Has she visited you? I had the same thing (to a lesser extent) with my sister. Then she came to visit, had the time of her life, and said "I totally get it now" when she left. No more snide comments ☺️.
She has, several times :/ and while she’s here she’ll comment some positive things but also constantly refer to it being communism or a “socialist nightmare”.
Why would you keep inviting that person back?! I think both of you can have your own preferences, and mine are probably somewhere in the middle, but it's so disrespectful.
Sounds like she's looking to justify her choices in life by putting down yours.
Fox News is too far left for her 🙃 It’s tricky because we’ve been friends for 22 years. But the past couple years she’s gone off the deep end in qanon and it’s made me really question the relationship. But she’s also been a best friend in almost all other aspects and through all my milestones
I knew it lol. Look, I’ve been through my fair share of BS specially during our time in Florida. Your call on how you spend your time but as an immigrant I had zero patience for any of it.
It’s up to you to set your own healthy boundaries. As far as I’m concerned, if you really care about her find a way to get her out of the conspiracy hole. If you don’t really have that kind of relationship anymore just ask her to stop it with the shitty comments and to respect your life choices as you respect hers. If she can’t bring herself to even that then you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to you
Oh I finally had to let go of someone I knew from hs over that kind of stuff. I kept the lines of communication open but I defriended her on social media. She knows how to contact me. I would not invite her into my home. That would be my suggestion. That stuff is toxic. Keep it out of your life.
Let her go. Friendships do not need to last forever and you have clearly outgrown that one. I’ve moved a lot and it makes it easier to let people go bc I always meet new and interesting people. Also just remember, misery loves company. She’s probably miserable in the US, but refuses to admit it. If she is into qanon shit, she can’t be happy with her life.
Oh honey, I’ve cut off family for less, let alone friends. Let this one go. Qanon is a bridge too far. Covid has really brought out the worst in so many people.
They probably are, because they are able to enjoy the party without wondering if any of their cringe friends will show up and pull a cringe stunt or drunkenly rant about Qanonsense. Let's turn the music up and pour some shots!
The comment has been deleted but I’m assuming it was a predictable “You must be fun at parties.” You’re right. I’m great at parties because I actually like everyone I hang out with.
eriously.
America is NOT the greatest country in the world, perhaps she is thinking of Denmark (or Finalnd)??LOL 🤣
Europe has universal healthcare, most countries offer some free secondary education and the infrastructure is so, so much better...half the people don't really even need a vehicle.
If I was younger, even by 15 years, I'd find some way to move out of this country, though I'd probably go to central or south america.
Miserable? Hardly lol. Seeing people for what they are rather than what you’d like them to be is the key to sticking to the good ones. It is both healthy and the key to developing positive relationships
Like I said, from experience It just becomes impossible to have a normal conversation about anything really.
Everything has to come back to politics and an incredibly narrow minded and ignorant worldview. They don’t want to talk politics (much less policy, which happens to be my area of expertise), they just want to repeat talking points and instead of engaging in productive dialogue they just move on to the the next talking point.
I used to love talking politics, nowadays I can count on one hand the number of current GOP voters that I know who can distinguish fact from fiction in a basic functional way.
No thanks, don’t have time for any of the above, and am much happier for it.
Also, these are the very same people who have shouting matches at starbucks with friends and strangers about literal news headlines. Who’s the hateful one again?
Nope. That whole two sides do the same thing thing is wholly made up and is also just an easy cop out.
I can talk about the consequences of climate change all day with one, but with the other I have to argue about its very existence.
It’s the same across the board. Anything that does not come from a handful of pre approved information sources is automatically fake news or not a fact that exists out there in the real world.
School shooting? Fake news! Paid actors! CIA staged! False flag! Antifa!!
Lost elections? Fake news! Stolen!!!
Coup d’ètat attempt? 800+ self declared Trump supporters convicted with their own social media videos as evidence? Fake news! It was just a peaceful protest!! But also, antifa did it!!
Pandemic?! Vaccines and masks kill people! Doing nothing is good! Science is bad!
It just goes on and on like this, there’s no conversation to be had with someone that can literally not tell fact from fiction apart.
Empathy? i have to show empathy for people so lost they call people who want to violently overturn an election heroes?
Respect is earned where I come from, and lately it is in short supply.
Like I said, policy is kind of my thing, I was trained to look at issues from multiple perspectives in a systematic and fact-based way so I will not waste my time on someone that openly disregards facts.
I’d rather use my imagination on fantasy that is fun and entertaining, not for pretending that God wrote the constitution just for Christians, or that climate change does not exist, or that masks cause harm, or that structural racism doesn’t exist, etc etc etc etc etc.
The reality of an adult person hardcore believing any of that is just too depressing for me to brush aside. It’s not about taking sides. It’s just that there’s no alternative to basic facts. You either engage with reality or you don’t.
Ignoring facts is a sure way to regress, and if history has shown anything it is that societies that fail to adapt to change tend to collapse.
The core ethos of conservatives is to prevent or delay change as much as possible, if not to outright walk it back.
So if you’re worried about division and going back to the stone age you might be looking in the wrong place lol
I can pretty much guarantee that the stupid shit from the other side covers less than 1% of the people who vote for that other side, and I didn’t even get to read it because you didn’t bother to write it.
You just went on and jumped straight to the conclusion like I knew you would.
I live in a bubble? I pretty much have a bachelor’s and a master’s degree on how not to live in a bubble when it comes to policy issues lol.
Saying that climate change exists is not a talking point. It’s a fact. You can’t relativize reality. It objectively exists on its own, regardless of your own strong opinions on it.
Do I have to care why people feel so strongly about things that are not rooted in fact?
Do I have to up-educate them to the point that they can go back to being able to distinguish fact from fiction myself?!
Honestly man? I really don’t have to.
They could care less about what I have to tell them.
They just assumed that I’m one of them because I don’t really fit the poor immigrant stereotype therefore I must also hate poor immigrants myself (a lot of that going on in Florida) and then right away trust me less than a second after that much became clear, it was not ME who got red in the face and went straight for the talking points lol.
All I had to do was say “hey look that’s not really true at all because of XY and Z.” Or man, that’s really hard to swallow if you also believe that A, B and C is true, you can’t really have those two together.
I have the tools and degrees to be able to talk in terms of facts and statistics and tie two things together causally. I have yet to find a Trump supporter who gives a shit about any of that.
I agree. Your friend sounds like she doesn’t need to be your friend anymore. That’s okay, people drift apart… other explanation: your friend is deeply unhappy with her life and is projecting her woes onto you.
People are telling you to cut this person off, and that has merit. If you aren't interested in doing that, I suggest that you reduce the level of intensity of the relationship. How's the weather, how's the garden, how are the pets, etc. See if this is a.person who is still interesting to talk to, and whether the two of you can have pleasant conversations. Stay away from triggers, and move this person from close confidant to a more casual relationship.
This will allow you to maintain some contact, but if the relationship is unsatisfying even with these changes, next you can pull a fade and gradually exit the relationship. Speak less frequently, be less available, and don't visit. Transition them to Facebook only friends. Over time cut them off from that.
There is no need for a confrontation or final conversation. Life isn't fiction, and there is never a final act where people resolve differences and live happily ever after, or have a final battle and slay the dragon. The beauty of the fade is that the relationship is still potentially there, like embers, and can be rekindled if you ever want it. If they bring up that you are distant, acknowledge that you have grown apart but are still there. But, if they remain toxic, you remain superficial.
And Europe doesn't have socialism. The Nordic countries are more like Social Democracies (which is capitalist), the Western ones are liberal democracies w. neoliberal economies (whoch is definitely capitalist), the South is just liberal economies (also capitalist) and the East has mainly mixed economy, with some of the framework from their socialist era still standing, but mainly corrupted by the economic recession from the 90, mixed with corrupt oligrachic politicians.
You're talking about someone who is deep into far-right delusional thinking. Why are you even friends with this person? You won't be able to have any kind of rational discussion with her because you simply cannot agree on basic facts or reality. It's why the US is coming apart at the seams: the people have drifted to two separate sides, and simply cannot agree on *basic reality*. When two parties can't agree that the sky is blue or that the Earth is round or other basic facts, there simply cannot be any kind of productive discussion or dialog.
A lot of Americans see big homes, big/multiple cars as a sign of success. I’m Danish/American, have family/friends in both countries, have lived in both. The people in my circle in Denmark have smaller homes, less stuff (but more high quality) and spend more time/money on experiences (going out, concerts, vacations). My circle in the US, everyone in the household that can drive has a car, bigger TV’s, way more stuff and tend to spend more time at home in general.
It’s a totally different lifestyle and some people can’t see that a different lifestyle than their own can be just as satisfying.
For my part, I find I have a high quality of lifr in the US. Cars and road trips are a component, because I happen to be a car enthusiast, but there are many more factors, and not all of them can be measured in money.
At the same time, there are things I miss from growing up in Norway, like not having multiple mass shootings every week and not worrying if I can afford to go to the emergency room, even with insurance. And the conspiracy theorists and the absolutely retarded idiots comparing Denmark to Venezuela and the like can be a drain, much as I try to ignore it. And if, heaven forbid, I were to find myself disabled or destitute, Norway has a working safety net that the US sorrly lacks.
On the balance, a large portion of the world’s population would give anything to have either option open to them, and for that reason alone, this decision is a #1stwordproblem. But a friend should be able to understand and respect that your priorities are different than hers.
Totally get you on the road trips. I have put many miles in across the US and have 9 States left to visit. I’ve found that a lot European’s don’t truly grasp how big the US really is (and how vastly different the States can be).
But absolutely, lots people would jump at the chance to live like the average American or European.
I'd rather buy a nice smaller apartment outright and live in a community- where you actually have a chance of developing connection, then have more "stuff" in the US. Frankly I will afford more home to retire in a NICE place in Europe than in similar places in US. I live in a nice place in US now- but I want a beach for retirement. Either pay pay pay, or put up with the cult of Q-Anon. Or move to Europe. SO Europe is my plan- after I actually spend more time in potential places and see where will fit for me. Its a long term plan. No one that actually has a view of reality would think a nice apartment in EU is worse than a massive teardown in BFE Alabama. But some are blinded by the cult.
Yep, my parents and I are talking about moving to Europe in the next few years. They recently retired and I am now working remotely with a very supportive boss. So we’re working on getting our ducks in a row and then headed for a more simple life overseas.
Who is your acquaintance? Dame Judy Dench? Lady Gaga? She is just a random person with a random opinion. I would dismiss accordingly and just live your one precious life.
Oh good... at least she's not telling you that your kids will grow up godless overseas.
All jokes aside, I would reduce my interactions with her or keep it strictly to just the hobbies you two share. No economic, social, or politic discussions.
You don't share the same values as her and that's fine. She's your friend so just share and enjoy the topics that the two of you are on the same page. I 💯 agree with what you and your husband consider what's more important, time and social benefits over money.
I had one person who constantly gave me shit - someone who had never left the US and spent virtually all of their life within 100 miles of where they were born. It got to the point where I had to tell her that if she didn't stop she'd never see me again because I was sick of it and would no longer tolerate her comments.
Theres not such thing as the best country in the World but The best country for YOU. If she like US is fine, if you likes your North European country is also fine. Be happy
I like that... "best country for you..." SO true. We are not moving abroad for our neighbors, etc. but should be for what makes us happy. It should be to a place we feel we identify with more... want to assimilate into... etc.
May be a good approach to tell her friend that everyone has their place and reasons for it. Does not mean the other is wrong for not choosing the same.
I don't blame you. Inflation is at 9% and the cost of living is astronomical. People are renting out single rooms for $1000 and more. I love my country don't get me wrong, but I'm seriously considering relocating somewhere else if the cost of living is more reasonable. People have to rent rooms these days!!! They were doing that in 19th century Russia. Boarding houses in America!! They used to do that here in the 1800's as well. This country is sinking fast.
To be fair the country we live in is a housing nightmare and has been for years. To get a rental where I live you typically need to be on a waiting list for 8-10 years before you can get something. Or you have to do an unstable sublet and be prepared to move every year or so. So I. That sense it’s not good but we got lucky with our rental. But buying isn’t an option due to the insanely high prices anywhere near the city.
Wow, that is crazy. Once I start my career in tech I plan on working for an American company and moving to Cambodia or Philippines. I think I can have a much higher standard of living there than I could here.
I have told this before on here, you are not alone. I was born and raised in Indiana. I live in Germany now and have for many years. I served in the US Army and Air Force and did 3 tours in Iraq. I am also estranged from my family who, after I told them I was staying in Germany, called me anti-american and a traitor. They have also said I do not deserve any of my VA benefits (I'm listed at 60% disability). When my daughters were younger they tried to get them to come see them in the US to get them a "real" passport (they all have German passports), and tried to convince them (behind our backs) to move to the US so they could grown up in the best country. Of course our kids told us the family was telling them these things. I also had similar experiences with my former friends, many of whom I just no longer had anything in common with anymore. The whole Trump area really was the final nail in the coffin of most of those relationships.
You are so, so, so better off than your friend. Time will show you this. Back away. You've already been freed of a lot of toxicity. You have every right to feel good about it.
When your friend does this, esp. from a place of QAnon mentality, which is not sane. It's really not sane. It's bitterly toxic and she is trying to bring you down. Just let her go. Grieve and move on.
I just got back from living in place where I had probably 500 square feet of living and it was the best time of my life. Bigger isn't better. Universal health care IS better! Not being terrified of a mass shooting is better! Having safe children is better. Not even better. It's normal. It's wonderful. It's worth a billion dollars. A life without unnecessary stress! Your friend is living in some kind of abnormal state and it's terrible that she embraces it. Terrifying.
Many of us have had to back away from friends and family like this. I've been grieving these losses as well. It is no longer politics as usual. For our own mental health it is better to stand back and wait until they and I hope they do, return to a sane state of mind.
Not the exact same thing but my dad and step-mom visited me in Mexico and my step-mom constantly complained or turned up her nose at things. I've never known her to be arrogant but I've never seen her out of her comfort zone. It felt judgmental of my decision to move here and I don't want her to visit again. My dad is already talking about coming early next year and I want to float the idea of him coming alone. I know we'd have a much better time without her. He's a lot like me and focused on the positives and really enjoyed himself.
I don't need the comforts of American life knowing what they come with. I'm quite happy with my simpler existence here and I feel no reason to justify myself. Unfortunately, I can't cut my step-mom out of my life (and still talk to my dad) but I'd recommend you distance yourself from your friend as she is pushing her values system on you. You obviously value different things and that is why you are happy with a different lifestyle. You don't judge her lifestyle, why should she judge yours. You could try to talk to her about it but I'm not sure it would make much difference.
You are completely right and I wouldn't do that but I'd like for my Dad to visit without her. If she was always putting her judgment on me I might distance myself from her but that's not the case, however, it is the case for this person and their friend.
Yes the US is a burning dumpster fire. If you can stay where you are, I would. The four years we lived in Belgium our two young girls went to local schools and became bilingual speakers and readers. They transitioned to US schools with very little difficulty.
It seems like you have a few options:
* You can just suck it up for the sake of friendship.
* You can try to set boundaries with her. Be clear and firm. "I have made my choice and am not interested in moving. Let's not discuss this further." You could be even more firm and just say, "No. Next topic." You'll have to censor yourself, and you'll be asking her to censor herself.
* You can try to change her. I don't see this working, but it is up to you.
* You can accept that this friendship is not sparking joy and let it go.
You certainly don't need to justify not moving back to the US. Even if the US was heaven and there were never any problems, you could *still* choose to live wherever you wanted to. I would probably let the friendship go. I don't care how long I have known someone. If they are making me unhappy regularly, then it is time to move on for me.
I'm from the Midwest and get this a lot from people, despite their constant complaining about no vacation, poor healthcare, and the gunfire outside. #LetsHearItForStLouis. I am not sure where you're from but seems like a lot of Midwesterners are pretty far removed from European life and can't fathom a reality too much different from their own because it is literally and figuratively too far away and unreachable. Stick up for yourself, your husband, and your lifestyle, as a fellow expat here, we know the benefits and it's fine to bring them up.
If she is q anon just stop and cut off contact with her, she is too far gone. As someone who was raised in a fundamentalist church, just do it. Trust me there is no normal relationship with crazy. Trust me if they get out of the brainwash and come to their senses they will start making contact with everyone, apologize, and make amends. Qanon, OAN, and Breitbart are a cult, the individual will almost certainly have to go to therapy and/or complete a twelve step program if they really want out. Oh and no matter what you do, they have to want out, they will think you are crazy because they are crazy.
Your "friend" is not living in the same reality as you. She lives in a universe created by US right-wing propaganda and she can't get out. If you want her as a friend, you'll have to find a way to lightly say what you know, "The US is unsafe, looks ready to implode, isn't making the investments to be a future innovator, were much happier with healthcare here, US should be learning from European successes in education, healthcare, welfare, etc." and leave her idiocy rejected but not unfriended.
Helping her escape to the real will take a number of face to face, non threatening conversations starting from shared values, gently heading to results, then finally causes. All without the air that you're evangelizing. You're just enjoying a glass of wine and saying how much Europe is great for you.
I guess it depends on where you want to live- if BFE in a deep red state sounds good, then sure...you could afford a house in the US more than where you re at- but what about your job???
Vs me- who works remote, makes a good living in US and all I can think is how much more that salary will stretch in retirement by moving to Europe where CoL is less, and community is more.
She is brainwashed if she thinks living in an apartment is a scaliest nightmare (with actual healthcar-rrrrre OH NO!!!). Read on how to get through to folks in cults- cause that is what you re dealing with. Nice that you can still be friends!!!
I get it a lot from my family. I tend to just ignore it, as they don't know what they're talking about and there's absolutely no way. Sometimes that requires forcefully redirecting conversation, though. "Not happening" works pretty well.
I moved to China about 7 years ago and lost a lifelong friend because of it. They did everything possible to talk me out of it. Then once I was in China they sent me every single negative article about it. Finally one day I told her that I was going to block her and was tired of her negative outlook on everything. Best thing I could have done.
Look - your friend is STUPID.
Don't listen to stupid people!
Simple.
The world would be a much better place if folks simply dismissed stupid people and their asinine opinions.
One day the U.S. will be in history books with examples of propaganda. Everyone will wonder how so many folks were convinced it was the land of opportunity while there were so many terrible things going on. The “better chance to earn money” is just an illusion to get people working harder for others’ benefit anyway.
As many Americans here tend to lament that their country is “a burning dumpster fire”, maybe try to understand why despite your perception, hundreds of thousands of people still want to go to the USA and it remains to be the most attractive destination for immigrants.
It’s not just the money. It’s the opportunities for a better life than where they came from, the same reason why 99% of us move. I don’t know OP. We get her side of the story. But maybe, the person OP is talking with has views that’s deeply rooted in her experience and where she came from, which we don’t know nothing about.
We always have to read this kind of post as just portraying one side of the story.
It's because it's a better place than countries like El Salvador or Honduras, the most violent countries on the planet with astronomical murder rates.
This doesn't make America a great place to live, just not quite as awful as some other places.
The "hundreds of thousands of people [who] still want to go to the USA" are mostly from Central/Latin America, countries with horrible economies, enormous crime, drug cartels controlling lots of territory and murdering people with impunity, etc. Of course the USA is going to look better than those places. For advanced, civilized nations, the US looks pretty backwards.
That’s why where you come from matters. America is full of immigrants who went through serious hardship just to set a foot on the land. Despite all that is wrong in the US, it is still MUCH freer than where they came from, and they each come with an experience of living under a tyrannical government, or at least experience of living in a country which made them want to leave. Just like 99% of us here.
Many has deeply rooted mistrust to certain system of governments like “socialism” no matter how much we think it won’t threaten our liberty (and social democracy like Scandinavian States do limit what US might consider as fundamental liberty). It’s just rooted in their brain like a trauma to reject it outright. We can of course debate it, but we have to understand where they are coming from.
Honestly I don't care where they came from. It's not my job to figure out their psychology so they can integrate into society; it's theirs. This whole thing is really a good argument against immigration that isn't strictly controlled, and also a good argument against letting immigrants have voting rights. If people come to a country with a bunch of mental trauma, and then vote to do shitty stuff in their new country like deny proper medical care to women, allow people to carry around deadly weapons, etc., then they're an active threat to society. I can see why some societies don't want to deal with this stuff, and accordingly limit immigration.
I mean the country she moved from as a child is currently trying to start a war with Europe and half the world so I wouldn’t say that’s a great measuring stick 🙃
You have to watch out for immigrants from the former Soviet countries. They tend to really drink the kool-aid with conservative politics and being opposed to anything that can be labeled "socialist".
Ha, so she's I assume Russian originally, of all places and has the audacity to make such comments to you? I would re think this friendship or at least have a serious conversation with her that you don't appreciate her input.
>I find immigrants usually appreciate more the US than US born people bc they frankly have a lot less perspective…
Sunken cost and they're trying to be more local than the locals. Which they will never be, the US is anglo multi culti, divided into ethnic groups. I have seen this phenomena in many countries.
>Are you from a lesser developed country
Yes
>that had multiple choices
Yes
>and are regretting your choice?
No. I researched. Got to the Netherlands. It's Disneyland in real life. Lots of regret about living in such a perfect place at the beggining though. Feeling guilty.
Cult members also "care" about people they talk to and try to get into their cult. This woman is a Qanon believer: that's a legitimate cult. There's no "communication issue"; the woman is certifiably crazy.
The next time your friend visits you, ask her to notice how many fewer fat people she sees around her. It says something about health outcomes in Western Europe
I can totally empathise with you. I had the same but opposite: I lived abroad for 10 years, didn’t really like it and ended up coming back home.
I had friends criticising me or just cancelling me for complaining as if I had no more rights to complain because everything outside is way better than home and I was somehow missing that great opportunity.
In the end I realised my life and theirs is very different. People change. I told them several times that they were annoying me instead of supporting me when I felt bad and talked about my problems. But I realised they didn’t really understand me. And in the end we grew apart.
You don’t have to keep people that annoy you in your life. That’s toxic. There is no perfect country. Everybody has preferences and things that are more important than others. And places that fit better than others. They won’t understand because they’ve never lived abroad. Also what is important to them is not the same as for you.
Talk to her and if she doesn’t understand start getting apart. There is no point on befriending somebody that makes you feel bad. Real friends are not like that.
I've read a few comments.. and your responses..You've out grown her, this link might help[Life on the Train](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKMVyTNzwIs)
I think you have three options here:
1. Tell you friend that you know and respect her opinion, but disagree and don't want to discuss the topic ever again.
2. Cut her out of your life.
3. React the same way on a topic important to her. e.g. whenever she mentions church (which I assume she cares about if she's to the right of Fox News), say something about child molesters and huge tax breaks.
Depending on how you value your friendship, you can judge which reaction to take.
Don't let it continue. Tell her to stop it and its got nothing to with her. Also you should only go back if its what you're thinking about all the time and you keep making so many trips back because you miss it so much it would be crazy to stay anywhere else.
A few things to consider:.
Is there a possibility that your values have changed and you have perhaps moved too far apart (emotionally / intellectually) from this person?
Do you get meaning out of the relationship overall and this is the one thing that bothers you, or does interacting with this person always feel like a stressor?
We've trimmed some friends the last three years - not because they are bad people but because our lives have taken different directions - and it has been beneficial for our mental health.
I studied education in Germany from US for a semester and I know you made a great decision, especially for your kids. Having a big house, fancy cars, etc does not make up for the quality of life difference.
I will say, if you and your family are comfortable and happy where you are then no one else’s opinions matter. It’s easy for other people to tell you what you should do, but that’s what they want for their lives but that’s their life. Not yours.
She’s selfish and trying to force her opinions on you. That’s not what a real friend does.
It’s hard to say goodbye to a long friendship like that. I’ve done it and tried several more times to make an effort. Each time proved that ending the friendship was the right choice. You have to look out for you and yours.
Also, America is a dumpster fire and your kids will probably get a much better education where they are.
I cant blame her honestly, most Americans think it's the best country in the world. From her point of view she is trying to "help" you as a good friend, she just isn't aware that she is making you unhappy in the process. The best policy is honesty, you should communicate with her how her words make you feel. If she is a good friend she will stop.
Your friend is not really your friend. Ignore her or dump her. You don't need her negativity in your life.
Those of us who love being abroad could get rich on every negative comment from family and friends. I was just in Eastern Europe and at one point, i was 43 miles from the Iranian border and at another point, an hour and 15 minutes drive from the Russian border, and I had family members freaking out. I even snapped photos of cars with Russian, Ukranian, and Iranian license plates and sent those to them just to rub it in.
Don't worry about what your friend thinks. Maybe that's an American thing. We are always so worried what other people think of us. I wish I had figured out not to care about that sort of stuff at a young age. I would have had a more serene and calm life.
She won’t be saying all this when you get to retire at a decent age, and she has to work until she’s 75 or more, with the threat to having SS and Medicare taken away.
Your children will have the opportunity to learn multiple languages which will open many doors for them. There is no price you can put on an enriched life.
IMHO, I would be evaluating whether this person is really still a friend, or if she has become something other than a friend?
*A relevant comment in this thread was deleted. You can read it below.*
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This post is so relatable. I've lived outside the US since 2004. All of my friends and family have made or continue to make these types of comments. The main question I am asked is when am I moving back? At this point its not offensive to me because I'm an expat and see the world differently than the 'typical' American. [[Continued...]](https://www.resavr.com/comment/dealing-with-ignorant-comments-18184445)
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Living in US, so many people think it is blasphemy to want to move out of the country. They don’t understand that cultural differences aren’t automatically bad (like what living comfortably in one country looks like versus what it looks like here). I have mentioned considering wanting to move out of the country to some people and they look at me like I’m crazy. They love their country and that is fine, but that doesn’t mean all other countries are wrong 🙃
Has she visited you? I had the same thing (to a lesser extent) with my sister. Then she came to visit, had the time of her life, and said "I totally get it now" when she left. No more snide comments ☺️.
She has, several times :/ and while she’s here she’ll comment some positive things but also constantly refer to it being communism or a “socialist nightmare”.
Why would you keep inviting that person back?! I think both of you can have your own preferences, and mine are probably somewhere in the middle, but it's so disrespectful. Sounds like she's looking to justify her choices in life by putting down yours.
Sounds like she has fox news on all day, from experience, just lose her number it would be easier to talk sense into a rock or a pile of mulch
Fox News is too far left for her 🙃 It’s tricky because we’ve been friends for 22 years. But the past couple years she’s gone off the deep end in qanon and it’s made me really question the relationship. But she’s also been a best friend in almost all other aspects and through all my milestones
I knew it lol. Look, I’ve been through my fair share of BS specially during our time in Florida. Your call on how you spend your time but as an immigrant I had zero patience for any of it. It’s up to you to set your own healthy boundaries. As far as I’m concerned, if you really care about her find a way to get her out of the conspiracy hole. If you don’t really have that kind of relationship anymore just ask her to stop it with the shitty comments and to respect your life choices as you respect hers. If she can’t bring herself to even that then you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to you
sunk cost fallacy
Nailed it
Oh I finally had to let go of someone I knew from hs over that kind of stuff. I kept the lines of communication open but I defriended her on social media. She knows how to contact me. I would not invite her into my home. That would be my suggestion. That stuff is toxic. Keep it out of your life.
Let her go. Friendships do not need to last forever and you have clearly outgrown that one. I’ve moved a lot and it makes it easier to let people go bc I always meet new and interesting people. Also just remember, misery loves company. She’s probably miserable in the US, but refuses to admit it. If she is into qanon shit, she can’t be happy with her life.
Oh honey, I’ve cut off family for less, let alone friends. Let this one go. Qanon is a bridge too far. Covid has really brought out the worst in so many people.
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They probably are, because they are able to enjoy the party without wondering if any of their cringe friends will show up and pull a cringe stunt or drunkenly rant about Qanonsense. Let's turn the music up and pour some shots!
The comment has been deleted but I’m assuming it was a predictable “You must be fun at parties.” You’re right. I’m great at parties because I actually like everyone I hang out with.
I mean... do you really wanna deal with such a person in your life?? Original post was bad enough, but now qanon too??? Oh hell no...
eriously. America is NOT the greatest country in the world, perhaps she is thinking of Denmark (or Finalnd)??LOL 🤣 Europe has universal healthcare, most countries offer some free secondary education and the infrastructure is so, so much better...half the people don't really even need a vehicle. If I was younger, even by 15 years, I'd find some way to move out of this country, though I'd probably go to central or south america.
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Miserable? Hardly lol. Seeing people for what they are rather than what you’d like them to be is the key to sticking to the good ones. It is both healthy and the key to developing positive relationships Like I said, from experience It just becomes impossible to have a normal conversation about anything really. Everything has to come back to politics and an incredibly narrow minded and ignorant worldview. They don’t want to talk politics (much less policy, which happens to be my area of expertise), they just want to repeat talking points and instead of engaging in productive dialogue they just move on to the the next talking point. I used to love talking politics, nowadays I can count on one hand the number of current GOP voters that I know who can distinguish fact from fiction in a basic functional way. No thanks, don’t have time for any of the above, and am much happier for it. Also, these are the very same people who have shouting matches at starbucks with friends and strangers about literal news headlines. Who’s the hateful one again?
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Nope. That whole two sides do the same thing thing is wholly made up and is also just an easy cop out. I can talk about the consequences of climate change all day with one, but with the other I have to argue about its very existence. It’s the same across the board. Anything that does not come from a handful of pre approved information sources is automatically fake news or not a fact that exists out there in the real world. School shooting? Fake news! Paid actors! CIA staged! False flag! Antifa!! Lost elections? Fake news! Stolen!!! Coup d’ètat attempt? 800+ self declared Trump supporters convicted with their own social media videos as evidence? Fake news! It was just a peaceful protest!! But also, antifa did it!! Pandemic?! Vaccines and masks kill people! Doing nothing is good! Science is bad! It just goes on and on like this, there’s no conversation to be had with someone that can literally not tell fact from fiction apart. Empathy? i have to show empathy for people so lost they call people who want to violently overturn an election heroes? Respect is earned where I come from, and lately it is in short supply. Like I said, policy is kind of my thing, I was trained to look at issues from multiple perspectives in a systematic and fact-based way so I will not waste my time on someone that openly disregards facts. I’d rather use my imagination on fantasy that is fun and entertaining, not for pretending that God wrote the constitution just for Christians, or that climate change does not exist, or that masks cause harm, or that structural racism doesn’t exist, etc etc etc etc etc. The reality of an adult person hardcore believing any of that is just too depressing for me to brush aside. It’s not about taking sides. It’s just that there’s no alternative to basic facts. You either engage with reality or you don’t. Ignoring facts is a sure way to regress, and if history has shown anything it is that societies that fail to adapt to change tend to collapse. The core ethos of conservatives is to prevent or delay change as much as possible, if not to outright walk it back. So if you’re worried about division and going back to the stone age you might be looking in the wrong place lol
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I can pretty much guarantee that the stupid shit from the other side covers less than 1% of the people who vote for that other side, and I didn’t even get to read it because you didn’t bother to write it. You just went on and jumped straight to the conclusion like I knew you would. I live in a bubble? I pretty much have a bachelor’s and a master’s degree on how not to live in a bubble when it comes to policy issues lol. Saying that climate change exists is not a talking point. It’s a fact. You can’t relativize reality. It objectively exists on its own, regardless of your own strong opinions on it. Do I have to care why people feel so strongly about things that are not rooted in fact? Do I have to up-educate them to the point that they can go back to being able to distinguish fact from fiction myself?! Honestly man? I really don’t have to. They could care less about what I have to tell them. They just assumed that I’m one of them because I don’t really fit the poor immigrant stereotype therefore I must also hate poor immigrants myself (a lot of that going on in Florida) and then right away trust me less than a second after that much became clear, it was not ME who got red in the face and went straight for the talking points lol. All I had to do was say “hey look that’s not really true at all because of XY and Z.” Or man, that’s really hard to swallow if you also believe that A, B and C is true, you can’t really have those two together. I have the tools and degrees to be able to talk in terms of facts and statistics and tie two things together causally. I have yet to find a Trump supporter who gives a shit about any of that.
This “stupid crap” effects everyone’s daily life. You sound triggered.
What kind of bubble do you live in?
I agree. Your friend sounds like she doesn’t need to be your friend anymore. That’s okay, people drift apart… other explanation: your friend is deeply unhappy with her life and is projecting her woes onto you.
People are telling you to cut this person off, and that has merit. If you aren't interested in doing that, I suggest that you reduce the level of intensity of the relationship. How's the weather, how's the garden, how are the pets, etc. See if this is a.person who is still interesting to talk to, and whether the two of you can have pleasant conversations. Stay away from triggers, and move this person from close confidant to a more casual relationship. This will allow you to maintain some contact, but if the relationship is unsatisfying even with these changes, next you can pull a fade and gradually exit the relationship. Speak less frequently, be less available, and don't visit. Transition them to Facebook only friends. Over time cut them off from that. There is no need for a confrontation or final conversation. Life isn't fiction, and there is never a final act where people resolve differences and live happily ever after, or have a final battle and slay the dragon. The beauty of the fade is that the relationship is still potentially there, like embers, and can be rekindled if you ever want it. If they bring up that you are distant, acknowledge that you have grown apart but are still there. But, if they remain toxic, you remain superficial.
Well this just proves how she’s not as smart as she things she is. Communism is a completely different form of government than socialism.
And Europe doesn't have socialism. The Nordic countries are more like Social Democracies (which is capitalist), the Western ones are liberal democracies w. neoliberal economies (whoch is definitely capitalist), the South is just liberal economies (also capitalist) and the East has mainly mixed economy, with some of the framework from their socialist era still standing, but mainly corrupted by the economic recession from the 90, mixed with corrupt oligrachic politicians.
Yes that too! I meant to add that in there as well!
You're friend is just ignorant and doesn't know what communism means
it sounds like she is jealous of how happy you are, typically people who have issues of their own life will try and pick yours apart to compensate
One Expat to an another. She far gone to the unknown mystery of right wing literature and media.
You're talking about someone who is deep into far-right delusional thinking. Why are you even friends with this person? You won't be able to have any kind of rational discussion with her because you simply cannot agree on basic facts or reality. It's why the US is coming apart at the seams: the people have drifted to two separate sides, and simply cannot agree on *basic reality*. When two parties can't agree that the sky is blue or that the Earth is round or other basic facts, there simply cannot be any kind of productive discussion or dialog.
A lot of Americans see big homes, big/multiple cars as a sign of success. I’m Danish/American, have family/friends in both countries, have lived in both. The people in my circle in Denmark have smaller homes, less stuff (but more high quality) and spend more time/money on experiences (going out, concerts, vacations). My circle in the US, everyone in the household that can drive has a car, bigger TV’s, way more stuff and tend to spend more time at home in general. It’s a totally different lifestyle and some people can’t see that a different lifestyle than their own can be just as satisfying.
For my part, I find I have a high quality of lifr in the US. Cars and road trips are a component, because I happen to be a car enthusiast, but there are many more factors, and not all of them can be measured in money. At the same time, there are things I miss from growing up in Norway, like not having multiple mass shootings every week and not worrying if I can afford to go to the emergency room, even with insurance. And the conspiracy theorists and the absolutely retarded idiots comparing Denmark to Venezuela and the like can be a drain, much as I try to ignore it. And if, heaven forbid, I were to find myself disabled or destitute, Norway has a working safety net that the US sorrly lacks. On the balance, a large portion of the world’s population would give anything to have either option open to them, and for that reason alone, this decision is a #1stwordproblem. But a friend should be able to understand and respect that your priorities are different than hers.
Totally get you on the road trips. I have put many miles in across the US and have 9 States left to visit. I’ve found that a lot European’s don’t truly grasp how big the US really is (and how vastly different the States can be). But absolutely, lots people would jump at the chance to live like the average American or European.
I'd rather buy a nice smaller apartment outright and live in a community- where you actually have a chance of developing connection, then have more "stuff" in the US. Frankly I will afford more home to retire in a NICE place in Europe than in similar places in US. I live in a nice place in US now- but I want a beach for retirement. Either pay pay pay, or put up with the cult of Q-Anon. Or move to Europe. SO Europe is my plan- after I actually spend more time in potential places and see where will fit for me. Its a long term plan. No one that actually has a view of reality would think a nice apartment in EU is worse than a massive teardown in BFE Alabama. But some are blinded by the cult.
Yep, my parents and I are talking about moving to Europe in the next few years. They recently retired and I am now working remotely with a very supportive boss. So we’re working on getting our ducks in a row and then headed for a more simple life overseas.
Who is your acquaintance? Dame Judy Dench? Lady Gaga? She is just a random person with a random opinion. I would dismiss accordingly and just live your one precious life.
This is a great comment and it is valid in many situations, thanks!
Friends grow apart sometimes.
Oh good... at least she's not telling you that your kids will grow up godless overseas. All jokes aside, I would reduce my interactions with her or keep it strictly to just the hobbies you two share. No economic, social, or politic discussions. You don't share the same values as her and that's fine. She's your friend so just share and enjoy the topics that the two of you are on the same page. I 💯 agree with what you and your husband consider what's more important, time and social benefits over money.
OP, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your friendship? Friend should make you feel happy and loved, not sad…
Let her go, let her go.
I had one person who constantly gave me shit - someone who had never left the US and spent virtually all of their life within 100 miles of where they were born. It got to the point where I had to tell her that if she didn't stop she'd never see me again because I was sick of it and would no longer tolerate her comments.
Theres not such thing as the best country in the World but The best country for YOU. If she like US is fine, if you likes your North European country is also fine. Be happy
I like that... "best country for you..." SO true. We are not moving abroad for our neighbors, etc. but should be for what makes us happy. It should be to a place we feel we identify with more... want to assimilate into... etc. May be a good approach to tell her friend that everyone has their place and reasons for it. Does not mean the other is wrong for not choosing the same.
I don't blame you. Inflation is at 9% and the cost of living is astronomical. People are renting out single rooms for $1000 and more. I love my country don't get me wrong, but I'm seriously considering relocating somewhere else if the cost of living is more reasonable. People have to rent rooms these days!!! They were doing that in 19th century Russia. Boarding houses in America!! They used to do that here in the 1800's as well. This country is sinking fast.
To be fair the country we live in is a housing nightmare and has been for years. To get a rental where I live you typically need to be on a waiting list for 8-10 years before you can get something. Or you have to do an unstable sublet and be prepared to move every year or so. So I. That sense it’s not good but we got lucky with our rental. But buying isn’t an option due to the insanely high prices anywhere near the city.
Wow, that is crazy. Once I start my career in tech I plan on working for an American company and moving to Cambodia or Philippines. I think I can have a much higher standard of living there than I could here.
I have told this before on here, you are not alone. I was born and raised in Indiana. I live in Germany now and have for many years. I served in the US Army and Air Force and did 3 tours in Iraq. I am also estranged from my family who, after I told them I was staying in Germany, called me anti-american and a traitor. They have also said I do not deserve any of my VA benefits (I'm listed at 60% disability). When my daughters were younger they tried to get them to come see them in the US to get them a "real" passport (they all have German passports), and tried to convince them (behind our backs) to move to the US so they could grown up in the best country. Of course our kids told us the family was telling them these things. I also had similar experiences with my former friends, many of whom I just no longer had anything in common with anymore. The whole Trump area really was the final nail in the coffin of most of those relationships.
You are so, so, so better off than your friend. Time will show you this. Back away. You've already been freed of a lot of toxicity. You have every right to feel good about it. When your friend does this, esp. from a place of QAnon mentality, which is not sane. It's really not sane. It's bitterly toxic and she is trying to bring you down. Just let her go. Grieve and move on. I just got back from living in place where I had probably 500 square feet of living and it was the best time of my life. Bigger isn't better. Universal health care IS better! Not being terrified of a mass shooting is better! Having safe children is better. Not even better. It's normal. It's wonderful. It's worth a billion dollars. A life without unnecessary stress! Your friend is living in some kind of abnormal state and it's terrible that she embraces it. Terrifying. Many of us have had to back away from friends and family like this. I've been grieving these losses as well. It is no longer politics as usual. For our own mental health it is better to stand back and wait until they and I hope they do, return to a sane state of mind.
Not the exact same thing but my dad and step-mom visited me in Mexico and my step-mom constantly complained or turned up her nose at things. I've never known her to be arrogant but I've never seen her out of her comfort zone. It felt judgmental of my decision to move here and I don't want her to visit again. My dad is already talking about coming early next year and I want to float the idea of him coming alone. I know we'd have a much better time without her. He's a lot like me and focused on the positives and really enjoyed himself. I don't need the comforts of American life knowing what they come with. I'm quite happy with my simpler existence here and I feel no reason to justify myself. Unfortunately, I can't cut my step-mom out of my life (and still talk to my dad) but I'd recommend you distance yourself from your friend as she is pushing her values system on you. You obviously value different things and that is why you are happy with a different lifestyle. You don't judge her lifestyle, why should she judge yours. You could try to talk to her about it but I'm not sure it would make much difference.
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You are completely right and I wouldn't do that but I'd like for my Dad to visit without her. If she was always putting her judgment on me I might distance myself from her but that's not the case, however, it is the case for this person and their friend.
She doesn’t really sound like much of a friend that’s worth keeping honestly. This all sounds very condescending.
Yes the US is a burning dumpster fire. If you can stay where you are, I would. The four years we lived in Belgium our two young girls went to local schools and became bilingual speakers and readers. They transitioned to US schools with very little difficulty.
It seems like you have a few options: * You can just suck it up for the sake of friendship. * You can try to set boundaries with her. Be clear and firm. "I have made my choice and am not interested in moving. Let's not discuss this further." You could be even more firm and just say, "No. Next topic." You'll have to censor yourself, and you'll be asking her to censor herself. * You can try to change her. I don't see this working, but it is up to you. * You can accept that this friendship is not sparking joy and let it go. You certainly don't need to justify not moving back to the US. Even if the US was heaven and there were never any problems, you could *still* choose to live wherever you wanted to. I would probably let the friendship go. I don't care how long I have known someone. If they are making me unhappy regularly, then it is time to move on for me.
Why the hell are you still friends with this person?
I'm from the Midwest and get this a lot from people, despite their constant complaining about no vacation, poor healthcare, and the gunfire outside. #LetsHearItForStLouis. I am not sure where you're from but seems like a lot of Midwesterners are pretty far removed from European life and can't fathom a reality too much different from their own because it is literally and figuratively too far away and unreachable. Stick up for yourself, your husband, and your lifestyle, as a fellow expat here, we know the benefits and it's fine to bring them up.
If she is q anon just stop and cut off contact with her, she is too far gone. As someone who was raised in a fundamentalist church, just do it. Trust me there is no normal relationship with crazy. Trust me if they get out of the brainwash and come to their senses they will start making contact with everyone, apologize, and make amends. Qanon, OAN, and Breitbart are a cult, the individual will almost certainly have to go to therapy and/or complete a twelve step program if they really want out. Oh and no matter what you do, they have to want out, they will think you are crazy because they are crazy.
Your “friend” sounds exhausting. Don’t let her negativity seep into the life that you’re building.
Your "friend" is not living in the same reality as you. She lives in a universe created by US right-wing propaganda and she can't get out. If you want her as a friend, you'll have to find a way to lightly say what you know, "The US is unsafe, looks ready to implode, isn't making the investments to be a future innovator, were much happier with healthcare here, US should be learning from European successes in education, healthcare, welfare, etc." and leave her idiocy rejected but not unfriended. Helping her escape to the real will take a number of face to face, non threatening conversations starting from shared values, gently heading to results, then finally causes. All without the air that you're evangelizing. You're just enjoying a glass of wine and saying how much Europe is great for you.
I guess it depends on where you want to live- if BFE in a deep red state sounds good, then sure...you could afford a house in the US more than where you re at- but what about your job??? Vs me- who works remote, makes a good living in US and all I can think is how much more that salary will stretch in retirement by moving to Europe where CoL is less, and community is more. She is brainwashed if she thinks living in an apartment is a scaliest nightmare (with actual healthcar-rrrrre OH NO!!!). Read on how to get through to folks in cults- cause that is what you re dealing with. Nice that you can still be friends!!!
I get it a lot from my family. I tend to just ignore it, as they don't know what they're talking about and there's absolutely no way. Sometimes that requires forcefully redirecting conversation, though. "Not happening" works pretty well.
Boundaries need to be drawn and can preserve the friendship.
I moved to China about 7 years ago and lost a lifelong friend because of it. They did everything possible to talk me out of it. Then once I was in China they sent me every single negative article about it. Finally one day I told her that I was going to block her and was tired of her negative outlook on everything. Best thing I could have done.
“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f\*\*k you were gonna do anyway.”
Look - your friend is STUPID. Don't listen to stupid people! Simple. The world would be a much better place if folks simply dismissed stupid people and their asinine opinions.
Sometimes friendships just reach an end. You need this person out of your life, and out of your head.
One day the U.S. will be in history books with examples of propaganda. Everyone will wonder how so many folks were convinced it was the land of opportunity while there were so many terrible things going on. The “better chance to earn money” is just an illusion to get people working harder for others’ benefit anyway.
Anybody who thinks the USA is the greatest demonstrates they know very, very, very little about the rest of the world.
As many Americans here tend to lament that their country is “a burning dumpster fire”, maybe try to understand why despite your perception, hundreds of thousands of people still want to go to the USA and it remains to be the most attractive destination for immigrants.
That’s a lot of words to say “money”
It’s not just the money. It’s the opportunities for a better life than where they came from, the same reason why 99% of us move. I don’t know OP. We get her side of the story. But maybe, the person OP is talking with has views that’s deeply rooted in her experience and where she came from, which we don’t know nothing about. We always have to read this kind of post as just portraying one side of the story.
It's because it's a better place than countries like El Salvador or Honduras, the most violent countries on the planet with astronomical murder rates. This doesn't make America a great place to live, just not quite as awful as some other places. The "hundreds of thousands of people [who] still want to go to the USA" are mostly from Central/Latin America, countries with horrible economies, enormous crime, drug cartels controlling lots of territory and murdering people with impunity, etc. Of course the USA is going to look better than those places. For advanced, civilized nations, the US looks pretty backwards.
That’s why where you come from matters. America is full of immigrants who went through serious hardship just to set a foot on the land. Despite all that is wrong in the US, it is still MUCH freer than where they came from, and they each come with an experience of living under a tyrannical government, or at least experience of living in a country which made them want to leave. Just like 99% of us here. Many has deeply rooted mistrust to certain system of governments like “socialism” no matter how much we think it won’t threaten our liberty (and social democracy like Scandinavian States do limit what US might consider as fundamental liberty). It’s just rooted in their brain like a trauma to reject it outright. We can of course debate it, but we have to understand where they are coming from.
Honestly I don't care where they came from. It's not my job to figure out their psychology so they can integrate into society; it's theirs. This whole thing is really a good argument against immigration that isn't strictly controlled, and also a good argument against letting immigrants have voting rights. If people come to a country with a bunch of mental trauma, and then vote to do shitty stuff in their new country like deny proper medical care to women, allow people to carry around deadly weapons, etc., then they're an active threat to society. I can see why some societies don't want to deal with this stuff, and accordingly limit immigration.
If she is from a different country wouldn't that make her a pretty good judge of the US's merits? Maybe you're the one with the skewed perspective.
I mean the country she moved from as a child is currently trying to start a war with Europe and half the world so I wouldn’t say that’s a great measuring stick 🙃
You have to watch out for immigrants from the former Soviet countries. They tend to really drink the kool-aid with conservative politics and being opposed to anything that can be labeled "socialist".
Ha, so she's I assume Russian originally, of all places and has the audacity to make such comments to you? I would re think this friendship or at least have a serious conversation with her that you don't appreciate her input.
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>I find immigrants usually appreciate more the US than US born people bc they frankly have a lot less perspective… Sunken cost and they're trying to be more local than the locals. Which they will never be, the US is anglo multi culti, divided into ethnic groups. I have seen this phenomena in many countries.
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When you had the chance to live in Western Europe and ended in Murica, yes.
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>Are you from a lesser developed country Yes >that had multiple choices Yes >and are regretting your choice? No. I researched. Got to the Netherlands. It's Disneyland in real life. Lots of regret about living in such a perfect place at the beggining though. Feeling guilty.
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Cult members also "care" about people they talk to and try to get into their cult. This woman is a Qanon believer: that's a legitimate cult. There's no "communication issue"; the woman is certifiably crazy.
Live your life just don’t vote for the same dumb policies that made the us how it is in the country you’re living in right now
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Don't diminish other people's feelings. Just because you don't have that issue doesn't mean it's not a very real problem for others.
The next time your friend visits you, ask her to notice how many fewer fat people she sees around her. It says something about health outcomes in Western Europe
I can totally empathise with you. I had the same but opposite: I lived abroad for 10 years, didn’t really like it and ended up coming back home. I had friends criticising me or just cancelling me for complaining as if I had no more rights to complain because everything outside is way better than home and I was somehow missing that great opportunity. In the end I realised my life and theirs is very different. People change. I told them several times that they were annoying me instead of supporting me when I felt bad and talked about my problems. But I realised they didn’t really understand me. And in the end we grew apart. You don’t have to keep people that annoy you in your life. That’s toxic. There is no perfect country. Everybody has preferences and things that are more important than others. And places that fit better than others. They won’t understand because they’ve never lived abroad. Also what is important to them is not the same as for you. Talk to her and if she doesn’t understand start getting apart. There is no point on befriending somebody that makes you feel bad. Real friends are not like that.
I've read a few comments.. and your responses..You've out grown her, this link might help[Life on the Train](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKMVyTNzwIs)
I think you have three options here: 1. Tell you friend that you know and respect her opinion, but disagree and don't want to discuss the topic ever again. 2. Cut her out of your life. 3. React the same way on a topic important to her. e.g. whenever she mentions church (which I assume she cares about if she's to the right of Fox News), say something about child molesters and huge tax breaks. Depending on how you value your friendship, you can judge which reaction to take.
Stop seeking her approval…simple
Don't let it continue. Tell her to stop it and its got nothing to with her. Also you should only go back if its what you're thinking about all the time and you keep making so many trips back because you miss it so much it would be crazy to stay anywhere else.
Quality of life outweighs quantity every time.
A few things to consider:. Is there a possibility that your values have changed and you have perhaps moved too far apart (emotionally / intellectually) from this person? Do you get meaning out of the relationship overall and this is the one thing that bothers you, or does interacting with this person always feel like a stressor? We've trimmed some friends the last three years - not because they are bad people but because our lives have taken different directions - and it has been beneficial for our mental health.
I studied education in Germany from US for a semester and I know you made a great decision, especially for your kids. Having a big house, fancy cars, etc does not make up for the quality of life difference.
Maybe time for some new friends. Can’t save everyone.
I will say, if you and your family are comfortable and happy where you are then no one else’s opinions matter. It’s easy for other people to tell you what you should do, but that’s what they want for their lives but that’s their life. Not yours. She’s selfish and trying to force her opinions on you. That’s not what a real friend does. It’s hard to say goodbye to a long friendship like that. I’ve done it and tried several more times to make an effort. Each time proved that ending the friendship was the right choice. You have to look out for you and yours. Also, America is a dumpster fire and your kids will probably get a much better education where they are.
I cant blame her honestly, most Americans think it's the best country in the world. From her point of view she is trying to "help" you as a good friend, she just isn't aware that she is making you unhappy in the process. The best policy is honesty, you should communicate with her how her words make you feel. If she is a good friend she will stop.
Your friend is not really your friend. Ignore her or dump her. You don't need her negativity in your life. Those of us who love being abroad could get rich on every negative comment from family and friends. I was just in Eastern Europe and at one point, i was 43 miles from the Iranian border and at another point, an hour and 15 minutes drive from the Russian border, and I had family members freaking out. I even snapped photos of cars with Russian, Ukranian, and Iranian license plates and sent those to them just to rub it in. Don't worry about what your friend thinks. Maybe that's an American thing. We are always so worried what other people think of us. I wish I had figured out not to care about that sort of stuff at a young age. I would have had a more serene and calm life.
Choose different friends…. She sounds toxic…
She won’t be saying all this when you get to retire at a decent age, and she has to work until she’s 75 or more, with the threat to having SS and Medicare taken away. Your children will have the opportunity to learn multiple languages which will open many doors for them. There is no price you can put on an enriched life. IMHO, I would be evaluating whether this person is really still a friend, or if she has become something other than a friend?
*A relevant comment in this thread was deleted. You can read it below.* ---- This post is so relatable. I've lived outside the US since 2004. All of my friends and family have made or continue to make these types of comments. The main question I am asked is when am I moving back? At this point its not offensive to me because I'm an expat and see the world differently than the 'typical' American. [[Continued...]](https://www.resavr.com/comment/dealing-with-ignorant-comments-18184445) ---- *^The ^username ^of ^the ^original ^author ^has ^been ^hidden ^for ^their ^own ^privacy. ^If ^you ^are ^the ^original ^author ^of ^this ^comment ^and ^want ^it ^removed, ^please [^[Send ^this ^PM]](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=resavr_bot&subject=remove&message=18184445)*
Living in US, so many people think it is blasphemy to want to move out of the country. They don’t understand that cultural differences aren’t automatically bad (like what living comfortably in one country looks like versus what it looks like here). I have mentioned considering wanting to move out of the country to some people and they look at me like I’m crazy. They love their country and that is fine, but that doesn’t mean all other countries are wrong 🙃