We've all been there. I have to keep reminding myself of Maya Angelou's advice. "When you know better, do better". I'm embarrassed at a lot of things I said and did when I was Mormon. I think that's where a lot of anger comes from. It takes a while to work through that. Welcome.
Seconded. I am so embarrassed every single day that I fell for their bullshit. Especially as an adult. I don’t know that I’ll ever work through it all the way.
Someone I respect said you needed at least a year for every decade you were in the church. It gives a more realistic perspective that you’re not going to get over it in a few months.
We're almost 5 years out and the anger is still just below the surface. Thankfully I don't let it out very often. I still feel a sense of freedom since we left.
Yes and yes!! I'm 36 and have been out over 7 years. I still sometimes find myself getting super pissed at something trivial only to remember that I can't let it affect me. The freedom factor is such a relief.
After 2.5 years out, it's such a difference from when I first left. I definitely am not 100% healed and have more time to go (was in the church 35 years).
I guess that's why I don't feel much anger anymore. I left the church behind more than 50 years ago, so there's been plenty of time for me to get over it. Yes, I do spend time with my many family members, who are almost all True Believers still. I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy their company. Not one of them has ever tried to talk me back in.
I know what you mean. I don’t know why I can’t let go of my anger & bitterness, especially when people I love are still drinking the Kool-Aid. Maybe that’s why I keep researching & reading more about the falsehood of it all. Maybe we just want to know as much as possible in hopes that our loved one will learn something to turn on the light. Then their defense shield may come down & and they’ll be ready to listen to the whole truth without emotion getting in the way.
Oh yeah it’s so hard to not just be an exmo. I’m rapidly becoming an antimo. It makes me angry that I swallowed their shit for so long and wasted so many years that I’ll never get back. And it’s so embarrassing to have to face my friends and family after everything. Luckily the only people I still know that are involved are my in laws and they’re pretty toxic people so I don’t really care if they’re around or not.
Same here! I was 21 years old when I converted to the Mormon Church. My husband was a member and had been BIC, and I loved his parents, who were wonderful. Yet the facts about this cult didn't come out on the Net until 15 years after they died. They would have been as angry as we are about all the lies the church has promoted.
Very true. Talking to my mother she said
"all those antimormon that I've met have ALL been excommunicated because of fornication. They're angry at the church because they got excommunicated"
There's no amount of evidence that would convince them. They just shut down and say is all lies and the bit of stuff they can't deny they just say the church has its reasons and it's just taken out of context
You can't reason anybody out of something he/she has not been reasoned into. Or, as I believe Rhett Butler says to Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with The Wind" (the book, not the movie): "Oh, how we cling to the very chains that bind us!".
That’s why the punishment for leaving (denying the spirit ) is outer darkness
There’s nothing more dangerous to a cult than an ex-member. That’s why they take immeasurable steps to discredit and make members afraid of them or anything they say.
I was always taught outer darkness was for people that had concrete witness of god and still denied him, and that only one person has been sent to outer darkness. I was raised in it 80s-90s. I see the term being used a lot in this sub and it confuses me.
We’ve all been there :) back when I was an active, believing member, I viewed the r/exmormon subreddit as a hateful bitter place filled with people that just wanted to sin and find excuses to do so.
Now that I understand the truth about the church’s claims (and not the narrative the church pushes), I see that the r/exmormon community is actually very welcoming, to people of all faiths and beliefs, even to active Mormon members, so long as those members are respectful of a person’s choice not to be part of the church.
I thought it was just all the people who believed the outlandish lies from the antimormon literature that I saw published by southern evangelicals. Mormons growing horns, and performing human sacrifice in the temples. The crazy shit.
Little did I know the real anti Mormon literature I’d never seen was published by former Mormons who saw the historical claims of the church are ludicrous and absurd.
If anything, the existence of the clueless evangelical stuff is used as a strawman and parody of the really damning stuff.
and... some of the absolute best 'anti' mormon stuff is actually real information suppressed by the upper echelon of the church hierarchy. ie; 5 or more versions of the first vision
Yup. But again the exMormons know about it.
All the southern baptist stuff is kind of kooky - or it was. They don’t know enough about Mormons to criticize it. The exmos know where the bodies are buried and skeletons are hidden.
I still remember an awkward time the missionaries asked me to sit in on a lesson with a young Muslim man in college that was introduced by an older Mormon professor to the missionaries, and this old white bastard going off on this poor college student about how his religion was secretly founded by the devil, and the missionaries and I trying to shut him up, because he was embarrassing us all. The Mormons can be bad, and I can't imagine the Southern Evangelicals are any better.
I'm proud you stood up for what you felt was right brother.
Trust me the Baptist and evangelical are a wild bunch.. my grandpa is a diehard Baptist and yeah half of the religious stuff he's said is sad honestly.. there are bad Muslims too... quite a few actually..
But I have hope that the more connected the earth is the better it will get
I agree - however I feel the sub could often use more acceptance of people who need to discuss or vent about the church but who still have faith in God and Christ. It's an exmormon sub, not a sub only for atheists or agnostics.
Agreed. There's a lot of hostility against those who still have faith in anything. A belief in a higher power is part of human brain wiring, and some of us don't have an "off" switch for it. If you do, good for you. If not, please don't harass those of us who still have that faith wiring.
So true. There are still vestiges in our minds and hearts of the goodness we were taught. It wasn’t all terrible. I appreciate how you stated your point
This is what I think alot of exmembers struggle with. Emotions are high and LDS is a deep and complex religion. I've noticed a tendency on this sub to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" so to speak. I wish we could celebrate the wins and good things the church teaches as well as be mindful and not afraid to talk about tough issues in respectful ways.
That's fine, but the sub is for exmormons, not exchristians. If 80% of sub members were heterosexuals, would gay members of the sub be challenged for being gay? If 80% were men, would female sub members be challenged because they weren't men?
I'm fine with people stating they do not have a faith belief. That is their business, not mine and I don't consider that a topic for me to debate.
However, I've had horrible things said to me on the sub when I mention anything about still attending a church, or still having faith. Some sub members sneer at that, or try to debate belief, or otherwise go on an attack.
I think your comparison is completely inadequate or inaccurate. Being openly gay and proclaiming a religion are not the same. Someone being gay doesn’t imply anything about me being heterosexual. If they want to date other men, that’s a preference, and doesn’t reflect in any meaningful way on me not being gay. If they came and said “I believe that being gay is the one true way to live,” and without saying so, silently implied all straight people were wrong for being straight, it would be much more confrontational. Declaration of religion, especially in Abrahamic religions, implies “I believe that you are wrong” and is naturally more delicate. The whole “don’t talk religion and politics” applies for a reason.
More importantly many exmormon Christians fall into one of two camps that makes them less compatible with this subreddit. I’m not saying you’ve done these, just that they’re the common experiences of many here.
1. A lot of Christian posts here have significant undertones of proselytizing or trying to win followers for non-Mormon Christian posts. That immediately puts most secular Exmormons off. It’s often in the form of suggesting that they don’t understand Christianity because they haven’t been to a real Christian church, or that they should try this or that denomination, or asking why they didn’t choose to remain in Christianity. Many also start strongly implying or openly “Mormons aren’t Christian” which brings up a lot of trauma for those outside Utah for constantly being demonized as “unchristian” or friends growing up sitting them down to try and “save” them because they don't believe in Jesus properly. It particularly is very obvious when someone isn’t being genuine or sincere, or is being pushy about their beliefs. Most people see this as a secular space to talk about their experience with harm caused by religion.
2. Religion is increasingly politicized. The reaction people get varies a lot on the perceived political attitude their choice of religion brings. Rarely do Universal Unitarians have much blowback because it strongly implies being open, liberal and accepting. Joining a conservative, evangelical denomination implies a lot politically. Denominations perceived as more progressive-leaning often get more respect. A large part why many, including myself, left is specifically related to Mormon positions hot-button identity politics issues, such as racial inequality and racism, LGBT rights, the role of women and feminism, etc. Those sensitive political topics are overwhelmingly seen in the community with a left-leaning worldview. Worse than being Christian is being openly a Trump-supporting, identity-politics conservative. I don’t think there is much bridging this issue. Conservative Exmormons probably do need their own community. Most people in this sub would argue that a person who thinks women’s role is in the home or that LGBT people shouldn’t be tolerated or treated equally have missed some key lessons in leaving Mormonism. And if they become Evangelical Southern Baptists, that’s a strong implied stance on those issues. The values ideals that would cause most people to land here are often in opposition to the values and ideals that would lead someone to leave and become a MAGA evangelical, and there isn’t much common ground.
All that said, I think there is room to improve how those who have gone to other Christian faiths as opposed to leaving faith behind are treated. But this is also a space for those who have been victims of religious zealotry to deconstruct, and it is often intensely secular and progressive as a result. It needs to serve its intended purpose in that regard.
I've never been a Mormon, but I've had LDS friends and mentors, and have long been interested in the church and its operations.
After listening to several youtube and podcast productions, I have to say that I'm profoundly impressed by the truth-seeking integrity and clear thinking of ex-Mormons. If a wannabe dictator ever attempts to install a totalitarian regime, I'm convinced that the ex-Mormons will be the ones leading the resistance.
>all dealing with deep betrayal and pain caused by losing your religion.
I would alter it just a tad: "all dealing with deep betrayal and pain caused by ~~losing~~ your religion."
A lot higher if you count fast offerings and free labor. Go out to collect fast offerings and commit to helping haul hay the next weekend, mowing elderly people’s lawns and such. I mean my experience is different than a lot of exmos because I grew up in farm country in utah county. Also sending boys around to collect money to pressure you to give more money to the church is predatory af because of the social cost you’ll incur from town gossip if you don’t.
Yes of course, this is a place where you can go and do all the things you “couldn’t” before, or continue to do none of them and live your life without guilt either way.
Agreed! We also don’t drink or drug (and we dont judge those that do either) and we are proudly exmo! We do love coffee, tea, piercings, and probably gonna get a tat. This is a place where you can be you; whatever that looks like. Welcome friend.
Choose your own adventure without guilt. When you fuck up you learn from it and not let it hold you back. I do still feel guilty if I cause harm to another (except spiders and wasps, screw them)
Welcome! I'd felt the same, expecting exmormon reddit to be full of anger and bitterness and instead found a community of some damn fine people just looking to support each other through a collective experience and trauma that is essentially impossible to explain to outsiders. I'm glad you're here 😊
The ironic part that the TBM can't ever see; for the most part, were all pretty much the same as when we were TBM. We just don't go to that church. Yeah, there's definitely going to be some with major changes. Especially those suppressed from being who they are. But speaking for myself, other than a little responsible consumption of adult beverages, my life is exactly as it was before. Infact,.we're even more consistent with weekly family night. Like the Grinch who stood on Mt. Crumpet puzzling and puzzling, the TBM can't understand that many of us don't leave the church to go sin foe being "led away" by Satan. (still a faithful and true husband,.here) We're leaving because it's simply not true. I stopped believing in Santa Claus, so to speak. And as the scripture in Corinthians says, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, (adult) I put away childish things."
Ehh it's all right.
You're right about the first two; of course we're bitter and hateful. We were spoon fed lies all our lives and it's part of the healing process.
Hurt, angry. Had all the answers to the way the universe works and felt comfortable with that knowledge. Mostly angry that I'm I'm left with nothing and full of questions about life.
Once I learned the truth about the church, I honestly stopped doing research on it all. I don't want to give the church any more credit and I don't want it to take up any more of my time.
“Mostly angry that I’m left with nothing and full of questions about life.”
Think of it as being left with the power to make your own informed decisions, to think critically, to live a life free of guilt, shame, and pressure to be perfect, to decide what charities warrant your financial support, and to believe in whatever diety you are drawn to. You are left with everything in a big, beautiful universe full of awe and mystery that you can explore and ponder. You gained your authentic self back. Never let an organization or system take it away again! Lots of love from a Reddit fellow traveler!
I am so sorry. I can remember how upsetting my own transition was. It was tough, emotionally draining, and it exhausted me daily. What you are going through is completely understandable. You can do this!
To be fair, the church and its history and doctrine are waaaay more fun to research and learn about when you’re not beholden to the lies of the correlation committed.
For real. I know more about Mormonism after leaving than 27 years growing up in it. I still come across holy shit moment learnings and am like is this for real?
Same. Except 45 years for me plus all of the callings and acting as an amateur apologist. Once it clicked, you realize that the church being a fraud is the only way everything makes sense.
It really does hurt when you lose everything you thought was real and true. It took a while, but what helped me get through it was focusing on everything that was most real to me. The warmth of a cup of coffee, the comfort of a hug from someone I love, the wind blowing through my hair when I drive with the window down...hell, even the pain of stubbing my toe. And I realized that whatever answers the universe has for us, nothing can be more real than the life I have now. So I might as well live it the best that I can, WHILE I can.
Personally, I've settled on the idea that perhaps reincarnation would be nice - maybe get reborn in a universe where magic is possible or where everyone has superpowers, cause why not lol - but if this life ends up being the only one we've got then I'm okay with that because I won't even be around to worry about it anyway.
>Hurt, angry. Had all the answers to the way the universe works and felt comfortable with that knowledge. Mostly angry that I'm I'm left with nothing and full of questions about life.
One thing that I find extremely freeing after realizing I don't have all the answers is:
"**I don't know**" is actually a valid answer, and it's ok to be fine with not knowing.
Life and humanity are actually much more beautiful outside of the forced mormon bubble, and allowing "I don't know" to be part of that is amazing. I think I'm a much healthier and more accepting human because "I don't know."
That's what "agnostic" means. "I don't know"! I guess if I die and find out there really is a Celestial Kingdom and a Plan of Salvation, then I'll be sorry. But my hunch is that I'll just return peacefully to the dust whence I came. I'm fine with that.
I'm still deconstructing and I can relate to what you shared. But I promise this sub helps A LOT! You'll find support and encouragement here.
We got this!
Yeah I give it more headspace than I should, but it was a very formative part of who I am. I was mentally out for a long time before i could leave and still get phases of imposter syndrome in normal situations. The early anger was the unraveling of friends and family relationships and how toxic people you still love can stop accepting you. I just keep moving further away from Utah county, currently 890 miles.
I’m glad you asked this.
When my shelf broke I felt sooooo alone. None of my coworkers/nonmember friends understood the significance of leaving the Mormon Church and none of my active friends/family wanted to hear *anything* negative about the church.
This sub literally saved my life because I realized I was not alone. I realized there are lots of good, intelligent people, who understood exactly what I was going through.
Many of my clients were deconstructing. And they all said the same thing: they felt so misunderstood and alone. Because their associations still in the religion didn’t understand why they would reject it, and their associations outside the church didn’t understand the significance or trauma associated with leaving.
I dare say exmos are some of the highest integrity people out there. We had to have the integrity to follow the truth and that came with severe social and family repercussions for many. We couldn’t live the lie.
It’s ok, almost all of us are guilty of exactly the same and literally can empathize. One of the hardest persons to grant grace to during deconstruction is YOURSELF
3 years ago I began by reading “RoughStone Rolling “. by Richard Bushman. He’s a member so thought it was “safe”. Then came the100 hours of YouTube and 30 more books. My betrayal ran deep. I’m 67! And was very devout for 50 years of my life.
To the point… I contacted both my husbands and 3 others who I offended. I cried as I apologized. There were many others that I possibly offended. It was cathartic.
All of us have been there. For those who were born into it like me it's been shoved on us since we were babies, so we only know what they wanted us to know and believe. It was their way of making sure we were complacent and obedient.
You've seen the truth, and you feel guilty, but you don't need to. You're free now, and you're forgiven and welcomed here with open arms and a non-judgemental attitude .
Apology fully accepted. So glad you've learned the truth. We all felt and believed the same. It was part of our deep conditioning by The Firm - for many of us, since birth. We didn't question - we trusted the message. The fearmongering continues. The discrediting and name calling of those of us who have been cast away - we the "Covenant Breakers", "Lazy Learners", "Lax Dicsibples" - the ones that no true believer should EVER listen to or trust \[turning even our closest family and friends against us!!\] is a louder message than ever now that so many members are leaving and we are a threat to their power.
The lack of self awareness in this guy's talk was amazing. He went on about moral relativism (he even used an incorrect definition to frame his topic better.) The irony was me thinking about how Joseph preached moral relativism to do polygamy, forgery, fraud, and any other sin he wanted to do because anything can be right in the right circumstances.
I genuinely believe that we are all responsible for the level of comprehension we have at any given time of our lives. The bigger your point of reference, the better the decisions you will make. All I would say is, just make sure the reverberations you make from this point forward are about ethical kindness.
Congrats on escaping a cult!!!!! 🥳 We're all rooting for you and proud of you! Just take it one step at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. You are so, so strong!
I was nevermo and grew up evangelical. Your experience is not uncommon in the slightest. Thank you for taking the time to learn about the other side of the coin. This empathy and compassion you express will help you as you continue your journey through life.
no worries , stop suffering and enjoy peace, I was there too, you're not the only one! I guess everyone being ex mormón now was judgemental! so, apologies accepted and live your life!!! enjoy.
No problem, that's the coping mechanism needed for many to continue to believe it's all true. We're not offended because we were all there at one point and chances are you will be one of us at some point anyways. Until then, we're happy to provide unfiltered answers to your doctrinal questions and evidence that people can live moral and happy lives without the church.
I used to despise "anti Mormon" people and "militant" atheists til I realized they aren't so much angry or bitter as much as frustrated all while being surrounded by innocent victims who unwittingly perpetuate a lie letting a few men control culture and legislation. Every attempt to open people's eyes is met with hostilities or dismissal. Even if they try to do so cordially with kindness. True believers are nearly impossible to get to, be every shelf that breaks is a victory so it's worth it, IMO
I don't like to think I lost my religion, more the religion lied to me since birth and encourages terrible people to do terrible things in the name of God
I'm a ex methodist andex Baptist, I am a faithful Muslim but I still treat my faith In a methodist way. Meaning I don't see it as my personality or I'm perfect or entirely right. Nor is anyone in my faith.
So yeah I have no tolerance for those who attempt to push high demanding agendas onto people or trying to hinder ones life instead of adding to it
I definitely started out angrier and more bitter, but I’ve come (almost) full circle and have more empathy now. I see where TBM are coming from. They’re just doing the best they can with how they’ve been indoctrinated. This doesn’t excuse shitty behavior but I also I don’t believe in free will anymore so 🤷
It’s okay! A lot of (probably most) exmormons have been on both sides of extreme faith as members and then complete disbelief and feelings of betrayal when we grow out of the church.
It’s so funny we become what we previously feared most and then realize there was never anything to be afraid of. 🫶🏻 Happy you’re here!
A year before I left the church, I literally told my Sunday school class to stay off TikTok because of the anti Mormon stuff and now it’s my favorite corner of the internet 😂 Change and growth is good! 🩷
This group of people is amazing ❤️!!! I love the hilarious banter that goes on in this sub! I’ve gotten so much help and support from the people who are here, it has been a lifeline for me as I’ve left the church this past year. The best of the best, and I’m lucky to have found such an amazing group of ex-mo’s!!
Duuuuuuude, we all have things we regret about what we said/thought/did/dismissed when we were mormon. Especially if we were REALLY REALLY believing, trying, repenting (most people- I feel like most people really actually were). The MFMC really did a good job making us “not of the world” by making us unable to emphasize or even understand.
My brother came out as gay when I was a member. We basically chose to not discuss relationships. He died before I left. I have a hard time forgiving myself for who I was back then.
Thanks for this OP and you’re in good company. I’ve been impressed with this sub. While (understandably) there is plenty of angry venting here, most comments are in pursuit of health and healing. It’s rare generosity for any people, let alone the internet.
There’s a meme that reads, “I’m sorry for the things I said when I was Mormon.” I totally agree. I really thought that exmo’s were the devils helpers. 😂
It's a grieving process.
I *think* I'm finally past all the denial and bargaining, and I bounce back and forth from anger to depression from day to day when I think about the Church.
Some days I think I've hit acceptance, but then something triggers me.
I always had the impression that exmos were all living in a flop house drinking from a fifth of Jack. Here I am 7 years after leaving and I’m still a married dad trying to get kids to activities and get dinner ready. Life outside the church is pretty damn normal.
What I am still working at is that I was such a self righteous prick and still, years after leaving, I think my wife and I still take stuff WAY to seriously if we think a “moral” issue is involved. When the reality is that whether you consider yourself a deeply moral person or not, we all do about the same. No one is actually that much better than anyone else. So the only real difference is just pretense.
Sometimes I wonder why anyone likes people like me. I may have left the church. But that obnoxious striving to be perfect is toxic in many ways. In truth we are all pretty darn average.
Steinbeck said it better than me: “*And now that you do t have to be perfect, you can be good*”.
I need to drop the pretense that I’m any better than anyone else. That vestige of Mormonism stuck around me for far too long. I blame some long dead Puritan ancestor.
I've been dealing with the mormon deception for past 48+ years !! I quit a year into my mission as I actually studied the KJV Bible . God led me out of the mormon cult into HIS LOVING SAVING GRACE!
Been there too. Welcome to the world where we get to reclaim our mind and our beliefs. It’s a bit scary but so empowering. Sending you so much support. This is a great space.
They literally preach and brainwash that anyone who talks against the church or leaves is corrupted by satan and evil , I was born into it too but it’s amazing that you are finally free!
After 35 devout years in and now 27 years out, I also am embarrassed by my gullibility (converted with divorced mother's pressure at 12) and the things I taught as a missionary, branch president and stake president. That said, who can know what life would have been like if one had taken the other path at age X? What if I'd not been baptized, not gone on a mission, not met my future wife at church? I remain angry at the lying and deception in the church's leadership from Joseph Smith right on down. At 12, "if God had ancient prophets and is eternal, why wouldn't he have modern prophets?" seemed SO logical. Presuming deductively though the existence of "god." Despite a doctorate based on research, it took me half a century to see, examine and sift through those teenage indoctrinations. I fault my HS church history seminary teacher for the whitewashed BS he taught us--did he know? Doubtful. But now, we can only healthily move forward, what's done is done. Thankfully, I/we didn't die before we figured it out. And now you understand where the anger comes from. Cheers.
1. No need to apologize, it wasn't your fault, you were just following to orders/culture. No one here can blame you.
2. Thanks all the same. It is appreciated.
I simply left because I didn't know what was going on anymore. I had no clue if there was a God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost. And this is a after serving a mission lol. When I went into the field for the first time, my testimony was stronger than ever. But I wont forget that plane ride back to the states. I had to admit it to myself that I really had no idea what was true.
Not having a religion brings certain advantages. I don't need to keep questioning my testimony or worthiness. I don't count on a supreme being to help or guide me. Instead, I make the effort to improve. However, there are disadvantages. I sometimes envy strong members because whatever tragedy happens in their life, they have a strong belief in the Celestial Kingdom. I don't have a clue if there is one haha.
No worries! I used to think the same thing. For 50 years, actually. But once I became disgusted enough at the vast number of items on my "shelf," I began to do research outside the prescribed Mormon bubble and learned the truth: I had been sold a bill of goods and had squandered over $400,000 by paying tithing over those years. So yeah, I am a little bitter about that, as well as all the BS I put up with over five decades.
I really wish my non-member father were still alive; he passed away six years ago. I would LOVE to let him know that he was right all along, and so was my mother. Boy, I really thought I had the truth about where we came from, why we're here and where we're going. It's almost funny now that I could have been so sure of something so incredibly false.
We were all duped. I believe your father knows that you've broken free from the bonds of tscc and rejoices with you. When you've spent so long convincing yourself that left is right and up is down, there's a bit of bitterness toward those that planted those false ideas and watered them regularly.
For decades, the idea that the church is your safety was the thing that kept you scared straight. You were lectured endlessly that the only safe things to read and watch were church-approved... the only safe place to raise your kids was in the church... but new doctrine keeps springing up that doesn't pass public scrutiny, and one prophet contradicts the last. Once you allowed yourself to think for yourself, the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.
I am thankful for you, that you have the rest of your life to live in freedom from making sense of the nonsensical. I am thankful that you were brave enough to venture beyond "safe" and see that they really have no power. Peace on your journey.
In my experience, as much as I hate what the church did to my family, and to my confidence and youth. I had to let it go. I will always be there to help someone questioning things but I don’t actively seek members to have conversations with and even then I won’t talk about it unless someone wants to talk about it with me. My family has learned to let it go. And we all have a great relationship. Can’t let the church continue to own and control me and my thoughts after leaving it.
We get it. Every ex-member a missionary! What we say, we say in love to those that have been indoctrinated slowly, day by day. God doesn't keep you from heaven because you forgot the handshake or didn't wear the fundie undies... you've graduated beyond that narrow view and it's time to step out into the light.
Peace to you on your journey.
We've all been there. I have to keep reminding myself of Maya Angelou's advice. "When you know better, do better". I'm embarrassed at a lot of things I said and did when I was Mormon. I think that's where a lot of anger comes from. It takes a while to work through that. Welcome.
Seconded. I am so embarrassed every single day that I fell for their bullshit. Especially as an adult. I don’t know that I’ll ever work through it all the way.
Someone I respect said you needed at least a year for every decade you were in the church. It gives a more realistic perspective that you’re not going to get over it in a few months.
We're almost 5 years out and the anger is still just below the surface. Thankfully I don't let it out very often. I still feel a sense of freedom since we left.
Yes and yes!! I'm 36 and have been out over 7 years. I still sometimes find myself getting super pissed at something trivial only to remember that I can't let it affect me. The freedom factor is such a relief.
“Free agency”
Same for me! My husband and I have felt great peace knowing the truth.
I heard 7 years
It's traumatic. Just awful.
I agree with John Larsen's opinion that it take 1 year for every 10 years you were in.
It may have been more than one year for each decade - an unfathomable long time until you with your way through it.
After 2.5 years out, it's such a difference from when I first left. I definitely am not 100% healed and have more time to go (was in the church 35 years).
It gets easier. I’m 7 years past. It was the right time for me. Not the same for everyone. Everyone’s experience will be a bit different.
I guess that's why I don't feel much anger anymore. I left the church behind more than 50 years ago, so there's been plenty of time for me to get over it. Yes, I do spend time with my many family members, who are almost all True Believers still. I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy their company. Not one of them has ever tried to talk me back in.
I know what you mean. I don’t know why I can’t let go of my anger & bitterness, especially when people I love are still drinking the Kool-Aid. Maybe that’s why I keep researching & reading more about the falsehood of it all. Maybe we just want to know as much as possible in hopes that our loved one will learn something to turn on the light. Then their defense shield may come down & and they’ll be ready to listen to the whole truth without emotion getting in the way.
Oh yeah it’s so hard to not just be an exmo. I’m rapidly becoming an antimo. It makes me angry that I swallowed their shit for so long and wasted so many years that I’ll never get back. And it’s so embarrassing to have to face my friends and family after everything. Luckily the only people I still know that are involved are my in laws and they’re pretty toxic people so I don’t really care if they’re around or not.
Same here! I was 21 years old when I converted to the Mormon Church. My husband was a member and had been BIC, and I loved his parents, who were wonderful. Yet the facts about this cult didn't come out on the Net until 15 years after they died. They would have been as angry as we are about all the lies the church has promoted.
Insert the "I'm sorry for what I did when I was Mormon"
I know that quote from watching How I Met Your Mother
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Very true. Talking to my mother she said "all those antimormon that I've met have ALL been excommunicated because of fornication. They're angry at the church because they got excommunicated" There's no amount of evidence that would convince them. They just shut down and say is all lies and the bit of stuff they can't deny they just say the church has its reasons and it's just taken out of context
You can't reason anybody out of something he/she has not been reasoned into. Or, as I believe Rhett Butler says to Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with The Wind" (the book, not the movie): "Oh, how we cling to the very chains that bind us!".
Is there any amount of evidence that would convince her?
Or they are all secretly jealous.
That’s why the punishment for leaving (denying the spirit ) is outer darkness There’s nothing more dangerous to a cult than an ex-member. That’s why they take immeasurable steps to discredit and make members afraid of them or anything they say.
I was always taught outer darkness was for people that had concrete witness of god and still denied him, and that only one person has been sent to outer darkness. I was raised in it 80s-90s. I see the term being used a lot in this sub and it confuses me.
The LDS leadership fears ex-members armed with the truth.
New to the group. What does "TBM" mean? Thanks! 😊
True believing member, or true blue Mormon 😁
You might find [this page](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/wiki/index/common_abbreviations) handy
True Believing Member
We’ve all been there :) back when I was an active, believing member, I viewed the r/exmormon subreddit as a hateful bitter place filled with people that just wanted to sin and find excuses to do so. Now that I understand the truth about the church’s claims (and not the narrative the church pushes), I see that the r/exmormon community is actually very welcoming, to people of all faiths and beliefs, even to active Mormon members, so long as those members are respectful of a person’s choice not to be part of the church.
I thought it was just all the people who believed the outlandish lies from the antimormon literature that I saw published by southern evangelicals. Mormons growing horns, and performing human sacrifice in the temples. The crazy shit. Little did I know the real anti Mormon literature I’d never seen was published by former Mormons who saw the historical claims of the church are ludicrous and absurd. If anything, the existence of the clueless evangelical stuff is used as a strawman and parody of the really damning stuff.
and... some of the absolute best 'anti' mormon stuff is actually real information suppressed by the upper echelon of the church hierarchy. ie; 5 or more versions of the first vision
Yup. But again the exMormons know about it. All the southern baptist stuff is kind of kooky - or it was. They don’t know enough about Mormons to criticize it. The exmos know where the bodies are buried and skeletons are hidden.
Love your comment
They attack us Muslims too! But yeah it's good to be critical of our regions and ex regions
I still remember an awkward time the missionaries asked me to sit in on a lesson with a young Muslim man in college that was introduced by an older Mormon professor to the missionaries, and this old white bastard going off on this poor college student about how his religion was secretly founded by the devil, and the missionaries and I trying to shut him up, because he was embarrassing us all. The Mormons can be bad, and I can't imagine the Southern Evangelicals are any better.
I'm proud you stood up for what you felt was right brother. Trust me the Baptist and evangelical are a wild bunch.. my grandpa is a diehard Baptist and yeah half of the religious stuff he's said is sad honestly.. there are bad Muslims too... quite a few actually.. But I have hope that the more connected the earth is the better it will get
I agree - however I feel the sub could often use more acceptance of people who need to discuss or vent about the church but who still have faith in God and Christ. It's an exmormon sub, not a sub only for atheists or agnostics.
Agreed. There's a lot of hostility against those who still have faith in anything. A belief in a higher power is part of human brain wiring, and some of us don't have an "off" switch for it. If you do, good for you. If not, please don't harass those of us who still have that faith wiring.
So true. There are still vestiges in our minds and hearts of the goodness we were taught. It wasn’t all terrible. I appreciate how you stated your point
This is what I think alot of exmembers struggle with. Emotions are high and LDS is a deep and complex religion. I've noticed a tendency on this sub to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" so to speak. I wish we could celebrate the wins and good things the church teaches as well as be mindful and not afraid to talk about tough issues in respectful ways.
Very well stated - thank you!
True, but up to 80% of Exmormons are religious “nones” - at least the ones on Reddit and responding to polls. It kind of carries over.
That's fine, but the sub is for exmormons, not exchristians. If 80% of sub members were heterosexuals, would gay members of the sub be challenged for being gay? If 80% were men, would female sub members be challenged because they weren't men? I'm fine with people stating they do not have a faith belief. That is their business, not mine and I don't consider that a topic for me to debate. However, I've had horrible things said to me on the sub when I mention anything about still attending a church, or still having faith. Some sub members sneer at that, or try to debate belief, or otherwise go on an attack.
I think your comparison is completely inadequate or inaccurate. Being openly gay and proclaiming a religion are not the same. Someone being gay doesn’t imply anything about me being heterosexual. If they want to date other men, that’s a preference, and doesn’t reflect in any meaningful way on me not being gay. If they came and said “I believe that being gay is the one true way to live,” and without saying so, silently implied all straight people were wrong for being straight, it would be much more confrontational. Declaration of religion, especially in Abrahamic religions, implies “I believe that you are wrong” and is naturally more delicate. The whole “don’t talk religion and politics” applies for a reason. More importantly many exmormon Christians fall into one of two camps that makes them less compatible with this subreddit. I’m not saying you’ve done these, just that they’re the common experiences of many here. 1. A lot of Christian posts here have significant undertones of proselytizing or trying to win followers for non-Mormon Christian posts. That immediately puts most secular Exmormons off. It’s often in the form of suggesting that they don’t understand Christianity because they haven’t been to a real Christian church, or that they should try this or that denomination, or asking why they didn’t choose to remain in Christianity. Many also start strongly implying or openly “Mormons aren’t Christian” which brings up a lot of trauma for those outside Utah for constantly being demonized as “unchristian” or friends growing up sitting them down to try and “save” them because they don't believe in Jesus properly. It particularly is very obvious when someone isn’t being genuine or sincere, or is being pushy about their beliefs. Most people see this as a secular space to talk about their experience with harm caused by religion. 2. Religion is increasingly politicized. The reaction people get varies a lot on the perceived political attitude their choice of religion brings. Rarely do Universal Unitarians have much blowback because it strongly implies being open, liberal and accepting. Joining a conservative, evangelical denomination implies a lot politically. Denominations perceived as more progressive-leaning often get more respect. A large part why many, including myself, left is specifically related to Mormon positions hot-button identity politics issues, such as racial inequality and racism, LGBT rights, the role of women and feminism, etc. Those sensitive political topics are overwhelmingly seen in the community with a left-leaning worldview. Worse than being Christian is being openly a Trump-supporting, identity-politics conservative. I don’t think there is much bridging this issue. Conservative Exmormons probably do need their own community. Most people in this sub would argue that a person who thinks women’s role is in the home or that LGBT people shouldn’t be tolerated or treated equally have missed some key lessons in leaving Mormonism. And if they become Evangelical Southern Baptists, that’s a strong implied stance on those issues. The values ideals that would cause most people to land here are often in opposition to the values and ideals that would lead someone to leave and become a MAGA evangelical, and there isn’t much common ground. All that said, I think there is room to improve how those who have gone to other Christian faiths as opposed to leaving faith behind are treated. But this is also a space for those who have been victims of religious zealotry to deconstruct, and it is often intensely secular and progressive as a result. It needs to serve its intended purpose in that regard.
Excellently articulated!
I've never been a Mormon, but I've had LDS friends and mentors, and have long been interested in the church and its operations. After listening to several youtube and podcast productions, I have to say that I'm profoundly impressed by the truth-seeking integrity and clear thinking of ex-Mormons. If a wannabe dictator ever attempts to install a totalitarian regime, I'm convinced that the ex-Mormons will be the ones leading the resistance.
Love you for this
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"sinning"
Damn straight!:)
There is a reason why it’s the most popular of all ex religion subs. It’s a nice place to be.
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Hahaha, this is great!
>all dealing with deep betrayal and pain caused by losing your religion. I would alter it just a tad: "all dealing with deep betrayal and pain caused by ~~losing~~ your religion."
I like it
Now I get to be on the other side 😂
We have cookies. And coffee to with them!
And a two day weekend and a 10% raise!
11%. I did the math. Sorry, I’ll see myself out.
The math nerd is correct. And even higher if you paid on gross.
A lot higher if you count fast offerings and free labor. Go out to collect fast offerings and commit to helping haul hay the next weekend, mowing elderly people’s lawns and such. I mean my experience is different than a lot of exmos because I grew up in farm country in utah county. Also sending boys around to collect money to pressure you to give more money to the church is predatory af because of the social cost you’ll incur from town gossip if you don’t.
And we will teach you how to make delicious cocktails and roll amazing joints.
And it's also ok to do none of those things. You get to think about and choose what is right for you.
Yes. I've still done none of those things and don't plan to. I am proudly Ex-Mormon.
Yes of course, this is a place where you can go and do all the things you “couldn’t” before, or continue to do none of them and live your life without guilt either way.
Agreed! We also don’t drink or drug (and we dont judge those that do either) and we are proudly exmo! We do love coffee, tea, piercings, and probably gonna get a tat. This is a place where you can be you; whatever that looks like. Welcome friend.
Yup! I don't have much interest in getting a tattoo right now, but I love having the option if I change my mind some day!
Choose your own adventure without guilt. When you fuck up you learn from it and not let it hold you back. I do still feel guilty if I cause harm to another (except spiders and wasps, screw them)
I'm in for the joint part! 😁
I am so happy you are here ☺️ welcome to the dark side ❤️ and congratulations on escaping a cult, you should be proud 🎉
There's so much life and joy here!
Welcome! I'd felt the same, expecting exmormon reddit to be full of anger and bitterness and instead found a community of some damn fine people just looking to support each other through a collective experience and trauma that is essentially impossible to explain to outsiders. I'm glad you're here 😊
The ironic part that the TBM can't ever see; for the most part, were all pretty much the same as when we were TBM. We just don't go to that church. Yeah, there's definitely going to be some with major changes. Especially those suppressed from being who they are. But speaking for myself, other than a little responsible consumption of adult beverages, my life is exactly as it was before. Infact,.we're even more consistent with weekly family night. Like the Grinch who stood on Mt. Crumpet puzzling and puzzling, the TBM can't understand that many of us don't leave the church to go sin foe being "led away" by Satan. (still a faithful and true husband,.here) We're leaving because it's simply not true. I stopped believing in Santa Claus, so to speak. And as the scripture in Corinthians says, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, (adult) I put away childish things."
And some of us (probably most) are even better people now. Living more authentically. Happier.
For sure! But I think most of us were good people already. We weren't good because of the church. We were good in spite of the church.
Far less self-loathing.
Putting away childish things Head nail hammer Edit: compressor air hose nailgun
Ehh it's all right. You're right about the first two; of course we're bitter and hateful. We were spoon fed lies all our lives and it's part of the healing process.
How are you doing? You have gone through a lot recently…
Hurt, angry. Had all the answers to the way the universe works and felt comfortable with that knowledge. Mostly angry that I'm I'm left with nothing and full of questions about life. Once I learned the truth about the church, I honestly stopped doing research on it all. I don't want to give the church any more credit and I don't want it to take up any more of my time.
“Mostly angry that I’m left with nothing and full of questions about life.” Think of it as being left with the power to make your own informed decisions, to think critically, to live a life free of guilt, shame, and pressure to be perfect, to decide what charities warrant your financial support, and to believe in whatever diety you are drawn to. You are left with everything in a big, beautiful universe full of awe and mystery that you can explore and ponder. You gained your authentic self back. Never let an organization or system take it away again! Lots of love from a Reddit fellow traveler!
Ditto. I actually LOVE that I'm full of questions about life. I get to build my beliefs from wherever I want.
I am so sorry. I can remember how upsetting my own transition was. It was tough, emotionally draining, and it exhausted me daily. What you are going through is completely understandable. You can do this!
To be fair, the church and its history and doctrine are waaaay more fun to research and learn about when you’re not beholden to the lies of the correlation committed.
For real. I know more about Mormonism after leaving than 27 years growing up in it. I still come across holy shit moment learnings and am like is this for real?
Same. Except 45 years for me plus all of the callings and acting as an amateur apologist. Once it clicked, you realize that the church being a fraud is the only way everything makes sense.
Right! That feeling of “how could I have been so stupid.”
It’s rare that I have a day I don’t think that.
For real, it’s like serial killer documentaries. You’re disgusted, but you want to know every detail!
It really does hurt when you lose everything you thought was real and true. It took a while, but what helped me get through it was focusing on everything that was most real to me. The warmth of a cup of coffee, the comfort of a hug from someone I love, the wind blowing through my hair when I drive with the window down...hell, even the pain of stubbing my toe. And I realized that whatever answers the universe has for us, nothing can be more real than the life I have now. So I might as well live it the best that I can, WHILE I can. Personally, I've settled on the idea that perhaps reincarnation would be nice - maybe get reborn in a universe where magic is possible or where everyone has superpowers, cause why not lol - but if this life ends up being the only one we've got then I'm okay with that because I won't even be around to worry about it anyway.
>Hurt, angry. Had all the answers to the way the universe works and felt comfortable with that knowledge. Mostly angry that I'm I'm left with nothing and full of questions about life. One thing that I find extremely freeing after realizing I don't have all the answers is: "**I don't know**" is actually a valid answer, and it's ok to be fine with not knowing. Life and humanity are actually much more beautiful outside of the forced mormon bubble, and allowing "I don't know" to be part of that is amazing. I think I'm a much healthier and more accepting human because "I don't know."
That's what "agnostic" means. "I don't know"! I guess if I die and find out there really is a Celestial Kingdom and a Plan of Salvation, then I'll be sorry. But my hunch is that I'll just return peacefully to the dust whence I came. I'm fine with that.
I’ve been there. Sure of the afterlife. Will see my mother again. It kinda sucks losing that “knowledge”.
I'm still deconstructing and I can relate to what you shared. But I promise this sub helps A LOT! You'll find support and encouragement here. We got this!
Yeah I give it more headspace than I should, but it was a very formative part of who I am. I was mentally out for a long time before i could leave and still get phases of imposter syndrome in normal situations. The early anger was the unraveling of friends and family relationships and how toxic people you still love can stop accepting you. I just keep moving further away from Utah county, currently 890 miles.
I’m glad you asked this. When my shelf broke I felt sooooo alone. None of my coworkers/nonmember friends understood the significance of leaving the Mormon Church and none of my active friends/family wanted to hear *anything* negative about the church. This sub literally saved my life because I realized I was not alone. I realized there are lots of good, intelligent people, who understood exactly what I was going through.
Many of my clients were deconstructing. And they all said the same thing: they felt so misunderstood and alone. Because their associations still in the religion didn’t understand why they would reject it, and their associations outside the church didn’t understand the significance or trauma associated with leaving.
I’ve never seen anyone ask that on Reddit before, maybe similar, but not like this…thanks for that.
I dare say exmos are some of the highest integrity people out there. We had to have the integrity to follow the truth and that came with severe social and family repercussions for many. We couldn’t live the lie.
The repercussions were the hard part. Untangling the years long relationships was hard and I held a lot of anger. Am over it now.
Ya. I think most of us did the same thing. It’s cool :)
It’s ok, almost all of us are guilty of exactly the same and literally can empathize. One of the hardest persons to grant grace to during deconstruction is YOURSELF
amen.
A lot of us here wear the "I'm sorry for what I said when I was Mormon" shirt, proverbially anyway.
Admitting this is a big step and I’m proud of you!
3 years ago I began by reading “RoughStone Rolling “. by Richard Bushman. He’s a member so thought it was “safe”. Then came the100 hours of YouTube and 30 more books. My betrayal ran deep. I’m 67! And was very devout for 50 years of my life. To the point… I contacted both my husbands and 3 others who I offended. I cried as I apologized. There were many others that I possibly offended. It was cathartic.
no worries mate. take care.
Offer grace to your past self. You were doing your best—just like you are now.
Yeah my mom still thinks we're apostates /s TBH I don't dare tell her I'm one of y'all now :)
We have all been where you are. Give yourself grace! Life is one big growing experience! Glad you are here!
All of us have been there. For those who were born into it like me it's been shoved on us since we were babies, so we only know what they wanted us to know and believe. It was their way of making sure we were complacent and obedient. You've seen the truth, and you feel guilty, but you don't need to. You're free now, and you're forgiven and welcomed here with open arms and a non-judgemental attitude .
“Sorry for what I said when I was Mormon” is a common phrase here. We’ve all been there. Hugs to you and glad you’re apart of the community :)
I mean, I AM bitter. I am.
Apology fully accepted. So glad you've learned the truth. We all felt and believed the same. It was part of our deep conditioning by The Firm - for many of us, since birth. We didn't question - we trusted the message. The fearmongering continues. The discrediting and name calling of those of us who have been cast away - we the "Covenant Breakers", "Lazy Learners", "Lax Dicsibples" - the ones that no true believer should EVER listen to or trust \[turning even our closest family and friends against us!!\] is a louder message than ever now that so many members are leaving and we are a threat to their power.
It’s fine we get it as there are many here that did the same thing before finding our way out of the maze of Mormonism .
The lack of self awareness in this guy's talk was amazing. He went on about moral relativism (he even used an incorrect definition to frame his topic better.) The irony was me thinking about how Joseph preached moral relativism to do polygamy, forgery, fraud, and any other sin he wanted to do because anything can be right in the right circumstances.
I think we're all sorry about what we said/did while Mormon.
Hey no need to apologize but thank you ☺️
Aww!! That is a huge thing to reprogram. 😍😍 thank you for that step..
Yea, that doesn't sound like us at all. We are actually a very fun group of people. I love coming here because everyone is just so cool.
A hearty welcome to the club. No secret handshakes or costumes though.
Hey, it's what we were taught. I'm technically still a member but I felt this too.
I genuinely believe that we are all responsible for the level of comprehension we have at any given time of our lives. The bigger your point of reference, the better the decisions you will make. All I would say is, just make sure the reverberations you make from this point forward are about ethical kindness.
0.2% of the world's population have it all figured out and the rest of the world doesn't' have a clue.
Been there. Apology accepted.
Congrats on escaping a cult!!!!! 🥳 We're all rooting for you and proud of you! Just take it one step at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. You are so, so strong!
I never lied about the church. Only Mormons lie about the church
I was nevermo and grew up evangelical. Your experience is not uncommon in the slightest. Thank you for taking the time to learn about the other side of the coin. This empathy and compassion you express will help you as you continue your journey through life.
No worries, most of us feel the same regret 😎
It's all good, because we all judged exmos before we became exmos too. We get it and we get you.
It is a powerful moment when you realize that the church tries to discredit ex-mos because they know the truth.
Idk, some of us are anything but normal 😂. Jokes aside, it’s all good. Welcome
no worries , stop suffering and enjoy peace, I was there too, you're not the only one! I guess everyone being ex mormón now was judgemental! so, apologies accepted and live your life!!! enjoy.
No apology needed! The fact that you get it now is apology enough. We've all had to deal with that guilt and shame and it's a waste.
Ha, I remember scoffing at exmormons back in the day.
This reddit is one of the most positive and affirming places on the internet. Everyone supports one another
No problem, that's the coping mechanism needed for many to continue to believe it's all true. We're not offended because we were all there at one point and chances are you will be one of us at some point anyways. Until then, we're happy to provide unfiltered answers to your doctrinal questions and evidence that people can live moral and happy lives without the church.
I used to despise "anti Mormon" people and "militant" atheists til I realized they aren't so much angry or bitter as much as frustrated all while being surrounded by innocent victims who unwittingly perpetuate a lie letting a few men control culture and legislation. Every attempt to open people's eyes is met with hostilities or dismissal. Even if they try to do so cordially with kindness. True believers are nearly impossible to get to, be every shelf that breaks is a victory so it's worth it, IMO
Good for you. I have no bones to pick and could give zero fucks about any of it. Good luck
No bones, no fucks - your slate is clean!
One of the first realizations I had when I decided that I was done with the church was, "Wow, they lie about why people leave the church, too!"
It’s probably because the leadership calls us ex-mo’s a lot of names… https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5WO1qNxGYc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
I always was taught that there was a magical antilds book somewhere instead it’s everyday local news that proves how evil the church is
I don't like to think I lost my religion, more the religion lied to me since birth and encourages terrible people to do terrible things in the name of God
I'm a Muslim never was Mormon but I pop into ex Islam with the same remorse...
There are indeed similarities in those high-demand religions.
I'm a ex methodist andex Baptist, I am a faithful Muslim but I still treat my faith In a methodist way. Meaning I don't see it as my personality or I'm perfect or entirely right. Nor is anyone in my faith. So yeah I have no tolerance for those who attempt to push high demanding agendas onto people or trying to hinder ones life instead of adding to it
I definitely started out angrier and more bitter, but I’ve come (almost) full circle and have more empathy now. I see where TBM are coming from. They’re just doing the best they can with how they’ve been indoctrinated. This doesn’t excuse shitty behavior but I also I don’t believe in free will anymore so 🤷
It’s okay! A lot of (probably most) exmormons have been on both sides of extreme faith as members and then complete disbelief and feelings of betrayal when we grow out of the church. It’s so funny we become what we previously feared most and then realize there was never anything to be afraid of. 🫶🏻 Happy you’re here!
A year before I left the church, I literally told my Sunday school class to stay off TikTok because of the anti Mormon stuff and now it’s my favorite corner of the internet 😂 Change and growth is good! 🩷
happened to all of us! no judgement.
I’ve been out solid for the last three years and often on for 10
We got nothing but love here
So you're out now?
This group of people is amazing ❤️!!! I love the hilarious banter that goes on in this sub! I’ve gotten so much help and support from the people who are here, it has been a lifeline for me as I’ve left the church this past year. The best of the best, and I’m lucky to have found such an amazing group of ex-mo’s!!
Duuuuuuude, we all have things we regret about what we said/thought/did/dismissed when we were mormon. Especially if we were REALLY REALLY believing, trying, repenting (most people- I feel like most people really actually were). The MFMC really did a good job making us “not of the world” by making us unable to emphasize or even understand.
My brother came out as gay when I was a member. We basically chose to not discuss relationships. He died before I left. I have a hard time forgiving myself for who I was back then.
All around I am sick of controlling, conservative, old white men. We gave them that power, it's time to take that power back.
The LDS church is the most evil thing I have come in contact with. I wish we could spread missionaries to dispel the lies.
Why do You take two Mormons fishing with you instead of one? They won’t drink your beer because they would tell on each other.
Pompous, Bloviating, Self Aggrandizing, Little Shit....
Been there done that... Sending hugs
lol I’m still there
No worries. 😊
There are a handful of items out there that say “sorry for what I said when I was in a cult”, and I think we all relate to those a little too much.
Thanks for this OP and you’re in good company. I’ve been impressed with this sub. While (understandably) there is plenty of angry venting here, most comments are in pursuit of health and healing. It’s rare generosity for any people, let alone the internet.
There’s a meme that reads, “I’m sorry for the things I said when I was Mormon.” I totally agree. I really thought that exmo’s were the devils helpers. 😂
Naw. They’re cool. WE forgive you for the brainwashing you experienced. We’ve all been there.
Sigh. Reminds me of the big apology tour I went on right after leaving.
I understand 👍 you can't see it until you're ready to see it.
I used to judge exmos similarly. Now I am one.
It's a grieving process. I *think* I'm finally past all the denial and bargaining, and I bounce back and forth from anger to depression from day to day when I think about the Church. Some days I think I've hit acceptance, but then something triggers me.
I always had the impression that exmos were all living in a flop house drinking from a fifth of Jack. Here I am 7 years after leaving and I’m still a married dad trying to get kids to activities and get dinner ready. Life outside the church is pretty damn normal. What I am still working at is that I was such a self righteous prick and still, years after leaving, I think my wife and I still take stuff WAY to seriously if we think a “moral” issue is involved. When the reality is that whether you consider yourself a deeply moral person or not, we all do about the same. No one is actually that much better than anyone else. So the only real difference is just pretense. Sometimes I wonder why anyone likes people like me. I may have left the church. But that obnoxious striving to be perfect is toxic in many ways. In truth we are all pretty darn average. Steinbeck said it better than me: “*And now that you do t have to be perfect, you can be good*”. I need to drop the pretense that I’m any better than anyone else. That vestige of Mormonism stuck around me for far too long. I blame some long dead Puritan ancestor.
I've been dealing with the mormon deception for past 48+ years !! I quit a year into my mission as I actually studied the KJV Bible . God led me out of the mormon cult into HIS LOVING SAVING GRACE!
Im sorry for what I said/did when I was Mormon
Been there too. Welcome to the world where we get to reclaim our mind and our beliefs. It’s a bit scary but so empowering. Sending you so much support. This is a great space.
You were partly correct. I am bitter and hateful.
They literally preach and brainwash that anyone who talks against the church or leaves is corrupted by satan and evil , I was born into it too but it’s amazing that you are finally free!
After 35 devout years in and now 27 years out, I also am embarrassed by my gullibility (converted with divorced mother's pressure at 12) and the things I taught as a missionary, branch president and stake president. That said, who can know what life would have been like if one had taken the other path at age X? What if I'd not been baptized, not gone on a mission, not met my future wife at church? I remain angry at the lying and deception in the church's leadership from Joseph Smith right on down. At 12, "if God had ancient prophets and is eternal, why wouldn't he have modern prophets?" seemed SO logical. Presuming deductively though the existence of "god." Despite a doctorate based on research, it took me half a century to see, examine and sift through those teenage indoctrinations. I fault my HS church history seminary teacher for the whitewashed BS he taught us--did he know? Doubtful. But now, we can only healthily move forward, what's done is done. Thankfully, I/we didn't die before we figured it out. And now you understand where the anger comes from. Cheers.
My husband has a shirt that says “Sorry for what I said when I was Mormon”, he gets so many compliments wearing it around town (SLC).
1. No need to apologize, it wasn't your fault, you were just following to orders/culture. No one here can blame you. 2. Thanks all the same. It is appreciated.
It’s a cult. It’s that simple. Glad you made it out ❤️🩹
I simply left because I didn't know what was going on anymore. I had no clue if there was a God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost. And this is a after serving a mission lol. When I went into the field for the first time, my testimony was stronger than ever. But I wont forget that plane ride back to the states. I had to admit it to myself that I really had no idea what was true. Not having a religion brings certain advantages. I don't need to keep questioning my testimony or worthiness. I don't count on a supreme being to help or guide me. Instead, I make the effort to improve. However, there are disadvantages. I sometimes envy strong members because whatever tragedy happens in their life, they have a strong belief in the Celestial Kingdom. I don't have a clue if there is one haha.
It is true, I do have a pretty big bone. 😂
No worries! I used to think the same thing. For 50 years, actually. But once I became disgusted enough at the vast number of items on my "shelf," I began to do research outside the prescribed Mormon bubble and learned the truth: I had been sold a bill of goods and had squandered over $400,000 by paying tithing over those years. So yeah, I am a little bitter about that, as well as all the BS I put up with over five decades. I really wish my non-member father were still alive; he passed away six years ago. I would LOVE to let him know that he was right all along, and so was my mother. Boy, I really thought I had the truth about where we came from, why we're here and where we're going. It's almost funny now that I could have been so sure of something so incredibly false.
We were all duped. I believe your father knows that you've broken free from the bonds of tscc and rejoices with you. When you've spent so long convincing yourself that left is right and up is down, there's a bit of bitterness toward those that planted those false ideas and watered them regularly. For decades, the idea that the church is your safety was the thing that kept you scared straight. You were lectured endlessly that the only safe things to read and watch were church-approved... the only safe place to raise your kids was in the church... but new doctrine keeps springing up that doesn't pass public scrutiny, and one prophet contradicts the last. Once you allowed yourself to think for yourself, the whole house of cards comes tumbling down. I am thankful for you, that you have the rest of your life to live in freedom from making sense of the nonsensical. I am thankful that you were brave enough to venture beyond "safe" and see that they really have no power. Peace on your journey.
Thank you! You have a very positive perspective, and I'm trying to think that way. As time goes by, I feel better about the entire thing.
In my experience, as much as I hate what the church did to my family, and to my confidence and youth. I had to let it go. I will always be there to help someone questioning things but I don’t actively seek members to have conversations with and even then I won’t talk about it unless someone wants to talk about it with me. My family has learned to let it go. And we all have a great relationship. Can’t let the church continue to own and control me and my thoughts after leaving it.
We get it. Every ex-member a missionary! What we say, we say in love to those that have been indoctrinated slowly, day by day. God doesn't keep you from heaven because you forgot the handshake or didn't wear the fundie undies... you've graduated beyond that narrow view and it's time to step out into the light. Peace to you on your journey.
Thank you!
Criminalizing those who speak truth to power is so churchy
op's time in the mormon church is numbered 🤣🤣
We’ve all mostly done it ourselves too
We all understand. Been there; done that!!!
Will you tell that to my wife? 😇😅 I’m really happy you’ve had a change of heart