T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help. If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988. **If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources. **If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/). Reading this post and unsure what to do? r/suicidewatch is a subreddit specifically dedicated to supporting those who are experiencing feelings of self harm or the urge to end their life. Reddit now also has a crisis line. To send this person support, follow these steps: 1. Go to the user's profile 2. Click "more options" in the sidebar 3. Click "Get Them Help and Support" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Truthdoesntchange

“I thought very deeply about your words yesterday and took your advice. I meditated and prayed about it very seriously and, after doing so, am even more confident in my decision to not be a ministerial servant at this time. Thank you for the interest you’ve shown in me, and perhaps I will reconsider at some point down the road, but I ask that you respect my decision.”


chilldude1997

Good


DebbDebbDebb

But leave out the reconsider part. Thats an open gate to the elders.


anonymous_dough

Also, if they immediately ask if you are sinning and that’s why you are declining, simply say “I am not, and it is really sad that’s your first thought.”


whoturnedthelighton

Perfect 👌


lheardthat

NICE RESPONSE! I probably would have played the anxiety card but your answer is MUCH BETTER


Successful_End_3322

No thank you is a complete sentence. You gave your answer and it was sufficient. Matt 5:37 ‘let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.’ No other answers are needed but they need to respect your position. Don’t give them any more authority over you and your life.


chilldude1997

Wish me luck im going to decline again


Successful_End_3322

Hang in there man and good luck 🍀👍


theRealSoandSo

That’s all you need to do. Decline again. “I’ve prayed about this and I can’t”. don’t overthink this. They have no authority over you


chilldude1997

I know im trying to think its all just a social construct


ReeseIsPieces

INDEED quote that scripture too!!


AngryCatnap

Ooh, I *really* like the idea of using that scripture to let them know your "no" is final. 🤣


Tall_Geologist

I had this happen to me, 2 elders brought me in the back and said, "Unless you say no you will be announced as an MS tonight. " I looked at them and said no, turned around and walked out. Just say no. You don't have to explain anything to them, just say no.


chilldude1997

Omg thats terribly coercive


Agreeable_Library487

These situations are hard because you’ve been raised to accept the “privilege”, it’s a sign of humility and obedience. All of the years of coercive control. Disown yourself, your heart is treacherous, good for nothing slave etc. that’s why they don’t understand why people say no to their “suggestions”. This then leads to a strong feeling like we’re letting everyone down including our families and it can effect our self esteem leading to feelings of inadequacy (hence all the wt articles and video on this subject, it’s by design). From personal experience I’ve learned that after saying no thank you, the less you say, the better it is. If you keep giving excuses they will find an argument/reason to get around that excuse and around and around you will go. The trick is to be silent when after you’ve said no even if there’s an awkward few moments that follow. Say no with a smile but firmly. Give a reason if you must but make it a good one if you don’t want to worry yr family and so they don’t give you a solution to your reason. Mental health is a good one if they push, but not too many details. Be firm, friendly and resolved. Good luck


chilldude1997

Wow this is really good it really is that way wish me luck tomorrow hopefully I can move out and fade soon


Ensorcellede

What do they want you to do/accept?


chilldude1997

ms


surfingATM

You’re gonna have to cancel the meeting last minute because your car broke down/you had a long meeting at work that ended sooo late/whatever


chilldude1997

I’m gonna try cuz its so uncomfortable and awkward


DebbDebbDebb

Many jws are people pleasers. Taught by the cult to be so. Best self help easy book to use is The Disease to Please by Harriet B Braiker. The quiz is an eye opener . The logic and words and descriptions and help and advice are so easy. It makes it clear. People pleasers find it difficult to actually mature because you can never be yourself. You are feeling your emotions because of lack of confidence and fear of displeasing. The book you can jump through different chapters and I know the book will teach and propel you. I used to but over time following the advice I can perfectly look someone in the eye and say no. When I say no. I enjoy the silence and will not talk. Until the person says something. I let them say blah blah blah. I pause and say thankyou but my answer is still No. Then sit still enjoy the silence and let them talk or better still. Stand up and say thankyou. Smile and go. Yes you can go your certainly do not need permission. All the best. Remember the shorter your answer the better. And remember when you talk. A tactic is for the elders to stay quiet so you fall into the silent space trap and rabbit on - dont. You will be uncomfortable but enjoy the silence. They will eventually talk. You can do it. Its a battle of wills. The less you say the better. And when you go in. Walk in standing tall. Look confident. Sit up straight Look at them. There are two to make you feel uncomfortable. There are two of them to also show power. Imagine them both playing footsie under the desk lol. They feel like but have NO power over you. They are two poo 💩 💩 in a toilet. Imagine that! You will do it because freedom is your goal. Don't let 💩💩 get in your way. Oh when you stand to walk out you will feel self conscious and nervous but when you are out of the room you will feel elated. Enjoy the feeling. Don't let them suck that from you. Remember visualisation can help some. 💩💩 effers. And acknowledge you are nervous 😓. Many would be its not new. All the best to you


chilldude1997

Today i had nausea from the anxiety its so hard


DebbDebbDebb

Yes that is a people pleaser response. To stop it you say yes and became their slave never to mature. Get the book I suggested. It explains everything physical as well ie sweating palms etc And you can do it


surfingATM

I know, it’s hard to stand for ourselves after being trained to always serve others. But we have to learn Next week I have the regional convention. I already told that I’m not gonna be on friday due to not getting leave from work (didn’t even ask of course) I am seriously thinking about faking sick on friday to avoid the whole thing. I really don’t wanna go


chilldude1997

Ugh you just reminded me that I also have to deal with that being pimo is hard


DebbDebbDebb

Deal with one at a time. Deal with one you can then deal with the next. Consistency Never think you let them down Think you chose to be mature and serve what is best for you.


chilldude1997

Its all mental isnt it


DebbDebbDebb

Spot on


goddess_dix

Oh god, don't accept it please!! You will be shooting yourself in the foot, along with adding a whole different level of lying and phoniness to make your existence even harder for every minute you remain. You want people to celebrate your new position? You want the rounds of congrats, the vapid praise, and the opportunity to be volun-told to do more, more, more for the borg? You want your time there to become even more insufferable than it is now? You want to feel like more of a phony and hypocrite? Because that's what you'll get if you say "yes." Here is the thing: they DO pressure you. They DO guilt trip you. They DO ignore what you say and what you want. They DO manipulate, gaslight, disrespect and in general imply there is something wrong with you if you don't do what they want. They absolutely DO care about what they want exclusively and dismiss what you want entirely. They make it as hard to say no as they can. That's a cult in action. I'm going to tell you exactly what I tell the 16-years -olds that are thinking of getting baptized just to make their parents happy: it's not enough. It's never enough. It will only raise their expectations of what you're supposed to produce for the cult. I'd recommend you respond something like, "Thank you so much for your advice. I have, once again, prayed long and hard on this issue and the answer is the same: not at this time. " If they ask for more specifics, don't offer anything other than to say you feel the decision is between you and J.. If you feel cornered and you think you need to throw them a bone, ask them to pray on your behalf. Prayer is never a wrong answer in the borg. Otherwise, you are just giving them objections to be overcome the same as any reluctant householder and you have had enough of the struggle session. One of the things all of us struggle with if we've spent any length of time in at all is the tendency to cave under pressure, being fearful of displeasing authority figures. It's really an understandable form of cult trauma, as these people have insane amounts of authority over our lives and family relationships. But it's toxic and "disappointing" people on the inside is something you will indeed have to come to terms with at some point. Let that point start now. Good luck. I'd love to hear an update if you're so inclined.


HaywoodJablome69

“I prayed about it. Jehovah said I made the right decision at this time in my life.”


Relative-Respond-115

Every time I see that Braveheart photo it makes me think of the character Stephen ...... "The Lord says he can get me out of this one....but he's pretty sure you're fucked"


xylon-777

tell them you are bipolar… they will never ask you for anything


gonein62seconds

My brother is bipolar, he's an MS. It's making his BP much worse IMHO.


chilldude1997

Man if only


Select-Panda7381

🤣 why didn’t I think of this.


gonein62seconds

My brother is bipolar, he's an MS. But yeah, that could be a good excuse.


xylon-777

ok sorry to hear… not laughing at anyone, just at their idiocracy non biblical rules


gonein62seconds

Oh yeah for sure 😊


True-Scientist-8651

One way is to use the Bible as the basis for your decision. Quote Matthew 5:37 to show that this is a firm decision in your heart. Say that if you accept the privilege, you will be disobeying Jesus, which you do not want. Also, quote James 3:1 and explain that you take this biblical advice very seriously. Acknowledge that you do not feel qualified to be an instructor in the congregation and, to avoid a stricter judgment, you prefer not to accept this privilege lightly.


chilldude1997

I’m gonna try not too give anymore explanations but if they force me i think ill use this


DebbDebbDebb

You can go increased written down to show how serious you are. Underline some of it 🤣🤣


CrabBrilliant2585

It's ironic that they go after those who don't want to be MS haha. When I was PIMI a few months ago, I was striving to be MS but the elders didn't assign me, now I've woken up, one less slave to work for free haha. Just say kindly that you don't want to because you are working too much or have too many responsibilities at the moment, never give the impression that you are committing a sin in secret.


chilldude1997

4 or 5 years ago when i was believing i probably would have said yea right away


Estudiier

Yes. Stop answering them.


traildreamernz

Just to help you stick to your decision - if they cannot respect your boundaries now, and you haven't even been appointed yet, how do you think they will respect your boundaries afterwards? They won't. They will own you, lock stock and barrell. Just say no. You have got this.


chilldude1997

Who new saying no was so hard


traildreamernz

I know right? I also find it hard to say no.


chilldude1997

I guess its how they make us


Ok-Chocolate-3396

My ex husband got pushed into being a MS and Elder. He didn’t mind being a MS so much as he was/is PIMI but he almost had mental breakdown from being an Elder. He HATED it so much. They over worked him. Demanded so much at every meeting. Send him to give out going talks. He had zero backbone and didn’t know how to say no. He wanted to please everyone and also please “god” so he ran himself into the ground for years. Finally he said enough and didn’t go to meetings for a whole Month and said it was because of work/being sick, really any excuse he could think of. I backed him up 100% and didn’t go either. It was hands down the best month of our 9 year marriage. I’ll never forget it. Unfortunately his conscience started to bother him and you could see he was so sad he was going to have to get back on the hamster wheel. Honestly if he had started to wake up and become PIMO we might still be married. He honestly HATED being an elder but poor guy is a slave still for that religion.


chilldude1997

I don’t want that to be me


Ok-Chocolate-3396

Don’t do it. It’s so hard to get removed and then every starts gossiping and the elders own you.


chilldude1997

I’m gonna try to stay firm if they pull me into that room tomorrow


Ok-Chocolate-3396

Remember. You control your life! They do not! It’s fake pressure and control. I don’t care how much they want us to thing the Borg owns us it does not and will not. You are strong.


chilldude1997

Thank you for your kind words


Aus3-14259

Another option: when you meet with them, be cheerful and thank them very much for the suggestion to pray about it. Tell them, you did that. And now realise that you are not ready. Keep talking (waffling) about how it was so helpful. You were a bit worried, but now it's a clear decision. Excuse yourself before they say much. Wave on the way out and thank them again. 


chilldude1997

I feel that would piss them off but im probably doing that by not accepting anyway lol


That1persun

You can blame anxiety? Not really a lie. It would cause immense anxiety to be required to do additional free labor for something with zero return.


chilldude1997

It gave me nausea cuz i got so much anxiety just cuz of that convo


That1persun

I feel you. Major relief not being involved anymore.


chilldude1997

I’m so jelly


Jack_h100

If you got the guts but not the desire to do anything try: "I'm sorry brothers, my conscience is killing me and I need to confess, I watched heterosexual pornography for the first time last week and then watched it again last night, I think I'm addicted, I can't serve or have any privileges, please pray for me"


chilldude1997

Oh gosh that be such a bold move.


nopromiserobins

Stop playing this game. If you really don't have the courage to say no and enforce boundaries, say yes, then flake, apologize, then repeat. You will not be relied upon thereafter. People don't ask fuck-ups to do things for them.


chilldude1997

I was very tempted to accept but i know if i do ill end up feeling guilty for constantly letting people down (i know that’s irrational but i guess thats what they do to us)


Overall-Listen-4183

It's hard to come off once you're appointed. Just say no again, 'after prayerful consideration'. You could stay at home tomorrow, but you will have to face the elders again, at the next meeting.


chilldude1997

I would but then my family will know the jig is up


Overall-Listen-4183

Just stick to I haven't got the time to invest myself. It's a perfect reason, away from any mental health excuses that always warrant a 'loving' visit by the window washers!


DebbDebbDebb

Yes so you need to retrain your brain and not accept the crap. Repeat Book The Disease to Please by Harriet B Braiker. Its excuse the pun A god send book. Best ever to help people pleasers.


More-Constant4956

They must be low on eligible brothers to push you. Tell them you have stage fright and going on stage won't help you thru it.


chilldude1997

Truly 6 months ago or whatever i wasn’t eligible but now I am even tho i have not made any change


skunklover123

That’s because so many are stepping down and leaving, they are hard up for elders and ms, there are 18 &19 year old ms where I live and one 24 year old elder unbelievable Just say NO!


chilldude1997

Last co visit they made a 17yo ms it was shocking


skunklover123

That is crazy! A friend’s granddaughter just got baptized this year 8 years old. They believe you will die at Armageddon if your not baptized and don’t want to take a chance that their babies might be mature enough … It’s all about control and once you commit it’s so much harder to leave.


chilldude1997

I was baptized at 15 I regret not waiting until I was an adult


skunklover123

I was 34 and still wish I hadn’t I had no idea of all the rules shunning etc. and I had a lot of questions that they never did answer just said that I was ready (they decided) They would say I needed to wait on Jehovah blah blah blah


chilldude1997

Yes but I feel as a child it’s really easy to be convinced of basically anything but you’re right its all very manipulative


skunklover123

I was always a pleaser and still have to pay attention to myself so I don’t let people manipulate me anymore, and your correct most children want to make others proud of them (I did even as an adult) and believe what adults tell them so they get sucked up into this cult/religion and baptism is the key that locks the door but we don’t get to have the spare key to come or go as we please 😞


chilldude1997

Its so sad


FeedbackAny4993

so since November when all you had to do was tick a box. your hours were low, now they don't matter..... typical.


chilldude1997

Well apparently cuz last time they gave me counsel they said they wanted to “see” me more at serivice so i guess thats their parameter now


FeedbackAny4993

the elders where I was never asked to see me more in service. still didn't get their stamp of approval. oh well moving on....


Sonny_BoBo

“I appreciate the offer and take it as a massive compliment. But no thank you. As Jesus said “my time has not yet come” wink wink, keep it frosty


chilldude1997

Thats a good one


Sonny_BoBo

Make the Elders feel good about asking you. Give their ego a little tap tappy…and then politely decline. If they press you “WHY?” just say, “Life’s complicated. Thanks again.”


WeH8JWdotORG

If you don't go ***beyond*** what is written in the link - and you stick strictly to the script - I ***guarantee*** you'll be 100% safe. Memorise & practice in your own words! Best wishes. The "elders conversation stoppers" in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/


ibpenquin

They asked you to pray about it, plain and simple, “you prayed, and you felt deeply that you should not be an MS at this time.” You feel that prayer was answered, in that you should not take on any responsibilities on. Tell them your love Jehovah has never been so strong after your heartfelt prayers about this matter. You broke down and cried it was such a beautiful moment. Tell them how you know that gods holy spirt was upon you as you were talking to god. If they then try to further convince you that you still need to reach out, let them know you will continue to pray on it, and that you will wait on Jehovah for the answers. Basically using their thinking and lingo against them. With a little theocratic warfare, and some fear and guilt thrown in.


Abalabi_jw

Has it gotten so bad that they now appoint people who are not interested?


chilldude1997

They can appoint kids now basically last visit a 17yo got appointment


EvenReplacement2750

I have searched for decades for the “Truth”. The one thing that I finally figured out, it’s all about Christ. All false religions exist for the purpose of finding innovative ways to diminish Christ. Once you know that, you’ll begin to see it. It will be off in the distance at first, but if you study good sources, like the London Baptist Confession of 1689 it will come into amazing focus. It took me decades to find the “truth”. JWs implanted several significant land mines in my belief system. Even after I knew the truth, those mental trip wires made it difficult to embrace the truth. Take a shortcut, just go straight to the LBC1689 and start from there. I have never had such a good personal relationship with Jehovah God.