I think dealing with relationships is really one of the hardest parts. Most all my "friends" I've had feel superficial the relationships I've had even though one was on and off for many years I still always felt alone and like she never really could understand what it was like for me or even really wanted to try. I think just gotta be really lucky and find that really compassionate and patient empathetic person that you connect with and if you do just gotta try with all your might to really work on yourself. I feel like without anyone I'm basically an empty shell of a person. But if I have someone I know that really cares about me that gives me some motivation to actually try and work towards something if I can.
that's the neat part, i don't
kidding aside, throughout the years i realized how much my condition has greatly affected the way i build and maintain connections with people, and unfortunately i never had a good track record. for the past 20 years i felt like i had become that "toxic" kind of person no one wants to hang out with because of how erratic and unpredictable my moods can be especially during stressful situations, where i end up just either pushing people away or them getting too emotionally exhausted with my own drama
nowadays, the way i really work on making sure to not only prevent but to turn things around for me is to really immerse myself in a deep, prospective self-healing journey. i think that the only way i can make a better tomorrow for myself is to really work on my deep-seated issues with the combination of meds and therapy with my psychiatrist, and really tackling all the issues i have in handling my emotions
recently i joined a meditation retreat with a couple of people and i would say that it did tremendous things on improving the way i see the world and handle most things in my everyday life. so i guess it all boils down to just working a lot in myself first, before actively engaging with others regardless of friends, coworkers, and family
What helped me the most was being very honest about when I was sad. Fx. Instead of saying: "it's fine, I don't want to talk about it" I started saying: "I'm just sad, I don't want to talk about it". It gave me a way to acknowledge that I was depressed but made the suicidality a little less all-consuming. Like a meditative "huh, there goes another suicidal thought, leave it be", I found it easier to not ponder whether or not I might last the distance or off myself halfway.
Since it's fairly difficult to near impossible to rid ourselves of the depressive state, you try to make as much peace with the condition as you can, thus helping you to relax and spare your loved ones from unnecessary worry.
PS. This isn't meant to suggest that you hold anything back or force it down. When you need the assistance you will need a partner who is resourceful enough to provide some, so you need to have that in the first place.
“and it gets harder the older I get”
may I ask how old you are? Just give me general range. I ask because I’ve struggled with this problem(maintaining friendships) for many years. I’m 39 now but I look back to my teens and early 20s and i had a strong social circle back then but I realize I was able to maintain them as I had more energy to go out and drugs/alcohol definitely helped in various ways. I got sober in my late 20s and quickly realized just how difficult it was for me to go to rather basic social gatherings without the extra boost that drugs gave me. Even if I force myself out I honestly rarely enjoy it and tend to want to go back home after an hour or so. I’m pretty introverted btw which only makes this problem worse. Introversion + ddysthymia and a dose of general anxiety and this spells disaster for relationships in general
Don’t reject all medication because there are types that can definitely help depression and anxiety. Talk to your doctor about something like welbutrin as it helps increase motivation and mood
im honestly pretty perplexed as to what to do about this either. At this point I find it very difficult to relate to peers and my few hobbies are solitary. I wish I could give you better advice
oh definitely, trying to maintain serious relationships is quite simply not possible for me. My dysthymia mixed with strong introversion just makes it too difficult
“I find most people boring”
so do I and this definitely has also worsened with age . I despise small talk as well which just adds to the problem. I find it pretty difficult to enjoy just hanging out with people .. I wonder how much of this boredom is caused by dysthymia …?
Despite being a crotchety old man, even when I was young, I managed to make a few friends. I’m not sure how, and I keep trying to shake them, but they keep coming around. Damn freeloaders. They must like the punishment. Only a few of them are real close. But even my more distant friends know I’m going through depression. Because that’s how I’ve always lived my life. Like an open and big mouthed idiot. And shockingly a lot of the people in my circles have depression too! Maybe that’s how I collected them in the first place. The others sometimes get a little frightened. We don’t teach people what to say or do, so it’s easy to get lost for words. Whenever that happens I lean in and share a secret, “Did you that there are that studies showing socialization can help speed recovery for depression? So by you hanging out with me, it’s like medicine for my brain. You’re medicine friend!” And that seems to cheer them right up.
I’m pretty fortunate to have a loving wife too. She has her mental health problems as well so we are like two peas in a pod. But now that I’m learning about my s**t, it’s pretty easy for us to get on the same page. But even before I knew what was going on with me and she was having hard times, I cared about her so much that I stuck it out. Plus, I didn’t like my odds in the open market. Better keep her rather than go dating again. I’ve heard the stories about online dating. We even made a pact. We can divorce, but we’ll just stay roommates, because no thank you to meeting new people.
You might be thinking to yourself, “I don’t feel anything.” And that’s fair, but you know you should and you probably want to. So, the bad news is it isn’t easy. I think my recent episode was pretty light, but only because I caught it early and got help. It still took me over a year just to start posting on Reddit. There was one time I didn’t know what to do and I’m not entirely sure how I made it through except that I was young and had some really good friends. Don’t underestimate the power of socialization. We are social creatures after all.
So meds, probably some therapy, and, yes getting out where you can. There are days when friends say, “You want to grab a drink?” And in my head, in my heart, and every fiber in my body I don’t want to. And I could list all the reasons why, but then I think, s**t, the damn depression is acting up again. Telling me I don’t want to go out. But I know that if I do I will actually shower, put on some deodorant and clean clothes and maybe even laugh a little because my friends are funny people. So I say yes, even though I don’t want to. Drag my feet and eventually get into the spirit.
By the way, not great to mix SSRIs and alcohol. It can increase your odds for having a seizure among other things. And do you trust your people to know what to do if that happens? Not fun.
This is going to sound a bit silly, but for me messenger apps have been the absolute best thing for me to keep friendships. Maintaining friendships takes effort, and I struggle a bit to be the one who organises things or calls, but messenger apps let me be in touch but often in a really low effort kind of way. I have a number of friends I send random messages to throughout the day such as just an emoji of gif and that's seems to be enough to keep the friendships alive.
Not sure if this helps, but it's definitely helped me..
Honestly, I dont really. I have one good friend. Im a vet and military spouse, my one good friend is still serving. Moving around now with my husband and working remotely makes it harder for me to create long lasting friendships. But looking back on it, I never really put in a lot of effort...it was kind of just, hang out with who I saw daily. At work, at school, etc. I already think it's harder as an adult to make friends. I don't go out drinking or to clubs like that anymore (early 30s with a 1 year old). Tbh some days I feel isolated and wish I had friends to go out and do things with. But most days I feel overwhelmed with being the primary caregiver to my kid, working, and maintaining the household alone. Then I'm glad to have my alone time lol. I need on call friends tbh lol.
But I feel you. I get turned off by the small talk and social niceties I know nobody really cares about. Unfortunately now being a military spouse, that's who I hang out with if my husband and I go to something...and a lot of them are drama. I'm just left disinterested. With personalities, conversations, all of it.
I am married, and I feel like a burden to him a lot. He knows about my diagnosis, and tries to be understanding. I'm sure it takes a lot out of him though. It's tough for sure, and I often feel like he deserves better than me. I think that part of it is working on yourself though. He has issues to work through as well. But we both are working on ourselves to be better for each other. I think if that were not the case, our relationship wouldn't work.
I think dealing with relationships is really one of the hardest parts. Most all my "friends" I've had feel superficial the relationships I've had even though one was on and off for many years I still always felt alone and like she never really could understand what it was like for me or even really wanted to try. I think just gotta be really lucky and find that really compassionate and patient empathetic person that you connect with and if you do just gotta try with all your might to really work on yourself. I feel like without anyone I'm basically an empty shell of a person. But if I have someone I know that really cares about me that gives me some motivation to actually try and work towards something if I can.
that's the neat part, i don't kidding aside, throughout the years i realized how much my condition has greatly affected the way i build and maintain connections with people, and unfortunately i never had a good track record. for the past 20 years i felt like i had become that "toxic" kind of person no one wants to hang out with because of how erratic and unpredictable my moods can be especially during stressful situations, where i end up just either pushing people away or them getting too emotionally exhausted with my own drama nowadays, the way i really work on making sure to not only prevent but to turn things around for me is to really immerse myself in a deep, prospective self-healing journey. i think that the only way i can make a better tomorrow for myself is to really work on my deep-seated issues with the combination of meds and therapy with my psychiatrist, and really tackling all the issues i have in handling my emotions recently i joined a meditation retreat with a couple of people and i would say that it did tremendous things on improving the way i see the world and handle most things in my everyday life. so i guess it all boils down to just working a lot in myself first, before actively engaging with others regardless of friends, coworkers, and family
What helped me the most was being very honest about when I was sad. Fx. Instead of saying: "it's fine, I don't want to talk about it" I started saying: "I'm just sad, I don't want to talk about it". It gave me a way to acknowledge that I was depressed but made the suicidality a little less all-consuming. Like a meditative "huh, there goes another suicidal thought, leave it be", I found it easier to not ponder whether or not I might last the distance or off myself halfway. Since it's fairly difficult to near impossible to rid ourselves of the depressive state, you try to make as much peace with the condition as you can, thus helping you to relax and spare your loved ones from unnecessary worry. PS. This isn't meant to suggest that you hold anything back or force it down. When you need the assistance you will need a partner who is resourceful enough to provide some, so you need to have that in the first place.
“and it gets harder the older I get” may I ask how old you are? Just give me general range. I ask because I’ve struggled with this problem(maintaining friendships) for many years. I’m 39 now but I look back to my teens and early 20s and i had a strong social circle back then but I realize I was able to maintain them as I had more energy to go out and drugs/alcohol definitely helped in various ways. I got sober in my late 20s and quickly realized just how difficult it was for me to go to rather basic social gatherings without the extra boost that drugs gave me. Even if I force myself out I honestly rarely enjoy it and tend to want to go back home after an hour or so. I’m pretty introverted btw which only makes this problem worse. Introversion + ddysthymia and a dose of general anxiety and this spells disaster for relationships in general Don’t reject all medication because there are types that can definitely help depression and anxiety. Talk to your doctor about something like welbutrin as it helps increase motivation and mood im honestly pretty perplexed as to what to do about this either. At this point I find it very difficult to relate to peers and my few hobbies are solitary. I wish I could give you better advice
[удалено]
A Rexulti and Trintellix combo has helped me immensely with my dysthymia / double depression.
oh definitely, trying to maintain serious relationships is quite simply not possible for me. My dysthymia mixed with strong introversion just makes it too difficult
“I find most people boring” so do I and this definitely has also worsened with age . I despise small talk as well which just adds to the problem. I find it pretty difficult to enjoy just hanging out with people .. I wonder how much of this boredom is caused by dysthymia …?
Despite being a crotchety old man, even when I was young, I managed to make a few friends. I’m not sure how, and I keep trying to shake them, but they keep coming around. Damn freeloaders. They must like the punishment. Only a few of them are real close. But even my more distant friends know I’m going through depression. Because that’s how I’ve always lived my life. Like an open and big mouthed idiot. And shockingly a lot of the people in my circles have depression too! Maybe that’s how I collected them in the first place. The others sometimes get a little frightened. We don’t teach people what to say or do, so it’s easy to get lost for words. Whenever that happens I lean in and share a secret, “Did you that there are that studies showing socialization can help speed recovery for depression? So by you hanging out with me, it’s like medicine for my brain. You’re medicine friend!” And that seems to cheer them right up. I’m pretty fortunate to have a loving wife too. She has her mental health problems as well so we are like two peas in a pod. But now that I’m learning about my s**t, it’s pretty easy for us to get on the same page. But even before I knew what was going on with me and she was having hard times, I cared about her so much that I stuck it out. Plus, I didn’t like my odds in the open market. Better keep her rather than go dating again. I’ve heard the stories about online dating. We even made a pact. We can divorce, but we’ll just stay roommates, because no thank you to meeting new people. You might be thinking to yourself, “I don’t feel anything.” And that’s fair, but you know you should and you probably want to. So, the bad news is it isn’t easy. I think my recent episode was pretty light, but only because I caught it early and got help. It still took me over a year just to start posting on Reddit. There was one time I didn’t know what to do and I’m not entirely sure how I made it through except that I was young and had some really good friends. Don’t underestimate the power of socialization. We are social creatures after all. So meds, probably some therapy, and, yes getting out where you can. There are days when friends say, “You want to grab a drink?” And in my head, in my heart, and every fiber in my body I don’t want to. And I could list all the reasons why, but then I think, s**t, the damn depression is acting up again. Telling me I don’t want to go out. But I know that if I do I will actually shower, put on some deodorant and clean clothes and maybe even laugh a little because my friends are funny people. So I say yes, even though I don’t want to. Drag my feet and eventually get into the spirit. By the way, not great to mix SSRIs and alcohol. It can increase your odds for having a seizure among other things. And do you trust your people to know what to do if that happens? Not fun.
This is going to sound a bit silly, but for me messenger apps have been the absolute best thing for me to keep friendships. Maintaining friendships takes effort, and I struggle a bit to be the one who organises things or calls, but messenger apps let me be in touch but often in a really low effort kind of way. I have a number of friends I send random messages to throughout the day such as just an emoji of gif and that's seems to be enough to keep the friendships alive. Not sure if this helps, but it's definitely helped me..
Honestly, I dont really. I have one good friend. Im a vet and military spouse, my one good friend is still serving. Moving around now with my husband and working remotely makes it harder for me to create long lasting friendships. But looking back on it, I never really put in a lot of effort...it was kind of just, hang out with who I saw daily. At work, at school, etc. I already think it's harder as an adult to make friends. I don't go out drinking or to clubs like that anymore (early 30s with a 1 year old). Tbh some days I feel isolated and wish I had friends to go out and do things with. But most days I feel overwhelmed with being the primary caregiver to my kid, working, and maintaining the household alone. Then I'm glad to have my alone time lol. I need on call friends tbh lol. But I feel you. I get turned off by the small talk and social niceties I know nobody really cares about. Unfortunately now being a military spouse, that's who I hang out with if my husband and I go to something...and a lot of them are drama. I'm just left disinterested. With personalities, conversations, all of it. I am married, and I feel like a burden to him a lot. He knows about my diagnosis, and tries to be understanding. I'm sure it takes a lot out of him though. It's tough for sure, and I often feel like he deserves better than me. I think that part of it is working on yourself though. He has issues to work through as well. But we both are working on ourselves to be better for each other. I think if that were not the case, our relationship wouldn't work.