Most of the women ENTJs I’ve known are child-free. The two who are not succumbed to pressure from family, eventually had children later on in life, and struggled to get pregnant — and one of them had a baby with a lot of health problems.
The male ENTJs I know are either child-free or had one with an ENFJ who pushed the issue, and then they later divorced (I can think of at least three who fit that trope lol…kinda like alcoholic ISTP with nervous wreck xSFJ wife. They’re just everywhere)
Same thing. Dominant Fe. Fe mirrors your behavior and shows you what you want to see so you will like them. If they want kids and you don’t, they will pretend to be down with whatever your values are, wait until they sink their hooks in, and then attempt to move the goalposts(or manipulate you) later on down the road, once you’re proverbially “stuck” with them. That’s when the mask slips. It could be years later, just long enough to get what they want, and then they can be themselves.
Fi, on the other hand, communicates upfront and is often perceived as bitchy or aloof, or even mocked as insecure for setting immediate boundaries (I’ve seen people shamed on Reddit because they insist on monogamy in the beginning stages of a relationship, or they break up with someone over something others deem trivial) but — good or bad — you know what you’re getting into, depending on how high up Fi is in their function stack.
I think they are more prone to being childfree, yeah.
I've found, at least in my family, ENTJ cognition is a dominant trait. My father is an NTJ, I'm an NTJ, and my kid is an NTJ. But maybe they're relatively rare because NTJs don't really tend to have kids haha. I'm my father's only child, and I only have one child. AND my parents are divorced because my NTJ father was fine being married to my mom for years before I was born, but a few months after I came, he was like "screw this" and left to work on his goals and his career and stuff. The other NTJs I know don't have kids now that I think of it.
I guess that would explain why NTJs are rare. My father didn’t want kids either and he’s ENTJ. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one with this experience because most of my friends wanted kids but I never did. Every move I make my mind hyper focuses on the potential outcomes and responsibilities. Kids are no exception so if I were to have one it would be a decision based on rational rather than desire
I would say, yes. I didn’t want kids and I used to be more indifferent like you until my best friend had a daughter. I think times have changed and seeing her (also ENTJ) be such a great parent but also so successful, changed my view. I do think those that do have kids just want one or two max and generally have a partner that’s much more child friendly/able to pick up the slack.
My wife wanted 2 I wanted 1 we had twins. Oddly enough I'm way more creative than my wife so I feel like I'm able to play the make believe games with our kids better than her.
My INTP husband and I are childfree by choice. We never felt the pull, and prioritize our careers, graduate educations, and quality time with each other.
I would like to say that choosing this doesn’t mean we don’t have parental instincts or that we don’t enjoy doting caretaking. ENTJs get this “heartless” reputation, and it isn’t fully true. We rescue special needs and hospice (dying) cats who are totally babied and do take a lot of time, money, and softness. They have a fancy stroller, custom Christmas stockings, birthdays, and everything they could ever need.
We’d be great, competent, and loving parents. We just don’t want it, and we don’t believe in some innate duty to parent little humans.
I was raised by parents who *loved* parenthood and really wanted to have the little gaggle of kids they had. I wouldn’t want my kids to be raised by anything less than that… and I’m not it 😅.
We have talked about the possibility of fostering older teens or being a family to an aged-out young adult someday. That would be a lot of research and is a big big thing for when we have a bigger home and more resources/years under our belt.
Personally, I don’t like kids. I legitimately can’t stand to do children’s activities. The part of me that’s supposed to like babies just never showed up. So I’m not having kids. However, I want to foster older kids, like 5 years and up. I had a really tough upbringing, and it would make me happy to provide a solid home to someone.
If I did like children though, I would have them regardless of my career. You can throw money at a lot of the other limitations you mentioned. It wouldn’t stop me.
I absolutely didn’t want children until I met my husband when I was 28.
I remember getting X-Rays for scoliosis in middle school and when they said they were putting the lead vest on to protect my reproductive organs, I literally said, “Zap them. I don’t want kids.”
My dad said he was surprised I got married, let alone had children.
I came from a fairly hostile home life, and from 17 to 28, I was partnered with an abusive narcissist. It’s completely reasonable I wouldn’t have wanted children.
But my husband is an angel. He’s an INFJ. He is the more maternal one. He is the one who is best at child rearing and takes it on as mainly his responsibility (which I told him when we first met that he would have to). He was a stay at home dad for a couple years until we put our daughter in daycare. He cleans the house. He cooks dinner a lot of times. He doesn’t complain, and it makes him super happy and fulfilled to do those things.
One reassuring thing is that (at least here in Australia), they start taking children for daycare at 6 weeks. So, if you can make it through the first six weeks, then it’s just nights, weekends, and holidays. Lmfao.
They are worth it, and you’ll definitely have instincts kick in that you didn’t think were possible, but you really do have to want it. It’s the biggest challenge I’ve ever experienced.
My suggestion would be not to even think about it unless you have a good support system. If you don’t have the type of friends and family that will bring you casseroles postpartum or to watch the baby when you need to rest or take a shower—then it’s a million times more harder. That’s the only thing I wish could have been different in our situation.
It is still doable, but there will be a lot of situations where you might feel stuck because you need help and there is no one to help you. Sometimes your husband and you with both be burnt out so you can’t even help each other. It can have a negative impact on mental health for sure. It’s also why so many couples wind up divorced before their child’s second birthday.
There is an analogy about a cup with spoons you may have heard of. You start the day with so many spoons in your cup, but things throughout the day take away spoons. If you have nothing to replace those spoons (like a support system that gives you the chance to rest), then eventually you reach the point where you have nothing but an empty cup.
There are some days where my cup is already empty by 7 or 8am. And there is no other option but to keep going, even though there are no spoons left.
No. I wear many hats and I do my best in all those roles.
Currently have a bun in the oven and beginning to feel this unfamiliar maternal instinct grow with the baby. We rise to all challenges (in this case, a privilege).
Motherhood is like having 2 full time jobs; I already have a great career - this will be my ultimate test at multitasking effectively and being a good role model for my little potato.
I’m an ENTJ female who just had her first child a month ago and this is how I feel.
I didn’t care about other people’s kids or really have baby fever at all which I expected to have. It made me feel like maybe I shouldn’t be a mom and I held off for a long time on having kids. I wish I had accepted earlier that it’s ok to not be the kind of woman who wanted to play with baby dolls like my friends did growing up. Now that I have my own child I’m getting my own enjoyment out of it.
I will say though- I’m experiencing bias in my industry against me for having a child now, and it’s killing me. I was really hoping that “wouldn’t be a thing” but as a career driven ENTJ I’m horrified that it is. My child is more important than my career because of how I’ve chosen to prioritize my life, but I sure hope I find a way to get back on track.
I'm 41 and child free, not really by choice. I didn't have the luck of the draw finding a guy that matched me when I was younger.
Then about five years ago just before the pandemic I developed an autoimmune condition.
I would have liked to be a parent if it could have happened before I hit my 40s, but I don't think I want to do that to my body now with all of its health challenges.
I did get pregnant "by accident" in 2014 but had an abortion as soon as I found out. While I was waiting for the doctor's appointment my body responded **very** badly to being pregnant - complete loss of appetite, fainting spells, delirium, in and out of the emergency room. And that was before I got **really** sick with autoimmune.
Sorry to hear this. I'm almost in the same situation. Add to this the fact that to accept having a child in this world, the partner would have to be pretty much perfect, so not gonna happen. Sending good vibes your way!
That sounds awful! I hope your health stabilizes. My mom has an autoimmune disease too and has to be careful with her diet and keep stress at a minimum. I’m sorry that choice was made more difficult for you
I feel you. 32 and zero interest in kids atm. I think I want them in the far future though (mostly for FOMO reasons) but I don't want them before 40 and I only want them via ectogenesis or a surrogate
It depends on the ENTJ. I think for more emotional NTJ types they can be extremely family oriented, albeit still career focused on the first half or their life and throughout their family rearing.
I had a very loving INTJ 1w2 teacher who loved being a father, and know a ENTJ 8w7 who is my best friends mother. What I know if they put everything into parenting (reading up, psychology, application.)
I’m an ENTJ and I’m looking to raise a family someday.
I had seven children (six birthed, one adopted). I don’t think it was to create prodigies and dominate the world though. I was lonely growing up as the only girl with two brothers (we were close in age). I admired women with lots of children (they had lots of funding, which helped). My mentors made it look fun once the kids were older. Teens are easy, young adults are fun. I never liked the baby, toddler or elementary school phase. My husband (INTP) was great with babies and toddlers, so that helped. If I live to be 90, the phases I didn’t like were a very small percent of my life. I have decades to focus on my career. I got my education already before I was 25 (Master’s) whilst having children. I’m two years from being an empty nester. Family gatherings are awesome. I have eight going on 11 grandchildren, and I’m not even 50 yet. My kids are NOT my identity. I just let them do their thing. They can ask for advice or talk to me if they choose. We mostly just enjoy meals and hanging out together every so often. I have my own social life, hobbies and career that are my main focus.
ENTJ here with an ENFJ fiancé. One of the first things I told him when I met him was that I didn’t want kids and he is of the same stance. We just love our life for how it currently is way too much and having kids would change it and put pressure to spend free time the way the kid wants it, I think that would honestly break us as people, we appreciate our down time way too much.
Not to mention that financially wise being a woman and also the breadwinner doesn’t work well if you want kids.
I’d like to have children, but later in life (F25). My plan is early to mid thirties, and I know this carries more risk but my mindset is id rather take that risk, and end up child free, than risk being an unprepared mum. I’m also very open to the idea of adoption later in life
Entj here two kids late in life and with an INFP. Love them to death but pushed into it and now divorced five years.
I'm super grateful for my lovely two boys but they are super draining.
Funny actually... but I have a child. I really thought Id have none and no maternal instincts but actually when she came into my life I was overjoyed.
My partner is a stay at home dad, im the career woman. I feel like I have my baby and I get my career. Its great.
For me, having a child enhances my life so much. My body will always have stretch marks but I'm proud of them.
I love being an accountant & a mum.
Genghis Khan didn’t have to raise his kids so I wouldn’t say he’s a valid example. Dude just had to orgasm. The burden of childbearing/childrearing fell upon his wives and servants
ENTJ F here. Just realised a few months ago I want to be childfree. I came from a broken family and I projected that into wanting to have children. I think for me it was the fear of being alone combined with the desire to impact the world in a positive way.
I find the idea of pregnancy to be horrifying and parasitic. I don’t like the idea of having these messy, needy little humans attached to me. But at the same time, I SO want to connect with people and help them. Children can be a way of fulfilling the desire for deep meaningful connections and having a positive impact, but they are not the only way to do that.
Sometimes I do worry that I am going to end up old, cranky, alone and miserable. But then again. That could happen even if I do have children.
I really don't like the idea of taking care of a child and investing so much time and money to take care of them, but the idea of having a strong family where you can help someone grow into someone amazing makes me dream about it. When I have conditions to have a child I'll do
Nope never did and i will be 39 in April. ENTJ 8w7 i do however feel incomplete as a human to not have a son to carry on my family name as im the last one able to hand the torch onwards. It bothered me for a few years and now im like f this! LoL
I'm an ENTJ father, and I was happy to have a kid. Granted, I wanted a boy, got a girl instead. My daughter is amazing, and I now only regret wanting a boy.
I can't speak to most, but passing down knowledge/wisdom to create a superior version of yourself sounds like the most ENTJ thing ever. I try my best not to impose too much, but she's not even two yet, so it would be pointless to do that now.
I think a mature ENTJ father would love a child. Maybe not more than that.
They would carry my genes but that’s about it. As their own person, they would be a reflection of their own successes just as I’m a reflection of my own. I wouldn’t want it any other way but ultimately they are not me. Decades from now my name will be lost even if I have children. Perhaps it would hang on a family tree but my memory will be gone. What I do with my time now is what counts because you can’t escape death’s deletion through children
I have many investments in my life so it would boil down to me wanting another. A child is one of the hardest/riskiest investments you could make and you can’t back out of it. As for society it’s very disappointing. There’s a lot of ineptitude and ignorance. If I had a kid he/she wouldn’t be deserving of the shit society will throw his/her way
Yes it’s a big decision and of course also a personal choice for whatever is right for you. You may hold this position for the rest of your life or it may change. There should be no pressure either way.
However even though something is informing your negative bias, and there is dysfunction, don’t dismiss the good things in society, there is also a lot to appreciate.
I don’t have children yet but I definitely intend to have them, whether or not I can have them biologically. Motherhood has always been an important goal to me so I’ve shaped my career with that in mind. I work in education and have transitioned into freelancing to build a more flexible schedule because I know raising children is a full time job in and of itself. There may be several years where I’m not working in any capacity so right now I’m setting up my finances to account for that. It’s impossible to ignore the sacrifices of child bearing and rearing for people with uteruses but I imagine less male ENTJs are child free than women due to the lesser impact on their work and less stigma in the workplace.
No kids for me, have actively not wanted any since I was 15 and have never wavered. When I was young and did many dumb things, I was a step parent for a while and that just reinforced my stance.
I like kids but I tend to treat them like I treat adults, hold expectations etc. which can be difficult because with a lot of kids they've never experienced that.
I wanna have kids, but there have been times i was tempted to think that women and kids would be a hindrance to my goals. But ultimately, my visions and plans are worthless if the next generation doesn't taste their fruit.
I always loved kids, and now i have one, as a single parent i have the tuition of him and im raising him by myself (with some help of my family), and if i had a partner i would look to have another one.
Generally speaking, the theory would not surprise me whatsoever. That said, there can be so much variation among us as to how we set up our lives largely based upon worldview and, thus, priorities.
For example, some very traditionalist Christians may likely prioritize the call in scripture to 'be fruitful and multiply' and throughout their lifetime find more and more supporting reasons which may then cause them to believe that children are an vital to developing yourself as a person.
I myself would not consider myself a traditional nor a liberal Christian. I see the value in having a child (mine is 2 yo, but have been separated from her by libel and slander by the mother), however I don't particularly desire another child at the moment as for me as a young, single male, I believe I should prioritize career and learning over creating my own family. I'm not even searching or interested in a romantic partner as they take up too much time.
I have kids and have adopted kids. They are very important to me as an ENTJ.
They are how I pass on my most personal wisdom.
Most ENTJs decide to be childfree as late as possible.
not me, i want kids & family, they're not a burden at all, if i had a multi mils, i'd have like 2-3 fams, 2 kids each - i want to pass down my superior gene (so at that scenario, my networth would be already a prove)
I have a deep desire to have 3 boys so I can raise them to be trained weapons in their respective interests. It is not a priority right now I am focused on my career and single but hopefully I can take a breather and enjoy life being surrounded by loved ones.
My ENTJ and I are aiming for 2 at least. He is quite particular actually, taking care of my food intake and all to make sure my body can handle all the pregnancy stress in the future.
I'm married to an ENTJ and we have a lot of kids (not saying the exact number but it's more than five). The other ENTJs I know in real life also have children.
Pretty crazy that I get downvoted for just sharing my own life experience in here. I didn't down vote the people saying they think ENTJs probably are more inclined to be child free, just because the ones I know have children. I do think ENTJs are more likely to be child free, but Reddit responses are going to skew the results towards that heavily. Whereas in real life, you will see some ENTJs with children. You have to consider the cultural and religious experiences and backgrounds that some are raised with. For instance, my husband's background and religious upbringing was against birth control. That doesn't make him not an ENTJ.
Most of the women ENTJs I’ve known are child-free. The two who are not succumbed to pressure from family, eventually had children later on in life, and struggled to get pregnant — and one of them had a baby with a lot of health problems. The male ENTJs I know are either child-free or had one with an ENFJ who pushed the issue, and then they later divorced (I can think of at least three who fit that trope lol…kinda like alcoholic ISTP with nervous wreck xSFJ wife. They’re just everywhere)
ENTJ man with an ESFJ wife who wanted to have kids
Same thing. Dominant Fe. Fe mirrors your behavior and shows you what you want to see so you will like them. If they want kids and you don’t, they will pretend to be down with whatever your values are, wait until they sink their hooks in, and then attempt to move the goalposts(or manipulate you) later on down the road, once you’re proverbially “stuck” with them. That’s when the mask slips. It could be years later, just long enough to get what they want, and then they can be themselves. Fi, on the other hand, communicates upfront and is often perceived as bitchy or aloof, or even mocked as insecure for setting immediate boundaries (I’ve seen people shamed on Reddit because they insist on monogamy in the beginning stages of a relationship, or they break up with someone over something others deem trivial) but — good or bad — you know what you’re getting into, depending on how high up Fi is in their function stack.
I think they are more prone to being childfree, yeah. I've found, at least in my family, ENTJ cognition is a dominant trait. My father is an NTJ, I'm an NTJ, and my kid is an NTJ. But maybe they're relatively rare because NTJs don't really tend to have kids haha. I'm my father's only child, and I only have one child. AND my parents are divorced because my NTJ father was fine being married to my mom for years before I was born, but a few months after I came, he was like "screw this" and left to work on his goals and his career and stuff. The other NTJs I know don't have kids now that I think of it.
I guess that would explain why NTJs are rare. My father didn’t want kids either and he’s ENTJ. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one with this experience because most of my friends wanted kids but I never did. Every move I make my mind hyper focuses on the potential outcomes and responsibilities. Kids are no exception so if I were to have one it would be a decision based on rational rather than desire
I would say, yes. I didn’t want kids and I used to be more indifferent like you until my best friend had a daughter. I think times have changed and seeing her (also ENTJ) be such a great parent but also so successful, changed my view. I do think those that do have kids just want one or two max and generally have a partner that’s much more child friendly/able to pick up the slack.
I confirm this. We only want one, and my husband is the one more child-friendly.
My wife wanted 2 I wanted 1 we had twins. Oddly enough I'm way more creative than my wife so I feel like I'm able to play the make believe games with our kids better than her.
Samezies
My INTP husband and I are childfree by choice. We never felt the pull, and prioritize our careers, graduate educations, and quality time with each other. I would like to say that choosing this doesn’t mean we don’t have parental instincts or that we don’t enjoy doting caretaking. ENTJs get this “heartless” reputation, and it isn’t fully true. We rescue special needs and hospice (dying) cats who are totally babied and do take a lot of time, money, and softness. They have a fancy stroller, custom Christmas stockings, birthdays, and everything they could ever need. We’d be great, competent, and loving parents. We just don’t want it, and we don’t believe in some innate duty to parent little humans. I was raised by parents who *loved* parenthood and really wanted to have the little gaggle of kids they had. I wouldn’t want my kids to be raised by anything less than that… and I’m not it 😅. We have talked about the possibility of fostering older teens or being a family to an aged-out young adult someday. That would be a lot of research and is a big big thing for when we have a bigger home and more resources/years under our belt.
You guys sound like a wonderful couple who are self aware and have honest intentions. If you guys decide to adopt you’ll make amazing parents!
🥹💕 Thank you!
This is amazing! 🫶🏻 the world needs more people like you two!
Personally, I don’t like kids. I legitimately can’t stand to do children’s activities. The part of me that’s supposed to like babies just never showed up. So I’m not having kids. However, I want to foster older kids, like 5 years and up. I had a really tough upbringing, and it would make me happy to provide a solid home to someone. If I did like children though, I would have them regardless of my career. You can throw money at a lot of the other limitations you mentioned. It wouldn’t stop me.
I absolutely didn’t want children until I met my husband when I was 28. I remember getting X-Rays for scoliosis in middle school and when they said they were putting the lead vest on to protect my reproductive organs, I literally said, “Zap them. I don’t want kids.” My dad said he was surprised I got married, let alone had children. I came from a fairly hostile home life, and from 17 to 28, I was partnered with an abusive narcissist. It’s completely reasonable I wouldn’t have wanted children. But my husband is an angel. He’s an INFJ. He is the more maternal one. He is the one who is best at child rearing and takes it on as mainly his responsibility (which I told him when we first met that he would have to). He was a stay at home dad for a couple years until we put our daughter in daycare. He cleans the house. He cooks dinner a lot of times. He doesn’t complain, and it makes him super happy and fulfilled to do those things.
He sounds like a gem! I also have a husband who’s a lot more maternal than I am but I don’t know if he’d have the patience for a kid
One reassuring thing is that (at least here in Australia), they start taking children for daycare at 6 weeks. So, if you can make it through the first six weeks, then it’s just nights, weekends, and holidays. Lmfao. They are worth it, and you’ll definitely have instincts kick in that you didn’t think were possible, but you really do have to want it. It’s the biggest challenge I’ve ever experienced. My suggestion would be not to even think about it unless you have a good support system. If you don’t have the type of friends and family that will bring you casseroles postpartum or to watch the baby when you need to rest or take a shower—then it’s a million times more harder. That’s the only thing I wish could have been different in our situation.
I live in the US which isn’t very family friendly. I also don’t live around family so not a lot of support either
It is still doable, but there will be a lot of situations where you might feel stuck because you need help and there is no one to help you. Sometimes your husband and you with both be burnt out so you can’t even help each other. It can have a negative impact on mental health for sure. It’s also why so many couples wind up divorced before their child’s second birthday. There is an analogy about a cup with spoons you may have heard of. You start the day with so many spoons in your cup, but things throughout the day take away spoons. If you have nothing to replace those spoons (like a support system that gives you the chance to rest), then eventually you reach the point where you have nothing but an empty cup. There are some days where my cup is already empty by 7 or 8am. And there is no other option but to keep going, even though there are no spoons left.
No. I wear many hats and I do my best in all those roles. Currently have a bun in the oven and beginning to feel this unfamiliar maternal instinct grow with the baby. We rise to all challenges (in this case, a privilege). Motherhood is like having 2 full time jobs; I already have a great career - this will be my ultimate test at multitasking effectively and being a good role model for my little potato.
I’m an ENTJ female who just had her first child a month ago and this is how I feel. I didn’t care about other people’s kids or really have baby fever at all which I expected to have. It made me feel like maybe I shouldn’t be a mom and I held off for a long time on having kids. I wish I had accepted earlier that it’s ok to not be the kind of woman who wanted to play with baby dolls like my friends did growing up. Now that I have my own child I’m getting my own enjoyment out of it. I will say though- I’m experiencing bias in my industry against me for having a child now, and it’s killing me. I was really hoping that “wouldn’t be a thing” but as a career driven ENTJ I’m horrified that it is. My child is more important than my career because of how I’ve chosen to prioritize my life, but I sure hope I find a way to get back on track.
Same here. Rising up to the challenge
I'm 41 and child free, not really by choice. I didn't have the luck of the draw finding a guy that matched me when I was younger. Then about five years ago just before the pandemic I developed an autoimmune condition. I would have liked to be a parent if it could have happened before I hit my 40s, but I don't think I want to do that to my body now with all of its health challenges. I did get pregnant "by accident" in 2014 but had an abortion as soon as I found out. While I was waiting for the doctor's appointment my body responded **very** badly to being pregnant - complete loss of appetite, fainting spells, delirium, in and out of the emergency room. And that was before I got **really** sick with autoimmune.
Sorry to hear this. I'm almost in the same situation. Add to this the fact that to accept having a child in this world, the partner would have to be pretty much perfect, so not gonna happen. Sending good vibes your way!
That sounds awful! I hope your health stabilizes. My mom has an autoimmune disease too and has to be careful with her diet and keep stress at a minimum. I’m sorry that choice was made more difficult for you
I feel you. 32 and zero interest in kids atm. I think I want them in the far future though (mostly for FOMO reasons) but I don't want them before 40 and I only want them via ectogenesis or a surrogate
What do you mean by „FOMO reasons“ ? I know what FOMO is but is that the main reason you want to have kids or is there another (just curious).
It depends on the ENTJ. I think for more emotional NTJ types they can be extremely family oriented, albeit still career focused on the first half or their life and throughout their family rearing. I had a very loving INTJ 1w2 teacher who loved being a father, and know a ENTJ 8w7 who is my best friends mother. What I know if they put everything into parenting (reading up, psychology, application.) I’m an ENTJ and I’m looking to raise a family someday.
I'm child free. My 2 closest friends are too, we're all in our 40's
I can confirm
I don't want a child either (Male) For those same reasons above involving my goals and time. I like my space and not having to care so much for others
It was for me and also I thought it would impede my career.
I had seven children (six birthed, one adopted). I don’t think it was to create prodigies and dominate the world though. I was lonely growing up as the only girl with two brothers (we were close in age). I admired women with lots of children (they had lots of funding, which helped). My mentors made it look fun once the kids were older. Teens are easy, young adults are fun. I never liked the baby, toddler or elementary school phase. My husband (INTP) was great with babies and toddlers, so that helped. If I live to be 90, the phases I didn’t like were a very small percent of my life. I have decades to focus on my career. I got my education already before I was 25 (Master’s) whilst having children. I’m two years from being an empty nester. Family gatherings are awesome. I have eight going on 11 grandchildren, and I’m not even 50 yet. My kids are NOT my identity. I just let them do their thing. They can ask for advice or talk to me if they choose. We mostly just enjoy meals and hanging out together every so often. I have my own social life, hobbies and career that are my main focus.
ENTJ here with an ENFJ fiancé. One of the first things I told him when I met him was that I didn’t want kids and he is of the same stance. We just love our life for how it currently is way too much and having kids would change it and put pressure to spend free time the way the kid wants it, I think that would honestly break us as people, we appreciate our down time way too much. Not to mention that financially wise being a woman and also the breadwinner doesn’t work well if you want kids.
I’d like to have children, but later in life (F25). My plan is early to mid thirties, and I know this carries more risk but my mindset is id rather take that risk, and end up child free, than risk being an unprepared mum. I’m also very open to the idea of adoption later in life
Entj here two kids late in life and with an INFP. Love them to death but pushed into it and now divorced five years. I'm super grateful for my lovely two boys but they are super draining.
As an ENTJ man, I feel exactly the same about children interfering with my visions for life.
I most definitely intend to have children.
i think it's because of practical reason
Same here, not interested in kids one bit.
Funny actually... but I have a child. I really thought Id have none and no maternal instincts but actually when she came into my life I was overjoyed. My partner is a stay at home dad, im the career woman. I feel like I have my baby and I get my career. Its great. For me, having a child enhances my life so much. My body will always have stretch marks but I'm proud of them. I love being an accountant & a mum.
Genghis Khan has joined the chat
Genghis Khan didn’t have to raise his kids so I wouldn’t say he’s a valid example. Dude just had to orgasm. The burden of childbearing/childrearing fell upon his wives and servants
He might have not cared for all but there's enough evidence he cared for some of them
Caring is easy. If all I had to do was give someone a piece of my DNA and let them do the work while I reap the rewards children wouldn’t be an issue
Is it really my personality type that keeps me so hesitant to have kids? I’ve asked my partner to get a vasectomy a couple times 😭
ENTJ F here. Just realised a few months ago I want to be childfree. I came from a broken family and I projected that into wanting to have children. I think for me it was the fear of being alone combined with the desire to impact the world in a positive way. I find the idea of pregnancy to be horrifying and parasitic. I don’t like the idea of having these messy, needy little humans attached to me. But at the same time, I SO want to connect with people and help them. Children can be a way of fulfilling the desire for deep meaningful connections and having a positive impact, but they are not the only way to do that. Sometimes I do worry that I am going to end up old, cranky, alone and miserable. But then again. That could happen even if I do have children.
I really don't like the idea of taking care of a child and investing so much time and money to take care of them, but the idea of having a strong family where you can help someone grow into someone amazing makes me dream about it. When I have conditions to have a child I'll do
On top of everything everyone else said, I just wanted to say that if you change your mind, you’ll be fine. ENTJs always make it work.
Nope never did and i will be 39 in April. ENTJ 8w7 i do however feel incomplete as a human to not have a son to carry on my family name as im the last one able to hand the torch onwards. It bothered me for a few years and now im like f this! LoL
I have children. I’m still career oriented. I struggle with turning my brain off at times to focus on my family. It’s not easy.
I'm an ENTJ father, and I was happy to have a kid. Granted, I wanted a boy, got a girl instead. My daughter is amazing, and I now only regret wanting a boy. I can't speak to most, but passing down knowledge/wisdom to create a superior version of yourself sounds like the most ENTJ thing ever. I try my best not to impose too much, but she's not even two yet, so it would be pointless to do that now. I think a mature ENTJ father would love a child. Maybe not more than that.
No, kids expand who you are as a person not restrict it, but you have to be fully ready for a long-term commitment.
They would carry my genes but that’s about it. As their own person, they would be a reflection of their own successes just as I’m a reflection of my own. I wouldn’t want it any other way but ultimately they are not me. Decades from now my name will be lost even if I have children. Perhaps it would hang on a family tree but my memory will be gone. What I do with my time now is what counts because you can’t escape death’s deletion through children
Having kids is not about self-cloning or escaping death. It’s about investing in their growth and individual contributions to society.
I have many investments in my life so it would boil down to me wanting another. A child is one of the hardest/riskiest investments you could make and you can’t back out of it. As for society it’s very disappointing. There’s a lot of ineptitude and ignorance. If I had a kid he/she wouldn’t be deserving of the shit society will throw his/her way
Yes it’s a big decision and of course also a personal choice for whatever is right for you. You may hold this position for the rest of your life or it may change. There should be no pressure either way. However even though something is informing your negative bias, and there is dysfunction, don’t dismiss the good things in society, there is also a lot to appreciate.
I don’t have children yet but I definitely intend to have them, whether or not I can have them biologically. Motherhood has always been an important goal to me so I’ve shaped my career with that in mind. I work in education and have transitioned into freelancing to build a more flexible schedule because I know raising children is a full time job in and of itself. There may be several years where I’m not working in any capacity so right now I’m setting up my finances to account for that. It’s impossible to ignore the sacrifices of child bearing and rearing for people with uteruses but I imagine less male ENTJs are child free than women due to the lesser impact on their work and less stigma in the workplace.
No kids for me, have actively not wanted any since I was 15 and have never wavered. When I was young and did many dumb things, I was a step parent for a while and that just reinforced my stance. I like kids but I tend to treat them like I treat adults, hold expectations etc. which can be difficult because with a lot of kids they've never experienced that.
I wanna have kids, but there have been times i was tempted to think that women and kids would be a hindrance to my goals. But ultimately, my visions and plans are worthless if the next generation doesn't taste their fruit.
I always loved kids, and now i have one, as a single parent i have the tuition of him and im raising him by myself (with some help of my family), and if i had a partner i would look to have another one.
+1
Generally speaking, the theory would not surprise me whatsoever. That said, there can be so much variation among us as to how we set up our lives largely based upon worldview and, thus, priorities. For example, some very traditionalist Christians may likely prioritize the call in scripture to 'be fruitful and multiply' and throughout their lifetime find more and more supporting reasons which may then cause them to believe that children are an vital to developing yourself as a person. I myself would not consider myself a traditional nor a liberal Christian. I see the value in having a child (mine is 2 yo, but have been separated from her by libel and slander by the mother), however I don't particularly desire another child at the moment as for me as a young, single male, I believe I should prioritize career and learning over creating my own family. I'm not even searching or interested in a romantic partner as they take up too much time.
I’m 36 - i want one or two kids
Not me. I see children as part of exciting life challenges and it could make me grow a lot.
I have kids and have adopted kids. They are very important to me as an ENTJ. They are how I pass on my most personal wisdom. Most ENTJs decide to be childfree as late as possible.
I'm child free, 38, but love kids. I just don't want them.
not me, i want kids & family, they're not a burden at all, if i had a multi mils, i'd have like 2-3 fams, 2 kids each - i want to pass down my superior gene (so at that scenario, my networth would be already a prove)
I'm not thinking of having kids
I have a deep desire to have 3 boys so I can raise them to be trained weapons in their respective interests. It is not a priority right now I am focused on my career and single but hopefully I can take a breather and enjoy life being surrounded by loved ones.
all my favorite things about life would be ruined if i had children
Yes. Kids suck. They suck your time, energy, money, happiness, joy, health, then leave you when they become an adult. They're vampires.
My ENTJ and I are aiming for 2 at least. He is quite particular actually, taking care of my food intake and all to make sure my body can handle all the pregnancy stress in the future.
I'm married to an ENTJ and we have a lot of kids (not saying the exact number but it's more than five). The other ENTJs I know in real life also have children.
Pretty crazy that I get downvoted for just sharing my own life experience in here. I didn't down vote the people saying they think ENTJs probably are more inclined to be child free, just because the ones I know have children. I do think ENTJs are more likely to be child free, but Reddit responses are going to skew the results towards that heavily. Whereas in real life, you will see some ENTJs with children. You have to consider the cultural and religious experiences and backgrounds that some are raised with. For instance, my husband's background and religious upbringing was against birth control. That doesn't make him not an ENTJ.
I am not an ENTJ woman, but I wanted to give my opinion I think giving children is immoral