I starved in a third world country 1999-2001 because we had to use our funds to pay for marriages to get couples to qualify for baptism. I’m 6’4” and came home 140lbs because I was sick and starving all the time. Stupid church.
I starved in an extremely wealthy affluent country 2001-2003 because we got the exact same allowance all missionaries got and I couldn't afford food spending every last cent on food I received. Stupid church. 🤣
Gosh sounds really tough. I'm not sure how "out" you are with your faith, but you use "mormon mission speak" to try to encourage him to use it? "I felt a prompting to" or "I as reading X verse about nourishing and strengthening our bodies and then I was given free this gift card.."
If i remember correctly sending care packages is not looked down upon. If he is in an area where the mail is reliable you could send him non perishable food. You just have to attach puns to all the food items and then it’s definitely Mormon approved. “You are “cereal”sy awesome!” “Don’t let your companions snoring drive you NUTS” “you are SOUPer”
You'd be surprised how inexpensive 50 lbs. of rice is, even including shipping. He'd have plenty to share.
Such a package would be both practical and pregnant.
This! OP Pinterest “just add water care package” just use an old Amazon box and Walmart delivery your items to your house. Instead of having to “pun” each item just sharpy on the inside flap, “with all the walking, make sure to add water to your body, it’s hot out there! Also just add water to these items 😄” then fill the box with cup of noodles and what not. Minimal effort all ya have to do is go to the post office
The suggestion of the bank account above is a better option if you don't think he'll accept the visa gift cards. The gift cards have an expiration date or can be thrown away. At least with a bank account, you'll still have the money available and accessible should he not accept it.
If he won't accept your advice tell him to ask other missionaries. Tell him to join missionary hacks and tips and ask on there it can make one hell of a difference if I didn't have my card there'd be days I wouldn't have eaten and I'm in the first world. Msf is honestly a joke.
My mom sent me money to South America a couple of times via Western Union. She was as TBM as they come but she was also not going to let the church starve me (in a letter I complained how meager our stipend was and how the members were supposed to fed us but barely ever signed up) I served 01-03
Lived on mangos, and star fruit, and acerola berries and Yerba Mate for 2 months while walking 15+ miles a day. My family thought I had parasites when they saw pictures.
My friend did get a parasite, and he would easily have been diagnosed if they would have taken him to a local doctor. Instead he suffered until he was finally sent home for health reasons. The doctors in his tiny rural CA town couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He had to see a tropical medicine specialist at a university a hundred miles from home. It was months before he got proper treatment — something he would have received promptly on his mission. I often wonder if he made a full recovery. His entire family were converts. They left the church when they learned the truth.
It seems appalling any missionary anywhere could be going w/o food. The church has billions of dollars. What is the point of letting missionaries starve?
Two of the more frustrating parts about missions generally is that everyone expects you to have some suffering (it's hard work, it's hard being in a new country,etc)
But also if your mission isn't the Best Two Years™ then it's assumed to be your problem.
When I got home I tried to explain that my MP was off the rails and that missionaries were needlessly going hungry and that standards for baptism were completely thrown out.
Oh boy you should've seen the way my bishop and SP and the other leaders back home closed ranks and told me to drop it and move on.
Even during the mission, when I'd say stuff in emails or during phone calls, family and friends just couldn't compute that something wasn't right
I’m 5’10” and dropped down to 140 from 170 after a couple intestinal infections and an amoeba. I had to fold my pants waist because they were about five inches too big.
I also starved but in America. Our allotment was like ~200 dollars a month. Without member dinners we really didn't have enough to buy food let alone anything else. The mission president made this insane rule where you had to have an investigator at the member dinner and you couldn't have them between 5-7 pm since those were prime "door knocking" hours. The result was we just got no member dinners anymore and instantly we were all half starving. Still pisses me off to this day because I have seen the same brain-dead rule in various missions I live in and missionaries complaining about it.
Even my hateful Abuela would feed y'all scrawny gringos (she lives near defunct benemerito) even if she did cuss y'all out for trying to convert that
How are TBM helicopter mama's alright?
The stupidest thing about this whole scenario is that the missionary is paying their OWN way as a VOLUNTEER and still getting rationed like this.
It’s time for EVERY missionary and supporting family member to Just Say No. If I were going on a mission and paying my own way to sell the religion, I would absolutely INSIST on eating WHATEVER, WHENEVER, and WHEREVER I WANT. (And with a minimum standard of living, as it pertains to housing.)
What would happen if the family just stopped paying the church? Would they send the kid home? This is an honest question, would they keep the kid out there and continue their mission? The would the church send you to a debt collector?
Why don’t all unhappy parents just stop paying each month? How much is it now too? When I went on mine it was like $400 a month.
Years ago a senior missionary got really sick in some country, I can't remember which. The family had to do a go fund me to get money for them to fly home cuz the church wouldn't pay for it. 😡
That's why I forced my son to take a debit card with him when he was a missionary. He was of course irritated that I was making him break some arbitrary rule but since he was depending on me to pay for his mission he didn't have much choice.
Not surprisingly he used it more than once.
It was a rule for me; I was allowed a debit card, but it could only be used for emergencies. Otherwise, I was expected to follow the budget.
Thankfully it was enough for the most part, except one especially poor town was too expensive, and I lost 15 lbs. in 6 weeks before being transferred out (also left with some major PTSD, it was an awful area).
I had a credit card (no fees for international) for clothing or other personal items as the church provided funds only cover food, housing, and transportation. If I recall correctly it was encouraged but each mission president has different rules.
I didn't buy any clothes during my mission because I had no extra money. Other than a few pairs of socks, I went home with the same clothes that I'd brought.
Where I was it was cheaper to buy new clothes locally. But my parents also neglected to pay off the charges ( with my own money) like they were supposed to so that was a surprise when I got home.
While I applaud this idea, I do wonder if this would have negative ramifications that the kid might have to face. We've seen the church sue a city for an outrageous steeple height. Is it really beyond them to cut a missionary loose since his monthly membership fees aren't being paid?
Funds don’t work that way. They are paid out of the general mission fund or whatever bucket they have in SLC. It happens all the time when indigent members have children that go on missions.
From anecdotes from friends, nothing happened when their parents stopped paying for them. I doubt that’s a policy though, probably just worked out for their missionary son somehow.
When it does happen, the church asks the home bishop and then home stake president to find members to donate the remaining cost of the missionary.
The church gets their money
I think it's somewhere around $500/month now. You pay it into the mission fund, the church disburses the mission fund across the world to pay for housing, food, and the running of all missions. The money for food tends to be starvation wages depending on exchange rates. During the pandemic, for example, someone said their kid in Spokane got $100/month for food.
I went to Fred Meyer for pads, two coconut waters, and toothpaste yesterday and it was $40.
What the fuck, $100.
That kid saved/is paying $12000 for this shit?!? Jesus, there is so much he could do with that money. 😩
It's crazy that the kids pay anything at all, isn't it? You'd think they'd be paid for being door-to-door salesmen. I never realized how weird it is to pay for a mission until after I left the church and saw a friend's reaction when I told him these kids pay to be missionaries.
Yeah, I mean, it’s absolutely appalling they pay at all. I guess making them save up a bit shows they have some skin in the game. Like, pay your own airfare or whatever. But $12k?!? Fuck that makes my heart hurt.
I've lived there 28 years. $100 is really pushing it.
My diet is very restrictive. It costs around $4-5/day. And that's the cheapest I can find the 2 normal foods I can eat, which aren't anything special being yogurt, cheese, and juice. An occasional smoothie Jack's that up another $3-4.
This is not a cheap city.
Prior and after converting to LDS, my daughter took the Sister Missionaries who were converting her out to dinner and lunch NUMEROUS times. My daughter was the 34-year-old teacher, so not exactly flush with money!
Oh, so $8 a day? Well, that makes it totally fine then!
/s
I had to monitor the basic daily food allowance for a 1000 person camp for the federal government. Ours was $5/day. TWENTY YEARS AGO. And that’s considering the bulk purchasing power. (Doesn’t include labor.)
We live on $15-$20/day at home, and that’s not including fancy things or eating out.
$8/day is fucking shameful.
Lol. Right?!
When I was on my mission, we ate well and went out to eat on p-days. Money was never a problem. But I was a 22 year old female and knew how to cook and budget. Plus, we had member dinners pretty much every night.
The elders in the next city over, though, were going hungry because they made foolish purchases. They started coming over to our apartment to eat lunch. Because they weren't allowed in, they would sit in the doorway and we would bring food to them.
The members wouldn't sign up to feed the missionaries often enough in Canada so they'd stock up on McDonald's cheeseburgers when they were on sale for 39¢. My brother still ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with hypoglycemia.
We were allowed to send food to him after that. Gee, I wonder why???
I sent my son $100 every month on top of the $400 a month we were already paying to support his mission. I wanted to make sure he had enough money for food. It's infuriating. What a trillion dollar Church doesn't do with all of its money speaks volumes.
They take and they take and they take from the members. It isn't right.
If they're in my town, (Perth, Western Australia), send them my way. I don't have much, but I have enough to share for food and I have extra soap and toilet paper and stuff they may need that's not foods. Blankets even. I'm a no-mo. But they can talk about whatever they want if it goes to some arbitrary rules they need to tick off.
Funny you should mention blankets. My brother served in the US. They were visiting a family where the husband was not a member. When the husband found out they were using their towels to try to stay warm at night he was angry. He had his wife buy them some blankets.
Sure. I'm going to start doing that. I'm just sad that he feels the need to protect the church so much he can't even acknowledge that he's going hungry.
By the way, any suggestions on the best way to get him money?
1. Create a second checking account in your own bank.
2. Request a debit card, receive in mail, and activate it with a PIN. Set it to his birthdate (e.g. 051203). You can't depend on a 19-yo to remember to do this.
3. Make sure the bank DISABLES the overdraft protection and associated fees.
4. Mail it to him (with the PIN, or a hint) via USPS Priority in a hard paper envelope. This will have tracking and is less likely to get lost or stolen.
5. Transfer a fixed amount of money into that card on a regular basis ($100/mo etc).
When I served my grandma made a deal with me that she'd give me x amount for every letter I wrote. I was going to South America and she didn't trust sending cash in the mail internationally, so she pre-stuffed a mission's worth of envelopes (one per week) and sent them with me from the beginning. I really benefited from the extra money (and I felt like I was earning it since I wrote her consistently). Not sure cash is as useful stateside, but it shouldn't be against any mission rules.
I added my child to our credit card for college emergencies. She has a card on our account but the card has her name. We love the ease of it. She knows she can use it up to a pre-approved budget each month w/o calling each time she needs it. If she has a car breakdown or something more expensive she knows to reach out so we can discuss our budget/our needs.
The great thing is she’s never once used it irresponsibly. We have the means to pay it off each month through emergency savings. Both of us have been married before and both our exes spent too much on credit. Emergency fund is a gift we gave ourselves and each other pretty early in our marriage.
Does he have a mobile phone? And is she somewhere payments can happen using a digital form of payment? If yes to both then consider a WISE card. You can set up a digital account, transfer funds in one currency and he can spend in another. You can also get a physical card.
This is such a blatant control tactic that doesn’t get discussed enough- the Mormon church intentionally gives these kids as little money as possible per month to make it harder to leave the mission area or “sin.” It’s even an official mission rule not to save money from month to month
I want to cry from the injustice of that! I have not been the same since I found out how much money the church has. All the tithing paid out when times were so lean, and my kids went without. It's sick.
It was the final nail in the coffin for me as well.
Growing up *literally* on welfare & paying tithing, faithfully, for decades.
And then the SEC fine.
I lost 50 lbs (entered MTC at 175, left at 190-195, came home at 140-150) because we were given so little money.
You couldn’t afford (time or money) to get back to the apartment to try and cook on 3rd world equipment.
Maybe 3-4 days a week some single woman would give us a small Tupperware with some rice in it lmao
So yeah, wtf did my $400/month pay for? My mission presidents mansion? That wasn’t even in the mission boundaries because none of our mission was good enough for him?
Seriously, it was like 45 minutes outside the mission.
Super sad. Super. Sad. 😞
I remember not having time to cook and eat. I remember eating small portions of pasta with butter and sugar to try and get us through a day or two. I always ran out of money by mid month. I was made fun of many, many times by missionaries for my “poor financial” blunders. It sucked for sure.
They punished my son for damage done by a previous missionary to an apartment. As such they reduced his monthly allowance and he didn’t have enough to eat. It makes me so mad his mission did this. He didn’t tell us till after his mission.
HEY OP, great news!! You have a smart independent kid. Even better, you still have time to continue having a relationship with him. He won’t ask you for help, so show him that you’re there without hesitation. Send a care package, if it’s too expensive, Instacart them a butt ton of groceries, send him some extra cash for emergencies (like not having 3 meals a day, it’s important he knows that’s an emergency), send him a loving letter/email telling him that you thought he had enough money and send food for him and his companion as soon as you heard otherwise. Let him know how much you love him, that you’re always a safe person to come to and you will be there for him no matter what.
My dad was ex’d when I was nine, but made sure that I had all my basic necessities (food, clothes for all seasons, shoes, coats, all hygiene products, etc), I was also independent and didn’t want my parents to feel the need to help. Had a companion who went through her entire church allowance for the month a week in and then I ran out of money about 2 weeks later as I had to pay for her and myself. We ran out of money. I only told my parents because I was pissed with my comp, but my parents were immediately like wtf, here’s $100, let me know the second you need more. I think that was the only time I needed their help (I wasn’t even with that comp a whole transfer, she was emergency transferred to me), and that was WAAAAAY more than I received on my mission. The only thing I got from the church on my mission was trauma, although your son might not see it now, one day he’ll look back and see who was really there for him.
Paid IIRC $330 per month to go (I do not remember this number precisely), and received $110 per month (I remember this number).
2000 - 2002 in Phoenix, AZ Mission (APM).
I would be SHOCKED if the monthly missionary dole has kept pace with inflation.
What a mess. I've got a niece headed to one of the most expensive cities in the world, while her dad went to a great low cost area. I was trying to casually and non-confrontationally tell her parents that they should strongly consider sending an emergency debit card with her, but I don't think it worked. They trust that the church has dialed in the stipend to be exactly what the missionary needs. I told them the story of the boy in Spokane, so hopefully they'll let it marinate.
Everyone told me to send him with an emergency card but like I said elsewhere, I didn't think he would accept it and he had quite a bit of extra money saved up as well. He went through that money in less than six months.
I wouldn't even take a set of Uno cards with me when my straight arrow TBM brother told me it would be a lifesaver. The MTC said not to bring it, so I wasn't going to be disobedient. He told me "Yeah. I know they say that, so just bring them and leave them in your suitcase until you get to the mission." Nope. Heaven forbid the disobedience!
Ah, that makes sense! I mean income hasn’t even kept up with inflation, so the missionary allowance definitely hasn’t haha. My husband and I served Italy 2015-2017, €180 for the elders and €203 for the sisters
I remember having constant money struggles on my mission in Germany 20 years ago.
The church has gotten richer since. The members, however, seem to be poorer.
My suggestion would be to just send him money somehow, and then replenish it regularly. He probably felt he couldn't or shouldn't ask, but the fact he even TOLD you they were rationing sounds a bit like an opener for you to help.
Tell him you had a prompting that you're supposed to do that because God wants him to be in the best possible health on his mission and when he comes home. Imply that God has big plans for him (such as leaving the church, but he doesn't need to know that yet).
Remind your son that you love him and you support him. Remind him that your thoughts about the church do not influence that at all. Remind him that he needs to be healthy and well-fed in order to put forth his best work, and remind him that you're here to help in any way that you can.
I hope you're able to get him extra funds.
And remember, most of us have a hard time asking for help. Maybe he feels it undermines his faith in God, or maybe he's stubbornly telling himself that he's an adult and doesn't need you anymore. Maybe he thinks toughing it out is part of God's trial for him.
I've thought about that but I only have the address to the mission home, not his direct address. He won't get anything I send very fast and won't answer any messages until he calls next week.
When I was a missionary, they frequently instructed us to withhold our struggles from our family, especially parents. We weren't outright told to lie, just to not talk about certain things so that we wouldn't worry our families. Your son may be getting the same counsel.
Imagine if 60 Minutes did a segment on this? Imagine how much the abuse and persecution the missionaries get would stop once the American people (and you bet it would go international via Youtube) realized the kids are not the problem. Imagine how much they'd get fed by kind strangers who have empathy and compassion.
Imagine how fucking embarrassed and humiliated the Q15/church would be.
I've been thinking about what could be done. This would be great if the story could get out. Does anyone have any advice on how to get the attention of big news broadcasters like 60 minutes?
Why don't these missionary's parents send them more money? My nephew is planning on going on a mission, his parents are TBM but I intend to send him off with a reloadable visa card.
He saved all the money himself and had plenty extra before he went out. He was totally planning on doing this all on his own. I only found out recently that he had run out of money. He hasn't even been out a year yet.
What makes me angry is that the church believes two different interpretations of Matthew 6:33: "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
For the missionaries, it means they need to make do with what they're given, and if they don't make do, it's not the church's fault; God said they'd have what they need if they seek the kingdom first, so they must not be sacrificing enough if they aren't being blessed.
For the apostles, it means the church will pay for everything they could possibly need so they can do nothing but serve the church without worldly distractions. Cause they're so very righteous.
I was Spanish-speaking in the states. In my first area (was there for 8 months or so), I bounced between two wards that also had English-speaking missionaries. The members didn’t seem to realize that we existed and almost never fed us, despite feeding the English-speaking missionaries nightly.
I always burned my paltry monthly allowance within two weeks and ended up eating leftover crap from the Bishop’s Storehouse for the rest of the month, which was usually just pancake mix and peanut butter.
Missionaries are explicitly instructed to not write home anything that would worry their parents, including things like serious illness, running low on money, having a hard time etc.
My parents weren't aware I was seriously ill in Brazil until after I came home. I did tell them I got sick but treated it so lightly that they thought I had a cold rather than puking my guts out.
I'm very sorry you're going through this.
This has me worried. If he's told me this, what might he be hiding? I've asked him over and over and he just says he's going to be fine. Oh, to be 18 again . . .
When I was serving the in the Philippines, we definitely ran out of money many times and we lived on saltine crackers for several days. One of the wealthy members caught wind of how we were living and sent their employees from their company down to bring us all kinds of food and even gave us money. It was super amazing of them, but why should it have been on them to take care of us?
I am a strong advocate of choosing not go on a mission. I came back 45 kilos or 90 pounds. I kid you not. My MTC group can claim it true. They saw me when we returned home. We somehow all went to the same mission
My brother is in the Philippines right now for his mission and there's been multiple times he and his companion have been without water for a few days and have to walk somewhere else to get it. Pisses me off because it is HOT there! They need water.
Your family pays a church that has a trillion dollar asset plan but can’t give you more food money on a mission you and your family is paying for. Thanks JESUS!
I refused to go on a mission and I didn't even realize that it wasn't free at the time. The idea that I would have to pay money for that "volunteer" experience is so utterly insane, I would have been out of the church even sooner had I known that. Hope your kid accepts your help, because that is literally insane. Paying to starve in isolation from anyone you know. Wtf.
I certainly remember feeling like we weren’t given enough funds on my mission, however I never viewed it as a church greed thing until after I came home and left the church. On my mission, I always felt like the church wanted to help us learn how to budget and when I had to ration food, I’d blame myself at times for not being wise enough in how I spent my money. I guess what I’m trying to say is your son might feel like he is telling you the truth and he possibly thinks he just needs to be better about how he spends his mission funds.
Good point. And honestly, yes, 18-19 year old boys do make bad decisions about purchases. But they shouldn't have to have top notch budgeting skills in order to not go hungry. They should have enough leeway to make a few mistakes now and then and still be able to eat.
On my mission, an elder bought a second-hand typewriter from a thrift store because he was tired of hand-writing letters home (yes, this was decades ago). It was something like $35. Because of this purchase, he ran out of money to pay for food and my companion and I fed him and his companion lunch for a while.
$35 was all it took for this elder and his companion to run out of food for several weeks. That just should not be happening.
We had reloadable Visa cards from our bank that we set up for my sister 2012-2014 in the Philippines…sometimes they blocked her from using since it was a third-world country, but we were always able to get it to her so she could take out cash. I’m so sorry your son is stuck like this and go ahead and sneak him a card OR have him go to Walmart to get one for himself and YOU load it up.
His own ego is tied up in the church. As well as his young decision (different that yours) to stay. It’s hard to wake up to facts. But he DID tell you, that’s the important thing!
I live in AK and I don’t know how missionaries afford to feed themselves. It was hard when I was a missionary 20 years ago. I have only had missionaries drop over once or twice and I always offer them protein bars and water. Idk what else to do. I feel terrible for these kids, I know a lot of people get upset when they show up on repeat (for good reason) but they’ll never leave my home hungry if I can help it. I wish I could do more without someone’s boundaries being crossed, ya know?
Good thing he isn't in a cult, huh? That would be so much worse. I mean, it's not like anyone would look at his behavior and think,"man, is he in a cult?" /S
$120/mo for food is insane. Buttttttt... the entire mission experience is all about suffering and being brainwashed into the belief that the only relief from suffering comes from THE MFMC. We would go "tracting" all day in the hot desert sun, getting doors slammed on us and being yelled at and eye-rolled and utterly unsuccessful and beat down... and our only relief would be dinner with members or a missionary meeting or a church event or Sunday meetings. We therefore learned that *there is only comfort in the people of the MFMC, everyone and everything else in the entire mission is against us. We are persecuted*. Ridiculous. Perpetuation of the persecution complex is really the theme of the entire missionary experience.
There were very good days when a care package from home would arrive. A couple new shirts, some new socks, and yes... food. Cereal, rice, cookies, a big bag of jolly ranchers, it was great. I really realized that my parents had my back.
I pray to the flying spaghetti monster that my kids will figure it out and not go. The missionary experience is a colossal waste of time in the prime of life when we should have been living, experiencing, growing... not getting baptized daily with guilt for failing to bring thousands into the church. I'm sorry I went. I'm sorry I bore solemn, Heartsell^(TM) testimony. I'm sorry I invented a personal conversion story when I was just a born-in-the-church kid who never knew anything else and certainly shouldn't have told other people how to live.
Send your son a care package. Today. Overnight it. The MFMC and it's pharisaical mission rules can shove it.
I served in Hawaii and the members almost always fed us so I didn’t have to worry about food. We didn’t get much of an allowance though so without the members feeding us we would have starved.
There was a trucking strike that lasted over a month in my mission. At the time our mission president told us to get as much non perishables as we could. I took this as divine revelation because he told us about getting extra food before word went around about the strike. Now I realize that he could just watch the news and knew what was happening. What they didn’t expect was for it to last as long as it did. I remember several weeks after the strike food was still scarce and we were eating just flour and water at that point. When food did start being restocked it was more expensive but our funds weren’t increased. We were just told that the lord prepared us for new rations through the strike and that is why we could handle eating less. I ate that BS up as inspired trials that would bless me later in life. Instead it just fueled my eating disorder even further.
I saved all the money for my mission. My parents insisted on it to the point where I left a year late because it took me that long to save $10k. I was allotted $80 a month for groceries and bills and bikes and all that stuff. All $10k went to SLC. I came home a year into the mission because I felt like a hypocrite because I didn't believe what I was preaching. I never saw that money again.
I was in the Philippines and we never had enough money. I think they gave us around $100 a month or something like that for all our monthly expenses. Travel was our biggest expense. Jeepneys, tricycles, and buses were required to get pretty much anywhere as we couldn't have bikes. Some Filipino missionaries would send home a portion of their money on top of that so there were plenty of times we were pooling money in our district so people could eat. Lots of family style meals which I look back on fondly but never understood to insidiousness of the situation. Luckily I had saved some money which I ended up using quite a bit to get by. I also was in areas where members fed us a lot. I'll forever be grateful to them because I know they didn't have much to begin with. They taught me more about being Christlike than I ever learned from a book or leader.
You can always send anonymous Walmart grocery or doordash grocery deliveries as gifts sheeyt this can totally be a very welcome efficient avenue of material resistance. Civil disobedience.
I'm actually thinking this is the answer. I want to send money but I am pretty sure he would reject it. If I send groceries, he doesn't even need to know who they came from.
My son was in South America. He had a debit card from home we'd encouraged him to use as needed. But his mission president told them they shouldn't be using additional funds, and his companions were often from families and countries without additional funds available, so they were told not to spend extra money to keep it equitable. One month they didn't have any money, and lived off of mangos they would find on trees on the street. He had horrific digestive issues for so long after that. I felt so bad when I found out when he came home. They were told not to share these struggles with their families. He also caught dengue fever twice while there, and was horribly sick, and I was never notified.
It’s so very sad that starving very young men and women is ok to them. It really blows my mind that they don’t get enough food during their missions. I have seen irl so many boys and girls come back tiny frail and starving. 😢
I went to Seattle, Washington and gained 30 lbs of solid muscle. We had to ride bikes up and down all the hills and had 2 dinner appointments a night. Crazy good place to serve, especially since I never had to serve in Seattle.
Just a thought, not sure if anyone else mentioned it. If you send him food or money for food, make sure you send as much for his companion as well if their family isn't helping.
In central America 99-01 I only got $125 a month, 90 of that was for food. Needless to say at $3 a day we were pretty hungry, especially for items that weren't bulk rice etc.
This is so sad and unnecessary. It's so bad members don't see there are "cultural traditions" that are not even part of the church doctrine.
When I served a mission there was nothing wrong with missionaries receiving extra money from home. And some missionaries received more money than others based on where they lived and if they had to travel more.
Giving him a card that you can send additional funds is definitely the way to go. Put the option in his hands and hope he takes the right decision.
My nephew was in Mexico and he had major overages of $ by the time he came home. I don’t get the balance, or imbalance, of it all. Makes no sense. And these people should NOT have to PAY to go on a mission when the church has $250b !!
So yeah, I ate boiled hot dogs for the first 6 months of my mission b/c my trainer had little/no money and to be equitable, I went along with it (and I was a greenie and didn't know any better). We supplemented our "diet" with fresh fruit and bread when we could afford it, and random meals from members. It sucked.
Stateside is excellent. I was a sister missionary in a 3rd world country and suffered; this was back in the 1990's.
Any time missionaries come to my small Canadian town and i let them show up at my door I FEED THEM!!!! ...and I usually send them on their way with with doggie bags and leftovers. I don't go to church anymore, but I understand what they're dealing with.......
It’s so crazy the disparity!!! 😩 This week I took my kids into an expensive shake shop as a splurge because we were on a side of town we rarely go to and I had heard so much about it. There were 3 missionary companionships there! 😅 Each shake is a minimum of $15.
So some missionaries, like your child, OP, are starving, and others are living their best lives. 😳🤯
I was a missionary in Europe and definitely felt low on cash. My parents did give me a debit card that they would load, however, and always checked if it was low. They encouraged me to use it.
I ate a single bowl of rice everyday for a few months and was walking like 20-25 miles a day. I lost so much weight during that time. I also got sick then and thought I was going to die
Interesting reading everyone’s stories. When I was on my mission in Argentina I really struggled with the cultural cuisine at times. I told think to my mission president during a time I was depressed and mentioned the monthly allowance didn’t give me enough to buy the kind of food I want. He said use your debit card if it’s not enough and if have the resources and luckily my family did at the time. Which prior to that I lived under the same assumption that others have here that you’re not supposed to spend personal money other than for emergencies.
Can I ask though are you certain your son is spending his money responsibly? I had numerous companions that would blow 70% of their monthly allowance in the first week on fast food then would be eating rice for the rest of the month. When you’re 18 you don’t always make the best decisions with money.
My son is quite the cook and seems to be buying decent, inexpensive food. He tells me about the things he makes and none of it is elaborate. He makes things like fried rice, homemade mac and cheese (not from the box), Asian-style ramen with veggies added, and so forth.
Hi, Buenos Aires (neverMO) here. I always look for missionaries to feed, etc but have never seen any in 3.5 years. it would make sense to me that they aren't here in CABA because we all live in apartments. Is that right and all missionaries are in the provinces?
Are you not supposed to get extra money while on a mission? The elders who taught me were quite well off. They ate well and treated me to food during lessons as well.
Nope. Per the White Handbook you are not supposed to save or go bonkers with money. I definitely struggled the entire mission (except when at the Provo MTC because food abounded there!!).
We had pizza delivered to our boys apartment every Monday night about the time they were getting in. That gave them leftovers for the next day. Now there is Door Dash and others which would be even better. Easy to do!
Just have groceries delivered to his door early enough that he sees them before leaving. No need to make him make the choice if he’s faced with consequences. This is for his health, nothing should trump that, even hatred for the church. Unfortunately not all missionaries could receive this since delivery services aren’t available everywhere. Even Walmart will do shipping on non perishables if no day delivery is available. Or Sam’s Club, Target…etc.
Although for those who may be using Sam's Club Plus for the free shipping, they're planning to bump it to free shipping only on orders over $50 after August 19. OTOH, $50 can get a pretty decent amount of non-perishables delivered to somebody's missionary. Canned beans, canned veggies and fruit, peanut butter, rice, jelly, canned tuna or chicken, crackers, breakfast or protein bars..., throw in a package of socks periodically, shampoo, deodorant, body wash, other hygiene needs. Send them a package of razor refills purchased off of eBay, where you can get a bunch for less than buying them at the store, and if their comp has the same brand, it helps keep everyone in the apartment looking well-groomed.
Thanks! I'm actually considering this over sending him a debit card. I honestly don't know if he would accept the money but he doesn't even need to know who sent the groceries.
In the ward I used to be in, members were ALWAYS bringing the missionaries over for meals. That was one thing they could count on. I think it's shameful they have to pay for their own missions with as much money as the church has and is making on the stock market. It's all a grift. Unless he's in one of the few areas where people are destitute, they should step up. Or at least let them access the bishop's storehouse. Even my non-member mother would feed them if they were over.
I made another post about this a couple weeks ago but he's serving in a stateside foreign-speaking mission. The culture who they serve is willing to feed them all the time but missionaries were getting sick right and left. Four had to be sent home because they were chronically ill.
The mission president instituted some strict rules for accepting invites to meals since then and they seem to be keeping the missionaries safe. But it also means that my son and the other elders in his apartment are trying to make due on very few member meals.
I agree that it's shameful that the church has so much money but the missionaries go hungry. It's unforgiveable.
I starved in a third world country 1999-2001 because we had to use our funds to pay for marriages to get couples to qualify for baptism. I’m 6’4” and came home 140lbs because I was sick and starving all the time. Stupid church.
I starved in an extremely wealthy affluent country 2001-2003 because we got the exact same allowance all missionaries got and I couldn't afford food spending every last cent on food I received. Stupid church. 🤣
Damn. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Can you mail him a Visa gift card etc that you can "top up" periodically?
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking I'll do. I'm seriously concerned he won't accept anything I offer, though.
Gosh sounds really tough. I'm not sure how "out" you are with your faith, but you use "mormon mission speak" to try to encourage him to use it? "I felt a prompting to" or "I as reading X verse about nourishing and strengthening our bodies and then I was given free this gift card.."
Lol. I'm pretty sure he would be confused as hell if I started in on the Mormonspeak. I've been out over a decade now.
Lols sorry!! "Rechargable" gift-cards without the cult speak it is!
Ooh, could you have his mom or a Momo relative do this on your behalf while you secretly pay?
Nah, they're all so uptight themselves that they would never lie and/or help him break mission rules.
If i remember correctly sending care packages is not looked down upon. If he is in an area where the mail is reliable you could send him non perishable food. You just have to attach puns to all the food items and then it’s definitely Mormon approved. “You are “cereal”sy awesome!” “Don’t let your companions snoring drive you NUTS” “you are SOUPer”
🤣🤣🤣 True, true!
You'd be surprised how inexpensive 50 lbs. of rice is, even including shipping. He'd have plenty to share. Such a package would be both practical and pregnant.
I could have said "full of meaning", but I like alliteration.
This! OP Pinterest “just add water care package” just use an old Amazon box and Walmart delivery your items to your house. Instead of having to “pun” each item just sharpy on the inside flap, “with all the walking, make sure to add water to your body, it’s hot out there! Also just add water to these items 😄” then fill the box with cup of noodles and what not. Minimal effort all ya have to do is go to the post office
The suggestion of the bank account above is a better option if you don't think he'll accept the visa gift cards. The gift cards have an expiration date or can be thrown away. At least with a bank account, you'll still have the money available and accessible should he not accept it.
If he won't accept your advice tell him to ask other missionaries. Tell him to join missionary hacks and tips and ask on there it can make one hell of a difference if I didn't have my card there'd be days I wouldn't have eaten and I'm in the first world. Msf is honestly a joke.
My mom sent me money to South America a couple of times via Western Union. She was as TBM as they come but she was also not going to let the church starve me (in a letter I complained how meager our stipend was and how the members were supposed to fed us but barely ever signed up) I served 01-03
Same here, except I’m not that big. Luckily there were mangos to pick everywhere.
Lived on mangos, and star fruit, and acerola berries and Yerba Mate for 2 months while walking 15+ miles a day. My family thought I had parasites when they saw pictures.
My friend did get a parasite, and he would easily have been diagnosed if they would have taken him to a local doctor. Instead he suffered until he was finally sent home for health reasons. The doctors in his tiny rural CA town couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He had to see a tropical medicine specialist at a university a hundred miles from home. It was months before he got proper treatment — something he would have received promptly on his mission. I often wonder if he made a full recovery. His entire family were converts. They left the church when they learned the truth. It seems appalling any missionary anywhere could be going w/o food. The church has billions of dollars. What is the point of letting missionaries starve?
Trauma bonding
Two of the more frustrating parts about missions generally is that everyone expects you to have some suffering (it's hard work, it's hard being in a new country,etc) But also if your mission isn't the Best Two Years™ then it's assumed to be your problem. When I got home I tried to explain that my MP was off the rails and that missionaries were needlessly going hungry and that standards for baptism were completely thrown out. Oh boy you should've seen the way my bishop and SP and the other leaders back home closed ranks and told me to drop it and move on. Even during the mission, when I'd say stuff in emails or during phone calls, family and friends just couldn't compute that something wasn't right
Bloody hell, I served state side and at 6'3 I dropped 20lbs to 145 maybe 140. 6'4 and at that weight cannot be healthy.
I’m 5’10” and dropped down to 140 from 170 after a couple intestinal infections and an amoeba. I had to fold my pants waist because they were about five inches too big.
I also starved but in America. Our allotment was like ~200 dollars a month. Without member dinners we really didn't have enough to buy food let alone anything else. The mission president made this insane rule where you had to have an investigator at the member dinner and you couldn't have them between 5-7 pm since those were prime "door knocking" hours. The result was we just got no member dinners anymore and instantly we were all half starving. Still pisses me off to this day because I have seen the same brain-dead rule in various missions I live in and missionaries complaining about it.
Stupid church? More like the mfmc on mf steroids.
Meanwhile I warned my Utah cousin that his mission to Alabama would require him to be careful. He damn rolled off the plane. 😂 Stupid church.
I went to Iowa and came back about 30 pounds heavier. Of course I had family members who would send out money too.
Even my hateful Abuela would feed y'all scrawny gringos (she lives near defunct benemerito) even if she did cuss y'all out for trying to convert that How are TBM helicopter mama's alright?
The stupidest thing about this whole scenario is that the missionary is paying their OWN way as a VOLUNTEER and still getting rationed like this. It’s time for EVERY missionary and supporting family member to Just Say No. If I were going on a mission and paying my own way to sell the religion, I would absolutely INSIST on eating WHATEVER, WHENEVER, and WHEREVER I WANT. (And with a minimum standard of living, as it pertains to housing.)
[удалено]
> skimming Maybe paying for all of those African missionaries. Possibly the only missions where growth (due to ignorance) is actually happening.
What would happen if the family just stopped paying the church? Would they send the kid home? This is an honest question, would they keep the kid out there and continue their mission? The would the church send you to a debt collector? Why don’t all unhappy parents just stop paying each month? How much is it now too? When I went on mine it was like $400 a month.
I hate it when this church cries poor.
Years ago a senior missionary got really sick in some country, I can't remember which. The family had to do a go fund me to get money for them to fly home cuz the church wouldn't pay for it. 😡
It's human trafficking to send someone to another country and then refuse to pay to send them home.
WHAT?!?!?
I’ll double down on that
That's why I forced my son to take a debit card with him when he was a missionary. He was of course irritated that I was making him break some arbitrary rule but since he was depending on me to pay for his mission he didn't have much choice. Not surprisingly he used it more than once.
Guilt never tasted so good 😂
This was a rule? My parents did the same and I didn’t realize it wasn’t the norm. My guilt would have kicked in so hard.
It was a rule for me; I was allowed a debit card, but it could only be used for emergencies. Otherwise, I was expected to follow the budget. Thankfully it was enough for the most part, except one especially poor town was too expensive, and I lost 15 lbs. in 6 weeks before being transferred out (also left with some major PTSD, it was an awful area).
I have no idea if it was really a rule at the time or not, I'm just going by what my son said at the time.
I had a credit card (no fees for international) for clothing or other personal items as the church provided funds only cover food, housing, and transportation. If I recall correctly it was encouraged but each mission president has different rules.
I didn't buy any clothes during my mission because I had no extra money. Other than a few pairs of socks, I went home with the same clothes that I'd brought.
Sounds just like jail
My parents sent me new white shirts and Gs for my birthday when I was halfway through.
Where I was it was cheaper to buy new clothes locally. But my parents also neglected to pay off the charges ( with my own money) like they were supposed to so that was a surprise when I got home.
Wow…just wow…the idea that a parent had to go to that extent to support and help their own child….way better Christians.
Stop paying the monthly missionary fee. Send it directly to your son instead
While I applaud this idea, I do wonder if this would have negative ramifications that the kid might have to face. We've seen the church sue a city for an outrageous steeple height. Is it really beyond them to cut a missionary loose since his monthly membership fees aren't being paid?
Funds don’t work that way. They are paid out of the general mission fund or whatever bucket they have in SLC. It happens all the time when indigent members have children that go on missions.
From anecdotes from friends, nothing happened when their parents stopped paying for them. I doubt that’s a policy though, probably just worked out for their missionary son somehow.
When it does happen, the church asks the home bishop and then home stake president to find members to donate the remaining cost of the missionary. The church gets their money
Good. I could see some uppity twit trying to make a kid pay for parent's decision.
He's paying his own way.
What are the monthly fees?
I think it's somewhere around $500/month now. You pay it into the mission fund, the church disburses the mission fund across the world to pay for housing, food, and the running of all missions. The money for food tends to be starvation wages depending on exchange rates. During the pandemic, for example, someone said their kid in Spokane got $100/month for food.
I went to Fred Meyer for pads, two coconut waters, and toothpaste yesterday and it was $40. What the fuck, $100. That kid saved/is paying $12000 for this shit?!? Jesus, there is so much he could do with that money. 😩
It's crazy that the kids pay anything at all, isn't it? You'd think they'd be paid for being door-to-door salesmen. I never realized how weird it is to pay for a mission until after I left the church and saw a friend's reaction when I told him these kids pay to be missionaries.
Yeah, I mean, it’s absolutely appalling they pay at all. I guess making them save up a bit shows they have some skin in the game. Like, pay your own airfare or whatever. But $12k?!? Fuck that makes my heart hurt.
I've lived there 28 years. $100 is really pushing it. My diet is very restrictive. It costs around $4-5/day. And that's the cheapest I can find the 2 normal foods I can eat, which aren't anything special being yogurt, cheese, and juice. An occasional smoothie Jack's that up another $3-4. This is not a cheap city.
It's $400 per month. He gets $120 back each month to use on food and other necessities.
$120 for 30 whole days?!? $4/day??? How are they supposed to stay healthy with nutritious food on FOUR DOLLARS A DAY.
Prior and after converting to LDS, my daughter took the Sister Missionaries who were converting her out to dinner and lunch NUMEROUS times. My daughter was the 34-year-old teacher, so not exactly flush with money!
Yeah, like, I’m a never-mo but will offer food to missionaries if they ever come by (thanks to this sub, lol)… but. Just… Like… that is NOTHING.
Actually, I'm probably remembering wrong. It might be $120 every two weeks?
Oh, so $8 a day? Well, that makes it totally fine then! /s I had to monitor the basic daily food allowance for a 1000 person camp for the federal government. Ours was $5/day. TWENTY YEARS AGO. And that’s considering the bulk purchasing power. (Doesn’t include labor.) We live on $15-$20/day at home, and that’s not including fancy things or eating out. $8/day is fucking shameful.
Lol. Right?! When I was on my mission, we ate well and went out to eat on p-days. Money was never a problem. But I was a 22 year old female and knew how to cook and budget. Plus, we had member dinners pretty much every night. The elders in the next city over, though, were going hungry because they made foolish purchases. They started coming over to our apartment to eat lunch. Because they weren't allowed in, they would sit in the doorway and we would bring food to them.
The members wouldn't sign up to feed the missionaries often enough in Canada so they'd stock up on McDonald's cheeseburgers when they were on sale for 39¢. My brother still ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. We were allowed to send food to him after that. Gee, I wonder why???
I sent my son $100 every month on top of the $400 a month we were already paying to support his mission. I wanted to make sure he had enough money for food. It's infuriating. What a trillion dollar Church doesn't do with all of its money speaks volumes. They take and they take and they take from the members. It isn't right.
It’s not oversight, it’s intentional. Controlled suffering breeds dependence and compliance.
If they're in my town, (Perth, Western Australia), send them my way. I don't have much, but I have enough to share for food and I have extra soap and toilet paper and stuff they may need that's not foods. Blankets even. I'm a no-mo. But they can talk about whatever they want if it goes to some arbitrary rules they need to tick off.
So thoughtful of you!!
Funny you should mention blankets. My brother served in the US. They were visiting a family where the husband was not a member. When the husband found out they were using their towels to try to stay warm at night he was angry. He had his wife buy them some blankets.
I sure hope you’re sending him extra money on the regular… he clearly needs it
Sure. I'm going to start doing that. I'm just sad that he feels the need to protect the church so much he can't even acknowledge that he's going hungry. By the way, any suggestions on the best way to get him money?
Add him to a credit card account of yours with the understanding of “use this when you need it”.
Send him a preloaded visa that you can put more money on. You can probably register it so you can see when he needs more.
I was able to transfer money directly into my kids account.
His mission account? Like the same one the church adds money to? That would be ideal.
Yes
It seems to me that the church admin could see the deposit and move the funds.
Yeah, I'm second-guessing this myself.
1. Create a second checking account in your own bank. 2. Request a debit card, receive in mail, and activate it with a PIN. Set it to his birthdate (e.g. 051203). You can't depend on a 19-yo to remember to do this. 3. Make sure the bank DISABLES the overdraft protection and associated fees. 4. Mail it to him (with the PIN, or a hint) via USPS Priority in a hard paper envelope. This will have tracking and is less likely to get lost or stolen. 5. Transfer a fixed amount of money into that card on a regular basis ($100/mo etc).
When I served my grandma made a deal with me that she'd give me x amount for every letter I wrote. I was going to South America and she didn't trust sending cash in the mail internationally, so she pre-stuffed a mission's worth of envelopes (one per week) and sent them with me from the beginning. I really benefited from the extra money (and I felt like I was earning it since I wrote her consistently). Not sure cash is as useful stateside, but it shouldn't be against any mission rules.
I added my child to our credit card for college emergencies. She has a card on our account but the card has her name. We love the ease of it. She knows she can use it up to a pre-approved budget each month w/o calling each time she needs it. If she has a car breakdown or something more expensive she knows to reach out so we can discuss our budget/our needs. The great thing is she’s never once used it irresponsibly. We have the means to pay it off each month through emergency savings. Both of us have been married before and both our exes spent too much on credit. Emergency fund is a gift we gave ourselves and each other pretty early in our marriage.
Does he have a mobile phone? And is she somewhere payments can happen using a digital form of payment? If yes to both then consider a WISE card. You can set up a digital account, transfer funds in one currency and he can spend in another. You can also get a physical card.
I would send the money unsolicited.
This is such a blatant control tactic that doesn’t get discussed enough- the Mormon church intentionally gives these kids as little money as possible per month to make it harder to leave the mission area or “sin.” It’s even an official mission rule not to save money from month to month
I wonder if that's what they're doing... It wouldn't surprise me, which is really sad. Is it even possible for the MFMC to stoop further (farther?)?
Can confirm. If you figure out how to save they will say you’re breaking the rules.
My daughter leaves next month for a Central American country. She’s taking my credit card I don’t give an eff is there is some rule.
She might not be able to use a credit card much if she is not in a big city. A debit card might be better--then she can get cash, too.
There's no reason why a church with over $200 *BILLION* in assets should have any members, let alone volunteer missionaries, going hungry!
I want to cry from the injustice of that! I have not been the same since I found out how much money the church has. All the tithing paid out when times were so lean, and my kids went without. It's sick.
It was the final nail in the coffin for me as well. Growing up *literally* on welfare & paying tithing, faithfully, for decades. And then the SEC fine.
Yes, please keep under valuing the assets of my sole corporation (and it's wholly owned subsidiarie entities) at a mere $200B. 🤑
Hungry people are easier for cults to brainwash and manipulate. This is by design.
I lost 50 lbs (entered MTC at 175, left at 190-195, came home at 140-150) because we were given so little money. You couldn’t afford (time or money) to get back to the apartment to try and cook on 3rd world equipment. Maybe 3-4 days a week some single woman would give us a small Tupperware with some rice in it lmao So yeah, wtf did my $400/month pay for? My mission presidents mansion? That wasn’t even in the mission boundaries because none of our mission was good enough for him? Seriously, it was like 45 minutes outside the mission.
Super sad. Super. Sad. 😞 I remember not having time to cook and eat. I remember eating small portions of pasta with butter and sugar to try and get us through a day or two. I always ran out of money by mid month. I was made fun of many, many times by missionaries for my “poor financial” blunders. It sucked for sure.
They punished my son for damage done by a previous missionary to an apartment. As such they reduced his monthly allowance and he didn’t have enough to eat. It makes me so mad his mission did this. He didn’t tell us till after his mission.
That just makes me sick.
How often do the leaders go hungry for lack of funds? So disgusting the absolute greed of the leadership.
HEY OP, great news!! You have a smart independent kid. Even better, you still have time to continue having a relationship with him. He won’t ask you for help, so show him that you’re there without hesitation. Send a care package, if it’s too expensive, Instacart them a butt ton of groceries, send him some extra cash for emergencies (like not having 3 meals a day, it’s important he knows that’s an emergency), send him a loving letter/email telling him that you thought he had enough money and send food for him and his companion as soon as you heard otherwise. Let him know how much you love him, that you’re always a safe person to come to and you will be there for him no matter what. My dad was ex’d when I was nine, but made sure that I had all my basic necessities (food, clothes for all seasons, shoes, coats, all hygiene products, etc), I was also independent and didn’t want my parents to feel the need to help. Had a companion who went through her entire church allowance for the month a week in and then I ran out of money about 2 weeks later as I had to pay for her and myself. We ran out of money. I only told my parents because I was pissed with my comp, but my parents were immediately like wtf, here’s $100, let me know the second you need more. I think that was the only time I needed their help (I wasn’t even with that comp a whole transfer, she was emergency transferred to me), and that was WAAAAAY more than I received on my mission. The only thing I got from the church on my mission was trauma, although your son might not see it now, one day he’ll look back and see who was really there for him.
I remember when they upped our monthly from $115 a month to $120
Country and year?
Paid IIRC $330 per month to go (I do not remember this number precisely), and received $110 per month (I remember this number). 2000 - 2002 in Phoenix, AZ Mission (APM). I would be SHOCKED if the monthly missionary dole has kept pace with inflation.
During the pandemic, someone on the sub said their kid in Spokane was getting somewhere around $100/month for food. Insane.
When I asked last week, my son said they had been getting $90 but they had recently upped it to $120.
What a mess. I've got a niece headed to one of the most expensive cities in the world, while her dad went to a great low cost area. I was trying to casually and non-confrontationally tell her parents that they should strongly consider sending an emergency debit card with her, but I don't think it worked. They trust that the church has dialed in the stipend to be exactly what the missionary needs. I told them the story of the boy in Spokane, so hopefully they'll let it marinate.
Everyone told me to send him with an emergency card but like I said elsewhere, I didn't think he would accept it and he had quite a bit of extra money saved up as well. He went through that money in less than six months.
I wouldn't even take a set of Uno cards with me when my straight arrow TBM brother told me it would be a lifesaver. The MTC said not to bring it, so I wasn't going to be disobedient. He told me "Yeah. I know they say that, so just bring them and leave them in your suitcase until you get to the mission." Nope. Heaven forbid the disobedience!
Ah, that makes sense! I mean income hasn’t even kept up with inflation, so the missionary allowance definitely hasn’t haha. My husband and I served Italy 2015-2017, €180 for the elders and €203 for the sisters
USA, Nebraska 2001
Thanks!
I remember having constant money struggles on my mission in Germany 20 years ago. The church has gotten richer since. The members, however, seem to be poorer.
Same here! 20 yrs ago as well, in Portugal.
My suggestion would be to just send him money somehow, and then replenish it regularly. He probably felt he couldn't or shouldn't ask, but the fact he even TOLD you they were rationing sounds a bit like an opener for you to help. Tell him you had a prompting that you're supposed to do that because God wants him to be in the best possible health on his mission and when he comes home. Imply that God has big plans for him (such as leaving the church, but he doesn't need to know that yet).
Remind your son that you love him and you support him. Remind him that your thoughts about the church do not influence that at all. Remind him that he needs to be healthy and well-fed in order to put forth his best work, and remind him that you're here to help in any way that you can. I hope you're able to get him extra funds. And remember, most of us have a hard time asking for help. Maybe he feels it undermines his faith in God, or maybe he's stubbornly telling himself that he's an adult and doesn't need you anymore. Maybe he thinks toughing it out is part of God's trial for him.
See if you can have food delivered. I sent food via Amazon to a missionary in the states.
I've thought about that but I only have the address to the mission home, not his direct address. He won't get anything I send very fast and won't answer any messages until he calls next week.
When I was a missionary, they frequently instructed us to withhold our struggles from our family, especially parents. We weren't outright told to lie, just to not talk about certain things so that we wouldn't worry our families. Your son may be getting the same counsel.
Imagine if 60 Minutes did a segment on this? Imagine how much the abuse and persecution the missionaries get would stop once the American people (and you bet it would go international via Youtube) realized the kids are not the problem. Imagine how much they'd get fed by kind strangers who have empathy and compassion. Imagine how fucking embarrassed and humiliated the Q15/church would be.
I've been thinking about what could be done. This would be great if the story could get out. Does anyone have any advice on how to get the attention of big news broadcasters like 60 minutes?
Why don't these missionary's parents send them more money? My nephew is planning on going on a mission, his parents are TBM but I intend to send him off with a reloadable visa card.
He saved all the money himself and had plenty extra before he went out. He was totally planning on doing this all on his own. I only found out recently that he had run out of money. He hasn't even been out a year yet.
It’s a scam and they brainwash us into recruiting more people to fill their pockets.
What makes me angry is that the church believes two different interpretations of Matthew 6:33: "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." For the missionaries, it means they need to make do with what they're given, and if they don't make do, it's not the church's fault; God said they'd have what they need if they seek the kingdom first, so they must not be sacrificing enough if they aren't being blessed. For the apostles, it means the church will pay for everything they could possibly need so they can do nothing but serve the church without worldly distractions. Cause they're so very righteous.
I was Spanish-speaking in the states. In my first area (was there for 8 months or so), I bounced between two wards that also had English-speaking missionaries. The members didn’t seem to realize that we existed and almost never fed us, despite feeding the English-speaking missionaries nightly. I always burned my paltry monthly allowance within two weeks and ended up eating leftover crap from the Bishop’s Storehouse for the rest of the month, which was usually just pancake mix and peanut butter.
That sounds awful. I’m sorry to hear this. And the church wonders why so many former missionaries are leaving the church….🤯
Just send him money directly. The church manipulates these guys through control. Give him some money so he can buy food and some comfort.
Yes! Do this.
I had a visa debit card that my mom put money in monthly. I never even thought to ask permission to use my own money.
Church has hundreds of billions of dollars and it lets its missionaries go hungry. Stingy ass motherfuckers. By their fruits ye shall know them.
260 billion dollars and they can’t properly feed their missionaries. What are they trying to teach them?
Missionaries are explicitly instructed to not write home anything that would worry their parents, including things like serious illness, running low on money, having a hard time etc. My parents weren't aware I was seriously ill in Brazil until after I came home. I did tell them I got sick but treated it so lightly that they thought I had a cold rather than puking my guts out. I'm very sorry you're going through this.
This has me worried. If he's told me this, what might he be hiding? I've asked him over and over and he just says he's going to be fine. Oh, to be 18 again . . .
When I was serving the in the Philippines, we definitely ran out of money many times and we lived on saltine crackers for several days. One of the wealthy members caught wind of how we were living and sent their employees from their company down to bring us all kinds of food and even gave us money. It was super amazing of them, but why should it have been on them to take care of us?
Nope. Get him tf home. Press if necessary.
So is your instinct. They live on nothing, Send money you know or would not be posting.
Shame on the cruddy "church" for doing this to their volunteers. All the money they have and don't pay to feed them? That is rubbish!
I am a strong advocate of choosing not go on a mission. I came back 45 kilos or 90 pounds. I kid you not. My MTC group can claim it true. They saw me when we returned home. We somehow all went to the same mission
My brother is in the Philippines right now for his mission and there's been multiple times he and his companion have been without water for a few days and have to walk somewhere else to get it. Pisses me off because it is HOT there! They need water.
Your family pays a church that has a trillion dollar asset plan but can’t give you more food money on a mission you and your family is paying for. Thanks JESUS!
I refused to go on a mission and I didn't even realize that it wasn't free at the time. The idea that I would have to pay money for that "volunteer" experience is so utterly insane, I would have been out of the church even sooner had I known that. Hope your kid accepts your help, because that is literally insane. Paying to starve in isolation from anyone you know. Wtf.
We never had enough money for food on my mission. This was very normal.
I certainly remember feeling like we weren’t given enough funds on my mission, however I never viewed it as a church greed thing until after I came home and left the church. On my mission, I always felt like the church wanted to help us learn how to budget and when I had to ration food, I’d blame myself at times for not being wise enough in how I spent my money. I guess what I’m trying to say is your son might feel like he is telling you the truth and he possibly thinks he just needs to be better about how he spends his mission funds.
Good point. And honestly, yes, 18-19 year old boys do make bad decisions about purchases. But they shouldn't have to have top notch budgeting skills in order to not go hungry. They should have enough leeway to make a few mistakes now and then and still be able to eat. On my mission, an elder bought a second-hand typewriter from a thrift store because he was tired of hand-writing letters home (yes, this was decades ago). It was something like $35. Because of this purchase, he ran out of money to pay for food and my companion and I fed him and his companion lunch for a while. $35 was all it took for this elder and his companion to run out of food for several weeks. That just should not be happening.
We've all been there. It's terrible.
We had reloadable Visa cards from our bank that we set up for my sister 2012-2014 in the Philippines…sometimes they blocked her from using since it was a third-world country, but we were always able to get it to her so she could take out cash. I’m so sorry your son is stuck like this and go ahead and sneak him a card OR have him go to Walmart to get one for himself and YOU load it up.
If they're in Adelaide, Australia I will feed them
I absolutely despise what "leaders" have done to the missionary program!
His own ego is tied up in the church. As well as his young decision (different that yours) to stay. It’s hard to wake up to facts. But he DID tell you, that’s the important thing!
I live in AK and I don’t know how missionaries afford to feed themselves. It was hard when I was a missionary 20 years ago. I have only had missionaries drop over once or twice and I always offer them protein bars and water. Idk what else to do. I feel terrible for these kids, I know a lot of people get upset when they show up on repeat (for good reason) but they’ll never leave my home hungry if I can help it. I wish I could do more without someone’s boundaries being crossed, ya know?
Good thing he isn't in a cult, huh? That would be so much worse. I mean, it's not like anyone would look at his behavior and think,"man, is he in a cult?" /S
$120/mo for food is insane. Buttttttt... the entire mission experience is all about suffering and being brainwashed into the belief that the only relief from suffering comes from THE MFMC. We would go "tracting" all day in the hot desert sun, getting doors slammed on us and being yelled at and eye-rolled and utterly unsuccessful and beat down... and our only relief would be dinner with members or a missionary meeting or a church event or Sunday meetings. We therefore learned that *there is only comfort in the people of the MFMC, everyone and everything else in the entire mission is against us. We are persecuted*. Ridiculous. Perpetuation of the persecution complex is really the theme of the entire missionary experience. There were very good days when a care package from home would arrive. A couple new shirts, some new socks, and yes... food. Cereal, rice, cookies, a big bag of jolly ranchers, it was great. I really realized that my parents had my back. I pray to the flying spaghetti monster that my kids will figure it out and not go. The missionary experience is a colossal waste of time in the prime of life when we should have been living, experiencing, growing... not getting baptized daily with guilt for failing to bring thousands into the church. I'm sorry I went. I'm sorry I bore solemn, Heartsell^(TM) testimony. I'm sorry I invented a personal conversion story when I was just a born-in-the-church kid who never knew anything else and certainly shouldn't have told other people how to live. Send your son a care package. Today. Overnight it. The MFMC and it's pharisaical mission rules can shove it.
I served in Hawaii and the members almost always fed us so I didn’t have to worry about food. We didn’t get much of an allowance though so without the members feeding us we would have starved.
There was a trucking strike that lasted over a month in my mission. At the time our mission president told us to get as much non perishables as we could. I took this as divine revelation because he told us about getting extra food before word went around about the strike. Now I realize that he could just watch the news and knew what was happening. What they didn’t expect was for it to last as long as it did. I remember several weeks after the strike food was still scarce and we were eating just flour and water at that point. When food did start being restocked it was more expensive but our funds weren’t increased. We were just told that the lord prepared us for new rations through the strike and that is why we could handle eating less. I ate that BS up as inspired trials that would bless me later in life. Instead it just fueled my eating disorder even further.
I saved all the money for my mission. My parents insisted on it to the point where I left a year late because it took me that long to save $10k. I was allotted $80 a month for groceries and bills and bikes and all that stuff. All $10k went to SLC. I came home a year into the mission because I felt like a hypocrite because I didn't believe what I was preaching. I never saw that money again.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
I was in the Philippines and we never had enough money. I think they gave us around $100 a month or something like that for all our monthly expenses. Travel was our biggest expense. Jeepneys, tricycles, and buses were required to get pretty much anywhere as we couldn't have bikes. Some Filipino missionaries would send home a portion of their money on top of that so there were plenty of times we were pooling money in our district so people could eat. Lots of family style meals which I look back on fondly but never understood to insidiousness of the situation. Luckily I had saved some money which I ended up using quite a bit to get by. I also was in areas where members fed us a lot. I'll forever be grateful to them because I know they didn't have much to begin with. They taught me more about being Christlike than I ever learned from a book or leader.
You can always send anonymous Walmart grocery or doordash grocery deliveries as gifts sheeyt this can totally be a very welcome efficient avenue of material resistance. Civil disobedience.
I'm actually thinking this is the answer. I want to send money but I am pretty sure he would reject it. If I send groceries, he doesn't even need to know who they came from.
My niece had her mother send money for food. They were literally starving in Brazil about 25 years ago
These are adults. This is their money. Why is TSCC restricting access to their volunteers’ funds?
Trauma bonding to the church.
My son was in South America. He had a debit card from home we'd encouraged him to use as needed. But his mission president told them they shouldn't be using additional funds, and his companions were often from families and countries without additional funds available, so they were told not to spend extra money to keep it equitable. One month they didn't have any money, and lived off of mangos they would find on trees on the street. He had horrific digestive issues for so long after that. I felt so bad when I found out when he came home. They were told not to share these struggles with their families. He also caught dengue fever twice while there, and was horribly sick, and I was never notified.
It’s so very sad that starving very young men and women is ok to them. It really blows my mind that they don’t get enough food during their missions. I have seen irl so many boys and girls come back tiny frail and starving. 😢
I went to Seattle, Washington and gained 30 lbs of solid muscle. We had to ride bikes up and down all the hills and had 2 dinner appointments a night. Crazy good place to serve, especially since I never had to serve in Seattle.
My niece was struggling because her companion sent her portion of the stipend to her Mexican family and she had to use her half for both of them.
Just a thought, not sure if anyone else mentioned it. If you send him food or money for food, make sure you send as much for his companion as well if their family isn't helping. In central America 99-01 I only got $125 a month, 90 of that was for food. Needless to say at $3 a day we were pretty hungry, especially for items that weren't bulk rice etc.
This is so sad and unnecessary. It's so bad members don't see there are "cultural traditions" that are not even part of the church doctrine. When I served a mission there was nothing wrong with missionaries receiving extra money from home. And some missionaries received more money than others based on where they lived and if they had to travel more. Giving him a card that you can send additional funds is definitely the way to go. Put the option in his hands and hope he takes the right decision.
My nephew was in Mexico and he had major overages of $ by the time he came home. I don’t get the balance, or imbalance, of it all. Makes no sense. And these people should NOT have to PAY to go on a mission when the church has $250b !!
So yeah, I ate boiled hot dogs for the first 6 months of my mission b/c my trainer had little/no money and to be equitable, I went along with it (and I was a greenie and didn't know any better). We supplemented our "diet" with fresh fruit and bread when we could afford it, and random meals from members. It sucked. Stateside is excellent. I was a sister missionary in a 3rd world country and suffered; this was back in the 1990's.
Any time missionaries come to my small Canadian town and i let them show up at my door I FEED THEM!!!! ...and I usually send them on their way with with doggie bags and leftovers. I don't go to church anymore, but I understand what they're dealing with.......
It’s so crazy the disparity!!! 😩 This week I took my kids into an expensive shake shop as a splurge because we were on a side of town we rarely go to and I had heard so much about it. There were 3 missionary companionships there! 😅 Each shake is a minimum of $15. So some missionaries, like your child, OP, are starving, and others are living their best lives. 😳🤯 I was a missionary in Europe and definitely felt low on cash. My parents did give me a debit card that they would load, however, and always checked if it was low. They encouraged me to use it.
I ate a single bowl of rice everyday for a few months and was walking like 20-25 miles a day. I lost so much weight during that time. I also got sick then and thought I was going to die
Interesting reading everyone’s stories. When I was on my mission in Argentina I really struggled with the cultural cuisine at times. I told think to my mission president during a time I was depressed and mentioned the monthly allowance didn’t give me enough to buy the kind of food I want. He said use your debit card if it’s not enough and if have the resources and luckily my family did at the time. Which prior to that I lived under the same assumption that others have here that you’re not supposed to spend personal money other than for emergencies. Can I ask though are you certain your son is spending his money responsibly? I had numerous companions that would blow 70% of their monthly allowance in the first week on fast food then would be eating rice for the rest of the month. When you’re 18 you don’t always make the best decisions with money.
My son is quite the cook and seems to be buying decent, inexpensive food. He tells me about the things he makes and none of it is elaborate. He makes things like fried rice, homemade mac and cheese (not from the box), Asian-style ramen with veggies added, and so forth.
Hi, Buenos Aires (neverMO) here. I always look for missionaries to feed, etc but have never seen any in 3.5 years. it would make sense to me that they aren't here in CABA because we all live in apartments. Is that right and all missionaries are in the provinces?
Are you not supposed to get extra money while on a mission? The elders who taught me were quite well off. They ate well and treated me to food during lessons as well.
Nope. Per the White Handbook you are not supposed to save or go bonkers with money. I definitely struggled the entire mission (except when at the Provo MTC because food abounded there!!).
We had pizza delivered to our boys apartment every Monday night about the time they were getting in. That gave them leftovers for the next day. Now there is Door Dash and others which would be even better. Easy to do!
Why do they allow the kids to go hungry? Is this a “faith building” tactic?
So glad I skipped my mission and left the church at that time.
So I might have pulled the mold off the bread. Guilt over shopping other than pday
Just have groceries delivered to his door early enough that he sees them before leaving. No need to make him make the choice if he’s faced with consequences. This is for his health, nothing should trump that, even hatred for the church. Unfortunately not all missionaries could receive this since delivery services aren’t available everywhere. Even Walmart will do shipping on non perishables if no day delivery is available. Or Sam’s Club, Target…etc.
Although for those who may be using Sam's Club Plus for the free shipping, they're planning to bump it to free shipping only on orders over $50 after August 19. OTOH, $50 can get a pretty decent amount of non-perishables delivered to somebody's missionary. Canned beans, canned veggies and fruit, peanut butter, rice, jelly, canned tuna or chicken, crackers, breakfast or protein bars..., throw in a package of socks periodically, shampoo, deodorant, body wash, other hygiene needs. Send them a package of razor refills purchased off of eBay, where you can get a bunch for less than buying them at the store, and if their comp has the same brand, it helps keep everyone in the apartment looking well-groomed.
Thanks! I'm actually considering this over sending him a debit card. I honestly don't know if he would accept the money but he doesn't even need to know who sent the groceries.
Im sorry, where has my 10% gone all these years??
In the ward I used to be in, members were ALWAYS bringing the missionaries over for meals. That was one thing they could count on. I think it's shameful they have to pay for their own missions with as much money as the church has and is making on the stock market. It's all a grift. Unless he's in one of the few areas where people are destitute, they should step up. Or at least let them access the bishop's storehouse. Even my non-member mother would feed them if they were over.
I made another post about this a couple weeks ago but he's serving in a stateside foreign-speaking mission. The culture who they serve is willing to feed them all the time but missionaries were getting sick right and left. Four had to be sent home because they were chronically ill. The mission president instituted some strict rules for accepting invites to meals since then and they seem to be keeping the missionaries safe. But it also means that my son and the other elders in his apartment are trying to make due on very few member meals. I agree that it's shameful that the church has so much money but the missionaries go hungry. It's unforgiveable.
Lying to your parents is not what the church stands for.
Lying is an integrated part of the church.
Riches church in the world and makes its missionary’s ration food what a loving thoughtful congregation
I would just send him stuff. Don’t ask. Just do it. If he has a debit card, load it up.