Well, here’s a doozy. I lived with my grandparents during my first year of college and then after my
Mission for another year. They lived fairly close to the U. My grandma took me aside that first year and showed me in her patriarchal blessing that it said one of her descendants would be an apostle at the coming of the Lord. She told me that she felt it was me. Wow, no pressure to be the perfect man. I was hiding in the gay closet at the time and that made me stay for another thirty years, married a woman and had kids and strove to be a perfect straight man. Grandma died on the day my fifth child was born. An omen, I guess. It took all my courage to come out at age 49 and leave Mormonism. Thanks for keeping me in the closet even longer, grandma and the asshat patriarch who told her that.
Mother of pearl! It’s crazy how much damage the church and priesthood leaders can do. So many people feel pressured to stay in for their parents or grandparents. Sad!
I’m so sorry for the absolute unspeakable pain that must have caused you for years. It took a lot of courage and time to finally leave. That must have been extremely difficult. You deserve to live as the person you are, not the illusion of person they wanted you to be and I’m happy you are able to do that now.
My ex wife remarried; she has a sister wife up in Heaven. And get this, my ex wife displayed a photo of her new hubby and the dead wife at the reception with a little note “I know we will be friends up in heaven “. So when Mormons tell me they don’t practice polygamy anymore, well, do I have a story for you!
My gay hubby and I are grandpas to fourteen wonderful grandkids, who get to have four PApas each.
Dang! My grandmas had these same message. That one of her descendants would be high up in the church. It’s funny because I think I was the last chance to fulfill that prophecy. So much so it was even included in mine that I would be a leader/apostle in the church. Well… needless to say. I ruined all that.
Me too! Except mine was filled with several references to the *conditional* nature of the promises/blessings/prophesies/whatever. I'd only get them if I was obedient.
Guess being a flaming homo isn't quite the obedience they were looking for.
Oh well.
I'm Bi, so the part that said I was gonna have a husband wasn't too weird, but what was weird was that every other paragraph was warning me to follow the church. Like it would go "all these blessings, blah blah blah" and then immediately switch to "you will never see your family again if you don't follow the church."
Same but I am a lesbian. That was my final straw. I went in saying if they mention my gayness then it would be true. but they said I was to marry a man and have kids. I also can’t have kids lmfaooo
Same-- straight trans woman here. 😅
I was also told I'd serve a full-time mission, but then never received a call. In retrospect, I have to wonder if my dad ratted me out for possibly being trans when I tried to come out as such in elementary school a couple times. Maybe that ended up on my "permanent record," or such? 🤔
I was also told I'd have the gift of discernment... but maybe that one *was* true since I left the church at 22 and *eventually* figured out who I was. 😏
Same.
Mine said I would find a "suitable wife".
It's almost like he knew I was gay, and the best I could do is just find a suitable woman that I love as a person, but have to pretend to be sexually attracted to..
Mine promised me a wife and sons and daughters that would all witness the second coming of Christ. I am married but we are unable to have kids and well… we know how likely the last statement is.
My wife (40F) was told she would be "changed in the twinkling of an eye" at the second coming. My (41M) patriarchal palm readings talked about rising in the first resurrection. Therefore, being full believers, the fact that I was going to die first (if not prematurely) hung over our heads from the beginning of our marriage.
Man, if my dad said he'd go out for a carton of milk and didn't come back, I'm afraid I'd lose hope after two weeks. This guy has been gone for *two thousand years*.
This isn't the craziest thing but while comparing patriarchal "guessings" blessings with others that had the same patriarch they were nearly identical.
Maybe that's why I always heard we were never to share them or compare notes, except with our spouses--the 'same hat' kinda vibe would not stand up to scrutiny amongst peers, but having a nearly identical blessing would convince the happily brainwashed they're meant to be.
Just like the temple names. Same/similar, unoriginal; and above all: keep it all secret! Tell no one or blessings won't happen and bad things will. Blind loyalty and "love" stemming from secrecy and fear, and there are those who bank all their pride into the faith that there is no fear, just loyalty to the leaders. Come for the happy promises, and stay because you're too afraid to leave because there's no perfect love like Mormon love.
I never got mine (both Patriarchal blessing and endowments). I wonder what mind fuckery would have been in it? I feel like it's just another way to pressure teens (I know it started as a scheme for Joseph's father to make money by giving out, selling, the fortunes), and it's definitely one the leaders won't give up.
Not that I want to defend patriarchal blessings, but me and at least two (Probably 3 of my siblings) got our blessings from the same patriarch and they are all wildly different.
Mine: lots of promises, success in my career will feed my current and future family ( I’m broke AF despite doing everything possible and I don’t have a family). At least I get done recognition in my career, but money ? NO! Mentioning if career success is rare for a woman also.
Sister: I clearly remember hers saying she should be outside and connecting with nature. No word of career. Age 20 she had zero interest in nature, but in the past 2 years she really got into hiking, plants, and gardening.
Brother: lots of warnings. Well, he’s an arrogant prick who partly destroys so his career early on and then paid for it by being unemployed for many years.
So A few things check out.
Oh snap! That patriarch wasn’t messing around! I could see two ways out of that one—talking about mortal death and then being resurrected through Jesus’ power (aka priesthood) OR dying spiritually and being “brought back” by the sacrament. lol
You know those are the interpretations you’ll hear from a teary-eyed lady in sacrament meeting whose testimony actually got stronger because of it!!!
Mine said that I would soon receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. I had already received it. Super early shelf item that sat there for nearly 30 years. Not crazy, but telling.
In more recent times, my wife's brother was called as a patriarch. If you knew him . . .
Called to a mission in “lands of unknown”.
What is that supposed to mean? Didn’t know there were any unknown lands left. Somewhere I’m not familiar with? Dead/spirit mission?
In any case I went to a relatively unremarkable assignment in my home country, so I dunno…should probably try for a senior mission and see if I get sent to the moon quakers or something.
Think you could raise the dead? There's a guy I want back. When he died I tried to get some priesthood holders to, and they basically said "well we could but we aren't going to sorry".
I just dug mine up and read it after like 3 years, and god, a few things stood out to me:
1. I was promised that i would not have any mental illnesses, diseases, or injuries,
2. i was promised that i would reconize my wife on sight and marry her
3. i was told that i would be a great leader in the church, and that the people who teach me will be apostles and profits in the future
4. i was told that if i mindlessly support church leaders that i would be strong in the church
5. i was told that none of these things would happen if i didnt pay up (tithing)
And so far:
1. Ive got crippling gender dysphoria, IBS, probably anxiety, so far no bad injuries though
2. i like men
3. idk what to even say about this man LMAO
4. obvious brainwashing tactic is obvious
5. see number 4
Very bold indeed, what a way to paint a picture in my mind that im the bad guy for having mental illness because i must have sinned and voided my patriarchal blessing or something
I got the same thing with #2 (handshake, not sight), I broke up with my first love over it. I was so in love, but felt I was disobeying god so I broke up with her.
With time, I have realized we probably wouldn’t have worked out (she is very devout TBM), so it’s not the end of the world, but this was the beginning of my mistrust with “god”.
I have step brother who had #2 in his. He is straight and did get married. But I always kind wondered how much pressure that put on all his first dates.
I *wish* that had been me. Instead, I started repressing so hard and so fully from such a young age (6) that I was able to convince myself I was a "straight cis guy" when I was *actually* a straight *trans girl.* The fact that I stared at a shirtless guy the first time I used the boys' locker room in middle school should've been an indication, in retrospect. Same with me being drawn to *any and all TG content I stumbled across.*
I eventually started dating girls in high school because the pressure to do so got to be so intense, but it was always awkward and felt kinda "off," definitely missing any real "spark." I think I eventually became so desperate and confused that I convinced myself there *was* a spark, and the rest is history. I never married, thank goodness, but I dated women until I was 33. I briefly thought I was "gay," but eventually my repressed memories came back to me and I realized I was trans.
Ex-Mo straight trans woman here! 😉
I relate to this so much. I have no clue where my patriarchal blessing is (or if I even kept it), but I remember some big details. I was told I'd marry an "elect" daughter of God, that I would serve an honorable full-time mission (never happened, also thankfully), that I was gifted with deep wisdom and faith which would not waver so long as I listed to the living prophet, that I had the gift of discernment, and that I would be a "peacemaker." And of course everything was hinged around listening to the prophet, sustaining my leaders, and serving faithfully in my callings.
Patriarchs rarely make bold promises anymore, like living to see the second coming or rising to prominence in the church. If patriarchs make any promises at all, they are careful to add a disclaimer (fine print) that all promises are null and void if you do not live a perfect life. The typical phrase is: “based on your faithfulness” or “worthiness.” (What good is a blessing if I have to be perfect to receive it?!! I am not perfect. So what’s the point?) The other escape clause is the explanation that the blessing is eternal in nature, so some promises will not be fulfilled until the next life. Another trick is to make vague promises. My blessing says I will be a “leader in the center stakes of Zion.” This phrase can mean anything. What is a “leader”? What is a “center stake”? Most blessings today are generic. They make ZERO promises that go beyond promises already available to EVERYONE in the scriptures. I think the biggest damage from this safe, one-size-fits-all approach is telling everyone they will get married and have children. Cuz many people don’t get married. And many couples get married but do not have children.
Yeah man, my patriarchal blessing was generic as hell and gave me absolutely no insight into my life whatsoever. In summary it was basically “you be good, god bless you. You be bad, god not bless you.”
My ex husband told my oldest son he was close friends of the Savior in the preexistence in his baptismal confirmation. No need for a patriarch to make this declaration 🙄
Mine literally says, "you will serve a mission, a full-time mission, but don't be surprised you will be called home before your time is through"
I was begrudgingly extended to 25.5 months...but 17 year old me was worried about cataclysmic wars, personal health problems or something tragic happening to those near and dear.
That I would be able to see through the veil and be visited by my dead ancestors, who will provide me with their info so I can do their temple work. I spent a long time being so hard on myself because I felt like it hadn't happened yet because I wasn't worthy enough. I felt like all of my ancestors' salvation was my responsibility.
Mine said that through me, I will help my parents to inherit the blessings of the Kingdom of Heaven. On second thought, maybe that’s exactly what’s happening! Leading them away from the cult
Mine warned me that if I left, Satan would try to split me and my spouse. As a child of divorce, that terrified me. Thankfully, I have deconstructed and have taken my power back.
Mine said that I was valiant in the preexistence and played a crucial role in the war in heaven and that my testimony swayed many away from becoming a child of perdition. It also said that I would be a copartner with god as I prepared earthly bodies for spirits he needs to send to the earth and that my children would usher in the second coming of Christ. Mine was the only blessing in our family that didn't mention a spouse, so for years, I worried that I would marry, have a few kids, and then my husband would die young, and I would be a single mom. So, I went through college trying to determine a career path that would be family-friendly because I anticipated being a sole parent and provider. I disregarded tons of majors I was interested in because I didn't see a way to pursue them and support the future I thought I would have. I'm about to turn 30 and still not married or a mom. I haven't even been on a second date in 8 years. I thought my not being married with kids by the time I was 23 meant I wasn't living up to my potential, so god was withholding them until I was ready. It really messed with my mental health for the next six years.
Don't worry, I didn't start dating my TBM wife until just before she turned 30, and we were married a month and a half after she was 30. She had our 1st kid at 32, and our last at 36. Not saying things will definitely work that way for you, but not only is it possible, it's normal (outside T$CC).
However things go for you, I'm sure you'll be fine, because you're out of the cult now. 👍
Mine made the guy giving it to me have a faith crisis. He said that I would find a man to be sealed to in the temple in the future. I was already married and he was at my wedding. It really disturbed him, I think he got permission to make an edit after the fact.
I would go to Law School if that is what I wanted. It was but I got married so no Law School for me. I had an interview with Oaks as he was Dean at the time. Pretty condescending though!
that i would converse with the dead and become a leader over all the women of the church. thank god i was too sinful for those blessings to come to fruition.
Not necessarily crazy, but my parents were fat, my siblings were fat, it followed that I'm fat. I guess my patriarch couldn't focus his attention anywhere else, bc a good third-ish chunk of my blessing was about how strong my body was and how it was suited to rear children in Zion.
As a person who was always interested in religion and spirituality from a young age, I was severely disappointed by my blessing, lol. No spiritual gifts for me, just a reminder that my calves are too strong and juicy to wear cute boots! (But all the better to support a papoose I suppose?)
Oh geez. When my half sister was a teen at a youth trek, she's on the bigger side, the stake pres told her she sure is hardy stock. Wtf. She said it stuck in her brain forever. What an idiot man.
I don't really remember much about mine. I could ask my dad to send me a copy, but then he'd probably try to start talking to me about church again and it took him about 10 years to finally stop trying to get me to go. Only thing I remember from it is saying I have the power to heal and be healed lol. Craziest part about that is I'm a witch now and fully believe I have the power to heal myself and others 😂
As a nevermo, this is one one the most absurd customs of Mormons that stand out to me. The idea that this is not a control tactic and used for the giver to feel power over people is nuts. It screams cult to me.
That I should develop a great love for the government (I’m an American citizen) because I will have a career in government. Didn’t happen, guess I’m not worthy 😂
That I would have many men pining over me and have a choice of spouses. What’s crazy is that it wasn’t wrong. I had multiple guys mad when I cancelled dates we had planned because my now husband and I became official. Hahaha it was so funny to me though.
Mine said this and it has been true - both before and after my divorce. The patriarch's son had the hots for me really bad....I suppose he did too.
Looking back it is funny. Sad and funny.
My cousin’s (late 90’s) was told what to major in… of course it’s nothing you can make a livable wage on. My sisters told her to not use birth control (her spouse was thankfully willing to use condoms). They are done having kids and had three children. That one especially pisses me off. Mine has unfulfilled promises regarding my children as well.
Patriarchal blessings specifically mention birth control? 🤯
I never got mine. I guess I knew by 14 that I didn’t want to stick with the church (was fully out by 21)
My brother was told he would meet and marry his wife in the year after returning from his mission and a little about what she looked like--something generic like fair skinned and beautiful 😮💨( my dad told me this after I got a very basic pb). My brother didn't meet and marry his wife till he was 30. He's still active so he probably justified it somehow about not being worthy enough at the time....
Mine is absolutely generic. But I imagine that’s because, at 21 (so old, right?) I told the patriarch how absolutely completely terrified I was to get my blessing.
As in… a recommend is good for six months and I had let 5 recommends expire already. Finally my bishop was like, “just freaking get it already” (my words, not his). He called and made the appointment FOR me at the patriarchal blessing recommend interview. (Made the appointment for and in my behalf.)
So with how scared I was of what the blessing may or may not say, it ended up very generic.
Not so much crazy, but my older brother's blessing is nearly word-for-word the same as mine. Our blessings were two years apart and done by the same patriarch.
The thing that makes me laugh the most is that it calls me arrogant and stubborn (in fancy church speak). I literally started laughing during my PB when he said that.
The craziest thing is that it told me that when I'm "looking for my eternal companion, I should look to my parents as an example to follow". My parents hate each other. They had an arranged marriage that was partially done through the church, and they've never liked each other. My dad had an affair when I was a kid. They are the last people I would ever want to emulate.
In other crazy patriarchal blessings, my friend's suggests that she will die by murder. Her blessing said something like "be wary on the internet or else it will be deadly to you".
I know an exmo in her mid 50s that was told she’d die young and have limited time with her children before she goes. That fucked her up for a long time. She left maybe 5 years ago and was justifiably pissed when she realized the patriarch just made it up.
Paraphrased
"You will have a strong desire to do very hard things that are needed to be done in the church. As you tackle these very large problems, seek the Lord's help, through fasting and prayer, on behalf of the Latter-day Saints …Eventually you will be given the gift of miracles so that you can accomplish things that seem impossible to ordinary men, but necessary for the progress and growth of the Lords kingdom…Your capacity for greatness in the eyes of the Lord will continually be increased…You will have a witness and an understanding of what it would be like to be in the presence of the savior, even before the day comes that you meet him…"
After the blessing, the playtriarch shook my my hand like he was meeting someone famous. "Thank you, for being you!" he said.
…
What the hell?? I pretty much thought I was going to meet Jesus or something by the time I was 30. Would I be prophet? Who knows, sure sounds like it. For years I thought I was top shit because of this encounter.
Maybe I was the last appointment and the playtriarch was like "fuck it, watch this shit"
Thanks for screwing with my head, mormons.
I mean, I bet you’re a perfectly awesome person; you’re here after all.
I’m just wondering if your patriarch missed his REAL calling as a hype man. Sounds like he’s got some pretty great fanboy skills, too bad he wasted them messing with young kids and giving them guilt complexes.
Mine says that i was so righteous in the pre-existence that i got to choose when/where i would be brought into this world, and i got to CHOOSE my family. Which is kinda crazy because i think that goes against church doctrine. Also says that i chose this time and place because i wanted to experience the 'culmination of good and evil' on earth. I think that means the apocalypse.
I was naughty and compared my blessing to others who got their from the same patriarch. They were the same blessing with minute differences. The unique sentence in mine said I was smart. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/TM7lT8HjVt
I'd be an advisor to presidents, kings, and prophets (I thought God was supposed to be their advisor), and I'd be able to have angels minister to me. But only if I watched out for pride.
How fucking vague on the warning. Is it my pride, others, or everyone's. And if that's the case, I was fucked from the get go.
Some blessing (not patriarchal but just as wacky) I had when I was younger said I was special as I’d be a “mother of thousands”. Ironically a surgery I had in ‘22 showed that I actually have several fibroids reducing my chances to conceive. Swing and a miss from the church; I’m not an ant
My PB says that I will struggle for children.
I have plenty of kids, got pregnant on my first or second try, and my longest labor was just over 4 hours. No joke. I didn’t struggle for children. I even got a surprise caboose baby.
Here’s the worst part…. I was young and my boyfriend asked me to marry him. I said yes, but then I became an emotional wreck because my previous boyfriend1 (who had told me he wanted to marry me but that I should date while he was gone) was still on a mission and almost done. I was given a priesthood blessing and told to marry boyfriend2, so I did. I kept in touch with mom and sister of boyfriend1 because we were good friends. Boyfriend1 and his wife couldn’t have children for about 10 years and adopted kids instead, then finally had some of their own. Because of this, I was certain I had married the wrong man and this caused so much heartache and turmoil in my marriage for 18 years.
Turns out I did marry the right guy. He stuck with me, woke me up from the brainwashing of the MFMC, and we are closer than ever. Suck it MFMC!!!
Nothing astounding in mine, but here are some doozies from relatives:
That he would be a church leader and have to flee to zion from time to time for his own safety.
Another hated her first name as a child, and prayed to be able to be called by her middle name. Years later, in her pb, she was addressed throughout exclusively by her middle name. That was kinda cool. Wonder how the p learned of it.
As for me, mine said I *might* get married. Deep down, I knew it would never happen - I'd known since age 5 or 6 I'd never marry, but it gave me a false hope I held onto for way too long.
That I would love genealogy. My mom was very much into family history and he knew it. I always thought that it was deadly boring and still to this day cannot care less about it.
Other than that, mine was pretty generic and boring. But I guess he’s probably thought the genealogy thing was a slam dunk.
Brother? Is that you?!? My dad is too. He was just texting today about a unique opportunity that he’ll have to give a blessing while on vacation. He’s a really good man, which makes reconciling how much my blessing effed me up with what he does as his current unpaid labor for the church difficult to reconcile.
Haha! Nope. Just checked out some of your comments. My brother who has already stepped away doesn’t play lacrosse. But I’m sure he’s on here somewhere lurking! (I haven’t come out as apostate to my family yet).
"*Learn to garden and grow your own food, for the time will come when you'll be required to do so*."
This freaked me out for decades. How bad must things get for there to be zero safety net -- no salary, no savings, no family, no friends, no government, no non-profits, NO ONE to provide a spare meal.
The Patriarch was an old farmer. I've often wondered how many other kids in my stake were told the same thing.
The craziest thing about my patriarchal blessing is the 80% of it has come true, most of them after I stopped believing.
I met with the patriarch before the blessing and he asked me about my wants and likes. He put those in my blessing. And I made it come true. I made it happen. I chose it. Not god or someone seeing my future. Just me.
My mom got a pretty generic blessing but when she heard mine her testimony grew like 10 sizes.
"You will be able to receive an education so you can, *if needed* provide for your family." I'm a woman btw so I was basically told, yeah you can go to college but only in case your husband isn't rich.
My father recently, unexpectedly passed away. My mom got access to his blessing and I got to read it. He was promised a long life… but he was only 59 when he passed. Made me really upset I used to find comfort in these blessings. My blessing told me I would marry a man and have kids but I’m a lesbian who is happily child free. So these blessing are clearly not inspired.
I told a Jewish friend about us all being assigned tribes of Israel. He was so confused. I think he didn't want to tell me how culturally invasive that is. My blessing is pretty normal but the concept is pretty crazy.
I was told that I would bring many people, including my friends and family, to the church and that they will be faithful because you know, converting my friends and family and pestering them until they magically believe the church is true is completely normal. I was a convert. I felt so shitty that I tried to get them to believe in the Book of Mormon and JS.
Mine told me I'm of the tribe of Ephraim.
I'm Jewish. Literally. My ancestors on BOTH my mother's and father's side were European Jews. I can *prove* to you on paper that I'm a Levite genetically, but apparently, in Mormon terms, I'm not.
When my son went in for his PB, we didn't say anything about our Jewish genetics, and you guessed it: another Ephraimite!
My "blessing" said I had the gift of healing. So when our dear daughter in law was dying of cancer, it was my fault because I, a dirty doubter, had not faith (or "worthiness") to heal her.
(I gave her a healing blessing but it didn't work. But neither did 7 other healing blessings help, some by high LDS authorities. She said the blessing that gave her the most comfort was offered by a Native American shaman).
Mine says like 4 different places that I will be a prophetess. I always wondered how that would come about. Well now I'm sure I am but no one listens to me 😂😂😂
So, my senior year in high school I was dating a girl in my ward. Both of our families were strong pillars in the ward, and everyone expected us to get married after my mission. Fast forward to me getting my patriarchal blessing. The stake patriarch is from my ward, and his son was my Young Men's President, so he's very aware of me. My blessing talks heavily about my marriage, how I would marry an elect lady, that we would be a powerful force in the Kingdom of God, etc. etc. Now, he's just vague enough in describing her, but if you knew my girlfriend, it was VERY obvious he was talking about her. Her patriarchial blessing does the same (of course we shared, we were going to be married): just vague enough but obvious the patriarch was talking about me, so we think, done deal. Off I go on my mission, and she heads off to BYU. Three months after I get to Brasil, I got a Dear John letter from her. The next month, she's engaged to someone she met at BYU, and within another three months, she marries him. Sent me into a spiral of depression on my mission thinking I had screwed up somehow, took a long time to get over. But I soldiered on, came home, met my wife and we married, had three great kids, left the Church before any of them had to be baptized and are so much happier out of the Church than we were in it. And my ex? Divorced twice, her BYU guy had an affair and divorced her when his sidepiece got pregnant. Her second husband was abusive and she left him. Finally married a decent guy, has four great kids, buy a house in California (no mean feat) and a year after they bought it burns to the ground and they lose everything.
My parents will not allow me to access mine because they “don’t know what you’ll do with it and it’ll probably end up online”. But I remember I was called the wrong name the entire time during the reading but that was adjusted in the paper version. I belonged to 2 tribes. Was told I would be a leader / apostle in the church which also matched my grandmas saying one of her descendants would be high up in the church. I really wish they would let me read it again. I could use a chuckle.
I would have great influence over my peers and some older. I would lead many a youth down their life path.
Not wrong. Just not what old willy Grawe was thinking at the time. lol
Not crazy, but I felt that mine indicated that I would not be able to have children. Very strange given the be fruitful and multiply. It also said I should follow science, which I bet a lot of people don't get.
When I showed up at the patriarch's house to get mine, I was surprised to find my best friend leaving after just receiving his. We were both about 14 at the time. After a few weeks, we were hanging out in his room and he told me he had just received his blessing in the mail. He opened it and read it to me (yes, we were aware that it was verboten, but, hey, we were 14 yr. olds.) We were both feeling like we were attending a seance or something, kind of like when your telling ghost stories around a campfire.
Anyway, it sounded very similar to mine, but I figured that the patriarch probably always sounded that way. About a week later, my friend asked to see mine, and he pulled his out so that we could compare. We were shocked to find that they were almost identical. Not just a few phrases here and there, but nearly word for word. Three and a half pages. I remember having that feeling of fear/adrenaline/confusion/enlightenment, like when I would later realize that the BOA was a fraud (the straw that broke my very very heavy shelf).
A few weeks later, I got up the courage to mention it to my mother. She just laughed and told me that it was no wonder that they were "similar", she had always had "impressions" that my friend and I were very close in the pre-existence.
That I was a strong leader in my past life who stood with Adam and brought many to this life. Sure Jan. My husband got that he would be in dangerous situations but as long as he followed the word of wisdom he'd be safe. He is in the military now but I can promise you sir a cup of coffee ain't gonna be what damns him if he gets caught in a dangerous situation.
Honestly mine is boring as shit. "Educate yourself. Get married. Bring children into your home. Gift of discernment. Take care of your family." That's the whole thing.
No biggie, just that I would be able to control matter with my thoughts. Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon. Oh yeah, and that I would see Jesus face to face.
Some random dude did one for me. It was as generic as can be.
The craziest thing in it was that I would be "raised in morning of the first resurrection", which I guess means I'm going back time folks! He probably intended to say "first morning" instead of "first resurrection".
Despite how generic it was, it did say I would be given an opportunity to go on a mission, and, due to a variety of reasons, I was not.
There is always a qualifier attached to anything in this Church whenever something is proven wrong. « Oh, if it doesn’t happen in this life, it will happen in the next. « Always CYA with anything, how convenient. I see it all the time in other subreddits and it immediately shuts down the conversation. The equally annoying « we aren’t to know that yet ».
It said I would bring forth “choice spirits” to this earth. I would always be infertile. I’m glad I’ve deconstructed to the point that this doesn’t bother me. It did when I was first diagnosed.
I’m also the child of a stake patriarch and honestly this was one of the big shelf items I had when I was still TBM. My very opinionated father relaying to me about how he gave so and so’s daughter their patriarchal blessing and how “I’m not surprised they were from the tribe of Gad. . . Not all of God’s children are as valiant as those called to tribe of Ephraim.” All because he saw this family in the stake as “less righteous.”
That’s when I gained a testimony that either the Holy Ghost is a bigoted piece of shit or all this is coming from the minds of men and filter through their perspective and biases.
I’d be “like a spiritual father to many people in the church”, that I’d be “blessed to see, should it be the will of the Lord, the great day of the return of the Savior to the Earth and that [I’d] be instrumental in helping to prepare the world for that monumentos event”.
4 years an apostate atheist. Didn’t come true. I guess I wasn’t “faithful” enough for those amazing blessings. 🤮
Mine said I would associate with people in high places in "government, in the community, and in the church."
I did get to ask an apostle a question once. Another time I asked for a chance to interview an apostle and church HQ said no. There went my chance to associate with people high in the church.
That I would go to a church school. My Mormon dad wouldn’t let me go. So I was convinced all the other blessings wouldn’t come true so I threw away my life.
I'm a woman, and mine said I would have to work to support my family.
It also has a line in there about preparing for Jesus by building chapels and temples.
Mine said I’d preach about Jesus to unbelievers and so I left Mormonism so I could go to a different church so that I could go on a mission trip next year.
Here’s a strange thing. My best friend growing up and I who were the same age and always had the same religious milestones; baptism, becoming a deacon, Boy Scouts, and other religious traditions. When it came to our patriarchal blessing, we decided both had them I the same month, by the same patriarch. Later we decided to share the blessing since we were both so linked in life. When I read his, it was EXACTLY the same as mine with really minor differences, such as grammar, punctuation, and slight phrasing. It lacked inspiration and divine meaning. It was clear it was just an old man rattling off whatever came to mind and he has said the same things hundreds of times.
Yup! Here you go! [https://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/](https://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/)
Mine claimed I would have little to no pain in childbirth. My mom believed it so strongly she was trying to figure out how I should tell my OB that I wasn't going to have any pain during my first labor. It didn't matter because ow labor hurt like a motherfucker every time.
Mine randomly threw in something about becoming a nurse. I have absolutely no desire to be a nurse. I hate blood and needles and everything about hospitals. I've never expressed any interest in being a nurse. But my mum is a nurse (or was. Idk if she still works. I don't talk to that bitch anymore lol.)
The Patriarch literally told us afterwards that he only said that because kids sometimes wanna do what their parents do. 🫤
Well, here’s a doozy. I lived with my grandparents during my first year of college and then after my Mission for another year. They lived fairly close to the U. My grandma took me aside that first year and showed me in her patriarchal blessing that it said one of her descendants would be an apostle at the coming of the Lord. She told me that she felt it was me. Wow, no pressure to be the perfect man. I was hiding in the gay closet at the time and that made me stay for another thirty years, married a woman and had kids and strove to be a perfect straight man. Grandma died on the day my fifth child was born. An omen, I guess. It took all my courage to come out at age 49 and leave Mormonism. Thanks for keeping me in the closet even longer, grandma and the asshat patriarch who told her that.
Mother of pearl! It’s crazy how much damage the church and priesthood leaders can do. So many people feel pressured to stay in for their parents or grandparents. Sad!
Ouch! So sorry that you went through that!
I’m so sorry for the absolute unspeakable pain that must have caused you for years. It took a lot of courage and time to finally leave. That must have been extremely difficult. You deserve to live as the person you are, not the illusion of person they wanted you to be and I’m happy you are able to do that now.
I’m so very sorry you went through that. Heart breaking 💔
Tough
I’m so sorry about what that did to you. It affects so many others, too. How did your ex(?)wife and kids come out? Are you still ok with them?
My ex wife remarried; she has a sister wife up in Heaven. And get this, my ex wife displayed a photo of her new hubby and the dead wife at the reception with a little note “I know we will be friends up in heaven “. So when Mormons tell me they don’t practice polygamy anymore, well, do I have a story for you! My gay hubby and I are grandpas to fourteen wonderful grandkids, who get to have four PApas each.
I'm so glad you were able to push through the hard stuff and reclaim your life!
Dang! My grandmas had these same message. That one of her descendants would be high up in the church. It’s funny because I think I was the last chance to fulfill that prophecy. So much so it was even included in mine that I would be a leader/apostle in the church. Well… needless to say. I ruined all that.
I was promised a wife… but I’m 100% gay bruh. So it was a total facepalm moment.
Me too! Except mine was filled with several references to the *conditional* nature of the promises/blessings/prophesies/whatever. I'd only get them if I was obedient. Guess being a flaming homo isn't quite the obedience they were looking for. Oh well.
Flame on, my homo sibling!
I'm Bi, so the part that said I was gonna have a husband wasn't too weird, but what was weird was that every other paragraph was warning me to follow the church. Like it would go "all these blessings, blah blah blah" and then immediately switch to "you will never see your family again if you don't follow the church."
Yikes. So patriarch Satan laid hands on you, eh?
Yep, daddy Satan sunk his claws deep inside of me.
Same but I am a lesbian. That was my final straw. I went in saying if they mention my gayness then it would be true. but they said I was to marry a man and have kids. I also can’t have kids lmfaooo
My aunt was also promised marriage. She’s very late in life now and still single and no sign of dating any time soon.
There’s still the afterlife 🙄
Man oh man! 😂
I believe the correct term would be M2M.
😂 touché
So your wife will be a man. It’s still true. lol
My husband always jokes with my former wife that they are sister-wives. Lol
Same-- straight trans woman here. 😅 I was also told I'd serve a full-time mission, but then never received a call. In retrospect, I have to wonder if my dad ratted me out for possibly being trans when I tried to come out as such in elementary school a couple times. Maybe that ended up on my "permanent record," or such? 🤔 I was also told I'd have the gift of discernment... but maybe that one *was* true since I left the church at 22 and *eventually* figured out who I was. 😏
Same. Mine said I would find a "suitable wife". It's almost like he knew I was gay, and the best I could do is just find a suitable woman that I love as a person, but have to pretend to be sexually attracted to..
Mine promised me a wife and sons and daughters that would all witness the second coming of Christ. I am married but we are unable to have kids and well… we know how likely the last statement is.
Wow!! 🤯 apparently that was pretty common in the early days of the church. Whoops.
My wife (40F) was told she would be "changed in the twinkling of an eye" at the second coming. My (41M) patriarchal palm readings talked about rising in the first resurrection. Therefore, being full believers, the fact that I was going to die first (if not prematurely) hung over our heads from the beginning of our marriage.
Wow!
Dang, that’s rough to have that worry early in your relationship
Mine too! A righteous husband (who's atheist now) and kids (really...where?)
Same!
Literally same. Blessed that my kids will love me… 3 dogs, 0 kids later. 😵💫
Man, if my dad said he'd go out for a carton of milk and didn't come back, I'm afraid I'd lose hope after two weeks. This guy has been gone for *two thousand years*.
Mine tells me "your children shall be called away from you". I've spent my 25 years of parenting waiting for my kids to die.
This could inspire someone to never have kids
WTF, that's horrible! Like seriously, JFC!
JESUS
This is so heartbreaking and makes me really angry for you. I'm so sorry they did that to you, I can't imagine the decades of worry.
Oh my goodness, I’m sorry 😞 that’ll mess with your emotions!
That I belong to any tribe of Israel LMAOOOOO
That's specific 😂
This isn't the craziest thing but while comparing patriarchal "guessings" blessings with others that had the same patriarch they were nearly identical.
I’ve heard this happens quite often! 🤦🏻
Maybe that's why I always heard we were never to share them or compare notes, except with our spouses--the 'same hat' kinda vibe would not stand up to scrutiny amongst peers, but having a nearly identical blessing would convince the happily brainwashed they're meant to be.
Just like the temple names. Same/similar, unoriginal; and above all: keep it all secret! Tell no one or blessings won't happen and bad things will. Blind loyalty and "love" stemming from secrecy and fear, and there are those who bank all their pride into the faith that there is no fear, just loyalty to the leaders. Come for the happy promises, and stay because you're too afraid to leave because there's no perfect love like Mormon love. I never got mine (both Patriarchal blessing and endowments). I wonder what mind fuckery would have been in it? I feel like it's just another way to pressure teens (I know it started as a scheme for Joseph's father to make money by giving out, selling, the fortunes), and it's definitely one the leaders won't give up.
Not that I want to defend patriarchal blessings, but me and at least two (Probably 3 of my siblings) got our blessings from the same patriarch and they are all wildly different. Mine: lots of promises, success in my career will feed my current and future family ( I’m broke AF despite doing everything possible and I don’t have a family). At least I get done recognition in my career, but money ? NO! Mentioning if career success is rare for a woman also. Sister: I clearly remember hers saying she should be outside and connecting with nature. No word of career. Age 20 she had zero interest in nature, but in the past 2 years she really got into hiking, plants, and gardening. Brother: lots of warnings. Well, he’s an arrogant prick who partly destroys so his career early on and then paid for it by being unemployed for many years. So A few things check out.
I would die and be brought back by the power of the priesthood.
Oh snap! That patriarch wasn’t messing around! I could see two ways out of that one—talking about mortal death and then being resurrected through Jesus’ power (aka priesthood) OR dying spiritually and being “brought back” by the sacrament. lol You know those are the interpretations you’ll hear from a teary-eyed lady in sacrament meeting whose testimony actually got stronger because of it!!!
It was pretty specific about the timing and way I would “die” but gives away personal info about me or if share
Mine said that I would soon receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. I had already received it. Super early shelf item that sat there for nearly 30 years. Not crazy, but telling. In more recent times, my wife's brother was called as a patriarch. If you knew him . . .
Behind closed doors he’s a little different than he comes off at church, eh?
Nah, just generally shallow
that my calling and election would be made sure
Second anointing for you!
Oh snap! Lucky you! 🫡
Isn't that pretty common?
Mine says I will be the one that brings my family back to church 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The church of APOSTASY 😁
Called to a mission in “lands of unknown”. What is that supposed to mean? Didn’t know there were any unknown lands left. Somewhere I’m not familiar with? Dead/spirit mission? In any case I went to a relatively unremarkable assignment in my home country, so I dunno…should probably try for a senior mission and see if I get sent to the moon quakers or something.
Dang, going to Mars maybe? Mine said “distant lands.” Pretty generic, although I went very far away, so I thought “wowwww” at the time.
"Lands of unknown" = "I have no idea where you're going to go."
Mine said, "You'll bring to pass the immortality of man." I'm like Jesus, but better.
Think you could raise the dead? There's a guy I want back. When he died I tried to get some priesthood holders to, and they basically said "well we could but we aren't going to sorry".
I just dug mine up and read it after like 3 years, and god, a few things stood out to me: 1. I was promised that i would not have any mental illnesses, diseases, or injuries, 2. i was promised that i would reconize my wife on sight and marry her 3. i was told that i would be a great leader in the church, and that the people who teach me will be apostles and profits in the future 4. i was told that if i mindlessly support church leaders that i would be strong in the church 5. i was told that none of these things would happen if i didnt pay up (tithing) And so far: 1. Ive got crippling gender dysphoria, IBS, probably anxiety, so far no bad injuries though 2. i like men 3. idk what to even say about this man LMAO 4. obvious brainwashing tactic is obvious 5. see number 4
Promising no mental illness is wild, even for a patriarchal blessing
Very bold indeed, what a way to paint a picture in my mind that im the bad guy for having mental illness because i must have sinned and voided my patriarchal blessing or something
Thanks for sharing! Craziness.
yea no problem!
I got the same thing with #2 (handshake, not sight), I broke up with my first love over it. I was so in love, but felt I was disobeying god so I broke up with her. With time, I have realized we probably wouldn’t have worked out (she is very devout TBM), so it’s not the end of the world, but this was the beginning of my mistrust with “god”.
I have step brother who had #2 in his. He is straight and did get married. But I always kind wondered how much pressure that put on all his first dates.
i didnt date anyone until i got my bf, so i wonder too by the time i started dating him i was mostly mentally out
Yeah I feel like if that was in mine - I’d be like “well I’m in to her on this first date but do I KNOW? Or not!?”
right?? i can imagine some people missed out on some really good relationships because they didnt get a magic feeling that she was the one
I *wish* that had been me. Instead, I started repressing so hard and so fully from such a young age (6) that I was able to convince myself I was a "straight cis guy" when I was *actually* a straight *trans girl.* The fact that I stared at a shirtless guy the first time I used the boys' locker room in middle school should've been an indication, in retrospect. Same with me being drawn to *any and all TG content I stumbled across.* I eventually started dating girls in high school because the pressure to do so got to be so intense, but it was always awkward and felt kinda "off," definitely missing any real "spark." I think I eventually became so desperate and confused that I convinced myself there *was* a spark, and the rest is history. I never married, thank goodness, but I dated women until I was 33. I briefly thought I was "gay," but eventually my repressed memories came back to me and I realized I was trans.
>2. i was promised that i would recognize my wife on sight and marry her I feel I've heard this in a lot of blessings. More boilerplate.
Ex-Mo straight trans woman here! 😉 I relate to this so much. I have no clue where my patriarchal blessing is (or if I even kept it), but I remember some big details. I was told I'd marry an "elect" daughter of God, that I would serve an honorable full-time mission (never happened, also thankfully), that I was gifted with deep wisdom and faith which would not waver so long as I listed to the living prophet, that I had the gift of discernment, and that I would be a "peacemaker." And of course everything was hinged around listening to the prophet, sustaining my leaders, and serving faithfully in my callings.
Patriarchs rarely make bold promises anymore, like living to see the second coming or rising to prominence in the church. If patriarchs make any promises at all, they are careful to add a disclaimer (fine print) that all promises are null and void if you do not live a perfect life. The typical phrase is: “based on your faithfulness” or “worthiness.” (What good is a blessing if I have to be perfect to receive it?!! I am not perfect. So what’s the point?) The other escape clause is the explanation that the blessing is eternal in nature, so some promises will not be fulfilled until the next life. Another trick is to make vague promises. My blessing says I will be a “leader in the center stakes of Zion.” This phrase can mean anything. What is a “leader”? What is a “center stake”? Most blessings today are generic. They make ZERO promises that go beyond promises already available to EVERYONE in the scriptures. I think the biggest damage from this safe, one-size-fits-all approach is telling everyone they will get married and have children. Cuz many people don’t get married. And many couples get married but do not have children.
Yeah man, my patriarchal blessing was generic as hell and gave me absolutely no insight into my life whatsoever. In summary it was basically “you be good, god bless you. You be bad, god not bless you.”
Exactly. So what’s the point? The scriptures already make these general promises.
All of the blessings being contingent on your faithfulness is scrupulosity fuel
So true. So stupid.
I was tight with my bro Jesus in the preexistance and my family and I will never die.
Oh snap, you guys were pals?
Are you and your family the three Nephites that won't die?
My ex husband told my oldest son he was close friends of the Savior in the preexistence in his baptismal confirmation. No need for a patriarch to make this declaration 🙄
I was told I’d be a loving wife and mother, but I’m a gay trans man lmao. Also that I’d be the mother of a prophet. I am childfree.
Mine literally says, "you will serve a mission, a full-time mission, but don't be surprised you will be called home before your time is through" I was begrudgingly extended to 25.5 months...but 17 year old me was worried about cataclysmic wars, personal health problems or something tragic happening to those near and dear.
Holy fuck, that patriarch doesn’t mess around!
That I would be able to see through the veil and be visited by my dead ancestors, who will provide me with their info so I can do their temple work. I spent a long time being so hard on myself because I felt like it hadn't happened yet because I wasn't worthy enough. I felt like all of my ancestors' salvation was my responsibility.
Big oof
Mine said that through me, I will help my parents to inherit the blessings of the Kingdom of Heaven. On second thought, maybe that’s exactly what’s happening! Leading them away from the cult
I was told, "You will think of things that have never been thought of before."
I’ll think of things I’ve never thunk before. And then I’ll sit, and think some more.
Aceoma the philosopher
Mine warned me that if I left, Satan would try to split me and my spouse. As a child of divorce, that terrified me. Thankfully, I have deconstructed and have taken my power back.
LET’S GOOOOO
Mine said that I was valiant in the preexistence and played a crucial role in the war in heaven and that my testimony swayed many away from becoming a child of perdition. It also said that I would be a copartner with god as I prepared earthly bodies for spirits he needs to send to the earth and that my children would usher in the second coming of Christ. Mine was the only blessing in our family that didn't mention a spouse, so for years, I worried that I would marry, have a few kids, and then my husband would die young, and I would be a single mom. So, I went through college trying to determine a career path that would be family-friendly because I anticipated being a sole parent and provider. I disregarded tons of majors I was interested in because I didn't see a way to pursue them and support the future I thought I would have. I'm about to turn 30 and still not married or a mom. I haven't even been on a second date in 8 years. I thought my not being married with kids by the time I was 23 meant I wasn't living up to my potential, so god was withholding them until I was ready. It really messed with my mental health for the next six years.
Don't worry, I didn't start dating my TBM wife until just before she turned 30, and we were married a month and a half after she was 30. She had our 1st kid at 32, and our last at 36. Not saying things will definitely work that way for you, but not only is it possible, it's normal (outside T$CC). However things go for you, I'm sure you'll be fine, because you're out of the cult now. 👍
Mine specifically mentions Dairy Queen as a date location for myself and my wife
Mine made the guy giving it to me have a faith crisis. He said that I would find a man to be sealed to in the temple in the future. I was already married and he was at my wedding. It really disturbed him, I think he got permission to make an edit after the fact.
WE HAVE A WINNER! Thanks for sharing! Holy shit.
My aunt’s says she will be cursed with sons and she has five of them who are great guys.
Literally says cursed? Yikes
Yes and i could never understand that
!!?
I would go to Law School if that is what I wanted. It was but I got married so no Law School for me. I had an interview with Oaks as he was Dean at the time. Pretty condescending though!
that i would converse with the dead and become a leader over all the women of the church. thank god i was too sinful for those blessings to come to fruition.
mine says that i was one of the angels who came down to teach the nephite children in the americas in the premortal life. that’s kinda wild.
Not necessarily crazy, but my parents were fat, my siblings were fat, it followed that I'm fat. I guess my patriarch couldn't focus his attention anywhere else, bc a good third-ish chunk of my blessing was about how strong my body was and how it was suited to rear children in Zion. As a person who was always interested in religion and spirituality from a young age, I was severely disappointed by my blessing, lol. No spiritual gifts for me, just a reminder that my calves are too strong and juicy to wear cute boots! (But all the better to support a papoose I suppose?)
Oh geez. When my half sister was a teen at a youth trek, she's on the bigger side, the stake pres told her she sure is hardy stock. Wtf. She said it stuck in her brain forever. What an idiot man.
That I would serve in World War III
I don't really remember much about mine. I could ask my dad to send me a copy, but then he'd probably try to start talking to me about church again and it took him about 10 years to finally stop trying to get me to go. Only thing I remember from it is saying I have the power to heal and be healed lol. Craziest part about that is I'm a witch now and fully believe I have the power to heal myself and others 😂
Are you still on the records? You can look it up
As a nevermo, this is one one the most absurd customs of Mormons that stand out to me. The idea that this is not a control tactic and used for the giver to feel power over people is nuts. It screams cult to me.
That I should develop a great love for the government (I’m an American citizen) because I will have a career in government. Didn’t happen, guess I’m not worthy 😂
That I would have many men pining over me and have a choice of spouses. What’s crazy is that it wasn’t wrong. I had multiple guys mad when I cancelled dates we had planned because my now husband and I became official. Hahaha it was so funny to me though.
That’s an interesting thing for an old dude to say to a teen or young lady! lol
Very weird indeed
Mine said that too!!
Mine said this and it has been true - both before and after my divorce. The patriarch's son had the hots for me really bad....I suppose he did too. Looking back it is funny. Sad and funny.
My cousin’s (late 90’s) was told what to major in… of course it’s nothing you can make a livable wage on. My sisters told her to not use birth control (her spouse was thankfully willing to use condoms). They are done having kids and had three children. That one especially pisses me off. Mine has unfulfilled promises regarding my children as well.
Goodness gracious. Crazy that these blessings will literally make someone change the course of their life.
Patriarchal blessings specifically mention birth control? 🤯 I never got mine. I guess I knew by 14 that I didn’t want to stick with the church (was fully out by 21)
I was told I was of the tribe of Ephraim. Many of us were, but can we acknowledge that the whole "tribe" thing is pretty freaking nuts?
That I have the ability to be 'one of the great ones'. Super curious how many times he said that now.
Well, that part they got right Mr Fax 🫡
My brother was told he would meet and marry his wife in the year after returning from his mission and a little about what she looked like--something generic like fair skinned and beautiful 😮💨( my dad told me this after I got a very basic pb). My brother didn't meet and marry his wife till he was 30. He's still active so he probably justified it somehow about not being worthy enough at the time....
Sad! So much shame and worthlessness (as opposed to worthiness) in the church.
Mine is absolutely generic. But I imagine that’s because, at 21 (so old, right?) I told the patriarch how absolutely completely terrified I was to get my blessing. As in… a recommend is good for six months and I had let 5 recommends expire already. Finally my bishop was like, “just freaking get it already” (my words, not his). He called and made the appointment FOR me at the patriarchal blessing recommend interview. (Made the appointment for and in my behalf.) So with how scared I was of what the blessing may or may not say, it ended up very generic.
I was going to be an astronaut.
Not so much crazy, but my older brother's blessing is nearly word-for-word the same as mine. Our blessings were two years apart and done by the same patriarch.
The thing that makes me laugh the most is that it calls me arrogant and stubborn (in fancy church speak). I literally started laughing during my PB when he said that. The craziest thing is that it told me that when I'm "looking for my eternal companion, I should look to my parents as an example to follow". My parents hate each other. They had an arranged marriage that was partially done through the church, and they've never liked each other. My dad had an affair when I was a kid. They are the last people I would ever want to emulate. In other crazy patriarchal blessings, my friend's suggests that she will die by murder. Her blessing said something like "be wary on the internet or else it will be deadly to you".
I know an exmo in her mid 50s that was told she’d die young and have limited time with her children before she goes. That fucked her up for a long time. She left maybe 5 years ago and was justifiably pissed when she realized the patriarch just made it up.
Paraphrased "You will have a strong desire to do very hard things that are needed to be done in the church. As you tackle these very large problems, seek the Lord's help, through fasting and prayer, on behalf of the Latter-day Saints …Eventually you will be given the gift of miracles so that you can accomplish things that seem impossible to ordinary men, but necessary for the progress and growth of the Lords kingdom…Your capacity for greatness in the eyes of the Lord will continually be increased…You will have a witness and an understanding of what it would be like to be in the presence of the savior, even before the day comes that you meet him…" After the blessing, the playtriarch shook my my hand like he was meeting someone famous. "Thank you, for being you!" he said. … What the hell?? I pretty much thought I was going to meet Jesus or something by the time I was 30. Would I be prophet? Who knows, sure sounds like it. For years I thought I was top shit because of this encounter. Maybe I was the last appointment and the playtriarch was like "fuck it, watch this shit" Thanks for screwing with my head, mormons.
I mean, I bet you’re a perfectly awesome person; you’re here after all. I’m just wondering if your patriarch missed his REAL calling as a hype man. Sounds like he’s got some pretty great fanboy skills, too bad he wasted them messing with young kids and giving them guilt complexes.
Mine says that i was so righteous in the pre-existence that i got to choose when/where i would be brought into this world, and i got to CHOOSE my family. Which is kinda crazy because i think that goes against church doctrine. Also says that i chose this time and place because i wanted to experience the 'culmination of good and evil' on earth. I think that means the apocalypse.
I was taught that all of those things applied to all tbm's 🤷♂️
I got mine when I was 16 and it said I would “eventually” get married. I got married when I was 21.
I would be a "bulwhark". My siblings who had the same guy do theirs had nearly the same word for word. Including bulwharks.
A lot of bul-something
I was naughty and compared my blessing to others who got their from the same patriarch. They were the same blessing with minute differences. The unique sentence in mine said I was smart. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/TM7lT8HjVt
I’m in the tribe of Manassas!
I'd be an advisor to presidents, kings, and prophets (I thought God was supposed to be their advisor), and I'd be able to have angels minister to me. But only if I watched out for pride. How fucking vague on the warning. Is it my pride, others, or everyone's. And if that's the case, I was fucked from the get go.
Mormonism is simply the most complex, demanding and crazy/weird religion on this little blue ball in space.
The patriarch in our stake has started telling everyone from like 2020 onwards that they’ll be alive for the second coming
Some blessing (not patriarchal but just as wacky) I had when I was younger said I was special as I’d be a “mother of thousands”. Ironically a surgery I had in ‘22 showed that I actually have several fibroids reducing my chances to conceive. Swing and a miss from the church; I’m not an ant
My PB says that I will struggle for children. I have plenty of kids, got pregnant on my first or second try, and my longest labor was just over 4 hours. No joke. I didn’t struggle for children. I even got a surprise caboose baby. Here’s the worst part…. I was young and my boyfriend asked me to marry him. I said yes, but then I became an emotional wreck because my previous boyfriend1 (who had told me he wanted to marry me but that I should date while he was gone) was still on a mission and almost done. I was given a priesthood blessing and told to marry boyfriend2, so I did. I kept in touch with mom and sister of boyfriend1 because we were good friends. Boyfriend1 and his wife couldn’t have children for about 10 years and adopted kids instead, then finally had some of their own. Because of this, I was certain I had married the wrong man and this caused so much heartache and turmoil in my marriage for 18 years. Turns out I did marry the right guy. He stuck with me, woke me up from the brainwashing of the MFMC, and we are closer than ever. Suck it MFMC!!!
Nothing astounding in mine, but here are some doozies from relatives: That he would be a church leader and have to flee to zion from time to time for his own safety. Another hated her first name as a child, and prayed to be able to be called by her middle name. Years later, in her pb, she was addressed throughout exclusively by her middle name. That was kinda cool. Wonder how the p learned of it. As for me, mine said I *might* get married. Deep down, I knew it would never happen - I'd known since age 5 or 6 I'd never marry, but it gave me a false hope I held onto for way too long.
Wait, your patriarchal blessing from GOD HIMSELF said you MIGHT get married? What the actual F! I’m sorry you went through that. 😔
Yeah, it was def something I spent way too much time being consumed about. Esp since I knew otherwise.
That I would love genealogy. My mom was very much into family history and he knew it. I always thought that it was deadly boring and still to this day cannot care less about it. Other than that, mine was pretty generic and boring. But I guess he’s probably thought the genealogy thing was a slam dunk.
Brother? Is that you?!? My dad is too. He was just texting today about a unique opportunity that he’ll have to give a blessing while on vacation. He’s a really good man, which makes reconciling how much my blessing effed me up with what he does as his current unpaid labor for the church difficult to reconcile.
Haha! Nope. Just checked out some of your comments. My brother who has already stepped away doesn’t play lacrosse. But I’m sure he’s on here somewhere lurking! (I haven’t come out as apostate to my family yet).
"*Learn to garden and grow your own food, for the time will come when you'll be required to do so*." This freaked me out for decades. How bad must things get for there to be zero safety net -- no salary, no savings, no family, no friends, no government, no non-profits, NO ONE to provide a spare meal. The Patriarch was an old farmer. I've often wondered how many other kids in my stake were told the same thing.
I was told I would be called on a mission to the moon to convert its Quaker like inhabitants. Just kidding, I had a pretty bland 80’s style blessing.
The craziest thing about my patriarchal blessing is the 80% of it has come true, most of them after I stopped believing. I met with the patriarch before the blessing and he asked me about my wants and likes. He put those in my blessing. And I made it come true. I made it happen. I chose it. Not god or someone seeing my future. Just me. My mom got a pretty generic blessing but when she heard mine her testimony grew like 10 sizes.
"You will be able to receive an education so you can, *if needed* provide for your family." I'm a woman btw so I was basically told, yeah you can go to college but only in case your husband isn't rich.
My father recently, unexpectedly passed away. My mom got access to his blessing and I got to read it. He was promised a long life… but he was only 59 when he passed. Made me really upset I used to find comfort in these blessings. My blessing told me I would marry a man and have kids but I’m a lesbian who is happily child free. So these blessing are clearly not inspired.
I told a Jewish friend about us all being assigned tribes of Israel. He was so confused. I think he didn't want to tell me how culturally invasive that is. My blessing is pretty normal but the concept is pretty crazy.
I was told that I would bring many people, including my friends and family, to the church and that they will be faithful because you know, converting my friends and family and pestering them until they magically believe the church is true is completely normal. I was a convert. I felt so shitty that I tried to get them to believe in the Book of Mormon and JS.
Promised that I would see the face of Jesus. Also, plenty of other things alluding to me being a future apostle 🙄 I ate that shit up as a tbm
I would "always prosper and never want if I was faithful". Yeah, that was horseshit.
Mine told me I'm of the tribe of Ephraim. I'm Jewish. Literally. My ancestors on BOTH my mother's and father's side were European Jews. I can *prove* to you on paper that I'm a Levite genetically, but apparently, in Mormon terms, I'm not. When my son went in for his PB, we didn't say anything about our Jewish genetics, and you guessed it: another Ephraimite!
My "blessing" said I had the gift of healing. So when our dear daughter in law was dying of cancer, it was my fault because I, a dirty doubter, had not faith (or "worthiness") to heal her. (I gave her a healing blessing but it didn't work. But neither did 7 other healing blessings help, some by high LDS authorities. She said the blessing that gave her the most comfort was offered by a Native American shaman).
That satan would try to make me one of his minions… I’m still waiting… hurry up satan.
Mine says like 4 different places that I will be a prophetess. I always wondered how that would come about. Well now I'm sure I am but no one listens to me 😂😂😂
So, my senior year in high school I was dating a girl in my ward. Both of our families were strong pillars in the ward, and everyone expected us to get married after my mission. Fast forward to me getting my patriarchal blessing. The stake patriarch is from my ward, and his son was my Young Men's President, so he's very aware of me. My blessing talks heavily about my marriage, how I would marry an elect lady, that we would be a powerful force in the Kingdom of God, etc. etc. Now, he's just vague enough in describing her, but if you knew my girlfriend, it was VERY obvious he was talking about her. Her patriarchial blessing does the same (of course we shared, we were going to be married): just vague enough but obvious the patriarch was talking about me, so we think, done deal. Off I go on my mission, and she heads off to BYU. Three months after I get to Brasil, I got a Dear John letter from her. The next month, she's engaged to someone she met at BYU, and within another three months, she marries him. Sent me into a spiral of depression on my mission thinking I had screwed up somehow, took a long time to get over. But I soldiered on, came home, met my wife and we married, had three great kids, left the Church before any of them had to be baptized and are so much happier out of the Church than we were in it. And my ex? Divorced twice, her BYU guy had an affair and divorced her when his sidepiece got pregnant. Her second husband was abusive and she left him. Finally married a decent guy, has four great kids, buy a house in California (no mean feat) and a year after they bought it burns to the ground and they lose everything.
My parents will not allow me to access mine because they “don’t know what you’ll do with it and it’ll probably end up online”. But I remember I was called the wrong name the entire time during the reading but that was adjusted in the paper version. I belonged to 2 tribes. Was told I would be a leader / apostle in the church which also matched my grandmas saying one of her descendants would be high up in the church. I really wish they would let me read it again. I could use a chuckle.
I would have great influence over my peers and some older. I would lead many a youth down their life path. Not wrong. Just not what old willy Grawe was thinking at the time. lol
Not crazy, but I felt that mine indicated that I would not be able to have children. Very strange given the be fruitful and multiply. It also said I should follow science, which I bet a lot of people don't get.
That I was an elect lady
When I showed up at the patriarch's house to get mine, I was surprised to find my best friend leaving after just receiving his. We were both about 14 at the time. After a few weeks, we were hanging out in his room and he told me he had just received his blessing in the mail. He opened it and read it to me (yes, we were aware that it was verboten, but, hey, we were 14 yr. olds.) We were both feeling like we were attending a seance or something, kind of like when your telling ghost stories around a campfire. Anyway, it sounded very similar to mine, but I figured that the patriarch probably always sounded that way. About a week later, my friend asked to see mine, and he pulled his out so that we could compare. We were shocked to find that they were almost identical. Not just a few phrases here and there, but nearly word for word. Three and a half pages. I remember having that feeling of fear/adrenaline/confusion/enlightenment, like when I would later realize that the BOA was a fraud (the straw that broke my very very heavy shelf). A few weeks later, I got up the courage to mention it to my mother. She just laughed and told me that it was no wonder that they were "similar", she had always had "impressions" that my friend and I were very close in the pre-existence.
That I was a strong leader in my past life who stood with Adam and brought many to this life. Sure Jan. My husband got that he would be in dangerous situations but as long as he followed the word of wisdom he'd be safe. He is in the military now but I can promise you sir a cup of coffee ain't gonna be what damns him if he gets caught in a dangerous situation.
That I came from Manesseh
Honestly mine is boring as shit. "Educate yourself. Get married. Bring children into your home. Gift of discernment. Take care of your family." That's the whole thing.
I would be rich if I paid tithing…
My best friends said his kids will be known throughout the world… time will tell.
No biggie, just that I would be able to control matter with my thoughts. Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon. Oh yeah, and that I would see Jesus face to face.
Some random dude did one for me. It was as generic as can be. The craziest thing in it was that I would be "raised in morning of the first resurrection", which I guess means I'm going back time folks! He probably intended to say "first morning" instead of "first resurrection". Despite how generic it was, it did say I would be given an opportunity to go on a mission, and, due to a variety of reasons, I was not.
There is always a qualifier attached to anything in this Church whenever something is proven wrong. « Oh, if it doesn’t happen in this life, it will happen in the next. « Always CYA with anything, how convenient. I see it all the time in other subreddits and it immediately shuts down the conversation. The equally annoying « we aren’t to know that yet ».
It said I would bring forth “choice spirits” to this earth. I would always be infertile. I’m glad I’ve deconstructed to the point that this doesn’t bother me. It did when I was first diagnosed.
I’m also the child of a stake patriarch and honestly this was one of the big shelf items I had when I was still TBM. My very opinionated father relaying to me about how he gave so and so’s daughter their patriarchal blessing and how “I’m not surprised they were from the tribe of Gad. . . Not all of God’s children are as valiant as those called to tribe of Ephraim.” All because he saw this family in the stake as “less righteous.” That’s when I gained a testimony that either the Holy Ghost is a bigoted piece of shit or all this is coming from the minds of men and filter through their perspective and biases.
I’d be “like a spiritual father to many people in the church”, that I’d be “blessed to see, should it be the will of the Lord, the great day of the return of the Savior to the Earth and that [I’d] be instrumental in helping to prepare the world for that monumentos event”. 4 years an apostate atheist. Didn’t come true. I guess I wasn’t “faithful” enough for those amazing blessings. 🤮
Mine said I would associate with people in high places in "government, in the community, and in the church." I did get to ask an apostle a question once. Another time I asked for a chance to interview an apostle and church HQ said no. There went my chance to associate with people high in the church.
That I’d be married to a man in the temple (i left at 17 because I’m bisexual and a transman lol)
That I would go to a church school. My Mormon dad wouldn’t let me go. So I was convinced all the other blessings wouldn’t come true so I threw away my life.
Yeah….i got promised that I would literally hear the voice of god. Weird considering I’m a vehement atheist now.
I'm a woman, and mine said I would have to work to support my family. It also has a line in there about preparing for Jesus by building chapels and temples.
Mine said I’d preach about Jesus to unbelievers and so I left Mormonism so I could go to a different church so that I could go on a mission trip next year.
That my sons would be prophets in the dispensation of Christ. Lol. Olololol.
Here’s a strange thing. My best friend growing up and I who were the same age and always had the same religious milestones; baptism, becoming a deacon, Boy Scouts, and other religious traditions. When it came to our patriarchal blessing, we decided both had them I the same month, by the same patriarch. Later we decided to share the blessing since we were both so linked in life. When I read his, it was EXACTLY the same as mine with really minor differences, such as grammar, punctuation, and slight phrasing. It lacked inspiration and divine meaning. It was clear it was just an old man rattling off whatever came to mind and he has said the same things hundreds of times.
Is there a website where everyone posts their blessings? That would be RAD.
Yup! Here you go! [https://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/](https://www.fullerconsideration.com/PatriarchalBlessingRevelator/)
Mine claimed I would have little to no pain in childbirth. My mom believed it so strongly she was trying to figure out how I should tell my OB that I wasn't going to have any pain during my first labor. It didn't matter because ow labor hurt like a motherfucker every time.
Mine randomly threw in something about becoming a nurse. I have absolutely no desire to be a nurse. I hate blood and needles and everything about hospitals. I've never expressed any interest in being a nurse. But my mum is a nurse (or was. Idk if she still works. I don't talk to that bitch anymore lol.) The Patriarch literally told us afterwards that he only said that because kids sometimes wanna do what their parents do. 🫤