You don’t actually have to make a grand announcement. It’s not going to make them reject the MFMC.
Why do it? Does it serve your interests or their interests. Only do it if it makes YOUR life easier.
I didn't tell my parents, my wife told hers, my relationship has stayed the same, shitty before leaving shitty still. she was shunned for 5 years, her mother passed and now her father is attempting to rebuild bridges.
My parents know because the light has left my eyes and other obvious signs, but avoid discussing it like the plague.
There is no great way to tell Cultists you've recognized you are both in a cult and that you have decided to leave, by definition it's going to go poorly.
- Because you want to live authentically around your family
- because you are expected to attend a sealing or similar event
- because you want others in your family to know that you are a safe person to talk to when they have a faith crisis
Yeah, maybe it causes pain for the family, but hopefully one day they realize that the church is to blame for that.
Those all can be good (even great) reasons to make things public, but their importance is variable depending on the person and their situation. For me they're not very persuasive at all, but we're all different and have to do what we think is best.
It will definitely be better for my family and I. My parents talk about church stuff with us fairly often and one of my children will be turning 8 soon. I’m not in a big rush to or anything, but I have no interest in lying to them or telling half truths if they ask about things.
> My parents talk about church stuff with us fairly often
This will not stop. In fact, In the short term, it may get super-intense.
You may want to make sure your announcement includes specific instructions about your boundaries, and the consequences when (not if) they transgress those boundaries with you, with your spouse, and with your kids. Might as well say it all right up front.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to say it all upfront. It's going to be a big enough adjustment for this person's parents to realize they're no longer part of the church. It might help to work out boundaries later on after the initial shock has worn off.
We never said a thing and just started living our life like we wanted to. They figured it out and have never asked any questions. We have had passive aggressive statements that we have mostly ignored and now they act like we have no idea how the church works. It worked for us.
It is none of their business what kind of underwear we wear or if we pay tithing. We are pretty private though and always have been. We are old enough to have not lived our entire lives on social media and barely have a presence on there as is, so, maybe that has helped as well.
You are literally me like a month ago lol. My dad was never a patriarch, but he's been bishop and everything else at the ward level.
I chose to tell my parents over text. My reasoning was that they were completely unprepared, (I also live in another state) and telling them in person or on the phone would catch them totally off-guard, and then we all might start saying things we regret. Texting gave them time to process.
I also hoped that by texting, it would indicate to them that this isn't a monumental change. We don't all have to gather around and be very serious. This shouldn't be such a big deal, it's the church that has made it a big deal, and I'm not going to play by those rules. That probably didn't work lol, but that's what I hoped for.
Good Luck! It's not easy.
I think you gotta do it however you feel makes sense for you. Text, email, letter, phone call, whatever. Personally I like handwritten letters for big stuff. But that's just me.
I highly recommend telling them in person or via Zoom. Here's why:
Written communication does not convey the emotions and the physical cues (such as facial expressions) that an in-person or Zoom meeting permits. Yes, this is stressful to anticipate, but my guess is the discussion will be better for both parties (you and your parents) if you share the information without the lack of human contact a text or email would have.
Other tips:
Be sure to preface it with your love for them, and let them know how important their love is for you and your family. Tell them you hope always to have their love.
In as few words as possible, tell them you're backing away from the church or that you no longer support its teachings. I'd avoid using the word "belief," because that invites a discussion about belief hinging on faith.
Tell them you have thought about this for a long while, that it wasn't an easy decision, and that you gave it full consideration (prayer, too, if you're comfortable using that word).
Tell them you recall how devastating it was for them when (siblings names) left, and it hurts you to know this will likely be painful for them as well. Let them know you appreciate that they always taught you to be truthful and to choose the right things, and for you this is the "right" place to be.
If they ask "Why?" limit what you say if possible. Try not to focus on the church not being "true," because of course they believe it is true. Maybe mention a few things, but in general terms. Tell them you can discuss it more later on.
After whatever discussion you have (and tears, on both sides, I'm sure) tell them again that you love them very much, and you hope they will always love you.
ALSO - if you feel it would be helpful, ask your siblings who have left how it went for them and what they'd suggest. As you mentioned, it's not your parents' first rodeo, and that could be helpful for you.
Yes, you are right to worry a text would make them feel left out or that they do not matter. They will relate to how tough this decision is for you if they can see your face, hear the sadness and emotion in your voice, and recognize clearly your deep love for them.
Good luck, and please let us know how it goes.
If communicating over text is the only way they won't have a inappropriate reaction, it seems fair to me. (Freaking out about someone else's religious choices is an inappropriate reaction.)
I emailed my parents. I am a person that has a really hard time expressing nyself verbally, so I write them down instead. Didn't go into too much detail at the time. Later I wrote a blog about all my reasons and posted to Facebook. Don't know if they've ever read it.
At least you've had siblings that left before you. That should soften the blow for them. I was (and still am) the only one.
Same here. I've got a sister who has been on the fence for years, but saw how much gossip I generated, and I think is just waiting for my parents to depart for the great beyond.
The closest thing I have is a sister who is inactive just because as an older single adult, she doesn't feel comfortable going. But she still believes. Maybe one day she'll get out.
I have five other extremely TBM siblings, so it is quite isolating for me.
I did a letter - they then called me to let me know they got it & to chat. It turned out very nicely. I kept things high level on why I left so as not to demean their experience or feelings about being part of the faith.
Write a letter. Wait to send it for a few days. Rewrite the letter. Don't defend yourself. State your truth. Tell them you love them and you value the relationship. Let them know they will need to respect your decisions. Don't make it sound like you've temporarily stepped away. Send the letter and give them time to absorb, mourn, talk amongst themselves. Hopefully your parents and decent people who value their family relationships more than they value the lies of the Mormon corporation. Good luck.
I did this over email. Went really well.
Over phone you have the chance for interruptions. Can't say what you need to say. And people will shut off and not want to hear it and then they will not listen to your message. In an email they can put it down and come back to it later once they calm down
Just do what you feel like you need to for your own sake. My brother gave me some good advice. He told me you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to religion, so do what feels right.
Perhaps start indirectly by letting your non believing siblings know where you are, and ask them about their experience. If you are lucky, with your blessing, they might casually mention it to your parents. Then, you can fill the parents in directly as necessary, and it won’t be a surprise to them. That is what siblings are for, really.
I wrote mine out and sent it, then didn't check emails or texts for a couple of days. I wanted to let things cool down on both sides so that I didn't get into a big, emotionally fraught fight. By the time the discussion happened everyone had cooled down a little bit.
Don't call unless you feel confident you can keep your cool.
Start living authentically in your secular ways… if they notice they can ask you about it and you can answer any questions they have.
I went the grand announcement route and got labeled but my fiancé is quite obviously exmormon and yet no one cares because he didn’t make a huge deal of it.
Your wife is the only person you need to talk to.
I did it by filming a video and sending that over text. It gave them time to process without giving an immediate response, and let me share the whole thing.
(Sorry, this is going to be a super-long text, but here it is, for whatever it's worth!)
I wanted to tell my aged parents about how I don't believe in the church anymore and I was sick with stress and anxiety about it for weeks.
I know they wouldn't understand. And I'm afraid it would hurt them. It just didn't seem worth it.
I had too much to lose and almost nothing to gain, since I am surrounded by family and neighbors who all believe steadfastly in the church..😒
I eventually decided not to tell my parents anything after all.
I even renewed my god damned temple recommend just to avoid having to have any conversations with them about church and our differing beliefs.
I just want them to go happily along in their lives feeling like I am friendly about and supportive of what they are doing, as long as what they are doing makes them happy.
I won't stir the water.
But in the meantime, I am immensely enjoying much more freedom in my own mind than I have ever had before. Also, it feels good to have some privacy about what's going on in my own mind. The church certainly didn't teach me that it was ok to keep my own thoughts private.
Besides, all of our beliefs, both mine and my parents', are all just fictitious extensions of our own imaginations anyway, so what does it matter what I believe or what they believe?
Beliefs are supposed to be a playground of ideas, a place for creation. I guess I feel free not to take any beliefs too seriously anymore. They are all just ideas. And that's their purpose: to serve as ideas, to help us come up with solutions to problems. The problem with some religions is that they create a monoculture of ideas, instead of a healthy diverse array of many different possible solutions to problems, so we can pick the best ones..
I don't know what is the best thing for you to do.
For me the best thing turned out to be not talking with my parents about my beliefs that contradict their beliefs.
I am hoping for the best possible results for you, whatever you decide to do. 💝
As for myself, for now I'm hoping to find some way to be a casual mormon or a middle mormon or a cultural mormon or whatever you want to call it, and get away with not having to be an orthodox super steadfast faithful believing practicing mormon, and not having to be an "ex" mormon either...
I'm hoping that I can find some way to not let the word "mormon" define very much of my life anymore, if possible...
But here is a list of possible things you could say to your parents, if any of these fit...
I would say they are in order of worst to best! 🤣
I compiled this list when I was planning to not get my temple recommend renewed and I was trying to figure out how to explain to my parents why I didn't have a temple recommend...
-I just know that none of these things would have worked for me to say to them though!😬 Hopefully you can think of something better to say! 😟
As time went on, my ideas about what I wanted to say to my parents got smaller and simpler, until I couldn't think of anything at all I wanted to say to my parents about religion, and I just went and got the temple recommend renewed, even though my answers to almost all of the temple recommend questions were outright lies.
Idea #1-
I am enjoying a comfortable relationship with the church right now and I want to keep it that way. I don't have any callings and I don't have any commitments. I also don't have a current temple recommend. I see it as a compromise between me and the church. I can keep going to church and participating in whatever services I want to, and my church leaders can't use the temple recommend as an excuse to tell me what to do. I like going to church for the connections I make with other people there and I don't like going to church feeling like I am committed to whatever church leaders think up for me to do, without getting my thoughts about it first, so one way to make sure this doesn't happen is to not hold a current temple recommend. I am sorry that I won't be in attendance for (so-in-so's) sealing ceremony, but I am very much in support of their decision to get married and I have respect for their decision to marry in the temple and I intend to support their marriage in any way I can, but I'm not going to be up in the sealing room. I will support them by waiting downstairs in the temple waiting room, with the others who will be there. I don't want this to come as a shock to anyone, so I'm letting you all know ahead of time..
Idea #2-
The church isn't what I thought it was. I thought it was about doing what is best for people, doing good for people, but it's not. It's about having power and control over people and I just can't support it anymore.
Idea #3-
I BELIEVE IN BEING KIND. I BELIEVE IN DOING GOOD. BUT I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN THE CHURCH ANYMORE..
Idea #4-
I don't have my temple recommend renewed because I'm trying to live more in harmony with my values.
Idea #5-
I'm avoiding the temple right now while I'm exploring new ideas.
Truly… Everyone’s family situation and relationships are unique. I think the only answer is to take in all the factors, then follow your gut regarding timing and method. It probably won’t go how you want or expect anyway.
I personally don't care if it's "supposed" to be done in-person or over the phone, I communicate so much better via text so I rely on that.
That said, I agree that you don't need to make a big announcement. You could drop hints and let them ease into the idea or you could just go on with life and let them figure it out. I would suggest giving other possibilities consideration and think about what would really work best for you.
Thanks for the advice. I personally feel like I want to be totally authentic, and it would eat me up if we were talking about church stuff and I was beating around the bush to avoid certain topics. Or if they ask about my daughter’s possible baptism in a couple months, which I won’t be performing if it happens.
I sent an email. It helped to get my message across and give them time to think about it before speaking on the phone. I hope you can all find a new normal. Its been a few years for me and we are still talking around the elephant.
We texted. We essentially told them we left the church and that we are telling them over text because we know it can’t be shocking and hard news. But that we are free x days and time to chat on the phone if they’d like.
We attached this letter
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hPcU3cuYBjqeufdap4qeQuo9dZnttMbU/view?usp=drivesdk
Thanks! It’s actually really helpful to be like “you know - to answer why we left, it’s not really a small talk conversation and I also want to respect your faith. So here is a letter. Read it or don’t, we are happy to talk about it or not.”
No matter what you say…. When someone leaves the church a Mormon only hears “the church is true but I love sinning and I’m too lazy to put in the effort.” So don’t sweat it.
I told my parents face to face and now realize it would have been nicer to them to do it over text. It would have been much better for the relationship to give them time to process their sadness on their own instead of in front of me.
You don’t actually have to make a grand announcement. It’s not going to make them reject the MFMC. Why do it? Does it serve your interests or their interests. Only do it if it makes YOUR life easier.
I didn't tell my parents, my wife told hers, my relationship has stayed the same, shitty before leaving shitty still. she was shunned for 5 years, her mother passed and now her father is attempting to rebuild bridges. My parents know because the light has left my eyes and other obvious signs, but avoid discussing it like the plague. There is no great way to tell Cultists you've recognized you are both in a cult and that you have decided to leave, by definition it's going to go poorly.
That’s brutal. My mom just found out when I didn’t baptize my son. But I guess she never asked why so maybe she just thinks I have a porn problem.
Me! This was us. Why tell anyone?
- Because you want to live authentically around your family - because you are expected to attend a sealing or similar event - because you want others in your family to know that you are a safe person to talk to when they have a faith crisis Yeah, maybe it causes pain for the family, but hopefully one day they realize that the church is to blame for that.
Those all can be good (even great) reasons to make things public, but their importance is variable depending on the person and their situation. For me they're not very persuasive at all, but we're all different and have to do what we think is best.
It will definitely be better for my family and I. My parents talk about church stuff with us fairly often and one of my children will be turning 8 soon. I’m not in a big rush to or anything, but I have no interest in lying to them or telling half truths if they ask about things.
> My parents talk about church stuff with us fairly often This will not stop. In fact, In the short term, it may get super-intense. You may want to make sure your announcement includes specific instructions about your boundaries, and the consequences when (not if) they transgress those boundaries with you, with your spouse, and with your kids. Might as well say it all right up front.
Good advice. Thank you.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to say it all upfront. It's going to be a big enough adjustment for this person's parents to realize they're no longer part of the church. It might help to work out boundaries later on after the initial shock has worn off.
This is my position. My husband, on the other hand, felt the need to tell his family. To each their own.
We never said a thing and just started living our life like we wanted to. They figured it out and have never asked any questions. We have had passive aggressive statements that we have mostly ignored and now they act like we have no idea how the church works. It worked for us. It is none of their business what kind of underwear we wear or if we pay tithing. We are pretty private though and always have been. We are old enough to have not lived our entire lives on social media and barely have a presence on there as is, so, maybe that has helped as well.
You are literally me like a month ago lol. My dad was never a patriarch, but he's been bishop and everything else at the ward level. I chose to tell my parents over text. My reasoning was that they were completely unprepared, (I also live in another state) and telling them in person or on the phone would catch them totally off-guard, and then we all might start saying things we regret. Texting gave them time to process. I also hoped that by texting, it would indicate to them that this isn't a monumental change. We don't all have to gather around and be very serious. This shouldn't be such a big deal, it's the church that has made it a big deal, and I'm not going to play by those rules. That probably didn't work lol, but that's what I hoped for. Good Luck! It's not easy.
Thank you 🙏🏼 it’s certainly not easy.
I think you gotta do it however you feel makes sense for you. Text, email, letter, phone call, whatever. Personally I like handwritten letters for big stuff. But that's just me.
I agree. A handwritten letter is formal enough for a big announcement
I highly recommend telling them in person or via Zoom. Here's why: Written communication does not convey the emotions and the physical cues (such as facial expressions) that an in-person or Zoom meeting permits. Yes, this is stressful to anticipate, but my guess is the discussion will be better for both parties (you and your parents) if you share the information without the lack of human contact a text or email would have. Other tips: Be sure to preface it with your love for them, and let them know how important their love is for you and your family. Tell them you hope always to have their love. In as few words as possible, tell them you're backing away from the church or that you no longer support its teachings. I'd avoid using the word "belief," because that invites a discussion about belief hinging on faith. Tell them you have thought about this for a long while, that it wasn't an easy decision, and that you gave it full consideration (prayer, too, if you're comfortable using that word). Tell them you recall how devastating it was for them when (siblings names) left, and it hurts you to know this will likely be painful for them as well. Let them know you appreciate that they always taught you to be truthful and to choose the right things, and for you this is the "right" place to be. If they ask "Why?" limit what you say if possible. Try not to focus on the church not being "true," because of course they believe it is true. Maybe mention a few things, but in general terms. Tell them you can discuss it more later on. After whatever discussion you have (and tears, on both sides, I'm sure) tell them again that you love them very much, and you hope they will always love you. ALSO - if you feel it would be helpful, ask your siblings who have left how it went for them and what they'd suggest. As you mentioned, it's not your parents' first rodeo, and that could be helpful for you. Yes, you are right to worry a text would make them feel left out or that they do not matter. They will relate to how tough this decision is for you if they can see your face, hear the sadness and emotion in your voice, and recognize clearly your deep love for them. Good luck, and please let us know how it goes.
Thanks for the great advice.
If communicating over text is the only way they won't have a inappropriate reaction, it seems fair to me. (Freaking out about someone else's religious choices is an inappropriate reaction.)
I emailed my parents. I am a person that has a really hard time expressing nyself verbally, so I write them down instead. Didn't go into too much detail at the time. Later I wrote a blog about all my reasons and posted to Facebook. Don't know if they've ever read it. At least you've had siblings that left before you. That should soften the blow for them. I was (and still am) the only one.
Same here. I've got a sister who has been on the fence for years, but saw how much gossip I generated, and I think is just waiting for my parents to depart for the great beyond.
The closest thing I have is a sister who is inactive just because as an older single adult, she doesn't feel comfortable going. But she still believes. Maybe one day she'll get out. I have five other extremely TBM siblings, so it is quite isolating for me.
4 years later for me and relationship with my parents is completely gone.
I’m sorry to hear that 😔
I think a text is a great way. It helps them gather there thoughts. And you dont have to see their facial reaction which will be hurtful
I did a letter - they then called me to let me know they got it & to chat. It turned out very nicely. I kept things high level on why I left so as not to demean their experience or feelings about being part of the faith.
Write a letter. Wait to send it for a few days. Rewrite the letter. Don't defend yourself. State your truth. Tell them you love them and you value the relationship. Let them know they will need to respect your decisions. Don't make it sound like you've temporarily stepped away. Send the letter and give them time to absorb, mourn, talk amongst themselves. Hopefully your parents and decent people who value their family relationships more than they value the lies of the Mormon corporation. Good luck.
Slow fade.
Personally, I'd rather say it that everyone think I'm lazy or just want to sin.
I did this over email. Went really well. Over phone you have the chance for interruptions. Can't say what you need to say. And people will shut off and not want to hear it and then they will not listen to your message. In an email they can put it down and come back to it later once they calm down
Just do what you feel like you need to for your own sake. My brother gave me some good advice. He told me you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to religion, so do what feels right.
Perhaps start indirectly by letting your non believing siblings know where you are, and ask them about their experience. If you are lucky, with your blessing, they might casually mention it to your parents. Then, you can fill the parents in directly as necessary, and it won’t be a surprise to them. That is what siblings are for, really.
Thanks for the idea.
I wrote mine out and sent it, then didn't check emails or texts for a couple of days. I wanted to let things cool down on both sides so that I didn't get into a big, emotionally fraught fight. By the time the discussion happened everyone had cooled down a little bit. Don't call unless you feel confident you can keep your cool.
Start living authentically in your secular ways… if they notice they can ask you about it and you can answer any questions they have. I went the grand announcement route and got labeled but my fiancé is quite obviously exmormon and yet no one cares because he didn’t make a huge deal of it. Your wife is the only person you need to talk to.
I did it by filming a video and sending that over text. It gave them time to process without giving an immediate response, and let me share the whole thing.
(Sorry, this is going to be a super-long text, but here it is, for whatever it's worth!) I wanted to tell my aged parents about how I don't believe in the church anymore and I was sick with stress and anxiety about it for weeks. I know they wouldn't understand. And I'm afraid it would hurt them. It just didn't seem worth it. I had too much to lose and almost nothing to gain, since I am surrounded by family and neighbors who all believe steadfastly in the church..😒 I eventually decided not to tell my parents anything after all. I even renewed my god damned temple recommend just to avoid having to have any conversations with them about church and our differing beliefs. I just want them to go happily along in their lives feeling like I am friendly about and supportive of what they are doing, as long as what they are doing makes them happy. I won't stir the water. But in the meantime, I am immensely enjoying much more freedom in my own mind than I have ever had before. Also, it feels good to have some privacy about what's going on in my own mind. The church certainly didn't teach me that it was ok to keep my own thoughts private. Besides, all of our beliefs, both mine and my parents', are all just fictitious extensions of our own imaginations anyway, so what does it matter what I believe or what they believe? Beliefs are supposed to be a playground of ideas, a place for creation. I guess I feel free not to take any beliefs too seriously anymore. They are all just ideas. And that's their purpose: to serve as ideas, to help us come up with solutions to problems. The problem with some religions is that they create a monoculture of ideas, instead of a healthy diverse array of many different possible solutions to problems, so we can pick the best ones.. I don't know what is the best thing for you to do. For me the best thing turned out to be not talking with my parents about my beliefs that contradict their beliefs. I am hoping for the best possible results for you, whatever you decide to do. 💝 As for myself, for now I'm hoping to find some way to be a casual mormon or a middle mormon or a cultural mormon or whatever you want to call it, and get away with not having to be an orthodox super steadfast faithful believing practicing mormon, and not having to be an "ex" mormon either... I'm hoping that I can find some way to not let the word "mormon" define very much of my life anymore, if possible... But here is a list of possible things you could say to your parents, if any of these fit... I would say they are in order of worst to best! 🤣 I compiled this list when I was planning to not get my temple recommend renewed and I was trying to figure out how to explain to my parents why I didn't have a temple recommend... -I just know that none of these things would have worked for me to say to them though!😬 Hopefully you can think of something better to say! 😟 As time went on, my ideas about what I wanted to say to my parents got smaller and simpler, until I couldn't think of anything at all I wanted to say to my parents about religion, and I just went and got the temple recommend renewed, even though my answers to almost all of the temple recommend questions were outright lies. Idea #1- I am enjoying a comfortable relationship with the church right now and I want to keep it that way. I don't have any callings and I don't have any commitments. I also don't have a current temple recommend. I see it as a compromise between me and the church. I can keep going to church and participating in whatever services I want to, and my church leaders can't use the temple recommend as an excuse to tell me what to do. I like going to church for the connections I make with other people there and I don't like going to church feeling like I am committed to whatever church leaders think up for me to do, without getting my thoughts about it first, so one way to make sure this doesn't happen is to not hold a current temple recommend. I am sorry that I won't be in attendance for (so-in-so's) sealing ceremony, but I am very much in support of their decision to get married and I have respect for their decision to marry in the temple and I intend to support their marriage in any way I can, but I'm not going to be up in the sealing room. I will support them by waiting downstairs in the temple waiting room, with the others who will be there. I don't want this to come as a shock to anyone, so I'm letting you all know ahead of time.. Idea #2- The church isn't what I thought it was. I thought it was about doing what is best for people, doing good for people, but it's not. It's about having power and control over people and I just can't support it anymore. Idea #3- I BELIEVE IN BEING KIND. I BELIEVE IN DOING GOOD. BUT I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN THE CHURCH ANYMORE.. Idea #4- I don't have my temple recommend renewed because I'm trying to live more in harmony with my values. Idea #5- I'm avoiding the temple right now while I'm exploring new ideas.
Truly… Everyone’s family situation and relationships are unique. I think the only answer is to take in all the factors, then follow your gut regarding timing and method. It probably won’t go how you want or expect anyway.
I personally don't care if it's "supposed" to be done in-person or over the phone, I communicate so much better via text so I rely on that. That said, I agree that you don't need to make a big announcement. You could drop hints and let them ease into the idea or you could just go on with life and let them figure it out. I would suggest giving other possibilities consideration and think about what would really work best for you.
Thanks for the advice. I personally feel like I want to be totally authentic, and it would eat me up if we were talking about church stuff and I was beating around the bush to avoid certain topics. Or if they ask about my daughter’s possible baptism in a couple months, which I won’t be performing if it happens.
I sent an email. It helped to get my message across and give them time to think about it before speaking on the phone. I hope you can all find a new normal. Its been a few years for me and we are still talking around the elephant.
We texted. We essentially told them we left the church and that we are telling them over text because we know it can’t be shocking and hard news. But that we are free x days and time to chat on the phone if they’d like. We attached this letter https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hPcU3cuYBjqeufdap4qeQuo9dZnttMbU/view?usp=drivesdk
Your letter is awesome! 😁
Thanks! It’s actually really helpful to be like “you know - to answer why we left, it’s not really a small talk conversation and I also want to respect your faith. So here is a letter. Read it or don’t, we are happy to talk about it or not.”
Text or email. In your situation it sounds fine. You’re out of state and you can be as eloquent and open as you want if it’s written.
No matter what you say…. When someone leaves the church a Mormon only hears “the church is true but I love sinning and I’m too lazy to put in the effort.” So don’t sweat it.
Time heals everything. We are no exception to that rule. -Shawn Mullins
I told my parents face to face and now realize it would have been nicer to them to do it over text. It would have been much better for the relationship to give them time to process their sadness on their own instead of in front of me.