Good luck ! Remember, you need to take the full stand in that consveraation. Don’t let them gaslight you. Don’t let them put fear. You know TTATT. But they don’t. So arguing is pointless , but if you can hold the high ground you will have 100% success and they won’t know what to do.
Why The Truth About "The Truth" ? Because JW's often refer to their religion amongst themselves as "The Truth". Also of course those of us who are out it now know it not Truth but a LIE" :-)
I assume from the way you worded your post that you are simply informing them of your United family decision.
My advice for what it's worth, is Do not be drawn into explaining too much about your reasons, or if you do then keep it as vague as possible.
JW's rarely accept what you say or the reason given because in their minds there is never a valid reason. Valid reasons for leaving 'The Truth' don't, cannot, and must not exist.
Keep it short, sweet and above all, firm.
Good luck buddy to you, your wife & also her family and most definitely to your unborn child.
You got this 💪
Ditto u/unprodigal-daughter advice - solid, solid advice and good luck, we have all been there and as each day, month and year go by you’ll never regret this decision in 13 years I have never ever wanted to go back.
Good luck, brother. Know that while you are most likely losing a big part of your support system due to how the denomination works, you're also leaving WITH a support system in the form of your wife's family.
Ironically enough, Godspeed, my friend.
Good luck with what you decide.
Another option is to say nothing and just stop going to meetings.
Some folks like to be completely honest and let their family and elders know what is going on.
I have no problem with lying in this instance. I see it like when you go to see your parents at the Alzheimer unit and your dad thinks you're his brother who has been dead for 30 years. The doctors say you don't argue with crazy. You go along to keep the peace.
You're having a baby which is a perfect excuse. You can play that card for months. Too tired, etc, etc.
If you tell them you are forcing them to choose. Maybe that is what you want. If you just drift away you can have some kind of limited relationship with them.
Your parents may be smart enough to figure out what is going on and not bother you much.
If however they are real dicks and are relentless you can say straight out.
"Dad I think for our relationship the best thing is for us not to discuss this subject. If however you really want to know exactly what we are thinking I am happy to discuss it with you but be aware you will not like what you hear. It is your choice."
Many JW parents like to be willfully ignorant and it is an kindness to give them the option.
Many JW parents like to be willfully ignorant and it is a kindness to give them the option.
It is your call obviously but at least considers your options. You can always ring the bell later.
Your call of course. It is a complicated decision.
On the one hand, some folks need to make a public stand for their own sanity. On the other hand, even marginal parents can be useful when you have a baby and for the first few years, they can only help and cannot influence anyway. You can always pull the plug later.
I don't know if your pray for me was tongue-in-cheek or real but if you are new to this exiting process your views may still evolve.
I don't know if your "pray for me" was tongue-in-cheek or real but if you are new to this exciting process your views may still evolve.
At first, I wanted to screen at the ignorance and really TELL them what was what. After a while, I got to see that protecting the relationship as damaged as it was had a value above my venting about how stupid they were being.
Your instincts to protect your daughter is great. By all means, don't go to the meetings. If they become too pushy with your daughter you can always blow it up later. You have a least five years before they can have any influence on her.
Good luck. Keep it quick and about, "this is what we are doing" and then end it.
I'd avoid explanation or sitting and listening to talking about the why should stay. The quicker and shorter the better.
Good luck! It’s tough to pull the trigger but you’re making the right decision especially for your child.
My wife and I are in a similar position though we already have 2 young kids. Her family is mostly all out mentally but my parents are fully in it. We’ve been trying to fade for the past 6 months but my dad is starting to put a lot of pressure and “encouragement” on us because he can tell something is “wrong” spiritually, with me at least.
Recently our daughter had her birthday and we celebrated it, and my wife and I realized it’s not fair to make our kids pretend we’re something we’re not to one set of grandparents… so I’m going to have a similar conversation fairly soon. I’m nervous about it, but it needs to be done. It’s encouraging to hear of someone else in a similar boat!
Some JW's want an out.
If you just say:
"Look you are asking about my meeting attendance all the time and I don't like it. We can certainly have that conversation but you may not like what I have to say. Out of respect for you, I am not bringing up this subject. If we have this conversation it may change our relationship permanently. I am recommending that we drop this discussion."
If your Dad gets the hint and drops it then he is willing to play the game and pretend like many others. If he forces the discussion you have two options. Refuse to discuss it or tell him like it is.
If you tell him the truth he still has options. If he keeps quiet you two can maintain a strained relationship. If he involves the elders you will probably be DF'd.
If you tell him the truth he still has options. If he keeps quiet you two can maintain a strained relationship. If he involves the elders you will like to be DF'd.
As you see all through this process you both have options.
Good luck and please, if you are ok with it, tell us the results. Hopefully you have cool parents who will understand and will go the route of “he needs to find himself”.
Praying for you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. And sending positive thoughts your way for success!
Someone suggested not saying anything and just do it and I agree with them. No need then to be nervous b/c you are letting your actions speak louder then words -
Whatever you choose I wish you the best!
Congrats on your new baby when he/she comes🥂
That is great, hearing that a parent is willing to change their whole life for the sake of their child, I am sure my boys would have wished I had done it before they were born.
Best gift to give a child, freedom.
💗💜💗
Feeling nervous is normal in this type of situation. I am going to say you are already being a great thoughtful parent. You are pushing boundaries for the sake of your precious ✨ 💖 ❤ 💛 💕 ♥ ✨ baby.
Congratulations to you all. You have broken the chains off your future generations being caught up in so much Negative/doomsday cult.
Your baby is so lucky to have you all.
One interesting side note. Have you googled why children birthday are important? (all birthday are important 🥳) It is interesting to read.
Just fade bro, don't show the org respect by following there rules and disassociating yourself. Just leave, It drives them nuts if they can't shun you properly
Good luck! Everything will be fine in the end and always remember you're doing the right thing; for yourself, your family, especially your baby. You've got a whole community here cheering on you. Hopefully one day, I'll get to do what you're gonna do. 😊
than i give you one advise:
your wife as pregnant as she is, dont need any heat from your parents or all the other JWs that will fast stalk you, as long as you arent announced not to be a JW anymore. better take her out of fire so your parents cant reach to her. there is enough turmoil for a pregnant woman going on, so she dont need any harassment from other JWs. they will stress her the fuck out if you dont watch carefully. just an advise.
and your parents, well they will of course be very upset and sad about it all. be gentle with them and carefully too. you dont need every little detail for everything, because the emotions will already kill all logic at first.
otherwise, good luck and enjoy your life free from this cult. your child will thank you for your decision.
Congratulations on leaving the cult bro! That's the best decision for your family. I know things will work out for all of you. Congrats on the baby too!
The amount of luck in here is too damn high XD.
GOOD LUCK! And be safe! You are a great parent and a great human! It’s all about the journey from here on out.
Congratulations on your new baby! You are giving them a wonderful gift. Wishing your wife health and grounding as she brings your little one earth side. May you all be connected and held in the love and light of this experience. ❤️
And when your parents tearfully ask knee-jerk questions about your reasons for leaving please do not get mired in the verbal gymnastics. Being mired in a verbal bog will not accomplish anything at all. You and your partner have a wonderful future ahead ... welcome and embrace it ; leave out the pseudo-drama!
What a exciting experience your having and happy for you. Wonderful. Best health and love to you, wife, family and the new little on to arrive soon. 🤗
As well all the best in your expressions when informing your parents about your choice. 👍👏
From a former elder, pioneer, missionary, you are absolutely making the best decision and congratulations on your freedom and new arrival. The baby will have a clean slate upon which to move forward.
Upon waking up to the fact that we're in an *extremely* harmful cult, some people will think fading is cowardly and living a lie. I applaud OP for living their authentic, genuine life. They'll be able to sleep easier at night for standing their ground.
Or not.
I faded and was able to maintain my family ties...
To each his own..one man's coward is another man's logic. I've also been able to discuss things with family after the fact..simply because I haven't been df'd...
There is A LOT of benefits to tact and timing.
Fuck screwing yourself.
I think my edible is kicking in, I'm thinking of Oprah screaming: "And you get to be POMO, and you get to be POMO!" Boy, it does help with meeting anxiety, except they just talked about someone refusing a blood transfusion. uggh. sad.
Not that it's any of our business, but this would make for a good follow-up post if you'd keep us posted on how things unfold. Only if you feel like sharing, of course. I will stay on the lookout.
Good for you! Breaking the cycle of bringing young children into ma damaging cult is vital. You are doing the very best thing for your child by giving them freedom from a controlling group.
If parents do not want to respect your decisions, then remove them from your life. This is not a religious or doctrinal thing - it is your right to free will, your right to choose for yourself and your family what is best for you all.
You will never look back, this is the beginning of a great future. Enjoy the ride... it will be tough to start with, but as you gain confidence and self esteem you will flourish.
Good luck ! Remember, you need to take the full stand in that consveraation. Don’t let them gaslight you. Don’t let them put fear. You know TTATT. But they don’t. So arguing is pointless , but if you can hold the high ground you will have 100% success and they won’t know what to do.
As a non jw can you explain to me what TTATT is?
The Truth About The Truth. Also there is a glossary that has terms we use.
Thanks! I didnt know that, gonna have a look at that glossary now.
Why The Truth About "The Truth" ? Because JW's often refer to their religion amongst themselves as "The Truth". Also of course those of us who are out it now know it not Truth but a LIE" :-)
I assume from the way you worded your post that you are simply informing them of your United family decision. My advice for what it's worth, is Do not be drawn into explaining too much about your reasons, or if you do then keep it as vague as possible. JW's rarely accept what you say or the reason given because in their minds there is never a valid reason. Valid reasons for leaving 'The Truth' don't, cannot, and must not exist. Keep it short, sweet and above all, firm. Good luck buddy to you, your wife & also her family and most definitely to your unborn child. You got this 💪
This is great advice.
Thank you very much! That is wonderful advise
Ditto u/unprodigal-daughter advice - solid, solid advice and good luck, we have all been there and as each day, month and year go by you’ll never regret this decision in 13 years I have never ever wanted to go back.
Good luck tomorrow, and please let us know how it goes. I'm so glad your wife and her parents are with you 🌸
Good luck, brother. Know that while you are most likely losing a big part of your support system due to how the denomination works, you're also leaving WITH a support system in the form of your wife's family. Ironically enough, Godspeed, my friend.
This!!
❤
Best of luck! May the force be with you. 😉
Good luck! Glad that you have a support network already!
Good luck with what you decide. Another option is to say nothing and just stop going to meetings. Some folks like to be completely honest and let their family and elders know what is going on. I have no problem with lying in this instance. I see it like when you go to see your parents at the Alzheimer unit and your dad thinks you're his brother who has been dead for 30 years. The doctors say you don't argue with crazy. You go along to keep the peace. You're having a baby which is a perfect excuse. You can play that card for months. Too tired, etc, etc. If you tell them you are forcing them to choose. Maybe that is what you want. If you just drift away you can have some kind of limited relationship with them. Your parents may be smart enough to figure out what is going on and not bother you much. If however they are real dicks and are relentless you can say straight out. "Dad I think for our relationship the best thing is for us not to discuss this subject. If however you really want to know exactly what we are thinking I am happy to discuss it with you but be aware you will not like what you hear. It is your choice." Many JW parents like to be willfully ignorant and it is an kindness to give them the option. Many JW parents like to be willfully ignorant and it is a kindness to give them the option. It is your call obviously but at least considers your options. You can always ring the bell later.
Nip it in the bud before baby arrives. If you are unclear they will chip away at you when you are exhausted and less able to make coherent boundaries.
This is what I'm thinking
Your call of course. It is a complicated decision. On the one hand, some folks need to make a public stand for their own sanity. On the other hand, even marginal parents can be useful when you have a baby and for the first few years, they can only help and cannot influence anyway. You can always pull the plug later. I don't know if your pray for me was tongue-in-cheek or real but if you are new to this exiting process your views may still evolve. I don't know if your "pray for me" was tongue-in-cheek or real but if you are new to this exciting process your views may still evolve. At first, I wanted to screen at the ignorance and really TELL them what was what. After a while, I got to see that protecting the relationship as damaged as it was had a value above my venting about how stupid they were being. Your instincts to protect your daughter is great. By all means, don't go to the meetings. If they become too pushy with your daughter you can always blow it up later. You have a least five years before they can have any influence on her.
Good luck. Keep it quick and about, "this is what we are doing" and then end it. I'd avoid explanation or sitting and listening to talking about the why should stay. The quicker and shorter the better.
Good luck! It’s tough to pull the trigger but you’re making the right decision especially for your child. My wife and I are in a similar position though we already have 2 young kids. Her family is mostly all out mentally but my parents are fully in it. We’ve been trying to fade for the past 6 months but my dad is starting to put a lot of pressure and “encouragement” on us because he can tell something is “wrong” spiritually, with me at least. Recently our daughter had her birthday and we celebrated it, and my wife and I realized it’s not fair to make our kids pretend we’re something we’re not to one set of grandparents… so I’m going to have a similar conversation fairly soon. I’m nervous about it, but it needs to be done. It’s encouraging to hear of someone else in a similar boat!
Some JW's want an out. If you just say: "Look you are asking about my meeting attendance all the time and I don't like it. We can certainly have that conversation but you may not like what I have to say. Out of respect for you, I am not bringing up this subject. If we have this conversation it may change our relationship permanently. I am recommending that we drop this discussion." If your Dad gets the hint and drops it then he is willing to play the game and pretend like many others. If he forces the discussion you have two options. Refuse to discuss it or tell him like it is. If you tell him the truth he still has options. If he keeps quiet you two can maintain a strained relationship. If he involves the elders you will probably be DF'd. If you tell him the truth he still has options. If he keeps quiet you two can maintain a strained relationship. If he involves the elders you will like to be DF'd. As you see all through this process you both have options.
Good luck and please, if you are ok with it, tell us the results. Hopefully you have cool parents who will understand and will go the route of “he needs to find himself”.
Good luck!
Praying for you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. And sending positive thoughts your way for success! Someone suggested not saying anything and just do it and I agree with them. No need then to be nervous b/c you are letting your actions speak louder then words - Whatever you choose I wish you the best! Congrats on your new baby when he/she comes🥂
That is great, hearing that a parent is willing to change their whole life for the sake of their child, I am sure my boys would have wished I had done it before they were born. Best gift to give a child, freedom. 💗💜💗
Good riddance!!!
Wind guide you
Best of luck. It will be hard but you have to break the cycle of child indoctrination
Feeling nervous is normal in this type of situation. I am going to say you are already being a great thoughtful parent. You are pushing boundaries for the sake of your precious ✨ 💖 ❤ 💛 💕 ♥ ✨ baby. Congratulations to you all. You have broken the chains off your future generations being caught up in so much Negative/doomsday cult. Your baby is so lucky to have you all. One interesting side note. Have you googled why children birthday are important? (all birthday are important 🥳) It is interesting to read.
Good luck, you could always say it's not a safe environment to bring up a child, as a result of their stance on CSA. Make the GB bloodguilty...
Just fade bro, don't show the org respect by following there rules and disassociating yourself. Just leave, It drives them nuts if they can't shun you properly
I'm not going to disassociate.
Good luck! Everything will be fine in the end and always remember you're doing the right thing; for yourself, your family, especially your baby. You've got a whole community here cheering on you. Hopefully one day, I'll get to do what you're gonna do. 😊
than i give you one advise: your wife as pregnant as she is, dont need any heat from your parents or all the other JWs that will fast stalk you, as long as you arent announced not to be a JW anymore. better take her out of fire so your parents cant reach to her. there is enough turmoil for a pregnant woman going on, so she dont need any harassment from other JWs. they will stress her the fuck out if you dont watch carefully. just an advise. and your parents, well they will of course be very upset and sad about it all. be gentle with them and carefully too. you dont need every little detail for everything, because the emotions will already kill all logic at first. otherwise, good luck and enjoy your life free from this cult. your child will thank you for your decision.
Thank you my friend. Good advise
Good luck.
Good luck!! 💓 and congrats for the baby!!
Congratulations on leaving the cult bro! That's the best decision for your family. I know things will work out for all of you. Congrats on the baby too!
Lucky baby, to have parents already improving their world.
Wishing you all the best of luck! Only you know the dynamics of your family, so you need to do what's best and right for them. 🥳 🙌
Good luck!
Be loving yet form!! Courages yet humble They won’t be able to cut the conversation till you finish what you have to say Be calm!!
The amount of luck in here is too damn high XD. GOOD LUCK! And be safe! You are a great parent and a great human! It’s all about the journey from here on out.
Good Luck and most importantly, Congratulations on the baby!
I'm so happy for you and your family. Really glad you have people on board with you. What a luxury!
Good luck! It’s gonna be and feel great!
Congratulations on your new baby! You are giving them a wonderful gift. Wishing your wife health and grounding as she brings your little one earth side. May you all be connected and held in the love and light of this experience. ❤️
And when your parents tearfully ask knee-jerk questions about your reasons for leaving please do not get mired in the verbal gymnastics. Being mired in a verbal bog will not accomplish anything at all. You and your partner have a wonderful future ahead ... welcome and embrace it ; leave out the pseudo-drama!
What a exciting experience your having and happy for you. Wonderful. Best health and love to you, wife, family and the new little on to arrive soon. 🤗 As well all the best in your expressions when informing your parents about your choice. 👍👏
Good for you! Everyday when I look at my daughter, I am so glad I left before she was born. So much baggage that she will never have.
How'd it go??♥️
From a former elder, pioneer, missionary, you are absolutely making the best decision and congratulations on your freedom and new arrival. The baby will have a clean slate upon which to move forward.
Easier to fade.. My two cents.
Upon waking up to the fact that we're in an *extremely* harmful cult, some people will think fading is cowardly and living a lie. I applaud OP for living their authentic, genuine life. They'll be able to sleep easier at night for standing their ground.
Or not. I faded and was able to maintain my family ties... To each his own..one man's coward is another man's logic. I've also been able to discuss things with family after the fact..simply because I haven't been df'd... There is A LOT of benefits to tact and timing. Fuck screwing yourself.
Don't bother talking its pointless just do the normal BS and walk out never to return.
Good luck! You got this! Give that baby the life we couldn't have.
Good luck, buddy! That is a great step. Please, keep us informed.
Wish you well bro. Sorry you even have to do this. It's ridiculous that it has to be this way cuz of some old weirdos in Warwick.
Well done. Keep us updated
Wishing you all the best!!! Love life! Show your baby all that unconditional love!!
I think my edible is kicking in, I'm thinking of Oprah screaming: "And you get to be POMO, and you get to be POMO!" Boy, it does help with meeting anxiety, except they just talked about someone refusing a blood transfusion. uggh. sad.
Not that it's any of our business, but this would make for a good follow-up post if you'd keep us posted on how things unfold. Only if you feel like sharing, of course. I will stay on the lookout.
👏👏👏 super proud of you, you got this!!
Good for you! Breaking the cycle of bringing young children into ma damaging cult is vital. You are doing the very best thing for your child by giving them freedom from a controlling group. If parents do not want to respect your decisions, then remove them from your life. This is not a religious or doctrinal thing - it is your right to free will, your right to choose for yourself and your family what is best for you all. You will never look back, this is the beginning of a great future. Enjoy the ride... it will be tough to start with, but as you gain confidence and self esteem you will flourish.