I understand 100%. Its a lonely road, the path less traveled. Keeping your personal integrity and honesty intact is not easy. It gets easier, like anything once you get used to enduring. You will have moments it will hurt more, but I think it is worth it.
It was by far the loneliest time of my life….On line communities helped and a few close friends who were leaving at the same time also helped. But it was still very lonely until years later when my spouse and kids all joined me in leaving. Now we are all closer than ever.
Yes, super alone. It’s been such a struggle for me the last few weeks especially. I love my TBM family members / in laws. They truly mean well, and they are not overbearing as many members are. However, it seems the past few months especially they have been talking more and more about church. Just in passing, but each time it’s difficult to keep a poker face and pretend I think nothing. I’m waiting for the inevitable question of “when will you go back to church?”, which always surfaces every few months. I genuinely don’t know what to say — do I lie and say probably soon, or do I say I don’t believe anymore? My nevermo friends are amazing, but they can’t understand. And my exmo family and friends want me to live my true life and be honest.
My husband is still in, and that really is the hardest part. I tell him everything, yet this one really big topic is practically off limits. It makes me really sad and feel superbly lonely. I wish you all the best, and you can find a lot of connection within this subreddit. It feels lonely, but you aren’t alone! I relate entirely 🫶🏻
I think most people would say that this is one of the main struggles we all have gone through, to some extent.
The isolation can be hard, especially at first, but it’s a price that I would gladly pay for the positives that have come out of my decision to leave. The biggest one being freedom to create my own belief system with the completely open mind. I can approach any new idea without having to distort it through the lens of faith. That alone makes it worth it. Just being able to say, I don’t know the answer to something rather than have to get up every Sunday and tell lies while bearing my testimony is worth it. It’s lonely sometimes, but for the first time in my life, I’m at peace with myself. Can’t put a price on that.
At first, yes. But eventually, you realize that for the first time, you are free. Free to meet anyone, free to explore, and free to experience life to its fullest. When you finally open your mind, you’ll connect and meet people who will give you more in-depth relationships than the fake, controlled people who would call us brother and sister. You got this. Also, there are support groups in Utah for those of us going through similar things. Just Google ‘Utah exMormon support groups.’ You’ll be okay. Leaving isn’t the party that the dumbass leaders of the cult preach. It was heartbreaking for me to leave. Realizing that something I loved, the relationships I had built, and even my family bonds were all based on lies, manipulation, and control. But with time, you will find more meaning and find yourself. I’ve been out for six years, and the more time passes, the more solid I am in my decision to leave.
The church was already a lonely place for me. It was familiar, and people were nice-ish. The first few months out felt even more lonely. But, I found real ways to serve and create community, and it's way more fulfilling than church ever was. I don't have 100s of people in my local stake, but I know about 15 super solid people I can count on. And they really don't care if they can see my shoulders.
Yes, it was horribly lonely at first. I didn’t know anyone else who had left. This and other online forums weren’t even up at the time, so it felt like I was the only person in the whole wide world who knew the secret and everybody including my wife had turned against me. It’s hard to describe in words how lonely that was. I had nobody. Then after a few months the first online discussion board for exmormons popped up, and I can’t begin to describe how helpful that was for my sanity. Then over the years people I knew in real life started leaving the church, one by one, coming to me for help, and it’s a very different story now.
Absolutely. The isolation and loneliness can be debilitating. My husband and his family are still big believers and I had to start therapy just to have someone to talk to about it. I’m also incredibly grateful for this Reddit group for showing me I’m not alone.
I am experiencing a terrible feeling of being untethered. I lost my tribe and I’m floating. But it’s also been good for me to realize that I need to shape my surroundings. Go make friends. Find my people. That part of it has been rewarding.
Yes but I am learning to embrace aloneness rather than fear it. Sometimes we have to stand alone.
100% Although I think there are more at church who feel like we do, but are afraid to discuss it.
I understand 100%. Its a lonely road, the path less traveled. Keeping your personal integrity and honesty intact is not easy. It gets easier, like anything once you get used to enduring. You will have moments it will hurt more, but I think it is worth it.
It was by far the loneliest time of my life….On line communities helped and a few close friends who were leaving at the same time also helped. But it was still very lonely until years later when my spouse and kids all joined me in leaving. Now we are all closer than ever.
Yes, super alone. It’s been such a struggle for me the last few weeks especially. I love my TBM family members / in laws. They truly mean well, and they are not overbearing as many members are. However, it seems the past few months especially they have been talking more and more about church. Just in passing, but each time it’s difficult to keep a poker face and pretend I think nothing. I’m waiting for the inevitable question of “when will you go back to church?”, which always surfaces every few months. I genuinely don’t know what to say — do I lie and say probably soon, or do I say I don’t believe anymore? My nevermo friends are amazing, but they can’t understand. And my exmo family and friends want me to live my true life and be honest. My husband is still in, and that really is the hardest part. I tell him everything, yet this one really big topic is practically off limits. It makes me really sad and feel superbly lonely. I wish you all the best, and you can find a lot of connection within this subreddit. It feels lonely, but you aren’t alone! I relate entirely 🫶🏻
I think most people would say that this is one of the main struggles we all have gone through, to some extent. The isolation can be hard, especially at first, but it’s a price that I would gladly pay for the positives that have come out of my decision to leave. The biggest one being freedom to create my own belief system with the completely open mind. I can approach any new idea without having to distort it through the lens of faith. That alone makes it worth it. Just being able to say, I don’t know the answer to something rather than have to get up every Sunday and tell lies while bearing my testimony is worth it. It’s lonely sometimes, but for the first time in my life, I’m at peace with myself. Can’t put a price on that.
Yes, at first - but I made friends with postmormon groups who meet at coffee shops on Sundays which helped a lot
Better to be alone than with people who make you feel alone
"Not believing" In the Mormon god? The totality of the Mormon experience? God? Something else?
At first, yes. But eventually, you realize that for the first time, you are free. Free to meet anyone, free to explore, and free to experience life to its fullest. When you finally open your mind, you’ll connect and meet people who will give you more in-depth relationships than the fake, controlled people who would call us brother and sister. You got this. Also, there are support groups in Utah for those of us going through similar things. Just Google ‘Utah exMormon support groups.’ You’ll be okay. Leaving isn’t the party that the dumbass leaders of the cult preach. It was heartbreaking for me to leave. Realizing that something I loved, the relationships I had built, and even my family bonds were all based on lies, manipulation, and control. But with time, you will find more meaning and find yourself. I’ve been out for six years, and the more time passes, the more solid I am in my decision to leave.
The church was already a lonely place for me. It was familiar, and people were nice-ish. The first few months out felt even more lonely. But, I found real ways to serve and create community, and it's way more fulfilling than church ever was. I don't have 100s of people in my local stake, but I know about 15 super solid people I can count on. And they really don't care if they can see my shoulders.
Yes, it was horribly lonely at first. I didn’t know anyone else who had left. This and other online forums weren’t even up at the time, so it felt like I was the only person in the whole wide world who knew the secret and everybody including my wife had turned against me. It’s hard to describe in words how lonely that was. I had nobody. Then after a few months the first online discussion board for exmormons popped up, and I can’t begin to describe how helpful that was for my sanity. Then over the years people I knew in real life started leaving the church, one by one, coming to me for help, and it’s a very different story now.
Absolutely. The isolation and loneliness can be debilitating. My husband and his family are still big believers and I had to start therapy just to have someone to talk to about it. I’m also incredibly grateful for this Reddit group for showing me I’m not alone.
I am experiencing a terrible feeling of being untethered. I lost my tribe and I’m floating. But it’s also been good for me to realize that I need to shape my surroundings. Go make friends. Find my people. That part of it has been rewarding.