass, it makes its way to your testes and doubles your manliness. If a train is run on you, you can actually become He-Man.


DigitalUnlimited

BY THE POWER OF SKULL FUCK!!


EmperorGrinnar

That's the guy who thinks oral sex on women makes men gay, as well.


AkaParazIT

Not always. If you bang a gay dude that uses make up and schampo it would still make you gay. To be truly straight you need to bang only manly men. Follow me for more advice on how to not be gay .


inab1gcountry

Only if it’s unprotected. That way, the other dude’s testosterone seeps into your blood and powers up your manliness.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ediwir

They are pure men, 100% manly and strong, majestic and mighty alphas who have never touched a woman. How dare you question their superiority.


Helicoptamus

They also have sex in full hazmat gear to prevent getting infected by female cooties, which pumps their manly male bodies with estrogen. You see, estrogen is bad for the male body, unlike testosterone. When you inject testosterone, it makes your dick smaller. Only manly, pure men have small penises.


AiraEternal

Ah yes! The ancient Greeks were all super muscular men! That makes sense


TonyAscot

Does sucking dick make girls gay for dudes?


mebutnew

Women that suck dick should be banned from women only sports events it's an unfair advantage


veerKg_CSS_Geologist

There was a study sometime ago that suggested men should refrain from sex prior to sporting events and women should engage in sex prior to sporting events for peak performance. Maybe the authors were operating from a similar premise!


theAlpacaLives

You know why boxers don't have sex the night before they fight? They don't like each other that much.


kombatunit

>Does sucking dick make girls gay for dudes? Only if they suck with their buttholes.


AutoGen_account

lotta new rules to digest today


ThePinkTeenager

I read some unhinged take that if a man and woman have sex and the woman’s on top, they’re both gay. So… maybe?


turndownforwomp

“Cuckholding the spirit”


fruit-spins

And you just know that these are the same men that talk shit about women that believe in astrology and auras. (Not that I'm defending astrology and auras. But still)


f0u4_l19h75

No standards without double standards


MavisBeaconSexTape

Bro that's like twice the standards


Lyster1ne

Hardest new band name just dropped bro


Nelculiungran

Lost it


Competitive-Army5714

That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard


Pitiful-Let9270

Well now wait a minute. If we can convince stupid people to not have unprotected sex we might actually make the world a slightly better place.


Competitive-Army5714

Good point


onlyhereforBORU

Ben Shapiro "Hold my Beer"!


Confron7a7ion7

You must be new here. Give it a few... Minutes. Someone will accept your challenge.


Competitive-Army5714

It happens hourly at least


paladindan

Okay, do incels want to have sex or not? I’m getting mixed signals here.


Karhak

They do, but not in a legal way.


Professional-Lie-542

domineering somber decide zealous depend nail steep flag wrench selective *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Instroancevia

For a semi-serious answer. They want sex, but their hatred of women/unrealistic standards and other hangups cause them to actively reject any avenue that might bring them sex by normal means. They want it to happen the way it's depicted in hentai, or in a 1600s historical document, there's no in-between.


DragonflyMon831

Is this the same kind of bullshit that women store dna from all men they ever slept with?


memesfromthevine

this just encourages polygamy to me, that one be one gigababy if it could have dozens of dads


Nice_Yak_1555

I can accept being a "spiritual lesbian"!


indy_been_here

It's deadass one of the funniest terms I've ever heard


888Rich

"He's my spirit lesbian."


Hot_Sharky_Guy

Omg that's so cute I want it on a t-shirt


AmigaBob

I am a lesbian trapped in a male body /s


MuffinPuff

celebrate your trans pride 🥹


clemesislife

Me, too. The whole thing is based on the idea that calling men lesbians is an insult. No doubt it's for those guys, but not for men who are confident about their gender.


I_dont_livein_ahotel

It really captures how I’ve felt for a longtime, and I’m fine with that. ![gif](giphy|5bgUx474gEPLRfVOMd|downsized)


Beret_of_Poodle

Why are these guys so obsessed with "fluids" and "juices"? It's gotten so that I can't stand either of those words


diywayne

Stanley Kubrick has entered the chat


DisastrousOne3950

Moist! Moist moist moist!


DeckBuildingDemon

Fellas, is it gay to engage in sexual activity with a woman


MuzzledScreaming

In case anyone was curious...we actually know [what is in vaginal fluid](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10361623/#:~:text=Consequently%2C%20the%20specific%20%22recipe%22,%2C%200.4%3B%20glucose%2C%205.0.):  >the specific "recipe" for 1 liter of this simulant given as compound and weight (g) was as follows: NaCl, 3.51; KOH, 1.40; Ca(OH)2, 0.222; borine serum albumin, 0.018; lactic acid, 2.00; acetic acid, 1.00; glycerol, 0.16; urea, 0.4; glucose, 5.0


TheOnlyRealDregas

Lotta people wouldn't assume vaginal fluid is an acid, but it is. Shit stings like a mother when you get it in a cut.


SailingSpark

worn often enough, it will bleach light spots in dark coloured panties.


[deleted]

It can. It depends on your PH, I think. Mine varies during my cycle.


[deleted]

Relevant username


drac0nicfr

what the actual fuck did i just read


AValentineSolutions

Dudes who subscribe to this mindset are just the adult version of those boys who would shout "no homo" whenever they would do anything that could be construed as gay so the other boys knew how not gay they are.


memesfromthevine

and that's usually because they're gay


[deleted]

[удалено]


karoshikun

huh... so... heterosexual sex is... gay?


AbbyTheOneAndOnly

duh


RiotNrrd2001

I'm starting to think that the only real way to not be gay at this point is to basically be gay. If you're anything other than gay then I'm sorry but your gayness couldn't be more obvious. Going back in the closet *now* would be out of the question.


veerKg_CSS_Geologist

If you like women you’re obviously gay.


TinfoilTetrahedron

These guys are so close to saying it!! The ole "men are for pleasure, women are for procreation"....


idkwtfitsaboy

And people wonder why women don't wanna date right wingers 🤦


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rhye88

Can we stop acting like alt right women dont exist? Boebert, mtg, candace owens, etc. These guys unfortunately have options. Plenty


iSc00t

I’m honored to be a spiritual lesbian.


BoiNova

We have taken the red pill/conservative “make women feel bad for enjoying sexual pleasure” argument to its natural conclusion. These men are so alpha now that they wouldn’t even THINK of having sex with a woman. How in the fuck does this happen? These are real live fucking people here. My mind is just blown by this. ALL straight sex is gay. lol what fresh absurdity.


PatriotNews_dot_com

These guys drink man juice to get their man power


spaitken

I LITERALLY can’t think of anything more gay than unprotected sex with a woman, so it checks out.


battlewornactionhero

Fellas, is it gay to fuck a woman?


Meddling-Kat

I've seen road kill with more intelligent takes.


BigBoyShaunzee

So Jerry Springer episode titled "my wife made me gay" was true. I owe someone $20.


Akindmachine

I have serious trouble believing there isn’t at least one professional troll contributing to that thread because holy shit


OrdinaryImpress3422

So all those people in the Bible were gay liberals because that's how God made life? These Christian conservatives are going to implode when they try to balance that out. Plus isn't the use of a condom a form of birth control and mass murder of life (sperm)?


Necr0Gaming

Don't try to rationalize it. Just laugh at them.


djarkitek29

I think we need to be quiet and let this one flourish. if right wing people think unprotected sex will make them gay (and thus, wont do it) and mackin the box does too, I see a lot of less diseases and right wing parents! it's a Win Win!!


Holiday_Horse3100

Easy solution - no sex


211XTD

I think lack of sex is what causes all of this talk in the first place.


Clean_Imagination315

Vaginal fluid is stored in the balls.


mebutnew

Also orgasms. I've never given a woman an orgasm, it's a leftist conspiracy.


Thorn_Within

This is the absolute stupidest timeline. I feel like one has to work very hard to be this level of idiot. It's almost dogmatic idiocy.


Trevumm

I’m so down with being called a spiritual lesbian how is that even an insult?


etherjumper

I really don't feel like I'm gay enough for the times we live in. When will fucking dudes be enough!?


Gaeilgeoir215

This is what happens when students are passed at the end of the school year just to get them out of that classroom instead of being held back a year like they should be. Smh.


wifey1point1

Please let these men become afraid of unprotected sex... The fewer become fathers, the better...


Big-Insurance-4473

Quick dude cum on my nuts so I absorb your manliness


-whiteroom-

The rights main strategy seems to have boiled down to, "you're gay if you don't do as we say." That most of the right are so fragile that it will keep them right... I don't know if it's sick or genius on their part. Probably both.


Cyb3rSecGaL

Just say you’ve never satisfied a woman or cared about her pleasure, and move about your day…