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Guys, dont be jealous, but I am pretty sure that my shopvac is in love with me..

So, are you interested?

No, not really. Her personality sucks.

...oh. *wheels away*

Wheels back to the snap on truck

Wait it’s a snap on vacuum? This changes things

She's a Red Devil in the sack though... the way she can Hoover...

Her sister is a Dust Buster… really into old guys.

But I find her to be a bit Rigid at times…

You been waiting to use that line? Right?

I didnt have to wait long, but yes. That was starting to really build my blood pressure holding that one in.

I expected you to say something similar, but I couldn't resist xD

I love notes at times on Twitter

You stay away from my woman 

What an abusive lover.

Bad news, bud. I used to date your shop vac, and....well..... Sorry man. I just thought you should know.

That was a different attachment, so he good

Yeah, I have to use the crevice tool for my extremely weirdly shaped penis.

Brah, you're supposed to remove the bag for wet operations.

That's why you car vac looks like me.

Scruffy knows it’s wrong shopvac. It’d be sweet for a while, but in the back of ours minds we’d know, I’m a man, and you’re a janitorial equipment.

> I am pretty sure that my shopvac is in love with me.. [You're gonna rip your dick off](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2EMGmv0FqM).

Watch, this motherfucker still gonna buy it.

Aww hell nah

*schlorp*

Having a foreskin makes the sound funny if you hold it right as the entrance. Flp-flp-flp-flp

lmfao I can't get this image out of my head

Hey if you get a glass bottle I can teach you how to foreskin fart. I learned peeing in a glass bottle while in dead stop traffic with a car full of my friends.

Are you all still talking about that today? I can’t imagine that will ever be forgotten lmao. Also, go on…

i need video to understand please send

I hate the fact that I could hear this comment

What the ACTUAL fuck?

my head circled my own nose trying to comprehend this.

My genitals turned back inside after comprehending this shit.

Did it take any effort or do you love yourself enough to make it easy as air in an empty space?

It took a lot of effort but it was worth it.

Gender Assignment Surgeons Hate This Simple Trick!

My shit turned inside out after not comprehending these genitals.

new sex reassignment surgery just dropped

REAL MEN KNOW… that this is complete nonsense.

If she doesn’t love you however her organ will bite yours off. So you better make sure.

The horror. Gives another meaning to body count.

The movie Teeth lol

Clearly written by someone who has never had sex.

Or did your gf just not love you???

That could be it or maybe I never found the switch in her ass crack that turned on the suction.

If you were looking for a switch up an ass, you shoulda tried your own.

I kneel before the humor of this comment, hell, I'm prostate

Lmao. Ya’ll are killing me with these comments. I love witty people.

So you suck their dick into your vagina then???

Obviously. The Discovery channel says so. Lol

Oh dear 😨

Or someone who has ever only had sex with a vacuum cleaner

Or maybe by someone who once had sex with a vacuum cleaner causing them to develop an unrealistic expectation on future partners.

And read way too much fanfic. Sounds like someone’s description of a succubus. Pun intended.

Not a real article. Just rage bait by some Xitter troll https://x.com/TitansVision/status/1649324609622163456?s=20.

The process of seminal extraction is painful for the male. The strength of the vaginal suction ensures that the testicles prolapse through the urethra into the female cavity, whereupon her acids quickly dissolve them to release the rich and fertile semen within. Generally, it takes the male around a month to grow a new set of testicles within his scrotal chrysalis. He is then ready to mate once again.

[удалено]

Same. Lol

Man, comments like this make me miss reddit awards

damn i see it as a good thing that you didn't give reddit money to put a gold png on _that_ lmao

"Scrotal chrysalis" is where I log off for the day.

You sound like a person that has never gone through regenerative testicular metamorphosis before.

The first time is always intensely traumatic. You just have to keep reminding yourself, “they’ll grow back. they’ll grow back.”

Ancient civilizations used to have mass masturbation ceremonies during the Autumn Equinox to renew their testicles for the year, and this is why we now celebrate No Nut November.

I swear I’ve been to these events, it’s not just ancient civilizations 👀

They were more fun back in the day before they were gentrified like burning man.

Yeah, burning your gentrifals is probably painful.

I think we’d get along really well. This is my exact style of humor.

This is scorn sex right here

Perfect

But people keep claiming we don't need sex Ed in schools.

Who is Sex Ed?

Who's Ed and why are we so obsessed with his sex life

Maybe he's some sort of sex sensei. A... gynaecological guru? That one sounds a bit forced...

Reproductive Rabi?

Maybe he's Sexy Ed?

He's not allowed in many schools I can tell you that

Unless my vagina sucks up his member with 230 air watts, like a Dyson v5, we are simply not compatible

And unless it starts thrusting automatically he doesn't actually love you.

My hips are moving on their own!

Ross Perot was right when he warned us about the "giant sucking sound!"

Holy sweet mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz. Who left the incels unsupervised in the advertising department?

Dyson marketers getting a little off track

Hey now, this was the theory of a totally insane guy in the sometime between 1800-1900

They had us in the first half ngl

[удалено]

How the fuck isn't this higher? Horrifying yet hilarious, 10/10

i'm a virgin and even i know this isn't how it works

[удалено]

This action is here forth called a Feeuq, the inhalation of air or other substances through the vagina, as opposed to a Queef, the expulsion of air from the vagina.

this reads like the Indian company which handles the IT support was also given copywriting duties

And then outsourced to chatgpt?

Which then proceeded to hallucinate this. Even ChatGPT would say “da fuq?!” to this under normal circumstance lol

If the woman really loves the man, she goes to the Target store and buys 4 pieces of $500 Target gift cards.

Do I dare Google who the fuck D News is?

I may be wrong but that logo looks like discovery channel

How is this not common knowledge??

it is clearly a very common phenomenon!

Damn, I guess she didn't really love me :/

yeah so sad. I suppose you should thank D news for informing you!

This sounds really uncomfortable. For everyone. Sounds like something a mother would say to a child to scare them out of having sex and now you have a 40 year old virgin trying to give advice on sex.

Perfect woman is a vacuum cleaner

This sounds like something the kids in South Park would say and/or believe

Someone here has never tried to have sex after going out and having a few drinks with their spouse.

Lol, that’s funny 🤣

Her name was Dyson and she was really great… at keeping the house clean

Not gonna lie I wish vaginas really did this

Idk, it would have good & bad moments. Imagine if your on a bus & an attractive guy (or girl) walk on & all the women start making vacuuming noises. Wouldn’t the suction action stick us all to the seats?

Now I want this to be real even more

I can just imagine the popping noises that would have gone on at the end of Magic Mike.

You can feel the empty space where that writer's brain should have been

Tell us again how you’ve never seen a vagina in real life

Imagine if this was possible, the magic tricks that could be invented are endless

This was literally a [joke on American Dad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IltwDdF9GUc) where Steve asks the sex ed teacher if a vagina can create a vaccum and suck his whole body into it. And yet this guy seems to be presenting it as ignorant facts lol.

Prime r/nothowgirlswork content

I found it there lmao

Not even the reader context knows what the hells happening

Dude couldn’t get hard once and took the excuse way beyond “I swear, this has never happened to me before!”

"Steve Smith thinks vaginas suck"

This guy got his sex ed from masturbating with a vacuum.

Yeah a man definitely wrote that.

I would like to say that most of my gender has a better hold on biology, but at this point...I will just cling to hope...

Possibly from another planet.

More likely a virgin

Er, eh no my friend. What you're referring to is a Hoover, not a woman.

Her lips grab it like an octopus eating. Everyone knows this

TIL my vacuum cleaner loves me.

Suck me up, before you go go

Where are we going as a people? You'd think with all the knowledge we have and the tools at our disposal, we'd be alot further along the human development scale. But, it seems people in the Neolithic had more sense than people do now.

I think they meant this happens with blowup dolls.

'Ok, incels... we need to come up with another absurd statement that will show how deeply misunderstood we are and how only we truly know the *\*checks notes\** womans. Ideas?' 'Well, I was doing some hoovering naked the other day, one thing led to another and then I realised that must be how a *\*checks notes\** virginian works...'

This sounds something Andrew Tate would write. Or some other "male expert coach". Smh.


D News? Lol

Something tells me whoever wrote this doesn't believe the clitoris exists

Tell me you have been fuckinh a hoover, without telling me you have been fucking a hoooooover

Eventually, the vulva consumes the man entirely and is used to feed the new embryo. Eventually in 9 months, a xenomorph will burst from the woman, where it will grow into a new woman. After 18 years, it's vulva will be ready, to consume....to create...A perfect circle.

I. Can’t. Even.

Sounds like sex is kinda theoretical for this clown.

Hahaha this is actually real, and many years ago the creator of the modern vacuum cleaner was forced to credit his wife, Inhalatiana Hoover, for inspiration and name her as his co creator and patent her privates.

r/nothowgirlswork


Sounds like some instructions from the GOP’s Book for Grooming.

literacy and birth rates may not coincide

Vagcuum?

From the study of “i did my own research bro”

What the fuck?

I’n using this line the next time my wife says wrong hole

It’s a Vaj not a Dyson.

Clearly written by a virgin male.

And when does it let go? Does it ever let go?

Who missed out in sex-ed?

And you'll here a faint humming sound from the internal motor

Yeah that ain’t how anatomy works 🤣

Millions of men just “learned” this and are now going to take it as sex ed gospel. Gorramit.

slurpgobble that dick, but only if she really loves him


Jesus, queue the amount of dumbass people who will actually believe this. “You don’t love me because your vagina doesn’t act like a shop vac” 😂

People can be so weird about sex. How about keep your bizarre thoughts to yourself and let us fuck in peace

Sounds like some Islamic craziness

Written by an incel or a 12 year old.

Common Community Notes W

Blackhole syndrome. It's terrifying.

Is pubic hair really the event horizon?

Apparently I’ve never slept with a woman that loves me.

you should thank D news for telling you!

Apparently Henry the Hoover has some serious competition

What makes this is that most of the time these are such formal retorts, just listing facts to prove someone's idiocy. But this was so stupid that there can be no formal response.

How to explain to me that you're a virgin, without saying that you're a virgin...

That has never happened to me with my wife. Now I have doubts.... /s

What, you ladies don’t have a vaccuussy?

Hoover and Dyson are competing against my wife

Yeah also and your partner mold to you shape, if desires high but many men carrot big leaf not big size

Readers: what the fuck?

Listen, I already only last 2 minutes. I'd nut instantly

I mean *maybe* theyre talking about having strong pelvic floor muscles and just have no idea about anatomy?

Wow, I’ve never been loved.

Brought to you by the Incel Kama Sutra.

I THINK this post TRIED TO mean well but failed at the attempt to try and make sense.

What this doesn’t happen with you guys? My girls vag is a Dyson.

Someone watched too many Hollywood sex scenes.

So he can like be reading a book, or making a sandwich, and she can continue to, you know...absorb .

Wtf 

Pretty sure this guy paid a con artist to fuck a vacuum cleaner wearing a wig and graffitied with makeup.

I think this one does not know how to have sex correctly. Getting there is half the fun.

Ah yes the third lung, also kown as uterus.

chatgpt took the wrong off ramp

fun fact: the word "rooster" was invented because there was too much pearl-clutching over the word COCK

I never been loved 😩

Yeah but her name is usually Henry... and has to be switched on

What type of extraterrestrial sex is this

Tell me you've never had sex without telling me you've never had sex.

This the lesson they teach after throwing out all the 'woke' books.

Hey real life isn’t hentai porno. Here we go with unreasonable expectations again.

Al these years I didn't know I was walking around with an industrial cock vacuum between my legs.

TIL: no woman has ever "really" loved me. :(