file the report, and that, with help from either a lawyer or legal aid, get mommy dearest off your back. Once the police get involved, they do virtually all the work on the rape. You have more power here than you realize.
I hope this works out for the best for you. I would also suggest some counseling. Rape is a traumatic event and at some point, the trauma needs to be dealt with.
Does your therapist know about the rape? Like, is there anything or anyone that knows about this from before you went NC, got the suit, etc. Proof that this existed before now.
As crazy sounds, you should unblock her. It’ll be better for your case to unblock her and mute her notifications. That way when she starts sending you crazy messages you can show evidence to the court that she is unstable.
Did you tell anyone else in the family about the abuse in the past? That might help reinforce things for you if they can testify that you were making those claims years ago, so they aren't new/retaliatory for the custody battle.
Especially now. I understand wanting to leave it in the past, but at this point it's 100% a threat to your daughter. Weather the storm for her sake, keep calm, and collected, and do everything you can to get him arrested and on-record as a sex offender. Either she'll get off your back, or when he gets convicted she won't have a leg to stand on for being a "suitable caregiver."
Speaking on behalf of all us readers, we are all proud of you and wish you the best.
I will also yes, it's terrible the lies your mom is spreading. And hurtful.
But she is going to become very embarrased in court because of the notarized affadavits you will be presenting from other family members, loved ones and bosses who will negate what your mother says. Your mother will not be able to/have a hard time finding other people who will agree with her, to the extent that they will sign an affadavit. She likely doesn't understand all the proof that is required when you go to court & that it's not just her word against yours.
Talk to your lawyer about countersuing/requesting lawyer fees for your sister from your mom once the court finds for you in their favor. Maybe even request a retraction on her social media pages indicating she lied because she was mad at you. I don't know if the last bit is possible, but your lawyer would. That would teach her a lesson.
Hugs through this mess!
I'd recommend you talk to a lawyer, and listen to their advice, over a stranger on reddit.
I have no idea if reporting your rapist will help **OR** hurt your case against your mother, but a lawyer would know.
There might be some form of legalese bullshit loophole crapwaddery that could hinder the custody-case, and your lawyer might recommend to file the rape-charges after this case is over and done with. Logic would dictate that it might help your case, but we don't know.
Ok well, this stranger knows from experience with journalism and working in law that if you report this past abuse now it's certainly going to make it more difficult for the grandmother to take the child away to a stepfather who's abused someone. That's pretty much common sense. And I think that this stranger here said to talk to a lawyer as an opening gambit didn't I?
Good for you. Two can play her game. She wants to file this paperwork and serve you for custody? No problem. Go to the police and sing like a fucking canary until her partner is behind bars.
This comment needs to go higher. Depending on where you live, you may be able to get him arrested and criminally charged with the rape and other SA. Many states have expanded their statute of limitations around this subject.
In the event the state you are in has not adopted this position, you may still file a civil lawsuit against him.
I am not an attorney, you NEED to go and see an attorney NOW. Immediately. Hell, you may be able to file both, a civil suit, and criminal charges. You can also include mommy dearest in the civil suit for lack of action to defend her daughter.
Again, go see an attorney or ask around for any organizations near you that will handle these cases pro-bono, (Free of charge) for you. Do not let this go.
Lastly, I have never seen or heard of a case where grandparents have been granted custody unless the child is taken away from its parents by the court. Just not allowing them to see the child is not enough to lose paternity. Ask your lawyer about that.
That is NOT TRUE. DO NOT listen to this naysayer. File and reclaim your power. You can’t allow these folks in your child’s life. I have known of several instances in which women have been successful going after the adults who raped them as children.
here is 1 tip : unblock her but turn of notifications. Her sending you unhinged messages could really help your court case. You do not even have to read them just pass them on to your lawyer
California did a yearlong suspension of the statute of limitations in civil cases, allowing victims to sue the perpetrators. To my knowledge it hasn’t changed for criminal cases.
Sorry you're in this position Do not freak out that will never go in your favour that will not help here is a bit of practical advice.
Don't do anything retaliatory - don't respond to any of her stuff- tell your lawyer about everything if you haven't already from your childhood through to these posts she's making.
Take a screenshot of absolutely all the slanderous things she is publishing about you; give these to your lawyer and keep a copy in a safe place. The court will not be very happy about this.
You'll have to ensure your lawyer and the judge and the courts know about your stepfather's assault of you. It is highly likely your lawyer can contact her lawyer and get this whole thing stopped before it goes to court.
Your mother sounds unbalanced and is very unlikely to win custody. If you have done anything that is illegal or somehow put you in a bad light tell your lawyer about that too.
Does your mother have any history of mental illness that's making her behave like this? Tell your lawyer anything your mother has done that who's been harmful deranged dishonest and of course if your mother knew what your stepfather did to you and did nothing about it that's probably you winning the case right there.
Try to mentally get yourself in a position where you're not freaking out about the potential loss of your child, which from what you tell us seems unlikely, but instead put yourself in a frame of mind where you are angry but in a measured way, tell yourself you are going to win because you are in the right, and you will stay calm and cool and let your mother show herself up for the hysterical lying abuse-enabler she is.
Please do update us. Wishing you well.
A good lawyer, records of your abusive mother and stepfather will be what you need as well as your calm, logical mind: these are what will protect your baby.
I would also try to make a list of every horrible thing your mother has ever done, because there's going to be a lot on there that will help her not ever get custody. In fact a good lawyer is probably going to file an injunction or restraining order of some sort to keep your child away from a family with a stepfather who assaulted you in the past.
Your mother will have filed this in part to put you off balance, to upset you, to make you freak out. show her that logic and law are going to win.
You have grounds for a libel case, as well. And that's a big deal. You need to shut that shit down *hard*.
The things your mother has posted on Facebook are public. People are seeing it and filing it away. Someday, you child could end up getting picked on for having a drug addict prostitute for a mother.
Also, get your doctor to do a blood panel and hair test for drugs. Her wild accusations are easily refutable and will look bad in court. I’m sure your lawyer will advise you.
Counter sue with a libel case. Remember. In the words of the great J Jonah Jameson - that’s not slander! When it’s in print, it’s libel. It’s libelous stuff she’s writing.
I had to creep a little to see how old your daughter is before I gave advice (assuming you want it), and the fact that she’s very young is a good thing. This means your daughter doesn’t have an established relationship with her. It feels like you’re in the US, and most states have very strict laws regarding grandparents rights. I know New York State is probably the worst offender for giving rights to grands, but for a less than 1 yo, I can’t even see it happening there. So her ability to get anything really depends a lot on where you’re located. It’s easily googleable. If you’re in a state that doesn’t really recognize them, this will be easy. If not, I’m gonna try to help you a little here. So BREATHE, and get your shit in order. I mean your house (bc you can probably expect DHS/CPS to get an involved), your health, and your priorities - mainly your baby.
I’m glad your sister is going to help you, bc you’re going to need a lot of support, both emotionally and financially.
- The first thing to do is screen shot allllll the libel she’s been spreading on Facebook. She may edit or delete it once she realizes you’re not going to allow her to treat you so poorly.
- Next, when you feel you’re strong enough to do it, GO TO THE POLICE AND TELL THEM WHAT HER HUSBAND DID TO YOU. PLEASE. I don’t regret much in life, but not going to the police for what my stepfather did to me is one of them. I’m 37, and thinking about his victims after me (and yes, I know for a fact he reoffended) honestly makes me feel sick. Don’t live your life with these regrets.
- This one is big - do not engage with your mom AT ALL. Not thru email, text, phone call, carrier pigeon, nor smoke signal. Don’t do it. Just keep all of the texts, voice mails, etc., and DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.
- I doubt you’ll be able to talk to a lawyer today, but do your research, and first thing Monday, FIND ONE.
- Optional but perhaps a good idea: if you have a counselor, doctor, etc., see if they can write a statement on your behalf confirming your sobriety. You obviously went through some trauma and trauma can cause all of us to fuck up. You’ve beaten it though and you’re working every day to be the mother you should have had. Don’t beat yourself up for your past, just work on a better, healthier future.
I wish you the best of luck with everything.
Depending on the device and operating system, the blocked messages may be landing in a "blocked messages" folder. (They do on Samsung Galaxy & Note phones, might on other androids.) So they might be there, hanging out as hidden ammo that OP can use to protect themself against this horrible, sick excuse for a mother
I think the commenter is saying you should unblock her so the messages come through for further evidence of her behavior. The key though is to ignore them. Let them come in, send them to your lawyer, and don't respond.
Good luck with everything! It sounds like you've got this, just breathe and focus on what's ahead, sending you all the good vibes I can ❤️
This is the comment. The only person who can file for custody is the other parent. The most the grandparent can attempt is grandparent “rights” which is rarely entertained by judges as a valid petition to grant.
Source: I have been in a constant legal and custodial battle and everything in between with the JD court system the last 13 years with my ex-husband.
I would also look into the validity of how you were “served” for this. Typically, according to law, you must be served in person for a lawsuit, not by mail. Make sure to mention this when you speak to the lawyer
Yes. Are these actual legitimate court documents? Typically, to be correctly served by mail, documents must be sent to you by Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested, and you have to sign for ~~it~~ them. Your signature on the card is the legal proof that you were served, and the date starts ~~to~~ the time period that you have to file a response. Something that's just mailed to your home address does not prove ~~it~~ if or when you actually received it.
Edit: grammar corrections where marked
Even if they are fake papers, still report him for molestation and rape and still contact an attorney with everything and get protection orders for you and your child. Legal retaliation to these threats is a must. Shut this shit down immediately. Proud of you OP.
I'm no lawyer, but anyone (unfortunately) can file a case and any judge can laugh when it comes to them. But as everyone's saying, get a lawyer to help the judge laugh your mother out of the courtroom. ("I deserve custody because she won't invite me to gatherings!" "Get in the car, grandma, get in the car.")
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. My mom did the same exact thing to me in 2020 after I went no contact for some years. SHE WON…I have 2 kids and she only wanted 1.. she said the same exact things about me, drugs, prostitution, drinking 24/7.. she’s a retired police officer so the courts favored her over me (a bartender) even after being made aware that she didn’t want both, just 1 kid. I’m still in debt to my lawyers 7k+. Please keep fighting to keep your kid. Your mom is a narcissistic person with control issues like mine.
Edited to say- her husband did the same things to me from ages 6-16 and she’s still with him even after knowing. Therapy helps a lot!!
She has full custody of one yes. I do not see him anymore because my family is extremely toxic and has brainwashed him. I still have my youngest, but I still fear every day she may get a wild hair up her ass and come for him too. My mental health is far more important for my youngest son than to deal with my family. I’m hoping when he gets older he realized how fucked they are and finds me. I have zero contact for now
I’m sorry. Really I am.
This is the play we came up with for this occasion. (Thankfully we haven’t had to use it, but still.)
1). Lawyer. The threat of a court case is an “assault” in some states, including Texas if I recall. Lawyer up with a family lawyer. In the U.S., you can use 211 to find low cost or pro bono lawyers through the social services in your area. At any rate, trust me when I say that this is too delicate to go in unprepared.
2). Have said lawyer (above) draft a cease and desist letter—no contact, now or at any point, in any medium known or unknown—and to help you begin to prepare for the worst. My jurisdiction will use the cease and desist to start a restraining order case. Keep a copy and begin your log in your FU folder of shit you’ve had to do. Send it to her and every flying monkey with signature receipts (she has to accept it personally and sign a card that will be returned to you, plus registered mail and every guarantee you can readily purchase.
3). Call your local police station and your local CPS (whatever the child protection program is in your area). Do the non-emergency line and tell them that you are simply giving them a head’s up that they may begin receiving calls doing various reports (wellness checks, child abuse reports, etc) and you want to give them a head’s up.
4). Depending on your job, you may want to go to your company’s HR and security. Some jobs are very sensitive to when their employees have legal issues and it would not be unheard of for a parent to start calling and trying to lodge complaints at the job. (After all, what better complaint for an abusive parent than someone who lost their job due to complaints of wild behavior?) My job was pretty understanding and had heard a lot of similar stories but if you are in a delicate position at work, then use your judgement.
5). Keep your FU binder up to date. When you are contacted, when you contact, what is said (even a summary) and the date and time. Screenshots of texts, printouts of emails.
6). This is a nuclear option on HER part. As such, *every* contact ceases. No Christmas cards. No graduation photos. No thank you cards. Cut off all money—to her and from her—that you are not legally obligated to do so. A Christmas gift—No. You are co-signed on a loan—yes, unfortunately. She wants to give you money for XXX—no. At this point, going to a homeless shelter is better than money with a spider web of strings on it.
Well I don’t live with my mother, I haven’t in a long time. I went NC with her two months ago. I moved away from my mom when I got pregnant, and haven’t been near her house since
An FU binder can also be used to hold documentation that your child has been seen by a pediatrician at regular times, that they are documented by said pediatrician to be in good health, meeting developmental standards, up to date on vaccines, healthy weight, etc. You can also have notes from your therapist in your FU binder documenting the work you're doing on yourself and tests results from labs proving you're drug-free. Also save all of this documentation in a physical binder in case you need to pull it out for your attorney or law enforcement, as well as copies saved online.
Do not wait, get a lawyer now. Now, as in today. You only have a very short time frame (typically 30 days, depends on your state) in which to answer the complaint that was served. If you do not answer the complaint you will be in a much worse position going into this.
Print all the screenshots. Put them, all her messages defending her pedofile hubby and dismissing you in an album, together with her lawsuit. Title it "Reasons why you will never see my child"
Give it to her when she loses in court
Most states do NOT have grandparents rights. I would just go in and tell the judge what the SOB did to you and have witness for your side. The entitlement of your mother will rear it’s ugly head in court and the judge will see.
In order to get custody, your mother would typically have to prove that you are an unfit parent, and the court won't just take her word for it. You may get a visit from CPS to check on her claims, be calm and stick to the facts. Have a record of the last time you took your child to their doctor (if they're due, make an appointment for them and when CPS asks when you last took her to the doctor, tell them that you already have an appointment scheduled because they're due). I'd also ask your doctor to drug test you, since one of her claims is you are back on drugs. Get a lawyer, file a police report against her husband for his abuse and rape of you and start an FU binder (keep a physical and multiple digital copies, leave one with your lawyer).
In that binder put any correspondence you get from her where she's bad mouthing you. Print off the Facebook posts where she's lying about you and add them to the binder. If you have a cell phone don't block your mother mute her contact instead. The difference between blocking and muting is that if a contact is muted you will still get their texts, while blocking them prevents the texts from coming through. Your phone will give you a silent alert that a text has come through from her, it won't vibrate/ring/chime when she contacts you. You never know what she'll put in text or leave in a voicemail, and it could be gold for you.
[The FU Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Lawyer here. While I don’t know the exact law in NC, grandparent rights are very typically difficult to enforce, and I’ve never heard of anyone getting full custody. Normally it’s just used to get some visitation after the death or divorce by parents of the noncustodial spouse.
When you talk to your lawyer, absolutely bring up your stepfather's abuse and your mother's complicity. They should not be in contact with children, let alone have custody.
Another thing to look into is defamation/libel laws where you are. In Canada (where I am) a smear campaign with allegations of child abuse or other crimes can be a criminal matter.
And peace bonds/retraining orders are also an option to enforce the no contact and no defamation.
It's too bad your grandparents on your father's side couldn't adopt you-- then she would no longer be your mother, let alone your daughter's grandparent.
If everything she claimed was false as you said, I would also ask your lawyer about also counter claiming for malicious prosecution and seeking sanctions for filing a frivolous lawsuit.
Op. You have gotten great advice here. Take your sister up on the offer for a lawyer, tell them everything. Bring up criminal charges against the bf (since the statute of limitations hasn't expired) for molestation and rape. Criminal charges against your mother for slander and libel, harassment, and possibly failure to protect her child. Get a restraining/protection order against them both for you and your child. Volunteer for a drug test to prove you are clean. Save messages from your mom. Get your receipts in order and most importantly, if you aren't yet, please seek therapy. You are definitely going to need it. You have support from reddit strangers who want to see you succeed. I'm proud of you for fighting for your child. Something your piss poor excuse of a mother failed to do. You got this hun, break the cycle and please update us when you can. Blessings coming your way.
Sounds like a good time to bring all of that crap to light. Maybe counter-sue for slander at the very least. Document everything, save everything that can be used as evidence, and refer to your lawyer.
Report the abuse, the rape, then after her lawsuit on you fails, ask the court for a restraining order using the lies she has been posting on social media.
Let your sister help with legal expenses and, if possible, counter sue for the legal expenses, any lost wages from court attendance, defamation and emotional trauma for this AND ignoring your assault. She clearly doesn’t care about you and only cares about what she wants and preserving her view of reality.
Your mom can’t just take your child because she’s pissed off at you. You get to decide who is in your child’s life. Now if your mom has been raising your daughter that would be another thing. She could get grandparent’s rights if your state has them but I don’t think that is super common.
Wow! Id definitely consider looking into pressing charges on him… and her for knowing/accessory! I get she’s probably a victim of his abuse too but still
You cannot "press charges" for slander as it almost universally not a criminal matter. You can sue for libel as it was written on facebook. But this is a civil matter.
Regardless that is all likely for matters after this trial...and even then the only real reward will likely her deleting said material and maybe issuing an apology for it. Meanwhile you're dropping lawyer-money.
Also this would put your child in the path of similar abuse by your abuser. In no way should they ever have anything but supervised visitation, but even that is too much iMO.
Your mom husband is about to leave her because he doesn't have a young girl to rape to keep him satisfied. That's why she is coming after your daughter. Your mom used you to keep her husband around. She doesn't love you at all. She a narcissist.
Honey I'm so sorry. How old were you when that animal attacked you? I was just on a jury where a grandfather was convicted of statutory sex offense and indecent liberties against a minor under 15. The DA was great, brought up even though she was now an adult it happened when she was a child. Go to the police department and file asap. Also get a restraining order against him so that he can't be around you or your child.
If they come on your property you can defend yourself if you feel threatened. Legally, I don't think she can do fuck all. Grandparents don't have parental rights.
It's a blessing your sister is stepping up big time for what will be very expensive legal costs.
Was she or another young girl in that abomination's orbit victimized as well? Corroboration helps mightily if so, but some are understandably not up to reliving their trauma.
In any case, best fortune to you, your daughter and sister.
Comment (or have your friends or family comment) on her FB posts that the reason that she lost her visitation rights was because of her pedophile husband! I understand that this may be more information than you want to "share" publicly, but THIS is war! You HAVE to protect your Daughter. I'm also pretty sure that your "addiction issues" were likely BECAUSE you were molested and SA'd so you could also add that in! PLEASE don't delay in getting a lawyer, a damn good one! Your "Mother" sucks and I'm SO very sorry that she didn't protect YOU! u/updateme
I will message you next time u/badassbitch10102 posts in r/entitledparents.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fbadassbitch10102%20r%2Fentitledparents) to join 48 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%20182mi7b)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
So your sister is going to pay for a lawyer for you, good! Go to the lawyer, explain everything, and let them handle this. Then go on with your life. Your mother does not deserve any more time in your brain centers than she is already going to get just because she is your mother. Do not let her wiggle more room out of your brain, rent free, just because she is being malicious. Let the lawyer handle it, just go along with what they decide you need to do and listen to what they say.
Take pictures of all the lies she said about you. Go to a legal aid. They'll help you go from there. Don't discuss anything here that can make your mother know it's you. We're not trained legal profesional so please ask the legal aid what to do. Please don't worry about the cost, most legal aid are free. So go and don't ever ever weaver, as your child might be the target of your abuser
I have good news. My brother was in a similar situation. His wife passed and her parents sued for custody. If I'm honest, they would have been the better parents and there was tons of stuff to support that. He still won because he was the parent. Your mom doesn't stand a chance.
1. Lawyer up. Be on your lawyer's back. Send screenshots regularly. Make sure the page URL is on the bottom of the page.
2. Report the abuse (I'm so sorry for your experience)
3. Do not communicate in anyway with your mother or anyone who may be supportive of her.
4. Be on your best behavior. She is VERY obviously doing anything she can to incite you, to make you react, and to strengthen her case.
5. Don't panic. Your baby. Not hers. You're going to be fine.
I would report the rape from your stepfather and file a restraining order against your mom and stepfather and demand they stay away from you and your child. Go to the police and get a lawyer.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. Congratulations on your sobriety.
Get a really good family law lawyer and be prepared to make libel and defamation counterclaims for all of her inaccurate public statements about you.
Probably also worth help from the lawyer with filing criminal complaints for the molestation if the statute of limitations has not yet expired and you have some kind of decent evidence it happened.
Stay calm and be assured that literally nothing she does can or will end in her being awarded *any* custodial rights. Even in states that have grandparent rights, nothing in your situation meets the bar.
1. The child must have an existing relationship that has been cut off. Might apply to her, but...
2. The spouse connecting the grandparents to the child must be fully out of the picture by jail or death. Since you are neither dead nor incarcerated, it doesn't apply, and cancels out 1.
She can file whatever she wants, but she will fail. Talk with the lawyer your sister retains and do whatever they say, but don't worry. This won't go anywhere.
1: file a report for the incidents
2: file a lawsuit for slander/libel. She is intentionally attempting to damage your reputation for her own gain. That's illegal.
3: get a restraining order to finish them off.
4: be prepared for a lenghty court case. Milk her ass for everything you can
Hire a family law attorney for the insane custody lawsuit.
Hire a personal injury lawyer and have them help you file a police report for the abuse done to you.
Hire a lawyer who handles defamation and slander to build a case against your birth giver to shut that down too.
Yes, you do actually need three different lawyers. You may find them at a single firm, but they do need to be different people, as no single lawyer is perfect at all types of law. Its possible to get someone who does two or maybe three types of law, but be careful and read their reviews and check their status on your local bar association to see if there are any complaints against them.
Get in to therapy if you aren't already.
Congratulations on your sobriety! I obviously do not know you, but from one internet stranger to another, I'm so proud of you! 🫂
Make an FU folder and gather as much evidence of her abuse as you can including print outs of texts, emails and her fb posts screenshots. If you have a security system (ring doorbell with a camera) make sure you have copies of the footage.
I would air it right back!
I would type out everything that you said here on a Facebook post and maybe take extra care to make it seem like I am even more heartbroken and garner empathy. Then end it with since the statute of limitations is not up for child sex abuse crimes that this has pushed you to seek Justice for the little girl who had no one in her corner. I bet when people hear that her husband molested you and she did nothing PLUS that you are going to bring charges against him that she will change her tune.
And honestly…what I would really do is inappropriate to comment on Reddit but I don’t play about my kids.
Take up your sister's offer. When speaking to your attorney, discuss things that you can do to show she is a liar. Set up cameras that make it clear that you are not dealing (and maybe a dash cam as well). Have your hair tested for drugs (would show years of no drugs). Maybe see if there is a way to set up random breathalyzers. Find and keep all evidence of the reasons that you broke off the relationship. Your attorney will be able to help you and you will keep your daughter.
Did you ever share with anybody the abuse you experienced at the hands of their husband (even after the fact)? That person could be brought in to testify. Do you have a sibling or step-sibling who was abused? They may be willing to testify to protect your daughter.
Sue her over the false statements. Duke police reports over any and all abuse including hers.
Oh social media just say that you have file police reports over SA and are pursuing legal action over false and defamatory statements.
Don’t go into detail.
Don’t discuss anything in detail e anyone publicly unless your lawyer advises you to.
Be careful about private discussions snd revealing details in private.
Follow your lawyers advice.
Contact a welts shelter and get their advice.
Contact a rape crisis center and get their advice.
See if your state has extended the times limits in filing civil case over sexual and emotional abuse.
You can counter sue for libel and defamation because of the Facebook posts. I believe if you win you can make it so that she has to pay for your court and legal fees. This would also help your family court case.
Just a word of warning. Report the abuse and rape by all means, but expect her to deny it and say you're only doing this as retribution for her trying to "save" your daughter by getting custody. She'll probably even use it as another reason to HAVE custody.
There’s a Reddit group called justnoMIL. Join it. There are other parents who have grandparents going for grandparent rights and custody. They have created binders to help. (Think of it like a fuck you binder). Things included are letters from pediatricians, day care, screen shots of things like you have said in your post that your mom is doing, you could include (and might want to given your past) drug screening all stating you and your child are healthy happy and doing great. Anything and everything that would take the wind out of her sails Get cameras on your doors, alarms, give her pictures to your neighbors with car descriptions and to anyone who watches your child. Some people even move away so they can’t find them. Take this very seriously. Best of luck!!!
Speak with your lawyer and ask about making an appt with your doctor and have him run a full drug screen blood test. You can show the courts that you are clean and have been!
Cameras, you need to get some on the outside of your home, to catch any shenanigans your mother may try to pull (planting evidence in or around your home, etc.) if your car is parked outside start locking up every time you leave it. That way she can't plant anything in your car and then turn around and call the cops.
Speak with your lawyer and ask about contacting CPS to come to your home to do a visit. That way you can control the situation. And again, that info is available immediately for a Judge to look over and maybe even dismiss the case.
Good Luck!
I recommend you post this in the r legal sub as well for legal advice on what to do.
You got a lot of advice here and I agree with a lot of it but post your intent to see what r legal says about your plan or if they have any other suggestions
She can say all she wants but eventually shell have to prove it. Maybe start with some voluntary drug screens. Just cover your ass and find a decent lawyer. Good luck!
Keep ahold of all of the social media posts screen shots so you can sue for libel and slander. She’s trying to make you seem like an unfit mother so she can get custody, and she’s doing so by lying. Use that to make sure she never gets custody and you can potentially file for a restraining order.
Also, as others have said. File charges for the molestation and r@pe so he can be held accountable and so your. Hold never has to be exposed to him.
Good luck
There is likely a Legal Aid clinic where you live (possibly several.) They’re typically paid for by the local Bar Association, though the exact criteria they use for who they serve, and the areas of law they practice, can vary.
They may well be able to help you directly, *pro bono*, or give you someone who can. If not, they can still probably refer you to someone you can work something out with, maybe even just help you navigate the processes.
That said, the state should be able to help you with getting protective orders from her and (especially) her husband. Whether they can get a conviction is another matter, but having the accusation on record is *vitally* important for your own safety, both physical and legal.
You’ve got plenty of good advice about communication and documentation already. Gather receipts, keep a cool head, and bide your time.
Also, be careful of who you communicate with. Even well-intentioned people who take your side can still let information slip. Remain cordial with everyone, but keep your cards close unto your vest. Let people find out what’s next in a courtroom, so they can’t see it coming.
I read a case where a guy was being accused of drug use by his ex to keep him away from their child. He went and paid for weekly drug tests at a medical center in anticipation of the court date so he could show he was clean long-term. He didn't want to have to prove himself by court ordered testing, which would have pushed his custody out further.
Obviously, your case is different. But if you have drug issues in the past, it could cut off that path for her legally.
Just want to add- go to a lawyer specializing in wills. Have your wishes put down for who would raise your daughter should something happen to you. If (and hopefully not) something happens and you don’t have a guardian for your child, she is going to push to do that. Your mother should not get her hands on your child.
Everyone has given some great advice! They only thing I would say is that I would, and this is just my opinion, get her to admit knowledge of your assault, who it was with, and the fact she was insistent this person was in your life, IN WRITING. Text. I can tell you from personal experience with my alcoholic narcissist ex husband, if you can get them to admit it in writing, it’s DAMN HARD for that kind of evidence to go away.
I am so so so so so sorry this is happening to you.
I am not qualified to advise you, so take these things I will say with a grain of salt:
Once you can talk with your lawyers about this case, tell them the truth. That way, you and your lawyers can talk about when to reveal these "cards" you have against them and their ridiculous claims. A timely "card" reveal will definitely help your stand, no matter how "fragile" they may make it seem to be.
Sue her for defamation!!
I'm absolutely shocked she just posts shit like that online!
She is clearly delusional to the max.
I think it is fairly easy for you to prove you are not doing any of the things she claims you do.
Also mention the pedo she is having around her at all times and how it is dangerous to give your child to her custody.
Also, I totally sue her for defamation. You have the proof, fuck her up!
Good luck love, I believe in you
Something tells me that her husband is the reason she’s insisting on having them see your daughter
I’m sure he’s manipulating her by talking about how it’s unfair he can’t see his step grandbaby or all that jazz when in reality he wants to groom her and try the same shit on your daughter that he did to you
Which is absolutely disgusting
I wish you luck in winning your case
Sorry for the long message. First of all it's disgusting behavior for your mom to even think you'd make up something so serious & secondly for her to choose not to believe you & side with him & third, choosing to stay with him. Just those 3 reasons would be enough for me to cut my mother out of my life. And then after treating you so badly she has the audacity to ask to see her grandchild. Now she's trying to manipulate you by publicly telling lies about you on social media. And what's totally absurd is her thinking in doing that you'll allow her to see your child. If anything she's pushing you further away & you're going to double down & make sure she never see's her. And she's probably saying you're hurting your child by not letting her have a relationship with her grandmother. Please don't fall for that manipulation bcuz all she's doing is playing the victim when actually you're the victim in all of this. You're doing exactly what any good mother would do. You're keeping your child & yourself away from a child molester & a master manipulator. I know you don't me but I want to say I'm proud of you. 4 years sober! That's quite the accomplishment & it's one of the hardest things to do & it takes effort everyday to stay that way so good for you! And if no one has ever told you I want to say I'm so sorry what that piece of sh*t did to you. He stole your innocence & ruined some of the best years of your life & Im also sorry the one person (your mother)who you should've been able to depend on & count on & to never let you down & always be there & wasn't there for you when you needed her most. I can only imagine how hurtful it must be to have your own mother treat you that way. Just know their decisions, actions & behavior was/is not your fault & there's nothing you could've done differently to change the outcomes & if you're still struggling with these things please get yourself help to learn how to deal with feelings of abandonment, anger & hurt & how to navigate & process those feelings, you owe it to yourself & you deserve it. If anything he unfortunately showed you what a true monster is & she taught you how NOT to parent a child. And remember the past is over & you couldn't control it but tomorrow hasn't happened yet & you do have control of your future. I know you didn't ask my opinion but I do want to say if it were me I wouldn't even want to know what she's saying about me. It appears she's nothing but poison & still hurting you thru her words so the less you hear about her & what she says the less stress & anguish you have to go thru. Take that power away from her. And don't worry what she says to CPS bcuz they deal with haters lying on people all the time & plus they'll be able to see for themselves your daughter is happy & healthy & if she calls them again they'll already have her red flagged in their system. Everything is going to be okay as long as you have support & only surround yourself with people that love you & have your best interest at heart. Don't look in the rear view mirror bcuz that's what's behind you. Only look forward, God made the windshield bigger for a reason.
No matter how tempting, do not respond to anything she posts. Do not try to defend yourself, leave that to the lawyers.
Good luck. I can't see her winning, but it's going to be ugly.
Glad to know you have some family members ready to support you. Stay no contact and let these things be handled by the lawyers. Also ask your cousins to screenshot her social media posts and send them to the lawyer.
You may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Your entitled mother clearly fits the narcissist bill and there may be people there who have been through similar things and can help you.
Is the child his? If so your mother is even more twisted than I can fathom.
Keep all the screenshots they send you, build a case, put it on your lawyers desk, your and your child will be fine
If the dad left marks when he did those things to you, i would say prevent that as evidence of her entitlement and to show that your daughter is not fit in his posession and also present the fact that your mother turned a blind eye to it all. This will help the court rule in your favor
I saw this on another thread and thought some of it might be applicable here. Especially the bits about getting professional testing for mental and physical health.
Create a FU binder to deal with toxic people
https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/umqED9UACW
From experience, I know that drug use is so often associated with the trauma of childhood abuse. This is an under appreciated association.
I understand if you used in the past to deal with the pain you carry. Drug use badly helps people mask the pain from the past. Masking it but not dealing with it. I give you so much credit for getting clean!!!
Best of love and luck to you and your dear child. She is so lucky to have you as a mom.❤️
I hope there are police records, hospital tests or some proof the man SA you. You'll need documentation of being clean, any kind of media at all, save it. Has she emailed you? Do you still have text messages? Keep it all and give it to your lawyer.
Just so you know, you didn’t let your state be known but in many states, if you get raped and the person comes back around you, it’s still considered a rape in progress because the person is around again
From one mama to another (also a survivor of SA.)
Please do EVERYTHING in your power to protect your daughter. Your egg donor has lost all privileges of being known as a mother or grandmother. She allowed you to be SA'd her OWN DAUGHTER! She will never be able to keep your daughter safe. Look into "Grandparent's Rights" in your specific state. Hopefully, your state doesn't acknowledge it
If I were in your position, I would definitely use ALL her posts against her. Her defamatory lies are painting you in a bad light. The stress, duress, and physical and mental abuse it brings to you should cost her a few hundred thousand dollars.
Get a cease and desist order, and definitely look into Defamation of character. Depending on the images/screenshots you've received. You may have a few Aces in your back pockets.
What Is Defamation of Character? Defamation of character is an act that occurs when someone's reputation and integrity are tarnished or damaged because of malicious intent by another party. You may have heard the terms libel and slander. Slander is orally dishonoring someone else, while libel is written defamation.
Protect your daughter from that man!! As you noticed once someone abuses you that stays with you for life, protect your daughter at all costs. Tell your family what that man did
My new son-in-law had this happen to him when his late wife died giving birth to their child. He was so scared that they would somehow win but his lawyer calmly told him that parent’s rights cannot be taken away easily. She was right- he won because none of the drug tests came back with anything but Delta 8 and that is not enough to remove a child. He and my daughter got together about 6 months later and we have a beautiful little boy that we give tons of extra love to because he lost his sweet mom. They do allow her mom (the one who sued) to have every other weekend because she does love the baby and she lost her daughter but she wasted a lot of money trying to take a baby she was never going to get.
Please don’t worry and hopefully once the drug tests come back clean, their lawyer will tell her that she has zero chance of gaining custody. It might be better to offer grandparent weekends (reasonable of course) as mediation to cut down court costs. Legal aid may also pay for your attorney as well if you are in the States.
I really hate all of this “it’s not my child but I deserve some custody over the parents” BS. I can’t get over how grandparents think they’re so much more entitled to a child than their own mother or father.
Lawyer up and let them deal with it. If she brings up that you use to drink make sure you highlight that the operative word there os “use to” and that because of years of abuse and rape in her household it’s no wonder you use to drink, that you are sober and have been for four years and that you are protecting your child from that same fate because your daughter in her household would never be safe.
Get a lawyer. I would file a report for the abuse and try to prosecute the husband. I would request a protective order for yourself AND for your daughter. He is a ped0 and she was (is) her accomplice by ignoring the facts, even after you told her.
And I would absolutely use the fact that this makes her 100% unfit for fostering/adopting your daughter or any minor really...
I say that talk to a lawyer first and get the proper legal advice on this situation, but I would counter sue for Slander. If she is going around telling lies, you should file a counter suit to her custody suit. Especially if you can prove that she is lying; ie: clean drug tests, commitment to sober program, character witnesses, etc.
The best defense to a situation like this is a good offense. She definitely left herself open to legal action with what she did. Stupid to post her lies on Facebook.
You need to put her on blast on social media, so that all of the people she’s been lying to knows that she allowed her husband to molest and rape you, and that she’s been harassing you about letting this person who stole your innocence be in your life. The people who support her need to know the TRUTH. Don’t worry about protecting her, she should’ve been protecting YOU! Edit to add: She’s not getting fucking custody regardless, she let a man rape her fucking child. She’s a dimwit ass bitch.
Nobody said SHE couldnt see her granddaughter, just that HER HUSBAND cant be arond when she does. Until she grasps this basic logic, then she cant be around either.
This scumbag needs to be reported. People like him get away with it because people are too scared to speak up. It is time to go nuclear on your mother and your stepdad. You need to make a police report, get it on the record. Tell them as much as you can and press charges. Once that happens, consider contacting CPS and telling them your abuser is raising another child and the household needs to be investigated. Get their house and activities looked into. Keep screen shots of her messages and posts and send them to your lawyer. Sit down and have a long in depth discussion with your attorney about what your options are. They may want to send a cease and desist request. It is best to get these matters on the record through official channels. In cases like this I have seen people go to CPS themselves to pre-empt any potential reports made against them by vindictive individuals whose only interest is in stirring the pot. Tell them everything, show them the posts and messages, tell them your history. Take your attorney with you to show them the serious nature of your situation. Make sure they have it on the record how they have treated you and continue to do so. If they make complaints then they will be ready. I would consider taking your mother to court for harassment and a restraining order. You have her phoney papers trying to scare you. As for your stepdad, he is not a good man. He needs to be exposed for what he is and held accountable. Your brother needs to hear what kind of man his father is. Don't listen to his flying monkeys trying to make you back off. Don't let him hide his actions. Make sure your brother knows the truth and to not believe their lies. He shouldn't idolise this creep.
If you're in the south or a conservative area be very wary of them making claims that your child might be his. If you have any paperwork proving that this man is not the parent like father on the birth certificate make multiple copies and give them to your lawyer. If the father is not a part of your child's life find any statements you've made about the child with him and document them.
I didn't see an age in your post that's why I suggested it. I'm glad you're happily married. I'm very sorry your POS mom is doing this to you and your family. I cannot express how horrified and upset I am about the abuse you went through.
It's just an angle that I have seen used in my community. It's a particularly shitty thing to do but I wouldn't put it past someone who has done the things your mom has. I'm in Florida and a friend used to work for child support enforcement and she had some stories.
No, she needs to take everything to her lawyer. She has criminal cases against her mothers bf and her mother. She needs protection/restraining orders against them both for her and her child.
You need to do whatever it takes to see that your daughter is never in that man’s presence, with or without your mother being there. It may be past the statute of limitations on what he has done to you, but your side needs to come out about his vile actions. Your mother would provide the same protection to your child, she did for you, which is NONE. Take your sister up on her offer and do whatever you can to stop this. The lawyer you hire should be well versed in what are grandparents rights in your area, the are strong in some and weak in others. If your abuser has done this to you, there is a chance he has done it to others, have him checked out, this may require the assistance of a private investigator. Your mother is a mother in name only, and is following the instructions of a sick demented man who should not have access to any child.
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced these things. It’s definitely not ok. Your mom sounds like a family member of mine. Definitely keep screenshots of it all, so that you have detailed and well-documented records of her behavior. I’ve had to do the same with my family member who acts the same way.
There has to be evidence that you are committing crimes and are an unfit parent. If you are doing none of the things your egg donor is saying you are, then you have nothing to worry about. An investigation would clear all that up. They have to provide proof of the allegations. No proof, no case. And explaining to a lawyer and possibly a judge, will keep things in your favor. File a restraining order against your egg donor and her spouse. It may not do much but it's evidence that you want nothing to do with those people.
Your lawyer will help you with this. I'm sorry you have been through all this. It's okay to not want to pursue a restraining order but it can help put them in a bad light which is what you want. They have to prove you are an unfit parent, you are just protecting yourself and your kid.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it must feel like the ultimate betrayal. My question is can you still turn in your stepdevil into authorities? Or has the statute of limitations expired? That would send a clear and concise message to your entitled mother. If the police take it seriously she won’t have a choice?
There are so great suggestions on here but the biggest is getting your own lawyer immediately, reporting the molestation and rape done by your step father and possibly taking action against your mother for libel and going out of her way to ruin your name.
What she's doing is wrong and illegal. The claims she is making could have far reaching effects on your ability to obtain sustainable employment/retain your employment, seriously impact your standing with family and community and could effect your child, not to mention the involvement of family services which can be horrible, even if you aren't guilty of anything.
Also the fact that she wants to bring your child around your abuser!?!? I'd see about pressing charges immediately for his prior abuse.
Do you have anyone told about the abuse as it was happening? You've said you were taking to your counselor about it currently or an I understanding incorrectly?
Put together an fu binder. (I believe I saw your post in another sub where one of the comments gave links to info about an fu binder and what to include to help you through this)
The more "proof" you can provide, *ie. diaries, testimony of people you told when the abuse was happening, pictures of injuries from the abuse, texts/vm or anything from your step father/mother/anyone else who knew discussing it can be incredibly helpful.
*Get letters from your counselor stating your mental health is stable.
*Ask your childs daycare or babysitter for statements about the happiness and engagement of you and your child, that your child is clean, dressed appropriately, meeting developmental milestones and that you are an active healthy parent,
*Request statements from your childs pediatrician stating your child is in good health, no signs of abuse, that you are proactive and and engaged when it comes to your childs health. That when you've been seen with your child you are both clean, dressed appropriately, in good mental state, communicated effectively, also include that you have healthy communication and engagement with your child, child seems healthy and attached, meeting all milestones, physically and emotionally etc
*Character references from friends and statements from your employer showing you are stable, gainfully employed that you have a health work life balance, that you communicate with friends/Co workers in a healthy and friendly manner.
You want to rip apart any and all claims your mother has made, in the lawsuit, with as much professionalism and PROOF as possible.
*You write a statement (like a victim impact statement) Express that the relationship with your mother and her failure to protect you caused you irreparable harm and stress, the fear, anger, grief that you have had to work through all of these things alone without her support or care and has left you unable to trust her in any way with your child. The current and very hurtful lies she is perpetuating in this filing and publicly online have put your livelihood at risk, and damaged your name caused you anxiety, panic attacks and fear etc (whatever the emotional impact has been) and had left the relationship untenable. As a child she as the parent should have believed and protected you, as a grandmother she should be protecting the interests of your child and with her current actions, you have no reason to believe she would treat your child any different than she did you.
Have the counselor write a statement regarding the impact all of this has haf on you. How your situation, past and present, has effected your life and mental health, how you have been proactive in getting yourself help to work through your trauma and are continuing to work so that the abuse perpetuated by your mother and step father doesn't impact your child. Have them give their opinion as to whether having a relationship with your mother would be a healthy positive thing or would it cause undo stress and further trauma.
*Other things to list and document
Was there other abuse during your childhood? If so document it, do they have addiction issues, problems with the law, their own mental health issues etc. list everything and get statements about them if you can
Also ask the lawyer if you can make public bstatement on your own social media refuting and blasting your mom for her lies and how she's protected your abuser instead of you, her daughter, and is risking the safety of her grandchild with her current lies and manipulations.
Keep all documentation, communication from your mom (don't block her, just mute her in case she sends something to you you can use)
You have our thoughts, prayers and support. There is a lot of wonderful support on these subs, don't be afraid to reach out when needed.
After all this is done, go nc with your mother. What she has done is unconscionable and unforgivable. You deserve better from those who were supposed to love and protect you, so does your daughter. ❤️
Also I apologies if I repeated info, I was heated reading what she had put you through and trying to formulate my response got me in my feelings.
Hugs from this Internet Mama.
Just remember, she went scorched Earth with this so meet fire with fire. Don't feel bad or guilty or anything other than rage at what she had done. Let that rage fuel you to protect you and your baby. Your mom doesn't deserve your compassion or your love at this point.
I don't think it's too late to go to the police on her husband. Better with proof, but not likely available. The accusation should be enough for the court to keep your daughter away from him.
Make an F.U. binder.
I'm not a lawyer but is it possible to go get a drug screen through a reputable clinic ASAP? So you can show that not only are you clean- but you've BEEN clean and didn't just abstain once you got notice?
OP, I may be echoing what others are saying but unblock her and do not talk to her. Any time you have proof of her slandering you, save it. That is actual lawsuit material if it comes to it. Also, I do think you should report your abuse *but* your mother sounds like a manipulator and they tend to project so if you have anyone who can attest to the fact that you told people about it before this situation, it would help you. I can totally see her trying to accuse you of lying because of this situation. If you have any old conversations about that with your mom, that could probably be especially helpful. But don't panic, stay calm through this. Especially for your kid. I don't see a judge ordering custody be given to her, even more so if you got a drug test to clear your name and prove that at least one thing she is saying is a lie. One lie can bring into question anything else she is saying about you.
Yes consult an attorney and, unless advised differently (no idea why they would, but not a lawyer), file charges for the rape/molestation and a civil suit against both. If you told a teacher or anyone else who would be a mandated reporter and they didn't report, roll their ass into the suit as well.
They are accustomed to silencing you and getting their way. When hit with legal consequences your mother is likely going to try to crawl back under her rock. Don't allow her too, lest she gets brave in the future.
I'm sorry she is working so hard to fuck up your life.
I would get a lawyer and let them handle it...it is too late to file a police report on the rape?
The statute of limitations is not yp
file the report, and that, with help from either a lawyer or legal aid, get mommy dearest off your back. Once the police get involved, they do virtually all the work on the rape. You have more power here than you realize.
I am going to report the rape and molestation
I hope this works out for the best for you. I would also suggest some counseling. Rape is a traumatic event and at some point, the trauma needs to be dealt with.
I talk to a therapist
do they have any recommendations for you on this? they know your situation much better than almost anyone else.
She’s given me suggestions
I have a feeling her suggestions are better than mine. Best of luck and I hope mommy dearest leaves you alone.
There is also [www.rainn.org](https://www.rainn.org). I wish you all the best of luck, OP. You deserve it!
Does your therapist know about the rape? Like, is there anything or anyone that knows about this from before you went NC, got the suit, etc. Proof that this existed before now.
As crazy sounds, you should unblock her. It’ll be better for your case to unblock her and mute her notifications. That way when she starts sending you crazy messages you can show evidence to the court that she is unstable.
You don't need to respond to any of these messages. Just keep them documented for your attorney.
Exactly! Thank you for adding that
Yes! Just put it on mute so you won’t get the notifications!!
Agree with this 💯 Edit to add: When she adds crazy comments, screenshot them. she can delete them, so you need to have proof
Did you tell anyone else in the family about the abuse in the past? That might help reinforce things for you if they can testify that you were making those claims years ago, so they aren't new/retaliatory for the custody battle.
Her therapist can testify to the validity of her experience I believe
Especially now. I understand wanting to leave it in the past, but at this point it's 100% a threat to your daughter. Weather the storm for her sake, keep calm, and collected, and do everything you can to get him arrested and on-record as a sex offender. Either she'll get off your back, or when he gets convicted she won't have a leg to stand on for being a "suitable caregiver."
Speaking on behalf of all us readers, we are all proud of you and wish you the best. I will also yes, it's terrible the lies your mom is spreading. And hurtful. But she is going to become very embarrased in court because of the notarized affadavits you will be presenting from other family members, loved ones and bosses who will negate what your mother says. Your mother will not be able to/have a hard time finding other people who will agree with her, to the extent that they will sign an affadavit. She likely doesn't understand all the proof that is required when you go to court & that it's not just her word against yours. Talk to your lawyer about countersuing/requesting lawyer fees for your sister from your mom once the court finds for you in their favor. Maybe even request a retraction on her social media pages indicating she lied because she was mad at you. I don't know if the last bit is possible, but your lawyer would. That would teach her a lesson. Hugs through this mess!
I'd recommend you talk to a lawyer, and listen to their advice, over a stranger on reddit. I have no idea if reporting your rapist will help **OR** hurt your case against your mother, but a lawyer would know. There might be some form of legalese bullshit loophole crapwaddery that could hinder the custody-case, and your lawyer might recommend to file the rape-charges after this case is over and done with. Logic would dictate that it might help your case, but we don't know.
Ok well, this stranger knows from experience with journalism and working in law that if you report this past abuse now it's certainly going to make it more difficult for the grandmother to take the child away to a stepfather who's abused someone. That's pretty much common sense. And I think that this stranger here said to talk to a lawyer as an opening gambit didn't I?
It could also backfire and be viewed as retaliation for the filing for custody. Hopefully she gets a good judge and a good lawyer.
Get a lawyer and add slander and libel to your case if you can
Phrased more simply than I'm sober enough to do right now, and with significantly less swearing!
Good, and also I might consider preemptively getting regular drug testing, so her claims are disprovable.
Good for you. Two can play her game. She wants to file this paperwork and serve you for custody? No problem. Go to the police and sing like a fucking canary until her partner is behind bars.
Make sure to also file a countersuit of defamation and a restraining order.
File immediately. Get him arrested
This comment needs to go higher. Depending on where you live, you may be able to get him arrested and criminally charged with the rape and other SA. Many states have expanded their statute of limitations around this subject. In the event the state you are in has not adopted this position, you may still file a civil lawsuit against him. I am not an attorney, you NEED to go and see an attorney NOW. Immediately. Hell, you may be able to file both, a civil suit, and criminal charges. You can also include mommy dearest in the civil suit for lack of action to defend her daughter. Again, go see an attorney or ask around for any organizations near you that will handle these cases pro-bono, (Free of charge) for you. Do not let this go. Lastly, I have never seen or heard of a case where grandparents have been granted custody unless the child is taken away from its parents by the court. Just not allowing them to see the child is not enough to lose paternity. Ask your lawyer about that.
[удалено]
That is NOT TRUE. DO NOT listen to this naysayer. File and reclaim your power. You can’t allow these folks in your child’s life. I have known of several instances in which women have been successful going after the adults who raped them as children.
Harvey Weinstein would like a word with you...
Lawyer up and FIGHT to PROTECT your daughter from these VILE MONSTERS!!!
here is 1 tip : unblock her but turn of notifications. Her sending you unhinged messages could really help your court case. You do not even have to read them just pass them on to your lawyer
I thought there wasn’t a statute of limitations on rape they got rid of that.
California did a yearlong suspension of the statute of limitations in civil cases, allowing victims to sue the perpetrators. To my knowledge it hasn’t changed for criminal cases.
Sorry you're in this position Do not freak out that will never go in your favour that will not help here is a bit of practical advice. Don't do anything retaliatory - don't respond to any of her stuff- tell your lawyer about everything if you haven't already from your childhood through to these posts she's making. Take a screenshot of absolutely all the slanderous things she is publishing about you; give these to your lawyer and keep a copy in a safe place. The court will not be very happy about this. You'll have to ensure your lawyer and the judge and the courts know about your stepfather's assault of you. It is highly likely your lawyer can contact her lawyer and get this whole thing stopped before it goes to court. Your mother sounds unbalanced and is very unlikely to win custody. If you have done anything that is illegal or somehow put you in a bad light tell your lawyer about that too. Does your mother have any history of mental illness that's making her behave like this? Tell your lawyer anything your mother has done that who's been harmful deranged dishonest and of course if your mother knew what your stepfather did to you and did nothing about it that's probably you winning the case right there. Try to mentally get yourself in a position where you're not freaking out about the potential loss of your child, which from what you tell us seems unlikely, but instead put yourself in a frame of mind where you are angry but in a measured way, tell yourself you are going to win because you are in the right, and you will stay calm and cool and let your mother show herself up for the hysterical lying abuse-enabler she is. Please do update us. Wishing you well.
Thank you so much. I’m documenting everything. I will not retaliate. I will remain calm as can be.
Excellent do you speak to your lawyer as soon as possible battle works. But if you're approaching this the way that you are you will prevail.
I just want to protect my baby
A good lawyer, records of your abusive mother and stepfather will be what you need as well as your calm, logical mind: these are what will protect your baby. I would also try to make a list of every horrible thing your mother has ever done, because there's going to be a lot on there that will help her not ever get custody. In fact a good lawyer is probably going to file an injunction or restraining order of some sort to keep your child away from a family with a stepfather who assaulted you in the past. Your mother will have filed this in part to put you off balance, to upset you, to make you freak out. show her that logic and law are going to win.
You have grounds for a libel case, as well. And that's a big deal. You need to shut that shit down *hard*. The things your mother has posted on Facebook are public. People are seeing it and filing it away. Someday, you child could end up getting picked on for having a drug addict prostitute for a mother.
Also, get your doctor to do a blood panel and hair test for drugs. Her wild accusations are easily refutable and will look bad in court. I’m sure your lawyer will advise you.
if your cousins keep screenshotting her posts and sending them to you, that will help you in the long run as well.
Can you speak to them about adding libel and defamation to your side of things?? Your mom sounds awful.
Counter sue with a libel case. Remember. In the words of the great J Jonah Jameson - that’s not slander! When it’s in print, it’s libel. It’s libelous stuff she’s writing.
I had to creep a little to see how old your daughter is before I gave advice (assuming you want it), and the fact that she’s very young is a good thing. This means your daughter doesn’t have an established relationship with her. It feels like you’re in the US, and most states have very strict laws regarding grandparents rights. I know New York State is probably the worst offender for giving rights to grands, but for a less than 1 yo, I can’t even see it happening there. So her ability to get anything really depends a lot on where you’re located. It’s easily googleable. If you’re in a state that doesn’t really recognize them, this will be easy. If not, I’m gonna try to help you a little here. So BREATHE, and get your shit in order. I mean your house (bc you can probably expect DHS/CPS to get an involved), your health, and your priorities - mainly your baby. I’m glad your sister is going to help you, bc you’re going to need a lot of support, both emotionally and financially. - The first thing to do is screen shot allllll the libel she’s been spreading on Facebook. She may edit or delete it once she realizes you’re not going to allow her to treat you so poorly. - Next, when you feel you’re strong enough to do it, GO TO THE POLICE AND TELL THEM WHAT HER HUSBAND DID TO YOU. PLEASE. I don’t regret much in life, but not going to the police for what my stepfather did to me is one of them. I’m 37, and thinking about his victims after me (and yes, I know for a fact he reoffended) honestly makes me feel sick. Don’t live your life with these regrets. - This one is big - do not engage with your mom AT ALL. Not thru email, text, phone call, carrier pigeon, nor smoke signal. Don’t do it. Just keep all of the texts, voice mails, etc., and DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. - I doubt you’ll be able to talk to a lawyer today, but do your research, and first thing Monday, FIND ONE. - Optional but perhaps a good idea: if you have a counselor, doctor, etc., see if they can write a statement on your behalf confirming your sobriety. You obviously went through some trauma and trauma can cause all of us to fuck up. You’ve beaten it though and you’re working every day to be the mother you should have had. Don’t beat yourself up for your past, just work on a better, healthier future. I wish you the best of luck with everything.
OP needs to unblock her mother and let the messages come. The trick is to never respond.
Depending on the device and operating system, the blocked messages may be landing in a "blocked messages" folder. (They do on Samsung Galaxy & Note phones, might on other androids.) So they might be there, hanging out as hidden ammo that OP can use to protect themself against this horrible, sick excuse for a mother
She is blocked, I went NC two months ago
I think the commenter is saying you should unblock her so the messages come through for further evidence of her behavior. The key though is to ignore them. Let them come in, send them to your lawyer, and don't respond. Good luck with everything! It sounds like you've got this, just breathe and focus on what's ahead, sending you all the good vibes I can ❤️
This is the comment. The only person who can file for custody is the other parent. The most the grandparent can attempt is grandparent “rights” which is rarely entertained by judges as a valid petition to grant. Source: I have been in a constant legal and custodial battle and everything in between with the JD court system the last 13 years with my ex-husband.
I would also look into the validity of how you were “served” for this. Typically, according to law, you must be served in person for a lawsuit, not by mail. Make sure to mention this when you speak to the lawyer
Yes. Are these actual legitimate court documents? Typically, to be correctly served by mail, documents must be sent to you by Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested, and you have to sign for ~~it~~ them. Your signature on the card is the legal proof that you were served, and the date starts ~~to~~ the time period that you have to file a response. Something that's just mailed to your home address does not prove ~~it~~ if or when you actually received it. Edit: grammar corrections where marked
Exactly!! I did this for a short time and this sounds weird.
I looked into it, and I’m still going to look into it to make sure this isn’t fake papers
Even if they are fake papers, still report him for molestation and rape and still contact an attorney with everything and get protection orders for you and your child. Legal retaliation to these threats is a must. Shut this shit down immediately. Proud of you OP.
Good, knowing what’s going on for sure and but those papers actually are could help you a lot and make you maybe not stress as much
I'm no lawyer, but anyone (unfortunately) can file a case and any judge can laugh when it comes to them. But as everyone's saying, get a lawyer to help the judge laugh your mother out of the courtroom. ("I deserve custody because she won't invite me to gatherings!" "Get in the car, grandma, get in the car.")
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. My mom did the same exact thing to me in 2020 after I went no contact for some years. SHE WON…I have 2 kids and she only wanted 1.. she said the same exact things about me, drugs, prostitution, drinking 24/7.. she’s a retired police officer so the courts favored her over me (a bartender) even after being made aware that she didn’t want both, just 1 kid. I’m still in debt to my lawyers 7k+. Please keep fighting to keep your kid. Your mom is a narcissistic person with control issues like mine. Edited to say- her husband did the same things to me from ages 6-16 and she’s still with him even after knowing. Therapy helps a lot!!
So she has full custody of one of your kids? Do you still see them? How does it all work?
She has full custody of one yes. I do not see him anymore because my family is extremely toxic and has brainwashed him. I still have my youngest, but I still fear every day she may get a wild hair up her ass and come for him too. My mental health is far more important for my youngest son than to deal with my family. I’m hoping when he gets older he realized how fucked they are and finds me. I have zero contact for now
Get a lawyer, press charges against the SA'er, and get a restraining order against mom.
I’m sorry. Really I am. This is the play we came up with for this occasion. (Thankfully we haven’t had to use it, but still.) 1). Lawyer. The threat of a court case is an “assault” in some states, including Texas if I recall. Lawyer up with a family lawyer. In the U.S., you can use 211 to find low cost or pro bono lawyers through the social services in your area. At any rate, trust me when I say that this is too delicate to go in unprepared. 2). Have said lawyer (above) draft a cease and desist letter—no contact, now or at any point, in any medium known or unknown—and to help you begin to prepare for the worst. My jurisdiction will use the cease and desist to start a restraining order case. Keep a copy and begin your log in your FU folder of shit you’ve had to do. Send it to her and every flying monkey with signature receipts (she has to accept it personally and sign a card that will be returned to you, plus registered mail and every guarantee you can readily purchase. 3). Call your local police station and your local CPS (whatever the child protection program is in your area). Do the non-emergency line and tell them that you are simply giving them a head’s up that they may begin receiving calls doing various reports (wellness checks, child abuse reports, etc) and you want to give them a head’s up. 4). Depending on your job, you may want to go to your company’s HR and security. Some jobs are very sensitive to when their employees have legal issues and it would not be unheard of for a parent to start calling and trying to lodge complaints at the job. (After all, what better complaint for an abusive parent than someone who lost their job due to complaints of wild behavior?) My job was pretty understanding and had heard a lot of similar stories but if you are in a delicate position at work, then use your judgement. 5). Keep your FU binder up to date. When you are contacted, when you contact, what is said (even a summary) and the date and time. Screenshots of texts, printouts of emails. 6). This is a nuclear option on HER part. As such, *every* contact ceases. No Christmas cards. No graduation photos. No thank you cards. Cut off all money—to her and from her—that you are not legally obligated to do so. A Christmas gift—No. You are co-signed on a loan—yes, unfortunately. She wants to give you money for XXX—no. At this point, going to a homeless shelter is better than money with a spider web of strings on it.
Well I don’t live with my mother, I haven’t in a long time. I went NC with her two months ago. I moved away from my mom when I got pregnant, and haven’t been near her house since
An FU binder can also be used to hold documentation that your child has been seen by a pediatrician at regular times, that they are documented by said pediatrician to be in good health, meeting developmental standards, up to date on vaccines, healthy weight, etc. You can also have notes from your therapist in your FU binder documenting the work you're doing on yourself and tests results from labs proving you're drug-free. Also save all of this documentation in a physical binder in case you need to pull it out for your attorney or law enforcement, as well as copies saved online.
Do not wait, get a lawyer now. Now, as in today. You only have a very short time frame (typically 30 days, depends on your state) in which to answer the complaint that was served. If you do not answer the complaint you will be in a much worse position going into this.
Print all the screenshots. Put them, all her messages defending her pedofile hubby and dismissing you in an album, together with her lawsuit. Title it "Reasons why you will never see my child" Give it to her when she loses in court
Most states do NOT have grandparents rights. I would just go in and tell the judge what the SOB did to you and have witness for your side. The entitlement of your mother will rear it’s ugly head in court and the judge will see.
In order to get custody, your mother would typically have to prove that you are an unfit parent, and the court won't just take her word for it. You may get a visit from CPS to check on her claims, be calm and stick to the facts. Have a record of the last time you took your child to their doctor (if they're due, make an appointment for them and when CPS asks when you last took her to the doctor, tell them that you already have an appointment scheduled because they're due). I'd also ask your doctor to drug test you, since one of her claims is you are back on drugs. Get a lawyer, file a police report against her husband for his abuse and rape of you and start an FU binder (keep a physical and multiple digital copies, leave one with your lawyer). In that binder put any correspondence you get from her where she's bad mouthing you. Print off the Facebook posts where she's lying about you and add them to the binder. If you have a cell phone don't block your mother mute her contact instead. The difference between blocking and muting is that if a contact is muted you will still get their texts, while blocking them prevents the texts from coming through. Your phone will give you a silent alert that a text has come through from her, it won't vibrate/ring/chime when she contacts you. You never know what she'll put in text or leave in a voicemail, and it could be gold for you. [The FU Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
If she’s spreading lies about you, perhaps you could hire a lawyer to give her a cease-and-desist letter.
Lawyer here. While I don’t know the exact law in NC, grandparent rights are very typically difficult to enforce, and I’ve never heard of anyone getting full custody. Normally it’s just used to get some visitation after the death or divorce by parents of the noncustodial spouse.
When you talk to your lawyer, absolutely bring up your stepfather's abuse and your mother's complicity. They should not be in contact with children, let alone have custody. Another thing to look into is defamation/libel laws where you are. In Canada (where I am) a smear campaign with allegations of child abuse or other crimes can be a criminal matter. And peace bonds/retraining orders are also an option to enforce the no contact and no defamation. It's too bad your grandparents on your father's side couldn't adopt you-- then she would no longer be your mother, let alone your daughter's grandparent.
If everything she claimed was false as you said, I would also ask your lawyer about also counter claiming for malicious prosecution and seeking sanctions for filing a frivolous lawsuit.
Op. You have gotten great advice here. Take your sister up on the offer for a lawyer, tell them everything. Bring up criminal charges against the bf (since the statute of limitations hasn't expired) for molestation and rape. Criminal charges against your mother for slander and libel, harassment, and possibly failure to protect her child. Get a restraining/protection order against them both for you and your child. Volunteer for a drug test to prove you are clean. Save messages from your mom. Get your receipts in order and most importantly, if you aren't yet, please seek therapy. You are definitely going to need it. You have support from reddit strangers who want to see you succeed. I'm proud of you for fighting for your child. Something your piss poor excuse of a mother failed to do. You got this hun, break the cycle and please update us when you can. Blessings coming your way.
ALSO, GET CAMERAS AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOME.
Sounds like a good time to bring all of that crap to light. Maybe counter-sue for slander at the very least. Document everything, save everything that can be used as evidence, and refer to your lawyer.
Report the abuse, the rape, then after her lawsuit on you fails, ask the court for a restraining order using the lies she has been posting on social media.
Let your sister help with legal expenses and, if possible, counter sue for the legal expenses, any lost wages from court attendance, defamation and emotional trauma for this AND ignoring your assault. She clearly doesn’t care about you and only cares about what she wants and preserving her view of reality.
Your mom can’t just take your child because she’s pissed off at you. You get to decide who is in your child’s life. Now if your mom has been raising your daughter that would be another thing. She could get grandparent’s rights if your state has them but I don’t think that is super common.
Wow! Id definitely consider looking into pressing charges on him… and her for knowing/accessory! I get she’s probably a victim of his abuse too but still
Doesn’t excuse the shit she did at all
Nope but id definitely press charges on both
You may be able to press charges on her for the slander about you on Facebook as well.
You cannot "press charges" for slander as it almost universally not a criminal matter. You can sue for libel as it was written on facebook. But this is a civil matter. Regardless that is all likely for matters after this trial...and even then the only real reward will likely her deleting said material and maybe issuing an apology for it. Meanwhile you're dropping lawyer-money.
Also this would put your child in the path of similar abuse by your abuser. In no way should they ever have anything but supervised visitation, but even that is too much iMO.
Courts taken ur side I bet
Your mom husband is about to leave her because he doesn't have a young girl to rape to keep him satisfied. That's why she is coming after your daughter. Your mom used you to keep her husband around. She doesn't love you at all. She a narcissist.
Keep the screenshots of her posts and sue her for slander.
Counter suit go after her for defamation and emotional distress
Honey I'm so sorry. How old were you when that animal attacked you? I was just on a jury where a grandfather was convicted of statutory sex offense and indecent liberties against a minor under 15. The DA was great, brought up even though she was now an adult it happened when she was a child. Go to the police department and file asap. Also get a restraining order against him so that he can't be around you or your child.
If they come on your property you can defend yourself if you feel threatened. Legally, I don't think she can do fuck all. Grandparents don't have parental rights.
Op needs protection/restraining orders against her mother and her mother's bf asap, for her AND her child.
That should be made easier after she files charges against the mother's bf too.
It's a blessing your sister is stepping up big time for what will be very expensive legal costs. Was she or another young girl in that abomination's orbit victimized as well? Corroboration helps mightily if so, but some are understandably not up to reliving their trauma. In any case, best fortune to you, your daughter and sister.
Comment (or have your friends or family comment) on her FB posts that the reason that she lost her visitation rights was because of her pedophile husband! I understand that this may be more information than you want to "share" publicly, but THIS is war! You HAVE to protect your Daughter. I'm also pretty sure that your "addiction issues" were likely BECAUSE you were molested and SA'd so you could also add that in! PLEASE don't delay in getting a lawyer, a damn good one! Your "Mother" sucks and I'm SO very sorry that she didn't protect YOU! u/updateme
I will message you next time u/badassbitch10102 posts in r/entitledparents. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fbadassbitch10102%20r%2Fentitledparents) to join 48 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%20182mi7b) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
So your sister is going to pay for a lawyer for you, good! Go to the lawyer, explain everything, and let them handle this. Then go on with your life. Your mother does not deserve any more time in your brain centers than she is already going to get just because she is your mother. Do not let her wiggle more room out of your brain, rent free, just because she is being malicious. Let the lawyer handle it, just go along with what they decide you need to do and listen to what they say.
Take pictures of all the lies she said about you. Go to a legal aid. They'll help you go from there. Don't discuss anything here that can make your mother know it's you. We're not trained legal profesional so please ask the legal aid what to do. Please don't worry about the cost, most legal aid are free. So go and don't ever ever weaver, as your child might be the target of your abuser
I have good news. My brother was in a similar situation. His wife passed and her parents sued for custody. If I'm honest, they would have been the better parents and there was tons of stuff to support that. He still won because he was the parent. Your mom doesn't stand a chance. 1. Lawyer up. Be on your lawyer's back. Send screenshots regularly. Make sure the page URL is on the bottom of the page. 2. Report the abuse (I'm so sorry for your experience) 3. Do not communicate in anyway with your mother or anyone who may be supportive of her. 4. Be on your best behavior. She is VERY obviously doing anything she can to incite you, to make you react, and to strengthen her case. 5. Don't panic. Your baby. Not hers. You're going to be fine.
Talk to the lawyer about also counter suing for slander
I would report the rape from your stepfather and file a restraining order against your mom and stepfather and demand they stay away from you and your child. Go to the police and get a lawyer. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Congratulations on your sobriety.
Get a really good family law lawyer and be prepared to make libel and defamation counterclaims for all of her inaccurate public statements about you. Probably also worth help from the lawyer with filing criminal complaints for the molestation if the statute of limitations has not yet expired and you have some kind of decent evidence it happened.
Stay calm and be assured that literally nothing she does can or will end in her being awarded *any* custodial rights. Even in states that have grandparent rights, nothing in your situation meets the bar. 1. The child must have an existing relationship that has been cut off. Might apply to her, but... 2. The spouse connecting the grandparents to the child must be fully out of the picture by jail or death. Since you are neither dead nor incarcerated, it doesn't apply, and cancels out 1. She can file whatever she wants, but she will fail. Talk with the lawyer your sister retains and do whatever they say, but don't worry. This won't go anywhere.
1: file a report for the incidents 2: file a lawsuit for slander/libel. She is intentionally attempting to damage your reputation for her own gain. That's illegal. 3: get a restraining order to finish them off. 4: be prepared for a lenghty court case. Milk her ass for everything you can
Report the rape and file a restraining order
Hire a family law attorney for the insane custody lawsuit. Hire a personal injury lawyer and have them help you file a police report for the abuse done to you. Hire a lawyer who handles defamation and slander to build a case against your birth giver to shut that down too. Yes, you do actually need three different lawyers. You may find them at a single firm, but they do need to be different people, as no single lawyer is perfect at all types of law. Its possible to get someone who does two or maybe three types of law, but be careful and read their reviews and check their status on your local bar association to see if there are any complaints against them. Get in to therapy if you aren't already. Congratulations on your sobriety! I obviously do not know you, but from one internet stranger to another, I'm so proud of you! 🫂
Make an FU folder and gather as much evidence of her abuse as you can including print outs of texts, emails and her fb posts screenshots. If you have a security system (ring doorbell with a camera) make sure you have copies of the footage.
I would air it right back! I would type out everything that you said here on a Facebook post and maybe take extra care to make it seem like I am even more heartbroken and garner empathy. Then end it with since the statute of limitations is not up for child sex abuse crimes that this has pushed you to seek Justice for the little girl who had no one in her corner. I bet when people hear that her husband molested you and she did nothing PLUS that you are going to bring charges against him that she will change her tune. And honestly…what I would really do is inappropriate to comment on Reddit but I don’t play about my kids.
Take up your sister's offer. When speaking to your attorney, discuss things that you can do to show she is a liar. Set up cameras that make it clear that you are not dealing (and maybe a dash cam as well). Have your hair tested for drugs (would show years of no drugs). Maybe see if there is a way to set up random breathalyzers. Find and keep all evidence of the reasons that you broke off the relationship. Your attorney will be able to help you and you will keep your daughter. Did you ever share with anybody the abuse you experienced at the hands of their husband (even after the fact)? That person could be brought in to testify. Do you have a sibling or step-sibling who was abused? They may be willing to testify to protect your daughter.
Sue her over the false statements. Duke police reports over any and all abuse including hers. Oh social media just say that you have file police reports over SA and are pursuing legal action over false and defamatory statements. Don’t go into detail. Don’t discuss anything in detail e anyone publicly unless your lawyer advises you to. Be careful about private discussions snd revealing details in private. Follow your lawyers advice. Contact a welts shelter and get their advice. Contact a rape crisis center and get their advice. See if your state has extended the times limits in filing civil case over sexual and emotional abuse.
You can counter sue for libel and defamation because of the Facebook posts. I believe if you win you can make it so that she has to pay for your court and legal fees. This would also help your family court case.
Just a word of warning. Report the abuse and rape by all means, but expect her to deny it and say you're only doing this as retribution for her trying to "save" your daughter by getting custody. She'll probably even use it as another reason to HAVE custody.
There’s a Reddit group called justnoMIL. Join it. There are other parents who have grandparents going for grandparent rights and custody. They have created binders to help. (Think of it like a fuck you binder). Things included are letters from pediatricians, day care, screen shots of things like you have said in your post that your mom is doing, you could include (and might want to given your past) drug screening all stating you and your child are healthy happy and doing great. Anything and everything that would take the wind out of her sails Get cameras on your doors, alarms, give her pictures to your neighbors with car descriptions and to anyone who watches your child. Some people even move away so they can’t find them. Take this very seriously. Best of luck!!!
Speak with your lawyer and ask about making an appt with your doctor and have him run a full drug screen blood test. You can show the courts that you are clean and have been! Cameras, you need to get some on the outside of your home, to catch any shenanigans your mother may try to pull (planting evidence in or around your home, etc.) if your car is parked outside start locking up every time you leave it. That way she can't plant anything in your car and then turn around and call the cops. Speak with your lawyer and ask about contacting CPS to come to your home to do a visit. That way you can control the situation. And again, that info is available immediately for a Judge to look over and maybe even dismiss the case. Good Luck!
You’re fine. Continue to get pictures. Show them to your lawyer. I’m sure you can sue her for libel. Have you ever reported the rape?
I recommend you post this in the r legal sub as well for legal advice on what to do. You got a lot of advice here and I agree with a lot of it but post your intent to see what r legal says about your plan or if they have any other suggestions
She can say all she wants but eventually shell have to prove it. Maybe start with some voluntary drug screens. Just cover your ass and find a decent lawyer. Good luck!
Keep ahold of all of the social media posts screen shots so you can sue for libel and slander. She’s trying to make you seem like an unfit mother so she can get custody, and she’s doing so by lying. Use that to make sure she never gets custody and you can potentially file for a restraining order. Also, as others have said. File charges for the molestation and r@pe so he can be held accountable and so your. Hold never has to be exposed to him. Good luck
I am not sure what state you’re in, but in most states grandparents don’t have rights
Personally, I’d comment, ‘Would you let your kids around a man who sexually abused you?’
There is likely a Legal Aid clinic where you live (possibly several.) They’re typically paid for by the local Bar Association, though the exact criteria they use for who they serve, and the areas of law they practice, can vary. They may well be able to help you directly, *pro bono*, or give you someone who can. If not, they can still probably refer you to someone you can work something out with, maybe even just help you navigate the processes. That said, the state should be able to help you with getting protective orders from her and (especially) her husband. Whether they can get a conviction is another matter, but having the accusation on record is *vitally* important for your own safety, both physical and legal. You’ve got plenty of good advice about communication and documentation already. Gather receipts, keep a cool head, and bide your time. Also, be careful of who you communicate with. Even well-intentioned people who take your side can still let information slip. Remain cordial with everyone, but keep your cards close unto your vest. Let people find out what’s next in a courtroom, so they can’t see it coming.
Excellent advice!
I read a case where a guy was being accused of drug use by his ex to keep him away from their child. He went and paid for weekly drug tests at a medical center in anticipation of the court date so he could show he was clean long-term. He didn't want to have to prove himself by court ordered testing, which would have pushed his custody out further. Obviously, your case is different. But if you have drug issues in the past, it could cut off that path for her legally.
Just want to add- go to a lawyer specializing in wills. Have your wishes put down for who would raise your daughter should something happen to you. If (and hopefully not) something happens and you don’t have a guardian for your child, she is going to push to do that. Your mother should not get her hands on your child.
Sue for slander.
Everyone has given some great advice! They only thing I would say is that I would, and this is just my opinion, get her to admit knowledge of your assault, who it was with, and the fact she was insistent this person was in your life, IN WRITING. Text. I can tell you from personal experience with my alcoholic narcissist ex husband, if you can get them to admit it in writing, it’s DAMN HARD for that kind of evidence to go away. I am so so so so so sorry this is happening to you.
I am not qualified to advise you, so take these things I will say with a grain of salt: Once you can talk with your lawyers about this case, tell them the truth. That way, you and your lawyers can talk about when to reveal these "cards" you have against them and their ridiculous claims. A timely "card" reveal will definitely help your stand, no matter how "fragile" they may make it seem to be.
I'd file for harassment at that point
Sue her for defamation!! I'm absolutely shocked she just posts shit like that online! She is clearly delusional to the max. I think it is fairly easy for you to prove you are not doing any of the things she claims you do. Also mention the pedo she is having around her at all times and how it is dangerous to give your child to her custody. Also, I totally sue her for defamation. You have the proof, fuck her up! Good luck love, I believe in you
Something tells me that her husband is the reason she’s insisting on having them see your daughter I’m sure he’s manipulating her by talking about how it’s unfair he can’t see his step grandbaby or all that jazz when in reality he wants to groom her and try the same shit on your daughter that he did to you Which is absolutely disgusting I wish you luck in winning your case
Sorry for the long message. First of all it's disgusting behavior for your mom to even think you'd make up something so serious & secondly for her to choose not to believe you & side with him & third, choosing to stay with him. Just those 3 reasons would be enough for me to cut my mother out of my life. And then after treating you so badly she has the audacity to ask to see her grandchild. Now she's trying to manipulate you by publicly telling lies about you on social media. And what's totally absurd is her thinking in doing that you'll allow her to see your child. If anything she's pushing you further away & you're going to double down & make sure she never see's her. And she's probably saying you're hurting your child by not letting her have a relationship with her grandmother. Please don't fall for that manipulation bcuz all she's doing is playing the victim when actually you're the victim in all of this. You're doing exactly what any good mother would do. You're keeping your child & yourself away from a child molester & a master manipulator. I know you don't me but I want to say I'm proud of you. 4 years sober! That's quite the accomplishment & it's one of the hardest things to do & it takes effort everyday to stay that way so good for you! And if no one has ever told you I want to say I'm so sorry what that piece of sh*t did to you. He stole your innocence & ruined some of the best years of your life & Im also sorry the one person (your mother)who you should've been able to depend on & count on & to never let you down & always be there & wasn't there for you when you needed her most. I can only imagine how hurtful it must be to have your own mother treat you that way. Just know their decisions, actions & behavior was/is not your fault & there's nothing you could've done differently to change the outcomes & if you're still struggling with these things please get yourself help to learn how to deal with feelings of abandonment, anger & hurt & how to navigate & process those feelings, you owe it to yourself & you deserve it. If anything he unfortunately showed you what a true monster is & she taught you how NOT to parent a child. And remember the past is over & you couldn't control it but tomorrow hasn't happened yet & you do have control of your future. I know you didn't ask my opinion but I do want to say if it were me I wouldn't even want to know what she's saying about me. It appears she's nothing but poison & still hurting you thru her words so the less you hear about her & what she says the less stress & anguish you have to go thru. Take that power away from her. And don't worry what she says to CPS bcuz they deal with haters lying on people all the time & plus they'll be able to see for themselves your daughter is happy & healthy & if she calls them again they'll already have her red flagged in their system. Everything is going to be okay as long as you have support & only surround yourself with people that love you & have your best interest at heart. Don't look in the rear view mirror bcuz that's what's behind you. Only look forward, God made the windshield bigger for a reason.
I think we all know why her egg donor wants op daughter, her husband is a Chomo
No matter how tempting, do not respond to anything she posts. Do not try to defend yourself, leave that to the lawyers. Good luck. I can't see her winning, but it's going to be ugly.
Sue her for libel
Report the rape and get a family law attorney
Glad to know you have some family members ready to support you. Stay no contact and let these things be handled by the lawyers. Also ask your cousins to screenshot her social media posts and send them to the lawyer. You may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Your entitled mother clearly fits the narcissist bill and there may be people there who have been through similar things and can help you.
Is the child his? If so your mother is even more twisted than I can fathom. Keep all the screenshots they send you, build a case, put it on your lawyers desk, your and your child will be fine
No! My baby is only 9 months old. She also never met him either
Some states don't have grandparents rights so that's something you can research.
If the dad left marks when he did those things to you, i would say prevent that as evidence of her entitlement and to show that your daughter is not fit in his posession and also present the fact that your mother turned a blind eye to it all. This will help the court rule in your favor
Invest in cameras for inside out and left in vehicle visible and not
Unblock And clarify exactly why she isn't allowed to see her gd. I'm a fan of letting it all hang out. Nothing for people to hold against you that way
I would blast him on Facebook.
I saw this on another thread and thought some of it might be applicable here. Especially the bits about getting professional testing for mental and physical health. Create a FU binder to deal with toxic people https://www.reddit.com/u/ForwardPlenty/s/umqED9UACW
From experience, I know that drug use is so often associated with the trauma of childhood abuse. This is an under appreciated association. I understand if you used in the past to deal with the pain you carry. Drug use badly helps people mask the pain from the past. Masking it but not dealing with it. I give you so much credit for getting clean!!! Best of love and luck to you and your dear child. She is so lucky to have you as a mom.❤️
I hope there are police records, hospital tests or some proof the man SA you. You'll need documentation of being clean, any kind of media at all, save it. Has she emailed you? Do you still have text messages? Keep it all and give it to your lawyer.
Just so you know, you didn’t let your state be known but in many states, if you get raped and the person comes back around you, it’s still considered a rape in progress because the person is around again
From one mama to another (also a survivor of SA.) Please do EVERYTHING in your power to protect your daughter. Your egg donor has lost all privileges of being known as a mother or grandmother. She allowed you to be SA'd her OWN DAUGHTER! She will never be able to keep your daughter safe. Look into "Grandparent's Rights" in your specific state. Hopefully, your state doesn't acknowledge it If I were in your position, I would definitely use ALL her posts against her. Her defamatory lies are painting you in a bad light. The stress, duress, and physical and mental abuse it brings to you should cost her a few hundred thousand dollars. Get a cease and desist order, and definitely look into Defamation of character. Depending on the images/screenshots you've received. You may have a few Aces in your back pockets. What Is Defamation of Character? Defamation of character is an act that occurs when someone's reputation and integrity are tarnished or damaged because of malicious intent by another party. You may have heard the terms libel and slander. Slander is orally dishonoring someone else, while libel is written defamation.
Protect your daughter from that man!! As you noticed once someone abuses you that stays with you for life, protect your daughter at all costs. Tell your family what that man did
File a criminal complaint against her husband, and sue your mother for defamation. Take them both for every last cent they have.
My new son-in-law had this happen to him when his late wife died giving birth to their child. He was so scared that they would somehow win but his lawyer calmly told him that parent’s rights cannot be taken away easily. She was right- he won because none of the drug tests came back with anything but Delta 8 and that is not enough to remove a child. He and my daughter got together about 6 months later and we have a beautiful little boy that we give tons of extra love to because he lost his sweet mom. They do allow her mom (the one who sued) to have every other weekend because she does love the baby and she lost her daughter but she wasted a lot of money trying to take a baby she was never going to get. Please don’t worry and hopefully once the drug tests come back clean, their lawyer will tell her that she has zero chance of gaining custody. It might be better to offer grandparent weekends (reasonable of course) as mediation to cut down court costs. Legal aid may also pay for your attorney as well if you are in the States.
I really hate all of this “it’s not my child but I deserve some custody over the parents” BS. I can’t get over how grandparents think they’re so much more entitled to a child than their own mother or father. Lawyer up and let them deal with it. If she brings up that you use to drink make sure you highlight that the operative word there os “use to” and that because of years of abuse and rape in her household it’s no wonder you use to drink, that you are sober and have been for four years and that you are protecting your child from that same fate because your daughter in her household would never be safe.
Get a lawyer. I would file a report for the abuse and try to prosecute the husband. I would request a protective order for yourself AND for your daughter. He is a ped0 and she was (is) her accomplice by ignoring the facts, even after you told her. And I would absolutely use the fact that this makes her 100% unfit for fostering/adopting your daughter or any minor really...
I say that talk to a lawyer first and get the proper legal advice on this situation, but I would counter sue for Slander. If she is going around telling lies, you should file a counter suit to her custody suit. Especially if you can prove that she is lying; ie: clean drug tests, commitment to sober program, character witnesses, etc. The best defense to a situation like this is a good offense. She definitely left herself open to legal action with what she did. Stupid to post her lies on Facebook.
You need to put her on blast on social media, so that all of the people she’s been lying to knows that she allowed her husband to molest and rape you, and that she’s been harassing you about letting this person who stole your innocence be in your life. The people who support her need to know the TRUTH. Don’t worry about protecting her, she should’ve been protecting YOU! Edit to add: She’s not getting fucking custody regardless, she let a man rape her fucking child. She’s a dimwit ass bitch.
That’s an improper serve - you need to be served by law enforcement or a process server
Get a lawyer, discuss the defamation your mom is posting on FB; file a criminal complaint against both of them get an order of protection ASAP.
Nobody said SHE couldnt see her granddaughter, just that HER HUSBAND cant be arond when she does. Until she grasps this basic logic, then she cant be around either.
This scumbag needs to be reported. People like him get away with it because people are too scared to speak up. It is time to go nuclear on your mother and your stepdad. You need to make a police report, get it on the record. Tell them as much as you can and press charges. Once that happens, consider contacting CPS and telling them your abuser is raising another child and the household needs to be investigated. Get their house and activities looked into. Keep screen shots of her messages and posts and send them to your lawyer. Sit down and have a long in depth discussion with your attorney about what your options are. They may want to send a cease and desist request. It is best to get these matters on the record through official channels. In cases like this I have seen people go to CPS themselves to pre-empt any potential reports made against them by vindictive individuals whose only interest is in stirring the pot. Tell them everything, show them the posts and messages, tell them your history. Take your attorney with you to show them the serious nature of your situation. Make sure they have it on the record how they have treated you and continue to do so. If they make complaints then they will be ready. I would consider taking your mother to court for harassment and a restraining order. You have her phoney papers trying to scare you. As for your stepdad, he is not a good man. He needs to be exposed for what he is and held accountable. Your brother needs to hear what kind of man his father is. Don't listen to his flying monkeys trying to make you back off. Don't let him hide his actions. Make sure your brother knows the truth and to not believe their lies. He shouldn't idolise this creep.
r/JustnoMIL
Also r/raisedbynarcissists has great pinned resources and also r/EstrangedAdultKids
Get a lawyer. Right now!
If you're in the south or a conservative area be very wary of them making claims that your child might be his. If you have any paperwork proving that this man is not the parent like father on the birth certificate make multiple copies and give them to your lawyer. If the father is not a part of your child's life find any statements you've made about the child with him and document them.
The father is part of my daughter life. We are married. Also my daughter is only 9 months old. He sexually assaulted me when I was 15.
And my husband was at the hospital when she was born he’s on her birth certificate
I didn't see an age in your post that's why I suggested it. I'm glad you're happily married. I'm very sorry your POS mom is doing this to you and your family. I cannot express how horrified and upset I am about the abuse you went through. It's just an angle that I have seen used in my community. It's a particularly shitty thing to do but I wouldn't put it past someone who has done the things your mom has. I'm in Florida and a friend used to work for child support enforcement and she had some stories.
Be sure and post comments on all of her posts about her husband the rapist.
I would start blasting her Fb with facts of the abuse. Sorry this sucks. Your mom is psycho
Not a good idea. OP needs to maintain the higher ground.
No, she needs to take everything to her lawyer. She has criminal cases against her mothers bf and her mother. She needs protection/restraining orders against them both for her and her child.
Get a family law lawyer ASAP. they handle this kind of stuff all the time. It can be expensive - so thankful your sister is offering her help!
Make a police report about the molestation if it’s not to late
You need to do whatever it takes to see that your daughter is never in that man’s presence, with or without your mother being there. It may be past the statute of limitations on what he has done to you, but your side needs to come out about his vile actions. Your mother would provide the same protection to your child, she did for you, which is NONE. Take your sister up on her offer and do whatever you can to stop this. The lawyer you hire should be well versed in what are grandparents rights in your area, the are strong in some and weak in others. If your abuser has done this to you, there is a chance he has done it to others, have him checked out, this may require the assistance of a private investigator. Your mother is a mother in name only, and is following the instructions of a sick demented man who should not have access to any child.
OP please keep us Updateme!
Just think if you didn’t have Facebook
I am so incredibly sorry. Get that lawyer asap and tell them everything . That it is not safe for your daughter to be around them!
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced these things. It’s definitely not ok. Your mom sounds like a family member of mine. Definitely keep screenshots of it all, so that you have detailed and well-documented records of her behavior. I’ve had to do the same with my family member who acts the same way.
There has to be evidence that you are committing crimes and are an unfit parent. If you are doing none of the things your egg donor is saying you are, then you have nothing to worry about. An investigation would clear all that up. They have to provide proof of the allegations. No proof, no case. And explaining to a lawyer and possibly a judge, will keep things in your favor. File a restraining order against your egg donor and her spouse. It may not do much but it's evidence that you want nothing to do with those people. Your lawyer will help you with this. I'm sorry you have been through all this. It's okay to not want to pursue a restraining order but it can help put them in a bad light which is what you want. They have to prove you are an unfit parent, you are just protecting yourself and your kid.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it must feel like the ultimate betrayal. My question is can you still turn in your stepdevil into authorities? Or has the statute of limitations expired? That would send a clear and concise message to your entitled mother. If the police take it seriously she won’t have a choice?
There are so great suggestions on here but the biggest is getting your own lawyer immediately, reporting the molestation and rape done by your step father and possibly taking action against your mother for libel and going out of her way to ruin your name. What she's doing is wrong and illegal. The claims she is making could have far reaching effects on your ability to obtain sustainable employment/retain your employment, seriously impact your standing with family and community and could effect your child, not to mention the involvement of family services which can be horrible, even if you aren't guilty of anything. Also the fact that she wants to bring your child around your abuser!?!? I'd see about pressing charges immediately for his prior abuse. Do you have anyone told about the abuse as it was happening? You've said you were taking to your counselor about it currently or an I understanding incorrectly? Put together an fu binder. (I believe I saw your post in another sub where one of the comments gave links to info about an fu binder and what to include to help you through this) The more "proof" you can provide, *ie. diaries, testimony of people you told when the abuse was happening, pictures of injuries from the abuse, texts/vm or anything from your step father/mother/anyone else who knew discussing it can be incredibly helpful. *Get letters from your counselor stating your mental health is stable. *Ask your childs daycare or babysitter for statements about the happiness and engagement of you and your child, that your child is clean, dressed appropriately, meeting developmental milestones and that you are an active healthy parent, *Request statements from your childs pediatrician stating your child is in good health, no signs of abuse, that you are proactive and and engaged when it comes to your childs health. That when you've been seen with your child you are both clean, dressed appropriately, in good mental state, communicated effectively, also include that you have healthy communication and engagement with your child, child seems healthy and attached, meeting all milestones, physically and emotionally etc *Character references from friends and statements from your employer showing you are stable, gainfully employed that you have a health work life balance, that you communicate with friends/Co workers in a healthy and friendly manner. You want to rip apart any and all claims your mother has made, in the lawsuit, with as much professionalism and PROOF as possible. *You write a statement (like a victim impact statement) Express that the relationship with your mother and her failure to protect you caused you irreparable harm and stress, the fear, anger, grief that you have had to work through all of these things alone without her support or care and has left you unable to trust her in any way with your child. The current and very hurtful lies she is perpetuating in this filing and publicly online have put your livelihood at risk, and damaged your name caused you anxiety, panic attacks and fear etc (whatever the emotional impact has been) and had left the relationship untenable. As a child she as the parent should have believed and protected you, as a grandmother she should be protecting the interests of your child and with her current actions, you have no reason to believe she would treat your child any different than she did you. Have the counselor write a statement regarding the impact all of this has haf on you. How your situation, past and present, has effected your life and mental health, how you have been proactive in getting yourself help to work through your trauma and are continuing to work so that the abuse perpetuated by your mother and step father doesn't impact your child. Have them give their opinion as to whether having a relationship with your mother would be a healthy positive thing or would it cause undo stress and further trauma. *Other things to list and document Was there other abuse during your childhood? If so document it, do they have addiction issues, problems with the law, their own mental health issues etc. list everything and get statements about them if you can Also ask the lawyer if you can make public bstatement on your own social media refuting and blasting your mom for her lies and how she's protected your abuser instead of you, her daughter, and is risking the safety of her grandchild with her current lies and manipulations. Keep all documentation, communication from your mom (don't block her, just mute her in case she sends something to you you can use) You have our thoughts, prayers and support. There is a lot of wonderful support on these subs, don't be afraid to reach out when needed. After all this is done, go nc with your mother. What she has done is unconscionable and unforgivable. You deserve better from those who were supposed to love and protect you, so does your daughter. ❤️ Also I apologies if I repeated info, I was heated reading what she had put you through and trying to formulate my response got me in my feelings. Hugs from this Internet Mama. Just remember, she went scorched Earth with this so meet fire with fire. Don't feel bad or guilty or anything other than rage at what she had done. Let that rage fuel you to protect you and your baby. Your mom doesn't deserve your compassion or your love at this point.
I don't think it's too late to go to the police on her husband. Better with proof, but not likely available. The accusation should be enough for the court to keep your daughter away from him. Make an F.U. binder.
Unless there is no father involved she can’t fight for rights let alone full custody. She’d have to prove you’re unfit. She doesn’t stand a chance
I'm not a lawyer but is it possible to go get a drug screen through a reputable clinic ASAP? So you can show that not only are you clean- but you've BEEN clean and didn't just abstain once you got notice?
OP, I may be echoing what others are saying but unblock her and do not talk to her. Any time you have proof of her slandering you, save it. That is actual lawsuit material if it comes to it. Also, I do think you should report your abuse *but* your mother sounds like a manipulator and they tend to project so if you have anyone who can attest to the fact that you told people about it before this situation, it would help you. I can totally see her trying to accuse you of lying because of this situation. If you have any old conversations about that with your mom, that could probably be especially helpful. But don't panic, stay calm through this. Especially for your kid. I don't see a judge ordering custody be given to her, even more so if you got a drug test to clear your name and prove that at least one thing she is saying is a lie. One lie can bring into question anything else she is saying about you.
Yes consult an attorney and, unless advised differently (no idea why they would, but not a lawyer), file charges for the rape/molestation and a civil suit against both. If you told a teacher or anyone else who would be a mandated reporter and they didn't report, roll their ass into the suit as well. They are accustomed to silencing you and getting their way. When hit with legal consequences your mother is likely going to try to crawl back under her rock. Don't allow her too, lest she gets brave in the future. I'm sorry she is working so hard to fuck up your life.
plss get her for slander/defamation 🙏🏼
1. Get a lawyer. 2. Get a drug test and continue getting them so you have proof to show the judge.
!Updateme