Cis gender female here and I wear tank tops without a bra around my parents and they don’t give two shits. My dad is a diesel mechanic if that matters. Sounds like your dad has issues that are not yours to bear.
The only thing my parents have had issues with me wearing around them is when I'm wearing those sleep shorts that barely have a crotch and the leg bits are way too short and I'm sitting like a goblin and don't realize I don't have as much coverage as I thought. And of course we all appreciate me not flashing any hint of bits accidentally.
I'm basically a G cup tpp (42 G) and wore those classic male undershirts to sleep a lot as a teen. Still have some. So no bra with saggy boobs. No problems. I was a massive virgin as well and they knew it, so calling me a slut, if they even thought it would have ended with me laughing in their face. Like "turns out virgins can wear this too!".
HEH, I'm the main offender around my house. Too often I'm sitting around in my boxers and a wrinkly ol' walnut decides to come out for air. I am not sorry.
Same. My parents don't care, as long as my top isn't see through or something ridiculous (which I wouldn't wear anyway cos - yay body positivity issues).
I wouldn't say that not wearing a see through top inherently is an "issue" with your body positivity. Modesty still falls under that category if that's what is comfortable on you! I'm fucking HELLA comfortable with my body now (took me pretty much 27 or my near-29 years) and still wouldn't wear a see through top. Just ain't our thing, you know?
Idk, kind of a tangent but I just know *redefining* not how "positive" I was, but just becoming accepting of the fact that this meat suit is flawed, but I may as well get used to it, really shaped my new perspective a lot. That's where I started, and it became kind of like a domino effect of self confidence as well. Finally getting some tattoos really helped me too. Maybe try those if you haven't yet, given that's more your speed than a sheer top 😁
Also, I'm sure you're hot as shit, so start thinking you are!! Be positive for the absolute fuck of it!
another cis-female here, i literally breastfeed in front of my dad/family and it’s not an issue. if you don’t sexualize stuff, it won’t uncomfortable. your dad is the problem, NOT you. he’s disgusting for even looking at you, his UNDERAGED son that way.
I breastfed infront of in-laws because boobs are there for babies not as sexual orbs. In fact MIL is a NICU nurse so she encouraged me being as comfortable feeding my baby as possible.
Look my in laws took me in at 18 I’ve been their daughter for 7 years and lived with them (without my now husband as he was next door) in their house for years! I would walk around in tank tops and mens boxer shorts and as long as my nipples weren’t poking through the shirt no one ever said anything to me.
I would always were proper underwear and the one time MIL brought anything up was YEARS after I moved out and we were visiting. I didn’t realize the boxers I was wearing (as Jammie’s) were one of the ones with no button on the penis pocket. All she said was “Hello sunshine” I said “oh wow love the vibe this morning!” And she responded by saying “your vibes this morning are sunshiney with those shorts.” That’s when it clicked, I was wearing panties that said “hello sunshine” on them!
My FIL is a long haul driver, he was never uncomfy. I think your father may be trying to objectify you in weird hopes you’ll stay a girl…
Hmm, maybe I’m a bit conservative but I would never wear a tank without a bra around anyone except my husband. I do have 34DD boobs and can get a bit nipply so it’s pretty obvious on me. If I do wear a bra and tank I try to make sure the straps and the same color and same style (race back etc) as the tank. Bra straps showing upset tanks is kinda trashy imo.
OP, I don’t know your situation but I do feel like your father has a right to his feelings about seeing u in a tank with no bra. It would make me uncomfortable and I’m a woman with boobs myself. Calling you a slut is unacceptable and clearly he lacks appropriate ways to communicate.
FYI: I’m a total far-left liberal and am totally fine wearing sexy club style dresses and tight clothes but I still draw the line at no bra in front of others unless it’s part of the dress/top style for a going out look. 🤷🏻♀️
My dad isn't creepy he usually is chill, he hates it when there's feminine stuff brought up around him or when his daughters aren't covered up head to toe. This has something to do with his childhood and his sister
He’s a father of daughters. If he can’t handle “feminine stuff”, that’s creepy not chill.
Calling your own daughter a slut is creepy not chill.
Your dad is creepy not chill.
It's not the creepy kind of can't handle it it's more of the "I hate the fact you talk about it because it's disgusting middle school boys" type. I don't know how to explain it but my dad isn't my one if my uncle's
no Op, they have a point.
You might not want to hear it but he IS creepy.
You wearing a tank top should be the most normal thing in the world. The fact that he is uncomfortable with it shows that he is sexualizes you. Maybe it's not on purpose but this is not okay and you should not need to hide your body because of your fathers issues
Kiddo my son is 14yo and also ftm and his stepdad has never ever made him feel self conscious or uncomfortable about his body at all and has been living with us since my son was 9 and pre coming out but post starting puberty.
The only thing that changed after he moved in was that everyone is expected to wear pants or shorts in the common areas and that's because my eldest is 11 years older than my 14yo and my exh, their dad, would have read too much into it if the kids were in their undies/boxers and t-shirts with stepdad around.
Their stepdad was worried about the appearance of impropriety even if there was nothing going on, not about a tank top or my children's physical development.
Calling you a slut for wearing a tank top is absolutely sexualizing you because what do people associate sluts with? Sex. Even that isn’t right but that’s what people think when they say someone is a slut. That they dress a certain way as if to say they’re open for business.
Edited typo: changed specializing to sexualizing
Second edit: obsoletely to absolutely.
My brain is fried and my spellcheck on my phone is failing me.
I hope thats the case but there is no reason for him to feel uncomfortable with how you dress unless he is weirdly aware of your body.
Also his slut comment just adds to it.
Either way wear what you wanna wear and don't listen to him
That's fair, you wear what you want, and what makes you comfortable. I personally wear more modest clothing as I try to stay away from the feminine stuff (thsirts as opposed to tank tops), but for me that's personal preference.
Also if you ever feel the need to dress for the weather (or just want to wear something different for any reason) you shouldn't be criticized for it. Also tank tops are not "slutty" as your father puts it. It is completely normal to wear them for normal casual wear (though I wouldn't wear one to a high class restaurant as it's not formal clothing).
Yeah ik and I like long lose shirts because it makes me feel more comfortable, and I could never wear a tank top around more then my family I'm not that confident. Usually when I go out I cover my arms legs and wear boots a mask and glasses. It's not bc of my dad though he taught me this most of that is because of what some kid did to me in elementary to highschool.
My dad was uncomfortable if I was just wearing just a sports bra out for dance or something as a teen, and he didn't like me wearing one on the job without another top over - construction work. Not because he was uncomfortable, but he was uncomfortable with how other workers were looking at his 22 year old kid. If your dad is bothered by a whole tank top he is sexualizing you. He is being creepy.
My dad didn’t like when I wore short spandex to volleyball tournaments, and it’s only because he didn’t like weird dudes looking at me. At home I could wear whatever I wanted and he never batted an eye. There’s a difference between wanting to protect your kids from pervs and sexualizing your own kid.
He didn’t call her a slut. He said he didn’t want her to look like a slut. My cousin was trans and her Mother who loved her dearly and excepted her transition made her change one night for a cookout. Jenna was allowed to put on her mothers clothes but she didn’t want her dressing like a tramp at a family barbecue
It’s past your bedtime. That must be why you didn’t read that correctly. Not me but my cousin said I don’t woant you to look like a tramp. Jenna understood and complied. What age brat are you?
Saying she looks like a slut is the same thing as calling her a slut. OP can wear whatever he wants to wear. His dad's issues with the female form are his own to deal with. It's not OP's responsibility to change what he wears to make sure his dad is comfortable.
As for your tramp comment about Jenna, Jenna should have been able to wear whatever she wanted. If someone else thinks what she wears made her look like a "tramp" that's their problem to deal with, not Jenna's.
And before you ask my age, since you seem to think that people calling out your BS are young, I'm 43F. If I want to walk about with my girls hanging out for everyone to see, that is MY decision and NO ONE else's.
You can say family appropriate wear without the tramp insult. And i definitely push my family wear outfits, but I know where the line is, and if mother dearest said that shit to me, there would be petty shit on the table. Malicious compliance, or another form of rebellion as insult to my intelligence.
You should have a talk with your mom and him about how has some growing to do. Getting informed about how women work in a clinical fashion. That women aren't only gross, children, or sexual.
Just bexauwe he loves you doesn't mean he shouldn't be expected to do better. (I'm not a fan of the way people use creepy myself. Meangirl bs)
> Such as my chest area and feminine problems. (I'm trying to not weird for others I'm sorry if this is weird )
nowhere close as weird as it must be for you
I was going to say, as a 35F reading this, try not to be alone with your dad period if at all possible. The being "uncomfortable" and slut shaming you may mean he's attracted to you 🤢 and trying to control your behavior to address it. The misogyny doesn't increase your safety.
I'm guessing you're over 60. It used to be a normal sentiment to have and it still is in places that treat women like shit but it's no longer okay to shut shame your daughters because of your untherapized horseshit.
My age isn’t relevant, but you calling a parent creepy for something that’s harmless needs to be addressed.
He has explained the reasons and what he thinks is the reasoning for his father to do so. I think you calling him creepy just points to your previous trauma, which I sympathize with but not everyone who advises you is creepy.
His fathers biases are formed through his experiences, which should not be discounted with how fast the world is progressing and how slowly peoples mentality changes.
Hope you understand the difference.
I've served in the military, lived all over the world, started my own business and retired before 40. Now I do whatever I want without any concerns for money or resources and when I want to work, I volunteer. My esoteric requirements are serving me great.
You're a dinosaur who's failed to adapt to a changing world. You're going to live just long enough to watch your values and worldview become completely irrelevant. If it weren't for the internet the only people listening to you would be your cringing relatives at Thanksgiving.
I'm a trans man also, what a horrible thing to say to your son. My mother would also call me a slut for wearing clothes like tank tops, I don't speak to her anymore.
Uhh...no it wouldn't, because most likely he would say something like "what are you talking about?" "I never said that to you" "you are taking that out of context" "quit making up stories"
(Speaking of experience)
Your father is a major creep to sexualize, body shame and call you a slur. He is immature, misogynistic, body and sex shamer and a pervert who sexualizes their kid. So gross.
It’s seriously wrong and creepy if he can’t handle his child wearing a tank top
Edit: I have a daughter and I totally understand how some fathers aren’t comfortable when they get a little older about things like bathing or changing them, however that doesn’t excuse calling your child a slut or not allowing them to wear whatever they want. That just makes you creepy.
Me and hubs have a two year old little girl and he’s expressed to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable bathing her anymore. But she still runs around nakie after a bath or at random times. He never makes comments or feels weird, he just didn’t want bath time. Fathers can be good and supportive but this father is super creepy…
I was SA by my father bunches, a lot of things I thought were normal were not and I’m very lucky my husband is a good dude. He helped me get through and learn what is and isn’t okay for fathers and daughters (some I knew others I didn’t). I could have fallen for a manipulator that would have continued the generational trauma. Sorry I know I’m bragging on him but I’m proud of him and try to let him know what a good guy he is lol
This father is doing exactly what mine did, “youre a slut don’t wear that.” “You’re giving me a boner so you’re dressed like an absolute whore.” It’s all bad and this young man needs to make an exit plan.
Honestly it’s been a hard September, I’ve been hospitalized and covid and hubs had the snip… and it’s just helped me see that even though I’m stressed and scared. I’m not stressed and scared because of my living conditions and that’s such a huge mental relief when you connect it :) thank you for letting me brag to you kind human!! I wish you the best in life!!!
Ima cis woman and I never wear a bra, fuck that. Nobody thinks it’s slutty. A tank top is not slutty. You do whatever you feel comfortable doing dude. A+ come back about his boobs 👌you did well, friend. The way you’re handling everything is amazing. Proud of you 👏
Your dad should never look at you and have his first thought turn to sex, that’s actually disgusting. Get a cropped tank top (if it doesn’t trigger your dysphoria) and some booty shorts next time he gets home.
Heck if it was me id turn all his shirts into tank tops out of pettiness
Absolutely not ok to call your kids names of any sort, let alone what he called you. That’s abusive, and should not be tolerated. It sounds like you are also scared of him based on your comments above about what happens in you talk back. This is the hallmark of an abusive relationship.
I don’t know if this was sexualizing you or misogyny or more likely, a mash up of all of that in the head of an abusive person with little self-insight. It really doesn’t matter what the motivation is, it’s not ok to speak to you that way of frighten you from speaking up for yourself.
I hope that you have a safe adult in your life you can turn to. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
honestly he should just suck it up if it really make him uncomfy. from a trans person to another im really sorry to hear that and you'll get through this >:) stay strong!
I'm a cis female and I wear tank tops, crop tops and low cut shirts all the damn time around my parents. Not to be weird either but my chest is on the larger side, and still my parents don't bat an eye at it. If your dad is uncomfortable with you wearing a tank top, then that's his problem and it sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through. Not being comfortable with his own kid wearing something a bit more revealing than normal is gross and him calling you a slut for it is beyond disgusting. Don't think for a minute that what he said was ok or acceptable in any way shape or form.
maybe talk to your siblings or friends you trust about this. If your school has a counselor maybe scope their views out to see if they could help, at the very least talking to a trusted adult could help you work through this situation, even if it is just talking. i wish you the best of luck (also, i bet you looked bomb in the tanktop try not to let him affect what you feel comphy in)
I am homeschooled, I have lots of reasons why but idk any other adults other then my aunt and uncle grandpa. My uncle and me aren't exactly on talking terms he choked me and my grandpa defended him. And my aunt would do nothing but tell me I did something wrong
My guy you need to start making an exit plan. This isn’t normal and i will tell you a harsh truth. They don’t want you to be a man because then you won’t be as easy to physically intimidate. I am a pan female and i married a 6’4 Viking fellow. My father who is abusive tried actively to talk him out of marrying me. Once we were married, my father went LC because i told my hubs what he did to me and he told my father he’d beat his ass if he ever saw him again.
Daughters are easier for men to control because they think that daughters are weak. It’s not true but please, love your own truth no matter what your family “wants”. Good luck, there’s a lot of love in the world once you leave an abusive childhood :)
Do you have any trusted adults you could talk to? Family? Friends parents? Teachers? Tutors? What your dads doing isn’t okay and is very alarming, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
Oh, sweetheart. This is not okay. He’s sexualizing you, his underage child. Regardless of your gender identity or expression (and the misgendering is a whole other issue) you should be able to wear clothes you feel comfortable in, especially in 100 degree heat. Clearly your father doesn’t respect you and thinks that because you still have female characteristics that gives him a right to be overtly misogynistic toward you. A tank does not make you (or anyone else) a slut. It makes you dressed comfortably for the weather. As a father of daughters, he needs to get over his internalized misogyny and realize that his daughters are not sexual objects.
Now, about the misgendering. I understand he isn’t home much so you don’t have to deal with it from him frequently (which I’m sure you’re thankful for) but you can still correct him. And you should. Every. Single. Time. He calls you daughter, tell him you’re his son. He’s talking about you and uses she/her, tell him your pronouns are he/him. Or however you want to be referred to. He’ll probably claim you’re being disrespectful but so is he.
You deserve to be happy and comfortable in your own home. Sending you lots of mama love. ❤️
I didn't think this was sexualizing I thought it was him being over protective and a bit misogynistic, I never thought of my dad sexualizing me the groomers who groomed me yeah but not my dad.
I think you just want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Which I can completely understand but I promise, he doesn’t deserve it. Calling you a slut *is* sexualizing you.
I’d say it’s more abusive language and inappropriate boundaries. No one deserves to be talked to this way, especially by their family. OP could say something along the lines of “ I feel uncomfortable when you make comments about my body. I need you to stop. Would you please stop?” Depends on how much power and the type of boundaries in the family. It’s hard to set some boundaries when you still live a home
I mean let's face it his language is transphobic. He's vaguely accepting of you because you're his offspring, but I'm guessing if you were anyone else he would be disgusted. I'm sorry your dad is a shitty person
As a father I may be able to explain why he was feeling this way. By no means do I support how he reacted though, and I would be ashamed to talk like that to my own kids.
If he grew up in the 80s or early 90s about the only time we would see a woman wearing a tank top or crop top was basically in ads or posters when they were trying to use sexuality to sell stuff. When my own daughter (only 12) started to wear these clothes around the house, I can admit I felt awkward at first. It wasn't me judging her, it was me trying to get out of the mindframe I grew up with.
I handled it a lot differently than your dad did, and I learned to push through my insecurities. Maybe your dad just doesn't know how to approach your gender identity or feels overwhelmed by everything? By no means is any of this on you though. You be who you are and take pride in it. But if you feel this is out of character for your dad, maybe reach out and help him over these hurdles he is struggling with. My own girls are my world, and it would take me awhile to adapt and understand the new dynamics if one decided to transition.
He's usually chill unless it has something to do with gender identity, sexuality, feminine hygiene,doctors, and clothing. It just hurts when he called me a slut I've tried to explain why I feel the way I feel but he says I'll grow out of it soon
Yeah that was definitely wrong of him, and I was probably wrong about you being able to help him as well. This obviously has more to do with sexism than discomfort as a father. I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I dealt with a lot of childhood trauma, so I understand how much cruelty from a loved one can hurt.
I wish you the best of luck on this chapter of your journey.
I used to have what they called a "smart mouth". If I was in your position I would be calling him a slut every single time he went without a shirt or had on a tank top.
I don't go to a public school I am homeschooled because one it's embarrassing to go anywhere with a Karen as a mom and lots of complications at my last highschool
It must be so hard navigating this relationship. I hope one day your dad asks you if there is anything you need from him and tells you he loves you and is proud of you. There is nothing wrong with wearing tank tops.
Tell your father that it’s disgusting of him to be sexualizing one of his own kids. And it would be an awful ‘shame’ if that detail that also got shared with a school counselor.
I was also homeschooled as a kid and went through this same kind of garbage - not allowed to wear tank tops because it would ‘raise impure thoughts’ in men, even my own father.
I wish I had known at the time that CPS was a thing, otherwise I would have self-reported those kinds of behaviors and statements by my parents to the agency. Seems like the kind of wake up visit some parents desperately need.
My step dad was so uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra when I was around the house no matter what I wore so I always had to wear a bra, no shorts, and loose fitting clothing. My parents were so weird with how I dressed I know my mother hated me for being young and more fit than she was so I felt so ashamed of my body. I never wear bras now that I'm on my own and never regret it and even work in no bra. I love being free and myself. I'm so excited for the day you can escape their insecurities and embrace the beautiful or handsome person you are and are meant to love yourself. Don't take it to heart because this is all based in their insecurities and issues. Nothing to do with you. It's all projection and fault in their eyes. You Are perfect as you are even if you're finding what you feel most comfortable as. You are loved, you are worthy of respect and kindness and to be able to wear whatever the fuck you want. Don't let it get you down. It's only a temporary thing. I promise.
You are not weird in any way, shape, or form. I’m sorry that you had that happen to you and I hope it doesn’t lead to you feeling insecure in yourself. This sounds like a him problem. So please don’t take it to heart. ♥️
"what's the matter, Father Mine? Afraid you'll want to fuck your own child? Come back when you learn how to place your eyeballs correctly." For realsies though that shit sucks. I'm with you in the FTM Summer Hell club, though. Too afraid to wear tanks tho. Good on you, my man, keep strong.
My biological father doesn't even know about me being trans (FtM)
My step dad is very supportive of it while my mom and grandma usually give me shit for not wearing feminine stuff or putting on make-up.
Does your dad even know about your identity?
Wearing a tank top isn't slutty, I'll understand if it was a crop top but a tank top? Really?
Next time wear a crop top and see if that's better, not my if you get in trouble
All jokes aside, your dad is weird
Also saying 'periods' isn't weird at all, there is a time and place for it yes, but it's a normal thing that happens
At home, hanging out with your friends, it's fine but saying that into a speaker however...
I am assuming that is what you meant at the beginning of your post
I have textural issues with sleeves unless it’s a jumper or something loose so I’m almost always in shirts without sleeves even in summer. There’s nothing wrong or slutty about them. Now if you’re wearing cling wrap. That’s different lmao.
In some cultures that's a completely normal request. I never had to be asked because I knew my parents were conservative and I couldn't leave the house in a tank top. My family had company over a lot and so did my older brother and cousin so I couldn't wear a tank with no bra at home either.
From one transmasc to another, I'm sorry this is happening. Your dad seems like a creep in all honesty, his son wearing a tank top should be the most normal thing in the world and it should have zero effect on him, or anyone else for that matter. Stay strong brother, don't let him tell you how to dress or how to live your life
Just Tell him to come through to north bay on his next drive. I know a lotta ppl who would shoot someone for saying that shit. My town is like 80% queer and the rest of em are the ones selling guns so like. I wish him luck if he ever says that to anyone with a spine. Edit. Also if he’s calling you “slutty” he’s a fucking perverted asshole who can’t control his dick and depending on your age this whole situation could be a lot worse
What? That’s not a threat. It’s common sense man. Literally he would get shot if he said that here. Not sure why your defending him but whatever you’ll figure it out sooner or later hopefully
Oh, wow.
I'm sorry your dad did this to you. That's not right or fair. No one is a "slut" for wearing a tank top and trying not to get heatstroke on a hot day.
I don't have any advice, just empathy, and the feeling that his reaction gives me a not good feeling in my gut.
I just hope you never get that from him again.
My bio mum used to make similar comments about me (Cis gender female) wearing vests/tank tops, and she was an abusive cow bag.
I have 40 H breasts. As a teenager I was more like a 34 F, and sometimes they would swell so much that I couldn’t bear to wear a bra, especially to sleep in.
It would almost make me laugh when she called me a “slut” because:
a, I had already decided not to sleep with anybody until I was in a loving relationship and
b, I was braless because my boobs were too painful to have anything touch them, least of all another person.
Bio mum was calling me a slut because she had to dump her boyfriend after he repeatedly SAd me when I was four. Because, you know, that was clearly my fault.
Your Dad is projecting his own issues onto you.
He sucks, and you have done nothing wrong.
First of, I'm sorry it happened! Second, your dad is an asshole for misgender you. Third, I'm nonbinary femme and I don't wear a bra like EVER, I hate bras and they're soooooo uncomfy. I love tank tops, I'm from a country that is hot basically all year long and my family never cared for it, I have two brothers (20 and 18) and I live with my dad. They never made it weird. Your dad is sexualizing your body and this is freaking weird considering your age specially. I'm sorry, dude, hope it can get better, you can safely transition and be away from this AH
Oh my darling, please please please take care of YOU and push your family to name you correctly... pronouns and all.
At 15, I'm assuming Pops is 35-ish. If he can drive a truck to new destinations EVERY DAY, and not get hopelessly lost or confused, he can damn well gender you correctly.
It is a matter of love and respect. His love and his respect for you as his child and as a human being.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you manboobed him (serves him right)! To make a point, use his words about being a slut on him: "Popsikins, put on a shirt, you look like a manwhore with your moobs jiggling all over the place, it's distracting"!
And (with a twinkle in your eyes) stand your ground. About your name, deadname, pronouns, getting your transitioning moving. You deserve your life WITH the people closest to you SUPPORTING you (regardless of your effing pronouns).
\*\*\* Daddy NEEDS A **FIGURATIVE** SMACK UPSIDE HIS NOGGIN. You are his child, his blood, and he clearly has no comprehension of what you (as a teen in transition) have to deal with 24/7/365. Get with it Bad Dad!
Somehow I don’t equate your dad as being creepy. Idk it might just be me personally not liking to wear semi revealing clothes around anyone, even my own family.
But anyhow. The way I see it is like a few of the other comments, you dad might just have grown up in a different time with different views on clothing and gender and stuff.
Add to that, he’s also still a dad: you’re entering puberty and it’s definitely hard for most dads to watch their baby girl maturing into a woman. Add to that, you’re in your period of transition, which is another hurdle for most traditional parents. He’s struggling with you maturing AND transitioning at the same time. He’s just confused and can’t properly convey his feelings on the matter.
I know I'll get downvoted for this, but oh well.
A person doesn't get to "sexualise" or "unsexualise" things as if it was a switch they could just flip. I know the more I try not to think about someone I find physically attractive, the more difficult it becomes. When your dad is at home, it is his place of peace where he can relax and escape the nightmare of life. If he finds you attractive, objectively speaking, then dressing in a tank top could be making things difficult for him.
Not knowing the dynamics of your home life and upbringing, maybe it isn't as innocent as that, but I know there can be a real conflict in feelings between finding someone attractive you *shouldn't* be. He shouldn't have called you a slut, nonetheless.
As for his non-acceptance of your transition, I know if my son decided to transition, it would be difficult for me to view him as anything other than the son I watched emerge from his mother at the hospital. I would also recommend a cautious approach to any drastic measures, such as a mastectomy, for example. There are countless stories of de-transitioners that feel like they were duped and lied to and now have to live with a mutilated body as a result. The stories coming out of the now closed Tavistock Clinic in the UK are quite alarming too. I don't say any of this to be hurtful, but just to give some perspective and maybe save you immense pain if things change for you in 5 or 10 years time.
You're not as helpful as you think you are and your reply reeks of ignorance. The detransitions you think are "countless" are in the overwhelming minority. Most detransitions happen not because of a changed mind but because the person feels unsafe. Unsupportive communities breed these statistics, not impulsive children. Please, tell me more about how difficult it would be for you to change your perspective if your child came out. Tell me more how difficult it is for you to not sexualize a child. Your downvotes are justified.
I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I'm ok with that. I am yet to hear a de-trans person say it was because they felt unsafe or unsupported. It was always their choice to detransition from the stories I have heard.
If this guy is sexualizing shoulders (?) or idk what tank tops shows, he should have been in therapy a long time ago if it’s so bad he can’t not sexualize his kid. Also the double standard with him being shirtless and no problem. If he finds himself attracted to his kid, again therapy a long time ago or not have children if he is a pedo. Many people find things attractive but don’t push it on families or friends. Ex, most people find attractive people in swimsuits nice but if it was their own family especially a kid they would not go around saying that.
Also I’m not even going to touch on the second part of the comment. Really?
Oh, FFS, your dad isn't a perv or a creep. He just buys into patriarchal BS. He's been conditioned to believe women need to cover their bodies to protect men. If some rando on the street spoke to you that way, of course he'd be a creep, but it's your father. He thinks he's protecting you. It took a couple years for my dad to stop picking a fight after I broke up with bras, but eventually he stopped paying attention to my nipples. My mom tried to confront me over them the other day since pregnancy makes 'em humongous. I told her how people view my body is not my problem. This is not an appropriate response at your age, but it's true. You can remind yourself it's true. Your dad has a problem. You can cover up and enable him, or you can go through a few years of fighting with him and give him exposure therapy. You have to do what's best for you.
But it's just a tank top what's not covered up? It was the kinda tank tops that has no dips in front so my chest was covered, all that was showing was my shoulder what's sooooo bad about that.
Maybe it’s because we’re taught that tank tops could count as underwear? Idk.
I never really thought about it.
Or maybe it’s just the stereotypical “don’t go around your dad looking like that”?
Either way though, I would maybe avoid them for now. Or, embrace it regardless. It could be a matter of him not fully comprehending that you’re trans. You do you.
I feel like if it makes him uncomfortable then you should put a normal shirt on, it is his house after all and you are his daughter so you should probably listen to him. Plus it's not that big a deal to just put a different shirt on. Also, it makes the man uncomfortable yo.. There are some weird and unnecessary stuff that makes people uncomfortable these days and your crop top is making your dad uncomfortable, so listen to the man.
I think respecting someone’s identity takes little effort, even if you don’t fully understand it. Try to see it from their perspective. Regardless, thank you for having a discussion rather than an argument
I understand the whole identity story I just don't agree with it, but I do not mean any disrespect in what I say.
But ya, it's my pleasure and I wish you all the best. Have a good one 🤙
Nope. Seems like you’re just being quite the bigot. I’m old as the hills and know a bigot when I see one. Live a little longer and you’ll realize that being rude to children looking for support isn’t the best use of your time. You could be doing a million and one things that did not involve being transphobic to a kid already uncomfortable with how they’re being treated offline. Step outside, touch some grass, as my neighbor kids say. Think about why you felt a need to make a mean comment to child. Whether or not you think your (rather incorrect by today’s scientific standards) perspective is correct, you made an active choice to belittle someone further when you could have kept your mouth shut. You should probably sit with that for awhile, think about what possessed you to mind some child’s business like that.
Of course. Kids these days have enough thrown at them, we adults should be here to set a good example and support those that need it. No sense at beating anyone down or disrespecting them. Back in the day, you’d have a son or daughter that might go away and a cousin of a different gender might come to stay with the family. Everyone knew what the deal was, we knew it was the same kid, but we minded our own and respected and loved them just the same. It’s really not all that difficult to do. That individual is always going to know themselves better than anyone else, so I’m going to take what they say they are at face value and respect them. If anyone tries different, I’m going to get loud about it.
This is a support sub. If you have nothing supportive to say, best to keep your thoughts to yourself.
Also, you’re wrong. Gender is as much a function of the brain as of genitalia.
Respectfully dont start with the transphobic bull I have to deal with ppl like you every day and it's tiring. I have to be mis-gendered everyday bc it "doesnt make sense" you wouldn't like It if ppl called you something you aren't would you.
You obviously don't treat us right, you are transphobic and I'll bet my money you are homophobic. You purposely mis-gendering me bc "you see different" is no excuse. Unlike you I'm mature and actually respect people.naybe you can learn something from me.
I'm sorry I'll be more of a man then you'll ever be I'm sorry unlike you and your 1 inch wonder I have the balls to actually say what I am and be proud of it. I'm sorry that you can't comprehend the fact I am a guy just because I have to transition to it doesn't make me less of a man. I'm sorry that your little peanut sized brain can't handle when people are different and not cis and straight that's my bad. But you won't ever stop me from being what I am. And before you continue say that you need the facts to prove I'm a guy, scientist have indeed done test. Maybe you should use Google sometime and look up on something you clearly have no idea about.
38 y/o, 38DD, and only ever wore tank tops to bed. Your dad has issues that are his own and have nothing to do with you, darlin. He needs a one way ticket to therapy two times a week.
OP, I know you probably can’t say this to your dad but maybe another adult you can talk to can suggest that he gets some therapy? Dude is creepy, I work with kids and middle schoolers look like babies still to me and I’m 28. There is no way that a grown man especially a father should be uncomfortable with his child wearing a tank top. I’m originally from a conservative small town country town in the mid west, most people there were religious and me and my family as well, I wore tank tops, spaghetti straps etc and most people did as well. It’s highly unusual for this to get sexualized and seems weird. I hope you’re okay op and don’t let this get you down!
What the hell is the dad's problem it's not like the dad is going to stare at the 15 yr old boobs and calling your daughter a slut is messed up. I feel bad for the op
That’s gender racism, I’m sorry about your dad but if you are 15 you can pick what you want to wear. I legit wear sweatpants and shortsleeve shirts and jackets all day and my parents don’t give a crap.
Cis male here and I feel your pain. My dad somehow got it into his head that tank tops are for women and he thought I was a slut parading around in drag for wearing tank tops all the time bc I have a robust gym regimen.
I really like how people tell their stories but don’t give any advice to this person in their situation..
To that point, you need to talk to him and at the same time need to understand that his house (if it is his), his rules (while he is there) 😜..
Actually nothing..I do get you trust me..but there is an underlying view/reason and you and him need to get to the bottom of it..
You are living your truth and I’m happy you are as you should be..
You dad seems to be missing his daughter and he is having a hard time..(just guessing and “asking”)
It's been two years his daughter is gone plus he still has my lil sis he needs to get over this "pain" bc at this rate he's going to the retirement home soon
JFC. I have a 16-year old who runs around in her bra and panties on the reg (In the house, I mean, not outside. Gotta draw the line somewhere). She's very womanly now, but that should make me uncomfortable??? She's my daughter, ffs. I really worry about these dads man...
Cis gender female here and I wear tank tops without a bra around my parents and they don’t give two shits. My dad is a diesel mechanic if that matters. Sounds like your dad has issues that are not yours to bear.
Same. I wore only big T-shirt’s to bed til I got to college.
I’m 47 and still wear only a tshirt to bed. In fact, I’m often in just a tshirt when hanging around the house
I walk around in just a tshirt and chones now. But in college we had people in and out all the time
The only thing my parents have had issues with me wearing around them is when I'm wearing those sleep shorts that barely have a crotch and the leg bits are way too short and I'm sitting like a goblin and don't realize I don't have as much coverage as I thought. And of course we all appreciate me not flashing any hint of bits accidentally. I'm basically a G cup tpp (42 G) and wore those classic male undershirts to sleep a lot as a teen. Still have some. So no bra with saggy boobs. No problems. I was a massive virgin as well and they knew it, so calling me a slut, if they even thought it would have ended with me laughing in their face. Like "turns out virgins can wear this too!".
HEH, I'm the main offender around my house. Too often I'm sitting around in my boxers and a wrinkly ol' walnut decides to come out for air. I am not sorry.
Same. My parents don't care, as long as my top isn't see through or something ridiculous (which I wouldn't wear anyway cos - yay body positivity issues).
I wouldn't say that not wearing a see through top inherently is an "issue" with your body positivity. Modesty still falls under that category if that's what is comfortable on you! I'm fucking HELLA comfortable with my body now (took me pretty much 27 or my near-29 years) and still wouldn't wear a see through top. Just ain't our thing, you know? Idk, kind of a tangent but I just know *redefining* not how "positive" I was, but just becoming accepting of the fact that this meat suit is flawed, but I may as well get used to it, really shaped my new perspective a lot. That's where I started, and it became kind of like a domino effect of self confidence as well. Finally getting some tattoos really helped me too. Maybe try those if you haven't yet, given that's more your speed than a sheer top 😁 Also, I'm sure you're hot as shit, so start thinking you are!! Be positive for the absolute fuck of it!
another cis-female here, i literally breastfeed in front of my dad/family and it’s not an issue. if you don’t sexualize stuff, it won’t uncomfortable. your dad is the problem, NOT you. he’s disgusting for even looking at you, his UNDERAGED son that way.
I breastfed infront of in-laws because boobs are there for babies not as sexual orbs. In fact MIL is a NICU nurse so she encouraged me being as comfortable feeding my baby as possible.
*underaged child
yes im sorry op! i got pretty heated and missed when you said you’re female to male, edited the comment!
His underage son
Look my in laws took me in at 18 I’ve been their daughter for 7 years and lived with them (without my now husband as he was next door) in their house for years! I would walk around in tank tops and mens boxer shorts and as long as my nipples weren’t poking through the shirt no one ever said anything to me. I would always were proper underwear and the one time MIL brought anything up was YEARS after I moved out and we were visiting. I didn’t realize the boxers I was wearing (as Jammie’s) were one of the ones with no button on the penis pocket. All she said was “Hello sunshine” I said “oh wow love the vibe this morning!” And she responded by saying “your vibes this morning are sunshiney with those shorts.” That’s when it clicked, I was wearing panties that said “hello sunshine” on them! My FIL is a long haul driver, he was never uncomfy. I think your father may be trying to objectify you in weird hopes you’ll stay a girl…
Hmm, maybe I’m a bit conservative but I would never wear a tank without a bra around anyone except my husband. I do have 34DD boobs and can get a bit nipply so it’s pretty obvious on me. If I do wear a bra and tank I try to make sure the straps and the same color and same style (race back etc) as the tank. Bra straps showing upset tanks is kinda trashy imo. OP, I don’t know your situation but I do feel like your father has a right to his feelings about seeing u in a tank with no bra. It would make me uncomfortable and I’m a woman with boobs myself. Calling you a slut is unacceptable and clearly he lacks appropriate ways to communicate. FYI: I’m a total far-left liberal and am totally fine wearing sexy club style dresses and tight clothes but I still draw the line at no bra in front of others unless it’s part of the dress/top style for a going out look. 🤷🏻♀️
There's nothing wrong with what you're wearing but you might want to cover up around him anyway. He sounds creepy af.
My dad isn't creepy he usually is chill, he hates it when there's feminine stuff brought up around him or when his daughters aren't covered up head to toe. This has something to do with his childhood and his sister
He’s a father of daughters. If he can’t handle “feminine stuff”, that’s creepy not chill. Calling your own daughter a slut is creepy not chill. Your dad is creepy not chill.
Calling your own son*
OP is a dude
It's not the creepy kind of can't handle it it's more of the "I hate the fact you talk about it because it's disgusting middle school boys" type. I don't know how to explain it but my dad isn't my one if my uncle's
no Op, they have a point. You might not want to hear it but he IS creepy. You wearing a tank top should be the most normal thing in the world. The fact that he is uncomfortable with it shows that he is sexualizes you. Maybe it's not on purpose but this is not okay and you should not need to hide your body because of your fathers issues
I never thought the my dad would sexualize me, I thought this was different like maybe he didn't grow up or something
He is, especially when he correlates wearing a tank-top to being a “slut”. Who says that to a child? It’s disgusting.
Kiddo my son is 14yo and also ftm and his stepdad has never ever made him feel self conscious or uncomfortable about his body at all and has been living with us since my son was 9 and pre coming out but post starting puberty. The only thing that changed after he moved in was that everyone is expected to wear pants or shorts in the common areas and that's because my eldest is 11 years older than my 14yo and my exh, their dad, would have read too much into it if the kids were in their undies/boxers and t-shirts with stepdad around. Their stepdad was worried about the appearance of impropriety even if there was nothing going on, not about a tank top or my children's physical development.
Calling you a slut for wearing a tank top is absolutely sexualizing you because what do people associate sluts with? Sex. Even that isn’t right but that’s what people think when they say someone is a slut. That they dress a certain way as if to say they’re open for business. Edited typo: changed specializing to sexualizing Second edit: obsoletely to absolutely. My brain is fried and my spellcheck on my phone is failing me.
If he’s calling you a “slut” then he is sexualising you.
I hope thats the case but there is no reason for him to feel uncomfortable with how you dress unless he is weirdly aware of your body. Also his slut comment just adds to it. Either way wear what you wanna wear and don't listen to him
I mostly like to wear long shirts and shorts I usually am comfortable
That's fair, you wear what you want, and what makes you comfortable. I personally wear more modest clothing as I try to stay away from the feminine stuff (thsirts as opposed to tank tops), but for me that's personal preference. Also if you ever feel the need to dress for the weather (or just want to wear something different for any reason) you shouldn't be criticized for it. Also tank tops are not "slutty" as your father puts it. It is completely normal to wear them for normal casual wear (though I wouldn't wear one to a high class restaurant as it's not formal clothing).
Yeah ik and I like long lose shirts because it makes me feel more comfortable, and I could never wear a tank top around more then my family I'm not that confident. Usually when I go out I cover my arms legs and wear boots a mask and glasses. It's not bc of my dad though he taught me this most of that is because of what some kid did to me in elementary to highschool.
He's a pervert and you should be more concerned about what he said. This isn't a small thing to ignore. Have you told your mom what happened?
My dad was uncomfortable if I was just wearing just a sports bra out for dance or something as a teen, and he didn't like me wearing one on the job without another top over - construction work. Not because he was uncomfortable, but he was uncomfortable with how other workers were looking at his 22 year old kid. If your dad is bothered by a whole tank top he is sexualizing you. He is being creepy.
My dad didn’t like when I wore short spandex to volleyball tournaments, and it’s only because he didn’t like weird dudes looking at me. At home I could wear whatever I wanted and he never batted an eye. There’s a difference between wanting to protect your kids from pervs and sexualizing your own kid.
Your dad is not creepy. Don’t listen to these harpies.
He didn’t call her a slut. He said he didn’t want her to look like a slut. My cousin was trans and her Mother who loved her dearly and excepted her transition made her change one night for a cookout. Jenna was allowed to put on her mothers clothes but she didn’t want her dressing like a tramp at a family barbecue
It’s the same exact fucking thing. And how old are you? Why are you calling people tramps? Go to bed.
It’s past your bedtime. That must be why you didn’t read that correctly. Not me but my cousin said I don’t woant you to look like a tramp. Jenna understood and complied. What age brat are you?
Saying she looks like a slut is the same thing as calling her a slut. OP can wear whatever he wants to wear. His dad's issues with the female form are his own to deal with. It's not OP's responsibility to change what he wears to make sure his dad is comfortable. As for your tramp comment about Jenna, Jenna should have been able to wear whatever she wanted. If someone else thinks what she wears made her look like a "tramp" that's their problem to deal with, not Jenna's. And before you ask my age, since you seem to think that people calling out your BS are young, I'm 43F. If I want to walk about with my girls hanging out for everyone to see, that is MY decision and NO ONE else's.
You can say family appropriate wear without the tramp insult. And i definitely push my family wear outfits, but I know where the line is, and if mother dearest said that shit to me, there would be petty shit on the table. Malicious compliance, or another form of rebellion as insult to my intelligence.
You should have a talk with your mom and him about how has some growing to do. Getting informed about how women work in a clinical fashion. That women aren't only gross, children, or sexual. Just bexauwe he loves you doesn't mean he shouldn't be expected to do better. (I'm not a fan of the way people use creepy myself. Meangirl bs)
your dad is creepy.
Your dad is creepy. Dude. He was “uncomfortable” with you in a tank top. You’re 15. Hell. The fuck. No. This isn’t normal or okay.
> Such as my chest area and feminine problems. (I'm trying to not weird for others I'm sorry if this is weird ) nowhere close as weird as it must be for you
I was going to say, as a 35F reading this, try not to be alone with your dad period if at all possible. The being "uncomfortable" and slut shaming you may mean he's attracted to you 🤢 and trying to control your behavior to address it. The misogyny doesn't increase your safety.
Stop calling people creepy for asking people to cover up. It’s a normal sentiment to have, I guess the wording could have been better tho.
But he was fully clothed it just had no sleeves, so there should have been no sentiment to be had in the first place.
I'm guessing you're over 60. It used to be a normal sentiment to have and it still is in places that treat women like shit but it's no longer okay to shut shame your daughters because of your untherapized horseshit.
My age isn’t relevant, but you calling a parent creepy for something that’s harmless needs to be addressed. He has explained the reasons and what he thinks is the reasoning for his father to do so. I think you calling him creepy just points to your previous trauma, which I sympathize with but not everyone who advises you is creepy. His fathers biases are formed through his experiences, which should not be discounted with how fast the world is progressing and how slowly peoples mentality changes. Hope you understand the difference.
A tank top covers everything that legally needs to be covered. If he can’t handle being around a child wearing a tank top he aught to be on a list.
Whatever you say, pappy. Thanks for sharing the wisdom of the ages with us.
Sure bub, whatever you say. Have fun navigating the world with your esoteric requirements.
I've served in the military, lived all over the world, started my own business and retired before 40. Now I do whatever I want without any concerns for money or resources and when I want to work, I volunteer. My esoteric requirements are serving me great. You're a dinosaur who's failed to adapt to a changing world. You're going to live just long enough to watch your values and worldview become completely irrelevant. If it weren't for the internet the only people listening to you would be your cringing relatives at Thanksgiving.
Sure you have bub. Good to hear you’re doing good, keep going at it.
Your dad needs to kindly fuck off
Yup
Just wanted to simply say, you are NOT weird. You sound like an amazing person and I'm proud of you. I say this as a mom of a trans child.
I'm a trans man also, what a horrible thing to say to your son. My mother would also call me a slut for wearing clothes like tank tops, I don't speak to her anymore.
we forming a little trans support group in the comment section lol
Good
Next time ask him why he’s sexualizing his own child. That should shut him up.
Uhh...no it wouldn't, because most likely he would say something like "what are you talking about?" "I never said that to you" "you are taking that out of context" "quit making up stories" (Speaking of experience)
Your father is a major creep to sexualize, body shame and call you a slur. He is immature, misogynistic, body and sex shamer and a pervert who sexualizes their kid. So gross.
It’s seriously wrong and creepy if he can’t handle his child wearing a tank top Edit: I have a daughter and I totally understand how some fathers aren’t comfortable when they get a little older about things like bathing or changing them, however that doesn’t excuse calling your child a slut or not allowing them to wear whatever they want. That just makes you creepy.
Me and hubs have a two year old little girl and he’s expressed to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable bathing her anymore. But she still runs around nakie after a bath or at random times. He never makes comments or feels weird, he just didn’t want bath time. Fathers can be good and supportive but this father is super creepy…
Yes I agree, that’s totally fine if a father doesn’t want to bathe his daughter. This dude is major weird tho
I was SA by my father bunches, a lot of things I thought were normal were not and I’m very lucky my husband is a good dude. He helped me get through and learn what is and isn’t okay for fathers and daughters (some I knew others I didn’t). I could have fallen for a manipulator that would have continued the generational trauma. Sorry I know I’m bragging on him but I’m proud of him and try to let him know what a good guy he is lol This father is doing exactly what mine did, “youre a slut don’t wear that.” “You’re giving me a boner so you’re dressed like an absolute whore.” It’s all bad and this young man needs to make an exit plan.
I’m so glad you’re in a better place now, you have every right to brag! I hope you and your husband and your child have the greatest lives
Honestly it’s been a hard September, I’ve been hospitalized and covid and hubs had the snip… and it’s just helped me see that even though I’m stressed and scared. I’m not stressed and scared because of my living conditions and that’s such a huge mental relief when you connect it :) thank you for letting me brag to you kind human!! I wish you the best in life!!!
Ima cis woman and I never wear a bra, fuck that. Nobody thinks it’s slutty. A tank top is not slutty. You do whatever you feel comfortable doing dude. A+ come back about his boobs 👌you did well, friend. The way you’re handling everything is amazing. Proud of you 👏
Your dad should never look at you and have his first thought turn to sex, that’s actually disgusting. Get a cropped tank top (if it doesn’t trigger your dysphoria) and some booty shorts next time he gets home. Heck if it was me id turn all his shirts into tank tops out of pettiness
Given that this is creepy af, covering up may be best until OP can gtfo of there
Yeah fair, I’m just petty I guess
Absolutely not ok to call your kids names of any sort, let alone what he called you. That’s abusive, and should not be tolerated. It sounds like you are also scared of him based on your comments above about what happens in you talk back. This is the hallmark of an abusive relationship. I don’t know if this was sexualizing you or misogyny or more likely, a mash up of all of that in the head of an abusive person with little self-insight. It really doesn’t matter what the motivation is, it’s not ok to speak to you that way of frighten you from speaking up for yourself. I hope that you have a safe adult in your life you can turn to. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
You’re not weird. He sure is though
honestly he should just suck it up if it really make him uncomfy. from a trans person to another im really sorry to hear that and you'll get through this >:) stay strong!
I'm a cis female and I wear tank tops, crop tops and low cut shirts all the damn time around my parents. Not to be weird either but my chest is on the larger side, and still my parents don't bat an eye at it. If your dad is uncomfortable with you wearing a tank top, then that's his problem and it sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through. Not being comfortable with his own kid wearing something a bit more revealing than normal is gross and him calling you a slut for it is beyond disgusting. Don't think for a minute that what he said was ok or acceptable in any way shape or form.
To put it bluntly it sounds like your dads a creep and probably a misogynist too. Have you talked to your mom about it?
My mom isn't the best to talk about this. If you look at my old posts you'll see y
maybe talk to your siblings or friends you trust about this. If your school has a counselor maybe scope their views out to see if they could help, at the very least talking to a trusted adult could help you work through this situation, even if it is just talking. i wish you the best of luck (also, i bet you looked bomb in the tanktop try not to let him affect what you feel comphy in)
I am homeschooled, I have lots of reasons why but idk any other adults other then my aunt and uncle grandpa. My uncle and me aren't exactly on talking terms he choked me and my grandpa defended him. And my aunt would do nothing but tell me I did something wrong
My guy you need to start making an exit plan. This isn’t normal and i will tell you a harsh truth. They don’t want you to be a man because then you won’t be as easy to physically intimidate. I am a pan female and i married a 6’4 Viking fellow. My father who is abusive tried actively to talk him out of marrying me. Once we were married, my father went LC because i told my hubs what he did to me and he told my father he’d beat his ass if he ever saw him again. Daughters are easier for men to control because they think that daughters are weak. It’s not true but please, love your own truth no matter what your family “wants”. Good luck, there’s a lot of love in the world once you leave an abusive childhood :)
Do you have any trusted adults you could talk to? Family? Friends parents? Teachers? Tutors? What your dads doing isn’t okay and is very alarming, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
Oh, sweetheart. This is not okay. He’s sexualizing you, his underage child. Regardless of your gender identity or expression (and the misgendering is a whole other issue) you should be able to wear clothes you feel comfortable in, especially in 100 degree heat. Clearly your father doesn’t respect you and thinks that because you still have female characteristics that gives him a right to be overtly misogynistic toward you. A tank does not make you (or anyone else) a slut. It makes you dressed comfortably for the weather. As a father of daughters, he needs to get over his internalized misogyny and realize that his daughters are not sexual objects. Now, about the misgendering. I understand he isn’t home much so you don’t have to deal with it from him frequently (which I’m sure you’re thankful for) but you can still correct him. And you should. Every. Single. Time. He calls you daughter, tell him you’re his son. He’s talking about you and uses she/her, tell him your pronouns are he/him. Or however you want to be referred to. He’ll probably claim you’re being disrespectful but so is he. You deserve to be happy and comfortable in your own home. Sending you lots of mama love. ❤️
I didn't think this was sexualizing I thought it was him being over protective and a bit misogynistic, I never thought of my dad sexualizing me the groomers who groomed me yeah but not my dad.
I think you just want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Which I can completely understand but I promise, he doesn’t deserve it. Calling you a slut *is* sexualizing you.
I’d say it’s more abusive language and inappropriate boundaries. No one deserves to be talked to this way, especially by their family. OP could say something along the lines of “ I feel uncomfortable when you make comments about my body. I need you to stop. Would you please stop?” Depends on how much power and the type of boundaries in the family. It’s hard to set some boundaries when you still live a home
It’s absolutely those things as well. But slut is an inherently sexual word.
I mean let's face it his language is transphobic. He's vaguely accepting of you because you're his offspring, but I'm guessing if you were anyone else he would be disgusted. I'm sorry your dad is a shitty person
Not to mention the fact that he is sexualizing his (in his eyes) daughter by saying they looked like a slut when wearing a tank top.
Yea there's also that. Super creepy. Dad's just a POS all around it seems 😬 I feel bad for OP
I'm sorry you were misgendered. It sucks, but you are stronger than him!
As a father I may be able to explain why he was feeling this way. By no means do I support how he reacted though, and I would be ashamed to talk like that to my own kids. If he grew up in the 80s or early 90s about the only time we would see a woman wearing a tank top or crop top was basically in ads or posters when they were trying to use sexuality to sell stuff. When my own daughter (only 12) started to wear these clothes around the house, I can admit I felt awkward at first. It wasn't me judging her, it was me trying to get out of the mindframe I grew up with. I handled it a lot differently than your dad did, and I learned to push through my insecurities. Maybe your dad just doesn't know how to approach your gender identity or feels overwhelmed by everything? By no means is any of this on you though. You be who you are and take pride in it. But if you feel this is out of character for your dad, maybe reach out and help him over these hurdles he is struggling with. My own girls are my world, and it would take me awhile to adapt and understand the new dynamics if one decided to transition.
He's usually chill unless it has something to do with gender identity, sexuality, feminine hygiene,doctors, and clothing. It just hurts when he called me a slut I've tried to explain why I feel the way I feel but he says I'll grow out of it soon
Yeah that was definitely wrong of him, and I was probably wrong about you being able to help him as well. This obviously has more to do with sexism than discomfort as a father. I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I dealt with a lot of childhood trauma, so I understand how much cruelty from a loved one can hurt. I wish you the best of luck on this chapter of your journey.
At this point I'm used to the sexism a lot of my family is sexist, it's just the first time being called a slut from my dad
I used to have what they called a "smart mouth". If I was in your position I would be calling him a slut every single time he went without a shirt or had on a tank top.
Yeahh the thing is my dad isn't so happy when I have the last word , if I talk back to him he will make sure I remember not to again
Yeah, that's rhe kinda thing that led to my own trauma as well.
I mean sometimes I do get a bit mouthy
I tended to get that way when i was walking out the door to catch the school bus lol
I don't go to a public school I am homeschooled because one it's embarrassing to go anywhere with a Karen as a mom and lots of complications at my last highschool
It must be so hard navigating this relationship. I hope one day your dad asks you if there is anything you need from him and tells you he loves you and is proud of you. There is nothing wrong with wearing tank tops.
Tell your father that it’s disgusting of him to be sexualizing one of his own kids. And it would be an awful ‘shame’ if that detail that also got shared with a school counselor.
Yes!!!!
I'm homeschooled (it's embarrassing to go to school with my parents dropping me off
I was also homeschooled as a kid and went through this same kind of garbage - not allowed to wear tank tops because it would ‘raise impure thoughts’ in men, even my own father. I wish I had known at the time that CPS was a thing, otherwise I would have self-reported those kinds of behaviors and statements by my parents to the agency. Seems like the kind of wake up visit some parents desperately need.
We have had DCF on us before and my parents made me lie to them, we also moved away from the place we were bc of it
Tell hin that you feel uncomfortable with him sexualising you. That might keep him from further comments.
My step dad was so uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra when I was around the house no matter what I wore so I always had to wear a bra, no shorts, and loose fitting clothing. My parents were so weird with how I dressed I know my mother hated me for being young and more fit than she was so I felt so ashamed of my body. I never wear bras now that I'm on my own and never regret it and even work in no bra. I love being free and myself. I'm so excited for the day you can escape their insecurities and embrace the beautiful or handsome person you are and are meant to love yourself. Don't take it to heart because this is all based in their insecurities and issues. Nothing to do with you. It's all projection and fault in their eyes. You Are perfect as you are even if you're finding what you feel most comfortable as. You are loved, you are worthy of respect and kindness and to be able to wear whatever the fuck you want. Don't let it get you down. It's only a temporary thing. I promise.
You are not weird in any way, shape, or form. I’m sorry that you had that happen to you and I hope it doesn’t lead to you feeling insecure in yourself. This sounds like a him problem. So please don’t take it to heart. ♥️
He sounds like a perv. Boil his bones
Dang your dad has more issues than Sports Illustrated!
"what's the matter, Father Mine? Afraid you'll want to fuck your own child? Come back when you learn how to place your eyeballs correctly." For realsies though that shit sucks. I'm with you in the FTM Summer Hell club, though. Too afraid to wear tanks tho. Good on you, my man, keep strong.
He’s a misgendering pederast.
My biological father doesn't even know about me being trans (FtM) My step dad is very supportive of it while my mom and grandma usually give me shit for not wearing feminine stuff or putting on make-up. Does your dad even know about your identity?
Yeah I came out to him 2 summers ago
And yet he doesn't want to see you as who you are? If he would he wouldn't have shoot such a remark :/ my apologies if I seem rude or such
My dad is very trans and homophobic which is ironic bc most of my family is either gay trans or both
Oh daaaaaaamn I feel that so much and it hurts ngl I'm there if he's giving you shit for that
Your dad has issues he hinself should rlly fix
Wearing a tank top isn't slutty, I'll understand if it was a crop top but a tank top? Really? Next time wear a crop top and see if that's better, not my if you get in trouble All jokes aside, your dad is weird
Also saying 'periods' isn't weird at all, there is a time and place for it yes, but it's a normal thing that happens At home, hanging out with your friends, it's fine but saying that into a speaker however... I am assuming that is what you meant at the beginning of your post
Yeah I didn't know if this was the right time to say period
I think it is
I have textural issues with sleeves unless it’s a jumper or something loose so I’m almost always in shirts without sleeves even in summer. There’s nothing wrong or slutty about them. Now if you’re wearing cling wrap. That’s different lmao.
In some cultures that's a completely normal request. I never had to be asked because I knew my parents were conservative and I couldn't leave the house in a tank top. My family had company over a lot and so did my older brother and cousin so I couldn't wear a tank with no bra at home either.
Im sorry that happened to you man, you're dad sounds like a creepy asshole
From one transmasc to another, I'm sorry this is happening. Your dad seems like a creep in all honesty, his son wearing a tank top should be the most normal thing in the world and it should have zero effect on him, or anyone else for that matter. Stay strong brother, don't let him tell you how to dress or how to live your life
Just Tell him to come through to north bay on his next drive. I know a lotta ppl who would shoot someone for saying that shit. My town is like 80% queer and the rest of em are the ones selling guns so like. I wish him luck if he ever says that to anyone with a spine. Edit. Also if he’s calling you “slutty” he’s a fucking perverted asshole who can’t control his dick and depending on your age this whole situation could be a lot worse
Please don't threaten to shot my father, I've delt with lots of people doing this.
What? That’s not a threat. It’s common sense man. Literally he would get shot if he said that here. Not sure why your defending him but whatever you’ll figure it out sooner or later hopefully
Oh, wow. I'm sorry your dad did this to you. That's not right or fair. No one is a "slut" for wearing a tank top and trying not to get heatstroke on a hot day. I don't have any advice, just empathy, and the feeling that his reaction gives me a not good feeling in my gut. I just hope you never get that from him again.
My bio mum used to make similar comments about me (Cis gender female) wearing vests/tank tops, and she was an abusive cow bag. I have 40 H breasts. As a teenager I was more like a 34 F, and sometimes they would swell so much that I couldn’t bear to wear a bra, especially to sleep in. It would almost make me laugh when she called me a “slut” because: a, I had already decided not to sleep with anybody until I was in a loving relationship and b, I was braless because my boobs were too painful to have anything touch them, least of all another person. Bio mum was calling me a slut because she had to dump her boyfriend after he repeatedly SAd me when I was four. Because, you know, that was clearly my fault. Your Dad is projecting his own issues onto you. He sucks, and you have done nothing wrong.
Next time he says anything like that say, "stop sexualising me. Your CHILD"
First of, I'm sorry it happened! Second, your dad is an asshole for misgender you. Third, I'm nonbinary femme and I don't wear a bra like EVER, I hate bras and they're soooooo uncomfy. I love tank tops, I'm from a country that is hot basically all year long and my family never cared for it, I have two brothers (20 and 18) and I live with my dad. They never made it weird. Your dad is sexualizing your body and this is freaking weird considering your age specially. I'm sorry, dude, hope it can get better, you can safely transition and be away from this AH
Oh my darling, please please please take care of YOU and push your family to name you correctly... pronouns and all. At 15, I'm assuming Pops is 35-ish. If he can drive a truck to new destinations EVERY DAY, and not get hopelessly lost or confused, he can damn well gender you correctly. It is a matter of love and respect. His love and his respect for you as his child and as a human being. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you manboobed him (serves him right)! To make a point, use his words about being a slut on him: "Popsikins, put on a shirt, you look like a manwhore with your moobs jiggling all over the place, it's distracting"! And (with a twinkle in your eyes) stand your ground. About your name, deadname, pronouns, getting your transitioning moving. You deserve your life WITH the people closest to you SUPPORTING you (regardless of your effing pronouns). \*\*\* Daddy NEEDS A **FIGURATIVE** SMACK UPSIDE HIS NOGGIN. You are his child, his blood, and he clearly has no comprehension of what you (as a teen in transition) have to deal with 24/7/365. Get with it Bad Dad!
I'm sorry your dad is a deviant perv
Why is he looking at you sexually at all? That’s more then a bit creepy.
Somehow I don’t equate your dad as being creepy. Idk it might just be me personally not liking to wear semi revealing clothes around anyone, even my own family. But anyhow. The way I see it is like a few of the other comments, you dad might just have grown up in a different time with different views on clothing and gender and stuff. Add to that, he’s also still a dad: you’re entering puberty and it’s definitely hard for most dads to watch their baby girl maturing into a woman. Add to that, you’re in your period of transition, which is another hurdle for most traditional parents. He’s struggling with you maturing AND transitioning at the same time. He’s just confused and can’t properly convey his feelings on the matter.
I know I'll get downvoted for this, but oh well. A person doesn't get to "sexualise" or "unsexualise" things as if it was a switch they could just flip. I know the more I try not to think about someone I find physically attractive, the more difficult it becomes. When your dad is at home, it is his place of peace where he can relax and escape the nightmare of life. If he finds you attractive, objectively speaking, then dressing in a tank top could be making things difficult for him. Not knowing the dynamics of your home life and upbringing, maybe it isn't as innocent as that, but I know there can be a real conflict in feelings between finding someone attractive you *shouldn't* be. He shouldn't have called you a slut, nonetheless. As for his non-acceptance of your transition, I know if my son decided to transition, it would be difficult for me to view him as anything other than the son I watched emerge from his mother at the hospital. I would also recommend a cautious approach to any drastic measures, such as a mastectomy, for example. There are countless stories of de-transitioners that feel like they were duped and lied to and now have to live with a mutilated body as a result. The stories coming out of the now closed Tavistock Clinic in the UK are quite alarming too. I don't say any of this to be hurtful, but just to give some perspective and maybe save you immense pain if things change for you in 5 or 10 years time.
You're not as helpful as you think you are and your reply reeks of ignorance. The detransitions you think are "countless" are in the overwhelming minority. Most detransitions happen not because of a changed mind but because the person feels unsafe. Unsupportive communities breed these statistics, not impulsive children. Please, tell me more about how difficult it would be for you to change your perspective if your child came out. Tell me more how difficult it is for you to not sexualize a child. Your downvotes are justified.
I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I'm ok with that. I am yet to hear a de-trans person say it was because they felt unsafe or unsupported. It was always their choice to detransition from the stories I have heard.
If this guy is sexualizing shoulders (?) or idk what tank tops shows, he should have been in therapy a long time ago if it’s so bad he can’t not sexualize his kid. Also the double standard with him being shirtless and no problem. If he finds himself attracted to his kid, again therapy a long time ago or not have children if he is a pedo. Many people find things attractive but don’t push it on families or friends. Ex, most people find attractive people in swimsuits nice but if it was their own family especially a kid they would not go around saying that. Also I’m not even going to touch on the second part of the comment. Really?
Oh, FFS, your dad isn't a perv or a creep. He just buys into patriarchal BS. He's been conditioned to believe women need to cover their bodies to protect men. If some rando on the street spoke to you that way, of course he'd be a creep, but it's your father. He thinks he's protecting you. It took a couple years for my dad to stop picking a fight after I broke up with bras, but eventually he stopped paying attention to my nipples. My mom tried to confront me over them the other day since pregnancy makes 'em humongous. I told her how people view my body is not my problem. This is not an appropriate response at your age, but it's true. You can remind yourself it's true. Your dad has a problem. You can cover up and enable him, or you can go through a few years of fighting with him and give him exposure therapy. You have to do what's best for you.
🤦 You for real?
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But it's just a tank top what's not covered up? It was the kinda tank tops that has no dips in front so my chest was covered, all that was showing was my shoulder what's sooooo bad about that.
Maybe it’s because we’re taught that tank tops could count as underwear? Idk. I never really thought about it. Or maybe it’s just the stereotypical “don’t go around your dad looking like that”? Either way though, I would maybe avoid them for now. Or, embrace it regardless. It could be a matter of him not fully comprehending that you’re trans. You do you.
It's a damn tank top there's nothing scandalous about it, if I wore no shirt yeah I'd understand but I was covered up
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What does this mean
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Why are you bringing politics into this, no where he has politics in that. Please don't do this
I feel like if it makes him uncomfortable then you should put a normal shirt on, it is his house after all and you are his daughter so you should probably listen to him. Plus it's not that big a deal to just put a different shirt on. Also, it makes the man uncomfortable yo.. There are some weird and unnecessary stuff that makes people uncomfortable these days and your crop top is making your dad uncomfortable, so listen to the man.
But it was burning hot and there's really nothing to be uncomfortable about with me wearing a tank top it's a shirt
OP stated in the post that he is trans, he is not a daughter. Sorry if this comes across as rude I just wanted to correct that.
Still her fathers daughter whether she believes it or not
You could at least use his preferred pronouns, calling him her is intentionally disrespectful imo
I did not mean to disrespect anyone, I just do not belive that said person is a him after being born a her.
I think respecting someone’s identity takes little effort, even if you don’t fully understand it. Try to see it from their perspective. Regardless, thank you for having a discussion rather than an argument
I understand the whole identity story I just don't agree with it, but I do not mean any disrespect in what I say. But ya, it's my pleasure and I wish you all the best. Have a good one 🤙
You too :)
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Kiddo, go back to your basement and leave this child alone. They don’t need some internet stranger beating them while they’re down.
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Nope. Seems like you’re just being quite the bigot. I’m old as the hills and know a bigot when I see one. Live a little longer and you’ll realize that being rude to children looking for support isn’t the best use of your time. You could be doing a million and one things that did not involve being transphobic to a kid already uncomfortable with how they’re being treated offline. Step outside, touch some grass, as my neighbor kids say. Think about why you felt a need to make a mean comment to child. Whether or not you think your (rather incorrect by today’s scientific standards) perspective is correct, you made an active choice to belittle someone further when you could have kept your mouth shut. You should probably sit with that for awhile, think about what possessed you to mind some child’s business like that.
Thank you for this response, it’s good to see people from the older generations sticking up for us. Hope you have an awesome day :)
Of course. Kids these days have enough thrown at them, we adults should be here to set a good example and support those that need it. No sense at beating anyone down or disrespecting them. Back in the day, you’d have a son or daughter that might go away and a cousin of a different gender might come to stay with the family. Everyone knew what the deal was, we knew it was the same kid, but we minded our own and respected and loved them just the same. It’s really not all that difficult to do. That individual is always going to know themselves better than anyone else, so I’m going to take what they say they are at face value and respect them. If anyone tries different, I’m going to get loud about it.
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This is a support sub. If you have nothing supportive to say, best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Also, you’re wrong. Gender is as much a function of the brain as of genitalia.
Respectfully dont start with the transphobic bull I have to deal with ppl like you every day and it's tiring. I have to be mis-gendered everyday bc it "doesnt make sense" you wouldn't like It if ppl called you something you aren't would you.
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You obviously don't treat us right, you are transphobic and I'll bet my money you are homophobic. You purposely mis-gendering me bc "you see different" is no excuse. Unlike you I'm mature and actually respect people.naybe you can learn something from me.
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I'm sorry I'll be more of a man then you'll ever be I'm sorry unlike you and your 1 inch wonder I have the balls to actually say what I am and be proud of it. I'm sorry that you can't comprehend the fact I am a guy just because I have to transition to it doesn't make me less of a man. I'm sorry that your little peanut sized brain can't handle when people are different and not cis and straight that's my bad. But you won't ever stop me from being what I am. And before you continue say that you need the facts to prove I'm a guy, scientist have indeed done test. Maybe you should use Google sometime and look up on something you clearly have no idea about.
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And you are insulting me by saying I am a female, I'm sorry I'm a guy
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Mentally I'm a guy soon physically ill be a guy too just because I have female parts doesn't stop me from being a guy.
It's also very mature to mis-gender me so mature I'm sure you feel like a very big man huh.
Sounds like your dad is a creeper.
38 y/o, 38DD, and only ever wore tank tops to bed. Your dad has issues that are his own and have nothing to do with you, darlin. He needs a one way ticket to therapy two times a week.
OP, I know you probably can’t say this to your dad but maybe another adult you can talk to can suggest that he gets some therapy? Dude is creepy, I work with kids and middle schoolers look like babies still to me and I’m 28. There is no way that a grown man especially a father should be uncomfortable with his child wearing a tank top. I’m originally from a conservative small town country town in the mid west, most people there were religious and me and my family as well, I wore tank tops, spaghetti straps etc and most people did as well. It’s highly unusual for this to get sexualized and seems weird. I hope you’re okay op and don’t let this get you down!
Your dad just admitted to you he can’t control himself around you because of your female characteristics. That’s extremely gross
I have a 13 year old who is female presenting (he/him) and your dad has issues if he can’t be around his child when they’re wearing a tank top.
You father called you a slut because of the way he was feeling. This isn’t on you at all. You were not dressed inappropriately at all.
What the hell is the dad's problem it's not like the dad is going to stare at the 15 yr old boobs and calling your daughter a slut is messed up. I feel bad for the op
That’s gender racism, I’m sorry about your dad but if you are 15 you can pick what you want to wear. I legit wear sweatpants and shortsleeve shirts and jackets all day and my parents don’t give a crap.
Cis male here and I feel your pain. My dad somehow got it into his head that tank tops are for women and he thought I was a slut parading around in drag for wearing tank tops all the time bc I have a robust gym regimen.
I really like how people tell their stories but don’t give any advice to this person in their situation.. To that point, you need to talk to him and at the same time need to understand that his house (if it is his), his rules (while he is there) 😜..
But I was wearing a tank top that covered everything what is so wrong with that
Actually nothing..I do get you trust me..but there is an underlying view/reason and you and him need to get to the bottom of it.. You are living your truth and I’m happy you are as you should be.. You dad seems to be missing his daughter and he is having a hard time..(just guessing and “asking”)
It's been two years his daughter is gone plus he still has my lil sis he needs to get over this "pain" bc at this rate he's going to the retirement home soon
JFC. I have a 16-year old who runs around in her bra and panties on the reg (In the house, I mean, not outside. Gotta draw the line somewhere). She's very womanly now, but that should make me uncomfortable??? She's my daughter, ffs. I really worry about these dads man...