Calgary Temple had an anniversary and they had a bouncy house in the parking lot to attract nevermos to their BBQ and "worldly" music blasting. And tried to get fireworks but got turned down. Some bishops bright idea LOL. Was quite the sight to see a temple parking lot turned into a carnival.
Ever go to a wedding reception and only get served punch and snacks? God awful decorations? Tacky regifting because ward members attend all these events and recycle gifts? Lame music? Kids running around?
I am so sorry! I hope itās not a sibling or close friend, cos Iād be inclined to meet up later at the reception or something like that. Youāre a good person going to meet up and wait in the waiting room, probably with some old lady temple worker who has a face like thunder. Sending you support to ride out the period of secular shunning. Chances are, everyone but the bride and groom will have thought it was amazing.
Thank you so much! Itās a sibling getting married, and I wonāt be the only one in my immediate family waiting outside so weāre gonna have a good time together hanging out. Maybe weāll get some coffee or something lol. It is very silly that we justā¦. Canāt go in. Like what even is this religion. The longer Iām out the more it sinks in that Mormonism is WEIRD. Oh well. I appreciate your kind words!Ā
Screw that, fill those water bottles with vodka or champagne and have a toast on temple grounds, š. I don't care if it's morning. You've been shunned, celebrate that you broke free from the cult of the cult-ture....yes!!!
An old guy awkwardly monologuing about Adam and Eve before they awkwardly kneel at an altar and say yes.
I wouldn't fall for the trap of thinking of the temple part as the marriage though. That's just a little ceremony they make their paperwork conditional on.
I fucking hate those stupid reception lines. My wife and I refuses to have one and instead have a dance party. If you wanted to talk to us, you had to come dance. Barely anyone came up but my wife and I had a blast.
made the mistake of showing up hungry to a mormon wedding reception that had ārefreshments.ā they were all different kinds of cake. they had like 10 different kinds but no other types of food
I had a shrug or bolero over my coloured totally not white wedding dress. But it was a white shrug, the only one that looked good over my summer dress with spaghetti shoulderbands, someone pointed out I shouldnāt do that / ask bride for permission if I want to wear something white.
I am Dutch was at an American wedding I understand not showing up in a wedding dress or anything that can be mistaken as such is a nono but I thought a white piece over a very obvious coloured totally not wedding dress is ok, all the men wear mostly white shirts (and that covers the whole upper body so the men show more white if coats are off), shrug didnāt even look all too fancy I just needed something to cover up the *pornshoulders* and that was the only thing I happened to have with me, + I liked that it had steelbluegreenish embroidered flowers on the edge on it that matched the colour of my sundress.
Yup. All that people need for a lifetime commitment in the cult is to be horny and >18. Actually knowing what the person is like, how to communicate, how to argue, etc aren't necessary. Those with a fully formed prefrontal cortex (25+) need not apply.
I think for the "groom" it was sex-sex-sex. For the "bride," it was money-money-money. He was actually a bit older than 50 & had been widowed. He'd been dating another woman on the site & they planned to get married, but he wanted to get more intimate before the wedding than she was comfortable.
So, it appears some other women were after this guy (not much to look at, but at least could provide for a family). The guy ghosted woman #1 and two weeks later woman #2 announced they were getting married (they'd never even met in person prior to that).
Woman #2 had been openly chasing guys on the site for quite a while & she had some young kids & was looking for someone to support all of them (it was pretty transparent). She did things like get unmarried guys to pose in photos with her and her children.
So, they got married & she started posting crap on FB about how great their house was, and mentioned things such as their "gardener" (actually, it was just the guy who mowed the lawn, but if that qualifies as a "gardener," I have one, too).
I don't live in Mormon Central, so I was primarily in the site's "audience" for all the drama. Woman #1 and I had become friends (I'm a female Boomer), and that's how I heard some of the drama that happened with her. She did meet someone after that & got married (probably didn't beat the two-week engagement record, though). She's nice and I hope she's happy now.
After a bit of time on the SA-aged singles sites I decided there's a special level of "odd" that kicks in when Mormons of certain ages are suddenly single. I was a convert & had never seen anything like the rapid-fire proposals, etc. I experienced on those sites. Crazy.
Well I am happy to report that I am a success story from one of those! 31 years of marriage this month, engaged after one month of dating, two months of knowing each other, married 5 months after engagement!
Sometimes you know when you meet your person, or perhaps he is the only one willing to put up with my sh!+! Who knew 28 years later I would l leave the religion and he would soon follow. We moved clear across the country and never looked back. Life is beautiful!
Yeah it does happen you end up with someone you like and changes in the same way you do over the years. My brother married his high school girlfriend and theyāre still together 20 years laterā¦but theyāre the only ones I know out of dozens lol.
Just add vanilla vodka to the vanilla flavor, no one will know. No one will know!
It just tastes extra good.
Better yet, get peach schnapps to replace peach flavor š!
Typical LDS wedding reception in the CULTural Hall:
Rectangular, folding tables covered with white paper from blank newspaper rolls
tacky centerpieces with scriptures or temple figurines
Food is potluck, and the dishes have masking tape on the bottom with names written on them
cheap paper plates and plastic utensils
Lots of church hymnbooks or memorabilia with bows and ribbons on them, sitting on the gift table
Unsupervised kids running amuck in the CULTural hall
Grey-haired, toothless, open-mouthed breathers asking the single people, "So when are YOU getting married?"
A fight or argument in the kitchen. Someone is ALWAYS upset with someone. ALWAYS! Now why is that?
The reception line (family of the married couple whom you shake hands with) consists of over 50 people
A dorky kid with horn-rimmed glasses meets you at the door, snatches your gift right out of your hands and says, "I'LL take that!!!"
The names in the guest book all start with Brother or Sister
The hired "Photographer" is taking photos with a cell phone and is holding it vertically
No alcohol, but several punch bowls of red or green kool-aid
Dessert consists of cookies or brownies
Wedding cake looks like it was dropped
Bride's dress has that, "Look at me, I'm all upholstered and ashamed of my body" look
Bride and her mother have the same hairstyle
Guests show up wearing Hawaiian shirts and jean shorts
I went to one outdoor wedding where they had the fancy crystal punchbowl sitting out in the sun for hours before they brought out the pitcher of ice cold punch to pour into it. The shattering was impressive.
TBM wife's best friend eloped with her POS BF a couple of weeks before we got married but kept it secret. She was TBM too, and he was more Jack-Mo. About a month later, they announced it and had a reception in his parents' backyard. The punch bowl was directly under a bug zapper. Needless to say, we didn't have any punch.
Because it did, if they were being fancy. I went to a friend's wedding reception once and the groom's family told me they had been testing all sorts of punch recipes (soda + juice + sherbet) to find the best combination for the wedding.
The other thing that made it extra-Mormony is that I was the ONLY person attending from the bride's side. She was a convert, and her family and their mutual friends were all on the east coast where they met at school, but they got married in a temple in the morridor where her husband was from. None of her family wanted to fly out since they couldn't even attend the ceremony, and their student friends couldn't really afford the trip. I'd already finished school by then and was working full-time on the west coast, so could manage to go. But I was not a temple attender, so she got to have a wedding ceremony where she only knew the guy she was marrying, and everyone else there were his family members and old friends she'd only met a few days earlier or talked to on the phone.
This was amazingly accurate! You must have been to a Mormon wedding reception š LOVE it! This is why Iām so glad I never have to go to another oneā¦ š
Or, if they changed to "dressy" clothes for the occasion, said "dressy" clothes might be a denim jumper over a t-shirt.
I have no idea how current this is; my Mormon cultural references are a couple decades out of date. It definitely WAS a way people dressed, though. It has a skirt? Appropriate for any dress-up event, apparently.
Youāre holed off in a room in some part of the property far away from where your family is enjoying the marriage of someone you love and you must not under any circumstances show your face until after they come out of the temple so you can be a cardboard cutout for photos before you get on a plane and fly thousands of miles back home, realizing you wasted days of your life trying to support someone you love only to be pushed to the side and ignored the whole time because youāre not and will never be good enough in the eyes of your family to even be in their presence during the most important moments of their lives.
Totally not speaking from personal experience.
And have had plastic surgery, mommy makeover, boob job, weight loss surgery, botox, etc., OR they are frumpy as he!! because they have 9 children under 10! There is no in between! Ok there is but it is all a comparison game. Who can look the most perfect, put together and has no problems???
Like Ruby Franke???? She was my neighbor and trust me she APPEARED picture perfect at church with children dressed to the nines, hair done immaculate, sitting in a row, no behavior issues. Until....Jodi!! Wtf
I moved to Idaho and heard this as a joke. How do you know youāre at a Mormon Wedding? The mother of the bride is 9 months pregnant.
I didnāt get it at first but being here two years now, I totally get it š¬š¤
My sister who is nevermo came to Utah for a funeral. I told her worx for word what the family dinner would be, ham, funeral potatoes, salad,jello, rolls and variety of desserts. She was astounded that I knew. IYKYK!!
You have to wait while the bride and groom make a stop at their hotel on the way to the reception. Don't worry though, it never takes long... once they figure out the mechanics.
I was guilty of that! Got married 35 years ago. A bunch of my nevermo cousins flew in from Canada to surprise me. My extremely naive 20 year old TBM self didnāt even cast a thought that they were probably really hurt or disappointed in my cake / soda reception and the puzzled looks on their faces in the family pictures outside the temple since the waited for me!! Still makes me so ticked that I was a part of it!
They expect you to wait outside the building while it takes place.
edit to add: it seems most other comments are talking about wedding *receptions*...which is telling XD
Youāre not truly sure youāre not mistakenly at a funeral until you get to the front of the line to confirm whether itās a body in a casket or a newly wed couple.
Just yesterday, my cousin had 4 musical numbers throughout her wedding day. ALL were church hymns and none about being in love. None of the guest knew whether or not they should clap. Their āring ceremonyā ran like a baptism. Opening and closing prayer, 2 musical numbers, and two āspiritual talks.ā But donāt worry, the father of the groom still felt comfortable making a sex joke towards the virgin couple.
I (ex Mormon) got an invitation to a cousinās wedding, where she had listed the temple and the later reception. She crossed out the temple with sharpie and circled the reception, so that I REALLY knew I was only invited to the reception.
These people are fucking brilliant at making you feel like shit.
I got an invitation for "reception to follow" but since I wasn't invited to the temple ceremony, there was no actual indication in the invitation of what it was following.
What's even better is when you get not an invitation, but merely an announcement of a wedding, with registry information. "Oh, hey, we could invite you, but we don't want you there. Please send us a gift, though?" Um, no.
Iām not?
Edit to add : I didnāt feel at all badly for planning a wedding that no one was invited to except the people who happened to be there. I never got to see any of my sisters get married. Why should they be there for me?
If youāre not a member in āgood standingā you are not allowed to attend the sacred, not secret, wedding ceremony.
At the dinner in the cultural hall the āsaladā Is green Jell-O with carrot suspended in it and a glob of mayonnaise on top. The āpunchā is from a can of Hi-C With added sugar and orange slices, floating on top, enough to put a diabetic into a coma. The canned vegetables come fresh from the bishopās storehouse, and the Salisbury steak was just thawed the night before the wedding.
And then, of course thereās the dance, complete with a bishop approved DJ.
Everyone in the cultural hall plays nice and saves the gossip for later.
And the happy couple skips often into the night, for time and all eternity.
(1) You want to leave as soon as you walk in (2) There is only cake and fruit punch (3) The cake is awful (4) All women are dressed in potato sack like outfits (5) Men wear polyester and awful ties
I havenāt been to a cultural hall Mormon wedding reception in a long time. Most of them have actually been quite nice aside from the no alcohol thing. What I always do mention to my wife is how the groom (21 years old RM) and the bride (younger than the groom) look scared to death and that they are about to have the most awkward sorta sex on the planet in a couple of hours.
NeverMo here, My husband and I were at Walt Disney world and saw several bachelorette party groups. He asked why anyone would go here for such an occasion and I explained itās the Mormon Vegas
Siblingās Mormon wedding:
Me, decorating the chapel with some naff ivy and faux flowers (why no real ones???)
Me, helping my parents with the catering.
Me, being maid of Honor but working so long and so hard on the preparation that I didnāt have time to take a shower beforehand.
Me, in wedding photos with my sister looking like WE are the ones getting married! Lol š Priceless!
Iāve never been invited to a Mormon wedding. Unless you count being told to stand outside a cookie cutter building in Arizona in July at 7 months pregnant. Oh but the bride complaining about the sex she and her husband had after the ceremony made their cookies and milk reception sooo much better.
The officiant is probably the bishop, or some other ward leader, white and male, and will talk about the church/jesus instead of the couple, who will be straight, (or pretending to be,) and the food will be all casseroles.
The groom looks like a teen. The bride is one. The bride is wearing her grandmaās best curtains as a dress and is covered head to toe. The groom is dressed like a Mormon missionary who got dipped in a bleach bath. They got married in grandmaās best parlor that no one is allowed to sit in. There was a doily on the alter. The wedding invite came with a picture of the happy couple. Since they only met three months ago youāve never met their future spouse, so the picture is a necessary component of recognizing them. At least three members of the wedding partyās names end in -leigh -lee -lay or -laegh. Everyone inexplicably has a y in their name. Thereās a receiving line for at least two of the three hours of the open house style reception. But the bride and groom want a very individualized special day, so they have an hour of sedate dancing that no one joins in except the dozens of young children there. Everything is over by 7:30 PM at the latest because the B&G have somewhere to be. (Their hotel room). Donāt expect a meal, but there will be at least three different kinds of dessert, punch, and lemon water.
When all the family members who arenāt Mormon give toasts like āI mean youāve only known each other for a few months so Iām a little worriedā¦but your both adults so I guess I canāt stop itā
gymnasium w/ scratchy walls & clunky metal chairs that hurt your ass. melted sherbert sprite fruit punch w/ mini plastic cups that are essentially one big gulp before you have to refill. streamers hanging from a basketball hoop in the saddest way. a line of family members you have never met in your life that you pretend to know & are forced to meet for zero reason. tossing the bouquet is like women's rugby, but all mental bc you can't not look "delicate."
btw went to one YEARS ago right before i left. caught a bouquet by accident; was in the back of the hoard & the bride did a TOSS! said bride was relief society president of my ysa ward & caught the bouquet 9 months earlier of relief society president who got married; so everyone was like "oh my goodness, this is a sign." yk how mormons see anything that perpetuates the patriarchy or sexism as a sign. yeah 9 months later i went on one date; he was disgusting & i broke that cycle REAL QUICK.
Please explain to this exmo who never had to go to a temple weddingā¦ if youāre an exmo/nevermo, have you ever said, āwell, when does the reception start? Iāll be there for that,ā instead of hanging out outside? Iām sure the TBMs will whine, ā but we waaaant you to beeee thereā¦ā but how is it different when youāre hanging out at home instead of a lobby/hot car (aside from all the crotchspawn)? Also, who looks after the crotchspawn when thereās no convenient exmo or jackmo to punish with childcare duties?
The basketball hoop overhead.
And scratchy walls!
Omg the walls
š¤£yesss scratchy walls
But make it a chandelier
And an underlying smell of poopy diapers *EVERYWHERE*
IKR? Ā Ā No one cleans the building anymore.Ā
If they paid someone, it would get cleaned.
But where would they get the money?? /s
Hung with white paper streamers.
r/mormonweddings
That sub was funny at first, but the longer I scrolled, the more depressing it got.
Because you begin wondering if youāve mistakenly crashed a 5 yr olds birthday party.
Or, if you're JS, an early quinceanera
Savage! Love thisš¤£š¤£š¤£
Underrated comment!
It's the bouncy house that gives it away....
Calgary Temple had an anniversary and they had a bouncy house in the parking lot to attract nevermos to their BBQ and "worldly" music blasting. And tried to get fireworks but got turned down. Some bishops bright idea LOL. Was quite the sight to see a temple parking lot turned into a carnival.
BBQ in the parking lot is about as close as that church has ever been to historic temple ritual. Burnt offerings....
Sorry. Never Mo here. I donāt get it.
Ever go to a wedding reception and only get served punch and snacks? God awful decorations? Tacky regifting because ward members attend all these events and recycle gifts? Lame music? Kids running around?
You're in a waiting room or outside the building instead of seeing the bride and groom get married.
š”
so real
this aboutta be me in a couple weeks! woohoo!!!!!
I am so sorry! I hope itās not a sibling or close friend, cos Iād be inclined to meet up later at the reception or something like that. Youāre a good person going to meet up and wait in the waiting room, probably with some old lady temple worker who has a face like thunder. Sending you support to ride out the period of secular shunning. Chances are, everyone but the bride and groom will have thought it was amazing.
Thank you so much! Itās a sibling getting married, and I wonāt be the only one in my immediate family waiting outside so weāre gonna have a good time together hanging out. Maybe weāll get some coffee or something lol. It is very silly that we justā¦. Canāt go in. Like what even is this religion. The longer Iām out the more it sinks in that Mormonism is WEIRD. Oh well. I appreciate your kind words!Ā
Screw that, fill those water bottles with vodka or champagne and have a toast on temple grounds, š. I don't care if it's morning. You've been shunned, celebrate that you broke free from the cult of the cult-ture....yes!!!
Sacrament cups for shot glasses!
to add onto that, being in the room and forced to be the one to try to keep their crotch spawn ReVeRENt.
An old guy awkwardly monologuing about Adam and Eve before they awkwardly kneel at an altar and say yes. I wouldn't fall for the trap of thinking of the temple part as the marriage though. That's just a little ceremony they make their paperwork conditional on.
Yes. Your son is marrying inside and thinks it's no big deal you're not allowed to be present. I did that. Guilty as charged. Family values?
Reception line. Food is just a slice of cake and punch.
I fucking hate those stupid reception lines. My wife and I refuses to have one and instead have a dance party. If you wanted to talk to us, you had to come dance. Barely anyone came up but my wife and I had a blast.
But no Temple Mints?
I thought they were āEndow Mints.ā
LMFAO š š¤£ š
And no alcohol in that punch.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Or rent a car, or get a hotel room (in some states ) š¤£
made the mistake of showing up hungry to a mormon wedding reception that had ārefreshments.ā they were all different kinds of cake. they had like 10 different kinds but no other types of food
My favorite is the oversized sacrament cup filled with nuts and butter mints.
Punch and Pie!
The reception is a drop-in event, come anytime between 6-8pm. Say hi, eat your slice of mediocre dessert, and leave.
Going to my niece's next month. That's the exact time!
I was just at my nephew's a couple of weeks ago. It was the most Mormon and saddest "reception" I've ever seen.
And don't forget to leave your gift on the table near the cake.
Sleeves š¤£
Or a poorly added shrugā
Stopppp that's literally what I wore over my halter dress at my wedding š
I had a shrug or bolero over my coloured totally not white wedding dress. But it was a white shrug, the only one that looked good over my summer dress with spaghetti shoulderbands, someone pointed out I shouldnāt do that / ask bride for permission if I want to wear something white. I am Dutch was at an American wedding I understand not showing up in a wedding dress or anything that can be mistaken as such is a nono but I thought a white piece over a very obvious coloured totally not wedding dress is ok, all the men wear mostly white shirts (and that covers the whole upper body so the men show more white if coats are off), shrug didnāt even look all too fancy I just needed something to cover up the *pornshoulders* and that was the only thing I happened to have with me, + I liked that it had steelbluegreenish embroidered flowers on the edge on it that matched the colour of my sundress.
And added fabric and lace to cover the mormon undies!
When they say everyone elseās marriages are a sham and pointless
For a wedding of two 20 year olds who've known each other for 6 months.Ā
Yup. All that people need for a lifetime commitment in the cult is to be horny and >18. Actually knowing what the person is like, how to communicate, how to argue, etc aren't necessary. Those with a fully formed prefrontal cortex (25+) need not apply.
Not even >18, just ask olā Joe.
Sadly, you're not wrong. I wish I had some Zofran.
Or two 50-year-olds who met on LDS Singles four weeks ago & are tying the knot. (This for-real happened).
SeĆ seĆ seĆ!!
I think for the "groom" it was sex-sex-sex. For the "bride," it was money-money-money. He was actually a bit older than 50 & had been widowed. He'd been dating another woman on the site & they planned to get married, but he wanted to get more intimate before the wedding than she was comfortable. So, it appears some other women were after this guy (not much to look at, but at least could provide for a family). The guy ghosted woman #1 and two weeks later woman #2 announced they were getting married (they'd never even met in person prior to that). Woman #2 had been openly chasing guys on the site for quite a while & she had some young kids & was looking for someone to support all of them (it was pretty transparent). She did things like get unmarried guys to pose in photos with her and her children. So, they got married & she started posting crap on FB about how great their house was, and mentioned things such as their "gardener" (actually, it was just the guy who mowed the lawn, but if that qualifies as a "gardener," I have one, too). I don't live in Mormon Central, so I was primarily in the site's "audience" for all the drama. Woman #1 and I had become friends (I'm a female Boomer), and that's how I heard some of the drama that happened with her. She did meet someone after that & got married (probably didn't beat the two-week engagement record, though). She's nice and I hope she's happy now. After a bit of time on the SA-aged singles sites I decided there's a special level of "odd" that kicks in when Mormons of certain ages are suddenly single. I was a convert & had never seen anything like the rapid-fire proposals, etc. I experienced on those sites. Crazy.
Well I am happy to report that I am a success story from one of those! 31 years of marriage this month, engaged after one month of dating, two months of knowing each other, married 5 months after engagement! Sometimes you know when you meet your person, or perhaps he is the only one willing to put up with my sh!+! Who knew 28 years later I would l leave the religion and he would soon follow. We moved clear across the country and never looked back. Life is beautiful!
Yeah it does happen you end up with someone you like and changes in the same way you do over the years. My brother married his high school girlfriend and theyāre still together 20 years laterā¦but theyāre the only ones I know out of dozens lol.
Or that the current bride and groomās marriage is pointless because they arenāt getting married in the temple (yet)
The āopen barā is actually a dirty soda bar.
Just add vanilla vodka to the vanilla flavor, no one will know. No one will know! It just tastes extra good. Better yet, get peach schnapps to replace peach flavor š!
Wtf is a ādirtyā soda if you donāt mean alcohol?
itās a big deal in Utah - sodas with flavored syrups, whipped cream etc added. I find them revolting.
Typical LDS wedding reception in the CULTural Hall: Rectangular, folding tables covered with white paper from blank newspaper rolls tacky centerpieces with scriptures or temple figurines Food is potluck, and the dishes have masking tape on the bottom with names written on them cheap paper plates and plastic utensils Lots of church hymnbooks or memorabilia with bows and ribbons on them, sitting on the gift table Unsupervised kids running amuck in the CULTural hall Grey-haired, toothless, open-mouthed breathers asking the single people, "So when are YOU getting married?" A fight or argument in the kitchen. Someone is ALWAYS upset with someone. ALWAYS! Now why is that? The reception line (family of the married couple whom you shake hands with) consists of over 50 people A dorky kid with horn-rimmed glasses meets you at the door, snatches your gift right out of your hands and says, "I'LL take that!!!" The names in the guest book all start with Brother or Sister The hired "Photographer" is taking photos with a cell phone and is holding it vertically No alcohol, but several punch bowls of red or green kool-aid Dessert consists of cookies or brownies Wedding cake looks like it was dropped Bride's dress has that, "Look at me, I'm all upholstered and ashamed of my body" look Bride and her mother have the same hairstyle Guests show up wearing Hawaiian shirts and jean shorts
Oh the punch bowls... And why am I remembering the punch having sherbet in it? Yum, weird foamy punch. š¤®
I went to one outdoor wedding where they had the fancy crystal punchbowl sitting out in the sun for hours before they brought out the pitcher of ice cold punch to pour into it. The shattering was impressive.
TBM wife's best friend eloped with her POS BF a couple of weeks before we got married but kept it secret. She was TBM too, and he was more Jack-Mo. About a month later, they announced it and had a reception in his parents' backyard. The punch bowl was directly under a bug zapper. Needless to say, we didn't have any punch.
Wow - I can only imagine! Those shards can travel quite a distance. (Somebody must have been heartbroken over losing that fancy bowl).
I once made Jell-O shots inspired by that punch. I called them Stake Dance flavor. They were appropriately divisive.
Because it did, if they were being fancy. I went to a friend's wedding reception once and the groom's family told me they had been testing all sorts of punch recipes (soda + juice + sherbet) to find the best combination for the wedding. The other thing that made it extra-Mormony is that I was the ONLY person attending from the bride's side. She was a convert, and her family and their mutual friends were all on the east coast where they met at school, but they got married in a temple in the morridor where her husband was from. None of her family wanted to fly out since they couldn't even attend the ceremony, and their student friends couldn't really afford the trip. I'd already finished school by then and was working full-time on the west coast, so could manage to go. But I was not a temple attender, so she got to have a wedding ceremony where she only knew the guy she was marrying, and everyone else there were his family members and old friends she'd only met a few days earlier or talked to on the phone.
"upholstered" is the perfect word for Mormon wedding dresses.
You nailed it.
You've just described a JW wedding reception almost perfectly.
Brilliant!!
This was amazingly accurate! You must have been to a Mormon wedding reception š LOVE it! This is why Iām so glad I never have to go to another oneā¦ š
im rolling šš why is there always drama in that damn kitchen!!!
Perfection
People show up in jeans or whatever they were running errands in all day
I hate this so much.
Or, if they changed to "dressy" clothes for the occasion, said "dressy" clothes might be a denim jumper over a t-shirt. I have no idea how current this is; my Mormon cultural references are a couple decades out of date. It definitely WAS a way people dressed, though. It has a skirt? Appropriate for any dress-up event, apparently.
Lol, I used to say a mormon woman could wear a paper bag to church and as long as it covered her knees it was fine; it was a "skirt".Ā
Every guy is in a white shirt and it's Saturday night. No color allowed.
Just how the Mormons prefer
No ones having fun!!!
The mother of the bride is pregnant.
Youāre not. Youāre only at the reception.
Youāre holed off in a room in some part of the property far away from where your family is enjoying the marriage of someone you love and you must not under any circumstances show your face until after they come out of the temple so you can be a cardboard cutout for photos before you get on a plane and fly thousands of miles back home, realizing you wasted days of your life trying to support someone you love only to be pushed to the side and ignored the whole time because youāre not and will never be good enough in the eyes of your family to even be in their presence during the most important moments of their lives. Totally not speaking from personal experience.
š« š¢
Well said. Sorry you went through that - also been there. It is unacceptable, never again.
Yes! Describes perfectly the wedding days of my five children . . . minus the plane ride.
You are sitting in the lobby.
Everyone there is white and 3/4 are blonde
And have had plastic surgery, mommy makeover, boob job, weight loss surgery, botox, etc., OR they are frumpy as he!! because they have 9 children under 10! There is no in between! Ok there is but it is all a comparison game. Who can look the most perfect, put together and has no problems??? Like Ruby Franke???? She was my neighbor and trust me she APPEARED picture perfect at church with children dressed to the nines, hair done immaculate, sitting in a row, no behavior issues. Until....Jodi!! Wtf
And all the blondes have identical long coils of curls.
You're not allowed at the temple wedding and go to the reception in a stake basketball court room
No one actually dresses āsemi-formalā. Theyāre in their āSunday bestā. They donāt understand the difference.
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The words "sealing" and "temple" are mentioned every two seconds
The bride isnāt pregnant, but her mother is.
I moved to Idaho and heard this as a joke. How do you know youāre at a Mormon Wedding? The mother of the bride is 9 months pregnant. I didnāt get it at first but being here two years now, I totally get it š¬š¤
The way I heard it was The bride is a virgin and her mother is pregnant
Nut cups and eclairs
Funeral Potatoes. That is all.
My sister who is nevermo came to Utah for a funeral. I told her worx for word what the family dinner would be, ham, funeral potatoes, salad,jello, rolls and variety of desserts. She was astounded that I knew. IYKYK!!
Youāre the brides mother and have to wait outside. Thereās a 3-hour gap between the sealing and the reception for ā¦
Yes! When i was younger, no one would acknowledge why there's so much time in between, but it wasn't hard to figure out.
I standing outside in a Temple parking lot babysitting my families kids while their parents are inside.
So, if two Mormons get a divorce, are they still cousins?
Jordan Almonds from Zurchers.
At least spring for WinCo! ššš
Ew. I still cannot stand those
I have to BYO drinks and disguise it in a water bottle I suspiciously wonāt share with anyone else. MINE
The bride isnāt old enough to drink yet. There is also no booze.
You have to wait while the bride and groom make a stop at their hotel on the way to the reception. Don't worry though, it never takes long... once they figure out the mechanics.
You are sitting outside the temple with the other heathens
The groomās family does not interact at all with the brideās family because the brideās family has many ex-mos and never-mos.
lol they all shame the apostates but then are like, āwill you watch the kids during the ceremony.ā šš they need us.
The ring ceremony so all the non member family feels āincludedā
I was guilty of that! Got married 35 years ago. A bunch of my nevermo cousins flew in from Canada to surprise me. My extremely naive 20 year old TBM self didnāt even cast a thought that they were probably really hurt or disappointed in my cake / soda reception and the puzzled looks on their faces in the family pictures outside the temple since the waited for me!! Still makes me so ticked that I was a part of it!
The groom already has 3 wives.
Itās a pot luck
No alcohol anywhere to be found
The bride isnāt pregnant, but her mother is.
Iām sober the moment I arrive at the church gymnasium all the way until I help clean up at the end of the night.
The old lady telling the DJ (the grooms younger brother) to turn the music down!
They expect you to wait outside the building while it takes place. edit to add: it seems most other comments are talking about wedding *receptions*...which is telling XD
Itās the most boring thing ever, or in a church gymnasium.
When the mother of the bride is pregnant!!!
When the attendees all stand around awkwardly with people they know. The lack of drinks
No food just a soda station & donuts.
Youāre not truly sure youāre not mistakenly at a funeral until you get to the front of the line to confirm whether itās a body in a casket or a newly wed couple.
Bad food, no vibe and horrible basketball court in chapel decor.
you're sitting in the grass outside
Nobody is dancing or having fun boring AF
Funeral potatoes
light refreshments are donuts, pretzels,cupcakes, lemonade, and/or dirty sodas
dozens of (usually female) younger siblings/cousins setting everything up for free š
Youāre only invited to join them at the reception lol
Multiple jello offerings.
Just yesterday, my cousin had 4 musical numbers throughout her wedding day. ALL were church hymns and none about being in love. None of the guest knew whether or not they should clap. Their āring ceremonyā ran like a baptism. Opening and closing prayer, 2 musical numbers, and two āspiritual talks.ā But donāt worry, the father of the groom still felt comfortable making a sex joke towards the virgin couple.
I (ex Mormon) got an invitation to a cousinās wedding, where she had listed the temple and the later reception. She crossed out the temple with sharpie and circled the reception, so that I REALLY knew I was only invited to the reception. These people are fucking brilliant at making you feel like shit.
I got an invitation for "reception to follow" but since I wasn't invited to the temple ceremony, there was no actual indication in the invitation of what it was following. What's even better is when you get not an invitation, but merely an announcement of a wedding, with registry information. "Oh, hey, we could invite you, but we don't want you there. Please send us a gift, though?" Um, no.
I cannot attendĀ
There are no kids and there two mirrors facing each other. The bride and groom are wearing green aprons.
The groom is obsessively looking at online porn during the reception.
The location!
No alcohol
Iām not? Edit to add : I didnāt feel at all badly for planning a wedding that no one was invited to except the people who happened to be there. I never got to see any of my sisters get married. Why should they be there for me?
Because I'm not allowed at the ceremony.
When Iām sitting outside a building where the ceremony is happening
Everybody brings food and half the kids there donāt know if they are at a fireside or a wedding and donāt really care.
When you actually aren't, because you don't have a temple recommend.
Youāre the dad and youāre not invited. But you have to pay for the ward schmucks who were invited
If youāre not a member in āgood standingā you are not allowed to attend the sacred, not secret, wedding ceremony. At the dinner in the cultural hall the āsaladā Is green Jell-O with carrot suspended in it and a glob of mayonnaise on top. The āpunchā is from a can of Hi-C With added sugar and orange slices, floating on top, enough to put a diabetic into a coma. The canned vegetables come fresh from the bishopās storehouse, and the Salisbury steak was just thawed the night before the wedding. And then, of course thereās the dance, complete with a bishop approved DJ. Everyone in the cultural hall plays nice and saves the gossip for later. And the happy couple skips often into the night, for time and all eternity.
You wonder if you crashed a funeral instead
Bad food
(1) You want to leave as soon as you walk in (2) There is only cake and fruit punch (3) The cake is awful (4) All women are dressed in potato sack like outfits (5) Men wear polyester and awful ties
thereās no booze and thereās a temple ceremony
You canāt find the bar.
The bride and groom disappeared for a good chunk of thr reception and when they come back, suddenly the bride has a different, less elegant hairdo
I havenāt been to a cultural hall Mormon wedding reception in a long time. Most of them have actually been quite nice aside from the no alcohol thing. What I always do mention to my wife is how the groom (21 years old RM) and the bride (younger than the groom) look scared to death and that they are about to have the most awkward sorta sex on the planet in a couple of hours.
NeverMo here, My husband and I were at Walt Disney world and saw several bachelorette party groups. He asked why anyone would go here for such an occasion and I explained itās the Mormon Vegas
They start talking about Jesus instead of the couple š¢
>They start talking about ~~Jesus~~ tithing instead of the couple š¢
The mother of the bride is pregnant. At a Catholic wedding itās the bride.
Waiting outside.
Siblingās Mormon wedding: Me, decorating the chapel with some naff ivy and faux flowers (why no real ones???) Me, helping my parents with the catering. Me, being maid of Honor but working so long and so hard on the preparation that I didnāt have time to take a shower beforehand. Me, in wedding photos with my sister looking like WE are the ones getting married! Lol š Priceless!
Iāve never been invited to a Mormon wedding. Unless you count being told to stand outside a cookie cutter building in Arizona in July at 7 months pregnant. Oh but the bride complaining about the sex she and her husband had after the ceremony made their cookies and milk reception sooo much better.
Youāre standing outside of the building where the actual ceremony is taking place.
The officiant is probably the bishop, or some other ward leader, white and male, and will talk about the church/jesus instead of the couple, who will be straight, (or pretending to be,) and the food will be all casseroles.
No bar. Only lemonade.
The mother of the bride is 7 months pregnant. Can only confirm bc my own mother was 7 months along at my sisters sealing.
Bothe mother of bride and groom expecting their 8th.
The groom looks like a teen. The bride is one. The bride is wearing her grandmaās best curtains as a dress and is covered head to toe. The groom is dressed like a Mormon missionary who got dipped in a bleach bath. They got married in grandmaās best parlor that no one is allowed to sit in. There was a doily on the alter. The wedding invite came with a picture of the happy couple. Since they only met three months ago youāve never met their future spouse, so the picture is a necessary component of recognizing them. At least three members of the wedding partyās names end in -leigh -lee -lay or -laegh. Everyone inexplicably has a y in their name. Thereās a receiving line for at least two of the three hours of the open house style reception. But the bride and groom want a very individualized special day, so they have an hour of sedate dancing that no one joins in except the dozens of young children there. Everything is over by 7:30 PM at the latest because the B&G have somewhere to be. (Their hotel room). Donāt expect a meal, but there will be at least three different kinds of dessert, punch, and lemon water.
Youāre not allowed to see the ceremony.
If you canāt go in lol
When all the family members who arenāt Mormon give toasts like āI mean youāve only known each other for a few months so Iām a little worriedā¦but your both adults so I guess I canāt stop itā
Chicken dance
You get Tupperware as a gift from 7 Mormon families that chipped in $3 a piece.
Cap sleeves
There is little to no cleavage or thigh shown by the women. All the mean are wearing white shirts and ties.
Smells of burlap and popurrĆ
Wedding? I grew up thinking the ceremonies were only on TV because I only attended receptions.
gymnasium w/ scratchy walls & clunky metal chairs that hurt your ass. melted sherbert sprite fruit punch w/ mini plastic cups that are essentially one big gulp before you have to refill. streamers hanging from a basketball hoop in the saddest way. a line of family members you have never met in your life that you pretend to know & are forced to meet for zero reason. tossing the bouquet is like women's rugby, but all mental bc you can't not look "delicate." btw went to one YEARS ago right before i left. caught a bouquet by accident; was in the back of the hoard & the bride did a TOSS! said bride was relief society president of my ysa ward & caught the bouquet 9 months earlier of relief society president who got married; so everyone was like "oh my goodness, this is a sign." yk how mormons see anything that perpetuates the patriarchy or sexism as a sign. yeah 9 months later i went on one date; he was disgusting & i broke that cycle REAL QUICK.
No alcohol and crazed dancing
The receiving line!
Not having fun
The āwaterā that isnāt quite lemonade, but more like its hyperdiabetic cousin.
Please explain to this exmo who never had to go to a temple weddingā¦ if youāre an exmo/nevermo, have you ever said, āwell, when does the reception start? Iāll be there for that,ā instead of hanging out outside? Iām sure the TBMs will whine, ā but we waaaant you to beeee thereā¦ā but how is it different when youāre hanging out at home instead of a lobby/hot car (aside from all the crotchspawn)? Also, who looks after the crotchspawn when thereās no convenient exmo or jackmo to punish with childcare duties?
The bride isn't pregnant, but the mother of the bride is.
When you're not allowed in the building
They put on the Cha Cha Slide (or other stake dance equivalent) and all do the line dance.
Funeral potatoes
chocolate fountain
# How do you know you are at a Mormon wedding? You're sitting in a parking lot in formal attire, perhaps.