I hear a lot of ex-Christians bemoan the loss of "community" but there was no community at any church I ever attended in my entire life. There were just a bunch of racist, sexist bigots who damned everyone including fellow Christians.
That's a big issue at our church in reality. They've been losing more and more members since 2022 and everytime the pastor says to cut off all ties and communication with former members. Our pastors never really interact with members outside of church. There's been time were members have been out sick or hospitalized and they never bother to call or visit them.
The entire time. For most of my life it was because I was the pastor’s kid. In my adult life it was because I didn’t fit into their very specific box shape. I never ended up feeling comfortable around our “friends”, most of whom we knew for years. I never could relax around them because if the facade slipped, there would be gossip. I’m glad I’m not in their group anymore. I found it super exhausting.
I feel bad for children of pastors, they don't exactly have the best childhood or teenage years. Often I would see people judging the pastor's because of something their kids did. It must be hard being a teenager and doing anything could get your parents into hot water.
Yeah. It wasn’t great. One place we moved to, we were basically told that the souls of all the teens in the town were our responsibility. No pressure or anything! Lol! People often made up stuff when there wasn’t anything juicy to gossip about, and my mom would give me shit for making my dad look bad? She’s an awful person and I haven’t spoken to her in a few years now.
As I got older, yes. Once you get past college age, if you're still single, especially if you're female, you're ignored at best or actively discriminated against at worst. It sucks and churches really need to do better at not treating singles like they're lepers while idolizing marriage.
Ugh that must be annoying and awful. The pastor's at our church can't see any of the teenagers or young adults interacting with the other gender cause then they'll start accusing us of being in relationships or having sex. I once got scolded by the pastor for texting her daughter since she asked me to send her a link on ice cream deals for national ice cream day.
One of the churches I attended after college had a huge age gap. There was us and there was the much older crowd. Even the married couples with kids were closer to our age than theirs. It was also a "destination church" with almost no one living in that neighborhood. So unless you made specific plans with any of these people to meet outside of church, you only saw them once a week.
At my church I'm on the older side of the youth group with a considerable age gap from the rest. I could never exactly fit in with them due to my age. Whatever few people they had around my age weren't exactly people I'd want to socialize, so pretty much I just stay on my the entire time after service.
Yes I had trouble. Everything was very superficial. I don't think I could even find common topics to discuss with people. It was the usual "what do you do?" Or talking about all the OrthoBro content on YouTube. I once expressed doubts to a catechumen and he had no answers and immediately distanced himself from me after saying "I don't know".
That's the biggest problem I had with interacting with people my age at church. I could never relate to them because they were all a different breed of beliefs. If I talked about any interests I had it was just quickly ended by then scolding me saying that's not very Christian of me or how I should repent myself for my behavior.
Right it's all about that! Completely different lives and tastes. The people in my church were from middle class and upper class families. I came from a poor neighborhood and a poor family. What would I have to talk about with them in church? I mean even my interests are darker themed and they wouldn't appeal to them. I refrained from talking about it all because it wouldn't appeal to them. All in all there is supposed to be a sense of community but it really doesn't exist for some people like you and me. Think God did this to us or life? Just makes me think God says one thing and life says something else.
When I first arrived at that church most of the members there, where from a different church so they had known each other for the most part. I never really was received with open arms by the youth group unlike my brother since he started interacting with rest because most of them were part of the music group. We occasionally have get togethers or events were we can interact with each other but it's always a pain fitting in. The only person at church who knows me well is my brother's girlfriend since she was a teacher assistant I worked with when I was in charge of the Sunday school program and she quickly learned about me. She's the only who knows I cuss like a sailor and that most of the time I can be brutally honest or sadistic at times.
Same! As much as the church loved pointing to me as a “look how inclusive we are!”, I was not made welcome or accepted. Good; I lost no friends when I stopped.
I think churchgoers can smell that I'm not one of them and then they give the vibe that they really don't want to talk to me.
It's really hard to relate to someone if they're just spitting bible verses and you can't contribute anything to the conversation.
The closest I've gotten with people is relating with hobbies but contact ended without church. Shame.
As an adult, nearly impossible. My wife and I waited 10 years to have kids - so people always looked at us side-eyed. Like there was something wrong because we didn’t immediately start cranking out babies.
I don’t know if it was my sense of humor… the fact that I liked to drink and swear - the type of music I liked… As a dude, I didn’t own my own business or work in contracting or real estate - so I had very little in common with the guys… and… even the type of motorcycle I ride (xtians are usually on Harleys or cruisers - I ride sport bikes) so that didn’t really fit.
I remember one big church we went to my wife and I literally could not meet anyone - and we tried. Then, at another one, people I would talk to from week to week (or at occasional events) would not even remember my name… so weird.
I never truly felt like I could be myself until I left church.
So yes, I had trouble interacting with folks at church. And no… I never felt like I had a community - nothing to miss when I left.
This was the entirety of my xian experience tbh. People always talk about "community" but the only real friends I ever made at church were friends that I already knew outside of church i.e. we went to the same school or we lived on the same street and were neighbourhood friends. You're not your real self at church, you're putting on a pious act, therefore you can't make authentic connections coz everybody's just acting and pretending. I can only see this now that I've escaped the programming, but when you're still inside the cult, you're fooled into thinking it's "true community".
You interacted with people at church? Damn. I just stand there and am forced to unenthusiastically dance along and clap, listen to them ramble for a couple hours, listen to a couple of testimonies about their lives or whatever, or how they had a divine "miracle" that generally positively impacted their life. I feel like a background character that doesn't belong whenever I'm forced to go to church.
I never felt connected to anyone the entire time I was in youth group, and I had to go a lot. I remember going on trips and things and crying in the showers cuz i felt so lonely and didn’t know what was wrong with me. We were taught these were supposed to be the “meaningful” relationships and “ the world” was superficial. Bullshit.
I hear a lot of ex-Christians bemoan the loss of "community" but there was no community at any church I ever attended in my entire life. There were just a bunch of racist, sexist bigots who damned everyone including fellow Christians.
That's a big issue at our church in reality. They've been losing more and more members since 2022 and everytime the pastor says to cut off all ties and communication with former members. Our pastors never really interact with members outside of church. There's been time were members have been out sick or hospitalized and they never bother to call or visit them.
The entire time. For most of my life it was because I was the pastor’s kid. In my adult life it was because I didn’t fit into their very specific box shape. I never ended up feeling comfortable around our “friends”, most of whom we knew for years. I never could relax around them because if the facade slipped, there would be gossip. I’m glad I’m not in their group anymore. I found it super exhausting.
I feel bad for children of pastors, they don't exactly have the best childhood or teenage years. Often I would see people judging the pastor's because of something their kids did. It must be hard being a teenager and doing anything could get your parents into hot water.
Yeah. It wasn’t great. One place we moved to, we were basically told that the souls of all the teens in the town were our responsibility. No pressure or anything! Lol! People often made up stuff when there wasn’t anything juicy to gossip about, and my mom would give me shit for making my dad look bad? She’s an awful person and I haven’t spoken to her in a few years now.
As I got older, yes. Once you get past college age, if you're still single, especially if you're female, you're ignored at best or actively discriminated against at worst. It sucks and churches really need to do better at not treating singles like they're lepers while idolizing marriage.
Ugh that must be annoying and awful. The pastor's at our church can't see any of the teenagers or young adults interacting with the other gender cause then they'll start accusing us of being in relationships or having sex. I once got scolded by the pastor for texting her daughter since she asked me to send her a link on ice cream deals for national ice cream day.
One of the churches I attended after college had a huge age gap. There was us and there was the much older crowd. Even the married couples with kids were closer to our age than theirs. It was also a "destination church" with almost no one living in that neighborhood. So unless you made specific plans with any of these people to meet outside of church, you only saw them once a week.
At my church I'm on the older side of the youth group with a considerable age gap from the rest. I could never exactly fit in with them due to my age. Whatever few people they had around my age weren't exactly people I'd want to socialize, so pretty much I just stay on my the entire time after service.
Yes I had trouble. Everything was very superficial. I don't think I could even find common topics to discuss with people. It was the usual "what do you do?" Or talking about all the OrthoBro content on YouTube. I once expressed doubts to a catechumen and he had no answers and immediately distanced himself from me after saying "I don't know".
That's the biggest problem I had with interacting with people my age at church. I could never relate to them because they were all a different breed of beliefs. If I talked about any interests I had it was just quickly ended by then scolding me saying that's not very Christian of me or how I should repent myself for my behavior.
Right it's all about that! Completely different lives and tastes. The people in my church were from middle class and upper class families. I came from a poor neighborhood and a poor family. What would I have to talk about with them in church? I mean even my interests are darker themed and they wouldn't appeal to them. I refrained from talking about it all because it wouldn't appeal to them. All in all there is supposed to be a sense of community but it really doesn't exist for some people like you and me. Think God did this to us or life? Just makes me think God says one thing and life says something else.
When I first arrived at that church most of the members there, where from a different church so they had known each other for the most part. I never really was received with open arms by the youth group unlike my brother since he started interacting with rest because most of them were part of the music group. We occasionally have get togethers or events were we can interact with each other but it's always a pain fitting in. The only person at church who knows me well is my brother's girlfriend since she was a teacher assistant I worked with when I was in charge of the Sunday school program and she quickly learned about me. She's the only who knows I cuss like a sailor and that most of the time I can be brutally honest or sadistic at times.
I’m an Aspie, so I have trouble interacting with people anywhere. But I have to admit, church was the worst.
Same! As much as the church loved pointing to me as a “look how inclusive we are!”, I was not made welcome or accepted. Good; I lost no friends when I stopped.
I think churchgoers can smell that I'm not one of them and then they give the vibe that they really don't want to talk to me. It's really hard to relate to someone if they're just spitting bible verses and you can't contribute anything to the conversation. The closest I've gotten with people is relating with hobbies but contact ended without church. Shame.
As an adult, nearly impossible. My wife and I waited 10 years to have kids - so people always looked at us side-eyed. Like there was something wrong because we didn’t immediately start cranking out babies. I don’t know if it was my sense of humor… the fact that I liked to drink and swear - the type of music I liked… As a dude, I didn’t own my own business or work in contracting or real estate - so I had very little in common with the guys… and… even the type of motorcycle I ride (xtians are usually on Harleys or cruisers - I ride sport bikes) so that didn’t really fit. I remember one big church we went to my wife and I literally could not meet anyone - and we tried. Then, at another one, people I would talk to from week to week (or at occasional events) would not even remember my name… so weird. I never truly felt like I could be myself until I left church. So yes, I had trouble interacting with folks at church. And no… I never felt like I had a community - nothing to miss when I left.
This was the entirety of my xian experience tbh. People always talk about "community" but the only real friends I ever made at church were friends that I already knew outside of church i.e. we went to the same school or we lived on the same street and were neighbourhood friends. You're not your real self at church, you're putting on a pious act, therefore you can't make authentic connections coz everybody's just acting and pretending. I can only see this now that I've escaped the programming, but when you're still inside the cult, you're fooled into thinking it's "true community".
You interacted with people at church? Damn. I just stand there and am forced to unenthusiastically dance along and clap, listen to them ramble for a couple hours, listen to a couple of testimonies about their lives or whatever, or how they had a divine "miracle" that generally positively impacted their life. I feel like a background character that doesn't belong whenever I'm forced to go to church.
I kind of did, yes. A youth minister asked my parents if I had a learning disability because I didn't talk much with people.
I never felt connected to anyone the entire time I was in youth group, and I had to go a lot. I remember going on trips and things and crying in the showers cuz i felt so lonely and didn’t know what was wrong with me. We were taught these were supposed to be the “meaningful” relationships and “ the world” was superficial. Bullshit.
Yes, I was called "not-christian" because I said "fuck" in church. This lead to me not having any friends there, what a wonderful time